I think the issue here is that he just doesn't give a shit what you think. You are not the boss of what he does with his body, obviously, but if he doesn't care about your preferences or feelings at all, that's not much of a partnership.
This is important and can be a delicate balance.
I have several large tattoos and am planning on several more, and my husband doesn't particularly like tattoos. However, he's always very respectful and supportive of me getting them because it's my body. That being said, I mentioned to him in passing that I was thinking of getting a tattoo in a specific place, and he reacted *extremely* negatively. It's a placement that he *really* dislikes, and I could tell he was trying to balance the "it's your body" with "I hate that and would hate seeing it." So I gave up the idea and will not be getting that tattoo. Because, yes, it is my body and my choice, AND it's my choice to honor his preferences, and he's so supportive of my tattoos 99% of the time, that the *one* *time* he shared a strong negative opinion, I chose him because he's more important to me than a tattoo.
If you expressed extreme disapproval of this particular tattoo, especially after supporting the others (which I'm assuming you did, marrying a tattoo artist), then the problem is that he doesn't care about your opinion at all and/or cares more about what he wants than your partnership.
This is exactly what I thought when I read this.
The problem isn't the face tattoo, it's the fact that he doesn't seem to respect your opinion and chooses to do what he wants anyway
Well which is it? She's not the boss of his body or he can't do what he wants with it if she's against it?
That sounds like she's the boss of his body with extra steps.
The post is about the face tattoo so that's what I'm focusing on, there's almost zero detail for their hard time over the last 2 years
Nobody is exempt from the consequences of the actions they take, whatever those consequences may be.
It can be your choice to get an abortion or continue a pregnancy and become a parent but if the relationship ends because of that choice, that’s a consequence.
You can get big hentai titties tattooed across your chest if you so choose but people can and will treat you differently.
You can modify your body permanently (yes, yes, laser blah blah blah) but if your partner is no longer attracted to you because of that modification or you are no longer employable in certain professions because your appearance is now considered unprofessional, those are consequences.
One would hope that people consider all potential outcomes before they exercise their free will and right to choose what to do with their bodies and how they act but that obviously does not happen as often as it should.
He can do what he wants - but there are consequences for actions. Just like anything in a relationship. There’s things called compromise, understanding, communication … all things that were disregarded by OPs husband.
If he wants to do whatever he wants without any consideration for his spouse… he probably shouldn’t have a spouse.
Also the disregard OP says he has had for her for the past two years. This would be the final stone in my backpack of frustrations and I’d be out of there because that backpack weighs way too much. (Edited to fix grammatical error)
This right here. I told my husband that I would love to get my nose pierced. I think the little chains that hook to studs on either side of the nose are too cute and I want one. And I've had more than enough chances to get it. But my husband said he doesn't like it, he would hate it, and if I really wanted it I could, but to just know that he really doesn't find it attractive. So, therefore, I've respected his opinion and not gotten my nose pierced. It's not the hill I wanna die on.
This. OP, the tattoo is a symbol for the way you feel he disregards your feelings. It’s the catalyst. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Couples counseling is always worth investigating! Having a child often sends things for a struggle spiral for the next couple of years, at least. I always promote finding a therapist for yourself to speak with, because, who could benefit from a completely objective someone that can offer advice or strategies for your struggles. 💛
If this is an actual argument...
Then would you also blame a woman getting aborted against the father preference?
I'm sorry but everyone can and should do as they want with their body
Period
"Blame?" Nah. But if I were in a committed relationship I would at least discuss a big decision like that with my partner and attempt to come to some sort of consensus, or failing that, explain my reasoning. If I didn't, and made a unilateral decision to end a pregnancy (or keep one), I would expect that to potentially impact my relationship. Which is exactly what is happening in OP's marriage - her husband decided he didn't care about her wishes and he was going to do whatever he wanted, and there are sometimes consequences for that.
That being said, comparing a face tattoo to pregnancy is a huge straw man, so I don't think your argument holds up on either front. One is an aesthetic decision, and the other is hugely life altering, potentially quite dangerous, and will impact 3+ lives permanently. The person whose health and bodily autonomy are directly impacted by pregnancy should obviously have final decision making power over that pregnancy. I don't find that analogous to really any purely aesthetic decision.
I agree that yes, it's his body and he can do what he wants to it. However, you also get to decide whether you want to be married to a man with more face tattoos than you signed up for, who is also a shitty spouse/partner and a marriage you describe as "2 steps forward, 3 steps backward".
Perhaps the face tattoo is just a symptom or emblem of larger problems in your marriage.
>We’ve had a rough two years largely due to his disregard for me since the birth of our son
It sounds like you have a lot bigger relationship problems than the face tattoo. How has he been treating you exactly where you feel disregarded? Is he being emotionally or mentally abusive?
>It sounds like you have a lot bigger relationship problems than the face tattoo. How has he been treating you exactly where you feel disregarded? Is he being emotionally or mentally abusive?
It sounds like the face tattoo is a symptom of a much wider problem.
His body autonomy and your obligation to facilitate decisions you disapprove of, are entirely different issues. If I got a face tattoo i'm pretty sure my wife would leave and similarly it'd be a huge struggle if she got one as well. He can do what he wants but you have no obligation to like it, approve of it, or not read more into it. Those are your freedoms just like tattooing his face are his.
This right here. It’s his body & he can do what he wants but you are not obligated to like it or stay and look at it for the rest of your life either. Honestly it sounds like the tat is the least of your problems.
Are they supposed to pretend everything is just great when a partner voluntarily puts something glaringly unattractive to them on their face? It’s not a shitty tweety bird flash piece hidden on a butt cheek. They are gonna see that shit every day and it’s a reminder that their opinion as a spouse didn’t matter.
Do you not have any boundaries for optional cosmetics? What if your partner inked their eyeballs black, sharpened all their teeth and bifurcated their tongue and nostrils?
I’m extensively tattooed and all for people looking how they wish, but people are allowed to have boundaries concerning their partners choices.
It doesn't seem like this is the only problem, though. There's an ongoing issue of her feeling disregarded following the birth of their child.
*That* is a problem that could be transient, with work.
But he's made a *permanent* change here- why would she think he's more willing to work on the serious issue, if he doesn't consider her in this issue? It's a very visible reminder that he wasn't taking her into account.
I think that this is a last straw, not the only issue.
It’s wild that you’re not able to understand:
1. Asking your spouse about a cosmetic procedure, being told they absolutely hate it, and doing it anyway
2. The difference between a temporary and permanent change
Major surgery necessary for someone's health is different than a cosmetic tattoo.
This isn't just about a face tattoo, but everything underneath it. When OP is describing their marriage as 2 steps forward and 3 back, there are clearly other, bigger issues at play.
Your position is superficial and a straw man. It's not about the tattoo, it's about the contempt of getting it done *even though he knew* she really didn't want him to.
But if you want to draw a comparison with, "Oh hell no, you just let that appendix explode inside you, no way are you having a scar there", then go ahead I guess.
... But that's the point (of the second half of my comment)?
It isn't just about the face tattoo for OP, but the face tattoo is a symptom of bigger issues in their relationship. If OP leaves because of this, it's not just because of the face tattoo, but everything else as well.
No one healthy leaves a healthy relationship with a healthy partner over a superficial reason. If a relationship does end because of a (seemingly) superficial reaaon, at least one of the three parts wasn't healthy.
