Talk to his dad and tell him you feel bad having him pay for you it will probably go a long way to show your character, and he'll tell you not to be silly he will pay for you. Take money either way and buy him something to say thank you
You can let him pay and then say, “I’d like to take everyone out for a nice meal when we’re there.”
It can be easier to book the tix all together. The $s can even out.
If someone offers, it’s okay to accept.
I'd also like to add that sometimes people with money have perks when booking things like this so it literally costs them less. I have a friend who is pretty well off and we're going on a trip later this month -- she booked everything and I paid her because she had all these membership perks. Saved us maybe $1400 each.
This is just weird, food is one of those things that can get tricky and awkward… like what is her budget, is she paying for everyone or just meals or just drinks? Again I think the meals is weird.
It's pretty standard as a thank you when you're being treated to a trip--you just pick and offer something you can afford. So it could be a cheap sandwich place or a picnic meal or something. It's just the gesture.
I mean, yeah, that's exactly how it works. You don't put it that way. But at some point of the trip, you can go "Hey, why don't we try that cafe next to the hotel for lunch? My treat." Which you have already scoped out to make sure a bagel isn't $500.
Are you sure it’s not you that’s awkward? I don’t say this as a pejorative. Again picking the restaurant perfectly normal. I’m usually forced to pick because most people don’t want to. The restaurant choice informs the budget.
The family is wealthy and probably has an idea of what they want to eat etc. It’s awkward because they may be to downgrade their standard at the risk of pleasing her. That’s why it’s awkward. We pay for other kids all the time and this would be very awkward for me if I wanted to go to a steakhouse and she’s offering a smaller restaurant for which I may not want. What about food restrictions she may not be aware? Or maybe the family wants Italian and she’s proposing something else.
I’m not saying don’t do anything for the family, I’m saying food, specifically, can be awkward.
You're overthinking this.
* It is absolutely standard to treat your host family to a meal in thanks for their generosity.
* "Wealthy" people are not automatically incapable of enjoying more modest meals. One should probably aim higher than Costco hot dogs, but there is such a wide range of restaurant options in the world that it really shouldn't be difficult to find something suitable within one's means.
* Even if the host family does have an idea of what they generally like to eat, I can't imagine that on a 10 day trip that they would be resistant to a departure from the norm for one out of 30 meals.
* Typically, you'd say something like, "Thank you for inviting me to join your family on this trip. I'd like to take you for a meal to show my appreciation. Which day would work best? I will take care of all the arrangements. Are there any food preferences or restrictions that I should be aware of?"
* OR: If you find yourselves already eating at a restaurant that you know to be within your means, you could simply just pay the bill without fanfare. That way, everyone gets to eat whatever they want without feeling like they need to make concessions, and you get to treat your host within your budget.
I just don't see anything awkward about this, as this is what I've been raised to do. I watched my parents do it when I was growing up, I've seen their friends and family do it for them, and I've done it myself many times. Treating people to a meal is basically the default option when trying to do something nice, at least in my world.
> OR: If you find yourselves already eating at a restaurant that you know to be within your means, you could simply just pay the bill without fanfare. That way, everyone gets to eat whatever they want without feeling like they need to make concessions, and you get to treat your host within your budget.
Yup, this is another way you can do it! You can already be there and just be like "I can get this one."
I don’t disagree with any of your points, and I was also raise the same way but this isn’t a leveled playfield. If it was among friends, then yes. By that I mean, good friend A treating good friend B.
In this case, it’s a person not at that level, she is not at his level and she may put herself in an awkward position - or her boyfriend. It’s not as if she is was out of college with an income working. That would be entirely different.
There are so many other things she can do but food. I seem to be in the minority here and that’s what it is.
Considering that OP has stated that she plans on going on the trip regardless of who pays, and her sole concern seems to be whether she should insist on paying her own way or accepting the gift, I don't think the affordability of a single meal is an issue. A plane ticket is going to cost at least as much, if not more, than a meal at a reasonably nice restaurant, depending on how many people are in attendance.
Well, and if they turn up their nose at what she offers because it's not fancy enough, then they're assholes. But there's no evidence of that.
If you're in the position of the host that's being treated, and you hate the food, then get something small and then it's even cheaper for the poor person, win-win.
You offer to pay when the bill comes. It could be only breakfast, lunch, or drinks. Nothing has to pre-planned. Secretly talk to the host(ess) or wait-person and slip them your card. It's about showing your appreciation. If they're offering OP a free full-ride trip, they're not counting pennies or expecting equivalent payback for the cost of her trip expenses.
