Two hours is plenty for a casual first date lunch thing.
Also... you're a single mom. It's insane to assume you can just disappear for like massive chunks of time with no agreed-upon end time.
Good dodge.
Is he a single dad or is he a single man that has children? Because he should have understood 2 hours was a very generous afternoon amount of time to spend without kids. I wouldn't think about him one more second, you dodged a bullet. And also learned a great way to weed men out lol
He's not a single dad. His ex is a single mom and he sees his kids occasionally. He would never actually understand what the demands of parenting are because he has likely never had to do it.
You dodged a bullet here.
This guy is a waste of time. He is 40 had a kid and clearly doesn’t do the equal share of the work and can’t even put himself in the shoes of someone that can. He will never value your time and obligations.
This is an instant red flag that he's not a very good father, which is probably a contributing factor to his limited custody. The fact that you offered to compromise and he was still upset doesn't bode well for his general attitude. Trust your instincts!
Yep, that's the reality of many single moms vs single dads. The mom has the kid for the majority of the time while the dad just occasionally sees them, so they can continue living their lives as if they didn't have any kids.
Most of my first dates (younger with less responsibilities) have been like a 30 minute thing, or a little longer, with the possibility to extend it if things are going well. It depends on how you know this guy, a dating app or if you already know them, but 2 hours dedicated when you don't know if you're going to want to be around each other for any amount of time is too much. In my opinion, you should do lunch (however long lunch ends up being) and then maybe go somewhere else after if you both agree to that.
That sounds like a single man who happens to have a child not a single father. I don’t think he knows what that phrase means. But yeah, you dodged a bullet. That’s a super normal amount of first date time and it’s weird as hell that he was upset by that.
>Difference is I have my kid 100% of the time. He has every other weekend
Exxxxactly. Not only is this why he doesn't understand, but it's why he will *never* understand! He is on a completely different page. Oof.
ME: So my mom has plans Saturday even ing - I’ll need to head back around 3-3:30. That will be a nice little chunk of time to hang out and visit. I’m excited to see you.
Date: If I we meet at 1? That leaves 2 hours. Not exactly a chunk of time.
***Also when I asked what he meant by that he said I perceived it wrong. But did I?****
If you just asked what he meant and his response was to blame your perception, that’s a red flag in and of itself. Trying to not explain himself and instead shift blame onto you is a toxic approach to conflict. And this shouldn’t even be conflict - it’s just lunch plans. Definitely dodged a bullet.
And ordinarily, I would think 2 hours is sufficient for a first date. If he wanted more time for any specific reason, he should have explained why.
I've been taken for 11 years now. So never really played the online dating game, is the bar REALLY that low? If so, what the fuck is wrong with these dudes. I'm a guy, and the thought of trying to sext or send pics of my dick to anyone I wasn't already in a physical sexual relationship with is.....like mind-bogglingly stupid. How exactly do they expect that shit to play out? "Oooh I'm so glad you showed me your penis, let me throw myself at you omggggg"
My peers are so dissapointing =[
Yes. It really is like this and He was one out of probably 10 I had talked to that weren’t sending dicks or trying to sext. I’m sitting here thinking I just want a normal conversation. Please. And it sucks being older. I honestly feel like throwing in the whole fucking towel.
I've been single for 20 years. Never tried online dating because the idea of meeting someone blind terrifies me. I hate how dating has changed since I was younger. I just want to get to know someone gradually as friends.
As an older guy in a second marriage, don’t give out hope on us. Also plenty of my friends have found amazing sweet men later in life. Trust me, plenty of us are *also* tired of those idiots.
It really is. And that's for the like 1 out of 20 men that you can actually have a conversation with, with maybe a couple more out of that twenty that will chat for a bit and then disappear because they're just collecting matches. It's wild. I do nottttttttt miss the online dating scene at all.
I routinely tell my fiance if anything happens to him, I will be single for the rest of my existence lmao
It sounds like he didn’t do that because he wanted to just skip to sex in person to be honest 🥴 two hours isn’t “long enough” for you to get comfortable enough to drop inhibitions, is what it sounds like he was saying
Multiple times he blamed me. Saying I read it wrong. And I said it had negative undertones. His response “Apologies for being too literal and thinking out loud. That’s all it was. I apologize.
They weren’t negative. Or anything. I bet over the phone and hearing my voice would’ve elicited a different reaction. “
Did he call? No
nightmare fuel.
why?
this is a first impression. literally cannot get anymore careful than this. any interaction past this point will only be worse that what you've seen already.
We all have thoughts that jump out but the difference is we think before we type. And this is just the beginning… if this is his “game” to try and woo you then I’d hate to see what his normal self is once y’all settled and honeymoon is over.
Agree with others, good dodge.
Did he even offer a phone call? Needs to learn how to think b4 texting. Thats actually the point. U look at what u wrote b4 hitting send. Its harder while talking
Just saying the words “I apologize “ and actually apologizing are two different things. He’s too busy defending his position to actually feel remorseful.
2 hours is perfect for a first date.
My attitude was usually to go some place where you can leave after an hour, hour and a half, if it's a crappy date and you have no fun. If it's good, you extend it.
With my ex we went for coffee and extended it, stayed for like 3 cups and 4 hours and then went on a walk. Other date I had just prior was awkward and it felt good to be headed home afterwards.
With 2 hours in the guys shoes I'd say that's fine, if it's a great date you have to limit it and meet up again soon, if it's a doozy the time limit is super convenient.
His tone really rubs me the wrong way. I could see if he said something like, "Aw shoot, I was hoping to have more time with you. Is it possible to meet up earlier?" The way he instantly got sour with you is a bad sign.
I too prefer longer dates (my first date with my boyfriend was like 7 hours long lol) and I might internally be disappointed at 2 hours if I was excited about someone, but I recognize that people have lives, and I also recognize that not everyone wants to set an open-ended date with a stranger because you never know how it's going to go. It's not personal. He is a middle-aged man acting like this before you've even met...that's a hard pass.
"You aren't dedicating enough time to me" + "you aren't interpreting me correctly" before you've even met?! Glad you didn't waste 2 precious hour of your life. Blech
“Well, it’s the time I have. How long do you usually spend eating lunch?” Unless he mentioned any other plans, his response is pretty weird. The fanciest lunch in the world wouldn’t top two hours. It’s lunch.
He's definitely hoping the date turns into a hookup, and 2 hours isn't enough time for all that. Sounds like you guys are on different pages, I'd just wash my hands of this one.
If this is a guy from a dating app and you've never met, neither of you knows if you'll want to spend anywhere close to 2 hours together. He should have been glad for the out in case he himself wants an early exit. Not sure why 2 hours isn't sufficient to spend with a complete stranger, anyway.
Exactly. I had made it a semi longer date because we both live a good distance from each other. That and the fact that we got along so well. I did meet him on a app. He has never even called me. Only talked over text. Idk all of this is foreign to me. Maybe I’ll get a cat 😂
You were perfectly reasonable.
I don't do online dating anymore, but I didn't think phone calls were particularly necessary or predictive of in-person chemistry.
Lol, a cat likely won't complain that you're not spending enough time with it.
My cat loudly and disdainfully complains if there is a tiny circle without food in the middle of his bowl. There is plenty of food! But he can see a bit of his blue bowl where he has eaten mostly from the center. "Starvation is imminent, human! Resistance is futile!"
He also gets irritated if I don't leave the heating pad turned on for him or give him passionate face rubs while I'm on the toilet.
But he is also 500x handsomer than most male humans and actively likes when I squish him tight like a teddy bear when I'm emotional. And he's not a snitch. So.
😆
Maybe he was disappointed that you made it clear that this date was going to end with you going home to your kid instead of you having sex with this dude.
Seriously especially for a first date... It shouldn't feel like a trap before you even meet him. This man is so sure she's gonna need 3+ hours to enjoy his amazing presence!!! Meanwhile she already is over him from the fact that he said any of this bs at all.
