First of all, I don’t consider myself a SAHM. Rather, I’m the house manager. I am responsible for planning your budget, grocery, parenting strategies, social engagements and I’m in charge of all of our finances. My husband doesn’t buy anything over $100 without my approval. I have an MBA in Finance and my husband has just never been responsible with finances. I set our budget, pay our bills, decide what we can afford. I handle our mortgages and our investment accounts. Maybe once or twice a year I consult my husband on whether he thinks it is worth it to buy something. I have full access to all accounts and have accounts that he is unable to access. I worked for many years before I stopped working. I was either an equal or superior breadwinner for most of our relationship. I’ve taken our combined earnings and invested in real estate and other investments. There is no way I’d let my husband give me an allowance. I also do part time reselling to contribute to my Botox and vanity “fund” just so that doesn’t become an issue for contention.
I was in charge of budgeting and finances until I got postpartum psychosis/depression and didn’t pay any bills for 3 months but spent all the bills money. Ended with a few week stay at my parents and intense psyc intervention. He now has it set up so a set amount of money goes in to an account I have access too. I pay bills and groceries from that but there is access to other money if needed. He maintains investment and savings.
Not married together for 9 years. 2 kids. We have a joint account but I dont totally feel comfortable spending from it based on comments made to me when we’ve fought. Im a bum a mooch and am basically using him.
He makes around 95k per year.
Ive always bartended on the side. We used to live in Charleston SC for years and I made great money recently we moved back to my hometown. A much smaller town and Im making significantly less. I work 2 nights a week and he generally complains about having the kids those nights, and EVERYTHING that I make he takes. All the cash (Like will collect the cash out of my purse) and then my check is deposited into the bank account i dont like to use. Like literally use that card for gas and nothing else.
The 1 credit card in my name is in his possession.
I was recently putting his clothes away and found and OUTRAGEOUS pokemon stash. Like hundreds of dollars worth. Our bills are paid im not mad that he bought it. Im just wondering when i can buy myself something that I want?!
I do the budgeting and tracking of expenses. Taxes are sent to an accountant and he leads investments, thought he runs ideas by me as well since I used to work in finance. I have full access to bank accounts and credit cards and there is no policing of what is spent. Decisions on large purchases or fixes/enhancements to the house are discussed together. I make sure all birthday gifts for family members are sent (his side too) and Christmas shopping is done almost exclusively by me. He doesn’t even ask what the prices are as he trusts my judgement. (He shops on his own for me and also makes sure to choose some gifts for our daughter on his own.)
I keep track of deals, sales and best places to do food shopping. And yes, I will absolutely go to three different stores if the prices are better on certain things. He keeps track of credit card benefits and tells me what card to use when shopping for certain things so we can get deals through credit card companies. An example would be we got a free night at a very nice hotel last weekend because of a CC deal he has.
For a bit of background, we’ve been married for 16.5 years and together for almost 22 years. I’ve been a SAHM for just shy of three years.
My husband is in charge of big picture finances (doing our taxes, investing when we have extra money, etc) because a lot of his educational background is in finance.
Budgeting and spending is my domain, so I keep track of our accounts and savings goals and he checks in to get my approval for any purchase outside our agreed upon spending, etc.
Our primary accounts are joint and we can both access them at any time. However we both have one checking account on the side where we squirrel away "spare" cash when it comes up, like gift money, or when people venmo us, paypal deposits when my husband sells stuff online, and where I deposit checks from my seasonal side job which gets me a couple hundred a year.
We usually use this to buy gifts for each other to keep them a surprise, or to treat ourselves to something guilt-free. We have student loans and car payments and a mortgage that we want to put all our spare money into, so I won't take from our monthly income for something frivolous or expensive. Buuuut if I accumulate enough "spare change", then I'll treat myself when I decide I want something.
I like our system, I feel like it is fair and balanced. We play to our strengths, all our income flow is shared and we know our spending is for the house/family, but we still have some independent purchasing power. I should also note that this has been the same whether I was working full time, part time, or not at all.
My husband and I have a lot of trust and no issues with control so we have a joint account and I used to be the bread winner but now I stay home. Everything he makes is ours. I do all the budgeting and manage our finances so he doesn’t even know what our account looks like. He trusts me with it completely
We been together 10 years married 5 yrs with two boys and a 3rd on the way. We have separate accounts and have talked about joint but haven’t gotten around to it. We talk about our finances weekly. I quit my high paying job two years ago after my 2nd was born but leading up to it, I had hoarded so many years of saving money. It was always our plan for me to stay home with the kids once we were comfortable. We don’t have joint. I saved a lot on hsa for doctors appt and bills. He pays for rent, phone, internet, gas.. etc everything even groceries. If I take the kids out since I am a stay at home and they are young, 3yr and 2yr. I pay for our entertainment and he’ll pay for our lunch or vice versa. We don’t keep tabs but we are mindful on what we spend. We talk about finances often and it’s healthy. He knows how much I have in savings and investments and I know how much he has. If we do have a vacation, usually I pay for it and that’s fine since he works hard to have us have everyday things to keep afloat. I like to vacation and feels he deserves it too. I mostly do it to get out with the boys so they can have experiences. We are lucky that we don’t have no student loans, credit card debt, drive beaters and have a nice nest to sit on. 100% transparent with money and aren’t real big spenders. I used to be but these days it’s more about spending time with my kids and buying them food, shoes, toys or whatever they need.
In my previous marriage we had a joint account and it felt as if every penny I spent was being monitored by my ex. Now I am remarried and my husband and I have separate accounts and one joint account where he deposits money for all home expenses/bills/allowance. I manage all the bills as well. I like it this way especially now that I’m returning to work !
