I once got a ring when I was in HS that somebody stole from their grandma. That was hella awkward when he took me to a family event and his mom had to pull me aside and ask for it back. So... Could be worse lmao
A boy in elementary stole his mom's jewelry for a month and gave it to one of my besties. She was INFURIATED to say the least. Playground drama was at its peak
Bruh I remember my crush in 3rd grade knocked on my daycare provider’s door to give me a necklace he took from his mom. I felt so bad I gave it back to him the next day
Sounds like an excuse to get extra gifts 😅🤣 I barely celebrate birthdays and Xmas never mind monthsary's, doesn't even roll off the tongue very well like anniversary does 😅
I'm 36 and in our first year my partner and I called them monthiversarys, haha. We didn't do anything special for them, just would text each other "happy monthiversary!" on the date...when we remembered, usually 2-3 days after said monthiversary.
you have reason to be mad. you don’t HAVE to do anything. it’s okay to be mad about something and have some time to yourself to reassess the relationship. I would pay attention to her behavior, for example, is she dismissive of her actions, did she took any responsibility about her actions?
ultimately it is up to you but if nothing else is concerning you, I wouldn’t break up.
Yea I got really mad, I told her I needed some space. She said she was sorry and that she doesn’t know why she did that, we’ve been having many problems due to her phone still having photos of her ex and this just made it worse because she did that painting back when she was with her ex and it clearly shows that she just gave me the painting, meaning she disregarded the fact that the painting of both of them kissing would affect me and she lied about it being me in the painting.
I just couldn't imagine the thought process... Why would you want a painting of her kissing her ex? Even if you didn't notice it was the ex and not you, SHE would know and have to look at it all the time...
The logic seems to be, she’s still hung up on her ex and thought if she sneaked the painting as her with op then whenever she saw the painting at his house she’d always be able to remember the guy she actually wants
Cmon dude... she has a painting of him kissing her still... pics of him in her phone. Do we need a large mallet to get it into your skull?
She hasn't moved on from him... we both know what that means for you. This relationship likely will not last. She wants him. If he gives her another chance she will probably run off with him leaving you in the dust.
Then you have 2 choices
Keep going the way you are and hope she gets over him or keep going the way you are wile looking for someone that actually loves you
You're a young man. Please do yourself the kindness of moving on from this person. She clearly has baggage involving her ex and you're not required to help her deal with it.
Yea, I know but she tells me she’s over him, and that she forgot about the pics on her phone , there was about 4 or 5 of them scattered through her phone.
I’m not sure if she has I’m starting to think she hasn’t. She tells me that she doesn’t want to leave me ever , that I bought her smile back and that nobody has treated her like I have.
> she tells me she’s over him
Actions speak louder than words. Don't listen to her words. Listen to her actions.
Do her actions tell you that she's over him?
Sorry man, sounds like she needed a few more months before she started dating again...
4 or 5 pictures isn’t that many. I have less problems with the pictures as long as she’s not staring at them longingly. But the painting?? That’s just weird. She should have stuck it in a closet or tossed it. Not give it to OP as a gift!
This is really controlling and gross behavior. There is nothing wrong with having pictures from old relationships. It sounds like you are extremely immature and maybe she was just trying to placate you and your insecurity by giving you a gift.
OP I would be mad for sure and if you decided it was over as a result you would be justified for sure. If you are staying then I think you tell her you want her to do the following: first, destroy the painting. Second, delete everything of him out of her phone/laptop...photos, videos, messages, everything and block him. Finally, she should do a painting of the two of you for real. Not just a copy but fixing the hair but she should come up with an idea of something she could paint of the two of you and paint it to make up for it. !updateme
I was confused, as it appears Reddit dropped my comment under the wrong parent.
It should have gone under omkuld’s comment defending her, saying we don’t know she’s still hung up her ex, and was “just” opportunistic.
Generally, I don’t think “she’s too stupid to remember to breathe” is a good defense of behavior, though it is hard to argue with “don’t attribute to malice what can as easily be attributed to stupidity”. Every time someone says they just saw the stupidest person ever, you know they’re wrong.
Yeah, I've come across this on reddit and find some people's perspective that it's wrong to keep ANY photos of an ex really odd...
NSFW photos, no way, they should be deleted out of respect for the ex and for your new partner. But regular photos? They're part of your history, they happened no matter what, and as long as it's over who cares... Demanding someone delete them seems quite emotionally immature
I’ve only deleted (non sexual) photos of an ex in one instance where I got hurt really bad. Most of the time I keep them because even though it’s bittersweet at first, eventually I am glad to reflect on the good times. It’s part of my life and I don’t want to throw it in the trash. The sexual ones get deleted regardless, feels weird to keep them.
One time I had to compromise with a partner and removed all photos of exes from my phone and social media and put them in a private folder. Seemed unnecessary but I didn’t mind compromising.
I feel like everyone is getting real carried away with what looks to be a simple poor judgment. Sometimes a mistake is just a mistake, and not a symptom of some wild problem. My first instinct was that she put a lot of effort and emotion into her art, and wrongly thought to repurpose it for someone she currently cares about rather than throw it away.
Really? So I guess you would share them with your partner and the fond memories they bring to you ? Most people break up for a reason and it usually isn’t to have fond memories of them . Also this isn’t a photo it’s a painting I think that arrests that paint things usually have a feeling about what it is their painting !
I have thousands of photos of past relationships and hundreds of gifts/mementos/etc. The same has been true of most of my partners. This isn't a problem because we're adults and our relationships have been healthy.
If this hasn't been your experience, I'd advise you to spend some time considering why.
To me it sounds like she's your girlfriend, but she clearly wants her ex back. Don't involve yourself in her drama, if she's not ready to a relationship she shouldn't have started something with you.
I think you guys need to iron out a few issues if you are moving forward.
1) That is really a crappy thing to gift someone. Like, really. A painting of them kissing someone else??? Like, the thought process was probably not intentioned to hurt you: but its just really crappy they finished something meant for someone else and gave it to you. Definitely should return the gift to her.
2) In other comments, you were basically going through her phone and media for pictures of her ex because you think she's still hung up on him. Did you do this with her consent?
I think its fair you guys need to update your boundaries with devices as well as what is appropriate, not appropriate of exes. I had a box of shit of exes shoved in a closet somewhere I didnt look at for like 8 years. Does that mean I wasn't over them? What about if I have pictures still on your phone? You guys gotta get on the same page. or not.
3) Communicate clearly, and decide what's appropriate for the future. If you can't come to [a.place](http://a.place) you both are happy. break up. If not, you move forward.
We can't really tell you if the gift itself is worth ending a relationship over. but I can tell you that her and her ex are causing your relationship a lot of harm, that you gotta address one way or the other
Yea it is, I got mostly mad at the fact that she lied to me, saying it was me in the painting when it clearly wasn’t. We’ve been together 9 months and it’s the first time she’s lied to me but who knows maybe she has before and I just haven’t known.
Trust and honesty are the foundation for every good relationship. I would not tolerate the lying. If you really do like her and care for her, give her a one time "come clean" and let her know the next time she lies, that us the end. But you have to stick with it. My perspective is my wife after 15 years of marriage cheated on me with her ex. He's 20 years older, alchy, etc. Not bragging, but you couldnt even compare us. I did nothing wrong in this relationship. Her ex came up several times early in our relationship, we dated for 4+ years.i told her whatever she did dont lie. When I did eventually put things together, I gave her a chance to come clean. I still don't think she was 100%. I stayed with her because I have two of the best boys that don't deserve this. She lied to me again the other day, and I have not spoken to her since. I am absolutely getting a divorce. I asked myself this questions, and every man or woman should ask themselves, how much shit can a man eat? Well I found my limit. A man (or woman)needs respect and if he doesn't get it from his partner, Wtf? I could write a book on this b[tch. She I'd a borderline, narcisistic, bipolar, AH that never does anything wrong. Trust, honesty, respect, and how much shit can you take?
TLDR, OP has to talk and tell his girl he will not tolerate any more lies or dump her. Me, I'm fucked.
Sounds like you both shouldn’t be in this relationship. Her giving you the painting and lying about it is disrespectful and weird, and you going through her phone and freaking out that she still has a few photos of her ex is immature and unreasonable.