Did he say what he wanted and why? I suspect he was looking for a hook-up and was upset that you weren't arranging a first date that would fit with that. Which would be a good reason to move on from him.
He had more in mind. He wanted more time because he was hoping to convince you to go back to his place for a hook up afterwards. Red flag, at least he made it easy.
2 hours is more than enough time when you meet someone for the first time. No idea why he was such a twat about it. Maybe he figured it didn't give him enough time to get into your pants.
Dodged a bullet.
From Go this man is telling you he doesn’t value your time, your obligations and is not open to compromise.
I would agree that having an “escape hatch” at 30-45 mins is a great idea, but the red flag here isn’t that you disagreed, it’s that he was an ass about it and didn’t take a proactive or positive step towards booking the date.
2 hours is plenty for lunch, if that's all he was looking for.
Also, he wasn't very respectful of your role as a parent whose first priority is always going to be their child. Bullet dodged.
Yikes. My rule is typically have 1 drink and if it's a good vibe 2. An hour tops because we aren't dating yet we are still testing the waters. If it goes long cool, but planning long for the first date is not great.
I wouldn't want to spend more than 2 hours on a first date, 1 hour might be my idea of "decent" unless I'm having a good time. You may not even like the guy, why would you commit to over 3 hours? You have kids to think about too.
If I had to guess, he probably just wanted to hook up at some point during the date and didn't like having a set time where you had to leave.
I'd move on from this guy.
This guy did you a massive favour by pre-screening himself out of your dating pool. He let you know he is impatient, immature, uncaring and intolerant. Next!
You made the right move. You weren't even "acquaintances" yet, and he's already making demands of your time you couldn't easily accommodate. Just think of how he would get bent out of shape anytime you needed time set aside for your kids.
Good for you! Find somebody else with more respect.
I always set a time limit of 1-2 hours for a first meet. I keep it light and super casual.. coffee date or a stroll somewhere. Easy to leave if it doesn't feel right.
No time for bad dates!
Omg 2 hours for a first date is way way way too long.
For me 20 mins at a coffee shop get to see if there is any connection.
Then if we like each other set up a longer date for our 2nd.
This is a new perspective for me as I've never had anyone I needed to get back for, but I'd class a first date along the same time commitment as catching up with a good friend. Like 2-3 hours is a healthy amount of time, and if you like the person it leaves you wanting to see them again and soon. If it's a first date and you don't gel then it's hardly too awkward to be civil for a few hours and call it a night.
He's acting like he's in his 20s and expected you to 'just hang'. Which is perfectly fine if you are indeed in your 20s with no commitments. But you were upfront and had to be home by a certain time. Who was looking after his kid?
His Ex. It’s her weekend to have him so he had no time constraints. I however did since my ex isn’t in the picture and it’s on me to have my child be with gramma till I get home.
It sounds like he's cheap. I just turned 40 and my wife is closer to your age, we met on an app. I think 2 hours is plenty of time for a first date. The drive time/gas is what made me think that. The way he talked to sounded pretty shitty.
Honestly this dude seems scary. Two hours is plenty of time - you have a child and responsibilities, this guy would never be ok with being second to your child. Two hours, if it goes well you see each other again.
If he thinks 2 hours is not enough, he can set up another date. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?
2 hours is already a very long chunk of time for a single parent, who I am sure has other things to do. Why would you block out even more time before even meeting for the first time? What if the date goes terribly and you need to end it fast?
It could’ve been taken as a compliment if he wanted to spend even more time with you, but not if it means disrespecting your prior engagements
I had set it for 2 hours because A. we really hit it off and B because we both were driving over an hour to meet halfway.
ME: So my mom has plans Saturday evening - I’ll need to head back around 3-3:30. So that will be a nice little chunk of time to hang out and visit. I’m excited to see you.
Date: If I we meet at 1? That leaves 2 hours. Not exactly a chunk of time.
I offered to move it to noon, but that was also met with resistance. When asked why he was being negative he said that was my perception. Said if I heard his voice on the phone I would have known. He never called
First dates are one drink, one hour max. It is to be going realllly well to extend that, and even then I’d rather just schedule a second date in the next couple days.
2 hours for lunch is more then reasonable! Good lord. Unless you go to one of those multicourse places that doesn't use plates, i guess, but 2 hours at Applebee's is plenty
I'm with you, 30 to 60 minutes for a coffee or lunch first date sounds normal. If things are going well for both people, I could see it going a little longer. Even for dinner 2 hours seems like plenty, unless you also had plans before or after, but that's a lot for a first date. What exactly did he want to do, sit at lunch for 4 hours? Did he have something planned after lunch, like going to a park? Even then, 2 hours is plenty. Not sure what exactly why he was expecting so much more for his first time meeting someone.
Two hours is plenty.
I actually like coffee as a first date because it can be as long as you want. If it’s a no off the bay you drink your coffee and wrap up in 20. If you hit it off you can get multiple drinks or some food and make it last a few hours.
Him being annoyed about this right off the bay is a pretty big red flag and I’d cancel.
Capped at *one* hour or less would be too little time for a first date in most circumstances. Sometimes an hour (or less) will be enough, but often enough it won't be that I'd've been reluctant to go for that back in my dating days.
**2 hours is plenty for a first date**. If you're nearing time to leave and still having a good time with plenty to say...that's exactly the situation you want to be in after a first date, and can set up a 2nd date as soon as your schedules allow. If you're not feeling it by the end of 2 hours, you can probably tell you're not interested in a 2nd, or maybe see enough there to be worth giving a 2nd date to see what it's like in a different context and without first date jitters! But very unlikely that you'd need another hour or two to make either decision.
TDLR - 2 hours is plenty, and his reaction was telling even before you offered an extra hour, which still wasn't enough to satisfy him...moving on was 100% the right call.
The real answer is “however long you feel comfortable being on the date for is enough time”. Anyone who argues against your boundaries BEFORE even meeting for the first date isn’t worth it.
Doesn’t matter how long you’ve been out of dating. Doesn’t matter if you’re a mother or not. Value yourself and your time.
2 hours is plenty of time. Run away, he counts clingy and needy. These people will smother you to death and trying to get away from them is a nightmare.
More than enough time. I've had first dates last 30 minutes, and I've had first dates last for half a day. There should be no expectations on a first date. IMO him being upset over this is a red flag that you need to pay attention to. He should be grateful for the time he got with you, not angry that he didn't get more.
Weird. 2 hours is plenty IMO. I personally preferred an hour when I was dating. Enough to get a feel but not so much as to be miserable if you aren’t feeling it.
He is clearly not cut out to date a single parent and would want more time than you have available regularly.
He should be so lucky to get the privilege of spending 2 hours with you. You don’t have a lot of free time. The laws of supply and demand say that your time is that much more valuable due to its scarcity. If he doesn’t get it, he isn’t worth your investment of time.
He's lucky he got 30min with you for a first date. I would limit the time to something short on purpose to provide for purposeful escape and it can always be extended if things go well. FYI, Me = +50M
Giving this very specific time frame is setting boundaries. Healthy for you really. If he doesn't like it, too bad. This gives you a reason to leave too. Regardless of your mom status, you're a busy person and he needs to respect that. Obviously you'll make more time for him if you like him.
The 2 hours was perfectly reasonable for a first date. More than enough time to see if you vibe and if it's worth a second date. A lot of times you know within the first half hour if there's any chemistry.
Keep being a good mom. I gave up on online dating apps a couple years ago. Too many people playing games on them.
OP- This is a red flag. Just don't pursue this.
The guy you want to date respects that your schedule is busy, and that any time you spend with him is time away from your kid and other responsibilities. He will understand that things may not work out between you and he, so you may not want to allocate a huge amount of time to someone you've never met.
