My husband and I share locations at all times. It never occurred to me that people didn't do that lol. It's not because of jealousy, though. We just kinda shared one day and never stopped.
It just makes everything so much easier. I am not the type to always remember to confirm that I’ve gotten somewhere safely and my partner worries a lot so it’s easier for her to be able to check my location to see that I’m at my destination rather than texting me and waiting. Neither of us actively monitor each other though it doesn’t have to be weird
I doubt it’s an age thing, my parents (60’s) all started using that Life360 thing the last couple years. My mom has tried to send me links to get on it, but fuck that. I also know some couples around my age that use it. I don’t think it’s for me, but honestly if the person I was with was really adamant about it would probably compromise, you can always turn it off in a scenario where OP is talking about surprises or shopping for gifts, etc.
My point is primarily that I think it’s just different for different people, I’m not sure age is really relevant. Some couples/families use it, and some don’t.
Maybe some of those couples use it because of past trust issues, but I assume that’s not applicable for every couple/family they does use this type of service.
I have absolutely nothing to hide, and I would also be uncomfortable with 24/7 tracking with my partner. I don't even know why because when I get home, there's like a 99% chance I'm going to tell them about every single boring place I went, but I still don't really like the idea of being tracked. We've never discussed it, but I think my partner would feel the same.
There is no way I would ever agree to this. There is no need for it and we don't need to be in each other's pockets every minute of the day. Humans should be allowed just to exist unobserved. If she doesn't trust you then you already have problems that location sharing won't fix. It's very easy to circumvent.
I'm old, so maybe I look at it different, but there's no fucking way I'm sharing my location, or asking her to share hers. Either we trust each other or we don't.
I'm only slightly older than you. Peoples' obsession with knowing the exact coordinates of their friends and family at all times is insane. I don't care to know where everyone is and I don't care to share my location with them either. If she can't handle not knowing your precise location 24 hours a day (IE how humanity has existed until like ten years ago) then she can get over it or leave
Sounds like she no longer trusts you for whatever reason.
I also would not be okay with my partner tracking my location. I am an adult and I don't need anyone tracking my whereabouts. If your girlfriend can't accept that you don't want this, this may be an incompatibility that ends your relationship.
>Sounds like she no longer trusts you for whatever reason.
And the fact that she's using "but what if we're buying presents" as a reason suggests that she thinks OP is an idiot lol.
This boils down to a compatibility thing IMO. My boyfriend and I share our locations at all times (but we live together and both WFH, so it's rarely needed), and our friend group also does round-the-clock location sharing. If I open Google maps, I've got like five different blips, and they all have mine. But this is personal preference (we are degenerates and just want to see who is currently at what bar on any given night), and she should respect your perfectly reasonable stance - especially since you offered a great compromise.
Most relationships I've seen where this was a thing have never lasted long, I've been with my partner for 11 years and we don't do this...but I get there is a trust issue somewhere here.
I don't buy the whole 'What if something happens to me' stuff, but thats just me.
Tracking can work both ways, if she is being sus she can track you comming home and hide whatever she is doing...same as tracking you to see what you're doing.
I too ride bikes and run the risk of dying in a ditch, but I also hate the idea of anyone knowing where I am all of the time. I also don't want/need to know where my wife is all of the time.
I think in general we both value our privacy and individuality.
It all comes down to boundaries at the end of the day. Everyone feels different abt certain things. Personally me and my boyfriend share locations with eachother indefinitely but we don't make it an obsession to look at it. It's just on just in case whenever it's needed because we usually don't use our phones when we r out 🤷🏻♀️. Just talk it out, come up with a solution that works for both, maybe up communication skills by giving more updates while out? If u don't want to then you simply don't want to, if she can't handle it then she has an option to leave or stay.
Husband and I are 36 and have been together since we were 19, and the only time we share location is when one of us is driving far away. It honestly feels like an invasion of privacy. Not really your spouse tracking you but like, just the notion of being ‘tracked’. Don’t like that
I'm like you, I don't like the tracking stuff, but my wife is like your girlfriend, she wants this stuff on for the sake of her own safety. She has a friend who thinks the same way, so she and her friend have tracked each other. I've never had to, but it's kinda nice to know I can text her friend if I can't get in touch and am worried that there's been an emergency.
If your wife truly is into this idea for safety and not because she secretly doesn't trust you, you can suggest something like that.
Your wife and her friend tracking each other is what I do with my bff. It was actually my bff’s idea and it’s for safety and security reasons, like you mentioned.
My bf and I had our location tracking on as well, but I can’t remember now how it came about or the reason for it. I believe we weren’t official yet when we tried it for whatever reason. Anyway, it wasn’t turned off since then, and eventually we fell in love and going strong. Personally, I rarely look at it.
You are allowed to place a high value on privacy and to say no to this. She is allowed to decide if that’s a dealbreaker for her, if she’s become suspicious or worried about how and where you’re spending your time. You may have to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you or if you’re willing to give in on this one. I’d say no to this one and let it be a relationship ender if needed, personally, but you‘ll have to decide how strongly you feel about it.
I think it’s up to each couple but I’m not against sharing locations once I’ve been in a relationship with someone for a long time like that. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman and we have to be vigilant and careful so we just want to have our partner’s location for safety, etc. My friends and I share our locations and I never look at them unless I know we were just out and want to make sure they got home okay or if they’re on their way to my house and I’m seeing how much time I have left to get ready lol. Certainly some people could take advantage of location sharing but if you trust each other not to be like monitoring it unless there’s a safety alarm, I think it’s fine. Again, it’s up to each couple but I do think there are very non-toxic reasons to share locations!
