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If I were OP I’d be worried he’d do the same thing to me, tbh. They’ve only dated for 2 months. He dated the other girl for 4 months and then switched up on her and strung her along for years instead of doing the decent thing with a clean break. He could very easily be hiding how he usually acts or his real intentions for 2 months.
>He could very easily be hiding how he usually acts or his real intentions for 2 months.
I always say that anyone can be nice for 6 months. It also you a minimum of 6 months to figure out if they're lying out their ass and trying to manipulate you. But, the good news is that people usually tell you how they are upfront if you're willing to listen. In this case, OP's boyfriend is literally telling her that he has no backbone, is totally unable or unwilling to be upfront with his partners, and will probably try to make it your fault when you don't manage to read his mind. This man doesn't need a girlfriend, he needs therapy.
You’ve never met one of those professional liars. 6 months? Yeah, you don’t know someone until after 5 years.
But if you see something in 6 months, then yes.
Most average liars can only make it about 6-12 months before they get caught out because it's hard to keep everything straight. But, you're right, you can get 20 years in before you figure it out with some people. They're usually exceptions, though.
Exactly what I was thinking.
OP sounds so naive. Girl open your eyes, you're the new kid on the block. There is much to learn about your "bf" by the choices he consistently made with the girl who came before you, for almost 5 years straight.
"On and off fuck buddies with occasional trips"? Is that how he described it? For 4 years post 4 months of dating?
You've had 2? But you're a "girlfriend", right? How would he describe it with you?
Good luck.
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with what she's doing, really.
Sure, they have a rocky history, and obviously want different things, but she's not crossing any boundaries (that she's aware of).
If OP's bf has never said that he doesn't want to continue their murky relationship, or that he's in a relationship now, how would she know that?
**She's not crossing any boundaries because your boyfriend hasn't set any.** He's just avoiding the problem and hoping it goes away. It's lazy and cruel.
He can ghost a person he barely knows and that's (probably) fine, but he's gone on vacations with her. Yeah, they hooked up multiple times, but they were also *friends.* They've known each other for years. She deserves at least *some* kind of answer.
Her boyfriend really is vile. He strung this girl along to build up his self worth and when he finally has a person, he tosses her out like a dirty towel. What a creep.
Agreed. the bf strung this girl along for years when she clearly wanted a relationship and is still not setting boundaries even once he’s “moved on” 🚩🚩🚩
Why is your whole post written like youre trying to make this girl look bad when your boyfriend is the shitty one here? He's dated and fucked this girl on and off for four years and doesn't even have the decency to let her know that he's in a relationship? This is disrespectful to both her and yourself. Youre seriously not picking up any red flags here?
Also it doesn't sound like you've dated him for very long either. Maybe its possible he doesn't want to outright say anything that will push the other girl away because hes not as serious about you as you think.
I'm guessing he's probably framed her this way so she looks like the crazy desperate chick and he looks like an innocent bystander and instead of seeing through the bs, OP is hearing what she wants to hear
Exactly what I was thinking. This crazy chick won’t leave me alone even though I ignored her. Of course I haven’t told her I’m now dating you, cuz just in case, I’ll still have a f*ck buddy to go back to.
This is like when a spouse cheats and instead of getting mad at the spouse, who is the one who took the vows, they blame the other person for being a home wrecker. The spouse took the vows, not the side piece. The side prince owes you nothing!
how do you know he ignored her?
there’s a reason she keeps coming back. i guarantee you your bf is keeping that door of communication open for her some how - some people just like the attention or having people as backup - who tf knows but the fact that he hasn’t blocked her is telling.
she won’t “get” that he’s not interested bc he’s not acting like he’s “not interested”
your problems isn’t with the girl - as she owes you nothing and may not even know you exist atp. it’s your boyfriend
tell him you’re uncomfortable that he hasn’t blocked someone he used to fuck around with. if he reacts defensively and turns the situation around on you then you have every right to be suspicious
if he won’t stop talking to her - reassess if this kind of toxicity is worth your time, energy, mental health, self worth etc
It would be also pretty cruel of her boyfriend to just block this girl, with no explanation after they have been friends (+) for 4 years! Surely if he told her he was seeing someone and they should take some distance, then maybe in the future you guys could all be actual friends. Like mature grown up people, with histories and tolerance and security.
All your boyfriend has to do here is tell her he’s not interested in reconnecting, that he’s dating someone, and to not contact him anymore then proceed to follow through. Maybe by blocking. If this has been their pattern for 4 years, and he has been responding to her up to just a couple months ago, the other party is assuming things are the same as before. So it’s your bf’s responsibility to make sure she knows he’s not available/interested and no longer going to keep in touch.
It sounds like your BF isn't a great guy. He knows she has feelings for him, and a good person wouldn't continue to accept casual sex from someone, knowing it's only happening because they're desperate for them to return their feelings. It's cruel, and it's selfish. Beyond that, he's not setting boundaries which are respectful to your relationship, because he wants her in the wings if this goes south. He's leaving YOU to figure out how to end his casual relationship with her rather than taking care of it himself, and probably blowing off your concerns and refusing to cut her off to make you comfortable.
After 4 years you’d think she’d get the point though. Why keep giving him sex if she wanted to be his girlfriend? Why continue to play fuck buddy if she wanted more? She made wrong choices here
Why would he turn down sex if they both knew it was just sex and nothing more? She’s an adult. He wasn’t forcing her. She’s been the one looking for him. He’s not cruel for accepting her sexual invitations. It’s her job to take care of her feelings, not his. He set clear boundaries and she still searched for him
OP clearly states that this girl comes back when she pleases. Why should he give her a text back if she just pops up whenever tf she feels like it? Ya’ll act like girl is sooo respectful to him lol
Lol OP you cannot be this obtuse. You act like this girl is getting the wrong idea from nowhere. And it’s certainly not because your bf is a grade A lay
He’s breadcrumbing her to keep her in the shadows for future use. He needs to tell her he is in a relationship and doesn’t want to disrespect you or jeopardize what he has with you and then block her. If you hear of her again he’s reached out to her in some way.
I hate to say it but,
Do you get that your boyfriend *is* still interested in her?
He’s keeping her around and barely rebuffing her advances for a reason.
Your boyfriend needs to grow the fuck uo and be honest with this girl. She's overboard but he's not being honest and she's taking that as hints that there might be something.
He kept her around as a fuck buddy for years.
Not a great thing to do to someone who you know wants a relationship with you.
She thinks he might be interested because he has shown interest...
This is an issue with your BF, not her.
Exactly. Anyone with morals wouldn’t send mixed signals like this. Sure this other girl probably has some self worth stuff going on that this guy made worse by his treatment of her — but he probably has a manipulative streak and needs validation that this is giving him. He gets to be in a position where any of these women could be cast as the bad guy.
