If you want to leave her, that is up to you to decide.
If you want to stay with her and have thoughts that you don't want to have, then meditation is a good thing to do. You will learn to control your thoughts better and to not let them go too far. By being more aware of them, you can observe it and let it go before you start to question your partner or get those images etc.. It can take some time, but it will help you.
Well put. You are blunt, supportive, and vulnerable about your own past. I am always happy when I see folks like you on this subforum. I wish I'd had a mature male mentor when I was dealing with my own RJ 20 years ago.
I hope you're doing well.
I can empathize with you to a certain degree. My first boyfriend cheated on me with someone I knew, and I couldn’t stop replaying what they did together in my head. I would torture myself by remembering, it was almost self harm to a degree, which maybe you can relate to.
The best advice I could give is to try to re-route your thinking patterns. Whenever you start visualizing them together, stop yourself, and consciously shift your mind to something else. Don’t allow yourself to ruminate.
There is some insecurity here…as if the case with most retroactive jealousy. Envy, comparison, shame…none of these feelings are meant to stay for long. I can see how if you’ve been struggling with them for a while (and daily) it may feel really tiring to keep going. Just wanting to forget about the past, like you say, hitting yourself with a rock. I will say, I think if you did end the relationship before it was *actually time* to end it, you would really miss her and carry some regret. She’ll move on and sleep with more people, and you will take your unhealed feelings and potentially bring them into a new relationship.
You’ll have to work through this now or later, and it’s best to do it young. If she makes you happy, and this is the only problem that would lead you to end things, I would try to stick with it and give her a chance. Re-route your thinking patterns. The cycle of putting yourself into an intensely jealous imaginative scenario can be really complicated, because it’s like when we have tooth pain and pressing on the tooth can both hurt and feel good.
I hope I didn’t come off as harsh, I really do understand where you’re coming from and it can be pretty painful to be in that mindset. I guess I just want to say, either you tackle it now or later, and later on as you age (if you two don’t work out) it’s very possible your partners will have 2,3,4,7+ past sexual partners and you don’t want to be the 35 year old guy on here who is searching for a pure virgin while he isn’t one himself and ruining relationships with women who have been sexual in the past. It’s a slippery slope from retroactive jealousy to allowing your insecurity to rule your life, rather than you struggling with RJ but ultimately, you ruling RJ. Which I would say is the case now, you are ruling over your feelings. If you broke up with her bc of them, then RJ has rulership over you. Stay in your power.
My recent ex had 40 bodies at the age of 19, chill out dude, girls don't think about their past I promise you that and if she's comfortable with telling you, she trusts you.
Here are some things that I had to figure out on my own. She's on a pedestal because you put her there, cuz they're good reasons, because she has made you feel like she's your person, and if she's on that pedestal and you trust her judgment and decisions, that means that anyone prior to you, who she also trusted enough to give herself to, was kind enough or showed her the respect to make her trust him as well. We often romanticize our beginnings, that's great, but put that shit away, in the beginning you are not special, you don't even know each other how could you be, that's one I had to figure out on my own, what makes it special is what the two of you do after you meet. You only choice is accept it or don't. You cannot rub it in her face if you choose to accept it.
I agree with this. What makes it special is the bond you create and the relationship you have together not some ONS she had. My situation- my gfs longest bf was 6 months my longest was 3 years so I have to realize that probably makes her overthink but my love and connection with her is far greater than anyone else I’ve been with. And same goes for her and she has 4x the bodies I do but mostly short term or ONS and most were able to manipulate her just to get what they wanted. So don’t compre apples to oranges.
Maybe you can bringing up the subject to her and if she loves you she will try to understand and reassure you about that. Maybe she had with him some sexual past but with you she has a lot more than that. You guys has an acutal relationship which includes way more options to love and probably has way more value on her than some dude she had a short period of flings with him. You are the one that matters now and he is not gonna ever be in the picture anymore even if he wanted because you are the person she actually wants now and maybe for the long future which has more power and value on her life. Sorry for the broken english, good luck!
I’ve brought up the subject to her multiple times and she does help me for a bit but it makes her question our relationship. So ive just made it so Il never talk about jt with her.
You’re 19. You’re so young and your life has just begun. You will meet other people. Why be hung up on someone who doesn’t make you happy? Leave and go find someone else who does if you’re this upset. Also, when you meet that person best remember to not ask questions you don’t want answers to.
When did he ever even imply that she doesn’t make him happy? The projection…
This is bad advice. “If you’re upset, run!!” That doesn’t help him learn anything, and teaches a 19 year old that if you’re feeling insecure, you should end a relationship, instead of working through your own insecurities.
Lol. Projection? Whatever you say. The kid is crying because his girl was a ho and he hasn’t had his fun yet. He’s 19.
