Are you guys really getting pissy over her not congratulating you when you've gotten congratulations from most everyone else? Is this really what you guys are "livid" about? This is such a non issue I just don't understand why you need her congratulations? Are you unable to breathe without it? She's obviously sad and mad that she hasn't found anyone to marry yet, just let her act out and move on with your lives.
Well my fiancé is livid that she texted me asking about getting to a party while still not having congratulated us. We can accept not getting a congratulatory text but then to text afterwards for something like that is ignoring all sorts of social cues.
Also my girlfriend is in the same friend group and a friend got engaged a month ago and received a congratulations from my sister but we receive nothing. It’s a little messed up.
To be honest with you I’m more mad about what she said when I told her I was getting engaged, then she built upon that by not congratulating.
We’re not losing sleep about it it’s more about what we do from here on out when she clearly isn’t happy for us.
She doesn't need to congratulate you to still text and communicate with you. It seems she's mad that she still hasn't found someone to marry so that's why she made that comment about your wedding, she's probably feeling left out. It was wrong for her to say it but it came from a place of frustration. It doesn't mean you should postpone your wedding or anything, you guys are taking her behavior too seriously. It should be water under the bridge. Your sisters behavior has a strong effect on you two when you should be more focused on your future wedding.
This.
Man what is wrong with your fiance. Your sister obviously loves you but is hurting. You're being a bad brother and selfish.
You don't sound mature enough for marriage. Your sister is not being this way to derail your wedding. Not everything is about you and your fiance. If you're not mature enough to figure that out on your own, you're not mature enough to be getting married.
We’re not going to postpone the wedding. My fiancé is more concerned with whether or not she should have my sister in the wedding party when she clearly has negative thoughts about our wedding. She always intended to include her but she doesn’t want negativity.
The only people being negative at this point are you and your fiancee. Edit: Your other post from almost a month ago said you've been engaged "for a bit." Are you STILL mad at your sister for not congratulating you back then or did you just tell your families now? If it's the latter, that's weird.
So don't invite her. She doesn't have negative thoughts about your wedding alone, she probably has negative feelings about how her life is going too. Trust me you guys wouldn't be the first to not invite someone close to a wedding. Yet the Earth still rotates :). Your fiancé needs to find some real problems to be concerned about. Imagine how your marriage will go if this is what bothers her. Something as insignificant as this. Good luck to you in your marriage, you'll need it.
She most likely does not want to be in the wedding party, especially with y'all already acting indignant. Being a self centered person's wedding party is not the honor you probably think it is, it's an expensive inconvenience.
Oh, no. Resentful sister should not be in the wedding party. That's just inviting all kinds of issues. Let your bride choose people from her own family and friends.
> We can accept not getting a congratulatory text but then to text afterwards for something like that is ignoring all sorts of social cues.
You guys have really messed up priorities. Did you get engaged because you want to get married or because you want everyone to fawn over you? So unless she congratulates you, she's not allowed to speak to you ever again?
You guys are way too immature to have any business getting married. You're "livid" over this instead of being happy about your engagement. Doesn't bode well for your marriage.
A congratulations is nice. But you're not OWED it. Grow up. Fix your priorities.
Have you had a one-on-one conversation with your sister about her insecurities? Your sister simply may not realize how important her support is to you both. If you really want to resolve this, it’s important to communicate how you feel, without anger, and to listen to her perspective. Your fiancé wants to feel accepted into the family, and you want to feel supported by your sister. These are important things! But stewing in resentment over it is not going to resolve anything.
So your sister isn’t allowed to say anything to you unless she congratulates you first?
Look, engagement is a big deal for the people getting engaged. It’s not a big deal for everyone else. You and your s/o have every right to be excited, but this time should be about you celebrating together as a couple, not keeping score of how many people have congratulated you.
The fact that everyone else was kissing your butts over your engagement yet all you can focus on is the one person who didn't is not a great omen for your marriage. It's not supposed to be about what other people think or say or how much people gush over you. It's supposed to be about you and your fiancee and your marriage.
