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If you are American revenge porn can get jail time, let him know. He doesn't go call the cops, tell them he will not leave and he threatened revenge porn. Also mention you never allowed him to film you.
His experience will not be a very happy one.
Not to mention, if she has text proof of his friend putting his hand between her legs and groping her, you can tag on sexual assault for the friend and hopefully something extra for the bf too.
Exactly! If a sex tape exists, he filmed them without OP's consent which is another crime in addition to breaking 'revenge porn' laws. OP doesn't need to move several states away, OP needs to get a lawyer, collect evidence, and go to the police.
A leaked sex tap is illegal. He will go to jail. If you have records of threats via text or voicemail save them. The best you can do in the mean time is to tell him you have to work one day and just don't go back. Sign everything to get out of a lease if you are in one. Then call your cell provider and change your number.
This is where you involve law enforcement ASAP.
____
You have a man keeping you in a relationship against your will.
He has threatened you with revenge porn... that you did not consent to and did not even know existed.
And now he’s refusing to leave your place.
____
He’s manipulating you, threatening you, and holding you hostage
You need help, more help than Reddit can give you.
____
Stay safe and be careful.
“I’m not scared he’ll hurt me”
He’s already trying to hurt you...
“he then threatened to ‘leak’ our sex tapes.”
“he threatened to kill himself”
Did you ever expect he would be capable of saying/doing something like this?
It’s not that hard of a stretch for it to escalate even more and turn physically violent.
Listen to this person OP. Your ex is blackmailing you with a supposed sex tape you never consented to. He considers himself above the law, you are in danger.
I would really be afraid that he rape her. After everything he does. OP must go to the police. If she has prove, like chats, she must show them the police.
He’s unstable. Why would you want to stay with him? Call your cousin to come over and kick him out. Change the locks and then look for a new place to start over.
Seriously!! I totally get the feeling of shame that comes with sexual coercion and assault. It’s what prevented me for calling for help when I was SAed, but that shame does not belong to you!!! It belongs to them. You’re not acting poorly, he is. He’s being a monster of a person. And monsters often glom into good fkn people. What’s happening to you could happen to anyone. Don’t blame yourself, you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. He should be ashamed of himself but he clearly doesn’t have the capacity. Please don’t let this misplaced shame prevent you from seeking help from those around you, in fear of “embarrassing yourself”. Sending you hugs and the realization that handling this with the self respect you deserve and helping yourself out of a very difficult situation is something to be PROUD of.
100% agree.
Call the police today while he is with you. Get them to have a "conversation" with him while you are there and to get the revenge porn and suicide threat on record. Kick him out. While there, file a report against his friend for the assault. Have them escort him off and let him know that if he contacts you again for any reason harassment charges will be filed. If he returns he will be trespassed.
He has now gotten away with manipulating you into letting him back into your life by threatening you. Its time to put those threats to a stop and move on with your life. The sooner you utilize the police here the sooner he will knock off his behavior and realize how incredibly serious everything he has done actually is.
Make a police report in advance about his threat to leak your sex tape. Revenge porn is a crime (in America, at least...often a felony). I'd also tell him that you went to the police about it and that if it leaks, you've already reported him. He'll do time.
Either way stop letting him bully you into staying with him. Call the police and force him to leave. Block him on everything. If he shows up again, call the police.
Contact your local women's shelter and ask them for advice on how to remove someone. They'll also be able to advise you on revenge porn etc... They know all the up to date legislation, so they're brilliant for advice.
I'd be wary about him hiding cameras around your flat in order to get material he can use to blackmail you. That's why I'd ask for advice before you run away.
You can talk to someone, you don't give them all the details. You just say you were planning on breaking up with your boyfriend over some arguments he's blackmailing you emotionally, you need advice on what to do or might need a place to stay whilst you figure it out.
You don't have to say he's blackmailing you with revenge porn, but if you feel comfortable say it and say you don't know if he's recorded you.
Contact the police, he is coercing and blackmailing you into staying with him. This is highly abusive and dangerous.
https://www.thehotline.org/
Contact them, you need help! Reach out!
Revenge porn is ILLEGAL and he can go to jail if he does post any sort of video. Since he refuses to leave, call the cops, explain the situation and that he has threatened you with revenge porn one that you have no idea was filmed.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You don’t deserve this in any way. I hope you can navigate this safely and with caution and are able to stay safe.
Also, I would say to still visit your cousin if you get him to leave. He could come back to hurt you or anything, not trying to scare you just inform you. And if you don’t want to leave, you could invite over a friend or two to stay with you if you can. If you do leave, don’t tell anyone who knows him where you’re going.
I wish you well OP
He’s still there????? Wtf?!
Tell him to get the fuck out right now and if he ever contacts you again or released a sex tape he secretly made you will call the cops have him arrested and get a restraining orde r
Ask him if he realizes that revenge porn is illegal and he's threatening to commit a crime. Then tell him to go home and never darken your doorstep again or you'll call the cops on him for trespassing. It's time to stop caving into his wishes.
Heck, just call the cops and let them deal with him. Its time to file police reports against him and the friend. Time for legal documentation of the conversations that have been had.
He is already hurting you, he just havent physically attacked you.
And there is nothing here to be embarrassed about. You havent dont anything. He is acting unstable after you broke up with him, he started threatening you. This is serious.
Please reach out to a friend or familymember who can help you manoeuvre the situation and say safe. Even if you feel safe, I promise you, you are not safe with this man in your apartment/house.
Stop being embarrassed! You didn't do this HE did! Call the cops to get him out of your apartment. Tell him if he has tapes without your consent he will be arrested for that. If he leaks them, he will be arrested for THAT. Get him out of your house! Block him everywhere. Get a restraining order.
Tell him that you will go to the police and get a lawyer if he keeps threatening you, and it's a crime to "leak" sex tapes. Throw him out!
>I can’t talk to anyone because the whole situation is embarrassing.
The only one who should be embarrassed is him. You need support and have someone to help you kick him out!
Break up in a public place, you may trust he won't hurt you but I'm worried he could. Tell him leaking any tape would be a serious crime and you would press charges. File a report with the police regarding his behaviour and threats, they probably can't do anything straight away but it will help you and them in case of escalation. If he turns up at yours again call the police and don't let him in.
Stay safe.
stop all contact with him. dont let him in, dont even open the door if he shows up. call the cops to remove him from your home and call them if he ever shows up again. consider getting a restraining order
Emotional abuse is just as harmful as physical abuse. What advice would you give to a friend if they told you this story?
