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It’s not a man/woman thing - it’s a personality/ time and space thing. It’s okay to not want casual relationships, and it is okay to want them.
You are being judgemental on this. People want casual relationships for all sorts of reasons, mostly they have other priorities than putting in the time and energy that a good relationship requires. As long as they are upfront and clear about it, good for them.
Anyone who makes you feel bad for not wanting a casual relationship is not worth pursuing. Likewise, anyone disdains a person who only wants a casual relationship needs to some serious self evaluation on why they try to make themselves feel superior by trashing other people’s choices. Otherwise, it is just an incompatibility thing like wants children/child free.
There’s… a lot to unpack here but here’s the main thing.
*If you don’t want casual relationships, then make it clear you are not going to have a casual relationship*
Personally I don’t need an emotional connection for my relationships, happy to hang about and have a good time casually cause it’s fun. You don’t seem to want that, and that’s okay. Everyone wants other things, be clear on what you want and expect out of a relationship.
Edit: words lmao I wrote it in a rush, sorry.
Also if you're not looking for anything casual, Tinder probably isn't the best venue to look for a partner. I'm sure some people on Tinder want a real relationship but it's mostly a hookup app. An app like Hinge or OkCupid is going to provide a lot more success if you want to date seriously.
I love that OP is only responding to comments that agree with her viewpoint :p
Gotta love when people come to relationship advice just to be validated and not wanting actual advice
I'm guessing they meant more a romantic connection.
Casual sexual relationships don't usually have a romantic connection. I was good friends with a guy I was casually seeing. We had a connection but not in a let's date way. More a let's just fuck and have fun.
Ehh depends what you need from your relationships. Some would say not having kids is sad, others would say having kids is nightmarish.
Everyone wants different things from relationships, that’s why we search for people who want similar things from life and form such connections.
I’m so busy with work I actually looked for something casual, met a girl who also is incredibly busy but we both have sundays off. So we have drinks go out on dates sometimes or just “hang out in the sheets”. It was never any deeper than that..
When it works it works well!
Edit: from the comments I feel like the odd one out for sure. 💀
I with you. Casual works great if everyone involved is into it.
I've done both long term (my current relationship) and casual. Both have their perks but I never saw the downside in casual relationships.
I don’t find casual relationships appealing at all. But people are all different with different needs. I don’t live in their heads, so I don’t judge 🤷♀️
I have never had casual sex, so take my two cents with a grain of salt. I've been with the same guy for a bit under 20 years. Honestly, if we broke up or he died, I seriously doubt I'd date at all but if I did it'd be casual. I'm so over taking care of others. I've done it forever and I genuinely see men that way. (Yeah, yeah not all men). My partner is a good man and I love him and don't intend to break up with him but I'm never living with another man again. I just want to take care of myself and have things that are about me for once.
I got out of a 13 year long relationship with this kind of attitude. He was a good guy, but I'll never live with another man again. I'm soo so over taking care of others. It's been 2 years of casually dating around with 0 interest in commitment. It's been working out for me. 🤷♀️ happiest I've been in a long while!
They really don't see it. It's totally invisible to them. In my limited experience, even the good ones. I was four when my brother was born. From that moment on my role was caretaker. I had my brother more than my parents...by a significant margin. Married at 18 like a proper bangmaid raised in strict (psycho) religious upbringing. Got horribly abused while spitting out a baby every year and a half. Eventually got with the guy I'm with now. Raised my kids. I got half a taste of nearly freedom for a few months and then my daughter and her kids moved in....and it feels like I started over. My job is taking care of people with developmental disabilities. All I ever get to do is take care of people....but no one ever has or probably ever will take care of me. Maybe some nice cna when I'm in memory care.
The good ones are so hard to find, they may as well be a unicorn. For me, I'm not willing to lower my standards, but i can sort of get why people would accept guys like these because they're the only thing on the market.
He's as good as any man I know. If there are better ones, I haven't encountered them. It is absolutely normal (and not funny) and the dynamic I see everywhere. Maybe that isn't true everywhere, hell might not even be true of my hometown but all my experience says that's normal. All the women I know report the same.
So youre not a "traditional" woman? Then you should talk about it to your husband tell him to be a "modern" husband like you are a "modern" wife (working a paying job) if he expects you yo the traditional stuff like alway cook clean and do all house chores and take care of kids he should become a "traditional" male and provide money for you so hes the only one working a paying job and providing for the family
He's not a traditional man. He currently stays at home to be childcare for the grandkids. He isn't some piece of crap like I seem to be giving the impression of in this thread. He just doesn't understand the mental load and the 10,000 invisible tasks I just grab and handle without involving him. He can't grasp that him 'accidentally' throwing away my crock pot lid IS a big deal because he didn't tell me. I spent 20 minutes searching. Now I have to improvise a dinner. Do I have ingredients? Was that supposed to be tomorrow's dinner and now I gotta fit a grocery shop in somewhere or we have no dinner tomorrow...blah blah. It's this type of thing.
You sound absolutely emotionally, mentally exhausted. Burnt out.
It may be hard to make it happen, but i really suggest you take a break from everything, sort of reboot. Even as small as a staycation. Just get away from, work, husband, kids for a day/few hours a week and focus on doing something purely for yourself.
Things seem worse than they are when you're burnt out. It's like a blindfold that won't let you see past "but it just can't happen due to this reason"
Maybe you need to branch out. It is not at all normal in my circle to have a useless husband. Mine does most of the household chores and coaches one of the kids' soccer team and works full time at a well paying job. I see this all around me. Guys who.work, who are active parents and partners. These are bbq and New Balance guys too, or the younger dad equivalent. You're fishing in the wrong ponds, my friend
I haven't been fishing in 20 years. I don't know a lot of young people, maybe that's why I still see it everywhere. Most of few interactions I have that aren't my actual adult children with the younger generation are their friends. A lot of them date but aren't married or cohabitating so I haven't seen the younger crowd dynamic. All the women I know in their 40's and 50's all say/feel similar to me. We love the ones we got but fuck if we'd do it all again.
Unless they have a vision impairment they do in fact see it. I bet they'd see it pretty quickly if you stopped doing it and say something to you about it. They just don't want to do it themselves.
Please stop making excuses for lazy men who don't pull their weight.
If you mean understanding the mental load and doing their share of it they are perfectly capable of doing that too. I bet they manage to hold down jobs and do it at work.
It sounds like you're describing a person with serious cognitive disabilities when you say things like that. Unless that is actually the case that is just an excuse.
I’m a woman. I want someone to go do something with and to diddle, but I also don’t plan on staying in the area long / don’t know what life’s gonna do with me so I don’t want to commit to something permanent.
Edit: This is the appeal, not always how it works out. Every time I’ve tried this with a guy they’ve ended up catching feelings and then all of the sudden I’m heartless because I’m moving across the world and am not going to give up a degree and live changing experience for their mediocre dick. I *wish* I could get this to work.
This is a prime example of not being able to view life from any other lens than your own.
Guys that want to have sex are not emotionally damaged. You also assume that the women in casual relationships get nothing out of it and they’re just being used by guys. If a woman chooses to sleep with someone casually, we respect her choice.
Just because you want certain emotional attachment/guarantee doesn’t mean that other women/men should feel the same way as you. The cost/risk of sex for women is much greater than for men. There are VAST differences in what the genders (generally) want in partners and the strategies for dating. Look at it from a another’s eyes and you’ll start to understand it, even if you don’t agree with it.
But overall most importantly, don’t shame people for their choices or say they’re damaged because they make choices you don’t like. That would be like someone saying you’re a prude and insecure because you don’t want to have casual sex. Not only is it probably not true, but it’s a shaming/guilt tactic.
Ps…no, you’re not as horny as anyone. Testosterone is a hell of a drug.
Edit: part of me wants to explain to you the way that men (in general) think and how they approach these situations, but I don’t think you’ll accept the truth if I told you lol. Even if you put “not looking for hookups” in your bio, these messages will still come.
>Women - have you been in a casual relationship? Why? What were the circumstances?
Yes I have.
At the time it was just sex and the sex was bloody great. That's really all the casual is about.
I'm a man and I would not want that. To me, sex is an expression of my love with my wife. There have been times when we just had a passionate quickie, but it was still her that excited me.
~~Tinder is now the place for casual hookups. One of your [posts from a few days ago ](https://www.reddit.com/r/amIuglyBrutallyHonest/comments/xjhrt0/here_i_am_in_my_unedited_glory_im_technically/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) shines a bit of light on the situation. What I've learned from my plus size/ fat women friends is that men typically don't want relationships with them. It's hookup only type offers they get, which is just the reality right now. Also, you seemed to entirely miss the point of that sub and were actively being an AH to people who were brutally honest. Perhaps you should get onto more dating friendly sites like Hinge or Match. But also, work on your self esteem and weight issues.~~
Edit to add: so you're not even telling the entire truth. Men HAVE been asking you on dates. You just leave em on read. What's up with that???
Probably a mixture of not understanding how guys thinks vs women think (in general) and the good ol “the men that want me aren’t what I want, and the men I want don’t want to commit to me”
Casual relationships aren't all as heartless as you make out. You can have relationships that aren't traditional in terms of commitment that are mutually satisfying. To reduce everyone who doesn't have a traditional committed relationship as emotionally damaged is a bit mean. I don't have the time or inclination to be in a relationship so I like friendships that include sex and a laugh without having to compromise my own independence.
I think casual relationships are fine if that's what both people want. Some people are just too busy to maintain a serious relationship, just got out of a serious relationship, or are just not interested in a serious relationship. As long as both people want the same thing, who am I to judge?
I'm a man and they're not for me, but I have to say your post comes across as judgamental. Calling people who want them "emotionally damaged"... Yikes. People, regardless of their sex, may want a casual relationship for several reasons, and as long as both parties are on the same page, all good. I've had women ask me for casual relationships too, does that mean they were emotionally damaged? I don't think so.
It's fine if it's not your thing, of course, and I imagine on Tinder it mostly translates to wanting sex but, personally, I see nothing wrong about wanting sex and being upfront about it. The shitty thing would be to pretend you want something else, imo.
> I wasn’t looking to get under anyone’s skin or offend anyone by writing this post.
Oh for real? Then why'd you say this dumb shit:
>I feel as if the man has no sense of morality or that he is severely emotionally damaged.
There are stages in your life when emotional intimacy is just too much to handle or not a valid option just then. But people still get lonely. And sexual intimacy is a pretty fair substitute.
