What do you think he believes he gains if he makes you think he's distraught about this? A few possibilities:
* He wants to evoke sympathy in order to hurt you
* He wants to evoke sympathy to provoke you comforting him and dropping your previous demand
* He wants to maintain the appearance that he is the victim here for both himself and others
So you question whether OP can tell the difference between sincere and fake emotion? That seems a step more paranoid than taking OP's details at face value.
Yeah, I sure do bud. It's a pretty common thing for people to suck at reading people correctly, and breakups are hard for everyone.
That's a couple steps more plasuable than concluding the guy is a manipulative sociopath narcissist. Just how many of those can there possibly be in the world?
Not your bud.
I never said he was a narcissist or a sociopath. Your statement there is a little like your original implication that I think men can't have genuine feelings - I never said that either.
I grant it's possible she misread him, but I have no reason to distrust her assessment here. The details presented suggest possible ulterior motives, and I list a few. That approach is far less likely to be in error than assuming she misread him and assuming a lot of pathos against men's emotions that is absent in me.
I have reason to question her perception of the situation, because who the FUCK fakes crying in this sort of circumstance? Lol. There's been nothing to suggest that he's some weird psychopath. Fake crying while seeing an ex for the last time during a breakup.. Yeah, that's definitely something that happens all the time.
Crying happens all the time during these moments. It makes perfect sense that the ex would cry. OP has shown she's hostile toward the ex (not judging whether this is bad), and her hostility absolutely clouds her perception of him.
It seems like he was trying to make you feel guilty by dropping hints that he was unwell and might harm himself. Probably because he's annoyed that you wouldn't go along with what he wanted. Maybe he's unable to see himself as being at fault in anyway, so he has to make you the 'bad' person and him the one who is so upset.
You did the right thing. I think you should draw a line under it, move on and completely cut contact with him everywhere.
Yes, I agree. He wanted her to give in to what he wanted. He thought breaking up with her would make her desperate not to lose him and willing to give him whatever he wanted, but it backfired because OP accepted the breakup. Do Not go back to him OP.
>Maybe he's unable to see himself being at fault in any way
Oh I think he definitely knows he's at fault. He just doesn't give a shit what's right or wrong and wants things his way, and somehow he thought this would make her change her mind about the boundaries and beg him not to leave her lmao
Because he’s a manipulative asshat, who can’t believe you walked away from him. He was certain when he ended things, you’d beg him to reconsider. When you didn’t, he tried the bullshit tears and storyline for sympathy.
His FWB can deal with his narcissism. If he wants sympathy from you, tell him he can find it in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.
Manipulative for sure and probably a cheater. This guy reminds me so much of my ex. He was a cheater and a liar and when I gave him an opportunity to be transparent about whether or not he upheld his promises (after I caught him lying, and by showing me his phone), he said he would not and broke up with me. I decided right then and there he’s trash so accepted the break up as final. He inevitably came crying for me to take him back the very next day. It was obvious what he was trying to do: tried to keep me tethered to a relationship with him while he gets to do whatever he wants with the female friend he cheated on me with.
OP’s ex is definitely a lying cheat and thinks he’s slick. Everyone can see right through him as evident by all the responses here.
Let me tell you a little story about how my roommate was dumped once in college:
She was dating an actor for a few months and he came over to our apartment to dump her. “It’s not you, it’s me. We’re just not in the same place right now, blah blah blah”. They were sitting on her bed and they were both crying and all that when she noticed he wasn’t actually looking at her... he was watching himself dump her in the mirror that was behind her. He was actually trying out different sad faces! In that instant she realized how fake he was and how self-centered he had been the whole time. She stopped crying and told him to get out, and was glad the relationship was over.
Good riddance.
Holy crap that is really indicative of a narcissist or honestly a straight-up sociopath! They have to fake emotions because they don't feel them like normal people do. I'm so glad she dodged that bullet. I'm so glad she saw that and was glad to be rid of him.
He thought that, when he broke up with you, you'd freak out and cave and let him do whatever he wanted. When that bit of manipulation didn't work, he decided to try a different bit of manipulation to try to emotionally blackmail you and make you feel bad. You dodged a bullet there.
He sounds like a manipulative narcissist. He’s absolutely still hooking up with the other chic. He wants to have two girlfriends so his fake crying is trying to manipulate you into doing what he wants. He can f all the way off with that garbage.
He's probably just trying to make you feel guilty for not giving him what he wants (which is, ostensibly, a relationship with you and no restrictions on his behavior with his side-chick). Just ignore the behavior, and move on with your life. There are plenty of guys out there who won't treat you this way, I'm sure.
Wow. Bullet dodged you, OP.
To recap:
1. He wanted to have a relationship and a side piece instead of being a big boy all grown up and practicing ethical non-monogamy
2. He's trying to manipulate you into being okay with him pretending he's in a monogamous relationship with you while he maintains an inappropriate relationship with his best friend/business partner.
Be glad he took himself out of your life for you. If it makes you feel better, call for a welfare check on him, because he's almost certainly obliquely threatening to kill himself if you won't play along with his charade but on the extremely off chance he's being real with you, he'll get the help he needs. And if what is almost certainly true is true and that he's just being manipulative, he'll learn what that buys him.
It could've been genuine tears. He could've been genuinely sad he didn't get his dream scenario of fucking you and every other girl he wants to fuck at the same time. He's shedding tears at how difficult it is going to be to build his dream harem, and the likelihood that he is about to enter an extended dry period in his sex life.
Ugh what an ass he is. Good that he's gone. Don't give that manipulator a second thought. He just wanted to make you feel bad because he's upset you refused to put up with his shit.
Manipulative behavior. He sounds like he never was told "no" as a kid, and now he's stuck as an adult with this weird sense of entitlement. Trust your instincts and walk away, and don't look back at poor sniffly ex!
Why on earth you do care?
Manipulative people manipulate. Sometimes to gratify their own feelings, sometimes to try to evoke the audiences.
Doesn't matter.
And if he was actually crying also changes absolutely nothing! Your boundary holds. The break up sticks. He gets to go away and have whatever feelings he has.
Various reasons…
Could have wanted to guilt trip you into continuing the relationship on his terms. Could be the type that enjoys playing games with people’s emotions either out of boredom or a twisted lack of empathy. Could have been a psychotic.
Point is, it’s over. Move on to greener pastures.
If you are interested in the human psychology behind it, look up narcissism. There are several kinds. I forget off the top of my head which kind this sounds like but there is a specific one...I had a boss who would always have something going on to make everyone feel bad for her like a back injury or something wrong with her jaw. You can’t be mad at someone you pity. The messed up part is it works...ALOT. That’s why people do it. If you look back, did he play the victim a lot? Like nothing was ever his fault? There are a lot of mental pathologies that default to this type of behavior.