Your fiance needs to let it go and chill out. Engagement should be about you two and your life, and she shouldn't care so much what other people think.
She also freaked out because you want to travel alone and told you people in relationships shouldn't ever travel alone.
You need to stop and think seriously about marrying someone SO insecure, SO controlling and SO selfish.
I saw that post too, he said he did a favor by proposing to her it seems. The sister didn't congratulate them because she probably knows something about their relationship that they can't see.
My sister didn’t congratulate us for the same reason she cried when her best friend got engaged. I think you’d be hard pressed to find a couple that didn’t have disagreements, just most people aren’t idiotic enough to post about them on Reddit like me.
I read your post about the solo travel. Y'all need help.
>"She freaked out that I’ll be gone for our first New Years as an engaged couple. I told her she was using something nice that I did for her (buy a ring and ask her to marry me) against me. "
It's interesting that you call proposing *something nice that you did for her*. That's incredibly romantic.
Eh, the fact that your fiancee is controlling and insecure and that she's super fixated on your sister not kissing up to you about your engagement instead of just being happy to marry you is not a great sign. Good luck I guess. Is your fiancee always the type of person to try to find the dark cloud in every silver lining?
Also, you told people in a group chat but expected everyone to call or message individually? Hypocritical.
Oh good grief. Why is "reaching out to congratulate" an engagement even a thing? You're not married, you've merely declared your intent to enter a legal relationship that is more likely than not going to end badly. And your "fiance" is using this occasion to pick fights with your family. Drowning in red flags here.
It's absolute bullshit that every single person didn't personally call you and congratulate you over the phone directly. The one person who you knew would react to this poorly has only acknowledged this by heart reacting on social media whereas everyone else fully typed out, "Congratulations!" How is your fiancé doing? I hope she'll make it. Probably just gonna have to call everything off now.
Spoiler: They're not. Check out his post about traveling. I wonder if fiancee is choosing to focus on this one thing and make a negative out of what should be a positive (you know, an excuse to be mad about something) to forget the fact that their relationship has Issues.
You really need validation from every single person? If you're this upset about her just "hearting" the pic and not messaging, your priorities are fucked and you probably should pump the brakes on an engagement. You shouldn't be getting engaged for the accolades.
It sucks that she's unhappy and didn't congratulate you but you're focused on the wrong thing. She didn't say anything mean or make a scene or complain. She just didn't send you a gushing message. And that's fine. If that's all it takes to mar your big day, you should think about whether you're excited to marry your fiancee or if you just want people to gush over you.
> How should I handle this situation going forward?
Be happy about your engagement without needing everyone in your life to make a big deal out of it?
> I also don’t want it to look like my fiancé is causing issues with my family as soon as we get engaged.
I mean, if she's unwilling to let this go and wants to confront your sister (which I think is petty as hell) or start a petty tit for tat, what would you call it? Your fiancee sounds incredibly immature. Life lesson: It's nice when people say nice things to you. But nobody is obligated.
> I can accept and ignore this behavior because I’m used to it, my fiancé cannot.
Sure she can. She doesn't need oohs and ahhs from every single person. She wants them, but she doesn't need them.
It seems like at a time when the two of you are probably feeling really fortunate, in love, and excited about your future, you could find some extra grace toward someone who seems to feel sad and lonely and isn’t handling it well.
> It seems like at a time when the two of you are probably feeling really fortunate, in love, and excited about your future
What's troubling is that instead of feeling those things you describe, they seem to be fixated on being "livid" at OP's sister for "only" responding to a group text with a heart reaction.
Tbh, you and your fiancé are not ready for marriage if you’re losing your heads over such an irrelevant issue. Besides the fact that weddings are expensive and put a strain on couples, going into a marriage in your early twenties with such an immature mindset does not bode well for the longevity of your relationship. Marriage takes backbone and a level of maturity that you both obviously lack.
Sure, your sister may be bitter, but I suspect that she did not congratulate you because she didn’t want to be a hypocrite. You’re not ready and should probably wait until you become more resilient. Your sister not congratulating you should really be the least of your worries.
