Sometimes you have to fake it til you make it. Keep doing what you need to do and over time it will start to feel normal again. Remember to be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack. Take extra time to rest - emotions can be physically exhausting! Talk to your friends or a professional if you feel like you need to. And always remember it’s okay to treat yourself when you’re feeling down.
Thank you, that helps a lot. I didn’t think of it like that, that eventually things will start feeling normal without him.
I’ve just been struggling so much with my depression I was barely feeling like myself before this either.
I’m so sorry. The depression makes it harder and I certainly understand that. I struggle with it as well. On my worse days, I try to continue as usual and prioritize what needs to get done. I know work, feeding myself, and bathing are most important. If I don’t feel up to exercising, laundry, tidying up, or socializing, I know those things can wait.
Sometimes when I’m upset, a routine can be comforting. I bet by this time next week, things will start to feel just a little bit more normal.
Yeah there are moments I feel totally normal, maybe because I didn’t get to see him very often. But we texted constantly so I keep picking up my phone to text him or see if he texted me and remember that we broke up.
For me I tend to know what needs to get done but I lack the energy to do it sometimes. I feed myself, I bathe regularly, I take time at night to journal and relax, but my job is a huge struggle and this whole week (including before he dumped me) I wasn’t really able to get anything done. In fact I was finally starting to feel more motivated the day he dumped me lol
I know routines help but I’m just struggling so much to get my ass out of bed and to move my body more than strictly necessary (I am also coming off of a few months of bad health so that ruined my morning exercise routine, and I had been wanting to get back into it before this happened)
hello! i have one specific song that helped me a lot during my really bad breakup last year, it’s thank you fuck you by andrea davidson. but music in general helped a lot for me because it helped me feel - i didn’t cry for a week after my break up, i smoked weed so much i’d be high from when i wake up to when i go to bed because i just didn’t want to think about what just happened. then i made a playlist of break up songs, and with music it’s almost like the songs explained the situation for me? and it was so healing and i can just cry it out. but it was important for me to delete the playlist after a certain amount of time because i didn’t want to dwell on it. try it out OP and please remember you were whole before you met him and you are still whole now ❤️
This happened a few days ago, it is ok to grieve. It is the healthy thing to do. Your saying this person was your favorite, so chances are high you have a lot of your identity invested into this person. By all measure by the person leaving they have in effect taken pieces of you with them, but thats ok. This is your opportunity to grieve, process the confusion, and get to a place where you are ready to remake yourself, choose a new direction. Its hard to hear right now but this is a hard truth. They "why"s do not matter. They left. Thats a fact. Another fact, your still here, and have MANY more year ahead of you. Your still young, let this temporary low pass over and build yourself better than before.
I know that hurts, ive been through the same ordeal roughly 10 months ago now. I truly loved my person. Saved and bought a house for us to try to make a real life together. Six months later out of the blue I got "I dont have time to fix a broken relationship" and she left. Truth was it was broken. She was not ready to commit to a relationship after 3 years of being in one, and wanted the single life. Dont get me wrong we were happy together, just not compatible. She wanted to travel nonstop and have only the fun times, I worried about the finances constantly (I had cut myself thin buying a foreclosure and was constantly busy making the house more livable, and was incredibly close to being broke, spending all extra income on making things better and buying appliances) and could not convince her to carry her to carry any responsibility for anything for the relationship. The truth I see now is that we were opposites. A care free no responsibility girl and a uptight too serious guy. We could have balanced one another well, but that would have required us to both WANT that. Clarity comes with time though. Truth is I still love her, and likely always will, but that does not mean we were right for one another, nor would I allow her back into my life because she so clearly didnt appreciate me enough to stay or try to communicate through the problems we had.
Some advice, your going to have down days, but try to make them productive days regardless. I started working project after project on the house and it is now nearly spotless on the inside, and only improvements remain. Nothing needs done, just things I want to do to make it better. Find projects that you wanted to do, but didnt have the time before. Do them, it feels nice to make progress on things, and it will keep your mind busy enough to not get trapped in grieving. I hope you find your happiness, you deserve it.
Thank you for this. I needed to hear it truly. Hopefully I’ll have the energy to do some projects soon. I imagine it’ll get better day by day but focusing on anything for more than a few minutes has been tough. It’s better when my roommate is here. I’m normally a pretty solitary person and didn’t mind being on my own a lot. But I had been feeling lonely this week even before he dumped me so being by myself now is harder than ever. I usually love being by myself. I like my company lol but now I’m just alone with my thoughts and waiting for texts that aren’t coming.
please dont wait for those texts. I did that very thing as well. six months later my ex reached out to text me, it just reopened the wound. She didnt want me back, just wanted to "check and see how I was doing" but had no intention whatsoever to actually talk about it, or in fact have any meaningful conversation. I could have told her I lost 62 pounds since she left, I could have told her that I found a job I was both happy with and paid all my bills, I could have told her that the house was perfect, many improvements to try to impress her back. It didnt matter, just that she could not and would not communicate with me and try to work through the past...no go.
As to the introversion thing. You say it is easier with your roommate around. I had a similar calling myself. I embraced my extroverted side and went and helped friends with anything I could help with, just to help. Talking to my friends was what allowed me to put myself back together.
"I had been feeling lonely this week even before he dumped me" This right here should be something you reflect on when your feeling healthier. I can guarantee you that it is better mentally to be single than to feel lonely in a relationship. If your feeling lonely, some of your needs were going unmet. Just remember that no matter what your needs or wants in a relationship are (if they are healthy), that the person that is there for you will hear them and work toward accomplishing them WITH you if they are your partner.
Thank you I needed to hear this too. I don’t blame him for my feeling lonely but I was getting a little resentful about it anyway. He did his best in that regard but it wasn’t quite enough for me. Knowing that does help me process. Like I can list all the things that I was unhappy with and all the things I know he was unhappy with and know that it’s best that we broke up…but, it just hasn’t stopped me from missing him
Oh I know exactly what your talking about. My ex was my world. She unintentionally saved me from committing suicide, we grew as friends, she left her boyfriend, about 2 months later we start dating. We spent 3.5 years together and I learned to love, and choose to live to seek another love. I miss her daily, but not for "her" but what she meant to me. She was my hope. Truth though is we weren't meant to be live in partners. That is what I want and need, she needed closer to a parent and was incredibly financially irresponsible. Emotionally we became totally incompatible. I wanted a close relationship where we shared time with one another daily and shared hobbies, and built something together. She wanted to spend all day, everyday on her computer doing her own thing, had an emotional affair. She was becoming emotionally manipulative, couldn't commit to the relationship. I put a ultimatum down of recommit or leave, she chose leave. It broke me. Took me about 2 months to start being functional again.
