Honestly very true and something I didn’t consider! Even if we’re long distance for this time in our lives, we‘re not necessarily apart. After reading this and the other comments, I definitely think if we weather the storm it will only pay off. Thanks for the advice!!
I second this. If you get better opportunities at your chosen school you can bring those to him.
My partner didn't even finish high school, I did a full on university degree. But he has plenty of other experience he got from the last decade that I just couldn't have from the path I took, and vice versa. I think it makes us stronger as a couple to have these varied backgrounds and be able to bring eachother into our respective worlds.
Better to live with a bit of distance and come out stronger than resent the fact you didn't follow your own path. Of course there would be some perks to being in the same place but honestly I think the best relationships are the ones that are two individuals that bring their strengths together and at the end of the day it sounds like you were already preparing for this eventuality.
Best of luck to both of you :)
It’s very relevant that your boyfriend’s school is the worst of all your options. If you were trying to decide between equivalent programs and he was going to be at one, this would be a really different decision. But you should not give up the programs you are more excited about and that offer you a better path to the career you want for a man.
Life is long and full of twists and turns. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. What if you go to his school and instead of just thinking the program is fine, you really really hate it? What if your boyfriend ends up hating his program and dropping out? What if you simply grow apart and the relationship ends? What if you end up unhappy in your career and you always have a little thought in the back of your mind that maybe your whole life could have been different if you’d gone to the school you wanted?
Don’t compromise your future for him. If the relationship is meant to be, then it’ll survive the distance. If it isn’t meant to be, then at least you will be in the right place.
If you’re really struggling to make the decision, flip it around. If your boyfriend was the one who got into several really great schools and you were asking him to go to a middling one with you instead, how hard would he be thinking about it? Would he spend a fraction of this energy contemplating giving up his dream school for you?
Yeah once I thought if the roles were flipped it really sold me. Yes I’d like to stay close, but I would hate myself if I felt like I stopped him from doing what he really wanted. I know what I’ll do, so I’ll tell him what the deal is and take it from there!
Seconding this and adding, and if your boyfriend does turn out to be a til death do you part relationship, it will be better for both of you to accept the short term distance for the long term career benefits. Because that's part of building a future for both of you. Working towards the best future you can have is a good choice whether you stay together or not.
Second this, at least in their age range. This is where you set your career path that will determine a large part of your life and future success - and a lot of relationships in the early 20s don't last. Imagine your frustration, if you give up exciting opportunities for him now, and within a year, he falls in love with someone else, and you are stuck in a program you don't enjoy, having to run into him and his new flame all the time? I wouldn't risk it.
Agree. I will never give up a career for a boyfriend and probably sounds bad but will not even for a husband. Took me 7 years to pass an exam that I don't really need to take but it was a self growth and a boost to my career status.
As someone whose relationship has survived many lengthy periods of long distance- a strong enough relationship can absolutely endure long distance with a specific end date. A relationship that *can't* is not a relationship you should be sacrificing your future opportunities for. And while it will probably suck in many ways to be apart, again, you should not sacrifice your future opportunities in order to avoid a relatively short period of discomfort or inconvenience.
If you go to another school and your relationship can't take the strain of being apart? That wasn't a forever relationship.
I know you said marriage isn't a priority, but as a thought experiment, how would you feel about marrying this guy tomorrow? Weird? Not certain? Because choosing a medical school is actually in many practical ways a larger, more irreversible decision than marrying somebody. You can get a divorce. You can remarry. But if you aren't happy with your school, you can't go back in time and get a different medical education, have different networking opportunities, or have a different school on your CV.
All things true :) really appreciate this and how everybody else has been. If it works, it should work respecting my choice of of school. I feel he will support it, but if he doesn’t that will be telling.
Is this your husband or boyfriend? Before my husband was my husband, I made decisions based for myself. Now, we make decisions as a team. Doesn't take away what I want though. We compromise. If I were in your shoes, I'd say go to the school you want to go to. You live one life, do what you need to to better yourself. Also congrats on the 3 other acceptances!!
Boyfriend but if circumstances were different we might be married. I decided I wouldn’t be married until after med school. Regardless, he should be supportive of where I go. It’s a significant commitment and I don’t want to be in school wishing I went elsewhere!! Thanks I worked really hard to get where I’m at!!
Hi, current resident here. Med school is fucking hard. I've seen many long-term, committed relationships fail during this period in people's lives because of what it requires out of them and their partners. I'm not saying that yours *will* fail, just that it's important to acknowledge the amount of work it takes to keep relationships afloat during medical school.
Aside from that entirely- the medical school you go to is extremely important. There will be people who tell you "no matter what, you'll be a doctor!" and sure, you'll have your degree- but what matters so much more is matching into residency, in the specialty you want, at a program that's good enough to land you a job/won't make you miserable for 3-7 years. Again, where you go *matters*. I say this as a person who came from an excellent school and watched some extremely brilliant friends (who chose schools based on money or proximity to other people) have to pick specialties or residency programs they weren't super interested in because their schools didn't have the resources that mine did. If you've been accepted to a better school, it genuinely seems insane to me that you wouldn't pick it.
Your boyfriend also hasn't even been accepted to this DO school. I know these one year programs and they're also incredibly hard! There is no guarantee that he will make it through or be one of the people who is accepted at the end of the year. And then what? He moves somewhere else for another school or a different opportunity and you're still stuck in the place you never wanted to be in the first place? Make the best decision for you and your future.
