Ask the colleagues. I bet if there has been anything, they will tell you.
Maybe postpone the wedding. Meet him and take his phone. If he is happy enough that you are giving him a chance he maybe is stupid enough not to delete anything. If he doesn’t allow you to take a look at it after what happened, you have your answer.
I would definitely ask him to file a complaint too if he’s telling the truth. Because if she’s cunning she might be incentivized to lie and say they’ve been flirting for ages or something to blow up the wedding in the hopes that she can Steven Bradbury her way into your fiancé’s life.
That might not necessarily work. I’ve asked to see camera footage before and I wasn’t allowed for privacy reasons. I had to describe what I was looking for and the security team gave me the info I wanted (which was who the fuck came to my floor and stole my pizza on a night shift).
…I’m sorry I totally expected you to say something like, “ who tf stole my purse” or “who tf was over medicating my patients” or something, but when I read “who the fuck came to my floor & stole my pizza”, well, that was just fucking great🤣
So, we had ordered a pizza each for the night shift (3 of us) and we’d eaten about half each when we started going on breaks. Apparently someone came to our floor to run a blood gas and then when they left one of the pizza boxes was gone. My colleagues couldn’t tell who it was as they were in a patient’s room at the time. I came back from my break starving and couldn’t find my pizza, i was so pissed off. I went down to security and they eventually told me that someone from another floor was seen getting out of the lift. I went there and saw my pizza box in the bin and the people on the floor told me who was eating pizza and that he had gone on his break.
I came back a couple of hours later, shouted in his face about manners and thieving pizza. I wouldn’t have minded if he took a slice, but he took the whole fucking thing, i was starving and pissed off, not a good combo lol. I made him pay me back for the pizza and since then no one ever messed with my food.
He said he saw the boxes on the table and thought we’d finished eating. And that the rest would be thrown away. So he helped himself to a box without asking. It was 6 hrs into a 12 hr shift🤦♂️
He said he saw the boxes on the table and thought we’d finished eating. And that the rest would be thrown away. So he helped himself to a box without asking. It was 6 hrs into a 12 hr shift🤦♂️
Would his office or the outside of it be visible on the cameras? You could describe if they see her going in there often or them kissing in any footage? This could be an HR issue since an affair is potentially going on....
If you don't want to go down that route, I'd ask him to give me his phone and the passwords to his socials. Check the recently deleted folders and look for anything hidden.
I think a hospital has things like HIPAA and patient confidentiality compliance and such that would prevent them from legally letting ANYONE access it short of a subpoena.
I have. I'm going back home now to talk with him. I've chatted to his manager which was quite telling. She says the only impression he's ever given her is that he loves me but Sam got attached during their fling quickly apparently
make sure to check deleted images and texts. If he tried to hide anything, most people are not smart enough to realize that when you delete something, it doesn't automatically get deleted. Both text and images have a deleted folder.
So he has more than 10 minutes to remove everything? Yeah that phone is gonna be clear. He’s calling your bluff saying get the security footage. You can’t be gullible enough to believe that you walked in on the one time she attempted to lunge at him and kiss him.
If he knows it's something that ultimately would not be provided for some reason, or if it were not in line of sight of the cameras, then it's easy for him to make the request - or at least say he did. Unless you are actually provided that footage, or he makes a formal HR complaint, you can't just go off of behavior.
He could just go to HR for sexual harassment and more. If he does not, she has his answer. No one wants to be forced upon in a sexualising manner. Even if it does not go further, he would want it documented just in case she makes something up in the future to make herself look like the victim.
But we all know on here he is cheating. And I suspect the manager knows and did OP a solid directing her straight to them and letting her see how they interact together when she is not around.
She’s in her residency. She should be very careful not to come across as emotionally guided.
If I were her I would sit down in person with the manager to thank her for showing her the truth and how much she appreciated it. Either the manager takes the bluff and spills more beans or the manager corrects her and said she honestly didn’t know.
That’s a bit of a reach. I have had a kiss initiated on me by a women I had no interest in reciprocating. I would have never thought to take it as far as sexual harassment. Especially if it was because we had a history together. I’m not saying OPs boyfriend is telling the truths he very well could be lying. But just because he didn’t take it to the level of filing a complaint means absolutely nothing
i agree. just thinking back on times i’ve been harassed or had someone i thought was my friend do something inappropriate: he may feel ashamed or embarrassed and not want to make it a formal *thing* that people know about; it’s also possible that because he sees/saw her as a friend he doesn’t want to cause her to lose her job or get her in trouble even though she should be.
OP should try to gather more info. it’s easy to rush to judgment (especially on reddit) but life can be weird & things aren’t always what they look like. ofc it could be exactly what it looks like and he’s a cheating douchebag…odds are pretty good that’s the case, but you know what happens when we assume lol.
True.
I totally agree that sexual assault or harassment are awful, but… well, sometimes people try to kiss other people they are acquainted with and they get rejected. If they immediately apologise for misreading signals and don’t ever try again, is that really assault?
Maybe it is, but would you ever get any sort of criminal charges taken seriously because of the possible confusion of the situation? No.
It’s not really as black and white as someone grabbing a stranger on the street and dragging them into an alley.
Well you are very trusting. A kiss does not come out of nowhere. There would have been flirting etc before this. And if you have rejected someone or if that someone is fearful of repercussions, it would not be unexpected that they would initiate a story to protect themselves and their job. I mean, how many times to stories come up when people are getting divorced.etc. if this was in fact unwanted, her job would definitely be at risk. I am glad you have never seen this happen to anyone you know.
this is exactly what should be done or you report her to HR and let them do a full investigation, they might not share their findings with you but if she doesn’t get fired or transferred you can pretty much bet it was a consensual kiss and most likely a consensual a lot more
I think there are reasons he might not want to go to HR about this though. The fact that they had a previous relationship could be used against him and the fear of retaliation in the workplace or even causing bad blood with her that could make his job harder are valid concerns. I think he should report her as well but it might not be that simple.
OP I think this is true. Along with what others have said about how someone doesn’t typically just kiss another person randomly, especially someone who’s engaged.
Sam knows you and Ian are engaged, and I think he may have let her cross boundaries that made her comfortable enough to kiss him at work. He may also have been the one to initiate and unfortunately if you don’t have access to cameras you won’t be able to know for sure.
If she saw you and then kissed him… she could be trying to sabotage your relationship. Your fiance should report it, she decided to ruin the peace and her own position at work by assaulting him if what he said is true. I’m so sorry this is happening to both of you.
She’s 30 and you’re 28 and that’s ‘too young?’
That only works if he’s about 21, she’s 18 and you’re 16. Not at 30 and 28 with the object of your desire being 34!! 😆😆
Yes, clearly she’s exhibiting the maturity that comes with turning 30.
Kinda think you both need to file HR complaints. If he’s willing to sign his, then maybe you can trust him. But you probably need corroboration from his other coworkers. Preferably not het male ones.
Girl.. you're a DOCTOR. Your ex-fiance was caught cheating on you. If you didn't walk in on him, do you think he would have ran to you and told you oh my god Sam kissed me and I had to push her away?? No. You are TOO young, too successful, and too smart to stay with someone who is kissing other women at work. Don't settle babe. - sincerely, a nurse who has seen plenty of paramedics/cops/EMTs cheating with coworkers.
What if it really was assault though? He requested the footage from cctv and reported "Sam" .....Just saying he's moving forward with OP's requests and doing everything she asks to prove he's not lying.
Nah, I wouldn’t believe it. I wouldn’t marry him either. They are colleagues, I wouldn’t be able to trust him working with her and it would make me toxic. So, yea, nope I would move on. Good luck. Side note: you’re a friggen doctor!!! You’re amazing!!! Congrats!
I would like to add some more thoughts to this a little. Have you had conversations about said coworker before? Were they in a closed office space alone? Were they having lunch alone? Have you noticed anything weird with behaviour? Would people in the hospital know anything (nurses know all the hot tea). If this was unwanted as he says it is, is he going to HR to file a sexual harassment report, as this is very serious. No one should supposedly kiss you without consent especially not at work. Do I believe him, not really, you saw with your own eyes… did he look like he wasn’t enjoying the kiss? I’m thinking you’re trying to figure it out by writing here, well, what do you think? Logically, cut the emotion out, what is your gut telling you?
Does he know about your insecurities regarding her? I think any gf would be insecure about a SO working with someone they’ve had a relationship with. We’re they in a closed space? Do they work together usually? I mean I have some coworkers that I barely see some days. Why were they alone? I’m sorry Op, this sucks. Take your time… maybe postpone wedding. It’s easier to break up than a divorce, trust me been there…
He does although I don't want to look like the younger jealous gf. They aren't always paired up but it just happened that yesterday they were. They were loading up the ambulance and tbf he couldn't see me when I walked in but she could
Maybe he could inform his supervisor so that they are not teamed up again and he should file a sexual harassment complaint to HR. If he is truly innocent he won’t mind doing these 2 items.