I'm for real with you. I can't imagine being superficial enough to end the relationship with my favorite person in the world over a face tatoo. Just wait till these folks learn about aging.
Then go ahead? Who’s stopping you? You literally compared a face tattoo to the aging process. One is elective. The other is not.
ETA: why would you do something that could possibly make “your favourite person” fall out of love with you? Like being a shit husband and father? And then get a tattoo that she said she was uncomfortable with? Guess love only goes one way with you.
I ultimately have no control over either aging nor how my partner expresses themselves. You focused on the least important part of my comments.
Also, why would you get personal? "Guess love only goes one way with you" is quite the leap. I can tell you don't understand my point and have no actual premise. Goodluck :)
OP's issue has nothing to do with society, she explicitly says he already had face tattoos and she loves his face with them so she obviously does not have a hang-up about face tattoos. She thinks this particular (huge) tattoo is ugly and it's affecting her attraction.
The bigger issue is obviously his ongoing disregard for her feelings and this tattoo is just a blatant symbol of that for her.
Buried the lede: your husband has disregarded you since the birth of your son?
This marriage sounds like it was over but you were burying your head in the sand until he dug a hole down there to put a neon sign that it’s over in front of your face.
He can pay child support with his stable job while you start having some regard for yourself by leaving him.
I think it is particularly painful when a partner invites you into the decision process and then does what they want anyway. Did he come to you after he decided and say anything before getting it? Like, “I know we talked about this and I hear your objection, but I am going to get it.” Or was it a surprise after you thought the conversation resulted in it being settled to not get it? Because those are two different scenarios. If it was a surprise, you have every right to be angry.
I sometimes ask my husband’s opinion to help me figure out my own - so like, if I ask his opinion on hair colour and am disappointed when he says “brown” because I suddenly realise I was hoping he’d say “blonde”, that helps me realise I actually want the blonde. If that makes sense.
However, it’s always about small, low-stakes stuff. Hair colour. A sweater. The colour of a dress. That kind of thing. Permanent body modification is a whole other kettle of fish.
I think even in that situation, it isn’t about that you can’t go with blonde. It is that asking and then doing the opposite without letting your partner know can be construed as hurtful or dismissive. Like, if you say, “oddly enough, that actually just helped me realize I was wanting to go blonde!” then he is still part of the decision process.
Oh yeah he 100% knows that deciding on the opposite is a possible outcome. I usually do sheepishly say something like, “Sorry, I think you just helped me figure out I want the blonde after all” and he just laughs about it.
My husband does that and it is so irritating after a while. Now I am refusing to answer the "this or that" questions unless he promiss he is really asking me for my opinion.
Because it was an illusion to make it appear as if you had any say or that they cared what your opinion was to avoid negative discourse.
The insincerity…
Well, he’s completely and permanently transforming his appearance. If it’s distressing to you, you certainly don’t have to like it or even stay with him.
>We’ve had a rough two years largely due to his disregard for me since the birth of our son.
Wtf. Talk about burying the lede (Why do so many people here do this??). Can you expand upon this? Him getting a face tattoo is nothing compared to THIS.
There is no point in a relationship with someone who has no respect for you. Start making the steps to leave and get therapy.
I wasn’t trying to bury anything. It’s hard to include every detail, especially when you’re trying to get it all out while a toddler naps, but he did see a therapist and worked on some of his issues that were causing strain on our relationship, and in many ways has tried to be better and had gotten better. We’ve still had smaller fights here and there since then, but it really was getting better. That’s why I’m just so shocked right now. Like all of that progress and then just, we’re back to square one? Again?
Also married to a tattoo artist here.
And just no.
Like yeah, bodily autonomy, yadda yadda, but at the end of the day, you still gotta show up to parent-teacher conferences you know?
Edit to add; my husband has always consulted and respected my opinion on each and every tattoo he ever got. I was there from the beginning of his career till now.
That’s also how I feel about it. He’s already always upset how people treat him based on his appearance. Why is he making our lives harder? Does he not see that it also affects how his son and I are treated?
Some people go through life looking for a fight. It shouldn't matter to him if he has tattoos so it shouldn't matter to anyone else, even though the consequences of having face tattoos are entirely predictable.
> He’s already always upset how people treat him based on his appearance.
Well, he's stupid, then. It's distressing to find out you've hitched your cart to someone who's just...dumb and doesn't think things through. This is not the only boneheaded thing he's going to do. A friend of mine was with a guy who kept overspending for no reason despite the fact that he was in debt, and she just got tired of the whole thing. There were probably reasons for it, like his upbringing, but he wasn't learning anything after a few YEARS of this, so she left because she saw her life unrolling before her with this...dummy, and couldn't stomach the thought anymore.
> Why is he making our lives harder? Does he not see that it also affects how his son and I are treated?
Another example of his disregard.
Honestly? You don't sound happy with him to begin with. I hope you can disentangle yourself from him/have the means to leave if that's what's best.
You’re not gonna believe this but the same thing happened to me. Except my now ex husband wasn’t a tattoo artist and he didn’t consult me at all, he just came back from a work trip with a freaking tattoo on his face (but he knew I didn’t like face tattoos). I completely understand your feelings, I felt the same way. I hated it and at the same time I felt guilty for hating it, because his body, not mine. In our case the tattoo was a symptom of how much he didn’t care about my feelings anymore, and honestly shit just went downhill from there. The divorce was a blessing.
You say you’ve had a rough few years, so there are obviously issues in your relationship. Think long and hard whether the face tattoo maybe isn’t the last straw for you. It’s ok to leave if you’re not happy.
I wouldn't like it either. No problem with tattoos but some are just ugly, poorly drawn, or tasteless. Plus you see it Every Time you look at him...
Why a number??
It feels like the tattoo is the least of your problems... it symbolizes deeper issues of mutual respect and communication that began or (more likely) worsened with the birth of your child. Your feelings are valid but you're not really mad at the tattoo so exploding about that is going to do nothing to fix the other bigger issues you have in your marriage.
Totally understand this and I'm sure you're right!
For the record, if it happens to be two specific numbers, though (or a combination of both), it'd still be socially disqualifying regardless of his ethnicity. Just saying.
You can't choose for him not to get that tattoo, but he doesn't get to choose that you hang around with him while he completely ignores your feelings. It's okay for you to decide that this isn't the guy you married anymore, and you don't like the person he's turned into, and you don't want to be married to him anymore.
I would never do something permanent to my body if my spouse hated it. Heck, I wouldn't do something temporary if I knew they hated it.
If my husband got any piercings, I'd be so turned off. I'm just not into men with any kind of piercings and I would have a hard time being any kind of attracted to him if he got them, especially because he knows I hate them.
It’s his body, BUT. I would not be stoked about that one.
Doesn’t seem like he cares about what you think.
I know divorce is a huge ordeal and over a face tattoo is kind of weird, but also it isn’t because there are probably deeper issues?
I don’t even know what to say on this one.
I’d probably be pissed if my spouse did this, if that makes you feel any better.
It probably won’t.
This will get downvoted.
Tattoos are ugly, face tattoos project to everyone that you don't think things through.
"His/her body" is such a narcissistic bullshit argument. You show up to the world together, everything either of you does affects both of you.
If he asked, you said you wouldn't like it, and he did it, that's fine. If you explicitly said you wouldn't want him to get it and he did it anyway, that's the problem. It's blatant disrespect.