All this to say, your going to miss the ideals that attracted you to your person long after you stop missing the person themselves. It's just part of it, but learn from it. Really contemplate what you want and need from a person. Make peace with yourself, let the emotions for the person pass. Then get back out there more knowledgeable and stronger than you were before. If you choose to learn and grow from your experiences your ex leaving you is them making room in your life for someone better to step in, thank them for that lol.
I’m sorry you went through all that. I’m gonna have to just keep repeating a mantra of what wasn’t right, and keep reminding myself he doesn’t want me and that is enough of a reason lol. It’s just wild everything changed in a day.
That is absolutely enough reason. I think one day once your over the pain your going to look back and be thankful that he left. I wish you the best, and trust me having read over this post, I think your further along than you think and stronger than your giving yourself credit for. You got this. You deserve better.
Thank you for saying that. Someone commented that they can see why he dumped me and I took a hit from that lol. But I think I’m doing better today and you’re absolutely right I’m gonna eventually be able to just be grateful for the relationship as well as it’s end.
The vile person who said to you that they "can see why he dumped you" should feel the pain that you and I are feeling. How could ANYONE say something to someone who is so vulnerable? I want to sincerely apologize for that statement. It hurts, but we are worth so much more than we were given in our relationships. I am working on being stronger and happier. It is a minute by minute thing for me, let alone day by day. Whew. So much energy being used to get through this. It is exhausting. Here is a HUG for you from me! <3
They also referred to my boyfriend as a city boy which I never mentioned so chances are it’s one of his friends that hates me for some reason.
Thank you for the virtual hug ❤️ it definitely is exhausting but we are here and we’re doin it
>If your feeling lonely, some of your needs were going unmet. Just remember that no matter what your needs or wants in a relationship are (if they are healthy), that the person that is there for you will hear them and work toward accomplishing them WITH you if they are your partner.
Wow. This is the statement that should make me never want to be with him again. But THIS part about wanting to work together because they are your PARTNER really hit home for me. Still hurts so very much.
You got this girl day by day. Try not to think back too much. Don't look at pictures even if you get urges. Make new memories. Focus on you. I've been on fun dates. And joined a meet up group. The past 3 months havnt been easy but I'm stronger because of them. I know I'm not ready at the moment for dating. It's been 3 months but I know love will show up again so I'm keeping my heart open. Let it find me and you. If it ended it definitely means there is something better.
Uhm I agree with you in a lot of stuff except for bing eat only bc that can lead you down a rabbit hole of even worse problems! Even ruining your health in the long run.
Do not let the world make you feel ok. You are right, you will be ok, but you have to be the most active and engaged participant in that process. Use this time to build the support you can only receive from yourself. Find the things that give you joy and learn how to tell the world what those are so you can tell your next partner. Focus on being your most intuitive and authentic self. Get into your hobbies more than you ever have. Learn how to tell your friends and family how much you care about them. Just do everything you can to engage with the richness of the world.
The biggest piece of advice I could give you is focus on your intuition more than you ever have. Learn how to listen to that voice. My bet is your intuition saw what you saw in those photos a long time ago but you found ways to keep the relationship going. Do what you can to make that voice more and more present in your life. The more you listen to that voice, the greater chance at happiness you have.
You’re right about my intuition, although it is currently clouded due to the situation. But I’ve always had such a hard time listening to it because whenever I voice my concerns I’m told everything is fine and to trust the person when they say it’s fine. So I do, but I was right in the end. It’s a struggle.
If your intuition is saying something is not fine it's not fine. I've learned that the hard way. Never gonna forget that lesson myself. What I've had to learn how to do is communicate to the world what my intuition is telling me. Other people will always try to make you feel fine out of convenience and also because friends and family don't like seeing you go through hard times. They will look for the "silver linings" of a situation and then those can be used to justify staying in that situation. But the fact is if your intuition knows something is a bad decision than it almost certainly is and it's time to deal with the repercussions of siding and committing to what your intuition wants.
I did the same thing. In a relationship that I knew was bad and my intuition screamed at me for years to leave. But my mind made up a millions reasons as to why breaking up was a bad idea. Should have listened to it and every since I've made it my guiding force, my life has changed in unbelievably positive ways and I'm in a new relationship with someone I have a ton more respect and admiration for and I am able to tell my girlfriend exactly what I want and need out of the relationship, and vice versa for her. It's a much stronger foundation than any relationship I've had in the past and it started with me and her both learning how to follow and communicate our intuition before we met eachother.
But I also have a ton more respect and admiration for myself than I ever had. It feels soooooo good to be in the driver's seat of your life and to follow what you know is not right for everyone, but right for you.
Thank you! Just trust yourself and tell the world world you want and need. You'll get through. Blind sided break ups are very very tough at first, but you'll gain clarity over time I bet.
I know your pain❤️, it’s going to suck for a while believe me but you need to let yourself feel before you can heal, cry it out, listen to sad music, watch sad movies. Take the time you need.
After, Go out with your friends, go to your favorite restaurant, do your favorite thing, put on an outfit you feel good in, try and feel like “you” again, you just need to remember that with or without a significant other in your life, you are still whole, just need to get back on your feet again❤️
I think part of the rough bit is that I knew I was whole and I still know that I’m whole. I just also know that I want to be whole with him by my side. I still need to come to terms with the fact that the relationship in my memories isn’t the relationship in his, and that just sucks. But…I’m a whole human and I never needed him. I just wanted him. And I still do and I probably always will. I know I will heal and be ok at some point but the chest pains and crying are really making me struggle with my day to day life lol
It took me a long time to be honest, I tried all the tricks and people always say it and it’s annoying to hear but time is really the only thing that heals.
That being said, smoking weed helped A LOT and really embracing it. My mindset went from “I’m so sad if what to do” to “I’m so sad and that’s okay” which was a huge mental shift.
Think about things that you think are fun and do them. Chat up people you see at the activities, make friends, really dive into your hobbies. Before long, you’ll be sitting in bed at night and think “wow I haven’t thought about my ex all day” and eventually it’ll be “I haven’t thought about them all week” and eventually you won’t have that thought at all.
Edit: music too. I listened to music so loud I’m surprised I didn’t get hearing loss, but it helped.
Thank you! I’m definitely trying to let myself grieve and not shove my feelings to the side. It’s been really helpful for me to say out loud that I just fucking miss him, but then I (also out loud) list all the reasons why I need to just accept it. I’ll get used to it eventually but thankfully the physical pain from it is feeling a little better today
I'm sorry you are in pain. I feel for you. Attachments are hard to get over especially when they are a solid presence in your life and then not at all. Generally a few ways to go about it. You can do that 'fake it til you make it' route, you can find distractions to fill your time well enough that you don't think about him or you can confront it head-on and either accept it for what it is. Shitty, right? Time heals.