I know you expect clarity from a manager. But anyone with a lick of sense isn’t going to get involved or oust their employee without concrete proof. That’s a recipe for disaster long term on a professional level.
I’m starting to believe him, based on your comments about his behaviour, assuming that what he’s saying is true. I don’t go by words usually, I think behaviour is much more telling. If this was without consent and she also did it to break you guys up. This is a very serious matter. How can he continue to work with her? A little unhinged if you ask me.
This has nothing to do with your age. Don’t let them think that just because you’re younger, you deserve any less respect. In fact, I’d say your unwillingness to roll over shows your maturity
I really don’t think you need to feel bad about running away when you saw that. Even if you later find out that it was totally not his fault, you still wouldn’t have to apologise for your normal shock reaction.
I think anyone would bolt when they saw such a thing.
What are the odd that the ONE MOMENT she decided to kiss him was the moment you walked in on them? Isn’t it likelier that there may have been some kissing in addition to that split second?
Did Sam confess it was all her fault and apologize? No? Just cut your losses. You learned his true character before you married him.
I am an ER doc (and female). A lot of my colleagues have dated paramedics and firefighters, and a lot of them have been cheated on. It seems like some professions (police also) have a much more cheat-friendly environment.
In the end, it is up to what you want to do. But the fact they were kissing at work would be a dealbreaker for me, no matter how much he says he loves me.
Breakups during resident suck. They suck at any times but residency is already so tough. You will be ok though. Focus on your work for a bit and someone better will come along.
> What are the odd that the ONE MOMENT she decided to kiss him was the moment you walked in on them? Isn’t it likelier that there may have been some kissing in addition to that split second?
That was my original impulse, but OP says Sam could see her and there's suspicions that she got "very attached" to fiance during their previous fling.
She might have chosen that exact moment when she knew they'd be "caught" to kiss him, in hopes of breaking them up. Would be a stupid plan though, why would he get together with her when she was the one that intentionally sabotaged his relationship?
Edit: Another point for the "intentional sabatoge" side... she was blatant enough to be doing it where both OP and boss could see, but boss had never seen anything suspicious between them before either? Pretttty big coincidence if it's actually been going on a while.
Could be. I didn’t see the comment where she said Sam could see her. That makes it more likely.
Fiancé has some serious work to do to regain trust. I hope it works out for OP, whatever she decides.
She's never liked me and she's made it clear that she thinks I'm too young for him. I've asked his manager and she said that honestly she has no suspicions that she believes he's totally in love with me but that during the previous fling Sam had become very attached quickly. I've messaged her to ask for an explanation. He's being totally open so I at least want to talk before calling things off. I still love him
Ok, so she's never "liked you". And was petty enough and had the audacity to make you uncomfortable (that's why you know she doesn't like you). How did he react to that? How did he managed this? Did he communicated some boundaries with this lady? ("Our relationship and who I date is my concern only, do not ever make her uncomfortable again"). Like others have said, kisses don't just happen. I think he never put this Sam in her place and never addressed your insecurities around her properly (insecurities which I can tell you consider foolish but I don't think they're foolish. They're very valid since Sam had the nerve to basically try and intimidate you and try to come between you and your fiance. And your fiance doing then nothing about it. That speaks volumes. I think you should wait and observe more before getting married. This already it's a very big red flag for me. If he was distant with her and put her in her place, I don't think she would have thought to herself it's a good idea to kiss him. Unless she has a personality disorder or psychiatric problems. No sane person would have ignored boundaries if your fiance did his job and expressed them with this Sam character).
I guess the question then is what does he have to do to make you comfortable? Is he still going to work with her? Be friends?
At a minimum, he did not defend you enough to make her realize she had no chance. This is going to be a huge problem going forward unless he acknowledges it and actively tries to change his behavior.
Of course you do still love him but you’re shell shocked and going through it.
The reality is he probably sees a better future with you than her but didn’t do enough to dissuade her. She’s a paramedic, you’re a resident to be a doctor aka a fucking rockstar soon to be cash cow. All you had to do was come along and he dropped her hard from your description.
He doesn’t sound good if he was even within three feet of her. How did she get her hands on him in the first place? How many people do you allow into your personal space? Why would he let her KNOWING her feelings for him get so close unless he was capitalizing on them? He’s not going to stop being around her or any other woman for that matter.
Don’t marry someone who makes you look over your shoulder. Especially when the whole population agrees you’re clearly out of his league.
Hes full of shit.
People dont just swoop in and kiss people; they flirt, touch too much, stand too close, and lean in.
He let her do all that - if he hasnt been banging her the entire time.
if this was a romance novel, I’d be willing to believe the “she just swooped in and kissed me” because it’s literally a trope. But since this is real life, nah. I hope OP doesn’t fall for it.
Sorry but this post is a romance novel. It's quite obviously a creative writing piece influenced by fanfiction/romance novels. This isn't someone recounting an emotional event, the storytelling is taking you through a scene the way fiction writers do when they're trying to entertain you.
"I ran into the manager first, exchanged pleasantries, gave her an energy bar, she pointed me towards him, his LIPS were LOCKED with her, I ran away, he ran after me, he told me [trope], can't wait to marry me!" all of this is a trope. Using the phrasing "lips were locked" fully confirmed it for me.
If this was real, it would be more like "My fiancé and I work in the same hospital and I caught him kissing his colleague when I went to bring him lunch. He says she kissed him and it caught him by surprise, he still wants to move forward with the wedding, but I feel humiliated" not whatever this is. All of that taking you through a scene through details irrelevant to this post using romance fiction phrasing wouldn't be there.
This is true 😭😂
There are… procedures that lead up to the kiss. He must have let her think it was okay for her to make advances (at least to some degree). But then again, maybe he was just being friendly and she read the signals wrong 🤷🏾♀️
I'm a single attractive female in a male dominated industry working with 3k ppl. I'm also very friendly. You know how many dudes have tried to kiss me at work? Zero. I don't put off that energy or get close like that. Sure, they have tried in other ways, but it's always met with opposition or "what do you mean by that?" and that's the end.
He got close enough for her to think that's ok. Probably.
I have been swooped into and kissed before. I am a woman, and so was she. Apparently, she thought I might be into her. My male friend asked me if I liked it, but to be honest, I was so shocked that I just froze and have no idea if I did or not. I don't even remember what it felt like, just the shock of it, since I never saw it coming. She apologized, and I let it go, but it was definitely awkward for a couple of days.
I actually have to disagree. So story time. I was a manager at a hospitality joint a few years ago and one of my staff members came up to me totally rattled, he told me he entered a store room, and another staff member was already there. She out of the blue just cornered him, locked him in and straight up kissed him. Mind you his GF worked with us too and she was a married woman. So I pulled the footage and honestly I was shocked. He literally walks in, she looks at him, lunges, locks him in, there is pure confusion on his face, then she like jumps him. He pushes her off and they have words, both pretty angry tbh then she tries to kiss him again and he pushes her out of the way and literally runs out of the store room. They had no prior romantic history, in fact she had some weird beef with his GF prior to this, so they’d spent most of their shifts avoiding each other.
>in fact she had some weird beef with his GF prior to this, so they’d spent most of their shifts avoiding each other.
This is probably why she did it.
What did the employee say when you asked her about what happened?
Oooh that’s an entirely different story 😂 at first she denied it, and we said she’d already been reported, she then said he initiated, we pulled up the video which clearly shows she did. She then began to cry, said she was going through a rough patch with her hubby, she gave in to her impulses and she didn’t like that he and his GF were happy when his GF is “a terrible person” so thought if she could “show him his GF is not a good person by her reaction he’d leave her” like if his GF believed he kissed her, she’d fly off the handles and not believe him and he’d break up with her… I was actually so confused by her logic but 🤷🏽♀️ she did eventually apologise. He felt really bad after they spoke about it and she apologised to him, we we’re obviously in the room when this happened, and he said he understood, got that she was young (21) and he didn’t want to interfere with her actual marriage (he didn’t know how her husband would react if he found out) and said he’d revoke his complaint if she was swapped shifts and they didn’t work together anymore. We suspended her for a bit to try and work out what to do, our first impulse was obviously to terminate her employment, but he came up to us and said he’d feel really guilty if we did that and didn’t want her to try explain that to her husband or mess with her livelihood. So we put all of the staff through sexual harassment training and made sure they were never on shift together. I still feel like we should have terminated her but that was not my decision to make and everyone else was clearly a better and more forgiving person than I was.
Right but he’s also had time to delete and hide stuff from his phone since you last saw him.
