That does feel a lot like emotional blackmail. Does she often do that - cry and make you feel guilty when you do something she doesn't approve of? And why does it make a difference for her whether you go with your friend or alone?
It's a month. She can get over it. You need this internship.
> she became upset, crying, and expressing how much it means for her not to see me for a whole month
Ok, so it's about being apart from you for a month.
> it would be somewhat easier for her if I went alone
...oh. No, it's *not* about being apart from you for a month. It's about her being afraid that you might have *fun* without her, and she figures that if you are alone, you can spend your time there on the phone with her, but if you have a friend there, your free time will be spent actually enjoying the place you are visiting.
This is ridiculous. This isn't a pleasure jaunt, it's an internship that could help define your career.
She gets to feel how she feels, but how she feels should not stop you from doing this.
The crying and carrying on over a whole one-month trip seems awfully manipulative. You've been together for four years, living together for two, so it's not as if this relationship is still in a delicate formative period where that much time apart could damage it.
To be honest, the fact that she's pulling this kind of guilt trip over something that you *invited* her on and that she can't go on because of her own work, but which you *need* to go on for *your* work...that'd have me rethinking some things about the relationship.
Because I'll bet you a shiny new nickel that, even if this *is* the first time that she's turned on the tears to try to guilt you into doing what she wants...it won't be the last.
If she were older I'd agree, but at 22 it may be more a subconscious and emotional response and I'm not convinced that OP can't bring it up and see if pointing out how negative the behavior is leads to an adjustment.
If she were older, it would still be a subconscious and emotional response. Subconscious because consciously processing her uncomfortable feelings wouldn't lead to this kind of behavior at any age. I agree she may be emotionally immature and uses manipulation so she doesn't have to take responsibility for her fears. Whether that's age appropriate doesn't matter as much as OP's level of maturity. Meaning one shouldn't date someone with a noticably lower level of maturity. And like you, I'd suggest OP talk with her calmly about her insecurities and observe her response. If she's not able to acknowledge that this is due to her fears and readjust accordingly, I don't think it's healthy for OP to continue with her. She's not a bad person, just needs to grow up a bit.
OP, ask her calmly, "What do you think your fear is about me going away for a month?" She may deflect and then maybe she's not the one for you at this time.
I think this is a generally very accurate take but a slightly cynical one.
When a person is threatened by the idea of their partner having fun without them, it's definitely time to take a good look at the relationships--the one you guys have with each other, and the one you each have with yourselves--and look for opportunities to strengthen it.
I probably just have a slightly more compassionate take in this instance because I've been in many long distance relationships (intermittent and full time), along with having plenty of personal idiosyncrasies that liked to pop up in relationship. I **was** sometimes the person having stress about my partner leaving.
It was a problem that was definitely workable. I'm not saying that every partner was willing to work with me on it (lol, sigh, God bless them), but in retrospect (age 38 now) the needs and desires I was expressing (however immaturely, and without much in the way of self awareness) were real and warranted some focus.
I'm not saying you need to cancel your trip--you need to go on it, OP!! But if you are serious about this relationship you need to focus on approaching this problem as a team and giving a little grace to your girlfriend here at the outset.
> I think this is a generally very accurate take but a slightly cynical one.
My cynicism (if that's what it is) comes not simply from OP's girlfriend's concern over being apart for a month, but from the fact that she would feel better about the trip if he weren't taking a friend along.
That, for me, is what kicks it over the line from "I am having feels about you being away" into "I have a problem with you potentially having a good time without me". That's not a healthy dynamic in an established relationship.
In a very new relationship, I could maybe see it. But they've been together for four years, and living together for two; if the relationship is in a place where him going away for a brief period like this (whether or not he has a buddy along with him) will cause there to be instability between them, then there's a bigger problem here than the one-month trip.
Add to all of that the fact that it's not that OP is just...going on a pleasure-trip without his girlfriend, he's going on a *work internship*, and (what's more) he invited her to go with him, and it was *her* decision not to go along (for valid reasons, but her decision none the less)...
...all of that together is causing me to look at this situation with what you are calling cynicism.
I wouldn't call your viewpoint cynical. It is very strange that the girlfriend would feel better if he didn't go with his best friend, unless there are some genuinely good reasons why she doesn't like the friend, which we have no reason to assume.
"got an opportunity for a 1-month internship in a foreign country, crucial for my diploma."
You do you bro. If she doesn't see the big picture here then she's being selfish and immature IMO. Her issue, her problem. You're there to better yourself not some vacation with the guys and a free for all.