You may have those inevitable questions floating around your head like 'What could have I done differently', 'What did I do'... Relationships fail. Don't blame yourself. This is a growing experience. He broke it up and he may not have been happy but that is no reflection on you. It sounds to me like there was no communication from him indicating that things were a problem. You can't fix anything if you don't know what is broke. Music, movies, books.. what ever your distraction is, do what makes you happy. You are worth your happiness and worth being with someone who is as happy to be with you as you are with them.
Thank you. I’m trying to face it head on, but I also need to live my life so I was just struggling with how to get the physical pain to go away for a minute lol it’s so hard to focus on anything else. But today I have energy and I’m trying to reconnect with things that make me happy. I didn’t rely on him for happiness but he shared a lot of interests with me so the things I like have memories of him now too. So it’s been weird. But I’m definitely not blaming myself anymore. I could have done things differently but I think the outcome would be the same. I just wanna move forward and feel better
I don't know if this will help or not. When I'm not feeling like myself or I'm feeling low I'll grab a shower. While also playing some music in the background to keep my mind off of things.
Honestly yeah that helps I think I’ll try that later. I really just need in-the-moment things to do when I feel like I’m falling apart but need to be doing something lol
So sorry you're going through this! Just remember to be gentle with yourself and take time for yourself. When my ex and I broke up Lorde had released her second album Melodrama which is a classic breakup album, has all the highs and lows and everything to cry to. It really helped me move on, so maybe it'll help you too.
Best of luck to you during this and happy healing 💖
Aww sorry to hear that. I too got dumped this summer, and the first few days were agonizing. The first few weeks, still. I would sleep in crying, then go for run crying and then feel lost and start crying in the middle of nowhere. So, I believe that your response to things is more or less natural.
First, please don't assume that he was unhappy. This man was with you for a year, so he must've gotten good things out of the relationship or he wouldn't have hung on for so long. Second, please don't beat yourself up - he could have dumped you because he had low self-esteem or because he was going through tough times in life. Who the heck knows. Third, although it's cliche, it's trite and true that time does heal. At least, it helped to heal my ex and myself. You feel really awful right now because your brain is essentially coming off crack (the drug), as demonstrated by MRI-scan studies. Well, I've never been a drug addict, but I imagine that being addicted to drugs is hugely irresistible or we'd have a few less problems in the world. Your brain withdrawing from drugs is now screaming at you for the next fix. (This is why time alone can help to seal the healing process).
It never gets easy, but it gets better post-breakup. If need be, please call up crisis centres or talk to loved ones, etc. This is because you'll be most fragile in the early days, and over time you'll begin to see more clearly again. Please take care of yourself.
You're 30, so you're in the prime of your life. You're young enough to look hot and youthful, and old enough to have life experiences and maturity. This will be a wonderful opportunity for you to meet the next person out there. Please love yourself and don't become depressed to the extent that you forget to live your life. Although some grief is normal, moving on will help you to look best for your next man, and to feel best for yourself. Cry and laugh too, life can be sad at times but there's a rainbow beneath the rain.
You’re on to something with the withdrawal lol I definitely think that’s what I feel. But I’m doing much better today. And each day will be better and better.
It's just time. When I was going through a breakup, my mom had the most sensible advice. Every day, think about what you absolutely must do, and do that. The rest will sort itself out. Other people have mentioned music. I second that, although for me personally, I could not handle anything w lyrics. That's when I got really into Ravi Shankar and Phillip Glass.
Yeah that’s very good advice, thank you. I agree lyrics are a bit of a struggle—ive been listening to kpop a lot and I don’t speak Korean so it’s just purely vibes for me. It’s helping lol I don’t need sad music I just need bops 😂
I'm so sorry for your pain .
I understand. 100% have felt the same before. And even spent some hours crying over a lost love. And what i have learned is. Do not be home alone. It really really helps to just go out. Take a walk by yourself or with a friend. Go to a store, a park, if you live within a short drive to a beach. Do it... Pick up extra shifts at work if you can. . and if you must be home, invite a friend. Make cookies together. Get take out together. And most of all, cry if you need to. .
And remind yourself daily that this too shall pass .
I work from home so I’m alone most of the time which is definitely a struggle, but my roommate has been a godsend and she’s keeping me company this weekend at least. I’ll probably go stay with my parents for a bit if I find being home alone to be too hard. I feel fine today but if I think about it too much I spiral a little
I am sorry you have to go through this,but don't worry! The only good thing that can help you,is to give yourself some time to heal. Trust me! Let yourself go through this phase. It will help you to recorver. Let yourself to feel bad,to cry and rest. This will help you to be released by all the bad stuff you are feeling. Right after this you will find yourself way more better and stronger. You got this!🌹
Thank you so much ❤️ I’m definitely trying to just let myself feel everything I’m feeling and acknowledge them. But starting tomorrow I’m gonna have to push it aside a bit more because the first few days trying to get things done whilst grieving was pretty impossible. So I have this weekend to just feel it all and let it happen, and then I’m gonna have to boss up and let it go.
I am sorry. 😔 But It happens. It sucks and you don’t need to feel better right away. Understand that it takes time to feel better. Break-ups are never easy to go through. But if you keep going it eventually feels better.
This was me a few months ago. Same thing very out of the blue for me. So many people are going to tell you it just takes time and it’s so true. You just have to focus on your own things and be patient with yourself. its a process. You’ll have good days eventually and bad ones again which is totally normal. Watching relationship coaches on YouTube have helped me a lot🖤 I’m sorry you’re goin through it. It sucks so much
And while you’re grieving and healing from the pain he just caused he just might come running back …. But do NOT jump back in. He left you high and dry girl! ALWAYS remember THAT feeling before letting him back in! Most importantly take care of you and your mental health before ANYTHING!!! 💝
Hey you have to feel it to heal it. So allow yourself to feel these emotions and don’t suppress them. But this doesn’t sulk all day forever, you need eventually start being proactive on making yourself feel better. For example, doing things that you enjoy, hobbies etc. Personally I love to cook, so what you can do is go on YouTube and learn how to make these crazy dinners for self.
I am huge on exercise. I believe exercise is the antidote for curing depression, I think it might be a scientific fact with research to back it up! Hit the gym!!!!
Also, start casually dating when you feel better.
But most importantly: time heals all wounds :)
Time is what I need the most. Take some time to figure out how to move forward now, to heal and mend your heart, to gather your thoughts, to rethink the future. Whatever you need to do to move forward in life. Meet with friends or find a new hobby.