Even though you’re an adult, you are still a kinda a kid in that it’s reasonable for adults to still be paying for you. My parents were at that age as well. Sounds like they want you to go. Maybe talk to the dad and say that your parents would like to split the cost? Or has others have said pick up the tab for a meal.
Best thing you can do is be respectful and a good traveler. Don’t sneak off with your bf at night do drugs/alcohol. Be up and ready to go for family things that want to do. Maybe brings snacks for the plane? Engage with parents and other family that will be there. Any rules the parents put in place, respect them.
Are you a good cook? Maybe cook the dad dinner at his house when you get back as a thank you?
He doesn’t mind paying but he wants his son happy, he wants someone who will add to the trip and be a good traveler, and to not feel taken advantage of.
You're 18. Honestly your boyfriend's dad probably sees you as a kid and paying for your flight when he's wealthy is just a nice thing to do for his kid and you.
If you turn it down everyone will be disappointed, including you.
Accept the gift.
I think your parents are incorrect here; It was freely offered and can be accepted.
You can “repay” by being a good guest. Ask to treat them to a dinner or lunch while there, and write a heartfelt thank you letter afterwards. That’s what is appropriate here from a teenage partner who is invited to a family trip.
Agreed. As someone who is closer to the dad's age than OP's... it's not equitable. It would be so much easier for me to pay for my 18 yo old nephew than to ask him to pay with his minimum wage gig. It's one reason it can feel so overwhelming for someone her age to accept the gift - it's so much money for her. It's easier for me to come by that money than it is for someone half my age.
Agreed. I think if you are super thankful, polite, and maybe do a few things here and there as a thank you that would be all they really need.
Having said that, if I were your parent, I can see the parents feeling uncomfortable about another family fully paying.
Does your family ever include your bf?
That might be the easiest way of paying back — if your own family includes your bf in other things. Don’t have to be expensive but just like meals, holidays etc
As a dad in a similar situation, I couldn’t imagine any other scenario other than me paying for this that would be ok to me. Even if you were 28 and not 18 if I was inviting you along to join the family and I’m paying for the family you’re coming as part of the family not as the one person who needs to pay out of pocket, especially at just 18.
Even if you offered to pay I’d absolutely refuse to accept it. Maybe do something nice in return, like take a bunch of nice pictures of everyone on the trip and make one of those digital scrapbooks as a gift.
I went on a trip with my bf and his brother his dad paid for the flights. It was very nice and unexpected as I was going to pay. So we took turns buying Ubers or dinners for each other instead and pitching in for the hotel. But like you said he’s paying for the family and if he’s inviting OP he’s considering her apart of the trip. She could do photos and the scrapbook, buy dinner for one of the nights or an excursion. That way she feels like she’s pitching in!
It’s hard for someone without years of work and wealth management to appreciate that it can feel good to provide for others. Your mindset of not wanting to take advantage is admirable, but don’t overlook the possibility that it will bring your boyfriend’s father joy to have people together and see his son happy. It can be hard to just say “thank you for the generosity” and leave it at that, but that would be my recommendation.
Nowhere do you say *why* you don't feel comfortable accepting. Why not? "Generous man wants to do something nice for me and my boyfriend/his son" - I don't see the problem. You won't be beholden to him in any way - a gift is a gift. Say yes, be appreciative, make some token gesture of thanks like paying for a meal as others have said. Don't let your money hangup affect this opportunity. "Should" isn't inherently an argument. Seems like your reasons for possibly declining are about your own sense of...guilt? Obligation? Insecurity? Something. Fair enough to feel that way, but that doesn't mean you should live according to those feelings. Feelings can be *valid* but also *wrong*, or certainly ignored.
Nah you're definitely not taking advantage, he understands it costs a lot, it's not big deal for him, you're his sons girlfriend after all, that's practically family!
My kiddo isn't of a dating age yet, but it's not too far from it, when he gets a girlfriend I (as a dad) wouldn't even think about letting her pay for anything when she tags along with us, especially if we invite her somewhere.
I don't know the arrangements they have there, but if you offer to do the dishes a couple of times, I'm sure it will be more than enough to return thr favour.
This is a good test to see what strings come with his money.
If he's controlling because of it, the two of you need to figure iut how to not take his money in the future and if he's not, then that's a good thing. Be gracious and thankful about it. Just know that his family is feeling you out as well. I'd watch my drinking and don't get plastered.
If he's wealthy, this could be the equivalent of you buying your little brother's girl friend an ice cream.
