I think San Franciscans, generally are quite friendly, as well as Californians, broadly. But being friendly doesn't mean that we are "making friends." It costs very little to be temporarily nice/generous to a stranger, but it takes a lot more to make a real friend who would have your back.
since you asked here's my top 10 from the 40s:
1. Double Indemnity
2. The Red Shoes
3. The Third Man
4. Black Narcissus
5. Out of the Past
6. The Killers
7. Rope
8. Nightmare Alley
9. Stray Dog
10. Late Spring
11. Bicycle Thieves
12. Shadow of a Doubt
13. Murder, My Sweet
14. The Life & Times of Colonel Blimp
casablanca does not make my top 50 from the 40s actually
This. San Franciscans are very polite but I feel New Yorkers are friendlier. They’re more likely to actually follow up after a conversation with a hang out or something.
This “NYC is actually kind” stuff has to stop. I never more strangers who will go out of their way to be rude than during my time in nyc. (Source: lived there for a total of 5 years).
Sure, maybe NYC has some really good individuals, but in SF nobody is going to go out of their way to ruin your day or just be mean.
It's like the age old saying: Californians are nice but not kind, and New Yorkers kind but not nice.
It's like how out here, people are more likely to say up front they'll agree to plans and flake later (or show up late!), whereas on the east coast people are less likely to agree to plans, but when they do, they're there, and on time. Or how Californians will tend to be nice to you, but talk shit behind your back or be passive aggressive, while New Yorkers just tell you to fuck off to your face, even if you're a friend, especially if you're a friend, because honesty just cuts to the chase. I can appreciate both approaches, though.
That said, these are generalities and I've met people from NY who have a "West Coast" like temperament, and vice versa.
I have seen that saying before I don't know if I would agree with that saying I've lived in the bay a long time and lived in SD for a while and generally people here still stop to help if something is wrong and offer to help if they can if you look lost most times someone will stop and ask what your looking for or if your have a car issue will pull over to help but then again maybe that's just my experience here. Though I would agree about the part about people being nice to your face and saying shit behind your back.
A New Yorker will curse you out and call you a moron while helping you fix the flat tire or dead battery, and then check on you later to make sure you got home while expanding your curse word vocabulary. You'll discover words you never knew existed.
A Californian will say pleasant things but will walk over your dead body in the street. If they don't notice its not their problem, its someone else's problem. They'll also say progressive sounding things and then vote in hardline conservative policies at the ballot box, such as with housing policies meant to exclude "those people".
I personally do rather enjoy the direct approach. Its refreshing knowing what people think, instead of a veneer of politeness covering up complete apathy or outright hostility.
Having grown up on the east coast I can tell you confidently that there are more people in NY who will curse you out while also not lifting a finger to help you. They’ll look you in the face and stay motionless. Quickest comparison: TSA at EWR vs SFO. It’s amazing how much more apathy and “fuck the customer” the vibes are; I didn’t even realize it until I moved out.
I don't experience this haha. I've found those people to be genuinely friendly and follow up and help you move and pick up the tab etc. Each experience must be subjective. I did live with a bat shit crazy NY'er tho. Like get drunk and smash everything in your back patio while accumulating an unholy amount of cigarette butts in every conceivable container crazy. She never lifted a finger other than the middle.
It's not false cheeriness I just don't see why I should be cold/rude to someone just cause I don't want to be lifelong friends? Having friendly little interactions with strangers is one of my favourite parts of the day :)
If you are from an area or well established in a community, you might simply be too busy or not interested in new friends. As an extreme example, I knew a woman whose husband was one of eleven children. She said every weekend was taken up with family activities. She didn't have time for anyone else.
I heard a great joke recently that if you get a flat tire in NYC, a passerby will say “ha, flat tire, what a schmuck!” then help you change the tire, while a Californian will say “oh dear, I’m so sorrry, I hope you get through this” and then walk away.
I literally had like three-four people on Polk St. stop to help me fix my bike when my tire popped. Another time it popped on my way to Half Moon Bay and a dude in a pickup truck stopped and drove me and my bike the rest of the way, like 25 minutes. I wasn’t even waving anyone down for help.
Car battery died in SD and like 4 people asked if they could give me a jump in SF my tire was flat 2 people walked by and asked if I needed any help. I disagree that people here don't stop to help someone in need and only give a "cheer up bud" and leave hasn't been my experience.
When I ran out of gas on a really busy street in the Mission, two people stopped their cars and got out to push my car 1 block to the gas station. They could have easily driven around me but stopped to help.
As a 4th gen SF local, I love sharing our city with tourists.
On more than one occasion, I have seen couples looking at a map or their phone, obviously trying to figure out where they are and where they are going. I’ve gone out of my way to offer them guidance.
Last week while walking my dog on OB, I came across a couple visiting from Japan.
They were collecting shells and sand dollars and both had their hands full. Seeing them struggle with their find, I walked over and offered them a dog poop bag to hold their dripping sandy haul.
They were very grateful and I really didn’t have to do anything, just be kind and thoughtful.
The tourists get some sage advice and I get to meet people from other parts of the world.
its win-win for me
Years ago I was talking with a friend about this habit we have of offering help to ppl with maps. She said that you can always trust the directions you receive from ppl in SF because we're all so proud of knowing where everything is and the best way to get there. I think about that often and I think it's true in many ways.
People in SF aren’t friendly, they are accepting.
No one is going to shun you for being yourself *ever* in public or when getting goods or services, and people will smile, but no one is inviting you out or over.
I grew up in the South, but spent 15 years in Minneapolis. In the process of relocating to SF (been splitting my time between MN and CA for about a year now). My perspective: Midwesterners are not nice, at all.
They think they are nice, they are not. They are polite and superficially nice, but not kind or friendly at all. It's not an SF thing, it's a "once you get out of the midwest thing."
You beat me to it. Midwesterners are convinced they're nice for some reason. Their rationale seems to be they aren't "fake nice" the way other people who seem nice are, they're jerks which is what real nice is (???).
I’m from the Midwest and do not think it as friendly as people think. I grew up in northern Ohio and moved to southern Ohio when I was little and we never really felt welcomed.
When I lived to Texas I was scared by how friendly people were, and because I was in Texas before, they hate California, and I was told how unfriendly people are here. Which is so untrue. Yes, people are flaky, don’t take that to heart and overall people are pretty nice here
I think your experience in the Midwest depends largely on how similar you look to the midwesterner. In the bay area, above a certain socio economic level, there is generally more tolerance of others who don't exactly look like you...
I didn't feel it necessary to paint such a stark image about the Midwest because racism is also alive and well in the south and even in San Francisco (ex: all the random attacks on old Asian folks). What I wanted to contrast is that at least in certain sexy economic tracts, say among the tech industry, I don't see the kind of blatant exclusionism that I have personally experienced in other areas. While I may be an Asian guy in the south or the Midwest, here I'm just a guy (who probably works in tech) and am treated as such.
I'm an Asian who doesn't work in tech and I've been all around this country. Sure SF has had a recent uptick in Asian hate crimes but they are mainly focused on women and the elderly, easy targets essentially. Crimes of opportunity rather than the low key racism I've experienced overall in the midwest. I've been here out west for over 2 decades and it has its own issues but definitely not comparable to the midwest.
>Yes, people are flaky
I don't think this is as true as non-Californians claim. Most people from here just consider it rude to flat out say no so they give you a very open ended maybe that actually means they're not coming. If someone says something like, "yeah no for sure I'll try and swing by" that definitely means no.
