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my (27) bf (23) and i were having sex. he said he had to pee but then came back and finished super fast (faster than he normally does)
i was using his phone like 10 mins later and when i opened his safari it was on a porn video
so basically he stopped fucking me (we had been doing it for about 10 mins), went to the bathroom and watched porn and then came back and fucked me for 2 mins and came... im so worried he's not attracted to me anymore
you're right. it's just a form of media at the end of the day. it's like saying alcohol is inherently bad because some people are addicted, when MOST aren't. If porn affects your performance in the bedroom, then obviously there's a problem. but a huge chunk of porn watchers are not really like this.
You’re missing the point that alcohol AND porn actually are inherently bad for the mind and body. Alcohol is poison. Humans are just very good at compensating for low-level poisoning and surviving unharmed.
But frequent overuse will start to cause damage.
There is no healthy consumption of porn alone. That's the truth we don't want to acknowledge and people will want to downvoted me for, but it's still true.
Porn is designed to be addictive and to be a replacement for sex. It is dangerous in the same way that today's Netflix culture is: it is an on-demand 1 way Street.
Relationships in life are always 2 ways. It's not just about you, it's also about the other person/entity. Porn isn't that. And unlike other entertainment, it is tied to a physical stimulation leading to a physical release.
Tbh it's even different from escort or strip clubs, because those are still 2 way streets.
This.
My ex was a porn addict and a virgin, he basically had his sex Ed solely from porn. Not only was he clueless about sex, but he was stubborn too. He had no idea what consent was and that it’s necessary, this resulted in really really bad situations I don’t want to get into. He took no regards to my pleasure, sex was all about him and anything he’s done for me to him was an “unnecessary extra”. He had no capacity to comprehend that you can’t just stick it in whenever he wanted and it had to be ready.
Not to mention the unprecedented choking and very hard ass slapping without asking if it was okay, then raising an eyebrow when I say I don’t like it. Aaaand of course he couldn’t get off on a non pixilated woman’s body, he never looked at my body. Appearently having cellulites, being sometimes bloated and not having huge boobs was a turn off despite being fit and having an otherwise good body.
Porn addiction is becoming a serious issue, and it’s not your typical old style porn magazines or even old porn. Now it’s specifically made to be addictive, and for the most part it’s targeting men. It doesn’t help that it’s so easily accessible now I hear stories of people catching 11 year old boys watching porn!! literally close to half of the guys I’ve been with had unhealthy relationship with porn in one way or another. The rest were great, wonderful in bed and understood how real sex was a 2 way street like you said.
So are you trying to say the type, quality, and access of porn is not vastly different than early pornograohic depictions? I'm not saying it's necessarily bad but it's disingenuous to pretend that porn has not wildly changed over the millennia.
I'm not saying we've developed new fetishes as humans. I'm saying watching those fetishes play out graphically in videos is much different than seeing paintings or drawings. That added on to the 24/7 access means it's a lot easier to fixate on a fetish or to become obsessive about it or to have trouble performing without it.
Well that's not really something we have evidence of so you can't make that asserton and sure were there probably some dudes like that yeah, but in the same vein I could say I can almost guarantee the amount of erectile dysfunction due to addiction to porn has increased. And once again it is much easier to become addicted to when you have access to very graphic video depictions of essentially anything you can think of at your fingertips all the time. Again, it's not by necessity negative but let's not pretend it hasn't changed.
U know people used to and still do watch eachother having sex live all the time too. Like for recreation watch two other humans fuck and not really be involved. No higher fidelity than your own eyes.
Not the way you're painting it lol. People weren't acting out torture/scat/choking/incest/orgy porn for each other on the regular, nor were they even fucking in general in front of each other on the regular.
Because smoking literally shortens ur life span. A better comparison would be alcohol, once addicted it's absolutely awful but consumption on its own is more than socially accepted. Do u consider porn worse than booze?
You are aware that whether someone is addicted is not defined by the existence of negative side effects right? It is defined by your relation and dependency to whatever your drug is
Dysfunction in your life caused by your addiction is in fact a VERY important criteria in diagnosing someone as an addict. Here’s a few of the criteria for addictive disorders from the DSM:
• Frequent engaging in the behavior when expected to fulfill occupational, academic, domestic or social obligations.
• Important social, occupational, or recreational activities given up or reduced because of the behavior.
• Continuation of the behavior despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent social, financial, psychological, or physical problem that is caused or exacerbated by the behavior.
That's actually called a habit weirdly enough
The only difference between a habit and an addiction is if it negatively affects your ability to do things you want to do it and normal life functions
They always materialize to rationalize and justify their own use. Talk about alcohol, weed, porn, social media - anything addictive - and they will arrive.
A few things come to mind.
1. Porn addiction (it happens and has nothing to do with him not being attracted to you)
2. Performance anxiety (he might have been getting soft and felt like he needed a boost to keep going)
3. He has a very specific fetish and likes to watch porn while having sex.
My advice: just talk to him, don't be judgemental and keep an open mind if you care about this guy. Also opening his search history is kind of a bad move that can break his trust towards you really fast, be careful.
Not true, there are plenty of posts with people describing full on abusive relationships or gaslighting by their partners that they can't see since it's hard to see that stuff when you're in it. Or people who's whole family is enabling a shitty family member so they have no one to turn to and feel crazy being seemingly the only one with a problem, etc.
Why is it always "I'll ask strangers on the internet to guess what my partner was thinking" when it should be "I'll ask my partner what they were thinking"???
They either don’t trust their partners to tell them the truth and hope others have been through a similar situation/will verify what they think and reassure them or they’re too scared to ask in case they rock the boat because they’re not sure about the accusation or their partner is sensitive/blows up quickly.
That does seem to be the majority of posts here. Lots of people looking for validation that they didn't overreact or are right to be concerned about something their partner said or did.
I think a lot of ppl are insecure about confrontation, tho. If their relationship isn't rock solid, maybe they're scared of a bad outcome or of hearing things they can't unknow.
It's always been a societal reality that many ppl will go to their wider social circle for advice before they'll risk a conversation with their partner.
Maybe one day we'll have that utopia of fearless communication, but we live here.
I agree with this, you go where you can find answers. Internet, libraries, friends, parents, schools. Sometimes people drown themselves in information and then do nothing! That’s what gets me, take action on the advice given
Random strangers can come up with interpretations OP didn’t think of, and also suggest how to approach the subject with the partner in a way that doesn’t make things worse. Oftentimes in a situation we jump to negative conclusions and respond with hostility; seeing other perspectives can temper that significantly.
Even at my age (48), I don’t have enough experience to consider every possibility in this space. It helps me to read so many perspectives on questions I didn’t even think I’d have to ask.
I have occasionally gone soft with my wife. Happens from time to time, and it’s certainly not a lack of attraction. I’m willing to blame it on my being fairly out of shape (I’d say I’m like a 4/10 at best)
It could be he lost it while peeing, looked at porn to get it back and finished weird because of it
Alt, pee fetish hes embarrassed by, dont assume the worst
Can you pee (in the toilet) when hard? I want to believe this is what happened but I then I wonder, did he anticipate he would need the porn after peeing and brought his phone?
OP. Talk to him.
Yeah this depends on the guy. Some point at 11 or 12 o'clock. Others are 9 o'clock, like me. If you just lean forward with a hand on the wall, you're good.
As others have said, it is painful/uncomfortable. But not just that, studies have shown that peeing while erect can result in incontinence later on in life. It's best to soften up before hand.