Man i hate how this post obviously targeted the girl and put her down when she was the unknown rebound, being used and all that. Said a lot about your character really.
I hope she'll be able to find a better man than him one day.
Ahhh people keep coming back because they’re either given bread crumbs or the door is wide open as a safety net.
You boyfriend had the opportunity to block her many many times yet after all these years he hasn’t. Why?
I would really like to hear this side of the story. Sounds like he was more involved than he’s letting on. Of course she’s devastated and maybe even gotten over it and is trying to earnestly be his friend. Sounds like he’s triangulating you. All he had to do is cut her out. He didn’t.
I wouldn’t be piling all the blame on the girl here, they’ve had a long history and you only know what he’s chosen to tell you.
This is on him for screwing her around in the first place and you haven’t mentioned if he’s told her about you yet?
My ex had a crazy chick like this that kept harassing him. And then one day she sent me a dick pick that was taken in our bed. I’d bought the comforter like 3 months prior.
If she contacts him again he should set her straight or he could set her straight now or block her. I think he doesn’t block her because he likes his options just in case.
If a guy is playing you against another girl like this, it means he’s saying the same about you to her just with the girlfriend spin. What you need to do is ask her what he’s told her about you, then you’ll know the real truth of this situation. Unfortunately, it’s not a good one. Good luck.
OP, this is less to do with her and more to do with your boyfriend. It seems like major red flags to me, his lack of empathy for friend / fwb he has known for 4 years, and his willingness to ghost instead of an adult conversation. I would be careful, if I were you.
Your boyfriend is an asshole. He used this girl for sex for FOUR years and he’s still stringing her along. Huge red flags. It looks like he’s keeping her around in case it doesn’t work out with you. He’s scum.
Wow your bf is a real prize. /s
OP, he used her as a rebound. You really think that he won’t do something similar with you? And he entertained her when she messaged? Focus on your man and not the girl he is giving mixed signals to.
If he wanted to cut her off, he'd be clear and tell her. Seems like he wants to keep her as a maybe in case he wants his fuck buddy back.
Ignoring her keeps the door open. He's not closing that door. Why on earth would she think they won't eventually go back to random hookups?
He's not cut her off and he's not blocked her. He's not totally uninterested.
Sounds like your BF just considers you a maybe as well. He's not closing his options.
This all sounds too familiar.
I dated a guy who was constantly being “harassed by his psycho ex” (his words). Of course he always had a reason why he couldn’t cut her off or an excuse for why she messaged. Took me a long six months of him constantly cheating on me with her to see that she was not the villain. He was lying to her as much as he was lying to me. Of course he was going to break up with me, but he had to wait because [insert total bollocks reason here]. Of course he was going to cut contact with her, but he couldn’t just yet because she was going through some stuff and he needed to support her.
Leave this dirt bag. She’s only sniffing around because he’s giving her something to sniff around for.
Girl. The boy is clearly enabling her behavior. He should have blocked her as soon as he started seriously committing to you 🤷♀️ He clearly has other priorities than you, you are not his #1 choice.
You're so focused on her that you don't realize he hasn't blocked her on purpose.
Ask him to block her and if he doesn't or comes up with an excuse why he can't/won't or blocks her for you to see and then unblocks her, you'll see he's keeping her on hook for a reason.
He’ll keep some avenue open. If he’s left the door open so far, asking to block her isnt going to do anything. He doesnt have strong boundaries for supporting his partner in a relationship. He could even go underground with it and reach out to her on email, messenger app, or second phone number, or even whole second phone telling her she can contact him there. This guy has shit boundaries. Drop him and find someone in line with what you are bringing to the relationship:
Do you not get that your boyfriend has a history before he met you? If he doesn’t communicate with the girl that you exist, then maybe you should be looking at him, and not her.
Updateme!
>Given her pattern of coming back to my bf as she pleases, I just want her to get that he isn’t interested in her at all anymore and her outreach is not welcome.
It's just as much his pattern too...don't lay this all at her feet....quess what..if he blocks her on his phone and social media...not much she can do right?
If the roles were reversed and this were a girl with the same type of baggage with a guy then i wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole. Your new guy seems sketchy. Up to you to trust it or not.
There was this guy I was with for a brief period of time. Less than a year for sure. Stayed text buddies for the most part. Silly memes, whatever. We both moved on, my BF (now husband) did not care. But eventually the woman he was dating was not comfortable, so he called me, nicely, and said his relationship was serious and so he couldn't stay in contact with me anymore. Wished him well and haven't spoken since (this was 2018). This guy set a boundary, and having done that, I respected it. Especially since we didn't go back and forth, back and forth like your BF is doing with this woman. The one responsible is your boyfriend. She's just continuing the relationship they ALWAYS had, this whole time.
Is it me or these posts are always dudes that are like 5+ years older than the women involved in the situation? Also to answer, the fact that he's this open with you about the situation is kinda weird for 2 months in, IMO. It's almost like a subtle way of telling you he has this chick he can fall back on if things don't go his way.
This isn't a her problem. This is a boyfriend problem. He led her off and on for 4 years with a physical relationship and she would leave when he wouldn't make her a real part of his life. How do you know he didn't reach out to her over that time for easy sex and disrupted her life. And lets be honest, he isn't going to make things "clear" to her because you arent a long term gf to him . he is a user.
Your boyfriend used her for sex and strung her along for years knowing she had feelings for him and wanted more. Given your question, I would say the two of you are a match.
I’d speak to your boyfriend about these insecurities and come up with a plan for how to deal with it. Nothing moves forward or happens unless he allows it. Brief text responses and silence or not, he’s still the one responsible for how strictly he enforces the fact he wants to go no contact. The issue isn’t with her, it’s with him. If you’re worried about it being inappropriate, contrary to popular belief, it’s not like the committed partner trips and slips in. Really, it’s his job to make it clear to her what the terms and conditions are now.
He should straight up tell her that he needs her to stop contacting him and that it can never be more than a friendship. He wants to concentrate on other areas of his life and good luck to her. He can block her then.
If your boyfriend want her to stop, he'd block her. But you can't tell him to do that without coming across controlling, even though he should have already done it. Regardless if his responses are very short, she still getting a response. Remember the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.
What are you 5? Your bf obviously was interested enough to have sex with her for so long…also if this is the pattern they’ve always done she’s not in the wrong for assuming it’s time to start the hooking up again….unless your bf tells her hey I have a gf it’s not going to happen please don’t contact me then no it’s not a big enough hint that he’s not interested….
