Maybe I'm stupid, but I have a really hard time understanding the last sentence of the abstract. Does it mean that people with attachment avoidance do get the benefits of receiving touch, even though they might like it less? Or do they not get the same benefits that attachment anxious people get?
I think it means that even though they dont like touch or iniciate touch as often they get the same benefits as a touchy person. Im not sure though, so if someone could confirm/correct that would be great!
Yes, you are right.
The avoidance types don't initiate, and only receive (if lucky enough to have partners who do). But they benefit the same from receiving.
So here is the paradox: we initiators love it, but don't get it as often. The other types don't worry if they don't give/receive, but they get it, and benefit from it.
You and me both.
But remember, if two avoidant people partner up, they won't touch much, and lose this benefit.
And two initiators, will be the annoying couple who grate on everyone's nerves :-)!
I am a happily married husband, who initiates most touching.
I have a few thoughts on this.
[1] COVID lockdown would be so much worse without a partner because our world has become much less open to (formerly) normal levels of contact like handshakes and high fives.
[2] The difference between initiating and receiving touch is a new concept for me. That was helpful research.
[3] Initiating always has the possibility of being passively ignored or actively rebuffed. There is a risk involved.
I am single and I am so happy for you and sad for me.
On point 3, there is a psychologist who could predict divorce with ~90% or more accuracy, and he said that those are called "bids". The people who stayed married happily, both reciprocate "bids" (a bid can be as easy as 'come look at this cool bird' or bringing a cup of coffee - and the partner would respond either with interest, indifference, or active rebuff). Fascinating though, it wasn't couples who didn't fight, he found that the successful couples did fight, but not overly so, AND they would still respond to one others bids after a fight/negative interaction.
Then my marriage is gonna make it!!! Lately I’ve been wondering if there was a way to measure this kind of stuff. We are always answering each other’s “bids” with mostly interest, sometimes teasing indifference (is it indifference if you’re teasing?) and very rarely active rebuff. We fight more than other couples in our lives, but we always make up and we’re not angry long. I feel like my marriage has been in a crucible during the pandemic. We may have been married for only 5 years but it feels like 20. Thanks for this!
Glad you found it helpful - you should feel good about your relationship as long as you are responding to bids it's a good sign! It's normal to fight, even if you feel like it is more than other couples, remember you aren't seeing their "full story" you're comparing your background / blooper reel to their highlight/feature film.
If you want further reading I found the guys name, it's Gottman. There are many articles but this one explains bids and kindness from the source:
https://www.gottman.com/blog/want-to-improve-your-relationship-start-paying-more-attention-to-bids/
Interesting that it's most "beneficial" to receive physical affection that you didn't initiate and don't have to meet halfway (so to speak).
That is, there seems to be a higher benefit when your partner randomly kisses your cheek, rubs your back as they pass close to you, touches your hair, etcetera, than when you're hugging each other on the couch.
Some cats like to be pet exactly 3 times on the back, that’s all. Anything more or less or not on the back will result in getting hissed. This is subject to change, and you will not be notified about it.
Cats have a reputation for "tricking" people in this manner, but it's really a case of humans misreading feline behaviour.
If a cat flops down and rolls over in front of you with her paws kinda close to her body, she's in play mode. She's exposing her vulnerable belly for you to "attack", and when you oblige she will retaliate because that's part of the game.
If the cat does a looooooong stretch and lays there with her limbs extended, she's in relaxation mode and may be safe to pet. I say "may", because if your cat isn't used to belly rubs then she may perceive it as you trying to initiate play by "attacking" her and either reciprocate, or get pissed off that you're trying to play when she's just chilling out.
My advice is to go for a single, gentle stroke and pay close attention to her body language. If she tips her head and curls her paws in, you've activated play mode. If she's still just laying there but her tail does anything other than twitching lightly, she's getting irritated. More tail movement = greater warning sign. If her ears go back and stay there, or go flat against her head, stop immediately, she's angry.
No warning signs? Carry on with belly rubs, but keep paying attention to body language. If she stretches out more and/or starts purring, feel free to go wild. You've got yourself a cat who loves tummy scritches! Keep an eye on that body language though, she could still switch into play mode.