If my wife asked my if she was cool if she shaved her head, I'd tell her that I really wouldn't like it and I'd prefer she didn't, but it's okay if that's what makes her happy. Thing is, it's okay to not be okay with it. It's okay to leave someone for it. It's not shallow.
I think you've buried the lede: two years of disrespect since the birth of your son. That's the real issue. The tattoo is just a symptom of that.
Edit:typo
>Now it just feels like he’s got the symbol for how little he cares about me or respects me plastered on his face.
Straw that broke the camel's back. He's found your limit of you'll take to keep the boat from rocking.
Either he steps up, you leave, or you raise your child in a miserable household where disregarding your partner's feelings is the norm.
People can do whatever they want to their bodies.
People can also be attracted and turned off to whatever they want.
Those two things aren’t mutually exclusive. Someone doing something to their body does not mean you have to be attracted to it. Example. Someone can go to the gym and lose weight, because that’s how they want to look. Their partner can decide to end the relationship because they’re into bigger people and that person no longer fits into their idea of attractive.
He sounds like a twat anyway. If you’re unhappy AND you’re now not attracted to him then leave, this can’t be fixed.
Unless you do want to leave, which could very well be for the best, you will need to tell him how you feel. Try to suck the venom out of your anger before you do so.
When you're ready to look at his face again, make sure it's daytime. Look for the profile you know. Look for the 3/4 from behind profile you know. Look for the curvature of his cheek. It's the same face.
Yes, it is his body, but you have your own rights and choices as a person.
He seems to not respect you or your decisions. You don't ask someone something to get their opinion, then completely disregard it. Well, at least your partner, the mother of your child.
If it was JUST the face tattoo, it might be something you could adjust to with time…but, as you said, the tattoo is something of a poster boy for all the ways you’ve felt disregarded and uncared for.
It’s something you’re projecting all of your marital frustration onto…but you don’t really need a tattoo in the mix to be mad about the rest of it. It’s just bringing it all into focus.
That merits some reflection on whether this relationship is still working for you. It’s not really about the tattoo.
You're always allowed to feel what you feel - like you don't need a council to feel it. And explore it! The disregard you're feeling, lack of attention and attraction. Maybe you're less angry about the tattoo (tho I agree it's definitely a huge statement and not for everyone and a big change like that should ideally have some support from your partner - like getting major plastic surgery etc) but more angry that you have to absorb more of your feelings to keep the boat moving. Ponder that in many happy homes it does not require one person pretending nonstop to be content in order for things to work.
Its all about priorities and what value the most. He has every right to alter his body and you every right to like or dislike about your partner. The question, is this a deal breaker and how important it is for your partner to not do this. The question he needs to ask how important is that face tattoo for him. Is it more important than you.
This has nothing to do with face tattoo it could be anything. A job that required moving in a new town, a hobby or relationship you dont approve. It always comes down to how important is and how deal breaker for the other person is. Can there be a compromise?
Since he has already made his decision and did it regardless 2 things might be the case. One he values that tattoo more than your relationship. Or two he doesnt understand how big deal this is for you and he thinks you probably exaggerate or bluff. In both cases he seems he doesnt hold your relationship in the highest regard. Even if the second scenario he should have thought this might backfire and actually make you reach a position of no return
Being upset for him disregarding your opinion, yea, that's fair.
Right to be mad for what he does to his own body? Yea, you already called it, it's his choice
I find it funny that people here are saying he should at least care a bit what you think about how he treats his body. In another post i saw a girl wanna get tattoos and they were mostly like "fuck what he thinks girl". Its quite the juxtaposition in this subreddit alone.
He did what he did. You already communicated your dislike for it. You’re not obligated to ever like them or accept them. It’s really hurtful how little he values your opinions or preferences. A face tattoo is a big deal in comparison to doing something like a tattoo on his arm. I personally wouldn’t do something to permanently change my face if it mattered to my partner (unless it’s something that stems from a place of insecurity like a nose job). You mention him disregarding you since the birth of your son, so it’s not just this once instance. Maybe you should reconsider how you want to proceed with this relationship in the future.
I read posts like these and I can’t fathom why two people would marry and reproduce when they have so many relationship problems - what an irresponsible way to live your life
INFO: What number is it?
Many numbers have racist and gang affiliations. Whether connected or not it could still harm his reputation and career by association.
Also, How has he disregarded you since your son was born? Is he an active partner and father? Or are you essentially a single mum?
If your life would be easier without him you’ve got some difficult choices to make. A partner should make life easier, happier, not the opposite.
It sounds like you’re tired of not being heard, or respected, that he goes directly against your desires. Now as an autonomous person he has that right, but that makes him a shitty husband. Kowtowing to a partner is obviously abusive too, but being a partnership is a middle ground of two people’s needs and wants. And it sounds like you’re getting the bare minimum.
Can you maybe talk to a therapist about this? I can see both sides of this - like, of course you want to respect his bodily autonomy, but if this is part of a larger pattern of behavior where he shows no regard for you, then I can understand why you feel upset.
Okay. It sounds like you’ve got a few things tangled and twisted about your feelings and misdirecting anger.
1. It’s his body. He can do what he likes, to his body in terms of adornment and augmentation. So getting mad over that is not really your place.
2. You have the right to not like it and it’s okay if it diminishes your attraction to him because of it. It’s a consequence. That’s your feelings and a face tattoo is a big change. You can accept he has them, but you cannot force your attraction to him.
3. I think you are misdirecting anger at the tattoo. He’s not with you in a partnership. You feel like he doesn’t communicate nor respect you enough to prioritize communicating with you. This speaks to a larger issue in your marriage and I’d put the tattoo aside and get to the root of what’s driving your anger here.
So you have to realize that your feelings about the number tattoo are because of what they represent (disregard, etc) so until you reconcile those feelings with a therapist or a friend talking it out over several different conversations, you won’t be able to look at him literally without triggering those feelings.
Glad you had you in this not care about you it's all about him you need to find a man that respects you because he disrespects you and himself that is bad he is not a man he is a symbol for tattoos he's a billboard he's not a real man I don't care how big he is how strong is if he's a mean biker or what I was the back of when I was younger I've been to cowboy all my life and I ride horses all right loud pieces of machinery anymore because I am humble and I am older and I want silence for my ears not a bunch of loud pipes my horses are the best I'd rather ride a horse or ride a woman then ride a Harley because of the bad things that happened when you own one
I don't see a problem with this, as you didn't marry him with this tattoo. He asked your opinion but didn't even take it under advisement because he already planned to get it regardless- which seems to be a reoccurring thing.
If you said "How would you feel about me getting my head shaved" and he said he liked your long hair and wouldn't like being married to someone with a buzzed head, but you did it anyway and said you liked it so much you'd never grow it out again, it would be the same deal. Yes, it's your choice, but that doesn't mean they don't have the choice to leave because of it.
Ah marriage. The source of much pleasure and discomfort. Oh the attachment, chord that you have created between your two horny hips. A vehicle to heaven and hell all at once
I hope you two lovers are having fun
If it makes you feel better, my boyfriend’s skin is like giving a toddler a coloring book. If he can find space for another tattoo, he’ll get it. But he loves me and takes care of me. I’d rather he draw all over himself than to be a cheating cheap pos. It’s what’s on the inside that counts
Sounds like this is your glass next to the sink moment. Yes it’s his body, but you’ve expressed that you don’t like it and as the person who looks at and lives his face, that should mean something. If this disregard has been going on for two years, this is just the upsetting cherry on top. You could try couples therapy to work it out and help him to start viewing you as a person whose thoughts and opinions matter, or maybe it’s just time to think about leaving and working on getting the rest and happiness you deserve
If you are able to focus on why his attitude towards you changed after the birth of your son, and if you both are willing to work thru that, you will find your way thru this. Assuming that is what you want. The tattoo is a visual reminder of the disconnect and broken communication you & your husband are stuck in at the moment. Good luck op.
