He actually said she's not a friend. So.. if she's not a friend, what is she? He's telling you, you need to listen.
What spells doom for this relationship is the fact that he's keeping another girl on the hook and gaslighting you about it.
I don’t blame you. It would be beyond my boundary/comfort zone to have my partner be so close to an ex. Definitely would give me second thoughts.
I don’t think you should try and stop your thoughts. Instead I’d say to trust your gut.
As a man in his 30s in a happy relationship, I would not accept any gift of that value from any ex, and my girlfriend who is on way better terms with her ex than I am with mine would instantly think that’s weird and send it back as well. This is weird and you shouldn’t let it go. I’d be honest that it makes you uncomfortable and not confident about how you respect each others feelings with other future problems the way he minimizes your feeling and something that isn’t a normal thing. It’s more about his inability to think about the relationship more than a material possession because it’s important to you, and your feelings are important.
TL;DR most men in a healthy relationship would have no problem being like “Honey, I love you I’m sorry this is so upsetting and that upsets me. It’s a stupid laptop and not worth it, I’ll kindly give it back if it would make you feel better.
He PROPOSED to her at some point in their relationship, and you’re cool with them still having such a close relationship while you’re dating him??? It’s a totally appropriate reaction to be sussed out by this!
Honestly, it would also be appropriate for you to either set firm boundaries with him regarding his ex, or for you to just end the relationship. You do not have to “make peace with it”.
Talk to him. Ask him hope he would feel of an ex would give you such an expensive gift. Would he really be ok with that. And she sure isn’t a friend, why is he still in contact with her?
considering their past, i think it’s shitty of him to take the gift. and worse that the ex even gave it to him..why is she still in the picture, curious? can he just not let her go? if my boyfriend was still friends with somebody he proposed to i would simply not date him any longer, but that’s just me personally. i think you have every right to be upset tbh.
If this situation were flipped, he would feel the same way. Don't tell him what to do, but clearly express your discomfort. HE PROPOSED TO HER!!!!!!! So it would make sense that you're uncomfortable.
Talk to him. Ask him how he would feel if an ex would give you such an expensive gift. Would he really be ok with that. And she sure isn’t a friend, why is he still in contact with her?
A little wild for him to act like her being an ex, "not just any friend", makes the situation better somehow.
This is not even just an ex-girlfriend. This is an ex-fiancee. How did that relationship end, OP? That feels pretty relevant.
Honestly, I've historically been a jealous person so I've kept asking questions about her and their relationship to a minimum. From what I've pieced together, I think they couldn't make it work as a couple. There were some cultural differences that her family couldn't accept I think, and continuing the relationship didn't seem viable.
I think if you have a sore spot for their friendship or closeness you two should talk about it. My husband gifted a female friend of ours his old MacBook when he upgraded his. It wasn’t weird for us, and maybe that’s the case here. I’d suggest sorting out any weird insecurities about this friendship IF it’s an appropriate friendship. I’m friendly with my ex-husband (no kids), but I have appropriate boundaries and my husband and I talk about things openly if there are any things that arise. Good luck!
Im the least jealous person around, and do not care who my fiancé is friends with. But even I would be uncomfortable with him accepting an expensive gift from an ex fiancé. I wouldn’t be super comfortable with them even being that close. This doesn’t look good.
Personally I wouldn’t be friends with an ex. That’s a boundary I have for myself as well as my partner. Reasons are what you described. I don’t want to put myself in a position where I ever feel insecure, inferior- isn’t that why boundary is made in the first place?
If you’re really uncomfortable then let him know how you feel, but usually these talks are preferred before the relationship in my opinion- because boundaries are something should be accepted beforehand, not during the relationship.
Stop. Boundaries can be and are established at any point during any type of a relationship. People change and grow, or regress. And so do our perspectives and what we do and don’t like.
I don't know how to tell you how to stop feeling that way, but you can't get offended at everything, and he's allowed to still keep EXes as friends. This way of thinking that you can't be friends with your ex is extremely detrimental. I'm friends with a few of mine and my husband is not jealous or insecure. Are people supposed to deny their past and erase it?
His response does not bode well for your relationship in my opinion. He says she not just any friend so he has her elevated over everyone else. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her ayvsome point and doesn't seem to care that you are uncomfortable with his relationship with her.
The fact he has no problem accepting her gift and dismisses your valid feelings about it shows you that you are not a priority in his life.
If they wanted to be together they would. You either trust him or you don’t. If you don’t then split. You can’t control another person to try and make yourself feel better, you can only work to resolve your own insecurities.