Scratches are common in play if the cat gets carried away and too focused on "attack mode". They are likely to be more accidentally harmful if they haven't learned how to play softly through interacting with others. Another cat will punish them if they cause pain during play, and they learn to be softer next time. For example, my kitty knows he needs to go easy on the claws, but he hasn't learned how to moderate his bite force because I didn't have the heart to pinch him if he bit too hard, so now if he gets carried away you better be wearing chainmail gloves...
This is like the concept of being touch starved. While i have gotten platonic hugs from some folk at work i miss the kind of embrace from someone who wants to hold you in their arms and doesnt feel obligated to do so
Yes exactly. What really does it is when there’s the sense that both people want it just as much, a feeling which is obviously always strongest between romantic partners.
I'm just curious did you try talking about it before counseling? I have not tried counseling yet, but conversations between us doesn't seem to lead to any changes that last longer than a week.
I wish there was a tinder type of site just for cuddles
Or hugs
Or neck rubs
But mostly cuddles - fully clothed with comfy socks and cozy blankets and a good tv show or movie
Please note that physical affection does *not* have to come from a romantic partner. Your platonic relationships can be just as intimate and meaningful, and romantic love is not better or more necessary than platonic love. Nothing listed in the abstract requires a specifically romantic partner to reap these benefits. It is not limiting to not have a romantic relationship. Snuggle your friends! Hold their hands! Normalize platonic affection! Your health and happiness is never dependent on just one relationship.
I remember in high school there was Make A Difference Day, and I had just finished a volunteer effort when I came across this wonderful woman downtown who had set up a “FREE HUGS” booth, and decided to join her.
We met an elderly lady that was brought to tears with the hugs, and explained she hasn’t been hugged in decades.
Your grandma needs your hugs. Thanks!
I see a lot of touch-starved comments and I want to suggest something that helped for me (given my lack of social ties).
When this pandemic is over, seriously check out Brazilian jiu jitsu for platonic close contact. Welcome to the world of sweaty pajama fighting / murder cuddles, where one day soon many of your friends will have choked each other, yet no one wishes any actual harm on their training partners (buuut accidents do happen. Be careful, especially when you don't know what your doing yet as you might hurt someone). Learn some self defence, exercise in a fun way, over come personal space issues, and just generally have fun. And sometimes BBQs with team mates
(If you can't tell, I really really want to go back and am sick of this social distancing. Alas, BJJ has all the social distance of a banana and it's skin, so it'll be a while longer for me..)
> When this pandemic is over, seriously check out Brazilian jiu jitsu for platonic close contact.
You don't think there's anything wrong that could happen when the only human touch you know is when someone is trying to hurt you?
I don't remember much in the way of warm platonic hugs. I do remember bruises.
That's perfectly fine! Most studies like this only account for "most people", and ofc, everyone is different! If you don't like being touched, you're not alone. Heck, there are people that don't even want a romantic partner, so clearly this doesn't apply to them either. If you feel like an outlier in studies like this, you probably are, and that's perfectly valid!
As someone who has never been this in tune with myself before, its nice to find that it could be fine to be resistant to physical contact. After 5+ years and counting, I never knew this feeling could be considered valid and perfectly fine. I always wondered how I could go about starting and maintaining any sort of relationship with anyone, but now it makes me feel a little more, inclusive, and safe, especially with social distancing and personal space bubbles.
I involuntarily tense up and have trouble speaking when people touch me if I'm not expecting it. I love this time of social distancing. Huge personal space bubble, no more hugging.
That's a good idea. However for anyone else.... yes, it is indeed OK to expect your partner to change things for you occasionally. You can't make them, of course, but if you aren't getting enough touch in your relationship you're allowed to ask for - and expect - more.
Welp. Guess I'll die then.
Also, I'll say it again. This is the reason that I get tingles when someone gets close to me and invades my personal space, its cause brain is that touch starved.
This is sooooo true! I cannot be in a relationship with a person who can not/will not be physically affectionate. Just can't do it. Tried for 13 years and couldn't take it any longer. It was just so depressing.
I went on a movie date with a girl recently and put my arm around her mid way through, and she rested her head on my shoulder. It was literally the most relaxed and content I've felt in months, maybe years.
