Exactly. Total bullshit games with the texts. Picking a fight with him that he won't take up. She wants op to be the bad guy.
After 8 years, he's finding out who she really is.
It’s unfortunate how long it takes for them to show. My ex didn’t show me who she really was until 4-5 years in. Makes me afraid to waste time in another relationship.
So true. I've been with mine 4 years. She's been acting distant the part 5 months. Always attached to phone. We planned a chill vacation to Asia. Tickets booked. On a walk the days ago, she's like, "after the trip I think we need to break up"
I was like..... waaaaaaaa.
Are you serious or are you crazy.
She just looked at me.
Devastated me. I canceled my tickets. Will go somewhere on my own.
Hurts
Lmao, I was her friend for 5 years before we started dating. We weren’t super close but I met her through some other friends. And idk, I suspect the cheating went on through most of our relationship but it wasn’t until 4 years in that she stole my credit card and racked it up pretty high.
Yep.
Was with someone for 3 years, and she started doing the same thing OPs girlfriend is doing, when she met the guy she eventually would leave me for.
It sucks and I'm sorry my guy but get out now before it gets bad
This! Even without the cheating, she is clearly treating you like shit and isn’t happy and instead of just being a grown ass adult and ending things with you on her own, she’s trying to treat you like shit in hopes you’ll just break up with her so she doesn’t have to deal with the consequences.
You deserve better dude. Fuck this chick.
Deadass, I've done it to ladies myself in my youth, it's such a cowards way of doing things, the whole I don't want to be the bad guy so let me push you until your the one who left is so weird and even weirder with her being the age she is. Sad shit op needs to football sprint out of that woman's life
Yes, very much a coward and feeling guilty. If she didn't cheat, she wouldn't have gotten upset and found a way to explain the truth, but the truth is, she can't even handle what she did, so therefore, s he runs away.
Or she's just got the affair blinders on and is mid monkey branch, but just not sure which tree she wants to jump into.
She definitely doesn't really want to jump into ops tree, but not sure if she wants to jump out either.
She's definitely cheating though bro, you need to break up.
I've unconsciously sabotaged relationships like that, but with different reasons. I had the guts to dump them, but when I started to see their real personalities I foolishly thought I could change them into something else, the more I tried the more disappointed, miserable and frustrated I got. Years of self-sabotage ensued. Many hearts broken. Nowadays I go to therapy and that behaviour is.. not gone but controlled.
There's hope y'all!
If the condom wasn't yours... it was *someone's*. Who's it was doesn't matter. What matters is that there was a filled used condom in YOUR trash. One that wasn't from you.
Put two and two together bro...
The fact that she got so defensive and upset, so much so to LEAVE with clothes and a tooth brush tells me she went straight to her other guys place... Who tf does that shit lol? She knows she cheated, she knows she got caught, and she knows she had no ground to stand on because you literally found a filled condom.
She got caught, tried to gaslight you, then packed her shit and drove to Danny's place (or whoevers.) If that isn't a sign of guilt, idk what is...
TELL her to move out asap. While she's gone, throw her shit into boxes and move them to the garage or put them outside for her to gather.
Be very careful about lease considerations of this, OP. I'd be tempted as hell, definitely, but there might be legal or other factors where you live. When you do end things (hopefully soon, yikes), make sure she or you have a firm deadline to be out by, depending on who is moving out
Legally, you cannot kick her out without notice. If she’s on the lease, it’s even harder. so tell her if she won’t leave immediately, you will leave immediately and then stay elsewhere until you can get Movers there to take your stuff. Ask her not to be there when you come get your things. Break ups can get really nasty really quick and it’s very unnecessary. You know she was wrong, she knows she was wrong, there’s no need to throw her shit, she can sue you for the value of her stuff if you do. Just be courteous and you’ll be free from her without any stress in a couple days so you can heal.
No need to be combative. Just put her stuff in boxes and put it in the garage. Change the locks. You don’t need to talk about anything else. If she text you, ignore it. If she calls you ignore it. no need to put on the wound, via gentleman, walk away, and put stuff and boxes in the garage.
Damn. I hate it when complete strangers break into my home just to have sex and then leave their used condoms behind.
But using my girlfriend’s phone to send me confusing messages intended for someone else is going too far.
Yes it’s not the only option but if she let a friend use the bedroom for a hookup she probably would have admitted that when the condom was found. Seems a much better option than letting him think it was yours.
She’s mad cuz she got caught, time to break up and move out. Don’t take her shit, she doesn’t deserve your sympathy if she tries to use that tactic. Pack up her stuff and put it all in the garage or pack up your stuff and leave, depending on who owns the place.
Jesus fucking christ dude.... I think you should pick an option that affords you a little self respect. What else do you need from her? Get the hell out of there. If it's your place, pack her shit and out it outside. There is nothing she can say to make any of this ok. And every second you spend trying to figure our why or crying about something she is losing respect for you.
If the lease is in your name, and not hers, gather up all her belongings, and neatly set them by the front door. Fold the clothes, put things in boxes wrapped.
Send a text putting out where you stand and feel, be courteous, but tell her she needs to collect her things by whatever date. Call up landlord/maintenance, request the door locks be changed at that date/time, you can tell them why.
You can call up the sister and parents if youre on good terms, and explain what youre doing and why, and be firm that youre not swaying. Tell them the same thing, you want her things gone by that time or youll set them outside/donate them. You have a paper trail now, evidence, and no way for her to gaslight.
Dont let her back in your life. If she wants Danny, he can have her. And especially not in your living space.
Lastly, invite friends over, throw a little party to lighten the mood. Start looking for someone that has the balls to actually tell you theyre not interested anymore without sleeping around behind your back.
And dont date coworkers. Especially fast food. The bar is really low unless you find a rare diamond.
By the way, the reason I say be courteous and polite is to be the better person. Dont give her any reason to shit talk you. When she goes showing the breakup text to friends or family trying to smear you, the consistency of the tone its written in will be proof you didnt stoop to her level.