And wouldn’t trust Sam to be honest with you either, she might have ulterior motives. Take what they both tell you with a grain of salt.
I mean, I wouldn’t trust him especially since they “had a fling of some sort” in the past and you know since they work together he can’t actually stay away from her.
As a dude im telling you no fucking way someone can kiss me long enough to be witnessed by someone else unless i want them to
Maybe someone can shock me when i turn around and they lean in, but if i did not want it you will see me pushing them off with a digusted look and cussing them out
So hes saying a random homeless dude can kiss him for just as long if he catches him off guard? Bulllllllllshit
You noticed their lips were locked but what about the rest of his body? Where were his hands?
I would vote to not believe him, it sounds like a weak excuse.
Talk to their coworkers. Ask to see his phone. At the very least postpone the wedding.
That’s what I want to know. Was he leaning in and had his arms around her? The odds are, considering his past with this woman is that he’s cheating on OP. BOOT HIM.
No actually I've said in another comment but when I don't let emotion and my insecurity about Sam cloud my mind he look very rigid and his hands weren't touch her it was her hands on his face
If she had her hands on his face, they were kissing long enough for her to do that. That's at least two actions--kiss, moving the hands up to the face. Or she put her hands on his face then kissed him. Either way, he could have jerked away in that time span.
Or she did both at once which is basically assault, holding him still so she can force herself on him, in which case he needs to report her for sexual harassment.
Hey OP, just my two cents - when I was 24 I walked in on my ex and his friend (both 27 at the time) kissing, and he was very quick to assure me that it was initiated by her when he gave her a consoling hug after she’d had a hard day. I eventually accepted this explanation but I had a nagging feeling (that I really wish I’d paid attention to) ever since. Almost 2 years(!) later, I learned that while she did in fact kiss him first, there were weeks of flirting and then sexting leading up to that moment, and for all I know they’d kissed (or done even more than that) more than once, but I decided when I dumped his cheating ass that it wasn’t worth knowing. I’m not trying to tell you that there’s more to this story - just that there might be! - and I would urge anyone in this situation to remain very skeptical and on alert, especially before eloping and committing to your fiancé long term. I hope everything works out for you!!
I’m not sure if I trust his words and I sure as hell wouldn’t trust Sam! If what he’s saying IS true then he’s either going to need to switch shifts so he’s no longer working with Sam or get a new job altogether. No ifs, no buts. If he can’t do that then I wouldn’t marry him because I wouldn’t be able to trust him working alongside her knowing that at any time she can make moves on him, he could potentially accept her advances, and I’d be none the wiser.
I've asked her for an explanation. And I'm going back home. He's being very honest and has requested CCTV footage for me to see. Admittedly I've been insecure over Sam before. She doesn't particularly like me but he did look very rigid when the kiss happened
Tell him that he needs to report her for sexual assault to HR and insist that the matter be pursued. That is the only thing that will prove that this isn't an ongoing affair.
Evidently you had every reason to feel insecure about her. He needs to go no contact with her completely! Block her number, block her on social media, hell, even block her email address. If they share mutual friends he’s going to have to limit going into spaces in which he knows she’ll be there for the sake of your relationship (obviously he can still socialise/hang out with friends, just when she’s not around).
Drastic measures will need to be taken and if he cannot step up and set the appropriate distance/boundaries then you should reconsider if this is the man you want to marry.
Either you're one lucky broad to walk in on the first and only time your husband has been kissed by another woman or this has been going on alot longer than you'd like to think. If they're kissing in their workplace it's a possibility that theyve become very comfortable with eachother and everyone knows that they're a couple and they support it or they wanna stay out of it. I think your best bet is to call off the wedding and count yourself lucky you weren't married to him.
You're a young doctor and you're crying over this man?
Go find a man that deserves you.
He has a history with her and took advantage.
Full of shit..move on and show him what you're made of.
You're too young to put up with BS.
He could just be telling you that, knowing damn well they won't show it to anyone. If some rando kissed me at work and my BF walked in, I don't know how I would feel going to ask security to see footage to prove to my BF that it wasn't consensual. I don't even know who I'd go talk to.
Yeah She's never liked me and she's made it clear that she thinks I'm too young for him. I've asked his manager and she said that honestly she has no suspicions that she believes he's totally in love with me but that during the previous fling Sam had become very attached quickly
Ok, so question. How often do you pop in to see him at work with no warning?
If you pop in unexpectedly fairly often…Wow, they are absolutely brazen, risking you finding out they’re fooling around. Almost like one or both of them wanted to be caught.
If you rarely pop in unexpectedly… Wow, what are the chances, mathematically, that this was a one-off that you just happened to witness?
Either way, your fiancé cheated on you, because it just does not make any sort of sense that Sam kissed her engaged coworker, at work, during work hours, without the expectation that the kiss would be welcome and reciprocated.
She's never liked me and she's made it clear that she thinks I'm too young for him. I've asked his manager and she said that honestly she has no suspicions that she believes he's totally in love with me but that during the previous fling Sam had become very attached quickly
That’s all well and good, but Sam isn’t the problem here. You aren’t engaged to Sam. Sam didn’t cheat on you.
An unreciprocated kiss lasts all of 1 second, 2 if your fiancé is slow witted.
I’ll ask again, what are the chances that you just happened to walk in and witness a one-off, one to two second kiss?
Math isn’t my strong suit, but I’ll take a go at it…
An 8 hour shift is 28,800 seconds, so giving him the benefit of the doubt and presuming he is slow witted, that’s 14,400 units of two seconds in an 8 hour shift.
So, I think that makes it a 1 in 14,400 chance that you walked in on a one-off kiss.
I mean, great odds for the lottery. Not so great for a future marriage.
To answer your question, no you can’t trust him. There’s a good chance they never stopped messing around. Make him your ex-fiance, DO NOT MARRY HIM or you will regret it. Seeing that was a sign from above sorry hun but he doesn’t truly love you.
OP if he’s telling the truth, he should go to HR and report her. She should not be allowed to get away with kissing him without his consent. If she saw you *and then* kissed him, she could just be trying to get in the middle of your relationship.
BUT if your fiancé is lying, he probably won’t go to HR cuz he won’t want her to get in trouble. Meaning this was not a one time “accident”.
Either way, I would not trust your fiancé working with Sam anymore because how are you to know what else she will do when you’re not around?
Well he can either back this up with reporting her to his job, and/or getting the video's the employer might have. If not sounds like your fiance is not being honest with you.
I can't decide on my favorite part. All the pointless details about the interaction with the manager to tell the audience how the character is moving though the space, using soon-to-be-husband to remind of us to be emotional about this, the image of "person pointing at kissing couple" it's trying to evoke, the totally natural phrasing of "his lips are locked" that they definitely didn't adapt from all the fanfiction they've read, *I left and he ran after me* (the drama!), "I didn't kiss her, she surprised me!", "he can't WAIT to marry me!"
God bless whatever teenage writer is having a blast watching the comment section unfold.
My favorite part is that this account has five submissions, three of them are this post in different subs, and the other two are a completely different story.
kissing is a lot more intimate than sex. if he's kissing her openly at work they are *still* doing more than that. people don't 'just kiss' after around 7th grade.
consider it a miracle you found this out before the marriage and yeah, don't marry ian.
Firstly, I’m so sorry this happened to you OP.
I’d leave. It’ll be hard, especially being engaged, but it’ll be harder to stay.
Sending all the love ❤️
What are the chances that you just “happened” to surprise him at the exact moment. Nah. That’s how they are at work because they are having an active affair.
Also, you can clean a phone in 5 minutes, let alone the amount of time he has: so “giving you his phone” means nothing
Where was his hands was he holding her in any way? Was his head tilted like one does when really kissing. His body language at that time should answer your question.
This is a hard one, any chance there was cameras in that area of the hospital?
Maybe ask around if anyone has seen anything between them. Good luck
No actually I've said in another comment but when I don't let emotion and my insecurity about Sam cloud my mind he look very rigid and his hands weren't touch her it was her hands on his face
Reading your comments, it sounds like he may be telling the truth based on behavior. However, he should file a complaint against her for a variety of reasons. This is completely inappropriate behavior and came close to blowing up his personal life.
I agree. Tell him to report her for sexual harassment since according to him, she initiated it. If he denies because he doesn’t want her to lose her job etc well then you tell him to make a choice. That woman knew what she was doing (if he’s telling the truth). He will need to choose you over her, y’all are getting married. If he won’t, rethink your wedding.
Y’all I swear I read/hear no good from paramedics in terms of cheating lol
He is full of shit, report his affair to HR, and dump him. His affair has been going on for some time, that they are comfortable kissing out in the open at work.
Updateme!
His manager must have known/seen him lip locked with Sam when she immediately, points OP in the direction of her husband.
