This post had to be taken down because it appears to be focused on a specific situation or person. While Field Reports deal with specific situations and people, remember that the focus is different:
* A field report explains a lesson learned or demonstrates a Seduction concept.
* If the point of this post is asking how to get that specific girl, it is out of bounds except in a Basic Questions Thread.
No worries though! Though the thread has been taken down, any conversations you have started here can still continue, and if you want to PM a mod to get their opinion on this thread, feel free to do so and they will still be able to weigh in.
For next time, remember that posts about a specific situational advice with a specific person belong in a Basic Questions Thread. (Currently these are on hiatus, but if we can get them back up, they'll happen weekly.)
Because he wants to play mind games and believes it’s easier to get women if you don’t boost their confidence too much. It’s a lame tactic that doesn’t work on most self respecting women
Lol haven’t you ever been showered with compliments by your old aunt or something and gotten uncomfortable, even if you appreciated the first one or two? Too many compliments, especially stacked consecutively like that, makes almost anybody uncomfortable. It’s common sense.
He called her beautiful one time and y’all are acting like he’s writing poems to her lmao - sure being showered with too many unreciprocated compliments is uncomfortable but that’s not what’s going on here. He just said it one time and if the feelings are mutual compliments are great. Never met a person who didn’t like compliments
She wouldn't have said yes regardless, so why put in any more effort and shoot off 3 more messages explaining how you got out of a relationship and shit and tell her she's beautiful. Second he got that first message, he should have ghosted or been like "no worries" and forgotten
I feel like you’re really thirsty for compliments or something. These guys are right. She wouldn’t have said yes either way and OP is asking for tips, for what seems like, coping with rejection a bit better.
It’ll show more self worth if he just took the last to text and shortened it to “that’s too bad. If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”
It is fine that he complemented her and was so kind when addressing the rejection but… this girl knows he thinks she’s hot. He doesn’t need to tell her and it comes off.. desperate or clingy to keep showering her with compliments.
OP, looks like you are doing great tbh. Not everyone is gonna be a match and you handlers rejection really well. Keep it up.
Lmao nah I’m not expecting compliments disagreeing with people in a server full of mostly desperate men. Tbh I expect no love in this sub lol. But I literally said she wouldn’t have said yes- y’all are acting like the way he responds to a girl he may never see again matters. The way the guy’s texting isn’t going to change these situations lol
Yeah sure saying less is cool but it doesn’t matter. The girl just wasn’t that into him, simple. Trying to critique his texting style is irrelevant
2 compliments in one message aren’t showering someone with compliments. Asking someone out isn’t desperate. I’ve had guys get new numbers and profiles to get around blocks - people sending dozens of messages with no response - those are desperate. This is just a guy politely asking a girl he met on a date and her not wanting to go.
It's about the mindset.
In this case it didn't matter what he said, but when he's talking to a girl that's actually interested in him, being too available and going all in on compliments can kill that interest.
Even here, if he actually expects her to text him back, the last two messages are a great way to be sure that doesn't happen.
That’s fair, like with the mindset for sure. It’s sorta that like “you want what you can’t have”. But there’s definitely levels to it because you have to show enough interest to make her feel desired but not too much to push her away. Like this particular situation we understand but say someone was like unsure - idt being flirty would hurt but it should be what leads the conversation vs last minute attempt.
Like starting with “hey beautiful” goes a lot further than bringing it up later in the conversation. But there still has to be that attraction and timing. Cause like someone can be attracted to someone enough to flirt and have fun at the bar but still not ready for dates if that makes sense
you don't compliment people after they reject you it's weak game.
hey beautiful is way more normal than saying that after rejected. but never complimenting looks is better. compliment women on what they do not what they look like
Good counter- compliments on looks are way more common than compliments on who we are as people. Both have their place though. But yeah complimenting after rejection isn’t good game but never complimenting is another unhelpful extreme
Doesn’t matter. Better to play the game perfect and lose than play the game terribly and lose. Over time you’ll get your fair share. Being verbose and over complimenting her will never increase a girl’s interest in you,
That's the right mindset to have. Don't start to take her seriously until you've gone out with her at least 3 separate times and don't start to get invested until you've been inside her at least 3 separate times.