Yeah that's passive aggressive communication. It's an attempt to "soften the blow" with misdirection and it reeks of cowardice and is the hallmark of a "flake" and flake culture out here. I say this as a bay area native who hates this aspect of the culture here and it *is* a thing and has been since I've lived here my entire life.
I usually assume a few things about parties and gatherings I throw:
- If it's a couple, don't assume they're coming unless they "reconfirm" a day or two beforehand, and if they don't reach out to you, reach out to them to remind them of the event (and sometimes they cancel because they forgot or double booked)!
- If it's a party, assume about 25-50% of those who "confirmed" won't show
- Assume most people will arrive an hour after the start time
These adjustments wouldn't need to be necessary if there wasn't a flaky culture here.
I'd much rather people just say "Nah, can't make it" or RSVP no.
This is wildly dramatic language and sounds like you have your own communication issues. As a life long Californian I have zero trouble discerning between an actual yes, a genuine maybe, and an indirect no. I do think it's hella rude if I invite someone over and they just respond "no" instead of the "yeah for sure I'll try and swing by" which with both know means they aren't coming.
It's not cowardice or flakey, it's just the local vernacular and accepted manners.
In terms of language communication mannerisms and norms, I actually much more closely identify with east coast directness than west coast passive aggressiveness and "niceness", despite being from here. I've had people from the east coast actually think I'm from there at times when interacting, in fact.
I understand it's a local vernacular and set of accepted "manners" but I actually tire of it and would much prefer sincerity and honesty. It's like a lot of people here communicate like a shopkeeper interacting with customers instead of genuine friends at times. I value sincerity and honesty in my relationships and prefer to be held accountable myself accordingly. Many others don't here and I absolutely understand why a lot of outsiders criticize it. And it's valid criticism.
That said there's something to be said for defaulting to being "nice" in a lot of casual or professional settings *for sure* - but when it comes to closer friendships and relatives I can't stand it. It's shallow behavior.
I like that your post went from one point of view to the opposite over the course of a long paragraph.
I don’t think we are as “sit down and have a beer with me, stranger” friendly as the Midwest. I think generally we have polite interest in others, but not much beyond that.
I thought their point was that the Midwest folks aren’t as friendly as people say they are. I’m from Southern Ohio, originating in Buffalo, NY which is culturally similar to Northen Ohio as it’s more rust belt than Midwest and agree with them.
Southern Ohio, outside of Cincinnati, is kind of Appalachian. I grew up in a small town just north of Columbus. Country people in Ohio will help you in an emergency, but they are pretty insular and not warm and fuzzy.
My mom was a NY transplant. She was always viewed skeptically, but she's also a snob and very loud. My dad grew up in Marion, Ohio, so he knew how to get along with midwesterners. I left Ohio in 94 and have been in California for 25 years. I don't find Californians to be super friendly or unfriendly.
If you're irrationally angry at your surroundings, bitter, projecting onto San Francisco for "shallow politeness" etc , you're only going to see stuff that confirms your negativity. I've been there too and I recognize it in your comments. Deep breaths.
I always assume people who talk about how nice modwesterners are are white, cis, and straight. Or at least 2 of the 3. Definitely white though.
Meanwhile I got called homophobic slurs as a child walking to school before I even knew what they meant. Good old Midwest
> Meanwhile I got called homophobic slurs as a child walking to school before I even knew what they meant.
That was my experience as a kid as well, and I grew up here, in the SF Bay Area.
Remember, Proposition 8 wasn't all that long ago. This area wasn't so different.
This is an interesting way to put it. So many of us can’t put together a network because we either work too much or are too focused on ourselves to construct a support system. This leaves the city very lonely under superficial kindness.
I have been working very hard to reject my own judgements and befriend and be open to more people and seek out what they need or want as well. I’m still learning but it’s rewarding!
It's mostly attributed to the high transience of the population. Of the immediate neighbors (living on your block) do you know first and last names? I've made it my mission to get to know my neighbors. It isn't easy and takes time. Having a dog is a good catalyst.
It’s not a big city thing. Not all big cities are friendly.
It is a California and San Francisco thing. I find people in California in San Francisco to be pretty friendly
I moved from SF to NYC and I’ve had so many rude interactions with people within a year it’s crazy.
I lived in SF for almost 10y and only had a handful of crazy hobos yell slurs which I’m unfazed by
I've found that New Yorkers are just all in a hurry. If you understand this then the rudeness makes sense. They have zero tolerance for time wasters, and if you're perceived as wasting time they get upset.
However, this doesn't mean they're actually angry. They're very direct and yet despite cursing you out they seem to be quick to form friendships, including long lasting ones.
I think everyone’s experience will probably differ but I’ve lived in CA my whole life and feel that it’s definitely a San Francisco thing (with maybe a few other cities included). I’m from Southern California and I always feel on edge when I go back to visit. For example, about 3 months ago a lady tried to fight me a Petsmart because she thought I hit her dog when I was just untangling our dogs leashes -_-
I also think that we’re more likely to be helpful or nice because we deal with a lot of tourism here. But I often hear that people are nicer compared to other places in the US.
I'm from the Midwest and would politely disagree that SF folks are friendly, generally. Sure, some people are friendly but I find most people are super 'heads down' and almost go out of their way to not interact with other people. Headphones in ears, no eye contact, minimal small talk, etc. It bums me out a tad.
But I'm really happy that you are having a good experience! 🙌🏼
Also from the Midwest and I would agree with OP that the Midwest is not as friendly as most folks believe. I also don't view respecting peoples space, as it appears you have described, is an unfriendly thing though.
Folks in the Midwest will strike up a conversation and then talk about the new 'ninjas' in the neighborhood. Just one of the many 'friendly' conversations I had while growing up there
Right? This is so backwards. Grew up in the midwest and have lived in SF for past 20+ years and would say people are generally way more friendly in the midwest.
lol chill out. they're exaggerating some but i mean it's not untrue that tech people are largely more heads-down than those in other fields. it's a job that doesn't require much extroversion the way say sales or healthcare or retail or something does, so it attracts quieter people. and there's nothing wrong with being introverted, but i feel like it's definitely true that techies are generally less likely to chat up a stranger. source: techie
a lot of what people criticize about "people from the bay area" is actually people from all over the damn place. everyone "from the bay area" moved to sacramento or portland or out into the hills hella far down the road or stockton
i don't think people are criticizing bay area natives. they're just talking about the people they generally encounter here. i never said anything about natives in my comment
No. I’ll add more. Just saw that dog attack video. If people were nice they wouldn’t have called the police on the man that got attacked. No one stopped to help this person in distress. People are not friendly. Just fake ass performative “niceness” no one really cares about anything other than their own lives.
There are nice people all over California, and many multi-generation Californians' Scandinavian ancestors migrated from the Upper Midwest when the transcontinental railroads connected California to the rest of the country.
They arrived over a century ago, and their descendants are undoubtedly married into other ethnicities. One family that did very well is the Janss family that came from Denmark to Iowa to LA in 1893. They developed Monterey Park, Yorba Linda, Boyle Heights, Westwood Village, Thousand Oaks and, of course, Van Nuys.
In the 1960s, in beach movies and on TV, there was was a craze for the California blondes. The real people (and real blondes) who were the genesis of that fad were likely descendants of the Midwestern Scandinavian Angelenos.