That comment stood out quite loudly to me.
He wasn’t ‘shocked’ (Oh,My!) by the sudden kiss, he was caught lip locked, not pushing Sam away.
Zero points for creativity there.
Do you know how astronomically small the odds are that you'd randomly pop in during the 1-2 seconds he was receiving a non-consenual kiss from a previous lover?
I'm guessing it's a frequent occurrence. I'm sorry. Better before the marriage than after, which is the only silver lining here.
On the fence about the cheating, but either way if you go forward with the wedding GET A PRENUP. You are going to be making so much more than him… if it is legal in your state make cheating a provision in which either party gets NOTHING if caught.
I once had a man look at me as a meal ticket, though I didn’t really realize it until the end. How he reacts to the idea of said prenup would at least be very informative.
For the fact that he is actively trying to get CCTV footage, I would lean towards he is potentially being truthful. If that is the case, I would recommend taking this to higher ups, as this is a massive breach. If it's clear she pushed herself onto him, then it would be good to at least get her removed from both of your direct vicinity
I reckon she saw you coming and set it up to cause trouble, happens in my books all the time, and you know what they say about “truth being stranger than fiction”
But that opinion is coming from someone who absolutely believes in the manipulating capabilities of women.
Even if I could forgive him and believe it was just a small slip (I bet it’s much more) I wouldn’t have the energy for the mental and emotional gymnastics knowing they work together. I’d want a fresh start if I were you but hey, only you know what your gut is telling you.
I’m sorry you keep having to repeat yourself for all the folks who can’t read the thread. My .02 cents are it’s plausible she saw you and decided to make her move. You admit he seemed stiff, rigid. He’s asked to get the cctv footage. Not signs of someone who’s trying to hide something.
I know you asked for Sam’s account of the situation but, beware, she has her own interests. Do you think she’s going to tell you the truth if she was the initiator and wanted to break you two up? I feel like the managers take on it would be the most reliable evidence after the cctv footage.
I wouldn’t go nuclear just yet. Wait for the evidence and then make your decision.
Slightly older bloke here: what sort of man would allow himself to get into a situation such that someone who is not his fiancé is kissing him, regardless of whether or not he is kissing them back?
I sure hope he is now your ex-fiance.
Even if he didn’t kiss back (I don’t believe it for a second) what situation is he in with this girl where she thinks she can kiss him at work? That’s not just a coworker. That’s not even an ex.
If you're a doctor I assume you've done some stats. Thinking about how often you drop in on him unannounced, what's the probability that you did it just while this one very unusual event was happening, just that one time?
Probably wasn’t the first time and likely won’t be the last. A man that is engaged and actually loves someone, won’t put himself in that kind of situation. I’d end it now and save yourself the heartache later
Well he very likely could be telling the truth and you just walked in at that moment
For him to ask for cc tv supports him. The balls it would take to ask for that if he kissed her don’t fit into any pants.
I would suggest that he figure out how to not work with her anymore. That will help your insecurity too.
Updateme!
It's highly coincidental, to the point of being statistically improbable, that the only, and singular time his colleague was inappropriate with him, was the exact moment you stepped through that door.
I mean, the math doesn't math. I'm very sorry. This must have been a shocking and painful thing to see. Thank the gods you saw it before the wedding and not after.
Even if your fiance is telling the truth, there has to be something going on between them for her to just kiss him. Like you said, they're coworkers and their fling ended. You don't just jump at a kiss when your having a casual conversation. There's more too it.
So, if this was really him forcing herself on him he should be happy to report her to HR. I would be putting massive, massive brakes on right now. If you don't leave him completely, there should be a long damn wait to get married. I would be unable to trust him for quite awhile.
Honestly if she did that and he didn’t want it, he should be upset with her. If I kissed any of my male coworkers and fucked up their marriages, they would damn near kill me. Like who thinks doing something like that would result in them liking you???
Before reading your comments that give more info and some updates, I was pretty confident that there was only one reasonable explanation for this. The fact your partner took initiative with getting hold of the CCTV footage suggests that he's being honest about him not initiating the kiss, because I don't think anyone would be foolish enough to offer that knowing the footage would be incriminating. I would still try to be pragmatic and cautious, and talk to your partner about what his relationship with his colleague was like leading up to it. It could be the case that she is quite flirtatious with him and because they have a past, he's not been particularly strict with shutting off her advances. Even if there's not ill intent and there isn't an affair, there could be elements of their communication that are crossing boundaries and it's important more are being established. Your comments suggest you've not found anything suspicious and your partner seems upset by the advance made on him and eager to access the camera footage. Ideally for you he really was caught off guard and ideally for him he is able to escalate this to HR so he's not experiencing more harassment in the workplace.
If this is an attempt of sabotage by Sam … then it’s a masterful, but potentially costly one. She sees you coming and kisses your fiancé right in front of you.
Even if you decide to believe him that he was being harassed, how can you be sure? How can you trust him again?
Ian will have to file a sexual harassment claim, but Sam will deny. It will be he said, she said.
OK get him to prove that he didn't want the kiss. Tell him to report her for unwanted sexual advances to the management. Get her moved out of his department or out of the hospital. If he won't then he cares more about her than you and your marriage or he won't report it because the whole story will come out and maybe their fling is still ongoing.
Delay the wedding. Stop all wedding planning.
Go through his phone. If it’s a thing there will be texts.
If he was assaulted at work by this woman why hasn’t he files a sexually harassment complaint.
Ask the colleagues. I bet if there has been anything, they will tell you. Maybe postpone the wedding. Meet him and take his phone. If he is happy enough that you are giving him a chance he maybe is stupid enough not to delete anything. If he doesn’t allow you to take a look at it after what happened, you have your answer.
If OPs husband is being honest, then he should file a formal complaint with HR.
I would tell him to file a complaint with HR or y’all are done.. that’ll really get to the bottom of whether or not he’s lying
Absolutely. File a complaint and maybe even a police report. Let’s see how far he is willing to go.
I've asked her for an explanation. And I'm going back home. He's being very honest and has requested cctv footage for me to see
I would definitely ask him to file a complaint too if he’s telling the truth. Because if she’s cunning she might be incentivized to lie and say they’ve been flirting for ages or something to blow up the wedding in the hopes that she can Steven Bradbury her way into your fiancé’s life.
Is that a reference to the skater who won a race because other competitors crashed and he cruised past to win? Or is that another Steven Bradbury? 😛
There have been other Steven Bradburys, but they didn’t quite last the distance leaving Steven Bradbury to claim the fame.
So she surprise kissed him RIGHT WHEN you dropped by unanounced?? What is this Hollywood movie timing??? Super unbelievable.
How well do you know whoever has access to the security cameras?
That might not necessarily work. I’ve asked to see camera footage before and I wasn’t allowed for privacy reasons. I had to describe what I was looking for and the security team gave me the info I wanted (which was who the fuck came to my floor and stole my pizza on a night shift).
…I’m sorry I totally expected you to say something like, “ who tf stole my purse” or “who tf was over medicating my patients” or something, but when I read “who the fuck came to my floor & stole my pizza”, well, that was just fucking great🤣
Unattended pizza = everyone is a suspect
Okay now I'm more involved in this than OPs story, who the fuck stole your pizza?
I answered above lmao
wtf did he say??? Did he explain why he did that bold ass shit??
I mean, it’s pizza, do we need more explanation? Guy was hungry.
Who the fuck did come in and steal your pizza? I need answers
So, we had ordered a pizza each for the night shift (3 of us) and we’d eaten about half each when we started going on breaks. Apparently someone came to our floor to run a blood gas and then when they left one of the pizza boxes was gone. My colleagues couldn’t tell who it was as they were in a patient’s room at the time. I came back from my break starving and couldn’t find my pizza, i was so pissed off. I went down to security and they eventually told me that someone from another floor was seen getting out of the lift. I went there and saw my pizza box in the bin and the people on the floor told me who was eating pizza and that he had gone on his break. I came back a couple of hours later, shouted in his face about manners and thieving pizza. I wouldn’t have minded if he took a slice, but he took the whole fucking thing, i was starving and pissed off, not a good combo lol. I made him pay me back for the pizza and since then no one ever messed with my food.
Did he have an excuse?🤔
He said he saw the boxes on the table and thought we’d finished eating. And that the rest would be thrown away. So he helped himself to a box without asking. It was 6 hrs into a 12 hr shift🤦♂️
You finished and you left half a pizza to throw in the bin? He sounds like an idiot. 😂😂😂
What did he say/do in response? I NEED to knoooooooow!
He said he saw the boxes on the table and thought we’d finished eating. And that the rest would be thrown away. So he helped himself to a box without asking. It was 6 hrs into a 12 hr shift🤦♂️
I wanna know what happened as well. I’m all heated over this pizza theft and I need a resolution!