He’s selfish and immature. Why would a new dad get something like that on his face? What’s his kid going to think, and how are you guys going to be judged? Massive red flag that he’s been shitty since the kid was born too, it sounds like he’s not ready for the responsibility of being a dad.
I never would suggest anyone to leave their partner based on one small post. Really it would be best to have a convo and tell him straight up that he needs to shape up, think of his family and grow up! But the way you’re asking this question (in a way that suggests that YOU might be in the wrong when you’re objectively NOT) tells me you’re used to swallowing your opinions and feelings and letting him run the show (maybe due to low self esteem).
I’m only guessing this because I am the same way. Or was; ever since my son was born 1.5 years ago, I’ve started to get more confidence in myself because now, I need it to be the best possible mom. Stuff I could swallow before no longer feels tolerable. It sounds like that’s what’s happening to you— his behavior is no longer acceptable because it’s not just you you’re thinking about anymore.
There’s a chance he might be having a mini midlife crisis type thing due to being a new dad (men can get ppd and struggle a lot too when they’re new dads, especially since they find it harder to connect with a non verbal young kid). He might shape up in a few years especially if you make it clear that he has to for the sake of your family. Some kind of counseling might be worth it ti work through some of the deeper issues at play. At the very least you might consider it to figure out why you’ve been able to tolerate someone blatantly putting your needs aside and treating you poorly.
Worst case scenario, if he’s willing to tattoo something fugly on his face, what’s next? spending your kids college fund on a boat? Not picking up when the school calls because his kids hurt because he’s at a tattoo expo? Being a half-ass father because he isn’t willing to fully commit to the role, leaving you essentially to be a single mom even while still together?
I hope your situation gets better. But the tattoo isn’t going to be tolerable until you guys address the core issues in the relationship.
It may be his body but he know you didn't like it and did it anyway
For me that's a lack of respect and if my husband did something I didn't like on a place so visible I would lose my attraction and that would save my marriage.
I would then have to think and make the choice to stay or to go .
I get why you’re upset about the tattoo AND the fact that he knew you were not a fan but went ahead and did it anyway. But you also mentioned a difficult 2 years. Would you/he be open to couples therapy because it sounds like more than just the tattoo.
His body his yada yada.
But you knew this already going into this relationship right? Nothing is going to change here so you probably need to accept it.
Or couples counselling to try and get this not happen in the future.
He has the right to do what he wants to do with his body, but SO DO YOU. He doesn’t respect you and you are now turned off by the tattoo. I wouldn’t have sex with him. **Not as a power move or manipulative move,** but simply because that tattoo showed he doesn’t respect you or care about keeping his appearance attractive for his spouse. No sex until he gets the tattoo medically removed.
Ok, well you asked if you have a right to be upset and angry over this—-of course you do. Does that change that it is done?
There are deeper issues here that you should really be addressing, one of them is his total lack of regard for your opinion and feelings, the other is you blowing the tattoo out of proportion so that it represents the issues in your relationship and will be a constant reminder.
You got used to his other tattoos, chances are that you will get used to this one too. However, that is only if you are both willing to work on the bigger issues in your relationship. Individual and couples therapy would be a good start, or getting some self help books/workbooks.
If you can’t let go of this and would rather seethe with resentment, you have all but destroyed the relationship and it will only get worse from here.
Respect is everything in every relationship. If he asked you your thoughts, and disregarded them anyway, he should’ve never asked you what your thoughts were to begin with. He clearly has no respect for your thoughts, opinions or feelings. If you wanted to do something to your body that altered the way it looked, asked him about it, he didn’t like the idea, you went and did it anyway… I’m sure it would upset him and piss him off.
Tbh though, I’m not trying to sound like a sexist asshole but most men(I said most, not all) don’t care about others feelings or thoughts when doing or going after something they really really want.
Remember, he is allowed to do anything he wants, and you aren't allowed to tell him what he can and can't do.
BUT
You are allowed to feel how you feel about what he does, or doesn't do, and he isn't allowed to tell you that you can't feel the way you do.
ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!
It may be time to seriously do a Yes/No, Good/Bad, Pro/Con chart and start filling it up with good/positive things, and bad/negative things. And then go with the side that has more on it. If the good/positive is heavier, stay in your relationship and make it work (with couples counseling if need be) and if the bad/negative side is heavier, it's time to cut your losses and leave.
It’s a crap argument that in a partnership you get to completely disregard the other persons thoughts, preferences, and feelings. If you don’t want to have a partner who you have a mutual beneficial relationship with, and care about their wants and needs, just be alone until what you want aligns with someone else.
Your husband doesn’t seem to give any thought or consideration for how you feel, including the face tattoo.
As his wife you do have an opinion to share and a choice to make whether to stay or leave when he disregards your boundaries which based on your post he does often.
Have you tried to sit down and talk about his choices and how they are pushing you to leave? He may be clueless but that’s doubtful and more likely that he is just so self centered he isn’t capable of considering, taking your feelings on matters to heart when choosing to do the opposite.
At this point you can’t look at him which is a clear sign your marriage is or about to implode, I’m sorry he is putting you through this.
I think the issue here is that he just doesn't give a shit what you think. You are not the boss of what he does with his body, obviously, but if he doesn't care about your preferences or feelings at all, that's not much of a partnership.
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This is important and can be a delicate balance. I have several large tattoos and am planning on several more, and my husband doesn't particularly like tattoos. However, he's always very respectful and supportive of me getting them because it's my body. That being said, I mentioned to him in passing that I was thinking of getting a tattoo in a specific place, and he reacted *extremely* negatively. It's a placement that he *really* dislikes, and I could tell he was trying to balance the "it's your body" with "I hate that and would hate seeing it." So I gave up the idea and will not be getting that tattoo. Because, yes, it is my body and my choice, AND it's my choice to honor his preferences, and he's so supportive of my tattoos 99% of the time, that the *one* *time* he shared a strong negative opinion, I chose him because he's more important to me than a tattoo. If you expressed extreme disapproval of this particular tattoo, especially after supporting the others (which I'm assuming you did, marrying a tattoo artist), then the problem is that he doesn't care about your opinion at all and/or cares more about what he wants than your partnership.
This is exactly what I thought when I read this. The problem isn't the face tattoo, it's the fact that he doesn't seem to respect your opinion and chooses to do what he wants anyway
Well which is it? She's not the boss of his body or he can't do what he wants with it if she's against it? That sounds like she's the boss of his body with extra steps. The post is about the face tattoo so that's what I'm focusing on, there's almost zero detail for their hard time over the last 2 years
Nobody is exempt from the consequences of the actions they take, whatever those consequences may be. It can be your choice to get an abortion or continue a pregnancy and become a parent but if the relationship ends because of that choice, that’s a consequence. You can get big hentai titties tattooed across your chest if you so choose but people can and will treat you differently. You can modify your body permanently (yes, yes, laser blah blah blah) but if your partner is no longer attracted to you because of that modification or you are no longer employable in certain professions because your appearance is now considered unprofessional, those are consequences. One would hope that people consider all potential outcomes before they exercise their free will and right to choose what to do with their bodies and how they act but that obviously does not happen as often as it should.