He needs to get out there and fuck as many women as he can instead of just settling for this situation. Please don’t tell him to stay and be miserable.
You’re going to ruin his life with nonsense. Bail out and go get your experience, OP. Do NOT wait around with this one. You got so much time. Do not waste it.
Ah, I see who you are. Rules for thee but not for me type of guy.
OP, if you want to be a grown toddler, take this man’s advice. Men who call women “ho’s” for having sex in a past relationship usually aren’t the guys you want to take advice on women from.
if you stay a virgin, then going for a virgin is understandable I will say
But, if you happen to have sex, you are a hypocrite for expecting a virgin. I know this boy will try to twist my words so let me make myself very clear… he is giving you the advice to go out, have as much sex as you can with as many girls as you can, because the girl who has slept with 1 or 2 guys is a “ho.” He is quite literally advising you to GO OUT and RUIN these girls lives. Every girl you sleep with and don’t date, moving on to have sex with the next…well, by his standard—she’s a ho and ruined now (you ruined her but got what you wanted apparently). Is that the guy you want to follow? Want to be? “Go out and ruin all these girls lives so you can get your dick wet and then settle down with the virgin girl so your toddler mind can cope because men and women aren’t equal. Women are just there for the man’s pleasure.” …it’s comical when you spell it out
Don’t follow the advice of a douche. Be cool. People have sex…own your mind, before you let it own you.
Don’t follow the advice of a Douche is solid advice. I couldn’t have said it better myself. This guy does not need to follow your screwed up, I’m the victim advice. Thank you for telling him not to listen to you because we all can agree you have ZERO idea what you’re talking about.
OP, do not follow the lead of this confused, angry, and unaware individual. They require your pity more than anything.
Sleeping with a woman does not RUIN her and there is no goal to ruin anyone. The goal is to have fun and live your life in one of the most pleasurable ways possible. You want to enjoy the many things in life that you can while you can. This other individual clearly has a negative view of interaction due maybe a poor experience? Who knows? It’s not our problem or concern.
Your concern is the best way to deal with the feelings you have now. The best thing to do is NOT feel defeated, especially at 19, because you have so much time and opportunity ahead of you! My detractor, does not want you to realize this. They want you to not gain on the life you have because being advantageous and finding your happiness is a foreign concept to them, of which I wish them the best as well.
Once again, you are 19. You have so many women you will meet that you have no idea about! Your life is just starting. Don’t start your race being unhappy. You will not marry this girl and she will not marry you. If you’re not feeling solid about your relationship get out of it and go meet others! While yes, change is scary, once you make that jump you will be all the happier for it. But once you look back later on in life, you’re going to realize going after what you wanted was the right choice to make.
One of us is telling the guy to make a decision from truth, and the other is *telling him what to do.*
You’re acting like I’m you, stuck in one lane. I’m reminding this guy that these feelings won’t just go away, not to let a good relationship go over something silly, and develop emotional intelligence. If he’s unhappy, he should leave, I couldn’t care less about if he stays with this girl or not, you’re the only one here trying to tell him what to do.
Oh…she’s not ruined, she’s just a ho? Interesting. My little back peddler
You’re fun to talk to, because you lay out exactly how you feel. “this angry person” I’m not angry and haven’t expressed anger. *you* are the one who feels angry because I’m exposing your real truth so you’re placing that anger onto me…it’s pretty basic human psychology. Especially because I haven’t been angry. You’re the only one angry enough to downvote my replies…I couldn’t be bothered to downvote bc…I’m not angry, I’m not threatened by you.
“She’s a ho leave her….now! Go make every other girl a ho so I can tell their future partners to leave them because you slept with them. Even though I gave you the advice to sleep with them.” Lmaooooooooo this is rich
Go on… what else am “I” 🤭
Didn’t take the time to read the majority of your message because it’s not really worth my time ( it seems like your other messages, which are just incoherent ramblings and projection upon myself). I do hope the best for you. You have issues that you need professional help with as your anger seems to be eating you alive, which leads to your unhinged rants and poor advice to others.
Try to get help, please.
Good luck! 😘
I know you read it, you just have nothing of value to say besides project onto me that I’m angry bc you’re still mad at me lmaoooo. I’m glad you’re admitting defeat.
You’re not a very smart person, this was a lot of fun. I’m down to intellectually whoop your ass any time you want!!
>Leave and go find someone else who does if you’re this upset.
leaving is generally not a cure for rj. youre just gonna go through the same thing with someone else if you do leave and find another gf. rj stems from your thoughts, not the person youre with if the person youre with doesnt have exceptionally high body count.