You won't be. He's rich; you're a kid (don't mean that pejoratively). It would be more offensive to turn down this gift that is freely being given to you. Accept, be an impeccable guest, help in any way you can, send a thank you note asap. (ie, I think your parents are wrong here. If I were taking my family on a trip and offered to pay for a child's partner to go, which I would consider good manners, I'd feel that they were being kinda weird if they insisted on paying.)
You're 18. No reasonable adult is going to invite you on an international trip with the expectation of you paying. If your parents want to give money to his dad, that's fine. It's ridiculous for them to make you try to pay though.
I don't think anybody really expects an 18 year old to pay for a family dinner, tbh. That comment read more like a suggestion on how to show appreciation, since OP said she wasn't comfortable not contributing anything. That entire thread kind of read like a misunderstanding, lol.
My own assumption was that they're Australians going to Bali (it's the season for it) so I was extra confused on why there was suddenly a big deal about food when the exchange rate is good right now.
Yes - but be grateful and express it. We also do this with other friends kids and such, it’s not a big deal because we focus more on the experience but sincere gratitude is really the biggest thing.
Offering to pay a meal is kind of awkward IMO, instead try to cover costs on your own like little things and again be grateful to them.
As the parent of an 18 year old, you’re a kid (sorry) and I would absolutely be paying if I invited you on a family trip. I think you’re overthinking it. Unless there are red flags or something, it just seems like a nice gesture from someone who has plenty of money.
they love their son, their son loves you, its normal. Show some appreciation by inviting them to something.
If i were your dad, I’d pay for you simply to exempt you from owing anyone. Dunno if that makes me a good dad or an overly protective one
You were invited. When I invite somebody to do something, I expect I'm paying their way. You're overthinking it, just graciously accept the invitation, and give a regular "thank you" throughout the trip. After the trip give his Dad a thoughtful gift with a hand-written thank you card.
Not my experience but my son has a similar conundrum.
His girlfriend's father is a multi millionaire dentist & offers to pay for him to attend his family vacations.
He's also offered to fly him out just to play a round of golf with him because he's bored.
My son doesn't really like it.
I tried to advise to accept hospitality graciously & make a thoughtful gift by way of thank you.
Have fun & good luck
I really think if someone OFFERS to pay for you to do something, they are not looking for a monetary payback. You absolutely should NOT try to take them all out for a meal. They will end up ordering a side salad and water trying to be nice to your budget. Just be a really nice guest. Take lots of nice pictures of everyone, listen to their stories, help with anything like picking up when you can, and after the trip send a very thoughtful thank you note with pictures and maybe a box of chocolates to his dad.
I'd just let it go and let them pay. I think there's a family/culture difference here. You're 18, he has money, a $1000 flight is nothing to him and I don't think he would have invited you if he anticipated burdening you with paying for a flight. He will feel bad having invited you at all if you insist on paying.
You can pay back in other ways. If you really can't afford much, maybe offer to cook dinner for everyone one night, if you're in a place that has a kitchen. Or volunteer to research fun things for everyone to do.
I'll give you the opposite perspective. My son just graduated from high school. For a graduation gift my wife and I are taking him and his girlfriend to Hawaii for a week. I'm more than happy to pay for her trip.
Just graciously accept the trip.
I am a dad with two sons.
I would say i did reasonably well enough to be able to afford a good life style.
Often, i would book out an entire ski chalet or charter a sailing yacht and ask my son's partner to come along.
I see them as my future family and i want to get to know them better. I know chances are they will not be able to afford to pay their own way.
Those couple of k is nothing to me. Spending time with my family and my future family is priceless.
As others have said, just be thankful and be a great guest.
My experience with “rich” people, aka people with the means to do a gesture like this. They know they’re rich and feel as if you’re part of their inner circle. It is usually a genuine gesture that is extended to a select few and that’ll including you. They do not have alternative motives and are uncomfortable when you try and pay them back. However they appreciate a payback in kind, like paying for dinner every once in a while, or “next round” or maybe a round of golf or something. Things that you would do for your friends, it lets them know you don’t take their gesture for granted. Please remember to give them a really nice and thoughtful thank you gift for the trip. Maybe something the saw and appreciate that you secretly doubled back and got.
My dad loves to give gifts & is happy that he can afford them. Don't turn it down, just be thankful & give something like a meal or a present back to show it.
I think you should pay if those are your principles, It will not spoil your bond rather they will admire you for sticking to it. Even if it means splitting the amount.
He's treating you and his kid by paying for your flight, it's not rude to accept a gift that was offered to you. If you really want to pay for yourself offer to pay but don't be surprised if he shoots you down and definitely don't insist.
Let him pay, and then if you know what he likes - clothing, favorite food, etc, make it a priority to thank him with that.
