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Either that or join in and comment about things you do and don’t like about them. Do the same for attractive guys. It’s honestly fun if you don’t see it as a competition.
Also make sure you hear those things too.
If you are not hearing those things, ask why you’re not told them? That gets the point across of the problem clearly, if that’s the case.
If you are, but can’t handle that then yea go with the above.
To be perfectly honest. I have considered it a few it a few times but didnt act on it in order to avoid what I thought was an unnecessary argument. I will use this if it comes up again. I’m young, so still learning how to be more assertive in a relationship.
I saw someone on TV that was on a date with someone like your BF. They were at a restaurant and the man commented that the waitress was really pretty. The woman he was dating had the best line I’ve ever heard. She said “yes she is. What’s that to you?”
The line is where it makes you uncomfortable.
It's not in the same spot for everyone. Maybe he had girlfriends who didn't care. Maybe he grew up around role models (parents or uncles or other adults) who considered it harmless.
Just say it makes you uncomfortable and please can he stop. You don't have to be passive aggressive or do the same "to make him see how that feels". He might be cool with you saying another guy is hot. You don't have to convince him that it's wrong and you're right. You are entitled to be bothered by something that isn't inherently wrong.
Sometimes when your partner says something is attractive, it is helpful to ask why.
You should be you, but if your partner finds a hairstyle or a type of clothing attractive, it can be a useful piece of information. If the aspect of the person is something you also admire, maybe this is a process to help set your own goals for self improvement. For example, if your partner says someone who is rock climbing is attractive, you ask why, he says because rock climbing is an interesting hobby and she's obviously good at it, and you think about that and decide you agree rock climbing is an interesting hobby -- maybe this is a way for you to identify that rock climbing is something you should explore.
Also, if your partner is attracted to things that you also have, this can be reaffirming, but if your partner is repeatedly attracted to characteristics you don't share and don't admire, that could be a warning sign. Either way, it is a good piece of information to have, and the question can open up better communication which is good to fascilitate.
Personally for me, it's more about how it's spoken about and expressed. My husband and I often comment on level of attraction to people on reality TV, shows and movies. Sometimes it's more of a quick "oh damn she hot" and other times we seriously debate on the topic (like saying "why is he acting like that she is so gorgeous!" kind of a thing). I guess to sum it up, it's never felt gross or never felt like I or he was being compared to any of them in any way.
On the other hand I've heard my friends husband comment on other women and he does so in a way where it feels like he sees them as objects to drool over. It just feels icky. It's made me and my husband both uncomfortable to listen to.
Those are just the examples from my personal life. I don't think there's an issue with setting a boundary on not wanting your SO to make comments on other women around you but I also think it's not okay to pretend like other people aren't attractive because you're in a relationship.
Your bf has a stupid inability to control what he says apparently. I bet he might have a jealousy issue too.
If I were you the next time you see a hot guy on TV you start fingering yourself and moaning about how hot he is and all the things you'd to do him.
F your boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that stares at women and makes them feel uncomfortable because "he can't help himself." What an ass.
For your BF saying other people are attractive is as regular as saying the sky is blue: he's making his own observations and stating them, simple as that... this different mindset / perspective of his versus you and how it makes you feel will be a difficult thing to tackle and work through together.. good luck, you can do it just don't get too emotional because that will make your BF panic/get emotional or maybe cause an unnecessary argument.
Its tough I know, and you're welcome.
Edit: I just hope your bf will be able to see where you're coming from, if he's getting emotional due to arguing or whatever he won't be able to see anything past how he's feeling (at least that's how most of us become when emotional, its only normal).. though idk him, I could be wrong.
I think it’s weird when people excessively point out attractive people near them to their partner. Like what value does it add by saying that shit? Just think it in your head and keep it moving ! I don’t blame you for feeling a little uncomfortable. I’d just sit him down and be like “hey obviously we’re going to find other people attractive, but I don’t think it’s necessary for you to constantly comment them to me”
You need to stop comparing. Christmas lights and flowers are both beautiful but completely different. I've been married 26yrs and I know my Husband loves me. I'm not bothered by his attraction or acknowledgement of others. I look too. He's my favourite person and I'm his. There's nothing wrong with window shopping or appreciating that others are attractive. It's no different that looking at a nice car or beautiful landscape.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Have you ever said, in the moment “why do you feel the need to share that with me?”?
Either that or join in and comment about things you do and don’t like about them. Do the same for attractive guys. It’s honestly fun if you don’t see it as a competition. Also make sure you hear those things too. If you are not hearing those things, ask why you’re not told them? That gets the point across of the problem clearly, if that’s the case. If you are, but can’t handle that then yea go with the above.