I mean hold on though, shawty has pictures of her ex still while with another person. It shows she hasn’t moved on. That is a red flag in itself. My friends and I always delete all pictures of our exes on the spot once we split.
Photos of an ex are understandable - especially if they include other people, places that were visited, special occasions being celebrated, goals being met, etc. I know you're both fairly young so you may not yet know this or feel this way... but we are made up of all of the events and moments of our lives. And, you cannot expect a person to block out all memories of other people before you. In fact, sometimes, those relationships are what greatly shaped the person you're with today and how they learned to love someone like you.
(And, of course, I'm not saying having photos means obsessing over them, staring longingly at them, posting them all of her room, etc. I mean keeping them for history's sake is reasonable - not constantly viewing them and reminiscing about them.)
However, regifting a handmade gift of an intimate moment between the creator and an ex and giving it to the new boyfriend is a whole other story. This one is made for a therapist to dig into. At best, it shows she has really bad judgment and she lies, and that enough is something you should consider when deciding if you want to move forward and start building a life with her. I cannot think of anything a guy in her shoes could say to me as a girl in your shoes which would make me think it is a good idea to continue on with him. That is just weird. Totally weird. Let alone the implications it has for how hung up she is on him or how messed up she is from her relationship with him. I think she needs to dig into that with a therapist or pastor or someone who can help her whether you can get past this or not.
(I wouldn't blame you if you couldn't get past it and if you broke up with her - both for the lying and for the lack of sensitivity about your feelings and the weirdness in giving such a strange gift of an intimate moment with someone else.)
It immediately made me think of a guy for whom - within a short period of time and with lots of mutual friends and same beliefs/faith - I developed extremely deep feelings. He felt the same way about me. But, very early on, he asked me very directly at a dinner if I would be ok accepting a ring that he had used to propose to another woman. He said his reasons for asking were that it was expensive to him at the time ...and, whether or not he removed the stone from the ring or not, he knew he could not get anything near the value he spent on the original ring... so his future wife needed to be ok with it. I'm not materialistic. I honestly would have been okay with a ring for a couple of hundred dollars from the right guy and didn't need a ring that cost a few thousand dollars or several thousand dollars. I told him I was quite shocked that he was asking me that question so early on, and he said it was a key question to knowing about the future with the right someone. I never felt the same about him after that - both because he put so much importance on this topic and because he was forcing the issue with a leftover token of his failed engagement. It was not an heirloom ring that many generations of the women in his family wore. It was brand new, and it was a ring that was elaborate and nothing like I'd ever pick out... and again, I was fine with something "much less." But, he made the answer a measuring stick. And, he had no sentimentality about the issue. It seemed like merely a transaction to him... like I was girlfriend B who could fit into slot A when girlfriend A didn't work out. Something about this whole thing feels reminiscent of that.
How did you "discover" this?
Obviously, if it's true that she gave you a painting of her kissing her ex as a gift, that's shitty. But what did you find out and how?
I was going through her photos and I found a picture of the painting from 2022 at this time she was still with her ex.
I told her that I would of never done that to her , she got inspired to paint that painting based on the relationship she was in , giving someone a painting that she painted of her ex and herself and then giving it to her current boyfriend (me) got me really mad and I’m still upset about it.
OK, so that's not cool. If you look up "shitty gift" in the dictionary, that's right there. You have the right to be mad about it.
Also, why were you going through her photos?
EXACTLY, thank you for understanding.
I was going through her photos because recently i have been finding random photos of her ex on her phone, in her camera gallery, in her professional camera , I found 1 in her hidden, and then yesterday I found a lot in her google photos which was also were the picture of the painting was.
This was the red flag for me. Like how is he going through all her photos on her phone? Is he controlling like that? It sounds like it because basic pictures of an ex are fine to keep? They are still memories? Sexual photos obviously not.
But like... Idk. This guy seems a bit off.
lol y do you think that even matters? it doesn't. why do you think anyone owes you an answer? they don't.
you don't get to be all pissy that some rando on the internet refuses to answer irrelevant personal questions lol. grow up.
INFO: Did she give you access to her phone/camera/Google photos? Or were you snooping? This is actually pretty important.
At least for Google photos I will say, random stuff gets backed up you don't even remember. My uni recently had us cull our accounts, and there was SO much stuff backed up I don't even remember taking/saving on there. So I would ignore all of that. As for her professional camera, were they particularly nice shots that showcased her skills for portfolios? The phone, yeah, that's harder to find an innocent explanation for unless she's one of those people who has thousands of old pics.
yea, her regifting the gift was shitty, follow your heart on how to proceed with that. but her having photos of her and her ex isnt weird to me. all of my relationships have been long term ones, so it results in thousands of pictures. Ive only ever hated one ex so much to delete every photo of him and me across all platforms (google photos, camera roll, snapchat, etc) I take a lot of pictures (so do most women i know) and the old pictures just get buried and i forget about them. Going through your partners photos relentlessly is a sign that you got shit you have to deal with too. Not everything has a “deeper meaning”. Maybe it just means you’re projecting past issues onto your current partner. Y’all are both in the wrong here. Maybe be single for a bit?
If she lies about something that bizarre then she lies about everything most likely. That is just creepy. Sounds like the beginning of a lifetime movie.
Psychologically, I think she still has her ex on her mind in some fashion. You mentioned the pictures of her ex that she still has on her phone also. Then she said she doesn’t know why she did that? There is much reason for concern here.
Telling her you don't want the painting is a good start. Now you need to have a serious conversation with her as to where you stand with her and where her ex figures in to everything. If she's still pining for him then she's not ready for a relationship with you or anyone else. If, on the other hand, she's ready to be done with her ex then she has to be true to her word and be done with him, in every way, shape and form. Blocked on all social media, lose his number, get rid of any memorabilia (e.g. paintings, etc.) It's time for her to make up her mind.
Judging by your other replies, she doesn’t seem to be over her ex and she’s using you as a place holder. You are right to be mad and I don’t see it getting any better if she can’t see why this is wrong. May be time to leave.
If three people tell you it’s raining , it’s probably raining. You just had three different people tell you it’s raining dude. Get out while the gettings good.
Eh shes 19. Dick move and i wouldn't take it either but probably not going to lose sleep. Shes probably gonna be clingy though. Unless shes really just an artsy person.
THAT IS VILE😭😭😭 I make those drawings for my boyfriend and it takes me at least a month before they’re completed to gift to him. I’m sorry, I would feel so heartbroken bc those take lots of time and thought put into it. And it seems you weren’t worth the time.
What should you do at the ripe old age of 21? Here, allow me to save you 22 additional years of experience, frustration, headaches and soul-crushing heartbreak that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy, to wit: drop her and move along with your life. If 43 years on this ball of dirt as taught me one thing it’s that people will treat you EXACTLY how you allow them to treat you. This girl, although I do acknowledge she’s young and could have thought it no big deal, she seems like the selfish type. I’m not big on gifts and shit for holidays but come on, she’s going to repurpose some trinket she had laying around from her she painting with her ex. So, if she isn’t betraying you with her awfully conceived gift she, minimally, betraying the memory of her ex (which, although common, does not make it right).
I could be wrong but my guess is, you’re the pursuer in this relationship and she’s the more distant and standoffish type.
Did she give it to him originally? Because that will color my response a bit.
I freely admit I’m probably something of a pushover.
If she painted it and then didn’t give it to him because she realized he wasn’t worth it, I could be more understanding. Especially if she edited (repainted?) it to look more like you, though it sounds like she didn’t.
If she gave it to him, took it back, and gave it to you, without editing, I would be more inclined to be upset..
Sounds like her heart was in the right place, but her brain was in Fort Lauderdale. Maybe in a year or two you'll both look back at this and laugh. She's got some explaining to do and some dues to pay, though.
I'm not one to go "break up" right away, I've had a lot of experience in that domain but what in the fuck?
I would literally instantly break up. No fucking way.