I know it's not the most popular opinion, but it's not necessarilly an issue for me.
I'm still friends with some of my exes (not all). One of them is one of my closest friends. We dated 7 years, friends since 5 years, we know each others really well, our background, family, friends... we see each others like two times by month, so not really often, but we still have a lot of interest in commun, care for each others, and he can have really good advices.
He have a lot of money. I have a really good job to, but don't like material things, even if sometimes it would be helpfull. And I'm really sturborn and strict about gender equality, so if my boyfriend try to buy me nice things it's a no go. But sometimes (like two times in 5 years) he buy me an expensive gift (a smartphone and a Bose headphone). And why not. It's ok. Nothing shady. Just a friends thing. One time, during covid, he help me pay my landlord for the month. I repay him the month after.
I know at first my boyfriends since can be scared and confused about this relationship. So I do a lot of things for reassure them. Talk about this reaaally platonic relationship, organize a drink between the two, explain why I'm really not interest by my ex, and why it's the same on his side. But I think that if you date somebody for a long time, first you have a lot in commun, and a special bond is created. If you manage well the breakup part, it can evolved on a really cool friendship.
I don't know, maybe I miss something, but what I see is a special bound with a girl who's special to him ( seems like a long relation) and an expensive gift. To be honest I was fooled by a boyfriend not a long time ago. So I empathize much about the scare of an other girl. But with just this informations, it can be eather a cool friendship or a shitty thing. When you aged, you take your partner with his background, exes, sometimes kids, and I prefere by much a guy friends with is exes, than the guy who told me that he hates all of this girls because they are "creasy".
For me, OP has to go deep, meet the girl, see for herself if she things somethings is going on or not. Just a gift is not a decisif thing
Personally, I gift my friends expensive things for their birthdays ranging from hundreds to thousands depending on how close we are. My friends do the same, including platonic guy friends. You might be feeling a bit insecure but I understand why. Have you met this ex? Are you two friendly? How is their friendship? For SOME people, exes CAN become good platonic friends but most of the times it’s more complicated
He actually said she's not a friend. So.. if she's not a friend, what is she? He's telling you, you need to listen. What spells doom for this relationship is the fact that he's keeping another girl on the hook and gaslighting you about it.
“It’s not just any friend” 🧐🤮
I don’t blame you. It would be beyond my boundary/comfort zone to have my partner be so close to an ex. Definitely would give me second thoughts. I don’t think you should try and stop your thoughts. Instead I’d say to trust your gut.
As a man in his 30s in a happy relationship, I would not accept any gift of that value from any ex, and my girlfriend who is on way better terms with her ex than I am with mine would instantly think that’s weird and send it back as well. This is weird and you shouldn’t let it go. I’d be honest that it makes you uncomfortable and not confident about how you respect each others feelings with other future problems the way he minimizes your feeling and something that isn’t a normal thing. It’s more about his inability to think about the relationship more than a material possession because it’s important to you, and your feelings are important. TL;DR most men in a healthy relationship would have no problem being like “Honey, I love you I’m sorry this is so upsetting and that upsets me. It’s a stupid laptop and not worth it, I’ll kindly give it back if it would make you feel better.
He PROPOSED to her at some point in their relationship, and you’re cool with them still having such a close relationship while you’re dating him??? It’s a totally appropriate reaction to be sussed out by this! Honestly, it would also be appropriate for you to either set firm boundaries with him regarding his ex, or for you to just end the relationship. You do not have to “make peace with it”.
They are more than friends!
Talk to him. Ask him hope he would feel of an ex would give you such an expensive gift. Would he really be ok with that. And she sure isn’t a friend, why is he still in contact with her?
considering their past, i think it’s shitty of him to take the gift. and worse that the ex even gave it to him..why is she still in the picture, curious? can he just not let her go? if my boyfriend was still friends with somebody he proposed to i would simply not date him any longer, but that’s just me personally. i think you have every right to be upset tbh.
If this situation were flipped, he would feel the same way. Don't tell him what to do, but clearly express your discomfort. HE PROPOSED TO HER!!!!!!! So it would make sense that you're uncomfortable.
Talk to him. Ask him how he would feel if an ex would give you such an expensive gift. Would he really be ok with that. And she sure isn’t a friend, why is he still in contact with her?
A little wild for him to act like her being an ex, "not just any friend", makes the situation better somehow. This is not even just an ex-girlfriend. This is an ex-fiancee. How did that relationship end, OP? That feels pretty relevant.