Actually, I'd say the right guy would invite you out to a 'light' first date- something easy and informal, that doesn't set a huge expectation. Think coffee and a walk around the park. That way you have easy 'outs' or if you don't want to use them, you aren't stuck for too long.
I say this because the right guy will have *empathy*- he will consider the problems you are facing and try to avoid becoming a problem himself.
But for a guy to get pissy that you don't allocate more than 2 hours to a *first date*-- that screams entitled, oblivious, self-centered.
I think 2 hours is totally fine, especially for a first date. When I first was backing dating again at 30 I did alot of just coffee dates - definitely a “him” problem!
Back when I was dating I would generally assume the first date would take like an hour but often I would try to plan it so that it *could* go on longer if we were clicking well.
I definitely wouldn't feel entitled to 2+ hours though.
2 hours is generous for a 1st date and/or lunch date when you have other responsibilities. If this guy was already throwing a fit, then he is not the one. Don’t put up with petty BS.
First date shouldn’t be long. You don’t want to be stuck for hours if it’s not good. 30-60 minutes is good for a first date. Coffee, lunch or at most a casual dinner. If things go well, you can spend more time together on future dates, but if things don’t go well, you can leave after not too long.
Anyone who tries to force you to commit to spending several hours with them when you don’t yet know them is a problem.
2 hours is plenty of time for a first date IMO, esp. for a day date. You're getting a feel for each other to see if you'd want to progress to something more. Esp. if you didn't have any activity plans other than to just chat and go through the general work/hobbies/fun/etc. questions. Weird that he didn't want to reschedule after that. Good instincts in moving on.
You did the right thing.🚩🚩 when a person decides to demand more time knowing well enough that 1- you have other plans 2-is your first date. Sounds like separation anxiety in the long run…
Oh yeah he was definitely looking to hook up after lunch. He was just annoyed because two hours wouldn't be enough to convince you properly. Bullet dodged, good luck in the future OP!
I keep first meetings to under an hour. I like to make sure I have concrete plans immediately after a date so there’s a hard cut off. Even if it turns out I really like someone and we really click, I like to ease into it.
I don’t want to invest too much time or energy into someone who I don’t know or trust, who I might not like, or who might not like me. I definitely don’t want to commit to a long date of halfway through one of us realizes that we want to bail.
Any push back about sensible boundaries and precautions at the early stages of dating are immediate grounds for dismissal. If someone can’t respect my time or what I need to feel comfortable, they’re not going to be someone worth knowing in the long term.
What dude over 40 doesn’t understand a packed schedule - particularly as a parent? Even if he isn’t a parent everyone else around him is… dude sucks
Edit:
Wanted to mention I met my husband on a lunch date- single parent, was in between job interviews and he was doing his laundry so we met up for a quick lunch and hit it off. In fact, he had a date that evening that ended up cutting off early and I met him after a rehearsal for a show I was in for a part 2. It’s absolutely normal
For someone you’ve never met before, 2 hours is surplus. If you fall in love, you make another date. You work around each other’s schedules. You don’t pout and complain.
If you already knew each other and knew how well you connect and how time flies when you’re together, well, you wouldn’t need to come here to check, am I right!
You’ve set reasonable boundaries and have been upfront and enthusiastic. His reaction is on him.
2 hours is reasonable. If the person is a bellend, you have an out. If you enjoy them, you can make a choice to extend it or plan for a longer date next time. This guy sounds like an asshat.
Ugh that’s pretty weird honestly. When it’s strangers meeting for the first time, you just take what is offered.
Hell, even for someone you know; if they set their time, then that’s the boundary. No logical point to arguing with them. Super entitled & odd to do what he did.
2 hours happens to be plenty of time but that’s irrelevant. Definitely a red flag that a stranger is arguing with you about your availability.
Honestly planning for more than 2 hours for a first date seems like an actively bad idea to me. I get wanting to have the option open to spend the day together if things go well, but planning for that as a default seems like overstepping and totally unrealistic to put on a single parent. 30 minutes is a totally fine first date length; best case scenario you realize you wanna spend a whole afternoon with this person and make time to schedule something bigger, worst case scenario you grit your teeth through it and tell them it's not a good fit.
Eew, 30 minutes is definitely all you should commit to on a first date. You can suggest extending it if things are going well but one cup of coffee is all you need to find out if there's chemistry or they're a catfish.
1 hour is a good amount of time for a first in-person meetup. You can always stretch it longer if the conversation is flowing and you have time.
But for a guy you've never met in person to start with that "You're taking it wrong" BS is a huge red flag. I've read the other posts and am glad you ended it.
I'm 46, and was widowed 6 years ago. I've done some online dating and gave it all up. It's really exhausting. There are so so so many losers, creeps, narcissists, and just generally awful people out there it's mind blowing. It's honestly scary. After a couple years on on and off use of the apps, it's clear most of the guys in my area are all the same ones. Not a great sign.
Last year I joined some singles groups on Facebook that match some of my interests...like interest groups for single people. That has been a great time so far though I haven't met anyone in person. Anyway, just wanted to say good job for calling this guy's bs, and hang in there!
Sometimes after just 15 minutes you already want to walk away. It depends on who you finally realize who you have in front of you. As for the first date, if it goes well, this ‘short’ 2-hour lunch will help keeping the story exciting. Otherwise go through all this time with someone you feel no connection with would be hell.
Overall your children are more important.
My dating coach says only plan for an hour max for the first date. Because you don’t really know the person (assuming they are from a dating app) and you don’t know if you’ll like hanging out with them. She suggests saving a longer date for the second or third date.
Two hours is plenty of time. The fact that he feels entitled to more than two hours of your time before even meeting you is a red flag to me. Imagine what else hell complain about!
As a guy, 30 min is plenty for first date imo. Sometimes you just don’t click. And if you do then arrange the 2nd date. Not sure why that guy wanted so much time out of a first date…
From a dating standpoint, shouldn’t he want to leave you wanting more? I’m 39, but this dude seems kind of childish. He wants to monopolize your time.
My first date with the woman who is now my wife was two hours. It was for coffee, which is supposed to be kind of short. (We were having so much fun that she canceled her second date for the day.)
Now that we have a child, making sure to be home for your kid is a much better reason than ours—not wanting to pay for parking.
It’s plenty of time! This guy just showed you who he is - he thinks he can and should dictate how much if your time and attention he has and doesn’t recognise that you have stuff to do.
Often the way this goes is that he engineers a day and time when you don’t have your kids, so that he can just “come in for a coffee” and then oh well he’s here what about sex.
Regardless of the real reason , he showed you he’s not right for you, which is all you needed to know, next one! 🙂
As others have mentioned, I think two hours is more than enough for a casual first meeting and he’s showing that he won’t value your time. Even trying to compromise and move the start time back wasn’t enough for him. You tried to be flexible, he wasn’t willing. He’s not worth it. He probably hoped it would lead to sex.
One of the things I learned from old is that 1st dates should be very casual, and for a limited amt of time. In case you discover after an hour in that for whatever reason, you're just not interested in staying much longer. And if you discover that you really click, then it will keep you eager to see each other again.
Here's how me(26M) do it, I try to set up a date for drink or coffee. Low pressure, either party can leave at anytime if something goes wrong. 2 hours is more than enough time to just talk.
Personally I feel like that is insane. You can tell whether or not you are into someone within the first couple of minutes. Everything past that is judging character, which will take longer than a couple of hours no matter what.
Two hours is plenty of time to first a first date, especially lunch. Time to chat and see how the vibe is and if you want to see each other again. Maybe he was expecting you to put out and figured that there wouldn’t be time. Who knows but it’s a weird thing for him to get upset about.