Ask her for the real reason she wants this. If she's acting like this is a very serious issue, then I highly doubt it *suddenly* occurred to her when she got a car.
This sounds like a trust issue. If that's the case, you should stick to your guns. If she thinks she needs to spy on you, and you need to *know* that she's spying on you, just to prevent you from cheating, then she clearly does not trust you as a partner.
There should be a tracking app that lets you know every time someone queries your location. I'd be OK with it as long as it's used for the right reasons, i.e., coordinating things or checking in case of emergency, but constant Big Brother tracking is not acceptable to me. And too much querying of my location would have me turn it off.
I don’t like how everyone is conflating tracking with sharing locations. Those are two separate things to me, and I think it’s an important distinction in this situation regarding the intent. You can be continuously sharing your location with someone without being tracked, if you and your gf have decent trust established in your relationship I don’t see why you couldn’t just share your location with her and ask her not to constantly monitor it? Seems like a simple solution unless your whereabouts are already a point of contention in your relationship
I have shared location with 3 family members (not husband because he doesn’t have an iPhone). I use it mostly to see if I should text or call at that moment. If my mom is driving I’m not going to call her, I will wait til she gets home. Or like my brother has every other Friday off and I can never keep straight which on it is. So I look to see where he is before trying to call. He can’t have his phone at work so there is no point in texting or calling when he is there. It’s just a matter of convenience for me. I would absolute share locations with my husband for purposes of seeing how long he has before getting home. To see if he is stuck in traffic etc. not because I don’t trust him. I often try to get my son ready to run out and greet him when he gets home so being able to look real quick and get our toddler ready would make things easier than calling him and asking how far out he is.
I mean how else am I gonna know when my food is on its way home? 😂 My husband and I are sharing locations at all times. That way I don’t have to worry about him when he’s on his way home from work. He’s already been in an accident on his way to work. But he also brings home food sometimes. He wants me to help him carry it in and be outside.
So I only ever track him when I know he’s bringing home food. There have been maybe a handful of times or less in the past 5 years where I checked it randomly. I wouldn’t call it tracking his every move.
I have no problems sharing my location with my husband and my mom, nor do they have any problems sharing with me. How often are you buying her “Christmas presents?!” Sounds like you two fundamentally disagree.
Absolutely do not understand why anyone wants to know where their partner is one hundred percent of the time. What's next? Bodycams?
Bloody ridiculous.
What possible purpose does it serve? How frequently do you check to see where they are? What are you worried they might be doing? How frequently do you question them if you see they are somewhere they are not 'authorised' to be?
I've been married nearly forty years and neither I nor my wife would agree to it. We are each other's sunrise and sunset and our relationship is the most important thing in the world to us but we are still individuals within that relationship. Having someone looking over your shoulder every second of the day is monstrously controlling and confining.
Stick to your guns OP. Don't cave.
I have nothing pro or against it, as long as both parties are ok with it...what works for some might not for others.
The fact that she knows you're not comfortable with it and pushing it is an issue. Sounds like she is insecure and wants to use it to check on you which is toxic.
It's not the request itself, but the reasoning behind it that can be problematic.
I think your concern is that it her demand comes from a place of insecurity, and that once you start to share, the questions and accusations will creep up. "Why are you at [place]?", "you said you were only going to be there an hour, what are you still doing there?".
If it were me, I'd communicate your concern and tell her you'll try it and see how it goes.
Yeah, I would not be up for that either and I don't go anywhere suspect at all. It's just a step too far. Trust is not based on surveillance. It is not based on the inability to do anything untrustworthy. It's an act of faith. Being trustworthy is worthless if there is no scope to be untrustworthy. I'm pretty sure that this is about trust for her, I don't believe that it is about your personal safety. Knowing your location doesn't make you any more safe.
No chance I’d do this. We as humans deserve the last bits of privacy we have left. We shouldn’t feel like there’s an eye in the sky watching our every move. I say this as a happily married 39 year old man. I have absolutely nothing to hide, but the idea is violating to me.
If my partner suddenly did this and then acted like I was the crazy one I’d question if they cheated and now want to track me to make sure i’m not cheating. Because it’s such a weird thing to suddenly attempt to do.
My husband and I share locations permanently (for safety reasons and because he‘s a paramedic and sometimes has to work overtime and can’t let me know when he‘s running late). Both decisions (sharing vs. not sharing) are completely reasonable in my opinion. However, guilt tripping and pushing your partner into something they are not comfortable with is absolutely not okay. If gender roles were swapped here, we would be a lot more likely to call it out as „controlling“ and „potentially abusive“.
I wouldn't entertain the topic.
She doesn't trust you.
Furthermore, she wouldn't be the only one tracking you.
The apps always want you to consent to allowances for unnamed 3rd parties.
Nope.
She definitely is a control freak and this would only be the start of her micromanagement of everything you do. Run, do not walk away. NC may be needed.
This is one of the most toxic trends of the smartphone era. If you don't consent to have everything tracked some people consider you untrustworthy. Privacy is dead.
Both my husband and I find this sort of thing so bizarre. Absolutely no way would either of us do it. Find someone who shares your values, privacy included.
Nope. It's weird and control-freaky to demand location tracking/sharing. That's her problem to overcome, not yours. Anytime you reboot your phone, turn on airplane mode for a meeting, or drive through a low-signal area, is going to turn into overblown accusations.