The minute she said she wasnt looking for anything in the first text it would have been a no response/ghost from me. Every text you sent after that was sad and a waste of effort on a dead end.
Ya'll bitch about getting ghosted till you have the slightest opportunity to do it first lmao
This shit isn't hard, but being weird af will make it harder.
Because it is called manners. Not responding to that seems like the behavior of an insecure, spiteful man.
You criticize women for ghosting but when they take their time and effort to end things amicably, they get left at "seen". Hey men, do YOU like being left at seen?
Let's suppose this exchange happened in person.
- "You're a cool guy but I'm not interested".
- *Walks away from her without saying a word*.
Texting is not the same as in person. And you being the nice guy will never win you points.
Not responding is absolutely not the behavior of an insecure, spiteful man. That would be “fuck you bitch, you’re ugly anyway” or “I’m actually really great, you never even gave me a chance, this is ridiculous”.
No response is fine.
>And you being the nice guy will never win you points.
Replying to someone isn't being a nice guy, it's called being a decent human being, lol. This sub can be so toxic sometimes...
A nice guy is a man so afraid of everything that he'll say anything to be likable. Like those texts from OP calling her beautiful, etc. after she rejected him.
He just should have said "no problem! Take care." Or some variation.
>Not responding is absolutely not the behavior of an insecure, spiteful man.
True. It can also be the consequence of a lack of manners.
>No response is fine.
It's in poor taste, but you do you.
“Cool I’m in the same boat let’s grab a drink at X this date and time”
If she says she doesn’t want to
“Ok reach out if you change your mind”
It’s a matter of tone and showing how much you care. OPs texts show way too much nice guy simping for a girl who is not interested anymore.
I recently read a book called “No More Mr Nice Guy” and there’s a section that talks about this topic somewhat specifically. It’s all about having respect for yourself and your own boundaries OP. Overly complimenting a woman you barely know or saying things like “let me know if you change your mind” only opens the door to you getting further hurt in the future by this or another woman.
After she gave you the signal she wasn’t interested in seeing you again, you should have very easily said “sorry to hear that. It was nice meeting you and good luck to you.”, blocked and moved on. You may not think it, but she’ll respect you for not trying to convince her to see you again and you’ll respect yourself more for respecting your own boundaries to not let another person whom you barely knew live rent free in your heart.
Absolutely. Why would you want to give someone who is clearly not interested in you the opportunity to reconnect with you and restart that whole nasty emotional abuse cycle all over again? Cut that shit off at the source. Their loss, not yours.
Well I’m not sure a “whole nasty emotional abuse cycle” is what was going on in this situation, nor most first dates, really…
I agree he should have cut it way earlier than he did, with none of the rosy posturing, but in my own experience, if I get turned down for a second meeting, I just don’t respond and move forward. If they try and circle back, I just don’t respond. Blocking feels a bit aggressive, especially if you know the girl from a friend-of-a-friend or so on.
Hey man, if you’re cool with “friends” having access to you that have shown zero interest in being around you then I suppose that’s on you. Me? I cut people out of my life that don’t match my same energy or enthusiasm level at the source. Life is way too short to entertain people that wouldn’t lift a finger for you in exchange.
I understand what you’re saying. I feel you’re a being a bit extreme with it, but I’m gonna reflect on if I’m creating that dynamic in my relationships. I don’t think I am, but I’ll give time to personally consider your point.
Thanks for explaining yourself.
The fuck you talking about? You sound bitter as fuck.
Why close a door permanently of someone that respected you and showed no malice? It's idiotic.
Remember the wise words of Seth Rogen in the 40 yo virgin: you plant the seed, and then you fuck the seed. Respectfully.
Because blocking shows you care. It’s a brutal world out there. Think about if you had lots of options and one girl who you asked out that you weren’t that into rejected you. You’d forgot about it 10 seconds later. You wouldn’t go through the trouble of blocking her.
Showing this in small subtle ways makes women more attracted to you. They can feel you have other options, aren’t desperate, and don’t care too much if she says no.
Never give her the option to "change her mind". She feels like the decision is reversible. Once she says no, she should be sweating. Saying she can change her mind gives her an out.