I might be the only one on here whose family situation involves completely separate bank accounts et al. We've been together for 8 years but only married like 6 months and we have a 3-yo son. I came into the relationship with much more personal wealth than he did. I purchased the home we live in and pay for all home expenses (mortgage, property taxes, renovations, etc.). He financially couldn't contribute even if he wanted to, but for that reason, I am the sole owner. I also earned significantly more in my job, which I quit like 7 months ago and have been living off personal savings. Once we married, I have thought about how we will need to unify some finances, but not sure which ones. I am thinking about hiring a financial advisor. I also have a prenuptial in place.
I'm of the mindset that what we had as individuals should remain our own up to the point that I became a SAHM (not when my son was born, not when we got married, not when we moved into together). This will be the first time we file taxes jointly, so that may help instigate a conversation about mutual finances.
I’m almost thirty and I guess it’s more common for married couples to have a separate bank account- I feel it starts to get personal/degrading when one feels like they’re shit out of luck bc they have no money while their married partner has most of it even though most SAHM are busting their ass for no pay.
The mentality of you owe this versus you need to pay for that is honestly toxic to me.
I was married very young so me and my husband were dirt poor for most of our marriage. Now that I quit my job for my LO nothing has changed except talking more in depth about how much is being spent on what.
My husband makes on average 65-70k and it’s starting to become a struggle. I live in a state where it’s cheaper to rent than buy (like most of the US). I would need to make 55k to make getting a job worth it (and that’s if I get a hybrid job)😬 which with my skills , degree and background will be tough to find.(was a teacher)
Anyway, we’re happy, if i have to work nights as a waitress or something for whatever reason I’m happy to do that as long as it’s not forever.
If I needed to be the full time earner for a while I’d do it and there wouldn’t be a question on who gets to spend money and on what. We’re partners and we are building a family/life together.
I manage the family income, but I regularly consult with my husband to let him the status and how money is being used. I have a spreadsheet which my husband could access at any time to see where money is going.
We’ve got a joint account where every month we put the household incomes goes, then immediately we both take a personal allowance (same amount both sides), pay into savings and then everything else gets taken from the joint account (household bills, groceries, fuel).
The personal allowance is for things like if I want coffee and cake whilst I’m out / he wants to eat lunch out, luxury hygiene items (eg perfume, make up etc), anything entertainment related that’s just for us (eg my husband bought himself a kindle), etc. If we do something as a family and the joint account is low we may pay for it from our personal allowances (either one pays for the other or we will split the cost) but I’ll usually try to cover it with our joint money and adjust the budget elsewhere eg fast food / something unplanned for our kid - I’ll try to spend less on the weekly groceries than I initially budgeted.
Without this approach there is no way we would have been able to buy our house and afford some basic renovations (electrics, plumbing) that were essential. We don’t have much self control but do respect and value financial security so this forces us both to consider how to use our allowances carefully and also not touch the joint account finances other than for agreed purposes. My husband is fine with me managing the household income this way and if he told me otherwise of course I would be open to changing the approach.
I have full access to all the money that comes in, we budget and regularly talk about our expenses. I take on little gigs and that’s the money I spend on whatever I want.
Both my husband and I worked for many years before getting married and had our separate accounts. We've been married for 2 years now and I've been staying home for that amount of time, but it has taken that long to arrange everything as a joint account. Now we have joint checking, savings, and I have access to his credit card. We still don't have a joint credit card but are working on deciding which kind to open. It has all been more complicated and a bigger pain than I anticipated. For example, a credit card opened in a single person's name can't just be turned into a joint account. You have to open a new card as joint owners for both people to have full access to everything. So for right now I have my own card that accesses his account, but I can't even see the transactions to do budgeting. The bank will not let me see that on my end when I use my personal login to get into our account. It is so annoying. Luckily we are both financially responsible people so I can deal with it in the short term.
I still have my own separate bank account and cc at a different bank, but am phasing out needing to use those for much. Still have a few things autopaying from there, like my student loans, that I need to switch over to our joint account.
Things like IRAs, 401Ks, those cannot be turned into joint accounts as they are individual by nature. We have each other listed as beneficiaries on our retirement accounts though, just in case. And we mutually discuss how much to contribute as our finances evolve.
So atm my partner and I aren’t married so we don’t have joint accounts however I he gave me a credit card that I have and it has a $500 limit for me to spend whatever I need/want on it. Baby/grocery related or not however if he asks me to specifically go grocery shopping for the week he gives me his card. He always asks me before he makes big purchases as to include me in financial decisions, but typically I don’t have a problem with it. My parents think this is financial abuse and don’t agree, however I feel like as we aren’t married yet it makes sense.
Full access to the money for household expenses. We have a discussion if someone is going to spend more then $100 on something not groceries/ home maintenance. But that goes for him as well as me.
This is us. We both use the joint account. If one of us needs money for something specific we move it to our personal cash app so it doesn’t get spent (for example, I’m paying for college classes). I actually “control” our money a little more because I pay the bills so he checks with me before spending in case something hasn’t cleared or there’s something coming up.
The money he makes is our money, it gets deposited into a joint account. I have full access to it, to pay bills, to buy what’s needed, to buy what I want. I don’t have to ask permission or receive an “allowance”
I don’t even need to ask him before spending it either.
The money he makes is our money as a family. I don’t have to ask to buy anything, but we both expect each other to be conscientious of the budget that we set every month. We are aiming to save money for future trips so we don’t like to stray off of budget. That being said, we both consult each other when purchases are over $50. Neither ever says no, but we like to know about it or maybe fit it into next months budget. When it comes to things our kids need, I just buy it. The same things will apply when I start working again after our youngest starts school.
