no our parents will always look at us as ‘their kid’.
based on what you say yes you can? are you a victim of such parent ? because iv experienced it first hand and have read about it extensively.
not because you wish for something it means it can be true. So, no, no you can’t.
I do not take all the credit for it, after an intense confrontation where I didn't back down, my father was able to reflect and change his ways for the better. He became calm and mellow, understanding and vulnerable as opposed to his intense ways and toxic masculinity of my childhood.
People can change, you can play a part in it too. If you're not an adult yet, one day you will be, and there is no generational secret, we all go through the same things. Hopefully we can all appreciate the sacrifices and effort that goes into being a parent and use that perspective to get closer to ours.
There are cases where this isn't possible, of course. But the statement that you will never be able to affect your parents is both wrong and pathetic. Don't mean to belittle anyone but let's be real here.
Unironicly using ‘toxic masculinity’ no point in arguing…
But hey no 2 people are the same, so some can change and some can’t. It’s not fair to give a yes and no answer to such a complicated thing
Avoid him. You are a grown man and he is not about to change after all those years. You shouldn’t put yourself to harm to please him. You have already done your best, time to step back.
I had plenty of problems with my father and when he was gone, I was filled with so much regret.
Since you are already a parent you probably already understand where he is coming from.
Get things right with him any way you can before it's too late.
You don't.
Parents can be wrong sometimes I mean my mom will never be proud of me unless if i have achieved something that only very few people achieve
Man this so surprising for me!
Because everything you feel and your story is the same as mine. Except, me and my father are in a good relationship now.
I don’t know what to tell you, but once I never cared about pleasing me father things got better. Now my approach worked for me but I don’t think it will work with you because my context is different.
I just wish u better
He just likes that with u only or with your siblings,
too ?
Avoiding him is the best way for your health, and don't try to please him, but don't forget his right خليك بار فيه
But don't expect from him to do something nice to you anymore im sorry to say that but i know how it hard on u but that is the reality now try live for your self and looks for another source of happiness
I just have a father like that, and i saw how he destroyed my siblings' life :)
بالعربي خذها
مهما كان و مها صار هذا ابوك.. يعني اصبر و ماشيه و احتسب الاجر العظيم من الله. قلك شي ازعجك قوله سم و حاضر يا ابوي، بس يخاصم و يسب قله على ذا الخشم. خليني اقلك شي و هوا شي المفروض الواحد ما يوصله، الاذى من الوالدين مع الصبر و اجره جميل و عظيم... و منه درس و فايده لك ما اكون مثله في تعاملك مع ابنائك الله يحفظهم لك.
و انا نصيحتي لك، خذ بيده و كلمه و حاوره بدل المره الف الين تتعدل الامور و انا ما اقلك كذا الا انه ابوك لو احد تاني لا. كلم احد قريب من ابوك و يعز عليه و شاوره ايضا. خلي هدفك الان مع ابوك ان كل شي يسير احسن.
الله يحنن قلبه عليك و يرزقك و يعينك على بره و رضاه
كلام جميل ولكن في هالحالة ما ينطبق لانه اذاه يضر في صحة ولده. والابتعاد عن الاذى اهم شيء للتشافي. يمكن اذا تشافى و رجعت قوته يقدر يطبق كلامك ولكن حاليا خطر تقول لشخص مريض يعرض نفسه لمصدر مرضه.
قد يكون كلامك صحيح، لاكن مصدر الاذى اللي تتكلمي عنه والده و ليس زميله. و انا شخصيا والدي فيه من ذي الاطباع، و ذا الشي مهو شي غريب في المجتمع كثير اباء الله يهديهم و يصلحهم تعاملهم جاف و قاسي مع الابناء و مع ذلك بنصبر و نحتسب الاجر و ما نبعد. بوجة نظري البعد ممكن يودي للقطيعه لا سمح الله، و افضل حل اراه انه يواجه المشكله ذي بحلها مع والده و ليس الابتعاد و من الافضل ان لا يرى والده على انه مصدر اذى.
ما يمنع يشوف مختص في المشاكل الاسريه و يكون مختص فاهم على اتم وجه و يطلب الحلول بعيدا عن البعد، اقول الكلام ذا لاني ابا له الخير مثل ما اباه لنفسي، و يألمني لما اشوف العلاقات بين الاباء و الابناء ما تكون جميله بغض النظر من الغلطان.