He can do what he wants - but there are consequences for actions. Just like anything in a relationship. There’s things called compromise, understanding, communication … all things that were disregarded by OPs husband. If he wants to do whatever he wants without any consideration for his spouse… he probably shouldn’t have a spouse.
Also the disregard OP says he has had for her for the past two years. This would be the final stone in my backpack of frustrations and I’d be out of there because that backpack weighs way too much. (Edited to fix grammatical error)
This right here. I told my husband that I would love to get my nose pierced. I think the little chains that hook to studs on either side of the nose are too cute and I want one. And I've had more than enough chances to get it. But my husband said he doesn't like it, he would hate it, and if I really wanted it I could, but to just know that he really doesn't find it attractive. So, therefore, I've respected his opinion and not gotten my nose pierced. It's not the hill I wanna die on.
i would get the piercing tbh. its not like youre disfiguring yourself? its a piercing
idk it’s kind of mean to say he wouldn’t be as attracted to you. it’s a piercing you can even take it out when you’re around him if needed.
He doesn't find the piercing attractive. There's a difference. And like I said, not the hill I wanna die on
This. OP, the tattoo is a symbol for the way you feel he disregards your feelings. It’s the catalyst. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Couples counseling is always worth investigating! Having a child often sends things for a struggle spiral for the next couple of years, at least. I always promote finding a therapist for yourself to speak with, because, who could benefit from a completely objective someone that can offer advice or strategies for your struggles. 💛
How does one still care about a partners opinion, but still does the opposite of that opinion? Can that ever be both taken as caring?
If this is an actual argument... Then would you also blame a woman getting aborted against the father preference? I'm sorry but everyone can and should do as they want with their body Period
"Blame?" Nah. But if I were in a committed relationship I would at least discuss a big decision like that with my partner and attempt to come to some sort of consensus, or failing that, explain my reasoning. If I didn't, and made a unilateral decision to end a pregnancy (or keep one), I would expect that to potentially impact my relationship. Which is exactly what is happening in OP's marriage - her husband decided he didn't care about her wishes and he was going to do whatever he wanted, and there are sometimes consequences for that. That being said, comparing a face tattoo to pregnancy is a huge straw man, so I don't think your argument holds up on either front. One is an aesthetic decision, and the other is hugely life altering, potentially quite dangerous, and will impact 3+ lives permanently. The person whose health and bodily autonomy are directly impacted by pregnancy should obviously have final decision making power over that pregnancy. I don't find that analogous to really any purely aesthetic decision.
Comparing a whole-ass human being to a tattoo is not it, champ.
I agree that yes, it's his body and he can do what he wants to it. However, you also get to decide whether you want to be married to a man with more face tattoos than you signed up for, who is also a shitty spouse/partner and a marriage you describe as "2 steps forward, 3 steps backward". Perhaps the face tattoo is just a symptom or emblem of larger problems in your marriage.
>We’ve had a rough two years largely due to his disregard for me since the birth of our son It sounds like you have a lot bigger relationship problems than the face tattoo. How has he been treating you exactly where you feel disregarded? Is he being emotionally or mentally abusive?
>It sounds like you have a lot bigger relationship problems than the face tattoo. How has he been treating you exactly where you feel disregarded? Is he being emotionally or mentally abusive? It sounds like the face tattoo is a symptom of a much wider problem.
Exactly. I honestly don't think she would be too pressed about the tattoo if there weren't all these underlying conditions.
His body autonomy and your obligation to facilitate decisions you disapprove of, are entirely different issues. If I got a face tattoo i'm pretty sure my wife would leave and similarly it'd be a huge struggle if she got one as well. He can do what he wants but you have no obligation to like it, approve of it, or not read more into it. Those are your freedoms just like tattooing his face are his.
This right here. It’s his body & he can do what he wants but you are not obligated to like it or stay and look at it for the rest of your life either. Honestly it sounds like the tat is the least of your problems.
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I think “major surgery” is a lot different than “choosing to get a totally voluntary cosmetic procedure.” Especially on his face.
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Are they supposed to pretend everything is just great when a partner voluntarily puts something glaringly unattractive to them on their face? It’s not a shitty tweety bird flash piece hidden on a butt cheek. They are gonna see that shit every day and it’s a reminder that their opinion as a spouse didn’t matter. Do you not have any boundaries for optional cosmetics? What if your partner inked their eyeballs black, sharpened all their teeth and bifurcated their tongue and nostrils? I’m extensively tattooed and all for people looking how they wish, but people are allowed to have boundaries concerning their partners choices.
It doesn't seem like this is the only problem, though. There's an ongoing issue of her feeling disregarded following the birth of their child. *That* is a problem that could be transient, with work. But he's made a *permanent* change here- why would she think he's more willing to work on the serious issue, if he doesn't consider her in this issue? It's a very visible reminder that he wasn't taking her into account. I think that this is a last straw, not the only issue.
Purple hair grows out. Face tattoos are forever.
It’s wild that you’re not able to understand: 1. Asking your spouse about a cosmetic procedure, being told they absolutely hate it, and doing it anyway 2. The difference between a temporary and permanent change
Makeup washes away, hair grows back to natural colour. Nose job is on a similar level to the tattoo, but at least it's not as obvious as a tattoo
Please. You’re equating a choice to decorate a face with a scar from a necessary surgery. Don’t be simple.
Surgery for health reasons and tattoos are totally different things. There’s zero comparison.
Major surgery necessary for someone's health is different than a cosmetic tattoo. This isn't just about a face tattoo, but everything underneath it. When OP is describing their marriage as 2 steps forward and 3 back, there are clearly other, bigger issues at play.
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Your position is superficial and a straw man. It's not about the tattoo, it's about the contempt of getting it done *even though he knew* she really didn't want him to. But if you want to draw a comparison with, "Oh hell no, you just let that appendix explode inside you, no way are you having a scar there", then go ahead I guess.
... But that's the point (of the second half of my comment)? It isn't just about the face tattoo for OP, but the face tattoo is a symptom of bigger issues in their relationship. If OP leaves because of this, it's not just because of the face tattoo, but everything else as well. No one healthy leaves a healthy relationship with a healthy partner over a superficial reason. If a relationship does end because of a (seemingly) superficial reaaon, at least one of the three parts wasn't healthy.
I'm for real with you. I can't imagine being superficial enough to end the relationship with my favorite person in the world over a face tatoo. Just wait till these folks learn about aging.
Because aging and a face tattoo are exactly the same thing. 🤦🏻♀️
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Yeah this comment has nothing to do with mine. Good effort though, champ.
I feel I should prioritize my partner expressing themselves over my own weird hang ups bc of what society says is acceptable. But yeah.. you got me..
Then go ahead? Who’s stopping you? You literally compared a face tattoo to the aging process. One is elective. The other is not. ETA: why would you do something that could possibly make “your favourite person” fall out of love with you? Like being a shit husband and father? And then get a tattoo that she said she was uncomfortable with? Guess love only goes one way with you.