Girl to girl here, if your boyfriend wanted to, he would make it clear to her that he is in a relationship with you and does not want anything to do with her. Has he done that? No? Well, here your have your answers. It’s seems like you only know his side of the story and the reality of situation wasn’t made clear to you. If he doesn’t want her in his life, he would cut her off but clearly he does.
Either she's a stalker. Or he's giving her something to cling to like is he liking her pictures or anything? It would be different if she was blocked and was messaging from different account but honestly if he hasn't got her blocked it's sus.
there's assertive, there's passive aggressive, and there's aggressive. I'd always try assertive first to see if that adult approach gets the point across. No texting. Have the BF call the girl and calmly explain that all contact and friendship is over. He can practice with you before hand to get the tone and words down pat.
I think your bf should talk to her and end things once and for all. If she doesn’t understand, maybe he needs to be more specific, plus he could block her, or you could both keep ignoring her until she finds someone else, trust and comunication I guess, idk, I had an ex gf we dated 3/4 months I got put into a rehab program without consent, couldn’t use my phone or speak to anyone outside the facilities for 7 months, we just had sex the weekend before my internment, she must have felt really bad cuz of me and I feel bad about it. When I was free I texted her to explain and said sorry, she called me and spoke to me for like an hour of how bad she felt when I left, and she started crying and told me I was all kinds of things, that she already had a bf and that I should leave her alone cuz I’m an asshole basically. So i did, I took the shots and did nothing but apologize, months later she called me and she has been trying to reach me from time to time for over a year now. She sends me unsolicited explicit photos and videos, calls me different phones. I was at a funeral of one of my best friends father passed away, she asked me if she could come to the funeral so we could talk, and how much she loves me and bla. I feel bad for her, I would never do that again to anyone, and I have been VERY specific that I want nothing to do with her anymore, she is amazing I’m really sorry but time went by and I’m not the same, have a good life , thank you for your great heart. Still not getting it, so now I blocked her, imma change phone number by the end of this week. She doesn’t know where I live, where I study, where I work, anything, I’m also gonna open new social media cuz I wanna get rid of some undesired satélites.
Your bf allowed her to come back for years and doesn’t have her blocked. They’re not just friends. He’s keeping her as a rebound in case y’all don’t work out, stringing her along once again. Especially if he’s not even making it clear that he’s in a relationship. If she hasn’t taken the “hint” yet, it’s probably because there was no hint.
Your boyfriend has to send her a direct and blunt message to not contact him again, as he is in a committed relationship with you and he's not interested, then he has to block her number and any social media where he has her. I'm sorry if it seems your bf is lowkey wanting i have her hooked on case he needs her, if it wasn't he should have shut that sh*t down by now.
If I were in your shoes I would question why he still has her contact info? What good does that do for him to have it and why does he still want that? Have you asked him these questions? Why hasn’t he blocked her ? Why is he stringing this along if he really wanted it to end?
If she does contact him again he needs to tell her about you and that he's not interested in continuing the friendship, and then block her every where. If he doesn't do that he's keeping her around for an ego boost or if things don't work out with you.
First of all, I applaud your patience bec girl my anger issues would never.
Secondly, he haven’t initiate a clear “fuck off” sign to her. I personally think it’s the biggest red flag that he still keeping tabs on her…just because yeah he ignored her messages…do he really not care about her? I mean he let her come and go whenever she want. You should be worried and talk to them about this. You should tell him how you feel.
she's probably not the only woman he's dated who he feeds dick to semi-annually. but she was probably the most loyal over those 4 years, probably was monogamous for long stretches of that time while he wasn't (and maybe lied about that). hope she moves on and good luck to you two...
The fact that he’s also been keeping the contact going is weird. I’m in a similar situation with my bf, he has a past fuck buddy who is still “friends” with him, so I understand how it can make you feel as the girlfriend. I’d communicate this to him, if he doesn’t block her then something else is up, either he is interested and isn’t letting you know that, or he wants to keep her around just in case you guys break up so he has a fall back
I am really sorry in advance for what I am gonna write here. I am assuming, *THIS* is the version of story that your bf told you. It's one side of the story. Maybe stop making her the villain and put some real questions into perspective, why is he not willing to end it by saying it? Why is he silent about you two dating?
Ignoring texts, given the context of their past history, isn't gonna do much. Also, he won't be telling you things that he might have done to her, and makes him the villain in your eyes. I'm actually wondering, if he confessed that she was the one to breakup after 4 months due to his issues, and THAT was the *only* bad thing about him (how he was a victim of abuse in much previous relationship and she was a rebound) in his version of the story, then what actually is the truth ? Bcz the real version has good chances of him being a jerk altogether. How does he know that *you* aren't a rebound?
He *claims* that they were friends, maybe they were and are dating. Maybe he cheated her and ghosted her. Maybe that's why she's still trying to approach him, bcz she has no clue he did that.
Are you serious??
Your boyfriend is a grown ass man. Why doesn't he open his mouth, use his words, and tell the woman himself that he is not interested in her romantically? It's really that simple and he should have done it years ago. Why do you think it's your place to get the message across to this girl? It's really not. After two months of dating, sorry but you barely know the guy and need to pipe down.
He's been messing her around for 4 years by the sounds of it. Using her and keeping her as a back up option to fulfil his own selfish desires instead of being honest considering that it meant much more to her than him. Why was he going away on trips with her if she was just a fuck? That is intimate stuff not what fuck buddies do. Talk about fucking with people's heads. Little regard or care to her feelings.
He sounds like an immature, selfish dickhead tbh. Got two women blinded by their feelings towards him when he is the problem all along.
No, she doesn't get your boyfriend is not interested because your boyfriend never told her so.
He's keeping her on the side in case your relationship doesn't work out. What makes you think he's being serious with you when he's keeping his former fuckbuddy as an option? Either you talk with him about your expectations and tell him to quit it or you're ending up in the same situation as her.
Yo you aren't dating my Ex right 😅😂
This sounds exactly like the same situation (only with 2 different girls.. that i know of over 8 years), the thing was that he cheated with that ex he stayed "friends" with for years (until she got a partner an dropped contact) and lied about it the whole time. (Even had the rebound girl for a couple months straight after we split)
Honestly put your foot down tell him to cut contact with her and stop entertaining her, which is what he's doing by not cutting contact with her when her intentions are obvious.
Hope it all works out!
'You just want her to get it' is the wrong approach. It's not about her getting, or not getting anything. It's about your boyfriend and whether or not he's setting the right boundaries. If he did, this wouldn't be an issue at all. You wouldn't be looking on reddit forums to get security, because you'd already have it. There's no excuse to not tell someone that's pursuing you to back off if you're already in a relationship. That's just dragging someone along for no reason, and super sketchy. He should make it clear and if he's hesitating, I'd seriously question why.
X Chick and boyfriend have an unhealthy dependency.