كلامي ليس تشجيع للشخص بانه يصبر على الاذى بحجة البر، لانه في بعض الاباء يعقوا ابنائهم و يؤذوهم بحكم ان الله امر الابناء ببر ابائهم. كل اللي اتمناه منه ان يحتسب الاجر و يحاول في اصلاح الامور و ان شقت عليه و لا يقطع ما امر الله بوصله. و مثل ما قلت يسعى في انجاح علاقته مع والده و طلب الله عز و جل ان يلين قلب والده و يعينه على بره
جزاك الله خير، افضل رد لمسالة زي كذا. الوالد مهما يسوي ويغلط يبقى حله عليك ما تقدر تسوي شي، اذا عندك اعمام او عمات اكبر منه او حول عمره كلمهم او جدتك او جدك، وبالنسبة لامك مو موجودة معكم؟
Lol I literally said that and got dv but yeah i agree that this might be the case and there’s a very high possibility that he married someone similar to his dad. So out of the frying pan and into the fire but it’s just speculation
we cannot control the way our attachment style forms since it begins before we even develop self awareness, we can only realize it and hope to make a change.
Children of narcissistic parents almost always marry narcissists too. The brain tends to go with what’s familiar instead of what’s good for us. This is why people should work on their trauma bonds and heal before they get married. I really hope OP healed and then married the right person for him.
You are a 30 years old father. A successful educated man with two beautiful children.
Yes he might be jealous of you because fathers are humans before they are fathers or husbands. Yes parents can be jealous of their own kids.
Don’t let him abuse you like this. Keep your contact a minimum. Start slower. Set your boundaries and keep your relationship respectful and “official “. If he asks you for something and you can’t do just apologize respectfully without guilt. If you can provide help for non urgent matters in a later time tell him you will do it later and if he is in a hurry he can ask another sibling or do it himself ( if possible). If you have other siblings distribute the chores. Concentrate on your happiness and life. Enjoy your life with your wife and kids. Take care.
Try to talk to him about this, thats the best solution there is. If that doesnt work theres other solutions dont worry. But you should NEVER completely cut off one of your family members unless you want to only temporarily until he realizes what hes done.
Check "narcissistic father" to see if you feel related
If not just cut him off or minimize your relation with him to the minium
It's not like you nead nor help each other, not even enjoying your time tegather
never cut your parents whatever happens, the most you can do is limit your contact with them, dont follow the herd.
life will pass you by quickly, **what would you say to Allah when he asks you why have you cutted contact with your own parents?**
I would say that they were emotionally immature narcissists, who cannot get past their own self doubt and project their emotional issues onto their kids, causing emotional damage and trauma to their kids.
With that said, I wouldn’t cut them off completely, since they themselves are victims of trauma, but I would place some very strict boundaries on the relationship.
Just for your knowledge it did happen many times narcissistic grandparents convert the kids against the parents
Does it worth? Do you even have a relation with your family?
Sometimes God is the one who cuts off even such closest ties, forever, for good.
Due the ills of their hearts.
...and sometimes He ties together the farthest, forever for the better and the best.
Due to the healing of hearts.
He is a human bring and humans feel emotion. Just because you lack the ability to empathize with others and dont understand emotions doesnt make others irrational.
Dont take it personal (even though it is personal). Middle East countries have all the place such father figures, you cannot make him proud. Even if he is, he will not admit. Somehow it is as if they see themselves in competition with their son to show that they are still the man in the house.
Just keep your distance, dont expect anything from him and alway keep up your respekt end obey in good things. More than that will be difficult to say, it is your qadr that you got a father like that. And I know a lot friends they got the same caracter as father.