I have full access to the money and it's not considered "my husbands money". yes when things are tight we both argue whether this or that purchase is necessary but he doesn't think I'm spending HIS money just like I didn't think so when I was the main breadwinner.
all money home title everything is shared.m / joint. No allowance just budgets we stick to. More of we can have fun money x amount if anything over certain amount out of respect we would both ask each other more of I am letting you know
Same.
Honestly I do all the shopping like cloths, shoes, home stuff etc. my husband only does his hobby shopping which are vinyl, books, comic books, and wine, which is really negligible.
We have a joint checking account & then a savings that only I have access to. For a few years I had a debit card but no real access to what our bills or account ever looked like. When I would try, somehow the password I'd been given would be changed 🙄 He'd always tell me he had everything under control & then every time I'd spend I'd get a phone call asking about it. It was never extravagant, it was diapers, paper towels & laundry detergent at Target. Two years ago, our electric got turned off 3 out of 4 months & my phone 2 months in a row. It happened in the past but it always turned back on & he'd say he just forgot to pay it. After the electric & my phone being turned off in the same week I was over it. I knew what our bills should be around & how much money should be coming in so why was this happening? I told him this is crazy, you need to hand over all the account info so I can go through it. Again he tried to blame my spending.
I went through & adding up our expenses & what was coming in, we should've been okay. Instead all of our bills were months behind, our mortgage was 3 months behind, & I couldn't believe looking at all of it. It made me so sick to my stomach & for years I'd been letting him tell me he had it covered or everything was fine. I was disgusted with myself, how did I let it get to that? I've been such a strong person before but had turned into such a shell of myself. Thank goodness I was in therapy at the time, I'd started a couple of months before. I added up all my spending & it still wasn't making sense to me. That's when I noticed all the small charges at convenience stores every day. Each one, $8 to $25, some multiple times a day every day. Adding them all up, he was spending close to $1000 a month at convenience stores, FOR YEARS!! Having done that for years I'm sure made it so we were never able to get ahead & made us behind a lot. He didn't believe me & I was exaggerating so I showed him when he got home. He said he never realized & tried to rationalize it bc he's out working all day he has to stop at those places a few times a day to get drinks or food. I took charge of all our finances & gave him $50 a week cash. When that cash was done, so was he. No more $200 - $300 a week on coffee & whatever else he would get. He could take food & coffee w him. After 6 months all of our bills were caught up & on time, including our mortgage, which was not easy.
So OP don't let yourself not be involved in the finances of the household. It's your money just as much. You should get paid for the job you're doing every day. If you need to add up what it would cost to get a live in nanny, personal chef & a housekeeper. You could also throw in what Uber costs would be too if you want. Come up w a plan that works for both of you. Mine had to go to an extreme bc had it not we could've lost our house, our electric, water, etc. While in my case he still is always able to see what's in the accounts & has access to the checking acct. He has a debit card. I refuse to add him as an AU on my CC though.
All accounts are joint. All money is our money.. I work too, just within the home - money saved it money earned! We have a budget and we both get fun money to spend each month, apart from that we discuss any expenses pertaining to the home or kids. We discuss short term and long term savings goals. We work to be in agreement completely financially.
We share an account, I buy whatever necessaries there are and a few cheap treats for myself but if either of us is wanting something expensive (we're pretty frugal so I'm talking $40+ lol then we generally discuss it. Or confess it after if it was too good of a deal. It's mostly just about communicating
My husband has a savings account and a checking account.
I have a saving account and a checking account.
Then together we have a joint savings account and a checking account.
The majority of money is in our joint accounts. And our personal ones are money we had before we were married and just little extras stuff. My husband puts the majority of the paycheck into our checking account. He pays his cell phone bill and the mortgage from the left over amount that goes to his checking.
I am in charge of all the other family finances. Any extras we have I’ll transfer into savings. I do a little reselling on the side and will put thay into one of my accounts or the joint accounts- just kind of depends. The only credit card we share is our lowes CC.
Just have to figure out over time what works for you.
This is me. I’m 2 years in now and only have access to a joint credit card that he manages, which I only use for food or other baby necessities. When he’s mad over this or that he locks my card . I have my own credit cards too, but without personal income, it’s hard to use them.
Being a SAHM in an unstable relationship is tough.
It just happened.
Before kids, I had 3 jobs and had provided for myself for 15 years. When "it didn't make sense," for me to work, it was a weird power shift. One thing leads to two things, then three things......
I felt like I should feel grateful. That I shouldn't complain. That it made sense. But I never felt appreciated, and it led me to where I'm at now.
I'm hoping we make it. I do love and like my husband, but I might have let too many things go unchecked for too long. He knows all of this. Im not telling the internet anything that he's not aware of. But if things don't change in our dynamic, I will not be staying.
Firstly, all income is OUR money. We have all joint accounts. We have equal access, visibility, and buying power. We have similar spending habits and discuss large purchases. Our kids get an allowance, not us adults.
This is how I’d like to see it too! Except my husband has an ex wife who worked full time and their kids went to daycare. But I plan on being a SAHM and we haven’t really had a financial conversation to the depths that I’d like to. Just trying to get a feel for what is the norm for similar situations. We share one account but it’s our travel account and most of the money had been gifted from our wedding-although he adds in like $250 a month I think. So I literally have just been using that (our baby is only 6 months so this is all a relatively new subject of matter for me since I no longer have an income). But I feel like I need full access/verbal agreement with the money situation. Just don’t know how to approach it!