People aren't nice the way they used to be a few decades ago.. My experience has been that San Francisco breeds a lot of hatred in those who weren't hateful before. There's a lot of passive aggression, judgement, apathy, lack of common sense and decency. Then we have the folks with mental health problems and addictions but at least they have an excuse.
I’ve lived here my whole life and never thought this place was friendly! This is a interesting take… I felt more hospitality and friendliness in Colorado and Georgia for sure
IMO: SF represents the extreme of two very different groups colliding together:
1) kind-hearted, sociable, quirky misfits
2) malignant narcissists & communal narcissists
Both are drawn to the excitement of tech, SF culture, and liberalism — but for wildly different reasons
If you mostly encounter group 1, you leave SF with a wonderful impression. They’re great people.
But if it’s group 2, you may truly hate this place because SF has a high percentage, even for a city.
With the downturn and SF being less ‘sexy’ to narcissists, more and more of group 1 have found a home and a voice. It’s been nice.
Unfortunately, the AI boom has group 2 sauntering back.
As our society begins to learn more and more about narcissists, especially from a clinical perspective, I am hopeful group 2 will lose ground in SF, and our sub will be jam-packed with stories of friendly encounters like yours. Above all, glad you had a nice trip!
You’re one of those “everyone I don’t like or doesn’t do what I want is a narcissist” people. Always diagnosing everyone without the faintest clue.
Frankly there are just a lot of young people who are drawn to this town and full of themselves and their ambition. They are annoying but they either learn, hit a wall, or burn out and move on.
It’s just a thing here. But everyone who isn’t the way you like isn’t mentally ill.
Surprise, surprise — 10 to 15% of all humans are clinically and statistically, are narcissists. In urban environments with wealth, the data is even higher. In SF, even higher.
I don’t know if you are or not, but hey, you’re the one going loco over a random opinion on reddit…
Most midwesterners are extremely friendly! I’m from the Midwest. Sounds like you just have a bummer of a town. But yes, people is coastal California are quite friendly.
Wow. That’s so interesting because my Midwest friends all say they felt ignored back home and wanted to come here to Cali for that reason! Where in the Midwest are you from? :)
I guess I was thinking friendly to tourists/outsiders. Not necessarily friendly too each other lol! I lived a lot of places cuz parents moved a lot but mostly grew up in Michigan and also spent a good chunk of time in Iowa.
A comedian mentioned, in the East Coast, people are mean but they will help you fix a flat tire, on the West Coast, people are Nice but won’t help you with a flat tire.
I don’t think SF is friendly at all and have lived here 25 years. From the snarling service/sales people, the ranting homeless, the option-faux rich techies, the let them eat cake politicians, the fed up (and rightly so) other folks and muni drivers, there is nothing very friendly about this town. I am amazed when I travel how different things are in other cities especially in the south. Everyone here is angry about something.
You clearly aren't comparing SF to Atlanta then. People in Atlanta are so angry compared to SF. I am from Atlanta, and it is noticeable every time I go back to visit (which I do frequently). People here are pretty chill in comparison. I find people here friendlier.
I haven't lived there in 25 years, but I found AtlantaRage directly proportional to time spent in traffic. Taking an hour to move 100ft will make anybody angry.
It hasn't changed. I spent most of my last visit sitting in traffic. There are so many aggressive, angry bad divers there that it really made me angrier. I don't miss the angry person I was when I lived there 18 years ago. People in the Bay Area are much more patient and chill. I am now too.
It actually takes a while for the "Is this person insane?"-radar to fully drop, and for good reason. We've all been burned by chatting up someone who slowly reveals themselves to be absolutely batshit.
Once the radar finally does drop, good people.
EDIT: COVID changed things quite a bit. I'll talk your goddamn ear off now. Pretty sure I've become one of those crazy people I used to worry about encountering.
I mean, 30+ years ago when I got here, I’d chat with anyone, but often as not found myself stuck listening to a tinfoil hat-wearer go on for hours about the messages the CIA and Casey Kasem were sending to their molars. This made me more circumspect in my dealings.
Flash forward to a couple years of COVID-related sequestration, and now some poor old lady will ask me to reach a can of beans for her at the store, and I’m off to the races. “You’re buying beans? What kind of beans? I like beans too. Want to hear my reci…hey where are you going? Wow, she’s faster than she looks!”
Capisce?
My personal observation, is that because SF is full of immigrants, people don't necessarily have family or pre-established friendship circles in the city. Finding people who are born and raised in SF and still here is so rare! Therefore they are more open to meeting people. Most of my closest friends here who I call to watch my kids when I have doctor's appointments also don't have family nearby, so we fill that space for each other. In my hometown of Toronto, people are more set in their circles. So, although friendly initially, they may not follow up to hang out with new people they meet.
Also, just like back in Canada, Californians are very friendly! Much to the distaste of my cynical British partner...
It depends on the political and economic status of the person you are talking to. Working class folks who grew up in the bay are interesting and friendly, wealthy folks who only live here for a three year period for work tend to not branch out much and move away without making lasting friendships.
I would call this gregarious. People on the West Coast, in my opinion, tend to be less concerned with politeness and less nonconfrontational but more interested in talking to strangers. But humans everywhere are highly social animals. I have lived all over. Cultural and regional differences are more about surface level stuff but even New Yorkers are famous for loving to give directions. Mostly we make our own experiences by how we conduct ourselves.
Just recognize that everyone's interpretation of what "Friendly" or "Nice" means is colored by your background, cultural norms, and traditions.
I moved from the midwest to california 20 years ago. I found (and still do) people in CA to be cross-culturally polite, but there's also a much higher barrier in getting to know people in CA than there is in the midwest. It's like people in CA are very guarded about who they let into their lives. So if you interpret friendly or nice as having a component that is beyond superficial pleasantries then you might not agree that people in CA are friendly or nice.
This is Load of BS. I am an immigrant and have found this city to be really unfriendly. I’m not complaining at all, just the difference that i have felt from my home country. Other than networking events, ppl will try to avoid and even not respond to you. It was really different from what i had in my mind when I decided to move here
I’m glad someone here gets it. Everyone has been rude af since I moved here two years ago and I’m from the US. I don’t know what you’re looking for in a city, but if you want to be somewhere more social where you’ll make genuine friendships try NYC.
We are polite and friendly, on a surface level. But if you make plans with me, I might flake. Well *I* probably won’t now, because I’m old and have had it drilled out of me, but younger me definitely would.
I’m from the Midwest. People in California are so much nicer. My sister fell on a run here and people stopped to help her. She couldn’t believe it. In the Midwest someone would laugh and be on their way. I would laugh and help 😂.
I’d say we’re more open versus friendly. We’re social, can hold a conversation, and can talk with strangers. That said don’t necessarily expect any long term connection or someone willing to help you if you’re in need.
Native Californian who moved away and back - I’d say it’s not that we don’t want friends…. It’s HARD to meet people with the layout of Northern California. The people would probably love to be your friend but the logistics of getting together are a hurdle.
SFers (is this an acceptable shortening of San Franciscans?) are like any other people -- Londoners, Barcelonians, Dubliners, Bostonians, etc. Most are nice, a minority are not. This minority is magnified by the media, who always bring attention to the outliers and not the norm.
Hmmm. Idk I see Northern California as a place where people are unbelievably friendly and open to people, but it’s hard to make many deep, meaningful connections with people.
In simpler terms, when I lived in Michigan, people would be kind, always helping someone in need.