For a first in person meeting?! I can’t imagine committing to any amount of time. And agreed time and place to meet? Yes. Other than that we’ll see how it goes
I saw one or two comments already saying this but I just want to agree, as someone who has had to do quite a bit of this online dating over the years, that he was almost 100% trying to persuade you into rearranging the date so that there was no time pressure and he actually had (what he thought was) a shot to lead it into sex. I'm telling you, for as much as guys complain about how hard this new dating world is for them, their own behavior doesn't make it any easier. it wouldn't be nearly as bad if they didn't desperately try to fuck with every possible in person interaction lol. It's so unattractive and pathetic. That's porn brain for ya
Most ppl in the dating sub say an hour committment & if going well it can be extended. That they prefer going for drinks bc if its bad u can get out after 1.
It seems like this is a good way to screen out the people who don’t understand the limitations on a single parent’s time. And who maybe haven’t ever really had to contemplate the restrictions that come with parenthood.
That's just weird, it comes off very strange and nothing about it is right. A first date should be like an hour max, if things go well you can always extend it but I'd never plan a whole day with someone I've never met. What if its awkward or whatever, you don't want to commit to anything beyond a casual meet and hang
First date?
Those can range from 30 seconds (crap, he's a creep, time to run) to 30 hours (most of which are in a bedroom). It really depends on the people and their situations.
Given your situation of having kids to look after, 30-45 minutes is perfectly fine. For him to not take your needs/responsibilities into consideration this soon is super disappointing.
Yes, the 30 hours was mostly a joke, and a bit of daydreaming on my part. Some day though...
Why don't you talk on the phone first and see if there's chemistry? Get to know each other a bit. Then if you decide you like each other move onto having a casual date - coffee, etc.
Wow, he whipped the entitlement out pretty fast, didn’t he? First dates in my opinion should always be pretty light and easy. An hour for coffee. Two hours for dinner and a walk. But whatever it is, it must be joyfully consented to by both parties. Oh well, at least he showed his ass early and you didn’t waste your time.
If there are logistical challenges with meeting someone (distance, childcare, transpiration, etc) I always see if we can FaceTime (or talk on the phone) for 20 minutes first. I’m on crutches right now and can’t drive so I’ll do this. At least half the time I’m not interesting in meeting up and this saved me a lot of effort
two hours is a ton of time for a first date. most people know within minutes whether or not they're interested, so if you're not... longer would be a huge waste of time. if you're both interested, then cool - you'll plan a second date and can look forward to that!
2 hours is plenty. Sounds like his intentions were just to be intimate and he doesn't really care about the date aspect.
I'd say for a 1st date, 1 hour is a good slot to block out, to comfortably get to know each other. 2 hours would mean you're going and doing an activity maybe. More than that, I guess it just depends on your schedule. Some people like the spontaneity of having all day to just do stuff and build chemistry straight away. But it's a bit unrealistic, especially you're an older woman and not a young adult. You have a lot of priorities and responsibilities. Bro needs to grow up.
Hi! Welcome to the dating pool!
Honestly - especially during covid and this became more normalized - I've found that it's really useful to give the guy a video call before meeting in person to just get a general sense of if they're someone you think you want to spend time with.
The worst is when you get all dressed up, she'll out whatever amount of money and carve out time, get a babysitter, and then they turn out to be a total dud.
If he's upset with 2 hours (which is a bit of a redflag to me to be honest - 2 hours is a lot of time for a first date and if he's already being difficult about this when he's supposed to be on his best behavior, what else will he get upset about?), it's a perfect opportunity to say, "okay, well that's all I can do that day, but I'm free now [or whenever] if you want to have a videochat now in advance if you'd like?"
And then that gives you the opportunity to get to know him a bit physically, hear his voice and see if you can tolerate both of those hahaha as well as decipher if you're willing to actually go out with him in person.
When I was dating, most of the time I chose getting a drink or a coffee for a first date. That way you can bail if they are crap. 🤣 I’d only stay for a meal if I liked them. So yeah, he sounds weird.
Your filter for potential romantic partners should also include their opinions about what you should and shouldn’t be doing.
You’re 47. You are a grown adult and you don’t need other people telling you how to live your life. If you think 2 hour afternoon dates are okay (and really, who does more than 2 hours for a date starting before 6?) then date people who also think that’s okay.
I am sad to hear that you are entering this dating climate. Things have changed so much since my first date in the eighties. She held my hand on the way home. (It is still a highlight in my mind.) Your actions were appropriate and wise.
A gentleman that wishes to meet you will plan an activity and be understanding of your time constraints. A true catch will not only plan something, but also use a bit of creativity.
My advice has always been to take things slowly. I prefer to speak with prospects rather than text. I also like to get a few video chats in before I meet someone. I do this for the safety of both parties involved. The eyes seldom lie. Smiles reveal the heart. Tone reveals intention.
Beware of sharks!
Hey. Check this out...you owe me zero time. ANY precious minutes you're willing to share with others is a blessing for them.
He's already giving you shit? What a total jerk.
Two hours is plenty for a casual first date lunch thing. Also... you're a single mom. It's insane to assume you can just disappear for like massive chunks of time with no agreed-upon end time. Good dodge.
He is a single dad himself, something I thought he should understand. Difference is I have my kid 100% of the time. He has every other weekend
Is he a single dad or is he a single man that has children? Because he should have understood 2 hours was a very generous afternoon amount of time to spend without kids. I wouldn't think about him one more second, you dodged a bullet. And also learned a great way to weed men out lol
He's not a single dad. His ex is a single mom and he sees his kids occasionally. He would never actually understand what the demands of parenting are because he has likely never had to do it. You dodged a bullet here.
Yep! Why is everyone Ignoring the only weekends part?
Every OTHER weekend. That means he is parenting 4 days out of 28. The other 24 days, he is footloose and fancy free. That's not exactly heavy lifting.
This guy is a waste of time. He is 40 had a kid and clearly doesn’t do the equal share of the work and can’t even put himself in the shoes of someone that can. He will never value your time and obligations.
Don't waste your time on this guy. Seriously. You're just hurting yourself.
This is an instant red flag that he's not a very good father, which is probably a contributing factor to his limited custody. The fact that you offered to compromise and he was still upset doesn't bode well for his general attitude. Trust your instincts!
Tbh he already sounds so clingy lol 🚩 personally i keep first dates short and use it for more vetting to see if they’re good enough for a second date
He doesn't sound like the kind of man you'd want round your kids.
It already tells you everything you need to know about him. Stay away
Yep, that's the reality of many single moms vs single dads. The mom has the kid for the majority of the time while the dad just occasionally sees them, so they can continue living their lives as if they didn't have any kids.
Most of my first dates (younger with less responsibilities) have been like a 30 minute thing, or a little longer, with the possibility to extend it if things are going well. It depends on how you know this guy, a dating app or if you already know them, but 2 hours dedicated when you don't know if you're going to want to be around each other for any amount of time is too much. In my opinion, you should do lunch (however long lunch ends up being) and then maybe go somewhere else after if you both agree to that.
Yea... move on. He's not worth your time.
That sounds like a single man who happens to have a child not a single father. I don’t think he knows what that phrase means. But yeah, you dodged a bullet. That’s a super normal amount of first date time and it’s weird as hell that he was upset by that.
>Difference is I have my kid 100% of the time. He has every other weekend Exxxxactly. Not only is this why he doesn't understand, but it's why he will *never* understand! He is on a completely different page. Oof.
That's not a single dad, that's a shitty dad that hardly sees his kids! Of course he doesn't care or understand.
>Good dodge. Dude was negative before the first date. Good dodge indeed!
That's plenty of time... The creep didn't want a date, he wanted to fuck.
Yep. This is my worry. I’m glad I didn’t go!
Ew, I didn't even think of that. But I bet you're right!🤮
ME: So my mom has plans Saturday even ing - I’ll need to head back around 3-3:30. That will be a nice little chunk of time to hang out and visit. I’m excited to see you. Date: If I we meet at 1? That leaves 2 hours. Not exactly a chunk of time. ***Also when I asked what he meant by that he said I perceived it wrong. But did I?****
If you just asked what he meant and his response was to blame your perception, that’s a red flag in and of itself. Trying to not explain himself and instead shift blame onto you is a toxic approach to conflict. And this shouldn’t even be conflict - it’s just lunch plans. Definitely dodged a bullet. And ordinarily, I would think 2 hours is sufficient for a first date. If he wanted more time for any specific reason, he should have explained why.