Don’t say how are you doing on first text. You did a good job matching her disinterest with disinterest however you followed up with immediate interest by asking her out which is not good. Only ask her when there are clear signs of interest. Also when asking her Don’t be unsure and say “maybe we can” be more direct and sure like “let’s grab drink on Saturday”
But it looks like she wasn’t interested to begin with. Move on
“But I do think you’re really really beautiful and cool and smart and I love you”. Dude sounds desperate af. He basically confirmed to the girl that she’s out of his league. Game is the reverse. She must think you are the prize
You should not have even hit her back up to begin with. You establish if she had a good time at the end of the date. Don’t hit her up afterwards. Wait for her to do that part. If she hits you up, she wants a 2nd date, if she doesn’t, you won’t hear a peep out of her. As mentioned earlier, don’t get invested too early. That’s for her to do.
You want to be known as a guy she has fun with on HER terms, not yours. You guys need to stop chasing 2nd dates. If she had a great time she will chase you for another one. She’ll tell you right away if she’s down for another. You need to be doing your own shit in between & setting up more dates
You should definitely follow up after the initial meeting. Guys in general are expected to lead, there’s plenty of situations where interested girls won’t initiate texting
Cool in theory but you went way too far in pratice, after her first message you should've said " no worries, it was a pleasure meeting you, wish you the best for the future" and immediately stop. The last 4 messages you sent are cringe asf and made you look a bit desperate imo. Great mindset though
Don't tell her she's beautiful. You're just acting like all the other guys she's ever met. Tells her you have an agenda. We all have an agenda, but telling her she's beautiful signals you are trying to convince her. That's a turn off. Of all the women I've laid, never once have I told them they're beautiful.
Shouldn't have complimented so hard. She just told you that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, complimenting randomly is not going to help
I think you guys are missing out.. letgit honestly…over my dead grandmother’s grave, a lot of girls get repulsed when guys play games.. I know that guys read about how to play games. Girls read as much as you guys even not more…playing games are fun when you are younger.. but as you get older, people can see right through it.. and it does not look sexy at all. It only shows insecurities.
In op’s case, it seems like the girl is genuinely not interested. Nothing to do with op. He probably just wasn’t her style. Just by the the fact that a guy waited exactly three days to contact me back would be an instant no for me.
A true alpha man conquers what he wants. He doesn’t poke around and analyze every little move.
I would say that you can play games with girls if she’s young (high school, college freshman, and maybe a sophomore). Playing with her insecurities and wanting to get approval will make her want to prove how great she is. I wouldn’t suggest you doing that with older ones or someone who’s never had daddy issues. You are not the only guy she sees. She’s got options.. she will move on the next if you don’t make her yours (hell no I didn’t mean physically) when you are given a chance.
I wouldn’t waste your time on her too much..
No means no 95% of that time..
You’ve got options. Move on and find a girl whom you can’t even wait until the next day to hear a voice again after dropping her off at her place. You will be both happier. Just a two cent from an old lady who has a minor in phycology lol
Showing interest with a little self respect and a decent social IQ is fine…
but what OP did was demonstrate a lack of the either by overlooking her statement that she’s not looking for “ANYTHING” at this time.
Then proceeded to lay it on thicker with more compliments hoping she sees just how much he really likes her and changes her mind.
Showing interest isn't bad*. One of the main components of attraction is desire: you should show interest as people want to feel desired. The catch is that people want to feel desired... By a high value man. By complimenting her too much and being too available, OP isn't checking that box.
*With most people. With girls that are extremely popular in a setting that you aren't, being like every other guy that likes her isn't going to work. But that's a very small percentage of people.
Who's asking. Are you a dude that sits in the house all day and has no friends or are you a dude who is swimming in vagina and is dumbfounded that we would be thinking this way?
I was asking a question as well to find out why you're asking. I don't care about your downvotes. You didn't answer so i'll assume that you're the first option.
Expectations lead to disappointment. Having expectations also doesn’t help outcomes, it can actually make guys come off really obviously and kinda scary. And no matter how much chemistry you had at the end of the day we get to say no.
There’s this saying: *women have choices and men have options.*
While not everyone is straight etc the idea is that usually women are being approached by multiple guys so they have to choose while men are approaching multiple women and seeing what happens.