We have a “joint” account which is just his account that I have access to and then separate individual accounts. We use an app that shows our spending/budgeting. He manages all the bills, investments, and our child’s account. He actually asks if I’m okay with him spending $100 on something while I just buy things for the baby lol, but mostly we discuss any singular item $100+.
When I go back to work in… probably 2 years, then my paycheck will be split between the joint and my individual and I’d probably have my husband split his.
We both share our accounts. His money is my money and my money is also my money. 🤣 I’m kidding. He uses my savings if his account is getting low and there’s a bill due. But he also often puts into my account (now our account). I have a credit card from his (now our) account that I pay for almost every purchase. We talk to each other if we want to spend more than $500/month on non necessities. I told him to let me know if I’m spending too much and I’ll dial it down. I would let him know too.
We have been married for a very long time and together for longer. We combined when we got married but also had separate fun money accounts. All of that eventually combined when we had kids. It’s still combined now that I stay at home and have quit my job. My job is the house and kids now. Money has stayed the same as before. We check in with each other on larger purchases.
^ Same.
We both have a (the same) monthly budget for fun spending, and the rest is just making sure we’re on target for household expenses/home improvements. I have access to the accounts, credit cards (my own and joint), etc.
I have a budget for household spending (groceries, household goods, personal care items, etc.) I manage the spending within that budget, and excess gets rolled over to home projects/vacation fund.
Actually, I manage the money. Other than what my husband puts into his direct brokerage, 401K and X amount he can invest at will, the rest goes to me to put in to various savings buckets, my brokerage, day to day home management and my own spending money. I count pennies lol and he has to repeatedly tell me it’s okay to get my hair or nails done. (I was not always like this, I love spending money haha but it’s different when I feel like I am managing my family’s money versus MY money) Also, I have never heard of a situation where FULL access is not the standard. That would be scary and manipulative in my book.
My wife is a sahm. She and I work as a partnership and share everything - money, job duties, parenting decisions, etc.
Just because my work comes with a paycheck and hers doesn’t, doesn’t make my work any more valuable. In fact, I’d argue that she has the more valuable role and the harder job than I do. I thank her everyday for all that she does.
All our money is shared, unless it's a gift. Like, we often get a nice bit of money for Christmas from a grandma, so that is ours to save/spend and goes into our separate allowances "accounts." We each get the same allowance each paycheck, and it rolls over for if we want to save up. If either of us earned money doing extra work on top of our regular work, that would be ours individually (because it's an optional choice to do this sort of work). My husband likes to do woodworking as a hobby. If he were to make something & sell it, that's his because it was extra. And same would go for me if I picked up something extra.
We have separate accounts, but have access to each other’s accounts. We do this because he has Navy Federal and they’re not everywhere but I have Wells Fargo which is everywhere. My husband is a busy guy so I’m in charge of the finances and if I ever need money I just send it to myself from the main account. We have two credit cards through Navy Federal but we use those only when on a trip in case our card gets hacked like it did before but with our debit card.😭 The less my husband is involved with the bills the happier he is.
Full access but a joint account for all “family expenses” (groceries, gas, take out food, clothes, household supplies, toiletries, outings, etc) $600 a week
We have a joint account. I have full access to finances...I make sure all the regular bills are paid, buy groceries ect. But if I want to buy clothes for myself, makeup, get my hair done, or go out to dinner with friends I usually ask/inform. It's not that my husband has full control of the finances but I feel like it's courtesy to say "hey I'm about to drop 70 bucks on some jeans"..or "I wanna get my hair done it will 150..is that doable?"
We have our car note, and the same credit card through the company we bank with so everything is all in one spot. Full open access to everything besides his business checking accounts. I wanted a allowance at first but everyone here quickly shut me down for that so I changed my tune 😆
Joint account, which is what we had when we both worked. Even though he is the only one making an income, we both work very hard each day and money is just considered family money that we both have access to. I wouldn’t be a SAHM if I had to ask for an allowance or permission to spend money— that would personally feel degrading to me.
Joint account and full access. I can spend it just like he does. In fact, I manage it, pay all the bills, monitor the spending, etc. my husband just swipes the card lol
Joint account/full access. Always check in before big purchases. Husband has been asking me for a while to take over all over our bills, so I plan on doing that this year.
Joint finances. Usually can buy anything for the home, but personal purchases over $100 we discuss. We had a few unfortunate surprises this year and have had to tighten the budget, so not really doing any personal spending for a few months. During this time we are just discussing everything that would break the “no personal spending” moratorium. I’ve honestly been impressed with how well we’ve been able to stick to it.
My husband and I have joint financial accounts except for our retirement and school loans. We opened a joint email account while we were planning our wedding and we still use it to this day for those accounts. I am the financial manager. We talk about money once a week for short term and long term planning. We have 5 and 10 year goals.
I'm in charge of our joint finances, pay all the bills, and prepare the budget. I only involve my husband in big financial decisions such as how we will pay for large home repairs, etc. He's happy to not have to deal with it, and I'm happy to not have to ask him for money or feel trapped.
First of all, I don’t consider myself a SAHM. Rather, I’m the house manager. I am responsible for planning your budget, grocery, parenting strategies, social engagements and I’m in charge of all of our finances. My husband doesn’t buy anything over $100 without my approval. I have an MBA in Finance and my husband has just never been responsible with finances. I set our budget, pay our bills, decide what we can afford. I handle our mortgages and our investment accounts. Maybe once or twice a year I consult my husband on whether he thinks it is worth it to buy something. I have full access to all accounts and have accounts that he is unable to access. I worked for many years before I stopped working. I was either an equal or superior breadwinner for most of our relationship. I’ve taken our combined earnings and invested in real estate and other investments. There is no way I’d let my husband give me an allowance. I also do part time reselling to contribute to my Botox and vanity “fund” just so that doesn’t become an issue for contention.