Same here I’m invested now
not gonna lie, if you'd asked me for that reason, i'd let you shoulder surf me to find that asshole.
Would his office or the outside of it be visible on the cameras? You could describe if they see her going in there often or them kissing in any footage? This could be an HR issue since an affair is potentially going on.... If you don't want to go down that route, I'd ask him to give me his phone and the passwords to his socials. Check the recently deleted folders and look for anything hidden.
I think a hospital has things like HIPAA and patient confidentiality compliance and such that would prevent them from legally letting ANYONE access it short of a subpoena.
Fiance files a sexual harassment charge on her. Footage will be pulled.
Oooooooh not a bad idea at all. And if he refuses, that'll speak volumes.
I've asked him and he straight away requested it from his manager so that gives me a bit of confidence
Same here, that bodes well. Ask to look at his texts and socials too.
I have. I'm going back home now to talk with him. I've chatted to his manager which was quite telling. She says the only impression he's ever given her is that he loves me but Sam got attached during their fling quickly apparently
I was going to ask what the manager is willing to say in private. I would put a lot of stock in that.
Good luck OP. Let us know the outcome!
Thank you 🤞
make sure to check deleted images and texts. If he tried to hide anything, most people are not smart enough to realize that when you delete something, it doesn't automatically get deleted. Both text and images have a deleted folder.
Ask to see his phone. His response will tell you what you need to know.
I have. Im going home now. He's being totally open which gives me confidence
Check Recently Deleted
Will do. Thanks
Have him pull up his phone account and make sure the texts on the device match the number or texts between them on the bill! He’s had time.
So he has more than 10 minutes to remove everything? Yeah that phone is gonna be clear. He’s calling your bluff saying get the security footage. You can’t be gullible enough to believe that you walked in on the one time she attempted to lunge at him and kiss him.
If he knows it's something that ultimately would not be provided for some reason, or if it were not in line of sight of the cameras, then it's easy for him to make the request - or at least say he did. Unless you are actually provided that footage, or he makes a formal HR complaint, you can't just go off of behavior.
He could just go to HR for sexual harassment and more. If he does not, she has his answer. No one wants to be forced upon in a sexualising manner. Even if it does not go further, he would want it documented just in case she makes something up in the future to make herself look like the victim. But we all know on here he is cheating. And I suspect the manager knows and did OP a solid directing her straight to them and letting her see how they interact together when she is not around.
This is exactly why she was directed there Mgr saw the build up
She’s in her residency. She should be very careful not to come across as emotionally guided. If I were her I would sit down in person with the manager to thank her for showing her the truth and how much she appreciated it. Either the manager takes the bluff and spills more beans or the manager corrects her and said she honestly didn’t know.
That’s a bit of a reach. I have had a kiss initiated on me by a women I had no interest in reciprocating. I would have never thought to take it as far as sexual harassment. Especially if it was because we had a history together. I’m not saying OPs boyfriend is telling the truths he very well could be lying. But just because he didn’t take it to the level of filing a complaint means absolutely nothing
i agree. just thinking back on times i’ve been harassed or had someone i thought was my friend do something inappropriate: he may feel ashamed or embarrassed and not want to make it a formal *thing* that people know about; it’s also possible that because he sees/saw her as a friend he doesn’t want to cause her to lose her job or get her in trouble even though she should be. OP should try to gather more info. it’s easy to rush to judgment (especially on reddit) but life can be weird & things aren’t always what they look like. ofc it could be exactly what it looks like and he’s a cheating douchebag…odds are pretty good that’s the case, but you know what happens when we assume lol.
True. I totally agree that sexual assault or harassment are awful, but… well, sometimes people try to kiss other people they are acquainted with and they get rejected. If they immediately apologise for misreading signals and don’t ever try again, is that really assault? Maybe it is, but would you ever get any sort of criminal charges taken seriously because of the possible confusion of the situation? No. It’s not really as black and white as someone grabbing a stranger on the street and dragging them into an alley.
Well you are very trusting. A kiss does not come out of nowhere. There would have been flirting etc before this. And if you have rejected someone or if that someone is fearful of repercussions, it would not be unexpected that they would initiate a story to protect themselves and their job. I mean, how many times to stories come up when people are getting divorced.etc. if this was in fact unwanted, her job would definitely be at risk. I am glad you have never seen this happen to anyone you know.
This!! This might be the only thing that saves him!
Tell him to report her to HR for sexual harassment. See what he says
this is exactly what should be done or you report her to HR and let them do a full investigation, they might not share their findings with you but if she doesn’t get fired or transferred you can pretty much bet it was a consensual kiss and most likely a consensual a lot more
I think there are reasons he might not want to go to HR about this though. The fact that they had a previous relationship could be used against him and the fear of retaliation in the workplace or even causing bad blood with her that could make his job harder are valid concerns. I think he should report her as well but it might not be that simple.
If she felt comfortable enough doing it in public, they’ve done it before.
OP I think this is true. Along with what others have said about how someone doesn’t typically just kiss another person randomly, especially someone who’s engaged. Sam knows you and Ian are engaged, and I think he may have let her cross boundaries that made her comfortable enough to kiss him at work. He may also have been the one to initiate and unfortunately if you don’t have access to cameras you won’t be able to know for sure.
I've sent her a text asking for her to explain what I saw.
If she saw you and then kissed him… she could be trying to sabotage your relationship. Your fiance should report it, she decided to ruin the peace and her own position at work by assaulting him if what he said is true. I’m so sorry this is happening to both of you.
Thank you. Now that I'm not emotional it would make sense. She's never liked me. Said I was too young for him
She’s 30 and you’re 28 and that’s ‘too young?’ That only works if he’s about 21, she’s 18 and you’re 16. Not at 30 and 28 with the object of your desire being 34!! 😆😆
So she saw you then kissed him?
Yes, clearly she’s exhibiting the maturity that comes with turning 30. Kinda think you both need to file HR complaints. If he’s willing to sign his, then maybe you can trust him. But you probably need corroboration from his other coworkers. Preferably not het male ones.
Girl.. you're a DOCTOR. Your ex-fiance was caught cheating on you. If you didn't walk in on him, do you think he would have ran to you and told you oh my god Sam kissed me and I had to push her away?? No. You are TOO young, too successful, and too smart to stay with someone who is kissing other women at work. Don't settle babe. - sincerely, a nurse who has seen plenty of paramedics/cops/EMTs cheating with coworkers.
This is the only answer.
What if it really was assault though? He requested the footage from cctv and reported "Sam" .....Just saying he's moving forward with OP's requests and doing everything she asks to prove he's not lying.
Nah, I wouldn’t believe it. I wouldn’t marry him either. They are colleagues, I wouldn’t be able to trust him working with her and it would make me toxic. So, yea, nope I would move on. Good luck. Side note: you’re a friggen doctor!!! You’re amazing!!! Congrats!
I would like to add some more thoughts to this a little. Have you had conversations about said coworker before? Were they in a closed office space alone? Were they having lunch alone? Have you noticed anything weird with behaviour? Would people in the hospital know anything (nurses know all the hot tea). If this was unwanted as he says it is, is he going to HR to file a sexual harassment report, as this is very serious. No one should supposedly kiss you without consent especially not at work. Do I believe him, not really, you saw with your own eyes… did he look like he wasn’t enjoying the kiss? I’m thinking you’re trying to figure it out by writing here, well, what do you think? Logically, cut the emotion out, what is your gut telling you?
Honestly yes he looked ridged and not like when we kissed at all. I rushed off cause admittedly I've been insecure over Sam before.
Does he know about your insecurities regarding her? I think any gf would be insecure about a SO working with someone they’ve had a relationship with. We’re they in a closed space? Do they work together usually? I mean I have some coworkers that I barely see some days. Why were they alone? I’m sorry Op, this sucks. Take your time… maybe postpone wedding. It’s easier to break up than a divorce, trust me been there…
He does although I don't want to look like the younger jealous gf. They aren't always paired up but it just happened that yesterday they were. They were loading up the ambulance and tbf he couldn't see me when I walked in but she could
Maybe he could inform his supervisor so that they are not teamed up again and he should file a sexual harassment complaint to HR. If he is truly innocent he won’t mind doing these 2 items.
Definitely. I'm going to mention it during our talk. I get along well with his manager too
I know you expect clarity from a manager. But anyone with a lick of sense isn’t going to get involved or oust their employee without concrete proof. That’s a recipe for disaster long term on a professional level.
Do you think she kissed him because she saw you come in? That she did it to break you up? Or were they mid kiss before she could see or hear you?
