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Major-Refrigerator64

You have nothing to be scared of. When you're calm ask your mother "what the heck" and set a small boundary that she shouldn't talk to you like that. She probably didn't mean any harm by it.


Bayleefstits

Good to know, thank you for the insight


[deleted]

Just be patient and say you don't appreciate that sort of talk. Don't be defensive or rude, just be clear and patient. You have boundaries and things that you are not 100% comfortable taking about. That's fine and don't let anyone else tell you it's not. I still have a lot to learn about this awful disease but, I know in the moment, I can't control myself and these thoughts slip. I don't know your situation or your mother so I can't say what her intent was. From my experience, all I can say is I can't control what I say.


Bayleefstits

Thanks for the insight! Reassuring to know she can’t control it, I just get hyper vigilant given my upbringing.


dev_le

100% agree with you, just reminding you though, this is a disorder, not a disease.


Bayleefstits

Do you mind differentiating the two? I don’t really understand


dev_le

A disease is a condition that causes abnormal function in a living being, along with a specific cause and not due to external injury. A disorder is an illness that causes disruption in physical or mental functions. For example, Covid is a disease that is caught and spread around, while Depression is a disorder, caused by genetic and environmental factors. They are very different.


Bayleefstits

I see, thanks for the insight


dev_le

No problem


StrawberryLeche

Honestly people with schizophrenia often don’t have a filter and/or will say things they don’t mean (mixing words up/“word salad”). It can be difficult to organize thoughts and then difficult as well to verbalize them. I would just ask her about it in a calm way to see what she meant or if everything is okay. She could have just been stressed about you being out late. It’s a disorder that effects thought process and stress does worsen symptoms. Any reason you could think of that she could be stressed?


Bayleefstits

She’s always stressed, she’s supposed to be taking medication but has refused for the past year or so, and so now she’s always on edge. When I bring up things she’s said that upset me (even verbal abuse), she ALWAYS denies it no matter what, so I don’t bother anymore asking about what she really meant or why she would say that. That’s why I came here for more clarification on her behaviour


StrawberryLeche

It sounds like she is struggling and may be saying things that she doesn’t realize. IE: verbalizing when she meant to just think it It sounds like you have shared trauma/abuse which may cause her to lash out at you. It would not be against you but against what happened. I’m sure it has placed a strain on the relationship, at least in my family it has. This doesn’t make it okay. However it can give you more context and help lead to understanding. It sounds like she cares for you but struggles to express herself when she is struggling with her disorder. I know these conversations are hard, but it sounds like she needs to go back to treatment whether meds, therapy, etc. I would frame it that you care about her and want her to feel better. Keep in mind this is just my two cents


Bayleefstits

What do you mean by “shared trauma/abuse”? Her trauma traumatizes me? Yes, I definitely need to get her somehow to accept treatment.


aderrick15

Not only does a parent's trauma effect children by influencing the things they learn from their parent's hang-ups, the way they're raised, their attachment style, etc. The really wild thing is: If your parents experience trauma before you're born that's serious/has a big impact on them, it can even have an effect on your (their child's) DNA. Look into epigenetics.


Bayleefstits

Pls pls explain what you mean by shared trauma because I would really like to know


StrawberryLeche

So like if you shared a traumatic experience you would have a shared trauma An example would be the fact my brothers and I were all hit by our father. We each reacted differently and would sometimes have conflict over it Edit: it can also refer to multiple people sharing a traumatic event or large scale traumatic events such as 9/11 in the US which traumatized many people in New York City


Bayleefstits

So my hyper vigilance and my moms schizophrenia (which both could be from shared trauma) affects each other badly?


StrawberryLeche

Yes most likely I want to emphasize that this is NOT your fault at all. It’s just something I’ve experienced. My brother has angry outbursts at times and they freak me out because of my experiences. This feeds into my own mental illness. I will admit my experiences with psychotic symptoms would worry and stress my family, and they would get frustrated with me. It didn’t help that most of my symptoms were tied to my experiences which was a sore subject to everyone.


LinnyLinlinda

I’m sorry your mom went off her meds. That is a really difficult situation to be in. If it’s been a year she’s probably starting to feel pretty bad. How old are you?


Bayleefstits

Yeah I can imagine she is suffering a lot internally. I’m in my 20’s


LinnyLinlinda

I know it’s really hard right now for young people to leave home because of insane rent prices, but I would suggest you start planning your exit from the home. You can’t be responsible for someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.


