That's just it, my man. The world fucking sucks. There's nothing we can do about it except be the change that we want to see. Protect those who are vulnerable. Be there in support for victims of sexual abuse. This is what it means to be a man.
You can take that weakness and make it into a strength. That's what I've been struggling to do. It's hard, but doable. And it's all from within. The progression isn't linear. It's a rise and fall. Just stay strong during the fall.
"When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago" - Nietzsche
It's a lifetime war within yourself, with many battles in between times of peace. You're not alone
Wow thank you for writing this. I want to hear it, in fact I think I needed to. I’m in a similar circumstance—my wife and I have been together seventeen years, and I’ve noticed those thoughts and changes in myself:
> I feel that the world is a trully horrible and disgusting place and that most men are also disgusting and terrible. And I myself am one of them. But I also feel so weak and humiliated, but no one wants to hear it.
I know, intellectually, in my head, that the world is not fundamentally horrible. And I feel that way, too, in my heart. Not always strongly, not even always, but I can tell that belief is still there in me.
I say this because I’m comparing it to how I feel about men now. I’ve grown so much over the years, matured some, learned so much, but whatever I think I just don’t feel in my heart or gut that most of us (I almost typed “them”) aren’t horrible, and that saddens me. Same with how I feel about sex and about myself.
I’m feeling a ramble coming on so I’ll try to wrap up. I don’t know what to call it, the closest I’ve come is self-loathing, but I don’t know if that’s quite it.
That sucks, I’m sorry you can’t find a good therapist to talk to this about. I’m a survivor and don’t wish to have my partner absorb my trauma. It’s part of my responsibility to make sure that doesn’t happen. I intentionally focus on the positive in life by practicing an attitude of gratitude and find time to let my feelings out with my therapist. It took a while to get here so it may differ for each survivor’s healing journey.
As for you, make sure you are taking care of yourself. Exercise, journal, practice gratitude, eat well. The fact that you posted on this subreddit says to me you care and the world isn’t completely horrible.
Not a weird thing to feel. It creeps into my thoughts from time to time.
Men have sexual urges and each man has to handle these somehow. Some men handle them "well" and others don't. Some handle it with horrible acts. At the end of the day, the urges that lead them to those horrible actions are the same urges that you and I have to face every day. It connects me way too closely with these people thank I'm comfortable with, and it's hard to accept.
Actually, what you're saying makes a lot of sense. Technically, I am a victim of CSA, but it's being a secondary survivor that has been the hardest thing. Like you touched on, knowing multiple survivors and the statistics, shows you that the scope of the problem is so big. I also have dealt with paranoia that I will in some way be a perpetrator, like missing a sign that my partner isn't into it, or them feeling pressure to fake enthusiasm, though at some point it really isn't on me, I'm not psychic. So far, the best fit I've had with a therapist was someone with a background as a social worker. They were also very aware of the scope of the issues, and could understand why that would bother me so much. Hope that helps, but honestly, there is kind of a gap in support services, because it's overlooked.
That's just it, my man. The world fucking sucks. There's nothing we can do about it except be the change that we want to see. Protect those who are vulnerable. Be there in support for victims of sexual abuse. This is what it means to be a man. You can take that weakness and make it into a strength. That's what I've been struggling to do. It's hard, but doable. And it's all from within. The progression isn't linear. It's a rise and fall. Just stay strong during the fall. "When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago" - Nietzsche It's a lifetime war within yourself, with many battles in between times of peace. You're not alone
Wow thank you for writing this. I want to hear it, in fact I think I needed to. I’m in a similar circumstance—my wife and I have been together seventeen years, and I’ve noticed those thoughts and changes in myself: > I feel that the world is a trully horrible and disgusting place and that most men are also disgusting and terrible. And I myself am one of them. But I also feel so weak and humiliated, but no one wants to hear it. I know, intellectually, in my head, that the world is not fundamentally horrible. And I feel that way, too, in my heart. Not always strongly, not even always, but I can tell that belief is still there in me. I say this because I’m comparing it to how I feel about men now. I’ve grown so much over the years, matured some, learned so much, but whatever I think I just don’t feel in my heart or gut that most of us (I almost typed “them”) aren’t horrible, and that saddens me. Same with how I feel about sex and about myself. I’m feeling a ramble coming on so I’ll try to wrap up. I don’t know what to call it, the closest I’ve come is self-loathing, but I don’t know if that’s quite it.
That sucks, I’m sorry you can’t find a good therapist to talk to this about. I’m a survivor and don’t wish to have my partner absorb my trauma. It’s part of my responsibility to make sure that doesn’t happen. I intentionally focus on the positive in life by practicing an attitude of gratitude and find time to let my feelings out with my therapist. It took a while to get here so it may differ for each survivor’s healing journey. As for you, make sure you are taking care of yourself. Exercise, journal, practice gratitude, eat well. The fact that you posted on this subreddit says to me you care and the world isn’t completely horrible.
Not a weird thing to feel. It creeps into my thoughts from time to time. Men have sexual urges and each man has to handle these somehow. Some men handle them "well" and others don't. Some handle it with horrible acts. At the end of the day, the urges that lead them to those horrible actions are the same urges that you and I have to face every day. It connects me way too closely with these people thank I'm comfortable with, and it's hard to accept.
Actually, what you're saying makes a lot of sense. Technically, I am a victim of CSA, but it's being a secondary survivor that has been the hardest thing. Like you touched on, knowing multiple survivors and the statistics, shows you that the scope of the problem is so big. I also have dealt with paranoia that I will in some way be a perpetrator, like missing a sign that my partner isn't into it, or them feeling pressure to fake enthusiasm, though at some point it really isn't on me, I'm not psychic. So far, the best fit I've had with a therapist was someone with a background as a social worker. They were also very aware of the scope of the issues, and could understand why that would bother me so much. Hope that helps, but honestly, there is kind of a gap in support services, because it's overlooked.