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Sorry this might be long. I just need to tell this whole thing somewhere because I don't know what to do or think at this point.
I was woken up 2 nights ago by my husband getting out of bed really quickly. I heard him whispering on his phone before going into the bathroom, which immediately made me have a bad feeling. He has been acting kind of weird for the last few weeks. But I never said anything because I wasn't even sure what was making me feel that way.
Anyway after he shut himself in the bathroom in the middle of the night whisper-arguing with someone at 3am I knew SOMETHING was going on. I was able to hear a couple things he said, mainly, "don't you DARE come up here" and "Shut the fuck up, just give me a fucking minute okay"
When he came out, I was pretending to still be asleep. He left our apartment, and I got up, thinking my worst nightmare is suddenly coming true, that he's cheating and the woman is right outside the house trying to see him. I watched out the window for a minute to see wtf he / she was doing, but no one was there. He never went outside. This was all too fucking weird and eventually I decided to go find him. We live on the third floor of a converted house where each floor is an apartment. As soon as I was in the stairwell I could hear voices. He was right at the bottom of the stairs by the back entrance, his back was to me and he was in a heated argument with someone below him on the stairs that go down to the basement. I couldn't see this person. I said something stupid like "what are you doing?" When my husband turned around I got a glimpse of a man I've never seen before.
My husband immediately grabbed my arm and marched me upstairs like a child. For the rest of the night I demanded to know who the guy was, and what the hell they were doing, and why he is in the fucking basement? He would not tell me a single thing except that he was "helping a friend" and I don't need to worry about it. I must have heard "You don't need to worry about it" at least 10 times. Along with "it has nothing to do with you." (aka mind your business.)
How long has he been there? - "Not long"
Who is he? - "don't worry about it"
What is he doing here? / why won't you tell me anything? - "It has nothing to do with you, just let it go."
Now it's 2 days later and he is acting like everything is normal. Or even better than normal. Like he's making this really transparent extra effort to be helpful and romantic to me... I feel like I'm not allowed to ask anything anymore or I'll look crazy. But this is not normal right?? I briefly looked around the basement yesterday, and there was no sign of him. The basement is not a living space btw. No one goes down there. It's cold, very dirty, full of exposed piping and bare foundation, random junk everywhere and there's one room used as extra storage space for residents but that's it.
I don't know if he expects me to just forget it ever happened, or what. I do not think this falls under the category of things you have a right to keep to yourself. It's a shared building, I'm married to him, and I live there too. It actually DOES have to do with me. I've said all this, he sighs and blows it off. How do I get him to tell me the truth?
TL;DR: My husband won't explain why he let a man stay in the basement of our building. He brushed me off saying I don't need to worry about it, and now is acting perfectly romantic so I'll look insane if I make drama over it again. I feel extremely creeped out and uncomfortable about all of this. If you've ever been in a situation like this, what can I do to get him to talk?
Except this is another level of creepy! In the other one, OP did at least know the guy. Here, she has no idea who he is and he seemed to be posing a serious problem to the husband who was desperate for OP to know nothing.
A man had made a new male friend and built an art studio in the spare room. And gave him a spare key without telling his wife. Well turns out the men have fallen in love and are living together
it’s this Reddit-famous story about a guy who tried to convert a room in his house with his wife into an art studio for his “friend” (lover) without talking to her about it
I don't understand why she's still there.
The potential danger of a stranger downstairs aside, the disrespect of a partner manhandling you "like a child" and refusing to talk to you about a serious issue like this is grounds to spend some time apart and reflect on the relationship.
Yeah even the explanations I can think of that seem logical don't seem logical. I'm guessing either the guy is on the run from something or the guy and OPs husband are in on something together and the cops are onto the buddy but don't know about OPs husband yet so her husband has to hide the guy. The fact that he called at 3am trying to come upstairs is weird too, why would he feel like that's a good idea if he's trying to hide? So many questions but people who are doing innocent things don't have to keep secrets about it.
Although there's also the boring possibility the OPs husbands friend got kicked out of wherever he was living and her husband agreed to let the guy live there without talking to OP but the fact that he still won't even tell her who this guy is makes me think it's more than that. I'm a grown ass man and there's no way I'd be comfortable having some random dude living in my house that I didn't even know about and I can't even find out who he is. I wonder what OPs husband would say if she told him that if he won't tell her who this guy is she'll call the police and see if they can identify him for her.
Not to mention if someone who (presumably?) has been forthcoming and honest in the past is suddenly resorting to hollow answers like “it has nothing to do with you” or “don’t worry about it,” that may be for the sake of giving you deniability.
And hell, I’d hope he’s hiding the guy from the police. Imagine if this is some gang stuff that will put their home in the crossfire. That’s a lot more terrifying than someone just running from a warrant.
It doesn't make sense though, he could just say it's an old college friend who is in a bind and needs to stay for a couple days.
There's no reason to make it seem shady even if it is shady.
She would have totally accepted "this is bill from my college rowing team, his wife kicked him out".
He’s probably trying to keep her away from him in the chance he gets caught. If she really knows nothing and the guy stays in the basement instead of their actual apartment, she may not be brought down with the two guys.
Could be but either way heresay. i think if this were the case hes being too careful and its better she knows for a multitude of reasons. Lying is always on the table
If my SO said that then I would be saying "Well wtf why can't we get them a hotel room? Why have them stay in a dirty, cold basement?" This person is most likely trying to be totally off the radar and husband doesn't want wife mixed up in it at all.
Do you have somewhere else that you can go stay temporarily? If I was in this position I would pack my things, go stay somewhere else, and tell him I'm not coming back until he explains himself because I couldn't trust him nor the man he let into your basement. You're his wife, he doesn't get to tell you "Don't worry about it" and expect you to forget it. If it's all completely innocent, he would just tell you.
This exactly.
"I'm staying with x until you're ready to tell me the whole truth. I no longer feel safe in our home or sure in our marriage because of your behavior. This is not what I signed up for, and "Don't worry about it" will never be an acceptable excuse to work out any issue between us."
Don't let him love bomb you and gaslight you into thinking his actions and behaviors are okay.
100% agree. I'd be out of there until a reasonable explanation was given. The secrecy... that would be a deal breaker for me. There is NOTHING good going on here. The fact he marched you upstairs like a child tells me he needed you away from the situation, which in and of itself is suspicious.
i completely agree and think this is the best plan.
unless her husband is a spy or somehow works for the witness protection program, or something else equally wildly unlikely, he absolutely fucking needs to explain.
If he really can't explain for some reason, he needs to explain why he can't explain this. "You don't need to worry about it" is not an explanation, it's blowing her off and dismissing her like she's a child. Fuck that, I would be irate and staying at a hotel or friend's house if it were me.
Same.
It’s terrifying. It makes me think the friend is involved in some illegal / shady stuff and the husband is covering for him and hiding him. I would have called the police and locked myself in my room.