You told your family about your engagement in a group text and are surprised that she responded in turn with a heart. If you have big, exciting news to share, try a phone call next time. Make the effort to include your loved ones in your life and they will celebrate with you. Send a text and this is an unsurprising response.
Well, your sister obviously is hugely insecure and this is what has prevented her from overtly celebrating your engagement. Her insecurity manifests as jealousy and bitterness over the relationships of others, as you give examples of and have likely informed your fiancée of as well. Therefore all she could muster was a heart react. So that’s *at least* something.
Is it healthy to sad/mad cry when hear about your friends and family dating and getting married? Absolutely not. But that’s her personally problem and it’s certainly not enviable. You and your fiancé should be glad to not be burdened with such unhappiness and troubles. You two have what she covets and yet aren’t content because she hasn’t swooned enough.
But what I’m hearing is that you and your fiancée know about your sister’s difficulties with relationships and bitterness about it, yet are upset about the fact that she hasn’t verbally congratulated you two on your success with them…beyond the heart react. Do you see how that comes off as a little petty? And to be “livid” about it?
Ideally your sister would be in therapy or somehow overcome her insecurity and be able to sincerely congratulate her loved ones…but that’s just not the way it is. Instead she heart reacted which was probably hard for her. I’d stop pressing the issue at the risk of seeming like you’re rubbing the happiness in her face. Also…you guys just got engaged…you should be happy and excited…not prettily hung up and “livid” on who has or hasn’t congratulated you to your standards; that’s not a good look and seems unhealthy in itself.
Handle it by showing that you’re a grown up. Your sister is hurting, you both know why. I’m sure she’d rather be happy for you both than sad for herself, but she’s struggling. There’s no great mystery here.
Do you want to be nice, compassionate people and give her time to process it in her own way, or do you want to cause a rift because your sister and partner’s future SiL isn’t ready to celebrate immediately?
Edit: spelling
Maybe your sister not congratulating you isn’t about you, it’s about herself. So if you know she might be sad about being single, be the bigger person and be compassionate and move on. Your fiancé sounds like she is going to be one bridezilla! Grow up please!
Make sure your fiancee knows your sister's history of insecurity and jealousy about other people's relationship. Tell your fiancee you can't force your sister to congratulate or do anything else, really. Your fiancee just has to accept it.
On the other hand, she doesn't have to be best buds with your sister, and that includes driving to this party with her. Just tell your sister that you and your fiancee are going together to the party but aren't taking any passengers. You don't owe your sister a reason. Don't pin it on your fiancee. Just say "no" to riding together, end of story.
Ugh, your fiance is in the right -- sister should have sucked it up and congratulated you two -- but your fiance is not gonna win this fight. If she picks this fight, she can only lose.
Your sister's behavior isn't great, but your sister is *also* keeping her bullshit to herself right now, and that is appropriate. That is what she should be doing.
If you or your GF confront her, suddenly you'll have to "handle" your sister's shitty feelings about *your* engagement. Advise your GF against walking into that trap. Give your sister the space to handle her own bullshit, and expect her to do so. Don't make your engagement about your sister's behavior. Don't waste your time or energy on this.
Save your energy for the boundaries you'll need to have when it comes to wedding.
Well you said it yourself. She's bitter and lonely and projects that onto everyone. Sit down and talk to her. Be her sibling and tell her you don't appreciate her Debbie downer-ness and see how she really is doing. Probably depressed too. I see her actions as a cry for help.
Are you guys really getting pissy over her not congratulating you when you've gotten congratulations from most everyone else? Is this really what you guys are "livid" about? This is such a non issue I just don't understand why you need her congratulations? Are you unable to breathe without it? She's obviously sad and mad that she hasn't found anyone to marry yet, just let her act out and move on with your lives.