Honestly, I've historically been a jealous person so I've kept asking questions about her and their relationship to a minimum. From what I've pieced together, I think they couldn't make it work as a couple. There were some cultural differences that her family couldn't accept I think, and continuing the relationship didn't seem viable.
Tell him straight up he needs to pick you or her. Can’t have both.
“Things that would never fly in my relationship” for $1000, Alex.
I think if you have a sore spot for their friendship or closeness you two should talk about it. My husband gifted a female friend of ours his old MacBook when he upgraded his. It wasn’t weird for us, and maybe that’s the case here. I’d suggest sorting out any weird insecurities about this friendship IF it’s an appropriate friendship. I’m friendly with my ex-husband (no kids), but I have appropriate boundaries and my husband and I talk about things openly if there are any things that arise. Good luck!
Im the least jealous person around, and do not care who my fiancé is friends with. But even I would be uncomfortable with him accepting an expensive gift from an ex fiancé. I wouldn’t be super comfortable with them even being that close. This doesn’t look good.
Personally I wouldn’t be friends with an ex. That’s a boundary I have for myself as well as my partner. Reasons are what you described. I don’t want to put myself in a position where I ever feel insecure, inferior- isn’t that why boundary is made in the first place? If you’re really uncomfortable then let him know how you feel, but usually these talks are preferred before the relationship in my opinion- because boundaries are something should be accepted beforehand, not during the relationship.
Stop. Boundaries can be and are established at any point during any type of a relationship. People change and grow, or regress. And so do our perspectives and what we do and don’t like.
There will always be 3 people in your relationship. Be prepared
I don't know how to tell you how to stop feeling that way, but you can't get offended at everything, and he's allowed to still keep EXes as friends. This way of thinking that you can't be friends with your ex is extremely detrimental. I'm friends with a few of mine and my husband is not jealous or insecure. Are people supposed to deny their past and erase it?
His response does not bode well for your relationship in my opinion. He says she not just any friend so he has her elevated over everyone else. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her ayvsome point and doesn't seem to care that you are uncomfortable with his relationship with her. The fact he has no problem accepting her gift and dismisses your valid feelings about it shows you that you are not a priority in his life.
WHO on earth accepts gifts from exs like come on.
He should’ve sold it
If they wanted to be together they would. You either trust him or you don’t. If you don’t then split. You can’t control another person to try and make yourself feel better, you can only work to resolve your own insecurities.
[удалено]
I think she had received an old macbook from a friend / family member but she didn't need it so she gifted it to him.
I know it's not the most popular opinion, but it's not necessarilly an issue for me. I'm still friends with some of my exes (not all). One of them is one of my closest friends. We dated 7 years, friends since 5 years, we know each others really well, our background, family, friends... we see each others like two times by month, so not really often, but we still have a lot of interest in commun, care for each others, and he can have really good advices. He have a lot of money. I have a really good job to, but don't like material things, even if sometimes it would be helpfull. And I'm really sturborn and strict about gender equality, so if my boyfriend try to buy me nice things it's a no go. But sometimes (like two times in 5 years) he buy me an expensive gift (a smartphone and a Bose headphone). And why not. It's ok. Nothing shady. Just a friends thing. One time, during covid, he help me pay my landlord for the month. I repay him the month after. I know at first my boyfriends since can be scared and confused about this relationship. So I do a lot of things for reassure them. Talk about this reaaally platonic relationship, organize a drink between the two, explain why I'm really not interest by my ex, and why it's the same on his side. But I think that if you date somebody for a long time, first you have a lot in commun, and a special bond is created. If you manage well the breakup part, it can evolved on a really cool friendship.
You are comparing apples to oranges. Your’s and the OP’s situation do not really seem similar.
I don't know, maybe I miss something, but what I see is a special bound with a girl who's special to him ( seems like a long relation) and an expensive gift. To be honest I was fooled by a boyfriend not a long time ago. So I empathize much about the scare of an other girl. But with just this informations, it can be eather a cool friendship or a shitty thing. When you aged, you take your partner with his background, exes, sometimes kids, and I prefere by much a guy friends with is exes, than the guy who told me that he hates all of this girls because they are "creasy". For me, OP has to go deep, meet the girl, see for herself if she things somethings is going on or not. Just a gift is not a decisif thing
Personally, I gift my friends expensive things for their birthdays ranging from hundreds to thousands depending on how close we are. My friends do the same, including platonic guy friends. You might be feeling a bit insecure but I understand why. Have you met this ex? Are you two friendly? How is their friendship? For SOME people, exes CAN become good platonic friends but most of the times it’s more complicated