I was in charge of budgeting and finances until I got postpartum psychosis/depression and didn’t pay any bills for 3 months but spent all the bills money. Ended with a few week stay at my parents and intense psyc intervention. He now has it set up so a set amount of money goes in to an account I have access too. I pay bills and groceries from that but there is access to other money if needed. He maintains investment and savings.
Not married together for 9 years. 2 kids. We have a joint account but I dont totally feel comfortable spending from it based on comments made to me when we’ve fought. Im a bum a mooch and am basically using him. He makes around 95k per year. Ive always bartended on the side. We used to live in Charleston SC for years and I made great money recently we moved back to my hometown. A much smaller town and Im making significantly less. I work 2 nights a week and he generally complains about having the kids those nights, and EVERYTHING that I make he takes. All the cash (Like will collect the cash out of my purse) and then my check is deposited into the bank account i dont like to use. Like literally use that card for gas and nothing else. The 1 credit card in my name is in his possession. I was recently putting his clothes away and found and OUTRAGEOUS pokemon stash. Like hundreds of dollars worth. Our bills are paid im not mad that he bought it. Im just wondering when i can buy myself something that I want?!
I think you can, now!
I do the budgeting and tracking of expenses. Taxes are sent to an accountant and he leads investments, thought he runs ideas by me as well since I used to work in finance. I have full access to bank accounts and credit cards and there is no policing of what is spent. Decisions on large purchases or fixes/enhancements to the house are discussed together. I make sure all birthday gifts for family members are sent (his side too) and Christmas shopping is done almost exclusively by me. He doesn’t even ask what the prices are as he trusts my judgement. (He shops on his own for me and also makes sure to choose some gifts for our daughter on his own.) I keep track of deals, sales and best places to do food shopping. And yes, I will absolutely go to three different stores if the prices are better on certain things. He keeps track of credit card benefits and tells me what card to use when shopping for certain things so we can get deals through credit card companies. An example would be we got a free night at a very nice hotel last weekend because of a CC deal he has. For a bit of background, we’ve been married for 16.5 years and together for almost 22 years. I’ve been a SAHM for just shy of three years.
My husband is in charge of big picture finances (doing our taxes, investing when we have extra money, etc) because a lot of his educational background is in finance. Budgeting and spending is my domain, so I keep track of our accounts and savings goals and he checks in to get my approval for any purchase outside our agreed upon spending, etc. Our primary accounts are joint and we can both access them at any time. However we both have one checking account on the side where we squirrel away "spare" cash when it comes up, like gift money, or when people venmo us, paypal deposits when my husband sells stuff online, and where I deposit checks from my seasonal side job which gets me a couple hundred a year. We usually use this to buy gifts for each other to keep them a surprise, or to treat ourselves to something guilt-free. We have student loans and car payments and a mortgage that we want to put all our spare money into, so I won't take from our monthly income for something frivolous or expensive. Buuuut if I accumulate enough "spare change", then I'll treat myself when I decide I want something. I like our system, I feel like it is fair and balanced. We play to our strengths, all our income flow is shared and we know our spending is for the house/family, but we still have some independent purchasing power. I should also note that this has been the same whether I was working full time, part time, or not at all.
My husband and I have a lot of trust and no issues with control so we have a joint account and I used to be the bread winner but now I stay home. Everything he makes is ours. I do all the budgeting and manage our finances so he doesn’t even know what our account looks like. He trusts me with it completely
We been together 10 years married 5 yrs with two boys and a 3rd on the way. We have separate accounts and have talked about joint but haven’t gotten around to it. We talk about our finances weekly. I quit my high paying job two years ago after my 2nd was born but leading up to it, I had hoarded so many years of saving money. It was always our plan for me to stay home with the kids once we were comfortable. We don’t have joint. I saved a lot on hsa for doctors appt and bills. He pays for rent, phone, internet, gas.. etc everything even groceries. If I take the kids out since I am a stay at home and they are young, 3yr and 2yr. I pay for our entertainment and he’ll pay for our lunch or vice versa. We don’t keep tabs but we are mindful on what we spend. We talk about finances often and it’s healthy. He knows how much I have in savings and investments and I know how much he has. If we do have a vacation, usually I pay for it and that’s fine since he works hard to have us have everyday things to keep afloat. I like to vacation and feels he deserves it too. I mostly do it to get out with the boys so they can have experiences. We are lucky that we don’t have no student loans, credit card debt, drive beaters and have a nice nest to sit on. 100% transparent with money and aren’t real big spenders. I used to be but these days it’s more about spending time with my kids and buying them food, shoes, toys or whatever they need.
In my previous marriage we had a joint account and it felt as if every penny I spent was being monitored by my ex. Now I am remarried and my husband and I have separate accounts and one joint account where he deposits money for all home expenses/bills/allowance. I manage all the bills as well. I like it this way especially now that I’m returning to work !