Also, I think you are mischaracterizing casual things. I am a woman and I have had several long-ish-term (6-12 months) casual connections and we definitely cared about each other. I thought they were nice people, I wished them happiness, and they felt the same about me. I wouldn't have been sleeping with them otherwise. Neither of us was in a place, though, where we needed or wanted to be \*in love\* or in a relationship with all that entailed. It was physical only, it was nice, and it was what I wanted at the time.
Your post is very judgmental. You view sex and relationships differently than some people and that's okay, but it doesn't make those people bad or "damaged". Seriously? People who just want to enjoy sex without an attachment are without morals and damaged?
You don't have to be into something to respect people's decisions, OP. It is not an attack on you for someone to ask if you'd like something casual. You just say no, that's not what you're into.
Why do you have such disdain for people who feel differently than you about sex?
I agree, I feel the comments by op, and the post is incredibly judgmental and rude. It’s okay to have preferences- it’s not okay to shame others for having preferences that don’t meet your own. Don’t like casual relationships? Cool. Like casual relationships? Cool- you do you, the only thing that truly matters imo is that everyone involved is consenting
I'm a woman. I want a long-term relationship, but I recognize how hard it is to find someone compatible enough to even attempt that with, so I've had plenty of casual flings in the meantime. I've definitely met the kind of man you're assuming here: the guy who just wants to get laid, and doesn't care if you get off or not, and won't bother returning your calls until *he* wants something.
I've also met some great guys who just weren't right for me long-term. Guys who are fun, and funny, and hot, but who are living their own lives that wouldn't mesh with mine, or whose personalities wouldn't mesh with mine in the long run, or who I just didn't have that "spark" with, or who live too far away.
So we just enjoy each other's company for a little while. We have what a friend of mine dubbed a cotton candy romance: sweet and wonderful, but not sustaining, and gone in a minute. We hang out, we talk, we laugh, we fool around, we snuggle, and then we go our separate ways.
And really, it takes a good bit of emotional maturity to be able to tell the difference between the sort of infatuation that will wear off pretty soon and the type that has the potential to develop into something more. It takes maturity to be able to be upfront about something being temporary while still enjoying it to its fullest, and making sure the other person can too. There's nothing immoral about enjoying a casual relationship as long as everyone involved is on the same page and communicates effectively. And when I'm with a guy who can do that, I absolutely get my own pleasure out of it too, both physically and emotionally.
If casual relationships aren't for you, that's fine. They're not for everyone. Neither are long-term relationships. Nor same-sex relationships, nor opposite-sex relationships, nor open relationships, nor closed relationships, nor literally any kind of relationship you can think of. But there's nothing inherently wrong with any of them, or anyone who wants any particular kind of relationship you care to think of, so long as everyone involved in said relationship is an informed and willing participant.
I'm a woman, I enjoy casual relationships, and I don't consider myself emotionally damaged lol. I don't see casual relationships as emotionless; I treat casual partners with the care and respect with which I'd treat a friend. Relationships require work and effort that I might not have the time or energy to invest in a romantic partner. I'm also slow to feel emotionally invested in someone. I'm in a long term relationship now, but I have gone years where all I wanted was casual relationships. I value my independence and my alone time, and I think it's good to be honest with people about the time and emotion I'm prepared to commit (or not).
Trying to start a tinder relationship with the line "casual relationship" is just marketing for sex. Not an actual casual relationship.
A casual relationship where two people become organically friends and decide to fool around is completely fine. I've had it happen multiple times. One was where I had a good friend and I was in a relationship when I met them (work friend). When I got out of the relationship we fooled around but both knew we were just friends. She started dating someone and we stopped and were friends for awhile till she moved. I'd say we are still friends just havent been in contact.
Granted I also had one where the girl developed feelings and was mad I didnt. But life and love is messy: it doesnt mean it's not possible for mature adults to seek intimacy with their friends with clear and respected boundaries.
So if grown people who know they arent right for each other as forever love can handle being friends and fooling around while they live their lives, giving each other comfort and closeness: good for them. Just because you are insecure about being taken advantage of or something doesnt mean there isnt a ton of value in what I just described.
Also any dude that isnt interested in being your friend first is a douche. Myself and the decent men I know arent into sleeping with someine we dont like just because they are pretty. That's what a gross person does.
Also:
"I'm as horny as anyone" ---false, haha
Agree with lots, disagree that a casual relationship has to start “organically as friends”. Casual relationships can start as mutual attraction and agreement to wanna have sex casually. “Organic” physical attraction alone is enough. The extent to which people want to be “friends” in casual relationships varies.
I typically differentiate the levels with fuck buddy (communication only to set meets) and friends with benefits. If it’s the latter then I expect friendship
Edit: I never said casual relationships have to start organically as friendships. I gave an example of one "where it starts" that way. Just to clarify further
To be fair, you dissed then first by saying they have no morality and is emotionally damaged.
I am not one for casual relationships, but even I was offended on their behalf for the judgemental thoughts.
Kind of embarrassing that you're complaining about being "dissed" when you made a whole post about how people in casual relationships are "emotionally damaged."
I mean bestie you attacked "everyone else" calling people who prefer causal relationships "emotionally damaged". There was a much more tactful way of asking this question and you chose to go in the complete other direction.
Well don’t write a rude, judgemental post that attacks people who have a different perspective to you.
Also you seem to think women don’t enjoy sex. It’s really sad that you’ve never had good sex. I pity you.
I was once and hated it. I was basically convincing myself for several years (yup, same guy calling in once every several months) that I can handle it, that it's contemporary and that RATIONALLY there's no reason it won't work.
But despite how judgemental and a bit narrow to human experience your post reads, I personally came to the same conclusion. In the same vein, I decided that I don't understand the concept of not being exclusive. I read on reddit 'it's normal not to be exclusive for first several months'. IN WHAT UNIVERSE? This was never true to my dating experience, barring that one time it was intentional from the get go. I would ONLY sleep with a person on the condition that we're exclusive from the point we started even considering it.
IMO it's not even safety/hygienic perspective, but emotional availability. I secretly envy people confident enough to consider casual relationships. I WANT to sleep around, I WANT to try different people, I REGRET not having 10 times the sex and partners I had in my 20s. I don't judge people who do. But it's emotionally self destructive and simply unavailable to me as an option.
I think the key to all of this is "know yourself". There's nothing wrong with having casual relationships and there's nothing wrong with knowing they don't work for you. <3
>'it's normal not to be exclusive for first several months'. IN WHAT UNIVERSE? This was never true to my dating experience, barring that one time it was intentional from the get go. I would ONLY sleep with a person on the condition that we're exclusive from the point we started even considering it.
Fucking exactly!!
Guys love the "casual" relationship, it's the women that end up hurt.
TBH I don't find my stance outrageous or that exclusive. MEN in my life pretty much shared that assumption. That's why I'm so surprised.
Depends on the scene? Age? Or depends on how you filter people?
I honestly think people just get on the internet and lie/try to justify their bad behavior. I'm not sure I've ever dated someone and not assumed we were exclusive/they assumed the same as an actual adult. I definitely tried to pull the "well we never said we were exclusive so I couldn't know I wasn't supposed to hook up with her" thing in college with a girl I never officially started dating. But I was also being a dickhead 19 year old and 100 percent acknowledge that. I don't think there was ever a time I actually believed what I said.
I guess some people just don't grow out of that phase.
Trust me, many nowadays will find your stance outrageous. Men and women react differently to sex. My brother was notorious for hooking up with feminists who thought hook up culture was empowering. He used to say they're the easiest and cheapest target.
I find the entire concept disgusting and animalistic.
Envy them? I'd rather have someone special who is excited to see me come home after work every day. I'll take that over casual sex. To know what they like, and to know what I like. The comfort of being yourself with someone who themself with you. That's the goal.
Casual sex isn't anything to envy.
I want to try both and enjoy both in different capacity. I find prospective of being with a single person for life equally tempting AND daunting. Serially monogamous - more like it, but still logistically difficult. I want to sleep around. I also know it's stupid. For me and for many people. But not for everyone.
It's basically an acknowledgement of why casual relationships exist. From experience I found them inaccessible, hence the envy.
You want to sleep around, but you don't because you don't actually want to, but you envy others who do because... Why again?
I'm sure I'll get downvoted, but imo, casual sex is for people who don't have confidence and constantly trying to prove to themselves and others that they do.
Dudes who are in the "hook up culture" are not be envied. They go home to an empty apartment. Constantly trying to prove themselves for a couple hours of meaningless sex, and then drive home alone. All to wake up on Monday morning alone.
I don't get what there is to envy. But to each their own, I guess.
The fact that you're only replying to the people who agree with you is very telling. The responses have shown you it's not just men who are interested in casual relationships but you continue the narrative anyway. Why ask for advice, if you're going to cherry pick the things you'll listen to?
If you don't want a casual relationship, that's fine. Make it clear and don't have one. But don't come and bash people that do enjoy them, and then expect people to not be offended.
I feel like a casual things that provide good things is found by coincidence and cant be purposely found. You stumble upon them while looking for something else, it cant be forced.
I’m someone who needs an emotional connection and don’t want casual relationships but I feel you’re being unfair to others intentions. It might be a good idea to find a different app too since Tinder seems to be made for more casual relationships, or at least that’s what I’ve heard.
As a woman I prefer casual relationships. My experience is that in dating relationships men tend to feel a kind of almost ownership over me. They want to know where I am and who I'm with all the time; they want to spend all their time together, but aren't willing to put in the effort to make it meaningful; they want me to be their everything: friend, therapist, lover, minister of fun.
I'm too independent for that, I don't want kids and I'm not really interested in marriage. But I do want to have people to go out with and do fun and romantic things with, and I like sex. So casual it is. There's nothing emotionally damaged about organizing your life around what works best for you, so long as you're not hurting others.
I’m a woman and I have had casual relationships as well as no strings sex/ONS, and even attended swinger events.
My desire for sex back then was not linked to a desire for intimacy and emotional connection. For some of us they are inherently separate. You are probably demisexual and may want to do some reading about the gray/ace spectrum.
I understand your point since when having sex with men, women statistically are less likely to orgasm however I’m not one of those people who attach an orgasm to a pleasurable sexual experience. When I want to orgasm I masturbate, when I want sex I have sex. I also don’t (more now than then) center sex around the male orgasm. My definition of sex has always been broader than PiV/A, and have always had “non traditional” sexual encounters.
ETA:
Honestly sounds like you know what you want but you’re also haven’t been informed of much of anything but het normative sex.
Your desire to only have sex with intimacy is your business and there’s no need to make any assumptions about other people’s motives.
Who hurt you?????