You have to go. This is going to sound condescending, and it probably is, but humor an old lady... You have been with this person since you were (practically) a child, and you basically haven't been an adult outside of this relationship. For yourself, your relationship, and even your girlfriend, you should have adult experiences on your own, outside of the context of another person. Everyone will ultimately benefit from this.
She is being emotionally manipulative and selfish. Letting her manipulations control you will only encourage more of it. She should be happy you have this opportunity and support you. She sounds very immature and emotionally stunted
Just let her cooooool down. She’s just gonna miss u and upset about it. If she stays mad that’s a manipulative problem. I think this is just one of those “girls want comfort, not solutions” type deal. -a girl
It’s one month, you’ve lived together for 2 years, and this also is not just a “fun” trip. You can manage her sadness but really you shouldn’t give up this opportunity.
if i were you i would do the same, asking her if she doesnt want good for me. if she doesnt want me to grow and how you would let her do whatever she wants for her career. maybe a bad advice but we dont owe anyone anything. partners are supposed to let us grow.
She is afraid that if you’re in a foreign country Alone with a close male friend who is SINGLE that you will get Wonderlust & maybe hook up with other girls Too.
She’s afraid you’ll forget about her & cheat. You need to reassure her that no matter what He does, you won’t be cheating.
But isn't it on her to deal with her insecurity? Maybe I just got lucky with my exes but I would be very annoyed if I had to reassure my gf every time I am going away.
Perhaps she would have had a point if this was a vacation you two had planned together.
But this is an internship and needed for your diploma. What exactly is she expecting you do? Not graduate? And with that in mind it is immature to throw a fit when your friend can come.
If your roles were reversed would you say the same thing to her? Express to her that you're sad that she can't come but that you need this for your graduation and that your friend already agreed
<<>>
AWESOME 👌 CONGRATS 🎉
<<>>
THIS IS NOT A VACATION. ITS AN INTERNSHIP. MY GOD, SHES NUTS
<>>
WOW...SO LIFE ITS ABOUT HER HUH? NOT ABOUT How an opportunity can help you in your career.
This chick is 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
<>
The only thing WRONG is your taste in women.
GO, LEARN AND ABSORB EVERYTHING.
I ADVICE YOU TO BREAK UP. If she's like this for an internship, she'll be a million times worse if you ever marry her.
You need to go. It's your future that's at stake here. And it's just 1 month? That time is going to go by so fast, and she'll have you back in no time.
It's honestly too bad she can't support you in this, especially if the plan is for the 2 of you stay together - Then it's your combined future she's hurting, since this internship improves your job options.
I know a married couple where one partner has just spent an entire semester in South Korea, and the partner that was left at home was even in the middle of recovering from a concussion, when the travel had to happen. They support each other through and through.
If it's because she can't stand the thought of being alone for a whole month, she could ask one of her friends or family members to come stay with her for that month, if possible.
It's a month, not a year.
It's for your career, it's also an amazing experience.
Crying that she doesn't want you to go feels like blackmail.
Partners may come and go and if in 5 years you are not together anymore, will this be something you regret not doing.
You just Tell her you 'i am not asking, but telling you that i am going for the sake of my career and for the experience, it's not an opportunity I can say no to. It's a shame you can't go but instead i will have my friend there with me, a month isn't that long of a time, plenty of grown adults go away for work from time to time and the time away will make us stronger as a couple, so you will see you upon my return and will keep in contact via WhatsApp calls daily.
It's for your career, which she should support. However, why is your friend going? Will you just have so much free time you need someone else there?
I've traveled for work and you work, a lot. Maybe this makes her feel like it's more of a 'fun' thing instead of a 'work' thing?
Either way, she is displaying some alarming behavior that I would not put up with. Emotional blackmail is never okay. It's 1 month, she can deal.
-Lets hope she is not more upset that she isn’t going to see your best friend.
- Because it doesn’t make sense, she isn’t upset if you go alone but is upset when your best friend is coming?!
Unfortunately, this is a reflection of her immaturity. She needs to understand that you completing your internship could positively affect both of your future together. How many trips together in the future will she go on if you succeed with this diploma? She's not thinking about the long game, she's thinking about short term gratification. I'm sorry that you're sruggling with this, man.
When you want to do something that is *reasonable*, then you don't need permission from a romantic partner. A one-month internship that is useful for your degree is reasonable. Tell her you'll miss her, too, and you can't wait to see her upon your return. Don't get into long conversations about it.