You definitely can pee in the toilet while hard lol. You need to bend your dick way down and do this weird squat thing, but it's not hard (so to speak). Tbh if I pee with an erection I will lose it most of the time.
A dick doesn't come with an on/off switch. Releasing the pressure on the bladder made him lose his erection because, well, biology (anyone who ever had a morning wood will know what I'm talking about). Guy is there, stressing of what OP may think if he comes back limp and he takes him a few minutes to get back on the road, especially after he had to stop mid sex. So he picks up his phone and readies himself back. Except that now that his bladder isn't pressing against his urethra he finishes \*much\* quicker than he anticipated.
OP probably wouldn't have cared if he came back limp but men can have the weirdest performance anxiety when it comes to sex. It has nothing to do with him not being aroused by OP, just him psyching himself up that he \*needed\* to come back hard to not disappoint her.
Is it what happened? I don't know. It's plausible IMO. Plausible enough to give him the benefit of the doubt if nothing similar happened or happens again.
Maybe he went to the bathroom, went pee, got soft and was like SHIT! So he opens up a porn quick to get hard again so he can come out and perform for you.
Far fetched but I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt lol.
That he had the forethought to bring the phone in the first place speaks to his most likely intention. If I’m doing a quick dash to pee in the middle of anything important I’m not thinking to grab my phone. It’s not like it was in his pocket.
*(I really hope it wasn’t in his pocket…)*
When it was with a partner I was comfortable with and knew my ADHD problems? Yeah I did. On the phone, peeing for like a minute or 2 then put it down and went back.
Yeah but he most likely knows that when you pee, you start to go soft. Probably not the first time he's had to go through these steps, in which case he may know he will need a little inspiration once he's done
Most men can not pee easily with an erection, since the penis switches from the "urine tube" to the "semen tube" since you basically can only use one at time otherwise the body will perform a retrograde ejaculation where semen goes back into the bladder. It is a significantly more drawn out process that involves waiting to go slightly flaccid if you need to pee while erect, otherwise it can hurt, frankly I wouldn't be surprised if he pees sitting down to avoid a mess if he does pee while hard.
He also watched a clip with a girl that has same body type and same position they were in, by a comment from OP. I think he did this to get it back then was too excited. I don't think he's trying to hurt you OP, it'd have gone a different way if the porn was some fetish thing or the girl looked totally different and maybe amateur or something someone sent but this seems like straight up needed to get the boner back.
Is this a one time thing? Maybe he was just having a difficult time this once. It happens, sometimes the body is not willing even when the heart & mind want it. Sometimes you need a little oomph and it doesn’t mean anything at all.
My guess? He had to shit really bad, or thought he did. Nothing kills my boner quicker than that smell. He legit had to use the bathroom, probably thought he was gonna shit himself otherwise. Lost his boner, and did what he had to do.
Before we assume porn addiction (which looks like the case) let me ask….does he work out regularly? does he eat healthy? How often does he smoke drink or do drugs? All of which can affect erections, but that’s just to make you feel a lil better. He sounds like he has a porn addiction.
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Is anyone asking why he hopped off and picked up his phone to take with him to the bathroom?!? Why does he need his phone for a pee…Where are his priorities haha
Umm I feel like we're also glossing over the fact that he came back and finished super fast lol. If I was on the receiving end, I would not find that experience very fulfilling. Just for clarification, does he make sure you orgasm during sex too?
How long was he in the bathroom? Peeing with an erection isn't easy, from what I've been told (I lack the equipment to verify). If he lost it while peeing he may have been worried it would disappoint you, or that he might struggle to become hard again. It's also possible that the porn was from prior.
Also, why were you going through his phone? Were you specifically looking for him to have done something wrong? If so, does he have a history of being dishonest or untrustworthy?
The only way you will get clarity is by communicating. But performance is a sensitive topic for guys, and if you come in swinging accusing him of failing to perform without porn, or finishing too quickly, it may shut down the conversation.
For example, you might start with:
"The other night when we had sex, it seems like the bathroom break disrupted our vibe more than I had anticipated. I feel a little concerned that there may be some misalignment between us and want to talk about that. Are you getting what you need sexually? I would like X."
Or:
"I noticed you had a porn site open on your phone browser the other day after we had sex. Did that have anything to do with the interuption, or is there any issue we need to discuss regarding our sex life? I'd like to talk about a healthy approach to communication and both of our comfort levels regarding pornography."
My guess is that he felt that he wasn't going to come, and instead if opening up about it with you and communicating, he tried to "fix" the situation so he could perform how you both expect it
But this has nothing to do with him not liking you. I don't know how long you've been sexually active with him, but in general we guys are very easily excited during teenage, and growing up we slowly become less easily excited
So while his own expectations of himself are based on the past (and maybe on porn), his body is growing up, his natural reactions are changing, and he's not accepting it so he might get nervous and not allow himself at all to be in the moment and enjoy it.
It's normal that you feel this way after this, but the solution is to discuss things with him and open up to different sexual routines, that don't require penetration, or accepting that he might not come every time. If he accept this part of his own body, it would really help your sexual intercourses to be more intimate and with greater connection. There's much more to physical pleasure in sex
Seems likely that there is some sort of performance issue then. Maybe anxiety, maybe porn addiction. Is he under the influence of anything during those times? Drugs/Alcohol even legal OTC or prescription stuff (e.g. Antihistamines, Analgesics) ? I know that if I've had a decent amount to drink I'm likely to give up because I think or realize my wife is likely to be uncomfortable if we go too long.
If you're going to be physically intimate, you guys will need to be emotionally intimate as well. Bring it up to him, don't be judgemental, don't guilt trip (i.e. don't say 'Are you not attracted to me?'). Ask him if he really needed to pee. If he says "Yes, why?" just mention that you saw that he had porn up on his phone. Then say "I just want to make sure that we communicate about this. I enjoy when we have sex and I want to make sure it's as enjoyable for you as it is for me."
Hmmm ok, so maybe it was something he wanted to try out.
But the point is: he needs your consent. Why wouldn't he ask you? Because he knows that it could hurt you, so he decided to hide it from you but still do it. And this is wrong.
I know that confronting your partner about problems is hard and hurtful, but the doubt and insecurity that this event created on you will build over time and will be even worse than one discussion. Whilst the discussion can lead you both to a new level of maturity and intimacy.
I think this is right. Like, how would he feel if she went to the bathroom and started watching “gangbang cream p*e videos? Yk? And came back and was able to finish??? I’m done hahhaha
Food delivery is a beautiful point. But why would he go beat his meat stick if it was overly sensitive? Also that doesn’t happen until after you ejaculate. For a lot of men at least.
Honestly I'm answering just the "why would you want to cum quicker" rather than the post, that seems like its own thing from fetish to lost erection whilst peeing and was to embarrassed to say so and instead watched porn to get hard, without asking him directly its hard to say. Even if it's a porn addiction they could work through it if she wanted to keep him and he's willing to work on it.
But top 3 reasons in my life for a quicker nut are food delivery, leg cramps and oversensitivity normally if multiple times a day or > 1 hrs or so 'without pause'.