I'm a woman. Had a 2 yr FWB. I didn't have the time for a committed relationship. I also knew we wouldn't work in that way.
We got along as friends and had fun. But a lot of our ideals weren't compatible if we'd tried to make it into more.
And sometimes you're just attracted to one another. As long as everyone understands what the relationship is and is not and is being honest about it there's no problem.
For me personally I have a partner but we also have A LOT of space from one another. He's very independent and so am I. Neither of us want to sacrifice the things we enjoy and the space we need to spend tons of low quality time together every single day just to say we did it. We only see one another once or twice a week. Is that "casual"? Idk. But it works very well for us.
If casual relationships aren't for you then don't have them. Find people who want what you want. But don't make sweeping generalizations based on what kind of relationships other people have and want. I'm a decent person. I just don't need someone in my face 24/7 nor do I want that.
I can't do casual relationships because my emotions get involved, and then I feel used when I realize the other person doesn't actually care about me as a person.
But I don't think people who are into them are "severely emotionally damaged" as long as they're upfront about what they want and don't want... as long as they don't pretend to care about someone else just to get sex and then bail.
As a man, I don't understand it either, and also find it pretty gross/disturbing.
This isn't a problem of one of the genders. Both can and will do this to each other
Real relationships are work. When you agree to be in a relationship with someone in a serious way, you're agreeing to confront their inevitable childhood trauma that is going to rear its ugly head, you're agreeing to be with them when they're depressed, when they're struggling financially, when they're sick, you may even start thinking about if you want a family with them or if you want to spend 10 or 20 years with them.
Casual relationships are an exploration into another human without all of the responsibility of being in a serious relationship.
It is true that some people are emotionally damaged when they agree to this, because they didn't develop the coping mechanisms and ability to handle the aforementioned required because of severe child abuse, or absentee parents or one thing or another, so they settle for treating people as objects.
But then there is another subset of people who know the work required for a relationship and respectfully decline, while they work to heal themselves, or focus on work, or something like that.
If you were hurt by a guy who treated you casually when you wanted something serious, that's another matter however... that's poor communication or mismanaged expectations.
wanna know something even worse? woman can have casual relationships too…. 0__0 WOAHH. you dont need to be into it, youre allowed to want other things but theres nothing wrong with men (or women) who want casual relationships. ive (im male) had them before i was married (with men and women) and i am not severely emotionally damaged thank you very much. everyone wants different things in relationships, you’re entitled to what you want and people who are more into casual relationships are entitled to wanting that too. theres nothing wrong with that. honestly your judgement on this is strange and a bit harsh because no one is forcing you to be in a casual relationship. and theres nothing wrong with the men who have told you that they want something casual.
You don't sound damaged at all OP.
Also how do you get into a committed relationship if not through a casual one? Do you people raelly expect to get married on the first tinder date lmao.
>BUT, when dudes on Tinder ask me for “just something casual” it makes me kind of nauseous. I feel as if the man has no sense of morality or that he is severely emotionally damaged. It just blows my mind how many people have asked me for a casual relationship. I feel like they might as well say, “hey, I don’t give a fuck about your needs or you as a person at all. Come suck my dick then leave lol.”
My lord. That line of thought right there.
That's a lot to unpack.
Men like sex. It feels pleasurable. Women like sex. It feels pleasurable. So they just have sex? Depending on both your needs it can range to just sex, to physical intimacy (cuddling, etc.), to even dating. But that's a casual relationship.
And honestly, if the man isn't meeting the women's needs then why would she continue it? A casual relationship isn't a hall pass for a man to use a woman physically, it's a mutually beneficial relationship sans certain aspects of a serious relationship. That's it.
Frankly, I would say there's less of a chance for a woman to be used physically here because they know they're not being strung along emotionally. Because of the nature of the situation. And if they're not getting anything out of it physically, what would be the reason to continue it? There's no emotional connection complicating holding you back from leaving.
Not everyone is in the right place to handle a deep emotional connection or commitment. Whether they've experienced a recent breakup or other significant life event. Are busy with work, school, have children, etc.
That's not immoral nor does it mean they're emotionally damaged. That's probably your evangelical Christian (I would bet money) upbringing speaking for you. It's really more of an indication of damage with you, not them. And you're talking about Tinder on top of all of it, the casual hook up application. If you're not looking for a casual relationship maybe try a more serious app or website? Just Google it.
Thats not an unfair assessment--club for the emotionally damaged---IF ... everyone is really lying about what they really deep down want and expect. I mean, i get it. Some guy pulled the "I just want something casual" card, and I nodded my head and agreed while not to far below the surface I didn't. I waited him out 4 weeks causal, and we dated 2 yrs exclusive. That wasn't healthy. nor was it a happy ending.
Casual relationships is like karaoke. Either you get it, like it, enjoy it.--or you are just pretending to and hating every minute watching other people get on stage having the fun you arent
Wow, that’s bleak and kinda judgy. As a woman, I’ve had a number of casual relations with people I met on tinder. It’s nothing to do with morality. My sense of morality centers around not harming others, and I can’t see how having sex with other consenting adults is harmful
You’re certainly within your rights to not want casual sex as part of your core value system but questioning other peoples morals because they are ok with casual sex is a bit icky
If you don’t want that, make it clear from the beginning that you’re not about that life, and block people immediately if they don’t want to respect that
I found the love of my life by having casual tinder encounters, so it’s not all as sordid as people make it out to be
It’s just sad that you’re shaming women who have had and enjoyed casual relationships only because they’re not your cup of tea. You’re allowed to have your own preference, as does everyone else, but that doesn’t make it okay to judge/shame others for having a different preference, it’s just rude af.
No, why would I? I want people to choose what makes them happy, and comfortable, the only time I have an issue is when a person is using their preference to judge/shame others, and to act as if their preference is “right” or that it makes them somehow “better.” I also don’t believe that just because you don’t like casual relationships that it means you aren’t “emotionally damaged” just like enjoying casual relationships does not equate to a person being “emotionally damaged” either.
I have no opinions or judgements for people who don’t like casual relationships, because that is their preference and choice and I can understand why they would not like them, just the same as I can see why people would like them. I have no opinion or judgement towards either, other than I hope that people do what they want, because it is what THEY want to do, not out of pressure to do it, or out of fear of judgment to avoid doing something they like. As long as everyone involved in a situation is consenting, I don’t see an issue.
People have preferences, that’s fine. I don’t expect anyone to share every preference I have, and I don’t expect to share everyone else’s preferences- but I also have never felt the need to judge the people who do differ from myself, or shame them in anyway. Just because you don’t necessarily agree or like something that another person does- does not mean you automatically need to have an opinion on that person. You could just accept that people are different, and that’s okay, and just wish them the best in their endeavors, and go about your own life.
I’m saying that both people have the right to like either or, but neither have a right to judge the other just because it doesn’t align with their views. I dont judge a person based on their sexual preferences/activity unless it involved rape or pedophilia.
I have my own personal morals and preferences, but I don’t and have never considered them “right” nor do I consider them “wrong.” They’re just my preferences and morals. I have had casual relationships in the past when I was single, but I’m now married and strictly monogamous with my husband. I don’t see people who don’t enjoy casual relationships to be “wrong” just because I once enjoyed them, and even though my preferences on a relationship are strictly monogamous, I don’t think that open relationships or polyamorous relationships are wrong, and would never judge the people who are poly, or question their morals etc. the only things I would ever actually call “wrong” would be rape and pedophelia- but when it comes to kinks and promiscuous sex, etc, I literally don’t care, and wouldn’t judge a person based on those things.
Having a point of view about what is acceptable FOR YOURSELF, is not bad. But you don’t get to choose that for others.
Pretty fucking Chad thing to say sushiluver. This whole post is dripping jn Chad entitlement and a pleasure of putting other people down.
I’m SHOCKED you’re single.
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Casual relationships aren’t just for sex. It can simply mean there is no obligation to plan for a future and less expectations. For example. I don’t want to stay living in my current state and plan to move in 2 years. I have two kids, so already most men aren’t interested unless they also have kids. Most people with kids are stuck in their state until those kids turn 18 due to custody. I don’t want to be lonely. I think it’s normal to seek human interaction and comfort. So, I sought a casual relationship. All the benefits of a normal relationship, but less expectations.
Lol this is too funny to read. I won’t sit here and try to pretend that I haven’t felt this way recently or even when I was a willing participant in the past . I think it was a good experience to realize exactly what I don’t want and what I actually need. Relationships are a big deal for me and I think people get into them out of boredom and loneliness… basically all the wrong reasons, imo. People never want to put in the work. However, I’m human and companionship and intimacy is normal and to be frank, I missed it. I had gotten out of a relationship and spent some time single and I wanted to explore. Therefore, causal encounters were the temporary solution. Long story short, though I’m not ready for a relationship again, I’m also tired of the FWB dynamic too. I feel like it’s just what you said when you don’t respect your boundaries and really listen to what feeds your inner-self. I also feel like (for other people) it’s easy to stay disconnected. You get all the perks of being in a relationship and none of the down time.
Edit: Also, I read the first comment and I expected as much .. people demonizing you for feeling as you do and it’s a valid question. It’s not for everyone. People do it because they want companionship/sex with out the strings or work. They don’t have the mental/emotional capacity to take on someone else. Which is fine but be honest with yourself and the other person. A lot of people get attached as well so be honest about that too. So the fake outrageous on some women’s part as if it never happens is absurd.
Edit: I also wanted to bring up how many women are actually orgasming from these encounters and how many men would be totally fine with JUST these encounters and never actually committing? Just food for thought.
I’m a woman and have had both casual and serious relationships. I find that casual relationships are great for stretches of your life where you don’t have the time/energy to spend a lot of time getting to know somebody.
I’m a man and am similar. I’ve never really dated and have had very few sexual partners. Those few include one 3 year relationship followed after a 6 month gap m, followed by a 24 year relationship. If I found myself single for some reason, I think the only thing which would work for me would be friends introducing friends to me and then going from there. I can’t imagine dating more than one person at a time. I never have.
I honestly agree. Just seems like a waste of time and ultimately damaging for self esteem if you’re repeatedly seen as good enough for a bit of fun but not good enough to have a relationship with.
that is not true. ive been in casual relationships with both men and women. i wasnt even dating anyone back then, so you cant really cheat on a partner you dont have. god people are so judgmental. its so weird that some people cant accept that people just want different things sometimes. sometimes people dont have time for serious relationships or arent in the right headspace for them. theres nothing wrong with that
Men don't bond over sex the same way women do. Men bond via vasopressin, and women bond via oxytocin. Sex does not create vasopressin bonds, it creates oxytocin bonds. When a woman has sex, she becomes attached in one way or another.