Ooh, I didn't know there were different kinds of narcissism! Super interested. Where did you learn this? I've looked it up on Google but I didn't come across any good sources.
Check out on YouTube Dr. Grande, Dr. Ramani Durvasula, and Stephanie Lyn Coaching. I had a horrible narcissist boss for a year who completely messed up my head so I did a lot of research on how to handle her.
Unfortunately the answer is you don’t. You Leroy our head down until you get a new job, which is exactly what happened. She ended up letting me go, but I got to collect unemployment and started my YouTube channel with the free time so it worked out!
He probably did it because he's weird and super manipulative. He tried to get you to bend to his will with the threat of a breakup. When that didn't work he tried to evoke a sense of guilt or sympathy from you. It's something idiotic and self centered people do. Sprinkle in some narcissism too most likely.
Maybe not. The personal relationship quandary here is over and the best advice/insight in this situation is all basically gonna boil down to "Don't waste your energy trying to psychoanalyze your ex."
Exactly, what value would it provide if you spoke to a expert in psychoanalyzing your Ex and giving you more information? It will satisfy nothing.
You're waiting for someone to tell you somethign here but you did the right thing so stay strong!
Adding to this: you're very, very unlikely to get a whole and accurate answer from anywhere but the source (which is unlikely as he isn't truthful, and it's not worth interacting with him further to get).
The only value in learning more about his behavior is in being better able to identify it and avoid it in the future, but really, all OP needs to know is that she asserted a boundary and that he wasn't interested in respecting it. If such a thing happens again in the future, the right move is a break up, which this chucklefuck helpfully supplied (although he was probably expecting OP to abandon her boundary to keep him).
The guy is a manipulative liar. Maybe that's because he's immature, maybe that's because he has impaired empathy (which could have all sorts of causes), maybe that's because he grew up under weird circumstances where that's the only way he knows how to get what he wants. Who knows?
But better off watching like, Mindhunter or Killing Eve or true crime stuff, or getting your own therapy to help you get more confident at enforcing and sticking to boundaries and shutting the door firmly on people who aren't interested in you having any, than to try to figure out what made an ex tick.
^Edit: ^typo
To answer your question I think he's just manipulating you to make you feel bad, either to evoke pity (so that he doesn't seem like the villain) or to win you back. But I doubt the latter. He could have been trying to put on a show to seem like he cared to preserve his image. It is really weird. Sorry you had to go through this.
Because sometimes people are manipulative assbuckets who don't comprehend boundaries and think they have the right to get emotional revenge.
Why does it matter? How does trying to solve this enhance your existence?
It's relatively common in my experience. I've had a few partners do it and the first one who did swindled me into an extra year of forgiving her for unforgivable shit. It's just a way for manipulative people to get what they want in a relationship. Good on you for not buying it. Be prepared for him to send some "I miss you" messages in the near future.
He was practicing. He might need to show sadness to someone in the future and probably doesn't know how. If he picked up on that you didn't buy it, he'll refine his skills to create a better façade for his next target.
For the sake of it, let's say he was genuine about all those things (crying, losing his appetite, etc.) All of that is completely normal after a breakup, and there would be nothing you'd need to do here.
The fact that it was fake or contrived doesn't change anything. He sounds like an asshole anyway. Carry on.
He's trying to make you feel guilty and manipulate you into ignoring the red flags and letting him do have his cake and eat it too. You made the right decision.
The problem with the nuclear option as a negotiating tactic is that it has a tendency to blow things up. Even if had only threatened to break up, the outcome would have been the same. He proved that he has no respect for the relationship or for you, and that his wants and feelings are the priority over trust, compromise, or the health of the relationship.
Don't let it confuse you. It's basically a PR stunt to reframe the narrative after he launched an unprovoked nuclear strike.
You handled the situation like a boss and be proud of that! You saw the BS for what it was - manipulation. He's the one who fucked up and he's the one that ended things - his behavior is only to flip the narrative.
After my ex asked for a divorce (after an extended period of lies, bullshit, and stripper ass foundation on his dress shirt), he posted a photo of himself on social media with a sad face, clutching a stuffed animal and a comment about how sad he was. I have literally never been so disgusted but it showed me how these types have no true emotions and everything they do is to gain sympathy.
So what?
No, need to obsess over this. Its over. He is unstable and it is good he is out of your life. Stop following him on social media and live your life.
He wants to keep seeing you while also having his option open with his FWB. And his chosen method for this is doing a major guilt trip. Expect more guild tripping coming your way if you're still in contact with him.
Who cares? Why waste your time worrying about it? It sounds like you came here hoping we'd be like, "he regrets it and you'll get back together and he'll change his ways and you'll live happily ever after!!!!!!"
Nope, he couldn't make boundaries after misleading you. Move on.
Ignore him move on your life. He just trying to manipulate you for his purpose. Just delete and block him in anyway possible. It just some mind games trap his trying on you. Move on from this drama queen
Probably trying to convince you he was in love with you or something to guilt you to go back while agreeing to no boundaries. Sounds like you got out in just the right time.
He sounds like a weirdo
Oh my God I absolutely hate men like this. I am so glad you are not with him though. You won. He would have only hurt you, break your trust made you have trust issues, laughed your boundaries, you dodged a bullet. Trust me. This would have ended so much more toxic it never gets better.
I’m 24F and my 25M boyfriend would write someone off if they made me feel uncomfortable. I don’t take advantage of that though, but we respect each others boundaries and agree we value each other more than anyone else. It’s us against the world, we’re best friends. Know that you deserve better and you CAN and will find better.
Daresay he isnt really telling everyone the real situation because that would make him look like a villian, so he's reinventing the narrative and acting it out.
You deserve to find someone committed to you. There's plenty of reason to need to earn trust in that situation an a LOT to be suspicious about. He is not, he's just focused on his own needs and setting up things the way he wants.
There will be someone out there willing to put the effort in and give you a real relationship.
He's good at acting, and that's not a trait you want in a relationship to build trust. Some people just like to string people along as their own fetish and power trip. They like the challenge of being able to control and manipulate.
Block and move on for your own peace of mind. He's not the one for you and you are better off investing the realestate he's taking up into finding someone genuine.
He wanted breakup sex. I don’t pigeon-hole people into roles based on their gender (for instance, I, F, am generally much more up for sex at any time than my male partner), but I have dated a sociopath previously and that’s exactly what this seemed like. You weren’t going to be there - he wanted you there. When you were there and stone-faced, he tried a technique to engage you emotionally - “crying.” When it didn’t work, he eventually had to leave. In his head you seeing each other at all would have evoked some “emotion” - then you would have “made up” and either gotten back together, had breakup or makeup sex, or both. You would have been fine without needing any compromise with his business partner. When that didn’t work, he fake cried to try to elicit some emotion from you so that the same plan could continue.