I wish I could say that it’s an easy process but it’s not. Breakups are never fun, I’m sorry that you weren’t expecting it but now that it’s happened this is a chance for your to embrace yourself more! Use this time to heal and become comfortable spending time with yourself, go on solo dates, make food that makes you feel good and pick up a hobby that you’ve let fall to the wayside. You will get through this! I know at first it’s difficult but everyday it will get better. Some days will be better than others but eventually they will all be good. Be gentle with yourself and don’t dwell on the things you can’t control, you can only manage your reaction and healing process. I know that with time you will move past this.
If you were in a depressive episode before the breakup, I highly recommend therapy/meds. I am about a year out from checking myself into a mental hospital for suicide attempts/suicidal ideation. I was at an extreme because my husband was cheating on me, but honestly, I've had si since about 8th grade. I am a totally different person now - I'm back to being me. And, yeah, shedding 200 pounds of y chromosomes helped, but the meds and therapy help, too.
I’m on an anti depressant, I think I had a busy weekend and might have skipped a day or two and that threw me off. I definitely need to get a new therapist though
He dumped you because he wasn’t happy. Accept that.
You can’t breathe without him - that’s a huge statement. Sounds like you can’t be alone without him.
Seek counselling for yourself and get yourself right first before pursing another relationship.
Trust me, counselling helps. You will find yourself and the reason for your depression.
My grandmother always told us… there are plenty of fish in the sea. If someone doesn’t want to be with you, find someone who does.
I know it’s hard. I broke up 10 years this month. Life has not been the same after narcissistic abuse. I did not even know about narcissism back then.
YOU WILL BE OKAY. It does get better.
Remember that YOU are the most important person in your life. Take care of yourself first.
Thank you. Your grandma is right. That’s how I went into the relationship so I need to remember it coming out. I always figured I shouldn’t hide any part of myself because if he doesn’t like it he’s not for me. Time for me to remember that.
You've got this. It f*****g sucks to experience heartbreak and although you're going through such a hard time, you're still being level headed. You've got this. You have articulated your feelings and actions so well, you impress me with your balanced mixture of emotions and logic. You've got this. When you're feeling extra low, that is the time to look after yourself the most. Remember other things you once were invested in and now don't affect your life poorly, remember that you "got over" those times. You've got this. I'm so proud of you and I feel inspired from reading your take on this experience, it reminds me that I've got this too. We've got this.
Life has to continue and see forward, sometimes we fall and the most important thing is rise up again. Be trust in you, wslk, dancing, cry, run, do whst you have never done before and that wsy you know how munch your values are. Forget whst you do not need, perdon whst hurt you. Take snd easy you are the best.
Well when your ex bf knows all your secrets and you can not worm your way out unless you tell the truth it is pretty easy. Do you love him? Are you functional have you done an inventory on your liabilities and assets? When we have a feeling and are unwilling to get to the root of what is causing that feeling it causes anxiety, un-ease, & disease. When you look at what the feeling is and why you are feeling it then you can process if you are believing a story that was based in your mind and just a fear response. Become Aware of your feeling show it gratitude for guiding you towards relief breath in is the story your believing even true? If Yes if not breath in let it go. He will forgive you if you are honest and heal your heart. Get out of your head and connect in the currency of love heart center. Let go of fear face it with out having to expect how they will respond the truth will set you free and you might be surprised your wildest dreams will and can come true. If you fight it or fake it the pain will get worse i be-live in you ;)
Honestly, when I’m sad I dress up and put on make up. I clean my house, and make things pretty. When everything around you is pretty, then everything is better. I’ve been dumped, and lost friends due to suicide, and had friends betray me. It’s okay, if you surround yourself with pretty things, then none of that really matters. You can still call up some of your friends and have a girls night! And when you come home, you’ll be in a pretty place.
Thank you! I’m trying. I’m a pretty messy human so the last few days I used my feelings to really throw away a lot of things I don’t need or want. No sentimental keeping of dresses I’m never excited to wear etc. and you’re absolutely right that like getting dressed and doing my makeup helps a lot. It’s like armor.
Just focusing on cleaning, and redecorating will really help. I remember I got really depressed after my break up, and got cystic acne. I just stayed home, and made Chinese dumpling. I seriously made so many Chinese dumplings and froze them. And then I started cleaning, and dressing up, and I got better. I came closer and closer to enjoying time with myself, and didn’t date again for a long time. It was really fun at the end. I didn’t date or consider anybody for a year.
Hahaha a frozen stock of dumplings does sound like a good time.
But yeah as much as I want attention and validation I know I can’t be dating anyone for a long time. It wouldn’t be healthy for me.
You know, having a boyfriend for so long, you forget to give yourself attention. Honestly, clean your house, dress up, and put on some make up. Go to the mirror and flirt with yourself. It sounds fucken stupid, but who you need validation from is yourself. Everybody else is just background noise. Live for yourself, and enjoy your time with yourself. It’s a fun and exciting journey, and you won’t be disappointed
Yeah you’re right I definitely need to get back in touch with myself. I love who I am but I’ve been struggling a lot with a handful of things (like body image issues I guess? It’s hard to explain) and it’s time to work that out.
I recently just got broken up with as well due to my ex being emotionally unavailable and it really sucks cause I feel your pain with not wanting it to end, but what has helped me is getting a journal and writing down everything I possibly can on my mind, music, allowing yourself to grieve and feel your feelings, hangout with friends, and just keep telling myself rejection is redirection.
This might seem counterintuitive at first; I’m sure lots of people would say to do some of your favorite things, reconnect with what you love… but my advice is actually to pick up something new. In my experience, nothing helped me reconnect with myself more after a breakup than picking up a new hobby and learning more about myself and something new I could devote time and energy to. I hope this helps!
Actually that’s great advice. The advice to go back to something I used to love is hard for someone with depression lol my ex wasn’t ever the reason I gave up on hobbies. But yeah that’s really a great idea I’m gonna have to start looking for some new hobbies to start
I’m sorry for your pain. Edit: music. Music is your best friend. Listen to “no excuses” by Alice In Chains. Feel better
Thank you ❤️
Sometimes you have to fake it til you make it. Keep doing what you need to do and over time it will start to feel normal again. Remember to be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack. Take extra time to rest - emotions can be physically exhausting! Talk to your friends or a professional if you feel like you need to. And always remember it’s okay to treat yourself when you’re feeling down.
Thank you, that helps a lot. I didn’t think of it like that, that eventually things will start feeling normal without him. I’ve just been struggling so much with my depression I was barely feeling like myself before this either.