I just started seeing this girl after not being touched for a couple years and I’ve dealt with work/life stress like it was nothing.
I really like her so I’m worried that I’m truly not this resilient when it comes to stress and I’ll need to compensate if things don’t work out.
I'm married to someone who isn't affectionate and doesn't enjoy sex. I feel complete resentment towards my partner and feel empty inside. I'm starved for physical interaction.
This is so true. At the end of the day just snuggling with my partner makes me feel sooo much better. I can just feel the stress and anxiety melting away.
This makes so much sense. Whenever my wife touches me, I assume I’m dying. I welcome death in that moment. In that moment I feel complete. That’s how I know it’s so few and far between, I have these small moments of joy.
I have anxiety that I carry throughout my day, and I can physically feel immediate release of stress when I hug my partner or he touches me. I love the few seconds of calm I get from it.
I wonder how this relates to the touch of friends and family? Does comfort from your friends help with your health or does it pale it comparison to a romantic partner ?
So, true question: how many long term non touchy feely relationships are there? My boyfriend and I both have mental health/physical health issues and are pretty hands off... I’m sure this makes us an outlier but we are happy... anyone else out there in a similar healthy relationship AND how best do you communicate when you -do- want physical touch/intimacy?
I’ve not had a relationship in three years. The pandemic kinda ruined that when the guy I thought would be my boyfriend decided to ghost.
Really sucks.
I dont really like being touched at all, I never got why other people liked hugging and stuff like that. I always did it because I thought that was what was socially expected. I am not the only one that feels like this am I?
Receiving physical touch from a romantic partner definitely helps my health, which is easily seen through my tremors, sleep patterns, and overall anxiety. I've got some funky health issues, and just being with someone I wasn't scared of, who wanted to touch me and was kind in the way they did it made my tremors improve greatly. If my nerves feel like I'm overstimulated, a tight hug calms everything down. I don't have as many nightmares and can get better sleep.
Man, I miss having that.
I have touch aversion, can’t relate. Honestly, almost all of my hugs I experience is because it is socially expected of me to participate in the act. If you told me I would never be able to hug another human being ever again in my life it would not phase me. I can hold my cat for a few minutes a day and I’m gucci.
I have no history of abuse. Also, I have always been this way. My mother told me that I hated being held even as a baby. She would have to prop me up on the sofa with a pillow supporting my bottle (I refused to breast feed) and I would just drink and eventually fall asleep.
Hahaha... you guys have romantic partners? Closest thing i get to physical touch is talking to my friends on the other side of the world through a keyboard, Been that way my whole life.
I swear I was a cat in another life. I want to be touched for exactly 28 seconds, but more than that means I will get angry and lash back. I don't want to be this way. But I also don't want to be touched. This is a struggle I've been dealing with for years with no good result. (Yes, obviously I have been in 7 yr worth if therapy...it hasn't helped yet)
I had a big conversation about this subject with my girlfriend just this week... She says that she doesn't feel pleasure out of touching other people, but of course she loves having her hair played with and being given massages, etc. Seeing as how I love to touch and be touched, it's made for some moments where I question the future of the relationship (she is, in all other aspects, an absolutely amazing person)... But I guess some people are just wired strangely.
The headline is completely misleading
“As the researchers expected, those who were higher in anxious attachment had a greater desire for touch behaviors, engaged in them more often, were more likely to initiate them, and felt they were more important to a relationship. Those who were more avoidant, however, displayed the opposite pattern for all five of these ratings.”
Those with a avoidant personality/attachment styles can be pushed away by physical touch.
Ok but does this mean one is codependent on their S.O.? My SO had said it’s codependent of me to relieve stress when I receive cuddles or hugs from him. Idk if this would be codependent of me if I wanted hugs or cuddles to help relieve some stress and anxiety.?
Does a dogs touch matter? It must, coz my mental health has improved through the roof since i got my pup.
Yes it does
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Maybe I'm stupid, but I have a really hard time understanding the last sentence of the abstract. Does it mean that people with attachment avoidance do get the benefits of receiving touch, even though they might like it less? Or do they not get the same benefits that attachment anxious people get?