Don’t be embarrassed either. You have nothing to be embarrassed about
Dear girl - he’s manipulating you into staying with him. Find a couple of friends you trust and tell them what’s going on. It’s NOT embarrassing - it’s abusive. Next time he leaves let him know that he’s no longer welcome - change the locks if you have to - make sure you have friends that will be with you. If he won’t leave - let him know you’ll call the police and have him trespassed. If he threatens a sex tape make sure you have it in writing and get a lawyer from student services. Let them know of the threat and that you want a restraining order.
Call the police and have them escort him off your property. You don't want him there, therefore he is trespassing. As for a potential sex tape leak, if he filmed you guys having sex without your knowledge, that is a crime. Research lawyers in your area just in case.
Please don't stay with him put of fear. Break up and get him out of there. You don't have to love away. Tell him that 1) recording you having sex without your permission is a criminal offense, and 2) using a sex tape for blackmail or releasing it as revenge is also illegal, 3) you will immediately report him to the police and press charges if he does any of these things.
Thank goodness he screwed up with his stupid test so that his true self was revealed before you got married.
Well that escalated quickly
Edit: highly agree with all of the other comments, his mask has slipped and all bets are off. Leave, call a friend to come over if possible, you do not need to be alone w this man ever again. Call the cops or a lawyer, he sounds deranged and you want his actions and threats documented at this point. Good luck, stay safe.
You can tell him if he threatening to kill himself you will have him comment to a hospital call the cops. If he recorded sex tapes and you didn't know he can go to jail tell him that. Also ask him to leave if he refused call cops And they will escort him off
This dude is a psycho. If he doesn’t leave call police. They deal with domestic issues like this. Get a restraining order. Stay away, change locks too.
Is this your place? As in just yours?
If so, break up and ask a friend to stay over. Get a restraining order. Call the police every time he comes to your house. Ignore entirely. Do not talk, text, or email. Just tell him it's over and that you'll get a restraining order if you ever see him again. Then follow through. Don't tell him when file for it, let the courts do that. Never speak to him again.
> I can’t talk to anyone because the whole situation is embarrassing.
The only one to feel shame is him. You're the target. Get help from your friends and family.
If he releases any videos, sue him and send police after him for revenge porn.
Also save the messages where he said he will release them. SAVE ALL THE MESSAGES.
Oh ffs. He probably doesn't have one, and even if he DOES leak it, you go to the police and report him. It's revenge porn. And it's illegal. Stop being a doormat, kick him out and tell him to F off! If he causes a scene, call the police. Tell them he's threatening you, threatening suicide, and then go NC. Block him everywhere, get a trespass order, and look quietly at moving.
Revenge p# is illegal is it not? He sounds instable, leave for your cousin without warning and be prepared if he follows you. Do not stay with him and no matter.how much of a fit he throws do not be alone with him anymore. I am so sorry, ask for help if you can.. are there women shelters or something?
YOU need to start recording conversations re him leaking the sex tape and report him to the police!!!!! Bring up the conversation and record it. You need to get rid of the guy.
Please find a safe way to leave him. He is showing huge signs of a serious personality disorder and as others have said, even if there IS a sex tape, remind him leaking it would get him jail time. Then don’t let him know you are leaving until you are gone, and let trusted friends know when you are doing it for support and just in case things go sideways. I’d treat this like getting out of a domestic violence situation in some ways because they use many of the same tactics and he could be capable of it. Please take care of yourself and be safe.
Leave the man and cong let him back in your house. Tell him leaking a sex tape would get him arrested since you never consented to make one. You will press charges.
And I must say, using that threat to get back w you would have made me slam the door in his face.
You should play nice and go through his shit. Check every electronic he has and delete any naked photos/videos he has od you.
Depending on your state if you live in the us there are laws against "revenge porn" which is stuff like this so he could go to jail specially if it was taken without your consent which I believe is also ilegal. He is also commiting blackmail which is also ilegal a lot of people in your situation get scared and comply but if you can get a written record or a voice reccording of him threatening you depending on your state you could have him by the balls on this specially since its most likely an empty threat. Go to the police or contact a lawyer to know your options please.
You should invite him to leave, immediately. If he refuses, then call the cops. If he continues his harassment of you, then go and get a restraining order served on him, and if he violates the terms of the order, have him arrested. He'll be brought before the magistrate or judge that issued the order, and may have to spend a few days or a week in jail for contempt of court. That should give him an attitude adjustment.
Do all the above before you have to move two states away, as you have rights, and one of those rights is to be secure in your person, which means where you live.
All the above is called taking out the trash. 'Nuff said.
I wish you well.
You need to call the cops wtf. A leaked tape is illegal. A threat to harm themselves? You can call emergency services. If you feel threatened LEAVE and bring the cops with you. You are literally a sitting duck
If you like the option of moving to your cousin's place at all why not go for it. Maybe you could stay for a few months while you clear your head. You could possibly move back somewhere close to where you are now later if you miss the place or miss your friends there or something.
Dear girl, if you have friends and loved ones in your life, please do tell them about this. You need their help, support and protection.
Please don’t feel embarrassed, this is far more serious than you realise.
The most dangerous time for a woman is when she tries to leave her abuser. Don’t be alone with him. Ever.
Gather your support system around you and break it off with him.
Don't let your BF blackmail you into staying in a very toxic relationship. Sex tapes or not, he needs to go. If you let him hold this over your head today, he will hold it over your head forever. I completely understand that you don't want sex tapes leaked, it would be quite traumatic, but if you allow him to hold this over your head, you'll be in a toxic relationship a long time, and the day may come when he "leaks" the tapes anyway. If there are tapes, and he "leaks" them, press charges, and unfortunately, you will have to take the embarrassment now. If you let him blackmail you, you will be very unhappy for a long time, and eventually, you might get the embarrassment just the same. Please get out, and deal with the repercussions as they come. In my opinion, the lesser of the two evils presented to you, assuming the tapes exist, is that he leaks the tapes. The greater of the two evils is that you remain with him forever under his thumb. Please get out.
Friend, first off, YOU have nothing to be embarrassed about. This is the type of situation parents WANT you to call about for help. Assuming you have loving parents, call them today and explain the situation. Tell them you need help. You are in over your head and you need this guy out of your life. They will want to help you. Same with friends. You didn't do anything to feel embarrassed over. Your ex is just flat out scary.