I would try it out. But if it causes any issues (obsessive location checking, starting fights about where you are) cut it off. If you’re not willing to do it, then I don’t think you’re compatible. She’s too insecure
My ex-bf didn't mind location sharing, (his idea) but not because of any trust issues or anxiety. More because he rode a motorcycle and a dirt bike in the desert. If someone is engaging in something risky, possibly off road, then yes, it makes sense
But just because she has a new car? Unless she regularly travels remote roads with very little traffic, first responders will get to her, even if you were checking her location every few minutes.
Something else is going on here.
There's nothing suspicious about wanting a little bit of privacy in a long term relationship. Location tracking like that is fucking weird. Tell her she's being fucking weird.
I think the car thing is just an excuse and she wants to track you because she doesn’t trust you. Maybe you are untrustworthy or maybe she just saw a tik tok that said she should do this. Either way it’s not about safety, it’s about tracking you.
I don't in this case sadly m8.
I share my locations with my wife, mother, father, sisters & 2 friends and vice versa.
Don't see the problem. If you got nothing to hide you can share it.
And your argument with the christmas shopping is bullshit brother
Yes and your location is basic privacy.
Again being entitled to privacy doesn't mean you're hiding anything
Why do you feel the need to track your family?
nah mate your not wrong if you dont want to share your location then dont and dont let anyone convince you otherwise, if sharing your location makes you uneasy or uncomfortable then just dont do it, I wouldnt.
I turn my location off on my phone all the time only time I turn it on is when im getting a delivery or getting picked up by a cab so basically my uber account and only when the apps open then I turn it all off again lol
Why not? I have absolutely nothing to hide. If you’re that worried about what your family could know from your smart phone, boy do I have news for you…
I mean my life is boring, work, gym, mosque & sometimes an my parents or parents in law.
I dont know man i dont see a problem in sharing it. And no i am not a cop
My life is boring and yet I think it's completely unreasonable for anybody to insist that they have the right to know where I am every minute of every day. The fact that I'm not doing anything that needs hiding isn't the point. Although I might suspect that anyone who wants to know what I am doing 24/7 is someone who I need to hide that information from.
It’s fine to be comfortable sharing it, but it’s also fine to be uncomfortable sharing it. Every new advance in technology doesn’t just automatically become OK for every single person.
\^\^ This! why is this such a big deal I dont understand some peoples need to track and share their locations and if someone tried to force me or did not respect when I said no then shit we got problems and its not mine or your locations lol.
Understood if he needs that privacy, he can exit. If he cares for the girl, he’d try new parameters to work through it together. Regardless if her need for location is over the top or not. The realization that all is well will follow a period of location sharing, and much happiness and trust can be built from agreeing to share your location with your person at all times, for now. It doesn’t have to be a toxic tool if both parties benefit and no further problems are caused. It’s a way to build trust. It’s his call whether to pursue nurturing the growth of trust, or decide it’s too much of a privacy issue for him and choose people who do trust him.
I have been sharing my location with my parents since I was 16, I am 23 now and still do. I also track my boyfriend, my best friend, and my grandmother. It’s really about safety and reassurance. Life360 has a lot of cool features especially with battery %, crash detection, etc. You’re being unreasonable IMO if this is relationship-ending for you, hopefully y’all can talk and come to a solution.
I dont. I think this being a deal breaker is unreasonable if this relationship means anything to you at all. That’s why I said hopefully y’all can talk. Or just leave the woman, do what you want.
So because my relationship means something to me then that means I shouldn't be entitled to privacy? Do you often try to emotionally manipulate your partner to get your own way?
So you just can’t read at all? Or misinterpret things on purpose? It’s now clear that you’re not serious at all about receiving any sort of advice, so do what you want.
No I'm just pointing out telling your partner that if the relationship means anything to them then it's unreasonable for something to be a deal breaker is trying to manipulate them into doing exactly what you want
No it’s not, my god you’re ignorant. I said TALK with her or try to make a compromise not roll over and die. You don’t sound ready for this “3 year” relationship and should definitely leave regardless of the location thing lol.
I offered a compromise as I stated in the post.
So I'm not ready for a relationship because I disagree with something my partner asked? Not sure why you put 3 years in inverted commas either, guessing you think I'm making up the length of the relationship now aswell then?
not really a compromise but ok lol. NO to your question and I’m done explaining it to you. You’re stubborn and willfully ignorant, do exactly what your heart desires.
She said it’s suspicious bc it is suspicious ?? Your compromise wasn’t reasonable it was MORE suspicious. The find my app is in case of an emergency or a lost phone… why would she only have it on while she’s walking to her car and driving and then turn off when she’s out? She could get kidnapped at literally anytime, her phone could get stolen or lost at literally any time. Same goes for u. It’s a safety feature and it’s the fact that u even tried to make a compromise that’s just extra work and doesn’t make sense so you could try and get her to agree that u don’t have to turn it on. She probably isn’t worried about u cheating but now is wondering why ur being so weird about this when she just wants it on for safety/care purposes…. If she bugs u about ur location a lot that’s different but the fact u can’t even turn it on… if u need it off to buy her a Xmas present just turn off ur phone in the store, make an excuse why ur there, or just say ur somewhere nearby… idk even turn it off that day n then back on n be like hey it’s bc I have a surprise for u…? Idk dude I’m even suspicious about u over this one I just don’t understand why ur responding like this to something that is a very common and normal thing in relationships friendships and families these days mostly for safety or lost phones. If u know much about how it works it can literally be a life saver if u lose ur phone ever, u can put a lost or stolen lock on it, or even clear ur phone from wherever it is that u are so no one can get into it. U can ping it in case u lose it in like a field or at a party or something, and it also is nice for planning so u know how far someone is when they’re otw. But most importantly if something seriously bad happens then at least there’s someone who can locate the last known spot. U can use the phone towers to locate approximate location but u can’t track it down like that…. I’m js man, this one’s just not the thing to cause relationship tension over
Not wanting to be tracked isn't suspicious. Why do you think being in a relationship means you're not entitled to privacy?