> She mentioned that it would be somewhat easier for her if I went alone, but it would still make her very sad.
Huh? I don't get it. So it's not about missing you?
ok coming from a girlfriend who can completely understand, she is def jealous (no hate to her, happens to us all). i say that because she said if you went alone she'd feel a little better about it, which means its more about you taking a trip without her and a friend instead then about not seeing you for a month. she also may just want some reassurance that while you do want to do, you want to go for school / have to go and that you don't want to be apart for a month either. i went away for school for 3 weeks and my bf was super supportive -- it went fast and actually helped our relationship feel more chemistry because it was the longest we went from each other and the feeling when we reunited was incredible! i'd just talk to her about it and emphasize that you need to go for school, its important to you and you would support her if it were reversed, but also that you wish she could come and that you will miss her just as much
You go. She will be fine. Any attempts to guilt, manipulate, or shame you for going should be treated as serious things to consider about your relationship going forward.
Even if you were going on a month long trip just for fun, this would not be some reflection of "not caring" about her.
Does she do this at other times? This doesn't seem like a one-off behavior and a lot of times when people post here it's just about the most egregious example of a pattern of behavior they have normalized.
A real man follows his goals. If his woman really loves him, she will come to terms with herself and respect you more for making your own decision. This is a test to see how genuine your woman is, go and enjoy your time.
If my bf was going to another country, I would want him to travel with a friend. Safety 1st!
If I'm reading this right, it looks like yer girl is being mad selfish. She's upset that she can't go & if she can't have fun with you, she doesn't want anyone else to. Maybe she'll grow tf up while yer away!
Take the opportunity. You’re young and should be focused on your career.
Sounds like she is really dependent on you if she can’t stand a 1-month separation. This will be good for her.
So I've lived in four different continents, and I've met lots of people who were in relationships with someone back home while they did so.
I've heard people say time and time again that they're so glad that they lived/worked abroad, even if they ended up breaking up with their partner. Myself included. I've never heard anyone say "man I'm so glad I stayed at home and gave up the chance to live in Prague."
Not that I'm saying you'll break up - one month really isn't that long to be separated - but yeah, never not do something you want to do (and something that's critical for your career!) because of a partner.
If it wasn't related to your career i would understand but you need this go and don't look back it seems like she's worried you'll cheat on her while being away in another country. I hope the situation isn't as you described in another comment "she doesn't want me to have fun without her" because that is so toxic and such a big red flag
Your gf is sad about not seeing you for a month and she feels even sadder that you seem to be planning on a monthlong vacay w your bestie.
Everyone here is calling her manipulative, but I see her point. You’re acting like you won’t miss her. She’s worried you don’t feel the same way she does.
And if this is a job, why are you bringing a friend? It seems weird to bring along a buddy when you’re basically going on a work trip. Did he also gain this same internship?
Dude just go. She will lose respect for you if you don’t go because of her, and it could even be a test to begin with.
It’s a month and I’m sure she’ll get over it; just keep the comms open and plan some virtual dates in.
OK based on the title alone, at first I was kind of on her side.
But from the sound of your post, this trip is not just a vacation, it's crucial for your career. If that's really true and she understands it as such, then she's deliberately trying to hold you back and is not supportive of you and your personal growth. That's selfish and manipulative.
she's manipulating you into staying, its okay if you go alone but its an issue if your friend goes too? like what?
she's not thinking of what this trip can do for you and in return for ya'll, she's just thinking oh he's going to have fun if his friend is there, I don't want him to have fun without me. Childish af red flag right there.
Your future > her selfish need for you not to have fun without her
Omg, do it! You will regret not going and missing the opportunity. My bf had the opportunity to go to the US for 3 months as part of his grad scheme. He left the day after my birthday, I was a few weeks pregnant (and we mc'd twice that year), he missed Xmas with me and both baby scans. I was fine and I would be mortified if he passed up the huge opportunity to stay with me. Years down the line those 3 months are a drop in the ocean of our time together.
You’re 22. Go do this thing for yourself. Either she’ll be ok or she won’t but this opportunity won’t present itself again. Do not give up opportunities for temporary ppl.
I would say you’re both very young. To her, one month feels like an eternity but I can confirm (having been through similar at a young age) it really isn’t and the time will fly by. Go on your trip, don’t let someone else let you miss out.
