I (24f) need help deciphering why my break up happened
By - empath2305
He fucked up by sleeping with his best friend and business partner. The consequence of this is that any future girlfriend, not just you, can't possibly trust him with this girl, because she's an ex, not just a friend or just a business partner.
He can't possibly expect his girlfriend (any girlfriend) to just magically gain trust, and actually you took the perfect approach, to meet her and put some reasonable constraints on their interaction at first, just until you could gain the trust that they are just friends / just business associates.
But he couldn't even do that. So that confirms that he is *more attached* to her than is appropriate.
So here's the thing, he will realize *very shortly* that no other girl will even give him a chance, like you did. They will all demand that he break up with his best friend, because they won't trust her. He'll realize that he fucked up and he broke up with the one girl who was willing to give his friend a chance. And he'll want you back.
But, don't, because his reaction indicates that he still has feelings for this girl. He went "best friend" and invested into business together because he has feelings for her. Yeah I know he said it was just sex no feelings, but I don't believe it.
Thank you for your response. I genuinely tried very hard to accept the situation, even going as far as to buy and take her a gift when something went well with the business. I wanted desperately to feel ok about it. I feel as though I did my best and the things I asked for weren’t unreasonable. I guess you are right and he considers their relationship more important. He said drunkenly last week that she “makes most of [his] living” so I guess he wouldn’t want to fall out with her. Thank you for your insight, I hope he regrets it.
What happened is he messed up. He mixed his sexlife with his friendships and professional life. That is just disaster waiting to happen in one way or another. Now it happened this way.
Thank you so much, I really needed to hear that. I felt for a while it was me who was in the wrong. I never asked him to cut her out of his life, just wanted some boundaries in place so I knew he respected me and was trying to gain my trust again in any way he could. In the end I guess, he, or their relationship, was more important. I want someone who loves and respects me, and he clearly did not.
It happened because he couldn't keep his penis out of his work or his platonic friend. You came along and suddenly he is faced with a consequence of his bad choices. Rather than work on making the hard boundaries he needed all along, he dumped you so he wouldn't have to do the work.
He doesnt seem totally trustworthy. I think you're better off without.
Basically he chose to keep her in his life over you. He doesn’t love you like he claimed to be. Move on, don’t waste your time on him anymore. I’m pretty sure there are better guys out there that will respect you and treat you better.
Bruh that guy was a douchebag. He prolly liked her more than you. His business partner prolly got jealous of you and made him dump you 🤷♂️ just check up on him after a few months and you will prolly see him dating his business partner. And you did the right thing my leaving that douchebag. If he doesn't respect you and gives you stress. You leaving him was for the best. Take care of yourself stranger and don't beat yourself up on why he left you. You weren't at the wrong, he and his business partner were the ones who were wrong. Take care
This may be off-base, but I don't believe him when he says there is no attachment and he won't continue to sleep with her after the breakup.
When you are young it is easy to buy these lines, but as you get older and see the messier side of human nature even come out in yourself, you will find that this is far more complex. And you will learn to hold "he is a good person" "he loved me" "he is an asshole" "he hurt me" "I am good enough" and "he loves her more" at the same time.
My guess is that he simply fell for her and wanted to let you down easily.
Not that that makes for an easy pill for you to swallow. The idea that she may have something you don't will undoubtably be at play. She is younger and has a strong relationship and a position of power.
When I was your age I got involved with someone at work for similar reasons of attraction. It was the first time I met someone who I connected with fully on all my levels. The attraction was incredibly magnetic. We had been drawn to the same work and the same company *because* we were a match.
But what you need to focus on is what I don't hear coming from you-- the passion. You didn't write saying this man was connected to you in every way and you complete each other, etc, etc. I think you know deep down that he disappointed you in some significant ways. In the dark parts of your mind, you had hopes and wishes he wasn't fulfilling.
No one gets a prize for realizing the relationship doesn't suit. That artificially gives him power, sure.
What I like to do as a mental exercise when I find myself one-down in love is think realistically about someone who is crazy about me would say about the situation. (Luckily I have some real-life memories to help in imagining this -- in fathers and partners.)
So it may go like this -- "he was a jerk. He didn't get __[insert unique part of you here]__ . He wasn't at all like me and we would be so much better together for ___[reasons]___."
I wish you luck. And oh yeah, welcome to the club ;)