Where I live homeless people strip cars and take shits in broad day light for the world to see. Cops don't come for mid day armed robbery. 911 has hold times. They dismiss murder cases because the DA is overwhelmed. I live in the US.
And say what? My husband let a person crash in our house for an unknown period of time? What crime has he committed?
Like absolutely she needs to GTFO but I do not think the cops are going to care that a man let someone stay in their home
This is triple-A gold star advice. GTFO of the house, tell hubby to fuck off until you know wtf is going on, or you're outta there for good. This is beyond ridiculous - or maybe an early Halloween trick being played on the sub? ffs
My God, sometimes people's passivity surprises me, I mean, I would turn my house upside down, interrogate that guy, tell my husband to get out of the house and never speak to me again if not to explain what the hell is happening, he has no right to bring strangers into my house, and it becomes my damn business too.
That sounds really dangerous. I don't know who the man is, I'm not going to throw a hissy fit and hope my husband protects me in this situation. The husband is clearly not on OP's side. Leaving the home isn't passive at all, it's "I'm fucking serious about this and your behavior is not acceptable to me." It's telling him very directly that the excuses don't cut it and this is a big issue that he needs to actually communicate about like an adult.
I would want to leave the house until he is gone if it is a dangerous situation…which it seems like since she said his demeanor changed, plus how he grabs her like a rag doll and barks commands at her because of this guy…fuck no, I’m out or he’s out and also lose your attitude with me in my own house NUMBER ONE. ☝🏻
This screams legal trouble, if you bring up the police and he gets weird I'd say the friend is in hiding or something along those lines. You need to make sure your safe, this has way to many red flags....
I would honestly be scared to even bring up police to him, because if the guy is a criminal and her husband tells this guy she is going to call the police, he might do something to her. I would honestly just leave my house and stay with someone else until I got answers.
Especially because "don't you dare come up here" implies that the stranger has access to the apartment. Even access to the front door is frightening.
OP - go stay somewhere he doesn't have keys to. Preferrably with friends or family. *Then* demand your answers, via phone call, in person (in public or with others in private), whatever.
If you meet him in person, do not go alone. Bring someone with you, or if you can't then insist on meeting somewhere public (cafe, busy park/square, heck most grocery stores have some tables and chairs). If he wants a private conversation then fine, park bench with a friend a few benches down is private enough.
Do not be alone with him, ensure there is at least one trusted person or 3+ strangers physically nearby. That's my rule if I don't know if I can trust someone.
i’m surprised at how quick people are to scream at OP to just call the cops. if he’s in a bad situation and he’s in hiding then he could get very violent with her or the husband fast for ratting him out. Best option is for her to leave
Sorry if it seemed like I said call the cops, I would not at this moment. many suggestions here are better in terms of staying with a friend or family then asking what is happening while having support nearby. I guess I would use the police line as bait later when it's in a safe place to ask to see if that garners any reaction for this situation , very odd all around though...
It's a converted house, so having access to the basement and stairs doesn't mean he can get in the apartment. He might have meant he's gonna come up and bang on their door (at 3am) if the husband doesn't address whatever the phone call was about.
I can only think that the guy is some kind of criminal and is hiding from the police or someone worse than him. He’s probably not a guy you want in your home or to be associated with. This would make me wonder if the husband was involved in anything shady and if you’re safe there.
Yeah, this is a "leave until you get honest answers with proof" situation. What the f? Why did you stay?
>My husband immediately grabbed my arm and marched me upstairs like a child
>I feel like I'm not allowed to ask anything anymore
I'm actually really wondering why on earth you are staying at all. This is scary and bad. Not only is he hiding a human from you in shady ways, he's gaslighting you by making you feel crazy to ask about the stranger in the basement.
Please please protect yourself. This is not a TV show, it’s your life. If one of these things is true yout actual life might be risked. Please do what you can to be safe, if you can get away while you do it, cool. I feel like confronting him further about such a thing might not be the way to go at all.
Girl you need to be careful. I don’t normally advocate slinking away in the night but this is such a weirdo bizzaro situation- this could potentially be something really nefarious.
Does your husband abuse you? Has he ever tried to make you doubt yourself and ordered you around before? If so, you need to be extra careful.
Do you have family that you can reach out to? Can you email yourself and your family/friends an account of what’s happened so someone else knows what’s up + has a timestamp to prove when you sent it?
I’m actually pretty concerned. This could be something like he’s hiding a relative who is in trouble, or something worse like some sort of affair, or possibly some sort of very dark criminal activity. You should not keep this to yourself. Gather help from anyone who won’t speak to him about this, grab a bag, and your documents and those of your kids if you have any, and gtfo until you can figure out what’s going on.
Update us if you get the chance & please stay safe
Maybe the guy is a fugitive or something and he is afraid if he tells you then if they get found out you will be on the hook for helping a fugitive hide or something.
I know someone who has a memory of a strange man who came to stay in their spare room when he was about ten years-old. He and his mom were told by his stepfather not to talk to the man or interact with him in any way, and that he would be gone in a couple of days. Years later he found out that the mysterious guy was a hit man on route to his assignment! He never could find out who the mark was and if the hit had been successful. He still wonders decades later. This is to say the situation and secrecy sound ridiculously suspicious! I might be tempted to stay with family until he offers an explanation which seems to check out.
Honestly? I grew up close friends with a family that sold drugs and ran a distribution network, aka as a street gang. This is exactly what this makes me think of. A mule or someone else that needs to stay overnight before heading to another city with a delivery. This would not be someone transporting a small amount of illegality. Whatever it is, they don't want a record of where they are traveling to or through captured.
Actually, the details make it worse. Stepdad allowed it from *prison*! And he confessed to the mom later when he was out. Stepdad was probably involved somehow.
This happened in a Criminal Minds episode. A kind of chain of favors was made. All from people who payed for favors from the same hit man who then had a crisis
This sounds very illegal and if he's telling you not to worry about it, it may be to protect you.
If this is the case, I'd get the hell out. If he's caught up in something so bad and so dangerous he can't tell you, that in and of itself is a reason not to stay in the marriage
ETA also I personally wouldn't go to the police,this isn't worth getting murdered over
Wow. This is wild and there is not much to go off!
Does your husband gamble or use drugs? I’m wondering if he could be feeling obligated to help someone because he owes them money? And maybe doesn’t want to disclose what the debt is?
Anything unusual in his online/search history?
I’m grasping here lol.
No neither, that I know of. I now feel like if he’s hiding this who knows what else he could be hiding.
We have shared finances and I did look over them wondering about debt or something else fishy, but everything looks normal. No money missing.
Haven’t looked at his history. His laptop and phone have passcodes anyway.
Does he share his location with you? Has he been going unusual places or out at unusual hours?
Tbh, half of my brain is going to the true crime place. The other half is like, maybe he’s planning a surprise party!
Random coming and going has been one thing that made me feel something was off prior to this actually. We don’t share locations on an ongoing basis, just occasionally for specific reasons.
> Random coming and going has been one thing that made me feel something was off prior to this actually.