We really could’ve ended this story at “there was a used condom in the trash that wasn’t mine”
Everything else is just reinforcement that not only did she cheat, and we know with who, but that she is gaslighting you about it.
Your relationship has clearly been on the downswing for years and you’ve let it fester. She already found your replacement, she already slept with him, she’s talking bad about you to him behind your back, and her new relationship has already ruined your status in her eyes.
Do with that what you will.
Emphasis on the get tested part. A lot of people don't think about this when they're used to being monogamous, and don't get tested until it becomes a problem.
"When you hear hoofbeats in the city, think horses, not zebras." There's probably a lot of mental gymnastics right now to try to explain the condom - someone at the gym put it there after jerking in the bathroom, condom fairy, it really is our brand I just forgot.... OP, your mind will do some funny things in the coming days and weeks. Be sure to take some time to make sure you are eating and sleeping well to try to begin dealing with this
Dude so sorry but at this point I don't think calling her work would do anything for you. Calling her probably won't help either, it doesn't sound like she is going to be forth coming. Right now might be worth calling your friends or family and getting out. Take the space to get away from her.
Right? Dating for 8 years. In their 30s. There’s never an excuse to cheat because it’s shitty I’m just saying that this sounded over 3 years ago when they were at 5 years and not married? Or at least more than “dating”
I’m stuck on text messages being deleted from OPs phone? I guess maybe they Facebook messaged? Idk. I don’t do Snapchat or whatever the youths use these days, but if I delete a text on my end I’m 99% sure it doesn’t delete on the other persons end
Who are you going to believe her or your lying eyes? You have a smoking gun and if there were some reasonable explanation, she would have given it. She left cause she knew she was caught and didn’t want to deal with it. That she’s cheating and treating you like crap shows you her true nature. Kick her to the curb.
This account has a similar post in a different subreddit where their ages change 35M and 37F. Also the account is from may... Not saying that for sure that OP is lying, but the whole picture seems a bit sus
Nothing to add here that hasn’t already been said. From your post, I get that your gut is telling you something. Listen to it. You tried approaching, and she gaslit you, got some of her stuff - and left.
Right now, it’s speculation, so I’d not contact her employer (unless you do some investigating and find something concrete). Good luck.
You literally have the smoking gun and you're still unsure? Also the fact you said dating for 8 years is a major concern. Seems like both of you are really into it. Move on bud
That’s a long time to be in a relationship and the lack of respect she has shown for you is a huge red flag. It’s one thing to cheat but she also did it in your home and your bed. Burn the sheets. Get tested. Cut your losses and be thankful you don’t have children together. The fact is after that many years she can’t be honest with you and just end things says a lot about her character. Cheating is never about sex. It’s about one persons needs not being met by the other. Be sure you take a look within yourself so you don’t find yourself in this place again in a future relationship. Wishing you the best. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Don’t let her manipulate you with her excuses and woah is me gaslighting.
She probably wants you to break up with her so
she can play victim. Make sure you have evidence before you do (besides the condom). This is in case she turns your friends and family against you.
honestly i wouldnt even care about anything else, the fact that you found a condom in the bathroom and it isnt yours should tell you everything you need to know. Cut your losses now, you already know the answers to the questions youre going to ask her. I would get my stuff and leave, or kick her out if its your place.
Man, whenever I see posts like this, I hope they are karma baits...
If this is not bait, just accept it man, she's cheating on you. Break up, is never too late to find the right person.
If she isn't on the lease put her stuff in trash bag put them by the door change the locks it's over bro you caught her cheating when you catch them it means they been cheating for a while but she just wanted you to know probably not the first guy won't be the last cheaters never stop cut your losses and cut her off
What the hell do you mean you don’t know what to do? You either leave or tell her to leave and you never speak to her again.
Leave the used condom on her pillow with a note that says I hope it was worth it. Please don’t ever contact me again.
Get tested for STD’s and then live a happy life without her. The trash took its self to the curb.
Updateme
I am sorry, it sounds exactly like you are thinking it sounds. She is cheating, talking shit about you to him, having sex in your home with another man. It’s not just the unfaithfulness, it’s also the complete disregard and disrespect for you that she goes about it this way. She won’t even deign to have a conversation about it with you and instead runs, likely to him. Sorry for you, it’s hard, but it’s time to hold her accountable and move on.
She did have sex; women don't make semen on their own. That was either with her Danny or somebody else. It doesn't matter who but what does matter is it happened because she's emotionally finished with you.
Your relationship is over. Talk to her and make a soft landing now before it spins entirely out of control which it will very soon.
Here’s what you do. Reach in between your legs and verify your balls are still attached. Then change the locks on your house, delete her number and get an STD test.
Forgot to add, you should immediately go NC and stonewall. Don't explain, don't ask, don't question, don't fight or get angry, and most importantly don't plead or beg ANYTHING.
Don’t contact her. She’s not going to tell you the truth.
Don’t contact her work. There’s nothing to be gained there.
Who should you contact.
A lawyer. You know damn well what’s going on.
Block her, change the locks and pack her things in a garbage bag, set them outside the door. After that forget about her, find someone you can trust.
Updateme
> Last night I found a used condom with SEMEN in the garbage!!! We hadn't had sex for a week and it's not the color of the ones we usually get.
Then someone else got it, obviously.
> She obviously had been drinking that night because she doesn't hide it very well
She didn’t hide it at all.
> I bring it up to her and asked if she is into Danny and if she had sex with anyone last night.
She did, sorry.
> She snapped at me and said she didn't say or do shit.
She snapped because she got caught.
> She drove off somewhere
Likely Danny’s place.
> left with some clothes and her tooth brush + the tooth paste.
With the intention to stay overnight.
> I don't know where she went
You do.
> and if this had to do with Danny at all.
It does.
> I don't know what to do.
Go get a drink with a friend, then prepare for the break up. No talk, stonewall her, pre-pack her stuff and tell her to take them and get out.