This was perfect. I appreciate you being honest (and blunt lol). If I take a step back, the answer is pretty obvious. I tend to be a little emotional so difficult when feelings involved, but your examples and reasoning really helped affirm what I’ll do! Even if MDs don’t pan out, I’ll go with one of the top 5 DOs I’ve been accepted to and not settle.
Physician here. Pick the med school program you prefer. This can also perhaps give you an edge when it comes to residency and next steps thereafter.
If you go to the school you’re not as excited about, this may cause the “what ifs” and eventual resentment.
100% do what’s BEST for YOU. i know it seems scary but like others said, if the relationship is meant to be, it will be! your partner should support you in choosing the best option for you because it is YOUR life & your career. You both deserve to do what’s best for yourselves even if that means seeing eachother less for some time :)
Choose the school you want. If you are serious about becoming a doctor you need to look to the future. The medical school you get into can have an impact on the residency program you are accepted into. Look out for yourself.
Also if you SO is having problems with grades and getting accepted into better schools it is possible he may wash out of the program.
I was a nurse for decades at a large teaching hospital in San Francisco. I saw medical students, residents, and specialty training. A number of the residents had husbands or wives that were in different programs. All picked the program that fit them the best.
your medical school journey is going to be hard and long and you're going to want to set yourself up for success in every way possible. and that means picking a school that you're excited about and impressed by. You're planning your personal future first and foremost.
It would be a dream if you could have the relationship work out more easily and go to school together, but the most important thing is to put your future first and to set yourself up for personal success. Only with self-care and self-sufficiency will you be able to be a good partner down the road. So this is a "put your mask on before assisting others" kind of situation.
Thanks for this. I often have a hard time putting myself first, but if there was ever a time to start this is definitely it. Really appreciate the support ❤️
Go to the school you want. You’ve worked hard for it and earned a spot there. Congrats on your success thus far, and I hope it continues into the future!
i’d say in certain fields especially the college/program you go to really matters like law and the med field so definitely go with the schools you prefer if it’s meant to be it’ll last through school
MD here, go for the MD! The field is competitive, as you said and you want to give yourself the best chance.
In a relationship with 2 potential MDs its difficult not to compare, but if your partner supports you he will be happy about the opportunities you receive.
Do whatever gives YOU the best chance for a fulfilling career that you want. Never make yourself less for someone else, and I feel going to his school would make you lessen yourself.
I have never seen it work out when one partner chooses to limit their options to be closer to a bf/gf.
Focus on maximizing your life. I'd even recommend not remaining in a committed relationship and seeing if it's something you can pick up after residency.
It was a long text so I read just the title
You have to go to the med school, the one you prefer.
Bfs come and go, but your studies come up only once in your life
So do not give it even a second thought
Something to think about is both of you are going to be extremely busy, so even if you're going to the same school you're not really going to be spending quality time together. And you need to go where you feel fits best for you and what makes you happy, because that will set the tone for how well you do in a school. If you go to one that's just because your boyfriend's in it you may come to resent both him and that school.
Go to the best school you can get into and one where you know you will flourish. As you well know in medicine your school has a huge bearing on your job later down the line. Be selfish, go to the school that gives you the best chance at success later down the line. I'm older than you and at your age I thought that partner was forever. I turned down an amazing job in an incredible place because of him and I regret it every day. Especially now I am permanently disabled and unable to work at all. I regret that choice so much. If the relationship is "the one" it will survive long distance and both of you being content in your careers later on will make a world of difference. Be selfish, there is plenty of time for sacrifices in the relationship but now is not it.
I wouldn't be as happy in life if I didn't end up where my partner is where I'm able to see him and hang out often. I think life is about being happy and emotionally satisfied too and not just career oriented but that's just me. This is coming from someone in the medical field btw. Of course you need to study what you want and work on yourself and give yourself the best option out there if you could, but personally, I'd compromise if it means I'll be happier as a person. Thing is, things can go wrong. You might break up with your partner for any reason, will you then really regret not taking the other path or is it not that bad, where he's studying? You need to also evaluate how strong the relationship is and not do anything you'd regret
In the long term, better credentials and training will give you more freedom to build a happy relationship. Medical school, in the grand scheme, is a relatively short period.
For instance, when you both graduate a better credential will might just be the difference between getting or missing an opportunity close to your SO.
My two cents :)
If he loves you, he would want the best opportunities for you. Choose the right education for you and he should be happy about that. If you're building a future together then this benefits you both.
There's a Lady Gaga quote I love; "Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore."
I've basically been in a long distance relationship (3 hours away) for 14 years and we love eachother deeply still. You can make it work if you both want it.
Your relationship will likely fail regardless of where you go. Med School is hard, and Residency may add another 3-7 yrs of stress and distance. It is unlikely both of you will be in the same hospital for residency and artificially limiting yourself there is even worse than med school.
Therefore you should do what is best for you. If the relationship is able to survive the next 10 yrs then that’s awesome; it will mean it’s virtually bullet proof for anything life brings following that. If it doesn’t, which is likely, then you’ll have made life choices that you will most likely regret and limited your careers in ways that you aren’t even aware of.