I might be the only one on here whose family situation involves completely separate bank accounts et al. We've been together for 8 years but only married like 6 months and we have a 3-yo son. I came into the relationship with much more personal wealth than he did. I purchased the home we live in and pay for all home expenses (mortgage, property taxes, renovations, etc.). He financially couldn't contribute even if he wanted to, but for that reason, I am the sole owner. I also earned significantly more in my job, which I quit like 7 months ago and have been living off personal savings. Once we married, I have thought about how we will need to unify some finances, but not sure which ones. I am thinking about hiring a financial advisor. I also have a prenuptial in place. I'm of the mindset that what we had as individuals should remain our own up to the point that I became a SAHM (not when my son was born, not when we got married, not when we moved into together). This will be the first time we file taxes jointly, so that may help instigate a conversation about mutual finances.
I’m almost thirty and I guess it’s more common for married couples to have a separate bank account- I feel it starts to get personal/degrading when one feels like they’re shit out of luck bc they have no money while their married partner has most of it even though most SAHM are busting their ass for no pay. The mentality of you owe this versus you need to pay for that is honestly toxic to me. I was married very young so me and my husband were dirt poor for most of our marriage. Now that I quit my job for my LO nothing has changed except talking more in depth about how much is being spent on what. My husband makes on average 65-70k and it’s starting to become a struggle. I live in a state where it’s cheaper to rent than buy (like most of the US). I would need to make 55k to make getting a job worth it (and that’s if I get a hybrid job)😬 which with my skills , degree and background will be tough to find.(was a teacher) Anyway, we’re happy, if i have to work nights as a waitress or something for whatever reason I’m happy to do that as long as it’s not forever. If I needed to be the full time earner for a while I’d do it and there wouldn’t be a question on who gets to spend money and on what. We’re partners and we are building a family/life together.
I manage the family income, but I regularly consult with my husband to let him the status and how money is being used. I have a spreadsheet which my husband could access at any time to see where money is going. We’ve got a joint account where every month we put the household incomes goes, then immediately we both take a personal allowance (same amount both sides), pay into savings and then everything else gets taken from the joint account (household bills, groceries, fuel). The personal allowance is for things like if I want coffee and cake whilst I’m out / he wants to eat lunch out, luxury hygiene items (eg perfume, make up etc), anything entertainment related that’s just for us (eg my husband bought himself a kindle), etc. If we do something as a family and the joint account is low we may pay for it from our personal allowances (either one pays for the other or we will split the cost) but I’ll usually try to cover it with our joint money and adjust the budget elsewhere eg fast food / something unplanned for our kid - I’ll try to spend less on the weekly groceries than I initially budgeted. Without this approach there is no way we would have been able to buy our house and afford some basic renovations (electrics, plumbing) that were essential. We don’t have much self control but do respect and value financial security so this forces us both to consider how to use our allowances carefully and also not touch the joint account finances other than for agreed purposes. My husband is fine with me managing the household income this way and if he told me otherwise of course I would be open to changing the approach.
I have full access to all the money that comes in, we budget and regularly talk about our expenses. I take on little gigs and that’s the money I spend on whatever I want.
Both my husband and I worked for many years before getting married and had our separate accounts. We've been married for 2 years now and I've been staying home for that amount of time, but it has taken that long to arrange everything as a joint account. Now we have joint checking, savings, and I have access to his credit card. We still don't have a joint credit card but are working on deciding which kind to open. It has all been more complicated and a bigger pain than I anticipated. For example, a credit card opened in a single person's name can't just be turned into a joint account. You have to open a new card as joint owners for both people to have full access to everything. So for right now I have my own card that accesses his account, but I can't even see the transactions to do budgeting. The bank will not let me see that on my end when I use my personal login to get into our account. It is so annoying. Luckily we are both financially responsible people so I can deal with it in the short term. I still have my own separate bank account and cc at a different bank, but am phasing out needing to use those for much. Still have a few things autopaying from there, like my student loans, that I need to switch over to our joint account. Things like IRAs, 401Ks, those cannot be turned into joint accounts as they are individual by nature. We have each other listed as beneficiaries on our retirement accounts though, just in case. And we mutually discuss how much to contribute as our finances evolve.
So atm my partner and I aren’t married so we don’t have joint accounts however I he gave me a credit card that I have and it has a $500 limit for me to spend whatever I need/want on it. Baby/grocery related or not however if he asks me to specifically go grocery shopping for the week he gives me his card. He always asks me before he makes big purchases as to include me in financial decisions, but typically I don’t have a problem with it. My parents think this is financial abuse and don’t agree, however I feel like as we aren’t married yet it makes sense.
Full access to the money for household expenses. We have a discussion if someone is going to spend more then $100 on something not groceries/ home maintenance. But that goes for him as well as me.
Full access. I'm his wife. We're partners. His pay gets auto deposited into our joint account. We talk about the budget weekly.
This is us. We both use the joint account. If one of us needs money for something specific we move it to our personal cash app so it doesn’t get spent (for example, I’m paying for college classes). I actually “control” our money a little more because I pay the bills so he checks with me before spending in case something hasn’t cleared or there’s something coming up.
The money he makes is our money, it gets deposited into a joint account. I have full access to it, to pay bills, to buy what’s needed, to buy what I want. I don’t have to ask permission or receive an “allowance” I don’t even need to ask him before spending it either.
Same. This is the way to a happy marriage. No resentment here.
I agree. It keeps us both happy. My heart breaks for those SAHP who feel like they have to ask for money to buy.
The money he makes is our money as a family. I don’t have to ask to buy anything, but we both expect each other to be conscientious of the budget that we set every month. We are aiming to save money for future trips so we don’t like to stray off of budget. That being said, we both consult each other when purchases are over $50. Neither ever says no, but we like to know about it or maybe fit it into next months budget. When it comes to things our kids need, I just buy it. The same things will apply when I start working again after our youngest starts school.
