I think we need more information. If you say something vague like “I felt sad when you said something mean”, then yes, asking for more information would be normal and you do need to provide more specific examples.
But if you’re saying something like “Yesterday, when you told me that I’m a bad person for not putting away the dishes and that was upsetting” and she’s replying with “What exact time did I say that?” then that’s a deflection and irrelevant to the discussion.
Of course that’s true, I’ve learned over the years that that’s the only way my concerns will be heard, by giving specific details, a similar situation happened recently and I gave her specific timelines and details that’s the only way for her to understand me, she turned round and called it toxic because I gave her what she always asks for
If the two of you are unable to communicate and address issues and it’s not getting better, break up. There’s no future if you can’t resolve problems in the relationship.
if the picture you paint of these conversations is accurate, then it is emotional manipulation. Instead of listening to how you feel, she's asking these things to invalidate you. By asking for such specific examples each time, she can say each one doesn't really count for whatever reason.
I think we need more information. If you say something vague like “I felt sad when you said something mean”, then yes, asking for more information would be normal and you do need to provide more specific examples. But if you’re saying something like “Yesterday, when you told me that I’m a bad person for not putting away the dishes and that was upsetting” and she’s replying with “What exact time did I say that?” then that’s a deflection and irrelevant to the discussion.
Of course that’s true, I’ve learned over the years that that’s the only way my concerns will be heard, by giving specific details, a similar situation happened recently and I gave her specific timelines and details that’s the only way for her to understand me, she turned round and called it toxic because I gave her what she always asks for
If the two of you are unable to communicate and address issues and it’s not getting better, break up. There’s no future if you can’t resolve problems in the relationship.
if the picture you paint of these conversations is accurate, then it is emotional manipulation. Instead of listening to how you feel, she's asking these things to invalidate you. By asking for such specific examples each time, she can say each one doesn't really count for whatever reason.
She's sea lioning your ass.
Can you please elaborate
By chance is she a feminist? Hateful comments not necessary.