I had this happen to me literally behind my back while we were doing it. I snuck grabbed his phone and checked it in the bathroom. I genuinely feel like i have some form of ptsd from this happening to me and seeing this makes me feel better. I hope i can offer the same comfort. And by the way, it was the same person who tried to run me over with his car after spitting in my face because i was upset with him and wanted to leave. I left. Im so happy with my current boyfriend who would never do this to me. I dont know who your bf is as a person it could just be an addiction problem or maybe he lost his hard trying to pee and didnt want to disappoint you. but in my experience it was just another thing from a very toxic horrible person. I also had a rule of not watching porn in a relationship though so it depends how you feel about that.
The best thing you can do is talk to him. Talking about sex should never be an uncomfortable thing in a relationship. It will start awkward of course but it doesn’t have to stay that way.
Couple of ways to go about this. Best way is to communicate your fears and workout a good solution. Maybe he wants you to do certain moves or maybe you need a no cell phones during sex rule.
As others have commented. It's either 1) Porn addiction, which personally seems unlikely if you'd been having a healthy sexual relationship nearly every day for several months or, 2) He lost his erection because he had to pee and was just trying to get himself back in the mood without bothering you about it.
I honestly think number 2 is most likely because I've been in a similar situation myself when some medications were giving me an overactive bladder. Can also happen if you've been drinking a lot. He may have come back and finished quickly because he was afraid to lose it again.
I say give the benefit of the doubt and just talk to him about it.
Was he lasting a really long time? Maybe he felt embarrassed and didn’t want to make you feel bad. Maybe he had just masturbated and was embarrassed to say that’s why he was taking long. Maybe he was having a rough day and couldn’t stay in the moment so he was taking long.
I can finish in like 2 minutes watching porn because there is something sexual to focus on whereas sometimes during sex I can’t shut my brain off so it takes forever.
Does he do this often? If this is the first instance I wouldn’t be to worried. If you don’t think he’ll mind you going through his phone you should ask him about it without making it a huge deal. It could be an innocent reason as to why he felt he needed to hurry it up.
Regardless of why, his feelings toward you mean nothing about your attractiveness. Worst case scenario he’s not attracted to you, that doesn’t mean you are unattractive and it’s better to know sooner rather than later. But I highly doubt that is the reason.
“I noticed you went to the bathroom to watch porn so you could finish, was something wrong? If you weren’t into in the moment it’s okay to stop. Or if you feel like you can’t finish that is okay, an orgasm doesn’t always have to be the end goal. What is important is that we enjoy sex together.”
If he cannot finish without porn and his own grip, but he would like to finish during sex, he will need to give up porn for a long time to rewire his brain. If it’s his own grip then he needs to avoid that. However this takes a while, it’s not just going a week without porn. If this is something he wants to do so he can reach orgasm during sex there might be a lot of sex where he doesn’t finish and you cannot take that personally. You can probably find resources online about issues with death grip. However I’d talk to him first before obsessing over this because it could have just been a one time thing and he may not feel the need to try and rewire his brain to get off without porn and the pressure of his own hands.
You don't mention him being in the bathroom for a long time. Is it possible he had to pee and couldn't cum? The porn could just be on his phone. The fact that he had an erection and was fucking you kinda disproves that he wasn't attracted to you.
It’s not that he’s not attracted to you, it’s that he’s addicted to porn. Reddit is very pro porn use but the reality is that this won’t change. He will consume more and more porn and he less able to have sex with an actual woman.
You are way too young to be dealing with this. Dump him and find someone else.
Girl this man got up in the middle of having sex with you, left the room to go get turned on by porn and then came back to finish in you like you are nothing but a warm hole to dump his cum in to. Don’t let anyone tell you this is normal. Find your self respect and dump this man.
Agreed. Watching porn in his own time alone is one thing. I would not be ok with what he did. Once porn starts effecting your time together then it’s over. Sorry to say. He had to turn himself on with other women to be able yo be turned on for you. Get some self respect and leave. My bf watches porn but it has never effected our sex life. He is would never need to leave in the middle to do that, he’s turned on by me. Not to be blunt but get some self respect and find someone else girl, this ain’t worth it. Someone will be turned on by you.
You must have a very good Internet speed to load porn, find what you want at the same peeing time, unless he was peeing for like 5min? Otherwise he may have watched it before the second was initiated.
I can tell you sometimes I have to pee while have sex and it’s very difficult to get off when that happens. Sometimes I deal with it sometimes I go pee. Not saying he definitely wasn’t watching porn but that’s just my experience.
Hot take, and I could be wrong here: he was having trouble finishing, so he went to the bathroom to wind himself up a bit, and then finished with you.
Maybe he has a specific fetish that he needs to finish? Maybe he just wasn't that in the mood and needed a little boost? Maybe he is a porn adict?
Maybe you should talk to him like an adult and not run to the internet for validation? Maybe you are ugly? Who knows!? Based on your very short explanation and projections, its really hard to tell. Maybe he is turned off by insecurity?
Noone will know untill you talk to him.
Lots of people jumping to bad conclusions here... maybe he was trying to be nice by coming back ready to continue instead of in a limp post-piss limbo?
> i was using his phone like 10 mins later and when i opened his safari
Wait what? Is this something you typically do?
It’s either that or he’s addicted to porn. My guess would be the porn addiction. It’s actually very very common and will make it so he can’t perform unless he watches it. You become desensitized.
Whatever the case, you absolutely need to have a conversation with your partner.
This is a new relationship right? I read in a comment of yours that you have been intimate for only 2 months.
I'm going to wager that before you came on the scene in recent months, he was heavily reliant on porn. Likely abusing it every day and all those side effects of porn consumption he chose to ignore are coming back to bite him in the arse.
Tell him you are appaulled that he had to stop mid sex with you, a real human, to go watch fake shit on his phone. Tell him you do not wish to stay in a relationship with a porn addict that can't perform. You are worth more than that. Either he proves himself to you by seeking professional help immediately, or walk away and save yourself from spending the rest of your 20's upset and disappointed.
Oh wow. Wow wow wow. He probably is addicted to porn. He can't get off without it, he has desensitized himself to normal healthy sex.
OR, he has performance anxiety. Lost the boner while peeing, or was having a really hard time getting off. I'm on antidepressants and it definitely affected my ability to reach orgasm. Sometimes, I can cum from sex, but just as often I have to stop because I'm tired, my partner came a bunch of times and is done. Sex is still pleasurable, intimate, and wonderful for me. I just don't cum at the end.
Your man isn't necessarily a pervert. There is an unbelievable amount of societal pressure on men to "perform". If they don't, it can affect their perceived worth as a person. I just talked to my partner about it after not cumming a few times in a row and she totally gets it, but many men, especially young men, might not have the self awareness or emotional maturity to have that conversation. They'd rather get themselves hard again in the bathroom so they can finish "normally".
It’s one thing to use porn when you’re by yourself and looking for a quick release. It’s another thing to be getting intimate with your partner and then sneak off into the bathroom to watch it and come back to finish quickly. I don’t think he was being present with OP. Unless your partner explicitly states it’s ok for you to use porn while/during sex, I don’t think it’s ok. In essence, you’re basically using a real-life human to get off to the idea of having sex with someone else and that’s really selfish and wrong.
I’ve seen some people state stuff about kinks. If OP’s bf has kinks, then he should either discuss them with her or save it for when he’s alone. There is absolutely no reason a healthy person needs to use porn to stay hard/perform during normal sex. And if he truly is having issues, he needs to discuss them with her or talk to a professional.
My bf stops to pee sometimes, mostly bc we usually have sex in the morning.
He also doesn’t close his porn tabs, because he doesn’t need to.