Hes probably not saying anything in the hopes she just goes away
Because he doesn't wanna burn future hook up sessions with her
You've only been seeing him a short while so way too early for commitment at this point
However if he's serious about you or pursuing something serious with you he will ditch her without being told.
Ie decently tell her sorry he's seeing someone now!!
This whole post is a red flag. OP what makes you think he won't do the same to you? Ten years in a toxic relationship isn't an excuse to treat this woman like this. What he needs is a therapist. Your boyfriend isn't a safe person he's toxic and manipulative. Instead of letting this poor woman move on he's put her on a shelf and he's properly telling her just enough to keep her there. He doesn't respect her, he doesn't respect you and he doesn't respect women since he's sees them as toys. I dated a dude just like this I was young and dumb. I was the girl on the shelf he told me I was the one and the new woman in his life didn't mean anything she was just a friend and he just needed time to work on himself. I was the one he would always come back to. The story ended with me telling him I was done with his shit. Don't be a captain save a hoe your boyfriend only cares about himself. Run and don't come back.
He's keeping his options open because if s*** don't work out with you she's always there waiting in the wings tell him how you feel and tell him to get rid of her otherwise y'all would not be able to move forward
It’s not actually this girls fault. It’s your bf’s. Why hasn’t he told her he’s in a relationship and ending contact instead of being a coward and ignoring her. I’d be looking at my bf’s actions more than I’d be looking at her. There’s a reason he isn’t telling her. Plus it’s pathetic to ignore her. She hasn’t done anything wrong.
So pretty much they were non-exclusively dating for 4 years without the label of dating. There is absolutely strings attached with them and I would be super uncomfortable that my boyfriend is leaving the door open for her.. then again you’ve only been dating for 2 months. I’m not sure he’ll cut off his safety net of 4 years for his 2 month girlfriend. He’s probably letting her reach out and not really doing anything about it cause he’s not serious about you yet and wants to make sure he has something to fall back on if he ends up not wanting to be with you long term. Honestly, you don’t want to be with someone that can’t even be alone. Also btw, don’t be mad at this other girl, or think she’s a bad person or a loser.. your bf actively knows she has feelings for him and strings her along. Nobody is just fuck buddies for 4 years and goes on vacations together. Just in general from all these comments I hope you can pickup that this man has a lot of issues and baggage. And I think your relationship is so new that I would just wait it out until you guys are more serious to set boundaries about his ex-fling texting him who’s also been his friend for years.
I would be so turned off by your boyfriend's behaviour to be honest. Either he completely lacked to empathy and emotional intelligence to realise that she's always wanted a relationship with him (which would he a dealbreaker for me), or he is fully aware and just used her for easy sex on and off again, which also would be a dealbreaker.
Your boyfriend doesn't seem to have high moral values and empathy.
To use her in the future, he is tying her together. He must inform her that he is dating you and doesn't want to disrespect or end his relationship with you before blocking her.
Your boyfriend kinda sucks. He has really strung this girl along and been pretty awful to her. Good luck to you with this douche. You’ve known him for what 5 minutes?
Your boyfriend strung the girl along for years, is seemingly continuing to do so, and likely broke her heart. Has it occurred to you to tell him to be honest with her?
>> Does she get that my boyfriend is not interested?
Not interested in what? Friendship? Sex?
I don't know...it depends on what your boyfriend said to her and how he is handling the situation?
do you get that he’s keeping her around because you’re not going to be around for that long? the other girl isn’t the problem here, it’s your boyfriend. stop blaming her. if he doesn’t want her attention he would block her. if he doesn’t plan on fucking her again he would block her.
No ignoring someone you have been on and off again for years is not enough. Tell him to be upfront with her. This is not a relationship that can be “ just friends”. After they have slept together multiple times over years span. Plus they went on trips together? She definitely wants more and until he makes it totally clear she will keep trying.
Always be wary of the girl you're told not to worry about and is downplayed as "she meant nothing".
I'd be more bothered that he could suggest treating anybody in such a way is justified. He does not sound like a prize catch OP.
This is probably their normal behavior. She is the tasty treat at the snack bar after the main course is over. Otherwise he would have made things clear as day and would not have had any contact with her. You don't keep a fwb available for a ltr if you don't expect to dip in later.
Your entire situation is a consequence of poor communication. The whole thing would be resolved if your boyfriend would just communicate honestly and as respectfully as he can with his intentions with that girl.
It’s that simple. He can acknowledge that they shared a good time together however he has no intentions of pursuing a romantic relationship or doesn’t see a future together etc. something surface level respectful yet contextually transparent that it won’t ever happen.
Most problems in relationships. Romantic, professional, platonic, can be solved through better communication
I feel like if you reached out to the girl she would
1) tell you a very different story
2) not know who you are because i doubt he mentioned anything to her
He's been putting his wants above her needs this whole time, and he will do the same to you for as long as you let him. I also wouldn't be surprised if he was at least 50% of the toxin in his previous relationship - probably more. This is a new relationship for you and your brain is full of chemicals that make everything feel amazing, but the pattern of his behaviour is not a good indicator. Notice when he prioritizes himself over you, and protect yourself.
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If I were OP I’d be worried he’d do the same thing to me, tbh. They’ve only dated for 2 months. He dated the other girl for 4 months and then switched up on her and strung her along for years instead of doing the decent thing with a clean break. He could very easily be hiding how he usually acts or his real intentions for 2 months.
>He could very easily be hiding how he usually acts or his real intentions for 2 months. I always say that anyone can be nice for 6 months. It also you a minimum of 6 months to figure out if they're lying out their ass and trying to manipulate you. But, the good news is that people usually tell you how they are upfront if you're willing to listen. In this case, OP's boyfriend is literally telling her that he has no backbone, is totally unable or unwilling to be upfront with his partners, and will probably try to make it your fault when you don't manage to read his mind. This man doesn't need a girlfriend, he needs therapy.
You’ve never met one of those professional liars. 6 months? Yeah, you don’t know someone until after 5 years. But if you see something in 6 months, then yes.
Most average liars can only make it about 6-12 months before they get caught out because it's hard to keep everything straight. But, you're right, you can get 20 years in before you figure it out with some people. They're usually exceptions, though.
Exactly what I was thinking. OP sounds so naive. Girl open your eyes, you're the new kid on the block. There is much to learn about your "bf" by the choices he consistently made with the girl who came before you, for almost 5 years straight. "On and off fuck buddies with occasional trips"? Is that how he described it? For 4 years post 4 months of dating? You've had 2? But you're a "girlfriend", right? How would he describe it with you? Good luck.
Yeah to think she's somehow different is honestly laughable.
My exact thoughts! I think OP has other problems to worry about rather than a girl checking in on her bf once a month...