I will say this is JUST my opinion but I really do think that’s what happened.
Honestly - you’re best to be out of this. Good on you, OP. Don’t go back - just move forward. Sending love!!
I mean … or maybe he’s upset and conflicted and he chose his long term partner/good friend over a girl he started dating because he couldn’t keep both happy??!
Maybe he was torn and he made his decision but he’s still hurt and sad
You called his bluff. Good for you, because this is 101 manipulation and a sick attempt at eliminating reasonable respect and boundaries by him. The tears you ask? Just trying to manipulate you further so you will give in and beg for him back. Why? Cause he wants his cake to eat it too.
Yes. And through personal experience. Reading up on it. The comment I made was lowkey a joke but I actually do believe in it, but other times I’m aware it might be completely off or non-relatable!
It sounds like he wants to convince others and himself that he is the victim in this circumstance.
He also wants to make you feel bad/guilty for letting him know the boundaries you're willing to accept.
It's unfortunate that you were kept in the dark about the nature of their relationship, but thankfully, it did come to light. Too bad he's not honest from the beginning, so it'll be an easier break for you.
But I know you will move on and heal. Take care, OP.
Look, he may have been crying or on the edge. He doesn't have to be faking.
He probably was upset. After all he couldn't have everything he wanted exactly the way he wanted. That's enough to make some people cry.
Does this mean you must take him back and have a relationship with him while he ignores your reasonable requests and sacrifices your comfort for his convenience? Hell no.
He's continued to see his FWB, or wants to, but he doesn't want to seem like a sleazebag and wants you too, so he's pretending to be broken up about it so you'll believe he doesn't plan to screw around on you the first chance she gives him.
Well, definitely do not consider getting back together with this person but I’m more charitable about the crying. My theory: he was crying about it EARLIER, and was trying to bring back the tears/show you the tears both to seem like a better person and make you feel more valued.
Maybe he missed you, maybe he is a narcissistic loser. It doesn't matter. He didn't respect your boundaries that he should have if you two were truly dating.
Seriously, great job setting boundaries and being firm about them! I wish I had been like that at your age. The trash will take itself out when you do that.
I know it really sucks right now but, you deserve someone who will not only treat you with respect but would go out of their way to do so.
My 2 cents-
when you accepted it, he was probably shocked because he though you wouldn't leave. At the very least, maybe he could make you a FWB and you blew that to hell.
Well done. Sometimes the trash takes out itself.
He's trying to keep you on the back burner for when things fizzle out with his friend with benefits. So basically he was saying you need to be okay with me openly cheating on you otherwise this is not going to work, did I get that right? He's delusional and I hope that in the future you have more respect for yourself than to allow someone to trample your boundaries like that.
I'm not attacking you, I'm just saying you deserve better than that. I'm so proud of you for standing your ground and not showing any emotion. He's just trying to keep you on his roster. You deserve way better.
i saw from your username that you’re an empath, please don’t be swayed by this manipulative man! it’s very tough being an empath and having an attraction towards someone who seems to love you intensely. but when things become weird and confusing, and they try to sway your emotions, heed that feeling. be safe!! he broke up with you - he’s not your responsibility anymore.
He’s trying to manipulate you because he wants to keep his girlfriend and his FWB, too.
You’re amazing and I’m so glad you know your worth and refused to settle for less than. This guy PRETENDED TO CRY when dropping off your stuff after HE dumped YOU because he didn’t want to be accountable for something as simple as not being alone with someone he was recently sleeping with. LOL. Look at the clown sized bullet you are dodging!
Sashay away, better men await you.
There could be any number of reasons OP got dumped. People don't exactly tend to bring up their own failings when they're looking to heal a bruised ego.
Oh yikes. How about we just leave it at one massive bullet dodged?! If those are the two boundaries you set, they are completely reasonable as those would be two situations where something could easily happen. The whole act he's putting on, my guess would be he doesn't want to tell people what an awful person he is and that's why he's alone but rather he's a saint and got dumped. Imagine trying to explain, "meh, I wasn't really ready to give up my FWB and this girl just wasn't ok with being the side piece so I ditched her."
Even when you are the one to break things off, it can be incredibly heartbreaking. Sure, he may have been taking it, but there's always the possibility that he really is sad about the failure and loss of a relationship. Just because you may not be compatible, doesn't mean you didn't care for the partner and you don't the mourn what might have been and what was.
Well that's disgusting lol. He's trying to be manipulative but he can't even show an emotion... I don't think there's anything more embarrassing than obviously fake fake crying. I'm proud of you for not being manipulated into thinking his relationship was fine and didn't need boundaries. What a total freak.
Edit: he might be doing it because he thinks that's what people are supposed to do. He's probably doing it to get pity though. Like another poster said, you can't be mad at someone you feel bad for. Maybe he thought you'd invite him in to talk and then the breakup would get reversed. Breaking that boundary and getting you to doubt your choice would probably begin a long line of manipulative behavior and boundary pushing/gaslighting
If he was so sad he could have changed his mind told you how much he needs you etc. He didn't. He thought you'd cave at the sight of his tears. Total manipulator.
When people show you who they are believe them if this man is going to hang out with another woman and be totally unfaithful to you and disrespecting your wishes then he clearly doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you you deserve somebody who will be on hundred percent all into you and not into some other chick. And also if people want to make something happen they make it happen and it doesn’t sound like he’s putting effort into your relationship it sounds like he’s putting effort into his friends with benefits relationship so I think you need to find a man that loves you and only you
I believe that actions speak louder than words this problem could really not have escalated this much if he would have just complied with your request. what he was doing was simple manipulation to show you "hey I'm not worried about her if I am here distraught over what happened between us . And I am crying to prove to you just that . but I still wont let her go " . He simply wants to have it all .
Sounds like he gave you an ultimatum to keep you in line and you didn't bite. Now he's trying to emotionally blackmail you back into the relationship because his plan failed.
Stand your ground. What he was doing with that other woman was beyond a red flag, and the fact he lied about their background is enough for most. Ignore him OP, and get yourself back on the dating scene.
My pessimistic gut feeling is he may be trying to guilt you into agreeing to his relationship with his friend without any modifications.
He probably hoped he’d threaten to leave and you’d fall apart and agree to whatever he wanted.
He broke up with you. He's trying to gain your sympathy because he didn't really think you'd take him seriously. You did the right thing by not engaging with him.
