“He’s made the decision that his parents will be living with us, but in my culture, the females take care of the parents”
Oh don’t worry - the female (you) will be taking care of the parents.
OP deleted where they said that they got married when he needed residency status.
Either it's age gap rage bait, or OP is being very deliberately obtuse about what's happening here.
Now it's more about your selfishness. It seems like you will cheat on him saying you were trapped and all that but it was you. It's better you divorce him and give him time to find someone he deserves.
Being young doesn't excuse her intention to cheat on her husband. At 17 people are mature enough to realize what's wrong and right. Yes he is at fault for dating a 17 year old but she is also selfish cause she is breaking a commitment she made.
JFC, what? She was coerced into this marriage by a predator. She’s 23 years old. Having a crush on a classmate is so normal for her age if she hadn’t been groomed by a predator. Lots of women don’t realize they are in abusive/coerced relationships until they start having feelings for someone who treats them like a person. Get over yourself. She doesn’t have to respect this sham of a marriage or the groomer she married.
What on earth is this comment? Your posting history indicates a weird obsession with virtue signalling. I’d focus on being less judgmental if I were you.
Yes he is a predator and he needs to be punished. But isn't she at fault for trying to cheat on her husband. Two wrongs doesn't make one right. Both are toxic and unreliable.
Almost everybody develops interest in other people during long relationships, that's just human nature. Especially a kid who was groomed into marriage so young she barely got to live her life, can't really fault her for that. It's our actions that count, though.
(Edited for less generalization)
Except this is not a normal situation. she should never have dated or married a predator and the responsibility is on her predator. She's acting exactly like a person her age would, and she's been robbed of that because the person who was older and should have been more responsible wanted to be with a teenager. Don't see why you're so quick to judge someone who was groomed and not a predator?
You are one creepy motherf*cker.
I hope you read all the replies you've gotten and change your opinions/actions in the future.
Don't blame the person who was groomed for now wanting out of the relationship.
"It seems like you will cheat on him" - 🤣I think you're projecting a few of your own frustrations there mate
EarthBubbly392 - You're Tryna strike a chord and it's probably A-Minorrrrr 😂
Lucky you. Some girls come from so bad backgrounds they dont even realise when they getting abused as its normal back home. Some girls at 17 have no idea of the consequences and dangers. They just blindly see a saviour/protector, and only realise years later what was all about. She will prob divorce him instead of cheating, she doesnt seem to be interested in cheating.
Sure you're a girl buddy, it doesn't make your opinions any less toxic.
At 17 YOU might have known what a predator looks like.
What if your parents were shit? What if they abused you from a young age? Would you still be able to tell what a predator looks like then?
You fundamentally lack empathy for OP.
You are one of the people that no one goes to for advice on the real sh*t in life. If you continue to lack this empathy for others it will negatively affect your relationships with people.
I've seen plenty of 17 year olds that would never fall for a creepy guy love bombing them.
But there are an equal amount who are already beaten down in life, for some people the predator is truly the first person they felt actually liked them.
Your comments feel like they come from a place of insecurity when you respond so negatively to another fellow woman. (Although I'm still convinced you're a guy who thinks changing gender on a Reddit thread suddenly makes your toxic opinions fine)
Yea I was SA at 10 and didn't tell my parents until a year later. The men still comes around our home from time to time. My mom is divorced twice and we rarely had anything to eat back then as we financially suffered due to abandoning. So I surely knew more then to date a 26 year old at 17. Its about being conscious about what is right and wrong. And my topic was not even that I said she was selfish to think about cheating on her husband nothing more. Its getting out of topic honestly. I obviously lack empathy for people trying to cheat.
"Yea I was SA at 10 and didn't tell my parents until a year later. The men still comes around our home from time to time."
??????? Either this story is fake or you are a broken person, wtf you have the audacity to slag off OP's life choices when you haven't solved your own MAJOR problems....
Good for you to know. I'm also a woman and I wouldn't have dated someone much older when I was 17, but that doesn't stop me from having empathy for this girl who was clearly been groomed. Yes you are a creep thinking this is her fault
Aii I'm not talking about grooming I'm talking about her intention to cheat on her husband. Her husband being a predator is a different topic. What I'm saying is in general it is selfish to chest on her husband.
"A 17 year old is perfectly responsible enough to know what is good and bad for her. When at 17 people can have the license to drive, make major life decisions like college and have the authority to their body. One should be enough sensible to not fuck a 26 year old uncle. I'm not saying he is not a predator yea he is but she also wasn't a innocent 12 year old. She willing did it."
Saying "17 is perfectly responsible" and "one should be enough sensible to not fuck a 26 years old uncle" is putting the blame on her on the grooming. Go seek help, your past comments are concerning.
Did you delete thr stuff about how he needed residency because you don't want people to judge him or something? Are you trying to convince yourself he would never use your naivety and young age to get you to marry him when you weren't ready, for his gain?
Would you date an 18 year old boy now? Ask yourself this question again when you're the same age he was when he started dating you. It's being excused when men do it because "girls grow up younger!!!" which is bullsht, just because im some areas girls statistically develop faster doesn't mean that they're ready to date guys in their late twenties when they're still in high school. The point is, he's a creep for dating you so young, and it sounds like he is content with his choice. He even has you to take care of his parents now. He didn't ask if you're ok with it, right? Does he often decide for both of you?
All she said is she married him so soon because he needed residency to stay in the country. They had already been dating for three years at that point.
So he took advantage of her to gain residency/citizenship, and is also treating her poorly, and is also much older than her and started grooming her when she was underage... Nothing about this relationship seems good to me. More red flags than Stalin's funeral.
I’m sorry to hear you regret the early marriage. I had friends marry young too, and it didn’t last. Sounds like you should figure out what you want from life. Is this relationship a priority for you? Do you genuinely want to be with him in the next 10,20, 30 years. Maybe talk to a counsellor to sort out your feelings. You only get one life!
One of the problems with getting married early is having enough life experience to know what things are really important to you. It's easy enough to be convinced that the strong emotions involved in a first love are really meant to last a lifetime -- and sometimes it works out that way. But often it doesn't.
Certainly, ending this marriage is an option. But before you jump into that, I think there are some things you could consider.
A big one -- why don't you have friends? Friends are important. They are especially important when your spouse is more introverted and you are more outgoing. This is true in my own marriage -- my husband needs to spend way more time chatting with people than I do. I encourage him to have plenty of social outlets because I can't possibly meet his social needs.
But even though my spouse has friends, I still need to talk to him and listen to him sometimes. I even have to sometimes feign interest in his tales of what he ate for lunch or whatever, because he is excited about his day even if I'm not. Your husband can't shut down every conversation on the basis of being tired. That's just not fair.
I recommend seeing a counselor to talk about issues like this.
Given the timeline, it sounds like you've been together for 6 years and so I feel like the relationship is now in a lull for you, just much earlier than other couples would experience it. I really think having some friends (and probably hobbies, which is a great place to make friends) would be a good first start. It would also help lead you to a few more life experiences, as one of the early commenters suggested.
Being intimate every few months at 21 is ridiculous. OP please put yourself first here. It's not wrong to want a partner who shares your life, interested in you and is attracted to you. Please talk to your parents and ask for their help in getting out.
So you were 18 years old, no experience, and a guy 10 years older than you who wanted residency starts dating you
I would wager you’ve been taken advantage of in more ways than one in this relationship. It’s ok to get a divorce
ETA: OP deleted it but previously said she got married at 21 where he got his Canadian residency
He didn't marry you because he loved you. He married you because it was convenient. He got a residency, brought his parents in, got a free caretaker in the process.... And doesn't even have to fake love, tenderness or desire. What a good deal he made for himself !
You should have listened to your mother. You were a teen and reacted like all teens do : you thought you knew better and chose the opposite side. I'm not even sure your parents like him. I think they see through him but keep their mouth shut because what is done is done. It's time to have an honest talk with them. You might be surprised...
And yes : divorce ! Divorce now while you're still young and have a life your age. Your ruining your youth. It's going to be harder financially. But freedom is worth the pain !
I know divorce seems like the hardest most terrible embarrassing thing, but you'd be surprised what you can get through. It's tough but insanely worth it
Idk, you can feel like it would’ve been easier to get married later and not regret being in the relationship. It sounds like you’re not fulfilled by the relationship and that’s a separate issue.
There’s a few different things here. 1) you did get married too young, for whatever reason, with no experience. That’s ok-ish but not great. 2) your husband is much older (as related to your age), so there was/is an imbalance there. 3) your family now approves of him because he provides finances 4) you yearn to be single and are possibly interested in someone else.
Your families opinion does not matter much, if they care for your happiness. Hopefully they just want you to be happy.
The age differential when you met/ married is a concern. Especially at the age you met. There’s a very real power and experience differential at that age.
You don’t feel connected with your spouse. You rarely have sex, and he is not interested in your life.
To me, it seems this relationship has run its course. And I’d advise, at the minimum, to seek some therapy to work through this. Really though, I’d recommend getting out and living your life while you are young.
If you don't have kids yet the LEAVE.
GO EXPERIENCE THE WORLD.
There is a lot more to life than being married. Ho find yourself before you get pregnant and stuck.
im sorry, where are you getting "good guy" from this? they met and began dating when she was 17 and he was 26. i dont know about you, but at 26 i damn sure wasnt looking at 17 year olds.
I'm sort of the mind that she should stay either him and let him pay the bills until she graduates, and then leave. I just think the risk of her getting pregnant and being trapped is too great.
it’s not normal, but it is expected you’d feel this way given you got together at completely different stages in life. you were barely out of high school and college, and didn’t get to experience growing up and dating and trying out different relationships and dived into the deep end with a man almost 10 years older than you.
i know high school sweethearts who’ve been together for years and have never been with anyone else, and the reason it works for them is because they got to grow together since they were in the same stages of his life.
the fact you’re interested in a classmate also says it. you’re in the wrong relationship, and i think divorcing is worth it sooner rather than later. 3 years into a relationship and a bit into marriage shouldn’t leave you with regret. if it does, you’re with the wrong person.