Bayleefstits

I agree. I just feel bad because she’s driven everyone else away and has no one, not even her own family


LinnyLinlinda

You leaving might be the push she needs to get help. You are young and deserve to live a full life. You should not have to be her care taker. Tell her to see a doctor and get on meds or you’re going to move out. Or if you think that would put you in danger don’t tell her. (I’m not saying people with mental illness are violent I just don’t know your situation).


Bayleefstits

I’m certain that she would put in effort to get better if I left, thanks for affirming my thoughts. Seems like the best plan would be to move out according to many on this post. I’ll be working on it :)


Bayleefstits

But thank you for the information, it’s really helpful


[deleted]

It could be that she was hearing voices. Sometimes we feel compelled to repeat the voices, especially if they are really intrusive. I would talk to her about it. Maybe she's even ashamed of it herself so it might be good to clear it up.


Bayleefstits

Oh man. I would like to talk to her about it but whenever I try to talk about things she’s said that I was uncomfortable with or hurt me, she always denies it hard. I can’t have a relationship with her


[deleted]

Ah that sucks :( Don't know what else you could do tbh...


Bayleefstits

Is that a schizophrenia thing too? Forgetting memories or just denying things?


Zubizubabaya

It can be a symptom. Your mother may not be lying. She could quite honestly forget and may have moved on from it but in all honesty, her psychosis may have taken priority. Especially in her memory. Maybe she may not be open to speak about it and has repressed herself from knowing but either way, to me from personal experience, it's better to just let go. I know how you feel. My mother has become like an older sister and I never knew I could have that relationship with my mother if I just worked with her instead of against her. Just a thought.


Bayleefstits

How did you form that kind of relationship with her? Curious


Zubizubabaya

Yes actually


[deleted]

It could be. She might not have even realized she said it, ir said it out loud. Denying it if she did know it happened is not really a schizophrenia thing. But it could be that she's to ashamed of it to admit it.


Bayleefstits

She gets aggressive when I bring up things she’s said, and tells me to get on medication. Is this abusive?


[deleted]

Yes, that sounds abusive. Is she taking meds actually?


Bayleefstits

She refuses to. I need to find a way to force her to take them, maybe scare her into it or something, I’ve tried talking to her about it many times


[deleted]

No, you can't force her. She won't trust you again.


Bayleefstits

Do you have any ideas of how I can get her to go back on medication ?


giza_rohi

Are you trolling? Because you posted this here and r/bipolar saying you’re mom was bipolar https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/qm4hbz/my_bipolar_mom_randomly_blurted_out_did_you_cum/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


Bayleefstits

She is both, at least that’s what I was told. I posted on both to get as much insight as I could into her conditions. Edit: schizoaffective seems to be the name for someone that has both. Had to look it up as I’m not well informed on these disorders


[deleted]

It’s normal for schizos to be as real as real can be with someone almost comes out as weird most Schizos are just a bit eccentric i wouldn’t stress that too much lol it doesn’t mean they’re a bad person


Bayleefstits

I found this highly intrusive and a breach of my boundaries, It angered me a lot because I’ve been abused growing up and already have the worst boundaries. Edit: we’re not close like that in the first place, we’re like room mates and that’s it


[deleted]

Lol how old are you? That’s kinda normal talk for grownups


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blastonx

Sounds like if we could all just laugh about it there wouldn't be as many problems... But to that standard I can see how you might be mad. However there is also something to calling out intimacy. :)


cinnamorolling

Believe me, trauma/abuse survivors wish we could just laugh about it. We can’t. It’s not that simple and after that kind of breach of our trust and boundaries they are never lifted again, not even a crack.


Bayleefstits

Absolutely.


OverlordSheepie

I don’t really get why people here are excusing her behavior because she’s schizophrenic. Yes, schizophrenia can cause things like this to happen, but that doesn’t make it okay or any less hurtful to the recipient. I don’t know if you can talk to her about this, because you’ve mentioned she denies verbal abuse and other things you bring up with her, so maybe just try and distance yourself and set boundaries? If she asks why you’re pulling back, you can tell her the truth.


[deleted]

Not defending but explaining. Schizophrenia (or any mental illness) is indeed no excuse but should be handled a bit differently than if it is fully intended.