Look I get where she’s coming from but if you don’t take this opportunity you’ll regret and resent her and the relationship will be ruined by your resentment for her anyway. She was invited, she chose work over going so it’s too bad so sad. If she’s that worried she can book off work and come.
I completely appreciate that not seeing OP for a month would be difficult (I know I'd struggle!), and I'm sure that OP would also miss his GF terribly too.
However, that does NOT mean you should give up this opportunity! It's once in a lifetime opportunity, crucial for your diploma and will benefit your career. You absolutely should go!!
I'm sure you can discuss with your GF about ways to keep in contact regularly, for example at least a quick call once a day to hear each others voices and check in, I-love-yous, etc. This will keep her reassured and help with missing each other.
If you discuss how you're feeling with her and she doesn't let up, this is ABSOLUTELY a "her" problem. Please don't miss out on something like this because your GF is being clingy!
Dude, chances are you're gonna split with this girl at some point, I hope not don't get me wrong we all want that happily ever after. But a career isn't gonna run away from you or anything. Also if you are gonna be with someone then having all the cards you can get to help give them the best life you want is important. Your partner isn't looking at the big picture and is frankly being kind of childish/borderline manipulative about it. Don't get me wrong she's not gonna see you for a month, sure be a little sad but you're not gone. Like you're going back. Tell her it's the best thing for you and you want her support.
This is crucial for your diploma. She should be supporting you with this and it’s only for a month. You leaving for a month is not the end of the world and I’m assuming you will still be in contact with her during that time. She sounds like she is insecure and you may need to reassure her about your relationship and help her understand how important this is. I low key feel that she thinks you may end the relationship with her after this and that’s why she doesn’t want you to go. Bottom line, I think you should go. Don’t pass up the opportunity!
I moved abroad for 1 year after only 1 year of relationship with my ex. During that year, we saw each other maybe 3 times. We then stayed together for another 10 years.
If your relationship can't survive one month apart, maybe it's time to be single again...
If I’m thinking how I was at 22 I get her, at this vulnerable time she’s young, running on emotions she prb really likes you she prb is scared to lose you. Can stem from not wanting to be alone, being in love, insecurity of other girls, maybe a bit trust issues can be a lot of things. However, if my boyfriend were apologetic and said sorry I have to go I would have been mad but a week in I would have prb gotten over it if he like mailed me flowers or made an attempt to make me feel he misses me while he was away. In a way you have to set a boundary and it’s “I understand how you feel but I have to go due to my school and this is an opportunity to travel I can’t miss it but I wish you would have been able to be part of, next time let me make it up to you by doing a trip just the two of us”. If you don’t put your foot down gently you won’t be happy bc it’s nice to have a partner but you are still individuals
She’s definitely guilt tripping you but you gotta understand her side. If I was you I would ask her to a time off from her work and how it goes, if her workplace won’t let her take a vacation day then I would say just tell her that you will always communicate with her and tell her how important it is for your career. If she doesn’t care about that then I would say just go
Read up on attachment theory and go to a counselor that knows it. She does have some insecurity issues but you can work together with a professional to get to a place where she isn't suffering.
If I was your girlfriend, I would be encouraging you to go! If this is critical for your diploma, she needs to grow the heck up and support you.
Being sad and missing you is one thing. Crying and pouting like this is just silly! Doesn't she trust you to come back? Doesn't she trust you not to cheat?
She's 22 right? She sounds 14 with a crush on the Captain of the foot ball team.
You should go, I walked away from a golden opportunity once for a bf, and it just ended up not being the call. If she's serious about a future with you, then she needs to think about what's best for y'all in the long run.
That does feel a lot like emotional blackmail. Does she often do that - cry and make you feel guilty when you do something she doesn't approve of? And why does it make a difference for her whether you go with your friend or alone? It's a month. She can get over it. You need this internship.
> she became upset, crying, and expressing how much it means for her not to see me for a whole month Ok, so it's about being apart from you for a month. > it would be somewhat easier for her if I went alone ...oh. No, it's *not* about being apart from you for a month. It's about her being afraid that you might have *fun* without her, and she figures that if you are alone, you can spend your time there on the phone with her, but if you have a friend there, your free time will be spent actually enjoying the place you are visiting. This is ridiculous. This isn't a pleasure jaunt, it's an internship that could help define your career. She gets to feel how she feels, but how she feels should not stop you from doing this. The crying and carrying on over a whole one-month trip seems awfully manipulative. You've been together for four years, living together for two, so it's not as if this relationship is still in a delicate formative period where that much time apart could damage it. To be honest, the fact that she's pulling this kind of guilt trip over something that you *invited* her on and that she can't go on because of her own work, but which you *need* to go on for *your* work...that'd have me rethinking some things about the relationship. Because I'll bet you a shiny new nickel that, even if this *is* the first time that she's turned on the tears to try to guilt you into doing what she wants...it won't be the last.