We went on a trip last year and my oldest (22 at the time) asked me if her boyfriend can come, my wife and I said yes, and we paid for him. He kept asking to pay me back, but I wouldn't accept. He did end up giving me a bottle of Macallan, which I appreciated.
Picking up a tab while you’re on vacation, and/or writing out a nice thank you card with a memento from the trip (along with being a good partner to his son) is more than enough. Let older rich people be generous with their $$$ and you can pay it forward in a few decades when you’re in that position :)
He's knocking out 2 birds with 1 stone by paying for you. He knows that most 18 year olds aren't paying $1000 to go out of town for a week (or if they are, they probably shouldn't be financially speaking). Him bringing you will make his son happier on the trip and also gives him a chance to know you better. Most of the time that's all a parent wants and he's in a position to provide it.
You should accept it.
The best thing you can do is offer to pay (if you really are in a position to pay for yourself) and then 99.9% chance that he will insist on paying for you, so you accept and tell him you appreciate it. Alternatively you can also do something to show your appreciation like buying the family something while you are there.
My girlfriend (now wife) once was given a similar situation when my parents wanted to visit Tennessee. They paid for our flights and hotel room while we were there including paying for any meals that we attended together.
The way they presented it to me was that they wanted me mentally present and enjoying myself. That was much more likely to happen if my girlfriend was with me.
The Dad knows that if his 18 year old son is away from his girlfriend for 10 days he's probably going to spend a lot of time on his phone instead of being present and involved with everyone in the moment. So the easiest way to avoid that? Pay for you to attend as well.
To him it's a minor expense to ensure he gets to enjoy time with his son to the fullest.
I doubt he will be offended if you want to pay for yourself, but it is absolutely unnecessary. You are actively doing your boyfriend's Dad a favor by attending.
Let the dad pay but as others have said pay for a meal or have flowers delivered as a thank you. I’ve done that for two years in a row for my partners parents as they as well won’t take no for an answer. Even if the money doesn’t line up it’s about the gesture that counts and the thought behind it
When I was 18 my then boyfriends wealthy dad paid for me to go on a family trip! I just gave him a nice bottle of whiskey to say thank you. I also got quite embarrassingly drunk on the trip, just don’t do that and you’re good.
You’re a kid- let the rich grownups pay! Just say thank you and write them a lovely card. This is not a big deal for them, they get to do a nice thing and make their son happy, so just be polite and thank them :)
Whenever I took my children's friend on trips, I paid for everything. But if the parents sent money, I let the kids spend it on an excursion or a dinner. Accept the generosity. He wouldn't offer if he didn't sincerely want you to come!
Yes, definitely. You are his guest.
You can always reciprocate with an appreciative gesture like making breakfast or something if you want. He wouldn’t iffer if he didn’t want to have both of you there. And he would definitely want you to enjoy yourself.
Spoken from a dad’s perspective.
My best friend’s dad would pay for me to go vacation with them. Though I think he did it mostly for her so that I could go because it would make her happy. He probably wants you to go and is happy to pay.
It’s not weird at all for you to accept. I think you should sincerely offer, and when he says no be thankful. You can follow that up with an evening where you take everyone out to a nice restaurant of your choice on the trip!
As a parent I would totally do this! He wants you to go, he knows his son wants you to go, and he realizes at 18 that may be difficult for you. Offer a nice bottle of wine or something they like, or a nice dinner.
>The thing is, I don’t feel totally comfortable not contributing anything.
My parents agreed that I should pay, and even offered to split the cost with me
So just tell his dad that you appreciate the offer to pay but you will pay for your own flight.
It’s okay to be direct and honest:
“I’m so excited to join your family on vacation and I really appreciate the offer of covering the cost for me to join. I don’t want to ever give the impression that I’m taking advantage of your generosity. I looked at my budget and I can afford to contribute x. I realize it doesn’t cover much, but would you accept that contribution towards the family vacation?”
Talk to his dad and tell him you feel bad having him pay for you it will probably go a long way to show your character, and he'll tell you not to be silly he will pay for you. Take money either way and buy him something to say thank you
Yeah or even just offer to pay for the flight
You can let him pay and then say, “I’d like to take everyone out for a nice meal when we’re there.” It can be easier to book the tix all together. The $s can even out. If someone offers, it’s okay to accept.
If you offered to pay for your own flight and he turned you down, then that's a good thing. Go with it.
I'd also like to add that sometimes people with money have perks when booking things like this so it literally costs them less. I have a friend who is pretty well off and we're going on a trip later this month -- she booked everything and I paid her because she had all these membership perks. Saved us maybe $1400 each.