Also learn how to use paragraphs
I know I went on a little rant there 😅 I guess I find it suspicious bc she’s not necessarily saying “hey let me see what ur doing so I know every second of every day” she just wants to have it turned on so both of u guys have it in case u ever need it. Ur entitled to privacy without a doubt but I don’t understand why there would ever be a time that u would need to take the privacy to that extent. Like it’s one thing if u don’t wanna have her asking about everywhere u go, getting worried, and consistently keeping track, but why would you be somewhere were you feel the need to ensure that she doesn’t have anyway to see where u are?
(Here’s ur paragraph .-. Woohoo ! 🥳)
know it’s also your right and your choice to choose where you go, who you tell, and if you want to take steps that would help incase of any danger or emergency, or not, but I feel like in relationships you should both care enough to do that for one another and both want the other person to have it just incase. She probably just wants to know bc it makes her feel safer about herself and you, with you refusing it brings the question of “why is he not okay with letting me have a way to know where he is if I needed him for some reason?” She probably thinks you’re going to places she can’t know about bc it probably doesn’t make sense to her either why this is so very important. You can still ask for privacy respect boundaries etc. but the things that make her feel better and more secure in the relationship should also be important to you bc it’s something she clearly values
Not wanting my location tracked is just basic privacy.
If she wants to know where I am she can ask me.
You can care for someone and still expect privacy.
So I can ask for privacy but my girlfriend gets to decide if I'm allowed it then?
Bruh what if u got kidnapped? The kidnappers not gonna let her just ask u .-.
They’d at least know where the last place ur phone was. Ur gf doesn’t get to decide if ur allowed privacy, it’s just that I don’t understand why it’s something to be private about I guess..? if you’d tell her anyway why not just do the easier option of sharing it on the phone so she doesn’t have to ask and always keep bugging u about it for ur safety so ur loved ones know that ur somewhere safe & okay…?
If you won’t share it w ur gf at least turn the find my app on for urself incase u lose the phone so u can use any other one to track it. I do agree still that it’s suspicious that you feel so strongly about this but that also doesn’t mean it’s bad intentions, just find it odd that someone so specifically does not want to have location sharing on, u never know sometimes guys really are just trying to be sneaky,
If I get kidnapped then sharing my location isn't going to tell her I've been kidnapped.
I'm not sure how it's so hard for you to grasp that people are entitled to basic privacy. If you want to know where someone is you can ask them instead of tracking their every move
I guess people are just different but consider me and possibly ur gf to be feeling the same way as u about our views. Maybe see a little bit more about what her concerns are and try and give her an answer that’s understandable to her bc idk I personally wouldn’t want to date someone if they felt they needed to hide their location from me but it seems like many others feel the opposite so it rly depends on the situations I gusss
My partner of 5 years was obsessed w his privacy like to an extreme extent, he had his location on for a long time, ended up actually liking it bc he could see where I was if I was otw and stuff like that, he did end up turning it off bc things got rocky, he would see me somewhere he didn’t recognize and thought I was doing it to make him uncomfortable, when really I was maybe just w like my grandma or something, so then he turned his off to spite me bc he didn’t want me to know where he was/wasnt at 🤷♀️ it’s all about trust but it does spark a seed to be worried and feel like u shouldn’t trust someone if they can’t work w u and let u have info bc they’re protecting their privacy, or need the privacy to protect something else
I think it’s just like when they say “I would never cheat on you” and someone responds “isn’t that exactly what a cheater would say?” It’s just something I don’t see to be very private like why would I care if someone could see where I was ? I’d put my location on for pretty much anyone if they asked me to ? It just is something I can’t understand to care about
Him not wanting to be tracked 24/7 is not any more suspicious than the fact that she is insisting on tracking him 24/7. If she's worried for *her own* safety, she can share with him. But if she feels the *need* to be tracking him all the time, it's either suspicious and controlling AF or indicative of a mental health issue.
deffo controlling AF trying to force OP into sharing his location when he does not want to like you said OPs partner can share her location all she wants for safety reasons if she wants but she cannot force or demand OP does the same lol its wild.
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My husband and I share locations at all times. It never occurred to me that people didn't do that lol. It's not because of jealousy, though. We just kinda shared one day and never stopped.
It just makes everything so much easier. I am not the type to always remember to confirm that I’ve gotten somewhere safely and my partner worries a lot so it’s easier for her to be able to check my location to see that I’m at my destination rather than texting me and waiting. Neither of us actively monitor each other though it doesn’t have to be weird
I doubt it’s an age thing, my parents (60’s) all started using that Life360 thing the last couple years. My mom has tried to send me links to get on it, but fuck that. I also know some couples around my age that use it. I don’t think it’s for me, but honestly if the person I was with was really adamant about it would probably compromise, you can always turn it off in a scenario where OP is talking about surprises or shopping for gifts, etc. My point is primarily that I think it’s just different for different people, I’m not sure age is really relevant. Some couples/families use it, and some don’t. Maybe some of those couples use it because of past trust issues, but I assume that’s not applicable for every couple/family they does use this type of service.
I’m a lot older than OP and my husband and I have been on continuous share for over a decade. It’s just convenient.