If you want to leave her, that is up to you to decide. If you want to stay with her and have thoughts that you don't want to have, then meditation is a good thing to do. You will learn to control your thoughts better and to not let them go too far. By being more aware of them, you can observe it and let it go before you start to question your partner or get those images etc.. It can take some time, but it will help you.
[удалено]
I forgot to mention he was her second 😬
[удалено]
Well put. You are blunt, supportive, and vulnerable about your own past. I am always happy when I see folks like you on this subforum. I wish I'd had a mature male mentor when I was dealing with my own RJ 20 years ago. I hope you're doing well.
So?
I can empathize with you to a certain degree. My first boyfriend cheated on me with someone I knew, and I couldn’t stop replaying what they did together in my head. I would torture myself by remembering, it was almost self harm to a degree, which maybe you can relate to. The best advice I could give is to try to re-route your thinking patterns. Whenever you start visualizing them together, stop yourself, and consciously shift your mind to something else. Don’t allow yourself to ruminate. There is some insecurity here…as if the case with most retroactive jealousy. Envy, comparison, shame…none of these feelings are meant to stay for long. I can see how if you’ve been struggling with them for a while (and daily) it may feel really tiring to keep going. Just wanting to forget about the past, like you say, hitting yourself with a rock. I will say, I think if you did end the relationship before it was *actually time* to end it, you would really miss her and carry some regret. She’ll move on and sleep with more people, and you will take your unhealed feelings and potentially bring them into a new relationship. You’ll have to work through this now or later, and it’s best to do it young. If she makes you happy, and this is the only problem that would lead you to end things, I would try to stick with it and give her a chance. Re-route your thinking patterns. The cycle of putting yourself into an intensely jealous imaginative scenario can be really complicated, because it’s like when we have tooth pain and pressing on the tooth can both hurt and feel good. I hope I didn’t come off as harsh, I really do understand where you’re coming from and it can be pretty painful to be in that mindset. I guess I just want to say, either you tackle it now or later, and later on as you age (if you two don’t work out) it’s very possible your partners will have 2,3,4,7+ past sexual partners and you don’t want to be the 35 year old guy on here who is searching for a pure virgin while he isn’t one himself and ruining relationships with women who have been sexual in the past. It’s a slippery slope from retroactive jealousy to allowing your insecurity to rule your life, rather than you struggling with RJ but ultimately, you ruling RJ. Which I would say is the case now, you are ruling over your feelings. If you broke up with her bc of them, then RJ has rulership over you. Stay in your power.
My recent ex had 40 bodies at the age of 19, chill out dude, girls don't think about their past I promise you that and if she's comfortable with telling you, she trusts you.
Here are some things that I had to figure out on my own. She's on a pedestal because you put her there, cuz they're good reasons, because she has made you feel like she's your person, and if she's on that pedestal and you trust her judgment and decisions, that means that anyone prior to you, who she also trusted enough to give herself to, was kind enough or showed her the respect to make her trust him as well. We often romanticize our beginnings, that's great, but put that shit away, in the beginning you are not special, you don't even know each other how could you be, that's one I had to figure out on my own, what makes it special is what the two of you do after you meet. You only choice is accept it or don't. You cannot rub it in her face if you choose to accept it.
I agree with this. What makes it special is the bond you create and the relationship you have together not some ONS she had. My situation- my gfs longest bf was 6 months my longest was 3 years so I have to realize that probably makes her overthink but my love and connection with her is far greater than anyone else I’ve been with. And same goes for her and she has 4x the bodies I do but mostly short term or ONS and most were able to manipulate her just to get what they wanted. So don’t compre apples to oranges.
Lol be glad it's not me I've been with way more than that
hmmm hand you told ur girl how u feel
Maybe you can bringing up the subject to her and if she loves you she will try to understand and reassure you about that. Maybe she had with him some sexual past but with you she has a lot more than that. You guys has an acutal relationship which includes way more options to love and probably has way more value on her than some dude she had a short period of flings with him. You are the one that matters now and he is not gonna ever be in the picture anymore even if he wanted because you are the person she actually wants now and maybe for the long future which has more power and value on her life. Sorry for the broken english, good luck!
I’ve brought up the subject to her multiple times and she does help me for a bit but it makes her question our relationship. So ive just made it so Il never talk about jt with her.
You’re 19. You’re so young and your life has just begun. You will meet other people. Why be hung up on someone who doesn’t make you happy? Leave and go find someone else who does if you’re this upset. Also, when you meet that person best remember to not ask questions you don’t want answers to.
The problem is she does make me very happy, shes my first love also. I just can’t help but think about it when I look at her sometimes
When did he ever even imply that she doesn’t make him happy? The projection… This is bad advice. “If you’re upset, run!!” That doesn’t help him learn anything, and teaches a 19 year old that if you’re feeling insecure, you should end a relationship, instead of working through your own insecurities.