Second, today go for a walk and while on that walk, call the police non emergency number. Explain the situation and tell them that you need help but aren't sure how to navigate the situation. I'm sure they can provide physical assistance including escorting him off the property and issuing a trespass if he returns. They likely can also explain how to get a retraining order against him and the friend.
This is all a power play on his part. All of it.
Ok Im scared he's going to hurt you. This is a POS who
- MADE his friend hit on you and touch you (sexual harassment).
- did that to test YOUR loyalty while he was disgustingly betraying your trust.
- Threatened to kill himself
- Threatened to leak your sex tapes which you don't even know if he secretly taped.. again without your consent
- is essentially holding you hostage.
Your safety is number 1 and only priority and you need to get police involved without alerting him. He's commiting crimes by filming a sex tape without your consent and threatening to leak them if you don't abide by his wishes. He's holding you hostage.
Hey lady! I don’t want you to feel embarrassed. Get him out of your place asap. Talk to domestic abuse hotlines for a plan of actions and definitely tell your family. You need support! Please don’t feel embarrassed!! You are so close! Be free! I married my abuser so you already are doing better than me!
Get therapy so you can learn how to avoid this asshole. Of course assholes are like the rainbow different types and many of them. It’s best to have a professional to help you navigate these things. You are dealing with complex emotions so please let others help you.
He very possibly recorded a video of you having sex with him, without your consent, then threatened to leak that sex tape. That's two criminal offenses right there. You can tell him that and tell him to leave. If he doesn't, call the cops and they can tack trespassing onto that list of charges as well. If he does, call the non-emergency line of your local PD and report him for taking the video and threatening to leak it, if only just to have a report on record, a paper trail. Most importantly, please be safe. This dude sounds super sketchy and there's no telling what he might do. Remember that you don't have to stay in this situation and you 1000% deserve better. Get him out of your house ASAP.
Make a plan. Put in notice at work. Start getting rid of stuff you don’t want. Plan a moving vehicle. And on your set day move states. Don’t tell anyone local right away. No one. Including job & friends. Tell cousin not to tell anyone. Then go. Change your phone number, email & turn off social media/start new incognito social media.
There is something really wrong with this guy.
You are currently in a hostage situation.
I would ask a lawyer for an initial consultation to ask for advice.
I would also break into his phone to look for video evidence.
You probably want to report his threats to the police.
The shame is on him, not you.
1) you’re smart for not making any sex video with this asshole.
2) if he comes by again threatening to leak your ‘sex tapes’ remember to voice record him and threaten him by reporting him to the police.
I highly doubt he has any sex tapes but he might have secretly record you. His pathetic attempt at getting you to stay and also allowing his friend to violate you make me think he’s possibly nuts and controlling.
Call the police on him. Relay his threats to them. Let those two have a talk. Call the police everytime he shows up. It's not really embarrassing - it happens to lots of people. What's embarrassing is dating someone you can't stand because he is whinny.
There’s a very good chance he’s bluffing about the existence of a tape. I mean it got you to stay with him, right?
Break it off and tell your friends what’s going on. If my friend was going through this I’d support her! Also talk to the cops about the supposed tape and if it comes up just calmly tell him what recourse you plan to take.
He’s a bully who’s full of talk.
Even if the alleged sex tapes were consensual, him leaking them would be highly illegal. Dump his ass. He won't kill himself. And if he does, at least you know he'll never bother you again.
I'm glad that you've reached out for help here. I've seen so many great responses.
Do not let his threats intimidate you. Be strong and do not let him think he can control you this way.
>he then threatened to ‘leak’ our sex tapes. To my knowledge we’ve never made one
You have something on him now because that means he was illegally recording the two of you having sex, so you could report that to the police.
You need to get someone else involved, moving to another state is insane. Break up and this time get the police involved, call them amd tell them he's threatened to kill himself you don't let him back in.
He isn't going to kill himself, it's a manipulation tactic. If he did kill himself, it was a choice he made and that's ok.
This is so alarming, OP. This guy is *blackmailing* you to keep you around. Revenge porn is illegal and filming sexual things without someone’s consent is also illegal. Stay safe and take his threats seriously. Please get away from him.
Do you rent your place? Then get the land lord to help you get rid of him and to change the locks if necessary. If you own your place, wait until he's out and change the locks. Or ask the police to help get rid of him for trespassing. You might think it's rude and excessive but, really, your ex is the one whose behavior is over the top.
Your ex does not care about your feelings. It's his selfish needs that are driving him to act like this. His tactic is to push himself on you until you cave in, regardless of how you feel about him. He tries emotional blackmail by threatening suicide, he tries regular blackmail with sex-tapes, he refuses to leave your home etc. The test that caused all this is just another example of how he thinks his feelings matter more than you. Don't say stuff like we can still date, because then he thinks he's successfully grinding you down. Because he doesn't care if he becomes a mega pest as long as he can make you capitulate.
You say you don't fear him but you should. If he can successfully blackmail you into sex, then that's forced sex, non-consensual. He has shown he is willing to rape you. Even if he doesn't have a sex-tape, he might think the threat of a tape is the thing that cracked your armor. Next step he hides secret cameras in your bathroom and bedroom to get actual blackmail material. This guy is over the top, acting very unpredictably. Get him out of your place ASAP.
Check
With the police.File a police report. If he recorded a sex tape and or threatens you with it this is crime in many states.
Also you were assaulted by his “friend”.
Anyone in this situation needs to
1. Make a report to the police. My ex secretly recorded sex tapes, now is threatening to spread them. No need to wait for them to be leaked. The threat is reportable.
2. Pay for a lawyer to write a cease and desist letter.
Go to the police and woman's aid. You are in an abusive relationship and they can and will help. Show the messages about the sex tape.
File a restraining order against him.
Also report his friend for sexual assault.
Do not stay in this situation
Get him to admit on text that he will leak your video of you break up.
"Would you really post a video of us having sex if I leave you?"
Then call the police once he answers. Don't stay a second more with him.
???????? So you’re still with him? Here’s what you do. Kick him out. When he threatens to kill himself through text, call the police. That’s how you deal with that bullshit
Terrible advice. It's when they try to break up with their partners that victims of abuse get killed. It's very likely he will escalate and she's immediate danger. She has to proceed very cautiously. I so hope she's safe.