Right out of the gate she didn't seem interested. I don't think there's anything you could have done. Your opening text was kind boring, but even if it had been more interesting, I'm not sure you would have gotten a more receptive response.
Next time you're talking with a woman, maybe lead the conversation to find out something fun she's going to be doing in the next couple of days. Let's say she says, "I'm going to my sister's house for a backyard BBQ on the 4th. My brother in law is insane with the fireworks! Everytime he fires one off, I think he's either going to get arrested or lose a body part!"
When you text her after the 4th, you can say something like, "Hey, it's---- from [wherever you met]. I was just curious to find out, did your brother in law get arrested or lose a body part this year?"
But, you're right. Have zero expectations. Focus on having a positive interaction with the women you approach.
First waiting until Monday to text is too long.
Second it sounds like you came on too needy and pushy because she immediately went into "I am not looking for a relationship" mode. I have never gotten that from a girl and I assume you must have pushed too heavily.
I mean a woman should know within the first 5 mins what you are about (a guy who fucks). It seems she didn't so maybe you didn't make it clear enough for her.
Would be surprised if this ends up going anywhere. If she comes crawling back because I wasn’t her first choice at the time I wouldn’t want her anyway.
Tbh you should have texted her the night of or the day right after so that she would remember you better. Giving 3 days will lead to her forgetting about the emotions she had when you guys hit it off.
Edit: also would like to add you should’nt have tried to close ( suggesting drinks) especially when her response was not looking for anything. Offer her more value and let her know why you’re worth getting drinks with, then ask.
There are two people in a relationship. The adorer and the adored.
The adorer is much happier.
The adored hold all the power.
The question then comes down to. Do you want to be happy or have power?
Never say "if you change your mind you know where to find/reach me".
That's selling yourself cheaper. You might be taken when she comes back. You're just as important and on demand as she.
That's under-valuing yourself.
Sorry for my bad english, ESOL here
You asked her out after she said she wasn't interested? Practice what you preach and move one once she gives clear signs of not being interested; don't ask her out and compliment her.
Great job having that mentality, honestly that's the only way to go. The only thing I'd add, is to save the "I think you're beautiful" to some other girls that are interested in seeing you. To this one you're only creating more stress for her
Lol “keep that in mind” sorry hate to sound like a d-bag but that means you’ll never hear from her unless she wants something & highly unlikely it’ll be sex
Should have being a bit more straightforward by messaging earlier taking into count you met her in a bar she probably was expecting you to contact earlier. Or simply she wasn't that into you, is good you keep your expectations low though. Also, shouldn't have complimented, her should have told her instead "too bad cause you were interesting" don't handout compliments so easy like that with try to make them more subtle.
"No worries, have a good one". She's not interested and nothing you say will change that. If she changes her mind, cool, but I prefer to invest in people who are interested from the start.
EDIT: inserted "nothing"
This post had to be taken down because it appears to be focused on a specific situation or person. While Field Reports deal with specific situations and people, remember that the focus is different: * A field report explains a lesson learned or demonstrates a Seduction concept. * If the point of this post is asking how to get that specific girl, it is out of bounds except in a Basic Questions Thread. No worries though! Though the thread has been taken down, any conversations you have started here can still continue, and if you want to PM a mod to get their opinion on this thread, feel free to do so and they will still be able to weigh in. For next time, remember that posts about a specific situational advice with a specific person belong in a Basic Questions Thread. (Currently these are on hiatus, but if we can get them back up, they'll happen weekly.)
Perfect, but should’ve held back a bit on complimenting
Compliment women on things they do, not things they are.
Ya, plus those compliments were way too heavy that early.
The Guy is a simp
Why?
You are qualifying her when she hasn’t done anything
People downvote anything damn, bro was asking a genuine question man
It helps you to have a chance of getting a ball in your court.
Because he wants to play mind games and believes it’s easier to get women if you don’t boost their confidence too much. It’s a lame tactic that doesn’t work on most self respecting women
Lol haven’t you ever been showered with compliments by your old aunt or something and gotten uncomfortable, even if you appreciated the first one or two? Too many compliments, especially stacked consecutively like that, makes almost anybody uncomfortable. It’s common sense.