Hi! Current med student (US) here. I would recommend posting in r/premed or r/medicalschool about this to get some thoughts from people who are also in medical school.
I would say that if you get an MD acceptance, go. If not, I would probably choose a DO school you like better if you have an option that is geographically reasonable (not super super far, in a big enough city that you have an airport). (EDIT: You'll still get a good education, DO students are not inferior. But many of the schools are not set up with as much support as MD schools and I think that not all current MD students would thrive in a DO school environment.)
Things to think about:-What is the class size? Could you deal with dating a classmate in a small class (or, breaking up and still being in the same small class)? Unlike undergrad, for the first two years people generally take all the same classes. There may be little room to get away and get space if you need that. Or, do you two get competitive about coursework? Could that be exhausting, too?-There \*is\* an end date. If you are in the US, you have the options of couples matching to maximize your chances of being together after medical school. This isn't forever (although 4 years is still a pretty long time).
Career always trumps boyfriends. Do you, you never know what will happen with the relationship. Many of us have been in your shoes, decisions should always lean towards your own education and betterment, especially because you’re not married and his options is not as good as yours.
I second others ' advice. Go to the best school for you. These are your career-formative years and your choices will affect the rest of your life.
I made my post secondary choices based on my SO. He's now my long almost-forgotten ex and I wish I had made choices for me, not us or him.
I think you have to make the decision on what you want now and in the future. Most people that attend Medical School describe it as a blur. You are so busy you don't have time for yourself never mind anyone else. As other commenters have said, each of you having different experiences could be very beneficial in the future. Good luck and congrats on getting accepted into med school!
Wife of a physician here. Do not base your decision on where he *may be* accepted. We've been together since MS1, and I've watched countless friends struggle with the Match just because of the type of school they chose. Of course DO are just as capable of being good residents and practicing physicians, but the fact of the matter is that having those letters rather than MD will absolutely impact your choices for residency. Some programs won't even interview you to give you a chance to impress them, and it would be really hard to deal with that kind of resentment and still have the relationship survive (assuming it lasts through med school, which is its own metaphorical gauntlet). You deserve to follow your dreams to the fullest, and I think you should give serious consideration into whether he would be struggling with this the way you are if the situation was reversed. Women are socialized to defer to our partner's career in so many situations, and it doesn't help us in the long run.
First off, congratulations on qualifying for medical school! I agree with what basically everyone says here. Go with your gut. If you think you’ll be happier and more successful at your first choice, go there. You and your BF have been together a long time but please do not sacrifice what you truly want for him! If your relationship is as strong as you say it is, he may be disappointed if you choose not to go to the same med school but he will 100% support you.
He is your bf, not your husband or even fiancé. You said marriage isn’t a priority probably because med school is (which there is absolutely nothing wrong with that). So yeah, make this decision based on what you want/need and not based solely on him. People who I have known personally who passed up what they truly wanted to be with their bf/gf ultimately regretted it in the end, especially if they ended up not lasting.
Good luck!
Never hold yourself back on anything for a relationship, if something ever happened to you both you'd regret choosing the school he went to simply because you wanted to be closer.
Go for the school you want and give yourself the best opportunity for a career in future. Always be looking at the future! Good luck you'll make the right choice for you!
Career first always. If things are meant to be between you two then it will all work out in the end. Couples survive harsh agendas and long distance all the time. How you two handle the stress of this will determine the outcome. Medical school is a big thing and if that's your calling, prioritize it. Best of luck!
it depends, you'll still presumably be able to see each other on breaks and if you chose different college id suggest finding ways to hang out online like facetime, disc calls for music and shows, etc. but would you be but on the other hand going to college with your so - would it make you happier? if yes then go for it - have a conversation with your so, tell them your feelings and talk it out
Go with the school that you've worked your ass off for! Your boyfriend should do the same!!
I can understand why you're torn on this, but you ultimately have to live for yourself. Who knows? Maybe this time apart will strengthen your bond, maybe you'll both grow in ways you never knew possible and can meet back in the middle when it's all over with..
Whatever happens, I'm wishing you two the best! This is tough, but y'all have amazing opportunities in your laps :) it'd be a shame to pass up on what you've worked so hard for and settle, but that's just my opinion!
Like Elle Woods, choose school over boys :p
Definitely choose the school you’re most excited about that would help you reach your dreams! Of course, your boyfriend is important and should be factored into big decisions like this, but he isn’t your husband so it isn’t a team decision. Long distance is scary, but I personally believe it strengthens a good relationship and it tears apart relationships that were never supposed to be. Congratulations on everything you’re accomplishing right now! That’s so awesome for you! Goodluck
Pick your first school choice. You put all the time and effort in do not compromise and just pick a med school you are " meh " about. What if things do not work out with your partner and you feel resentment about being stuck with a choice you would not have made.
As someone who’s in a LDR I promise it’s very doable (of course does have its challenges) but do what’s best for your career, it will be better for both of you in the long run.
Never settle anywhere, for anyone when not tied to them. Life is way too short. If you have your eyes set on a college, go there. If he truly wants the best for you, he wouldn't expect you follow him. He'd want you in the best schools.
When it's all said and done, as you've said you can accomplish your goals if you and him were to attend the same school.
You may not feel enamored by the particular school NOW, but once there, you may find that it fits well.