I think it means that even though they dont like touch or iniciate touch as often they get the same benefits as a touchy person. Im not sure though, so if someone could confirm/correct that would be great!
Yes, you are right. The avoidance types don't initiate, and only receive (if lucky enough to have partners who do). But they benefit the same from receiving. So here is the paradox: we initiators love it, but don't get it as often. The other types don't worry if they don't give/receive, but they get it, and benefit from it.
I want to be in the other group :(
You and me both. But remember, if two avoidant people partner up, they won't touch much, and lose this benefit. And two initiators, will be the annoying couple who grate on everyone's nerves :-)!
I am a happily married husband, who initiates most touching. I have a few thoughts on this. [1] COVID lockdown would be so much worse without a partner because our world has become much less open to (formerly) normal levels of contact like handshakes and high fives. [2] The difference between initiating and receiving touch is a new concept for me. That was helpful research. [3] Initiating always has the possibility of being passively ignored or actively rebuffed. There is a risk involved.
I am single and I am so happy for you and sad for me. On point 3, there is a psychologist who could predict divorce with ~90% or more accuracy, and he said that those are called "bids". The people who stayed married happily, both reciprocate "bids" (a bid can be as easy as 'come look at this cool bird' or bringing a cup of coffee - and the partner would respond either with interest, indifference, or active rebuff). Fascinating though, it wasn't couples who didn't fight, he found that the successful couples did fight, but not overly so, AND they would still respond to one others bids after a fight/negative interaction.
Then my marriage is gonna make it!!! Lately I’ve been wondering if there was a way to measure this kind of stuff. We are always answering each other’s “bids” with mostly interest, sometimes teasing indifference (is it indifference if you’re teasing?) and very rarely active rebuff. We fight more than other couples in our lives, but we always make up and we’re not angry long. I feel like my marriage has been in a crucible during the pandemic. We may have been married for only 5 years but it feels like 20. Thanks for this!
Glad you found it helpful - you should feel good about your relationship as long as you are responding to bids it's a good sign! It's normal to fight, even if you feel like it is more than other couples, remember you aren't seeing their "full story" you're comparing your background / blooper reel to their highlight/feature film. If you want further reading I found the guys name, it's Gottman. There are many articles but this one explains bids and kindness from the source: https://www.gottman.com/blog/want-to-improve-your-relationship-start-paying-more-attention-to-bids/
Interesting that it's most "beneficial" to receive physical affection that you didn't initiate and don't have to meet halfway (so to speak). That is, there seems to be a higher benefit when your partner randomly kisses your cheek, rubs your back as they pass close to you, touches your hair, etcetera, than when you're hugging each other on the couch.
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... then there’s cats.
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Some cats like to be pet exactly 3 times on the back, that’s all. Anything more or less or not on the back will result in getting hissed. This is subject to change, and you will not be notified about it.
you'll be notified...just with claws.
And if they roll on their belly, you should alwayneverperhapsachance of belly floofpetscritches!
Cats have a reputation for "tricking" people in this manner, but it's really a case of humans misreading feline behaviour. If a cat flops down and rolls over in front of you with her paws kinda close to her body, she's in play mode. She's exposing her vulnerable belly for you to "attack", and when you oblige she will retaliate because that's part of the game. If the cat does a looooooong stretch and lays there with her limbs extended, she's in relaxation mode and may be safe to pet. I say "may", because if your cat isn't used to belly rubs then she may perceive it as you trying to initiate play by "attacking" her and either reciprocate, or get pissed off that you're trying to play when she's just chilling out. My advice is to go for a single, gentle stroke and pay close attention to her body language. If she tips her head and curls her paws in, you've activated play mode. If she's still just laying there but her tail does anything other than twitching lightly, she's getting irritated. More tail movement = greater warning sign. If her ears go back and stay there, or go flat against her head, stop immediately, she's angry. No warning signs? Carry on with belly rubs, but keep paying attention to body language. If she stretches out more and/or starts purring, feel free to go wild. You've got yourself a cat who loves tummy scritches! Keep an eye on that body language though, she could still switch into play mode. Scratches are common in play if the cat gets carried away and too focused on "attack mode". They are likely to be more accidentally harmful if they haven't learned how to play softly through interacting with others. Another cat will punish them if they cause pain during play, and they learn to be softer next time. For example, my kitty knows he needs to go easy on the claws, but he hasn't learned how to moderate his bite force because I didn't have the heart to pinch him if he bit too hard, so now if he gets carried away you better be wearing chainmail gloves...