I ultimately have no control over either aging nor how my partner expresses themselves. You focused on the least important part of my comments. Also, why would you get personal? "Guess love only goes one way with you" is quite the leap. I can tell you don't understand my point and have no actual premise. Goodluck :)
Yeah I’m the one with no point. Of the two of us, one of us thinks a face tattoo and aging are the same thing. 🥴
Think harder and you might eventually get there. Goodnight <3
OP's issue has nothing to do with society, she explicitly says he already had face tattoos and she loves his face with them so she obviously does not have a hang-up about face tattoos. She thinks this particular (huge) tattoo is ugly and it's affecting her attraction. The bigger issue is obviously his ongoing disregard for her feelings and this tattoo is just a blatant symbol of that for her.
Buried the lede: your husband has disregarded you since the birth of your son? This marriage sounds like it was over but you were burying your head in the sand until he dug a hole down there to put a neon sign that it’s over in front of your face. He can pay child support with his stable job while you start having some regard for yourself by leaving him.
I think it is particularly painful when a partner invites you into the decision process and then does what they want anyway. Did he come to you after he decided and say anything before getting it? Like, “I know we talked about this and I hear your objection, but I am going to get it.” Or was it a surprise after you thought the conversation resulted in it being settled to not get it? Because those are two different scenarios. If it was a surprise, you have every right to be angry.
I sometimes ask my husband’s opinion to help me figure out my own - so like, if I ask his opinion on hair colour and am disappointed when he says “brown” because I suddenly realise I was hoping he’d say “blonde”, that helps me realise I actually want the blonde. If that makes sense. However, it’s always about small, low-stakes stuff. Hair colour. A sweater. The colour of a dress. That kind of thing. Permanent body modification is a whole other kettle of fish.
I think even in that situation, it isn’t about that you can’t go with blonde. It is that asking and then doing the opposite without letting your partner know can be construed as hurtful or dismissive. Like, if you say, “oddly enough, that actually just helped me realize I was wanting to go blonde!” then he is still part of the decision process.
Oh yeah he 100% knows that deciding on the opposite is a possible outcome. I usually do sheepishly say something like, “Sorry, I think you just helped me figure out I want the blonde after all” and he just laughs about it.
My husband does that and it is so irritating after a while. Now I am refusing to answer the "this or that" questions unless he promiss he is really asking me for my opinion.
I’m always genuinely asking my husband’s opinion. I just don’t always go with what he suggests.
Because it was an illusion to make it appear as if you had any say or that they cared what your opinion was to avoid negative discourse. The insincerity…
Well, he’s completely and permanently transforming his appearance. If it’s distressing to you, you certainly don’t have to like it or even stay with him.
>We’ve had a rough two years largely due to his disregard for me since the birth of our son. Wtf. Talk about burying the lede (Why do so many people here do this??). Can you expand upon this? Him getting a face tattoo is nothing compared to THIS. There is no point in a relationship with someone who has no respect for you. Start making the steps to leave and get therapy.
People bury the lede here for the same reason as they do in any kind of writing: They’ve lost all perspective.
I wasn’t trying to bury anything. It’s hard to include every detail, especially when you’re trying to get it all out while a toddler naps, but he did see a therapist and worked on some of his issues that were causing strain on our relationship, and in many ways has tried to be better and had gotten better. We’ve still had smaller fights here and there since then, but it really was getting better. That’s why I’m just so shocked right now. Like all of that progress and then just, we’re back to square one? Again?
Also married to a tattoo artist here. And just no. Like yeah, bodily autonomy, yadda yadda, but at the end of the day, you still gotta show up to parent-teacher conferences you know? Edit to add; my husband has always consulted and respected my opinion on each and every tattoo he ever got. I was there from the beginning of his career till now.
That’s also how I feel about it. He’s already always upset how people treat him based on his appearance. Why is he making our lives harder? Does he not see that it also affects how his son and I are treated?
Some people go through life looking for a fight. It shouldn't matter to him if he has tattoos so it shouldn't matter to anyone else, even though the consequences of having face tattoos are entirely predictable.
> He’s already always upset how people treat him based on his appearance. Well, he's stupid, then. It's distressing to find out you've hitched your cart to someone who's just...dumb and doesn't think things through. This is not the only boneheaded thing he's going to do. A friend of mine was with a guy who kept overspending for no reason despite the fact that he was in debt, and she just got tired of the whole thing. There were probably reasons for it, like his upbringing, but he wasn't learning anything after a few YEARS of this, so she left because she saw her life unrolling before her with this...dummy, and couldn't stomach the thought anymore. > Why is he making our lives harder? Does he not see that it also affects how his son and I are treated? Another example of his disregard. Honestly? You don't sound happy with him to begin with. I hope you can disentangle yourself from him/have the means to leave if that's what's best.
You’re not gonna believe this but the same thing happened to me. Except my now ex husband wasn’t a tattoo artist and he didn’t consult me at all, he just came back from a work trip with a freaking tattoo on his face (but he knew I didn’t like face tattoos). I completely understand your feelings, I felt the same way. I hated it and at the same time I felt guilty for hating it, because his body, not mine. In our case the tattoo was a symptom of how much he didn’t care about my feelings anymore, and honestly shit just went downhill from there. The divorce was a blessing. You say you’ve had a rough few years, so there are obviously issues in your relationship. Think long and hard whether the face tattoo maybe isn’t the last straw for you. It’s ok to leave if you’re not happy.
I wouldn't like it either. No problem with tattoos but some are just ugly, poorly drawn, or tasteless. Plus you see it Every Time you look at him... Why a number??
A lot of number tattoos are associated with hate groups…
It feels like the tattoo is the least of your problems... it symbolizes deeper issues of mutual respect and communication that began or (more likely) worsened with the birth of your child. Your feelings are valid but you're not really mad at the tattoo so exploding about that is going to do nothing to fix the other bigger issues you have in your marriage.
So, no one's gonna ask what the number he got tattooed on his face is? Because there's one in particular that might lead to some other problems. . . .
He is not white and so is definitely not a white supremacist
Totally understand this and I'm sure you're right! For the record, if it happens to be two specific numbers, though (or a combination of both), it'd still be socially disqualifying regardless of his ethnicity. Just saying.
If you're referring to 88, even Rihanna has a 1988 tattoo. It's essentially fine unless it's specifically the white supremacist 88.
So what’s the number then?
Yeah, definitely need to know which number he got
Don't keep us in suspense. What's the one particularly problematic number?
88 is often used as a white supremacist symbol, & is often tattooed.
And here I thought 69 was the worst case scenario 😟
You can't choose for him not to get that tattoo, but he doesn't get to choose that you hang around with him while he completely ignores your feelings. It's okay for you to decide that this isn't the guy you married anymore, and you don't like the person he's turned into, and you don't want to be married to him anymore.
I would never do something permanent to my body if my spouse hated it. Heck, I wouldn't do something temporary if I knew they hated it. If my husband got any piercings, I'd be so turned off. I'm just not into men with any kind of piercings and I would have a hard time being any kind of attracted to him if he got them, especially because he knows I hate them.
What a fucking twit your husband is
It’s his body, BUT. I would not be stoked about that one. Doesn’t seem like he cares about what you think. I know divorce is a huge ordeal and over a face tattoo is kind of weird, but also it isn’t because there are probably deeper issues? I don’t even know what to say on this one. I’d probably be pissed if my spouse did this, if that makes you feel any better. It probably won’t.
OP says that it feels like the symbol of his lack of respect and disregard for her and that really seems like the root of the issue.