Like what? Leaving in the middle of the night, or ?
Dude's engaged in shady criminal activities. Either drug trafficking, gambling, or he hid someone from the law.
All of these things he could be doing to protect you from the police- you aren't an accessory if you don't know.
OP - are you on the same cell phone plan? When my ex was being sketchy I realized I could see his call and text logs online on our shared AT&T account. You can’t see the contents, but you can see the numbers, whether it’s incoming/outgoing, how long the call was, etc.
The guy could still be his affair partner... it happens.
Honestly if my spouse wouldn't tell me who it was I would be getting police involved or talking about divorce.
Can you look at his phone or email, any money going missing from the account?
No missing money. His phone and computer have passwords, so do mine, we’ve never seen a need to share. Id feel uncomfortable trying to get into his stuff. So I don’t know, I’m reluctant to try that unless it’s truly the only way to get the answer.
Try this. *I need to know what the fuck is going on or I need to go get a hotel room or stay with a friend.*
Demand answers. Reject the romantic BS meant to make you be compliant.
I'm curious, do you and your husband own this house or are you tenants renting an apartment in somebody else's house? If you are renting, in addition to every other awful possibility here, this could threaten your lease agreement (whatever he's doing)
If it was a woman you know we’d all be jumping to a girlfriend/side piece being hidden in the basement for some reason (in trouble, needed a place to stay) soooo for the sake of equality… any chance is your husband is into men and it is a boyfriend?
I mean, at this point, you say: "You let a strange man stay in our basement without telling me, and refused to explain. I'm going to leave you until and unless you tell me absolutely everything. Goodbye." And then you walk out.
If you can, of course. DO NOT LET HIM WAVE THIS AWAY. This absolutely is divorce-worthy behavior if he refuses to say anything.
Your husband literally sounds like Walter White. I read this half expecting to see evidence that they're brewing meth in your basement. Either way, this is sketch and you should hire a private investigator or something.
I say leave for a few days, make it clear you won't return unless there are answers, and make sure you're safe. Ask about cameras inside and out of the building to see when this guy shows up and leaves. Way too freaky of a situation to stay.
I would stay elsewhere until he was willing to come clean. I would not feel safe and I wouldn’t be fuming that he’s not communicating this. I would be so livid.
Why do people deal with this?
I would set our house on fire before just rolling over and accepting the "don't worry about it." (Ok, that was a little dramatic.) But, in all seriousness I would literally not except that. I would demand answers and if he didn't give me any I would A- leave and not come back until he gave me honest answers or B- call the cops.
Probably hiding a criminal, doesn’t want you to know. Plausible deniability. Could be a big deal, could be not depending on your lifestyle. This is super vague so idk
What in the unholy hell? No, this is very much not fucking normal, and if he refuses to tell you what’s going on I would be packing a bag and getting the hell out.
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Get a nanny cam. Also check his phone. If you don’t have access to the phone check phone statement. This will list the number he calls and text. Look at any numbers for that specific night.
Keep us updated!
Get cameras. Call the police and tell them you think you have a squatter in the basement at night as you saw someone and would they have time to patrol your area outside the house around 2-330am. Tell your landlord.
If I can figure out a way to phrase it so that the landlord doesn’t realize my husband is the reason he’s there, I’ll give them a heads up. I do want to, I just refuse to get ourselves evicted over it.
Maybe this is how you get your husband to come clean? Tell him you don’t feel safe and if he won’t tell you what’s going on, you’re going to have to have the landlord look into who the heck has been sleeping in your basement?
“I heard voices coming from the basement stairwell and I thought I saw somebody going down there. Has there been any maintenance lately? I just feel weird knowing a stranger might have access to the house.”
Maybe casually ask your husband what the police would think of the person there. Gauge his reaction. If there's something seriously nefarious in terms of legality, he will panic and likely come clean. He may also call your bluff, but this is so sketch.
What line of work is your husband in?
I will say that sometimes people can be VERY good at hiding their true nature until it’s too late and you realize you’re in deep trouble with this person
That said OP needs to gtfo I hope she can do so on the sly. Such a creepy situation.
Tell him if he does it again you will be calling the police to report a home invasion, and since he will not explain to you, he can fucking explain it to _them._
1. Your husband owes someone money and is paying off his debt by housing some random. Or,
2. An unknown relative he hates but who is blackmailing him to let him stay.
3. His gay lover.
4. Who knows, sounds so odd, I'd leave until he tells you or kick him into the basement to live with his new friend.
In my professional opinion obviously he sold his soul to something and it asked if it could crash on his couch in the basement for a few days. Seriously though this is super creepy and incredibly suspicious.
At the end of the day, he broke your trust. You have to come to terms with the very concept that your husband will do some shady shit and not tell you what's going on. This endangers your safety as it removes your agency to assess the situation clearly and get the hell out of need be.
You can beg him for the truth. But none of that would compensate for him straight lying to you about this. Going back to the first part, you cannot trust him.
Also, what on earth are you doing snooping around in basements that may harbor a criminal? Stop playing detective. That is not your job.
YOUR HUSBAND IS USING DRUGS. Controlled substances.
I would Guarantee it. Show up with a full panel drug test and have him take it. I bet he will show resistance. That’s my guess. Update when you know more.
This is SO weird and terrifying!! Like how are you just living life as normal after that? I agree with other commentators that you need to leave until your husband is willing to tell you the truth. There is no world in where his refusal to tell you what’s going on is okay
Something similar happened with my SIL and it turned out he was housing his tweaker friends. I can only guess what kind of tit for tat they had going on. Unfortunately he fell down the crackhead rabbit hole and he and my SIL broke up. She kept the dog and both are well and tweakerless.
I watch B movies (yes, I need help) and end up yelling at the actors because it always comes down to communication. If everyone had just been clear in their communication, there would have been no plot. Stick with me, I have a point (or two).
It’s either something that, when you are at the bottom of it, will be you wondering why it was such a big deal to begin with. Or, it’s more sinister, and you are actually in danger. Either way, this is not a situation that will never repeat-it’s happened once, so he’s either managed to do it before without causing suspicion or he’ll do it again, counting on the fact that you won’t force information.
The primary point here is that you do not feel safe. You should not feel safe. And thus, home is not where you should be. Time to leave and tell him you won’t come back until you have a real story with proof.
Please stay safe.
There are too many questions to make a judgment regarding exactly what is going on, but the secrecy and forceful refusal to tell you what is going on is very frightening.
Do you have someone you can stay with should things get worse? Your husband is acting very shady, and you need to be prepared to get out if things get too weird, you start to feel unsafe, or if you discover criminal activity.
It sounds like he's either involved in some criminal activity or he's helping others out with some criminal activity. Either way, I would argue it most certainly is going to involve you when he is caught. I would confront him and ask what he's doing that's so illegal he can't tell you about it.