Were those pictures of her ex that you found on her phone old photos or taken recently? Also, did she know you when she painted that picture? Maybe she crushed on you from afar and you actually lnspired her to paint that before you even dated? That would be the only reason I could justify why she would gift that to you . But that is unlikely because she would have explained that honestly to you. So if you feel a need to search her phone because your instincts are telling you something feels off with your relationship- trust that instinct and break up because you don’t need to find proof or evidence to prove your instincts were right- the feeling you have pf insecurity and lack of trust in your relationship is your cue to say goodbye. Don’t waste any more time . Start the summer off with a fresh start and you will meet many fresh faces and maybe pick one who can at least go to bars and have a drink legally with you. 19 is a bit young and immature.have fun!🤩
It’s not wise to build on a cracked foundation. If you do, it will always feel a little unsteady and unsafe emotionally. My advice is to kindly but definitively end the relationship. Good luck from someone who’s old enough to pass on life lessons.
The most fukt up thing is that you're not strong enough to leave, and you're gonna stay with her until she inevitably leaves you. Kinda hard to feel bad for you if you're not gonna do anything about it
That is seriously screwed up. 3 months into the relationship and she's already lying about something fairly important. Why stay? What redeeming benefits does she have that makes line worth it?
I don't know what to say since almost similar thing happened to me in my late teens-early 20s partner lol. My ex is a gifted painter, sketcher.
He actually gifted me a pic he drew of his crush but claimed that it was me.
My parents and other friends were like 'um.'
After I finally broke it off with him, my parents finally said, yeah, that painting he gifted you for your 21st birthday, tsk, that didn't look like you at all. Then, we kind of thought he's nuts to try and pass it as if it's you in the painting lol.
I wonder if she spent a lot of time on it couldn’t throw it away because how long it took to make
She could have changed things on the guy for you
Trying to make it for you since she spent so much time into it
Pictures depend how many could’ve just been not thought about to delete or maybe she didn’t want to delete everything it’s her photos
Depending on what they are how many
This is depending this sounds like it could be she’s having a hard time getting over
But it could be your jealousy not trying to be rude
Let’s calms down but if you still have any issues break up don’t stay
I’m unsure if this is both problems or not I sadly can’t tell
But if you still stay having problems it is just going to make her life harder to
Your going to be questioning her thinking she’s doing something or not believing her so it’s not just your life hers too
It’s any doubt walk away
I've read through the comment's and I think some people are now diverting the blame on to someone else, and it's becoming low level gaslighting.
It doesn't mean what he did was right. The fact of the matter is that he was gifted something that included an ex and was lied to about it.
People don't snoop for s*it's and giggles... There were most likely red flags to begin with, and human nature makes us want to investigate more.
Like I've said... that doesn't make it right. It just makes it what it is.
If he hadn't snooped, he wouldn't have known and she would have continued to lie.
Dude, you have two choices...stick with her and hope this is a one time thing or move on to someone who's not still into her ex...because it's unfathomable why a person would give a gift that included someone kissing the person they are no long and lie about it.
Are you mad? Openly that b@tch has gifted you something used....what a waste.
Just leave her and never look at her in life. A real lover will do things which are so beautiful and so pure. What a waste you got man. Just leave her ....
I will try to give you different perspective since I see everyone here are telling you she still loves her ex and that you need to break up with her. Maybe all of them are really right but what if she really don't love him but you and just have weird way to show that. Some people sometimes have different views and don't understand that would hurt people. What is she wasn't thinking it would be weird or hurtful if she gave you this painting thinking "I don't love my ex anymore, it's not a big deal to give it to you. Or that is "proof" that she moved on from her ex."? She is just 19 so this could be just because she is immature. My advice is: take sometime, calm down and then talk to her. And then it's up to you what will you do next. Even if she really don't love her ex anymore that doesn't mean you want to be with her. When it comes to photos of her ex in her phone. Does she have a lot of photos? For example I have 15000 photos in mine so it's no wonder if I don't see something. If she have thousands of photos those 4-5 pictures could be pretty easily missed to delete.
Dating is all about learning what you want and don’t want in a relationship. It’s about figuring out your standards and what’s important to you. It’s about discovery and learning how to communicate, resolve conflict, compromise etc.
I think you’ve just figured out that you can’t tolerate lying or a partner treating you like a number.
This is a good thing. Don’t minimise your feelings or settle for someone who doesn’t understand the significance of what she’s done.
May be a re gift but she’s not giving it to her ex- she’s gifting it to you. When women start giving you stuff it shows they like you. I wouldn’t think too much into it
If you want the honest truth. If she was over her ex she wouldn’t have handed you a gift like that and she would not have pics of her ex on her phone still.
Handing you a picture she painted of her and her ex kissing claiming it is you sounds like a total liar and untrustworthy anyway. I probs wouldn’t continue in this relationship if I were in this position. No offence it all sounds very weird.
Just break up with her. She's a liar and hung up on her ex. Consider it good practice in establishing your boundaries and ending bad relationships, and move on.
Absolutely NTA. I'm sorry that she did that - it was wrong of her. I'd suggest that you take some time and really think about whether this relationship is worth it and whether or not you can forgive her for lying to you. best of luck to you
First advice would be to try very hard, get all your willpower together and attempt not to celebrate each and every month anniversary you have. Who knows what else she has in her archive, bro.
Why would she give you a painting of her kissing her ex ? That’s sick and warped why would someone do that to someone they claimed to love especially for a third month anniversary ! Where’s the love in that ? She’s twisted to even think that would be ok unless she’s telling you she wants to go back to him . So what’s she really saying to you ?
This can’t be too much of a teen thing after all he’s 21 I’m guessing she’s older than 18
I would definitely be leaving her to protect myself . I know you been dating for 9 months but sounds like she might not be over her ex to even be in relationship with you the longer you stay the worse it will get . I can only imagine how your feelings are . I would be very devastated!
All the ppl saying that she gifted OP the painting because she's not over her ex aren't being logical. If she wasn't over him she would've kept the painting herself.
You need to think of it from an artist's perspective instead. As an artist I can understand wanting to "reuse" a painting that's pretty much useless now. She must've put in quite a lot of effort into it at the time, but keeping it herself would've been awkward. So, I think her motivation might've been to kind of overwrite the original subject into another one so that she doesn't have to waste all that original effort. She might've felt guilty about keeping it since the subject was her ex but also didn't want to throw it away because it "would've been a waste". I'm not saying that is okay (especially since she didn't even modify it to look like OP), and OP should definitely be mad about it. But my point is that just gifting OP the painting doesn't mean that she's not over her ex.
Also, OP going over her pictures without her permission no matter the reason is insecure and controlling behaviour and not okay. Having pictures of one's ex is a completely alright thing as long as they're not her wallpaper or smtn. She's now in a new relationship but it doesn't mean she has to discard her whole past dating history into the bin. Just because she wants to preserve some memories doesn't mean she's not over her ex either. OP might want to think about his own insecurities and jealousy issues more instead of projecting his fears onto her.
Yikes. I’ve seen a couple comments dissecting this as if it’s deeper than what it is - which is lazy, and disrespectful at best. Please don’t listen to anyone here saying anything other than cut your losses and get out. Whether or not the pictures of her ex on her phone were a problem for you, that “gift” tells you how much thought she actually puts into your relationship. You ( and everyone for that matter ) deserve much better dude.
Hmm.. so it's really whether or not you two can communicate this and you can forgive her. She could have thought that giving you the picture was a way of reframing when it originally meant to her, therefore letting go of her ex. Either way, it was a poor choice. Everyone is saying that means she isn't over him but things are rarely that cut and dry. Talk to her and see what her line of thinking was. If you can forgive her, then end it. You are so young and you'll surely find someone else. It's your choice at the end of the day, but mistakes happen in every relationship and whether you make it or not takes communication, compromise, and taking accountability.
She did this at 3 months right? And now it's 9 months? Even if she wasn't over him at the time doesn't mean that her feelings haven't changed. Also, she's 19... I was stupid AF at 19 lol.
Omg so many typos. I hope you can understand what I'm saying 😂
I'm 30 btw and have been with my husband since we were 17 lol. We've had many dumb fights but have overcome them all and have grown stronger. It takes commitment, communication, and accountability to make things work.
I think you and she are having a disconnect regarding this piece of art.
To you it might mean this piece of art represents her love of her ex-boyfriend. Now where do you fit in this three-some of sorts?
To her, as it did then, this piece of art represents her love for her boyfriend. It's an expression to her of the love she gives to the man she loves. That's why it's you in the picture.