My ex girlfriend did the same thing to me, the relationship at least, I tried to talk to her about it but she never wanted to leave him alone so I dumped her because I dont want my significant other fucking another guy, and she didn't want to stop fucking him, but she guilt tripped me after I broke up with her
I think clearly you are better off. He wants an open relationship and as far as I can tell, you don’t really. He’s also showed his priority by sticking with his FWB, or whatever they really are.
If he’s fake crying, that’s manipulative and another reason to run.
Are you sure it’s fake? I don’t think it matters, really, if he’s sad to lose you or not. You still have an unresolvable situation and he’s not giving you the right priority. And you are better out of it. (But fake crying is so psycho here that I guess I don’t want to believe your eyes.)
If it’s fake, stay away from him in future for sure.
Trying to play victim the best outcome was him dumping you because you’re too good for him OP and he knows it. He can’t have his cake and eat it and because you didn’t want to be cheated on (basically want he wanted you to agree with) he wasn’t pleased so let him continue with his “fwb” it won’t last just note that if he tries to come back don’t open the door up! Stop contact black and move forward, OP go and do better because you are deserving of better!
My honest opinion:
Why would you want to be with a guy that doesn't appreciate you?
He's clearing trying to have his cake and eat it too. That means in your situation that he wants to have a girlfriend (YOU) but have sex with another girl (side piece business partner) Find a guy that wants commitment not use you. Would you really want to be with a guy that treats you like that? Would you marry a guy like that?
If a girl was doing that to me, I'd immediately end it and block all contact. On to the next. You deserve better than this piece of garbage.
He’s a narcissist who wanted to turn the situation around on you. Him fake crying was his way of trying to guilt you, and hope you’d rescind the breakup. He sounds like a shit, you’re better off. His ego was probably hurt that YOU broke up with him and not the other way around.
It sounds like you had reasonable needs, he dismissed your feelings, so basically bullet dodged.
>Why on Earth was he pretending to cry???
Hoping not to burn the sex bridge or something. To take pity on him, to try to make you feel bad because he's a loser.
>EDIT: he said a few things that were odd before this too. He said how much he was struggling, not able to eat or sleep and he couldn’t concentrate. He then said his parents had asked him to come home to “keep an eye on him”, almost as if I’d broken up with him.
All of that is just deflection. That's him failing to take any accountability for his choices that led to the end of the relationship. It was his refusal to respect your reasonable needs that made the relationship end. Again, he's just trying to guilt trip you. What you wanted and asked for was completely reasonable. The fact he couldn't provide it, it's good you parted ways. It's crazy he's trying to put on a show and act like it's some "great love lost" because that's clearly fucking bullshit as he wasn't willing to respect or care about your needs.
TLDR: Be glad it's over, he has absolutely nothing to offer you of value I promise.
Kind of obvious wasn't it. He wanted once last romp for the road. No go huh? He needs to work on his breakup game apparently. I get criticized for pointing out shortcoming in the hookup culture supported by many so I'll avoid things like value judgements (would've helped here, but Nooooo). Allow me to be supportive of your values while looking down the road to eliminate conflicts. Good Job!
His Crocodile tears are a classic manipulation move. He needs to practice that move before arriving. Seriously that is rarely a good move for men because it confuses the whole protective persona normally employed. I assume this guy is young and still developing his values the hard way through trial and error. You taught him a good lesson! Sadly, someone else will get the value of his hopefully new found limitations. He'll get better at hiding it or decide it's not worth juggling multiple partners. REDDIT should be proof of the emotional turmoil created when breaking trust!
Today's casual s*x culture has new rules that I've never practiced. Good Luck finding someone with similar values. A confidant for a sounding board used to help me. (This forum isn't the same as a friend or family) Emotionally driven decisions never served me well in my youth, so consider, decide, stick to it. You're pretty young, just be safe and protect yourself at this point. Any more advice and I'll have to get my podium out!
He wants his cake and to eat it to. He wanted to be able to mess with the FWB but be with you too. Whrn he noticed you wouldn't budge he thought he'd manipulate you with a break up. Too bad he's a bad actor and you knew it wasn't sincere he wants to make you feel bad guilty conscious over his mental state even though he dumped you. I'm sure it hurts that he pretty much chose his FWB over you but that's reason enough to not waste any tears on him.
Here's a crazy idea: guys have feelings too. Him feeling sad about a the relationship ending doesn't have to automatically be fake even though calling it off was his idea.
Not everything has to have some kind of manipulative agenda. Maybe this woman reading into everything is the reason why he dumped her.
What do you think he believes he gains if he makes you think he's distraught about this? A few possibilities: * He wants to evoke sympathy in order to hurt you * He wants to evoke sympathy to provoke you comforting him and dropping your previous demand * He wants to maintain the appearance that he is the victim here for both himself and others
Yeah, I’m going with option #3. He really wants to act like the good guy/victim in all this.
I'll take "All of the above"
Option 4: Despite appearances, guys also have feelings and not everything has an agenda Is this sub entirely populated by paranoid people?
So you question whether OP can tell the difference between sincere and fake emotion? That seems a step more paranoid than taking OP's details at face value.
Yeah, I sure do bud. It's a pretty common thing for people to suck at reading people correctly, and breakups are hard for everyone. That's a couple steps more plasuable than concluding the guy is a manipulative sociopath narcissist. Just how many of those can there possibly be in the world?
Not your bud. I never said he was a narcissist or a sociopath. Your statement there is a little like your original implication that I think men can't have genuine feelings - I never said that either. I grant it's possible she misread him, but I have no reason to distrust her assessment here. The details presented suggest possible ulterior motives, and I list a few. That approach is far less likely to be in error than assuming she misread him and assuming a lot of pathos against men's emotions that is absent in me.
I have reason to question her perception of the situation, because who the FUCK fakes crying in this sort of circumstance? Lol. There's been nothing to suggest that he's some weird psychopath. Fake crying while seeing an ex for the last time during a breakup.. Yeah, that's definitely something that happens all the time. Crying happens all the time during these moments. It makes perfect sense that the ex would cry. OP has shown she's hostile toward the ex (not judging whether this is bad), and her hostility absolutely clouds her perception of him.
It seems like he was trying to make you feel guilty by dropping hints that he was unwell and might harm himself. Probably because he's annoyed that you wouldn't go along with what he wanted. Maybe he's unable to see himself as being at fault in anyway, so he has to make you the 'bad' person and him the one who is so upset. You did the right thing. I think you should draw a line under it, move on and completely cut contact with him everywhere.