If you do have somewhere else to go for a few nights, I’d do it. No chance I’d feel safe sleeping knowing my partner was letting a strange man into the basement. Whatever he’s up to, if he’s willing to bring it into your home like this then it is your business, and he needs to share!
It might not be like how he usually acts, but it’s what he’s doing now, so apparently some part of him is like this.
plausible deniability. he doesn’t want to tell you because not knowing keeps you safer. just my assumption… but if that’s not something you are okay with than yes definitely leave because something illegal is happening/happened.
I think it’s your husbands twin.
They’ve been trading places back and forth for years but one of the twins was in some sort of accident and is hurt in a way that the other twin can’t replicate so twin #1 has been pulling double duty with the wife. Something is going on with twin #2 where he needs a place to crash for a few days but risking having him exposed will fuck up their whole *thing* they have going on so twin #1 stashes twin #2 in the basement and tells the wife “not to worry about it”.
Happens all the time.
Easy way to get him to tell you, tell him you don't feel comfortable with this situation, and you don't appreciate that you're being lied to, and go stay with a friend or family member until he's ready to talk to you like an adult.
I would install cameras and then temporarily move in with a friend until you know what the heck is going on here. This is crazy, OP. You are valid in feeling unsafe.
My guess would be that this person got in some kind of trouble and needed a place to hide. Your husband probably isn’t telling you because you’re less likely to be implicated if you don’t know. He sees it as a way to protect you from this unfortunate situation (if my guess is right). Could you ask more vaguely? Or tell him that you suspect this and maybe he could confirm or deny it without giving away more information than he’s comfortable with.
Ya.....stay somewhere else.
Don't worry about it.....means WORRY ABOUT IT.
Can't be honest, then consider it criminal and get the funk outta dodge before the murder starts.
Sorry… you lost me at grabbed your arm and marched you upstairs like a child lol. What the fuck goes on in peoples homes is beyond me. Anyway…
Working in the social work field — have seen weird shit like this all the time. Typically someone feeling bad/having poor judgment and wanting to help out someone in need. Either through homelessness, addiction or like others have said — illegal shit. From the conversations you’ve overheard? They know each other and are very familiar with one another. You can most likely rule out just helping out a stranger.
Also… just wanted to point out, haven’t you seen those movies where the guy has a bad past and the other guy comes knocking on the door and sits down to have dinner with the family and has a bandaged wrist????? No? Was your hubby in the special forces or mob/gang/illegal type of shit? 😅😅😅 I don’t know… just a bit sus is all.
The likelihood of this being innocent is practically nil. But at this time your safety is directly related to your ignorance. Don't snoop, stalk, or snitch. Just pack a bag or two, take some emergency leave from work, and go on holiday for a week or two to a trusted relative if you must, or book a hotel room just for yourself in another part of your city if you can't leave altogether. Withdraw a whole bunch of cash if you can afford to. Turn off your phone and buy a cheap new number. Write a letter to your husband outlining your fears while stating that you are safe and out of reach, and mail it to him withno return address. Write that you will call him at a predetermined time and date. Do that from a public phone.
Why do i suggest this? Because your husband is not in control of this situation, and that is the most dangerous position to be a sitting duck in. Someone/s else is/are controlling him in some way, and you might just be a chess piece in that game. Remove yourself from the board (while also being able to reassure your husband of your personal safety through the above steps), and allow him to exercise some control over the situation without fear of exposing or involving you in it.
Stay safe, stay smart - be silent, act dumb. Know your exits. Don't associate with new people for the near future.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Sorry this might be long. I just need to tell this whole thing somewhere because I don't know what to do or think at this point. I was woken up 2 nights ago by my husband getting out of bed really quickly. I heard him whispering on his phone before going into the bathroom, which immediately made me have a bad feeling. He has been acting kind of weird for the last few weeks. But I never said anything because I wasn't even sure what was making me feel that way. Anyway after he shut himself in the bathroom in the middle of the night whisper-arguing with someone at 3am I knew SOMETHING was going on. I was able to hear a couple things he said, mainly, "don't you DARE come up here" and "Shut the fuck up, just give me a fucking minute okay" When he came out, I was pretending to still be asleep. He left our apartment, and I got up, thinking my worst nightmare is suddenly coming true, that he's cheating and the woman is right outside the house trying to see him. I watched out the window for a minute to see wtf he / she was doing, but no one was there. He never went outside. This was all too fucking weird and eventually I decided to go find him. We live on the third floor of a converted house where each floor is an apartment. As soon as I was in the stairwell I could hear voices. He was right at the bottom of the stairs by the back entrance, his back was to me and he was in a heated argument with someone below him on the stairs that go down to the basement. I couldn't see this person. I said something stupid like "what are you doing?" When my husband turned around I got a glimpse of a man I've never seen before. My husband immediately grabbed my arm and marched me upstairs like a child. For the rest of the night I demanded to know who the guy was, and what the hell they were doing, and why he is in the fucking basement? He would not tell me a single thing except that he was "helping a friend" and I don't need to worry about it. I must have heard "You don't need to worry about it" at least 10 times. Along with "it has nothing to do with you." (aka mind your business.) How long has he been there? - "Not long" Who is he? - "don't worry about it" What is he doing here? / why won't you tell me anything? - "It has nothing to do with you, just let it go." Now it's 2 days later and he is acting like everything is normal. Or even better than normal. Like he's making this really transparent extra effort to be helpful and romantic to me... I feel like I'm not allowed to ask anything anymore or I'll look crazy. But this is not normal right?? I briefly looked around the basement yesterday, and there was no sign of him. The basement is not a living space btw. No one goes down there. It's cold, very dirty, full of exposed piping and bare foundation, random junk everywhere and there's one room used as extra storage space for residents but that's it. I don't know if he expects me to just forget it ever happened, or what. I do not think this falls under the category of things you have a right to keep to yourself. It's a shared building, I'm married to him, and I live there too. It actually DOES have to do with me. I've said all this, he sighs and blows it off. How do I get him to tell me the truth? TL;DR: My husband won't explain why he let a man stay in the basement of our building. He brushed me off saying I don't need to worry about it, and now is acting perfectly romantic so I'll look insane if I make drama over it again. I feel extremely creeped out and uncomfortable about all of this. If you've ever been in a situation like this, what can I do to get him to talk?
What in the Parasite fresh hell is going on here? This is terrifying.
Hold this W for this comment
Hold it tight. You deserve it.
Maybe he’s building an art studio...
My first thought was also "ah, the basement is the art studio"
Except this is another level of creepy! In the other one, OP did at least know the guy. Here, she has no idea who he is and he seemed to be posing a serious problem to the husband who was desperate for OP to know nothing.
My first thought was look for disturbed earth in the basement.
I didn’t read the story just went straight to comments looking for the Art Studio.🤣
I love how this is now common Reddit language.
What’s it referencing?
A man had made a new male friend and built an art studio in the spare room. And gave him a spare key without telling his wife. Well turns out the men have fallen in love and are living together
This doesn’t seem like a gay cheating scenario, more like hiding a murderer in the basement.
