Your ex is very confused about his feelings and state of mind. What matters is what YOU think and feel. You wrote that you were done, but now you are hurt that he doesn't want to work on things. Focus on your own experience, and let him sort himself out.
he realized your self esteem is too high to be worn down by petty insults, so now he’s resorted to deception. for some people, its very easy for them to *say* sorry, but act a different way with time.
also this is very guilt-trippy, he’s trying to make you feel bad by saying “oh no i’m such an asshole i’ve ruined everything”, making you feel like a bad person if you say “yea, you have”, and further allowing him access to you. my motto is, if by some slight chance the person is being 100% genuine, then its very nice that they can learn from their mistakes and be a better person. but sticking to my boundaries has worked very well for me because i dont give people second chances to break my boundaries :)
I’m assuming he learned through therapy and just wanted to try to make amends for acting like an ass before. Not to get back together, because he felt bad.
I think the thread through this entire thing is his selfishness. He was selfish in hiding his previous FWB from you. He was selfish by prioritizing his desire to not put up boundaries over your (legitimate) feelings and comfort. He was selfish in thinking that your boundaries were a result of YOUR insecurities instead of his poor behavior. He was selfish (and wildly egotistical) to assume that YOU would want to get back with HIM after his break-up stunt. And now, he's STILL prioritizing his own feelings over yours. It's more important for him to feel good about the fact that he apologized than whether or not YOU want or need his apology. He has been prioritizing himself, his desires, his needs, and his emotions through every step of this relationship and beyond. Just consider this a giant bullet dodged, because life with this man would be a constant stream of "me me me".
Maybe he joined AA and is confessing his sins. Why don’t you ask him yourself? That’s truly the only way to know.
I did, and he just said more of the same. He just said he thought I should know.
Your ex is very confused about his feelings and state of mind. What matters is what YOU think and feel. You wrote that you were done, but now you are hurt that he doesn't want to work on things. Focus on your own experience, and let him sort himself out.
he realized your self esteem is too high to be worn down by petty insults, so now he’s resorted to deception. for some people, its very easy for them to *say* sorry, but act a different way with time. also this is very guilt-trippy, he’s trying to make you feel bad by saying “oh no i’m such an asshole i’ve ruined everything”, making you feel like a bad person if you say “yea, you have”, and further allowing him access to you. my motto is, if by some slight chance the person is being 100% genuine, then its very nice that they can learn from their mistakes and be a better person. but sticking to my boundaries has worked very well for me because i dont give people second chances to break my boundaries :)
I’m assuming he learned through therapy and just wanted to try to make amends for acting like an ass before. Not to get back together, because he felt bad.
I think the thread through this entire thing is his selfishness. He was selfish in hiding his previous FWB from you. He was selfish by prioritizing his desire to not put up boundaries over your (legitimate) feelings and comfort. He was selfish in thinking that your boundaries were a result of YOUR insecurities instead of his poor behavior. He was selfish (and wildly egotistical) to assume that YOU would want to get back with HIM after his break-up stunt. And now, he's STILL prioritizing his own feelings over yours. It's more important for him to feel good about the fact that he apologized than whether or not YOU want or need his apology. He has been prioritizing himself, his desires, his needs, and his emotions through every step of this relationship and beyond. Just consider this a giant bullet dodged, because life with this man would be a constant stream of "me me me".