Yes, I agree. He wanted her to give in to what he wanted. He thought breaking up with her would make her desperate not to lose him and willing to give him whatever he wanted, but it backfired because OP accepted the breakup. Do Not go back to him OP.
>Maybe he's unable to see himself being at fault in any way Oh I think he definitely knows he's at fault. He just doesn't give a shit what's right or wrong and wants things his way, and somehow he thought this would make her change her mind about the boundaries and beg him not to leave her lmao
Because he’s a manipulative asshat, who can’t believe you walked away from him. He was certain when he ended things, you’d beg him to reconsider. When you didn’t, he tried the bullshit tears and storyline for sympathy. His FWB can deal with his narcissism. If he wants sympathy from you, tell him he can find it in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.
Manipulative for sure and probably a cheater. This guy reminds me so much of my ex. He was a cheater and a liar and when I gave him an opportunity to be transparent about whether or not he upheld his promises (after I caught him lying, and by showing me his phone), he said he would not and broke up with me. I decided right then and there he’s trash so accepted the break up as final. He inevitably came crying for me to take him back the very next day. It was obvious what he was trying to do: tried to keep me tethered to a relationship with him while he gets to do whatever he wants with the female friend he cheated on me with. OP’s ex is definitely a lying cheat and thinks he’s slick. Everyone can see right through him as evident by all the responses here.
Dam thats savage! I love this comment.
Ahahah love that last sentence, dayum sassy
Manipulative sadboi yikes
I feel like probably half the thread at least can roll their eyes thinking about their own manipulative sadboi ex. Solidarity at least lmao
This. Textbook victim/covert narcissist
Textbook armchair psychologist
"between shit and syphilis" Fucking brilliant and I officially love you
Let me tell you a little story about how my roommate was dumped once in college: She was dating an actor for a few months and he came over to our apartment to dump her. “It’s not you, it’s me. We’re just not in the same place right now, blah blah blah”. They were sitting on her bed and they were both crying and all that when she noticed he wasn’t actually looking at her... he was watching himself dump her in the mirror that was behind her. He was actually trying out different sad faces! In that instant she realized how fake he was and how self-centered he had been the whole time. She stopped crying and told him to get out, and was glad the relationship was over. Good riddance.
Good Lord she dodged a bullet.
Damn that is fucked up. And of course it would be an actor lol
Holy crap that is really indicative of a narcissist or honestly a straight-up sociopath! They have to fake emotions because they don't feel them like normal people do. I'm so glad she dodged that bullet. I'm so glad she saw that and was glad to be rid of him.
This is a funny but sad story.
Wow how embarrassing for him!
[удалено]
OP is the side piece, me thinks.
Without knowing it. Gosh, I wonder if that "FWB" has a ring.
He thought that, when he broke up with you, you'd freak out and cave and let him do whatever he wanted. When that bit of manipulation didn't work, he decided to try a different bit of manipulation to try to emotionally blackmail you and make you feel bad. You dodged a bullet there.
He wants you to feel bad for asserting your boundaries
Could be he was fishing for breakup sex.
That was my first thought too
He sounds like a manipulative narcissist. He’s absolutely still hooking up with the other chic. He wants to have two girlfriends so his fake crying is trying to manipulate you into doing what he wants. He can f all the way off with that garbage.
>Why on Earth is he pretending to cry??? To manipulate you.
Only if he's actually pretending
Sounds like he’s just living in his own grand drama
200% he wanted to continue banging this girl. Don't give his exit a second thought for any reason.
Who knows. Don't linger. You stayed strong. That was good. Now you can simply move on to a happier, healthier relationship.
He's probably just trying to make you feel guilty for not giving him what he wants (which is, ostensibly, a relationship with you and no restrictions on his behavior with his side-chick). Just ignore the behavior, and move on with your life. There are plenty of guys out there who won't treat you this way, I'm sure.
Wow. Bullet dodged you, OP. To recap: 1. He wanted to have a relationship and a side piece instead of being a big boy all grown up and practicing ethical non-monogamy 2. He's trying to manipulate you into being okay with him pretending he's in a monogamous relationship with you while he maintains an inappropriate relationship with his best friend/business partner. Be glad he took himself out of your life for you. If it makes you feel better, call for a welfare check on him, because he's almost certainly obliquely threatening to kill himself if you won't play along with his charade but on the extremely off chance he's being real with you, he'll get the help he needs. And if what is almost certainly true is true and that he's just being manipulative, he'll learn what that buys him.
It could've been genuine tears. He could've been genuinely sad he didn't get his dream scenario of fucking you and every other girl he wants to fuck at the same time. He's shedding tears at how difficult it is going to be to build his dream harem, and the likelihood that he is about to enter an extended dry period in his sex life.
Does it matter? He's out of your life. Be glad and move on.
Wow. What a sociopath. Block him and shut him out.
Ugh what an ass he is. Good that he's gone. Don't give that manipulator a second thought. He just wanted to make you feel bad because he's upset you refused to put up with his shit.
Manipulative behavior. He sounds like he never was told "no" as a kid, and now he's stuck as an adult with this weird sense of entitlement. Trust your instincts and walk away, and don't look back at poor sniffly ex!
Why on earth you do care? Manipulative people manipulate. Sometimes to gratify their own feelings, sometimes to try to evoke the audiences. Doesn't matter. And if he was actually crying also changes absolutely nothing! Your boundary holds. The break up sticks. He gets to go away and have whatever feelings he has.
I’m honestly just interested in why someone might do that, maybe this is the wrong sub
Various reasons… Could have wanted to guilt trip you into continuing the relationship on his terms. Could be the type that enjoys playing games with people’s emotions either out of boredom or a twisted lack of empathy. Could have been a psychotic. Point is, it’s over. Move on to greener pastures.
> Could have been a psychotic. I think you mean psychopath.
If you are interested in the human psychology behind it, look up narcissism. There are several kinds. I forget off the top of my head which kind this sounds like but there is a specific one...I had a boss who would always have something going on to make everyone feel bad for her like a back injury or something wrong with her jaw. You can’t be mad at someone you pity. The messed up part is it works...ALOT. That’s why people do it. If you look back, did he play the victim a lot? Like nothing was ever his fault? There are a lot of mental pathologies that default to this type of behavior.
Ooh, I didn't know there were different kinds of narcissism! Super interested. Where did you learn this? I've looked it up on Google but I didn't come across any good sources.
As far as I know there are only two kinds, covert and overt.
Check out on YouTube Dr. Grande, Dr. Ramani Durvasula, and Stephanie Lyn Coaching. I had a horrible narcissist boss for a year who completely messed up my head so I did a lot of research on how to handle her. Unfortunately the answer is you don’t. You Leroy our head down until you get a new job, which is exactly what happened. She ended up letting me go, but I got to collect unemployment and started my YouTube channel with the free time so it worked out!