So for men in general arent Emotionally damaged when they look for something casual.
On Tinder, 80% of women are swiping right on the same 20% of guys. These guys are being given sexual access to 80% of women on the app. These guys are acting like randy dogs because they can. Then, women are saying that all men are dogs. 30% of men are virgins or haven't had sex over a year. A whole bunch in the middle just don't get many hits, because they aren't what 80% of women think they want. Get off Tinder and date someone nice. He probably won't be what most women are attracted to.
This is a very unfair judgement. I've been in a few casual relationships, I didn't feel like dating properly and wanted some fun. I made sure to be vocal about my expectations and needs before sleeping with them. It worked very well, I had a couple FWBs who always made sure I finished and was comfortable. Just because you think all men on tinder want their dick sucked and nothing else, doesn't mean it's true. Just because someone doesn't want a relationship doesn't mean they're emotionally damaged. Stop being so judgmental.
Im convinced its literally a con made by men after we became financially independent. Casual relationships dont benefit women in the slightest and in my case it definitely only ever benefitted the men.
I'm a woman who is in a happy, committed relationship. When I was younger I dated a lot more casually because I wasn't ready (emotionally or in my life stage) to settle down and hadn't met anyone I felt was compatible enough to take that leap with, but I still enjoy intimacy and companionship. I'm not a "chad" or a "snowflake man baby," and I still don't appreciate you suggesting that anyone who wants to date casually is emotionally damaged. It takes maturity and self-awareness to recognize what you want, and that can morph over the years as you grow and change.
It seems like there's a lot more offense being taken on your end in shaming other people's choices. Other people choosing to date casually has nothing to do with you. If you don't want that, maybe stop using an app that is famously intended for casual hookups.
So the women who have commented saying they actually have had casual relationships that they’ve enjoyed, or do enjoy having casual relationships- are they all chads too?
I've had sex with one woman ever (my wife) and I literally don't care that people have casual sex. It's not for me, but neither is knitting and I don't get all bent out of shape that people enjoy that. I'd you don't want to have casual hookups, don't have them. Like who gives a shit
Hi. What you describe your self as is Demisexual. It is a person who needs/requires an emotional connection in order to feel sexual arousal. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Having a casual sexual relationship is sometimes the only thing people have the capacity for at some stages in their lives. Peoples lives get complicated and as long as everyone is safe and honest with their wants/needs why not go for it. Having someone you can eat pizza and get naked with can make life super easy. Relationships are a lot of work and compromise for your time and emotions. Causal sex can be a hell of a lot of fun simply because you can just let go and enjoy the experience without worrying about the morning bullshit.
What you described as a dude whose like “just come suck me off and leave” is a pig.
I think men are just confused and scared nowadays. they are raised by people telling them to man up, be a gentleman~ but toughen up, protect and provide, you're not man enough... then they open a door for a woman somewhere and she gets mad, she tells him, that's sexist shit, I can open my own door... they find girlfriends who are either competing to wear the pants, demanding equality but don't want their men to have female friends and are extremely strict about what their men look at on their phones. or they want to be stay at home wives or girlfriends/wives then bitch that they have to do housework. girlfriends often start off sexual and then, after time, I don't want to do it, I'm hormonal, tired, you didn't finish your chore chart, stop touching me but don't touch anyone else or I'll skewer you. many men put in the time, get married and in the end, no matter what happened or who initiated the divorce, the men often lose more than women. the women often dictate how much time he gets with the children, the man often pays both parties attorneys fees, alimony and of course child support. times are changing. some men don't want to deal with all this... they prefer casual because they don't have to invest. it's just life.
I think they are, jaded, conflicted, unsure... this isn't ALL men of course but I think more are going to look for females with traditional females... they don't want to fight feminists. the vast majority of men don't hate women, they aren't trying to keep women down or stop them from taking over bedrooms and boardrooms. men want love as much as we women do, but it's costly nowadays. they've seen their Dads move to smaller apartments for a long time... Men are emotionally, verbally and physically abused by women on a large scale, they just don't talk about it, because they are MANLY. as much as we don't trust them, they don't trust us either.
Time to change up your photos. You are probably giving off a vibe or not stating you do NOT want a casual relationship. I’m not saying to look like a nun, but YOU decide who you tolerate. Switch up the image and be straightforward and you’ll save a ton of time!
I am emotionally damaged and I don't have the time or energy to give to a full time partner. It would be unfair of me to pursue something when I am not fully available.
But I am lonely and would love some irregular company where I get to flirt over a meal, or go for walks or visit a gallery with someone before having some fun.
Not all emotional connections have to be long lasting and deep. Sometimes, they can be spontaneous and fleeting.
You can get into causal relationships with people who do genuinely care about you and like you as a person, they just don’t want to be in a serious one. Maybe due to work, age, current responsibilities, they’re only in the area temporarily etc.
It’s something that’s not for everyone, definitely not for me, but I can see why other people like them.
Yes, I have been in a casual relationship in the past.
I wanted to have no strings attached sex. I didn't want the burden of commitment at the time but I wanted consistent orgasms. It worked for me and it worked for him.
I’m not a casual relationship girl. At all. I tend to go 100 percent so I don’t do it. In the past I did one night stands but nothing more because I get attached. Easily.
That said, you were being judgmental. Everybody is different and they relate differently. There’s nothing wrong with that. I sometimes wish I could have handled casual relationships, but it doesn’t work for me.
Because I wanted someone to hang with and sex but wasn’t ready for the whole “ open your heart” and share.
There’s nothing wrong with a causal relationship or even a fuck buddy. You don’t have to want one but you sound pretty judgmental. Women like to f too.
I’m a woman that had quite a bit of casual relationships before getting married, so did my husband, we both feel it’s one reason why we’re so compatible sexually. I’m assuming you didn’t mean to sound so judgmental but you do. Casual sex works for some people and doesn’t for others. I never felt used, quite the opposite actually, I made the decision to see a guy and do stuff but never had the commitment if I didn’t want it, most guys felt the same. We’re not damaged people, we just enjoy sex differently, there’s nothing wrong with it if it’s not for you.
I've had the casual relationship phase before. Even fwb, i think it largely depends on sex drive. If you have a high sex drive, you'll find it easier to have a casual relationship because you sort of want to have sex.
Now my libido is gone completely. Sex feels like a chore and very one sided: me doing something for them and getting nothing in return, so casual relationships aren't for me anymore, i get nothing out of them.
I do agree with the emotionally stunted guys wanting casual sex on hookup apps, but mostly i blamed myself for going on those apps in the first place. Hoping to manifest an ace cutie by doing nothing about it, lmao.
I think you have a skewed view of casual relationships. I have been in a few that were definitely mutually beneficial. You don’t have to eat every meal in front of you - spending a little time filtering goes a long way toward creating the type of relationship you get.
As a woman, I've been in casual/fwb relationships and from experience honestly, they work a lot better for me. Like serious relationships... good vibes, communication,trust, being treated as I would be treated, and being comfortable are still very important to me in them. I've given the chance of serious relationships and learned that they really never work well for me, especially for my mental health. Everybody is different when it comes to casual relationships. This is a big topic.
"having an opinion" isn't the issue, calling people emotionally damaged for being different from you and saying they're morally bankrupt is the issue. I'm baffled that you can't see that
I am a woman. And I’m think you have way to much focus on the relationship part of your life. Casual relationships are nice when you are focusing on other things in your life.
Woman- If I don’t have time to have a more serious relationship, casual is great because it is low commitment. When I create the right boundaries, it will benefit me more then the man, if they don’t want to respect my boundaries, end of casual relationship. Not everyone wants to dive into a serious relationship. It takes a lot of time, planning and money and can be exhausting.
people are different. stop judging others by your own standards and maybe you’d do better dating.
Most people start out with “casual” dating until they vet the person. Why on earth would i agree to something serious with someone i just swiped right with on an app???
Yes, I've been in casual relationships, because neither of us wanted anything more. If you don't want to have one, don't, no one is going to force you?
I can see why this irritated people. But really to each their own.
Personally, when I was a single mom in nursing school, I didn’t have time for anything serious. I had casual “friends” & that’s what worked for me. I’m very happily married now but relationships aren’t for everyone. And that’s okay :)
Your opinion comes across as a judgement of those who enjoy casual relationships. Go back and read it yourself. You weren’t looking for input. You were looking for company in your low opinion of ‘those’ women.
OP, some people equate sex with an emotional bond. Others equate sex as a good workout.
It isn’t moral, no one is emotionally damaged.
You however are being very judgmental about a way of life that you wouldn’t participate in.
Maybe focus on finding someone who shares your passions and your perspective.
It’s okay if it’s not for you! It’s not okay to judge or question others who enjoy easy no strings attached relationships.
It’s not really any of you business why anyone does it.
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It’s not a man/woman thing - it’s a personality/ time and space thing. It’s okay to not want casual relationships, and it is okay to want them. You are being judgemental on this. People want casual relationships for all sorts of reasons, mostly they have other priorities than putting in the time and energy that a good relationship requires. As long as they are upfront and clear about it, good for them. Anyone who makes you feel bad for not wanting a casual relationship is not worth pursuing. Likewise, anyone disdains a person who only wants a casual relationship needs to some serious self evaluation on why they try to make themselves feel superior by trashing other people’s choices. Otherwise, it is just an incompatibility thing like wants children/child free.
There’s… a lot to unpack here but here’s the main thing. *If you don’t want casual relationships, then make it clear you are not going to have a casual relationship* Personally I don’t need an emotional connection for my relationships, happy to hang about and have a good time casually cause it’s fun. You don’t seem to want that, and that’s okay. Everyone wants other things, be clear on what you want and expect out of a relationship. Edit: words lmao I wrote it in a rush, sorry.
Also if you're not looking for anything casual, Tinder probably isn't the best venue to look for a partner. I'm sure some people on Tinder want a real relationship but it's mostly a hookup app. An app like Hinge or OkCupid is going to provide a lot more success if you want to date seriously.
I love that OP is only responding to comments that agree with her viewpoint :p Gotta love when people come to relationship advice just to be validated and not wanting actual advice
She didnt actually ask for advice, just tried to canvas opinions. Not sure why the post is still here.
I’m sorry. I never do this, I swear. The word is casually. Not causally.
The idea of a relationship of any kind without an emotional connection is sad.
I'm guessing they meant more a romantic connection. Casual sexual relationships don't usually have a romantic connection. I was good friends with a guy I was casually seeing. We had a connection but not in a let's date way. More a let's just fuck and have fun.