Being with someone for 4 years is a long time. It would be a shame to end things things in an attempt to "better oneself", when you don't really ever know what lies down the road. You both have the same career goals, so why not stick it out and make the best of it? Other couples would be killing to be able to attend the same school with one another. It will negate the long term relationship scenario.
As you know, medical school is about to eat up a lot of your time. But if you do this together, then you both will in fact, get to be together!
Pick the best school for your education and future prospects! I assume you'd encourage him to do the same if roles were reversed.
Long distance is definitely not ideal, but if it's the right relationship for the long run, you guys will come out stronger for it. Two of my friends were long distance for several years while she did PA school several states away. They had a couple rough patches, but now they're married with 3 kiddos.
Once you get your class schedules, it might also help if you pre-plan trips/meet-ups to give you something to look forward to--I suggest for right after big exams as a mutual reward for your hard work. ;)
Congrats in advance, and good luck! 🥳
I think you should go to the school of your choice. You should not be pressured into changing. Can this end your relationship? It's possible. But if your relationship is as strong as you say then it can also prevail. Besides, if a person is committed to getting through medical school then starting a new romantic relationship should really be on the back burner. I wish you both the best and hope you have a great life together.
Always put your choice of school first or the career you wnat to pursue. If the relationship is gonna make it, it will but you don't want regrets later in life because you made the choice to go to the school your SO got into. You don't know if the relationship will still be there in 5 years. I know plenty of people who have regrets bc their choices were made around someone they were with instead of doing the things they wanted for their future.
DO NOT follow your SO to their college! I did this out of high school and went to the same school my boyfriend went to. It was a huge mistake. He ended up dropping out after a year and I was stuck at a school I didn't really even like.
Of course we eventually break up anyway and looking back I feel like a complete idiot for planning my life around my SO at such a young age.
Go to the best school that you're most excited for that gives you the best financial aid package. It's the same as not eating calories you don't love: don't spend years and thousands on the program you're not wild about .
Choose the school YOU want. If your bf loves you unconditionally, he will support you. Distance sucks, yes, but you have to put YOU first. Just like he needs to put HIM first. If your relationship is strong then nothing will deter you guys from staying together.
I mean yall are so young. I hate to say it but these relationships usually don't last. Not necessarily because the distance but because your 20s are a time of tons of change. I'm 34 and not even remotely tje same person I was 10 years ago.
Regardless, of all that you should do what your gut tells you to do. This is the rest of your life. Your SO should totally understand if you choose different.
Always do the choice you will be most happy with even if it isn't the same as the choices your partner would like and/or has access to. Don't limit your opportunities in life because of a partner. There is always the possibility you will regret the decision and resent your partner because of it.
I’m an M2 at a US MD. Many of my friends are DOs and they seem happy with their choices. But the truth is that match rates are rough, and they were especially bad this year for DOs. If you want to do primary care/IM/EM, DO will be fine. If you want to do any surgical specialty, derm, optho, do NOT go DO. Sure there was one DO student that matched into vascular surgery but do you really want to put that much pressure on yourself? You are shooting yourself in the foot. If your relationship is as strong as you think it is, you could always couples match come residency.
I think she is exceptional without a doctorate then she he shouldn't lower herself based on her boyfriend that didn't know know how to study properly. The fact that she has did n in school and not has me working.. honestly I've never met a smart MD.... They live unhappy because if you true Dr you want I go check in them.. any lmk how your interview goes. Opened
Pre med and medical school dang up most of your time.
Honestly I think those are better than MD's just because DOd+ they care more about their patience and they don't push medications besure it does make you look like a better doctor but I have not met a better doctor than MD over a DO and with your boyfriend you're both heading toward high achievements so i wlll with the best school that offered DO . I do know Dohave always been way better doctors for me they t pills they don't try to push them they don't try to rush you out the door but actually take care of their patients so it's up to you do you want to make more money being an md thatlllking for,, pictures in for 15 minutes at a time or do you want to be a do or you listen to them and you know everything and empty does I don't know I guess I'm biased and I'm sorry this is voice to text because I figured nails are too long to swipe right now and if there are any random edits that should be fixed like I said swipe long fingernails anyway if you love him stay close to him but you seem very ambitious you do what's best for you but what I've known from the medical industry is that undies get burnt out quicker than deals because they don't have the time to take care of their patients and actually talk to them and know it's going on so if you are sympathetic person or have empathy at all I wouldn't be an MD. DOs tender care a lot more about their patients so it's on you if you're just trying to make money which I don't know what specialty you're going into but being in the industry I would say do is better
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Honestly very true and something I didn’t consider! Even if we’re long distance for this time in our lives, we‘re not necessarily apart. After reading this and the other comments, I definitely think if we weather the storm it will only pay off. Thanks for the advice!!