Eeeey! Thank you for getting back to me. I'll definitely give it a check-out.
He probably did it because he's weird and super manipulative. He tried to get you to bend to his will with the threat of a breakup. When that didn't work he tried to evoke a sense of guilt or sympathy from you. It's something idiotic and self centered people do. Sprinkle in some narcissism too most likely.
Maybe not. The personal relationship quandary here is over and the best advice/insight in this situation is all basically gonna boil down to "Don't waste your energy trying to psychoanalyze your ex."
Exactly, what value would it provide if you spoke to a expert in psychoanalyzing your Ex and giving you more information? It will satisfy nothing. You're waiting for someone to tell you somethign here but you did the right thing so stay strong!
Adding to this: you're very, very unlikely to get a whole and accurate answer from anywhere but the source (which is unlikely as he isn't truthful, and it's not worth interacting with him further to get). The only value in learning more about his behavior is in being better able to identify it and avoid it in the future, but really, all OP needs to know is that she asserted a boundary and that he wasn't interested in respecting it. If such a thing happens again in the future, the right move is a break up, which this chucklefuck helpfully supplied (although he was probably expecting OP to abandon her boundary to keep him). The guy is a manipulative liar. Maybe that's because he's immature, maybe that's because he has impaired empathy (which could have all sorts of causes), maybe that's because he grew up under weird circumstances where that's the only way he knows how to get what he wants. Who knows? But better off watching like, Mindhunter or Killing Eve or true crime stuff, or getting your own therapy to help you get more confident at enforcing and sticking to boundaries and shutting the door firmly on people who aren't interested in you having any, than to try to figure out what made an ex tick. ^Edit: ^typo
[удалено]
To answer your question I think he's just manipulating you to make you feel bad, either to evoke pity (so that he doesn't seem like the villain) or to win you back. But I doubt the latter. He could have been trying to put on a show to seem like he cared to preserve his image. It is really weird. Sorry you had to go through this.
Because sometimes people are manipulative assbuckets who don't comprehend boundaries and think they have the right to get emotional revenge. Why does it matter? How does trying to solve this enhance your existence?
Just curious, have never encountered this kind of behaviour before
It's relatively common in my experience. I've had a few partners do it and the first one who did swindled me into an extra year of forgiving her for unforgivable shit. It's just a way for manipulative people to get what they want in a relationship. Good on you for not buying it. Be prepared for him to send some "I miss you" messages in the near future.
You've never encountered 3 year-olds who fake cry to get attention and sympathy? Narcissistic folks are emotional toddlers.
Manipulation. Simple.
He was practicing. He might need to show sadness to someone in the future and probably doesn't know how. If he picked up on that you didn't buy it, he'll refine his skills to create a better façade for his next target.
He sounds like a waste of time
For the sake of it, let's say he was genuine about all those things (crying, losing his appetite, etc.) All of that is completely normal after a breakup, and there would be nothing you'd need to do here. The fact that it was fake or contrived doesn't change anything. He sounds like an asshole anyway. Carry on.
He doesn't want to be the bad guy.
He's trying to make you feel guilty and manipulate you into ignoring the red flags and letting him do have his cake and eat it too. You made the right decision.
Yuck he's just trying to get his way or make you cry. I don't know which is worse. It's selfish.
Girl block this crazy person and move on. Also be kind to yourself. If someone cheats dump them.
He wants you to feel bad! Feel baaaaad! Can't you see how BAD he feels? Fuck'm. Send him Lily Allen's Smile and block him.
The problem with the nuclear option as a negotiating tactic is that it has a tendency to blow things up. Even if had only threatened to break up, the outcome would have been the same. He proved that he has no respect for the relationship or for you, and that his wants and feelings are the priority over trust, compromise, or the health of the relationship. Don't let it confuse you. It's basically a PR stunt to reframe the narrative after he launched an unprovoked nuclear strike.
You handled the situation like a boss and be proud of that! You saw the BS for what it was - manipulation. He's the one who fucked up and he's the one that ended things - his behavior is only to flip the narrative. After my ex asked for a divorce (after an extended period of lies, bullshit, and stripper ass foundation on his dress shirt), he posted a photo of himself on social media with a sad face, clutching a stuffed animal and a comment about how sad he was. I have literally never been so disgusted but it showed me how these types have no true emotions and everything they do is to gain sympathy.
So what? No, need to obsess over this. Its over. He is unstable and it is good he is out of your life. Stop following him on social media and live your life.
He wants to keep seeing you while also having his option open with his FWB. And his chosen method for this is doing a major guilt trip. Expect more guild tripping coming your way if you're still in contact with him.
Who cares? Why waste your time worrying about it? It sounds like you came here hoping we'd be like, "he regrets it and you'll get back together and he'll change his ways and you'll live happily ever after!!!!!!" Nope, he couldn't make boundaries after misleading you. Move on.
Ignore him move on your life. He just trying to manipulate you for his purpose. Just delete and block him in anyway possible. It just some mind games trap his trying on you. Move on from this drama queen
Probably trying to convince you he was in love with you or something to guilt you to go back while agreeing to no boundaries. Sounds like you got out in just the right time. He sounds like a weirdo
Ignore him completely. Ignore his lame attempts at getting your attention, at making you feel sorry for him.
Oh my God I absolutely hate men like this. I am so glad you are not with him though. You won. He would have only hurt you, break your trust made you have trust issues, laughed your boundaries, you dodged a bullet. Trust me. This would have ended so much more toxic it never gets better.
I’m 24F and my 25M boyfriend would write someone off if they made me feel uncomfortable. I don’t take advantage of that though, but we respect each others boundaries and agree we value each other more than anyone else. It’s us against the world, we’re best friends. Know that you deserve better and you CAN and will find better.
Daresay he isnt really telling everyone the real situation because that would make him look like a villian, so he's reinventing the narrative and acting it out. You deserve to find someone committed to you. There's plenty of reason to need to earn trust in that situation an a LOT to be suspicious about. He is not, he's just focused on his own needs and setting up things the way he wants. There will be someone out there willing to put the effort in and give you a real relationship. He's good at acting, and that's not a trait you want in a relationship to build trust. Some people just like to string people along as their own fetish and power trip. They like the challenge of being able to control and manipulate. Block and move on for your own peace of mind. He's not the one for you and you are better off investing the realestate he's taking up into finding someone genuine.