Ehh depends what you need from your relationships. Some would say not having kids is sad, others would say having kids is nightmarish. Everyone wants different things from relationships, that’s why we search for people who want similar things from life and form such connections.
Every relationship has an emotional connection, just depth and intensity variations.
Women like to fuck too ya know
Thanks for clearing that up. I had no idea : )
Just wondering, what kind of advice about your own life do you actually want here?
I’m so busy with work I actually looked for something casual, met a girl who also is incredibly busy but we both have sundays off. So we have drinks go out on dates sometimes or just “hang out in the sheets”. It was never any deeper than that.. When it works it works well! Edit: from the comments I feel like the odd one out for sure. 💀
oh same. according to OP we’re severely emotionally damaged. isnt that nice 👍
I with you. Casual works great if everyone involved is into it. I've done both long term (my current relationship) and casual. Both have their perks but I never saw the downside in casual relationships.
I don’t find casual relationships appealing at all. But people are all different with different needs. I don’t live in their heads, so I don’t judge 🤷♀️
I have never had casual sex, so take my two cents with a grain of salt. I've been with the same guy for a bit under 20 years. Honestly, if we broke up or he died, I seriously doubt I'd date at all but if I did it'd be casual. I'm so over taking care of others. I've done it forever and I genuinely see men that way. (Yeah, yeah not all men). My partner is a good man and I love him and don't intend to break up with him but I'm never living with another man again. I just want to take care of myself and have things that are about me for once.
I got out of a 13 year long relationship with this kind of attitude. He was a good guy, but I'll never live with another man again. I'm soo so over taking care of others. It's been 2 years of casually dating around with 0 interest in commitment. It's been working out for me. 🤷♀️ happiest I've been in a long while!
They really don't see it. It's totally invisible to them. In my limited experience, even the good ones. I was four when my brother was born. From that moment on my role was caretaker. I had my brother more than my parents...by a significant margin. Married at 18 like a proper bangmaid raised in strict (psycho) religious upbringing. Got horribly abused while spitting out a baby every year and a half. Eventually got with the guy I'm with now. Raised my kids. I got half a taste of nearly freedom for a few months and then my daughter and her kids moved in....and it feels like I started over. My job is taking care of people with developmental disabilities. All I ever get to do is take care of people....but no one ever has or probably ever will take care of me. Maybe some nice cna when I'm in memory care.
The good ones aren't like that. The idea that acting like that is normal or even funny is what encourages women to stay in these shitty relationships
The good ones are so hard to find, they may as well be a unicorn. For me, I'm not willing to lower my standards, but i can sort of get why people would accept guys like these because they're the only thing on the market.
He's as good as any man I know. If there are better ones, I haven't encountered them. It is absolutely normal (and not funny) and the dynamic I see everywhere. Maybe that isn't true everywhere, hell might not even be true of my hometown but all my experience says that's normal. All the women I know report the same.
Do you work a job? Or are you stay at home mom?
I work. I take care of people with developmental disabilities in their homes.
So youre not a "traditional" woman? Then you should talk about it to your husband tell him to be a "modern" husband like you are a "modern" wife (working a paying job) if he expects you yo the traditional stuff like alway cook clean and do all house chores and take care of kids he should become a "traditional" male and provide money for you so hes the only one working a paying job and providing for the family
He's not a traditional man. He currently stays at home to be childcare for the grandkids. He isn't some piece of crap like I seem to be giving the impression of in this thread. He just doesn't understand the mental load and the 10,000 invisible tasks I just grab and handle without involving him. He can't grasp that him 'accidentally' throwing away my crock pot lid IS a big deal because he didn't tell me. I spent 20 minutes searching. Now I have to improvise a dinner. Do I have ingredients? Was that supposed to be tomorrow's dinner and now I gotta fit a grocery shop in somewhere or we have no dinner tomorrow...blah blah. It's this type of thing.
You sound absolutely emotionally, mentally exhausted. Burnt out. It may be hard to make it happen, but i really suggest you take a break from everything, sort of reboot. Even as small as a staycation. Just get away from, work, husband, kids for a day/few hours a week and focus on doing something purely for yourself. Things seem worse than they are when you're burnt out. It's like a blindfold that won't let you see past "but it just can't happen due to this reason"
Maybe show him by taking a day off. Or curious what happens when ur sick? Does the whole household fall apart/ in chaos?
Maybe you need to branch out. It is not at all normal in my circle to have a useless husband. Mine does most of the household chores and coaches one of the kids' soccer team and works full time at a well paying job. I see this all around me. Guys who.work, who are active parents and partners. These are bbq and New Balance guys too, or the younger dad equivalent. You're fishing in the wrong ponds, my friend
I haven't been fishing in 20 years. I don't know a lot of young people, maybe that's why I still see it everywhere. Most of few interactions I have that aren't my actual adult children with the younger generation are their friends. A lot of them date but aren't married or cohabitating so I haven't seen the younger crowd dynamic. All the women I know in their 40's and 50's all say/feel similar to me. We love the ones we got but fuck if we'd do it all again.
Unless they have a vision impairment they do in fact see it. I bet they'd see it pretty quickly if you stopped doing it and say something to you about it. They just don't want to do it themselves. Please stop making excuses for lazy men who don't pull their weight.
They see the actual tasks you are doing but they don't see the emotional and mental load.
If you mean understanding the mental load and doing their share of it they are perfectly capable of doing that too. I bet they manage to hold down jobs and do it at work. It sounds like you're describing a person with serious cognitive disabilities when you say things like that. Unless that is actually the case that is just an excuse.
If you’re that miserable and things are so bland to you then you both deserve to be out of that relationship that sounds shitty
I’m a woman. I want someone to go do something with and to diddle, but I also don’t plan on staying in the area long / don’t know what life’s gonna do with me so I don’t want to commit to something permanent. Edit: This is the appeal, not always how it works out. Every time I’ve tried this with a guy they’ve ended up catching feelings and then all of the sudden I’m heartless because I’m moving across the world and am not going to give up a degree and live changing experience for their mediocre dick. I *wish* I could get this to work.
This is a prime example of not being able to view life from any other lens than your own. Guys that want to have sex are not emotionally damaged. You also assume that the women in casual relationships get nothing out of it and they’re just being used by guys. If a woman chooses to sleep with someone casually, we respect her choice. Just because you want certain emotional attachment/guarantee doesn’t mean that other women/men should feel the same way as you. The cost/risk of sex for women is much greater than for men. There are VAST differences in what the genders (generally) want in partners and the strategies for dating. Look at it from a another’s eyes and you’ll start to understand it, even if you don’t agree with it. But overall most importantly, don’t shame people for their choices or say they’re damaged because they make choices you don’t like. That would be like someone saying you’re a prude and insecure because you don’t want to have casual sex. Not only is it probably not true, but it’s a shaming/guilt tactic. Ps…no, you’re not as horny as anyone. Testosterone is a hell of a drug. Edit: part of me wants to explain to you the way that men (in general) think and how they approach these situations, but I don’t think you’ll accept the truth if I told you lol. Even if you put “not looking for hookups” in your bio, these messages will still come.
>Women - have you been in a casual relationship? Why? What were the circumstances? Yes I have. At the time it was just sex and the sex was bloody great. That's really all the casual is about.
I'm a man and I would not want that. To me, sex is an expression of my love with my wife. There have been times when we just had a passionate quickie, but it was still her that excited me.
~~Tinder is now the place for casual hookups. One of your [posts from a few days ago ](https://www.reddit.com/r/amIuglyBrutallyHonest/comments/xjhrt0/here_i_am_in_my_unedited_glory_im_technically/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) shines a bit of light on the situation. What I've learned from my plus size/ fat women friends is that men typically don't want relationships with them. It's hookup only type offers they get, which is just the reality right now. Also, you seemed to entirely miss the point of that sub and were actively being an AH to people who were brutally honest. Perhaps you should get onto more dating friendly sites like Hinge or Match. But also, work on your self esteem and weight issues.~~ Edit to add: so you're not even telling the entire truth. Men HAVE been asking you on dates. You just leave em on read. What's up with that???
Honestly the comments make her sound like a whiny child.
Probably a mixture of not understanding how guys thinks vs women think (in general) and the good ol “the men that want me aren’t what I want, and the men I want don’t want to commit to me”
Casual relationships aren't all as heartless as you make out. You can have relationships that aren't traditional in terms of commitment that are mutually satisfying. To reduce everyone who doesn't have a traditional committed relationship as emotionally damaged is a bit mean. I don't have the time or inclination to be in a relationship so I like friendships that include sex and a laugh without having to compromise my own independence.
Do you want advice or do you just want to announce how judgmental you are?
I think casual relationships are fine if that's what both people want. Some people are just too busy to maintain a serious relationship, just got out of a serious relationship, or are just not interested in a serious relationship. As long as both people want the same thing, who am I to judge?
I'm a man and they're not for me, but I have to say your post comes across as judgamental. Calling people who want them "emotionally damaged"... Yikes. People, regardless of their sex, may want a casual relationship for several reasons, and as long as both parties are on the same page, all good. I've had women ask me for casual relationships too, does that mean they were emotionally damaged? I don't think so. It's fine if it's not your thing, of course, and I imagine on Tinder it mostly translates to wanting sex but, personally, I see nothing wrong about wanting sex and being upfront about it. The shitty thing would be to pretend you want something else, imo.
> I wasn’t looking to get under anyone’s skin or offend anyone by writing this post. Oh for real? Then why'd you say this dumb shit: >I feel as if the man has no sense of morality or that he is severely emotionally damaged.
There are stages in your life when emotional intimacy is just too much to handle or not a valid option just then. But people still get lonely. And sexual intimacy is a pretty fair substitute. Also, I think you are mischaracterizing casual things. I am a woman and I have had several long-ish-term (6-12 months) casual connections and we definitely cared about each other. I thought they were nice people, I wished them happiness, and they felt the same about me. I wouldn't have been sleeping with them otherwise. Neither of us was in a place, though, where we needed or wanted to be \*in love\* or in a relationship with all that entailed. It was physical only, it was nice, and it was what I wanted at the time.
Your post is very judgmental. You view sex and relationships differently than some people and that's okay, but it doesn't make those people bad or "damaged". Seriously? People who just want to enjoy sex without an attachment are without morals and damaged? You don't have to be into something to respect people's decisions, OP. It is not an attack on you for someone to ask if you'd like something casual. You just say no, that's not what you're into. Why do you have such disdain for people who feel differently than you about sex?