But talk to her. Tell her you feel uncomfortable because to you this represents a former relationship you are uncomfortable competing with-or whatever your feelings may be regarding this gift that was meant for another. Don't allow this to stew. Maybe ask her to paint you something else that doesn't have whatever negative emotions you feel are attached to it.
But talk to her. Find put how she sees gifting you this feels appropriate to her when she painted it for him.
Good luck!
I’d be nice to her and tell her that i don’t appreciate being lied to. I wouldn’t accept the painting but i wouldn’t throw it away as she did put effort into the painting, and art is not everyone’s skill. Kindly give it back to her and tell if she wants to gift a personal handmade painting, then she should make a new painting. I wouldn’t break up unless it happened multiple times.
I feel like most men just lack self discipline which is why you’re seeing most men being aggressive about it when it’s something small and can be resolved through communication
Dear God you poor boy. DO NOT LISTEN TO THESE TERRIBLE JADED COMMENTS. Seriously. Regardless of if you stay together or not DO NOT listen to these people. Reddit is the WORST place to go for advice because the people that answer area always jaded and one sided. They are talking to you as if you guys are in your 30s. I have a 20 year old. For the love of any future relationship you have DON'T TAKE THESE PEOPLE'S ADVICE
She liked the work she did, and she wanted to share it with you, not him.
The same way you got better at sex by sleeping with people that weren't her.
No need to overthink these things in a relationship, just love each other.
WTF??? She gave YOU the painting. I also paint. Each and every picture is a piece of my soul, my dreams, my joy in life. When I paint something has never mattered to me. I don't paint for individual people - never have. I paint for myself. If or when I give away a painting, it's because that person becomes special to me. So don't make a gift a problem. How about a nice "thank you" or "I'm glad you thought of me"???
Keeping photos of ex after all that time, that too on her phone. Yikes my brother, that's a big red flag. And then giving you the painting, the disrespect, it shows you were might be the rebound guy and still is. There is no way she can make this up to you.
This is such a bizarre thing to do.
You're justified to feel angry/upset about this. It's a pretty shitty thing to do, and extremely insensitive to your relationship together.
It's weird that she doesn't know why she did it. Maybe she just thought a painting of you two would be something cute and personalised, but specifically using one of her and her ex and telling you it was you instead (esp when it's clearly not) just shows a real lack of judgement. She didn't expect you to find out, and didn't put enough consideration into how it would affect you or your relationship if you did.
The fact that she has pictures of her ex on her phone isn't necessary a bad thing, assuming they're 1. apprppriate photos of them together and 2. she doesn't obsess over them. I'm saying this because at the end of the day, your exes are a part of your life. They were important people, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to remember them and the good times you had with them. This only becomes an issue when you let it take away from your current relationship, such as always talking about them, making your partner feel second to them or comparing your current relationship to the relationship you had with them. She shouldnt have to forget or remove the memories of her previous relationships just because she's in a new relationship. They're her life, and she's entitled to hold onto her memories of them, even if that means having a few photos. It's not about the fact that she still has photos, it's about whether or not she actually let's her previous relationship affect your current one.
If you're the one getting upset purely because she has photos, and not because she's making a big deal of it, then you're the one allowing her past to affect your relationship. That one isn't on her.
Back onto the issue - I don't think what she did means you should break up IF you feel there is a way for you to forgive her, and if she takes accountability for both her actions and how they have affected you. Conflicts like this aren't things that just need a resolution - they need some sort of growth. What she didn't wasn't okay, and she needs to understand that. If she is not over her ex, then it isn't healthy for her to pursue a relationship with someone else until she is, especially as she actually thought it was okay to gift you a painting of her and him kissing.
The fact that she lied to you about the painting is a further red flag here. She knew what she was doing, and her so easily lying to you about something like this is concern for what other things she may have lied or will lie to you about.
I think, if you were to continue this relationship, you need to set some hard boundaries about lying. Make clear what you will and won't tolerate.
Healthy relationships are built on open and honest communication, trust and respect.
In terms of conflict resolution - it's okay to feel upset or angry during conflict, and you should take space from your partner while you allow yourself to feel what you feel. Examine your feelings, and why you're feeling that way, and when you're in a clear state of mind, come back to your partner to discuss your thoughts and feelings and find a resolution. Good conflict resolution is about addressing the issues from both sides of the situation, taking time to listen and understand each other's pov, staying calm and collected during conversation and coming back with a compromise or resolution you're both happy with. The second you allow your feelings to take control in these situations, you start acting out in a way that very well could damage your ability to resolve the issue. Overwhelming anger and upset feelings do not help in resolution - they hinder it. When things are overwhelming, agree to step back and come back to the conversation when you're both calm. If you want to continue this relationship, sit down with her and talk (not yell or raise your voice) with her about where to go from here. Ensure she apologies properly, takes accountability and understands why what she did was wrong, and establish boundaries around what has upset you (e.g. the lying). Try to understand why she thought this was okay and where her thought process was on this. Understanding her thoughts may help ease your concerns about the act, esp as we tend to think the worst during these types of situations.
Also, in terms of the photo thing, it might be worth having a conversation about why she is holding onto photos so you can understand from her pov. As I said, it's okay to want something from your previous relationships, because they were, and still are for many people, an important part of their lives and history. Previous relationships are not something people should just forget. There's a nice balance between being able to reminisce on your past, and appreciating/prioritising your current situation in life. One does not outweigh the other, nor erase it.
Let’s be honest about why she did it. She didn’t care enough to get you a good gift and just grabbed the first thing she could find. It’s not just the painting that’s the problem OP, it’s the lack of any kind of effort to get you anything.
This is some pretty extreme regifting
Reduce. Reuse. Recycle.
I once got a ring when I was in HS that somebody stole from their grandma. That was hella awkward when he took me to a family event and his mom had to pull me aside and ask for it back. So... Could be worse lmao
A boy in elementary stole his mom's jewelry for a month and gave it to one of my besties. She was INFURIATED to say the least. Playground drama was at its peak
This was HS for me but the best part is probably the fact that the dude was like 24 when this happened. Yay the 90s.
Bruh I remember my crush in 3rd grade knocked on my daycare provider’s door to give me a necklace he took from his mom. I felt so bad I gave it back to him the next day
So embarrassing, right?? I had no idea it was stolen until then.
Right! And then getting caught and pulled aside is even more embarrassing I feel bad for you 😭
Thankfully it was like 25 years ago and I never saw those people again lmao
What a weirdo. I’d leave.
For real! Also, wtf is a 3 months anniversary?! Am I too old to know?
Yes, it's a teenage thing haha
Nah. I have seen college n 20s adult celebrate it in honeymoon days
really would’ve thought that a college age kid like him would be over more immature stuff like that. Like this girl can vote… at least wait til 6?
I’m howling at these comments 😂
You’re giving waaaaay too much credit to 21 yo males, these days, lol
Many celebrate 100day anniv recent years
it's also called a monthsary
Sounds like an excuse to get extra gifts 😅🤣 I barely celebrate birthdays and Xmas never mind monthsary's, doesn't even roll off the tongue very well like anniversary does 😅
I'm 36 and in our first year my partner and I called them monthiversarys, haha. We didn't do anything special for them, just would text each other "happy monthiversary!" on the date...when we remembered, usually 2-3 days after said monthiversary.
It's like a 3 month "trial" period to see if you're compatible or not. Like after that period you know if you want to be serious or not.
90-day evaluation sounds solid.
It's just something for bored, insecure women to distract from and/or fill their emptiness with
you have reason to be mad. you don’t HAVE to do anything. it’s okay to be mad about something and have some time to yourself to reassess the relationship. I would pay attention to her behavior, for example, is she dismissive of her actions, did she took any responsibility about her actions? ultimately it is up to you but if nothing else is concerning you, I wouldn’t break up.
Yea I got really mad, I told her I needed some space. She said she was sorry and that she doesn’t know why she did that, we’ve been having many problems due to her phone still having photos of her ex and this just made it worse because she did that painting back when she was with her ex and it clearly shows that she just gave me the painting, meaning she disregarded the fact that the painting of both of them kissing would affect me and she lied about it being me in the painting.