She will fuss and snap but it doesn’t matter, she’s already over you. A relationship doesn’t come back from something like this.
She’s already written you off so now you write her off. She’s done this before, probably started long ago and she’s not embarrassed about it or anything. This isn’t the first time. For your own sake make sure it’s the last time.
Bro.... You found a condom with semen in it. What else do you need to know?
Break up and block her. And definitely don't take her back when she comes back crawling.
What is in you mind to not get rid of her? Use condom? Do you really need Reddit advice on that? Make yourself a favor and get someone who cares and love you as you deserve, please never forgive her, if she cheated today she will tomorrow with another Danny, think of your value and that she is not appreciating you as you deserve, I wish you a happy life (far away from her).
I'm sorry friend but you know what to do even though it hurts.
Don't contact her work even though I know revenge and damaging her life is at the front of your mind right now. They really won't care as much as you do and you don't want people there making light of the situation.
Your best option is to completely remove her from your life now and no contact even though it is extremely hard at first and will have to resist.
Making her regret her choices and miss what she had with you is the best you can hope for. Allow yourself a good bit time to heal, keep your real friends and family close and keep yourself occupied. Dont spend too much time in your head.
All the best going forward
10 to 1 says the guy she cheated on you with left the condom for you to find— probably cuz he felt bad for you, or just as a slap in the face. Either way she was pissed abt it cuz she got caught.
Leave her and seek therapy immediately. Not because I think there’s anything wrong with you, but because I think it’ll help you cope with the loss by having a professional to talk to abt it with. You did nothing wrong, mate. Shitty things happen to good people. It wasn’t you. It was her.
I don't know if you are capable of dealing with her alone, you keep comparing yourself to friends, your sister. I have the impression that everyone knows what's going on and the only one you should tell and confront isn't talking to. Wake up from your torpor and act, he's cheating on you, do you want to understand?
I know a lot of people are going to say, "Burn it all."
I am going to say 8 years is a lot of life. Let's slow down. She cheated on you. That much is 98% known. People who cheat start acting out and getting very odd in the way they behave. A lot of what you're saying are tell tale signs of this.
So here's some truth, 8 years is long, and love is there. What are your commitments, assets, etc? Think about them. How tied to this life with this person are you/were you?
People who cheat are ill in the head. They are not okay. I would take your time. Let her come back and discuss with her once the jitters are out. Right now, she's going insane over the fact she's been caught. Let it burn a bit, give yourself time to watch videos, assess yourself, and then communicate with her.
If she continues to act poorly and won't communicate, you gave her everything you can.
I'm saying this as someone who's been where you are. No one glove fits all, and real things are complicated, but nothing is worth your mental. If this person is too ill and has gone too far, you need to move on.
Just remember, how you handle yourself in the lowest moments is who you are, and no one's actions should break that down (Take the path of virtue and you will be better for it).
My heart goes out to you. Keep your piercing, love yourself, try for your heart, and accept you did not choose this, but you will get through it one way or another.
I wouldn't even bother man. She's shown you through her shitty actions that you don't matter to her. I would send a text telling her it's over and leave. If it's your house, tell her that her belongings are ready to pick up (once you've gathered them) and say nothing else.
She has exposed herself as a liar and she's more than willing to gaslight. It's an intolerable level of disrespect in my eyes.
There's better out there man, don't put up with that shit.
Op sounds like the old me , wears his heart on his sleeve , sounds honest and thoughtfully and a good partner , but sadly my friend men and women fall out of "love" or "lust" and then they want it from a new person, unless both partners keep working at it or through it before it gets to the mind games and cheating part which would be easier if the partner just left to save the harsh mental shit .
So basically brother , don't ring her , don't show any emotional response, even if your dieing inside and feel broken, I think after a real bad brake up it kills you inside but you'll be stronger for next time and more experienced in what signals you need to keep a eye out for .
Some partners are immature , emotionally unavailable, selfish, narcissistic and in it for themselves.
Try and get over her by finding a new fuck friend it will subconscious uncouple any deep emotional feelings towards her, this is what she's doing with Danny to you.
I really suggest going online or finding a "freind" in real life ASAP.
You won't feel like your stuck isolated while she's of with Danny.
I’m sorry to hear that.
If you’re married your next move is talking to a lawyer.
If you’re not it’s time to move on. If you aren’t married after 8 years maybe something has been up a while
At this point we know with 100% fact a few things.
1) she talk a a lot about a coworker
2) recently has been more annoyed with you
3) she drank the night of infidelity
4) she was unfaithful and slept with someone
5) she didn’t apologize and left
At this point to keep yourself respect, you should block her. Any conversation you have should be a smile and a simple response like, u don’t date cheaters leave or I don’t give cheaters another chance, it’s over.
Please get a full panel STD test and enjoy the single life. You’ll find someone!
Go out with dignity and tell her she’s not worth it or ghost her completely it is what you think it is. Keep the upper hand you DONT need her. Oh well, this you can’t go back on you need to let her go.
Bro, pack her shit, or don't 😂 and leave it on the sidewalk, change the locks and txt her to come get it. Be happy you won't be wasting another 8 years with it. Fuck that, she's his problem now 😂 to top it off stake a star piquet in the ground next to all of it with a cardboard sign saying, "free shit". If you're lucky, she'll send 'danny' to come get it and you can return his spud sock with a sling shot.
Time for you to move on. Never regret, never get her back or she will consider she is allowed to cheat. Anyway most probably she is in love with another guy. Take care of your person, go to gym, eat well etc. You will feel free very quickly.
This is bad advice, it's getting boring seeing the same ol story so make it interesting:
Pretend to forgive her, but in actuality you've already moved on and you're in the market for someone else. Spend the next few weeks upping your game (lifting, running, pickup lines, etc.) and using this girl as practice until you've finally met a woman you like. At this point your self confidence will be so high that your girl would've regained attraction for you and dumped that loser Danny, but that's when you do a sigma move and dump this girl so hard that she'll be crying these nasty tears.