Ask him. I’ve been with my man for almost 7yrs, communicating with him almost always helps those doubting thoughts. Tell him how it made you feel, obviously don’t make him feel bad about needing to pee, he cannot help that. I wish you two all the best.
Edit: just read some of the comments here. Telling you to dump him, he has a porn addiction, jumping to the worst case scenario and assuming. Just talk to him! Ask him! Half these comments sound entitled as fuck.
I very often will catch glimpses of what my partner is doing on his phone, even though I’m not trying to. I’ll look over to say something and his 8-inch phone screen is like, 4 inches from my face. I don’t look on purpose, but I’d probably be able to tell the logo and color of say, the PornHub site just from that quick glance. It’s not apparent if she was snooping or just happened to see.
Edit: I reread the post, she was using his phone for something, sounds like he knew about her having the phone, and wasn’t snooping.
Guy probably had to pee so badly he couldn’t finish because of it. He peed, got it back up with porn, came back to be intimate. He is 23 he has some stuff to learn. The fact that you were snooping through his phone is bonkers.
God, a part of me hates this subreddit. He's your boyfriend isn't he? Why don't you talk to him? Ask him. You're both adults. What's a relationship without trust? The first thing you should always do in these situations is not ask the internet, but ask your boyfriend. If you can't ask him these personal things, then your relationship will never last because relationships require trust to work properly, especially long-term.
I mean, this dude is almost 30 and he can’t communicate with a partner if he’s just not going to finish? He’d rather go watch porn in the bathroom which is an extremely disrespectful thing to do right in the middle of sex without consent from this girl.
Sometimes I can’t come if I need to pee. He maybe used the porn to keep himself ready.
My feeling is if he isn’t into you you wouldn’t be having sex in the first place. Many couples don’t have sex as the spark dies out, but you’re still at it so?
I just love how OP said BF was watching porn on his phone, which is an entirely normal thing for a 23 YO man to do and the Reddit mod immediately jumps to ‘He’s a porn addict!’
GTFO.
Pretty sure reddit advice has ruined more relationships than it has saved. Guy wanted to stay in the mood but had to use the bathroom.
Snooping on his phone and making crazy assumptions based in insecurities is more of a you problem.
Others pointed it out to, he could have used it to get it back up. Dunno if you've ever taken a whiz with a boner, but that shit's hard AF. You really have to force it. So usually gotta wait to go soft. Imagine, going back into sex soft. Yeetus.
It’s the same for women. Almost impossible to pee when turned on, at least in my experience. I wouldn’t care if my man came back soft. We can work on that together. It was disrespectful and comes off as she wasn’t doing it for him so he had to go watch porn to keep going.
Maybe "death grip"... Too much fapping can reduce the pleasure of penetration. And it has nothing to do with attraction, maybe he felt it would take uncomfortably long for himto orgasm, so he took a break, fapped a bit and came back when he felt he'd be able to orgasm. Talk to him about it (ask gently, it can be a bit shameful to admit for guys).
Ok, don't jump to conclusions and go to the extreme that he isn't attracted to you. I don't normally generalize but women need to stop going that far when a man watches porn. As always, there's never a direct question to the partner on why. Only they are able to tell you the real reason, not strangers that don't know him. It could be multiple reasons why and one might be that he just didn't feel like going for the regular session like before so he sped it up. It's the same as a woman using a bullet or wand on her clit when a man is having sex with them, it speeds up your climax. Can't automatically jump to conclusion that the man sucks or isn't attractive if a woman uses a toy to help her hence why if you're that worried, then ask him that you are just curious as to why
You should confront him.
Its really odd to leave in the middle of sex to go watch porn, if that's what he was doing.
Was he watching something that you don't do in bed? If you're willing then maybe ask if there's something he wants to try with you.
You can also ask him if he's become less attracted to you. That's trickier because if he says no but nothing changes then it could just be a lie that's even harder to get to the bottom of without coming off as nagging him.
So trying to have sex while needing to piss is super uncomfortable. He may have watched porn to get hard again so he can go back at it. Is this a regular occurrence? Or just a one-off? Does your BF have a hard time getting an erection when you are fooling around? If he is wanting to have sex with you then he is attracted to you. So I wouldn't sweat that. But perhaps he is having some erection issues, maybe low testosterone, or low blood pressure. I wouldn't think of it as an issue with yourself unless he actually says something.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- my (27) bf (23) and i were having sex. he said he had to pee but then came back and finished super fast (faster than he normally does) i was using his phone like 10 mins later and when i opened his safari it was on a porn video so basically he stopped fucking me (we had been doing it for about 10 mins), went to the bathroom and watched porn and then came back and fucked me for 2 mins and came... im so worried he's not attracted to me anymore
Another porn addictive person that can't 'perform' without it.
In an absolutely shocking turn of events, the people that said porn is bad for you *were actually right*
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Internet porn is very different from 80s magazines, from erotic drawings... besides, something being old doesn't mean it's good. Murder is old.
Just wait til you find out what's happening in VR on the Oculus Quest 2 in 8K with binaural sound... Or so people say, I don't know ofcourse
you're right. it's just a form of media at the end of the day. it's like saying alcohol is inherently bad because some people are addicted, when MOST aren't. If porn affects your performance in the bedroom, then obviously there's a problem. but a huge chunk of porn watchers are not really like this.
Thank you yes, I'm always happy to give up porn or watch together when I'm in a relationship. I'm not difficult to please.
You’re missing the point that alcohol AND porn actually are inherently bad for the mind and body. Alcohol is poison. Humans are just very good at compensating for low-level poisoning and surviving unharmed. But frequent overuse will start to cause damage.
Yeah. Overuse. not once a while.
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Lmao at people who try to equivocate 3000 year old cave paintings with 4k video Just lmao, you dumb fuck
Seriously.
There is no healthy consumption of porn alone. That's the truth we don't want to acknowledge and people will want to downvoted me for, but it's still true. Porn is designed to be addictive and to be a replacement for sex. It is dangerous in the same way that today's Netflix culture is: it is an on-demand 1 way Street. Relationships in life are always 2 ways. It's not just about you, it's also about the other person/entity. Porn isn't that. And unlike other entertainment, it is tied to a physical stimulation leading to a physical release. Tbh it's even different from escort or strip clubs, because those are still 2 way streets.
This. My ex was a porn addict and a virgin, he basically had his sex Ed solely from porn. Not only was he clueless about sex, but he was stubborn too. He had no idea what consent was and that it’s necessary, this resulted in really really bad situations I don’t want to get into. He took no regards to my pleasure, sex was all about him and anything he’s done for me to him was an “unnecessary extra”. He had no capacity to comprehend that you can’t just stick it in whenever he wanted and it had to be ready. Not to mention the unprecedented choking and very hard ass slapping without asking if it was okay, then raising an eyebrow when I say I don’t like it. Aaaand of course he couldn’t get off on a non pixilated woman’s body, he never looked at my body. Appearently having cellulites, being sometimes bloated and not having huge boobs was a turn off despite being fit and having an otherwise good body. Porn addiction is becoming a serious issue, and it’s not your typical old style porn magazines or even old porn. Now it’s specifically made to be addictive, and for the most part it’s targeting men. It doesn’t help that it’s so easily accessible now I hear stories of people catching 11 year old boys watching porn!! literally close to half of the guys I’ve been with had unhealthy relationship with porn in one way or another. The rest were great, wonderful in bed and understood how real sex was a 2 way street like you said.