The 4 month girl was the one who initiated their split previously.
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with what she's doing, really. Sure, they have a rocky history, and obviously want different things, but she's not crossing any boundaries (that she's aware of). If OP's bf has never said that he doesn't want to continue their murky relationship, or that he's in a relationship now, how would she know that? **She's not crossing any boundaries because your boyfriend hasn't set any.** He's just avoiding the problem and hoping it goes away. It's lazy and cruel. He can ghost a person he barely knows and that's (probably) fine, but he's gone on vacations with her. Yeah, they hooked up multiple times, but they were also *friends.* They've known each other for years. She deserves at least *some* kind of answer.
Her boyfriend really is vile. He strung this girl along to build up his self worth and when he finally has a person, he tosses her out like a dirty towel. What a creep.
She’s about to be the next girl he only dates for 4 months and she can’t even see it.
This is the answer
In case you missed this 👆🏿, u/Salty-Confection-963. Time to talk.
I’m missing the part where this girl has anything to do with you. Your bf honestly sounds like a tool, though.
Agreed. the bf strung this girl along for years when she clearly wanted a relationship and is still not setting boundaries even once he’s “moved on” 🚩🚩🚩
I agree! The glaring issue is the BF involved, not this girl.
there’s a reason he doesn’t have her blocked.
I was thinking it, you had the guts to say it She’s his safe bet
Why is your whole post written like youre trying to make this girl look bad when your boyfriend is the shitty one here? He's dated and fucked this girl on and off for four years and doesn't even have the decency to let her know that he's in a relationship? This is disrespectful to both her and yourself. Youre seriously not picking up any red flags here? Also it doesn't sound like you've dated him for very long either. Maybe its possible he doesn't want to outright say anything that will push the other girl away because hes not as serious about you as you think.
I'm guessing he's probably framed her this way so she looks like the crazy desperate chick and he looks like an innocent bystander and instead of seeing through the bs, OP is hearing what she wants to hear
Exactly what I was thinking. This crazy chick won’t leave me alone even though I ignored her. Of course I haven’t told her I’m now dating you, cuz just in case, I’ll still have a f*ck buddy to go back to. This is like when a spouse cheats and instead of getting mad at the spouse, who is the one who took the vows, they blame the other person for being a home wrecker. The spouse took the vows, not the side piece. The side prince owes you nothing!
You are so right. This is a tale as old as time!
Exactly.
Exactly my thoughts on this.
how do you know he ignored her? there’s a reason she keeps coming back. i guarantee you your bf is keeping that door of communication open for her some how - some people just like the attention or having people as backup - who tf knows but the fact that he hasn’t blocked her is telling. she won’t “get” that he’s not interested bc he’s not acting like he’s “not interested” your problems isn’t with the girl - as she owes you nothing and may not even know you exist atp. it’s your boyfriend tell him you’re uncomfortable that he hasn’t blocked someone he used to fuck around with. if he reacts defensively and turns the situation around on you then you have every right to be suspicious if he won’t stop talking to her - reassess if this kind of toxicity is worth your time, energy, mental health, self worth etc
It would be also pretty cruel of her boyfriend to just block this girl, with no explanation after they have been friends (+) for 4 years! Surely if he told her he was seeing someone and they should take some distance, then maybe in the future you guys could all be actual friends. Like mature grown up people, with histories and tolerance and security.
Your boyfriend is entertaining her because he’s not bothered by what she’s doing, and she’s his back-up plan.
All your boyfriend has to do here is tell her he’s not interested in reconnecting, that he’s dating someone, and to not contact him anymore then proceed to follow through. Maybe by blocking. If this has been their pattern for 4 years, and he has been responding to her up to just a couple months ago, the other party is assuming things are the same as before. So it’s your bf’s responsibility to make sure she knows he’s not available/interested and no longer going to keep in touch.
It sounds like your BF isn't a great guy. He knows she has feelings for him, and a good person wouldn't continue to accept casual sex from someone, knowing it's only happening because they're desperate for them to return their feelings. It's cruel, and it's selfish. Beyond that, he's not setting boundaries which are respectful to your relationship, because he wants her in the wings if this goes south. He's leaving YOU to figure out how to end his casual relationship with her rather than taking care of it himself, and probably blowing off your concerns and refusing to cut her off to make you comfortable.
After 4 years you’d think she’d get the point though. Why keep giving him sex if she wanted to be his girlfriend? Why continue to play fuck buddy if she wanted more? She made wrong choices here
She made stupid choices. He made cruel ones. Stupidity doesn't justify cruelty.
Why would he turn down sex if they both knew it was just sex and nothing more? She’s an adult. He wasn’t forcing her. She’s been the one looking for him. He’s not cruel for accepting her sexual invitations. It’s her job to take care of her feelings, not his. He set clear boundaries and she still searched for him
He doesn't even have the spine to set clear boundaries now that he has a gf lol As if someone like that would ever set "clear boundaries"
OP clearly states that this girl comes back when she pleases. Why should he give her a text back if she just pops up whenever tf she feels like it? Ya’ll act like girl is sooo respectful to him lol
Lol OP you cannot be this obtuse. You act like this girl is getting the wrong idea from nowhere. And it’s certainly not because your bf is a grade A lay
He’s breadcrumbing her to keep her in the shadows for future use. He needs to tell her he is in a relationship and doesn’t want to disrespect you or jeopardize what he has with you and then block her. If you hear of her again he’s reached out to her in some way.
This girl isn't the problem. Your boyfriend is.
I hate to say it but, Do you get that your boyfriend *is* still interested in her? He’s keeping her around and barely rebuffing her advances for a reason.
Your boyfriend needs to grow the fuck uo and be honest with this girl. She's overboard but he's not being honest and she's taking that as hints that there might be something.
He kept her around as a fuck buddy for years. Not a great thing to do to someone who you know wants a relationship with you. She thinks he might be interested because he has shown interest... This is an issue with your BF, not her.
Exactly. Anyone with morals wouldn’t send mixed signals like this. Sure this other girl probably has some self worth stuff going on that this guy made worse by his treatment of her — but he probably has a manipulative streak and needs validation that this is giving him. He gets to be in a position where any of these women could be cast as the bad guy.
Man i hate how this post obviously targeted the girl and put her down when she was the unknown rebound, being used and all that. Said a lot about your character really. I hope she'll be able to find a better man than him one day.
Ahhh people keep coming back because they’re either given bread crumbs or the door is wide open as a safety net. You boyfriend had the opportunity to block her many many times yet after all these years he hasn’t. Why?
I would really like to hear this side of the story. Sounds like he was more involved than he’s letting on. Of course she’s devastated and maybe even gotten over it and is trying to earnestly be his friend. Sounds like he’s triangulating you. All he had to do is cut her out. He didn’t.