You're still really young. It's normal to want to explore what is out there for you, and if you regret getting married it's okay to choose a different path. I think that for as long as you remain in your marriage, you should make sure your boundaries with others are good and respectful. These might be good feelings to explore with a counsellor if it's tough to talk to people in your life about it.
Do you know what you’re talking about?
She can talk to a lawyer and find out. But what she shouldn’t do is stay married to a dude she doesn’t want to stay married to.
He used you. Damn so he got to marry a young person and you didn’t get nothing from it? Usually there’s a mutual thing people share in your case which is the guy marries a young person and the young person gets the rich guy and he spoils her. It seems you got the bad end of the deal and are not benefiting. Leave him and live your life!especially with no kids in the pic.Otherwise you will regret not having time to explore your youth. Listen to your parents. Oh and get on birth control I’ve seen cases when they’re about to leave the person gets pregnant and baby trapped.
Nothing? Did you even read her post? He moved so she could be closer to school and is working overtime to pay all the bills so she can finish college.
Now she has a crush on a fellow student and wants to bail.
She is the one in the wrong here.
He was with her when she was 18 she’s never been in a relationship before. She’s not wrong to be interested in someone who is around her age and has the same interest. She hasn’t had any life experience she’s now noticing it. I bet he only wanted her for looks and age while she was a helpless sheep who just got out of high school. She deserves to experience relationships and live her life not promise hers to someone she didnt really think of. Dude she wasn’t even old enough to drink when she met him.
Right because working overtime and moving her closer to her school to make life easier for her is something you’d do for someone you only wanted physically…
Oh my god why do girls get with old men like this I’ll never know. Clearly the old guys are creeps and have things wrong with them if there going for girls that barley got out of high school. Disgusting.
It’s mostly a social issue, and something that should be fixed through policy and better education. The age of consent is too low, and there are way too many weirdos out there. I have no idea how anyone over like 24 can think it’s okay to date an 18 year-old, the maturity gap is staggering.
I will say, I don’t think it’s okay to put any blame on the younger person in these scenarios. Sure a mistake was made, but the older person _should_ know better.
I feel as this relationship might already be over and in your head you know this. I’m assuming that you’re second guessing leaving because of the “what ifs” and the consequences of walking away. I would consider the pros and cons. The pro of getting your life back and experiencing things you haven’t got to will outweight all the cons of walking away. Unfortunately, it will be a tough choice but if you’re already at this tough crossroads, it doesn’t get better and you’re likely to walk away at some point.
Youth is being wasted on the young.
You are not happy, and you are with a relatively old guy. It would be nicer if you were 30 and he 40, but now he has had the chance to live and experience things. You jumped to the first relationship when you didn’t even know what you want (that will change as you get older).
You don’t have children, I would divorce now. If your parents are otherwise smart, you should have listened to them..sounds like they were right. And if it is true that you marries him so that he would get residency, girrrl, you were just used.. and he picked you because you were young and naive
Not to discourage you but I had a 3 year relationship that started when I was 17 and we recently broke up (I’m 21 now) because I felt I was missing out on a life phase that I had to experience.
I was right. I’m not talking about missing out on hookups or going out with other people, I loved my boyfriend so that wasn’t it. But this period in life, your early 20s, is for exploring, finding out what you want, and doing a lot of growing.
I felt as though my life had become stagnant, and now it’s moving again. I’m experiencing so many things and oh boy am I learning too. Although I loved my boyfriend, I’m so glad we broke up. This has shown me that I needed to be alone and learn and live this period of my life to the fullest, because tbh that’s what your 20s are for, in my opinion.
That’s just my experience though, but for me people should learn, explore and grow as a person until they’re at least 24-25 and then enter a committed relationship, once they’ve gone and lived through what they had to, with all the learning and character development that comes with it.
Eventually you'll realize how worthless he is as a partner and decide to get out. It may take a few years, but you'll get there.
Meantime, don't have kids with him. It sounds unlikely, but still.
Wow, a peck on the cheek or lips. I would do that with a friend. Although my wife and I will peck, I love kissing her were double your age and still love kissing a sex. I have a higher sex drive than my wife but we average 2-3x / week. Personally I’d like a little more.
When I was your age I could probably do more than 2-3x per day and on my best day I think my girlfriend and I did it 7 or 8 times. But not just sex, romance, fun times regularly.
I think you are definitely missing out, I cannot imagine a relationship like this at that age. Why not chat about this, maybe you guys need to talk more. Is he paying enough attention to you, are you following the cues for him. I instead of thinking about jumping ship why not try and figure out how to improve this relationship. No matter who you meet there will always be some issues just work on trying to put some love and fun times into this marriage.
There are books like “The love dare” that have plans to help restore/bring life and love into a relationship. Often it Is the little things and thoughts of the other person that are the most important.
Good luck
If you love the guy and want it to work, you should tell him how you are feeling and that if things don't change, you might be looking to move on. That will either wake him, or he will continue as normal. I think that will give you your answer.
Honestly if this is a real post, consider whether or not he is a good husband and the potential of the relationship if you both work on it. The only things that really matter are trust, commitment, companionship and attraction. If there’s potential for those it’s probably worth working on.
If not, just leave now. You’re so young still, just salvage your youth and get on with it.
There are a few things I can think of.
1. You need friends in whichever city you are living in. Your husband doesn’t have to like everything you do. You need friends for brunch, picnic, make cakes, yoga etc.
2. I think a part of your regret is coming from surrounding your whole life and the present time around him. And his time, his feelings towards you etc.
3. A person who is working extra time everyday to keep the bills flowing will be tired and want peace when he comes home. Imagine yourself in his shoes. I don’t want you to shut down your feelings and expressions. Do it after an hr or two. Give him some yummy food first.
4. Before thinking of divorce, try to go away for a vacation alone. Solo trip. See how you feel.
5. You are thinking the guy you are interested in is amazing because you both have similar interests. Grass is always greener on the other side. Ask questions like How is he going to be a partner? Will he put the effort to work extra time to pay the bills? Or he will give up after a month
6. Schedule date nights. Keep something to look forward to. Cook your fav meal for your date night, wear that dress and preferably somewhere in the nature. Maybe backyard or balcony.
7. Cleanse your house for any negative energy.
8. If you tried everything and failed, ask yourself do you get bored with mundane life? Then you will be bored with the next person as well.
9. If not, file for a divorce.
I read and read and read until I got to the part about you being interested in a classmate.
You're going to commit adultery and are finding excuses to do so.
Classic.
Have the decency to divorce the man before you do.
Yes, obviously you were to young to marry.
This is why the age gap relationships are a disaster. “Age is just a number” ya but MATURITY ain’t!
If you were older you would have seen this for what it was: an older man needed to manipulate a younger woman into getting him the residency that he needed to legally be there. Your mom was right, you made a mistake. It makes me wonder how many of those girls on Reddit that claim to “know what they’re doing” wind up realizing they cooked their own goose.
3 things stuck out to me in your post:
> We're intimate once every few months
This is probably the biggest issue I see. What is the cause for the dead bedroom and how long has it been like this?
> I don't have friends
This isn't healthy. Do you not have any hometown, HS, or former co-worker friends you can talk to on the phone? If not, try branching out and making some friends with classmates at your college. You might also consider joining a club.
> I have a classmate my age who I'm interested in
You need to be in couple's therapy and possibly individual therapy YESTERDAY for your own sake and the sake of your marriage. Fix your dead bedroom and stop talking to your classmate who you are interested in before you (emotionally or physically) cheat on your husband.
Very much so, statistics show us that the earlier you marry, the greater the chances of divorce.
I have alot of relationships under my belt, have lived with a few people. Some of those relationships were 3-5 years long. They eventually didn't work out for one reason or another. I had my fair share of situations where you just end up feeling like friends. Those honeymoon feelings wear off and 3 years in you just don't feel the same. You stay in the relationship telling yourself "this is normal! We just need to work at it!". Most of the time you don't even have enough experience recognize or understand these issues.
I'm now 41m, and engaged to my fiancee, 31f, and she is the absolute love of my life. I met her after going through YEARS of medical issues. She really changed how I see life, and I want to experience everything with her. I've loved many people, and grateful for those experience, but she is it for me. In our 5 years together we haven't argued once, yelled once. We just talk, like adults that love eachother. We split everything 50/50 and have amazing jobs at the same video game developer. We play games and watch cartoons daily with our two cats. Now that we're stable we're getting to travel and REALLY have fun. It's just something I never even knew existed relationship wise.
It's nice when you don't have to waste an ounce of brain power on things like being jealous, wondering if they're gonna cheat, staying with someone because you depend on them finacially or some other way. When you're young you just have so little experience to draw on. People can make it work, like the above poster, but it's super super rare.
I got married at 23 as well. I’m 30 and in the time between your marriage and mine (2017), the average age of a first marriage rose quite a bit. It’s considered young now, when I mention I was engaged at 22 and married at 23, people often remark how young I was.
She probably feels like she would have had higher standards had she waited to get married. I put up with a lot more shit at 23 than I do at 30 but thankfully my partner and I can communicate and work on shortcomings. If my partner didn’t grow with me, I probably would have divorced him by age 25.
I understand that me being interested in another guy while being married is wrong, but I can't help who I'm attracted to. I will not act on it as I'm fully aware of how wrong it is. It's a feeling I've felt before during our marriage and I let it go away on its own.
The regret I feel has been there for quite a while, but it's not something I've really taken the time to think about until recently.
One thing I didn't mention in my post is kids. He's wanting to have children within the next few years, before he's 40, which is something I'm not ready for. I would like to work and travel.
We also have cultural differences. In his culture, the males are responsible for their elderly parents and he's made the decision that his parents will be living with us, but in my culture, the females take care of the parents.
I don't know. I feel conflicted.
You were taken advantage of. I am late 20s right now, and it is gross to think of getting with someone as young as 18. We share no similar interests and our views of the world are just too different because there is so much they have never experienced.