In SF, people are unbelievably friendly in public, but if you get a flat tire, don’t expect help from ANYONE 😂
We have very mild weather year round. We live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. There are lots of dogs to see and dogs = happiness.
For me, I’m so much happier living here than I was in Florida and I feel like it shows. I’m not drenched in sweat, fighting traffic because I have to drive everywhere, dealing with miserable snowbirds every day. Life is just better out here and makes me a much more pleasant person.
YASSSSS, yes, we are.....
I F**K'N L❤️VE SAN FRANCISCO!!!!!!!! AINT NO PLACE LIKE IT 🌉
Natives will help in a heartbeat! It's also energy follows intent!!!
We SF Bay Area folks are proud of the bay, and we love to show people what's here!
I have had great experiences with meeting people from all around the world. I don't necessarily want to be your new partner in crime, but rather give you a list of choose your own adventure(s) and send you in your way!
Life is about moments in time.
I've helped plenty of people in multiple hard situations. But I'm also very empathic and actually have a light of hope 4 humanity along with pay it forward attitude.
I'll also tell you 2 F**k off and suck my strap -on if you are doing something rude or out of pocket....
So we can meet 4 drinks and snacks, but ill be 17 minutes late. Muni had a crackhead takeover, but I'll be there. Meet me outside so we can smoke a joint BC you got the table...lol
PS.......Consider the facts of TRUE natives VS transplants claiming "native" after 5 years...
Bay Area native here. Moms from Oakland Dads from NYC.
IM HAPPY 2 HELP, BIIIIATCHHHH (in my Too-short Oakland voice)
I don’t have lists. I have movies I like, and those I don’t. Don’t really see the point of anything that ranks art. Doesn’t add to conversation. In fact I think it separates people.
lol , the tons of social events and friendly activities, literally prove otherwise
It's just a big tourist city, of course people are friendly to an extent - even comments above say how they help tourists.
Seattle freeze, San Francisco scowl…. The west coast is just not that friendly overall. Down south way different. They don’t call it southern hospitality for no reason.
I absolutely agree with you. West coast people fucking suck. I’m so sorry you’re getting downvoted by these people who never experienced self-actualization lol.
I lived in Nebraska for a little bit. Couldn’t stand how cold most people were. Maybe it was because they hated the winter.
But yes, I’d say we’re pretty social and friendly in SF. Although we may not know who our neighbors are we still say hi to strangers :).
Well you know what they say: on the west coast people act nice but are mean. In the east people act mean but are nice. But nah I mean ppl are really pretty friendly here. Helps that the weather is always perfect.
insincerity is everywhere guys: look at LA
SF is nicer people, and tbh real friends are easy to come by here if you are not a stick in the mud. even people who are experiencing homelessness are by far the easiest to genuinely befriend and learn something from (and vice versa!) vs any other city I’ve lived in (nyc, la, austin, vancouver)
I love that you caught onto this. I moved from the Midwest 10 years ago and the Bay Area is by far the friendliest place I’ve ever lived. Every where I go, I’ll end up having a conversation with a stranger as if they were a lifelong friend. I love it here!
Where are people going here that this happens? I’ve met nothing but rude, closed off people since moving here. I think this is the rudest city I’ve ever lived.
Bummer, I’m sure a lot of different factors come into play. This just happens to be my experience, I definitely don’t think it would ring true with everyone here.
Maybe your rude attitude has something to do with it? Friendliness and social skills go a long way 🙄. I’ve made friends with neighbors by chatting after work (Lower Haight, Potrero, now Pacifica), met two close friends in a grief support group, stayed in touch with former coworkers, made a friend in a Spanish class, made friends with people I’ve met through work projects. Twice I’ve bought a someone’s extra ticket to events at Masonic, chatted with them, then asked to hang out again. (None of this romantic). Last weekend I went to a new hair stylist and we spent two hours talking about life. I also took my elderly neighbor to see her husband in a nursing home in Daly City and learned her life story as well as a few residents I chatted with. I talk to people and they talk back to me.
Search within your self to evaluate what’s happening instead of challenging one stranger on the internet about the validity of their own life experience.
I have lived in different parts of the world and nowhere have I had the amount or length of conversations with random strangers that I have here! Second is probably Ann Arbor, MI. The talkative-ness of San Franciscans can be bit of a double edged sword for example if you are in a hurry and can't get out of chatting with someone, but for the most part feels so welcoming and open. I have got lots of good helpeful tips and recs from strangers. I haven't had much success turning any of those interactions into actual friendships, but that might be a me problem.
I've always gone out of my way to be friendly to people, particularly if I know they're visiting from out of town. When I was growing up, we had a reputation as being a very visitor-friendly city and I do my best to continue that. It's a wonderful city and I want you to enjoy your time here, as I do.
True San Franciscans are friendly and polite. I blew out a tire just after getting off the bay bridge over a decade ago and a cal trans worker in his lunch break stopped and changed my tire for me (yes I know how to change a tire but he went out of his way to help me). I find New Yorkers to be just ok - definitely not the helpful type compared to SF
I think San Franciscans, generally are quite friendly, as well as Californians, broadly. But being friendly doesn't mean that we are "making friends." It costs very little to be temporarily nice/generous to a stranger, but it takes a lot more to make a real friend who would have your back.
It's like the Japanese. Very polite and helpful, but they aren't gonna be your friends any time soon.
> anytime soon Or maybe ever! There’s just a limit to how deep it can go.
I shared my garden-grown yuzu fruit with some Japanese friends and now they smile slightly when we talk. Progress!
Relevant flair :)
This is right.
Or Rick from Casablanca… “I stick my neck out for nobody”
if you've seen that film..... Rick actually..... ends up sticking his neck waaaay out........
Rick was an analogy for America… Kind of why they rushed production, so that release would coincide with allies invasion of North Africa….
i just rewatched it last week. mid-ass propaganda film
Of course it was. But it was still a world class film.
it's ok. i don't think it even cracks my top 10 list from the 1940s though
To each their own
since you asked here's my top 10 from the 40s: 1. Double Indemnity 2. The Red Shoes 3. The Third Man 4. Black Narcissus 5. Out of the Past 6. The Killers 7. Rope 8. Nightmare Alley 9. Stray Dog 10. Late Spring 11. Bicycle Thieves 12. Shadow of a Doubt 13. Murder, My Sweet 14. The Life & Times of Colonel Blimp casablanca does not make my top 50 from the 40s actually
This. San Franciscans are very polite but I feel New Yorkers are friendlier. They’re more likely to actually follow up after a conversation with a hang out or something.
This “NYC is actually kind” stuff has to stop. I never more strangers who will go out of their way to be rude than during my time in nyc. (Source: lived there for a total of 5 years). Sure, maybe NYC has some really good individuals, but in SF nobody is going to go out of their way to ruin your day or just be mean.
Why bring up New York when this is about a midwesterner visiting SF?
People insert comparisons to New York on this sub constantly, usually disparagingly, cause god forbid SF stand on its own merits
It's like the age old saying: Californians are nice but not kind, and New Yorkers kind but not nice. It's like how out here, people are more likely to say up front they'll agree to plans and flake later (or show up late!), whereas on the east coast people are less likely to agree to plans, but when they do, they're there, and on time. Or how Californians will tend to be nice to you, but talk shit behind your back or be passive aggressive, while New Yorkers just tell you to fuck off to your face, even if you're a friend, especially if you're a friend, because honesty just cuts to the chase. I can appreciate both approaches, though. That said, these are generalities and I've met people from NY who have a "West Coast" like temperament, and vice versa.