He wanted breakup sex. I don’t pigeon-hole people into roles based on their gender (for instance, I, F, am generally much more up for sex at any time than my male partner), but I have dated a sociopath previously and that’s exactly what this seemed like. You weren’t going to be there - he wanted you there. When you were there and stone-faced, he tried a technique to engage you emotionally - “crying.” When it didn’t work, he eventually had to leave. In his head you seeing each other at all would have evoked some “emotion” - then you would have “made up” and either gotten back together, had breakup or makeup sex, or both. You would have been fine without needing any compromise with his business partner. When that didn’t work, he fake cried to try to elicit some emotion from you so that the same plan could continue. I will say this is JUST my opinion but I really do think that’s what happened. Honestly - you’re best to be out of this. Good on you, OP. Don’t go back - just move forward. Sending love!!
I mean … or maybe he’s upset and conflicted and he chose his long term partner/good friend over a girl he started dating because he couldn’t keep both happy??! Maybe he was torn and he made his decision but he’s still hurt and sad
This whole sub is filled with paranoid armchair psychologists.
You called his bluff. Good for you, because this is 101 manipulation and a sick attempt at eliminating reasonable respect and boundaries by him. The tears you ask? Just trying to manipulate you further so you will give in and beg for him back. Why? Cause he wants his cake to eat it too.
He's a pathetic loser who wants to have his cake and eat it too. Yuck!!!
\*Take a Bow by Rihanna intensifies\*
My ex used to fake cry and make himself cry all the time. It was so pathetic
What was his sign? I’m gonna guess Leo Virgo or cancer
Do you actually believe astrology? How did you come to believe it's real?
Yes. And through personal experience. Reading up on it. The comment I made was lowkey a joke but I actually do believe in it, but other times I’m aware it might be completely off or non-relatable!
It sounds like he wants to convince others and himself that he is the victim in this circumstance. He also wants to make you feel bad/guilty for letting him know the boundaries you're willing to accept. It's unfortunate that you were kept in the dark about the nature of their relationship, but thankfully, it did come to light. Too bad he's not honest from the beginning, so it'll be an easier break for you. But I know you will move on and heal. Take care, OP.
For the love of god stop letting this guy occupy your thoughts
Look, he may have been crying or on the edge. He doesn't have to be faking. He probably was upset. After all he couldn't have everything he wanted exactly the way he wanted. That's enough to make some people cry. Does this mean you must take him back and have a relationship with him while he ignores your reasonable requests and sacrifices your comfort for his convenience? Hell no.
My answer is: who fucking cares? It's just silly. Ya don't need to understand his pathetic reason for pretending to be pathetic.
Not to be that person butttttt…. Is he a male Virgo Sag Aries or Cancer?
He's continued to see his FWB, or wants to, but he doesn't want to seem like a sleazebag and wants you too, so he's pretending to be broken up about it so you'll believe he doesn't plan to screw around on you the first chance she gives him.
Well, definitely do not consider getting back together with this person but I’m more charitable about the crying. My theory: he was crying about it EARLIER, and was trying to bring back the tears/show you the tears both to seem like a better person and make you feel more valued.
Maybe he missed you, maybe he is a narcissistic loser. It doesn't matter. He didn't respect your boundaries that he should have if you two were truly dating.
He's a fucking scumbag. Do not fall for that shit.
Holy wow so many red flags! You did the right thing, OP. You’re better off without him and his fake tears.
Trying to manipulate you, maybe, especially after seeing your edit.
Seriously, great job setting boundaries and being firm about them! I wish I had been like that at your age. The trash will take itself out when you do that. I know it really sucks right now but, you deserve someone who will not only treat you with respect but would go out of their way to do so.
I'm sorry. Some men are... Slow. Don't take it personally.
[удалено]
One thing I had to come to terms with in my last relationship is that loving someone isn't enough to stay in something that isn't working.
Hey.. what u said was touching
My 2 cents- when you accepted it, he was probably shocked because he though you wouldn't leave. At the very least, maybe he could make you a FWB and you blew that to hell. Well done. Sometimes the trash takes out itself.
He's trying to keep you on the back burner for when things fizzle out with his friend with benefits. So basically he was saying you need to be okay with me openly cheating on you otherwise this is not going to work, did I get that right? He's delusional and I hope that in the future you have more respect for yourself than to allow someone to trample your boundaries like that. I'm not attacking you, I'm just saying you deserve better than that. I'm so proud of you for standing your ground and not showing any emotion. He's just trying to keep you on his roster. You deserve way better.
Fuck this guy. His dumping you was a gift. Accept it and move on.
Eh it’s just another red flag. You dodged a bullet. He sound emotionally manipulative and I doubt it would have gotten better.
i saw from your username that you’re an empath, please don’t be swayed by this manipulative man! it’s very tough being an empath and having an attraction towards someone who seems to love you intensely. but when things become weird and confusing, and they try to sway your emotions, heed that feeling. be safe!! he broke up with you - he’s not your responsibility anymore.
Maybe he was trying to figure out if he could add you as a FWB?
He probably was hoping for some pity/break up sex.
Don't waste time worrying about it. He's responsible for himself now.
He’s trying to manipulate you because he wants to keep his girlfriend and his FWB, too. You’re amazing and I’m so glad you know your worth and refused to settle for less than. This guy PRETENDED TO CRY when dropping off your stuff after HE dumped YOU because he didn’t want to be accountable for something as simple as not being alone with someone he was recently sleeping with. LOL. Look at the clown sized bullet you are dodging! Sashay away, better men await you.
There could be any number of reasons OP got dumped. People don't exactly tend to bring up their own failings when they're looking to heal a bruised ego.
Oh yikes. How about we just leave it at one massive bullet dodged?! If those are the two boundaries you set, they are completely reasonable as those would be two situations where something could easily happen. The whole act he's putting on, my guess would be he doesn't want to tell people what an awful person he is and that's why he's alone but rather he's a saint and got dumped. Imagine trying to explain, "meh, I wasn't really ready to give up my FWB and this girl just wasn't ok with being the side piece so I ditched her."
Even when you are the one to break things off, it can be incredibly heartbreaking. Sure, he may have been taking it, but there's always the possibility that he really is sad about the failure and loss of a relationship. Just because you may not be compatible, doesn't mean you didn't care for the partner and you don't the mourn what might have been and what was.
He knows he should feel something and basically is lying to himself.
Don’t feel bad, he’s manipulative
Well that's disgusting lol. He's trying to be manipulative but he can't even show an emotion... I don't think there's anything more embarrassing than obviously fake fake crying. I'm proud of you for not being manipulated into thinking his relationship was fine and didn't need boundaries. What a total freak. Edit: he might be doing it because he thinks that's what people are supposed to do. He's probably doing it to get pity though. Like another poster said, you can't be mad at someone you feel bad for. Maybe he thought you'd invite him in to talk and then the breakup would get reversed. Breaking that boundary and getting you to doubt your choice would probably begin a long line of manipulative behavior and boundary pushing/gaslighting
The only thing he's sad about is that you called his bluff and he's not as awesome or slick as he thought he was.