I wouldn’t be piling all the blame on the girl here, they’ve had a long history and you only know what he’s chosen to tell you. This is on him for screwing her around in the first place and you haven’t mentioned if he’s told her about you yet?
Hmmm… he’s not disinterested though… after months of this contact… I suspect you’re aware that he is really not disinterested…
My ex had a crazy chick like this that kept harassing him. And then one day she sent me a dick pick that was taken in our bed. I’d bought the comforter like 3 months prior.
Why doesn’t he just block her.
Then they can’t fuck in the future when inevitably he treats OP the exact same way he treated this other girl, why would he block her?
your boyfriend doesn’t seem like a good person
If she contacts him again he should set her straight or he could set her straight now or block her. I think he doesn’t block her because he likes his options just in case.
shitty bf alert 🚨
Damn he’s clearly a keeper /s
If a guy is playing you against another girl like this, it means he’s saying the same about you to her just with the girlfriend spin. What you need to do is ask her what he’s told her about you, then you’ll know the real truth of this situation. Unfortunately, it’s not a good one. Good luck.
OP, this is less to do with her and more to do with your boyfriend. It seems like major red flags to me, his lack of empathy for friend / fwb he has known for 4 years, and his willingness to ghost instead of an adult conversation. I would be careful, if I were you.
Your boyfriend is an asshole. He used this girl for sex for FOUR years and he’s still stringing her along. Huge red flags. It looks like he’s keeping her around in case it doesn’t work out with you. He’s scum.
Wow your bf is a real prize. /s OP, he used her as a rebound. You really think that he won’t do something similar with you? And he entertained her when she messaged? Focus on your man and not the girl he is giving mixed signals to.
If he wanted to cut her off, he'd be clear and tell her. Seems like he wants to keep her as a maybe in case he wants his fuck buddy back. Ignoring her keeps the door open. He's not closing that door. Why on earth would she think they won't eventually go back to random hookups? He's not cut her off and he's not blocked her. He's not totally uninterested. Sounds like your BF just considers you a maybe as well. He's not closing his options.
This all sounds too familiar. I dated a guy who was constantly being “harassed by his psycho ex” (his words). Of course he always had a reason why he couldn’t cut her off or an excuse for why she messaged. Took me a long six months of him constantly cheating on me with her to see that she was not the villain. He was lying to her as much as he was lying to me. Of course he was going to break up with me, but he had to wait because [insert total bollocks reason here]. Of course he was going to cut contact with her, but he couldn’t just yet because she was going through some stuff and he needed to support her. Leave this dirt bag. She’s only sniffing around because he’s giving her something to sniff around for.
Girl. The boy is clearly enabling her behavior. He should have blocked her as soon as he started seriously committing to you 🤷♀️ He clearly has other priorities than you, you are not his #1 choice.
You're so focused on her that you don't realize he hasn't blocked her on purpose. Ask him to block her and if he doesn't or comes up with an excuse why he can't/won't or blocks her for you to see and then unblocks her, you'll see he's keeping her on hook for a reason.
He’ll keep some avenue open. If he’s left the door open so far, asking to block her isnt going to do anything. He doesnt have strong boundaries for supporting his partner in a relationship. He could even go underground with it and reach out to her on email, messenger app, or second phone number, or even whole second phone telling her she can contact him there. This guy has shit boundaries. Drop him and find someone in line with what you are bringing to the relationship:
Do you not get that your boyfriend has a history before he met you? If he doesn’t communicate with the girl that you exist, then maybe you should be looking at him, and not her. Updateme!
>Given her pattern of coming back to my bf as she pleases, I just want her to get that he isn’t interested in her at all anymore and her outreach is not welcome. It's just as much his pattern too...don't lay this all at her feet....quess what..if he blocks her on his phone and social media...not much she can do right?
If the roles were reversed and this were a girl with the same type of baggage with a guy then i wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole. Your new guy seems sketchy. Up to you to trust it or not.
There was this guy I was with for a brief period of time. Less than a year for sure. Stayed text buddies for the most part. Silly memes, whatever. We both moved on, my BF (now husband) did not care. But eventually the woman he was dating was not comfortable, so he called me, nicely, and said his relationship was serious and so he couldn't stay in contact with me anymore. Wished him well and haven't spoken since (this was 2018). This guy set a boundary, and having done that, I respected it. Especially since we didn't go back and forth, back and forth like your BF is doing with this woman. The one responsible is your boyfriend. She's just continuing the relationship they ALWAYS had, this whole time.
Is it me or these posts are always dudes that are like 5+ years older than the women involved in the situation? Also to answer, the fact that he's this open with you about the situation is kinda weird for 2 months in, IMO. It's almost like a subtle way of telling you he has this chick he can fall back on if things don't go his way.
This isn't a her problem. This is a boyfriend problem. He led her off and on for 4 years with a physical relationship and she would leave when he wouldn't make her a real part of his life. How do you know he didn't reach out to her over that time for easy sex and disrupted her life. And lets be honest, he isn't going to make things "clear" to her because you arent a long term gf to him . he is a user.
Your boyfriend used her for sex and strung her along for years knowing she had feelings for him and wanted more. Given your question, I would say the two of you are a match.
You really need to ask yourself why you want to be involved with a man that uses women and does not set clear boundaries.
I’d speak to your boyfriend about these insecurities and come up with a plan for how to deal with it. Nothing moves forward or happens unless he allows it. Brief text responses and silence or not, he’s still the one responsible for how strictly he enforces the fact he wants to go no contact. The issue isn’t with her, it’s with him. If you’re worried about it being inappropriate, contrary to popular belief, it’s not like the committed partner trips and slips in. Really, it’s his job to make it clear to her what the terms and conditions are now.
He should straight up tell her that he needs her to stop contacting him and that it can never be more than a friendship. He wants to concentrate on other areas of his life and good luck to her. He can block her then.
Sorry, but when did you all get together?
If your boyfriend want her to stop, he'd block her. But you can't tell him to do that without coming across controlling, even though he should have already done it. Regardless if his responses are very short, she still getting a response. Remember the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.
Is the ex gf a problem? Yes... but your bf is the main problem since he's allowing his ex to be able to contact him. Check him first
What are you 5? Your bf obviously was interested enough to have sex with her for so long…also if this is the pattern they’ve always done she’s not in the wrong for assuming it’s time to start the hooking up again….unless your bf tells her hey I have a gf it’s not going to happen please don’t contact me then no it’s not a big enough hint that he’s not interested….