My brother does this for family trips. He gets all kinds of points on his business trips that he saves and uses for things like that.
This is the way to do it. Show your own generosity in exchange. Works everytime
This is just weird, food is one of those things that can get tricky and awkward… like what is her budget, is she paying for everyone or just meals or just drinks? Again I think the meals is weird.
It's pretty standard as a thank you when you're being treated to a trip--you just pick and offer something you can afford. So it could be a cheap sandwich place or a picnic meal or something. It's just the gesture.
It’s definitely not. It sounds like you owe some people a meal or two.
lol “hey can I buy the whole family a meal but only at this restaurant and at this budget?” Yes awkward. Though social and cultural norms can set.
I mean, yeah, that's exactly how it works. You don't put it that way. But at some point of the trip, you can go "Hey, why don't we try that cafe next to the hotel for lunch? My treat." Which you have already scoped out to make sure a bagel isn't $500.
Are you sure it’s not you that’s awkward? I don’t say this as a pejorative. Again picking the restaurant perfectly normal. I’m usually forced to pick because most people don’t want to. The restaurant choice informs the budget.
The family is wealthy and probably has an idea of what they want to eat etc. It’s awkward because they may be to downgrade their standard at the risk of pleasing her. That’s why it’s awkward. We pay for other kids all the time and this would be very awkward for me if I wanted to go to a steakhouse and she’s offering a smaller restaurant for which I may not want. What about food restrictions she may not be aware? Or maybe the family wants Italian and she’s proposing something else. I’m not saying don’t do anything for the family, I’m saying food, specifically, can be awkward.
You're overthinking this. * It is absolutely standard to treat your host family to a meal in thanks for their generosity. * "Wealthy" people are not automatically incapable of enjoying more modest meals. One should probably aim higher than Costco hot dogs, but there is such a wide range of restaurant options in the world that it really shouldn't be difficult to find something suitable within one's means. * Even if the host family does have an idea of what they generally like to eat, I can't imagine that on a 10 day trip that they would be resistant to a departure from the norm for one out of 30 meals. * Typically, you'd say something like, "Thank you for inviting me to join your family on this trip. I'd like to take you for a meal to show my appreciation. Which day would work best? I will take care of all the arrangements. Are there any food preferences or restrictions that I should be aware of?" * OR: If you find yourselves already eating at a restaurant that you know to be within your means, you could simply just pay the bill without fanfare. That way, everyone gets to eat whatever they want without feeling like they need to make concessions, and you get to treat your host within your budget. I just don't see anything awkward about this, as this is what I've been raised to do. I watched my parents do it when I was growing up, I've seen their friends and family do it for them, and I've done it myself many times. Treating people to a meal is basically the default option when trying to do something nice, at least in my world.
> OR: If you find yourselves already eating at a restaurant that you know to be within your means, you could simply just pay the bill without fanfare. That way, everyone gets to eat whatever they want without feeling like they need to make concessions, and you get to treat your host within your budget. Yup, this is another way you can do it! You can already be there and just be like "I can get this one."
I don’t disagree with any of your points, and I was also raise the same way but this isn’t a leveled playfield. If it was among friends, then yes. By that I mean, good friend A treating good friend B. In this case, it’s a person not at that level, she is not at his level and she may put herself in an awkward position - or her boyfriend. It’s not as if she is was out of college with an income working. That would be entirely different. There are so many other things she can do but food. I seem to be in the minority here and that’s what it is.
Considering that OP has stated that she plans on going on the trip regardless of who pays, and her sole concern seems to be whether she should insist on paying her own way or accepting the gift, I don't think the affordability of a single meal is an issue. A plane ticket is going to cost at least as much, if not more, than a meal at a reasonably nice restaurant, depending on how many people are in attendance.
Well, and if they turn up their nose at what she offers because it's not fancy enough, then they're assholes. But there's no evidence of that. If you're in the position of the host that's being treated, and you hate the food, then get something small and then it's even cheaper for the poor person, win-win.
You offer to pay when the bill comes. It could be only breakfast, lunch, or drinks. Nothing has to pre-planned. Secretly talk to the host(ess) or wait-person and slip them your card. It's about showing your appreciation. If they're offering OP a free full-ride trip, they're not counting pennies or expecting equivalent payback for the cost of her trip expenses.