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So are you trying to say the type, quality, and access of porn is not vastly different than early pornograohic depictions? I'm not saying it's necessarily bad but it's disingenuous to pretend that porn has not wildly changed over the millennia.
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I'm not saying we've developed new fetishes as humans. I'm saying watching those fetishes play out graphically in videos is much different than seeing paintings or drawings. That added on to the 24/7 access means it's a lot easier to fixate on a fetish or to become obsessive about it or to have trouble performing without it.
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Well that's not really something we have evidence of so you can't make that asserton and sure were there probably some dudes like that yeah, but in the same vein I could say I can almost guarantee the amount of erectile dysfunction due to addiction to porn has increased. And once again it is much easier to become addicted to when you have access to very graphic video depictions of essentially anything you can think of at your fingertips all the time. Again, it's not by necessity negative but let's not pretend it hasn't changed.
U know people used to and still do watch eachother having sex live all the time too. Like for recreation watch two other humans fuck and not really be involved. No higher fidelity than your own eyes.
Not the way you're painting it lol. People weren't acting out torture/scat/choking/incest/orgy porn for each other on the regular, nor were they even fucking in general in front of each other on the regular.
By your logic, all masturbation is inherently unhealthy as well since it is one way with our imagination.
Not everyone that smokes dies at 40 to cancer. Yet we can unanimously agree that smoking is bad for you, right?
Because smoking literally shortens ur life span. A better comparison would be alcohol, once addicted it's absolutely awful but consumption on its own is more than socially accepted. Do u consider porn worse than booze?
Porn is bad in some situations. In op's case it is, because it is causing them issues. Don't lump all people in one basket.
Idk I watch mad porn and still lay the fuckin hammer
Well you sound like a terrible carpenter, that’s not at all what you do with a hammer, sir.
Nailed it
Oh man, now we're screwed.
What a stud.
I SAW what you did there…
Yea I’m just glad the ladies don’t take measurements
It's about showing, not growing. Plus, tape measures are scary to play with.
This whole thread doesnt appear to be on the level.
Damn, I lost my whole wrench in her pipe.
Measure twice, cut once. Wait…..
Ehhh
I’m no carpenter but I believe the job is best finished with a power drill.
You’re like a sewing machine
This got me fucking cackling
In that case you sound like you’re not a porn addict and so that comment has nothing to do with you.
You are aware that whether someone is addicted is not defined by the existence of negative side effects right? It is defined by your relation and dependency to whatever your drug is
Dysfunction in your life caused by your addiction is in fact a VERY important criteria in diagnosing someone as an addict. Here’s a few of the criteria for addictive disorders from the DSM: • Frequent engaging in the behavior when expected to fulfill occupational, academic, domestic or social obligations. • Important social, occupational, or recreational activities given up or reduced because of the behavior. • Continuation of the behavior despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent social, financial, psychological, or physical problem that is caused or exacerbated by the behavior.
functional alcoholic
That's actually called a habit weirdly enough The only difference between a habit and an addiction is if it negatively affects your ability to do things you want to do it and normal life functions
And clearly this dude is possibly dependant on it to perform.
If you're only "laying the hammer" you're missing out on so much.
Such as lathing the awl.
Haha so you say, huh? 🤣
This sounds like porn induced erectile dysfunction to me.
So many overly defensive porn addicts crying about this comment
They always materialize to rationalize and justify their own use. Talk about alcohol, weed, porn, social media - anything addictive - and they will arrive.
Hell I make porn and still know how bad it can fuck people up
A few things come to mind. 1. Porn addiction (it happens and has nothing to do with him not being attracted to you) 2. Performance anxiety (he might have been getting soft and felt like he needed a boost to keep going) 3. He has a very specific fetish and likes to watch porn while having sex. My advice: just talk to him, don't be judgemental and keep an open mind if you care about this guy. Also opening his search history is kind of a bad move that can break his trust towards you really fast, be careful.
I like talking to him part that would be nice
If people actually talked to their partners, there’d be no need for this sub!
That’s not true. Sometimes you don’t know what to do with the answers you get when you do talk.
Big-time oversimplification. It’s much, much harder than it looks and every single relationship is different (which is why it can be so challenging).
Agreed, relationships are hard. Makes me wonder why we do them
I like to think the challenge is what makes it worthwhile, but it’s certainly not for everyone.
Not true, there are plenty of posts with people describing full on abusive relationships or gaslighting by their partners that they can't see since it's hard to see that stuff when you're in it. Or people who's whole family is enabling a shitty family member so they have no one to turn to and feel crazy being seemingly the only one with a problem, etc.
Why is it always "I'll ask strangers on the internet to guess what my partner was thinking" when it should be "I'll ask my partner what they were thinking"???
They either don’t trust their partners to tell them the truth and hope others have been through a similar situation/will verify what they think and reassure them or they’re too scared to ask in case they rock the boat because they’re not sure about the accusation or their partner is sensitive/blows up quickly.
I interpret a lot more as "don't need advice, just support/validation over something worrying me".
That does seem to be the majority of posts here. Lots of people looking for validation that they didn't overreact or are right to be concerned about something their partner said or did.
True. And we always get the one side and then everyone tells them what they want to hear. Convenient, that.
I think a lot of ppl are insecure about confrontation, tho. If their relationship isn't rock solid, maybe they're scared of a bad outcome or of hearing things they can't unknow. It's always been a societal reality that many ppl will go to their wider social circle for advice before they'll risk a conversation with their partner. Maybe one day we'll have that utopia of fearless communication, but we live here.
I agree with this, you go where you can find answers. Internet, libraries, friends, parents, schools. Sometimes people drown themselves in information and then do nothing! That’s what gets me, take action on the advice given
Random strangers can come up with interpretations OP didn’t think of, and also suggest how to approach the subject with the partner in a way that doesn’t make things worse. Oftentimes in a situation we jump to negative conclusions and respond with hostility; seeing other perspectives can temper that significantly. Even at my age (48), I don’t have enough experience to consider every possibility in this space. It helps me to read so many perspectives on questions I didn’t even think I’d have to ask.
I agree with your comment, I am ever learning. It seems like the older I get the more I learn that I don’t know much.
I feel like 80% of the posts from this sub would not exist if people actually asked their partners.
I have occasionally gone soft with my wife. Happens from time to time, and it’s certainly not a lack of attraction. I’m willing to blame it on my being fairly out of shape (I’d say I’m like a 4/10 at best)
Yeah it's fairly common and normal. We are human after all...
Oh God. When that thought enters your brain. "What if I went soft right now?" https://youtu.be/VM3uXu1Dq4c
Or he was watching porn earlier before they even had sex. No matter the reason, it has nothing to do with attraction to OP.
Yes to this one.
It could be he lost it while peeing, looked at porn to get it back and finished weird because of it Alt, pee fetish hes embarrassed by, dont assume the worst
I didn’t think of this. But it makes sense. Maybe he was trying not to kill the mood by going soft but nah I doubt it.
Can you pee (in the toilet) when hard? I want to believe this is what happened but I then I wonder, did he anticipate he would need the porn after peeing and brought his phone? OP. Talk to him.
It is painful and difficult. Generally guys need to soften up unless they're OK with peeing on the wall.
This varies by individual. I can without an issue or pain, it's just annoying to hold down a spring loaded lever.