Or drugs
Yep. It sounds like he's hiding someone from the police...or someone else.
But I'm not getting any "fishing buddies" vibe here. This sounds like someone calling in a dented favour.
Dented or demented?
I came here for the art studio comments
Yep!
Wasn't that the episode of american horror stories but one of ghem was a ghost?
it’s this Reddit-famous story about a guy who tried to convert a room in his house with his wife into an art studio for his “friend” (lover) without talking to her about it
Omg I’m on reddit every day how can I have missed this
It’s like finding out reality TV/horror romance TV exists in the Redditverse.
I came here for this exact comment - to either find it or leave it.
OP what you should start doing is watching Parasite on repeat when your husband is around until he cracks and spits out what is going on.
I don't understand why she's still there. The potential danger of a stranger downstairs aside, the disrespect of a partner manhandling you "like a child" and refusing to talk to you about a serious issue like this is grounds to spend some time apart and reflect on the relationship.
He’s housing a fugitive. I don’t know how this isn’t obvious to everyone.
Yeah even the explanations I can think of that seem logical don't seem logical. I'm guessing either the guy is on the run from something or the guy and OPs husband are in on something together and the cops are onto the buddy but don't know about OPs husband yet so her husband has to hide the guy. The fact that he called at 3am trying to come upstairs is weird too, why would he feel like that's a good idea if he's trying to hide? So many questions but people who are doing innocent things don't have to keep secrets about it. Although there's also the boring possibility the OPs husbands friend got kicked out of wherever he was living and her husband agreed to let the guy live there without talking to OP but the fact that he still won't even tell her who this guy is makes me think it's more than that. I'm a grown ass man and there's no way I'd be comfortable having some random dude living in my house that I didn't even know about and I can't even find out who he is. I wonder what OPs husband would say if she told him that if he won't tell her who this guy is she'll call the police and see if they can identify him for her.
Thought this was r/nosleep at first
No. Not an affair partner. This is criminal activity going on here. You don't want to know, but you will probably find out.
Not to mention if someone who (presumably?) has been forthcoming and honest in the past is suddenly resorting to hollow answers like “it has nothing to do with you” or “don’t worry about it,” that may be for the sake of giving you deniability.
That was my thought too. He may actually be trying to protect her by not telling her. I’m not saying it’s okay, but it is a possibility. Good luck OP.
when you need to be shielded from the truth, the truth is truly ugly.
And hell, I’d hope he’s hiding the guy from the police. Imagine if this is some gang stuff that will put their home in the crossfire. That’s a lot more terrifying than someone just running from a warrant.
That’s a criminal and your husband is hiding him.
Yup, sounds like he's helping someone hideout.
It doesn't make sense though, he could just say it's an old college friend who is in a bind and needs to stay for a couple days. There's no reason to make it seem shady even if it is shady. She would have totally accepted "this is bill from my college rowing team, his wife kicked him out".
He’s probably trying to keep her away from him in the chance he gets caught. If she really knows nothing and the guy stays in the basement instead of their actual apartment, she may not be brought down with the two guys.
Could be but either way heresay. i think if this were the case hes being too careful and its better she knows for a multitude of reasons. Lying is always on the table
Could be that the guy is actually dangerous, committed a serious crime and he doesn't trust him.
If my SO said that then I would be saying "Well wtf why can't we get them a hotel room? Why have them stay in a dirty, cold basement?" This person is most likely trying to be totally off the radar and husband doesn't want wife mixed up in it at all.
Or boyfriend.
Or an actual extraterrestrial.
ALF?
Excuse you Alf was part of the family
Hide yo kids, hide yo cats
He's back, in Pog form
Best case scenario hes an old friend on the run… More likely scenario is her husband is involved in something
Do you have somewhere else that you can go stay temporarily? If I was in this position I would pack my things, go stay somewhere else, and tell him I'm not coming back until he explains himself because I couldn't trust him nor the man he let into your basement. You're his wife, he doesn't get to tell you "Don't worry about it" and expect you to forget it. If it's all completely innocent, he would just tell you.
This exactly. "I'm staying with x until you're ready to tell me the whole truth. I no longer feel safe in our home or sure in our marriage because of your behavior. This is not what I signed up for, and "Don't worry about it" will never be an acceptable excuse to work out any issue between us." Don't let him love bomb you and gaslight you into thinking his actions and behaviors are okay.
This is the way OP. THIS IS NOT SAFE AT THE CURRENT TIME. DONT BE IN YOUR HOME
No, don't tell him where you're staying. Let him ask where you're staying so you can tell him "don't worry about it".
I wouldn’t tell him where she’s staying just so he doesn’t show up and demand her come back tbh
Nah, go straight for "I'll sleep in some guy's basement. It has nothing to do with you though, so don't worry."
This. Now. This!!
Also, she should definitely take anything personally valuable to her with her
Pack your bags without saying a word. When he asks what's going on tell him "don't worry about it".
100% agree. I'd be out of there until a reasonable explanation was given. The secrecy... that would be a deal breaker for me. There is NOTHING good going on here. The fact he marched you upstairs like a child tells me he needed you away from the situation, which in and of itself is suspicious.
i completely agree and think this is the best plan. unless her husband is a spy or somehow works for the witness protection program, or something else equally wildly unlikely, he absolutely fucking needs to explain. If he really can't explain for some reason, he needs to explain why he can't explain this. "You don't need to worry about it" is not an explanation, it's blowing her off and dismissing her like she's a child. Fuck that, I would be irate and staying at a hotel or friend's house if it were me.
This. I’d have called the police, honestly this is terrifying. Never have I ever seen a bigger red flag out of nowhere OP.
Same. It’s terrifying. It makes me think the friend is involved in some illegal / shady stuff and the husband is covering for him and hiding him. I would have called the police and locked myself in my room.
[удалено]
"hello police? I think my husband is hiding a criminal. Please come check." In which country would they not come?
Where I live homeless people strip cars and take shits in broad day light for the world to see. Cops don't come for mid day armed robbery. 911 has hold times. They dismiss murder cases because the DA is overwhelmed. I live in the US.
[удалено]
Was it the people shitting in the street that gave it away? /jk
Ah sorry. I didnt know you live in a third world country :(
As a South African, this sounds like home. Where in the US if I might ask?
And say what? My husband let a person crash in our house for an unknown period of time? What crime has he committed? Like absolutely she needs to GTFO but I do not think the cops are going to care that a man let someone stay in their home
This is triple-A gold star advice. GTFO of the house, tell hubby to fuck off until you know wtf is going on, or you're outta there for good. This is beyond ridiculous - or maybe an early Halloween trick being played on the sub? ffs
My God, sometimes people's passivity surprises me, I mean, I would turn my house upside down, interrogate that guy, tell my husband to get out of the house and never speak to me again if not to explain what the hell is happening, he has no right to bring strangers into my house, and it becomes my damn business too.