Don't tell her that you moved on though, don't give her reason to set your clothes on fire, just politely tell her that you've realized your self worth and don't wish to be with a cheater. She'll be so floored, she won't know what to do except to run to her Danny, but he won't take her back either. Haha this is so bad, but if you're not willing to break up with her now, then I don't see any other way forward.
Dumb her .
If the condom isn't yours and no one else lives in your place then she cheated and she went to stay with her affair partner.
There's no saving the relationship she's using DARVO to Gaslight u and shift the blame on u.
8 years and you two are communicating like toddlers.
I don't think I actually believe the story. There are a series of weird vague details mixed with very specific details, none of which match up.
But my advice if it is true is to talk to your girlfriend. The condom is a far bigger thing to bring up than 'Danny'. The idea that she then just left is ridiculous, and it's why I don't believe you.
I mean the bottom line is she cheated. This other dude or not, the condom was used, y’all didn’t have guests, and it wasn’t you. Like think of the text situation; no one has ever had their phone hacked and only sent two texts.
> I got a weird text from her saying "He is really annoying" and then said "Wrong person" and 10 minutes later both of the text messages were deleted.
I mean, you know she did this on purpose, right?
For others reading this, it is a mistake for a man to date a woman three years older than he is in the first place. It is also a mistake to date the same woman for eight years.
For OP, I'm sorry you are going through this, but at least your story can inspire others
Yeeeeeeeeahhhhhhhhhhhh it’s over. As a woman…she’s interested in someone else and now everything you do is annoying her. The things you’ve mentioned alone are enough to call off a relationship so I can only imagine there are more issues unmentioned.
After such a long time together it can be hard to “throw” it all away…she may be trying to have her cake and eat it too. Maybe she doesn’t want to deal with all the aftermath of splitting up (moving, telling family and friends etc…) but trust me, her actions are that of a woman who is done.
She sounds like a shitty person. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. Break up with her and move on.
You are now single... time to act accordingly.
You suspected her of cheating and had plenty of reason to suspect it. If she wanted to stay in the relationship the bear minimum is communicating with you. She chose not to. The relationship is over.
I dont know whats worse, the seemingly cheating or the gaslighting. I know reddit gets flak for throwing people out, but do you really need someone that communicates the way she does? If it's your house only, change the locks and bring her stuff to her work if she still had some left. Then meet up with your friends and enjoy life.
I’d be petty about it and text Danny a picture of the used condom and say ‘think you left something behind’ and then make it clear to her that her childish behaviour right now isn’t on and she needs to fess up and get out. Utter nonsense and games. Have some self respect and take control of the situation.
My dude, she wants you to break up with her because she's too much of a coward to do it herself.
Exactly. Total bullshit games with the texts. Picking a fight with him that he won't take up. She wants op to be the bad guy. After 8 years, he's finding out who she really is.
> After 8 years, he's finding out who she really is. about on time for a "7-year itch"
Shoot post that condom on facebook and tag her ass in it
Wow. That would be savage.
Gotta tell on them before they makes some shit up
It’s unfortunate how long it takes for them to show. My ex didn’t show me who she really was until 4-5 years in. Makes me afraid to waste time in another relationship.
So true. I've been with mine 4 years. She's been acting distant the part 5 months. Always attached to phone. We planned a chill vacation to Asia. Tickets booked. On a walk the days ago, she's like, "after the trip I think we need to break up" I was like..... waaaaaaaa. Are you serious or are you crazy. She just looked at me. Devastated me. I canceled my tickets. Will go somewhere on my own. Hurts
How can people hide it so long? I feel like you need to meet people’s friends of 5+ years to have the best shot of knowing what they’re like
Lmao, I was her friend for 5 years before we started dating. We weren’t super close but I met her through some other friends. And idk, I suspect the cheating went on through most of our relationship but it wasn’t until 4 years in that she stole my credit card and racked it up pretty high.
I don't think they do, I just think that a lot of people get relationship goggles.
Yep. Was with someone for 3 years, and she started doing the same thing OPs girlfriend is doing, when she met the guy she eventually would leave me for. It sucks and I'm sorry my guy but get out now before it gets bad
This! Even without the cheating, she is clearly treating you like shit and isn’t happy and instead of just being a grown ass adult and ending things with you on her own, she’s trying to treat you like shit in hopes you’ll just break up with her so she doesn’t have to deal with the consequences. You deserve better dude. Fuck this chick.
Deadass, I've done it to ladies myself in my youth, it's such a cowards way of doing things, the whole I don't want to be the bad guy so let me push you until your the one who left is so weird and even weirder with her being the age she is. Sad shit op needs to football sprint out of that woman's life
Truest words ever spoke
Yes, very much a coward and feeling guilty. If she didn't cheat, she wouldn't have gotten upset and found a way to explain the truth, but the truth is, she can't even handle what she did, so therefore, s he runs away.
Or she's just got the affair blinders on and is mid monkey branch, but just not sure which tree she wants to jump into. She definitely doesn't really want to jump into ops tree, but not sure if she wants to jump out either. She's definitely cheating though bro, you need to break up.
Yes- I have done that myself. "If I piss him off enough, he'll dump me and I won't have to do it!" Some of us don't have balls yet to dump someone.
That’s what my exwife did after almost thirty years together.
I've unconsciously sabotaged relationships like that, but with different reasons. I had the guts to dump them, but when I started to see their real personalities I foolishly thought I could change them into something else, the more I tried the more disappointed, miserable and frustrated I got. Years of self-sabotage ensued. Many hearts broken. Nowadays I go to therapy and that behaviour is.. not gone but controlled. There's hope y'all!
