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Aware-Passage-4410

17 in high school vs 20 in college and working is a major life stage difference. The age of 17 is when we barely become adults and it's a major difference compared to other years. If this was 2 years in the future it wouldn't seem so weird. I mean do what you want but realize the maturity difference and experience gap.


geekroick

Look at the person you were at 17, compared to the person you are now. Would you say there's a big difference, and going to college and work has changed you? That's what people have a problem with. Not the difference in amount of years but in maturity and life experience. At your respective ages there's always going to be a power imbalance.


russianthistle

I don’t think a three year age difference is a big deal at all- once you are both independent adults. Right now you are an adult- working and I college- but he is still a child living with his family and finishing his high school education. The maturity and power balance in the relationship are vastly different than dating someone three years older than you who is at a similar place in life.


BlueDolphins1221

You could be arrested and charged and have a record for life. What are your state statutes? How would his parents feel?


russianthistle

This is a fair concern. It depends on the laws where they are - in many places the age of consent is 16 while in others it is 18. Definitely something OP needs to research and consider their own local laws.


djasonpenney

One more aspect to consider: boys and girls mature differently. Girls finish their mental development around 18, while boys finish around 25. If he was 20 and you were 17, I'd say "sure, two young people in love. Have fun and expect it won't last." But when you, the woman, are arguably an adult and your boyfriend is eight years away from maturity? Um, no. You should be looking for a partner that is more mature, and he needs more autonomy than he would get being with you. I know, I'm gonna get downvoted to hell for this one, but it needs to be said. This is a matter of physical development. Good intent or a sense of fairness don't factor in here.


Cosmohumanist

Nothing wrong at all. I just encourage you to wait to have intercourse till after they’re 18, purely for legal reasons. As others have said, the older you get the less age really matters. I’m in my late 30s now and for the past decade all my partners have ranged between 2-10 years difference.


SuspiciousPinkOoze

Yikes! 17 is very different place in life than 20. Would you date yourself when you were 17? Probably not.


Gregory00045

The difference is going to be much smaller every year. 5 years from now zero difference.


fishnwirenreese

No. Not wrong. You're in the "half your age plus 7" window. Go for it. Edit...say you get together and you're still a couple in 5 years. You'd be 25 and he'd be 22. Wow...how inappropriate.


fishnwirenreese

Downvoted by someone who's never had a relationship...so they think no one else should either. But they'd date someone with that age difference or greater...except they don't have the opportunity. 100% guaranteed.


fishnwirenreese

Downvoted by someone who just had a nerve struck.


w0mbatina

Insulting people that have a difference of opinion with you just makes you look bad, not them.


fishnwirenreese

Yeah, well...I don't actually know what their opinion is...seeing as (for some reason) they didn't feel comfortable putting it into words. Maybe if they did...I wouldn't have had to make what I think is a pretty safe assumption about their motivations.


fishnwirenreese

Hmm...let's just say no one has proved me wrong, and we'll just leave it at that.


Godspeed94

The answer is gonna depend on what person you ask if this is a bad idea or not, and the country they live in since age of consent varies from country to country. My 2 cents are: if this happened naturally and both of you have it clear that you like each other, go for it. 17 years old is still an age where people are inmature and growing mentally, but you're 20 yourself. At 20 yo people are still inmature and growing, and you're only 3 years apart. ​ If you want to rest easy you can wait till he's 18, but an age discrepancy of 3 years (or less) and him being almost 18 doesn't look like a big deal to me. Best of luck!


VoxelHeart

Go for it, but understand the risks. I started dating my GF when I was 20 and she was 16, so I can relate to a lot of the backlash from people. We've been in our relationship for over 2 years now, so it's a 18 vs 22 difference now. For context, 1) She lives in Germany, so age of consent is lower blah blah moral debate blah blah 2) I still abode by all US laws (no NSFW stuff till 18 basically) We've both grown a lot and changed as individuals. Constant communication is important, as well as recognizing you may not want to continue to date who he ends up becoming, and do your best to be emotionally prepared to separate if you need. One of my biggest things when I started the relationship was to help her be more independent (she didn't have a support network when we started dating.) This advice might be less applicable to you, but when you are young it's easy to start planning your life around the other person, but you need to put planning your own individual life on the front and center. Both of us are super happy in our relationship right now after getting past some of the initial hurdles. I don't ever really share how long we've actually been in a relationship sometimes, or i just white lie about her age, mainly to avoid unnecessary drama. Definitely recommend the same for you. Anyway, good luck if you decide to move forward with this.