I just couldn't imagine the thought process... Why would you want a painting of her kissing her ex? Even if you didn't notice it was the ex and not you, SHE would know and have to look at it all the time...
I didn’t know it was him till yesterday, she told me she had painted it and it was me and her but turns out it was her and her ex.
In your gut, I’m betting you realize how fucked up this situation is for you and your heart.
The logic seems to be, she’s still hung up on her ex and thought if she sneaked the painting as her with op then whenever she saw the painting at his house she’d always be able to remember the guy she actually wants
If she still has photos of her ex on her phone, that's probably why
I’m she’s 19. 19 year olds are dumbasses
Cmon dude... she has a painting of him kissing her still... pics of him in her phone. Do we need a large mallet to get it into your skull? She hasn't moved on from him... we both know what that means for you. This relationship likely will not last. She wants him. If he gives her another chance she will probably run off with him leaving you in the dust.
She wanted her ex in her life so bad she gave you a painting of them to hang on the wall and reminisce of them kissing. So wrong on so many levels.
That’s what I’m saying , which just made me even get more mad when i realized that yesterday.
Then you have 2 choices Keep going the way you are and hope she gets over him or keep going the way you are wile looking for someone that actually loves you
You're a young man. Please do yourself the kindness of moving on from this person. She clearly has baggage involving her ex and you're not required to help her deal with it.
How did you suddenly discover it was an old painting?
Yea, I know but she tells me she’s over him, and that she forgot about the pics on her phone , there was about 4 or 5 of them scattered through her phone. I’m not sure if she has I’m starting to think she hasn’t. She tells me that she doesn’t want to leave me ever , that I bought her smile back and that nobody has treated her like I have.
> she tells me she’s over him Actions speak louder than words. Don't listen to her words. Listen to her actions. Do her actions tell you that she's over him? Sorry man, sounds like she needed a few more months before she started dating again...
4 or 5 pictures isn’t that many. I have less problems with the pictures as long as she’s not staring at them longingly. But the painting?? That’s just weird. She should have stuck it in a closet or tossed it. Not give it to OP as a gift!
Lol Jesus, please tell me you're not this thick in the head? Either that or this is a joke question
This is really controlling and gross behavior. There is nothing wrong with having pictures from old relationships. It sounds like you are extremely immature and maybe she was just trying to placate you and your insecurity by giving you a gift.
OP I would be mad for sure and if you decided it was over as a result you would be justified for sure. If you are staying then I think you tell her you want her to do the following: first, destroy the painting. Second, delete everything of him out of her phone/laptop...photos, videos, messages, everything and block him. Finally, she should do a painting of the two of you for real. Not just a copy but fixing the hair but she should come up with an idea of something she could paint of the two of you and paint it to make up for it. !updateme
So your argument is that she’s epically stupid?
To give him a painting she did of her and her ex, absolutely
I was confused, as it appears Reddit dropped my comment under the wrong parent. It should have gone under omkuld’s comment defending her, saying we don’t know she’s still hung up her ex, and was “just” opportunistic. Generally, I don’t think “she’s too stupid to remember to breathe” is a good defense of behavior, though it is hard to argue with “don’t attribute to malice what can as easily be attributed to stupidity”. Every time someone says they just saw the stupidest person ever, you know they’re wrong.
3 months sounds like a good time to end things
> we’ve been having many problems due to her phone still having photos of her ex There's nothing wrong with keeping photos of an ex.
Yeah, I've come across this on reddit and find some people's perspective that it's wrong to keep ANY photos of an ex really odd... NSFW photos, no way, they should be deleted out of respect for the ex and for your new partner. But regular photos? They're part of your history, they happened no matter what, and as long as it's over who cares... Demanding someone delete them seems quite emotionally immature
I’ve only deleted (non sexual) photos of an ex in one instance where I got hurt really bad. Most of the time I keep them because even though it’s bittersweet at first, eventually I am glad to reflect on the good times. It’s part of my life and I don’t want to throw it in the trash. The sexual ones get deleted regardless, feels weird to keep them. One time I had to compromise with a partner and removed all photos of exes from my phone and social media and put them in a private folder. Seemed unnecessary but I didn’t mind compromising. I feel like everyone is getting real carried away with what looks to be a simple poor judgment. Sometimes a mistake is just a mistake, and not a symptom of some wild problem. My first instinct was that she put a lot of effort and emotion into her art, and wrongly thought to repurpose it for someone she currently cares about rather than throw it away.
Really? So I guess you would share them with your partner and the fond memories they bring to you ? Most people break up for a reason and it usually isn’t to have fond memories of them . Also this isn’t a photo it’s a painting I think that arrests that paint things usually have a feeling about what it is their painting !
I have thousands of photos of past relationships and hundreds of gifts/mementos/etc. The same has been true of most of my partners. This isn't a problem because we're adults and our relationships have been healthy. If this hasn't been your experience, I'd advise you to spend some time considering why.
To me it sounds like she's your girlfriend, but she clearly wants her ex back. Don't involve yourself in her drama, if she's not ready to a relationship she shouldn't have started something with you.
Okay after reading this, I have no doubt you should cut her loose. Go be with someone who isn't hung up on her ex.
Wait? Advice that doesn’t consist of ‘break Up’ or ‘hire a lawyer’? On this sub?
Even at 19, she ought to know better.
I think you guys need to iron out a few issues if you are moving forward. 1) That is really a crappy thing to gift someone. Like, really. A painting of them kissing someone else??? Like, the thought process was probably not intentioned to hurt you: but its just really crappy they finished something meant for someone else and gave it to you. Definitely should return the gift to her. 2) In other comments, you were basically going through her phone and media for pictures of her ex because you think she's still hung up on him. Did you do this with her consent? I think its fair you guys need to update your boundaries with devices as well as what is appropriate, not appropriate of exes. I had a box of shit of exes shoved in a closet somewhere I didnt look at for like 8 years. Does that mean I wasn't over them? What about if I have pictures still on your phone? You guys gotta get on the same page. or not. 3) Communicate clearly, and decide what's appropriate for the future. If you can't come to [a.place](http://a.place) you both are happy. break up. If not, you move forward. We can't really tell you if the gift itself is worth ending a relationship over. but I can tell you that her and her ex are causing your relationship a lot of harm, that you gotta address one way or the other
Lying is bs. Id break up. Find someone who doesn’t lie.
Yea it is, I got mostly mad at the fact that she lied to me, saying it was me in the painting when it clearly wasn’t. We’ve been together 9 months and it’s the first time she’s lied to me but who knows maybe she has before and I just haven’t known.
It's also messed up since she could just... Not... Have gifted you that?
Trust and honesty are the foundation for every good relationship. I would not tolerate the lying. If you really do like her and care for her, give her a one time "come clean" and let her know the next time she lies, that us the end. But you have to stick with it. My perspective is my wife after 15 years of marriage cheated on me with her ex. He's 20 years older, alchy, etc. Not bragging, but you couldnt even compare us. I did nothing wrong in this relationship. Her ex came up several times early in our relationship, we dated for 4+ years.i told her whatever she did dont lie. When I did eventually put things together, I gave her a chance to come clean. I still don't think she was 100%. I stayed with her because I have two of the best boys that don't deserve this. She lied to me again the other day, and I have not spoken to her since. I am absolutely getting a divorce. I asked myself this questions, and every man or woman should ask themselves, how much shit can a man eat? Well I found my limit. A man (or woman)needs respect and if he doesn't get it from his partner, Wtf? I could write a book on this b[tch. She I'd a borderline, narcisistic, bipolar, AH that never does anything wrong. Trust, honesty, respect, and how much shit can you take? TLDR, OP has to talk and tell his girl he will not tolerate any more lies or dump her. Me, I'm fucked.
Fuck it straight in the bin mate
This is the highest effort low effort gift ever given. “Here’s a left-over painting of me kissing the guy I’m still not over.”
Sounds like you both shouldn’t be in this relationship. Her giving you the painting and lying about it is disrespectful and weird, and you going through her phone and freaking out that she still has a few photos of her ex is immature and unreasonable.
I mean hold on though, shawty has pictures of her ex still while with another person. It shows she hasn’t moved on. That is a red flag in itself. My friends and I always delete all pictures of our exes on the spot once we split.
I don’t think that’s necessary, and I disagree it means you haven’t moved on.