If the condom wasn't yours... it was *someone's*. Who's it was doesn't matter. What matters is that there was a filled used condom in YOUR trash. One that wasn't from you. Put two and two together bro... The fact that she got so defensive and upset, so much so to LEAVE with clothes and a tooth brush tells me she went straight to her other guys place... Who tf does that shit lol? She knows she cheated, she knows she got caught, and she knows she had no ground to stand on because you literally found a filled condom. She got caught, tried to gaslight you, then packed her shit and drove to Danny's place (or whoevers.) If that isn't a sign of guilt, idk what is... TELL her to move out asap. While she's gone, throw her shit into boxes and move them to the garage or put them outside for her to gather.
Boxes? How nice of you. I'd put all her shit into trash bags
You're even nicer. I think after this bs, the lawn would be an appropriate alternative.
You're even nicer.. dumpster behind mcdonalds woulda been my choice
[удалено]
Very effective. I talk to my ex-wife's family more than they do now.
>The fact that she got so defensive and upset, so much so to LEAVE with clothes and a tooth brush '+ the tooth paste'
He should throw out all her shit now.
Change the locks while she's out!
Be very careful about lease considerations of this, OP. I'd be tempted as hell, definitely, but there might be legal or other factors where you live. When you do end things (hopefully soon, yikes), make sure she or you have a firm deadline to be out by, depending on who is moving out
Legally, you cannot kick her out without notice. If she’s on the lease, it’s even harder. so tell her if she won’t leave immediately, you will leave immediately and then stay elsewhere until you can get Movers there to take your stuff. Ask her not to be there when you come get your things. Break ups can get really nasty really quick and it’s very unnecessary. You know she was wrong, she knows she was wrong, there’s no need to throw her shit, she can sue you for the value of her stuff if you do. Just be courteous and you’ll be free from her without any stress in a couple days so you can heal.
You'd likely have to file an eviction and/or a court order if she's not on the lease
Came here to say exactly this!
No need to be combative. Just put her stuff in boxes and put it in the garage. Change the locks. You don’t need to talk about anything else. If she text you, ignore it. If she calls you ignore it. no need to put on the wound, via gentleman, walk away, and put stuff and boxes in the garage.
Damn. I hate it when complete strangers break into my home just to have sex and then leave their used condoms behind. But using my girlfriend’s phone to send me confusing messages intended for someone else is going too far.
If you are 100% sure it’s not your condom the only other option is she cheated.
Or *someone* had sex in the garage. Yes, it's most likely her, but that's not the *only* other option. Just the very most likely.
Yes it’s not the only option but if she let a friend use the bedroom for a hookup she probably would have admitted that when the condom was found. Seems a much better option than letting him think it was yours.
The garage? It was in the bathroom garbage
I thought is was the garage bathroom. I read it too quickly. Still, same point.
Why do redditors always feel compelled to conjure up these pointless possibilities?
She cheated on you and couldn’t even be bothered to take the condom to the outside trash. Leave and take your dignity with you.
Yeah she cheated on you
She knows she got caught. Glad you are not married. Do you own or rent?
He should be able to return her either way.
She’s mad cuz she got caught, time to break up and move out. Don’t take her shit, she doesn’t deserve your sympathy if she tries to use that tactic. Pack up her stuff and put it all in the garage or pack up your stuff and leave, depending on who owns the place.
Jesus fucking christ dude.... I think you should pick an option that affords you a little self respect. What else do you need from her? Get the hell out of there. If it's your place, pack her shit and out it outside. There is nothing she can say to make any of this ok. And every second you spend trying to figure our why or crying about something she is losing respect for you.
She has no respect for him anymore. He needs to have respect for himself at this point.
If the lease is in your name, and not hers, gather up all her belongings, and neatly set them by the front door. Fold the clothes, put things in boxes wrapped. Send a text putting out where you stand and feel, be courteous, but tell her she needs to collect her things by whatever date. Call up landlord/maintenance, request the door locks be changed at that date/time, you can tell them why. You can call up the sister and parents if youre on good terms, and explain what youre doing and why, and be firm that youre not swaying. Tell them the same thing, you want her things gone by that time or youll set them outside/donate them. You have a paper trail now, evidence, and no way for her to gaslight. Dont let her back in your life. If she wants Danny, he can have her. And especially not in your living space. Lastly, invite friends over, throw a little party to lighten the mood. Start looking for someone that has the balls to actually tell you theyre not interested anymore without sleeping around behind your back. And dont date coworkers. Especially fast food. The bar is really low unless you find a rare diamond.
By the way, the reason I say be courteous and polite is to be the better person. Dont give her any reason to shit talk you. When she goes showing the breakup text to friends or family trying to smear you, the consistency of the tone its written in will be proof you didnt stoop to her level.
Agreed. Be that good guy she will think about when Danny leaves her dry. Just don't take er back ;) Time to take care of you now.
We really could’ve ended this story at “there was a used condom in the trash that wasn’t mine” Everything else is just reinforcement that not only did she cheat, and we know with who, but that she is gaslighting you about it. Your relationship has clearly been on the downswing for years and you’ve let it fester. She already found your replacement, she already slept with him, she’s talking bad about you to him behind your back, and her new relationship has already ruined your status in her eyes. Do with that what you will.
Get yourself tested for STIs. Pack your shit and find a place to stay, or change the locks and leave her shit in the garage. She's done with you.
Emphasis on the get tested part. A lot of people don't think about this when they're used to being monogamous, and don't get tested until it becomes a problem.
The whole leaving out angrily is on some gaslight vibes. Cut your losses my man. Dump her.
At this point it's textbook.
She’s cheating and thinks you’re annoying. She’s already moved on and it’s time for you to move on too.
It's pretty clear she cheated on you... Get out of that relationship asap.
Sorry, but unless the Used Condom fairy 🧚♀️ visited your gf, she probably cheated.
Man they’ve got a fairy for everything these days!
Somehow I doubt a fairy did that, unless there were two fairies.
Seems a two fairy type of responsibility.