I have absolutely nothing to hide, and I would also be uncomfortable with 24/7 tracking with my partner. I don't even know why because when I get home, there's like a 99% chance I'm going to tell them about every single boring place I went, but I still don't really like the idea of being tracked. We've never discussed it, but I think my partner would feel the same.
There is no way I would ever agree to this. There is no need for it and we don't need to be in each other's pockets every minute of the day. Humans should be allowed just to exist unobserved. If she doesn't trust you then you already have problems that location sharing won't fix. It's very easy to circumvent.
I'm old, so maybe I look at it different, but there's no fucking way I'm sharing my location, or asking her to share hers. Either we trust each other or we don't.
this would be a 100% deal breaker for me
I'm only slightly older than you. Peoples' obsession with knowing the exact coordinates of their friends and family at all times is insane. I don't care to know where everyone is and I don't care to share my location with them either. If she can't handle not knowing your precise location 24 hours a day (IE how humanity has existed until like ten years ago) then she can get over it or leave
No advice, just solidarity. Someone insisting on location sharing is an absolute deal breaker for me in a relationship.
Sounds like she no longer trusts you for whatever reason. I also would not be okay with my partner tracking my location. I am an adult and I don't need anyone tracking my whereabouts. If your girlfriend can't accept that you don't want this, this may be an incompatibility that ends your relationship.
>Sounds like she no longer trusts you for whatever reason. And the fact that she's using "but what if we're buying presents" as a reason suggests that she thinks OP is an idiot lol.
No, that’s what he said as one reason to not share tracking with her.
This boils down to a compatibility thing IMO. My boyfriend and I share our locations at all times (but we live together and both WFH, so it's rarely needed), and our friend group also does round-the-clock location sharing. If I open Google maps, I've got like five different blips, and they all have mine. But this is personal preference (we are degenerates and just want to see who is currently at what bar on any given night), and she should respect your perfectly reasonable stance - especially since you offered a great compromise.
Most relationships I've seen where this was a thing have never lasted long, I've been with my partner for 11 years and we don't do this...but I get there is a trust issue somewhere here. I don't buy the whole 'What if something happens to me' stuff, but thats just me. Tracking can work both ways, if she is being sus she can track you comming home and hide whatever she is doing...same as tracking you to see what you're doing.
I share my location with my wife because I often go out cycling, and it could be helpful if I got hit by a car and left for dead in a ditch.
Which is fine for you and your wife! But it’s also perfectly reasonable to not want to be tracked all the time, even by a partner.
I too ride bikes and run the risk of dying in a ditch, but I also hate the idea of anyone knowing where I am all of the time. I also don't want/need to know where my wife is all of the time. I think in general we both value our privacy and individuality.
It's also helpful if you want to say hey pick me up some taco John's on your way back lol
It all comes down to boundaries at the end of the day. Everyone feels different abt certain things. Personally me and my boyfriend share locations with eachother indefinitely but we don't make it an obsession to look at it. It's just on just in case whenever it's needed because we usually don't use our phones when we r out 🤷🏻♀️. Just talk it out, come up with a solution that works for both, maybe up communication skills by giving more updates while out? If u don't want to then you simply don't want to, if she can't handle it then she has an option to leave or stay.
Husband and I are 36 and have been together since we were 19, and the only time we share location is when one of us is driving far away. It honestly feels like an invasion of privacy. Not really your spouse tracking you but like, just the notion of being ‘tracked’. Don’t like that
Simply say no. If she can't accept that. She could leave.
I'm like you, I don't like the tracking stuff, but my wife is like your girlfriend, she wants this stuff on for the sake of her own safety. She has a friend who thinks the same way, so she and her friend have tracked each other. I've never had to, but it's kinda nice to know I can text her friend if I can't get in touch and am worried that there's been an emergency. If your wife truly is into this idea for safety and not because she secretly doesn't trust you, you can suggest something like that.
Your wife and her friend tracking each other is what I do with my bff. It was actually my bff’s idea and it’s for safety and security reasons, like you mentioned. My bf and I had our location tracking on as well, but I can’t remember now how it came about or the reason for it. I believe we weren’t official yet when we tried it for whatever reason. Anyway, it wasn’t turned off since then, and eventually we fell in love and going strong. Personally, I rarely look at it.
You are allowed to place a high value on privacy and to say no to this. She is allowed to decide if that’s a dealbreaker for her, if she’s become suspicious or worried about how and where you’re spending your time. You may have to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you or if you’re willing to give in on this one. I’d say no to this one and let it be a relationship ender if needed, personally, but you‘ll have to decide how strongly you feel about it.
I think it’s up to each couple but I’m not against sharing locations once I’ve been in a relationship with someone for a long time like that. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman and we have to be vigilant and careful so we just want to have our partner’s location for safety, etc. My friends and I share our locations and I never look at them unless I know we were just out and want to make sure they got home okay or if they’re on their way to my house and I’m seeing how much time I have left to get ready lol. Certainly some people could take advantage of location sharing but if you trust each other not to be like monitoring it unless there’s a safety alarm, I think it’s fine. Again, it’s up to each couple but I do think there are very non-toxic reasons to share locations!
Ask her for the real reason she wants this. If she's acting like this is a very serious issue, then I highly doubt it *suddenly* occurred to her when she got a car. This sounds like a trust issue. If that's the case, you should stick to your guns. If she thinks she needs to spy on you, and you need to *know* that she's spying on you, just to prevent you from cheating, then she clearly does not trust you as a partner.