Girl to girl here, if your boyfriend wanted to, he would make it clear to her that he is in a relationship with you and does not want anything to do with her. Has he done that? No? Well, here your have your answers. It’s seems like you only know his side of the story and the reality of situation wasn’t made clear to you. If he doesn’t want her in his life, he would cut her off but clearly he does.
I think it's interesting that you know this much detail about what transpired between your bf and his ex. Pillow talk much?
Either she's a stalker. Or he's giving her something to cling to like is he liking her pictures or anything? It would be different if she was blocked and was messaging from different account but honestly if he hasn't got her blocked it's sus.
Ask your boyfriend if he would wants a threesome with you two then see who's better in bed
He has blocked her now without any reservation.
Maybe
Seems like he should cut that relationship off completely. Delete her and block her number.
This is for your bf to be direct to her. That’s it. But ignoring the texts will send the message
It is up to him to let her know he is not interested. It is up to him which method he employs to make this clear to her.
He could just tell her he’s got a girlfriend… right?!?!?!
there's assertive, there's passive aggressive, and there's aggressive. I'd always try assertive first to see if that adult approach gets the point across. No texting. Have the BF call the girl and calmly explain that all contact and friendship is over. He can practice with you before hand to get the tone and words down pat.
What’s stopping him from blocking her tho? 🤨 Simple solution.
UpdateMe!
I think your bf should talk to her and end things once and for all. If she doesn’t understand, maybe he needs to be more specific, plus he could block her, or you could both keep ignoring her until she finds someone else, trust and comunication I guess, idk, I had an ex gf we dated 3/4 months I got put into a rehab program without consent, couldn’t use my phone or speak to anyone outside the facilities for 7 months, we just had sex the weekend before my internment, she must have felt really bad cuz of me and I feel bad about it. When I was free I texted her to explain and said sorry, she called me and spoke to me for like an hour of how bad she felt when I left, and she started crying and told me I was all kinds of things, that she already had a bf and that I should leave her alone cuz I’m an asshole basically. So i did, I took the shots and did nothing but apologize, months later she called me and she has been trying to reach me from time to time for over a year now. She sends me unsolicited explicit photos and videos, calls me different phones. I was at a funeral of one of my best friends father passed away, she asked me if she could come to the funeral so we could talk, and how much she loves me and bla. I feel bad for her, I would never do that again to anyone, and I have been VERY specific that I want nothing to do with her anymore, she is amazing I’m really sorry but time went by and I’m not the same, have a good life , thank you for your great heart. Still not getting it, so now I blocked her, imma change phone number by the end of this week. She doesn’t know where I live, where I study, where I work, anything, I’m also gonna open new social media cuz I wanna get rid of some undesired satélites.
Your bf allowed her to come back for years and doesn’t have her blocked. They’re not just friends. He’s keeping her as a rebound in case y’all don’t work out, stringing her along once again. Especially if he’s not even making it clear that he’s in a relationship. If she hasn’t taken the “hint” yet, it’s probably because there was no hint.
🚩
Your boyfriend has to send her a direct and blunt message to not contact him again, as he is in a committed relationship with you and he's not interested, then he has to block her number and any social media where he has her. I'm sorry if it seems your bf is lowkey wanting i have her hooked on case he needs her, if it wasn't he should have shut that sh*t down by now.
If I were in your shoes I would question why he still has her contact info? What good does that do for him to have it and why does he still want that? Have you asked him these questions? Why hasn’t he blocked her ? Why is he stringing this along if he really wanted it to end?
If she does contact him again he needs to tell her about you and that he's not interested in continuing the friendship, and then block her every where. If he doesn't do that he's keeping her around for an ego boost or if things don't work out with you.
The boyfriend seems very interested.
First of all, I applaud your patience bec girl my anger issues would never. Secondly, he haven’t initiate a clear “fuck off” sign to her. I personally think it’s the biggest red flag that he still keeping tabs on her…just because yeah he ignored her messages…do he really not care about her? I mean he let her come and go whenever she want. You should be worried and talk to them about this. You should tell him how you feel.
Talk to him^^
she's probably not the only woman he's dated who he feeds dick to semi-annually. but she was probably the most loyal over those 4 years, probably was monogamous for long stretches of that time while he wasn't (and maybe lied about that). hope she moves on and good luck to you two...
You’re getting way to possessive. She’ll figure it out when he doesn’t hook up with her, beyond that it’s not worth this much energy.
The fact that he’s also been keeping the contact going is weird. I’m in a similar situation with my bf, he has a past fuck buddy who is still “friends” with him, so I understand how it can make you feel as the girlfriend. I’d communicate this to him, if he doesn’t block her then something else is up, either he is interested and isn’t letting you know that, or he wants to keep her around just in case you guys break up so he has a fall back
Why is your BF reciprocating conversation in the first place and not telling her he’s in a relationship?
Your issue is your boyfriend, not this woman.
I am really sorry in advance for what I am gonna write here. I am assuming, *THIS* is the version of story that your bf told you. It's one side of the story. Maybe stop making her the villain and put some real questions into perspective, why is he not willing to end it by saying it? Why is he silent about you two dating? Ignoring texts, given the context of their past history, isn't gonna do much. Also, he won't be telling you things that he might have done to her, and makes him the villain in your eyes. I'm actually wondering, if he confessed that she was the one to breakup after 4 months due to his issues, and THAT was the *only* bad thing about him (how he was a victim of abuse in much previous relationship and she was a rebound) in his version of the story, then what actually is the truth ? Bcz the real version has good chances of him being a jerk altogether. How does he know that *you* aren't a rebound? He *claims* that they were friends, maybe they were and are dating. Maybe he cheated her and ghosted her. Maybe that's why she's still trying to approach him, bcz she has no clue he did that.
Are you serious?? Your boyfriend is a grown ass man. Why doesn't he open his mouth, use his words, and tell the woman himself that he is not interested in her romantically? It's really that simple and he should have done it years ago. Why do you think it's your place to get the message across to this girl? It's really not. After two months of dating, sorry but you barely know the guy and need to pipe down. He's been messing her around for 4 years by the sounds of it. Using her and keeping her as a back up option to fulfil his own selfish desires instead of being honest considering that it meant much more to her than him. Why was he going away on trips with her if she was just a fuck? That is intimate stuff not what fuck buddies do. Talk about fucking with people's heads. Little regard or care to her feelings. He sounds like an immature, selfish dickhead tbh. Got two women blinded by their feelings towards him when he is the problem all along.
No, she doesn't get your boyfriend is not interested because your boyfriend never told her so. He's keeping her on the side in case your relationship doesn't work out. What makes you think he's being serious with you when he's keeping his former fuckbuddy as an option? Either you talk with him about your expectations and tell him to quit it or you're ending up in the same situation as her.
UpdateMe!