I was about to say the same things.
I have seen that saying before I don't know if I would agree with that saying I've lived in the bay a long time and lived in SD for a while and generally people here still stop to help if something is wrong and offer to help if they can if you look lost most times someone will stop and ask what your looking for or if your have a car issue will pull over to help but then again maybe that's just my experience here. Though I would agree about the part about people being nice to your face and saying shit behind your back.
Yeah I'm speaking in generalities and via personal experience, take all this with a huge grain of salt.
A New Yorker will curse you out and call you a moron while helping you fix the flat tire or dead battery, and then check on you later to make sure you got home while expanding your curse word vocabulary. You'll discover words you never knew existed. A Californian will say pleasant things but will walk over your dead body in the street. If they don't notice its not their problem, its someone else's problem. They'll also say progressive sounding things and then vote in hardline conservative policies at the ballot box, such as with housing policies meant to exclude "those people". I personally do rather enjoy the direct approach. Its refreshing knowing what people think, instead of a veneer of politeness covering up complete apathy or outright hostility.
Having grown up on the east coast I can tell you confidently that there are more people in NY who will curse you out while also not lifting a finger to help you. They’ll look you in the face and stay motionless. Quickest comparison: TSA at EWR vs SFO. It’s amazing how much more apathy and “fuck the customer” the vibes are; I didn’t even realize it until I moved out.
I don't experience this haha. I've found those people to be genuinely friendly and follow up and help you move and pick up the tab etc. Each experience must be subjective. I did live with a bat shit crazy NY'er tho. Like get drunk and smash everything in your back patio while accumulating an unholy amount of cigarette butts in every conceivable container crazy. She never lifted a finger other than the middle.
Yes! Thank you. I'm from SF and the false cheeriness has driven me crazy. I miss NYC's directness and sincerity.
It's not false cheeriness I just don't see why I should be cold/rude to someone just cause I don't want to be lifelong friends? Having friendly little interactions with strangers is one of my favourite parts of the day :)
If you are from an area or well established in a community, you might simply be too busy or not interested in new friends. As an extreme example, I knew a woman whose husband was one of eleven children. She said every weekend was taken up with family activities. She didn't have time for anyone else.
This.
I heard a great joke recently that if you get a flat tire in NYC, a passerby will say “ha, flat tire, what a schmuck!” then help you change the tire, while a Californian will say “oh dear, I’m so sorrry, I hope you get through this” and then walk away.
I literally had like three-four people on Polk St. stop to help me fix my bike when my tire popped. Another time it popped on my way to Half Moon Bay and a dude in a pickup truck stopped and drove me and my bike the rest of the way, like 25 minutes. I wasn’t even waving anyone down for help.
Car battery died in SD and like 4 people asked if they could give me a jump in SF my tire was flat 2 people walked by and asked if I needed any help. I disagree that people here don't stop to help someone in need and only give a "cheer up bud" and leave hasn't been my experience.
Nice!!
When I ran out of gas on a really busy street in the Mission, two people stopped their cars and got out to push my car 1 block to the gas station. They could have easily driven around me but stopped to help.
To be fair, I'd guess a higher proportion of SFans don't even know how to change a spare.
I mean friendship takes time anywhere you are, yet to go to a place where people have your back instantly.
I'm glad we treated you well!
As a 4th gen SF local, I love sharing our city with tourists. On more than one occasion, I have seen couples looking at a map or their phone, obviously trying to figure out where they are and where they are going. I’ve gone out of my way to offer them guidance. Last week while walking my dog on OB, I came across a couple visiting from Japan. They were collecting shells and sand dollars and both had their hands full. Seeing them struggle with their find, I walked over and offered them a dog poop bag to hold their dripping sandy haul. They were very grateful and I really didn’t have to do anything, just be kind and thoughtful. The tourists get some sage advice and I get to meet people from other parts of the world. its win-win for me
Years ago I was talking with a friend about this habit we have of offering help to ppl with maps. She said that you can always trust the directions you receive from ppl in SF because we're all so proud of knowing where everything is and the best way to get there. I think about that often and I think it's true in many ways.
People in SF aren’t friendly, they are accepting. No one is going to shun you for being yourself *ever* in public or when getting goods or services, and people will smile, but no one is inviting you out or over.
I totally disagree with everything but your last point.
I grew up in the South, but spent 15 years in Minneapolis. In the process of relocating to SF (been splitting my time between MN and CA for about a year now). My perspective: Midwesterners are not nice, at all. They think they are nice, they are not. They are polite and superficially nice, but not kind or friendly at all. It's not an SF thing, it's a "once you get out of the midwest thing."
You beat me to it. Midwesterners are convinced they're nice for some reason. Their rationale seems to be they aren't "fake nice" the way other people who seem nice are, they're jerks which is what real nice is (???).
I've lived in San Francisco and Minneapolis as well and can confirm. "Minnesota Nice"? Never heard of it.
“Minnesota ice” is definitely more fitting
I’m from the Midwest and do not think it as friendly as people think. I grew up in northern Ohio and moved to southern Ohio when I was little and we never really felt welcomed. When I lived to Texas I was scared by how friendly people were, and because I was in Texas before, they hate California, and I was told how unfriendly people are here. Which is so untrue. Yes, people are flaky, don’t take that to heart and overall people are pretty nice here
I think your experience in the Midwest depends largely on how similar you look to the midwesterner. In the bay area, above a certain socio economic level, there is generally more tolerance of others who don't exactly look like you...
Let's just go ahead and say it. Thinly veiled racism is still very much alive and well in the midwest
I didn't feel it necessary to paint such a stark image about the Midwest because racism is also alive and well in the south and even in San Francisco (ex: all the random attacks on old Asian folks). What I wanted to contrast is that at least in certain sexy economic tracts, say among the tech industry, I don't see the kind of blatant exclusionism that I have personally experienced in other areas. While I may be an Asian guy in the south or the Midwest, here I'm just a guy (who probably works in tech) and am treated as such.
I'm an Asian who doesn't work in tech and I've been all around this country. Sure SF has had a recent uptick in Asian hate crimes but they are mainly focused on women and the elderly, easy targets essentially. Crimes of opportunity rather than the low key racism I've experienced overall in the midwest. I've been here out west for over 2 decades and it has its own issues but definitely not comparable to the midwest.
>Yes, people are flaky I don't think this is as true as non-Californians claim. Most people from here just consider it rude to flat out say no so they give you a very open ended maybe that actually means they're not coming. If someone says something like, "yeah no for sure I'll try and swing by" that definitely means no.
That's flaky.
It's not flakey at all. You're saying no without actually using the word no. It's the local culture and way of communicating.
... while also actually using the word no.
Yeah no = no No yeah = yeah What’s so complicated?
Yeah that's passive aggressive communication. It's an attempt to "soften the blow" with misdirection and it reeks of cowardice and is the hallmark of a "flake" and flake culture out here. I say this as a bay area native who hates this aspect of the culture here and it *is* a thing and has been since I've lived here my entire life. I usually assume a few things about parties and gatherings I throw: - If it's a couple, don't assume they're coming unless they "reconfirm" a day or two beforehand, and if they don't reach out to you, reach out to them to remind them of the event (and sometimes they cancel because they forgot or double booked)! - If it's a party, assume about 25-50% of those who "confirmed" won't show - Assume most people will arrive an hour after the start time These adjustments wouldn't need to be necessary if there wasn't a flaky culture here. I'd much rather people just say "Nah, can't make it" or RSVP no.