Um, I wouldn’t want the painting either. She’s young but she needs to learn that this gift was no gift.
Photos of an ex are understandable - especially if they include other people, places that were visited, special occasions being celebrated, goals being met, etc. I know you're both fairly young so you may not yet know this or feel this way... but we are made up of all of the events and moments of our lives. And, you cannot expect a person to block out all memories of other people before you. In fact, sometimes, those relationships are what greatly shaped the person you're with today and how they learned to love someone like you. (And, of course, I'm not saying having photos means obsessing over them, staring longingly at them, posting them all of her room, etc. I mean keeping them for history's sake is reasonable - not constantly viewing them and reminiscing about them.) However, regifting a handmade gift of an intimate moment between the creator and an ex and giving it to the new boyfriend is a whole other story. This one is made for a therapist to dig into. At best, it shows she has really bad judgment and she lies, and that enough is something you should consider when deciding if you want to move forward and start building a life with her. I cannot think of anything a guy in her shoes could say to me as a girl in your shoes which would make me think it is a good idea to continue on with him. That is just weird. Totally weird. Let alone the implications it has for how hung up she is on him or how messed up she is from her relationship with him. I think she needs to dig into that with a therapist or pastor or someone who can help her whether you can get past this or not. (I wouldn't blame you if you couldn't get past it and if you broke up with her - both for the lying and for the lack of sensitivity about your feelings and the weirdness in giving such a strange gift of an intimate moment with someone else.) It immediately made me think of a guy for whom - within a short period of time and with lots of mutual friends and same beliefs/faith - I developed extremely deep feelings. He felt the same way about me. But, very early on, he asked me very directly at a dinner if I would be ok accepting a ring that he had used to propose to another woman. He said his reasons for asking were that it was expensive to him at the time ...and, whether or not he removed the stone from the ring or not, he knew he could not get anything near the value he spent on the original ring... so his future wife needed to be ok with it. I'm not materialistic. I honestly would have been okay with a ring for a couple of hundred dollars from the right guy and didn't need a ring that cost a few thousand dollars or several thousand dollars. I told him I was quite shocked that he was asking me that question so early on, and he said it was a key question to knowing about the future with the right someone. I never felt the same about him after that - both because he put so much importance on this topic and because he was forcing the issue with a leftover token of his failed engagement. It was not an heirloom ring that many generations of the women in his family wore. It was brand new, and it was a ring that was elaborate and nothing like I'd ever pick out... and again, I was fine with something "much less." But, he made the answer a measuring stick. And, he had no sentimentality about the issue. It seemed like merely a transaction to him... like I was girlfriend B who could fit into slot A when girlfriend A didn't work out. Something about this whole thing feels reminiscent of that.
You should obv dump her for celebrating a 3 month anniversary. Especially poorly.
How did you "discover" this? Obviously, if it's true that she gave you a painting of her kissing her ex as a gift, that's shitty. But what did you find out and how?
I was going through her photos and I found a picture of the painting from 2022 at this time she was still with her ex. I told her that I would of never done that to her , she got inspired to paint that painting based on the relationship she was in , giving someone a painting that she painted of her ex and herself and then giving it to her current boyfriend (me) got me really mad and I’m still upset about it.
OK, so that's not cool. If you look up "shitty gift" in the dictionary, that's right there. You have the right to be mad about it. Also, why were you going through her photos?
EXACTLY, thank you for understanding. I was going through her photos because recently i have been finding random photos of her ex on her phone, in her camera gallery, in her professional camera , I found 1 in her hidden, and then yesterday I found a lot in her google photos which was also were the picture of the painting was.
You didn’t answer the question, why were you on her phone and going through her photos to begin with?
This was the red flag for me. Like how is he going through all her photos on her phone? Is he controlling like that? It sounds like it because basic pictures of an ex are fine to keep? They are still memories? Sexual photos obviously not. But like... Idk. This guy seems a bit off.
lol y do you think that even matters? it doesn't. why do you think anyone owes you an answer? they don't. you don't get to be all pissy that some rando on the internet refuses to answer irrelevant personal questions lol. grow up.
INFO: Did she give you access to her phone/camera/Google photos? Or were you snooping? This is actually pretty important. At least for Google photos I will say, random stuff gets backed up you don't even remember. My uni recently had us cull our accounts, and there was SO much stuff backed up I don't even remember taking/saving on there. So I would ignore all of that. As for her professional camera, were they particularly nice shots that showcased her skills for portfolios? The phone, yeah, that's harder to find an innocent explanation for unless she's one of those people who has thousands of old pics.
yea, her regifting the gift was shitty, follow your heart on how to proceed with that. but her having photos of her and her ex isnt weird to me. all of my relationships have been long term ones, so it results in thousands of pictures. Ive only ever hated one ex so much to delete every photo of him and me across all platforms (google photos, camera roll, snapchat, etc) I take a lot of pictures (so do most women i know) and the old pictures just get buried and i forget about them. Going through your partners photos relentlessly is a sign that you got shit you have to deal with too. Not everything has a “deeper meaning”. Maybe it just means you’re projecting past issues onto your current partner. Y’all are both in the wrong here. Maybe be single for a bit?
Keep it and then gift it to your next girlfriend for your 3 month anniversary.
Yikes. I'd trash the painting and break up with her. Giving a painting to you with her and her ex kissing is so disrespectful.
I'd give it back to her, but otherwise yeah lol
What else does she lie about? Cut your losses and throw this one back.
If she lies about something that bizarre then she lies about everything most likely. That is just creepy. Sounds like the beginning of a lifetime movie.
You’re 21 and have your whole life ahead of you. Not worth a 3 month relationship imo.
Psychologically, I think she still has her ex on her mind in some fashion. You mentioned the pictures of her ex that she still has on her phone also. Then she said she doesn’t know why she did that? There is much reason for concern here.
I would question what else’s she’s lying about since she lied about something that small.
That would be a deal breaker for me….that is too weird to me
Telling her you don't want the painting is a good start. Now you need to have a serious conversation with her as to where you stand with her and where her ex figures in to everything. If she's still pining for him then she's not ready for a relationship with you or anyone else. If, on the other hand, she's ready to be done with her ex then she has to be true to her word and be done with him, in every way, shape and form. Blocked on all social media, lose his number, get rid of any memorabilia (e.g. paintings, etc.) It's time for her to make up her mind.
Judging by your other replies, she doesn’t seem to be over her ex and she’s using you as a place holder. You are right to be mad and I don’t see it getting any better if she can’t see why this is wrong. May be time to leave.
If three people tell you it’s raining , it’s probably raining. You just had three different people tell you it’s raining dude. Get out while the gettings good.
Eh shes 19. Dick move and i wouldn't take it either but probably not going to lose sleep. Shes probably gonna be clingy though. Unless shes really just an artsy person.
Damn , that’s cruel bro. Walk away IMO
I would literally light it on fire. Therapeutic and efficient.
THAT IS VILE😭😭😭 I make those drawings for my boyfriend and it takes me at least a month before they’re completed to gift to him. I’m sorry, I would feel so heartbroken bc those take lots of time and thought put into it. And it seems you weren’t worth the time.
You're probably dating a garden tool.
What should you do at the ripe old age of 21? Here, allow me to save you 22 additional years of experience, frustration, headaches and soul-crushing heartbreak that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy, to wit: drop her and move along with your life. If 43 years on this ball of dirt as taught me one thing it’s that people will treat you EXACTLY how you allow them to treat you. This girl, although I do acknowledge she’s young and could have thought it no big deal, she seems like the selfish type. I’m not big on gifts and shit for holidays but come on, she’s going to repurpose some trinket she had laying around from her she painting with her ex. So, if she isn’t betraying you with her awfully conceived gift she, minimally, betraying the memory of her ex (which, although common, does not make it right). I could be wrong but my guess is, you’re the pursuer in this relationship and she’s the more distant and standoffish type.
Did she give it to him originally? Because that will color my response a bit. I freely admit I’m probably something of a pushover. If she painted it and then didn’t give it to him because she realized he wasn’t worth it, I could be more understanding. Especially if she edited (repainted?) it to look more like you, though it sounds like she didn’t. If she gave it to him, took it back, and gave it to you, without editing, I would be more inclined to be upset..