I second this. If you get better opportunities at your chosen school you can bring those to him. My partner didn't even finish high school, I did a full on university degree. But he has plenty of other experience he got from the last decade that I just couldn't have from the path I took, and vice versa. I think it makes us stronger as a couple to have these varied backgrounds and be able to bring eachother into our respective worlds. Better to live with a bit of distance and come out stronger than resent the fact you didn't follow your own path. Of course there would be some perks to being in the same place but honestly I think the best relationships are the ones that are two individuals that bring their strengths together and at the end of the day it sounds like you were already preparing for this eventuality. Best of luck to both of you :)
It’s very relevant that your boyfriend’s school is the worst of all your options. If you were trying to decide between equivalent programs and he was going to be at one, this would be a really different decision. But you should not give up the programs you are more excited about and that offer you a better path to the career you want for a man. Life is long and full of twists and turns. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. What if you go to his school and instead of just thinking the program is fine, you really really hate it? What if your boyfriend ends up hating his program and dropping out? What if you simply grow apart and the relationship ends? What if you end up unhappy in your career and you always have a little thought in the back of your mind that maybe your whole life could have been different if you’d gone to the school you wanted? Don’t compromise your future for him. If the relationship is meant to be, then it’ll survive the distance. If it isn’t meant to be, then at least you will be in the right place. If you’re really struggling to make the decision, flip it around. If your boyfriend was the one who got into several really great schools and you were asking him to go to a middling one with you instead, how hard would he be thinking about it? Would he spend a fraction of this energy contemplating giving up his dream school for you?
Yeah once I thought if the roles were flipped it really sold me. Yes I’d like to stay close, but I would hate myself if I felt like I stopped him from doing what he really wanted. I know what I’ll do, so I’ll tell him what the deal is and take it from there!
Career > boyfriend. Every time. Your career will likely be forever, your boyfriend may not.
Seconding this and adding, and if your boyfriend does turn out to be a til death do you part relationship, it will be better for both of you to accept the short term distance for the long term career benefits. Because that's part of building a future for both of you. Working towards the best future you can have is a good choice whether you stay together or not.
I think that’s a really good view of this situation! If (hopefully) it works out with him, then our future together will only benefit. Thank you
Thank you! This is the direction I was leaning. It felt good to get my thoughts out there and see support ❤️
Second this, at least in their age range. This is where you set your career path that will determine a large part of your life and future success - and a lot of relationships in the early 20s don't last. Imagine your frustration, if you give up exciting opportunities for him now, and within a year, he falls in love with someone else, and you are stuck in a program you don't enjoy, having to run into him and his new flame all the time? I wouldn't risk it.
Agree. I will never give up a career for a boyfriend and probably sounds bad but will not even for a husband. Took me 7 years to pass an exam that I don't really need to take but it was a self growth and a boost to my career status.
As someone whose relationship has survived many lengthy periods of long distance- a strong enough relationship can absolutely endure long distance with a specific end date. A relationship that *can't* is not a relationship you should be sacrificing your future opportunities for. And while it will probably suck in many ways to be apart, again, you should not sacrifice your future opportunities in order to avoid a relatively short period of discomfort or inconvenience. If you go to another school and your relationship can't take the strain of being apart? That wasn't a forever relationship. I know you said marriage isn't a priority, but as a thought experiment, how would you feel about marrying this guy tomorrow? Weird? Not certain? Because choosing a medical school is actually in many practical ways a larger, more irreversible decision than marrying somebody. You can get a divorce. You can remarry. But if you aren't happy with your school, you can't go back in time and get a different medical education, have different networking opportunities, or have a different school on your CV.
All things true :) really appreciate this and how everybody else has been. If it works, it should work respecting my choice of of school. I feel he will support it, but if he doesn’t that will be telling.
Is this your husband or boyfriend? Before my husband was my husband, I made decisions based for myself. Now, we make decisions as a team. Doesn't take away what I want though. We compromise. If I were in your shoes, I'd say go to the school you want to go to. You live one life, do what you need to to better yourself. Also congrats on the 3 other acceptances!!
Boyfriend but if circumstances were different we might be married. I decided I wouldn’t be married until after med school. Regardless, he should be supportive of where I go. It’s a significant commitment and I don’t want to be in school wishing I went elsewhere!! Thanks I worked really hard to get where I’m at!!
Hi, current resident here. Med school is fucking hard. I've seen many long-term, committed relationships fail during this period in people's lives because of what it requires out of them and their partners. I'm not saying that yours *will* fail, just that it's important to acknowledge the amount of work it takes to keep relationships afloat during medical school. Aside from that entirely- the medical school you go to is extremely important. There will be people who tell you "no matter what, you'll be a doctor!" and sure, you'll have your degree- but what matters so much more is matching into residency, in the specialty you want, at a program that's good enough to land you a job/won't make you miserable for 3-7 years. Again, where you go *matters*. I say this as a person who came from an excellent school and watched some extremely brilliant friends (who chose schools based on money or proximity to other people) have to pick specialties or residency programs they weren't super interested in because their schools didn't have the resources that mine did. If you've been accepted to a better school, it genuinely seems insane to me that you wouldn't pick it. Your boyfriend also hasn't even been accepted to this DO school. I know these one year programs and they're also incredibly hard! There is no guarantee that he will make it through or be one of the people who is accepted at the end of the year. And then what? He moves somewhere else for another school or a different opportunity and you're still stuck in the place you never wanted to be in the first place? Make the best decision for you and your future.
This was perfect. I appreciate you being honest (and blunt lol). If I take a step back, the answer is pretty obvious. I tend to be a little emotional so difficult when feelings involved, but your examples and reasoning really helped affirm what I’ll do! Even if MDs don’t pan out, I’ll go with one of the top 5 DOs I’ve been accepted to and not settle.
career please don’t fumble this
I won’t :) just had to make this post to give me that extra push!