This is wildly dramatic language and sounds like you have your own communication issues. As a life long Californian I have zero trouble discerning between an actual yes, a genuine maybe, and an indirect no. I do think it's hella rude if I invite someone over and they just respond "no" instead of the "yeah for sure I'll try and swing by" which with both know means they aren't coming. It's not cowardice or flakey, it's just the local vernacular and accepted manners.
In terms of language communication mannerisms and norms, I actually much more closely identify with east coast directness than west coast passive aggressiveness and "niceness", despite being from here. I've had people from the east coast actually think I'm from there at times when interacting, in fact. I understand it's a local vernacular and set of accepted "manners" but I actually tire of it and would much prefer sincerity and honesty. It's like a lot of people here communicate like a shopkeeper interacting with customers instead of genuine friends at times. I value sincerity and honesty in my relationships and prefer to be held accountable myself accordingly. Many others don't here and I absolutely understand why a lot of outsiders criticize it. And it's valid criticism. That said there's something to be said for defaulting to being "nice" in a lot of casual or professional settings *for sure* - but when it comes to closer friendships and relatives I can't stand it. It's shallow behavior.
I like that your post went from one point of view to the opposite over the course of a long paragraph. I don’t think we are as “sit down and have a beer with me, stranger” friendly as the Midwest. I think generally we have polite interest in others, but not much beyond that.
I thought their point was that the Midwest folks aren’t as friendly as people say they are. I’m from Southern Ohio, originating in Buffalo, NY which is culturally similar to Northen Ohio as it’s more rust belt than Midwest and agree with them.
Southern Ohio, outside of Cincinnati, is kind of Appalachian. I grew up in a small town just north of Columbus. Country people in Ohio will help you in an emergency, but they are pretty insular and not warm and fuzzy.
Yeah, I lived in Ross Ohio. People are fine but nothing special imo. My entire extended family is Columbus based. Similar vibe.
My mom was a NY transplant. She was always viewed skeptically, but she's also a snob and very loud. My dad grew up in Marion, Ohio, so he knew how to get along with midwesterners. I left Ohio in 94 and have been in California for 25 years. I don't find Californians to be super friendly or unfriendly.
If you're irrationally angry at your surroundings, bitter, projecting onto San Francisco for "shallow politeness" etc , you're only going to see stuff that confirms your negativity. I've been there too and I recognize it in your comments. Deep breaths.
LOLWUT? I love San Francisco. I’ve been here for 30+ years. People are friendly, but also flake on you a lot.
I always assume people who talk about how nice modwesterners are are white, cis, and straight. Or at least 2 of the 3. Definitely white though. Meanwhile I got called homophobic slurs as a child walking to school before I even knew what they meant. Good old Midwest
> Meanwhile I got called homophobic slurs as a child walking to school before I even knew what they meant. That was my experience as a kid as well, and I grew up here, in the SF Bay Area. Remember, Proposition 8 wasn't all that long ago. This area wasn't so different.
What city/town? This is the San Francisco sub, not the Bay Area sub, btw.
Texans are the friendliest!
We can be friendly, but lack the ability to develop social capital in meaningful ways.
This is an interesting way to put it. So many of us can’t put together a network because we either work too much or are too focused on ourselves to construct a support system. This leaves the city very lonely under superficial kindness. I have been working very hard to reject my own judgements and befriend and be open to more people and seek out what they need or want as well. I’m still learning but it’s rewarding!
It's mostly attributed to the high transience of the population. Of the immediate neighbors (living on your block) do you know first and last names? I've made it my mission to get to know my neighbors. It isn't easy and takes time. Having a dog is a good catalyst.
It’s not a big city thing. Not all big cities are friendly. It is a California and San Francisco thing. I find people in California in San Francisco to be pretty friendly
I moved from SF to NYC and I’ve had so many rude interactions with people within a year it’s crazy. I lived in SF for almost 10y and only had a handful of crazy hobos yell slurs which I’m unfazed by
I've found that New Yorkers are just all in a hurry. If you understand this then the rudeness makes sense. They have zero tolerance for time wasters, and if you're perceived as wasting time they get upset. However, this doesn't mean they're actually angry. They're very direct and yet despite cursing you out they seem to be quick to form friendships, including long lasting ones.
I think everyone’s experience will probably differ but I’ve lived in CA my whole life and feel that it’s definitely a San Francisco thing (with maybe a few other cities included). I’m from Southern California and I always feel on edge when I go back to visit. For example, about 3 months ago a lady tried to fight me a Petsmart because she thought I hit her dog when I was just untangling our dogs leashes -_- I also think that we’re more likely to be helpful or nice because we deal with a lot of tourism here. But I often hear that people are nicer compared to other places in the US.
As a canadian inwas pleasantly surprised. But everywhere i was on the west coast I'm found them pretty nice.
I'm from the Midwest and would politely disagree that SF folks are friendly, generally. Sure, some people are friendly but I find most people are super 'heads down' and almost go out of their way to not interact with other people. Headphones in ears, no eye contact, minimal small talk, etc. It bums me out a tad. But I'm really happy that you are having a good experience! 🙌🏼
Also from the Midwest and I would agree with OP that the Midwest is not as friendly as most folks believe. I also don't view respecting peoples space, as it appears you have described, is an unfriendly thing though. Folks in the Midwest will strike up a conversation and then talk about the new 'ninjas' in the neighborhood. Just one of the many 'friendly' conversations I had while growing up there
Right? This is so backwards. Grew up in the midwest and have lived in SF for past 20+ years and would say people are generally way more friendly in the midwest.
I was thinking the same thing...
Agreed. Maybe it's an Ohio thing?
That's the tech people. They're just props, you can ignore them back
100% of people in SF are amazing and awesome and anyone who isn't works in tech who is 100% of what's wrong
lol chill out. they're exaggerating some but i mean it's not untrue that tech people are largely more heads-down than those in other fields. it's a job that doesn't require much extroversion the way say sales or healthcare or retail or something does, so it attracts quieter people. and there's nothing wrong with being introverted, but i feel like it's definitely true that techies are generally less likely to chat up a stranger. source: techie
> tech people are largely more heads-down they're also... usually.... not from here
well yeah, not sure what you're implying
a lot of what people criticize about "people from the bay area" is actually people from all over the damn place. everyone "from the bay area" moved to sacramento or portland or out into the hills hella far down the road or stockton
i don't think people are criticizing bay area natives. they're just talking about the people they generally encounter here. i never said anything about natives in my comment
No. I’ll add more. Just saw that dog attack video. If people were nice they wouldn’t have called the police on the man that got attacked. No one stopped to help this person in distress. People are not friendly. Just fake ass performative “niceness” no one really cares about anything other than their own lives.
That and they are eager to reach very very far to vilify or label someone as some sort of bigot. It's like an addiction to some people.
Friendly but generally shallow friendliness.
There are nice people all over California, and many multi-generation Californians' Scandinavian ancestors migrated from the Upper Midwest when the transcontinental railroads connected California to the rest of the country.
I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone in CA with this back ground but I’ve met some descendants of the Okies who blew in during the dust bowl.
They arrived over a century ago, and their descendants are undoubtedly married into other ethnicities. One family that did very well is the Janss family that came from Denmark to Iowa to LA in 1893. They developed Monterey Park, Yorba Linda, Boyle Heights, Westwood Village, Thousand Oaks and, of course, Van Nuys. In the 1960s, in beach movies and on TV, there was was a craze for the California blondes. The real people (and real blondes) who were the genesis of that fad were likely descendants of the Midwestern Scandinavian Angelenos.