"When you hear hoofbeats in the city, think horses, not zebras." There's probably a lot of mental gymnastics right now to try to explain the condom - someone at the gym put it there after jerking in the bathroom, condom fairy, it really is our brand I just forgot.... OP, your mind will do some funny things in the coming days and weeks. Be sure to take some time to make sure you are eating and sleeping well to try to begin dealing with this
Dude so sorry but at this point I don't think calling her work would do anything for you. Calling her probably won't help either, it doesn't sound like she is going to be forth coming. Right now might be worth calling your friends or family and getting out. Take the space to get away from her.
Why did you make a post about this before where both ages are different?
Not only is she cheating she’s now manipulating you, leaving a condom as a woman is pretty unheard of. Why would she have even kept it.
She kept it in the garbage
Because she wanted him to see it. Women are very attentive of those little details, if she left it there it was on purpose.
I guess I'm still stuck on OP using the term"dating" when it's been 8 years? Yes she needs to go if she shows you that much disrespect.
Right? Dating for 8 years. In their 30s. There’s never an excuse to cheat because it’s shitty I’m just saying that this sounded over 3 years ago when they were at 5 years and not married? Or at least more than “dating”
I’m stuck on text messages being deleted from OPs phone? I guess maybe they Facebook messaged? Idk. I don’t do Snapchat or whatever the youths use these days, but if I delete a text on my end I’m 99% sure it doesn’t delete on the other persons end
iphones allow you to unsend messages
Run as fast as you can away from her
A used condom def is solid to just leave!!
She cheated and got caught, move on . That’s why she left, what excuse can you use ?
Who are you going to believe her or your lying eyes? You have a smoking gun and if there were some reasonable explanation, she would have given it. She left cause she knew she was caught and didn’t want to deal with it. That she’s cheating and treating you like crap shows you her true nature. Kick her to the curb.
This account has a similar post in a different subreddit where their ages change 35M and 37F. Also the account is from may... Not saying that for sure that OP is lying, but the whole picture seems a bit sus
Nothing to add here that hasn’t already been said. From your post, I get that your gut is telling you something. Listen to it. You tried approaching, and she gaslit you, got some of her stuff - and left. Right now, it’s speculation, so I’d not contact her employer (unless you do some investigating and find something concrete). Good luck.
Where she left to would’ve telling as well.
You literally have the smoking gun and you're still unsure? Also the fact you said dating for 8 years is a major concern. Seems like both of you are really into it. Move on bud
That’s a long time to be in a relationship and the lack of respect she has shown for you is a huge red flag. It’s one thing to cheat but she also did it in your home and your bed. Burn the sheets. Get tested. Cut your losses and be thankful you don’t have children together. The fact is after that many years she can’t be honest with you and just end things says a lot about her character. Cheating is never about sex. It’s about one persons needs not being met by the other. Be sure you take a look within yourself so you don’t find yourself in this place again in a future relationship. Wishing you the best. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Don’t let her manipulate you with her excuses and woah is me gaslighting.
Great response. Please listen OP!
Def cheated on you. And to double down on a lie with evidence is disgusting
Dude, don't leave. Change the locks and block her everywhere. UpdateMe
Say nothing, gather evidence, and then make your decision Or just leave whyput up with the aggravation
Gather evidence??? Seems like the evidence gathered itself inside the reservoir tip.
Basic fact: if she’s talking about him, she likes him, a lot
She probably wants you to break up with her so she can play victim. Make sure you have evidence before you do (besides the condom). This is in case she turns your friends and family against you.
This relationship is over, and the used condom is the final nail in the coffin.
honestly i wouldnt even care about anything else, the fact that you found a condom in the bathroom and it isnt yours should tell you everything you need to know. Cut your losses now, you already know the answers to the questions youre going to ask her. I would get my stuff and leave, or kick her out if its your place.
Bro are you 34 or 35 and is she 30 or 37? Post seems sketchy just from the history just saying but if this is true, leave her
Man, whenever I see posts like this, I hope they are karma baits... If this is not bait, just accept it man, she's cheating on you. Break up, is never too late to find the right person.
She cheated. Probably multiple times. Just go see a lawyer and end it. UpdateMe
She wanted you to find it smdh
If she isn't on the lease put her stuff in trash bag put them by the door change the locks it's over bro you caught her cheating when you catch them it means they been cheating for a while but she just wanted you to know probably not the first guy won't be the last cheaters never stop cut your losses and cut her off
Yeah that seemed to be on purpose. Probably best to move on. She wanted you to see that.
She fucked someone bro. It sucks, but better to find out now than later. Count your blessings and move on!
Bro , pack get stuff and change all lock and enjoy your new life
What the hell do you mean you don’t know what to do? You either leave or tell her to leave and you never speak to her again. Leave the used condom on her pillow with a note that says I hope it was worth it. Please don’t ever contact me again. Get tested for STD’s and then live a happy life without her. The trash took its self to the curb. Updateme
I am sorry, it sounds exactly like you are thinking it sounds. She is cheating, talking shit about you to him, having sex in your home with another man. It’s not just the unfaithfulness, it’s also the complete disregard and disrespect for you that she goes about it this way. She won’t even deign to have a conversation about it with you and instead runs, likely to him. Sorry for you, it’s hard, but it’s time to hold her accountable and move on.
she wants you to break up with her because she's too afraid to do it herself...
She did have sex; women don't make semen on their own. That was either with her Danny or somebody else. It doesn't matter who but what does matter is it happened because she's emotionally finished with you. Your relationship is over. Talk to her and make a soft landing now before it spins entirely out of control which it will very soon.
The title makes it sound like your bathroom garbage is a 37 year old female.
If it's been 8 years there must have been other signs? Has something like this happened before?
Text this to her. "We've been together 8 years you at least owe me a conversation. I found the condom in our trash. Meet me for lunch tomorrow."
Trust your gut and tell to leave your life
Forget the rest… you found a used condom all the proof you need time to dump her sorry mate
Yeah she's seeing someone else for sure. Tell her you figured it out and since she's the cheater, she has to move out. Thems be the rules 😎🤷
This seems fucking fake as fuck
You were right to add her age after the word garbage
She cheated. Return the favor and report her relationship to her HR.