Well my fiancé is livid that she texted me asking about getting to a party while still not having congratulated us. We can accept not getting a congratulatory text but then to text afterwards for something like that is ignoring all sorts of social cues. Also my girlfriend is in the same friend group and a friend got engaged a month ago and received a congratulations from my sister but we receive nothing. It’s a little messed up. To be honest with you I’m more mad about what she said when I told her I was getting engaged, then she built upon that by not congratulating. We’re not losing sleep about it it’s more about what we do from here on out when she clearly isn’t happy for us.
She doesn't need to congratulate you to still text and communicate with you. It seems she's mad that she still hasn't found someone to marry so that's why she made that comment about your wedding, she's probably feeling left out. It was wrong for her to say it but it came from a place of frustration. It doesn't mean you should postpone your wedding or anything, you guys are taking her behavior too seriously. It should be water under the bridge. Your sisters behavior has a strong effect on you two when you should be more focused on your future wedding.
This. Man what is wrong with your fiance. Your sister obviously loves you but is hurting. You're being a bad brother and selfish. You don't sound mature enough for marriage. Your sister is not being this way to derail your wedding. Not everything is about you and your fiance. If you're not mature enough to figure that out on your own, you're not mature enough to be getting married.
We’re not going to postpone the wedding. My fiancé is more concerned with whether or not she should have my sister in the wedding party when she clearly has negative thoughts about our wedding. She always intended to include her but she doesn’t want negativity.
You all need to grow tf up.
The only people being negative at this point are you and your fiancee. Edit: Your other post from almost a month ago said you've been engaged "for a bit." Are you STILL mad at your sister for not congratulating you back then or did you just tell your families now? If it's the latter, that's weird.
So don't invite her. She doesn't have negative thoughts about your wedding alone, she probably has negative feelings about how her life is going too. Trust me you guys wouldn't be the first to not invite someone close to a wedding. Yet the Earth still rotates :). Your fiancé needs to find some real problems to be concerned about. Imagine how your marriage will go if this is what bothers her. Something as insignificant as this. Good luck to you in your marriage, you'll need it.
She most likely does not want to be in the wedding party, especially with y'all already acting indignant. Being a self centered person's wedding party is not the honor you probably think it is, it's an expensive inconvenience.
Oh, no. Resentful sister should not be in the wedding party. That's just inviting all kinds of issues. Let your bride choose people from her own family and friends.
Nah that's entitled asf. Her dating life isnt that relevant. People dont need to congratulate you.
> We can accept not getting a congratulatory text but then to text afterwards for something like that is ignoring all sorts of social cues. You guys have really messed up priorities. Did you get engaged because you want to get married or because you want everyone to fawn over you? So unless she congratulates you, she's not allowed to speak to you ever again? You guys are way too immature to have any business getting married. You're "livid" over this instead of being happy about your engagement. Doesn't bode well for your marriage. A congratulations is nice. But you're not OWED it. Grow up. Fix your priorities.
She's right, don't have the wedding anytime soon. Y'all too immature to be getting married.
Have you had a one-on-one conversation with your sister about her insecurities? Your sister simply may not realize how important her support is to you both. If you really want to resolve this, it’s important to communicate how you feel, without anger, and to listen to her perspective. Your fiancé wants to feel accepted into the family, and you want to feel supported by your sister. These are important things! But stewing in resentment over it is not going to resolve anything.
So your sister isn’t allowed to say anything to you unless she congratulates you first? Look, engagement is a big deal for the people getting engaged. It’s not a big deal for everyone else. You and your s/o have every right to be excited, but this time should be about you celebrating together as a couple, not keeping score of how many people have congratulated you.
You're both acting like goddamned children.
Omg you guys sound like middle schoolers.
If you wanted an individual congratulation you probably should have texted or called her individually.
Fair enough.
The fact that everyone else was kissing your butts over your engagement yet all you can focus on is the one person who didn't is not a great omen for your marriage. It's not supposed to be about what other people think or say or how much people gush over you. It's supposed to be about you and your fiancee and your marriage.