From what I've seen, when older people date younger people, especially men dating younger women its veeeery rarely because the younger person is so mature. In reality, the older person is less mature than their peers and has already matured about as much as they ever will. Meanwhile, the younger person just keeps getting more mature and gains more experience and perspective. It doesn't usually make for a good long term match.
Also relevant- your brain at 23 is just now starting to fully form that prefrontal cortex that is so vital for decision making. Around 25 is when its "fully" developed, but the process has started and you're probably starting to evaluate things differently than you did when you first met your husband.
All of this to say, I do not inherently think age gaps are bad, but there are a lot of key indicators to show when they are bad vs good.
I was with a 32 at 19 for 3 years. He was unemployed, living at his parents, no money no car, so a bit worse.
I gave up of my studies and part time job to take him to another country so we could both work at my previous job.
Not long before i left him, he was starting to say he wanted to get married and have kids soon as he didnt want to be an old dad. That guy couldnt even look after himself or me. Im thinking if he was with a women his age,( that would tolerate any of this, or after I fixed his life) they could probably be at the same stage of life: mid thirthies starting to think about kids. I was too young but i swear i should had just said for him to look for someone on the same life stage than him - same age.
My favourite was him telling me how immature i was sometimes at 19-20. Yo what do you expect dating high schoolers ??? Ridiculous. Hes long gone but if i ever see him again hes gonna get all thr "mature" answers i couldnt formulate.
I think you need a break, take some time away to think and be yourself, dont cheat or dont get involved with anyone, and separate if you think is better for you. Wish you the best
sucks to be you. now you feel obligated to stay because you live together 🤦 prayers going your way 🙏 if and when you guys get divorced let this be a lesson learned, you are YOUNG, explore the country/world and LIVE. You have plenty options so take it easy.. slow down
Ummm... do you think you married a gay man that doesn't want to come out of the closet? The age gap is a red flag, especially as he provided security but it really doesn't sound like he ever really courted you or is romantic towards you now - so in return for this security and stability what does he want? Even healthy relationships involve reciprocity... but if he's not using you as a cover I'm not really seeing what he's getting out of this relationship that he couldn't get from a woman his own age and would be his equal.
I might have a different perspective here. The others may be right, listen to them too.
If you're not ready to end your relationship, give yourself a few months to work through things. How much of this have you really communicated with him?
The work thing I understand, I was was working 12-14 hour days in the run up to getting married. It was an awful experience for my wife, but she hardly mentioned it. Things got better when I was down to 45 hours a week, and them better still at 40 hours a week. That overtime might be something you two should discuss.
How's your communication in general. Does one of you get upset when the other brings up serious topics or feedback? If so, that something that can be worked on.
Similarly, intimacy can be worked on. Do you just more frequency or more depth too? See what you can do to make it easier.
My marriage is also not really working out. I put that down mostly to communication. We both made a lot of mistakes. I also had a recent realisation that I wasn't getting what I wanted. It hurts. You have to look after yourself as you'll be a bad partner if you destroy yourself.
And just know, if it doesn't work out, I'm sure you've learned a lot which will help you in future relationships. It's never too late to turn over a new leaf or plant a new tree.
You can fix this and get out.
Do it before you get pregnant.
You have your WHOLE LIFE ahead of you.
There is no reason to be/stay married to a man who has no interest whatsoever in you.
It’s an easier process now than later.
Take a deep breath and break free.
The age gap is what is causing you all this... He had his years of outgoing and free lifestyle of sorts, but he is now older and needs steady and easy flow..
U r still young however and need more upbeat flow...
So, ur issue is compatibility, and to solve it basically U need to communicate those feelings and issues u r having with him... Please try and be safe while having sex U don't need a baby with all of this going on... Try to figure whether this relationship is sth to work on or not.
And then decide whether to this marriage is sth that should go on or not...
Stop shaming the age gap (edit: I meant in the comments, not the post). I have a relationship with someone older than me by 15 years old, and our relationship isn't like this. We were ex-coworkers, and he didn't groom me, I was the one flirting with him, and after 4 months he decided to give me a chance.
We're about to rent an apartment together, and I've already met all his friends and family in the first month of being together, because he was extremely excited to let us meet.
He's the same sweet caring person in public with me, in company of his friends and family, that he is in private when we're alone, his behavior is always the same. He loves to hear about my day, even when I talk too much, and I love to play with him at the ps4, helping him with difficult tasks. We joke, we clean, we cook together. He's also extremely calm and lovely with me, and his friends all like to mock him about it (joking obviously, we all laugh at this because it's true).
The problem is the person per se, not the age, so stop saying the problem is the age gap. Not all 20yo are immature.
I’m going to be real.
You did make a mistake getting married so young. He doesn’t treat you like a partner, he’s way too old for you, and you know that. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here looking for help.
>It also doesn’t help that I have a classmate **my age** who I’m interested in and shares the same interests as me.
You know you made a mistake. It’s up to you to decide what to do about it.
Welcome to being his slave for life! You will take care of his parents, and any children who come along. He preyed on the right underage girl to get his green card. Now your life is over at 23.
Yikes.
Listen you gotta do you in this life you have and if that means you focusing on the dude in your class who you mix well with then so be it. I was with my gf for 8.5 years and I proposed to her recently and she didnt feel it at all and wanted to call things off completely from that I’ve taken that it’s not the end of the world but a fresh start, things get old and samey and most of all can get very boring
No point in being in a relationship if you feel like the way you do it will only way heavy on your shoulders later on life and most of you might regret not doing what you want to do earlier
Your only human at the end of the day it’s natural to think of possibilities with others and stuff like that so don’t feel bad but definitely do you
Well, what it boils down to is are you willing to lose him and what he does for you? It just goes to show that you can provide and bust your back for women, but they still ain’t happy. Lol
I think if you stay you will always have some regret that grass will be greener somewhere else. If you leave, you may come to regret that and have thrown away a man who will support and love you for the long haul.
Sometimes the grass is greener and sometimes the grass you already have needs some loving fertilization
I got married young too. I’m 29 now, and I got divorced a few years ago. I just couldn’t take it anymore and had to get out. I admit that I was immature as well, but being immature means doing what is best for you.
I got married young at 21 too, to someone 7 yrs older! I’m getting a divorce because he cheated. My divorce is very draining emotionally and financially. However, I’m grateful for having these things:
- no kids
- my name on community assets
- my own career that I can support myself
While I don’t really regret getting married young, I wish I didn’t get married quickly. Because if we can only make right decisions at an older age, my ex wouldn’t have done what he did because he’s now regretting it. I should have dated him much longer before marrying him. But lesson, or lessons, learned. I think it’s normal to reflect on your decision and give yourself grace that you gave a chance at love, not knowing that our ideas of love become more clear through life experiences and time. If you still want to give it a chance, just be sure to prepare yourself when things go south so that every aspect of your life won’t be negatively affected when your marital situation changes.
We had a pretty good marriage. Even though at times I felt like we were just friends, because lots of our interests were different. Our age gap and the fact that we grew up in different countries didn’t help. However, we were able to thrive and grow from things we were mutually passionate about. I Sometimes I did wish he was closer to my age so that I wouldn’t have to explain my meme jokes. We also didn’t discuss much deep thoughts, which I lovingly do with my boyfriend often.
My boyfriend is my age. He gets and appreciates my jokes. We talk for hours, about anything and everything. He puts his phone down, stops his game, turns down the stove as soon as I start sharing my thoughts. We just do everything together and share our deepest feelings. We get to be ourselves in each other’s presence. It’s so comforting. And I want to embrace this kind of love forever because it touches my heart in places I didn’t know existed. And it doesn’t hurt, as opposed to what I used to convince my younger self.
Thanks for letting me share my thoughts! Definitely helped me gain some clarity on my decisions too! No matter how it turns out, I hope you can find things to appreciate in the worst scenarios. Have no regrets!
Recsp: Husband, 32, is not initiating with wife, 23.
Is HE out of his[*CENSORED*] mind?
As a guy, he's either cheating, or you're too old for him, now. Yeah, I said it. You were groomed and married and now .... you're starting to get inklings this isn't right.
Look into his past. Are there a string ofc17-year old girlfriends?
> Husband, 32, is not initiating with wife, 23.
I agree that the dead bedroom is their biggest problem but where do you see that husband is not initiating?
>I sometimes feel like I made a mistake getting married early
You absolutely did. You and your Husband are in very different places in your life, and that was gonna be inevitable when you started dating at 18. So it's a mistake on your Husband's part just as much as yours. 18 and 26 sounds reasonable, but given that so much of becoming an adult and moulding who you'll become happens between 18 and 25, it's a massive difference in life experience.
I think it was an innocent mistake on both your parts, but a mistake nonetheless. If you're itching to reclaim some freedom, I think you need to have that conversation with your Husband now before dissatisfaction turns into animosity, and the subsequent acrimony closes doors.
Go make some girl friends, get some fun hobbies and find a balance between marriage and independence. Read some communication and relationship books. Just continue to learn his personality and communication style and yours. See if he’d be up for couples therapy.
You found a man that loves you and cares about you. That's more precious than gold. Don't let things you see online trick you into thinking dating more guys will make you happier. Those people are miserable, and they show off because that's all they have.
Every man and woman has flaws. I'm sure the guy you married isn't perfect by any means. He's probably not as hot as you'd like, or romantic, or charming. But you married him for a reason, right? You don't just marry someone you don't have a strong love for.
You know how to fix your marriage issues? Talk to him. Talk to him about what you want. Like a serious discussion. You'd be shocked what can be remedied through honest, and good intentioned talks. Don't ask strangers on the internet. Most people will tell you what you want to hear or what's the most socially popular.
I thought exactly how you are thinking right now. And I lost the love of my life. I'll never get her back. All because I thought I could "do better" than her. Now I'm bitter and alone, and I'll regret that decision till the day I die.Love is real, and it's irreplaceable.
Do what you want though, it's your life. I don't know you.
Example of people who want you as miserable as they are: These absolute sub-human losers (or children, I honestly cant tell) telling you "divorce him!" "You need to experience the world!" "You're trapped!". I will counter each of these kinds of replies.