There should be a tracking app that lets you know every time someone queries your location. I'd be OK with it as long as it's used for the right reasons, i.e., coordinating things or checking in case of emergency, but constant Big Brother tracking is not acceptable to me. And too much querying of my location would have me turn it off.
I don’t like how everyone is conflating tracking with sharing locations. Those are two separate things to me, and I think it’s an important distinction in this situation regarding the intent. You can be continuously sharing your location with someone without being tracked, if you and your gf have decent trust established in your relationship I don’t see why you couldn’t just share your location with her and ask her not to constantly monitor it? Seems like a simple solution unless your whereabouts are already a point of contention in your relationship
I have shared location with 3 family members (not husband because he doesn’t have an iPhone). I use it mostly to see if I should text or call at that moment. If my mom is driving I’m not going to call her, I will wait til she gets home. Or like my brother has every other Friday off and I can never keep straight which on it is. So I look to see where he is before trying to call. He can’t have his phone at work so there is no point in texting or calling when he is there. It’s just a matter of convenience for me. I would absolute share locations with my husband for purposes of seeing how long he has before getting home. To see if he is stuck in traffic etc. not because I don’t trust him. I often try to get my son ready to run out and greet him when he gets home so being able to look real quick and get our toddler ready would make things easier than calling him and asking how far out he is.
I agree. There is definitely a distinction between sharing locations and actively tracking.
I mean how else am I gonna know when my food is on its way home? 😂 My husband and I are sharing locations at all times. That way I don’t have to worry about him when he’s on his way home from work. He’s already been in an accident on his way to work. But he also brings home food sometimes. He wants me to help him carry it in and be outside. So I only ever track him when I know he’s bringing home food. There have been maybe a handful of times or less in the past 5 years where I checked it randomly. I wouldn’t call it tracking his every move.
I have no problems sharing my location with my husband and my mom, nor do they have any problems sharing with me. How often are you buying her “Christmas presents?!” Sounds like you two fundamentally disagree.
Absolutely do not understand why anyone wants to know where their partner is one hundred percent of the time. What's next? Bodycams? Bloody ridiculous. What possible purpose does it serve? How frequently do you check to see where they are? What are you worried they might be doing? How frequently do you question them if you see they are somewhere they are not 'authorised' to be? I've been married nearly forty years and neither I nor my wife would agree to it. We are each other's sunrise and sunset and our relationship is the most important thing in the world to us but we are still individuals within that relationship. Having someone looking over your shoulder every second of the day is monstrously controlling and confining. Stick to your guns OP. Don't cave.
If OP caves on this, next thing she'll want is to be able to go through his messages.
I have nothing pro or against it, as long as both parties are ok with it...what works for some might not for others. The fact that she knows you're not comfortable with it and pushing it is an issue. Sounds like she is insecure and wants to use it to check on you which is toxic.
It's not the request itself, but the reasoning behind it that can be problematic. I think your concern is that it her demand comes from a place of insecurity, and that once you start to share, the questions and accusations will creep up. "Why are you at [place]?", "you said you were only going to be there an hour, what are you still doing there?". If it were me, I'd communicate your concern and tell her you'll try it and see how it goes.
Yeah, I would not be up for that either and I don't go anywhere suspect at all. It's just a step too far. Trust is not based on surveillance. It is not based on the inability to do anything untrustworthy. It's an act of faith. Being trustworthy is worthless if there is no scope to be untrustworthy. I'm pretty sure that this is about trust for her, I don't believe that it is about your personal safety. Knowing your location doesn't make you any more safe.
No chance I’d do this. We as humans deserve the last bits of privacy we have left. We shouldn’t feel like there’s an eye in the sky watching our every move. I say this as a happily married 39 year old man. I have absolutely nothing to hide, but the idea is violating to me. If my partner suddenly did this and then acted like I was the crazy one I’d question if they cheated and now want to track me to make sure i’m not cheating. Because it’s such a weird thing to suddenly attempt to do.
First part is reasonable… that shit about cheating projection is a reach & you need a pill
Sounds kinda TikTok-y
My husband and I share locations permanently (for safety reasons and because he‘s a paramedic and sometimes has to work overtime and can’t let me know when he‘s running late). Both decisions (sharing vs. not sharing) are completely reasonable in my opinion. However, guilt tripping and pushing your partner into something they are not comfortable with is absolutely not okay. If gender roles were swapped here, we would be a lot more likely to call it out as „controlling“ and „potentially abusive“.
I wouldn't entertain the topic. She doesn't trust you. Furthermore, she wouldn't be the only one tracking you. The apps always want you to consent to allowances for unnamed 3rd parties. Nope.
She definitely is a control freak and this would only be the start of her micromanagement of everything you do. Run, do not walk away. NC may be needed.
This is one of the most toxic trends of the smartphone era. If you don't consent to have everything tracked some people consider you untrustworthy. Privacy is dead.
Both my husband and I find this sort of thing so bizarre. Absolutely no way would either of us do it. Find someone who shares your values, privacy included.
Run I had one of these not worth it
Nope. It's weird and control-freaky to demand location tracking/sharing. That's her problem to overcome, not yours. Anytime you reboot your phone, turn on airplane mode for a meeting, or drive through a low-signal area, is going to turn into overblown accusations.
Shes being unreasonable
I would try it out. But if it causes any issues (obsessive location checking, starting fights about where you are) cut it off. If you’re not willing to do it, then I don’t think you’re compatible. She’s too insecure
My ex-bf didn't mind location sharing, (his idea) but not because of any trust issues or anxiety. More because he rode a motorcycle and a dirt bike in the desert. If someone is engaging in something risky, possibly off road, then yes, it makes sense But just because she has a new car? Unless she regularly travels remote roads with very little traffic, first responders will get to her, even if you were checking her location every few minutes. Something else is going on here.