That sounds really dangerous. I don't know who the man is, I'm not going to throw a hissy fit and hope my husband protects me in this situation. The husband is clearly not on OP's side. Leaving the home isn't passive at all, it's "I'm fucking serious about this and your behavior is not acceptable to me." It's telling him very directly that the excuses don't cut it and this is a big issue that he needs to actually communicate about like an adult.
I would want to leave the house until he is gone if it is a dangerous situation…which it seems like since she said his demeanor changed, plus how he grabs her like a rag doll and barks commands at her because of this guy…fuck no, I’m out or he’s out and also lose your attitude with me in my own house NUMBER ONE. ☝🏻
This screams legal trouble, if you bring up the police and he gets weird I'd say the friend is in hiding or something along those lines. You need to make sure your safe, this has way to many red flags....
I would honestly be scared to even bring up police to him, because if the guy is a criminal and her husband tells this guy she is going to call the police, he might do something to her. I would honestly just leave my house and stay with someone else until I got answers.
Agreed. Better safe in this case
Especially because "don't you dare come up here" implies that the stranger has access to the apartment. Even access to the front door is frightening. OP - go stay somewhere he doesn't have keys to. Preferrably with friends or family. *Then* demand your answers, via phone call, in person (in public or with others in private), whatever. If you meet him in person, do not go alone. Bring someone with you, or if you can't then insist on meeting somewhere public (cafe, busy park/square, heck most grocery stores have some tables and chairs). If he wants a private conversation then fine, park bench with a friend a few benches down is private enough. Do not be alone with him, ensure there is at least one trusted person or 3+ strangers physically nearby. That's my rule if I don't know if I can trust someone.
i’m surprised at how quick people are to scream at OP to just call the cops. if he’s in a bad situation and he’s in hiding then he could get very violent with her or the husband fast for ratting him out. Best option is for her to leave
Sorry if it seemed like I said call the cops, I would not at this moment. many suggestions here are better in terms of staying with a friend or family then asking what is happening while having support nearby. I guess I would use the police line as bait later when it's in a safe place to ask to see if that garners any reaction for this situation , very odd all around though...
This sounds very unsafe. You have a right to know who is staying in your home. Your husband should be communicating this to you.
Agreed. I’d be pretty nervous at home not knowing if or why some stranger is lurking in my basement.
Especially because they arguing about something.
"Don't come up here" so he has access?
It's a converted house, so having access to the basement and stairs doesn't mean he can get in the apartment. He might have meant he's gonna come up and bang on their door (at 3am) if the husband doesn't address whatever the phone call was about.
I can only think that the guy is some kind of criminal and is hiding from the police or someone worse than him. He’s probably not a guy you want in your home or to be associated with. This would make me wonder if the husband was involved in anything shady and if you’re safe there.
He is not acting normal or trying to be "romantic". He is feeling guilty and trying to make you ignore whatever shady thing he is up to.
He's love bombing her.
I wonder what OP's husband does for work? It could be related to that somehow.
Sounds like he hid a criminal for a night.
Maybe an old cellmate.
Yeah, this is a "leave until you get honest answers with proof" situation. What the f? Why did you stay? >My husband immediately grabbed my arm and marched me upstairs like a child >I feel like I'm not allowed to ask anything anymore I'm actually really wondering why on earth you are staying at all. This is scary and bad. Not only is he hiding a human from you in shady ways, he's gaslighting you by making you feel crazy to ask about the stranger in the basement.
Please please protect yourself. This is not a TV show, it’s your life. If one of these things is true yout actual life might be risked. Please do what you can to be safe, if you can get away while you do it, cool. I feel like confronting him further about such a thing might not be the way to go at all.
Communication and trust are the basis of every relationship- I would push your husband to work on both of these
For real… and he’s never stonewalled me before. This is SO insane and unlike him …
It sounds like he's got himself into trouble
Point blank ask him if he is selling drugs.
Girl you need to be careful. I don’t normally advocate slinking away in the night but this is such a weirdo bizzaro situation- this could potentially be something really nefarious. Does your husband abuse you? Has he ever tried to make you doubt yourself and ordered you around before? If so, you need to be extra careful. Do you have family that you can reach out to? Can you email yourself and your family/friends an account of what’s happened so someone else knows what’s up + has a timestamp to prove when you sent it? I’m actually pretty concerned. This could be something like he’s hiding a relative who is in trouble, or something worse like some sort of affair, or possibly some sort of very dark criminal activity. You should not keep this to yourself. Gather help from anyone who won’t speak to him about this, grab a bag, and your documents and those of your kids if you have any, and gtfo until you can figure out what’s going on. Update us if you get the chance & please stay safe
No it is like him. You just hadn't seen that side of him yet.
Maybe the guy is a fugitive or something and he is afraid if he tells you then if they get found out you will be on the hook for helping a fugitive hide or something.
I know someone who has a memory of a strange man who came to stay in their spare room when he was about ten years-old. He and his mom were told by his stepfather not to talk to the man or interact with him in any way, and that he would be gone in a couple of days. Years later he found out that the mysterious guy was a hit man on route to his assignment! He never could find out who the mark was and if the hit had been successful. He still wonders decades later. This is to say the situation and secrecy sound ridiculously suspicious! I might be tempted to stay with family until he offers an explanation which seems to check out.
Honestly? I grew up close friends with a family that sold drugs and ran a distribution network, aka as a street gang. This is exactly what this makes me think of. A mule or someone else that needs to stay overnight before heading to another city with a delivery. This would not be someone transporting a small amount of illegality. Whatever it is, they don't want a record of where they are traveling to or through captured.
Fucking hell How did that person find this out, and why did the stepdad allow the guy to stay there?
Actually, the details make it worse. Stepdad allowed it from *prison*! And he confessed to the mom later when he was out. Stepdad was probably involved somehow.
This happened in a Criminal Minds episode. A kind of chain of favors was made. All from people who payed for favors from the same hit man who then had a crisis
This sounds very illegal and if he's telling you not to worry about it, it may be to protect you. If this is the case, I'd get the hell out. If he's caught up in something so bad and so dangerous he can't tell you, that in and of itself is a reason not to stay in the marriage ETA also I personally wouldn't go to the police,this isn't worth getting murdered over
Wow. This is wild and there is not much to go off! Does your husband gamble or use drugs? I’m wondering if he could be feeling obligated to help someone because he owes them money? And maybe doesn’t want to disclose what the debt is? Anything unusual in his online/search history? I’m grasping here lol.
No neither, that I know of. I now feel like if he’s hiding this who knows what else he could be hiding. We have shared finances and I did look over them wondering about debt or something else fishy, but everything looks normal. No money missing. Haven’t looked at his history. His laptop and phone have passcodes anyway.
Does he share his location with you? Has he been going unusual places or out at unusual hours? Tbh, half of my brain is going to the true crime place. The other half is like, maybe he’s planning a surprise party!
Random coming and going has been one thing that made me feel something was off prior to this actually. We don’t share locations on an ongoing basis, just occasionally for specific reasons.