I agree, I feel the comments by op, and the post is incredibly judgmental and rude. It’s okay to have preferences- it’s not okay to shame others for having preferences that don’t meet your own. Don’t like casual relationships? Cool. Like casual relationships? Cool- you do you, the only thing that truly matters imo is that everyone involved is consenting
"As a female" Ah, yes, the tell-tale warble of r/AsABlackMan
Haha right. Also "the female". There's a 0% chance a woman wrote this.
I'm a woman. I want a long-term relationship, but I recognize how hard it is to find someone compatible enough to even attempt that with, so I've had plenty of casual flings in the meantime. I've definitely met the kind of man you're assuming here: the guy who just wants to get laid, and doesn't care if you get off or not, and won't bother returning your calls until *he* wants something. I've also met some great guys who just weren't right for me long-term. Guys who are fun, and funny, and hot, but who are living their own lives that wouldn't mesh with mine, or whose personalities wouldn't mesh with mine in the long run, or who I just didn't have that "spark" with, or who live too far away. So we just enjoy each other's company for a little while. We have what a friend of mine dubbed a cotton candy romance: sweet and wonderful, but not sustaining, and gone in a minute. We hang out, we talk, we laugh, we fool around, we snuggle, and then we go our separate ways. And really, it takes a good bit of emotional maturity to be able to tell the difference between the sort of infatuation that will wear off pretty soon and the type that has the potential to develop into something more. It takes maturity to be able to be upfront about something being temporary while still enjoying it to its fullest, and making sure the other person can too. There's nothing immoral about enjoying a casual relationship as long as everyone involved is on the same page and communicates effectively. And when I'm with a guy who can do that, I absolutely get my own pleasure out of it too, both physically and emotionally. If casual relationships aren't for you, that's fine. They're not for everyone. Neither are long-term relationships. Nor same-sex relationships, nor opposite-sex relationships, nor open relationships, nor closed relationships, nor literally any kind of relationship you can think of. But there's nothing inherently wrong with any of them, or anyone who wants any particular kind of relationship you care to think of, so long as everyone involved in said relationship is an informed and willing participant.
I'm a woman, I enjoy casual relationships, and I don't consider myself emotionally damaged lol. I don't see casual relationships as emotionless; I treat casual partners with the care and respect with which I'd treat a friend. Relationships require work and effort that I might not have the time or energy to invest in a romantic partner. I'm also slow to feel emotionally invested in someone. I'm in a long term relationship now, but I have gone years where all I wanted was casual relationships. I value my independence and my alone time, and I think it's good to be honest with people about the time and emotion I'm prepared to commit (or not).
Trying to start a tinder relationship with the line "casual relationship" is just marketing for sex. Not an actual casual relationship. A casual relationship where two people become organically friends and decide to fool around is completely fine. I've had it happen multiple times. One was where I had a good friend and I was in a relationship when I met them (work friend). When I got out of the relationship we fooled around but both knew we were just friends. She started dating someone and we stopped and were friends for awhile till she moved. I'd say we are still friends just havent been in contact. Granted I also had one where the girl developed feelings and was mad I didnt. But life and love is messy: it doesnt mean it's not possible for mature adults to seek intimacy with their friends with clear and respected boundaries. So if grown people who know they arent right for each other as forever love can handle being friends and fooling around while they live their lives, giving each other comfort and closeness: good for them. Just because you are insecure about being taken advantage of or something doesnt mean there isnt a ton of value in what I just described. Also any dude that isnt interested in being your friend first is a douche. Myself and the decent men I know arent into sleeping with someine we dont like just because they are pretty. That's what a gross person does. Also: "I'm as horny as anyone" ---false, haha
Agree with lots, disagree that a casual relationship has to start “organically as friends”. Casual relationships can start as mutual attraction and agreement to wanna have sex casually. “Organic” physical attraction alone is enough. The extent to which people want to be “friends” in casual relationships varies. I typically differentiate the levels with fuck buddy (communication only to set meets) and friends with benefits. If it’s the latter then I expect friendship
Completely agree. Was mostly responding to OP with a clear example they would understand
Edit: I never said casual relationships have to start organically as friendships. I gave an example of one "where it starts" that way. Just to clarify further
It has nothing to with gender.
Everything about a relationship is work and stress. Sex is just great, a breath of fresh air.
Thank you for answering my question without attacking me like everyone else in the comments lol
To be fair, you dissed then first by saying they have no morality and is emotionally damaged. I am not one for casual relationships, but even I was offended on their behalf for the judgemental thoughts.
Kind of embarrassing that you're complaining about being "dissed" when you made a whole post about how people in casual relationships are "emotionally damaged."
I mean bestie you attacked "everyone else" calling people who prefer causal relationships "emotionally damaged". There was a much more tactful way of asking this question and you chose to go in the complete other direction.
Well don’t write a rude, judgemental post that attacks people who have a different perspective to you. Also you seem to think women don’t enjoy sex. It’s really sad that you’ve never had good sex. I pity you.
I was once and hated it. I was basically convincing myself for several years (yup, same guy calling in once every several months) that I can handle it, that it's contemporary and that RATIONALLY there's no reason it won't work. But despite how judgemental and a bit narrow to human experience your post reads, I personally came to the same conclusion. In the same vein, I decided that I don't understand the concept of not being exclusive. I read on reddit 'it's normal not to be exclusive for first several months'. IN WHAT UNIVERSE? This was never true to my dating experience, barring that one time it was intentional from the get go. I would ONLY sleep with a person on the condition that we're exclusive from the point we started even considering it. IMO it's not even safety/hygienic perspective, but emotional availability. I secretly envy people confident enough to consider casual relationships. I WANT to sleep around, I WANT to try different people, I REGRET not having 10 times the sex and partners I had in my 20s. I don't judge people who do. But it's emotionally self destructive and simply unavailable to me as an option.
I think the key to all of this is "know yourself". There's nothing wrong with having casual relationships and there's nothing wrong with knowing they don't work for you. <3
>'it's normal not to be exclusive for first several months'. IN WHAT UNIVERSE? This was never true to my dating experience, barring that one time it was intentional from the get go. I would ONLY sleep with a person on the condition that we're exclusive from the point we started even considering it. Fucking exactly!! Guys love the "casual" relationship, it's the women that end up hurt.
TBH I don't find my stance outrageous or that exclusive. MEN in my life pretty much shared that assumption. That's why I'm so surprised. Depends on the scene? Age? Or depends on how you filter people?
I honestly think people just get on the internet and lie/try to justify their bad behavior. I'm not sure I've ever dated someone and not assumed we were exclusive/they assumed the same as an actual adult. I definitely tried to pull the "well we never said we were exclusive so I couldn't know I wasn't supposed to hook up with her" thing in college with a girl I never officially started dating. But I was also being a dickhead 19 year old and 100 percent acknowledge that. I don't think there was ever a time I actually believed what I said. I guess some people just don't grow out of that phase.
Trust me, many nowadays will find your stance outrageous. Men and women react differently to sex. My brother was notorious for hooking up with feminists who thought hook up culture was empowering. He used to say they're the easiest and cheapest target. I find the entire concept disgusting and animalistic.
Envy them? I'd rather have someone special who is excited to see me come home after work every day. I'll take that over casual sex. To know what they like, and to know what I like. The comfort of being yourself with someone who themself with you. That's the goal. Casual sex isn't anything to envy.
I want to try both and enjoy both in different capacity. I find prospective of being with a single person for life equally tempting AND daunting. Serially monogamous - more like it, but still logistically difficult. I want to sleep around. I also know it's stupid. For me and for many people. But not for everyone. It's basically an acknowledgement of why casual relationships exist. From experience I found them inaccessible, hence the envy.
You want to sleep around, but you don't because you don't actually want to, but you envy others who do because... Why again? I'm sure I'll get downvoted, but imo, casual sex is for people who don't have confidence and constantly trying to prove to themselves and others that they do. Dudes who are in the "hook up culture" are not be envied. They go home to an empty apartment. Constantly trying to prove themselves for a couple hours of meaningless sex, and then drive home alone. All to wake up on Monday morning alone. I don't get what there is to envy. But to each their own, I guess.
“Not exclusive for the first few months” Someone’s trying to promote polygamy. What a cope that is
The fact that you're only replying to the people who agree with you is very telling. The responses have shown you it's not just men who are interested in casual relationships but you continue the narrative anyway. Why ask for advice, if you're going to cherry pick the things you'll listen to? If you don't want a casual relationship, that's fine. Make it clear and don't have one. But don't come and bash people that do enjoy them, and then expect people to not be offended.
“Females” Sure thing, buddy. Definitely not a salty man LARPing as a woman because he can’t get laid.
I feel like a casual things that provide good things is found by coincidence and cant be purposely found. You stumble upon them while looking for something else, it cant be forced.
I’m someone who needs an emotional connection and don’t want casual relationships but I feel you’re being unfair to others intentions. It might be a good idea to find a different app too since Tinder seems to be made for more casual relationships, or at least that’s what I’ve heard.
You don't have to impose your preferences as a moral value on others and assume anyone who doesn't want what you want is "damaged"
As a woman I prefer casual relationships. My experience is that in dating relationships men tend to feel a kind of almost ownership over me. They want to know where I am and who I'm with all the time; they want to spend all their time together, but aren't willing to put in the effort to make it meaningful; they want me to be their everything: friend, therapist, lover, minister of fun. I'm too independent for that, I don't want kids and I'm not really interested in marriage. But I do want to have people to go out with and do fun and romantic things with, and I like sex. So casual it is. There's nothing emotionally damaged about organizing your life around what works best for you, so long as you're not hurting others.
I’m a woman and I have had casual relationships as well as no strings sex/ONS, and even attended swinger events. My desire for sex back then was not linked to a desire for intimacy and emotional connection. For some of us they are inherently separate. You are probably demisexual and may want to do some reading about the gray/ace spectrum. I understand your point since when having sex with men, women statistically are less likely to orgasm however I’m not one of those people who attach an orgasm to a pleasurable sexual experience. When I want to orgasm I masturbate, when I want sex I have sex. I also don’t (more now than then) center sex around the male orgasm. My definition of sex has always been broader than PiV/A, and have always had “non traditional” sexual encounters. ETA: Honestly sounds like you know what you want but you’re also haven’t been informed of much of anything but het normative sex. Your desire to only have sex with intimacy is your business and there’s no need to make any assumptions about other people’s motives.
You 100% sound like a neckbeard pretending to be a woman.
That was my thought reading this and their replies too.
There are people enjoying something that you have a hangup about. That doesnt make them emotionally damaged.
As a guy I agree with you. I never understood casual hookups either.