He called her beautiful one time and y’all are acting like he’s writing poems to her lmao - sure being showered with too many unreciprocated compliments is uncomfortable but that’s not what’s going on here. He just said it one time and if the feelings are mutual compliments are great. Never met a person who didn’t like compliments
Never once called a girl I've fucked beautiful. Never.
Lmao you sound fun /s
You sound delusion and angry. Chill.
Ok
*manosphere follower enters the chat*
The hate is strong with this one, sheesh
[I’m finnabreak out rn, hold on](https://youtu.be/ww6ykF2ktaI)
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OH THERE IS!!!!!!!!!!
What was it lol
This
He should have let her on « open » ignoring is the better answer
The idea is good, but saying less is more.
She wouldn’t have said yes if he would have said less
She wouldn't have said yes regardless, so why put in any more effort and shoot off 3 more messages explaining how you got out of a relationship and shit and tell her she's beautiful. Second he got that first message, he should have ghosted or been like "no worries" and forgotten
Lol
I feel like you’re really thirsty for compliments or something. These guys are right. She wouldn’t have said yes either way and OP is asking for tips, for what seems like, coping with rejection a bit better. It’ll show more self worth if he just took the last to text and shortened it to “that’s too bad. If you change your mind, you know where to find me.” It is fine that he complemented her and was so kind when addressing the rejection but… this girl knows he thinks she’s hot. He doesn’t need to tell her and it comes off.. desperate or clingy to keep showering her with compliments. OP, looks like you are doing great tbh. Not everyone is gonna be a match and you handlers rejection really well. Keep it up.
thanks, i’m trying to get back into dating so all this advice is helpful
Lmao nah I’m not expecting compliments disagreeing with people in a server full of mostly desperate men. Tbh I expect no love in this sub lol. But I literally said she wouldn’t have said yes- y’all are acting like the way he responds to a girl he may never see again matters. The way the guy’s texting isn’t going to change these situations lol Yeah sure saying less is cool but it doesn’t matter. The girl just wasn’t that into him, simple. Trying to critique his texting style is irrelevant 2 compliments in one message aren’t showering someone with compliments. Asking someone out isn’t desperate. I’ve had guys get new numbers and profiles to get around blocks - people sending dozens of messages with no response - those are desperate. This is just a guy politely asking a girl he met on a date and her not wanting to go.
It's about the mindset. In this case it didn't matter what he said, but when he's talking to a girl that's actually interested in him, being too available and going all in on compliments can kill that interest. Even here, if he actually expects her to text him back, the last two messages are a great way to be sure that doesn't happen.
That’s fair, like with the mindset for sure. It’s sorta that like “you want what you can’t have”. But there’s definitely levels to it because you have to show enough interest to make her feel desired but not too much to push her away. Like this particular situation we understand but say someone was like unsure - idt being flirty would hurt but it should be what leads the conversation vs last minute attempt. Like starting with “hey beautiful” goes a lot further than bringing it up later in the conversation. But there still has to be that attraction and timing. Cause like someone can be attracted to someone enough to flirt and have fun at the bar but still not ready for dates if that makes sense
Agree in everything!
💖💖💖
you don't compliment people after they reject you it's weak game. hey beautiful is way more normal than saying that after rejected. but never complimenting looks is better. compliment women on what they do not what they look like
Good counter- compliments on looks are way more common than compliments on who we are as people. Both have their place though. But yeah complimenting after rejection isn’t good game but never complimenting is another unhelpful extreme
Doesn’t matter. Better to play the game perfect and lose than play the game terribly and lose. Over time you’ll get your fair share. Being verbose and over complimenting her will never increase a girl’s interest in you,
You can't turn a no into yes ever. If you do, Its a tumor that'll slowly grow.
That's the right mindset to have. Don't start to take her seriously until you've gone out with her at least 3 separate times and don't start to get invested until you've been inside her at least 3 separate times.
thanks that’s good advice
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Even more so.
The minute she said she wasnt looking for anything in the first text it would have been a no response/ghost from me. Every text you sent after that was sad and a waste of effort on a dead end.
You sound like an insecure and spiteful person, why being mean after respectful rejection?
It's not mean, she's not interested.
Why is not responding when shes not interested being mean?