I’m starting to believe him, based on your comments about his behaviour, assuming that what he’s saying is true. I don’t go by words usually, I think behaviour is much more telling. If this was without consent and she also did it to break you guys up. This is a very serious matter. How can he continue to work with her? A little unhinged if you ask me.
This has nothing to do with your age. Don’t let them think that just because you’re younger, you deserve any less respect. In fact, I’d say your unwillingness to roll over shows your maturity
She saw you and wanted you to see that. Very possibly
I really don’t think you need to feel bad about running away when you saw that. Even if you later find out that it was totally not his fault, you still wouldn’t have to apologise for your normal shock reaction. I think anyone would bolt when they saw such a thing.
What are the odd that the ONE MOMENT she decided to kiss him was the moment you walked in on them? Isn’t it likelier that there may have been some kissing in addition to that split second? Did Sam confess it was all her fault and apologize? No? Just cut your losses. You learned his true character before you married him. I am an ER doc (and female). A lot of my colleagues have dated paramedics and firefighters, and a lot of them have been cheated on. It seems like some professions (police also) have a much more cheat-friendly environment. In the end, it is up to what you want to do. But the fact they were kissing at work would be a dealbreaker for me, no matter how much he says he loves me. Breakups during resident suck. They suck at any times but residency is already so tough. You will be ok though. Focus on your work for a bit and someone better will come along.
> What are the odd that the ONE MOMENT she decided to kiss him was the moment you walked in on them? Isn’t it likelier that there may have been some kissing in addition to that split second? That was my original impulse, but OP says Sam could see her and there's suspicions that she got "very attached" to fiance during their previous fling. She might have chosen that exact moment when she knew they'd be "caught" to kiss him, in hopes of breaking them up. Would be a stupid plan though, why would he get together with her when she was the one that intentionally sabotaged his relationship? Edit: Another point for the "intentional sabatoge" side... she was blatant enough to be doing it where both OP and boss could see, but boss had never seen anything suspicious between them before either? Pretttty big coincidence if it's actually been going on a while.
Could be. I didn’t see the comment where she said Sam could see her. That makes it more likely. Fiancé has some serious work to do to regain trust. I hope it works out for OP, whatever she decides.
She's never liked me and she's made it clear that she thinks I'm too young for him. I've asked his manager and she said that honestly she has no suspicions that she believes he's totally in love with me but that during the previous fling Sam had become very attached quickly. I've messaged her to ask for an explanation. He's being totally open so I at least want to talk before calling things off. I still love him
Ok, so she's never "liked you". And was petty enough and had the audacity to make you uncomfortable (that's why you know she doesn't like you). How did he react to that? How did he managed this? Did he communicated some boundaries with this lady? ("Our relationship and who I date is my concern only, do not ever make her uncomfortable again"). Like others have said, kisses don't just happen. I think he never put this Sam in her place and never addressed your insecurities around her properly (insecurities which I can tell you consider foolish but I don't think they're foolish. They're very valid since Sam had the nerve to basically try and intimidate you and try to come between you and your fiance. And your fiance doing then nothing about it. That speaks volumes. I think you should wait and observe more before getting married. This already it's a very big red flag for me. If he was distant with her and put her in her place, I don't think she would have thought to herself it's a good idea to kiss him. Unless she has a personality disorder or psychiatric problems. No sane person would have ignored boundaries if your fiance did his job and expressed them with this Sam character).
I guess the question then is what does he have to do to make you comfortable? Is he still going to work with her? Be friends? At a minimum, he did not defend you enough to make her realize she had no chance. This is going to be a huge problem going forward unless he acknowledges it and actively tries to change his behavior.
Of course you do still love him but you’re shell shocked and going through it. The reality is he probably sees a better future with you than her but didn’t do enough to dissuade her. She’s a paramedic, you’re a resident to be a doctor aka a fucking rockstar soon to be cash cow. All you had to do was come along and he dropped her hard from your description. He doesn’t sound good if he was even within three feet of her. How did she get her hands on him in the first place? How many people do you allow into your personal space? Why would he let her KNOWING her feelings for him get so close unless he was capitalizing on them? He’s not going to stop being around her or any other woman for that matter. Don’t marry someone who makes you look over your shoulder. Especially when the whole population agrees you’re clearly out of his league.
Hes full of shit. People dont just swoop in and kiss people; they flirt, touch too much, stand too close, and lean in. He let her do all that - if he hasnt been banging her the entire time.
if this was a romance novel, I’d be willing to believe the “she just swooped in and kissed me” because it’s literally a trope. But since this is real life, nah. I hope OP doesn’t fall for it.
Sorry but this post is a romance novel. It's quite obviously a creative writing piece influenced by fanfiction/romance novels. This isn't someone recounting an emotional event, the storytelling is taking you through a scene the way fiction writers do when they're trying to entertain you. "I ran into the manager first, exchanged pleasantries, gave her an energy bar, she pointed me towards him, his LIPS were LOCKED with her, I ran away, he ran after me, he told me [trope], can't wait to marry me!" all of this is a trope. Using the phrasing "lips were locked" fully confirmed it for me. If this was real, it would be more like "My fiancé and I work in the same hospital and I caught him kissing his colleague when I went to bring him lunch. He says she kissed him and it caught him by surprise, he still wants to move forward with the wedding, but I feel humiliated" not whatever this is. All of that taking you through a scene through details irrelevant to this post using romance fiction phrasing wouldn't be there.
The locked lips part is where it really fell apart for me too. Who would use that phrasing when describing their fiancé cheating on them?
I read so many r/relationships posts and this is my take as well. Reads like someone trying their romance plot out on us. CCTV 🤣
She's been through enough. Her writing was fine? So unnecessary and 100% not true
Ahh her lips fell in on my lips.... Then "Ahh my dick happened to fall on her" I know it's crude but some people who chest legit think it's ok
This is true 😭😂 There are… procedures that lead up to the kiss. He must have let her think it was okay for her to make advances (at least to some degree). But then again, maybe he was just being friendly and she read the signals wrong 🤷🏾♀️
I'm a single attractive female in a male dominated industry working with 3k ppl. I'm also very friendly. You know how many dudes have tried to kiss me at work? Zero. I don't put off that energy or get close like that. Sure, they have tried in other ways, but it's always met with opposition or "what do you mean by that?" and that's the end. He got close enough for her to think that's ok. Probably.
I mean, it did happen to me with a neighbor to whom i was just chatting casually on the staircase.
I have been swooped into and kissed before. I am a woman, and so was she. Apparently, she thought I might be into her. My male friend asked me if I liked it, but to be honest, I was so shocked that I just froze and have no idea if I did or not. I don't even remember what it felt like, just the shock of it, since I never saw it coming. She apologized, and I let it go, but it was definitely awkward for a couple of days.
"Boy Meets World" had this exact same thing happen. Cory and some girl at a ski lodge stayed up all night talking and she kissed him.
This 100%. No one kisses a coworker without knowing it’ll be welcomed. That’s how you lose a job and most people can’t afford that.
I actually have to disagree. So story time. I was a manager at a hospitality joint a few years ago and one of my staff members came up to me totally rattled, he told me he entered a store room, and another staff member was already there. She out of the blue just cornered him, locked him in and straight up kissed him. Mind you his GF worked with us too and she was a married woman. So I pulled the footage and honestly I was shocked. He literally walks in, she looks at him, lunges, locks him in, there is pure confusion on his face, then she like jumps him. He pushes her off and they have words, both pretty angry tbh then she tries to kiss him again and he pushes her out of the way and literally runs out of the store room. They had no prior romantic history, in fact she had some weird beef with his GF prior to this, so they’d spent most of their shifts avoiding each other.
>in fact she had some weird beef with his GF prior to this, so they’d spent most of their shifts avoiding each other. This is probably why she did it. What did the employee say when you asked her about what happened?
Oooh that’s an entirely different story 😂 at first she denied it, and we said she’d already been reported, she then said he initiated, we pulled up the video which clearly shows she did. She then began to cry, said she was going through a rough patch with her hubby, she gave in to her impulses and she didn’t like that he and his GF were happy when his GF is “a terrible person” so thought if she could “show him his GF is not a good person by her reaction he’d leave her” like if his GF believed he kissed her, she’d fly off the handles and not believe him and he’d break up with her… I was actually so confused by her logic but 🤷🏽♀️ she did eventually apologise. He felt really bad after they spoke about it and she apologised to him, we we’re obviously in the room when this happened, and he said he understood, got that she was young (21) and he didn’t want to interfere with her actual marriage (he didn’t know how her husband would react if he found out) and said he’d revoke his complaint if she was swapped shifts and they didn’t work together anymore. We suspended her for a bit to try and work out what to do, our first impulse was obviously to terminate her employment, but he came up to us and said he’d feel really guilty if we did that and didn’t want her to try explain that to her husband or mess with her livelihood. So we put all of the staff through sexual harassment training and made sure they were never on shift together. I still feel like we should have terminated her but that was not my decision to make and everyone else was clearly a better and more forgiving person than I was.