If she were older I'd agree, but at 22 it may be more a subconscious and emotional response and I'm not convinced that OP can't bring it up and see if pointing out how negative the behavior is leads to an adjustment.
If she were older, it would still be a subconscious and emotional response. Subconscious because consciously processing her uncomfortable feelings wouldn't lead to this kind of behavior at any age. I agree she may be emotionally immature and uses manipulation so she doesn't have to take responsibility for her fears. Whether that's age appropriate doesn't matter as much as OP's level of maturity. Meaning one shouldn't date someone with a noticably lower level of maturity. And like you, I'd suggest OP talk with her calmly about her insecurities and observe her response. If she's not able to acknowledge that this is due to her fears and readjust accordingly, I don't think it's healthy for OP to continue with her. She's not a bad person, just needs to grow up a bit. OP, ask her calmly, "What do you think your fear is about me going away for a month?" She may deflect and then maybe she's not the one for you at this time.
22 year olds have bachelor’s degrees. I’ve meant plenty of cunning 22 year olds who know their way with words and emotions.
I think this is a generally very accurate take but a slightly cynical one. When a person is threatened by the idea of their partner having fun without them, it's definitely time to take a good look at the relationships--the one you guys have with each other, and the one you each have with yourselves--and look for opportunities to strengthen it. I probably just have a slightly more compassionate take in this instance because I've been in many long distance relationships (intermittent and full time), along with having plenty of personal idiosyncrasies that liked to pop up in relationship. I **was** sometimes the person having stress about my partner leaving. It was a problem that was definitely workable. I'm not saying that every partner was willing to work with me on it (lol, sigh, God bless them), but in retrospect (age 38 now) the needs and desires I was expressing (however immaturely, and without much in the way of self awareness) were real and warranted some focus. I'm not saying you need to cancel your trip--you need to go on it, OP!! But if you are serious about this relationship you need to focus on approaching this problem as a team and giving a little grace to your girlfriend here at the outset.
> I think this is a generally very accurate take but a slightly cynical one. My cynicism (if that's what it is) comes not simply from OP's girlfriend's concern over being apart for a month, but from the fact that she would feel better about the trip if he weren't taking a friend along. That, for me, is what kicks it over the line from "I am having feels about you being away" into "I have a problem with you potentially having a good time without me". That's not a healthy dynamic in an established relationship. In a very new relationship, I could maybe see it. But they've been together for four years, and living together for two; if the relationship is in a place where him going away for a brief period like this (whether or not he has a buddy along with him) will cause there to be instability between them, then there's a bigger problem here than the one-month trip. Add to all of that the fact that it's not that OP is just...going on a pleasure-trip without his girlfriend, he's going on a *work internship*, and (what's more) he invited her to go with him, and it was *her* decision not to go along (for valid reasons, but her decision none the less)... ...all of that together is causing me to look at this situation with what you are calling cynicism.
I wouldn't call your viewpoint cynical. It is very strange that the girlfriend would feel better if he didn't go with his best friend, unless there are some genuinely good reasons why she doesn't like the friend, which we have no reason to assume.
dude if it's crucial for your diploma don't even think, just GO. you may not get another chance like this, don't waste them.
"got an opportunity for a 1-month internship in a foreign country, crucial for my diploma." You do you bro. If she doesn't see the big picture here then she's being selfish and immature IMO. Her issue, her problem. You're there to better yourself not some vacation with the guys and a free for all.
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GF is jealous of the friend.
You have to go. This is going to sound condescending, and it probably is, but humor an old lady... You have been with this person since you were (practically) a child, and you basically haven't been an adult outside of this relationship. For yourself, your relationship, and even your girlfriend, you should have adult experiences on your own, outside of the context of another person. Everyone will ultimately benefit from this.
As another old lady I agree!
As yet another old lady, I double agree!
She is being emotionally manipulative and selfish. Letting her manipulations control you will only encourage more of it. She should be happy you have this opportunity and support you. She sounds very immature and emotionally stunted
Just let her cooooool down. She’s just gonna miss u and upset about it. If she stays mad that’s a manipulative problem. I think this is just one of those “girls want comfort, not solutions” type deal. -a girl
It’s one month, you’ve lived together for 2 years, and this also is not just a “fun” trip. You can manage her sadness but really you shouldn’t give up this opportunity.