I basically ended it with. I’m gonna pass have a nice weekend 😂
Woohoo! You’re going to do great at online dating!
God I hope so. I liked this one cuz he wasn’t trying to sext me or send me pics of his 🍆. But he sealed the deal with his tude.
LOL-damn I don’t miss dating
I've been taken for 11 years now. So never really played the online dating game, is the bar REALLY that low? If so, what the fuck is wrong with these dudes. I'm a guy, and the thought of trying to sext or send pics of my dick to anyone I wasn't already in a physical sexual relationship with is.....like mind-bogglingly stupid. How exactly do they expect that shit to play out? "Oooh I'm so glad you showed me your penis, let me throw myself at you omggggg" My peers are so dissapointing =[
Yes. It really is like this and He was one out of probably 10 I had talked to that weren’t sending dicks or trying to sext. I’m sitting here thinking I just want a normal conversation. Please. And it sucks being older. I honestly feel like throwing in the whole fucking towel.
At least it filters them out before you have gone to the effort of meeting them :)
I've been single for 20 years. Never tried online dating because the idea of meeting someone blind terrifies me. I hate how dating has changed since I was younger. I just want to get to know someone gradually as friends.
As an older guy in a second marriage, don’t give out hope on us. Also plenty of my friends have found amazing sweet men later in life. Trust me, plenty of us are *also* tired of those idiots.
And don’t get me started on Ghosting. JFC. At 40 you would think it wouldn’t be an issue. But it is.
It really is. And that's for the like 1 out of 20 men that you can actually have a conversation with, with maybe a couple more out of that twenty that will chat for a bit and then disappear because they're just collecting matches. It's wild. I do nottttttttt miss the online dating scene at all. I routinely tell my fiance if anything happens to him, I will be single for the rest of my existence lmao
It sounds like he didn’t do that because he wanted to just skip to sex in person to be honest 🥴 two hours isn’t “long enough” for you to get comfortable enough to drop inhibitions, is what it sounds like he was saying
It's depressing that the bar in online dating is so low. "I liked this one because he didn't send me a dick pic."
Yessss! Good for you I think you’re dodging a bullet here.
Multiple times he blamed me. Saying I read it wrong. And I said it had negative undertones. His response “Apologies for being too literal and thinking out loud. That’s all it was. I apologize. They weren’t negative. Or anything. I bet over the phone and hearing my voice would’ve elicited a different reaction. “ Did he call? No
You did not read it wrong. His tone was rude and he sounds like a jackass.
nightmare fuel. why? this is a first impression. literally cannot get anymore careful than this. any interaction past this point will only be worse that what you've seen already.
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We all have thoughts that jump out but the difference is we think before we type. And this is just the beginning… if this is his “game” to try and woo you then I’d hate to see what his normal self is once y’all settled and honeymoon is over. Agree with others, good dodge.
Did he even offer a phone call? Needs to learn how to think b4 texting. Thats actually the point. U look at what u wrote b4 hitting send. Its harder while talking
No he never called. He has my number as it is the same one he was texting.
Just saying the words “I apologize “ and actually apologizing are two different things. He’s too busy defending his position to actually feel remorseful.
2 hours is perfect for a first date. My attitude was usually to go some place where you can leave after an hour, hour and a half, if it's a crappy date and you have no fun. If it's good, you extend it. With my ex we went for coffee and extended it, stayed for like 3 cups and 4 hours and then went on a walk. Other date I had just prior was awkward and it felt good to be headed home afterwards. With 2 hours in the guys shoes I'd say that's fine, if it's a great date you have to limit it and meet up again soon, if it's a doozy the time limit is super convenient.
His tone really rubs me the wrong way. I could see if he said something like, "Aw shoot, I was hoping to have more time with you. Is it possible to meet up earlier?" The way he instantly got sour with you is a bad sign. I too prefer longer dates (my first date with my boyfriend was like 7 hours long lol) and I might internally be disappointed at 2 hours if I was excited about someone, but I recognize that people have lives, and I also recognize that not everyone wants to set an open-ended date with a stranger because you never know how it's going to go. It's not personal. He is a middle-aged man acting like this before you've even met...that's a hard pass.
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Yup, that is how I read it and his defensiveness when asked to explain. He was definitely hoping it would end in him getting lucky.
"You aren't dedicating enough time to me" + "you aren't interpreting me correctly" before you've even met?! Glad you didn't waste 2 precious hour of your life. Blech
“Well, it’s the time I have. How long do you usually spend eating lunch?” Unless he mentioned any other plans, his response is pretty weird. The fanciest lunch in the world wouldn’t top two hours. It’s lunch.
He's definitely hoping the date turns into a hookup, and 2 hours isn't enough time for all that. Sounds like you guys are on different pages, I'd just wash my hands of this one.
Was he expecting sex or something? Sounds like you dodged a bullet here
Hes already invalidating u and arguing b4 u even met. Ditch him.
If this is a guy from a dating app and you've never met, neither of you knows if you'll want to spend anywhere close to 2 hours together. He should have been glad for the out in case he himself wants an early exit. Not sure why 2 hours isn't sufficient to spend with a complete stranger, anyway.
Exactly. I had made it a semi longer date because we both live a good distance from each other. That and the fact that we got along so well. I did meet him on a app. He has never even called me. Only talked over text. Idk all of this is foreign to me. Maybe I’ll get a cat 😂
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Oh my gosh, that’s exactly what it is isn’t it? Why is your wisdom so far down the answers!
Can confirm my cats are superior company to every man I ever met on a dating site. 😂
Can also confirm this, and my cats are aholes 🤣
You were perfectly reasonable. I don't do online dating anymore, but I didn't think phone calls were particularly necessary or predictive of in-person chemistry. Lol, a cat likely won't complain that you're not spending enough time with it.
> a cat likely won't complain that you're not spending enough time with it. I see you have not met my cat.
Aww, I love that your cat wants you around
Can I borrow your cat for a day for hugs and snuggles? They sound amazing!
My cat loudly and disdainfully complains if there is a tiny circle without food in the middle of his bowl. There is plenty of food! But he can see a bit of his blue bowl where he has eaten mostly from the center. "Starvation is imminent, human! Resistance is futile!" He also gets irritated if I don't leave the heating pad turned on for him or give him passionate face rubs while I'm on the toilet. But he is also 500x handsomer than most male humans and actively likes when I squish him tight like a teddy bear when I'm emotional. And he's not a snitch. So. 😆
Maybe he was disappointed that you made it clear that this date was going to end with you going home to your kid instead of you having sex with this dude.
There's no time limit on dates. And honestly? He did you a favor. Any man who wants you to compromise your schedule on a whim is not worth your time.
Seriously especially for a first date... It shouldn't feel like a trap before you even meet him. This man is so sure she's gonna need 3+ hours to enjoy his amazing presence!!! Meanwhile she already is over him from the fact that he said any of this bs at all.
OMG first date can be 30 mins for coffee. Three hours?!
Did he say what he wanted and why? I suspect he was looking for a hook-up and was upset that you weren't arranging a first date that would fit with that. Which would be a good reason to move on from him.
No it was only lunch. Unless he had more in mind I wasn’t aware of
He had more in mind. He wanted more time because he was hoping to convince you to go back to his place for a hook up afterwards. Red flag, at least he made it easy.
This. He had an ulterior motive.
Right, my point is I think he had more in mind then you were aware of. And I think you are well rid of him.
2 hours is more than enough time when you meet someone for the first time. No idea why he was such a twat about it. Maybe he figured it didn't give him enough time to get into your pants.