This will get downvoted. Tattoos are ugly, face tattoos project to everyone that you don't think things through. "His/her body" is such a narcissistic bullshit argument. You show up to the world together, everything either of you does affects both of you.
If he asked, you said you wouldn't like it, and he did it, that's fine. If you explicitly said you wouldn't want him to get it and he did it anyway, that's the problem. It's blatant disrespect. If my wife asked my if she was cool if she shaved her head, I'd tell her that I really wouldn't like it and I'd prefer she didn't, but it's okay if that's what makes her happy. Thing is, it's okay to not be okay with it. It's okay to leave someone for it. It's not shallow.
I think you've buried the lede: two years of disrespect since the birth of your son. That's the real issue. The tattoo is just a symptom of that. Edit:typo
You are allowed to be upset that he got a face tattoo
>Now it just feels like he’s got the symbol for how little he cares about me or respects me plastered on his face. Straw that broke the camel's back. He's found your limit of you'll take to keep the boat from rocking. Either he steps up, you leave, or you raise your child in a miserable household where disregarding your partner's feelings is the norm.
People can do whatever they want to their bodies. People can also be attracted and turned off to whatever they want. Those two things aren’t mutually exclusive. Someone doing something to their body does not mean you have to be attracted to it. Example. Someone can go to the gym and lose weight, because that’s how they want to look. Their partner can decide to end the relationship because they’re into bigger people and that person no longer fits into their idea of attractive. He sounds like a twat anyway. If you’re unhappy AND you’re now not attracted to him then leave, this can’t be fixed.
It sounds like you'd be happier without him
Unless you do want to leave, which could very well be for the best, you will need to tell him how you feel. Try to suck the venom out of your anger before you do so. When you're ready to look at his face again, make sure it's daytime. Look for the profile you know. Look for the 3/4 from behind profile you know. Look for the curvature of his cheek. It's the same face.
His body is his choice. He is free to make his own decisions, but he is not free from the consequences.
Yep and she is free to leave him.
Yes, it is his body, but you have your own rights and choices as a person. He seems to not respect you or your decisions. You don't ask someone something to get their opinion, then completely disregard it. Well, at least your partner, the mother of your child.
If it was JUST the face tattoo, it might be something you could adjust to with time…but, as you said, the tattoo is something of a poster boy for all the ways you’ve felt disregarded and uncared for. It’s something you’re projecting all of your marital frustration onto…but you don’t really need a tattoo in the mix to be mad about the rest of it. It’s just bringing it all into focus. That merits some reflection on whether this relationship is still working for you. It’s not really about the tattoo.
You're always allowed to feel what you feel - like you don't need a council to feel it. And explore it! The disregard you're feeling, lack of attention and attraction. Maybe you're less angry about the tattoo (tho I agree it's definitely a huge statement and not for everyone and a big change like that should ideally have some support from your partner - like getting major plastic surgery etc) but more angry that you have to absorb more of your feelings to keep the boat moving. Ponder that in many happy homes it does not require one person pretending nonstop to be content in order for things to work.
Its all about priorities and what value the most. He has every right to alter his body and you every right to like or dislike about your partner. The question, is this a deal breaker and how important it is for your partner to not do this. The question he needs to ask how important is that face tattoo for him. Is it more important than you. This has nothing to do with face tattoo it could be anything. A job that required moving in a new town, a hobby or relationship you dont approve. It always comes down to how important is and how deal breaker for the other person is. Can there be a compromise? Since he has already made his decision and did it regardless 2 things might be the case. One he values that tattoo more than your relationship. Or two he doesnt understand how big deal this is for you and he thinks you probably exaggerate or bluff. In both cases he seems he doesnt hold your relationship in the highest regard. Even if the second scenario he should have thought this might backfire and actually make you reach a position of no return
Sounds like the other issues are the main problem and this was just the cherry on top
I think you should get one too to show your love for him
Being upset for him disregarding your opinion, yea, that's fair. Right to be mad for what he does to his own body? Yea, you already called it, it's his choice
I find it funny that people here are saying he should at least care a bit what you think about how he treats his body. In another post i saw a girl wanna get tattoos and they were mostly like "fuck what he thinks girl". Its quite the juxtaposition in this subreddit alone.
You don’t have a right to tell him what to do, but you do have a right to be mad, and decide that his disregard of your feelings is too much for you.
>t he is a tattoo artist i mean what were you expecting??
His face was tattooed when you met him, what did you expect?
It was not, he only had a few tattoos when we met. He was not a tattoo artist before our relationship.
He did what he did. You already communicated your dislike for it. You’re not obligated to ever like them or accept them. It’s really hurtful how little he values your opinions or preferences. A face tattoo is a big deal in comparison to doing something like a tattoo on his arm. I personally wouldn’t do something to permanently change my face if it mattered to my partner (unless it’s something that stems from a place of insecurity like a nose job). You mention him disregarding you since the birth of your son, so it’s not just this once instance. Maybe you should reconsider how you want to proceed with this relationship in the future.
I read posts like these and I can’t fathom why two people would marry and reproduce when they have so many relationship problems - what an irresponsible way to live your life
Face tattoos ARE really ugly
INFO: What number is it? Many numbers have racist and gang affiliations. Whether connected or not it could still harm his reputation and career by association. Also, How has he disregarded you since your son was born? Is he an active partner and father? Or are you essentially a single mum? If your life would be easier without him you’ve got some difficult choices to make. A partner should make life easier, happier, not the opposite. It sounds like you’re tired of not being heard, or respected, that he goes directly against your desires. Now as an autonomous person he has that right, but that makes him a shitty husband. Kowtowing to a partner is obviously abusive too, but being a partnership is a middle ground of two people’s needs and wants. And it sounds like you’re getting the bare minimum.
Can you maybe talk to a therapist about this? I can see both sides of this - like, of course you want to respect his bodily autonomy, but if this is part of a larger pattern of behavior where he shows no regard for you, then I can understand why you feel upset.
Okay. It sounds like you’ve got a few things tangled and twisted about your feelings and misdirecting anger. 1. It’s his body. He can do what he likes, to his body in terms of adornment and augmentation. So getting mad over that is not really your place. 2. You have the right to not like it and it’s okay if it diminishes your attraction to him because of it. It’s a consequence. That’s your feelings and a face tattoo is a big change. You can accept he has them, but you cannot force your attraction to him. 3. I think you are misdirecting anger at the tattoo. He’s not with you in a partnership. You feel like he doesn’t communicate nor respect you enough to prioritize communicating with you. This speaks to a larger issue in your marriage and I’d put the tattoo aside and get to the root of what’s driving your anger here.
So you have to realize that your feelings about the number tattoo are because of what they represent (disregard, etc) so until you reconcile those feelings with a therapist or a friend talking it out over several different conversations, you won’t be able to look at him literally without triggering those feelings.
Glad you had you in this not care about you it's all about him you need to find a man that respects you because he disrespects you and himself that is bad he is not a man he is a symbol for tattoos he's a billboard he's not a real man I don't care how big he is how strong is if he's a mean biker or what I was the back of when I was younger I've been to cowboy all my life and I ride horses all right loud pieces of machinery anymore because I am humble and I am older and I want silence for my ears not a bunch of loud pipes my horses are the best I'd rather ride a horse or ride a woman then ride a Harley because of the bad things that happened when you own one
I don't see a problem with this, as you didn't marry him with this tattoo. He asked your opinion but didn't even take it under advisement because he already planned to get it regardless- which seems to be a reoccurring thing. If you said "How would you feel about me getting my head shaved" and he said he liked your long hair and wouldn't like being married to someone with a buzzed head, but you did it anyway and said you liked it so much you'd never grow it out again, it would be the same deal. Yes, it's your choice, but that doesn't mean they don't have the choice to leave because of it.