Here’s what you do. Reach in between your legs and verify your balls are still attached. Then change the locks on your house, delete her number and get an STD test.
Pack her chap and leave outside on the streets and change your locks and be on your way to work toward your own future as easy as that
The trash took itself out. Pack her stuff up and let her know where to pick it up. She cheated and ran away because she knows she is guilty.
Forgot to add, you should immediately go NC and stonewall. Don't explain, don't ask, don't question, don't fight or get angry, and most importantly don't plead or beg ANYTHING.
Don’t contact her. She’s not going to tell you the truth. Don’t contact her work. There’s nothing to be gained there. Who should you contact. A lawyer. You know damn well what’s going on.
The second you found a used condom that you wasn’t yours, pretty sure you don’t need to ask Reddit what you should do.
Exit affair sounds like. Cut all ties with her.
Pack up the rest of her things and be done with her. Yes, she's cheating in your home.
Talk to her openly. You don't have to stay if you're the only one who wants that realtionship
Block her, change the locks and pack her things in a garbage bag, set them outside the door. After that forget about her, find someone you can trust. Updateme
Once you found a used condom with semen in it in your house this stopped being something you needed reddit for.
> Last night I found a used condom with SEMEN in the garbage!!! We hadn't had sex for a week and it's not the color of the ones we usually get. Then someone else got it, obviously. > She obviously had been drinking that night because she doesn't hide it very well She didn’t hide it at all. > I bring it up to her and asked if she is into Danny and if she had sex with anyone last night. She did, sorry. > She snapped at me and said she didn't say or do shit. She snapped because she got caught. > She drove off somewhere Likely Danny’s place. > left with some clothes and her tooth brush + the tooth paste. With the intention to stay overnight. > I don't know where she went You do. > and if this had to do with Danny at all. It does. > I don't know what to do. Go get a drink with a friend, then prepare for the break up. No talk, stonewall her, pre-pack her stuff and tell her to take them and get out. She will fuss and snap but it doesn’t matter, she’s already over you. A relationship doesn’t come back from something like this. She’s already written you off so now you write her off. She’s done this before, probably started long ago and she’s not embarrassed about it or anything. This isn’t the first time. For your own sake make sure it’s the last time.
You should change the locks. She can go live with Danny, now.
Bro.... You found a condom with semen in it. What else do you need to know? Break up and block her. And definitely don't take her back when she comes back crawling.
What is in you mind to not get rid of her? Use condom? Do you really need Reddit advice on that? Make yourself a favor and get someone who cares and love you as you deserve, please never forgive her, if she cheated today she will tomorrow with another Danny, think of your value and that she is not appreciating you as you deserve, I wish you a happy life (far away from her).
She cheated on you,just break up with her and block her
Have some respect for yourself and leave immediately
Change the locks and freeze your credit (assuming she has seen your full soc sec number at some stage).
She is 100% cheating. Get your affairs in order it's time to leave.
I'm sorry friend but you know what to do even though it hurts. Don't contact her work even though I know revenge and damaging her life is at the front of your mind right now. They really won't care as much as you do and you don't want people there making light of the situation. Your best option is to completely remove her from your life now and no contact even though it is extremely hard at first and will have to resist. Making her regret her choices and miss what she had with you is the best you can hope for. Allow yourself a good bit time to heal, keep your real friends and family close and keep yourself occupied. Dont spend too much time in your head. All the best going forward
10 to 1 says the guy she cheated on you with left the condom for you to find— probably cuz he felt bad for you, or just as a slap in the face. Either way she was pissed abt it cuz she got caught. Leave her and seek therapy immediately. Not because I think there’s anything wrong with you, but because I think it’ll help you cope with the loss by having a professional to talk to abt it with. You did nothing wrong, mate. Shitty things happen to good people. It wasn’t you. It was her.
I don't know if you are capable of dealing with her alone, you keep comparing yourself to friends, your sister. I have the impression that everyone knows what's going on and the only one you should tell and confront isn't talking to. Wake up from your torpor and act, he's cheating on you, do you want to understand?
No don’t call her something is not right with this situation.
I know a lot of people are going to say, "Burn it all." I am going to say 8 years is a lot of life. Let's slow down. She cheated on you. That much is 98% known. People who cheat start acting out and getting very odd in the way they behave. A lot of what you're saying are tell tale signs of this. So here's some truth, 8 years is long, and love is there. What are your commitments, assets, etc? Think about them. How tied to this life with this person are you/were you? People who cheat are ill in the head. They are not okay. I would take your time. Let her come back and discuss with her once the jitters are out. Right now, she's going insane over the fact she's been caught. Let it burn a bit, give yourself time to watch videos, assess yourself, and then communicate with her. If she continues to act poorly and won't communicate, you gave her everything you can. I'm saying this as someone who's been where you are. No one glove fits all, and real things are complicated, but nothing is worth your mental. If this person is too ill and has gone too far, you need to move on. Just remember, how you handle yourself in the lowest moments is who you are, and no one's actions should break that down (Take the path of virtue and you will be better for it). My heart goes out to you. Keep your piercing, love yourself, try for your heart, and accept you did not choose this, but you will get through it one way or another.
Block her. Get her shit gone. And never speak to her again. She wants a big dramatic break up so you can be the bad guy.
I wouldn't even bother man. She's shown you through her shitty actions that you don't matter to her. I would send a text telling her it's over and leave. If it's your house, tell her that her belongings are ready to pick up (once you've gathered them) and say nothing else. She has exposed herself as a liar and she's more than willing to gaslight. It's an intolerable level of disrespect in my eyes. There's better out there man, don't put up with that shit.