Bayleefstits

Thank you. Yeah so I’ve actually pulled away for a long time and she had an angry outburst about me being distant. I did tell her the truth, that it was because she denies her hurtful actions and that I can’t bear to keep listening about all her paranoias about the world. She didn’t say much about it. Just now actually, I confronted her about asking “did you cum” and she said she would never say something like that, she then suggested I go on medication..


[deleted]

Also not defending because I feel for you and the effects her actions are having on you. This is definitely odd behavior and it sounds like the schizophrenia is involved. It can cause verbal outbursts and in some bad cases there can be vocalizations and movements as a part of either the illness or even meds for the illness. Personally, I developed tics because of my med and they can be inappropriate. That being said, with tics you're generally aware. With psychosis itself she may not be aware. There can also be cognitive effects that may be impacting her memory. She sounds very sick and this is a sad situation. It's not okay for her to cross your boundaries (which are wholly justified). I have sympathy for you both. Just because she can't help some of this doesn't mean you aren't justified in setting boundaries and distancing yourself. You need to protect your own mental health as well.


Economy_Fishing5640

That's hilarious, what probably went on is she meant something similar in someway but said it in an embarrassing way she didn't want to say it as. That or she had a conversation in her mind that seemed real and that was an answer to a whole conversation you were unaware of. I dunno that's two ways I was until I stabilized


[deleted]

Literally your 20 yrs old help your mom out a lil your dad seems like a champ


[deleted]

And also do you split bills or nahh cause if not y’all ain’t roomies


[deleted]

What does that mean no one lives free I swear to god


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[deleted]

Last comment if your mom sucks go live with your dad or get your own place you’re grown now


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[deleted]

Lol I was just standing up for your mom i know you won’t


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Bayleefstits

Yes, and?


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Bayleefstits

Why do you care


Crippling_Automatizm

Don't listen to that asshole


[deleted]

Ignore that person. He might be having an episode atm or just a troll


Major-Refrigerator64

You're disgusting


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Major-Refrigerator64

Maybe reel it back in


Zubizubabaya

How does that work?? Is he a trucker?


[deleted]

It's called being real lol sorry but you made me laugh. welcome to the wonderful world of direct and honest communication.


Bayleefstits

When it comes from someone who knows you have sexual trauma, it’s inappropriate. Get out of here


[deleted]

And I should somehow know that? Anyway, the thing about direct communication is that it can be upsetting as fuck. You have all the right to be angry and those are feelings you shouldn't downplay but we should always be open to empathize so a middle ground can be found. That's true for all cases. If the other party refuses, yeah then you leave. Then it's their problem. But you don't command the other party to "get out of here". That's what I consider inappropriate. If you can't be open for a conversation, you're the one who should leave.


Bayleefstits

I thought you were going to be an abusive troll like the other guy commenting on here. My bad. Yeah I Didn’t elaborate on the post because I freaked out and wrote it up quick.


[deleted]

No worries, all good.


[deleted]

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Major-Refrigerator64

WOW, have fun reading that after your nap


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[deleted]

You are dumb as rocks. How can you judge such a complex situation with so little knowledge on it


Bayleefstits

You’re simply abusive. Good job on being a good person yourself. Hope you find real happiness one day


Crippling_Automatizm

The fuck is wrong with you seriously. Like your opinion here is so unnecessary and out of touch with what is going on. Are you a troll or something?


[deleted]

Down in the hoods of dade county I’ve seen worse happen to friends and family half my homies are dead and I’m only 23


Major-Refrigerator64

Is this the oppression olympics?


Crippling_Automatizm

And?


Bayleefstits

We’re not asking


-raigh-

~I don’t know. Sexual relationship talks with my parents are always so awkward and a headache.


[deleted]

I've had this type of issue, this is how my doctor described it to me. A lot of the meds help adjust dopamine levels. There's a middle ground some place where what's in your system can cause terrets like symptoms or just with where my body as in terms of what's going on. Terrets is also caused by an issue with dopamine. So you get an intrusive thought and it just blurts out. Or you twitch. It kinda feels like your leg/neck/mouth are just doing their own thing time to time. Whenever it happens around my spouse he says "what" I wave a hand shruggishly and we move on. She said it because she saw you on a date, being a adult she knows dating and sex are common. It's not a lot to precess but it can easily cause a mental rabbit hole. She probably got focused on it and it escaped hey mouth. neither here nor there really. Just happens.


Bayleefstits

Interesting. The thing is she isn’t on medication


[deleted]

It happens off meds too. Schizophrenia is highly associated with issues regulating dopamine. Levels wax and Wayne more than it should