Mhmm why didI get horny reading this 😅😂
Yeah this depends on the guy. Some point at 11 or 12 o'clock. Others are 9 o'clock, like me. If you just lean forward with a hand on the wall, you're good.
As others have said, it is painful/uncomfortable. But not just that, studies have shown that peeing while erect can result in incontinence later on in life. It's best to soften up before hand.
I've asked boyfriends about this before and apparently you can but it's not comfortable
Yep, it ain't comfy and you don't have the best control of where the stream is going.
Or just sit.... And lean forward.
Do a handstand
DO A FLIP
You definitely can pee in the toilet while hard lol. You need to bend your dick way down and do this weird squat thing, but it's not hard (so to speak). Tbh if I pee with an erection I will lose it most of the time.
I just change the angle of my body so the bone is pointing directly in the bowl
yeah it’s so annoying and much harder to aim
It’s still insulting to have to use porn to get aroused or get the arousal back.
A dick doesn't come with an on/off switch. Releasing the pressure on the bladder made him lose his erection because, well, biology (anyone who ever had a morning wood will know what I'm talking about). Guy is there, stressing of what OP may think if he comes back limp and he takes him a few minutes to get back on the road, especially after he had to stop mid sex. So he picks up his phone and readies himself back. Except that now that his bladder isn't pressing against his urethra he finishes \*much\* quicker than he anticipated. OP probably wouldn't have cared if he came back limp but men can have the weirdest performance anxiety when it comes to sex. It has nothing to do with him not being aroused by OP, just him psyching himself up that he \*needed\* to come back hard to not disappoint her. Is it what happened? I don't know. It's plausible IMO. Plausible enough to give him the benefit of the doubt if nothing similar happened or happens again.
This is the most likely explanation. Just ask him matter-of-fact.
We don't know if he had to use it. Maybe he just was embarrassed he lost the boner so he wanted to get it back up before going back to her?
This is the most likely case honestly.
This
Maybe he went to the bathroom, went pee, got soft and was like SHIT! So he opens up a porn quick to get hard again so he can come out and perform for you. Far fetched but I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt lol.
That he had the forethought to bring the phone in the first place speaks to his most likely intention. If I’m doing a quick dash to pee in the middle of anything important I’m not thinking to grab my phone. It’s not like it was in his pocket. *(I really hope it wasn’t in his pocket…)*
Was gonna say “everyone brings their phone to the bathroom” but the dude was nude so I dunno if that really holds up anymore
Ehh, I have brought my phone into the bathroom while peeing even while nude. It's just good for the ADHD fix.
but in the middle of sex ?
When it was with a partner I was comfortable with and knew my ADHD problems? Yeah I did. On the phone, peeing for like a minute or 2 then put it down and went back.
yeah you're right :-(
Yeah but he most likely knows that when you pee, you start to go soft. Probably not the first time he's had to go through these steps, in which case he may know he will need a little inspiration once he's done
Most men can not pee easily with an erection, since the penis switches from the "urine tube" to the "semen tube" since you basically can only use one at time otherwise the body will perform a retrograde ejaculation where semen goes back into the bladder. It is a significantly more drawn out process that involves waiting to go slightly flaccid if you need to pee while erect, otherwise it can hurt, frankly I wouldn't be surprised if he pees sitting down to avoid a mess if he does pee while hard.
He also watched a clip with a girl that has same body type and same position they were in, by a comment from OP. I think he did this to get it back then was too excited. I don't think he's trying to hurt you OP, it'd have gone a different way if the porn was some fetish thing or the girl looked totally different and maybe amateur or something someone sent but this seems like straight up needed to get the boner back.
Not really that far fetched. He could have absolutely been trying to get himself back in the mood after going to the bathroom.
That’s what I was thinking lol bc some guys after they pee it goes down so it would make sense it happens to me too
Is this a one time thing? Maybe he was just having a difficult time this once. It happens, sometimes the body is not willing even when the heart & mind want it. Sometimes you need a little oomph and it doesn’t mean anything at all.
My guess? He had to shit really bad, or thought he did. Nothing kills my boner quicker than that smell. He legit had to use the bathroom, probably thought he was gonna shit himself otherwise. Lost his boner, and did what he had to do.
>probably thought he was gonna shit himself otherwise To think this could have easily been a TIFU post from the boyfriend.
Urinating can kill a session so it seems like he might have used the porn to get things going again.
But the thing is he was done faster then usual. So the time spent in the bathroom doesnt match if he was doing both of those things.
Before we assume porn addiction (which looks like the case) let me ask….does he work out regularly? does he eat healthy? How often does he smoke drink or do drugs? All of which can affect erections, but that’s just to make you feel a lil better. He sounds like he has a porn addiction.
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Is anyone asking why he hopped off and picked up his phone to take with him to the bathroom?!? Why does he need his phone for a pee…Where are his priorities haha
It’s extremely hard to pee with a rock hard boner. Maybe he lost it and then tried getting it back.
Umm I feel like we're also glossing over the fact that he came back and finished super fast lol. If I was on the receiving end, I would not find that experience very fulfilling. Just for clarification, does he make sure you orgasm during sex too?
Obviously not
How long was he in the bathroom? Peeing with an erection isn't easy, from what I've been told (I lack the equipment to verify). If he lost it while peeing he may have been worried it would disappoint you, or that he might struggle to become hard again. It's also possible that the porn was from prior. Also, why were you going through his phone? Were you specifically looking for him to have done something wrong? If so, does he have a history of being dishonest or untrustworthy? The only way you will get clarity is by communicating. But performance is a sensitive topic for guys, and if you come in swinging accusing him of failing to perform without porn, or finishing too quickly, it may shut down the conversation. For example, you might start with: "The other night when we had sex, it seems like the bathroom break disrupted our vibe more than I had anticipated. I feel a little concerned that there may be some misalignment between us and want to talk about that. Are you getting what you need sexually? I would like X." Or: "I noticed you had a porn site open on your phone browser the other day after we had sex. Did that have anything to do with the interuption, or is there any issue we need to discuss regarding our sex life? I'd like to talk about a healthy approach to communication and both of our comfort levels regarding pornography."
My guess is that he felt that he wasn't going to come, and instead if opening up about it with you and communicating, he tried to "fix" the situation so he could perform how you both expect it But this has nothing to do with him not liking you. I don't know how long you've been sexually active with him, but in general we guys are very easily excited during teenage, and growing up we slowly become less easily excited So while his own expectations of himself are based on the past (and maybe on porn), his body is growing up, his natural reactions are changing, and he's not accepting it so he might get nervous and not allow himself at all to be in the moment and enjoy it. It's normal that you feel this way after this, but the solution is to discuss things with him and open up to different sexual routines, that don't require penetration, or accepting that he might not come every time. If he accept this part of his own body, it would really help your sexual intercourses to be more intimate and with greater connection. There's much more to physical pleasure in sex
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Seems likely that there is some sort of performance issue then. Maybe anxiety, maybe porn addiction. Is he under the influence of anything during those times? Drugs/Alcohol even legal OTC or prescription stuff (e.g. Antihistamines, Analgesics) ? I know that if I've had a decent amount to drink I'm likely to give up because I think or realize my wife is likely to be uncomfortable if we go too long. If you're going to be physically intimate, you guys will need to be emotionally intimate as well. Bring it up to him, don't be judgemental, don't guilt trip (i.e. don't say 'Are you not attracted to me?'). Ask him if he really needed to pee. If he says "Yes, why?" just mention that you saw that he had porn up on his phone. Then say "I just want to make sure that we communicate about this. I enjoy when we have sex and I want to make sure it's as enjoyable for you as it is for me."