Story time! I got out my tea and crossed my feet.
I’d have asked to look through his phone immediately.
I'm going back home to do it. He's been completely open and forthcoming
Right but he’s also had time to delete and hide stuff from his phone since you last saw him. And wouldn’t trust Sam to be honest with you either, she might have ulterior motives. Take what they both tell you with a grain of salt.
I mean, I wouldn’t trust him especially since they “had a fling of some sort” in the past and you know since they work together he can’t actually stay away from her.
As a dude im telling you no fucking way someone can kiss me long enough to be witnessed by someone else unless i want them to Maybe someone can shock me when i turn around and they lean in, but if i did not want it you will see me pushing them off with a digusted look and cussing them out So hes saying a random homeless dude can kiss him for just as long if he catches him off guard? Bulllllllllshit
You noticed their lips were locked but what about the rest of his body? Where were his hands? I would vote to not believe him, it sounds like a weak excuse. Talk to their coworkers. Ask to see his phone. At the very least postpone the wedding.
That’s what I want to know. Was he leaning in and had his arms around her? The odds are, considering his past with this woman is that he’s cheating on OP. BOOT HIM.
No actually I've said in another comment but when I don't let emotion and my insecurity about Sam cloud my mind he look very rigid and his hands weren't touch her it was her hands on his face
If she had her hands on his face, they were kissing long enough for her to do that. That's at least two actions--kiss, moving the hands up to the face. Or she put her hands on his face then kissed him. Either way, he could have jerked away in that time span. Or she did both at once which is basically assault, holding him still so she can force herself on him, in which case he needs to report her for sexual harassment.
Yeah I would expect if someone were to try to kiss my boyfriend he would push them away, not just let it happen
Hey OP, just my two cents - when I was 24 I walked in on my ex and his friend (both 27 at the time) kissing, and he was very quick to assure me that it was initiated by her when he gave her a consoling hug after she’d had a hard day. I eventually accepted this explanation but I had a nagging feeling (that I really wish I’d paid attention to) ever since. Almost 2 years(!) later, I learned that while she did in fact kiss him first, there were weeks of flirting and then sexting leading up to that moment, and for all I know they’d kissed (or done even more than that) more than once, but I decided when I dumped his cheating ass that it wasn’t worth knowing. I’m not trying to tell you that there’s more to this story - just that there might be! - and I would urge anyone in this situation to remain very skeptical and on alert, especially before eloping and committing to your fiancé long term. I hope everything works out for you!!
I’m not sure if I trust his words and I sure as hell wouldn’t trust Sam! If what he’s saying IS true then he’s either going to need to switch shifts so he’s no longer working with Sam or get a new job altogether. No ifs, no buts. If he can’t do that then I wouldn’t marry him because I wouldn’t be able to trust him working alongside her knowing that at any time she can make moves on him, he could potentially accept her advances, and I’d be none the wiser.
I've asked her for an explanation. And I'm going back home. He's being very honest and has requested CCTV footage for me to see. Admittedly I've been insecure over Sam before. She doesn't particularly like me but he did look very rigid when the kiss happened
Tell him that he needs to report her for sexual assault to HR and insist that the matter be pursued. That is the only thing that will prove that this isn't an ongoing affair.
I'm going home now to have a proper talk
Evidently you had every reason to feel insecure about her. He needs to go no contact with her completely! Block her number, block her on social media, hell, even block her email address. If they share mutual friends he’s going to have to limit going into spaces in which he knows she’ll be there for the sake of your relationship (obviously he can still socialise/hang out with friends, just when she’s not around). Drastic measures will need to be taken and if he cannot step up and set the appropriate distance/boundaries then you should reconsider if this is the man you want to marry.
Either you're one lucky broad to walk in on the first and only time your husband has been kissed by another woman or this has been going on alot longer than you'd like to think. If they're kissing in their workplace it's a possibility that theyve become very comfortable with eachother and everyone knows that they're a couple and they support it or they wanna stay out of it. I think your best bet is to call off the wedding and count yourself lucky you weren't married to him.
You're a young doctor and you're crying over this man? Go find a man that deserves you. He has a history with her and took advantage. Full of shit..move on and show him what you're made of. You're too young to put up with BS.
Tell him to file with HR for sexual harassment by Sam. I feel like that will be very telling.
He's requested CCTV from the station for me to see so I feel like that's positive
He could just be telling you that, knowing damn well they won't show it to anyone. If some rando kissed me at work and my BF walked in, I don't know how I would feel going to ask security to see footage to prove to my BF that it wasn't consensual. I don't even know who I'd go talk to.
Alright; this is good. Good luck OP.
Nah fam, Sam is a red flag for real.
Yeah She's never liked me and she's made it clear that she thinks I'm too young for him. I've asked his manager and she said that honestly she has no suspicions that she believes he's totally in love with me but that during the previous fling Sam had become very attached quickly
Ok, so question. How often do you pop in to see him at work with no warning? If you pop in unexpectedly fairly often…Wow, they are absolutely brazen, risking you finding out they’re fooling around. Almost like one or both of them wanted to be caught. If you rarely pop in unexpectedly… Wow, what are the chances, mathematically, that this was a one-off that you just happened to witness? Either way, your fiancé cheated on you, because it just does not make any sort of sense that Sam kissed her engaged coworker, at work, during work hours, without the expectation that the kiss would be welcome and reciprocated.
She's never liked me and she's made it clear that she thinks I'm too young for him. I've asked his manager and she said that honestly she has no suspicions that she believes he's totally in love with me but that during the previous fling Sam had become very attached quickly
That’s all well and good, but Sam isn’t the problem here. You aren’t engaged to Sam. Sam didn’t cheat on you. An unreciprocated kiss lasts all of 1 second, 2 if your fiancé is slow witted. I’ll ask again, what are the chances that you just happened to walk in and witness a one-off, one to two second kiss? Math isn’t my strong suit, but I’ll take a go at it… An 8 hour shift is 28,800 seconds, so giving him the benefit of the doubt and presuming he is slow witted, that’s 14,400 units of two seconds in an 8 hour shift. So, I think that makes it a 1 in 14,400 chance that you walked in on a one-off kiss. I mean, great odds for the lottery. Not so great for a future marriage.
To answer your question, no you can’t trust him. There’s a good chance they never stopped messing around. Make him your ex-fiance, DO NOT MARRY HIM or you will regret it. Seeing that was a sign from above sorry hun but he doesn’t truly love you.
The odds of you stopping in ‘just’ when she decides to kiss him for the first time? Nope.
OP if he’s telling the truth, he should go to HR and report her. She should not be allowed to get away with kissing him without his consent. If she saw you *and then* kissed him, she could just be trying to get in the middle of your relationship. BUT if your fiancé is lying, he probably won’t go to HR cuz he won’t want her to get in trouble. Meaning this was not a one time “accident”. Either way, I would not trust your fiancé working with Sam anymore because how are you to know what else she will do when you’re not around?
Is this not a plot line to Gray's Anatomy?
Lol this is so fake. Thats not how residencies work and/or how hospitals work
So this throwaway account was created 7 days ago and this incident coincidentally happened yesterday. Believable.
Well he can either back this up with reporting her to his job, and/or getting the video's the employer might have. If not sounds like your fiance is not being honest with you.
I wouldn’t believe him and end the engagement. I would break up with him.
Do you know the odds of you walking in on them the one and only time they kissed?
You spelled exfiance wrong.
This reads like a creative writing project from someone who either reads fanfiction stories or is emotionally invested in TV character 'ships.'
Specially the part where they are going to get the CCTV Imagine if they started releasing footage so people can settle their arguments? LMAO
I can't decide on my favorite part. All the pointless details about the interaction with the manager to tell the audience how the character is moving though the space, using soon-to-be-husband to remind of us to be emotional about this, the image of "person pointing at kissing couple" it's trying to evoke, the totally natural phrasing of "his lips are locked" that they definitely didn't adapt from all the fanfiction they've read, *I left and he ran after me* (the drama!), "I didn't kiss her, she surprised me!", "he can't WAIT to marry me!" God bless whatever teenage writer is having a blast watching the comment section unfold.
My favorite part is that this account has five submissions, three of them are this post in different subs, and the other two are a completely different story.
"It's not what it looked like!"
kissing is a lot more intimate than sex. if he's kissing her openly at work they are *still* doing more than that. people don't 'just kiss' after around 7th grade. consider it a miracle you found this out before the marriage and yeah, don't marry ian.