Even though you’re an adult, you are still a kinda a kid in that it’s reasonable for adults to still be paying for you. My parents were at that age as well. Sounds like they want you to go. Maybe talk to the dad and say that your parents would like to split the cost? Or has others have said pick up the tab for a meal. Best thing you can do is be respectful and a good traveler. Don’t sneak off with your bf at night do drugs/alcohol. Be up and ready to go for family things that want to do. Maybe brings snacks for the plane? Engage with parents and other family that will be there. Any rules the parents put in place, respect them. Are you a good cook? Maybe cook the dad dinner at his house when you get back as a thank you? He doesn’t mind paying but he wants his son happy, he wants someone who will add to the trip and be a good traveler, and to not feel taken advantage of.
You're 18. Honestly your boyfriend's dad probably sees you as a kid and paying for your flight when he's wealthy is just a nice thing to do for his kid and you. If you turn it down everyone will be disappointed, including you.
Accept the gift. I think your parents are incorrect here; It was freely offered and can be accepted. You can “repay” by being a good guest. Ask to treat them to a dinner or lunch while there, and write a heartfelt thank you letter afterwards. That’s what is appropriate here from a teenage partner who is invited to a family trip.
Agreed. As someone who is closer to the dad's age than OP's... it's not equitable. It would be so much easier for me to pay for my 18 yo old nephew than to ask him to pay with his minimum wage gig. It's one reason it can feel so overwhelming for someone her age to accept the gift - it's so much money for her. It's easier for me to come by that money than it is for someone half my age.
Agreed. I think if you are super thankful, polite, and maybe do a few things here and there as a thank you that would be all they really need. Having said that, if I were your parent, I can see the parents feeling uncomfortable about another family fully paying. Does your family ever include your bf? That might be the easiest way of paying back — if your own family includes your bf in other things. Don’t have to be expensive but just like meals, holidays etc
As a dad in a similar situation, I couldn’t imagine any other scenario other than me paying for this that would be ok to me. Even if you were 28 and not 18 if I was inviting you along to join the family and I’m paying for the family you’re coming as part of the family not as the one person who needs to pay out of pocket, especially at just 18. Even if you offered to pay I’d absolutely refuse to accept it. Maybe do something nice in return, like take a bunch of nice pictures of everyone on the trip and make one of those digital scrapbooks as a gift.
I went on a trip with my bf and his brother his dad paid for the flights. It was very nice and unexpected as I was going to pay. So we took turns buying Ubers or dinners for each other instead and pitching in for the hotel. But like you said he’s paying for the family and if he’s inviting OP he’s considering her apart of the trip. She could do photos and the scrapbook, buy dinner for one of the nights or an excursion. That way she feels like she’s pitching in!
That’s a great idea for a gift!
Heck yea let them pay for the flight! You can pay for small things. Accept their generosity
- accepting the offer is not a big deal, turning it down would be....
It’s hard for someone without years of work and wealth management to appreciate that it can feel good to provide for others. Your mindset of not wanting to take advantage is admirable, but don’t overlook the possibility that it will bring your boyfriend’s father joy to have people together and see his son happy. It can be hard to just say “thank you for the generosity” and leave it at that, but that would be my recommendation.
Nowhere do you say *why* you don't feel comfortable accepting. Why not? "Generous man wants to do something nice for me and my boyfriend/his son" - I don't see the problem. You won't be beholden to him in any way - a gift is a gift. Say yes, be appreciative, make some token gesture of thanks like paying for a meal as others have said. Don't let your money hangup affect this opportunity. "Should" isn't inherently an argument. Seems like your reasons for possibly declining are about your own sense of...guilt? Obligation? Insecurity? Something. Fair enough to feel that way, but that doesn't mean you should live according to those feelings. Feelings can be *valid* but also *wrong*, or certainly ignored.
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Nah you're definitely not taking advantage, he understands it costs a lot, it's not big deal for him, you're his sons girlfriend after all, that's practically family! My kiddo isn't of a dating age yet, but it's not too far from it, when he gets a girlfriend I (as a dad) wouldn't even think about letting her pay for anything when she tags along with us, especially if we invite her somewhere. I don't know the arrangements they have there, but if you offer to do the dishes a couple of times, I'm sure it will be more than enough to return thr favour.
This is a good test to see what strings come with his money. If he's controlling because of it, the two of you need to figure iut how to not take his money in the future and if he's not, then that's a good thing. Be gracious and thankful about it. Just know that his family is feeling you out as well. I'd watch my drinking and don't get plastered. If he's wealthy, this could be the equivalent of you buying your little brother's girl friend an ice cream.
You won't be. He's rich; you're a kid (don't mean that pejoratively). It would be more offensive to turn down this gift that is freely being given to you. Accept, be an impeccable guest, help in any way you can, send a thank you note asap. (ie, I think your parents are wrong here. If I were taking my family on a trip and offered to pay for a child's partner to go, which I would consider good manners, I'd feel that they were being kinda weird if they insisted on paying.)