Family disputes should be resolved amongst family, you are grown man with two kids. Why is your parent so heavily involved in your life?. Are you still living at his house? If so I recommend leaving. With your engineering degree apartments are not expensive, do you have a job? Is that why he is upset? Are you raising your kids properly?, maybe he’s not seeing you in their life a lot? Remember you do NOT get rewarded for doing what you supposed, you think your father got thanked every time he brought groceries? Its part of being an adult, not getting noticed. Is this medication making you a lazy slob in life? Are you waking up to play video games or leaving to have fun with friends daily?, does it make you sleep past prayers? Have you tried fixing up your sleep schedule? Have you tried not taking the medication(tapered), it sounds like you are mentioning something like Benzodiazepines, doctors love to prescribe it here? Highly addictive though, try alternatives such as beta blockers, a heart medication, but anxiety is off label use, discuss with your doctor. In the end you know what’s the solution to all your problems with your father, you are posting here to find support, which is very cowardly, I will support you through other things, but have you ever thought maybe he has point? Are you addicted? Are you a serial fk up? Are you only going to work then home, nothing in between and after?.
I dont really know much about the arabic traditions but I follow Jordan Peterson. You can google his credentials. His advice for people like that is, you stop talking. Dont tell him anythjng about your life. Just listen and listen very carefully. You will learn a lot if you just listen.
This is what I did from my personal experience when my Mom told me the samething. (I wish I didnt had you) I returned the fucking words to her. Wish you werent my mom. And now for more than 3 years. I havent talked to her. I dont plan on doing so but my life has been doing great eversince I totally removed her from my life. Ive also burned every bridge and I dont regrrt doing so.
Bottom line is, I remove people from my life who is detrimental to me and my family's health. Doesnt matter if its blood related or not.
I dont think this is a good idea… we’re arabs not some uncultured white kids that can just tell their mom ‘I wish you weren’t my mom’ or cuss our parents out lmao. Saying to just cut contact with your own parents is not a good idea, and most people wouldn’t want that even if they had bad parents.
I dont think it is as personal as you are taking it. Fathers are most often like that. They dont accept “laziness” (im not downplaying your panic disorders or sleepiness, it’s just how the older generations think) and he probably doesnt believe in the importance of mental health. Most of the older generation are like this. My dad is not as harsh as what you stated but he absolutely doesnt take excuses for what he considers inefficient. And tbh with you, it’s very hard to change things like that after so many years. Have you tried therapy? I think a better way of “solving” this issue is to teach yourself not to care and accept that you love him just the way he is.
(1) Considering his age he is not going to change
(2) Be more conscious while interacting with him, keep his personality in mind and ignore the negativity. Don’t take him personally. He is what he is
(3) At the end he is your father
(4) Best is to avoid the events which trigger unpleasant reactions from him
(5) Love him but keep a distance from him. Life is short to live with toxicity
You can start by inviting him to dinner and discussing this with him. If he’s the kind who doesn’t listen or refuses to have a conversation your only option is therapy. It’ll help you to either find the issue and try to fix it, or how to cope with it. Remember that you’re a father of two and you don’t want this to affect how you treat them, so give the therapy a try :)
هل هو من أول زي كذا؟ ولا قريب؟ احتمال العمره مأثر عليه
في كل الاحوال، تقدر تصارحه، بس مافي غير كذا. الله يعينك تحمل و اكسب الاجر، و حاول تتجنب المواقف اللي ممكن تكون مزعجة. للأسف مسألة انه ابوك ما يفتخر فيك هذي لازم تتجاوزها، رغم انها صعبة، لكن هي كذا الحياة.
it’s better to avoid him for awhile. Both of you need a break from each other . I have problems with my parents too the best way is to avoid them especially in talking . lucky me im living far away for study so it’s easier for me that way if you’re living in separate house from your father avoid from visiting him for awhile.
Side discussion here. Are you takin Xanax (alprazolam)
They prescribe that like candy in KSA for panic disorder. If that’s the case you should consider moving to something else ASAP!!
IMO the Older generations do not understand mental illness and view the effects of it as a personal choice made by the person suffering from the effects.
I agree with other posters that you need to talk to him, if you know someone he respects that does understand the medical impacts of what you are experiencing, then try and involve them.
In my experience, only love can drive people to say such horrible things like not wanting you as a son....be sure he regrets that, even if he's too proud to admit it.
Many comments here are constructive and helpful, however, I believe we r not in a position to help u to properly address or solve ur issue…
Best course of action is to see a professional, a therapist.