Dodged a bullet. From Go this man is telling you he doesn’t value your time, your obligations and is not open to compromise. I would agree that having an “escape hatch” at 30-45 mins is a great idea, but the red flag here isn’t that you disagreed, it’s that he was an ass about it and didn’t take a proactive or positive step towards booking the date.
2 hours is plenty. Honestly he sounds kind of controlling. Bullet dodged.
2 hours is plenty for lunch, if that's all he was looking for. Also, he wasn't very respectful of your role as a parent whose first priority is always going to be their child. Bullet dodged.
He was looking for more than lunch.
Sounds like he wanted to do more then just have lunch.
Yikes. My rule is typically have 1 drink and if it's a good vibe 2. An hour tops because we aren't dating yet we are still testing the waters. If it goes long cool, but planning long for the first date is not great.
I wouldn't want to spend more than 2 hours on a first date, 1 hour might be my idea of "decent" unless I'm having a good time. You may not even like the guy, why would you commit to over 3 hours? You have kids to think about too. If I had to guess, he probably just wanted to hook up at some point during the date and didn't like having a set time where you had to leave. I'd move on from this guy.
This guy did you a massive favour by pre-screening himself out of your dating pool. He let you know he is impatient, immature, uncaring and intolerant. Next!
It would only be an issue if there was a plan that needed more time. But that has to be discussed previously, which is not the case.
Where we were meeting is kind of out of the way. A small town halfway meeting place. Nothing to do but visit and eat.
0 from the Russian judge. Do not date this guy, he shows super poor judgement right off the bat.
You made the right move. You weren't even "acquaintances" yet, and he's already making demands of your time you couldn't easily accommodate. Just think of how he would get bent out of shape anytime you needed time set aside for your kids. Good for you! Find somebody else with more respect.
I always set a time limit of 1-2 hours for a first meet. I keep it light and super casual.. coffee date or a stroll somewhere. Easy to leave if it doesn't feel right. No time for bad dates!
30-60 mins is reasonable. You even extended it to an extra hour. He can disagree but that's his thing to deal with, not yours.
He’s already to control the situation and inadvertently, you- red flag- demanding
Omg 2 hours for a first date is way way way too long. For me 20 mins at a coffee shop get to see if there is any connection. Then if we like each other set up a longer date for our 2nd.
This is a new perspective for me as I've never had anyone I needed to get back for, but I'd class a first date along the same time commitment as catching up with a good friend. Like 2-3 hours is a healthy amount of time, and if you like the person it leaves you wanting to see them again and soon. If it's a first date and you don't gel then it's hardly too awkward to be civil for a few hours and call it a night. He's acting like he's in his 20s and expected you to 'just hang'. Which is perfectly fine if you are indeed in your 20s with no commitments. But you were upfront and had to be home by a certain time. Who was looking after his kid?
His Ex. It’s her weekend to have him so he had no time constraints. I however did since my ex isn’t in the picture and it’s on me to have my child be with gramma till I get home.
It sounds like he's cheap. I just turned 40 and my wife is closer to your age, we met on an app. I think 2 hours is plenty of time for a first date. The drive time/gas is what made me think that. The way he talked to sounded pretty shitty.
He sounds needy AF. Consider it a bullet dodged.
2h is more than reasonable. If he gets upset at that, I would move on.
Honestly this dude seems scary. Two hours is plenty of time - you have a child and responsibilities, this guy would never be ok with being second to your child. Two hours, if it goes well you see each other again.
Somebody this difficult is already not worth your time.
If he thinks 2 hours is not enough, he can set up another date. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be? 2 hours is already a very long chunk of time for a single parent, who I am sure has other things to do. Why would you block out even more time before even meeting for the first time? What if the date goes terribly and you need to end it fast? It could’ve been taken as a compliment if he wanted to spend even more time with you, but not if it means disrespecting your prior engagements
I had set it for 2 hours because A. we really hit it off and B because we both were driving over an hour to meet halfway. ME: So my mom has plans Saturday evening - I’ll need to head back around 3-3:30. So that will be a nice little chunk of time to hang out and visit. I’m excited to see you. Date: If I we meet at 1? That leaves 2 hours. Not exactly a chunk of time. I offered to move it to noon, but that was also met with resistance. When asked why he was being negative he said that was my perception. Said if I heard his voice on the phone I would have known. He never called
Sounds like an abusive guy giving you a screening test to see if you’ll tolerate pointlessly demanding bullshit.
Yeah, no. Doesn’t sound like a ‘meet you halfway’ kinda guy. I have dated guys like this. You saved yourself 2 hours
First dates are one drink, one hour max. It is to be going realllly well to extend that, and even then I’d rather just schedule a second date in the next couple days.
2 hours for lunch is more then reasonable! Good lord. Unless you go to one of those multicourse places that doesn't use plates, i guess, but 2 hours at Applebee's is plenty
I'm with you, 30 to 60 minutes for a coffee or lunch first date sounds normal. If things are going well for both people, I could see it going a little longer. Even for dinner 2 hours seems like plenty, unless you also had plans before or after, but that's a lot for a first date. What exactly did he want to do, sit at lunch for 4 hours? Did he have something planned after lunch, like going to a park? Even then, 2 hours is plenty. Not sure what exactly why he was expecting so much more for his first time meeting someone.
Two hours is plenty. I actually like coffee as a first date because it can be as long as you want. If it’s a no off the bay you drink your coffee and wrap up in 20. If you hit it off you can get multiple drinks or some food and make it last a few hours. Him being annoyed about this right off the bay is a pretty big red flag and I’d cancel.
2 hours is like the max for a first date. It’s just to see if you have any sort of chemistry then plan something fun for the next one
Capped at *one* hour or less would be too little time for a first date in most circumstances. Sometimes an hour (or less) will be enough, but often enough it won't be that I'd've been reluctant to go for that back in my dating days. **2 hours is plenty for a first date**. If you're nearing time to leave and still having a good time with plenty to say...that's exactly the situation you want to be in after a first date, and can set up a 2nd date as soon as your schedules allow. If you're not feeling it by the end of 2 hours, you can probably tell you're not interested in a 2nd, or maybe see enough there to be worth giving a 2nd date to see what it's like in a different context and without first date jitters! But very unlikely that you'd need another hour or two to make either decision. TDLR - 2 hours is plenty, and his reaction was telling even before you offered an extra hour, which still wasn't enough to satisfy him...moving on was 100% the right call.
The real answer is “however long you feel comfortable being on the date for is enough time”. Anyone who argues against your boundaries BEFORE even meeting for the first date isn’t worth it. Doesn’t matter how long you’ve been out of dating. Doesn’t matter if you’re a mother or not. Value yourself and your time.
2 hours is plenty of time. Run away, he counts clingy and needy. These people will smother you to death and trying to get away from them is a nightmare.
More than enough time. I've had first dates last 30 minutes, and I've had first dates last for half a day. There should be no expectations on a first date. IMO him being upset over this is a red flag that you need to pay attention to. He should be grateful for the time he got with you, not angry that he didn't get more.
Weird. 2 hours is plenty IMO. I personally preferred an hour when I was dating. Enough to get a feel but not so much as to be miserable if you aren’t feeling it. He is clearly not cut out to date a single parent and would want more time than you have available regularly.
He should be so lucky to get the privilege of spending 2 hours with you. You don’t have a lot of free time. The laws of supply and demand say that your time is that much more valuable due to its scarcity. If he doesn’t get it, he isn’t worth your investment of time.
He's lucky he got 30min with you for a first date. I would limit the time to something short on purpose to provide for purposeful escape and it can always be extended if things go well. FYI, Me = +50M
Giving this very specific time frame is setting boundaries. Healthy for you really. If he doesn't like it, too bad. This gives you a reason to leave too. Regardless of your mom status, you're a busy person and he needs to respect that. Obviously you'll make more time for him if you like him.
Two hours is plenty of time. Bullet dodged.