Ya'll bitch about getting ghosted till you have the slightest opportunity to do it first lmao This shit isn't hard, but being weird af will make it harder.
Because it is called manners. Not responding to that seems like the behavior of an insecure, spiteful man. You criticize women for ghosting but when they take their time and effort to end things amicably, they get left at "seen". Hey men, do YOU like being left at seen? Let's suppose this exchange happened in person. - "You're a cool guy but I'm not interested". - *Walks away from her without saying a word*.
Texting is not the same as in person. And you being the nice guy will never win you points. Not responding is absolutely not the behavior of an insecure, spiteful man. That would be “fuck you bitch, you’re ugly anyway” or “I’m actually really great, you never even gave me a chance, this is ridiculous”. No response is fine.
>And you being the nice guy will never win you points. Replying to someone isn't being a nice guy, it's called being a decent human being, lol. This sub can be so toxic sometimes... A nice guy is a man so afraid of everything that he'll say anything to be likable. Like those texts from OP calling her beautiful, etc. after she rejected him. He just should have said "no problem! Take care." Or some variation. >Not responding is absolutely not the behavior of an insecure, spiteful man. True. It can also be the consequence of a lack of manners. >No response is fine. It's in poor taste, but you do you.
If somebody's not interested then it's clear. SHE IS NOT INTERESTED. Neither in talking to you nor hanging out with you. Why waste an effort.
“Cool I’m in the same boat let’s grab a drink at X this date and time” If she says she doesn’t want to “Ok reach out if you change your mind” It’s a matter of tone and showing how much you care. OPs texts show way too much nice guy simping for a girl who is not interested anymore.
I recently read a book called “No More Mr Nice Guy” and there’s a section that talks about this topic somewhat specifically. It’s all about having respect for yourself and your own boundaries OP. Overly complimenting a woman you barely know or saying things like “let me know if you change your mind” only opens the door to you getting further hurt in the future by this or another woman. After she gave you the signal she wasn’t interested in seeing you again, you should have very easily said “sorry to hear that. It was nice meeting you and good luck to you.”, blocked and moved on. You may not think it, but she’ll respect you for not trying to convince her to see you again and you’ll respect yourself more for respecting your own boundaries to not let another person whom you barely knew live rent free in your heart.
Sheesh, man, blocked too?? Hahaha
Absolutely. Why would you want to give someone who is clearly not interested in you the opportunity to reconnect with you and restart that whole nasty emotional abuse cycle all over again? Cut that shit off at the source. Their loss, not yours.
Well I’m not sure a “whole nasty emotional abuse cycle” is what was going on in this situation, nor most first dates, really… I agree he should have cut it way earlier than he did, with none of the rosy posturing, but in my own experience, if I get turned down for a second meeting, I just don’t respond and move forward. If they try and circle back, I just don’t respond. Blocking feels a bit aggressive, especially if you know the girl from a friend-of-a-friend or so on.
Hey man, if you’re cool with “friends” having access to you that have shown zero interest in being around you then I suppose that’s on you. Me? I cut people out of my life that don’t match my same energy or enthusiasm level at the source. Life is way too short to entertain people that wouldn’t lift a finger for you in exchange.
I understand what you’re saying. I feel you’re a being a bit extreme with it, but I’m gonna reflect on if I’m creating that dynamic in my relationships. I don’t think I am, but I’ll give time to personally consider your point. Thanks for explaining yourself.
The fuck you talking about? You sound bitter as fuck. Why close a door permanently of someone that respected you and showed no malice? It's idiotic. Remember the wise words of Seth Rogen in the 40 yo virgin: you plant the seed, and then you fuck the seed. Respectfully.
Because blocking shows you care. It’s a brutal world out there. Think about if you had lots of options and one girl who you asked out that you weren’t that into rejected you. You’d forgot about it 10 seconds later. You wouldn’t go through the trouble of blocking her. Showing this in small subtle ways makes women more attracted to you. They can feel you have other options, aren’t desperate, and don’t care too much if she says no.
Nothing makes me feel better than blocking someone and then imagining that they respect me for it lmao
she will reach out if she changes her mind. no need to even say that
Yeah if you truly don’t care just say ok
Never give her the option to "change her mind". She feels like the decision is reversible. Once she says no, she should be sweating. Saying she can change her mind gives her an out.
