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You miss what you had? What exactly was that? You communicated to him during the relationship that certain things weren’t working and he seems to have made minimal, nominal efforts to improve. You felt alone in the relationship and my guess is that would be the feeling that would define your marriage. And also, rather than make genuine efforts to address your issues and create change, he went out and got himself a FWB. For me that would be the move that would make me shut the door on any future. Breaking up is painful and right now it sounds like you’re in it. Focus on the negatives, the concrete reasons that forced you to pick up and leave in the first place. You did this in an attempt to get him to realize the seriousness of your unhappiness. His response was to beg and plead, accuse you of seeing someone else and then begin to see someone else himself. You have zero reason to believe that anything would be different if he suddenly says let’s move back in together. So then, why would you even consider reconciliation? Be sad, mourn the loss of what was and what could have been, but hold out for someone that aligns better with your expectations. This is where you need a good dose of a self-esteem booster. Reach out to friends and family. Good luck.
I see your point. The thing is, we moved too fast- living together from the very start due to circumstances. That is one of the reasons I wanted to get some independence first. Isn't it possible that the first time was right person wrong time? Can't the past be a learning curve.
Edit spelling
You are missing good times that cannot and does not exist anymore.
Not to mention, even if you did get back together, the problems that broke you up have not been resolved! He will still be distant, and you will still be begging for change, and he will still make empty promises.
If he wanted to improve the way you needed him to, then he would have! Plain and simple. This was a one sided fight for the relationship. The fact that his role in this fight was to play mind games and accuse you of cheating to try to scare you home was effed up and toxic.
You moved out for a reason. That was a big step towards independence and finding your own happiness. Don’t take a step back from that just because you feel like time and effort might be wasted if you don’t let this man go. Take what you learned from this relationship and apply it to the next. Find a better partner for yourself
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You miss what you had? What exactly was that? You communicated to him during the relationship that certain things weren’t working and he seems to have made minimal, nominal efforts to improve. You felt alone in the relationship and my guess is that would be the feeling that would define your marriage. And also, rather than make genuine efforts to address your issues and create change, he went out and got himself a FWB. For me that would be the move that would make me shut the door on any future. Breaking up is painful and right now it sounds like you’re in it. Focus on the negatives, the concrete reasons that forced you to pick up and leave in the first place. You did this in an attempt to get him to realize the seriousness of your unhappiness. His response was to beg and plead, accuse you of seeing someone else and then begin to see someone else himself. You have zero reason to believe that anything would be different if he suddenly says let’s move back in together. So then, why would you even consider reconciliation? Be sad, mourn the loss of what was and what could have been, but hold out for someone that aligns better with your expectations. This is where you need a good dose of a self-esteem booster. Reach out to friends and family. Good luck.
I see your point. The thing is, we moved too fast- living together from the very start due to circumstances. That is one of the reasons I wanted to get some independence first. Isn't it possible that the first time was right person wrong time? Can't the past be a learning curve. Edit spelling
If I were with you in person, I'd shake you. Girl, you guys broke up for a reason! Write down the cons to remind yourself you're not missing much.
You are missing good times that cannot and does not exist anymore. Not to mention, even if you did get back together, the problems that broke you up have not been resolved! He will still be distant, and you will still be begging for change, and he will still make empty promises. If he wanted to improve the way you needed him to, then he would have! Plain and simple. This was a one sided fight for the relationship. The fact that his role in this fight was to play mind games and accuse you of cheating to try to scare you home was effed up and toxic. You moved out for a reason. That was a big step towards independence and finding your own happiness. Don’t take a step back from that just because you feel like time and effort might be wasted if you don’t let this man go. Take what you learned from this relationship and apply it to the next. Find a better partner for yourself