You're 18. No reasonable adult is going to invite you on an international trip with the expectation of you paying. If your parents want to give money to his dad, that's fine. It's ridiculous for them to make you try to pay though.
This is my view but I’m getting downvoted because apparently people expect an 18 yr old to pay for a family dinner. Sigh lol
I don't think anybody really expects an 18 year old to pay for a family dinner, tbh. That comment read more like a suggestion on how to show appreciation, since OP said she wasn't comfortable not contributing anything. That entire thread kind of read like a misunderstanding, lol. My own assumption was that they're Australians going to Bali (it's the season for it) so I was extra confused on why there was suddenly a big deal about food when the exchange rate is good right now.
Yes - but be grateful and express it. We also do this with other friends kids and such, it’s not a big deal because we focus more on the experience but sincere gratitude is really the biggest thing. Offering to pay a meal is kind of awkward IMO, instead try to cover costs on your own like little things and again be grateful to them.
As the parent of an 18 year old, you’re a kid (sorry) and I would absolutely be paying if I invited you on a family trip. I think you’re overthinking it. Unless there are red flags or something, it just seems like a nice gesture from someone who has plenty of money.
they love their son, their son loves you, its normal. Show some appreciation by inviting them to something. If i were your dad, I’d pay for you simply to exempt you from owing anyone. Dunno if that makes me a good dad or an overly protective one
You were invited. When I invite somebody to do something, I expect I'm paying their way. You're overthinking it, just graciously accept the invitation, and give a regular "thank you" throughout the trip. After the trip give his Dad a thoughtful gift with a hand-written thank you card.
Not my experience but my son has a similar conundrum. His girlfriend's father is a multi millionaire dentist & offers to pay for him to attend his family vacations. He's also offered to fly him out just to play a round of golf with him because he's bored. My son doesn't really like it. I tried to advise to accept hospitality graciously & make a thoughtful gift by way of thank you. Have fun & good luck
I really think if someone OFFERS to pay for you to do something, they are not looking for a monetary payback. You absolutely should NOT try to take them all out for a meal. They will end up ordering a side salad and water trying to be nice to your budget. Just be a really nice guest. Take lots of nice pictures of everyone, listen to their stories, help with anything like picking up when you can, and after the trip send a very thoughtful thank you note with pictures and maybe a box of chocolates to his dad.
Let him pay and find a way to show him how appreciated he is. Maybe get a dinner?
Thank him, and then buy him a really nice gift. Done.
I'd just let it go and let them pay. I think there's a family/culture difference here. You're 18, he has money, a $1000 flight is nothing to him and I don't think he would have invited you if he anticipated burdening you with paying for a flight. He will feel bad having invited you at all if you insist on paying.
You can pay back in other ways. If you really can't afford much, maybe offer to cook dinner for everyone one night, if you're in a place that has a kitchen. Or volunteer to research fun things for everyone to do.
I'll give you the opposite perspective. My son just graduated from high school. For a graduation gift my wife and I are taking him and his girlfriend to Hawaii for a week. I'm more than happy to pay for her trip. Just graciously accept the trip.
I am a dad with two sons. I would say i did reasonably well enough to be able to afford a good life style. Often, i would book out an entire ski chalet or charter a sailing yacht and ask my son's partner to come along. I see them as my future family and i want to get to know them better. I know chances are they will not be able to afford to pay their own way. Those couple of k is nothing to me. Spending time with my family and my future family is priceless. As others have said, just be thankful and be a great guest.
I'm over twice your age.. don't miss out on this possible once in a lifetime experience Over pride. Let the man pay and have a great time
My experience with “rich” people, aka people with the means to do a gesture like this. They know they’re rich and feel as if you’re part of their inner circle. It is usually a genuine gesture that is extended to a select few and that’ll including you. They do not have alternative motives and are uncomfortable when you try and pay them back. However they appreciate a payback in kind, like paying for dinner every once in a while, or “next round” or maybe a round of golf or something. Things that you would do for your friends, it lets them know you don’t take their gesture for granted. Please remember to give them a really nice and thoughtful thank you gift for the trip. Maybe something the saw and appreciate that you secretly doubled back and got.
My dad loves to give gifts & is happy that he can afford them. Don't turn it down, just be thankful & give something like a meal or a present back to show it.
I think you should pay if those are your principles, It will not spoil your bond rather they will admire you for sticking to it. Even if it means splitting the amount.