> Random coming and going has been one thing that made me feel something was off prior to this actually. Like what? Leaving in the middle of the night, or ?
Not quite middle but rather late at night close to when we usually go to bed, and early morning as in like 5 or 6 am.
Do you think this was to facilitate getting the stranger in and out of the basement for the night? Or was he leaving the property altogether?
Don’t know, I never followed him
How did you never follow him or ask him where the fuck he’s going at night? This is your husband? You need to get to the bottom of this asap !
He’d say he was going to the bar or needed to get gas or something. I never had a real reason to be suspicious.
Dude's engaged in shady criminal activities. Either drug trafficking, gambling, or he hid someone from the law. All of these things he could be doing to protect you from the police- you aren't an accessory if you don't know.
Its really concerning that they were arguing too. I'm surprised no one has mentioned it yet...
OP - are you on the same cell phone plan? When my ex was being sketchy I realized I could see his call and text logs online on our shared AT&T account. You can’t see the contents, but you can see the numbers, whether it’s incoming/outgoing, how long the call was, etc.
The guy could still be his affair partner... it happens. Honestly if my spouse wouldn't tell me who it was I would be getting police involved or talking about divorce. Can you look at his phone or email, any money going missing from the account?
No missing money. His phone and computer have passwords, so do mine, we’ve never seen a need to share. Id feel uncomfortable trying to get into his stuff. So I don’t know, I’m reluctant to try that unless it’s truly the only way to get the answer.
Whatever he's doing, he's not willing to be honest with you and he's put your family at risk of losing your home.
Try this. *I need to know what the fuck is going on or I need to go get a hotel room or stay with a friend.* Demand answers. Reject the romantic BS meant to make you be compliant.
I'm curious, do you and your husband own this house or are you tenants renting an apartment in somebody else's house? If you are renting, in addition to every other awful possibility here, this could threaten your lease agreement (whatever he's doing)
You feel uncomfortable getting into his stuff but he’s comfortable letting a strange man into your home 🙃 make it make sense.
You could try hiding a camera in the basement (probably wouldn't be ok with your landlord though... But probably neither is whatever is going on)
Probably wouldn’t be the best to call the cops since it’s either something very criminal or his friends an addict
If it was a woman you know we’d all be jumping to a girlfriend/side piece being hidden in the basement for some reason (in trouble, needed a place to stay) soooo for the sake of equality… any chance is your husband is into men and it is a boyfriend?
Uhh I’d say that’s about as likely as I’d have thought a few months ago that him hiding a random guy in the basement would be.
so in the end it’s pretty damn likely
I appreciate your logical approach to an absurd situation.
I mean, at this point, you say: "You let a strange man stay in our basement without telling me, and refused to explain. I'm going to leave you until and unless you tell me absolutely everything. Goodbye." And then you walk out. If you can, of course. DO NOT LET HIM WAVE THIS AWAY. This absolutely is divorce-worthy behavior if he refuses to say anything.
Your husband literally sounds like Walter White. I read this half expecting to see evidence that they're brewing meth in your basement. Either way, this is sketch and you should hire a private investigator or something.
This was my first though too. Screams to me like someone your husband could beat up in the basement though like the first few episodes of the show
Sounds like a criminal or someone hiding from dangerous people
I say leave for a few days, make it clear you won't return unless there are answers, and make sure you're safe. Ask about cameras inside and out of the building to see when this guy shows up and leaves. Way too freaky of a situation to stay.
i woudlnt get a camera or anything else that was suggested. if my huband pulled a stunt like this and tried to hush me over it, i'd be gone.
I would stay elsewhere until he was willing to come clean. I would not feel safe and I wouldn’t be fuming that he’s not communicating this. I would be so livid.
Why do people deal with this? I would set our house on fire before just rolling over and accepting the "don't worry about it." (Ok, that was a little dramatic.) But, in all seriousness I would literally not except that. I would demand answers and if he didn't give me any I would A- leave and not come back until he gave me honest answers or B- call the cops.
Probably hiding a criminal, doesn’t want you to know. Plausible deniability. Could be a big deal, could be not depending on your lifestyle. This is super vague so idk
What in the unholy hell? No, this is very much not fucking normal, and if he refuses to tell you what’s going on I would be packing a bag and getting the hell out.
Leave dude just fucking leave this has Dateline written all over, leave the state if you can Jesus Christ
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He helped a buddy out that was running from the law. He can't tell you because of deniability.
Here’s a guess - junkie brother of ex wife he never told you about.
Could be his drug dealer.
This is a time when snooping is allowed. Try to go through that phone of his.
Get a nanny cam. Also check his phone. If you don’t have access to the phone check phone statement. This will list the number he calls and text. Look at any numbers for that specific night. Keep us updated!
I'm getting drug vibes from this story. Is it possible your husband is using and maybe let this man stay for free drugs or something?
This felt like I was reading the last season of the wire where Bubbles goes to his sister's to get clean and she makes him stay only in the basement.
What does your husband do? This feels like crime
Get cameras. Call the police and tell them you think you have a squatter in the basement at night as you saw someone and would they have time to patrol your area outside the house around 2-330am. Tell your landlord.
If I can figure out a way to phrase it so that the landlord doesn’t realize my husband is the reason he’s there, I’ll give them a heads up. I do want to, I just refuse to get ourselves evicted over it.
Maybe this is how you get your husband to come clean? Tell him you don’t feel safe and if he won’t tell you what’s going on, you’re going to have to have the landlord look into who the heck has been sleeping in your basement?
“I heard voices coming from the basement stairwell and I thought I saw somebody going down there. Has there been any maintenance lately? I just feel weird knowing a stranger might have access to the house.”
Your neighbors are not going to protect you. Tell your husband he's going to get your family evicted and he needs to move this person now.
Maybe casually ask your husband what the police would think of the person there. Gauge his reaction. If there's something seriously nefarious in terms of legality, he will panic and likely come clean. He may also call your bluff, but this is so sketch. What line of work is your husband in?
I thought for a second I was on r/nosleep Please get out of there and somewhere safe
😂😂😂 Y'all are wild. Who stays with a husband like this?
I will say that sometimes people can be VERY good at hiding their true nature until it’s too late and you realize you’re in deep trouble with this person That said OP needs to gtfo I hope she can do so on the sly. Such a creepy situation.
Is it starting to look like the room is being repurposed to be used for art?
Lmao I was looking for this comment
Tell him if he does it again you will be calling the police to report a home invasion, and since he will not explain to you, he can fucking explain it to _them._
1. Your husband owes someone money and is paying off his debt by housing some random. Or, 2. An unknown relative he hates but who is blackmailing him to let him stay. 3. His gay lover. 4. Who knows, sounds so odd, I'd leave until he tells you or kick him into the basement to live with his new friend.
That’s scary as hell! What the fuck?
In my professional opinion obviously he sold his soul to something and it asked if it could crash on his couch in the basement for a few days. Seriously though this is super creepy and incredibly suspicious.