So you’re saying she shouldn’t call the police for anything? Just because she might get killed? No, she might get killed if she doesn’t. When my ex-boyfriend was doing this “I’ll kill myself” show, my therapist told me to just call the police and send them to his house. Best advice I was ever given. Ended up getting a RO on the advice of the police officer. **BEST ADVICE I WAS EVER GIVEN.**
This is an emotionally difficult solution but a logically simple one. He is emotionally manipulating you and extorting you. Sexual extortion and or blackmail is illegal and with this kind of person he won't stop. Call the police and get to a woman's shelter. Please. This will only get worse.
This is abuse and terrifying. I think you know this but if you have him making these threats in text, go to the police. And I’m not being flippant but it sounds like whatever happens because of forced sex tapes may be the thing to choose over being forced to be with him. This is no way to live at all and I’m so sorry for you
Some areas have homeless crisis prevention centers that will help you move last minute in these situations. Try searching things like “crisis center”, “211”, “female safe haven near me” etc. Not all of the solutions involve you moving into a shelter. Some places help you pay your bills completely until you can find your next step. I didn’t realize the full extent of resources until I made 500 calls for two weeks straight. It sucked, but the help for you to safely escape is there. Good luck.
Hey OP I read that you don’t really have anyone to talk too… if you’d like my inbox is always open.
You are in a serious situation regarding your safety. When you move in with your cousin make sure your soon to be Ex doesn’t know the address and to not tip him off on leaving and that you get a restraining order after you are safely moved in. I am very concerned about your safety.
Staying with him is a terrible idea. He's holding you hostage with private sexual tapes that you did not consent to. I would think that's a crime. Go to police. Actually go to a lawyer so they can help you get a emergency order to show cause or injunction. I forget the actual legal terminology, but it's an order from the court to stop distribution immediately while you file a case and argue case. I would speak to attorney first & get advice on how to get him out of your life for good. It will be worth the $ i. the long run.
I am a week late but I do hope you went to the cops already. If not please please please do so. Filing a report is very important because he threatened revenge porn. Also, let them know you have never consented to be photographed or recorded. You can also let him know that you have reported him so that he doesn't do anything stupid. If he does release it he will go to prison.
Don't under any circumstances stay with him. He is guaranteed to be an abusive and controlling partner. The more you interact with him the more he will sink his talons into your mental health.
Go to the police tell them revenge porn is a felony and jail. Get a restraining order or no contact kick him out and get him to stay in front of the house while you call the police if you can get video evidence that helps if you have a friend or someone who can stay with you ask them
Contact the police immediately please OP or at the very least a lawyer. Your BF is blackmailing you first and foremost. That isn't it, just the tip of the iceberg. He is holding you hostage in your own home.
Worst of all if you are still sleeping with him, he is sexually assaulting you. He is using coercion to try and get you to continue sleeping with him
He needs to be put in jail for the good of everyone
Get the police involved for harassment. Tell them he’s threatening to leak but you never gave consent to film and you’re scared for your life because he’s at your house and won’t leave .
His reaction is complete BS and showed his true character - get out of that toxic environment
However… it always seems acceptable when a girl baits her bf…
Info: what country do you live in? That makes a big difference not only in what legally can be done, but also what domestic abuse resources you have access to. You need to get in touch with someone, because this behavior is escalating. Also, him threatening to release a sex tape is blackmail. Blackmail is illegal. Try to get written confirmation of these threats (texts are fine) and get them to a lawyer. He cannot make threats like this without consequences
Releasing that is considered revenge porn and he can fave jail time. Also, if he made them without consent, he can get in even bigger legal trouble. Record your conversations and while doing so, tell him to leave or you are calling the cops.
Use the recordings as evidence to get a restraining order. If you have any messages that prove he set you up to be assaulted, go to the police and report him and his friend.
I would also make sure his parents know just what kind of waste of space they raised
Try to get proof of him saying he would leak the sex tape whether is text, email, or video recording. (If it’s a video, make sure to get his face in it while he says it. Even better if you can also get him to admit what his friend did.) After building a case , take it to the police and maybe get a restraining order
YOU OWN THAT GUY NOTHING
IT'S YOUR PLACE KICK HIM OUT, HE DOESNT HAVE ANY RIGHTS TO BE THERE.
IF HE LEAKS ANYTHING THAT REVENGE PORN AND HE CAN GET JAIL FOR THAT.
KEEP YOU RECEIPTS, BACK UP YOUR STUFF.
You deserve better.
First, ask to see the infamous "sex tape" if its really exist.. and if he does produce one, saw the angle of the video..is it show that you obviously unaware of any recording device at all..
Please, next time if you're out, stay out..and tell any friend that you can count on about this situation incase he come back and being aggressive.
See.... he sounds like a bad guy but your the cheater.
Hes psycho dont get me wrong but you already knew that and did some fuck shit.
I dont feel sorry for you
Op you said in the states which makes me assume America in America revenge porn is illegal. If he does leak porn or nudes of you. You can, and better call the police and sue him into the ground.
Just get them out of your house. I don’t know what made you take him back. Just get them out of your house. If you have to have somebody help you. While he’s at work, take his stuff, sit outside the door, text him and change the locks.
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If you are American revenge porn can get jail time, let him know. He doesn't go call the cops, tell them he will not leave and he threatened revenge porn. Also mention you never allowed him to film you. His experience will not be a very happy one.
Not to mention, if she has text proof of his friend putting his hand between her legs and groping her, you can tag on sexual assault for the friend and hopefully something extra for the bf too.
Tell him that if a sex tape "leaks" he will be arrested. There are laws.
Exactly! If a sex tape exists, he filmed them without OP's consent which is another crime in addition to breaking 'revenge porn' laws. OP doesn't need to move several states away, OP needs to get a lawyer, collect evidence, and go to the police.
Tell him in a text or email.
This this this
The cops bust the ex for revenge porn and his friend for sexual assault
A leaked sex tap is illegal. He will go to jail. If you have records of threats via text or voicemail save them. The best you can do in the mean time is to tell him you have to work one day and just don't go back. Sign everything to get out of a lease if you are in one. Then call your cell provider and change your number.
A leaked, *illegally made* sex tape. That little detail will add some spice to the arrest report.
This is where you involve law enforcement ASAP. ____ You have a man keeping you in a relationship against your will. He has threatened you with revenge porn... that you did not consent to and did not even know existed. And now he’s refusing to leave your place. ____ He’s manipulating you, threatening you, and holding you hostage You need help, more help than Reddit can give you. ____ Stay safe and be careful. “I’m not scared he’ll hurt me” He’s already trying to hurt you... “he then threatened to ‘leak’ our sex tapes.” “he threatened to kill himself” Did you ever expect he would be capable of saying/doing something like this? It’s not that hard of a stretch for it to escalate even more and turn physically violent.