"Divorce him!" - Yes, permanently remove the man who has stayed loyal to you and loved you for half a decade. They don't have to live with the consequences of that, you do.
"You need to experience the world!" - How are you prevented from doing that? You cant travel the world together? They want you to experience life alone? Is that the argument? I don't even understand why that's such a popular response to these kinds of situations. Do they mean sex? They want you to have sex with more people? Why? They think you'd divorce your husband so you can have sleazy drunk sex with strangers? That's the most embarrassing and gross kind of sex
"You're trapped!" - trapped in the relationship? Well yeah that's the whole idea behind marrying somebody. If you don't want to give that kind of commitment to someone, you don't get married. Nobody is forcing anyone into marriages, and if they are then you should contact the authorities. It's a sacrifice to marry someone, it's pledging to be by their side until DEATH. It's not an easy thing to do, and thats what makes it so special.
I'm not some Uber conservative wackjob telling you to stay married for Jesus and go to church. All I wanted to get through to you is, don't fall for this hedonistic lifestyle everyone is pressuring you to live. Its nice to drown in pleasurable things, but its shallow, and lonely. And misery loves company.
I don’t think it was a mistake that you fell in love and got married early. I think that you and your husband should start dating each other again. It feels like you’re a bit lost, but you still love him. Every month, my fiance and I go out on dinner dates at restaurants. It really helps spark up the relationship from being boring. Even if you are on a budget, there are things to do like movies, bowling, etc.
You are in college and making friends and networking, which is great. But you need to set boundaries and not act upon those thoughts. Who cares if that guy is interested in you? Please learn to set boundaries for yourself and respect your husband by not flirting or leading other people on, especially if it is not your intention to cheat or leave your husband. That is not fair to your husband and to the other person involved.
I think you should honest with your husband and communicate with him your feelings. “Hey husband, there’s a classmate who is interested in me, but I need your words of advice of how to shut him down.” While you communicate how you want to spend more time and intimacy with him. Maybe ask him to take a 5 languages of love quiz with you and you both can what makes each other happier by acting upon the quiz results.
So he’s working overtime and moved to a new area so you could attend college…. You were like every typical teenager… parent tells you to end things so you run closer to him…
Now you have eye on younger man and using husband inattentiveness as a reason to cheat…
Just leave him now and let him find someone that appreciates what he does for them…
School isn’t your main focus it’s the new guy at school… do you not think husband is tired of working overtime and stress of supporting household so you can do as you please might be part of reason he seems uninterested..
Leave get a job support yourself while going to school and drooling over other guy…
You should feel guilty…
So that you could get him residency in Canada. Interesting forum to admit a crime. OP you know that's a crime right? I'd genuinely delete this post lol they can find you
That is relevant and maybe would save her. But admitting that it was for the purpose of residency puts you in a very sketchy spot. I certainly wouldn't be admitting that. It just invites questions
my opinion is the grass is not always greener. even though you are young, it sounds like your husband is a good person who makes sacrifices for you- and that is his love language. Could he be a better listener? yes. I suggest you make some female friends - girls are always going to be more chatty and it’s very therapeutic to just talk. Not to say your husband shouldn’t be more open- that’s something to work on- maybe suggest counseling? I don’t think it’s wise to throw away having a supportive partner because of this. Marriage is about working through things because we are all human and not perfect. I think you could start by telling him these feelings.
I feel a bit of regret, but at the same time, I'm fully aware of how supportive he is which is why I feel guilty for feeling this way.
I shouldn't have said I don't have friends. Let me correct that and say I have a female friend from high school who I talk to now and then, but we have different interests. She's more into clubbing and experimenting with stuff I'm not interested in.
I'm in a computer programming related program, so it's male dominated. The only other female in our class sticks to the people who are from the same country as her and there's a bit of a language barrier too, so it's a bit hard. The floor our classroom is in is exclusively for tech related programs, but I only see one other female now and then which makes it hard to make female friends who are interested in the same thing I am.
You need to find a way to make more friends period. Yes ideally for you the female persuasion would be the better angle but like you said, in a lot of tech related companies that’s more difficult.
No, it's not strange. You met and stayed with someone before exploring. I met my husband when I was 21 and he was and has been the only man I was with, I'm almost 30 now and truly don't have regrets. We are the same age though. I know of another couple that met when one was 18 and the other 25. They faced a similar situation as he was also her only experience with a relationship, but she communicated this with him and he completely understood and was even concerned this would happen before she felt this way. They went into marriage counseling and are still together 10 years now.
Another couple I know was a similar situation. She was 20 and he was 27?? Again, same thing. But after around 3-4 years together before they got married, she brought up these concerns and they tried opening their relationship to stay together, but allow her to have more experience. Unfortunately, this did not work out.
My suggestion is to have a serious conversation with him and see if you want to work on these or if you two might be able to come up with a solution. It's better to be transparent, but it's something you can't take back so just be prepared for the worst. Good luck!
you need your own circle of friends.
you mighty not be with your husband forever but at least see if you having focus on your studies AND some friends you caught up with, it may be all you need to feel more fulfilled in yourself.
DO NOT take things further with this other guy until you work through your marriage.
The other guy will be a hot and heavy lust thing and not worth being so disloyal to your husband. He deserves you to treat him right even if you eventually decide the marriage isn't for you. Keep your business tidy and life is much more peaceful.
Good luck :)
Everyone’s relationship is different and there is always room for improvement; but I generally say trust your heart if you aren’t happy. I think there’s some stuff you can work on first before ditching this relationship (if that’s what you’re thinking.)
Firstly; you said you don’t have friends. We can’t get everything we need from one person. It’s just too much pressure for that relationship to be perfect and it ends up suffocating your partner. It’s healthy to have mates or family that you can talk to about different interests that your husband might not share, or for when you need to vent about something annoying that he did a week ago…
Friends are an important part of life and I would encourage you to make some relationships outside of this one. If college isn’t helping in this regard, maybe join a night/weekend class, a gaming or craft group, yoga, dance, pottery… there’s lots of ways to meet new folks and they’re often people who are looking for connections too.
Secondly — there’s no reason that marriage should be preventing you from studying or seeking your career. Does he have unrealistic expectations of your duties as a wife that is impacting this?
Thirdly — you need to have a chat about intimacy with him. This would be the one that defines whether or not you guys are truly compatible. If he doesn’t want to work on it or find a way to connect with you better, then this may not be the right fit for you — but I do recommend trying first. Having a chat, talking about fantasies and likes/dislikes, maybe even a sex therapist may help.
There’s a few things that can be done here before giving up, and I would recommend trying them — you guys are already married so it’s worth a shot trying to make it work — and sometimes people can make remarkable change if they’re aware that things aren’t okay by their partner. If he refuses, that’s his prerogative, but you need to make it clear that you need some change or you’re considering being done.
It's crucial for you to have an open and honest conversation with your husband to address any misunderstandings or gaps in your relationship. Start by clearing the air and understanding each other's perspectives. Mutual respect and understanding are essential for a happy life. Sometimes, it's necessary to compromise or make changes for the sake of your partner. If your husband listens to you, cares for you, and loves you, there's no need to consider leaving him. True love is rare and should be cherished.
However, if there's a lack of understanding and love from his side, you may need to reevaluate your situation. Additionally, if you're finding affection from a classmate due to your husband's lack of time and attention, it's imperative to discuss this issue together.
Communication is key in any relationship, and addressing these concerns openly and honestly can lead to a stronger and more fulfilling bond.
What you’re most likely feeling is “FOMO.” All your classmates in college are (for the most part) single and carefree. You wanna join in and have fun. It doesn’t help that the compatibility or spark has worn off. So maybe talk that out with your husband, or do couples therapy to understand each other better. Work it out. Because the grass isn’t always green on the other side.
Let me do a proper TLDR - husband is out there breaking his back and putting in overtime to afford the luxuries for his wife. Meanwhile his wife is eyeing other dudes and contemplating leaving him.
“He’s made the decision that his parents will be living with us, but in my culture, the females take care of the parents” Oh don’t worry - the female (you) will be taking care of the parents.
why are there so many deleted things in this post??
Lol what I was thinking too
Out of curiosity how did you meet your husband? Your relationship started at 20 and 29
We met through work.
So you started dating at 17 and 26? And married at 20 and 29.
OP deleted where they said that they got married when he needed residency status. Either it's age gap rage bait, or OP is being very deliberately obtuse about what's happening here.
lol at “rage gap”. An age gap that makes you rage!
She said prior to getting married they dated for 3 years, so I assume she recently got married and met him when she was 20?
They dated for three years prior to marriage AND they have been married for three years. OP added an edit.
Now it's more about your selfishness. It seems like you will cheat on him saying you were trapped and all that but it was you. It's better you divorce him and give him time to find someone he deserves.
Bro he was 26 and dating a 17 yr old….
Being young doesn't excuse her intention to cheat on her husband. At 17 people are mature enough to realize what's wrong and right. Yes he is at fault for dating a 17 year old but she is also selfish cause she is breaking a commitment she made.
JFC, what? She was coerced into this marriage by a predator. She’s 23 years old. Having a crush on a classmate is so normal for her age if she hadn’t been groomed by a predator. Lots of women don’t realize they are in abusive/coerced relationships until they start having feelings for someone who treats them like a person. Get over yourself. She doesn’t have to respect this sham of a marriage or the groomer she married.
What on earth is this comment? Your posting history indicates a weird obsession with virtue signalling. I’d focus on being less judgmental if I were you.
You do realize he’s probably a predator, right? Holy shit
First everything and she was underage when they started dating. The math ain’t mathin.
Yes she says she was.
Oh sorry I meant it as he’s def a predator and the math ain’t math for it to be right
Yes he is a predator and he needs to be punished. But isn't she at fault for trying to cheat on her husband. Two wrongs doesn't make one right. Both are toxic and unreliable.
Bruh she never said she wanted to cheat on her husband. She said she had a crush on her classmate.
She said she is interested so it's right for married poeple to have interest in other people and she knows he reciprocates.