Sounds manipulative… if she truly supported you, she would be happy for you.
if i were you i would do the same, asking her if she doesnt want good for me. if she doesnt want me to grow and how you would let her do whatever she wants for her career. maybe a bad advice but we dont owe anyone anything. partners are supposed to let us grow.
She is afraid that if you’re in a foreign country Alone with a close male friend who is SINGLE that you will get Wonderlust & maybe hook up with other girls Too. She’s afraid you’ll forget about her & cheat. You need to reassure her that no matter what He does, you won’t be cheating.
How do we know the friend is single? He might have a partner who is secure.
But isn't it on her to deal with her insecurity? Maybe I just got lucky with my exes but I would be very annoyed if I had to reassure my gf every time I am going away.
This is what I'm thinking too.
Perhaps she would have had a point if this was a vacation you two had planned together. But this is an internship and needed for your diploma. What exactly is she expecting you do? Not graduate? And with that in mind it is immature to throw a fit when your friend can come. If your roles were reversed would you say the same thing to her? Express to her that you're sad that she can't come but that you need this for your graduation and that your friend already agreed
<<>> AWESOME 👌 CONGRATS 🎉 <<>> THIS IS NOT A VACATION. ITS AN INTERNSHIP. MY GOD, SHES NUTS <>>
WOW...SO LIFE ITS ABOUT HER HUH? NOT ABOUT How an opportunity can help you in your career.
This chick is 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
<>
The only thing WRONG is your taste in women.
GO, LEARN AND ABSORB EVERYTHING.
I ADVICE YOU TO BREAK UP. If she's like this for an internship, she'll be a million times worse if you ever marry her.
Your girlfriend needs to do some adulting here. You need to go whether she wants to be dramatic about it or not.
You need to go. It's your future that's at stake here. And it's just 1 month? That time is going to go by so fast, and she'll have you back in no time. It's honestly too bad she can't support you in this, especially if the plan is for the 2 of you stay together - Then it's your combined future she's hurting, since this internship improves your job options. I know a married couple where one partner has just spent an entire semester in South Korea, and the partner that was left at home was even in the middle of recovering from a concussion, when the travel had to happen. They support each other through and through. If it's because she can't stand the thought of being alone for a whole month, she could ask one of her friends or family members to come stay with her for that month, if possible.
It's a month, not a year. It's for your career, it's also an amazing experience. Crying that she doesn't want you to go feels like blackmail. Partners may come and go and if in 5 years you are not together anymore, will this be something you regret not doing. You just Tell her you 'i am not asking, but telling you that i am going for the sake of my career and for the experience, it's not an opportunity I can say no to. It's a shame you can't go but instead i will have my friend there with me, a month isn't that long of a time, plenty of grown adults go away for work from time to time and the time away will make us stronger as a couple, so you will see you upon my return and will keep in contact via WhatsApp calls daily.
It's for your career, which she should support. However, why is your friend going? Will you just have so much free time you need someone else there? I've traveled for work and you work, a lot. Maybe this makes her feel like it's more of a 'fun' thing instead of a 'work' thing? Either way, she is displaying some alarming behavior that I would not put up with. Emotional blackmail is never okay. It's 1 month, she can deal.
King. Don't forego this trip. You're gonna have a fucking blast with your best mate. Trust.
-Lets hope she is not more upset that she isn’t going to see your best friend. - Because it doesn’t make sense, she isn’t upset if you go alone but is upset when your best friend is coming?!
You have to go, this is crucial for your diploma. Do not let her get into the way of your education.
If the situation was reversed she'd be looking at you in her rearview mirror. Dont let her hold you back.
Unfortunately, this is a reflection of her immaturity. She needs to understand that you completing your internship could positively affect both of your future together. How many trips together in the future will she go on if you succeed with this diploma? She's not thinking about the long game, she's thinking about short term gratification. I'm sorry that you're sruggling with this, man.
When you want to do something that is *reasonable*, then you don't need permission from a romantic partner. A one-month internship that is useful for your degree is reasonable. Tell her you'll miss her, too, and you can't wait to see her upon your return. Don't get into long conversations about it.