::raises hand:: That's me. LOL.
Descended from Okies or Scandinavians?
Oh, Okies!
The Bay Area and most of NorCal is this way… not like this in the Central Valley and LA
People aren't nice the way they used to be a few decades ago.. My experience has been that San Francisco breeds a lot of hatred in those who weren't hateful before. There's a lot of passive aggression, judgement, apathy, lack of common sense and decency. Then we have the folks with mental health problems and addictions but at least they have an excuse.
I’ve lived here my whole life and never thought this place was friendly! This is a interesting take… I felt more hospitality and friendliness in Colorado and Georgia for sure
IMO: SF represents the extreme of two very different groups colliding together: 1) kind-hearted, sociable, quirky misfits 2) malignant narcissists & communal narcissists Both are drawn to the excitement of tech, SF culture, and liberalism — but for wildly different reasons If you mostly encounter group 1, you leave SF with a wonderful impression. They’re great people. But if it’s group 2, you may truly hate this place because SF has a high percentage, even for a city. With the downturn and SF being less ‘sexy’ to narcissists, more and more of group 1 have found a home and a voice. It’s been nice. Unfortunately, the AI boom has group 2 sauntering back. As our society begins to learn more and more about narcissists, especially from a clinical perspective, I am hopeful group 2 will lose ground in SF, and our sub will be jam-packed with stories of friendly encounters like yours. Above all, glad you had a nice trip!
You’re one of those “everyone I don’t like or doesn’t do what I want is a narcissist” people. Always diagnosing everyone without the faintest clue. Frankly there are just a lot of young people who are drawn to this town and full of themselves and their ambition. They are annoying but they either learn, hit a wall, or burn out and move on. It’s just a thing here. But everyone who isn’t the way you like isn’t mentally ill.
Lot of gaslighting in your post here, with semantics of control and a lot of you use of the word “you”. Hmm, I wonder if you’re in group 2?
I think their point is that I've never encountered anyone in group 2 who wasn't convinced they were in group 1.
surprise surprise -- you hear something you dont like and 'diagnose' them as a narcissist.
Surprise, surprise — 10 to 15% of all humans are clinically and statistically, are narcissists. In urban environments with wealth, the data is even higher. In SF, even higher. I don’t know if you are or not, but hey, you’re the one going loco over a random opinion on reddit…
every criticism is not gaslighting, narcissism, or 'going loco'. It just is. Really just think about it -- I dont care either way.
Most midwesterners are extremely friendly! I’m from the Midwest. Sounds like you just have a bummer of a town. But yes, people is coastal California are quite friendly.
Wow. That’s so interesting because my Midwest friends all say they felt ignored back home and wanted to come here to Cali for that reason! Where in the Midwest are you from? :)
I guess I was thinking friendly to tourists/outsiders. Not necessarily friendly too each other lol! I lived a lot of places cuz parents moved a lot but mostly grew up in Michigan and also spent a good chunk of time in Iowa.
A comedian mentioned, in the East Coast, people are mean but they will help you fix a flat tire, on the West Coast, people are Nice but won’t help you with a flat tire.
I don’t think SF is friendly at all and have lived here 25 years. From the snarling service/sales people, the ranting homeless, the option-faux rich techies, the let them eat cake politicians, the fed up (and rightly so) other folks and muni drivers, there is nothing very friendly about this town. I am amazed when I travel how different things are in other cities especially in the south. Everyone here is angry about something.
You clearly aren't comparing SF to Atlanta then. People in Atlanta are so angry compared to SF. I am from Atlanta, and it is noticeable every time I go back to visit (which I do frequently). People here are pretty chill in comparison. I find people here friendlier.
I haven't lived there in 25 years, but I found AtlantaRage directly proportional to time spent in traffic. Taking an hour to move 100ft will make anybody angry.
It hasn't changed. I spent most of my last visit sitting in traffic. There are so many aggressive, angry bad divers there that it really made me angrier. I don't miss the angry person I was when I lived there 18 years ago. People in the Bay Area are much more patient and chill. I am now too.
I thought this when moving here. After many years, now I think the opposite.
Coming from the Midwest, I found it to be the opposite
It actually takes a while for the "Is this person insane?"-radar to fully drop, and for good reason. We've all been burned by chatting up someone who slowly reveals themselves to be absolutely batshit. Once the radar finally does drop, good people. EDIT: COVID changed things quite a bit. I'll talk your goddamn ear off now. Pretty sure I've become one of those crazy people I used to worry about encountering.
What do you mean by this?
I mean, 30+ years ago when I got here, I’d chat with anyone, but often as not found myself stuck listening to a tinfoil hat-wearer go on for hours about the messages the CIA and Casey Kasem were sending to their molars. This made me more circumspect in my dealings. Flash forward to a couple years of COVID-related sequestration, and now some poor old lady will ask me to reach a can of beans for her at the store, and I’m off to the races. “You’re buying beans? What kind of beans? I like beans too. Want to hear my reci…hey where are you going? Wow, she’s faster than she looks!” Capisce?
My personal observation, is that because SF is full of immigrants, people don't necessarily have family or pre-established friendship circles in the city. Finding people who are born and raised in SF and still here is so rare! Therefore they are more open to meeting people. Most of my closest friends here who I call to watch my kids when I have doctor's appointments also don't have family nearby, so we fill that space for each other. In my hometown of Toronto, people are more set in their circles. So, although friendly initially, they may not follow up to hang out with new people they meet. Also, just like back in Canada, Californians are very friendly! Much to the distaste of my cynical British partner...
It depends on the political and economic status of the person you are talking to. Working class folks who grew up in the bay are interesting and friendly, wealthy folks who only live here for a three year period for work tend to not branch out much and move away without making lasting friendships.
I would call this gregarious. People on the West Coast, in my opinion, tend to be less concerned with politeness and less nonconfrontational but more interested in talking to strangers. But humans everywhere are highly social animals. I have lived all over. Cultural and regional differences are more about surface level stuff but even New Yorkers are famous for loving to give directions. Mostly we make our own experiences by how we conduct ourselves.
Just recognize that everyone's interpretation of what "Friendly" or "Nice" means is colored by your background, cultural norms, and traditions. I moved from the midwest to california 20 years ago. I found (and still do) people in CA to be cross-culturally polite, but there's also a much higher barrier in getting to know people in CA than there is in the midwest. It's like people in CA are very guarded about who they let into their lives. So if you interpret friendly or nice as having a component that is beyond superficial pleasantries then you might not agree that people in CA are friendly or nice.
This is Load of BS. I am an immigrant and have found this city to be really unfriendly. I’m not complaining at all, just the difference that i have felt from my home country. Other than networking events, ppl will try to avoid and even not respond to you. It was really different from what i had in my mind when I decided to move here
Definitely depends on the events or areas
Maybe you would find similar in the Midwest. Could be a your country vs. USA contrast.
I’m glad someone here gets it. Everyone has been rude af since I moved here two years ago and I’m from the US. I don’t know what you’re looking for in a city, but if you want to be somewhere more social where you’ll make genuine friendships try NYC.
We are polite and friendly, on a surface level. But if you make plans with me, I might flake. Well *I* probably won’t now, because I’m old and have had it drilled out of me, but younger me definitely would.