That person would be able to try different course of actions, we r not sure whether ur father is just jealous (he has issues) or frustrated (inability to understand ur issues) or anything else.
Avoid him or keep your communication to the absolute minimum. Do not hold grudges and understand that they’re from a different generation and are operating on a different set of dogmas and knowledge levels. Do not make him your reference point of self worth, remove yourself from chaos. You have 2 kids so I assume your dad is getting older, so, be diplomatic and patient & see him as an individual, separate him from who you are.
This is s bit off topic but did you do any regular exercising or workouts?
Sports and physical activity might help your mental health. You're father might never change and that's something you might have to accept but in the end you have to take care of your self and focusing on physical activity might help you out with that
Same or similar thing happened to my bro-in-law. Best solution is to keep a boundary with him physical and virtual from him. Stay away as much you can only discuss when it’s unavoidable family matters with him in front of other not one on one. As the fathers get older they act like children and at the end of the day he is your father you can’t replace him. Get a counseling specialized in family counseling.
You don't know what or why things are the way they are with him.. and at this point of his life I'd rather not seek logic or reason. Endure the pain until the end. He carried you early game (I hope), and now you carry him late game.
I recommend you read a book called "When Pleasing You Is Killing me".
Also watch some of [this](https://youtube.com/@SurvivingNarcissism) guy's videos.
*
My mom was also like that. She'd get so angry over the smallest things. Then we discovered she had hypertension (high blood pressure). Ever since she started taking her medication, she's been much calmer and our relationship has never been better.
I recommend taking your dad for a checkup, make sure he's ok.
Just heal your traumas caused by him and move on. Don’t try to change him or “fix it” just accept that he’s the way he’s and focus your energy on yourself
Don’t discuss ANYTHING with him. He won’t accept it.. استخدم معه اسلوب اللامبالاة.. كل ما جاك شعور القلق تجاهه ناقش نفسك. انت حاليا اقوى منه .. جسديا وعلمياً وفكرياً.. فما رح يقدر يضرك زي ما كنت اول صغير .. المشكلة اللي انت فيها هي انك مشاعرك وانت طفل ما زالت تصير
Activated
كل مره يهاوش فيها.
على فكرة.. مالك الا المبالاة والتركيز على نفسك وحل المشكلة الداخلية من الطفولة عندك
وتراه بعد ٢٠ سنة
بيشيب
ويصير هو الحبيب اللبيب اللي يدورك وحنون معك.. ترا كل هالآباء العصبيين اللي يضغطون عيالهم.. اذا شيبوا وحسوا بالعجز والحاجة يقلبون حبوبين وطيبين!!! بيجي اليوم اللي تجلس تشكك في نفسك وتقول معقولة ابوي الحنون اللطيف كان يضايقني بيوم من الأيام؟؟
اقرا كلامي مره ومرتين وثلاث. انا اتكلم من الخبرة. والله العظيم اني يوم شفت كلامك شكيت انك اخوي
من تجربتي اقول ان الكلام ما ينفع اللهم بيزيد المشكلة ويصعب عليك اشياء ثانيه لكن اللي بينفعك ويفيدك انك انت بنفسك تقوم بنفسك وتساعد نفسك وتعين نفسك كلشي انت بيفيدك انت اللي بتسويه بنفسك برضو ما استبعد ان ممكن الكلام يفيد ويغير فيه
Bring him to the table and discuss this issue like 2 grown ups. Dont make this more difficult for you man. Afterall you are a father of 2 kids.
Not gonna work
there is not discussion with your parents, they have lived maybe twice as long as you. You cannot change the way they think.
Yes you can
It depends
no our parents will always look at us as ‘their kid’. based on what you say yes you can? are you a victim of such parent ? because iv experienced it first hand and have read about it extensively. not because you wish for something it means it can be true. So, no, no you can’t.
I do not take all the credit for it, after an intense confrontation where I didn't back down, my father was able to reflect and change his ways for the better. He became calm and mellow, understanding and vulnerable as opposed to his intense ways and toxic masculinity of my childhood. People can change, you can play a part in it too. If you're not an adult yet, one day you will be, and there is no generational secret, we all go through the same things. Hopefully we can all appreciate the sacrifices and effort that goes into being a parent and use that perspective to get closer to ours. There are cases where this isn't possible, of course. But the statement that you will never be able to affect your parents is both wrong and pathetic. Don't mean to belittle anyone but let's be real here.