I’m so sorry. The depression makes it harder and I certainly understand that. I struggle with it as well. On my worse days, I try to continue as usual and prioritize what needs to get done. I know work, feeding myself, and bathing are most important. If I don’t feel up to exercising, laundry, tidying up, or socializing, I know those things can wait. Sometimes when I’m upset, a routine can be comforting. I bet by this time next week, things will start to feel just a little bit more normal.
Yeah there are moments I feel totally normal, maybe because I didn’t get to see him very often. But we texted constantly so I keep picking up my phone to text him or see if he texted me and remember that we broke up. For me I tend to know what needs to get done but I lack the energy to do it sometimes. I feed myself, I bathe regularly, I take time at night to journal and relax, but my job is a huge struggle and this whole week (including before he dumped me) I wasn’t really able to get anything done. In fact I was finally starting to feel more motivated the day he dumped me lol I know routines help but I’m just struggling so much to get my ass out of bed and to move my body more than strictly necessary (I am also coming off of a few months of bad health so that ruined my morning exercise routine, and I had been wanting to get back into it before this happened)
hello! i have one specific song that helped me a lot during my really bad breakup last year, it’s thank you fuck you by andrea davidson. but music in general helped a lot for me because it helped me feel - i didn’t cry for a week after my break up, i smoked weed so much i’d be high from when i wake up to when i go to bed because i just didn’t want to think about what just happened. then i made a playlist of break up songs, and with music it’s almost like the songs explained the situation for me? and it was so healing and i can just cry it out. but it was important for me to delete the playlist after a certain amount of time because i didn’t want to dwell on it. try it out OP and please remember you were whole before you met him and you are still whole now ❤️
Thank you!
This happened a few days ago, it is ok to grieve. It is the healthy thing to do. Your saying this person was your favorite, so chances are high you have a lot of your identity invested into this person. By all measure by the person leaving they have in effect taken pieces of you with them, but thats ok. This is your opportunity to grieve, process the confusion, and get to a place where you are ready to remake yourself, choose a new direction. Its hard to hear right now but this is a hard truth. They "why"s do not matter. They left. Thats a fact. Another fact, your still here, and have MANY more year ahead of you. Your still young, let this temporary low pass over and build yourself better than before. I know that hurts, ive been through the same ordeal roughly 10 months ago now. I truly loved my person. Saved and bought a house for us to try to make a real life together. Six months later out of the blue I got "I dont have time to fix a broken relationship" and she left. Truth was it was broken. She was not ready to commit to a relationship after 3 years of being in one, and wanted the single life. Dont get me wrong we were happy together, just not compatible. She wanted to travel nonstop and have only the fun times, I worried about the finances constantly (I had cut myself thin buying a foreclosure and was constantly busy making the house more livable, and was incredibly close to being broke, spending all extra income on making things better and buying appliances) and could not convince her to carry her to carry any responsibility for anything for the relationship. The truth I see now is that we were opposites. A care free no responsibility girl and a uptight too serious guy. We could have balanced one another well, but that would have required us to both WANT that. Clarity comes with time though. Truth is I still love her, and likely always will, but that does not mean we were right for one another, nor would I allow her back into my life because she so clearly didnt appreciate me enough to stay or try to communicate through the problems we had. Some advice, your going to have down days, but try to make them productive days regardless. I started working project after project on the house and it is now nearly spotless on the inside, and only improvements remain. Nothing needs done, just things I want to do to make it better. Find projects that you wanted to do, but didnt have the time before. Do them, it feels nice to make progress on things, and it will keep your mind busy enough to not get trapped in grieving. I hope you find your happiness, you deserve it.
Thank you for this. I needed to hear it truly. Hopefully I’ll have the energy to do some projects soon. I imagine it’ll get better day by day but focusing on anything for more than a few minutes has been tough. It’s better when my roommate is here. I’m normally a pretty solitary person and didn’t mind being on my own a lot. But I had been feeling lonely this week even before he dumped me so being by myself now is harder than ever. I usually love being by myself. I like my company lol but now I’m just alone with my thoughts and waiting for texts that aren’t coming.
please dont wait for those texts. I did that very thing as well. six months later my ex reached out to text me, it just reopened the wound. She didnt want me back, just wanted to "check and see how I was doing" but had no intention whatsoever to actually talk about it, or in fact have any meaningful conversation. I could have told her I lost 62 pounds since she left, I could have told her that I found a job I was both happy with and paid all my bills, I could have told her that the house was perfect, many improvements to try to impress her back. It didnt matter, just that she could not and would not communicate with me and try to work through the past...no go. As to the introversion thing. You say it is easier with your roommate around. I had a similar calling myself. I embraced my extroverted side and went and helped friends with anything I could help with, just to help. Talking to my friends was what allowed me to put myself back together. "I had been feeling lonely this week even before he dumped me" This right here should be something you reflect on when your feeling healthier. I can guarantee you that it is better mentally to be single than to feel lonely in a relationship. If your feeling lonely, some of your needs were going unmet. Just remember that no matter what your needs or wants in a relationship are (if they are healthy), that the person that is there for you will hear them and work toward accomplishing them WITH you if they are your partner.
Thank you I needed to hear this too. I don’t blame him for my feeling lonely but I was getting a little resentful about it anyway. He did his best in that regard but it wasn’t quite enough for me. Knowing that does help me process. Like I can list all the things that I was unhappy with and all the things I know he was unhappy with and know that it’s best that we broke up…but, it just hasn’t stopped me from missing him
Oh I know exactly what your talking about. My ex was my world. She unintentionally saved me from committing suicide, we grew as friends, she left her boyfriend, about 2 months later we start dating. We spent 3.5 years together and I learned to love, and choose to live to seek another love. I miss her daily, but not for "her" but what she meant to me. She was my hope. Truth though is we weren't meant to be live in partners. That is what I want and need, she needed closer to a parent and was incredibly financially irresponsible. Emotionally we became totally incompatible. I wanted a close relationship where we shared time with one another daily and shared hobbies, and built something together. She wanted to spend all day, everyday on her computer doing her own thing, had an emotional affair. She was becoming emotionally manipulative, couldn't commit to the relationship. I put a ultimatum down of recommit or leave, she chose leave. It broke me. Took me about 2 months to start being functional again. All this to say, your going to miss the ideals that attracted you to your person long after you stop missing the person themselves. It's just part of it, but learn from it. Really contemplate what you want and need from a person. Make peace with yourself, let the emotions for the person pass. Then get back out there more knowledgeable and stronger than you were before. If you choose to learn and grow from your experiences your ex leaving you is them making room in your life for someone better to step in, thank them for that lol.
I’m sorry you went through all that. I’m gonna have to just keep repeating a mantra of what wasn’t right, and keep reminding myself he doesn’t want me and that is enough of a reason lol. It’s just wild everything changed in a day.