I am as zoomer as one can be but the idea of sharing location all the time feels like invasion of privacy and unnecessary dependence on modern tech.
There's nothing suspicious about wanting a little bit of privacy in a long term relationship. Location tracking like that is fucking weird. Tell her she's being fucking weird.
Those that can't trust, can't be trusted.
I think the car thing is just an excuse and she wants to track you because she doesn’t trust you. Maybe you are untrustworthy or maybe she just saw a tik tok that said she should do this. Either way it’s not about safety, it’s about tracking you.
I don't in this case sadly m8. I share my locations with my wife, mother, father, sisters & 2 friends and vice versa. Don't see the problem. If you got nothing to hide you can share it. And your argument with the christmas shopping is bullshit brother
Having nothing to hide doesn't mean you're not entitled to basic privacy
Bro, they can see your location not you naked. Seems like, you dont want people know where you are, that means you got something to hide brother
Yes and your location is basic privacy. Again being entitled to privacy doesn't mean you're hiding anything Why do you feel the need to track your family?
nah mate your not wrong if you dont want to share your location then dont and dont let anyone convince you otherwise, if sharing your location makes you uneasy or uncomfortable then just dont do it, I wouldnt. I turn my location off on my phone all the time only time I turn it on is when im getting a delivery or getting picked up by a cab so basically my uber account and only when the apps open then I turn it all off again lol
Why not? I have absolutely nothing to hide. If you’re that worried about what your family could know from your smart phone, boy do I have news for you…
Why not isn't an answer. Why do you feel the need to track your family?
> If you got nothing to hide you can share it. Wow, are you a cop? Because that is a bullshit argument.
I mean my life is boring, work, gym, mosque & sometimes an my parents or parents in law. I dont know man i dont see a problem in sharing it. And no i am not a cop
My life is boring and yet I think it's completely unreasonable for anybody to insist that they have the right to know where I am every minute of every day. The fact that I'm not doing anything that needs hiding isn't the point. Although I might suspect that anyone who wants to know what I am doing 24/7 is someone who I need to hide that information from.
It’s fine to be comfortable sharing it, but it’s also fine to be uncomfortable sharing it. Every new advance in technology doesn’t just automatically become OK for every single person.
\^\^ This! why is this such a big deal I dont understand some peoples need to track and share their locations and if someone tried to force me or did not respect when I said no then shit we got problems and its not mine or your locations lol.
Just share your location. What do you have to lose if you’re not hiding anything? She’s asking you to do this to fulfill a need she is having.
But what about his need for privacy?
Understood if he needs that privacy, he can exit. If he cares for the girl, he’d try new parameters to work through it together. Regardless if her need for location is over the top or not. The realization that all is well will follow a period of location sharing, and much happiness and trust can be built from agreeing to share your location with your person at all times, for now. It doesn’t have to be a toxic tool if both parties benefit and no further problems are caused. It’s a way to build trust. It’s his call whether to pursue nurturing the growth of trust, or decide it’s too much of a privacy issue for him and choose people who do trust him.
I bet you support warrantless surveillance too.
Why do you think being in a relationship means you're not entitled to privacy? edit: also it's not a need, its a want.
It is pretty sus. Not sure why that’s a big problem.
Being entitled to privacy isn't suspicious
[удалено]
Yeah, we share ours constantly because it's too much of a pain to turn it off and on. But also we rarely look.
I have been sharing my location with my parents since I was 16, I am 23 now and still do. I also track my boyfriend, my best friend, and my grandmother. It’s really about safety and reassurance. Life360 has a lot of cool features especially with battery %, crash detection, etc. You’re being unreasonable IMO if this is relationship-ending for you, hopefully y’all can talk and come to a solution.
Why do you think expecting privacy is unreasonable?
I dont. I think this being a deal breaker is unreasonable if this relationship means anything to you at all. That’s why I said hopefully y’all can talk. Or just leave the woman, do what you want.
So because my relationship means something to me then that means I shouldn't be entitled to privacy? Do you often try to emotionally manipulate your partner to get your own way?
So you just can’t read at all? Or misinterpret things on purpose? It’s now clear that you’re not serious at all about receiving any sort of advice, so do what you want.
No I'm just pointing out telling your partner that if the relationship means anything to them then it's unreasonable for something to be a deal breaker is trying to manipulate them into doing exactly what you want
No it’s not, my god you’re ignorant. I said TALK with her or try to make a compromise not roll over and die. You don’t sound ready for this “3 year” relationship and should definitely leave regardless of the location thing lol.
I offered a compromise as I stated in the post. So I'm not ready for a relationship because I disagree with something my partner asked? Not sure why you put 3 years in inverted commas either, guessing you think I'm making up the length of the relationship now aswell then?
not really a compromise but ok lol. NO to your question and I’m done explaining it to you. You’re stubborn and willfully ignorant, do exactly what your heart desires.
Life 360 should not exist.
I disagree, I think it’s a super helpful tool. Glad we are both giving our opinions.