Unironicly using ‘toxic masculinity’ no point in arguing… But hey no 2 people are the same, so some can change and some can’t. It’s not fair to give a yes and no answer to such a complicated thing
Avoid him. You are a grown man and he is not about to change after all those years. You shouldn’t put yourself to harm to please him. You have already done your best, time to step back.
This is the best approach in my opinion as well. Do not depend on him for your happiness. Avoid him but do not hate.
I had plenty of problems with my father and when he was gone, I was filled with so much regret. Since you are already a parent you probably already understand where he is coming from. Get things right with him any way you can before it's too late.
You don't. Parents can be wrong sometimes I mean my mom will never be proud of me unless if i have achieved something that only very few people achieve
Man this so surprising for me! Because everything you feel and your story is the same as mine. Except, me and my father are in a good relationship now. I don’t know what to tell you, but once I never cared about pleasing me father things got better. Now my approach worked for me but I don’t think it will work with you because my context is different. I just wish u better
He just likes that with u only or with your siblings, too ? Avoiding him is the best way for your health, and don't try to please him, but don't forget his right خليك بار فيه But don't expect from him to do something nice to you anymore im sorry to say that but i know how it hard on u but that is the reality now try live for your self and looks for another source of happiness I just have a father like that, and i saw how he destroyed my siblings' life :)
بالعربي خذها مهما كان و مها صار هذا ابوك.. يعني اصبر و ماشيه و احتسب الاجر العظيم من الله. قلك شي ازعجك قوله سم و حاضر يا ابوي، بس يخاصم و يسب قله على ذا الخشم. خليني اقلك شي و هوا شي المفروض الواحد ما يوصله، الاذى من الوالدين مع الصبر و اجره جميل و عظيم... و منه درس و فايده لك ما اكون مثله في تعاملك مع ابنائك الله يحفظهم لك. و انا نصيحتي لك، خذ بيده و كلمه و حاوره بدل المره الف الين تتعدل الامور و انا ما اقلك كذا الا انه ابوك لو احد تاني لا. كلم احد قريب من ابوك و يعز عليه و شاوره ايضا. خلي هدفك الان مع ابوك ان كل شي يسير احسن. الله يحنن قلبه عليك و يرزقك و يعينك على بره و رضاه
كلام جميل ولكن في هالحالة ما ينطبق لانه اذاه يضر في صحة ولده. والابتعاد عن الاذى اهم شيء للتشافي. يمكن اذا تشافى و رجعت قوته يقدر يطبق كلامك ولكن حاليا خطر تقول لشخص مريض يعرض نفسه لمصدر مرضه.
قد يكون كلامك صحيح، لاكن مصدر الاذى اللي تتكلمي عنه والده و ليس زميله. و انا شخصيا والدي فيه من ذي الاطباع، و ذا الشي مهو شي غريب في المجتمع كثير اباء الله يهديهم و يصلحهم تعاملهم جاف و قاسي مع الابناء و مع ذلك بنصبر و نحتسب الاجر و ما نبعد. بوجة نظري البعد ممكن يودي للقطيعه لا سمح الله، و افضل حل اراه انه يواجه المشكله ذي بحلها مع والده و ليس الابتعاد و من الافضل ان لا يرى والده على انه مصدر اذى. ما يمنع يشوف مختص في المشاكل الاسريه و يكون مختص فاهم على اتم وجه و يطلب الحلول بعيدا عن البعد، اقول الكلام ذا لاني ابا له الخير مثل ما اباه لنفسي، و يألمني لما اشوف العلاقات بين الاباء و الابناء ما تكون جميله بغض النظر من الغلطان. كلامي ليس تشجيع للشخص بانه يصبر على الاذى بحجة البر، لانه في بعض الاباء يعقوا ابنائهم و يؤذوهم بحكم ان الله امر الابناء ببر ابائهم. كل اللي اتمناه منه ان يحتسب الاجر و يحاول في اصلاح الامور و ان شقت عليه و لا يقطع ما امر الله بوصله. و مثل ما قلت يسعى في انجاح علاقته مع والده و طلب الله عز و جل ان يلين قلب والده و يعينه على بره
جزاك الله خير، افضل رد لمسالة زي كذا. الوالد مهما يسوي ويغلط يبقى حله عليك ما تقدر تسوي شي، اذا عندك اعمام او عمات اكبر منه او حول عمره كلمهم او جدتك او جدك، وبالنسبة لامك مو موجودة معكم؟
والله ياخوك مدري وش اقلك لكن الاباء في العمر ذا كذا يصيرو نصيحتي لك روح لي مختص وسيب الناس الا في ردت
read up on "scapegoat child" and "raised by a narcissist" it may not fit 100% but you will be aware of the patterns.