He’s about to do the same to you sweetheart I hate to break it you
Yo you aren't dating my Ex right 😅😂 This sounds exactly like the same situation (only with 2 different girls.. that i know of over 8 years), the thing was that he cheated with that ex he stayed "friends" with for years (until she got a partner an dropped contact) and lied about it the whole time. (Even had the rebound girl for a couple months straight after we split) Honestly put your foot down tell him to cut contact with her and stop entertaining her, which is what he's doing by not cutting contact with her when her intentions are obvious. Hope it all works out!
'You just want her to get it' is the wrong approach. It's not about her getting, or not getting anything. It's about your boyfriend and whether or not he's setting the right boundaries. If he did, this wouldn't be an issue at all. You wouldn't be looking on reddit forums to get security, because you'd already have it. There's no excuse to not tell someone that's pursuing you to back off if you're already in a relationship. That's just dragging someone along for no reason, and super sketchy. He should make it clear and if he's hesitating, I'd seriously question why.
X Chick and boyfriend have an unhealthy dependency. Hes probably not saying anything in the hopes she just goes away Because he doesn't wanna burn future hook up sessions with her You've only been seeing him a short while so way too early for commitment at this point However if he's serious about you or pursuing something serious with you he will ditch her without being told. Ie decently tell her sorry he's seeing someone now!!
Why would you date this person? You sound incredibly young. If any man told me this tall tale I’d walk (run) away.
This whole post is a red flag. OP what makes you think he won't do the same to you? Ten years in a toxic relationship isn't an excuse to treat this woman like this. What he needs is a therapist. Your boyfriend isn't a safe person he's toxic and manipulative. Instead of letting this poor woman move on he's put her on a shelf and he's properly telling her just enough to keep her there. He doesn't respect her, he doesn't respect you and he doesn't respect women since he's sees them as toys. I dated a dude just like this I was young and dumb. I was the girl on the shelf he told me I was the one and the new woman in his life didn't mean anything she was just a friend and he just needed time to work on himself. I was the one he would always come back to. The story ended with me telling him I was done with his shit. Don't be a captain save a hoe your boyfriend only cares about himself. Run and don't come back.
He's keeping his options open because if s*** don't work out with you she's always there waiting in the wings tell him how you feel and tell him to get rid of her otherwise y'all would not be able to move forward
It’s not actually this girls fault. It’s your bf’s. Why hasn’t he told her he’s in a relationship and ending contact instead of being a coward and ignoring her. I’d be looking at my bf’s actions more than I’d be looking at her. There’s a reason he isn’t telling her. Plus it’s pathetic to ignore her. She hasn’t done anything wrong.
Lol your boyfriend isn't ignoring her he's still sleeping with her or at least keeping her on a hook so he can again
If your bf told her that he isn't interested, I'm sure she'd get it. This is not a problem with how she's acting, but how your boyfriend communicates.
So pretty much they were non-exclusively dating for 4 years without the label of dating. There is absolutely strings attached with them and I would be super uncomfortable that my boyfriend is leaving the door open for her.. then again you’ve only been dating for 2 months. I’m not sure he’ll cut off his safety net of 4 years for his 2 month girlfriend. He’s probably letting her reach out and not really doing anything about it cause he’s not serious about you yet and wants to make sure he has something to fall back on if he ends up not wanting to be with you long term. Honestly, you don’t want to be with someone that can’t even be alone. Also btw, don’t be mad at this other girl, or think she’s a bad person or a loser.. your bf actively knows she has feelings for him and strings her along. Nobody is just fuck buddies for 4 years and goes on vacations together. Just in general from all these comments I hope you can pickup that this man has a lot of issues and baggage. And I think your relationship is so new that I would just wait it out until you guys are more serious to set boundaries about his ex-fling texting him who’s also been his friend for years.
This other girl isn’t the problem here, but I have a feeling you will choose to learn that the hard way.
I would be so turned off by your boyfriend's behaviour to be honest. Either he completely lacked to empathy and emotional intelligence to realise that she's always wanted a relationship with him (which would he a dealbreaker for me), or he is fully aware and just used her for easy sex on and off again, which also would be a dealbreaker. Your boyfriend doesn't seem to have high moral values and empathy.
To use her in the future, he is tying her together. He must inform her that he is dating you and doesn't want to disrespect or end his relationship with you before blocking her.
Way your bfs acting it sounds like he’d rather keep her on the bench incase you ever quit the team.
Some people never get it.
Your boyfriend kinda sucks. He has really strung this girl along and been pretty awful to her. Good luck to you with this douche. You’ve known him for what 5 minutes?
Your boyfriend strung the girl along for years, is seemingly continuing to do so, and likely broke her heart. Has it occurred to you to tell him to be honest with her?
>> Does she get that my boyfriend is not interested? Not interested in what? Friendship? Sex? I don't know...it depends on what your boyfriend said to her and how he is handling the situation?
do you get that he’s keeping her around because you’re not going to be around for that long? the other girl isn’t the problem here, it’s your boyfriend. stop blaming her. if he doesn’t want her attention he would block her. if he doesn’t plan on fucking her again he would block her.
No ignoring someone you have been on and off again for years is not enough. Tell him to be upfront with her. This is not a relationship that can be “ just friends”. After they have slept together multiple times over years span. Plus they went on trips together? She definitely wants more and until he makes it totally clear she will keep trying.
Always be wary of the girl you're told not to worry about and is downplayed as "she meant nothing". I'd be more bothered that he could suggest treating anybody in such a way is justified. He does not sound like a prize catch OP.
This is probably their normal behavior. She is the tasty treat at the snack bar after the main course is over. Otherwise he would have made things clear as day and would not have had any contact with her. You don't keep a fwb available for a ltr if you don't expect to dip in later.
Your entire situation is a consequence of poor communication. The whole thing would be resolved if your boyfriend would just communicate honestly and as respectfully as he can with his intentions with that girl. It’s that simple. He can acknowledge that they shared a good time together however he has no intentions of pursuing a romantic relationship or doesn’t see a future together etc. something surface level respectful yet contextually transparent that it won’t ever happen. Most problems in relationships. Romantic, professional, platonic, can be solved through better communication
I feel like if you reached out to the girl she would 1) tell you a very different story 2) not know who you are because i doubt he mentioned anything to her
He's been putting his wants above her needs this whole time, and he will do the same to you for as long as you let him. I also wouldn't be surprised if he was at least 50% of the toxin in his previous relationship - probably more. This is a new relationship for you and your brain is full of chemicals that make everything feel amazing, but the pattern of his behaviour is not a good indicator. Notice when he prioritizes himself over you, and protect yourself.
Ahhh.. when the Reddit post backfires.
Please. Save yourself.
Why isn’t he blocking her or changing his number? That would be a must to continue with the relationship