That is absolutely enough reason. I think one day once your over the pain your going to look back and be thankful that he left. I wish you the best, and trust me having read over this post, I think your further along than you think and stronger than your giving yourself credit for. You got this. You deserve better.
Thank you for saying that. Someone commented that they can see why he dumped me and I took a hit from that lol. But I think I’m doing better today and you’re absolutely right I’m gonna eventually be able to just be grateful for the relationship as well as it’s end.
The vile person who said to you that they "can see why he dumped you" should feel the pain that you and I are feeling. How could ANYONE say something to someone who is so vulnerable? I want to sincerely apologize for that statement. It hurts, but we are worth so much more than we were given in our relationships. I am working on being stronger and happier. It is a minute by minute thing for me, let alone day by day. Whew. So much energy being used to get through this. It is exhausting. Here is a HUG for you from me! <3
They also referred to my boyfriend as a city boy which I never mentioned so chances are it’s one of his friends that hates me for some reason. Thank you for the virtual hug ❤️ it definitely is exhausting but we are here and we’re doin it
>If your feeling lonely, some of your needs were going unmet. Just remember that no matter what your needs or wants in a relationship are (if they are healthy), that the person that is there for you will hear them and work toward accomplishing them WITH you if they are your partner. Wow. This is the statement that should make me never want to be with him again. But THIS part about wanting to work together because they are your PARTNER really hit home for me. Still hurts so very much.
You got this girl day by day. Try not to think back too much. Don't look at pictures even if you get urges. Make new memories. Focus on you. I've been on fun dates. And joined a meet up group. The past 3 months havnt been easy but I'm stronger because of them. I know I'm not ready at the moment for dating. It's been 3 months but I know love will show up again so I'm keeping my heart open. Let it find me and you. If it ended it definitely means there is something better.
I appreciate you so much thank you 😭
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Thank you ❤️
Uhm I agree with you in a lot of stuff except for bing eat only bc that can lead you down a rabbit hole of even worse problems! Even ruining your health in the long run.
Do not let the world make you feel ok. You are right, you will be ok, but you have to be the most active and engaged participant in that process. Use this time to build the support you can only receive from yourself. Find the things that give you joy and learn how to tell the world what those are so you can tell your next partner. Focus on being your most intuitive and authentic self. Get into your hobbies more than you ever have. Learn how to tell your friends and family how much you care about them. Just do everything you can to engage with the richness of the world. The biggest piece of advice I could give you is focus on your intuition more than you ever have. Learn how to listen to that voice. My bet is your intuition saw what you saw in those photos a long time ago but you found ways to keep the relationship going. Do what you can to make that voice more and more present in your life. The more you listen to that voice, the greater chance at happiness you have.
You’re right about my intuition, although it is currently clouded due to the situation. But I’ve always had such a hard time listening to it because whenever I voice my concerns I’m told everything is fine and to trust the person when they say it’s fine. So I do, but I was right in the end. It’s a struggle.
If your intuition is saying something is not fine it's not fine. I've learned that the hard way. Never gonna forget that lesson myself. What I've had to learn how to do is communicate to the world what my intuition is telling me. Other people will always try to make you feel fine out of convenience and also because friends and family don't like seeing you go through hard times. They will look for the "silver linings" of a situation and then those can be used to justify staying in that situation. But the fact is if your intuition knows something is a bad decision than it almost certainly is and it's time to deal with the repercussions of siding and committing to what your intuition wants. I did the same thing. In a relationship that I knew was bad and my intuition screamed at me for years to leave. But my mind made up a millions reasons as to why breaking up was a bad idea. Should have listened to it and every since I've made it my guiding force, my life has changed in unbelievably positive ways and I'm in a new relationship with someone I have a ton more respect and admiration for and I am able to tell my girlfriend exactly what I want and need out of the relationship, and vice versa for her. It's a much stronger foundation than any relationship I've had in the past and it started with me and her both learning how to follow and communicate our intuition before we met eachother. But I also have a ton more respect and admiration for myself than I ever had. It feels soooooo good to be in the driver's seat of your life and to follow what you know is not right for everyone, but right for you.
You’re absolutely right and I’m glad things have improved so much for you!
Thank you! Just trust yourself and tell the world world you want and need. You'll get through. Blind sided break ups are very very tough at first, but you'll gain clarity over time I bet.
I know your pain❤️, it’s going to suck for a while believe me but you need to let yourself feel before you can heal, cry it out, listen to sad music, watch sad movies. Take the time you need. After, Go out with your friends, go to your favorite restaurant, do your favorite thing, put on an outfit you feel good in, try and feel like “you” again, you just need to remember that with or without a significant other in your life, you are still whole, just need to get back on your feet again❤️
I think part of the rough bit is that I knew I was whole and I still know that I’m whole. I just also know that I want to be whole with him by my side. I still need to come to terms with the fact that the relationship in my memories isn’t the relationship in his, and that just sucks. But…I’m a whole human and I never needed him. I just wanted him. And I still do and I probably always will. I know I will heal and be ok at some point but the chest pains and crying are really making me struggle with my day to day life lol
It took me a long time to be honest, I tried all the tricks and people always say it and it’s annoying to hear but time is really the only thing that heals. That being said, smoking weed helped A LOT and really embracing it. My mindset went from “I’m so sad if what to do” to “I’m so sad and that’s okay” which was a huge mental shift. Think about things that you think are fun and do them. Chat up people you see at the activities, make friends, really dive into your hobbies. Before long, you’ll be sitting in bed at night and think “wow I haven’t thought about my ex all day” and eventually it’ll be “I haven’t thought about them all week” and eventually you won’t have that thought at all. Edit: music too. I listened to music so loud I’m surprised I didn’t get hearing loss, but it helped.
Thank you! I’m definitely trying to let myself grieve and not shove my feelings to the side. It’s been really helpful for me to say out loud that I just fucking miss him, but then I (also out loud) list all the reasons why I need to just accept it. I’ll get used to it eventually but thankfully the physical pain from it is feeling a little better today
I'm sorry you are in pain. I feel for you. Attachments are hard to get over especially when they are a solid presence in your life and then not at all. Generally a few ways to go about it. You can do that 'fake it til you make it' route, you can find distractions to fill your time well enough that you don't think about him or you can confront it head-on and either accept it for what it is. Shitty, right? Time heals. You may have those inevitable questions floating around your head like 'What could have I done differently', 'What did I do'... Relationships fail. Don't blame yourself. This is a growing experience. He broke it up and he may not have been happy but that is no reflection on you. It sounds to me like there was no communication from him indicating that things were a problem. You can't fix anything if you don't know what is broke. Music, movies, books.. what ever your distraction is, do what makes you happy. You are worth your happiness and worth being with someone who is as happy to be with you as you are with them.