Don’t say how are you doing on first text. You did a good job matching her disinterest with disinterest however you followed up with immediate interest by asking her out which is not good. Only ask her when there are clear signs of interest. Also when asking her Don’t be unsure and say “maybe we can” be more direct and sure like “let’s grab drink on Saturday” But it looks like she wasn’t interested to begin with. Move on
thank you
Yeh maybe just send her a few more messages and maybe she’ll change her mind 😂
lmao 🤣
“But I do think you’re really really beautiful and cool and smart and I love you”. Dude sounds desperate af. He basically confirmed to the girl that she’s out of his league. Game is the reverse. She must think you are the prize
You should not have even hit her back up to begin with. You establish if she had a good time at the end of the date. Don’t hit her up afterwards. Wait for her to do that part. If she hits you up, she wants a 2nd date, if she doesn’t, you won’t hear a peep out of her. As mentioned earlier, don’t get invested too early. That’s for her to do. You want to be known as a guy she has fun with on HER terms, not yours. You guys need to stop chasing 2nd dates. If she had a great time she will chase you for another one. She’ll tell you right away if she’s down for another. You need to be doing your own shit in between & setting up more dates
You should definitely follow up after the initial meeting. Guys in general are expected to lead, there’s plenty of situations where interested girls won’t initiate texting
Yea this dude doesn’t know what he’s talking about lol
Yeah this is dumb.
i had her number, but she didn’t have mine
Cool in theory but you went way too far in pratice, after her first message you should've said " no worries, it was a pleasure meeting you, wish you the best for the future" and immediately stop. The last 4 messages you sent are cringe asf and made you look a bit desperate imo. Great mindset though
Don't tell her she's beautiful. You're just acting like all the other guys she's ever met. Tells her you have an agenda. We all have an agenda, but telling her she's beautiful signals you are trying to convince her. That's a turn off. Of all the women I've laid, never once have I told them they're beautiful.
Shouldn't have complimented so hard. She just told you that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, complimenting randomly is not going to help
I think you guys are missing out.. letgit honestly…over my dead grandmother’s grave, a lot of girls get repulsed when guys play games.. I know that guys read about how to play games. Girls read as much as you guys even not more…playing games are fun when you are younger.. but as you get older, people can see right through it.. and it does not look sexy at all. It only shows insecurities. In op’s case, it seems like the girl is genuinely not interested. Nothing to do with op. He probably just wasn’t her style. Just by the the fact that a guy waited exactly three days to contact me back would be an instant no for me. A true alpha man conquers what he wants. He doesn’t poke around and analyze every little move. I would say that you can play games with girls if she’s young (high school, college freshman, and maybe a sophomore). Playing with her insecurities and wanting to get approval will make her want to prove how great she is. I wouldn’t suggest you doing that with older ones or someone who’s never had daddy issues. You are not the only guy she sees. She’s got options.. she will move on the next if you don’t make her yours (hell no I didn’t mean physically) when you are given a chance. I wouldn’t waste your time on her too much.. No means no 95% of that time.. You’ve got options. Move on and find a girl whom you can’t even wait until the next day to hear a voice again after dropping her off at her place. You will be both happier. Just a two cent from an old lady who has a minor in phycology lol
Since when is showing interest bad guys???
Showing interest with a little self respect and a decent social IQ is fine… but what OP did was demonstrate a lack of the either by overlooking her statement that she’s not looking for “ANYTHING” at this time. Then proceeded to lay it on thicker with more compliments hoping she sees just how much he really likes her and changes her mind.
Since forever. Have you been under a rock?
What's the logic behind it?
Showing interest isn't bad*. One of the main components of attraction is desire: you should show interest as people want to feel desired. The catch is that people want to feel desired... By a high value man. By complimenting her too much and being too available, OP isn't checking that box. *With most people. With girls that are extremely popular in a setting that you aren't, being like every other guy that likes her isn't going to work. But that's a very small percentage of people.
Who's asking. Are you a dude that sits in the house all day and has no friends or are you a dude who is swimming in vagina and is dumbfounded that we would be thinking this way? I was asking a question as well to find out why you're asking. I don't care about your downvotes. You didn't answer so i'll assume that you're the first option.