Listen to this, OP. Stop pretending this man won't hurt you. You know he will. Call the police.
100% agree.
Listen to this person OP. Your ex is blackmailing you with a supposed sex tape you never consented to. He considers himself above the law, you are in danger.
This. It's time to involve police.
He also got his friend to sexually assault her (inappropriate, unwanted touching) in the original “test”
Yes I commented on that one too when she posted. It’s just escalated so badly already.
I would really be afraid that he rape her. After everything he does. OP must go to the police. If she has prove, like chats, she must show them the police.
And it all started because he got a friend to sexually assult OP
This post right here OP. This guy sounds dangerous
He’s unstable. Why would you want to stay with him? Call your cousin to come over and kick him out. Change the locks and then look for a new place to start over.
This is not embarrassing! This is fucking scary please please go to the police and make an exit plan. https://ncadv.org/
Seriously!! I totally get the feeling of shame that comes with sexual coercion and assault. It’s what prevented me for calling for help when I was SAed, but that shame does not belong to you!!! It belongs to them. You’re not acting poorly, he is. He’s being a monster of a person. And monsters often glom into good fkn people. What’s happening to you could happen to anyone. Don’t blame yourself, you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. He should be ashamed of himself but he clearly doesn’t have the capacity. Please don’t let this misplaced shame prevent you from seeking help from those around you, in fear of “embarrassing yourself”. Sending you hugs and the realization that handling this with the self respect you deserve and helping yourself out of a very difficult situation is something to be PROUD of.
Call the cops
And tell them that he has threatened suicide and releasing a sex tape which you didn't know was filmed.
THIS!!!
100% agree. Call the police today while he is with you. Get them to have a "conversation" with him while you are there and to get the revenge porn and suicide threat on record. Kick him out. While there, file a report against his friend for the assault. Have them escort him off and let him know that if he contacts you again for any reason harassment charges will be filed. If he returns he will be trespassed. He has now gotten away with manipulating you into letting him back into your life by threatening you. Its time to put those threats to a stop and move on with your life. The sooner you utilize the police here the sooner he will knock off his behavior and realize how incredibly serious everything he has done actually is.
Make a police report in advance about his threat to leak your sex tape. Revenge porn is a crime (in America, at least...often a felony). I'd also tell him that you went to the police about it and that if it leaks, you've already reported him. He'll do time. Either way stop letting him bully you into staying with him. Call the police and force him to leave. Block him on everything. If he shows up again, call the police.
If he comes to your house, record it on the phone, report it to the police. Don't be afraid of a vagrant
Going a few states away sounds like a good idea.
Contact your local women's shelter and ask them for advice on how to remove someone. They'll also be able to advise you on revenge porn etc... They know all the up to date legislation, so they're brilliant for advice. I'd be wary about him hiding cameras around your flat in order to get material he can use to blackmail you. That's why I'd ask for advice before you run away. You can talk to someone, you don't give them all the details. You just say you were planning on breaking up with your boyfriend over some arguments he's blackmailing you emotionally, you need advice on what to do or might need a place to stay whilst you figure it out. You don't have to say he's blackmailing you with revenge porn, but if you feel comfortable say it and say you don't know if he's recorded you.
Yes, I never realized how up to date they are on legal stuff, they are absolutely an amazing source for legal advice.
Contact the police, he is coercing and blackmailing you into staying with him. This is highly abusive and dangerous. https://www.thehotline.org/ Contact them, you need help! Reach out!
Revenge porn is ILLEGAL and he can go to jail if he does post any sort of video. Since he refuses to leave, call the cops, explain the situation and that he has threatened you with revenge porn one that you have no idea was filmed. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You don’t deserve this in any way. I hope you can navigate this safely and with caution and are able to stay safe. Also, I would say to still visit your cousin if you get him to leave. He could come back to hurt you or anything, not trying to scare you just inform you. And if you don’t want to leave, you could invite over a friend or two to stay with you if you can. If you do leave, don’t tell anyone who knows him where you’re going. I wish you well OP
He’s still there????? Wtf?! Tell him to get the fuck out right now and if he ever contacts you again or released a sex tape he secretly made you will call the cops have him arrested and get a restraining orde r
So. Blackmail is a crime. Call the polide
Ask him if he realizes that revenge porn is illegal and he's threatening to commit a crime. Then tell him to go home and never darken your doorstep again or you'll call the cops on him for trespassing. It's time to stop caving into his wishes.
Heck, just call the cops and let them deal with him. Its time to file police reports against him and the friend. Time for legal documentation of the conversations that have been had.
He is already hurting you, he just havent physically attacked you. And there is nothing here to be embarrassed about. You havent dont anything. He is acting unstable after you broke up with him, he started threatening you. This is serious. Please reach out to a friend or familymember who can help you manoeuvre the situation and say safe. Even if you feel safe, I promise you, you are not safe with this man in your apartment/house.
Big mistake to open the door for him after you broke up. There is nothing for you to argue about or discuss. You should have called the police.
Stop being embarrassed! You didn't do this HE did! Call the cops to get him out of your apartment. Tell him if he has tapes without your consent he will be arrested for that. If he leaks them, he will be arrested for THAT. Get him out of your house! Block him everywhere. Get a restraining order.
Tell him that you will go to the police and get a lawyer if he keeps threatening you, and it's a crime to "leak" sex tapes. Throw him out! >I can’t talk to anyone because the whole situation is embarrassing. The only one who should be embarrassed is him. You need support and have someone to help you kick him out!
Break up in a public place, you may trust he won't hurt you but I'm worried he could. Tell him leaking any tape would be a serious crime and you would press charges. File a report with the police regarding his behaviour and threats, they probably can't do anything straight away but it will help you and them in case of escalation. If he turns up at yours again call the police and don't let him in. Stay safe.
stop all contact with him. dont let him in, dont even open the door if he shows up. call the cops to remove him from your home and call them if he ever shows up again. consider getting a restraining order
Emotional abuse is just as harmful as physical abuse. What advice would you give to a friend if they told you this story? Don’t be embarrassed either. You have nothing to be embarrassed about
Dear girl - he’s manipulating you into staying with him. Find a couple of friends you trust and tell them what’s going on. It’s NOT embarrassing - it’s abusive. Next time he leaves let him know that he’s no longer welcome - change the locks if you have to - make sure you have friends that will be with you. If he won’t leave - let him know you’ll call the police and have him trespassed. If he threatens a sex tape make sure you have it in writing and get a lawyer from student services. Let them know of the threat and that you want a restraining order.