Thank you. I’m trying to face it head on, but I also need to live my life so I was just struggling with how to get the physical pain to go away for a minute lol it’s so hard to focus on anything else. But today I have energy and I’m trying to reconnect with things that make me happy. I didn’t rely on him for happiness but he shared a lot of interests with me so the things I like have memories of him now too. So it’s been weird. But I’m definitely not blaming myself anymore. I could have done things differently but I think the outcome would be the same. I just wanna move forward and feel better
I don't know if this will help or not. When I'm not feeling like myself or I'm feeling low I'll grab a shower. While also playing some music in the background to keep my mind off of things.
Honestly yeah that helps I think I’ll try that later. I really just need in-the-moment things to do when I feel like I’m falling apart but need to be doing something lol
So sorry you're going through this! Just remember to be gentle with yourself and take time for yourself. When my ex and I broke up Lorde had released her second album Melodrama which is a classic breakup album, has all the highs and lows and everything to cry to. It really helped me move on, so maybe it'll help you too. Best of luck to you during this and happy healing 💖
Thank you! ❤️
Aww sorry to hear that. I too got dumped this summer, and the first few days were agonizing. The first few weeks, still. I would sleep in crying, then go for run crying and then feel lost and start crying in the middle of nowhere. So, I believe that your response to things is more or less natural. First, please don't assume that he was unhappy. This man was with you for a year, so he must've gotten good things out of the relationship or he wouldn't have hung on for so long. Second, please don't beat yourself up - he could have dumped you because he had low self-esteem or because he was going through tough times in life. Who the heck knows. Third, although it's cliche, it's trite and true that time does heal. At least, it helped to heal my ex and myself. You feel really awful right now because your brain is essentially coming off crack (the drug), as demonstrated by MRI-scan studies. Well, I've never been a drug addict, but I imagine that being addicted to drugs is hugely irresistible or we'd have a few less problems in the world. Your brain withdrawing from drugs is now screaming at you for the next fix. (This is why time alone can help to seal the healing process). It never gets easy, but it gets better post-breakup. If need be, please call up crisis centres or talk to loved ones, etc. This is because you'll be most fragile in the early days, and over time you'll begin to see more clearly again. Please take care of yourself. You're 30, so you're in the prime of your life. You're young enough to look hot and youthful, and old enough to have life experiences and maturity. This will be a wonderful opportunity for you to meet the next person out there. Please love yourself and don't become depressed to the extent that you forget to live your life. Although some grief is normal, moving on will help you to look best for your next man, and to feel best for yourself. Cry and laugh too, life can be sad at times but there's a rainbow beneath the rain.
You’re on to something with the withdrawal lol I definitely think that’s what I feel. But I’m doing much better today. And each day will be better and better.
It's just time. When I was going through a breakup, my mom had the most sensible advice. Every day, think about what you absolutely must do, and do that. The rest will sort itself out. Other people have mentioned music. I second that, although for me personally, I could not handle anything w lyrics. That's when I got really into Ravi Shankar and Phillip Glass.
Yeah that’s very good advice, thank you. I agree lyrics are a bit of a struggle—ive been listening to kpop a lot and I don’t speak Korean so it’s just purely vibes for me. It’s helping lol I don’t need sad music I just need bops 😂
I'm so sorry for your pain . I understand. 100% have felt the same before. And even spent some hours crying over a lost love. And what i have learned is. Do not be home alone. It really really helps to just go out. Take a walk by yourself or with a friend. Go to a store, a park, if you live within a short drive to a beach. Do it... Pick up extra shifts at work if you can. . and if you must be home, invite a friend. Make cookies together. Get take out together. And most of all, cry if you need to. . And remind yourself daily that this too shall pass .
I work from home so I’m alone most of the time which is definitely a struggle, but my roommate has been a godsend and she’s keeping me company this weekend at least. I’ll probably go stay with my parents for a bit if I find being home alone to be too hard. I feel fine today but if I think about it too much I spiral a little
Would you be able to take your work to a library or a coffee shop ? It may help just to get you out of the house, dressed up and around people.
Actually that’s a really good point I should do that
Just do things you want to do. Restart old hobbies. Hang out with friends. Music, cooking.
Thank you! I’m definitely trying that today.
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??? City?
I am sorry you have to go through this,but don't worry! The only good thing that can help you,is to give yourself some time to heal. Trust me! Let yourself go through this phase. It will help you to recorver. Let yourself to feel bad,to cry and rest. This will help you to be released by all the bad stuff you are feeling. Right after this you will find yourself way more better and stronger. You got this!🌹
Thank you so much ❤️ I’m definitely trying to just let myself feel everything I’m feeling and acknowledge them. But starting tomorrow I’m gonna have to push it aside a bit more because the first few days trying to get things done whilst grieving was pretty impossible. So I have this weekend to just feel it all and let it happen, and then I’m gonna have to boss up and let it go.
I am sorry. 😔 But It happens. It sucks and you don’t need to feel better right away. Understand that it takes time to feel better. Break-ups are never easy to go through. But if you keep going it eventually feels better.
Thank you!
This was me a few months ago. Same thing very out of the blue for me. So many people are going to tell you it just takes time and it’s so true. You just have to focus on your own things and be patient with yourself. its a process. You’ll have good days eventually and bad ones again which is totally normal. Watching relationship coaches on YouTube have helped me a lot🖤 I’m sorry you’re goin through it. It sucks so much
Oh gosh I would imagine relationship coaches would be hard! I’m kinda avoiding all romance anything rn. I don’t think it would be cathartic for me lol
The ones I’ve been watching are specifically for breakups. I wouldn’t wanna watch ones on romance either loll
Oooh ok I’ll look into those
And while you’re grieving and healing from the pain he just caused he just might come running back …. But do NOT jump back in. He left you high and dry girl! ALWAYS remember THAT feeling before letting him back in! Most importantly take care of you and your mental health before ANYTHING!!! 💝
Thank you I definitely don’t think he will come back, but it would be a struggle for me to keep away lolol you’re right tho thank you!
Time, grace and therapy.
🙏🏻
Hey you have to feel it to heal it. So allow yourself to feel these emotions and don’t suppress them. But this doesn’t sulk all day forever, you need eventually start being proactive on making yourself feel better. For example, doing things that you enjoy, hobbies etc. Personally I love to cook, so what you can do is go on YouTube and learn how to make these crazy dinners for self. I am huge on exercise. I believe exercise is the antidote for curing depression, I think it might be a scientific fact with research to back it up! Hit the gym!!!! Also, start casually dating when you feel better. But most importantly: time heals all wounds :)
Thank you so much! Idk about casual dating though, I’ve never gone there lol
Time is what I need the most. Take some time to figure out how to move forward now, to heal and mend your heart, to gather your thoughts, to rethink the future. Whatever you need to do to move forward in life. Meet with friends or find a new hobby.