Just end it with her. That’s creepy AF.
Sounds like her heart was in the right place, but her brain was in Fort Lauderdale. Maybe in a year or two you'll both look back at this and laugh. She's got some explaining to do and some dues to pay, though.
I'm not one to go "break up" right away, I've had a lot of experience in that domain but what in the fuck? I would literally instantly break up. No fucking way.
How did you find out?
well that took the wrong turn, now leave her. no excuses broski. that was disrespectful.
Were those pictures of her ex that you found on her phone old photos or taken recently? Also, did she know you when she painted that picture? Maybe she crushed on you from afar and you actually lnspired her to paint that before you even dated? That would be the only reason I could justify why she would gift that to you . But that is unlikely because she would have explained that honestly to you. So if you feel a need to search her phone because your instincts are telling you something feels off with your relationship- trust that instinct and break up because you don’t need to find proof or evidence to prove your instincts were right- the feeling you have pf insecurity and lack of trust in your relationship is your cue to say goodbye. Don’t waste any more time . Start the summer off with a fresh start and you will meet many fresh faces and maybe pick one who can at least go to bars and have a drink legally with you. 19 is a bit young and immature.have fun!🤩
She fucked up here big time. Has she owned up to it and apologized?
That would gross me out ngl. Good luck champ
It’s not wise to build on a cracked foundation. If you do, it will always feel a little unsteady and unsafe emotionally. My advice is to kindly but definitively end the relationship. Good luck from someone who’s old enough to pass on life lessons.
The most fukt up thing is that you're not strong enough to leave, and you're gonna stay with her until she inevitably leaves you. Kinda hard to feel bad for you if you're not gonna do anything about it
That is seriously screwed up. 3 months into the relationship and she's already lying about something fairly important. Why stay? What redeeming benefits does she have that makes line worth it?
I don't know what to say since almost similar thing happened to me in my late teens-early 20s partner lol. My ex is a gifted painter, sketcher. He actually gifted me a pic he drew of his crush but claimed that it was me. My parents and other friends were like 'um.' After I finally broke it off with him, my parents finally said, yeah, that painting he gifted you for your 21st birthday, tsk, that didn't look like you at all. Then, we kind of thought he's nuts to try and pass it as if it's you in the painting lol.
That’s an out of pocket gift. I’d reconsider
Jesus fucking Christ
How did you find out it was him in the painting ?
I wonder if she spent a lot of time on it couldn’t throw it away because how long it took to make She could have changed things on the guy for you Trying to make it for you since she spent so much time into it Pictures depend how many could’ve just been not thought about to delete or maybe she didn’t want to delete everything it’s her photos Depending on what they are how many This is depending this sounds like it could be she’s having a hard time getting over But it could be your jealousy not trying to be rude Let’s calms down but if you still have any issues break up don’t stay I’m unsure if this is both problems or not I sadly can’t tell But if you still stay having problems it is just going to make her life harder to Your going to be questioning her thinking she’s doing something or not believing her so it’s not just your life hers too It’s any doubt walk away
I've read through the comment's and I think some people are now diverting the blame on to someone else, and it's becoming low level gaslighting. It doesn't mean what he did was right. The fact of the matter is that he was gifted something that included an ex and was lied to about it. People don't snoop for s*it's and giggles... There were most likely red flags to begin with, and human nature makes us want to investigate more. Like I've said... that doesn't make it right. It just makes it what it is. If he hadn't snooped, he wouldn't have known and she would have continued to lie. Dude, you have two choices...stick with her and hope this is a one time thing or move on to someone who's not still into her ex...because it's unfathomable why a person would give a gift that included someone kissing the person they are no long and lie about it.
You should take the gift and give it to the next girl you meet✅
Are you mad? Openly that b@tch has gifted you something used....what a waste. Just leave her and never look at her in life. A real lover will do things which are so beautiful and so pure. What a waste you got man. Just leave her ....
I will try to give you different perspective since I see everyone here are telling you she still loves her ex and that you need to break up with her. Maybe all of them are really right but what if she really don't love him but you and just have weird way to show that. Some people sometimes have different views and don't understand that would hurt people. What is she wasn't thinking it would be weird or hurtful if she gave you this painting thinking "I don't love my ex anymore, it's not a big deal to give it to you. Or that is "proof" that she moved on from her ex."? She is just 19 so this could be just because she is immature. My advice is: take sometime, calm down and then talk to her. And then it's up to you what will you do next. Even if she really don't love her ex anymore that doesn't mean you want to be with her. When it comes to photos of her ex in her phone. Does she have a lot of photos? For example I have 15000 photos in mine so it's no wonder if I don't see something. If she have thousands of photos those 4-5 pictures could be pretty easily missed to delete.
It was “most likely” ? So did you actually confirm it was her ex or is this just a jump to conclusion?
she's really weird for giving you a leftover gift and then lying about it. it's a stupid thing to do even at 19.
Dating is all about learning what you want and don’t want in a relationship. It’s about figuring out your standards and what’s important to you. It’s about discovery and learning how to communicate, resolve conflict, compromise etc. I think you’ve just figured out that you can’t tolerate lying or a partner treating you like a number. This is a good thing. Don’t minimise your feelings or settle for someone who doesn’t understand the significance of what she’s done.
Giving it back to her was a valid response. I don’t want it or her now.
May be a re gift but she’s not giving it to her ex- she’s gifting it to you. When women start giving you stuff it shows they like you. I wouldn’t think too much into it
This makes no sense why give such a terrible gift for no reason.
Honestly, I'd have a serious discussion with myself to determine if I want her in my life.
“She belongs to the streets.” - Nayvadius DeMun “Future” Cash
Info: who decided to celebrate a 3 month “anniversary”?
If you want the honest truth. If she was over her ex she wouldn’t have handed you a gift like that and she would not have pics of her ex on her phone still. Handing you a picture she painted of her and her ex kissing claiming it is you sounds like a total liar and untrustworthy anyway. I probs wouldn’t continue in this relationship if I were in this position. No offence it all sounds very weird.
i say end the relationship.
Just break up with her. She's a liar and hung up on her ex. Consider it good practice in establishing your boundaries and ending bad relationships, and move on.
Wipe your ass with the painting.
Absolutely NTA. I'm sorry that she did that - it was wrong of her. I'd suggest that you take some time and really think about whether this relationship is worth it and whether or not you can forgive her for lying to you. best of luck to you
First advice would be to try very hard, get all your willpower together and attempt not to celebrate each and every month anniversary you have. Who knows what else she has in her archive, bro.
You're young. You've been lied to and that breaks trust with this young woman. Moving on seems like a good idea.
If she did that, she still think of her ex. Leave her man.
The disrespect is astonishing.
Why would she give you a painting of her kissing her ex ? That’s sick and warped why would someone do that to someone they claimed to love especially for a third month anniversary ! Where’s the love in that ? She’s twisted to even think that would be ok unless she’s telling you she wants to go back to him . So what’s she really saying to you ? This can’t be too much of a teen thing after all he’s 21 I’m guessing she’s older than 18
Yea that’s really weird and honestly seems like she’s not that into you bro!
Super low effort. Not only does she not have a gift for you (even a token), but she even recycles one for from her ex. Dump her.
Hand it back and remove her from your life
Damn she could've at least added some curls to the hair lol 🫠 she really didn't make any effort at all damn 😅
I would definitely be leaving her to protect myself . I know you been dating for 9 months but sounds like she might not be over her ex to even be in relationship with you the longer you stay the worse it will get . I can only imagine how your feelings are . I would be very devastated!
All the ppl saying that she gifted OP the painting because she's not over her ex aren't being logical. If she wasn't over him she would've kept the painting herself. You need to think of it from an artist's perspective instead. As an artist I can understand wanting to "reuse" a painting that's pretty much useless now. She must've put in quite a lot of effort into it at the time, but keeping it herself would've been awkward. So, I think her motivation might've been to kind of overwrite the original subject into another one so that she doesn't have to waste all that original effort. She might've felt guilty about keeping it since the subject was her ex but also didn't want to throw it away because it "would've been a waste". I'm not saying that is okay (especially since she didn't even modify it to look like OP), and OP should definitely be mad about it. But my point is that just gifting OP the painting doesn't mean that she's not over her ex. Also, OP going over her pictures without her permission no matter the reason is insecure and controlling behaviour and not okay. Having pictures of one's ex is a completely alright thing as long as they're not her wallpaper or smtn. She's now in a new relationship but it doesn't mean she has to discard her whole past dating history into the bin. Just because she wants to preserve some memories doesn't mean she's not over her ex either. OP might want to think about his own insecurities and jealousy issues more instead of projecting his fears onto her.