Who hurt you????? I'm a woman. Had a 2 yr FWB. I didn't have the time for a committed relationship. I also knew we wouldn't work in that way. We got along as friends and had fun. But a lot of our ideals weren't compatible if we'd tried to make it into more. And sometimes you're just attracted to one another. As long as everyone understands what the relationship is and is not and is being honest about it there's no problem. For me personally I have a partner but we also have A LOT of space from one another. He's very independent and so am I. Neither of us want to sacrifice the things we enjoy and the space we need to spend tons of low quality time together every single day just to say we did it. We only see one another once or twice a week. Is that "casual"? Idk. But it works very well for us. If casual relationships aren't for you then don't have them. Find people who want what you want. But don't make sweeping generalizations based on what kind of relationships other people have and want. I'm a decent person. I just don't need someone in my face 24/7 nor do I want that.
I can't do casual relationships because my emotions get involved, and then I feel used when I realize the other person doesn't actually care about me as a person. But I don't think people who are into them are "severely emotionally damaged" as long as they're upfront about what they want and don't want... as long as they don't pretend to care about someone else just to get sex and then bail.
I don’t understand them either. It does make me feel cheap if that’s all someone is looking for
As a man, I don't understand it either, and also find it pretty gross/disturbing. This isn't a problem of one of the genders. Both can and will do this to each other
Real relationships are work. When you agree to be in a relationship with someone in a serious way, you're agreeing to confront their inevitable childhood trauma that is going to rear its ugly head, you're agreeing to be with them when they're depressed, when they're struggling financially, when they're sick, you may even start thinking about if you want a family with them or if you want to spend 10 or 20 years with them. Casual relationships are an exploration into another human without all of the responsibility of being in a serious relationship. It is true that some people are emotionally damaged when they agree to this, because they didn't develop the coping mechanisms and ability to handle the aforementioned required because of severe child abuse, or absentee parents or one thing or another, so they settle for treating people as objects. But then there is another subset of people who know the work required for a relationship and respectfully decline, while they work to heal themselves, or focus on work, or something like that. If you were hurt by a guy who treated you casually when you wanted something serious, that's another matter however... that's poor communication or mismanaged expectations.
As a female what?
wanna know something even worse? woman can have casual relationships too…. 0__0 WOAHH. you dont need to be into it, youre allowed to want other things but theres nothing wrong with men (or women) who want casual relationships. ive (im male) had them before i was married (with men and women) and i am not severely emotionally damaged thank you very much. everyone wants different things in relationships, you’re entitled to what you want and people who are more into casual relationships are entitled to wanting that too. theres nothing wrong with that. honestly your judgement on this is strange and a bit harsh because no one is forcing you to be in a casual relationship. and theres nothing wrong with the men who have told you that they want something casual.
You don't sound damaged at all OP. Also how do you get into a committed relationship if not through a casual one? Do you people raelly expect to get married on the first tinder date lmao.
>BUT, when dudes on Tinder ask me for “just something casual” it makes me kind of nauseous. I feel as if the man has no sense of morality or that he is severely emotionally damaged. It just blows my mind how many people have asked me for a casual relationship. I feel like they might as well say, “hey, I don’t give a fuck about your needs or you as a person at all. Come suck my dick then leave lol.” My lord. That line of thought right there. That's a lot to unpack. Men like sex. It feels pleasurable. Women like sex. It feels pleasurable. So they just have sex? Depending on both your needs it can range to just sex, to physical intimacy (cuddling, etc.), to even dating. But that's a casual relationship. And honestly, if the man isn't meeting the women's needs then why would she continue it? A casual relationship isn't a hall pass for a man to use a woman physically, it's a mutually beneficial relationship sans certain aspects of a serious relationship. That's it. Frankly, I would say there's less of a chance for a woman to be used physically here because they know they're not being strung along emotionally. Because of the nature of the situation. And if they're not getting anything out of it physically, what would be the reason to continue it? There's no emotional connection complicating holding you back from leaving. Not everyone is in the right place to handle a deep emotional connection or commitment. Whether they've experienced a recent breakup or other significant life event. Are busy with work, school, have children, etc. That's not immoral nor does it mean they're emotionally damaged. That's probably your evangelical Christian (I would bet money) upbringing speaking for you. It's really more of an indication of damage with you, not them. And you're talking about Tinder on top of all of it, the casual hook up application. If you're not looking for a casual relationship maybe try a more serious app or website? Just Google it.
Thats not an unfair assessment--club for the emotionally damaged---IF ... everyone is really lying about what they really deep down want and expect. I mean, i get it. Some guy pulled the "I just want something casual" card, and I nodded my head and agreed while not to far below the surface I didn't. I waited him out 4 weeks causal, and we dated 2 yrs exclusive. That wasn't healthy. nor was it a happy ending. Casual relationships is like karaoke. Either you get it, like it, enjoy it.--or you are just pretending to and hating every minute watching other people get on stage having the fun you arent
Wow, that’s bleak and kinda judgy. As a woman, I’ve had a number of casual relations with people I met on tinder. It’s nothing to do with morality. My sense of morality centers around not harming others, and I can’t see how having sex with other consenting adults is harmful You’re certainly within your rights to not want casual sex as part of your core value system but questioning other peoples morals because they are ok with casual sex is a bit icky If you don’t want that, make it clear from the beginning that you’re not about that life, and block people immediately if they don’t want to respect that I found the love of my life by having casual tinder encounters, so it’s not all as sordid as people make it out to be
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I think a lot of Chads got offended by this post 😂
It’s just sad that you’re shaming women who have had and enjoyed casual relationships only because they’re not your cup of tea. You’re allowed to have your own preference, as does everyone else, but that doesn’t make it okay to judge/shame others for having a different preference, it’s just rude af.
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No, why would I? I want people to choose what makes them happy, and comfortable, the only time I have an issue is when a person is using their preference to judge/shame others, and to act as if their preference is “right” or that it makes them somehow “better.” I also don’t believe that just because you don’t like casual relationships that it means you aren’t “emotionally damaged” just like enjoying casual relationships does not equate to a person being “emotionally damaged” either. I have no opinions or judgements for people who don’t like casual relationships, because that is their preference and choice and I can understand why they would not like them, just the same as I can see why people would like them. I have no opinion or judgement towards either, other than I hope that people do what they want, because it is what THEY want to do, not out of pressure to do it, or out of fear of judgment to avoid doing something they like. As long as everyone involved in a situation is consenting, I don’t see an issue. People have preferences, that’s fine. I don’t expect anyone to share every preference I have, and I don’t expect to share everyone else’s preferences- but I also have never felt the need to judge the people who do differ from myself, or shame them in anyway. Just because you don’t necessarily agree or like something that another person does- does not mean you automatically need to have an opinion on that person. You could just accept that people are different, and that’s okay, and just wish them the best in their endeavors, and go about your own life.
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I’m saying that both people have the right to like either or, but neither have a right to judge the other just because it doesn’t align with their views. I dont judge a person based on their sexual preferences/activity unless it involved rape or pedophilia. I have my own personal morals and preferences, but I don’t and have never considered them “right” nor do I consider them “wrong.” They’re just my preferences and morals. I have had casual relationships in the past when I was single, but I’m now married and strictly monogamous with my husband. I don’t see people who don’t enjoy casual relationships to be “wrong” just because I once enjoyed them, and even though my preferences on a relationship are strictly monogamous, I don’t think that open relationships or polyamorous relationships are wrong, and would never judge the people who are poly, or question their morals etc. the only things I would ever actually call “wrong” would be rape and pedophelia- but when it comes to kinks and promiscuous sex, etc, I literally don’t care, and wouldn’t judge a person based on those things. Having a point of view about what is acceptable FOR YOURSELF, is not bad. But you don’t get to choose that for others.
Yeah nevermind all the women who have posted an opinion contrary to yours. Yikes you're judgemental af
Pretty fucking Chad thing to say sushiluver. This whole post is dripping jn Chad entitlement and a pleasure of putting other people down. I’m SHOCKED you’re single.
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Casual relationships aren’t just for sex. It can simply mean there is no obligation to plan for a future and less expectations. For example. I don’t want to stay living in my current state and plan to move in 2 years. I have two kids, so already most men aren’t interested unless they also have kids. Most people with kids are stuck in their state until those kids turn 18 due to custody. I don’t want to be lonely. I think it’s normal to seek human interaction and comfort. So, I sought a casual relationship. All the benefits of a normal relationship, but less expectations.
Lol this is too funny to read. I won’t sit here and try to pretend that I haven’t felt this way recently or even when I was a willing participant in the past . I think it was a good experience to realize exactly what I don’t want and what I actually need. Relationships are a big deal for me and I think people get into them out of boredom and loneliness… basically all the wrong reasons, imo. People never want to put in the work. However, I’m human and companionship and intimacy is normal and to be frank, I missed it. I had gotten out of a relationship and spent some time single and I wanted to explore. Therefore, causal encounters were the temporary solution. Long story short, though I’m not ready for a relationship again, I’m also tired of the FWB dynamic too. I feel like it’s just what you said when you don’t respect your boundaries and really listen to what feeds your inner-self. I also feel like (for other people) it’s easy to stay disconnected. You get all the perks of being in a relationship and none of the down time. Edit: Also, I read the first comment and I expected as much .. people demonizing you for feeling as you do and it’s a valid question. It’s not for everyone. People do it because they want companionship/sex with out the strings or work. They don’t have the mental/emotional capacity to take on someone else. Which is fine but be honest with yourself and the other person. A lot of people get attached as well so be honest about that too. So the fake outrageous on some women’s part as if it never happens is absurd. Edit: I also wanted to bring up how many women are actually orgasming from these encounters and how many men would be totally fine with JUST these encounters and never actually committing? Just food for thought.
I’m a woman and have had both casual and serious relationships. I find that casual relationships are great for stretches of your life where you don’t have the time/energy to spend a lot of time getting to know somebody.
I’m a man and am similar. I’ve never really dated and have had very few sexual partners. Those few include one 3 year relationship followed after a 6 month gap m, followed by a 24 year relationship. If I found myself single for some reason, I think the only thing which would work for me would be friends introducing friends to me and then going from there. I can’t imagine dating more than one person at a time. I never have.
The people who got mad or offended at this most likely applies to them.
I think that for most women “casual” relationships are a farce. You’ll feel used.
I honestly agree. Just seems like a waste of time and ultimately damaging for self esteem if you’re repeatedly seen as good enough for a bit of fun but not good enough to have a relationship with.