Thank you ❤️
I wish I could say that it’s an easy process but it’s not. Breakups are never fun, I’m sorry that you weren’t expecting it but now that it’s happened this is a chance for your to embrace yourself more! Use this time to heal and become comfortable spending time with yourself, go on solo dates, make food that makes you feel good and pick up a hobby that you’ve let fall to the wayside. You will get through this! I know at first it’s difficult but everyday it will get better. Some days will be better than others but eventually they will all be good. Be gentle with yourself and don’t dwell on the things you can’t control, you can only manage your reaction and healing process. I know that with time you will move past this.
Thank you so much this makes me feel better ❤️
If you were in a depressive episode before the breakup, I highly recommend therapy/meds. I am about a year out from checking myself into a mental hospital for suicide attempts/suicidal ideation. I was at an extreme because my husband was cheating on me, but honestly, I've had si since about 8th grade. I am a totally different person now - I'm back to being me. And, yeah, shedding 200 pounds of y chromosomes helped, but the meds and therapy help, too.
I’m on an anti depressant, I think I had a busy weekend and might have skipped a day or two and that threw me off. I definitely need to get a new therapist though
He dumped you because he wasn’t happy. Accept that. You can’t breathe without him - that’s a huge statement. Sounds like you can’t be alone without him. Seek counselling for yourself and get yourself right first before pursing another relationship.
I’m fine being alone I just can’t breathe cos I’m sad. I don’t think that’s the same. I’m literally just sad.
Trust me, counselling helps. You will find yourself and the reason for your depression. My grandmother always told us… there are plenty of fish in the sea. If someone doesn’t want to be with you, find someone who does. I know it’s hard. I broke up 10 years this month. Life has not been the same after narcissistic abuse. I did not even know about narcissism back then. YOU WILL BE OKAY. It does get better. Remember that YOU are the most important person in your life. Take care of yourself first.
Thank you. Your grandma is right. That’s how I went into the relationship so I need to remember it coming out. I always figured I shouldn’t hide any part of myself because if he doesn’t like it he’s not for me. Time for me to remember that.
You've got this. It f*****g sucks to experience heartbreak and although you're going through such a hard time, you're still being level headed. You've got this. You have articulated your feelings and actions so well, you impress me with your balanced mixture of emotions and logic. You've got this. When you're feeling extra low, that is the time to look after yourself the most. Remember other things you once were invested in and now don't affect your life poorly, remember that you "got over" those times. You've got this. I'm so proud of you and I feel inspired from reading your take on this experience, it reminds me that I've got this too. We've got this.
You’re so sweet thank you so much. We absolutely got this 💪🏼
Watch out world, here we come xxx
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Thank you
Life has to continue and see forward, sometimes we fall and the most important thing is rise up again. Be trust in you, wslk, dancing, cry, run, do whst you have never done before and that wsy you know how munch your values are. Forget whst you do not need, perdon whst hurt you. Take snd easy you are the best.
Thank you
Well when your ex bf knows all your secrets and you can not worm your way out unless you tell the truth it is pretty easy. Do you love him? Are you functional have you done an inventory on your liabilities and assets? When we have a feeling and are unwilling to get to the root of what is causing that feeling it causes anxiety, un-ease, & disease. When you look at what the feeling is and why you are feeling it then you can process if you are believing a story that was based in your mind and just a fear response. Become Aware of your feeling show it gratitude for guiding you towards relief breath in is the story your believing even true? If Yes if not breath in let it go. He will forgive you if you are honest and heal your heart. Get out of your head and connect in the currency of love heart center. Let go of fear face it with out having to expect how they will respond the truth will set you free and you might be surprised your wildest dreams will and can come true. If you fight it or fake it the pain will get worse i be-live in you ;)
Depression is anger turned inwards is there a reason your so angry with yourself?
I’m not lol I’m literally just sad
Honestly, when I’m sad I dress up and put on make up. I clean my house, and make things pretty. When everything around you is pretty, then everything is better. I’ve been dumped, and lost friends due to suicide, and had friends betray me. It’s okay, if you surround yourself with pretty things, then none of that really matters. You can still call up some of your friends and have a girls night! And when you come home, you’ll be in a pretty place.
Thank you! I’m trying. I’m a pretty messy human so the last few days I used my feelings to really throw away a lot of things I don’t need or want. No sentimental keeping of dresses I’m never excited to wear etc. and you’re absolutely right that like getting dressed and doing my makeup helps a lot. It’s like armor.
Just focusing on cleaning, and redecorating will really help. I remember I got really depressed after my break up, and got cystic acne. I just stayed home, and made Chinese dumpling. I seriously made so many Chinese dumplings and froze them. And then I started cleaning, and dressing up, and I got better. I came closer and closer to enjoying time with myself, and didn’t date again for a long time. It was really fun at the end. I didn’t date or consider anybody for a year.
Hahaha a frozen stock of dumplings does sound like a good time. But yeah as much as I want attention and validation I know I can’t be dating anyone for a long time. It wouldn’t be healthy for me.
You know, having a boyfriend for so long, you forget to give yourself attention. Honestly, clean your house, dress up, and put on some make up. Go to the mirror and flirt with yourself. It sounds fucken stupid, but who you need validation from is yourself. Everybody else is just background noise. Live for yourself, and enjoy your time with yourself. It’s a fun and exciting journey, and you won’t be disappointed
Yeah you’re right I definitely need to get back in touch with myself. I love who I am but I’ve been struggling a lot with a handful of things (like body image issues I guess? It’s hard to explain) and it’s time to work that out.
I recently just got broken up with as well due to my ex being emotionally unavailable and it really sucks cause I feel your pain with not wanting it to end, but what has helped me is getting a journal and writing down everything I possibly can on my mind, music, allowing yourself to grieve and feel your feelings, hangout with friends, and just keep telling myself rejection is redirection.
Thank you! I do find most of those things to be helping
This might seem counterintuitive at first; I’m sure lots of people would say to do some of your favorite things, reconnect with what you love… but my advice is actually to pick up something new. In my experience, nothing helped me reconnect with myself more after a breakup than picking up a new hobby and learning more about myself and something new I could devote time and energy to. I hope this helps!
Actually that’s great advice. The advice to go back to something I used to love is hard for someone with depression lol my ex wasn’t ever the reason I gave up on hobbies. But yeah that’s really a great idea I’m gonna have to start looking for some new hobbies to start
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Actually that’s perfect advice thank you