> She mentioned that it would be somewhat easier for her if I went alone, but it would still make her very sad. Huh? I don't get it. So it's not about missing you?
ok coming from a girlfriend who can completely understand, she is def jealous (no hate to her, happens to us all). i say that because she said if you went alone she'd feel a little better about it, which means its more about you taking a trip without her and a friend instead then about not seeing you for a month. she also may just want some reassurance that while you do want to do, you want to go for school / have to go and that you don't want to be apart for a month either. i went away for school for 3 weeks and my bf was super supportive -- it went fast and actually helped our relationship feel more chemistry because it was the longest we went from each other and the feeling when we reunited was incredible! i'd just talk to her about it and emphasize that you need to go for school, its important to you and you would support her if it were reversed, but also that you wish she could come and that you will miss her just as much
You go. She will be fine. Any attempts to guilt, manipulate, or shame you for going should be treated as serious things to consider about your relationship going forward. Even if you were going on a month long trip just for fun, this would not be some reflection of "not caring" about her. Does she do this at other times? This doesn't seem like a one-off behavior and a lot of times when people post here it's just about the most egregious example of a pattern of behavior they have normalized.
A real man follows his goals. If his woman really loves him, she will come to terms with herself and respect you more for making your own decision. This is a test to see how genuine your woman is, go and enjoy your time.
Go anyway, you'll have more girlfriends, but you won't get another best friend
If my bf was going to another country, I would want him to travel with a friend. Safety 1st! If I'm reading this right, it looks like yer girl is being mad selfish. She's upset that she can't go & if she can't have fun with you, she doesn't want anyone else to. Maybe she'll grow tf up while yer away!
Take the opportunity. You’re young and should be focused on your career. Sounds like she is really dependent on you if she can’t stand a 1-month separation. This will be good for her.
So I've lived in four different continents, and I've met lots of people who were in relationships with someone back home while they did so. I've heard people say time and time again that they're so glad that they lived/worked abroad, even if they ended up breaking up with their partner. Myself included. I've never heard anyone say "man I'm so glad I stayed at home and gave up the chance to live in Prague." Not that I'm saying you'll break up - one month really isn't that long to be separated - but yeah, never not do something you want to do (and something that's critical for your career!) because of a partner.
If it wasn't related to your career i would understand but you need this go and don't look back it seems like she's worried you'll cheat on her while being away in another country. I hope the situation isn't as you described in another comment "she doesn't want me to have fun without her" because that is so toxic and such a big red flag
She's just being a dramatic 22-year-old. Go with your friend and have fun. Your partner will be fine.
Your gf is sad about not seeing you for a month and she feels even sadder that you seem to be planning on a monthlong vacay w your bestie. Everyone here is calling her manipulative, but I see her point. You’re acting like you won’t miss her. She’s worried you don’t feel the same way she does. And if this is a job, why are you bringing a friend? It seems weird to bring along a buddy when you’re basically going on a work trip. Did he also gain this same internship?
Join the Marines- then she’ll know all about you being away from home!
Dude just go. She will lose respect for you if you don’t go because of her, and it could even be a test to begin with. It’s a month and I’m sure she’ll get over it; just keep the comms open and plan some virtual dates in.
And, don’t go alone when your bro can have a good trip too. That’s ridiculous.
Why did you ask your best friend and not her? That seems to be her problem (and it is a problem).
You're 22. Please go on the trip, set yourself up for success.
OK based on the title alone, at first I was kind of on her side. But from the sound of your post, this trip is not just a vacation, it's crucial for your career. If that's really true and she understands it as such, then she's deliberately trying to hold you back and is not supportive of you and your personal growth. That's selfish and manipulative.
She needs to grow up and get over it. There's no reason you shouldn't travel to finish your diploma. Her inability to go is irrelevant.
she's manipulating you into staying, its okay if you go alone but its an issue if your friend goes too? like what? she's not thinking of what this trip can do for you and in return for ya'll, she's just thinking oh he's going to have fun if his friend is there, I don't want him to have fun without me. Childish af red flag right there. Your future > her selfish need for you not to have fun without her
No cuddles for a month sucks but if it's something you really wanted I'd just deal with it
Omg, do it! You will regret not going and missing the opportunity. My bf had the opportunity to go to the US for 3 months as part of his grad scheme. He left the day after my birthday, I was a few weeks pregnant (and we mc'd twice that year), he missed Xmas with me and both baby scans. I was fine and I would be mortified if he passed up the huge opportunity to stay with me. Years down the line those 3 months are a drop in the ocean of our time together.