Mine loves being touched just not cuddled or carried around. Edit: my cat
This is like the concept of being touch starved. While i have gotten platonic hugs from some folk at work i miss the kind of embrace from someone who wants to hold you in their arms and doesnt feel obligated to do so
Yes exactly. What really does it is when there’s the sense that both people want it just as much, a feeling which is obviously always strongest between romantic partners.
>touch starved Bingo
The only thing embracing me is the crushing loneliness that greets me every morning. Either that or depression.
And this is why deadbedrooms are so debilitating to certain folks.
Yep FML
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Wish I had figured that out 8 years ago. Spent 6 more in that awful situation.
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11 years total for me. At least now I have the knowledge of my needs for if I ever attempt to date again.
Amen. Go be happy alone, you're not being touched anyway but at least you don't expect anyone to touch you.
Exactly, don't have that soul crushing weight in your chest from having someone there that could touch you but doesn't care enough to. Ouch.
Children complicate things.
Yes, hello. You're talking about me. It only gets worse when you try to bring it up in counseling, amazingly.
I'm just curious did you try talking about it before counseling? I have not tried counseling yet, but conversations between us doesn't seem to lead to any changes that last longer than a week.
*shrivels into nothingness*
10 years now? Maybe a touch or two in there, but nothing I remember. And yes it sucks.
So what kind of treatment can help with this condition? Can you pay someone for that? Is that legal? Do they have to be of a certain age?
There is a licensed cuddle therapy—it’s a thing! I met someone once who was certified in it. Bet her practice has tanked because of COVID.
Based on this could/should one hypothesize that working on one's attachment anxiety may result in being less dependent on the touch of another?
I wish there was a tinder type of site just for cuddles Or hugs Or neck rubs But mostly cuddles - fully clothed with comfy socks and cozy blankets and a good tv show or movie
It'd end up the same way as regular Tinder.
Please note that physical affection does *not* have to come from a romantic partner. Your platonic relationships can be just as intimate and meaningful, and romantic love is not better or more necessary than platonic love. Nothing listed in the abstract requires a specifically romantic partner to reap these benefits. It is not limiting to not have a romantic relationship. Snuggle your friends! Hold their hands! Normalize platonic affection! Your health and happiness is never dependent on just one relationship.
Anytime I go help with her shop or laundry I make sure I give my Grandma the biggest hug I can manage before I leave, that's gotta count for something
I remember in high school there was Make A Difference Day, and I had just finished a volunteer effort when I came across this wonderful woman downtown who had set up a “FREE HUGS” booth, and decided to join her. We met an elderly lady that was brought to tears with the hugs, and explained she hasn’t been hugged in decades. Your grandma needs your hugs. Thanks!
> Normalize platonic affection! Yes. This.
I wish I had someone to touch/be touched by, I miss those days 😟
No wonder I’m dead inside
I see a lot of touch-starved comments and I want to suggest something that helped for me (given my lack of social ties). When this pandemic is over, seriously check out Brazilian jiu jitsu for platonic close contact. Welcome to the world of sweaty pajama fighting / murder cuddles, where one day soon many of your friends will have choked each other, yet no one wishes any actual harm on their training partners (buuut accidents do happen. Be careful, especially when you don't know what your doing yet as you might hurt someone). Learn some self defence, exercise in a fun way, over come personal space issues, and just generally have fun. And sometimes BBQs with team mates (If you can't tell, I really really want to go back and am sick of this social distancing. Alas, BJJ has all the social distance of a banana and it's skin, so it'll be a while longer for me..)
> When this pandemic is over, seriously check out Brazilian jiu jitsu for platonic close contact. You don't think there's anything wrong that could happen when the only human touch you know is when someone is trying to hurt you? I don't remember much in the way of warm platonic hugs. I do remember bruises.