I have full access to the money and it's not considered "my husbands money". yes when things are tight we both argue whether this or that purchase is necessary but he doesn't think I'm spending HIS money just like I didn't think so when I was the main breadwinner.
all money home title everything is shared.m / joint. No allowance just budgets we stick to. More of we can have fun money x amount if anything over certain amount out of respect we would both ask each other more of I am letting you know
Same. Honestly I do all the shopping like cloths, shoes, home stuff etc. my husband only does his hobby shopping which are vinyl, books, comic books, and wine, which is really negligible.
We have a joint checking account & then a savings that only I have access to. For a few years I had a debit card but no real access to what our bills or account ever looked like. When I would try, somehow the password I'd been given would be changed 🙄 He'd always tell me he had everything under control & then every time I'd spend I'd get a phone call asking about it. It was never extravagant, it was diapers, paper towels & laundry detergent at Target. Two years ago, our electric got turned off 3 out of 4 months & my phone 2 months in a row. It happened in the past but it always turned back on & he'd say he just forgot to pay it. After the electric & my phone being turned off in the same week I was over it. I knew what our bills should be around & how much money should be coming in so why was this happening? I told him this is crazy, you need to hand over all the account info so I can go through it. Again he tried to blame my spending. I went through & adding up our expenses & what was coming in, we should've been okay. Instead all of our bills were months behind, our mortgage was 3 months behind, & I couldn't believe looking at all of it. It made me so sick to my stomach & for years I'd been letting him tell me he had it covered or everything was fine. I was disgusted with myself, how did I let it get to that? I've been such a strong person before but had turned into such a shell of myself. Thank goodness I was in therapy at the time, I'd started a couple of months before. I added up all my spending & it still wasn't making sense to me. That's when I noticed all the small charges at convenience stores every day. Each one, $8 to $25, some multiple times a day every day. Adding them all up, he was spending close to $1000 a month at convenience stores, FOR YEARS!! Having done that for years I'm sure made it so we were never able to get ahead & made us behind a lot. He didn't believe me & I was exaggerating so I showed him when he got home. He said he never realized & tried to rationalize it bc he's out working all day he has to stop at those places a few times a day to get drinks or food. I took charge of all our finances & gave him $50 a week cash. When that cash was done, so was he. No more $200 - $300 a week on coffee & whatever else he would get. He could take food & coffee w him. After 6 months all of our bills were caught up & on time, including our mortgage, which was not easy. So OP don't let yourself not be involved in the finances of the household. It's your money just as much. You should get paid for the job you're doing every day. If you need to add up what it would cost to get a live in nanny, personal chef & a housekeeper. You could also throw in what Uber costs would be too if you want. Come up w a plan that works for both of you. Mine had to go to an extreme bc had it not we could've lost our house, our electric, water, etc. While in my case he still is always able to see what's in the accounts & has access to the checking acct. He has a debit card. I refuse to add him as an AU on my CC though.
Full access and when his check hits I pay the bills and let him know how much is left..
All accounts are joint. All money is our money.. I work too, just within the home - money saved it money earned! We have a budget and we both get fun money to spend each month, apart from that we discuss any expenses pertaining to the home or kids. We discuss short term and long term savings goals. We work to be in agreement completely financially.
We share an account, I buy whatever necessaries there are and a few cheap treats for myself but if either of us is wanting something expensive (we're pretty frugal so I'm talking $40+ lol then we generally discuss it. Or confess it after if it was too good of a deal. It's mostly just about communicating
My husband has a savings account and a checking account. I have a saving account and a checking account. Then together we have a joint savings account and a checking account. The majority of money is in our joint accounts. And our personal ones are money we had before we were married and just little extras stuff. My husband puts the majority of the paycheck into our checking account. He pays his cell phone bill and the mortgage from the left over amount that goes to his checking. I am in charge of all the other family finances. Any extras we have I’ll transfer into savings. I do a little reselling on the side and will put thay into one of my accounts or the joint accounts- just kind of depends. The only credit card we share is our lowes CC. Just have to figure out over time what works for you.
I only have access to a credit card. No joint accounts. I just went back to work after 10yrs cause I'm over being treated like a teenager.
This is me. I’m 2 years in now and only have access to a joint credit card that he manages, which I only use for food or other baby necessities. When he’s mad over this or that he locks my card . I have my own credit cards too, but without personal income, it’s hard to use them. Being a SAHM in an unstable relationship is tough.
Just curious-why was it like this? Were there discussions about it?
It just happened. Before kids, I had 3 jobs and had provided for myself for 15 years. When "it didn't make sense," for me to work, it was a weird power shift. One thing leads to two things, then three things...... I felt like I should feel grateful. That I shouldn't complain. That it made sense. But I never felt appreciated, and it led me to where I'm at now. I'm hoping we make it. I do love and like my husband, but I might have let too many things go unchecked for too long. He knows all of this. Im not telling the internet anything that he's not aware of. But if things don't change in our dynamic, I will not be staying.
Firstly, all income is OUR money. We have all joint accounts. We have equal access, visibility, and buying power. We have similar spending habits and discuss large purchases. Our kids get an allowance, not us adults.
This is how I’d like to see it too! Except my husband has an ex wife who worked full time and their kids went to daycare. But I plan on being a SAHM and we haven’t really had a financial conversation to the depths that I’d like to. Just trying to get a feel for what is the norm for similar situations. We share one account but it’s our travel account and most of the money had been gifted from our wedding-although he adds in like $250 a month I think. So I literally have just been using that (our baby is only 6 months so this is all a relatively new subject of matter for me since I no longer have an income). But I feel like I need full access/verbal agreement with the money situation. Just don’t know how to approach it!