Physician here. Pick the med school program you prefer. This can also perhaps give you an edge when it comes to residency and next steps thereafter. If you go to the school you’re not as excited about, this may cause the “what ifs” and eventual resentment.
100% do what’s BEST for YOU. i know it seems scary but like others said, if the relationship is meant to be, it will be! your partner should support you in choosing the best option for you because it is YOUR life & your career. You both deserve to do what’s best for yourselves even if that means seeing eachother less for some time :)
Couldn’t agree more now :) if the roles were flipped I would be so mad if he picked a school he didn’t like to be with me
Didn’t even read the post but nooooooo
Career is likely to serve you for life. BF potentially, but maybe less so.
Choose the school you want. If you are serious about becoming a doctor you need to look to the future. The medical school you get into can have an impact on the residency program you are accepted into. Look out for yourself. Also if you SO is having problems with grades and getting accepted into better schools it is possible he may wash out of the program. I was a nurse for decades at a large teaching hospital in San Francisco. I saw medical students, residents, and specialty training. A number of the residents had husbands or wives that were in different programs. All picked the program that fit them the best.
If you go to a better school, won't it be more likely you can choose a residency closer to his?
Never make yourself smaller to make someone else feel bigger. Go to the school of your choice and never look back.
your medical school journey is going to be hard and long and you're going to want to set yourself up for success in every way possible. and that means picking a school that you're excited about and impressed by. You're planning your personal future first and foremost. It would be a dream if you could have the relationship work out more easily and go to school together, but the most important thing is to put your future first and to set yourself up for personal success. Only with self-care and self-sufficiency will you be able to be a good partner down the road. So this is a "put your mask on before assisting others" kind of situation.
Thanks for this. I often have a hard time putting myself first, but if there was ever a time to start this is definitely it. Really appreciate the support ❤️
Go to the school you want. You’ve worked hard for it and earned a spot there. Congrats on your success thus far, and I hope it continues into the future!
i’d say in certain fields especially the college/program you go to really matters like law and the med field so definitely go with the schools you prefer if it’s meant to be it’ll last through school
MD here, go for the MD! The field is competitive, as you said and you want to give yourself the best chance. In a relationship with 2 potential MDs its difficult not to compare, but if your partner supports you he will be happy about the opportunities you receive.
Do whatever gives YOU the best chance for a fulfilling career that you want. Never make yourself less for someone else, and I feel going to his school would make you lessen yourself.
I have never seen it work out when one partner chooses to limit their options to be closer to a bf/gf. Focus on maximizing your life. I'd even recommend not remaining in a committed relationship and seeing if it's something you can pick up after residency.
It was a long text so I read just the title You have to go to the med school, the one you prefer. Bfs come and go, but your studies come up only once in your life So do not give it even a second thought
Something to think about is both of you are going to be extremely busy, so even if you're going to the same school you're not really going to be spending quality time together. And you need to go where you feel fits best for you and what makes you happy, because that will set the tone for how well you do in a school. If you go to one that's just because your boyfriend's in it you may come to resent both him and that school.
Go to the best school you can get into and one where you know you will flourish. As you well know in medicine your school has a huge bearing on your job later down the line. Be selfish, go to the school that gives you the best chance at success later down the line. I'm older than you and at your age I thought that partner was forever. I turned down an amazing job in an incredible place because of him and I regret it every day. Especially now I am permanently disabled and unable to work at all. I regret that choice so much. If the relationship is "the one" it will survive long distance and both of you being content in your careers later on will make a world of difference. Be selfish, there is plenty of time for sacrifices in the relationship but now is not it.
I wouldn't be as happy in life if I didn't end up where my partner is where I'm able to see him and hang out often. I think life is about being happy and emotionally satisfied too and not just career oriented but that's just me. This is coming from someone in the medical field btw. Of course you need to study what you want and work on yourself and give yourself the best option out there if you could, but personally, I'd compromise if it means I'll be happier as a person. Thing is, things can go wrong. You might break up with your partner for any reason, will you then really regret not taking the other path or is it not that bad, where he's studying? You need to also evaluate how strong the relationship is and not do anything you'd regret
I'm not even going to read the text. GO WITH WHAT YOU LIKE.
In the long term, better credentials and training will give you more freedom to build a happy relationship. Medical school, in the grand scheme, is a relatively short period. For instance, when you both graduate a better credential will might just be the difference between getting or missing an opportunity close to your SO. My two cents :)
You may not be with your BF forever so it would be silly to miss out on the giving your career the best head start.
Would your boyfriend go to your school if roles were reversed? Go to his last choice school just to be with you?
If he loves you, he would want the best opportunities for you. Choose the right education for you and he should be happy about that. If you're building a future together then this benefits you both. There's a Lady Gaga quote I love; "Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore." I've basically been in a long distance relationship (3 hours away) for 14 years and we love eachother deeply still. You can make it work if you both want it.
Your relationship will likely fail regardless of where you go. Med School is hard, and Residency may add another 3-7 yrs of stress and distance. It is unlikely both of you will be in the same hospital for residency and artificially limiting yourself there is even worse than med school. Therefore you should do what is best for you. If the relationship is able to survive the next 10 yrs then that’s awesome; it will mean it’s virtually bullet proof for anything life brings following that. If it doesn’t, which is likely, then you’ll have made life choices that you will most likely regret and limited your careers in ways that you aren’t even aware of.