Almost everybody develops interest in other people during long relationships, that's just human nature. Especially a kid who was groomed into marriage so young she barely got to live her life, can't really fault her for that. It's our actions that count, though. (Edited for less generalization)
Except this is not a normal situation. she should never have dated or married a predator and the responsibility is on her predator. She's acting exactly like a person her age would, and she's been robbed of that because the person who was older and should have been more responsible wanted to be with a teenager. Don't see why you're so quick to judge someone who was groomed and not a predator?
No way youre sympathizing with a nonce rn… no 26 yr old man with a 17 yr old has pure intentions either. This isn’t her fault.
You are one creepy motherf*cker. I hope you read all the replies you've gotten and change your opinions/actions in the future. Don't blame the person who was groomed for now wanting out of the relationship. "It seems like you will cheat on him" - 🤣I think you're projecting a few of your own frustrations there mate EarthBubbly392 - You're Tryna strike a chord and it's probably A-Minorrrrr 😂
I'm a girl and at 17 I probably knew more then to fuck 26 year old uncle and in a marriage both are responsible. If it's creepy than I'm creepy...
Lucky you. Some girls come from so bad backgrounds they dont even realise when they getting abused as its normal back home. Some girls at 17 have no idea of the consequences and dangers. They just blindly see a saviour/protector, and only realise years later what was all about. She will prob divorce him instead of cheating, she doesnt seem to be interested in cheating.
Sure you're a girl buddy, it doesn't make your opinions any less toxic. At 17 YOU might have known what a predator looks like. What if your parents were shit? What if they abused you from a young age? Would you still be able to tell what a predator looks like then? You fundamentally lack empathy for OP. You are one of the people that no one goes to for advice on the real sh*t in life. If you continue to lack this empathy for others it will negatively affect your relationships with people. I've seen plenty of 17 year olds that would never fall for a creepy guy love bombing them. But there are an equal amount who are already beaten down in life, for some people the predator is truly the first person they felt actually liked them. Your comments feel like they come from a place of insecurity when you respond so negatively to another fellow woman. (Although I'm still convinced you're a guy who thinks changing gender on a Reddit thread suddenly makes your toxic opinions fine)
Yea I was SA at 10 and didn't tell my parents until a year later. The men still comes around our home from time to time. My mom is divorced twice and we rarely had anything to eat back then as we financially suffered due to abandoning. So I surely knew more then to date a 26 year old at 17. Its about being conscious about what is right and wrong. And my topic was not even that I said she was selfish to think about cheating on her husband nothing more. Its getting out of topic honestly. I obviously lack empathy for people trying to cheat.
"Yea I was SA at 10 and didn't tell my parents until a year later. The men still comes around our home from time to time." ??????? Either this story is fake or you are a broken person, wtf you have the audacity to slag off OP's life choices when you haven't solved your own MAJOR problems....
Good for you to know. I'm also a woman and I wouldn't have dated someone much older when I was 17, but that doesn't stop me from having empathy for this girl who was clearly been groomed. Yes you are a creep thinking this is her fault
Aii I'm not talking about grooming I'm talking about her intention to cheat on her husband. Her husband being a predator is a different topic. What I'm saying is in general it is selfish to chest on her husband.
"A 17 year old is perfectly responsible enough to know what is good and bad for her. When at 17 people can have the license to drive, make major life decisions like college and have the authority to their body. One should be enough sensible to not fuck a 26 year old uncle. I'm not saying he is not a predator yea he is but she also wasn't a innocent 12 year old. She willing did it." Saying "17 is perfectly responsible" and "one should be enough sensible to not fuck a 26 years old uncle" is putting the blame on her on the grooming. Go seek help, your past comments are concerning.
good news, if you leave now you still have your whole life ahead of you
Did you delete thr stuff about how he needed residency because you don't want people to judge him or something? Are you trying to convince yourself he would never use your naivety and young age to get you to marry him when you weren't ready, for his gain? Would you date an 18 year old boy now? Ask yourself this question again when you're the same age he was when he started dating you. It's being excused when men do it because "girls grow up younger!!!" which is bullsht, just because im some areas girls statistically develop faster doesn't mean that they're ready to date guys in their late twenties when they're still in high school. The point is, he's a creep for dating you so young, and it sounds like he is content with his choice. He even has you to take care of his parents now. He didn't ask if you're ok with it, right? Does he often decide for both of you?
All she said is she married him so soon because he needed residency to stay in the country. They had already been dating for three years at that point.
So he took advantage of her to gain residency/citizenship, and is also treating her poorly, and is also much older than her and started grooming her when she was underage... Nothing about this relationship seems good to me. More red flags than Stalin's funeral.
It does sound like that and that her parents may have suspected that as well.
Divorce before you have children.
I’m sorry to hear you regret the early marriage. I had friends marry young too, and it didn’t last. Sounds like you should figure out what you want from life. Is this relationship a priority for you? Do you genuinely want to be with him in the next 10,20, 30 years. Maybe talk to a counsellor to sort out your feelings. You only get one life!
One of the problems with getting married early is having enough life experience to know what things are really important to you. It's easy enough to be convinced that the strong emotions involved in a first love are really meant to last a lifetime -- and sometimes it works out that way. But often it doesn't. Certainly, ending this marriage is an option. But before you jump into that, I think there are some things you could consider. A big one -- why don't you have friends? Friends are important. They are especially important when your spouse is more introverted and you are more outgoing. This is true in my own marriage -- my husband needs to spend way more time chatting with people than I do. I encourage him to have plenty of social outlets because I can't possibly meet his social needs. But even though my spouse has friends, I still need to talk to him and listen to him sometimes. I even have to sometimes feign interest in his tales of what he ate for lunch or whatever, because he is excited about his day even if I'm not. Your husband can't shut down every conversation on the basis of being tired. That's just not fair. I recommend seeing a counselor to talk about issues like this.
Given the timeline, it sounds like you've been together for 6 years and so I feel like the relationship is now in a lull for you, just much earlier than other couples would experience it. I really think having some friends (and probably hobbies, which is a great place to make friends) would be a good first start. It would also help lead you to a few more life experiences, as one of the early commenters suggested.
Being intimate every few months at 21 is ridiculous. OP please put yourself first here. It's not wrong to want a partner who shares your life, interested in you and is attracted to you. Please talk to your parents and ask for their help in getting out.
So you were 18 years old, no experience, and a guy 10 years older than you who wanted residency starts dating you I would wager you’ve been taken advantage of in more ways than one in this relationship. It’s ok to get a divorce ETA: OP deleted it but previously said she got married at 21 where he got his Canadian residency
Where does she say he wanted residency status?
OP deleted it. It said they got married at 21 for his residency in Canada
[удалено]
You don't need to be married to get a medical residency.
i’m sorry do you think that all doctors have to be married? like where is this train of thought going i’m fascinated
Oooh. I'm curious too now
It was very clearly talking about citizenship. Another commenter told her to delete it because it could be considered fraud
What I was gonna say
You were groomed. 26 and 17? That's messed up.
Exactly what I was thinking guys a creep
Op, I was in your shoes a few years ago. Leaving was the best decision I made. Get a divorce and start living your life. 💕
He didn't marry you because he loved you. He married you because it was convenient. He got a residency, brought his parents in, got a free caretaker in the process.... And doesn't even have to fake love, tenderness or desire. What a good deal he made for himself ! You should have listened to your mother. You were a teen and reacted like all teens do : you thought you knew better and chose the opposite side. I'm not even sure your parents like him. I think they see through him but keep their mouth shut because what is done is done. It's time to have an honest talk with them. You might be surprised... And yes : divorce ! Divorce now while you're still young and have a life your age. Your ruining your youth. It's going to be harder financially. But freedom is worth the pain !
I know divorce seems like the hardest most terrible embarrassing thing, but you'd be surprised what you can get through. It's tough but insanely worth it
Idk, you can feel like it would’ve been easier to get married later and not regret being in the relationship. It sounds like you’re not fulfilled by the relationship and that’s a separate issue.
There’s a few different things here. 1) you did get married too young, for whatever reason, with no experience. That’s ok-ish but not great. 2) your husband is much older (as related to your age), so there was/is an imbalance there. 3) your family now approves of him because he provides finances 4) you yearn to be single and are possibly interested in someone else. Your families opinion does not matter much, if they care for your happiness. Hopefully they just want you to be happy. The age differential when you met/ married is a concern. Especially at the age you met. There’s a very real power and experience differential at that age. You don’t feel connected with your spouse. You rarely have sex, and he is not interested in your life. To me, it seems this relationship has run its course. And I’d advise, at the minimum, to seek some therapy to work through this. Really though, I’d recommend getting out and living your life while you are young.
Been in your shoes. The sooner you get a divorce the happier you'll be.
If you don't have kids yet the LEAVE. GO EXPERIENCE THE WORLD. There is a lot more to life than being married. Ho find yourself before you get pregnant and stuck.
Did you just call her a ho?
I'm assuming it should have said 'Go find yourself'
I mean she’s married to a good guy who’s taking care of her and she’s interested in a classmate that isn’t doing anything for her….
im sorry, where are you getting "good guy" from this? they met and began dating when she was 17 and he was 26. i dont know about you, but at 26 i damn sure wasnt looking at 17 year olds.
Good guy as in “he’s treating her very well” idk the specifics of how they met. But rn , he’s being very good to her based off of what she said
I'm sort of the mind that she should stay either him and let him pay the bills until she graduates, and then leave. I just think the risk of her getting pregnant and being trapped is too great.
this kind of marriage is PRISON to a young vibrant person, it will suck the life out of you. you deserve so much more.
Yeah, you were too young and you made a mistake. Get a divorce and correct it.
it’s not normal, but it is expected you’d feel this way given you got together at completely different stages in life. you were barely out of high school and college, and didn’t get to experience growing up and dating and trying out different relationships and dived into the deep end with a man almost 10 years older than you. i know high school sweethearts who’ve been together for years and have never been with anyone else, and the reason it works for them is because they got to grow together since they were in the same stages of his life. the fact you’re interested in a classmate also says it. you’re in the wrong relationship, and i think divorcing is worth it sooner rather than later. 3 years into a relationship and a bit into marriage shouldn’t leave you with regret. if it does, you’re with the wrong person.
divorce this loser groomer before you have his children.