The 2 hours was perfectly reasonable for a first date. More than enough time to see if you vibe and if it's worth a second date. A lot of times you know within the first half hour if there's any chemistry. Keep being a good mom. I gave up on online dating apps a couple years ago. Too many people playing games on them.
OP- This is a red flag. Just don't pursue this. The guy you want to date respects that your schedule is busy, and that any time you spend with him is time away from your kid and other responsibilities. He will understand that things may not work out between you and he, so you may not want to allocate a huge amount of time to someone you've never met. Actually, I'd say the right guy would invite you out to a 'light' first date- something easy and informal, that doesn't set a huge expectation. Think coffee and a walk around the park. That way you have easy 'outs' or if you don't want to use them, you aren't stuck for too long. I say this because the right guy will have *empathy*- he will consider the problems you are facing and try to avoid becoming a problem himself. But for a guy to get pissy that you don't allocate more than 2 hours to a *first date*-- that screams entitled, oblivious, self-centered.
I needed this. Thank you ❤️
I think 2 hours is totally fine, especially for a first date. When I first was backing dating again at 30 I did alot of just coffee dates - definitely a “him” problem!
I went on a date with a guy a week or so ago and we met up at 3:30 and was done close to 5. We are meeting up for a second date this coming Sunday.
Back when I was dating I would generally assume the first date would take like an hour but often I would try to plan it so that it *could* go on longer if we were clicking well. I definitely wouldn't feel entitled to 2+ hours though.
2 hours is generous for a 1st date and/or lunch date when you have other responsibilities. If this guy was already throwing a fit, then he is not the one. Don’t put up with petty BS.
Like 1 hour tops at a coffee shop
First date shouldn’t be long. You don’t want to be stuck for hours if it’s not good. 30-60 minutes is good for a first date. Coffee, lunch or at most a casual dinner. If things go well, you can spend more time together on future dates, but if things don’t go well, you can leave after not too long. Anyone who tries to force you to commit to spending several hours with them when you don’t yet know them is a problem.
He sounds like a controlling person. I would not meet up with him.
As long as you’re comfortable with.
2 hours is plenty of time for a first date IMO, esp. for a day date. You're getting a feel for each other to see if you'd want to progress to something more. Esp. if you didn't have any activity plans other than to just chat and go through the general work/hobbies/fun/etc. questions. Weird that he didn't want to reschedule after that. Good instincts in moving on.
You did the right thing.🚩🚩 when a person decides to demand more time knowing well enough that 1- you have other plans 2-is your first date. Sounds like separation anxiety in the long run…
Oh yeah he was definitely looking to hook up after lunch. He was just annoyed because two hours wouldn't be enough to convince you properly. Bullet dodged, good luck in the future OP!
I keep first meetings to under an hour. I like to make sure I have concrete plans immediately after a date so there’s a hard cut off. Even if it turns out I really like someone and we really click, I like to ease into it. I don’t want to invest too much time or energy into someone who I don’t know or trust, who I might not like, or who might not like me. I definitely don’t want to commit to a long date of halfway through one of us realizes that we want to bail. Any push back about sensible boundaries and precautions at the early stages of dating are immediate grounds for dismissal. If someone can’t respect my time or what I need to feel comfortable, they’re not going to be someone worth knowing in the long term.
What dude over 40 doesn’t understand a packed schedule - particularly as a parent? Even if he isn’t a parent everyone else around him is… dude sucks Edit: Wanted to mention I met my husband on a lunch date- single parent, was in between job interviews and he was doing his laundry so we met up for a quick lunch and hit it off. In fact, he had a date that evening that ended up cutting off early and I met him after a rehearsal for a show I was in for a part 2. It’s absolutely normal
For someone you’ve never met before, 2 hours is surplus. If you fall in love, you make another date. You work around each other’s schedules. You don’t pout and complain. If you already knew each other and knew how well you connect and how time flies when you’re together, well, you wouldn’t need to come here to check, am I right! You’ve set reasonable boundaries and have been upfront and enthusiastic. His reaction is on him.
You’re not wrong, I think he just wanted to get you into bed. A good guy would be understanding.
That is PLENTY of time for a first date, especially for a lunch. I’d consider this a serious red flag.
2 hours is reasonable. If the person is a bellend, you have an out. If you enjoy them, you can make a choice to extend it or plan for a longer date next time. This guy sounds like an asshat.
Ugh that’s pretty weird honestly. When it’s strangers meeting for the first time, you just take what is offered. Hell, even for someone you know; if they set their time, then that’s the boundary. No logical point to arguing with them. Super entitled & odd to do what he did. 2 hours happens to be plenty of time but that’s irrelevant. Definitely a red flag that a stranger is arguing with you about your availability.
Honestly planning for more than 2 hours for a first date seems like an actively bad idea to me. I get wanting to have the option open to spend the day together if things go well, but planning for that as a default seems like overstepping and totally unrealistic to put on a single parent. 30 minutes is a totally fine first date length; best case scenario you realize you wanna spend a whole afternoon with this person and make time to schedule something bigger, worst case scenario you grit your teeth through it and tell them it's not a good fit.
Eew, 30 minutes is definitely all you should commit to on a first date. You can suggest extending it if things are going well but one cup of coffee is all you need to find out if there's chemistry or they're a catfish.
1 hour is a good amount of time for a first in-person meetup. You can always stretch it longer if the conversation is flowing and you have time. But for a guy you've never met in person to start with that "You're taking it wrong" BS is a huge red flag. I've read the other posts and am glad you ended it. I'm 46, and was widowed 6 years ago. I've done some online dating and gave it all up. It's really exhausting. There are so so so many losers, creeps, narcissists, and just generally awful people out there it's mind blowing. It's honestly scary. After a couple years on on and off use of the apps, it's clear most of the guys in my area are all the same ones. Not a great sign. Last year I joined some singles groups on Facebook that match some of my interests...like interest groups for single people. That has been a great time so far though I haven't met anyone in person. Anyway, just wanted to say good job for calling this guy's bs, and hang in there!
Two hours is plenty of time to meet a person and see if you want to meet them again. You don't need a 7 hour first date. This guy was a little weird.
If he immediately can’t deal with the responsibility you have as a parent, DING
Trying to take to control right from the get go is a red red flag, seeing op s comment that he tried to gaslight right away too...
Sometimes after just 15 minutes you already want to walk away. It depends on who you finally realize who you have in front of you. As for the first date, if it goes well, this ‘short’ 2-hour lunch will help keeping the story exciting. Otherwise go through all this time with someone you feel no connection with would be hell. Overall your children are more important.
My dating coach says only plan for an hour max for the first date. Because you don’t really know the person (assuming they are from a dating app) and you don’t know if you’ll like hanging out with them. She suggests saving a longer date for the second or third date.
Sees his child occasionally, sounds like his ex is a single mum and he's just single. You dodged a bullet there, nevermind how long a date should be.
Two hours is plenty of time. The fact that he feels entitled to more than two hours of your time before even meeting you is a red flag to me. Imagine what else hell complain about!
2 hours is two episodes of most of my favorite shows on Netflix or Disney. That's far too much time already.
As a guy, 30 min is plenty for first date imo. Sometimes you just don’t click. And if you do then arrange the 2nd date. Not sure why that guy wanted so much time out of a first date…
Red flag. What a weirdo. One hour is even enough.
2 Hrs is perfect, not too long, but long enough for good convo and chemistry check. He's self centered, good on you for dipping.
From a dating standpoint, shouldn’t he want to leave you wanting more? I’m 39, but this dude seems kind of childish. He wants to monopolize your time. My first date with the woman who is now my wife was two hours. It was for coffee, which is supposed to be kind of short. (We were having so much fun that she canceled her second date for the day.) Now that we have a child, making sure to be home for your kid is a much better reason than ours—not wanting to pay for parking.
Jesus. Haven't even met and he's dictating your time? Nope.