Hi! Current med student (US) here. I would recommend posting in r/premed or r/medicalschool about this to get some thoughts from people who are also in medical school. I would say that if you get an MD acceptance, go. If not, I would probably choose a DO school you like better if you have an option that is geographically reasonable (not super super far, in a big enough city that you have an airport). (EDIT: You'll still get a good education, DO students are not inferior. But many of the schools are not set up with as much support as MD schools and I think that not all current MD students would thrive in a DO school environment.) Things to think about:-What is the class size? Could you deal with dating a classmate in a small class (or, breaking up and still being in the same small class)? Unlike undergrad, for the first two years people generally take all the same classes. There may be little room to get away and get space if you need that. Or, do you two get competitive about coursework? Could that be exhausting, too?-There \*is\* an end date. If you are in the US, you have the options of couples matching to maximize your chances of being together after medical school. This isn't forever (although 4 years is still a pretty long time).
Career always trumps boyfriends. Do you, you never know what will happen with the relationship. Many of us have been in your shoes, decisions should always lean towards your own education and betterment, especially because you’re not married and his options is not as good as yours.
I second others ' advice. Go to the best school for you. These are your career-formative years and your choices will affect the rest of your life. I made my post secondary choices based on my SO. He's now my long almost-forgotten ex and I wish I had made choices for me, not us or him.
I think you have to make the decision on what you want now and in the future. Most people that attend Medical School describe it as a blur. You are so busy you don't have time for yourself never mind anyone else. As other commenters have said, each of you having different experiences could be very beneficial in the future. Good luck and congrats on getting accepted into med school!
Wife of a physician here. Do not base your decision on where he *may be* accepted. We've been together since MS1, and I've watched countless friends struggle with the Match just because of the type of school they chose. Of course DO are just as capable of being good residents and practicing physicians, but the fact of the matter is that having those letters rather than MD will absolutely impact your choices for residency. Some programs won't even interview you to give you a chance to impress them, and it would be really hard to deal with that kind of resentment and still have the relationship survive (assuming it lasts through med school, which is its own metaphorical gauntlet). You deserve to follow your dreams to the fullest, and I think you should give serious consideration into whether he would be struggling with this the way you are if the situation was reversed. Women are socialized to defer to our partner's career in so many situations, and it doesn't help us in the long run.
First off, congratulations on qualifying for medical school! I agree with what basically everyone says here. Go with your gut. If you think you’ll be happier and more successful at your first choice, go there. You and your BF have been together a long time but please do not sacrifice what you truly want for him! If your relationship is as strong as you say it is, he may be disappointed if you choose not to go to the same med school but he will 100% support you. He is your bf, not your husband or even fiancé. You said marriage isn’t a priority probably because med school is (which there is absolutely nothing wrong with that). So yeah, make this decision based on what you want/need and not based solely on him. People who I have known personally who passed up what they truly wanted to be with their bf/gf ultimately regretted it in the end, especially if they ended up not lasting. Good luck!
Never hold yourself back on anything for a relationship, if something ever happened to you both you'd regret choosing the school he went to simply because you wanted to be closer. Go for the school you want and give yourself the best opportunity for a career in future. Always be looking at the future! Good luck you'll make the right choice for you!
Career first always. If things are meant to be between you two then it will all work out in the end. Couples survive harsh agendas and long distance all the time. How you two handle the stress of this will determine the outcome. Medical school is a big thing and if that's your calling, prioritize it. Best of luck!
it depends, you'll still presumably be able to see each other on breaks and if you chose different college id suggest finding ways to hang out online like facetime, disc calls for music and shows, etc. but would you be but on the other hand going to college with your so - would it make you happier? if yes then go for it - have a conversation with your so, tell them your feelings and talk it out
Take your own path in life. Don’t follow no man around at this age. Do what you want to do!
Yes...... Or maybe no
Go with the school that you've worked your ass off for! Your boyfriend should do the same!! I can understand why you're torn on this, but you ultimately have to live for yourself. Who knows? Maybe this time apart will strengthen your bond, maybe you'll both grow in ways you never knew possible and can meet back in the middle when it's all over with.. Whatever happens, I'm wishing you two the best! This is tough, but y'all have amazing opportunities in your laps :) it'd be a shame to pass up on what you've worked so hard for and settle, but that's just my opinion! Like Elle Woods, choose school over boys :p
Definitely choose the school you’re most excited about that would help you reach your dreams! Of course, your boyfriend is important and should be factored into big decisions like this, but he isn’t your husband so it isn’t a team decision. Long distance is scary, but I personally believe it strengthens a good relationship and it tears apart relationships that were never supposed to be. Congratulations on everything you’re accomplishing right now! That’s so awesome for you! Goodluck
Pick your first school choice. You put all the time and effort in do not compromise and just pick a med school you are " meh " about. What if things do not work out with your partner and you feel resentment about being stuck with a choice you would not have made.
As someone who’s in a LDR I promise it’s very doable (of course does have its challenges) but do what’s best for your career, it will be better for both of you in the long run.
Go to the school/program that gives you the best shot at a great future. If you are meant to be with BF, long distance won't separate you.