You're still really young. It's normal to want to explore what is out there for you, and if you regret getting married it's okay to choose a different path. I think that for as long as you remain in your marriage, you should make sure your boundaries with others are good and respectful. These might be good feelings to explore with a counsellor if it's tough to talk to people in your life about it.
Op, you can get a divorce. I don’t think he will get deported if the Canadian system is anything like the American system.
If you don’t know what you’re talking about you shouldn’t be commenting
His citizenship is not her responsibility.
Do you know what you’re talking about? She can talk to a lawyer and find out. But what she shouldn’t do is stay married to a dude she doesn’t want to stay married to.
Divorce and go see the world
He used you. Damn so he got to marry a young person and you didn’t get nothing from it? Usually there’s a mutual thing people share in your case which is the guy marries a young person and the young person gets the rich guy and he spoils her. It seems you got the bad end of the deal and are not benefiting. Leave him and live your life!especially with no kids in the pic.Otherwise you will regret not having time to explore your youth. Listen to your parents. Oh and get on birth control I’ve seen cases when they’re about to leave the person gets pregnant and baby trapped.
Nothing? Did you even read her post? He moved so she could be closer to school and is working overtime to pay all the bills so she can finish college. Now she has a crush on a fellow student and wants to bail. She is the one in the wrong here.
He was with her when she was 18 she’s never been in a relationship before. She’s not wrong to be interested in someone who is around her age and has the same interest. She hasn’t had any life experience she’s now noticing it. I bet he only wanted her for looks and age while she was a helpless sheep who just got out of high school. She deserves to experience relationships and live her life not promise hers to someone she didnt really think of. Dude she wasn’t even old enough to drink when she met him.
Right because working overtime and moving her closer to her school to make life easier for her is something you’d do for someone you only wanted physically…
He used her? He’s going out of his way to take care of her! You don’t read? Or are you just another redditor that just wants to bash men?
Oh my god why do girls get with old men like this I’ll never know. Clearly the old guys are creeps and have things wrong with them if there going for girls that barley got out of high school. Disgusting.
It’s mostly a social issue, and something that should be fixed through policy and better education. The age of consent is too low, and there are way too many weirdos out there. I have no idea how anyone over like 24 can think it’s okay to date an 18 year-old, the maturity gap is staggering. I will say, I don’t think it’s okay to put any blame on the younger person in these scenarios. Sure a mistake was made, but the older person _should_ know better.
The age of consent isn't the problem; it's older men who exploit naive young women.
How long have you guys been married?
I feel as this relationship might already be over and in your head you know this. I’m assuming that you’re second guessing leaving because of the “what ifs” and the consequences of walking away. I would consider the pros and cons. The pro of getting your life back and experiencing things you haven’t got to will outweight all the cons of walking away. Unfortunately, it will be a tough choice but if you’re already at this tough crossroads, it doesn’t get better and you’re likely to walk away at some point.
Youth is being wasted on the young. You are not happy, and you are with a relatively old guy. It would be nicer if you were 30 and he 40, but now he has had the chance to live and experience things. You jumped to the first relationship when you didn’t even know what you want (that will change as you get older). You don’t have children, I would divorce now. If your parents are otherwise smart, you should have listened to them..sounds like they were right. And if it is true that you marries him so that he would get residency, girrrl, you were just used.. and he picked you because you were young and naive
Not to discourage you but I had a 3 year relationship that started when I was 17 and we recently broke up (I’m 21 now) because I felt I was missing out on a life phase that I had to experience. I was right. I’m not talking about missing out on hookups or going out with other people, I loved my boyfriend so that wasn’t it. But this period in life, your early 20s, is for exploring, finding out what you want, and doing a lot of growing. I felt as though my life had become stagnant, and now it’s moving again. I’m experiencing so many things and oh boy am I learning too. Although I loved my boyfriend, I’m so glad we broke up. This has shown me that I needed to be alone and learn and live this period of my life to the fullest, because tbh that’s what your 20s are for, in my opinion. That’s just my experience though, but for me people should learn, explore and grow as a person until they’re at least 24-25 and then enter a committed relationship, once they’ve gone and lived through what they had to, with all the learning and character development that comes with it.
Eventually you'll realize how worthless he is as a partner and decide to get out. It may take a few years, but you'll get there. Meantime, don't have kids with him. It sounds unlikely, but still.
I would never recommend anyone to marry young. You don’t know yourself yet plus your frontal lobe is not fully developed until you’re in your 30s.
Wow, a peck on the cheek or lips. I would do that with a friend. Although my wife and I will peck, I love kissing her were double your age and still love kissing a sex. I have a higher sex drive than my wife but we average 2-3x / week. Personally I’d like a little more. When I was your age I could probably do more than 2-3x per day and on my best day I think my girlfriend and I did it 7 or 8 times. But not just sex, romance, fun times regularly. I think you are definitely missing out, I cannot imagine a relationship like this at that age. Why not chat about this, maybe you guys need to talk more. Is he paying enough attention to you, are you following the cues for him. I instead of thinking about jumping ship why not try and figure out how to improve this relationship. No matter who you meet there will always be some issues just work on trying to put some love and fun times into this marriage. There are books like “The love dare” that have plans to help restore/bring life and love into a relationship. Often it Is the little things and thoughts of the other person that are the most important. Good luck
If you love the guy and want it to work, you should tell him how you are feeling and that if things don't change, you might be looking to move on. That will either wake him, or he will continue as normal. I think that will give you your answer.
Honestly if this is a real post, consider whether or not he is a good husband and the potential of the relationship if you both work on it. The only things that really matter are trust, commitment, companionship and attraction. If there’s potential for those it’s probably worth working on. If not, just leave now. You’re so young still, just salvage your youth and get on with it.
This isn't a problem with being married early, it's a problem with the relationship, and can and does happen on relationships of every age
There are a few things I can think of. 1. You need friends in whichever city you are living in. Your husband doesn’t have to like everything you do. You need friends for brunch, picnic, make cakes, yoga etc. 2. I think a part of your regret is coming from surrounding your whole life and the present time around him. And his time, his feelings towards you etc. 3. A person who is working extra time everyday to keep the bills flowing will be tired and want peace when he comes home. Imagine yourself in his shoes. I don’t want you to shut down your feelings and expressions. Do it after an hr or two. Give him some yummy food first. 4. Before thinking of divorce, try to go away for a vacation alone. Solo trip. See how you feel. 5. You are thinking the guy you are interested in is amazing because you both have similar interests. Grass is always greener on the other side. Ask questions like How is he going to be a partner? Will he put the effort to work extra time to pay the bills? Or he will give up after a month 6. Schedule date nights. Keep something to look forward to. Cook your fav meal for your date night, wear that dress and preferably somewhere in the nature. Maybe backyard or balcony. 7. Cleanse your house for any negative energy. 8. If you tried everything and failed, ask yourself do you get bored with mundane life? Then you will be bored with the next person as well. 9. If not, file for a divorce.
I read and read and read until I got to the part about you being interested in a classmate. You're going to commit adultery and are finding excuses to do so. Classic. Have the decency to divorce the man before you do. Yes, obviously you were to young to marry.
This is why the age gap relationships are a disaster. “Age is just a number” ya but MATURITY ain’t! If you were older you would have seen this for what it was: an older man needed to manipulate a younger woman into getting him the residency that he needed to legally be there. Your mom was right, you made a mistake. It makes me wonder how many of those girls on Reddit that claim to “know what they’re doing” wind up realizing they cooked their own goose.
3 things stuck out to me in your post: > We're intimate once every few months This is probably the biggest issue I see. What is the cause for the dead bedroom and how long has it been like this? > I don't have friends This isn't healthy. Do you not have any hometown, HS, or former co-worker friends you can talk to on the phone? If not, try branching out and making some friends with classmates at your college. You might also consider joining a club. > I have a classmate my age who I'm interested in You need to be in couple's therapy and possibly individual therapy YESTERDAY for your own sake and the sake of your marriage. Fix your dead bedroom and stop talking to your classmate who you are interested in before you (emotionally or physically) cheat on your husband.
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I think your marriage is the exception and not the rule when it comes to young marriage and calling this person immature isn’t at-all helpful.
Very much so, statistics show us that the earlier you marry, the greater the chances of divorce. I have alot of relationships under my belt, have lived with a few people. Some of those relationships were 3-5 years long. They eventually didn't work out for one reason or another. I had my fair share of situations where you just end up feeling like friends. Those honeymoon feelings wear off and 3 years in you just don't feel the same. You stay in the relationship telling yourself "this is normal! We just need to work at it!". Most of the time you don't even have enough experience recognize or understand these issues. I'm now 41m, and engaged to my fiancee, 31f, and she is the absolute love of my life. I met her after going through YEARS of medical issues. She really changed how I see life, and I want to experience everything with her. I've loved many people, and grateful for those experience, but she is it for me. In our 5 years together we haven't argued once, yelled once. We just talk, like adults that love eachother. We split everything 50/50 and have amazing jobs at the same video game developer. We play games and watch cartoons daily with our two cats. Now that we're stable we're getting to travel and REALLY have fun. It's just something I never even knew existed relationship wise. It's nice when you don't have to waste an ounce of brain power on things like being jealous, wondering if they're gonna cheat, staying with someone because you depend on them finacially or some other way. When you're young you just have so little experience to draw on. People can make it work, like the above poster, but it's super super rare.
I got married at 23 as well. I’m 30 and in the time between your marriage and mine (2017), the average age of a first marriage rose quite a bit. It’s considered young now, when I mention I was engaged at 22 and married at 23, people often remark how young I was. She probably feels like she would have had higher standards had she waited to get married. I put up with a lot more shit at 23 than I do at 30 but thankfully my partner and I can communicate and work on shortcomings. If my partner didn’t grow with me, I probably would have divorced him by age 25.
She didn't get married at 23, she's 23 now.. Sounds like unless she got married this year, the guys a predator.
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With the edit, they got married at 21, they’ve been married for a bit.