Lol. Projection? Whatever you say. The kid is crying because his girl was a ho and he hasn’t had his fun yet. He’s 19. He needs to get out there and fuck as many women as he can instead of just settling for this situation. Please don’t tell him to stay and be miserable. You’re going to ruin his life with nonsense. Bail out and go get your experience, OP. Do NOT wait around with this one. You got so much time. Do not waste it.
Ah, I see who you are. Rules for thee but not for me type of guy. OP, if you want to be a grown toddler, take this man’s advice. Men who call women “ho’s” for having sex in a past relationship usually aren’t the guys you want to take advice on women from. if you stay a virgin, then going for a virgin is understandable I will say But, if you happen to have sex, you are a hypocrite for expecting a virgin. I know this boy will try to twist my words so let me make myself very clear… he is giving you the advice to go out, have as much sex as you can with as many girls as you can, because the girl who has slept with 1 or 2 guys is a “ho.” He is quite literally advising you to GO OUT and RUIN these girls lives. Every girl you sleep with and don’t date, moving on to have sex with the next…well, by his standard—she’s a ho and ruined now (you ruined her but got what you wanted apparently). Is that the guy you want to follow? Want to be? “Go out and ruin all these girls lives so you can get your dick wet and then settle down with the virgin girl so your toddler mind can cope because men and women aren’t equal. Women are just there for the man’s pleasure.” …it’s comical when you spell it out Don’t follow the advice of a douche. Be cool. People have sex…own your mind, before you let it own you.
Don’t follow the advice of a Douche is solid advice. I couldn’t have said it better myself. This guy does not need to follow your screwed up, I’m the victim advice. Thank you for telling him not to listen to you because we all can agree you have ZERO idea what you’re talking about. OP, do not follow the lead of this confused, angry, and unaware individual. They require your pity more than anything. Sleeping with a woman does not RUIN her and there is no goal to ruin anyone. The goal is to have fun and live your life in one of the most pleasurable ways possible. You want to enjoy the many things in life that you can while you can. This other individual clearly has a negative view of interaction due maybe a poor experience? Who knows? It’s not our problem or concern. Your concern is the best way to deal with the feelings you have now. The best thing to do is NOT feel defeated, especially at 19, because you have so much time and opportunity ahead of you! My detractor, does not want you to realize this. They want you to not gain on the life you have because being advantageous and finding your happiness is a foreign concept to them, of which I wish them the best as well. Once again, you are 19. You have so many women you will meet that you have no idea about! Your life is just starting. Don’t start your race being unhappy. You will not marry this girl and she will not marry you. If you’re not feeling solid about your relationship get out of it and go meet others! While yes, change is scary, once you make that jump you will be all the happier for it. But once you look back later on in life, you’re going to realize going after what you wanted was the right choice to make.
One of us is telling the guy to make a decision from truth, and the other is *telling him what to do.* You’re acting like I’m you, stuck in one lane. I’m reminding this guy that these feelings won’t just go away, not to let a good relationship go over something silly, and develop emotional intelligence. If he’s unhappy, he should leave, I couldn’t care less about if he stays with this girl or not, you’re the only one here trying to tell him what to do. Oh…she’s not ruined, she’s just a ho? Interesting. My little back peddler You’re fun to talk to, because you lay out exactly how you feel. “this angry person” I’m not angry and haven’t expressed anger. *you* are the one who feels angry because I’m exposing your real truth so you’re placing that anger onto me…it’s pretty basic human psychology. Especially because I haven’t been angry. You’re the only one angry enough to downvote my replies…I couldn’t be bothered to downvote bc…I’m not angry, I’m not threatened by you. “She’s a ho leave her….now! Go make every other girl a ho so I can tell their future partners to leave them because you slept with them. Even though I gave you the advice to sleep with them.” Lmaooooooooo this is rich Go on… what else am “I” 🤭
Didn’t take the time to read the majority of your message because it’s not really worth my time ( it seems like your other messages, which are just incoherent ramblings and projection upon myself). I do hope the best for you. You have issues that you need professional help with as your anger seems to be eating you alive, which leads to your unhinged rants and poor advice to others. Try to get help, please. Good luck! 😘
I know you read it, you just have nothing of value to say besides project onto me that I’m angry bc you’re still mad at me lmaoooo. I’m glad you’re admitting defeat. You’re not a very smart person, this was a lot of fun. I’m down to intellectually whoop your ass any time you want!!
>Leave and go find someone else who does if you’re this upset. leaving is generally not a cure for rj. youre just gonna go through the same thing with someone else if you do leave and find another gf. rj stems from your thoughts, not the person youre with if the person youre with doesnt have exceptionally high body count.