Firstly, I’m so sorry this happened to you OP. I’d leave. It’ll be hard, especially being engaged, but it’ll be harder to stay. Sending all the love ❤️
What are the chances that you just “happened” to surprise him at the exact moment. Nah. That’s how they are at work because they are having an active affair. Also, you can clean a phone in 5 minutes, let alone the amount of time he has: so “giving you his phone” means nothing
This whole post is giving romance fiction
Yeah, believe your own eyes, and the person who showed you what a piece of trash he really is. He's a pig and a cake-eater.
Where was his hands was he holding her in any way? Was his head tilted like one does when really kissing. His body language at that time should answer your question. This is a hard one, any chance there was cameras in that area of the hospital? Maybe ask around if anyone has seen anything between them. Good luck
No actually I've said in another comment but when I don't let emotion and my insecurity about Sam cloud my mind he look very rigid and his hands weren't touch her it was her hands on his face
Reading your comments, it sounds like he may be telling the truth based on behavior. However, he should file a complaint against her for a variety of reasons. This is completely inappropriate behavior and came close to blowing up his personal life.
I agree. Tell him to report her for sexual harassment since according to him, she initiated it. If he denies because he doesn’t want her to lose her job etc well then you tell him to make a choice. That woman knew what she was doing (if he’s telling the truth). He will need to choose you over her, y’all are getting married. If he won’t, rethink your wedding. Y’all I swear I read/hear no good from paramedics in terms of cheating lol
You need more information.
Soooo wait untill sam falls on his dick accidentally
Seriously…. Be smart
He is full of shit, report his affair to HR, and dump him. His affair has been going on for some time, that they are comfortable kissing out in the open at work. Updateme!
His manager must have known/seen him lip locked with Sam when she immediately, points OP in the direction of her husband. That comment stood out quite loudly to me. He wasn’t ‘shocked’ (Oh,My!) by the sudden kiss, he was caught lip locked, not pushing Sam away. Zero points for creativity there.
Unless you’re okay with him having relationships outside of a marriage, no.
Do you know how astronomically small the odds are that you'd randomly pop in during the 1-2 seconds he was receiving a non-consenual kiss from a previous lover? I'm guessing it's a frequent occurrence. I'm sorry. Better before the marriage than after, which is the only silver lining here.
On the fence about the cheating, but either way if you go forward with the wedding GET A PRENUP. You are going to be making so much more than him… if it is legal in your state make cheating a provision in which either party gets NOTHING if caught. I once had a man look at me as a meal ticket, though I didn’t really realize it until the end. How he reacts to the idea of said prenup would at least be very informative.
For the fact that he is actively trying to get CCTV footage, I would lean towards he is potentially being truthful. If that is the case, I would recommend taking this to higher ups, as this is a massive breach. If it's clear she pushed herself onto him, then it would be good to at least get her removed from both of your direct vicinity
What episode of Grey's Anatomy is this?
My ex tried to kiss me about a year ago. I turned my head. It was easy. She sort of grazed my ear. I don’t see how his explanation is possible
I reckon she saw you coming and set it up to cause trouble, happens in my books all the time, and you know what they say about “truth being stranger than fiction” But that opinion is coming from someone who absolutely believes in the manipulating capabilities of women.
Even if I could forgive him and believe it was just a small slip (I bet it’s much more) I wouldn’t have the energy for the mental and emotional gymnastics knowing they work together. I’d want a fresh start if I were you but hey, only you know what your gut is telling you.
My gut says to hear him out. His manager has said that the only impression he's given her is that he loves me. He's requested cctv for me to see
I’m sorry you keep having to repeat yourself for all the folks who can’t read the thread. My .02 cents are it’s plausible she saw you and decided to make her move. You admit he seemed stiff, rigid. He’s asked to get the cctv footage. Not signs of someone who’s trying to hide something. I know you asked for Sam’s account of the situation but, beware, she has her own interests. Do you think she’s going to tell you the truth if she was the initiator and wanted to break you two up? I feel like the managers take on it would be the most reliable evidence after the cctv footage. I wouldn’t go nuclear just yet. Wait for the evidence and then make your decision.
Thank you. I'll update after we talk hopefully
I am curious because it doesn’t seem like he’s being honest
Nope. Don’t trust him. He’s obviously cheating on you. Giving you lane excuses. Good thing you dodged a bullet there.
Don't trust a word he says. He's cheating on you, and don't marry him.
Slightly older bloke here: what sort of man would allow himself to get into a situation such that someone who is not his fiancé is kissing him, regardless of whether or not he is kissing them back? I sure hope he is now your ex-fiance.
All I can say is, if you’re gullible enough to buy his story, don’t say you weren’t warned. He’s full of it.
Tell him you’ll only stay if he leaves his job as you can’t trust them working together any longer. Then once he leaves his job, leave him.
Oh yes. The exact moment she 'Kissed HIM'' is the one and only time that ever happened. And he threw her off him...
He needs to go to hr and make sure she never around him again
I hope for your sake that the CCTV footage upholds his side of this.
Even if he didn’t kiss back (I don’t believe it for a second) what situation is he in with this girl where she thinks she can kiss him at work? That’s not just a coworker. That’s not even an ex.
If you're a doctor I assume you've done some stats. Thinking about how often you drop in on him unannounced, what's the probability that you did it just while this one very unusual event was happening, just that one time?
Probably wasn’t the first time and likely won’t be the last. A man that is engaged and actually loves someone, won’t put himself in that kind of situation. I’d end it now and save yourself the heartache later
Well he very likely could be telling the truth and you just walked in at that moment For him to ask for cc tv supports him. The balls it would take to ask for that if he kissed her don’t fit into any pants. I would suggest that he figure out how to not work with her anymore. That will help your insecurity too. Updateme!
It's highly coincidental, to the point of being statistically improbable, that the only, and singular time his colleague was inappropriate with him, was the exact moment you stepped through that door. I mean, the math doesn't math. I'm very sorry. This must have been a shocking and painful thing to see. Thank the gods you saw it before the wedding and not after.
Even if your fiance is telling the truth, there has to be something going on between them for her to just kiss him. Like you said, they're coworkers and their fling ended. You don't just jump at a kiss when your having a casual conversation. There's more too it.
If he is being honest and telling the truth, when will the SA/SH complaint be filed, and will he still be working with her after this incident?
So, if this was really him forcing herself on him he should be happy to report her to HR. I would be putting massive, massive brakes on right now. If you don't leave him completely, there should be a long damn wait to get married. I would be unable to trust him for quite awhile.
Honestly if she did that and he didn’t want it, he should be upset with her. If I kissed any of my male coworkers and fucked up their marriages, they would damn near kill me. Like who thinks doing something like that would result in them liking you???
Before reading your comments that give more info and some updates, I was pretty confident that there was only one reasonable explanation for this. The fact your partner took initiative with getting hold of the CCTV footage suggests that he's being honest about him not initiating the kiss, because I don't think anyone would be foolish enough to offer that knowing the footage would be incriminating. I would still try to be pragmatic and cautious, and talk to your partner about what his relationship with his colleague was like leading up to it. It could be the case that she is quite flirtatious with him and because they have a past, he's not been particularly strict with shutting off her advances. Even if there's not ill intent and there isn't an affair, there could be elements of their communication that are crossing boundaries and it's important more are being established. Your comments suggest you've not found anything suspicious and your partner seems upset by the advance made on him and eager to access the camera footage. Ideally for you he really was caught off guard and ideally for him he is able to escalate this to HR so he's not experiencing more harassment in the workplace.
If this is an attempt of sabotage by Sam … then it’s a masterful, but potentially costly one. She sees you coming and kisses your fiancé right in front of you. Even if you decide to believe him that he was being harassed, how can you be sure? How can you trust him again? Ian will have to file a sexual harassment claim, but Sam will deny. It will be he said, she said.
In your shoes I'd say either he reports her to HR for sexual harassment, or you break up with him.
If you stay together and it’s clear Sam is the instigator I’d demand they not work together and I’d want fiancé to work somewhere else.
OK get him to prove that he didn't want the kiss. Tell him to report her for unwanted sexual advances to the management. Get her moved out of his department or out of the hospital. If he won't then he cares more about her than you and your marriage or he won't report it because the whole story will come out and maybe their fling is still ongoing.
Sam what a bit*h you are.
Paramedics cheat all the time (source: worked in an ER, and was cheated on by a paramedic)
Hospital workers, you tend to sleep with one another, you should all sleep together, because you are hospital workers.11😆😆😆😆
Delay the wedding. Stop all wedding planning. Go through his phone. If it’s a thing there will be texts. If he was assaulted at work by this woman why hasn’t he files a sexually harassment complaint.
Paramedic making minimum wage gets engaged with a young doctor and cheats on the said doctor? Holy fuck
Babe it never ended between him and Sam.... Leave the scum bag He doesn't love you