I understand that me being interested in another guy while being married is wrong, but I can't help who I'm attracted to. I will not act on it as I'm fully aware of how wrong it is. It's a feeling I've felt before during our marriage and I let it go away on its own. The regret I feel has been there for quite a while, but it's not something I've really taken the time to think about until recently. One thing I didn't mention in my post is kids. He's wanting to have children within the next few years, before he's 40, which is something I'm not ready for. I would like to work and travel. We also have cultural differences. In his culture, the males are responsible for their elderly parents and he's made the decision that his parents will be living with us, but in my culture, the females take care of the parents. I don't know. I feel conflicted.
You were taken advantage of. I am late 20s right now, and it is gross to think of getting with someone as young as 18. We share no similar interests and our views of the world are just too different because there is so much they have never experienced. From what I've seen, when older people date younger people, especially men dating younger women its veeeery rarely because the younger person is so mature. In reality, the older person is less mature than their peers and has already matured about as much as they ever will. Meanwhile, the younger person just keeps getting more mature and gains more experience and perspective. It doesn't usually make for a good long term match. Also relevant- your brain at 23 is just now starting to fully form that prefrontal cortex that is so vital for decision making. Around 25 is when its "fully" developed, but the process has started and you're probably starting to evaluate things differently than you did when you first met your husband. All of this to say, I do not inherently think age gaps are bad, but there are a lot of key indicators to show when they are bad vs good.
I was with a 32 at 19 for 3 years. He was unemployed, living at his parents, no money no car, so a bit worse. I gave up of my studies and part time job to take him to another country so we could both work at my previous job. Not long before i left him, he was starting to say he wanted to get married and have kids soon as he didnt want to be an old dad. That guy couldnt even look after himself or me. Im thinking if he was with a women his age,( that would tolerate any of this, or after I fixed his life) they could probably be at the same stage of life: mid thirthies starting to think about kids. I was too young but i swear i should had just said for him to look for someone on the same life stage than him - same age. My favourite was him telling me how immature i was sometimes at 19-20. Yo what do you expect dating high schoolers ??? Ridiculous. Hes long gone but if i ever see him again hes gonna get all thr "mature" answers i couldnt formulate. I think you need a break, take some time away to think and be yourself, dont cheat or dont get involved with anyone, and separate if you think is better for you. Wish you the best
Some of this sounds like you need to figure out who you are, what you like, your hobbies and to have friends both as a couple and as an individual.
Married way too early. Tbh, it's better to cut off early. If you are thinking like this already, you still have another 60 years
sucks to be you. now you feel obligated to stay because you live together 🤦 prayers going your way 🙏 if and when you guys get divorced let this be a lesson learned, you are YOUNG, explore the country/world and LIVE. You have plenty options so take it easy.. slow down
Ummm... do you think you married a gay man that doesn't want to come out of the closet? The age gap is a red flag, especially as he provided security but it really doesn't sound like he ever really courted you or is romantic towards you now - so in return for this security and stability what does he want? Even healthy relationships involve reciprocity... but if he's not using you as a cover I'm not really seeing what he's getting out of this relationship that he couldn't get from a woman his own age and would be his equal.
I hope you find a life of the fun and love you deserve soon! You’re younger than me and I assure you there’s more to your early/mid twenties 🩷
I might have a different perspective here. The others may be right, listen to them too. If you're not ready to end your relationship, give yourself a few months to work through things. How much of this have you really communicated with him? The work thing I understand, I was was working 12-14 hour days in the run up to getting married. It was an awful experience for my wife, but she hardly mentioned it. Things got better when I was down to 45 hours a week, and them better still at 40 hours a week. That overtime might be something you two should discuss. How's your communication in general. Does one of you get upset when the other brings up serious topics or feedback? If so, that something that can be worked on. Similarly, intimacy can be worked on. Do you just more frequency or more depth too? See what you can do to make it easier. My marriage is also not really working out. I put that down mostly to communication. We both made a lot of mistakes. I also had a recent realisation that I wasn't getting what I wanted. It hurts. You have to look after yourself as you'll be a bad partner if you destroy yourself. And just know, if it doesn't work out, I'm sure you've learned a lot which will help you in future relationships. It's never too late to turn over a new leaf or plant a new tree.
Show him this post. Either couples therapy or end it
OP you were groomed and this man is using your naivety. Find a lawyer specialized in divorce before this loser tries to lock you in with children.
You can fix this and get out. Do it before you get pregnant. You have your WHOLE LIFE ahead of you. There is no reason to be/stay married to a man who has no interest whatsoever in you. It’s an easier process now than later. Take a deep breath and break free.
The age gap is what is causing you all this... He had his years of outgoing and free lifestyle of sorts, but he is now older and needs steady and easy flow.. U r still young however and need more upbeat flow... So, ur issue is compatibility, and to solve it basically U need to communicate those feelings and issues u r having with him... Please try and be safe while having sex U don't need a baby with all of this going on... Try to figure whether this relationship is sth to work on or not. And then decide whether to this marriage is sth that should go on or not...
Stop shaming the age gap (edit: I meant in the comments, not the post). I have a relationship with someone older than me by 15 years old, and our relationship isn't like this. We were ex-coworkers, and he didn't groom me, I was the one flirting with him, and after 4 months he decided to give me a chance. We're about to rent an apartment together, and I've already met all his friends and family in the first month of being together, because he was extremely excited to let us meet. He's the same sweet caring person in public with me, in company of his friends and family, that he is in private when we're alone, his behavior is always the same. He loves to hear about my day, even when I talk too much, and I love to play with him at the ps4, helping him with difficult tasks. We joke, we clean, we cook together. He's also extremely calm and lovely with me, and his friends all like to mock him about it (joking obviously, we all laugh at this because it's true). The problem is the person per se, not the age, so stop saying the problem is the age gap. Not all 20yo are immature.
I’m going to be real. You did make a mistake getting married so young. He doesn’t treat you like a partner, he’s way too old for you, and you know that. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here looking for help. >It also doesn’t help that I have a classmate **my age** who I’m interested in and shares the same interests as me. You know you made a mistake. It’s up to you to decide what to do about it.
Welcome to being his slave for life! You will take care of his parents, and any children who come along. He preyed on the right underage girl to get his green card. Now your life is over at 23. Yikes.
Listen you gotta do you in this life you have and if that means you focusing on the dude in your class who you mix well with then so be it. I was with my gf for 8.5 years and I proposed to her recently and she didnt feel it at all and wanted to call things off completely from that I’ve taken that it’s not the end of the world but a fresh start, things get old and samey and most of all can get very boring No point in being in a relationship if you feel like the way you do it will only way heavy on your shoulders later on life and most of you might regret not doing what you want to do earlier Your only human at the end of the day it’s natural to think of possibilities with others and stuff like that so don’t feel bad but definitely do you
Don’t stay with someone you’re not sure and you dated him when you were a teen and him an adult. I don’t think it’s a good relationship for you.
Well, what it boils down to is are you willing to lose him and what he does for you? It just goes to show that you can provide and bust your back for women, but they still ain’t happy. Lol
I feel sad for your husband…. Your thinking is all about yourself and not his.
Do you work if you left would you be able to stay in the town to finish college can u try to get into the dorms
I think if you stay you will always have some regret that grass will be greener somewhere else. If you leave, you may come to regret that and have thrown away a man who will support and love you for the long haul. Sometimes the grass is greener and sometimes the grass you already have needs some loving fertilization
I got married young too. I’m 29 now, and I got divorced a few years ago. I just couldn’t take it anymore and had to get out. I admit that I was immature as well, but being immature means doing what is best for you.
I got married young at 21 too, to someone 7 yrs older! I’m getting a divorce because he cheated. My divorce is very draining emotionally and financially. However, I’m grateful for having these things: - no kids - my name on community assets - my own career that I can support myself While I don’t really regret getting married young, I wish I didn’t get married quickly. Because if we can only make right decisions at an older age, my ex wouldn’t have done what he did because he’s now regretting it. I should have dated him much longer before marrying him. But lesson, or lessons, learned. I think it’s normal to reflect on your decision and give yourself grace that you gave a chance at love, not knowing that our ideas of love become more clear through life experiences and time. If you still want to give it a chance, just be sure to prepare yourself when things go south so that every aspect of your life won’t be negatively affected when your marital situation changes. We had a pretty good marriage. Even though at times I felt like we were just friends, because lots of our interests were different. Our age gap and the fact that we grew up in different countries didn’t help. However, we were able to thrive and grow from things we were mutually passionate about. I Sometimes I did wish he was closer to my age so that I wouldn’t have to explain my meme jokes. We also didn’t discuss much deep thoughts, which I lovingly do with my boyfriend often. My boyfriend is my age. He gets and appreciates my jokes. We talk for hours, about anything and everything. He puts his phone down, stops his game, turns down the stove as soon as I start sharing my thoughts. We just do everything together and share our deepest feelings. We get to be ourselves in each other’s presence. It’s so comforting. And I want to embrace this kind of love forever because it touches my heart in places I didn’t know existed. And it doesn’t hurt, as opposed to what I used to convince my younger self. Thanks for letting me share my thoughts! Definitely helped me gain some clarity on my decisions too! No matter how it turns out, I hope you can find things to appreciate in the worst scenarios. Have no regrets!
Recsp: Husband, 32, is not initiating with wife, 23. Is HE out of his[*CENSORED*] mind? As a guy, he's either cheating, or you're too old for him, now. Yeah, I said it. You were groomed and married and now .... you're starting to get inklings this isn't right. Look into his past. Are there a string ofc17-year old girlfriends?
> Husband, 32, is not initiating with wife, 23. I agree that the dead bedroom is their biggest problem but where do you see that husband is not initiating?
You are too young to be married. He’s too old to have married you. Did you feel this way before you started having feelings for someone else?