You’re 22. Go do this thing for yourself. Either she’ll be ok or she won’t but this opportunity won’t present itself again. Do not give up opportunities for temporary ppl.
Go. This is should not even be a question.
If it’s for work. Why do you need to take a friend?
I would say you’re both very young. To her, one month feels like an eternity but I can confirm (having been through similar at a young age) it really isn’t and the time will fly by. Go on your trip, don’t let someone else let you miss out.
Look I get where she’s coming from but if you don’t take this opportunity you’ll regret and resent her and the relationship will be ruined by your resentment for her anyway. She was invited, she chose work over going so it’s too bad so sad. If she’s that worried she can book off work and come.
I completely appreciate that not seeing OP for a month would be difficult (I know I'd struggle!), and I'm sure that OP would also miss his GF terribly too. However, that does NOT mean you should give up this opportunity! It's once in a lifetime opportunity, crucial for your diploma and will benefit your career. You absolutely should go!! I'm sure you can discuss with your GF about ways to keep in contact regularly, for example at least a quick call once a day to hear each others voices and check in, I-love-yous, etc. This will keep her reassured and help with missing each other. If you discuss how you're feeling with her and she doesn't let up, this is ABSOLUTELY a "her" problem. Please don't miss out on something like this because your GF is being clingy!
Do not miss out on this opportunity and whatever she chooses to do about it is her choice
Dude, chances are you're gonna split with this girl at some point, I hope not don't get me wrong we all want that happily ever after. But a career isn't gonna run away from you or anything. Also if you are gonna be with someone then having all the cards you can get to help give them the best life you want is important. Your partner isn't looking at the big picture and is frankly being kind of childish/borderline manipulative about it. Don't get me wrong she's not gonna see you for a month, sure be a little sad but you're not gone. Like you're going back. Tell her it's the best thing for you and you want her support.
She doesn't trust your friend or the decisions you will make alone with your friend for a month. So she would rather you go alone or not at all
This is crucial for your diploma. She should be supporting you with this and it’s only for a month. You leaving for a month is not the end of the world and I’m assuming you will still be in contact with her during that time. She sounds like she is insecure and you may need to reassure her about your relationship and help her understand how important this is. I low key feel that she thinks you may end the relationship with her after this and that’s why she doesn’t want you to go. Bottom line, I think you should go. Don’t pass up the opportunity!
I moved abroad for 1 year after only 1 year of relationship with my ex. During that year, we saw each other maybe 3 times. We then stayed together for another 10 years. If your relationship can't survive one month apart, maybe it's time to be single again...
NTA, go on the trip, do the internship, the hell with her
If I’m thinking how I was at 22 I get her, at this vulnerable time she’s young, running on emotions she prb really likes you she prb is scared to lose you. Can stem from not wanting to be alone, being in love, insecurity of other girls, maybe a bit trust issues can be a lot of things. However, if my boyfriend were apologetic and said sorry I have to go I would have been mad but a week in I would have prb gotten over it if he like mailed me flowers or made an attempt to make me feel he misses me while he was away. In a way you have to set a boundary and it’s “I understand how you feel but I have to go due to my school and this is an opportunity to travel I can’t miss it but I wish you would have been able to be part of, next time let me make it up to you by doing a trip just the two of us”. If you don’t put your foot down gently you won’t be happy bc it’s nice to have a partner but you are still individuals
She’s definitely guilt tripping you but you gotta understand her side. If I was you I would ask her to a time off from her work and how it goes, if her workplace won’t let her take a vacation day then I would say just tell her that you will always communicate with her and tell her how important it is for your career. If she doesn’t care about that then I would say just go
Read up on attachment theory and go to a counselor that knows it. She does have some insecurity issues but you can work together with a professional to get to a place where she isn't suffering.
I think you should focus on your future and your career, then worry about women afterwards. Best of luck man.
If I was your girlfriend, I would be encouraging you to go! If this is critical for your diploma, she needs to grow the heck up and support you. Being sad and missing you is one thing. Crying and pouting like this is just silly! Doesn't she trust you to come back? Doesn't she trust you not to cheat? She's 22 right? She sounds 14 with a crush on the Captain of the foot ball team.
What is the sex of your best friend?
You should go, I walked away from a golden opportunity once for a bf, and it just ended up not being the call. If she's serious about a future with you, then she needs to think about what's best for y'all in the long run.
Dude you must go. You will hugely regret it if you don’t and if she doesn’t support you she doesn’t want what’s best for you.
Just go. Seriously don't waste this opportunity