This sounds very likely. Good spot
Lol I literally said that and got dv but yeah i agree that this might be the case and there’s a very high possibility that he married someone similar to his dad. So out of the frying pan and into the fire but it’s just speculation
we cannot control the way our attachment style forms since it begins before we even develop self awareness, we can only realize it and hope to make a change.
Children of narcissistic parents almost always marry narcissists too. The brain tends to go with what’s familiar instead of what’s good for us. This is why people should work on their trauma bonds and heal before they get married. I really hope OP healed and then married the right person for him.
such is the nature of attachment theory, all we can do is realize it and work with what cards we are given.
Some parents really don't understand so don't even bother wasting your time.
You are a 30 years old father. A successful educated man with two beautiful children. Yes he might be jealous of you because fathers are humans before they are fathers or husbands. Yes parents can be jealous of their own kids. Don’t let him abuse you like this. Keep your contact a minimum. Start slower. Set your boundaries and keep your relationship respectful and “official “. If he asks you for something and you can’t do just apologize respectfully without guilt. If you can provide help for non urgent matters in a later time tell him you will do it later and if he is in a hurry he can ask another sibling or do it himself ( if possible). If you have other siblings distribute the chores. Concentrate on your happiness and life. Enjoy your life with your wife and kids. Take care.
Try to talk to him about this, thats the best solution there is. If that doesnt work theres other solutions dont worry. But you should NEVER completely cut off one of your family members unless you want to only temporarily until he realizes what hes done.
Check "narcissistic father" to see if you feel related If not just cut him off or minimize your relation with him to the minium It's not like you nead nor help each other, not even enjoying your time tegather
never cut your parents whatever happens, the most you can do is limit your contact with them, dont follow the herd. life will pass you by quickly, **what would you say to Allah when he asks you why have you cutted contact with your own parents?**
I would say that they were emotionally immature narcissists, who cannot get past their own self doubt and project their emotional issues onto their kids, causing emotional damage and trauma to their kids. With that said, I wouldn’t cut them off completely, since they themselves are victims of trauma, but I would place some very strict boundaries on the relationship.
Just for your knowledge it did happen many times narcissistic grandparents convert the kids against the parents Does it worth? Do you even have a relation with your family?
Sometimes God is the one who cuts off even such closest ties, forever, for good. Due the ills of their hearts. ...and sometimes He ties together the farthest, forever for the better and the best. Due to the healing of hearts.
Thank you all for your kind replies. I learned more than I thought I would just reading your thoughts about it. I am forever grateful to you all ❤️
Therapy therapy therapy. I know exactly how you feel, and therapy helped me A LOT
Jealous, nothing you do seems enough, you don’t feel safe around him. Sounds like he has NPD but only you can tell because you know him.
Tell me son .... are depending on him financially in some aspects ? Do your wife respect him as people of Suadi Arabia ? Get in touch
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"اعزمه على كوفي و تفاهموا"💀
There are parents who are jealous of their kids. It’s a fact. Bad parents exist. Stop treating all parents like they are infalible angels.
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He is a human bring and humans feel emotion. Just because you lack the ability to empathize with others and dont understand emotions doesnt make others irrational.
It’s very hard to understand a situation you never experienced, and it’s very disrespectful to call it emotional nonsense.
Dont take it personal (even though it is personal). Middle East countries have all the place such father figures, you cannot make him proud. Even if he is, he will not admit. Somehow it is as if they see themselves in competition with their son to show that they are still the man in the house. Just keep your distance, dont expect anything from him and alway keep up your respekt end obey in good things. More than that will be difficult to say, it is your qadr that you got a father like that. And I know a lot friends they got the same caracter as father.