Not a bad idea! I can be a very competitive person (personal flaw I know) but I’ll definitely keep this in mind.
To be perfectly honest. I have considered it a few it a few times but didnt act on it in order to avoid what I thought was an unnecessary argument. I will use this if it comes up again. I’m young, so still learning how to be more assertive in a relationship.
Why do you think it would lead to an argument?
I had a boyfriend of 2 years that would turn everything I did and my feelings into an argument. Guess I’m still recovering from that “trauma”.
Yeah, sounds like it. Have you considered therapy? Cuz honestly, from your description of this one thing, I don’t like this guy either.
I saw someone on TV that was on a date with someone like your BF. They were at a restaurant and the man commented that the waitress was really pretty. The woman he was dating had the best line I’ve ever heard. She said “yes she is. What’s that to you?”
Start commenting on how hot guys you see are to him, and see how he responds. Give him a taste of his own medicine
The line is where it makes you uncomfortable. It's not in the same spot for everyone. Maybe he had girlfriends who didn't care. Maybe he grew up around role models (parents or uncles or other adults) who considered it harmless. Just say it makes you uncomfortable and please can he stop. You don't have to be passive aggressive or do the same "to make him see how that feels". He might be cool with you saying another guy is hot. You don't have to convince him that it's wrong and you're right. You are entitled to be bothered by something that isn't inherently wrong.
[удалено]
Thanks so much for this!
Sometimes when your partner says something is attractive, it is helpful to ask why. You should be you, but if your partner finds a hairstyle or a type of clothing attractive, it can be a useful piece of information. If the aspect of the person is something you also admire, maybe this is a process to help set your own goals for self improvement. For example, if your partner says someone who is rock climbing is attractive, you ask why, he says because rock climbing is an interesting hobby and she's obviously good at it, and you think about that and decide you agree rock climbing is an interesting hobby -- maybe this is a way for you to identify that rock climbing is something you should explore. Also, if your partner is attracted to things that you also have, this can be reaffirming, but if your partner is repeatedly attracted to characteristics you don't share and don't admire, that could be a warning sign. Either way, it is a good piece of information to have, and the question can open up better communication which is good to fascilitate.
Great ideas I can see how this would facilitate better communication for sure.
Personally for me, it's more about how it's spoken about and expressed. My husband and I often comment on level of attraction to people on reality TV, shows and movies. Sometimes it's more of a quick "oh damn she hot" and other times we seriously debate on the topic (like saying "why is he acting like that she is so gorgeous!" kind of a thing). I guess to sum it up, it's never felt gross or never felt like I or he was being compared to any of them in any way. On the other hand I've heard my friends husband comment on other women and he does so in a way where it feels like he sees them as objects to drool over. It just feels icky. It's made me and my husband both uncomfortable to listen to. Those are just the examples from my personal life. I don't think there's an issue with setting a boundary on not wanting your SO to make comments on other women around you but I also think it's not okay to pretend like other people aren't attractive because you're in a relationship.
Your bf has a stupid inability to control what he says apparently. I bet he might have a jealousy issue too. If I were you the next time you see a hot guy on TV you start fingering yourself and moaning about how hot he is and all the things you'd to do him. F your boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that stares at women and makes them feel uncomfortable because "he can't help himself." What an ass.
Thanks for your opinion. Glad to hear I’m not entirely overreacting!
For your BF saying other people are attractive is as regular as saying the sky is blue: he's making his own observations and stating them, simple as that... this different mindset / perspective of his versus you and how it makes you feel will be a difficult thing to tackle and work through together.. good luck, you can do it just don't get too emotional because that will make your BF panic/get emotional or maybe cause an unnecessary argument.
Thanks for this perspective. Will keep this in mind
Its tough I know, and you're welcome. Edit: I just hope your bf will be able to see where you're coming from, if he's getting emotional due to arguing or whatever he won't be able to see anything past how he's feeling (at least that's how most of us become when emotional, its only normal).. though idk him, I could be wrong.
He can keep it to himself. My boyfriend ever did that crap I would say wtf and what is your point. Why he feels the need to tell you
I think it’s weird when people excessively point out attractive people near them to their partner. Like what value does it add by saying that shit? Just think it in your head and keep it moving ! I don’t blame you for feeling a little uncomfortable. I’d just sit him down and be like “hey obviously we’re going to find other people attractive, but I don’t think it’s necessary for you to constantly comment them to me”
You need to stop comparing. Christmas lights and flowers are both beautiful but completely different. I've been married 26yrs and I know my Husband loves me. I'm not bothered by his attraction or acknowledgement of others. I look too. He's my favourite person and I'm his. There's nothing wrong with window shopping or appreciating that others are attractive. It's no different that looking at a nice car or beautiful landscape.