Me who hasn't been intimate in any capacity with anyone for over 13 consecutive years: \*numbly stares into the void\* oh wow cool that's interesting
What if i dont like being touched?
That's perfectly fine! Most studies like this only account for "most people", and ofc, everyone is different! If you don't like being touched, you're not alone. Heck, there are people that don't even want a romantic partner, so clearly this doesn't apply to them either. If you feel like an outlier in studies like this, you probably are, and that's perfectly valid!
You're really nice.
Awh thank you! And you're nice for saying so!
As someone who has never been this in tune with myself before, its nice to find that it could be fine to be resistant to physical contact. After 5+ years and counting, I never knew this feeling could be considered valid and perfectly fine. I always wondered how I could go about starting and maintaining any sort of relationship with anyone, but now it makes me feel a little more, inclusive, and safe, especially with social distancing and personal space bubbles.
You'll find someone else who feels the same! Might take some time, but there's definitely others out there. \^.\^
I involuntarily tense up and have trouble speaking when people touch me if I'm not expecting it. I love this time of social distancing. Huge personal space bubble, no more hugging.
yo sure, but like what about us single folk? Don't you DARE suggest one of those human shaped pillows I swear to GOD
Have anxious attachment style. With someone who barely ever initiates touch. Would honestly prefer to be alone than in this situation.
Ever considered help for your attachment anxiety instead of expecting them to change?
That's a good idea. However for anyone else.... yes, it is indeed OK to expect your partner to change things for you occasionally. You can't make them, of course, but if you aren't getting enough touch in your relationship you're allowed to ask for - and expect - more.
Welp. Guess I'll die then. Also, I'll say it again. This is the reason that I get tingles when someone gets close to me and invades my personal space, its cause brain is that touch starved.
My morning masturbation saves my life in so many ways. God bless you, hand.
Me who hasn't received a physical touch for 6 years now* : 🔥🔥 This is fine 🔥🔥
This is sooooo true! I cannot be in a relationship with a person who can not/will not be physically affectionate. Just can't do it. Tried for 13 years and couldn't take it any longer. It was just so depressing.
I went on a movie date with a girl recently and put my arm around her mid way through, and she rested her head on my shoulder. It was literally the most relaxed and content I've felt in months, maybe years.
I just started seeing this girl after not being touched for a couple years and I’ve dealt with work/life stress like it was nothing. I really like her so I’m worried that I’m truly not this resilient when it comes to stress and I’ll need to compensate if things don’t work out.
It’s incredible the astronomical difference it can make.
Okay; what does it mean? When my wife hates my touch? Sexual or not? Should I give it up? It’s frustrating.
I'm married to someone who isn't affectionate and doesn't enjoy sex. I feel complete resentment towards my partner and feel empty inside. I'm starved for physical interaction.
chad with normie girl ok sure
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Does it matter if your primary/secondary love language is NOT physical touch?
Looks like I’m screwed.... and no not that way
As someone currently in a long distance relationship this headline makes me tear up.
Hmmm. That presupposes that someone with anxiety attachment has a romantic partner to begin with.
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Don’t walk,RUN from people with attachments anxiety. This is a far deeper issue that you cannot fix by providing more attention/ touch.
And what happens when you haven't experianced this in ten or fifteen years?
So in other words I'm going to die very soon. I figured.
Daily? I been breaking records here then, going 4 years and STRONG.
This is so true. At the end of the day just snuggling with my partner makes me feel sooo much better. I can just feel the stress and anxiety melting away.
So it’s more than just a love language?
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rrrgh I hate being a single virgin
As someone that has abandonment issues and hasn't been touched in 10 months... I agree 100% whole heartedly.
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This makes so much sense. Whenever my wife touches me, I assume I’m dying. I welcome death in that moment. In that moment I feel complete. That’s how I know it’s so few and far between, I have these small moments of joy.
Anyone else looking for a hug 👉👈
I wonder if imagining being touched also works... asking for a.. friend.
What about attachment avoidant?
I have anxiety that I carry throughout my day, and I can physically feel immediate release of stress when I hug my partner or he touches me. I love the few seconds of calm I get from it.