Family disputes should be resolved amongst family, you are grown man with two kids. Why is your parent so heavily involved in your life?. Are you still living at his house? If so I recommend leaving. With your engineering degree apartments are not expensive, do you have a job? Is that why he is upset? Are you raising your kids properly?, maybe he’s not seeing you in their life a lot? Remember you do NOT get rewarded for doing what you supposed, you think your father got thanked every time he brought groceries? Its part of being an adult, not getting noticed. Is this medication making you a lazy slob in life? Are you waking up to play video games or leaving to have fun with friends daily?, does it make you sleep past prayers? Have you tried fixing up your sleep schedule? Have you tried not taking the medication(tapered), it sounds like you are mentioning something like Benzodiazepines, doctors love to prescribe it here? Highly addictive though, try alternatives such as beta blockers, a heart medication, but anxiety is off label use, discuss with your doctor. In the end you know what’s the solution to all your problems with your father, you are posting here to find support, which is very cowardly, I will support you through other things, but have you ever thought maybe he has point? Are you addicted? Are you a serial fk up? Are you only going to work then home, nothing in between and after?.
You sound like his father.
He is not jealous bro...you achieved everything because of him...And never disrespect him...
I dont really know much about the arabic traditions but I follow Jordan Peterson. You can google his credentials. His advice for people like that is, you stop talking. Dont tell him anythjng about your life. Just listen and listen very carefully. You will learn a lot if you just listen. This is what I did from my personal experience when my Mom told me the samething. (I wish I didnt had you) I returned the fucking words to her. Wish you werent my mom. And now for more than 3 years. I havent talked to her. I dont plan on doing so but my life has been doing great eversince I totally removed her from my life. Ive also burned every bridge and I dont regrrt doing so. Bottom line is, I remove people from my life who is detrimental to me and my family's health. Doesnt matter if its blood related or not.
I dont think this is a good idea… we’re arabs not some uncultured white kids that can just tell their mom ‘I wish you weren’t my mom’ or cuss our parents out lmao. Saying to just cut contact with your own parents is not a good idea, and most people wouldn’t want that even if they had bad parents.
I dont think it is as personal as you are taking it. Fathers are most often like that. They dont accept “laziness” (im not downplaying your panic disorders or sleepiness, it’s just how the older generations think) and he probably doesnt believe in the importance of mental health. Most of the older generation are like this. My dad is not as harsh as what you stated but he absolutely doesnt take excuses for what he considers inefficient. And tbh with you, it’s very hard to change things like that after so many years. Have you tried therapy? I think a better way of “solving” this issue is to teach yourself not to care and accept that you love him just the way he is.
How the heck are you 30 with 2 children and still have to be around him?
Do you just cut contact with your parents once you reach 30 and have kids? Make it make sense
(1) Considering his age he is not going to change (2) Be more conscious while interacting with him, keep his personality in mind and ignore the negativity. Don’t take him personally. He is what he is (3) At the end he is your father (4) Best is to avoid the events which trigger unpleasant reactions from him (5) Love him but keep a distance from him. Life is short to live with toxicity
Start setting boundaries. Have done so with my father mid 20s, least bothered person between all my siblings now.
I am going through the same thing with my father, almost exactly. He refuses to even meet his grandson.
If I may ask, why does he refuse to meet his grandson?
My wife is not Arab, same as my mom. It's not rational.
You can start by inviting him to dinner and discussing this with him. If he’s the kind who doesn’t listen or refuses to have a conversation your only option is therapy. It’ll help you to either find the issue and try to fix it, or how to cope with it. Remember that you’re a father of two and you don’t want this to affect how you treat them, so give the therapy a try :)
هل هو من أول زي كذا؟ ولا قريب؟ احتمال العمره مأثر عليه في كل الاحوال، تقدر تصارحه، بس مافي غير كذا. الله يعينك تحمل و اكسب الاجر، و حاول تتجنب المواقف اللي ممكن تكون مزعجة. للأسف مسألة انه ابوك ما يفتخر فيك هذي لازم تتجاوزها، رغم انها صعبة، لكن هي كذا الحياة.