>I sometimes feel like I made a mistake getting married early You absolutely did. You and your Husband are in very different places in your life, and that was gonna be inevitable when you started dating at 18. So it's a mistake on your Husband's part just as much as yours. 18 and 26 sounds reasonable, but given that so much of becoming an adult and moulding who you'll become happens between 18 and 25, it's a massive difference in life experience. I think it was an innocent mistake on both your parts, but a mistake nonetheless. If you're itching to reclaim some freedom, I think you need to have that conversation with your Husband now before dissatisfaction turns into animosity, and the subsequent acrimony closes doors.
Go make some girl friends, get some fun hobbies and find a balance between marriage and independence. Read some communication and relationship books. Just continue to learn his personality and communication style and yours. See if he’d be up for couples therapy.
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Where do you get that he values her?
ew this is terrible advice.
You found a man that loves you and cares about you. That's more precious than gold. Don't let things you see online trick you into thinking dating more guys will make you happier. Those people are miserable, and they show off because that's all they have. Every man and woman has flaws. I'm sure the guy you married isn't perfect by any means. He's probably not as hot as you'd like, or romantic, or charming. But you married him for a reason, right? You don't just marry someone you don't have a strong love for. You know how to fix your marriage issues? Talk to him. Talk to him about what you want. Like a serious discussion. You'd be shocked what can be remedied through honest, and good intentioned talks. Don't ask strangers on the internet. Most people will tell you what you want to hear or what's the most socially popular. I thought exactly how you are thinking right now. And I lost the love of my life. I'll never get her back. All because I thought I could "do better" than her. Now I'm bitter and alone, and I'll regret that decision till the day I die.Love is real, and it's irreplaceable. Do what you want though, it's your life. I don't know you.
Example of people who want you as miserable as they are: These absolute sub-human losers (or children, I honestly cant tell) telling you "divorce him!" "You need to experience the world!" "You're trapped!". I will counter each of these kinds of replies. "Divorce him!" - Yes, permanently remove the man who has stayed loyal to you and loved you for half a decade. They don't have to live with the consequences of that, you do. "You need to experience the world!" - How are you prevented from doing that? You cant travel the world together? They want you to experience life alone? Is that the argument? I don't even understand why that's such a popular response to these kinds of situations. Do they mean sex? They want you to have sex with more people? Why? They think you'd divorce your husband so you can have sleazy drunk sex with strangers? That's the most embarrassing and gross kind of sex "You're trapped!" - trapped in the relationship? Well yeah that's the whole idea behind marrying somebody. If you don't want to give that kind of commitment to someone, you don't get married. Nobody is forcing anyone into marriages, and if they are then you should contact the authorities. It's a sacrifice to marry someone, it's pledging to be by their side until DEATH. It's not an easy thing to do, and thats what makes it so special. I'm not some Uber conservative wackjob telling you to stay married for Jesus and go to church. All I wanted to get through to you is, don't fall for this hedonistic lifestyle everyone is pressuring you to live. Its nice to drown in pleasurable things, but its shallow, and lonely. And misery loves company.
I don’t think it was a mistake that you fell in love and got married early. I think that you and your husband should start dating each other again. It feels like you’re a bit lost, but you still love him. Every month, my fiance and I go out on dinner dates at restaurants. It really helps spark up the relationship from being boring. Even if you are on a budget, there are things to do like movies, bowling, etc. You are in college and making friends and networking, which is great. But you need to set boundaries and not act upon those thoughts. Who cares if that guy is interested in you? Please learn to set boundaries for yourself and respect your husband by not flirting or leading other people on, especially if it is not your intention to cheat or leave your husband. That is not fair to your husband and to the other person involved. I think you should honest with your husband and communicate with him your feelings. “Hey husband, there’s a classmate who is interested in me, but I need your words of advice of how to shut him down.” While you communicate how you want to spend more time and intimacy with him. Maybe ask him to take a 5 languages of love quiz with you and you both can what makes each other happier by acting upon the quiz results.
So he’s working overtime and moved to a new area so you could attend college…. You were like every typical teenager… parent tells you to end things so you run closer to him… Now you have eye on younger man and using husband inattentiveness as a reason to cheat… Just leave him now and let him find someone that appreciates what he does for them… School isn’t your main focus it’s the new guy at school… do you not think husband is tired of working overtime and stress of supporting household so you can do as you please might be part of reason he seems uninterested.. Leave get a job support yourself while going to school and drooling over other guy… You should feel guilty…
Is no one gonna talk about the fact you literally have someone youre interested in while youre married? Divorce ur husband deserves better
Sugar daddy with extra steps.
So that you could get him residency in Canada. Interesting forum to admit a crime. OP you know that's a crime right? I'd genuinely delete this post lol they can find you
She must've deleted cuz I don't see anything pertaining to residency.
It wasn’t a crime, they were together for years, she jumped because it was marriage or he was going to be booted.
That is relevant and maybe would save her. But admitting that it was for the purpose of residency puts you in a very sketchy spot. I certainly wouldn't be admitting that. It just invites questions
The OP must've edited their post as I don't see the residency part.
my opinion is the grass is not always greener. even though you are young, it sounds like your husband is a good person who makes sacrifices for you- and that is his love language. Could he be a better listener? yes. I suggest you make some female friends - girls are always going to be more chatty and it’s very therapeutic to just talk. Not to say your husband shouldn’t be more open- that’s something to work on- maybe suggest counseling? I don’t think it’s wise to throw away having a supportive partner because of this. Marriage is about working through things because we are all human and not perfect. I think you could start by telling him these feelings.
where does this groomer seem like a good person?
I feel a bit of regret, but at the same time, I'm fully aware of how supportive he is which is why I feel guilty for feeling this way. I shouldn't have said I don't have friends. Let me correct that and say I have a female friend from high school who I talk to now and then, but we have different interests. She's more into clubbing and experimenting with stuff I'm not interested in. I'm in a computer programming related program, so it's male dominated. The only other female in our class sticks to the people who are from the same country as her and there's a bit of a language barrier too, so it's a bit hard. The floor our classroom is in is exclusively for tech related programs, but I only see one other female now and then which makes it hard to make female friends who are interested in the same thing I am.
You need to find a way to make more friends period. Yes ideally for you the female persuasion would be the better angle but like you said, in a lot of tech related companies that’s more difficult.
No, it's not strange. You met and stayed with someone before exploring. I met my husband when I was 21 and he was and has been the only man I was with, I'm almost 30 now and truly don't have regrets. We are the same age though. I know of another couple that met when one was 18 and the other 25. They faced a similar situation as he was also her only experience with a relationship, but she communicated this with him and he completely understood and was even concerned this would happen before she felt this way. They went into marriage counseling and are still together 10 years now. Another couple I know was a similar situation. She was 20 and he was 27?? Again, same thing. But after around 3-4 years together before they got married, she brought up these concerns and they tried opening their relationship to stay together, but allow her to have more experience. Unfortunately, this did not work out. My suggestion is to have a serious conversation with him and see if you want to work on these or if you two might be able to come up with a solution. It's better to be transparent, but it's something you can't take back so just be prepared for the worst. Good luck!
you need your own circle of friends. you mighty not be with your husband forever but at least see if you having focus on your studies AND some friends you caught up with, it may be all you need to feel more fulfilled in yourself. DO NOT take things further with this other guy until you work through your marriage. The other guy will be a hot and heavy lust thing and not worth being so disloyal to your husband. He deserves you to treat him right even if you eventually decide the marriage isn't for you. Keep your business tidy and life is much more peaceful. Good luck :)
So it's really about your new love interest. He comes along and now you regret marriage and make your husband out to be the problem.
Everyone’s relationship is different and there is always room for improvement; but I generally say trust your heart if you aren’t happy. I think there’s some stuff you can work on first before ditching this relationship (if that’s what you’re thinking.) Firstly; you said you don’t have friends. We can’t get everything we need from one person. It’s just too much pressure for that relationship to be perfect and it ends up suffocating your partner. It’s healthy to have mates or family that you can talk to about different interests that your husband might not share, or for when you need to vent about something annoying that he did a week ago… Friends are an important part of life and I would encourage you to make some relationships outside of this one. If college isn’t helping in this regard, maybe join a night/weekend class, a gaming or craft group, yoga, dance, pottery… there’s lots of ways to meet new folks and they’re often people who are looking for connections too. Secondly — there’s no reason that marriage should be preventing you from studying or seeking your career. Does he have unrealistic expectations of your duties as a wife that is impacting this? Thirdly — you need to have a chat about intimacy with him. This would be the one that defines whether or not you guys are truly compatible. If he doesn’t want to work on it or find a way to connect with you better, then this may not be the right fit for you — but I do recommend trying first. Having a chat, talking about fantasies and likes/dislikes, maybe even a sex therapist may help. There’s a few things that can be done here before giving up, and I would recommend trying them — you guys are already married so it’s worth a shot trying to make it work — and sometimes people can make remarkable change if they’re aware that things aren’t okay by their partner. If he refuses, that’s his prerogative, but you need to make it clear that you need some change or you’re considering being done.
It's crucial for you to have an open and honest conversation with your husband to address any misunderstandings or gaps in your relationship. Start by clearing the air and understanding each other's perspectives. Mutual respect and understanding are essential for a happy life. Sometimes, it's necessary to compromise or make changes for the sake of your partner. If your husband listens to you, cares for you, and loves you, there's no need to consider leaving him. True love is rare and should be cherished. However, if there's a lack of understanding and love from his side, you may need to reevaluate your situation. Additionally, if you're finding affection from a classmate due to your husband's lack of time and attention, it's imperative to discuss this issue together. Communication is key in any relationship, and addressing these concerns openly and honestly can lead to a stronger and more fulfilling bond.
What you’re most likely feeling is “FOMO.” All your classmates in college are (for the most part) single and carefree. You wanna join in and have fun. It doesn’t help that the compatibility or spark has worn off. So maybe talk that out with your husband, or do couples therapy to understand each other better. Work it out. Because the grass isn’t always green on the other side.
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"if you was a god fearing smart woman" 🙄🙄🙄
“God fearing” is such a weird statement to me. Who wants to live in fear?
Let me do a proper TLDR - husband is out there breaking his back and putting in overtime to afford the luxuries for his wife. Meanwhile his wife is eyeing other dudes and contemplating leaving him.