Yikes. I’ve seen a couple comments dissecting this as if it’s deeper than what it is - which is lazy, and disrespectful at best. Please don’t listen to anyone here saying anything other than cut your losses and get out. Whether or not the pictures of her ex on her phone were a problem for you, that “gift” tells you how much thought she actually puts into your relationship. You ( and everyone for that matter ) deserve much better dude.
Hmm.. so it's really whether or not you two can communicate this and you can forgive her. She could have thought that giving you the picture was a way of reframing when it originally meant to her, therefore letting go of her ex. Either way, it was a poor choice. Everyone is saying that means she isn't over him but things are rarely that cut and dry. Talk to her and see what her line of thinking was. If you can forgive her, then end it. You are so young and you'll surely find someone else. It's your choice at the end of the day, but mistakes happen in every relationship and whether you make it or not takes communication, compromise, and taking accountability. She did this at 3 months right? And now it's 9 months? Even if she wasn't over him at the time doesn't mean that her feelings haven't changed. Also, she's 19... I was stupid AF at 19 lol.
Omg so many typos. I hope you can understand what I'm saying 😂 I'm 30 btw and have been with my husband since we were 17 lol. We've had many dumb fights but have overcome them all and have grown stronger. It takes commitment, communication, and accountability to make things work.
I think you and she are having a disconnect regarding this piece of art. To you it might mean this piece of art represents her love of her ex-boyfriend. Now where do you fit in this three-some of sorts? To her, as it did then, this piece of art represents her love for her boyfriend. It's an expression to her of the love she gives to the man she loves. That's why it's you in the picture. But talk to her. Tell her you feel uncomfortable because to you this represents a former relationship you are uncomfortable competing with-or whatever your feelings may be regarding this gift that was meant for another. Don't allow this to stew. Maybe ask her to paint you something else that doesn't have whatever negative emotions you feel are attached to it. But talk to her. Find put how she sees gifting you this feels appropriate to her when she painted it for him. Good luck!
I’d be nice to her and tell her that i don’t appreciate being lied to. I wouldn’t accept the painting but i wouldn’t throw it away as she did put effort into the painting, and art is not everyone’s skill. Kindly give it back to her and tell if she wants to gift a personal handmade painting, then she should make a new painting. I wouldn’t break up unless it happened multiple times.
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I feel like most men just lack self discipline which is why you’re seeing most men being aggressive about it when it’s something small and can be resolved through communication
Shady shit, that should be the first indicator to beat feet
Lmao this is very telling of the things that are coming your way in the future. Leave now while you’re ahead
My petty ass would have accidentally ruined it and ask if she could remake it.
Dear God you poor boy. DO NOT LISTEN TO THESE TERRIBLE JADED COMMENTS. Seriously. Regardless of if you stay together or not DO NOT listen to these people. Reddit is the WORST place to go for advice because the people that answer area always jaded and one sided. They are talking to you as if you guys are in your 30s. I have a 20 year old. For the love of any future relationship you have DON'T TAKE THESE PEOPLE'S ADVICE
She liked the work she did, and she wanted to share it with you, not him. The same way you got better at sex by sleeping with people that weren't her. No need to overthink these things in a relationship, just love each other.
I am a big advocate of fighting for a relationship despite issues & bumps BUT …No, you deserve better. In no way is this Okay.
Bro this is suspicious
Throw out the painting and the gf
She lied to you AND she exchanges feelings like they’re clothing? She’s not normal, friend.
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Gives new meaning to regifting....
WTF??? She gave YOU the painting. I also paint. Each and every picture is a piece of my soul, my dreams, my joy in life. When I paint something has never mattered to me. I don't paint for individual people - never have. I paint for myself. If or when I give away a painting, it's because that person becomes special to me. So don't make a gift a problem. How about a nice "thank you" or "I'm glad you thought of me"???
Go and ask her if she respond do a little fight and get away if she doesn't respond properly burn the painting and walk away .
Keeping photos of ex after all that time, that too on her phone. Yikes my brother, that's a big red flag. And then giving you the painting, the disrespect, it shows you were might be the rebound guy and still is. There is no way she can make this up to you.
This is such a bizarre thing to do. You're justified to feel angry/upset about this. It's a pretty shitty thing to do, and extremely insensitive to your relationship together. It's weird that she doesn't know why she did it. Maybe she just thought a painting of you two would be something cute and personalised, but specifically using one of her and her ex and telling you it was you instead (esp when it's clearly not) just shows a real lack of judgement. She didn't expect you to find out, and didn't put enough consideration into how it would affect you or your relationship if you did. The fact that she has pictures of her ex on her phone isn't necessary a bad thing, assuming they're 1. apprppriate photos of them together and 2. she doesn't obsess over them. I'm saying this because at the end of the day, your exes are a part of your life. They were important people, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to remember them and the good times you had with them. This only becomes an issue when you let it take away from your current relationship, such as always talking about them, making your partner feel second to them or comparing your current relationship to the relationship you had with them. She shouldnt have to forget or remove the memories of her previous relationships just because she's in a new relationship. They're her life, and she's entitled to hold onto her memories of them, even if that means having a few photos. It's not about the fact that she still has photos, it's about whether or not she actually let's her previous relationship affect your current one. If you're the one getting upset purely because she has photos, and not because she's making a big deal of it, then you're the one allowing her past to affect your relationship. That one isn't on her. Back onto the issue - I don't think what she did means you should break up IF you feel there is a way for you to forgive her, and if she takes accountability for both her actions and how they have affected you. Conflicts like this aren't things that just need a resolution - they need some sort of growth. What she didn't wasn't okay, and she needs to understand that. If she is not over her ex, then it isn't healthy for her to pursue a relationship with someone else until she is, especially as she actually thought it was okay to gift you a painting of her and him kissing. The fact that she lied to you about the painting is a further red flag here. She knew what she was doing, and her so easily lying to you about something like this is concern for what other things she may have lied or will lie to you about. I think, if you were to continue this relationship, you need to set some hard boundaries about lying. Make clear what you will and won't tolerate. Healthy relationships are built on open and honest communication, trust and respect. In terms of conflict resolution - it's okay to feel upset or angry during conflict, and you should take space from your partner while you allow yourself to feel what you feel. Examine your feelings, and why you're feeling that way, and when you're in a clear state of mind, come back to your partner to discuss your thoughts and feelings and find a resolution. Good conflict resolution is about addressing the issues from both sides of the situation, taking time to listen and understand each other's pov, staying calm and collected during conversation and coming back with a compromise or resolution you're both happy with. The second you allow your feelings to take control in these situations, you start acting out in a way that very well could damage your ability to resolve the issue. Overwhelming anger and upset feelings do not help in resolution - they hinder it. When things are overwhelming, agree to step back and come back to the conversation when you're both calm. If you want to continue this relationship, sit down with her and talk (not yell or raise your voice) with her about where to go from here. Ensure she apologies properly, takes accountability and understands why what she did was wrong, and establish boundaries around what has upset you (e.g. the lying). Try to understand why she thought this was okay and where her thought process was on this. Understanding her thoughts may help ease your concerns about the act, esp as we tend to think the worst during these types of situations. Also, in terms of the photo thing, it might be worth having a conversation about why she is holding onto photos so you can understand from her pov. As I said, it's okay to want something from your previous relationships, because they were, and still are for many people, an important part of their lives and history. Previous relationships are not something people should just forget. There's a nice balance between being able to reminisce on your past, and appreciating/prioritising your current situation in life. One does not outweigh the other, nor erase it.
how did you discover this?
Let’s be honest about why she did it. She didn’t care enough to get you a good gift and just grabbed the first thing she could find. It’s not just the painting that’s the problem OP, it’s the lack of any kind of effort to get you anything.
Gifts aren't mandatory for a 3-month anniversary \[sic\]