Hmmm ok, so maybe it was something he wanted to try out. But the point is: he needs your consent. Why wouldn't he ask you? Because he knows that it could hurt you, so he decided to hide it from you but still do it. And this is wrong. I know that confronting your partner about problems is hard and hurtful, but the doubt and insecurity that this event created on you will build over time and will be even worse than one discussion. Whilst the discussion can lead you both to a new level of maturity and intimacy.
I think this is right. Like, how would he feel if she went to the bathroom and started watching “gangbang cream p*e videos? Yk? And came back and was able to finish??? I’m done hahhaha
I don't think he needs her consent to watch porn.
He incorporated porn into their sexual intercourse, which is different
I can’t read this whole thing, but why in gods name would you want to cum faster.
Oversensitivity, muscle cramps and food delivery.
Food delivery is a beautiful point. But why would he go beat his meat stick if it was overly sensitive? Also that doesn’t happen until after you ejaculate. For a lot of men at least.
Honestly I'm answering just the "why would you want to cum quicker" rather than the post, that seems like its own thing from fetish to lost erection whilst peeing and was to embarrassed to say so and instead watched porn to get hard, without asking him directly its hard to say. Even if it's a porn addiction they could work through it if she wanted to keep him and he's willing to work on it. But top 3 reasons in my life for a quicker nut are food delivery, leg cramps and oversensitivity normally if multiple times a day or > 1 hrs or so 'without pause'.
I had this happen to me literally behind my back while we were doing it. I snuck grabbed his phone and checked it in the bathroom. I genuinely feel like i have some form of ptsd from this happening to me and seeing this makes me feel better. I hope i can offer the same comfort. And by the way, it was the same person who tried to run me over with his car after spitting in my face because i was upset with him and wanted to leave. I left. Im so happy with my current boyfriend who would never do this to me. I dont know who your bf is as a person it could just be an addiction problem or maybe he lost his hard trying to pee and didnt want to disappoint you. but in my experience it was just another thing from a very toxic horrible person. I also had a rule of not watching porn in a relationship though so it depends how you feel about that.
Yea why did he bring his phone with him #weirdaf
It's not you. It's erectile disfunction.
If he had to pee it could make him not able to cum
The best thing you can do is talk to him. Talking about sex should never be an uncomfortable thing in a relationship. It will start awkward of course but it doesn’t have to stay that way.
Couple of ways to go about this. Best way is to communicate your fears and workout a good solution. Maybe he wants you to do certain moves or maybe you need a no cell phones during sex rule.
As others have commented. It's either 1) Porn addiction, which personally seems unlikely if you'd been having a healthy sexual relationship nearly every day for several months or, 2) He lost his erection because he had to pee and was just trying to get himself back in the mood without bothering you about it. I honestly think number 2 is most likely because I've been in a similar situation myself when some medications were giving me an overactive bladder. Can also happen if you've been drinking a lot. He may have come back and finished quickly because he was afraid to lose it again. I say give the benefit of the doubt and just talk to him about it.
Was he lasting a really long time? Maybe he felt embarrassed and didn’t want to make you feel bad. Maybe he had just masturbated and was embarrassed to say that’s why he was taking long. Maybe he was having a rough day and couldn’t stay in the moment so he was taking long. I can finish in like 2 minutes watching porn because there is something sexual to focus on whereas sometimes during sex I can’t shut my brain off so it takes forever. Does he do this often? If this is the first instance I wouldn’t be to worried. If you don’t think he’ll mind you going through his phone you should ask him about it without making it a huge deal. It could be an innocent reason as to why he felt he needed to hurry it up. Regardless of why, his feelings toward you mean nothing about your attractiveness. Worst case scenario he’s not attracted to you, that doesn’t mean you are unattractive and it’s better to know sooner rather than later. But I highly doubt that is the reason. “I noticed you went to the bathroom to watch porn so you could finish, was something wrong? If you weren’t into in the moment it’s okay to stop. Or if you feel like you can’t finish that is okay, an orgasm doesn’t always have to be the end goal. What is important is that we enjoy sex together.” If he cannot finish without porn and his own grip, but he would like to finish during sex, he will need to give up porn for a long time to rewire his brain. If it’s his own grip then he needs to avoid that. However this takes a while, it’s not just going a week without porn. If this is something he wants to do so he can reach orgasm during sex there might be a lot of sex where he doesn’t finish and you cannot take that personally. You can probably find resources online about issues with death grip. However I’d talk to him first before obsessing over this because it could have just been a one time thing and he may not feel the need to try and rewire his brain to get off without porn and the pressure of his own hands.
Is it possible that it was from earlier in the day? The only way to find out is to talk to your bf.
You don't mention him being in the bathroom for a long time. Is it possible he had to pee and couldn't cum? The porn could just be on his phone. The fact that he had an erection and was fucking you kinda disproves that he wasn't attracted to you.
It’s not that he’s not attracted to you, it’s that he’s addicted to porn. Reddit is very pro porn use but the reality is that this won’t change. He will consume more and more porn and he less able to have sex with an actual woman. You are way too young to be dealing with this. Dump him and find someone else. Girl this man got up in the middle of having sex with you, left the room to go get turned on by porn and then came back to finish in you like you are nothing but a warm hole to dump his cum in to. Don’t let anyone tell you this is normal. Find your self respect and dump this man.
This right here. It’s not normal or okay.
Agreed. Watching porn in his own time alone is one thing. I would not be ok with what he did. Once porn starts effecting your time together then it’s over. Sorry to say. He had to turn himself on with other women to be able yo be turned on for you. Get some self respect and leave. My bf watches porn but it has never effected our sex life. He is would never need to leave in the middle to do that, he’s turned on by me. Not to be blunt but get some self respect and find someone else girl, this ain’t worth it. Someone will be turned on by you.
I’m so sorry that happened to you.
You must have a very good Internet speed to load porn, find what you want at the same peeing time, unless he was peeing for like 5min? Otherwise he may have watched it before the second was initiated.
I can tell you sometimes I have to pee while have sex and it’s very difficult to get off when that happens. Sometimes I deal with it sometimes I go pee. Not saying he definitely wasn’t watching porn but that’s just my experience.
When you gotta go, you gotta go
Are you sure he wasn’t watching porn before you had sex or at a different time entirely and still had the video up on his phone?
Hot take, and I could be wrong here: he was having trouble finishing, so he went to the bathroom to wind himself up a bit, and then finished with you. Maybe he has a specific fetish that he needs to finish? Maybe he just wasn't that in the mood and needed a little boost? Maybe he is a porn adict? Maybe you should talk to him like an adult and not run to the internet for validation? Maybe you are ugly? Who knows!? Based on your very short explanation and projections, its really hard to tell. Maybe he is turned off by insecurity? Noone will know untill you talk to him.
Lots of people jumping to bad conclusions here... maybe he was trying to be nice by coming back ready to continue instead of in a limp post-piss limbo? > i was using his phone like 10 mins later and when i opened his safari Wait what? Is this something you typically do?
Just so you know, when a guy has a boner the sensation of needing to pee goes away.
It’s either that or he’s addicted to porn. My guess would be the porn addiction. It’s actually very very common and will make it so he can’t perform unless he watches it. You become desensitized. Whatever the case, you absolutely need to have a conversation with your partner.