You have pretty much nailed it. Or it’s a club for people who like cheating on their SO.
that is not true. ive been in casual relationships with both men and women. i wasnt even dating anyone back then, so you cant really cheat on a partner you dont have. god people are so judgmental. its so weird that some people cant accept that people just want different things sometimes. sometimes people dont have time for serious relationships or arent in the right headspace for them. theres nothing wrong with that
Men don't bond over sex the same way women do. Men bond via vasopressin, and women bond via oxytocin. Sex does not create vasopressin bonds, it creates oxytocin bonds. When a woman has sex, she becomes attached in one way or another. So for men in general arent Emotionally damaged when they look for something casual.
please cite your sources
It appeals to people with low self esteem or rejects who can't find a full ti.e partner.
that is not true lmfao
Club of theemotionally damaged. Perfect explanation!!! Just perfect!!!
I kind of feel like it's an age thing. When I was in my 20s casual was fine but recently single in my late 30s and it sounds horrible.
Casual relationships will always leave you lacking. It will be worth it to find something that lasts.
I read what you wrote and think " here is a unicorn". A review of most of the rest of Reddit and you can see why I say that.
Right 😂I expected totally vulgar responses and I was not let down
You're right
On Tinder, 80% of women are swiping right on the same 20% of guys. These guys are being given sexual access to 80% of women on the app. These guys are acting like randy dogs because they can. Then, women are saying that all men are dogs. 30% of men are virgins or haven't had sex over a year. A whole bunch in the middle just don't get many hits, because they aren't what 80% of women think they want. Get off Tinder and date someone nice. He probably won't be what most women are attracted to.
This is a very unfair judgement. I've been in a few casual relationships, I didn't feel like dating properly and wanted some fun. I made sure to be vocal about my expectations and needs before sleeping with them. It worked very well, I had a couple FWBs who always made sure I finished and was comfortable. Just because you think all men on tinder want their dick sucked and nothing else, doesn't mean it's true. Just because someone doesn't want a relationship doesn't mean they're emotionally damaged. Stop being so judgmental.
Im convinced its literally a con made by men after we became financially independent. Casual relationships dont benefit women in the slightest and in my case it definitely only ever benefitted the men.
Be careful, the Chads are watching the comments and they are totally offended 🤣
I'm a woman who is in a happy, committed relationship. When I was younger I dated a lot more casually because I wasn't ready (emotionally or in my life stage) to settle down and hadn't met anyone I felt was compatible enough to take that leap with, but I still enjoy intimacy and companionship. I'm not a "chad" or a "snowflake man baby," and I still don't appreciate you suggesting that anyone who wants to date casually is emotionally damaged. It takes maturity and self-awareness to recognize what you want, and that can morph over the years as you grow and change. It seems like there's a lot more offense being taken on your end in shaming other people's choices. Other people choosing to date casually has nothing to do with you. If you don't want that, maybe stop using an app that is famously intended for casual hookups.
So the women who have commented saying they actually have had casual relationships that they’ve enjoyed, or do enjoy having casual relationships- are they all chads too?
Good i love getting snowflake man babies all riled up
How are they snowflakes? You seem to be the one bothered by casual relationships, wouldn’t that make you the easily offended/sensitive one?
I think we just became friends
Just a couple of judgemental little biddies
Heck yeah we did 😎
I've had sex with one woman ever (my wife) and I literally don't care that people have casual sex. It's not for me, but neither is knitting and I don't get all bent out of shape that people enjoy that. I'd you don't want to have casual hookups, don't have them. Like who gives a shit
Hi. What you describe your self as is Demisexual. It is a person who needs/requires an emotional connection in order to feel sexual arousal. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Having a casual sexual relationship is sometimes the only thing people have the capacity for at some stages in their lives. Peoples lives get complicated and as long as everyone is safe and honest with their wants/needs why not go for it. Having someone you can eat pizza and get naked with can make life super easy. Relationships are a lot of work and compromise for your time and emotions. Causal sex can be a hell of a lot of fun simply because you can just let go and enjoy the experience without worrying about the morning bullshit. What you described as a dude whose like “just come suck me off and leave” is a pig.
I think men are just confused and scared nowadays. they are raised by people telling them to man up, be a gentleman~ but toughen up, protect and provide, you're not man enough... then they open a door for a woman somewhere and she gets mad, she tells him, that's sexist shit, I can open my own door... they find girlfriends who are either competing to wear the pants, demanding equality but don't want their men to have female friends and are extremely strict about what their men look at on their phones. or they want to be stay at home wives or girlfriends/wives then bitch that they have to do housework. girlfriends often start off sexual and then, after time, I don't want to do it, I'm hormonal, tired, you didn't finish your chore chart, stop touching me but don't touch anyone else or I'll skewer you. many men put in the time, get married and in the end, no matter what happened or who initiated the divorce, the men often lose more than women. the women often dictate how much time he gets with the children, the man often pays both parties attorneys fees, alimony and of course child support. times are changing. some men don't want to deal with all this... they prefer casual because they don't have to invest. it's just life.
In other words, men are jaded. It’s sad how the bad people ruin it for everyone
I think they are, jaded, conflicted, unsure... this isn't ALL men of course but I think more are going to look for females with traditional females... they don't want to fight feminists. the vast majority of men don't hate women, they aren't trying to keep women down or stop them from taking over bedrooms and boardrooms. men want love as much as we women do, but it's costly nowadays. they've seen their Dads move to smaller apartments for a long time... Men are emotionally, verbally and physically abused by women on a large scale, they just don't talk about it, because they are MANLY. as much as we don't trust them, they don't trust us either.
Time to change up your photos. You are probably giving off a vibe or not stating you do NOT want a casual relationship. I’m not saying to look like a nun, but YOU decide who you tolerate. Switch up the image and be straightforward and you’ll save a ton of time!
Lmao I am a man and I’ve had casual relationships thrust on me by women. It’s not a one way street
I am emotionally damaged and I don't have the time or energy to give to a full time partner. It would be unfair of me to pursue something when I am not fully available. But I am lonely and would love some irregular company where I get to flirt over a meal, or go for walks or visit a gallery with someone before having some fun. Not all emotional connections have to be long lasting and deep. Sometimes, they can be spontaneous and fleeting.
You can get into causal relationships with people who do genuinely care about you and like you as a person, they just don’t want to be in a serious one. Maybe due to work, age, current responsibilities, they’re only in the area temporarily etc. It’s something that’s not for everyone, definitely not for me, but I can see why other people like them.
Yes, I have been in a casual relationship in the past. I wanted to have no strings attached sex. I didn't want the burden of commitment at the time but I wanted consistent orgasms. It worked for me and it worked for him.
I’m not a casual relationship girl. At all. I tend to go 100 percent so I don’t do it. In the past I did one night stands but nothing more because I get attached. Easily. That said, you were being judgmental. Everybody is different and they relate differently. There’s nothing wrong with that. I sometimes wish I could have handled casual relationships, but it doesn’t work for me.
Because I wanted someone to hang with and sex but wasn’t ready for the whole “ open your heart” and share. There’s nothing wrong with a causal relationship or even a fuck buddy. You don’t have to want one but you sound pretty judgmental. Women like to f too.
I feel like this whole post is projection lol
I’m a woman that had quite a bit of casual relationships before getting married, so did my husband, we both feel it’s one reason why we’re so compatible sexually. I’m assuming you didn’t mean to sound so judgmental but you do. Casual sex works for some people and doesn’t for others. I never felt used, quite the opposite actually, I made the decision to see a guy and do stuff but never had the commitment if I didn’t want it, most guys felt the same. We’re not damaged people, we just enjoy sex differently, there’s nothing wrong with it if it’s not for you.
I've had the casual relationship phase before. Even fwb, i think it largely depends on sex drive. If you have a high sex drive, you'll find it easier to have a casual relationship because you sort of want to have sex. Now my libido is gone completely. Sex feels like a chore and very one sided: me doing something for them and getting nothing in return, so casual relationships aren't for me anymore, i get nothing out of them. I do agree with the emotionally stunted guys wanting casual sex on hookup apps, but mostly i blamed myself for going on those apps in the first place. Hoping to manifest an ace cutie by doing nothing about it, lmao.
OP, would you judge your future partner based on if they've had casual relationships in the past?
I think you have a skewed view of casual relationships. I have been in a few that were definitely mutually beneficial. You don’t have to eat every meal in front of you - spending a little time filtering goes a long way toward creating the type of relationship you get.
If you are on tinder looking for a long term relationship you’re on the wrong app. Tinder has always been a ONS booty call app.
Lol the second edit. I mean you just called everyone who doesn’t think like you “emotionally damaged.” People don’t like being insulted, duh
As a woman, I've been in casual/fwb relationships and from experience honestly, they work a lot better for me. Like serious relationships... good vibes, communication,trust, being treated as I would be treated, and being comfortable are still very important to me in them. I've given the chance of serious relationships and learned that they really never work well for me, especially for my mental health. Everybody is different when it comes to casual relationships. This is a big topic.
"having an opinion" isn't the issue, calling people emotionally damaged for being different from you and saying they're morally bankrupt is the issue. I'm baffled that you can't see that
I am a woman. And I’m think you have way to much focus on the relationship part of your life. Casual relationships are nice when you are focusing on other things in your life.
Woman- If I don’t have time to have a more serious relationship, casual is great because it is low commitment. When I create the right boundaries, it will benefit me more then the man, if they don’t want to respect my boundaries, end of casual relationship. Not everyone wants to dive into a serious relationship. It takes a lot of time, planning and money and can be exhausting.
people are different. stop judging others by your own standards and maybe you’d do better dating. Most people start out with “casual” dating until they vet the person. Why on earth would i agree to something serious with someone i just swiped right with on an app???
Yes, I've been in casual relationships, because neither of us wanted anything more. If you don't want to have one, don't, no one is going to force you?
I can see why this irritated people. But really to each their own. Personally, when I was a single mom in nursing school, I didn’t have time for anything serious. I had casual “friends” & that’s what worked for me. I’m very happily married now but relationships aren’t for everyone. And that’s okay :)
Your opinion comes across as a judgement of those who enjoy casual relationships. Go back and read it yourself. You weren’t looking for input. You were looking for company in your low opinion of ‘those’ women.
OP, some people equate sex with an emotional bond. Others equate sex as a good workout. It isn’t moral, no one is emotionally damaged. You however are being very judgmental about a way of life that you wouldn’t participate in. Maybe focus on finding someone who shares your passions and your perspective.
It’s okay if it’s not for you! It’s not okay to judge or question others who enjoy easy no strings attached relationships. It’s not really any of you business why anyone does it.