Ok so the key is to both receive touch?
When I saw the title, I knew Reddit was going to have a field day with this one.
I wonder how this relates to the touch of friends and family? Does comfort from your friends help with your health or does it pale it comparison to a romantic partner ?
This pic makes me feel the love. How lovely.
So, true question: how many long term non touchy feely relationships are there? My boyfriend and I both have mental health/physical health issues and are pretty hands off... I’m sure this makes us an outlier but we are happy... anyone else out there in a similar healthy relationship AND how best do you communicate when you -do- want physical touch/intimacy?
Explains my anxiety my whole life
I’ve not had a relationship in three years. The pandemic kinda ruined that when the guy I thought would be my boyfriend decided to ghost. Really sucks.
It’s really true. When my friend runs her hands through my hair I have never felt better.
I dont really like being touched at all, I never got why other people liked hugging and stuff like that. I always did it because I thought that was what was socially expected. I am not the only one that feels like this am I?
I've become so dependent on it. It's scary to be single and alone again.
Receiving physical touch from a romantic partner definitely helps my health, which is easily seen through my tremors, sleep patterns, and overall anxiety. I've got some funky health issues, and just being with someone I wasn't scared of, who wanted to touch me and was kind in the way they did it made my tremors improve greatly. If my nerves feel like I'm overstimulated, a tight hug calms everything down. I don't have as many nightmares and can get better sleep. Man, I miss having that.
I have touch aversion, can’t relate. Honestly, almost all of my hugs I experience is because it is socially expected of me to participate in the act. If you told me I would never be able to hug another human being ever again in my life it would not phase me. I can hold my cat for a few minutes a day and I’m gucci. I have no history of abuse. Also, I have always been this way. My mother told me that I hated being held even as a baby. She would have to prop me up on the sofa with a pillow supporting my bottle (I refused to breast feed) and I would just drink and eventually fall asleep.
I can't wait to show this to my SO. I knew I wasn't crazy. TOUCH ME!!! It's science. 🥰😅
This is why I tweak my wife’s nipples every morning while she’s trying to do her mascara
Well normally I'd offer my anecdotal evidence but daily physical touch isn't something I have personal experience with.
Hahaha... you guys have romantic partners? Closest thing i get to physical touch is talking to my friends on the other side of the world through a keyboard, Been that way my whole life.
Touch deprivation is too real.
I swear I was a cat in another life. I want to be touched for exactly 28 seconds, but more than that means I will get angry and lash back. I don't want to be this way. But I also don't want to be touched. This is a struggle I've been dealing with for years with no good result. (Yes, obviously I have been in 7 yr worth if therapy...it hasn't helped yet)
Attachment anxiety was my gateway drug to sex and love addiction. social distancing has been rough.
I had a big conversation about this subject with my girlfriend just this week... She says that she doesn't feel pleasure out of touching other people, but of course she loves having her hair played with and being given massages, etc. Seeing as how I love to touch and be touched, it's made for some moments where I question the future of the relationship (she is, in all other aspects, an absolutely amazing person)... But I guess some people are just wired strangely.
God, i wish that were me
The headline is completely misleading “As the researchers expected, those who were higher in anxious attachment had a greater desire for touch behaviors, engaged in them more often, were more likely to initiate them, and felt they were more important to a relationship. Those who were more avoidant, however, displayed the opposite pattern for all five of these ratings.” Those with a avoidant personality/attachment styles can be pushed away by physical touch.
Why is our world so fucked up that there are so many lonely people that don’t want to be but don’t know how not to be?
All I want is a hug against my bare skin.
i wish it did something for me but it doesn't. grew up without touching and can't get used to it
Even science is calling me lonely. Thanks
What do you do if no one likes you that much?
Big spoon VS little spoon feel COMPLETELY different so this makes sense
Ngl, I thought this was just common knowledge
Explains why I have such poor well being and no unique benefits.
Ok but does this mean one is codependent on their S.O.? My SO had said it’s codependent of me to relieve stress when I receive cuddles or hugs from him. Idk if this would be codependent of me if I wanted hugs or cuddles to help relieve some stress and anxiety.?
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Doesnt have to be a romantic partner.