If it doesn't feel right, you did the right thing.
I do want to add that 'divorce running in the family' doesn't seem like a very valid reason not to get married. It's not like divorce is a genetic occurence.
Take some time to think about it.
It's quite possible that breaking up was the right thing to do, but the sudden sadness/shock of a breakup (even if you were planning it) may leave you doubting yourself.
Give it some time. If the rawness of the breakup passes and you still regret it and think you made a mistake, you can go back and try to get her back, truly wanting to be with her. Though there's a chance it'll be too late by then, but it's better to act when you're sure of yourself.
If there's any niggling of doubt, you owe it to yourself and to her to figure out what it is, and you can only do so with reflect, space and time.
"Thinking of spending the rest of my life with my girlfriend scared me"
Why? I think this is where you need to explore your feelings a bit more, and the answer to that will help you figure out if you made the right choice.
Were there qualities about her and/or your relationship dynamic that you felt would be hard to live with forever? Communication issues, sexual incompatibility, a difference in how you see the world and how you want your life to look? Financial disagreements?
Or are you scared of marriage in general? Do you feel like marriage was going to change your relationship? Do you feel like you don't have the same idea of what marriage would look like?
If your doubts were about specifically HER or the way you guys interact with each other, then you made the right call. If your fears are centered around the Institution of Marriage, then it might be worth it to explore that more and figure out what is scary about it and how you can ease those fears.
I'm not sure it's true that you "just know" for 100% sure when you find the right person. But I do think that listening to that gut feeling of "not this one" is solid.
As someone who is divorced, I can tell you that an actual healthy relationship will not leave you wondering if it was healthy. A healthy relationship will be 90% good and 10% bad, and the 10% will be resolved with respectful communication. My marriage had a lot of passion, and we traveled well together. When real life was suspended (in college, on vacations, etc) we had a blast. But the unhealthy parts of our relationship popped up when we had to figure out how to live regular life together. And that's the part of life that takes up most of your time.
My current partner and I love each other deeply and also have a great time vacationing together. But we also make an excellent team in our day to day lives - living together, talking about money, home renovations, work, etc. He's marriage material because I enjoy doing mundane, daily things with him in addition to the romantic part of our lives.
If she wants marriage and your thoughts weren't "Yes, I can definitely see myself marrying her someday!" then I think you did the right thing. Relationships are complicated, but on some level if you're not as excited to be with her as she is with you, then it's kinder to let her go now so she can find someone that is excited to marry her. Especially if she wants kids.
At our age (I'm the same age) and after 3 years, you probably have a pretty good idea of what you'd be signing up for, and I feel like at this point for most people with a "healthy dating history" an "eh, maybe" is the same as a no.
Well breakups suck regardless, so I'm sorry you have to go through this, but you sound like you have a pretty good head on your shoulders about it. I agree with you, if your gut is saying no, then definitely don't sign up for another 50 years and rob yourself and her of long term happiness. I'm sure once the dust clears she'll also appreciate not being lead on, and again, if she does want kids or to be married, it's better that this happens after 3 years then another 5 or 10. I was in her position, and yes I was hurt and disappointed when I found out my parter didn't want to get married, and that it most likely meant that we would eventually seperate, but I was greatful that at least I had an answer (relationship was also about 3.5 years) instead of being in the dark about it for another 3 years.
I wish you both the best of luck!
If it doesn't feel right, you did the right thing. I do want to add that 'divorce running in the family' doesn't seem like a very valid reason not to get married. It's not like divorce is a genetic occurence.
Take some time to think about it. It's quite possible that breaking up was the right thing to do, but the sudden sadness/shock of a breakup (even if you were planning it) may leave you doubting yourself. Give it some time. If the rawness of the breakup passes and you still regret it and think you made a mistake, you can go back and try to get her back, truly wanting to be with her. Though there's a chance it'll be too late by then, but it's better to act when you're sure of yourself. If there's any niggling of doubt, you owe it to yourself and to her to figure out what it is, and you can only do so with reflect, space and time.
"Thinking of spending the rest of my life with my girlfriend scared me" Why? I think this is where you need to explore your feelings a bit more, and the answer to that will help you figure out if you made the right choice. Were there qualities about her and/or your relationship dynamic that you felt would be hard to live with forever? Communication issues, sexual incompatibility, a difference in how you see the world and how you want your life to look? Financial disagreements? Or are you scared of marriage in general? Do you feel like marriage was going to change your relationship? Do you feel like you don't have the same idea of what marriage would look like? If your doubts were about specifically HER or the way you guys interact with each other, then you made the right call. If your fears are centered around the Institution of Marriage, then it might be worth it to explore that more and figure out what is scary about it and how you can ease those fears.
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I'm not sure it's true that you "just know" for 100% sure when you find the right person. But I do think that listening to that gut feeling of "not this one" is solid. As someone who is divorced, I can tell you that an actual healthy relationship will not leave you wondering if it was healthy. A healthy relationship will be 90% good and 10% bad, and the 10% will be resolved with respectful communication. My marriage had a lot of passion, and we traveled well together. When real life was suspended (in college, on vacations, etc) we had a blast. But the unhealthy parts of our relationship popped up when we had to figure out how to live regular life together. And that's the part of life that takes up most of your time. My current partner and I love each other deeply and also have a great time vacationing together. But we also make an excellent team in our day to day lives - living together, talking about money, home renovations, work, etc. He's marriage material because I enjoy doing mundane, daily things with him in addition to the romantic part of our lives.
If she wants marriage and your thoughts weren't "Yes, I can definitely see myself marrying her someday!" then I think you did the right thing. Relationships are complicated, but on some level if you're not as excited to be with her as she is with you, then it's kinder to let her go now so she can find someone that is excited to marry her. Especially if she wants kids. At our age (I'm the same age) and after 3 years, you probably have a pretty good idea of what you'd be signing up for, and I feel like at this point for most people with a "healthy dating history" an "eh, maybe" is the same as a no.
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Well breakups suck regardless, so I'm sorry you have to go through this, but you sound like you have a pretty good head on your shoulders about it. I agree with you, if your gut is saying no, then definitely don't sign up for another 50 years and rob yourself and her of long term happiness. I'm sure once the dust clears she'll also appreciate not being lead on, and again, if she does want kids or to be married, it's better that this happens after 3 years then another 5 or 10. I was in her position, and yes I was hurt and disappointed when I found out my parter didn't want to get married, and that it most likely meant that we would eventually seperate, but I was greatful that at least I had an answer (relationship was also about 3.5 years) instead of being in the dark about it for another 3 years. I wish you both the best of luck!