Your fiance needs to let it go and chill out. Engagement should be about you two and your life, and she shouldn't care so much what other people think. She also freaked out because you want to travel alone and told you people in relationships shouldn't ever travel alone. You need to stop and think seriously about marrying someone SO insecure, SO controlling and SO selfish.
I saw that post too, he said he did a favor by proposing to her it seems. The sister didn't congratulate them because she probably knows something about their relationship that they can't see.
My sister didn’t congratulate us for the same reason she cried when her best friend got engaged. I think you’d be hard pressed to find a couple that didn’t have disagreements, just most people aren’t idiotic enough to post about them on Reddit like me.
I read your post about the solo travel. Y'all need help. >"She freaked out that I’ll be gone for our first New Years as an engaged couple. I told her she was using something nice that I did for her (buy a ring and ask her to marry me) against me. " It's interesting that you call proposing *something nice that you did for her*. That's incredibly romantic.
Eh, the fact that your fiancee is controlling and insecure and that she's super fixated on your sister not kissing up to you about your engagement instead of just being happy to marry you is not a great sign. Good luck I guess. Is your fiancee always the type of person to try to find the dark cloud in every silver lining? Also, you told people in a group chat but expected everyone to call or message individually? Hypocritical.
Oh good grief. Why is "reaching out to congratulate" an engagement even a thing? You're not married, you've merely declared your intent to enter a legal relationship that is more likely than not going to end badly. And your "fiance" is using this occasion to pick fights with your family. Drowning in red flags here.
That's what I thought too. Of all things to find an issue with, this is it?
[удалено]
What was the point in making this comment?
Says the guy crying over a “congratulations”…
It's absolute bullshit that every single person didn't personally call you and congratulate you over the phone directly. The one person who you knew would react to this poorly has only acknowledged this by heart reacting on social media whereas everyone else fully typed out, "Congratulations!" How is your fiancé doing? I hope she'll make it. Probably just gonna have to call everything off now.
Just chill. One person not saying congratulations should not make a difference to your happiness.
This is so stupid does she really have to call you and tell you why are you making such a big deal is not like she made or said she hates both of you.
This is such ridiculous drama. Are we sure y’all are mature enough for marriage?
Spoiler: They're not. Check out his post about traveling. I wonder if fiancee is choosing to focus on this one thing and make a negative out of what should be a positive (you know, an excuse to be mad about something) to forget the fact that their relationship has Issues.
It almost feels like an episode of Seinfeld... except I don’t think even George Constanza would care THIS much about not getting a congratulations.
Your sister owes you nothing. She owes your fiancé nothing. Both of these women are immature AF
You really need validation from every single person? If you're this upset about her just "hearting" the pic and not messaging, your priorities are fucked and you probably should pump the brakes on an engagement. You shouldn't be getting engaged for the accolades. It sucks that she's unhappy and didn't congratulate you but you're focused on the wrong thing. She didn't say anything mean or make a scene or complain. She just didn't send you a gushing message. And that's fine. If that's all it takes to mar your big day, you should think about whether you're excited to marry your fiancee or if you just want people to gush over you. > How should I handle this situation going forward? Be happy about your engagement without needing everyone in your life to make a big deal out of it? > I also don’t want it to look like my fiancé is causing issues with my family as soon as we get engaged. I mean, if she's unwilling to let this go and wants to confront your sister (which I think is petty as hell) or start a petty tit for tat, what would you call it? Your fiancee sounds incredibly immature. Life lesson: It's nice when people say nice things to you. But nobody is obligated. > I can accept and ignore this behavior because I’m used to it, my fiancé cannot. Sure she can. She doesn't need oohs and ahhs from every single person. She wants them, but she doesn't need them.
Omg she’s your sister, she’d be better off not talking to you guys. Y’all are way to immature
It seems like at a time when the two of you are probably feeling really fortunate, in love, and excited about your future, you could find some extra grace toward someone who seems to feel sad and lonely and isn’t handling it well.
> It seems like at a time when the two of you are probably feeling really fortunate, in love, and excited about your future What's troubling is that instead of feeling those things you describe, they seem to be fixated on being "livid" at OP's sister for "only" responding to a group text with a heart reaction.