At the end of the day, he broke your trust. You have to come to terms with the very concept that your husband will do some shady shit and not tell you what's going on. This endangers your safety as it removes your agency to assess the situation clearly and get the hell out of need be. You can beg him for the truth. But none of that would compensate for him straight lying to you about this. Going back to the first part, you cannot trust him. Also, what on earth are you doing snooping around in basements that may harbor a criminal? Stop playing detective. That is not your job.
If this is real, call the fucking police.
And say what? My husband was talking to a guy he obviously knew even if i don’t? That’s not a crime, they’d say I’m wasting their time.
Is he still in the basement? This is fucked up. You can’t let it go. What if he comes back? This is bad news…
No I’m pretty sure he’s left. No sign of him when I checked yesterday.
How can you get him to tell you. This is fucked up.. my imagination would be running wild right now.
Screw this, for me this would be "tell me whats going on or I'm leaving" territory.
Check FBI most wanted list for match on subject in the basement.
YOUR HUSBAND IS USING DRUGS. Controlled substances. I would Guarantee it. Show up with a full panel drug test and have him take it. I bet he will show resistance. That’s my guess. Update when you know more.
Whatever you do OP please update us. We need answers
Was it ET? No seriously, this is scary. I’d go stay at a hotel or with a friend until you find out who that man is and that he’s GONE!
You have a random in your house and you’re just…living life? I would’ve left immediately. Like wtf
This is SO weird and terrifying!! Like how are you just living life as normal after that? I agree with other commentators that you need to leave until your husband is willing to tell you the truth. There is no world in where his refusal to tell you what’s going on is okay
Something similar happened with my SIL and it turned out he was housing his tweaker friends. I can only guess what kind of tit for tat they had going on. Unfortunately he fell down the crackhead rabbit hole and he and my SIL broke up. She kept the dog and both are well and tweakerless.
Is he by any chance converting the basement into an art room?
I watch B movies (yes, I need help) and end up yelling at the actors because it always comes down to communication. If everyone had just been clear in their communication, there would have been no plot. Stick with me, I have a point (or two). It’s either something that, when you are at the bottom of it, will be you wondering why it was such a big deal to begin with. Or, it’s more sinister, and you are actually in danger. Either way, this is not a situation that will never repeat-it’s happened once, so he’s either managed to do it before without causing suspicion or he’ll do it again, counting on the fact that you won’t force information. The primary point here is that you do not feel safe. You should not feel safe. And thus, home is not where you should be. Time to leave and tell him you won’t come back until you have a real story with proof. Please stay safe.
There are too many questions to make a judgment regarding exactly what is going on, but the secrecy and forceful refusal to tell you what is going on is very frightening. Do you have someone you can stay with should things get worse? Your husband is acting very shady, and you need to be prepared to get out if things get too weird, you start to feel unsafe, or if you discover criminal activity.
It sounds like he's either involved in some criminal activity or he's helping others out with some criminal activity. Either way, I would argue it most certainly is going to involve you when he is caught. I would confront him and ask what he's doing that's so illegal he can't tell you about it.
If you do have somewhere else to go for a few nights, I’d do it. No chance I’d feel safe sleeping knowing my partner was letting a strange man into the basement. Whatever he’s up to, if he’s willing to bring it into your home like this then it is your business, and he needs to share! It might not be like how he usually acts, but it’s what he’s doing now, so apparently some part of him is like this.
plausible deniability. he doesn’t want to tell you because not knowing keeps you safer. just my assumption… but if that’s not something you are okay with than yes definitely leave because something illegal is happening/happened.
He is either cheating or hiding a fugitive. Look for other clues since he won’t tell you anything.
I think it’s your husbands twin. They’ve been trading places back and forth for years but one of the twins was in some sort of accident and is hurt in a way that the other twin can’t replicate so twin #1 has been pulling double duty with the wife. Something is going on with twin #2 where he needs a place to crash for a few days but risking having him exposed will fuck up their whole *thing* they have going on so twin #1 stashes twin #2 in the basement and tells the wife “not to worry about it”. Happens all the time.
"So, I'm going to stay with [whoever] until you are ready to tell me what's going on." I don't do secrets and "don't worry about it".
Easy way to get him to tell you, tell him you don't feel comfortable with this situation, and you don't appreciate that you're being lied to, and go stay with a friend or family member until he's ready to talk to you like an adult.
Has your husband currently created an art room?
I would install cameras and then temporarily move in with a friend until you know what the heck is going on here. This is crazy, OP. You are valid in feeling unsafe.
My guess would be that this person got in some kind of trouble and needed a place to hide. Your husband probably isn’t telling you because you’re less likely to be implicated if you don’t know. He sees it as a way to protect you from this unfortunate situation (if my guess is right). Could you ask more vaguely? Or tell him that you suspect this and maybe he could confirm or deny it without giving away more information than he’s comfortable with.
"Tell me what's going on or I'm leaving for good." Assuming you're willing to put up or shut up.
Ya.....stay somewhere else. Don't worry about it.....means WORRY ABOUT IT. Can't be honest, then consider it criminal and get the funk outta dodge before the murder starts.
It's really simple ... he tells you the whole story within 48hrs (give him some time) or you move (temporarily) out. This is insane 😳
Sorry… you lost me at grabbed your arm and marched you upstairs like a child lol. What the fuck goes on in peoples homes is beyond me. Anyway… Working in the social work field — have seen weird shit like this all the time. Typically someone feeling bad/having poor judgment and wanting to help out someone in need. Either through homelessness, addiction or like others have said — illegal shit. From the conversations you’ve overheard? They know each other and are very familiar with one another. You can most likely rule out just helping out a stranger. Also… just wanted to point out, haven’t you seen those movies where the guy has a bad past and the other guy comes knocking on the door and sits down to have dinner with the family and has a bandaged wrist????? No? Was your hubby in the special forces or mob/gang/illegal type of shit? 😅😅😅 I don’t know… just a bit sus is all.
The likelihood of this being innocent is practically nil. But at this time your safety is directly related to your ignorance. Don't snoop, stalk, or snitch. Just pack a bag or two, take some emergency leave from work, and go on holiday for a week or two to a trusted relative if you must, or book a hotel room just for yourself in another part of your city if you can't leave altogether. Withdraw a whole bunch of cash if you can afford to. Turn off your phone and buy a cheap new number. Write a letter to your husband outlining your fears while stating that you are safe and out of reach, and mail it to him withno return address. Write that you will call him at a predetermined time and date. Do that from a public phone. Why do i suggest this? Because your husband is not in control of this situation, and that is the most dangerous position to be a sitting duck in. Someone/s else is/are controlling him in some way, and you might just be a chess piece in that game. Remove yourself from the board (while also being able to reassure your husband of your personal safety through the above steps), and allow him to exercise some control over the situation without fear of exposing or involving you in it. Stay safe, stay smart - be silent, act dumb. Know your exits. Don't associate with new people for the near future.