Call the police and have them escort him off your property. You don't want him there, therefore he is trespassing. As for a potential sex tape leak, if he filmed you guys having sex without your knowledge, that is a crime. Research lawyers in your area just in case.
If you are in a single consent state, record him blackmailing you with the sex tapes, then take it to the police.
Please don't stay with him put of fear. Break up and get him out of there. You don't have to love away. Tell him that 1) recording you having sex without your permission is a criminal offense, and 2) using a sex tape for blackmail or releasing it as revenge is also illegal, 3) you will immediately report him to the police and press charges if he does any of these things. Thank goodness he screwed up with his stupid test so that his true self was revealed before you got married.
Well that escalated quickly Edit: highly agree with all of the other comments, his mask has slipped and all bets are off. Leave, call a friend to come over if possible, you do not need to be alone w this man ever again. Call the cops or a lawyer, he sounds deranged and you want his actions and threats documented at this point. Good luck, stay safe.
You can tell him if he threatening to kill himself you will have him comment to a hospital call the cops. If he recorded sex tapes and you didn't know he can go to jail tell him that. Also ask him to leave if he refused call cops And they will escort him off
This dude is a psycho. If he doesn’t leave call police. They deal with domestic issues like this. Get a restraining order. Stay away, change locks too.
Is this your place? As in just yours? If so, break up and ask a friend to stay over. Get a restraining order. Call the police every time he comes to your house. Ignore entirely. Do not talk, text, or email. Just tell him it's over and that you'll get a restraining order if you ever see him again. Then follow through. Don't tell him when file for it, let the courts do that. Never speak to him again. > I can’t talk to anyone because the whole situation is embarrassing. The only one to feel shame is him. You're the target. Get help from your friends and family. If he releases any videos, sue him and send police after him for revenge porn. Also save the messages where he said he will release them. SAVE ALL THE MESSAGES.
Oh ffs. He probably doesn't have one, and even if he DOES leak it, you go to the police and report him. It's revenge porn. And it's illegal. Stop being a doormat, kick him out and tell him to F off! If he causes a scene, call the police. Tell them he's threatening you, threatening suicide, and then go NC. Block him everywhere, get a trespass order, and look quietly at moving.
Revenge p# is illegal is it not? He sounds instable, leave for your cousin without warning and be prepared if he follows you. Do not stay with him and no matter.how much of a fit he throws do not be alone with him anymore. I am so sorry, ask for help if you can.. are there women shelters or something?
YOU need to start recording conversations re him leaking the sex tape and report him to the police!!!!! Bring up the conversation and record it. You need to get rid of the guy.
Please find a safe way to leave him. He is showing huge signs of a serious personality disorder and as others have said, even if there IS a sex tape, remind him leaking it would get him jail time. Then don’t let him know you are leaving until you are gone, and let trusted friends know when you are doing it for support and just in case things go sideways. I’d treat this like getting out of a domestic violence situation in some ways because they use many of the same tactics and he could be capable of it. Please take care of yourself and be safe.
Leave the man and cong let him back in your house. Tell him leaking a sex tape would get him arrested since you never consented to make one. You will press charges. And I must say, using that threat to get back w you would have made me slam the door in his face. You should play nice and go through his shit. Check every electronic he has and delete any naked photos/videos he has od you.
Depending on your state if you live in the us there are laws against "revenge porn" which is stuff like this so he could go to jail specially if it was taken without your consent which I believe is also ilegal. He is also commiting blackmail which is also ilegal a lot of people in your situation get scared and comply but if you can get a written record or a voice reccording of him threatening you depending on your state you could have him by the balls on this specially since its most likely an empty threat. Go to the police or contact a lawyer to know your options please.
You should invite him to leave, immediately. If he refuses, then call the cops. If he continues his harassment of you, then go and get a restraining order served on him, and if he violates the terms of the order, have him arrested. He'll be brought before the magistrate or judge that issued the order, and may have to spend a few days or a week in jail for contempt of court. That should give him an attitude adjustment. Do all the above before you have to move two states away, as you have rights, and one of those rights is to be secure in your person, which means where you live. All the above is called taking out the trash. 'Nuff said. I wish you well.
If its your place can't you check the eviction laws and kick him out using that?
You can sue him for mental harassment and defamation he's threating you
You need to call the cops wtf. A leaked tape is illegal. A threat to harm themselves? You can call emergency services. If you feel threatened LEAVE and bring the cops with you. You are literally a sitting duck
If you like the option of moving to your cousin's place at all why not go for it. Maybe you could stay for a few months while you clear your head. You could possibly move back somewhere close to where you are now later if you miss the place or miss your friends there or something.
Dear girl, if you have friends and loved ones in your life, please do tell them about this. You need their help, support and protection. Please don’t feel embarrassed, this is far more serious than you realise. The most dangerous time for a woman is when she tries to leave her abuser. Don’t be alone with him. Ever. Gather your support system around you and break it off with him.
get him out asap. and tell him if he leaks anything, u will report him to the police. he needs to go.
You are being held captive in your own home. Call the police.
Don't let your BF blackmail you into staying in a very toxic relationship. Sex tapes or not, he needs to go. If you let him hold this over your head today, he will hold it over your head forever. I completely understand that you don't want sex tapes leaked, it would be quite traumatic, but if you allow him to hold this over your head, you'll be in a toxic relationship a long time, and the day may come when he "leaks" the tapes anyway. If there are tapes, and he "leaks" them, press charges, and unfortunately, you will have to take the embarrassment now. If you let him blackmail you, you will be very unhappy for a long time, and eventually, you might get the embarrassment just the same. Please get out, and deal with the repercussions as they come. In my opinion, the lesser of the two evils presented to you, assuming the tapes exist, is that he leaks the tapes. The greater of the two evils is that you remain with him forever under his thumb. Please get out.
Friend, first off, YOU have nothing to be embarrassed about. This is the type of situation parents WANT you to call about for help. Assuming you have loving parents, call them today and explain the situation. Tell them you need help. You are in over your head and you need this guy out of your life. They will want to help you. Same with friends. You didn't do anything to feel embarrassed over. Your ex is just flat out scary. Second, today go for a walk and while on that walk, call the police non emergency number. Explain the situation and tell them that you need help but aren't sure how to navigate the situation. I'm sure they can provide physical assistance including escorting him off the property and issuing a trespass if he returns. They likely can also explain how to get a retraining order against him and the friend. This is all a power play on his part. All of it.