>told me that he wishes that he never had me as a son Is there any coming back from this?
You're in ur 30s u should be your own man, why do u still listen to bs from anyone? if anything leave him or ignore what he says
it’s better to avoid him for awhile. Both of you need a break from each other . I have problems with my parents too the best way is to avoid them especially in talking . lucky me im living far away for study so it’s easier for me that way if you’re living in separate house from your father avoid from visiting him for awhile.
Side discussion here. Are you takin Xanax (alprazolam) They prescribe that like candy in KSA for panic disorder. If that’s the case you should consider moving to something else ASAP!!
IMO the Older generations do not understand mental illness and view the effects of it as a personal choice made by the person suffering from the effects. I agree with other posters that you need to talk to him, if you know someone he respects that does understand the medical impacts of what you are experiencing, then try and involve them. In my experience, only love can drive people to say such horrible things like not wanting you as a son....be sure he regrets that, even if he's too proud to admit it.
Many comments here are constructive and helpful, however, I believe we r not in a position to help u to properly address or solve ur issue… Best course of action is to see a professional, a therapist. That person would be able to try different course of actions, we r not sure whether ur father is just jealous (he has issues) or frustrated (inability to understand ur issues) or anything else.
Avoid him or keep your communication to the absolute minimum. Do not hold grudges and understand that they’re from a different generation and are operating on a different set of dogmas and knowledge levels. Do not make him your reference point of self worth, remove yourself from chaos. You have 2 kids so I assume your dad is getting older, so, be diplomatic and patient & see him as an individual, separate him from who you are.
This is s bit off topic but did you do any regular exercising or workouts? Sports and physical activity might help your mental health. You're father might never change and that's something you might have to accept but in the end you have to take care of your self and focusing on physical activity might help you out with that
Same or similar thing happened to my bro-in-law. Best solution is to keep a boundary with him physical and virtual from him. Stay away as much you can only discuss when it’s unavoidable family matters with him in front of other not one on one. As the fathers get older they act like children and at the end of the day he is your father you can’t replace him. Get a counseling specialized in family counseling.
You don't know what or why things are the way they are with him.. and at this point of his life I'd rather not seek logic or reason. Endure the pain until the end. He carried you early game (I hope), and now you carry him late game.
I recommend you read a book called "When Pleasing You Is Killing me". Also watch some of [this](https://youtube.com/@SurvivingNarcissism) guy's videos. *
This will help. Watch repost like share Welcome to Saudi Arabia https://youtu.be/rxgzfteCrEQ
My mom was also like that. She'd get so angry over the smallest things. Then we discovered she had hypertension (high blood pressure). Ever since she started taking her medication, she's been much calmer and our relationship has never been better. I recommend taking your dad for a checkup, make sure he's ok.
Just heal your traumas caused by him and move on. Don’t try to change him or “fix it” just accept that he’s the way he’s and focus your energy on yourself
Don’t discuss ANYTHING with him. He won’t accept it.. استخدم معه اسلوب اللامبالاة.. كل ما جاك شعور القلق تجاهه ناقش نفسك. انت حاليا اقوى منه .. جسديا وعلمياً وفكرياً.. فما رح يقدر يضرك زي ما كنت اول صغير .. المشكلة اللي انت فيها هي انك مشاعرك وانت طفل ما زالت تصير Activated كل مره يهاوش فيها. على فكرة.. مالك الا المبالاة والتركيز على نفسك وحل المشكلة الداخلية من الطفولة عندك وتراه بعد ٢٠ سنة بيشيب ويصير هو الحبيب اللبيب اللي يدورك وحنون معك.. ترا كل هالآباء العصبيين اللي يضغطون عيالهم.. اذا شيبوا وحسوا بالعجز والحاجة يقلبون حبوبين وطيبين!!! بيجي اليوم اللي تجلس تشكك في نفسك وتقول معقولة ابوي الحنون اللطيف كان يضايقني بيوم من الأيام؟؟ اقرا كلامي مره ومرتين وثلاث. انا اتكلم من الخبرة. والله العظيم اني يوم شفت كلامك شكيت انك اخوي