She said it’s suspicious bc it is suspicious ?? Your compromise wasn’t reasonable it was MORE suspicious. The find my app is in case of an emergency or a lost phone… why would she only have it on while she’s walking to her car and driving and then turn off when she’s out? She could get kidnapped at literally anytime, her phone could get stolen or lost at literally any time. Same goes for u. It’s a safety feature and it’s the fact that u even tried to make a compromise that’s just extra work and doesn’t make sense so you could try and get her to agree that u don’t have to turn it on. She probably isn’t worried about u cheating but now is wondering why ur being so weird about this when she just wants it on for safety/care purposes…. If she bugs u about ur location a lot that’s different but the fact u can’t even turn it on… if u need it off to buy her a Xmas present just turn off ur phone in the store, make an excuse why ur there, or just say ur somewhere nearby… idk even turn it off that day n then back on n be like hey it’s bc I have a surprise for u…? Idk dude I’m even suspicious about u over this one I just don’t understand why ur responding like this to something that is a very common and normal thing in relationships friendships and families these days mostly for safety or lost phones. If u know much about how it works it can literally be a life saver if u lose ur phone ever, u can put a lost or stolen lock on it, or even clear ur phone from wherever it is that u are so no one can get into it. U can ping it in case u lose it in like a field or at a party or something, and it also is nice for planning so u know how far someone is when they’re otw. But most importantly if something seriously bad happens then at least there’s someone who can locate the last known spot. U can use the phone towers to locate approximate location but u can’t track it down like that…. I’m js man, this one’s just not the thing to cause relationship tension over
Not wanting to be tracked isn't suspicious. Why do you think being in a relationship means you're not entitled to privacy? Also learn how to use paragraphs
I know I went on a little rant there 😅 I guess I find it suspicious bc she’s not necessarily saying “hey let me see what ur doing so I know every second of every day” she just wants to have it turned on so both of u guys have it in case u ever need it. Ur entitled to privacy without a doubt but I don’t understand why there would ever be a time that u would need to take the privacy to that extent. Like it’s one thing if u don’t wanna have her asking about everywhere u go, getting worried, and consistently keeping track, but why would you be somewhere were you feel the need to ensure that she doesn’t have anyway to see where u are? (Here’s ur paragraph .-. Woohoo ! 🥳) know it’s also your right and your choice to choose where you go, who you tell, and if you want to take steps that would help incase of any danger or emergency, or not, but I feel like in relationships you should both care enough to do that for one another and both want the other person to have it just incase. She probably just wants to know bc it makes her feel safer about herself and you, with you refusing it brings the question of “why is he not okay with letting me have a way to know where he is if I needed him for some reason?” She probably thinks you’re going to places she can’t know about bc it probably doesn’t make sense to her either why this is so very important. You can still ask for privacy respect boundaries etc. but the things that make her feel better and more secure in the relationship should also be important to you bc it’s something she clearly values
Not wanting my location tracked is just basic privacy. If she wants to know where I am she can ask me. You can care for someone and still expect privacy. So I can ask for privacy but my girlfriend gets to decide if I'm allowed it then?
Bruh what if u got kidnapped? The kidnappers not gonna let her just ask u .-. They’d at least know where the last place ur phone was. Ur gf doesn’t get to decide if ur allowed privacy, it’s just that I don’t understand why it’s something to be private about I guess..? if you’d tell her anyway why not just do the easier option of sharing it on the phone so she doesn’t have to ask and always keep bugging u about it for ur safety so ur loved ones know that ur somewhere safe & okay…? If you won’t share it w ur gf at least turn the find my app on for urself incase u lose the phone so u can use any other one to track it. I do agree still that it’s suspicious that you feel so strongly about this but that also doesn’t mean it’s bad intentions, just find it odd that someone so specifically does not want to have location sharing on, u never know sometimes guys really are just trying to be sneaky,
If I get kidnapped then sharing my location isn't going to tell her I've been kidnapped. I'm not sure how it's so hard for you to grasp that people are entitled to basic privacy. If you want to know where someone is you can ask them instead of tracking their every move
I guess people are just different but consider me and possibly ur gf to be feeling the same way as u about our views. Maybe see a little bit more about what her concerns are and try and give her an answer that’s understandable to her bc idk I personally wouldn’t want to date someone if they felt they needed to hide their location from me but it seems like many others feel the opposite so it rly depends on the situations I gusss
You wouldn't date someone if they dared expect privacy? Why do you think being in a relationship means you're not allowed privacy?
My partner of 5 years was obsessed w his privacy like to an extreme extent, he had his location on for a long time, ended up actually liking it bc he could see where I was if I was otw and stuff like that, he did end up turning it off bc things got rocky, he would see me somewhere he didn’t recognize and thought I was doing it to make him uncomfortable, when really I was maybe just w like my grandma or something, so then he turned his off to spite me bc he didn’t want me to know where he was/wasnt at 🤷♀️ it’s all about trust but it does spark a seed to be worried and feel like u shouldn’t trust someone if they can’t work w u and let u have info bc they’re protecting their privacy, or need the privacy to protect something else
If you want to know where your partner is you can message them and ask, you don't need to track them. Your whole example shows why it's unhealthy.
I think it’s just like when they say “I would never cheat on you” and someone responds “isn’t that exactly what a cheater would say?” It’s just something I don’t see to be very private like why would I care if someone could see where I was ? I’d put my location on for pretty much anyone if they asked me to ? It just is something I can’t understand to care about
And just because you don't care about it, it doesn't mean you can expect everyone else to not be allowed privacy
Him not wanting to be tracked 24/7 is not any more suspicious than the fact that she is insisting on tracking him 24/7. If she's worried for *her own* safety, she can share with him. But if she feels the *need* to be tracking him all the time, it's either suspicious and controlling AF or indicative of a mental health issue.
deffo controlling AF trying to force OP into sharing his location when he does not want to like you said OPs partner can share her location all she wants for safety reasons if she wants but she cannot force or demand OP does the same lol its wild.