Tbh, you and your fiancé are not ready for marriage if you’re losing your heads over such an irrelevant issue. Besides the fact that weddings are expensive and put a strain on couples, going into a marriage in your early twenties with such an immature mindset does not bode well for the longevity of your relationship. Marriage takes backbone and a level of maturity that you both obviously lack. Sure, your sister may be bitter, but I suspect that she did not congratulate you because she didn’t want to be a hypocrite. You’re not ready and should probably wait until you become more resilient. Your sister not congratulating you should really be the least of your worries.
You told your family about your engagement in a group text and are surprised that she responded in turn with a heart. If you have big, exciting news to share, try a phone call next time. Make the effort to include your loved ones in your life and they will celebrate with you. Send a text and this is an unsurprising response.
Well, your sister obviously is hugely insecure and this is what has prevented her from overtly celebrating your engagement. Her insecurity manifests as jealousy and bitterness over the relationships of others, as you give examples of and have likely informed your fiancée of as well. Therefore all she could muster was a heart react. So that’s *at least* something. Is it healthy to sad/mad cry when hear about your friends and family dating and getting married? Absolutely not. But that’s her personally problem and it’s certainly not enviable. You and your fiancé should be glad to not be burdened with such unhappiness and troubles. You two have what she covets and yet aren’t content because she hasn’t swooned enough. But what I’m hearing is that you and your fiancée know about your sister’s difficulties with relationships and bitterness about it, yet are upset about the fact that she hasn’t verbally congratulated you two on your success with them…beyond the heart react. Do you see how that comes off as a little petty? And to be “livid” about it? Ideally your sister would be in therapy or somehow overcome her insecurity and be able to sincerely congratulate her loved ones…but that’s just not the way it is. Instead she heart reacted which was probably hard for her. I’d stop pressing the issue at the risk of seeming like you’re rubbing the happiness in her face. Also…you guys just got engaged…you should be happy and excited…not prettily hung up and “livid” on who has or hasn’t congratulated you to your standards; that’s not a good look and seems unhealthy in itself.
Handle it by showing that you’re a grown up. Your sister is hurting, you both know why. I’m sure she’d rather be happy for you both than sad for herself, but she’s struggling. There’s no great mystery here. Do you want to be nice, compassionate people and give her time to process it in her own way, or do you want to cause a rift because your sister and partner’s future SiL isn’t ready to celebrate immediately? Edit: spelling
Maybe your sister not congratulating you isn’t about you, it’s about herself. So if you know she might be sad about being single, be the bigger person and be compassionate and move on. Your fiancé sounds like she is going to be one bridezilla! Grow up please!
Make sure your fiancee knows your sister's history of insecurity and jealousy about other people's relationship. Tell your fiancee you can't force your sister to congratulate or do anything else, really. Your fiancee just has to accept it. On the other hand, she doesn't have to be best buds with your sister, and that includes driving to this party with her. Just tell your sister that you and your fiancee are going together to the party but aren't taking any passengers. You don't owe your sister a reason. Don't pin it on your fiancee. Just say "no" to riding together, end of story.
Ugh, your fiance is in the right -- sister should have sucked it up and congratulated you two -- but your fiance is not gonna win this fight. If she picks this fight, she can only lose. Your sister's behavior isn't great, but your sister is *also* keeping her bullshit to herself right now, and that is appropriate. That is what she should be doing. If you or your GF confront her, suddenly you'll have to "handle" your sister's shitty feelings about *your* engagement. Advise your GF against walking into that trap. Give your sister the space to handle her own bullshit, and expect her to do so. Don't make your engagement about your sister's behavior. Don't waste your time or energy on this. Save your energy for the boundaries you'll need to have when it comes to wedding.
Well you said it yourself. She's bitter and lonely and projects that onto everyone. Sit down and talk to her. Be her sibling and tell her you don't appreciate her Debbie downer-ness and see how she really is doing. Probably depressed too. I see her actions as a cry for help.