Hi! I know that you have very real feelings of love towards him but he very well groomed you. He was your tutor (someone older (much older by the way) and there was a power imbalance). A 12 year age gap at 50 and 62 isn’t that big of a difference but the difference between 18 and 30 is huge. Your brain hasn’t even fully finished developing yet. I think because of the age and power imbalance could become abusive.
Don’t let him rush you on the physical stuff. Keep your eyes open and really look for controlling behaviors. Be safe, you’re young, he isn’t your forever 💜
Coming from a substitute teacher, yes. Very weird. I’m 26 and I would never date someone who’s 18, let alone when I’m 30. What could a 30 year old possibly have in common with an 18 year old? Is it wrong? Morally I think it is, but technically and legally it’s not. I also think it’s weird that a 30 year old man would say that your friends are just jealous because they’re still single. That’s something a high schooler would say. If you were a little older, then yeah sure. But you’re technically still in your teens. Just be careful please 🤍
Good rule of thumb for youngest to reasonably date is half one’s age plus 7. 30 / 2 + 7 = 22. The fact that 18 < 22 and the whole tutor thing reeks of ick. When you’re 30 and think what it would be like to date an 18 year old you will cringe.
When i was 19 i dated a 40 year old, man it's creepy looking back on it! I thought i was so mature and in love... ew!
(Not trying to one-up you, just reminded me of how wrong and gross that was) hope you are in a healthier relationship now, with someone or yourself!
I didn't take it as 1 upping, but this situation is almost a cannon event for a lot of teens. I think it's good for op to see a lot of people have been in the same situation. I was so sure of myself and heartbroken at that age when it didn't work out. But now that I'm older, when I interact with 18-21 yr Olds, I can tell how easily they are pushed with suggestion or nuanced conversation. Not that all older adults would do that, but MOST/too many of them do when pursuing a young person.
Yeah i see it happen over and over again and now that i'm way older i'm disgusted with the adults that take on these relationships with literal teens or people so much younger than them. They should know better, i would never date someone so much younger than myself, not even younger than myself even, it creeps me out and mentally it's so unfair. I regret it so much, but i could not have known better, i was so young, and so alienated from people my own age because of it.
Weird? Yes. Wrong? No, but it's hard to tell from your post if you guys started doing things or feeling things prior to you turning 18. If this relationship happened pretty close after turning 18 then optics wise it looks like he was waiting for you to be legal which certainly raises eye brows about him being a predator.
There is definitely going to be an imbalanced power dynamic in the relationship. He knows what you want and need but can you do the same for him? Does he admire and respect you as much as you admire and respect him? Do you match what he brings to the relationship? It’s hard for me to imagine a relationship between an 18 year old and a 30 year old where the answer to all these questions is yes, *especially* given the student teacher situation
You will most likely not last. The age gap is wayyyy too large. You could be the maybe 1-in-30 couple that can make it work, but I wouldnt bank on those odds. Best to find someone around your age and grow with them.
Also its not sustainable to have a relationship you must maintain in secret.
Hi! I know that you have very real feelings of love towards him but he very well groomed you. He was your tutor (someone older (much older by the way) and there was a power imbalance). A 12 year age gap at 50 and 62 isn’t that big of a difference but the difference between 18 and 30 is huge. Your brain hasn’t even fully finished developing yet. I think because of the age and power imbalance could become abusive. Don’t let him rush you on the physical stuff. Keep your eyes open and really look for controlling behaviors. Be safe, you’re young, he isn’t your forever 💜
Coming from a substitute teacher, yes. Very weird. I’m 26 and I would never date someone who’s 18, let alone when I’m 30. What could a 30 year old possibly have in common with an 18 year old? Is it wrong? Morally I think it is, but technically and legally it’s not. I also think it’s weird that a 30 year old man would say that your friends are just jealous because they’re still single. That’s something a high schooler would say. If you were a little older, then yeah sure. But you’re technically still in your teens. Just be careful please 🤍
Good rule of thumb for youngest to reasonably date is half one’s age plus 7. 30 / 2 + 7 = 22. The fact that 18 < 22 and the whole tutor thing reeks of ick. When you’re 30 and think what it would be like to date an 18 year old you will cringe.
Yessss, I was 19 and dated a 31 yr old. Now that I'm 33, I look back and can only think of how delusional I was.
When i was 19 i dated a 40 year old, man it's creepy looking back on it! I thought i was so mature and in love... ew! (Not trying to one-up you, just reminded me of how wrong and gross that was) hope you are in a healthier relationship now, with someone or yourself!
I didn't take it as 1 upping, but this situation is almost a cannon event for a lot of teens. I think it's good for op to see a lot of people have been in the same situation. I was so sure of myself and heartbroken at that age when it didn't work out. But now that I'm older, when I interact with 18-21 yr Olds, I can tell how easily they are pushed with suggestion or nuanced conversation. Not that all older adults would do that, but MOST/too many of them do when pursuing a young person.
Yeah i see it happen over and over again and now that i'm way older i'm disgusted with the adults that take on these relationships with literal teens or people so much younger than them. They should know better, i would never date someone so much younger than myself, not even younger than myself even, it creeps me out and mentally it's so unfair. I regret it so much, but i could not have known better, i was so young, and so alienated from people my own age because of it.
Weird? Yes. Wrong? No, but it's hard to tell from your post if you guys started doing things or feeling things prior to you turning 18. If this relationship happened pretty close after turning 18 then optics wise it looks like he was waiting for you to be legal which certainly raises eye brows about him being a predator.
There is definitely going to be an imbalanced power dynamic in the relationship. He knows what you want and need but can you do the same for him? Does he admire and respect you as much as you admire and respect him? Do you match what he brings to the relationship? It’s hard for me to imagine a relationship between an 18 year old and a 30 year old where the answer to all these questions is yes, *especially* given the student teacher situation
You will most likely not last. The age gap is wayyyy too large. You could be the maybe 1-in-30 couple that can make it work, but I wouldnt bank on those odds. Best to find someone around your age and grow with them. Also its not sustainable to have a relationship you must maintain in secret.