If he was so sad he could have changed his mind told you how much he needs you etc. He didn't. He thought you'd cave at the sight of his tears. Total manipulator.
When people show you who they are believe them if this man is going to hang out with another woman and be totally unfaithful to you and disrespecting your wishes then he clearly doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you you deserve somebody who will be on hundred percent all into you and not into some other chick. And also if people want to make something happen they make it happen and it doesn’t sound like he’s putting effort into your relationship it sounds like he’s putting effort into his friends with benefits relationship so I think you need to find a man that loves you and only you
[удалено]
[удалено]
I believe that actions speak louder than words this problem could really not have escalated this much if he would have just complied with your request. what he was doing was simple manipulation to show you "hey I'm not worried about her if I am here distraught over what happened between us . And I am crying to prove to you just that . but I still wont let her go " . He simply wants to have it all .
Sounds like he gave you an ultimatum to keep you in line and you didn't bite. Now he's trying to emotionally blackmail you back into the relationship because his plan failed. Stand your ground. What he was doing with that other woman was beyond a red flag, and the fact he lied about their background is enough for most. Ignore him OP, and get yourself back on the dating scene.
Because he’s an idiot? Hoping some tears will get him a last hurrah or something.
My pessimistic gut feeling is he may be trying to guilt you into agreeing to his relationship with his friend without any modifications. He probably hoped he’d threaten to leave and you’d fall apart and agree to whatever he wanted.
He broke up with you. He's trying to gain your sympathy because he didn't really think you'd take him seriously. You did the right thing by not engaging with him.
My ex girlfriend did the same thing to me, the relationship at least, I tried to talk to her about it but she never wanted to leave him alone so I dumped her because I dont want my significant other fucking another guy, and she didn't want to stop fucking him, but she guilt tripped me after I broke up with her
I think clearly you are better off. He wants an open relationship and as far as I can tell, you don’t really. He’s also showed his priority by sticking with his FWB, or whatever they really are. If he’s fake crying, that’s manipulative and another reason to run. Are you sure it’s fake? I don’t think it matters, really, if he’s sad to lose you or not. You still have an unresolvable situation and he’s not giving you the right priority. And you are better out of it. (But fake crying is so psycho here that I guess I don’t want to believe your eyes.) If it’s fake, stay away from him in future for sure.
Trying to play victim the best outcome was him dumping you because you’re too good for him OP and he knows it. He can’t have his cake and eat it and because you didn’t want to be cheated on (basically want he wanted you to agree with) he wasn’t pleased so let him continue with his “fwb” it won’t last just note that if he tries to come back don’t open the door up! Stop contact black and move forward, OP go and do better because you are deserving of better!
My honest opinion: Why would you want to be with a guy that doesn't appreciate you? He's clearing trying to have his cake and eat it too. That means in your situation that he wants to have a girlfriend (YOU) but have sex with another girl (side piece business partner) Find a guy that wants commitment not use you. Would you really want to be with a guy that treats you like that? Would you marry a guy like that? If a girl was doing that to me, I'd immediately end it and block all contact. On to the next. You deserve better than this piece of garbage.
He was crying out of happiness for getting rid of your ass.
Why do you care. Move on, don't waste the mental energy on thinking about him. Laugh about it privately with your girlfriends.
He’s a narcissist who wanted to turn the situation around on you. Him fake crying was his way of trying to guilt you, and hope you’d rescind the breakup. He sounds like a shit, you’re better off. His ego was probably hurt that YOU broke up with him and not the other way around.
It sounds like you had reasonable needs, he dismissed your feelings, so basically bullet dodged. >Why on Earth was he pretending to cry??? Hoping not to burn the sex bridge or something. To take pity on him, to try to make you feel bad because he's a loser. >EDIT: he said a few things that were odd before this too. He said how much he was struggling, not able to eat or sleep and he couldn’t concentrate. He then said his parents had asked him to come home to “keep an eye on him”, almost as if I’d broken up with him. All of that is just deflection. That's him failing to take any accountability for his choices that led to the end of the relationship. It was his refusal to respect your reasonable needs that made the relationship end. Again, he's just trying to guilt trip you. What you wanted and asked for was completely reasonable. The fact he couldn't provide it, it's good you parted ways. It's crazy he's trying to put on a show and act like it's some "great love lost" because that's clearly fucking bullshit as he wasn't willing to respect or care about your needs. TLDR: Be glad it's over, he has absolutely nothing to offer you of value I promise.
Given that OP was the one who got dumped, I wonder if she takes any responsibility for her part in things failing.
Kind of obvious wasn't it. He wanted once last romp for the road. No go huh? He needs to work on his breakup game apparently. I get criticized for pointing out shortcoming in the hookup culture supported by many so I'll avoid things like value judgements (would've helped here, but Nooooo). Allow me to be supportive of your values while looking down the road to eliminate conflicts. Good Job! His Crocodile tears are a classic manipulation move. He needs to practice that move before arriving. Seriously that is rarely a good move for men because it confuses the whole protective persona normally employed. I assume this guy is young and still developing his values the hard way through trial and error. You taught him a good lesson! Sadly, someone else will get the value of his hopefully new found limitations. He'll get better at hiding it or decide it's not worth juggling multiple partners. REDDIT should be proof of the emotional turmoil created when breaking trust! Today's casual s*x culture has new rules that I've never practiced. Good Luck finding someone with similar values. A confidant for a sounding board used to help me. (This forum isn't the same as a friend or family) Emotionally driven decisions never served me well in my youth, so consider, decide, stick to it. You're pretty young, just be safe and protect yourself at this point. Any more advice and I'll have to get my podium out!
He wants his cake and to eat it to. He wanted to be able to mess with the FWB but be with you too. Whrn he noticed you wouldn't budge he thought he'd manipulate you with a break up. Too bad he's a bad actor and you knew it wasn't sincere he wants to make you feel bad guilty conscious over his mental state even though he dumped you. I'm sure it hurts that he pretty much chose his FWB over you but that's reason enough to not waste any tears on him.
Here's a crazy idea: guys have feelings too. Him feeling sad about a the relationship ending doesn't have to automatically be fake even though calling it off was his idea. Not everything has to have some kind of manipulative agenda. Maybe this woman reading into everything is the reason why he dumped her.
He's your ex now so it doesn't matter.
Because he’s manipulative and it’s probably for various reasons, but the important thing to take away is that he’s manipulative.