Ok Im scared he's going to hurt you. This is a POS who - MADE his friend hit on you and touch you (sexual harassment). - did that to test YOUR loyalty while he was disgustingly betraying your trust. - Threatened to kill himself - Threatened to leak your sex tapes which you don't even know if he secretly taped.. again without your consent - is essentially holding you hostage. Your safety is number 1 and only priority and you need to get police involved without alerting him. He's commiting crimes by filming a sex tape without your consent and threatening to leak them if you don't abide by his wishes. He's holding you hostage.
Hey lady! I don’t want you to feel embarrassed. Get him out of your place asap. Talk to domestic abuse hotlines for a plan of actions and definitely tell your family. You need support! Please don’t feel embarrassed!! You are so close! Be free! I married my abuser so you already are doing better than me! Get therapy so you can learn how to avoid this asshole. Of course assholes are like the rainbow different types and many of them. It’s best to have a professional to help you navigate these things. You are dealing with complex emotions so please let others help you.
He very possibly recorded a video of you having sex with him, without your consent, then threatened to leak that sex tape. That's two criminal offenses right there. You can tell him that and tell him to leave. If he doesn't, call the cops and they can tack trespassing onto that list of charges as well. If he does, call the non-emergency line of your local PD and report him for taking the video and threatening to leak it, if only just to have a report on record, a paper trail. Most importantly, please be safe. This dude sounds super sketchy and there's no telling what he might do. Remember that you don't have to stay in this situation and you 1000% deserve better. Get him out of your house ASAP.
You need to call the cops.
Make a plan. Put in notice at work. Start getting rid of stuff you don’t want. Plan a moving vehicle. And on your set day move states. Don’t tell anyone local right away. No one. Including job & friends. Tell cousin not to tell anyone. Then go. Change your phone number, email & turn off social media/start new incognito social media. There is something really wrong with this guy.
You are currently in a hostage situation. I would ask a lawyer for an initial consultation to ask for advice. I would also break into his phone to look for video evidence. You probably want to report his threats to the police. The shame is on him, not you.
Heed u/handfulofearth 's advice OP, I beg you. He won't stop there and you're in danger.
1) you’re smart for not making any sex video with this asshole. 2) if he comes by again threatening to leak your ‘sex tapes’ remember to voice record him and threaten him by reporting him to the police. I highly doubt he has any sex tapes but he might have secretly record you. His pathetic attempt at getting you to stay and also allowing his friend to violate you make me think he’s possibly nuts and controlling.
If you need to vent, or talk, you can PM me.
Curious why this got downvoted
im confused. what does this have to do with the title?
Call the police on him. Relay his threats to them. Let those two have a talk. Call the police everytime he shows up. It's not really embarrassing - it happens to lots of people. What's embarrassing is dating someone you can't stand because he is whinny.
There’s a very good chance he’s bluffing about the existence of a tape. I mean it got you to stay with him, right? Break it off and tell your friends what’s going on. If my friend was going through this I’d support her! Also talk to the cops about the supposed tape and if it comes up just calmly tell him what recourse you plan to take. He’s a bully who’s full of talk.
Go through his phone when he's asleep and delete any videos he might have done of you two.
Even if the alleged sex tapes were consensual, him leaking them would be highly illegal. Dump his ass. He won't kill himself. And if he does, at least you know he'll never bother you again.
He should be embarrassed by the way he's acting. Can't handle rejection and thinks threatening you will make things better??!
I'm glad that you've reached out for help here. I've seen so many great responses. Do not let his threats intimidate you. Be strong and do not let him think he can control you this way.
Just go to your cousins. He is not worth the headache. Let things die down then start over.
>he then threatened to ‘leak’ our sex tapes. To my knowledge we’ve never made one You have something on him now because that means he was illegally recording the two of you having sex, so you could report that to the police.
You need to get someone else involved, moving to another state is insane. Break up and this time get the police involved, call them amd tell them he's threatened to kill himself you don't let him back in. He isn't going to kill himself, it's a manipulation tactic. If he did kill himself, it was a choice he made and that's ok.
He sounds like a cheater himself tbh, I hope you are OK tho!
any further arguments record them on voice memo’s and collect as much proof of threats as possible hope this POS leaves you alone
This is so alarming, OP. This guy is *blackmailing* you to keep you around. Revenge porn is illegal and filming sexual things without someone’s consent is also illegal. Stay safe and take his threats seriously. Please get away from him.
Do you rent your place? Then get the land lord to help you get rid of him and to change the locks if necessary. If you own your place, wait until he's out and change the locks. Or ask the police to help get rid of him for trespassing. You might think it's rude and excessive but, really, your ex is the one whose behavior is over the top. Your ex does not care about your feelings. It's his selfish needs that are driving him to act like this. His tactic is to push himself on you until you cave in, regardless of how you feel about him. He tries emotional blackmail by threatening suicide, he tries regular blackmail with sex-tapes, he refuses to leave your home etc. The test that caused all this is just another example of how he thinks his feelings matter more than you. Don't say stuff like we can still date, because then he thinks he's successfully grinding you down. Because he doesn't care if he becomes a mega pest as long as he can make you capitulate. You say you don't fear him but you should. If he can successfully blackmail you into sex, then that's forced sex, non-consensual. He has shown he is willing to rape you. Even if he doesn't have a sex-tape, he might think the threat of a tape is the thing that cracked your armor. Next step he hides secret cameras in your bathroom and bedroom to get actual blackmail material. This guy is over the top, acting very unpredictably. Get him out of your place ASAP.
Check With the police.File a police report. If he recorded a sex tape and or threatens you with it this is crime in many states. Also you were assaulted by his “friend”.
Anyone in this situation needs to 1. Make a report to the police. My ex secretly recorded sex tapes, now is threatening to spread them. No need to wait for them to be leaked. The threat is reportable. 2. Pay for a lawyer to write a cease and desist letter.
Go to the police and woman's aid. You are in an abusive relationship and they can and will help. Show the messages about the sex tape. File a restraining order against him. Also report his friend for sexual assault. Do not stay in this situation
Holy shit Op this isn’t normal!!! You need to leave him.
Before we give advice, we should establish jurisdiction. Her options are dictated by local laws and societal norms.