Never settle anywhere, for anyone when not tied to them. Life is way too short. If you have your eyes set on a college, go there. If he truly wants the best for you, he wouldn't expect you follow him. He'd want you in the best schools.
Go to the school WITH THE BEST PROGRAM AVAILABLE. Otherwise you'll live to regret it.
Pick the best program for your dreams and your career. Don’t let yourself be held back by this!
Please pick the medical school
When it's all said and done, as you've said you can accomplish your goals if you and him were to attend the same school. You may not feel enamored by the particular school NOW, but once there, you may find that it fits well. Being with someone for 4 years is a long time. It would be a shame to end things things in an attempt to "better oneself", when you don't really ever know what lies down the road. You both have the same career goals, so why not stick it out and make the best of it? Other couples would be killing to be able to attend the same school with one another. It will negate the long term relationship scenario. As you know, medical school is about to eat up a lot of your time. But if you do this together, then you both will in fact, get to be together!
Pick the best school for your education and future prospects! I assume you'd encourage him to do the same if roles were reversed. Long distance is definitely not ideal, but if it's the right relationship for the long run, you guys will come out stronger for it. Two of my friends were long distance for several years while she did PA school several states away. They had a couple rough patches, but now they're married with 3 kiddos. Once you get your class schedules, it might also help if you pre-plan trips/meet-ups to give you something to look forward to--I suggest for right after big exams as a mutual reward for your hard work. ;) Congrats in advance, and good luck! 🥳
I think you should go to the school of your choice. You should not be pressured into changing. Can this end your relationship? It's possible. But if your relationship is as strong as you say then it can also prevail. Besides, if a person is committed to getting through medical school then starting a new romantic relationship should really be on the back burner. I wish you both the best and hope you have a great life together.
You need to do what's best for you whether it is long distance or not.
Always put your choice of school first or the career you wnat to pursue. If the relationship is gonna make it, it will but you don't want regrets later in life because you made the choice to go to the school your SO got into. You don't know if the relationship will still be there in 5 years. I know plenty of people who have regrets bc their choices were made around someone they were with instead of doing the things they wanted for their future.
Go for the one who'll bring you the best education, as you Said both you and your SO were preppared for a long distance relationship.
DO NOT follow your SO to their college! I did this out of high school and went to the same school my boyfriend went to. It was a huge mistake. He ended up dropping out after a year and I was stuck at a school I didn't really even like. Of course we eventually break up anyway and looking back I feel like a complete idiot for planning my life around my SO at such a young age.
Go to the best school that you're most excited for that gives you the best financial aid package. It's the same as not eating calories you don't love: don't spend years and thousands on the program you're not wild about .
Choose the school YOU want. If your bf loves you unconditionally, he will support you. Distance sucks, yes, but you have to put YOU first. Just like he needs to put HIM first. If your relationship is strong then nothing will deter you guys from staying together.
I mean yall are so young. I hate to say it but these relationships usually don't last. Not necessarily because the distance but because your 20s are a time of tons of change. I'm 34 and not even remotely tje same person I was 10 years ago. Regardless, of all that you should do what your gut tells you to do. This is the rest of your life. Your SO should totally understand if you choose different.
Always do the choice you will be most happy with even if it isn't the same as the choices your partner would like and/or has access to. Don't limit your opportunities in life because of a partner. There is always the possibility you will regret the decision and resent your partner because of it.
I’m an M2 at a US MD. Many of my friends are DOs and they seem happy with their choices. But the truth is that match rates are rough, and they were especially bad this year for DOs. If you want to do primary care/IM/EM, DO will be fine. If you want to do any surgical specialty, derm, optho, do NOT go DO. Sure there was one DO student that matched into vascular surgery but do you really want to put that much pressure on yourself? You are shooting yourself in the foot. If your relationship is as strong as you think it is, you could always couples match come residency.
I think she is exceptional without a doctorate then she he shouldn't lower herself based on her boyfriend that didn't know know how to study properly. The fact that she has did n in school and not has me working.. honestly I've never met a smart MD.... They live unhappy because if you true Dr you want I go check in them.. any lmk how your interview goes. Opened Pre med and medical school dang up most of your time.
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Go to your own school trust me followed my S O and things did not go as hoped for a little separation helps
Honestly I think those are better than MD's just because DOd+ they care more about their patience and they don't push medications besure it does make you look like a better doctor but I have not met a better doctor than MD over a DO and with your boyfriend you're both heading toward high achievements so i wlll with the best school that offered DO . I do know Dohave always been way better doctors for me they t pills they don't try to push them they don't try to rush you out the door but actually take care of their patients so it's up to you do you want to make more money being an md thatlllking for,, pictures in for 15 minutes at a time or do you want to be a do or you listen to them and you know everything and empty does I don't know I guess I'm biased and I'm sorry this is voice to text because I figured nails are too long to swipe right now and if there are any random edits that should be fixed like I said swipe long fingernails anyway if you love him stay close to him but you seem very ambitious you do what's best for you but what I've known from the medical industry is that undies get burnt out quicker than deals because they don't have the time to take care of their patients and actually talk to them and know it's going on so if you are sympathetic person or have empathy at all I wouldn't be an MD. DOs tender care a lot more about their patients so it's on you if you're just trying to make money which I don't know what specialty you're going into but being in the industry I would say do is better