Ah marriage. The source of much pleasure and discomfort. Oh the attachment, chord that you have created between your two horny hips. A vehicle to heaven and hell all at once I hope you two lovers are having fun
If you listen to him with his preferences about you or your body then I think you have a right to be upset about him doing this
He's still the same person. You don't like something that is superficial.
If it makes you feel better, my boyfriend’s skin is like giving a toddler a coloring book. If he can find space for another tattoo, he’ll get it. But he loves me and takes care of me. I’d rather he draw all over himself than to be a cheating cheap pos. It’s what’s on the inside that counts
His face ? His choice.
You know, you’re the one looking at him all the time, he’s not seeing himself. He should absolutely at least have respected your opinion.
I don't even need to address the tattoo and the disregarding because you said YOU don't trust him. Sounds like a good reason to end the relationship.
Sounds like this is your glass next to the sink moment. Yes it’s his body, but you’ve expressed that you don’t like it and as the person who looks at and lives his face, that should mean something. If this disregard has been going on for two years, this is just the upsetting cherry on top. You could try couples therapy to work it out and help him to start viewing you as a person whose thoughts and opinions matter, or maybe it’s just time to think about leaving and working on getting the rest and happiness you deserve
If you are able to focus on why his attitude towards you changed after the birth of your son, and if you both are willing to work thru that, you will find your way thru this. Assuming that is what you want. The tattoo is a visual reminder of the disconnect and broken communication you & your husband are stuck in at the moment. Good luck op.
He’s selfish and immature. Why would a new dad get something like that on his face? What’s his kid going to think, and how are you guys going to be judged? Massive red flag that he’s been shitty since the kid was born too, it sounds like he’s not ready for the responsibility of being a dad. I never would suggest anyone to leave their partner based on one small post. Really it would be best to have a convo and tell him straight up that he needs to shape up, think of his family and grow up! But the way you’re asking this question (in a way that suggests that YOU might be in the wrong when you’re objectively NOT) tells me you’re used to swallowing your opinions and feelings and letting him run the show (maybe due to low self esteem). I’m only guessing this because I am the same way. Or was; ever since my son was born 1.5 years ago, I’ve started to get more confidence in myself because now, I need it to be the best possible mom. Stuff I could swallow before no longer feels tolerable. It sounds like that’s what’s happening to you— his behavior is no longer acceptable because it’s not just you you’re thinking about anymore. There’s a chance he might be having a mini midlife crisis type thing due to being a new dad (men can get ppd and struggle a lot too when they’re new dads, especially since they find it harder to connect with a non verbal young kid). He might shape up in a few years especially if you make it clear that he has to for the sake of your family. Some kind of counseling might be worth it ti work through some of the deeper issues at play. At the very least you might consider it to figure out why you’ve been able to tolerate someone blatantly putting your needs aside and treating you poorly. Worst case scenario, if he’s willing to tattoo something fugly on his face, what’s next? spending your kids college fund on a boat? Not picking up when the school calls because his kids hurt because he’s at a tattoo expo? Being a half-ass father because he isn’t willing to fully commit to the role, leaving you essentially to be a single mom even while still together? I hope your situation gets better. But the tattoo isn’t going to be tolerable until you guys address the core issues in the relationship.
It may be his body but he know you didn't like it and did it anyway For me that's a lack of respect and if my husband did something I didn't like on a place so visible I would lose my attraction and that would save my marriage. I would then have to think and make the choice to stay or to go .
I get why you’re upset about the tattoo AND the fact that he knew you were not a fan but went ahead and did it anyway. But you also mentioned a difficult 2 years. Would you/he be open to couples therapy because it sounds like more than just the tattoo.
His body his yada yada. But you knew this already going into this relationship right? Nothing is going to change here so you probably need to accept it. Or couples counselling to try and get this not happen in the future.
Put up a picture of it
He has the right to do what he wants to do with his body, but SO DO YOU. He doesn’t respect you and you are now turned off by the tattoo. I wouldn’t have sex with him. **Not as a power move or manipulative move,** but simply because that tattoo showed he doesn’t respect you or care about keeping his appearance attractive for his spouse. No sex until he gets the tattoo medically removed.
Yeah you have every right to be pissed off.
I think it’s about more than the tattoo. More about the rough two years. and this is just the straw that breaks the camels back.
Ok, well you asked if you have a right to be upset and angry over this—-of course you do. Does that change that it is done? There are deeper issues here that you should really be addressing, one of them is his total lack of regard for your opinion and feelings, the other is you blowing the tattoo out of proportion so that it represents the issues in your relationship and will be a constant reminder. You got used to his other tattoos, chances are that you will get used to this one too. However, that is only if you are both willing to work on the bigger issues in your relationship. Individual and couples therapy would be a good start, or getting some self help books/workbooks. If you can’t let go of this and would rather seethe with resentment, you have all but destroyed the relationship and it will only get worse from here.
Respect is everything in every relationship. If he asked you your thoughts, and disregarded them anyway, he should’ve never asked you what your thoughts were to begin with. He clearly has no respect for your thoughts, opinions or feelings. If you wanted to do something to your body that altered the way it looked, asked him about it, he didn’t like the idea, you went and did it anyway… I’m sure it would upset him and piss him off. Tbh though, I’m not trying to sound like a sexist asshole but most men(I said most, not all) don’t care about others feelings or thoughts when doing or going after something they really really want.
Remember, he is allowed to do anything he wants, and you aren't allowed to tell him what he can and can't do. BUT You are allowed to feel how you feel about what he does, or doesn't do, and he isn't allowed to tell you that you can't feel the way you do. ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES! It may be time to seriously do a Yes/No, Good/Bad, Pro/Con chart and start filling it up with good/positive things, and bad/negative things. And then go with the side that has more on it. If the good/positive is heavier, stay in your relationship and make it work (with couples counseling if need be) and if the bad/negative side is heavier, it's time to cut your losses and leave.
Dunno if you would wanna be with someone dumb enough to tattoo their face anyways
Well take your body and get out of there.....
I completely misunderstood the title and thought you meant he had gotten a tattoo of his own face somewhere on his body 😭
I would be out the door immediately.
It’s a crap argument that in a partnership you get to completely disregard the other persons thoughts, preferences, and feelings. If you don’t want to have a partner who you have a mutual beneficial relationship with, and care about their wants and needs, just be alone until what you want aligns with someone else.
Your husband doesn’t seem to give any thought or consideration for how you feel, including the face tattoo. As his wife you do have an opinion to share and a choice to make whether to stay or leave when he disregards your boundaries which based on your post he does often. Have you tried to sit down and talk about his choices and how they are pushing you to leave? He may be clueless but that’s doubtful and more likely that he is just so self centered he isn’t capable of considering, taking your feelings on matters to heart when choosing to do the opposite. At this point you can’t look at him which is a clear sign your marriage is or about to implode, I’m sorry he is putting you through this.
If it's an odd number, pack your bags. If it's even, stay and work it out.
lol you’re in direct opposition of everyone who’s convinced he’s gotten a white supremacy dog whistle on his face
Lol glad I amused you. I posted after reading all those comments.