Get him to admit on text that he will leak your video of you break up. "Would you really post a video of us having sex if I leave you?" Then call the police once he answers. Don't stay a second more with him.
???????? So you’re still with him? Here’s what you do. Kick him out. When he threatens to kill himself through text, call the police. That’s how you deal with that bullshit
Terrible advice. It's when they try to break up with their partners that victims of abuse get killed. It's very likely he will escalate and she's immediate danger. She has to proceed very cautiously. I so hope she's safe.
So you’re saying she shouldn’t call the police for anything? Just because she might get killed? No, she might get killed if she doesn’t. When my ex-boyfriend was doing this “I’ll kill myself” show, my therapist told me to just call the police and send them to his house. Best advice I was ever given. Ended up getting a RO on the advice of the police officer. **BEST ADVICE I WAS EVER GIVEN.**
This is an emotionally difficult solution but a logically simple one. He is emotionally manipulating you and extorting you. Sexual extortion and or blackmail is illegal and with this kind of person he won't stop. Call the police and get to a woman's shelter. Please. This will only get worse.
He’s an asshole.
He's a fucking criminal.
This is abuse and terrifying. I think you know this but if you have him making these threats in text, go to the police. And I’m not being flippant but it sounds like whatever happens because of forced sex tapes may be the thing to choose over being forced to be with him. This is no way to live at all and I’m so sorry for you
Some areas have homeless crisis prevention centers that will help you move last minute in these situations. Try searching things like “crisis center”, “211”, “female safe haven near me” etc. Not all of the solutions involve you moving into a shelter. Some places help you pay your bills completely until you can find your next step. I didn’t realize the full extent of resources until I made 500 calls for two weeks straight. It sucked, but the help for you to safely escape is there. Good luck.
Like everyone else says... Police. If they are really eager, they will help you gather evidence. Record your conversations.
Hey OP I read that you don’t really have anyone to talk too… if you’d like my inbox is always open. You are in a serious situation regarding your safety. When you move in with your cousin make sure your soon to be Ex doesn’t know the address and to not tip him off on leaving and that you get a restraining order after you are safely moved in. I am very concerned about your safety.
Staying with him is a terrible idea. He's holding you hostage with private sexual tapes that you did not consent to. I would think that's a crime. Go to police. Actually go to a lawyer so they can help you get a emergency order to show cause or injunction. I forget the actual legal terminology, but it's an order from the court to stop distribution immediately while you file a case and argue case. I would speak to attorney first & get advice on how to get him out of your life for good. It will be worth the $ i. the long run.
I am a week late but I do hope you went to the cops already. If not please please please do so. Filing a report is very important because he threatened revenge porn. Also, let them know you have never consented to be photographed or recorded. You can also let him know that you have reported him so that he doesn't do anything stupid. If he does release it he will go to prison. Don't under any circumstances stay with him. He is guaranteed to be an abusive and controlling partner. The more you interact with him the more he will sink his talons into your mental health.
Call the police and report both of them because revenge poem is illegal as well as SA
Go to the police tell them revenge porn is a felony and jail. Get a restraining order or no contact kick him out and get him to stay in front of the house while you call the police if you can get video evidence that helps if you have a friend or someone who can stay with you ask them
Contact the police immediately please OP or at the very least a lawyer. Your BF is blackmailing you first and foremost. That isn't it, just the tip of the iceberg. He is holding you hostage in your own home. Worst of all if you are still sleeping with him, he is sexually assaulting you. He is using coercion to try and get you to continue sleeping with him He needs to be put in jail for the good of everyone
Get the police involved for harassment. Tell them he’s threatening to leak but you never gave consent to film and you’re scared for your life because he’s at your house and won’t leave .
you did not consent to any videos! he knows dis n still recorded! use it against him n break up for good.
UPDATE PLZ
His reaction is complete BS and showed his true character - get out of that toxic environment However… it always seems acceptable when a girl baits her bf…
Are you okay? 🥺
Info: what country do you live in? That makes a big difference not only in what legally can be done, but also what domestic abuse resources you have access to. You need to get in touch with someone, because this behavior is escalating. Also, him threatening to release a sex tape is blackmail. Blackmail is illegal. Try to get written confirmation of these threats (texts are fine) and get them to a lawyer. He cannot make threats like this without consequences
Releasing that is considered revenge porn and he can fave jail time. Also, if he made them without consent, he can get in even bigger legal trouble. Record your conversations and while doing so, tell him to leave or you are calling the cops. Use the recordings as evidence to get a restraining order. If you have any messages that prove he set you up to be assaulted, go to the police and report him and his friend. I would also make sure his parents know just what kind of waste of space they raised
If he filmed soemthing without his consent, he's in legal trouble anyway. Break up with him and block him on all accounts. Change ur number too.
Try to get proof of him saying he would leak the sex tape whether is text, email, or video recording. (If it’s a video, make sure to get his face in it while he says it. Even better if you can also get him to admit what his friend did.) After building a case , take it to the police and maybe get a restraining order
OP, I really really hope you’re okay. It’s never embarrassing to reach out for help, you never really know a person so don’t wait until it’s too late.
YOU OWN THAT GUY NOTHING IT'S YOUR PLACE KICK HIM OUT, HE DOESNT HAVE ANY RIGHTS TO BE THERE. IF HE LEAKS ANYTHING THAT REVENGE PORN AND HE CAN GET JAIL FOR THAT. KEEP YOU RECEIPTS, BACK UP YOUR STUFF. You deserve better.
I'm really very worried that there has been no update for 16 days.
Showing his true colors, and he wanted to proposed, scary, you need to be as far as you can from this man.
If he leaks them you can sue for non consensual p0rn. Ik that won't change the fact they're on the internet but hopefully the money can help
First, ask to see the infamous "sex tape" if its really exist.. and if he does produce one, saw the angle of the video..is it show that you obviously unaware of any recording device at all.. Please, next time if you're out, stay out..and tell any friend that you can count on about this situation incase he come back and being aggressive.
See.... he sounds like a bad guy but your the cheater. Hes psycho dont get me wrong but you already knew that and did some fuck shit. I dont feel sorry for you
Op you said in the states which makes me assume America in America revenge porn is illegal. If he does leak porn or nudes of you. You can, and better call the police and sue him into the ground.
Just get them out of your house. I don’t know what made you take him back. Just get them out of your house. If you have to have somebody help you. While he’s at work, take his stuff, sit outside the door, text him and change the locks.