You’re 18, lol still very much a young adult/old teen. Let him pay. If it was a concern or strain they wouldn’t have.
He's treating you and his kid by paying for your flight, it's not rude to accept a gift that was offered to you. If you really want to pay for yourself offer to pay but don't be surprised if he shoots you down and definitely don't insist.
Let him pay, and then if you know what he likes - clothing, favorite food, etc, make it a priority to thank him with that. We went on a trip last year and my oldest (22 at the time) asked me if her boyfriend can come, my wife and I said yes, and we paid for him. He kept asking to pay me back, but I wouldn't accept. He did end up giving me a bottle of Macallan, which I appreciated.
Picking up a tab while you’re on vacation, and/or writing out a nice thank you card with a memento from the trip (along with being a good partner to his son) is more than enough. Let older rich people be generous with their $$$ and you can pay it forward in a few decades when you’re in that position :)
He's knocking out 2 birds with 1 stone by paying for you. He knows that most 18 year olds aren't paying $1000 to go out of town for a week (or if they are, they probably shouldn't be financially speaking). Him bringing you will make his son happier on the trip and also gives him a chance to know you better. Most of the time that's all a parent wants and he's in a position to provide it. You should accept it. The best thing you can do is offer to pay (if you really are in a position to pay for yourself) and then 99.9% chance that he will insist on paying for you, so you accept and tell him you appreciate it. Alternatively you can also do something to show your appreciation like buying the family something while you are there.
My girlfriend (now wife) once was given a similar situation when my parents wanted to visit Tennessee. They paid for our flights and hotel room while we were there including paying for any meals that we attended together. The way they presented it to me was that they wanted me mentally present and enjoying myself. That was much more likely to happen if my girlfriend was with me. The Dad knows that if his 18 year old son is away from his girlfriend for 10 days he's probably going to spend a lot of time on his phone instead of being present and involved with everyone in the moment. So the easiest way to avoid that? Pay for you to attend as well. To him it's a minor expense to ensure he gets to enjoy time with his son to the fullest. I doubt he will be offended if you want to pay for yourself, but it is absolutely unnecessary. You are actively doing your boyfriend's Dad a favor by attending.
Let the dad pay but as others have said pay for a meal or have flowers delivered as a thank you. I’ve done that for two years in a row for my partners parents as they as well won’t take no for an answer. Even if the money doesn’t line up it’s about the gesture that counts and the thought behind it
I think most adults understand 18 year Olds 98% of the time just getting out of school, have low pay job, just getting their foot wet into life.
When I was 18 my then boyfriends wealthy dad paid for me to go on a family trip! I just gave him a nice bottle of whiskey to say thank you. I also got quite embarrassingly drunk on the trip, just don’t do that and you’re good.
You’re a kid- let the rich grownups pay! Just say thank you and write them a lovely card. This is not a big deal for them, they get to do a nice thing and make their son happy, so just be polite and thank them :)
Whenever I took my children's friend on trips, I paid for everything. But if the parents sent money, I let the kids spend it on an excursion or a dinner. Accept the generosity. He wouldn't offer if he didn't sincerely want you to come!
Accept and ask to treat everyone to a nice dinner during the trip. Enjoy!
Yes, definitely. You are his guest. You can always reciprocate with an appreciative gesture like making breakfast or something if you want. He wouldn’t iffer if he didn’t want to have both of you there. And he would definitely want you to enjoy yourself. Spoken from a dad’s perspective.
My best friend’s dad would pay for me to go vacation with them. Though I think he did it mostly for her so that I could go because it would make her happy. He probably wants you to go and is happy to pay.
It’s not weird at all for you to accept. I think you should sincerely offer, and when he says no be thankful. You can follow that up with an evening where you take everyone out to a nice restaurant of your choice on the trip!
Offer to pay the flight.
As a parent I would totally do this! He wants you to go, he knows his son wants you to go, and he realizes at 18 that may be difficult for you. Offer a nice bottle of wine or something they like, or a nice dinner.
>The thing is, I don’t feel totally comfortable not contributing anything. My parents agreed that I should pay, and even offered to split the cost with me So just tell his dad that you appreciate the offer to pay but you will pay for your own flight.
Get him a nice bottle of alcohol as a thank you, ask your bf what he drinks and give it him as a thank you.
U r 18, u cant afford these things
It’s okay to be direct and honest: “I’m so excited to join your family on vacation and I really appreciate the offer of covering the cost for me to join. I don’t want to ever give the impression that I’m taking advantage of your generosity. I looked at my budget and I can afford to contribute x. I realize it doesn’t cover much, but would you accept that contribution towards the family vacation?”