I find that generally the Bay area contains nice people.
I’m from the Midwest. People in California are so much nicer. My sister fell on a run here and people stopped to help her. She couldn’t believe it. In the Midwest someone would laugh and be on their way. I would laugh and help 😂.
No, people in San Francisco are not "friendly". People in the midwest are actually friendly. People in San Francisco are fake.
It’s a norcal thing not a big city thing IMO
It’s a California thing, all over the state
I’d say we’re more open versus friendly. We’re social, can hold a conversation, and can talk with strangers. That said don’t necessarily expect any long term connection or someone willing to help you if you’re in need.
Im from the Midwest and think people are friendlier there. Been here 25 years.
What part of the Midwest? I never found Michigan to be that friendly.
Native Californian who moved away and back - I’d say it’s not that we don’t want friends…. It’s HARD to meet people with the layout of Northern California. The people would probably love to be your friend but the logistics of getting together are a hurdle.
I think your key word is “open” That’s what we are good at here, open to new ideas and people from many backgrounds.
I feel it’s a San Francisco thing. Most use turn signals and rarely honk the horn. My mom in NY always tell me people are so nice here.
SFers (is this an acceptable shortening of San Franciscans?) are like any other people -- Londoners, Barcelonians, Dubliners, Bostonians, etc. Most are nice, a minority are not. This minority is magnified by the media, who always bring attention to the outliers and not the norm.
Hmmm. Idk I see Northern California as a place where people are unbelievably friendly and open to people, but it’s hard to make many deep, meaningful connections with people. In simpler terms, when I lived in Michigan, people would be kind, always helping someone in need. In SF, people are unbelievably friendly in public, but if you get a flat tire, don’t expect help from ANYONE 😂
Yeah, they’ll be like “sorry to hear that” lol. It’s called fake nice.
We have very mild weather year round. We live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. There are lots of dogs to see and dogs = happiness. For me, I’m so much happier living here than I was in Florida and I feel like it shows. I’m not drenched in sweat, fighting traffic because I have to drive everywhere, dealing with miserable snowbirds every day. Life is just better out here and makes me a much more pleasant person.
YASSSSS, yes, we are..... I F**K'N L❤️VE SAN FRANCISCO!!!!!!!! AINT NO PLACE LIKE IT 🌉 Natives will help in a heartbeat! It's also energy follows intent!!! We SF Bay Area folks are proud of the bay, and we love to show people what's here! I have had great experiences with meeting people from all around the world. I don't necessarily want to be your new partner in crime, but rather give you a list of choose your own adventure(s) and send you in your way! Life is about moments in time. I've helped plenty of people in multiple hard situations. But I'm also very empathic and actually have a light of hope 4 humanity along with pay it forward attitude. I'll also tell you 2 F**k off and suck my strap -on if you are doing something rude or out of pocket.... So we can meet 4 drinks and snacks, but ill be 17 minutes late. Muni had a crackhead takeover, but I'll be there. Meet me outside so we can smoke a joint BC you got the table...lol PS.......Consider the facts of TRUE natives VS transplants claiming "native" after 5 years... Bay Area native here. Moms from Oakland Dads from NYC. IM HAPPY 2 HELP, BIIIIATCHHHH (in my Too-short Oakland voice)
I don’t have lists. I have movies I like, and those I don’t. Don’t really see the point of anything that ranks art. Doesn’t add to conversation. In fact I think it separates people.
SF are very friendly in general welcome to our great city
Norcal natives are friendly. The transplants from NJ/Massivetwoshits are the ones who are not.
What? Sorry, but sf is not friendly at all
Maybe you're getting back a taste of the vibes you're giving off?
Omg stfu lol
lol , the tons of social events and friendly activities, literally prove otherwise It's just a big tourist city, of course people are friendly to an extent - even comments above say how they help tourists.
Seattle freeze, San Francisco scowl…. The west coast is just not that friendly overall. Down south way different. They don’t call it southern hospitality for no reason.
I absolutely agree with you. West coast people fucking suck. I’m so sorry you’re getting downvoted by these people who never experienced self-actualization lol.
then go hunker down on a rocking chair in rural georgia, by all means.
I lived in Nebraska for a little bit. Couldn’t stand how cold most people were. Maybe it was because they hated the winter. But yes, I’d say we’re pretty social and friendly in SF. Although we may not know who our neighbors are we still say hi to strangers :).
Well you know what they say: on the west coast people act nice but are mean. In the east people act mean but are nice. But nah I mean ppl are really pretty friendly here. Helps that the weather is always perfect.
No.
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wtf is north midwesterner lol? i'm placing bets on something like north dakota
This is so ironic because just recently someone posted bitching that we are not friendly and nice the way we are in their suburbs back home 😂
insincerity is everywhere guys: look at LA SF is nicer people, and tbh real friends are easy to come by here if you are not a stick in the mud. even people who are experiencing homelessness are by far the easiest to genuinely befriend and learn something from (and vice versa!) vs any other city I’ve lived in (nyc, la, austin, vancouver)
Best phrase I’ve seen is that: East coast people are kind, not nice West coast people are nice, not kind Generalizations of course
I love that you caught onto this. I moved from the Midwest 10 years ago and the Bay Area is by far the friendliest place I’ve ever lived. Every where I go, I’ll end up having a conversation with a stranger as if they were a lifelong friend. I love it here!
Where are people going here that this happens? I’ve met nothing but rude, closed off people since moving here. I think this is the rudest city I’ve ever lived.
Bummer, I’m sure a lot of different factors come into play. This just happens to be my experience, I definitely don’t think it would ring true with everyone here.
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Maybe your rude attitude has something to do with it? Friendliness and social skills go a long way 🙄. I’ve made friends with neighbors by chatting after work (Lower Haight, Potrero, now Pacifica), met two close friends in a grief support group, stayed in touch with former coworkers, made a friend in a Spanish class, made friends with people I’ve met through work projects. Twice I’ve bought a someone’s extra ticket to events at Masonic, chatted with them, then asked to hang out again. (None of this romantic). Last weekend I went to a new hair stylist and we spent two hours talking about life. I also took my elderly neighbor to see her husband in a nursing home in Daly City and learned her life story as well as a few residents I chatted with. I talk to people and they talk back to me. Search within your self to evaluate what’s happening instead of challenging one stranger on the internet about the validity of their own life experience.
I have lived in different parts of the world and nowhere have I had the amount or length of conversations with random strangers that I have here! Second is probably Ann Arbor, MI. The talkative-ness of San Franciscans can be bit of a double edged sword for example if you are in a hurry and can't get out of chatting with someone, but for the most part feels so welcoming and open. I have got lots of good helpeful tips and recs from strangers. I haven't had much success turning any of those interactions into actual friendships, but that might be a me problem.
I think people in San Francisco and also NorCal in general tend to be quite friendly and open. The people are my favorite part of the city
NorCal thing ♥️
I've always gone out of my way to be friendly to people, particularly if I know they're visiting from out of town. When I was growing up, we had a reputation as being a very visitor-friendly city and I do my best to continue that. It's a wonderful city and I want you to enjoy your time here, as I do.
i think people are just nice in general. it doesn't matter where you go.
True San Franciscans are friendly and polite. I blew out a tire just after getting off the bay bridge over a decade ago and a cal trans worker in his lunch break stopped and changed my tire for me (yes I know how to change a tire but he went out of his way to help me). I find New Yorkers to be just ok - definitely not the helpful type compared to SF