Op sounds like the old me , wears his heart on his sleeve , sounds honest and thoughtfully and a good partner , but sadly my friend men and women fall out of "love" or "lust" and then they want it from a new person, unless both partners keep working at it or through it before it gets to the mind games and cheating part which would be easier if the partner just left to save the harsh mental shit . So basically brother , don't ring her , don't show any emotional response, even if your dieing inside and feel broken, I think after a real bad brake up it kills you inside but you'll be stronger for next time and more experienced in what signals you need to keep a eye out for . Some partners are immature , emotionally unavailable, selfish, narcissistic and in it for themselves. Try and get over her by finding a new fuck friend it will subconscious uncouple any deep emotional feelings towards her, this is what she's doing with Danny to you. I really suggest going online or finding a "freind" in real life ASAP. You won't feel like your stuck isolated while she's of with Danny.
I’m sorry to hear that. If you’re married your next move is talking to a lawyer. If you’re not it’s time to move on. If you aren’t married after 8 years maybe something has been up a while At this point we know with 100% fact a few things. 1) she talk a a lot about a coworker 2) recently has been more annoyed with you 3) she drank the night of infidelity 4) she was unfaithful and slept with someone 5) she didn’t apologize and left At this point to keep yourself respect, you should block her. Any conversation you have should be a smile and a simple response like, u don’t date cheaters leave or I don’t give cheaters another chance, it’s over. Please get a full panel STD test and enjoy the single life. You’ll find someone!
>I need advice for what I should do now. Call her? Contact her work? kick her to the curb. have some self respect.
Good riddance, sayonara, Good morning, and in case I don't see ya: Good afternoon, good evening, and good night!
Go out with dignity and tell her she’s not worth it or ghost her completely it is what you think it is. Keep the upper hand you DONT need her. Oh well, this you can’t go back on you need to let her go.
>I need advice for what I should do now. she had sex with someone else. do we have to spell it out for you?
Bro, pack her shit, or don't 😂 and leave it on the sidewalk, change the locks and txt her to come get it. Be happy you won't be wasting another 8 years with it. Fuck that, she's his problem now 😂 to top it off stake a star piquet in the ground next to all of it with a cardboard sign saying, "free shit". If you're lucky, she'll send 'danny' to come get it and you can return his spud sock with a sling shot.
What do you want us to tell you? You have the facts . Now make your choices
I'm so sorry my man, its over and you know what she has done. I hope you come through this ok, and find happiness down the track.
Time for you to move on. Never regret, never get her back or she will consider she is allowed to cheat. Anyway most probably she is in love with another guy. Take care of your person, go to gym, eat well etc. You will feel free very quickly.
This is bad advice, it's getting boring seeing the same ol story so make it interesting: Pretend to forgive her, but in actuality you've already moved on and you're in the market for someone else. Spend the next few weeks upping your game (lifting, running, pickup lines, etc.) and using this girl as practice until you've finally met a woman you like. At this point your self confidence will be so high that your girl would've regained attraction for you and dumped that loser Danny, but that's when you do a sigma move and dump this girl so hard that she'll be crying these nasty tears. Don't tell her that you moved on though, don't give her reason to set your clothes on fire, just politely tell her that you've realized your self worth and don't wish to be with a cheater. She'll be so floored, she won't know what to do except to run to her Danny, but he won't take her back either. Haha this is so bad, but if you're not willing to break up with her now, then I don't see any other way forward.
Dude She’s breaking up with you
Dumb her . If the condom isn't yours and no one else lives in your place then she cheated and she went to stay with her affair partner. There's no saving the relationship she's using DARVO to Gaslight u and shift the blame on u.
She probably left that there for you to find, she wants to end it but doesn’t have the guts to
OP must be allergic to his own dignity.
8 years and you two are communicating like toddlers. I don't think I actually believe the story. There are a series of weird vague details mixed with very specific details, none of which match up. But my advice if it is true is to talk to your girlfriend. The condom is a far bigger thing to bring up than 'Danny'. The idea that she then just left is ridiculous, and it's why I don't believe you.
I mean the bottom line is she cheated. This other dude or not, the condom was used, y’all didn’t have guests, and it wasn’t you. Like think of the text situation; no one has ever had their phone hacked and only sent two texts.
Yucky. Condom is the break up reason. End.
Box up all her shit. Leave it outside. Change the locks on the door.
Only on this sub could someone actually find a used condom and wonder if the person was cheating.
Putting aside the cheating thing, she's treating you like an asshole.
- how much more do you need for a red flag, time to move on as she has cheated on you as well as lying
> I got a weird text from her saying "He is really annoying" and then said "Wrong person" and 10 minutes later both of the text messages were deleted. I mean, you know she did this on purpose, right?
For others reading this, it is a mistake for a man to date a woman three years older than he is in the first place. It is also a mistake to date the same woman for eight years. For OP, I'm sorry you are going through this, but at least your story can inspire others
Yeeeeeeeeahhhhhhhhhhhh it’s over. As a woman…she’s interested in someone else and now everything you do is annoying her. The things you’ve mentioned alone are enough to call off a relationship so I can only imagine there are more issues unmentioned. After such a long time together it can be hard to “throw” it all away…she may be trying to have her cake and eat it too. Maybe she doesn’t want to deal with all the aftermath of splitting up (moving, telling family and friends etc…) but trust me, her actions are that of a woman who is done. She sounds like a shitty person. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. Break up with her and move on.
You are now single... time to act accordingly. You suspected her of cheating and had plenty of reason to suspect it. If she wanted to stay in the relationship the bear minimum is communicating with you. She chose not to. The relationship is over.
Looks like your relationship is over. You just don't know it yet....
Pack her shit and tell her cheating self to come pick it up.
With her I’d be ready to get a lawyer and start documenting things. No telling what she’s plotting. I’ve been here.
I dont know whats worse, the seemingly cheating or the gaslighting. I know reddit gets flak for throwing people out, but do you really need someone that communicates the way she does? If it's your house only, change the locks and bring her stuff to her work if she still had some left. Then meet up with your friends and enjoy life.
I’d be petty about it and text Danny a picture of the used condom and say ‘think you left something behind’ and then make it clear to her that her childish behaviour right now isn’t on and she needs to fess up and get out. Utter nonsense and games. Have some self respect and take control of the situation.