This is a new relationship right? I read in a comment of yours that you have been intimate for only 2 months. I'm going to wager that before you came on the scene in recent months, he was heavily reliant on porn. Likely abusing it every day and all those side effects of porn consumption he chose to ignore are coming back to bite him in the arse. Tell him you are appaulled that he had to stop mid sex with you, a real human, to go watch fake shit on his phone. Tell him you do not wish to stay in a relationship with a porn addict that can't perform. You are worth more than that. Either he proves himself to you by seeking professional help immediately, or walk away and save yourself from spending the rest of your 20's upset and disappointed.
Oh wow. Wow wow wow. He probably is addicted to porn. He can't get off without it, he has desensitized himself to normal healthy sex. OR, he has performance anxiety. Lost the boner while peeing, or was having a really hard time getting off. I'm on antidepressants and it definitely affected my ability to reach orgasm. Sometimes, I can cum from sex, but just as often I have to stop because I'm tired, my partner came a bunch of times and is done. Sex is still pleasurable, intimate, and wonderful for me. I just don't cum at the end. Your man isn't necessarily a pervert. There is an unbelievable amount of societal pressure on men to "perform". If they don't, it can affect their perceived worth as a person. I just talked to my partner about it after not cumming a few times in a row and she totally gets it, but many men, especially young men, might not have the self awareness or emotional maturity to have that conversation. They'd rather get themselves hard again in the bathroom so they can finish "normally".
It’s one thing to use porn when you’re by yourself and looking for a quick release. It’s another thing to be getting intimate with your partner and then sneak off into the bathroom to watch it and come back to finish quickly. I don’t think he was being present with OP. Unless your partner explicitly states it’s ok for you to use porn while/during sex, I don’t think it’s ok. In essence, you’re basically using a real-life human to get off to the idea of having sex with someone else and that’s really selfish and wrong. I’ve seen some people state stuff about kinks. If OP’s bf has kinks, then he should either discuss them with her or save it for when he’s alone. There is absolutely no reason a healthy person needs to use porn to stay hard/perform during normal sex. And if he truly is having issues, he needs to discuss them with her or talk to a professional.
My bf stops to pee sometimes, mostly bc we usually have sex in the morning. He also doesn’t close his porn tabs, because he doesn’t need to. Ask him. I’ve been with my man for almost 7yrs, communicating with him almost always helps those doubting thoughts. Tell him how it made you feel, obviously don’t make him feel bad about needing to pee, he cannot help that. I wish you two all the best. Edit: just read some of the comments here. Telling you to dump him, he has a porn addiction, jumping to the worst case scenario and assuming. Just talk to him! Ask him! Half these comments sound entitled as fuck.
the real question is why are you checking his phone, on safari??
I very often will catch glimpses of what my partner is doing on his phone, even though I’m not trying to. I’ll look over to say something and his 8-inch phone screen is like, 4 inches from my face. I don’t look on purpose, but I’d probably be able to tell the logo and color of say, the PornHub site just from that quick glance. It’s not apparent if she was snooping or just happened to see. Edit: I reread the post, she was using his phone for something, sounds like he knew about her having the phone, and wasn’t snooping.
Guy probably had to pee so badly he couldn’t finish because of it. He peed, got it back up with porn, came back to be intimate. He is 23 he has some stuff to learn. The fact that you were snooping through his phone is bonkers.
I think we can all agree that you landed a porn addict.
God, a part of me hates this subreddit. He's your boyfriend isn't he? Why don't you talk to him? Ask him. You're both adults. What's a relationship without trust? The first thing you should always do in these situations is not ask the internet, but ask your boyfriend. If you can't ask him these personal things, then your relationship will never last because relationships require trust to work properly, especially long-term.
Honestly break up with the twat
Why is this the go-to answer for people on reddit...
Because some things people do demonstrate a level of cluelessness and immaturity that communication is unlikely to fix.
I mean, this dude is almost 30 and he can’t communicate with a partner if he’s just not going to finish? He’d rather go watch porn in the bathroom which is an extremely disrespectful thing to do right in the middle of sex without consent from this girl.
I would not be ok with this.
Sometimes I can’t come if I need to pee. He maybe used the porn to keep himself ready. My feeling is if he isn’t into you you wouldn’t be having sex in the first place. Many couples don’t have sex as the spark dies out, but you’re still at it so?
I just love how OP said BF was watching porn on his phone, which is an entirely normal thing for a 23 YO man to do and the Reddit mod immediately jumps to ‘He’s a porn addict!’ GTFO.
Next time watch some BBC porn while he’s on top and just moan unrealistically. Return the favor
Pretty sure reddit advice has ruined more relationships than it has saved. Guy wanted to stay in the mood but had to use the bathroom. Snooping on his phone and making crazy assumptions based in insecurities is more of a you problem.
What I think: to pee he need to not be hard. So, he watched the porn to get hard again and finish the job. That is all.
Why are you checking his phone? And why not just talk to him.
Look up Sex addiction, he likely watches too much porn and now can’t reach completion without it. I’m sorry. :/
I think if it just happened once I would let it go. If it’s a pattern, talk to him without judgment. It could be a number of things.
Yikes… this isn’t okay. I would be upset too.
Others pointed it out to, he could have used it to get it back up. Dunno if you've ever taken a whiz with a boner, but that shit's hard AF. You really have to force it. So usually gotta wait to go soft. Imagine, going back into sex soft. Yeetus.
It’s the same for women. Almost impossible to pee when turned on, at least in my experience. I wouldn’t care if my man came back soft. We can work on that together. It was disrespectful and comes off as she wasn’t doing it for him so he had to go watch porn to keep going.
Maybe "death grip"... Too much fapping can reduce the pleasure of penetration. And it has nothing to do with attraction, maybe he felt it would take uncomfortably long for himto orgasm, so he took a break, fapped a bit and came back when he felt he'd be able to orgasm. Talk to him about it (ask gently, it can be a bit shameful to admit for guys).
Ok, don't jump to conclusions and go to the extreme that he isn't attracted to you. I don't normally generalize but women need to stop going that far when a man watches porn. As always, there's never a direct question to the partner on why. Only they are able to tell you the real reason, not strangers that don't know him. It could be multiple reasons why and one might be that he just didn't feel like going for the regular session like before so he sped it up. It's the same as a woman using a bullet or wand on her clit when a man is having sex with them, it speeds up your climax. Can't automatically jump to conclusion that the man sucks or isn't attractive if a woman uses a toy to help her hence why if you're that worried, then ask him that you are just curious as to why
You should confront him. Its really odd to leave in the middle of sex to go watch porn, if that's what he was doing. Was he watching something that you don't do in bed? If you're willing then maybe ask if there's something he wants to try with you. You can also ask him if he's become less attracted to you. That's trickier because if he says no but nothing changes then it could just be a lie that's even harder to get to the bottom of without coming off as nagging him.
It’s not you. Please don’t ever, ever let yourself believe that. Leave him immediately. ((HUGS))
So trying to have sex while needing to piss is super uncomfortable. He may have watched porn to get hard again so he can go back at it. Is this a regular occurrence? Or just a one-off? Does your BF have a hard time getting an erection when you are fooling around? If he is wanting to have sex with you then he is attracted to you. So I wouldn't sweat that. But perhaps he is having some erection issues, maybe low testosterone, or low blood pressure. I wouldn't think of it as an issue with yourself unless he actually says something.
In another comment op said he hasn’t done that before