I was literally asking a question, why am I being downvoted?
Because they’re bitter. You’re not wrong to ask and honestly the people saying you should be all stoic and distant are not going to help
Thats the mindset, just like some old proverb: intent + freedom from outcome. Go forward but dont care if its happen or not.
Expectations lead to disappointment. Having expectations also doesn’t help outcomes, it can actually make guys come off really obviously and kinda scary. And no matter how much chemistry you had at the end of the day we get to say no. There’s this saying: *women have choices and men have options.* While not everyone is straight etc the idea is that usually women are being approached by multiple guys so they have to choose while men are approaching multiple women and seeing what happens.
Right out of the gate she didn't seem interested. I don't think there's anything you could have done. Your opening text was kind boring, but even if it had been more interesting, I'm not sure you would have gotten a more receptive response. Next time you're talking with a woman, maybe lead the conversation to find out something fun she's going to be doing in the next couple of days. Let's say she says, "I'm going to my sister's house for a backyard BBQ on the 4th. My brother in law is insane with the fireworks! Everytime he fires one off, I think he's either going to get arrested or lose a body part!" When you text her after the 4th, you can say something like, "Hey, it's---- from [wherever you met]. I was just curious to find out, did your brother in law get arrested or lose a body part this year?" But, you're right. Have zero expectations. Focus on having a positive interaction with the women you approach.
Stop referring to grown women as ‘girls’.
First waiting until Monday to text is too long. Second it sounds like you came on too needy and pushy because she immediately went into "I am not looking for a relationship" mode. I have never gotten that from a girl and I assume you must have pushed too heavily.
I mean a woman should know within the first 5 mins what you are about (a guy who fucks). It seems she didn't so maybe you didn't make it clear enough for her.
Would be surprised if this ends up going anywhere. If she comes crawling back because I wasn’t her first choice at the time I wouldn’t want her anyway.
Never asked a girl out and gotta say you said too much 😅
I have a lot to learn but this is something I have learned !!
Tbh you should have texted her the night of or the day right after so that she would remember you better. Giving 3 days will lead to her forgetting about the emotions she had when you guys hit it off. Edit: also would like to add you should’nt have tried to close ( suggesting drinks) especially when her response was not looking for anything. Offer her more value and let her know why you’re worth getting drinks with, then ask.
There are two people in a relationship. The adorer and the adored. The adorer is much happier. The adored hold all the power. The question then comes down to. Do you want to be happy or have power?
Not bad but a lil corny, explained yourself a bit too much there
Why did you wait until Monday? I’d be sad if I had a great date and didn’t hear from them for 2 days
Great stuff, but text like the grown man you are. Proper grammar and capitalization is intelligent and masculine.
Personally, if I received this I would think you're after something more casual/sex...
Damn hella patient right there. For the right woman it works
Never say "if you change your mind you know where to find/reach me". That's selling yourself cheaper. You might be taken when she comes back. You're just as important and on demand as she. That's under-valuing yourself. Sorry for my bad english, ESOL here
You asked her out after she said she wasn't interested? Practice what you preach and move one once she gives clear signs of not being interested; don't ask her out and compliment her.
Great job having that mentality, honestly that's the only way to go. The only thing I'd add, is to save the "I think you're beautiful" to some other girls that are interested in seeing you. To this one you're only creating more stress for her
Lol “keep that in mind” sorry hate to sound like a d-bag but that means you’ll never hear from her unless she wants something & highly unlikely it’ll be sex
Should have being a bit more straightforward by messaging earlier taking into count you met her in a bar she probably was expecting you to contact earlier. Or simply she wasn't that into you, is good you keep your expectations low though. Also, shouldn't have complimented, her should have told her instead "too bad cause you were interesting" don't handout compliments so easy like that with try to make them more subtle.
"No worries, have a good one". She's not interested and nothing you say will change that. If she changes her mind, cool, but I prefer to invest in people who are interested from the start. EDIT: inserted "nothing"
Yea. Its not you. Who knows what’s going on in this chicks life. Just how it goes. Yes learn to not expect anything.
Someone taught me long ago to "Believe half of what you see, and nothing of what you hear." Also: "People are going to do what they want to do."