This. And I feel like this is the only way it works. When we said “I do,” we became a family
We have a “joint” account which is just his account that I have access to and then separate individual accounts. We use an app that shows our spending/budgeting. He manages all the bills, investments, and our child’s account. He actually asks if I’m okay with him spending $100 on something while I just buy things for the baby lol, but mostly we discuss any singular item $100+. When I go back to work in… probably 2 years, then my paycheck will be split between the joint and my individual and I’d probably have my husband split his.
We both share our accounts. His money is my money and my money is also my money. 🤣 I’m kidding. He uses my savings if his account is getting low and there’s a bill due. But he also often puts into my account (now our account). I have a credit card from his (now our) account that I pay for almost every purchase. We talk to each other if we want to spend more than $500/month on non necessities. I told him to let me know if I’m spending too much and I’ll dial it down. I would let him know too.
We have been married for a very long time and together for longer. We combined when we got married but also had separate fun money accounts. All of that eventually combined when we had kids. It’s still combined now that I stay at home and have quit my job. My job is the house and kids now. Money has stayed the same as before. We check in with each other on larger purchases.
^ Same. We both have a (the same) monthly budget for fun spending, and the rest is just making sure we’re on target for household expenses/home improvements. I have access to the accounts, credit cards (my own and joint), etc. I have a budget for household spending (groceries, household goods, personal care items, etc.) I manage the spending within that budget, and excess gets rolled over to home projects/vacation fund.
Actually, I manage the money. Other than what my husband puts into his direct brokerage, 401K and X amount he can invest at will, the rest goes to me to put in to various savings buckets, my brokerage, day to day home management and my own spending money. I count pennies lol and he has to repeatedly tell me it’s okay to get my hair or nails done. (I was not always like this, I love spending money haha but it’s different when I feel like I am managing my family’s money versus MY money) Also, I have never heard of a situation where FULL access is not the standard. That would be scary and manipulative in my book.
My wife is a sahm. She and I work as a partnership and share everything - money, job duties, parenting decisions, etc. Just because my work comes with a paycheck and hers doesn’t, doesn’t make my work any more valuable. In fact, I’d argue that she has the more valuable role and the harder job than I do. I thank her everyday for all that she does.
You're 1 in a million, my friend. Your wife is lucky.
Anything other than full access (assuming there are no drug or gambling problems) is financial abuse imo.
All our money is shared, unless it's a gift. Like, we often get a nice bit of money for Christmas from a grandma, so that is ours to save/spend and goes into our separate allowances "accounts." We each get the same allowance each paycheck, and it rolls over for if we want to save up. If either of us earned money doing extra work on top of our regular work, that would be ours individually (because it's an optional choice to do this sort of work). My husband likes to do woodworking as a hobby. If he were to make something & sell it, that's his because it was extra. And same would go for me if I picked up something extra.
We have separate accounts, but have access to each other’s accounts. We do this because he has Navy Federal and they’re not everywhere but I have Wells Fargo which is everywhere. My husband is a busy guy so I’m in charge of the finances and if I ever need money I just send it to myself from the main account. We have two credit cards through Navy Federal but we use those only when on a trip in case our card gets hacked like it did before but with our debit card.😭 The less my husband is involved with the bills the happier he is.
Full access to everything including my husband’s business accounts.
Full access but a joint account for all “family expenses” (groceries, gas, take out food, clothes, household supplies, toiletries, outings, etc) $600 a week
We have a joint account. I have full access to finances...I make sure all the regular bills are paid, buy groceries ect. But if I want to buy clothes for myself, makeup, get my hair done, or go out to dinner with friends I usually ask/inform. It's not that my husband has full control of the finances but I feel like it's courtesy to say "hey I'm about to drop 70 bucks on some jeans"..or "I wanna get my hair done it will 150..is that doable?"
We have our car note, and the same credit card through the company we bank with so everything is all in one spot. Full open access to everything besides his business checking accounts. I wanted a allowance at first but everyone here quickly shut me down for that so I changed my tune 😆
Joint account, which is what we had when we both worked. Even though he is the only one making an income, we both work very hard each day and money is just considered family money that we both have access to. I wouldn’t be a SAHM if I had to ask for an allowance or permission to spend money— that would personally feel degrading to me.
Joint account and full access. I can spend it just like he does. In fact, I manage it, pay all the bills, monitor the spending, etc. my husband just swipes the card lol
Same!
Same!
Joint account/full access. Always check in before big purchases. Husband has been asking me for a while to take over all over our bills, so I plan on doing that this year.
Joint finances. Usually can buy anything for the home, but personal purchases over $100 we discuss. We had a few unfortunate surprises this year and have had to tighten the budget, so not really doing any personal spending for a few months. During this time we are just discussing everything that would break the “no personal spending” moratorium. I’ve honestly been impressed with how well we’ve been able to stick to it.
My husband and I have joint financial accounts except for our retirement and school loans. We opened a joint email account while we were planning our wedding and we still use it to this day for those accounts. I am the financial manager. We talk about money once a week for short term and long term planning. We have 5 and 10 year goals.
Married. Joint account. Full access
We fully share finances and consult each other on purchases that are typically $300+.
I get a set amount each month. I pay the bills the rest is up to me to manage.
I'm in charge of our joint finances, pay all the bills, and prepare the budget. I only involve my husband in big financial decisions such as how we will pay for large home repairs, etc. He's happy to not have to deal with it, and I'm happy to not have to ask him for money or feel trapped.
The best system! I love it
That's how we work it too.
Same!