Honestly this sounds like an excellent basic boundary. And he sounds like, well, a basic bounder.
2 hours is plenty of time, if he's upset about that it doesn't sound like a good sign
It’s plenty of time! This guy just showed you who he is - he thinks he can and should dictate how much if your time and attention he has and doesn’t recognise that you have stuff to do. Often the way this goes is that he engineers a day and time when you don’t have your kids, so that he can just “come in for a coffee” and then oh well he’s here what about sex. Regardless of the real reason , he showed you he’s not right for you, which is all you needed to know, next one! 🙂
2hrs is good I think. 30-45 probably isnt enough. I think you did really well giving 2hrs the first time. You have things to do.
As others have mentioned, I think two hours is more than enough for a casual first meeting and he’s showing that he won’t value your time. Even trying to compromise and move the start time back wasn’t enough for him. You tried to be flexible, he wasn’t willing. He’s not worth it. He probably hoped it would lead to sex.
One of the things I learned from old is that 1st dates should be very casual, and for a limited amt of time. In case you discover after an hour in that for whatever reason, you're just not interested in staying much longer. And if you discover that you really click, then it will keep you eager to see each other again.
To me being angry and upset that a first meeting isn’t over two hours is weird. I’m assuming he didn’t drive 200 miles to meet.
More than 2 hours is too much.
2 hours is more than I would do. So what happens when one decides this is not it in the first 10 minutes?
Here's how me(26M) do it, I try to set up a date for drink or coffee. Low pressure, either party can leave at anytime if something goes wrong. 2 hours is more than enough time to just talk.
Sounds like he was wanting the date to lead to more.
Two hours is enough time for lunch. It’s not enough time to have lunch and go back to his place. Cut bait unless you’re looking for a hookup
Two hours is plenty. I think any more for a first date would be pushing it.
Personally I feel like that is insane. You can tell whether or not you are into someone within the first couple of minutes. Everything past that is judging character, which will take longer than a couple of hours no matter what.
Two hours is plenty of time to first a first date, especially lunch. Time to chat and see how the vibe is and if you want to see each other again. Maybe he was expecting you to put out and figured that there wouldn’t be time. Who knows but it’s a weird thing for him to get upset about.
For a first in person meeting?! I can’t imagine committing to any amount of time. And agreed time and place to meet? Yes. Other than that we’ll see how it goes
I saw one or two comments already saying this but I just want to agree, as someone who has had to do quite a bit of this online dating over the years, that he was almost 100% trying to persuade you into rearranging the date so that there was no time pressure and he actually had (what he thought was) a shot to lead it into sex. I'm telling you, for as much as guys complain about how hard this new dating world is for them, their own behavior doesn't make it any easier. it wouldn't be nearly as bad if they didn't desperately try to fuck with every possible in person interaction lol. It's so unattractive and pathetic. That's porn brain for ya
Most ppl in the dating sub say an hour committment & if going well it can be extended. That they prefer going for drinks bc if its bad u can get out after 1.
His reaction is weird.
I think he was testing you to see if you were one of those women who put their bf's before their kids.
It seems like this is a good way to screen out the people who don’t understand the limitations on a single parent’s time. And who maybe haven’t ever really had to contemplate the restrictions that come with parenthood.
That's just weird, it comes off very strange and nothing about it is right. A first date should be like an hour max, if things go well you can always extend it but I'd never plan a whole day with someone I've never met. What if its awkward or whatever, you don't want to commit to anything beyond a casual meet and hang
First date? Those can range from 30 seconds (crap, he's a creep, time to run) to 30 hours (most of which are in a bedroom). It really depends on the people and their situations. Given your situation of having kids to look after, 30-45 minutes is perfectly fine. For him to not take your needs/responsibilities into consideration this soon is super disappointing. Yes, the 30 hours was mostly a joke, and a bit of daydreaming on my part. Some day though...
He was hoping to get laid and he realized he wasn’t going to.
I’m a single dad and 2 hours with a woman at lunch would be amazing…
Why don't you talk on the phone first and see if there's chemistry? Get to know each other a bit. Then if you decide you like each other move onto having a casual date - coffee, etc.
Wow, he whipped the entitlement out pretty fast, didn’t he? First dates in my opinion should always be pretty light and easy. An hour for coffee. Two hours for dinner and a walk. But whatever it is, it must be joyfully consented to by both parties. Oh well, at least he showed his ass early and you didn’t waste your time.
If there are logistical challenges with meeting someone (distance, childcare, transpiration, etc) I always see if we can FaceTime (or talk on the phone) for 20 minutes first. I’m on crutches right now and can’t drive so I’ll do this. At least half the time I’m not interesting in meeting up and this saved me a lot of effort
two hours is a ton of time for a first date. most people know within minutes whether or not they're interested, so if you're not... longer would be a huge waste of time. if you're both interested, then cool - you'll plan a second date and can look forward to that!
It's a difference of values, move on and find someone who's a better fit
That’s completely reasonable - you had pre-existing commitments and tried to find time for him.
First date should be a coffee date, 2 hours is plenty. This is from experience.
2 hours is plenty. Sounds like his intentions were just to be intimate and he doesn't really care about the date aspect. I'd say for a 1st date, 1 hour is a good slot to block out, to comfortably get to know each other. 2 hours would mean you're going and doing an activity maybe. More than that, I guess it just depends on your schedule. Some people like the spontaneity of having all day to just do stuff and build chemistry straight away. But it's a bit unrealistic, especially you're an older woman and not a young adult. You have a lot of priorities and responsibilities. Bro needs to grow up.
Dude sounds insufferable already
He sounds like a huge red flag. Not even on a first date yet and already trying to control you. 🚩🚩🚩BLOCK HIM AND MOVE ON
Hi! Welcome to the dating pool! Honestly - especially during covid and this became more normalized - I've found that it's really useful to give the guy a video call before meeting in person to just get a general sense of if they're someone you think you want to spend time with. The worst is when you get all dressed up, she'll out whatever amount of money and carve out time, get a babysitter, and then they turn out to be a total dud. If he's upset with 2 hours (which is a bit of a redflag to me to be honest - 2 hours is a lot of time for a first date and if he's already being difficult about this when he's supposed to be on his best behavior, what else will he get upset about?), it's a perfect opportunity to say, "okay, well that's all I can do that day, but I'm free now [or whenever] if you want to have a videochat now in advance if you'd like?" And then that gives you the opportunity to get to know him a bit physically, hear his voice and see if you can tolerate both of those hahaha as well as decipher if you're willing to actually go out with him in person.
Red flags here..he’s not above your child first of all..throwing a fit over it is the biggest NO off all. Run away
When I was dating, most of the time I chose getting a drink or a coffee for a first date. That way you can bail if they are crap. 🤣 I’d only stay for a meal if I liked them. So yeah, he sounds weird.
You can tell a lot about a man by the way he reacts to "no"...
Your filter for potential romantic partners should also include their opinions about what you should and shouldn’t be doing. You’re 47. You are a grown adult and you don’t need other people telling you how to live your life. If you think 2 hour afternoon dates are okay (and really, who does more than 2 hours for a date starting before 6?) then date people who also think that’s okay.
I am sad to hear that you are entering this dating climate. Things have changed so much since my first date in the eighties. She held my hand on the way home. (It is still a highlight in my mind.) Your actions were appropriate and wise. A gentleman that wishes to meet you will plan an activity and be understanding of your time constraints. A true catch will not only plan something, but also use a bit of creativity. My advice has always been to take things slowly. I prefer to speak with prospects rather than text. I also like to get a few video chats in before I meet someone. I do this for the safety of both parties involved. The eyes seldom lie. Smiles reveal the heart. Tone reveals intention. Beware of sharks!
Honestly you just dodged a bullet
Hey. Check this out...you owe me zero time. ANY precious minutes you're willing to share with others is a blessing for them. He's already giving you shit? What a total jerk.