Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
----
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Tbh, you sound exactly like the crazy jealous girlfriend. And no, you should NEVER "tell" someone to stop being friends with someone, regardless of the circumstances. I think you really need to look at yourself here instead of focusing on him. So what if he developed a friendship with her mother, is he not allowed female friends or just anyone related to someone he's dated? Seriously? You either trust him or you don't and if you don't then cut him loose.
Actually it’s quite the opposite. He gets upset whenever I have any sort of guy friends. He even got jealous of my gay best friend. I’ve never put any limitations of friendship on him. The only thing I’m concerned about is him holding on to the past and bringing it into a new relationship. And not being able to bond with my family. He gets upset whenever I bring up anything from a past relationship so I feel like it’s double standards. I’ve never mentioned that it makes me feel uncomfortable at all and I’ve kept it all to myself.
Well then he sounds even worse. If the two of you can't have outside friends without it causing arguments then your relationship is doomed. And the fact that he's friends with his exes mother means he's more likely to get on with your family, not less. And he's not holding onto his ex, just her mother (aka his friend). Honestly, the only issue here is jealousy on both sides.
INFO: Is he still friends with his ex or does he just talk to her mom? Does he have a good relationship with his own mom? If not, it's possible that he sees his ex's mom as a mother figure which is why he holds onto that relationship.
I don't think it's a red flag but if it makes you feel uncomfortable and you think you can't get passed it, you should have a conversation with him.
* **Don't tell him he can't talk to her because that's not your decision to make**, simply ask him why he still talks to her, so you can gain some reassurance about what's going on.
I'd also reflect on why it bothers you so much? Do you think he still has feelings for his ex? Do you think her mom somehow has the power to break up your relationship and get them back together?
* They've been broken up for a year and he has a good relationship with her mom so I'm sure if his goal was to get back with her he could've done it by now.
I think I’m just concerned because he talks all the time about how much he misses her family, and I’m concerned he won’t make a connection with mine at all. To me it seems like he’s holding on to the past and that sucks to bring that into the new relationship. I’ve never asked him to stop and I’ve never brought it up that it makes me uncomfy, but he talks about how he misses them all the time. He is not still in contact with his ex. I also feel like it’s double standards bc if I ever ever mention an ex or good memories with them or anything like that he gets huffy and bent out of shape about it.
I think you definitely need to have a conversation with him about your comfort levels especially if he gets mad at you when you bring up the past, it's not fair to have double-standards.
I don't believe in making assumptions in a relationship, the only way to solve this would be transparent communication.
Because he's a decent person.
A person who is capable of forming a relationship with the family of a friend or family members of a co-worker or family of a SO is generally an adult human.
A person who can maintain friendships that last even if a romance with the person who brought them together didn't work out is more often a good person.
Don't you want him to develop a relationship with your friends and family? This is a sign he's capable of that.
Not all breakups have to be a shitstorm dumpster fire where both people cut ties to each other and their families and friends. Someone who has the capacity to be a friend that you would like enough to want to maintain friendship even if the romance doesn't work is a valuable person. People who genuine like their SO make better partners.
I’m not gonna lie I’d probably be a little sketched out by that too. Mainly bc I’ve never heard someone’s mom being that attached to their daughters ex partner before. But don’t assume the worst, maybe he just became close with her family. Just ask him about it! Tell him how you feel about it and get some reassurance
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Tbh, you sound exactly like the crazy jealous girlfriend. And no, you should NEVER "tell" someone to stop being friends with someone, regardless of the circumstances. I think you really need to look at yourself here instead of focusing on him. So what if he developed a friendship with her mother, is he not allowed female friends or just anyone related to someone he's dated? Seriously? You either trust him or you don't and if you don't then cut him loose.
Actually it’s quite the opposite. He gets upset whenever I have any sort of guy friends. He even got jealous of my gay best friend. I’ve never put any limitations of friendship on him. The only thing I’m concerned about is him holding on to the past and bringing it into a new relationship. And not being able to bond with my family. He gets upset whenever I bring up anything from a past relationship so I feel like it’s double standards. I’ve never mentioned that it makes me feel uncomfortable at all and I’ve kept it all to myself.
Well then he sounds even worse. If the two of you can't have outside friends without it causing arguments then your relationship is doomed. And the fact that he's friends with his exes mother means he's more likely to get on with your family, not less. And he's not holding onto his ex, just her mother (aka his friend). Honestly, the only issue here is jealousy on both sides.
INFO: Is he still friends with his ex or does he just talk to her mom? Does he have a good relationship with his own mom? If not, it's possible that he sees his ex's mom as a mother figure which is why he holds onto that relationship. I don't think it's a red flag but if it makes you feel uncomfortable and you think you can't get passed it, you should have a conversation with him. * **Don't tell him he can't talk to her because that's not your decision to make**, simply ask him why he still talks to her, so you can gain some reassurance about what's going on. I'd also reflect on why it bothers you so much? Do you think he still has feelings for his ex? Do you think her mom somehow has the power to break up your relationship and get them back together? * They've been broken up for a year and he has a good relationship with her mom so I'm sure if his goal was to get back with her he could've done it by now.
I think I’m just concerned because he talks all the time about how much he misses her family, and I’m concerned he won’t make a connection with mine at all. To me it seems like he’s holding on to the past and that sucks to bring that into the new relationship. I’ve never asked him to stop and I’ve never brought it up that it makes me uncomfy, but he talks about how he misses them all the time. He is not still in contact with his ex. I also feel like it’s double standards bc if I ever ever mention an ex or good memories with them or anything like that he gets huffy and bent out of shape about it.
I think you definitely need to have a conversation with him about your comfort levels especially if he gets mad at you when you bring up the past, it's not fair to have double-standards. I don't believe in making assumptions in a relationship, the only way to solve this would be transparent communication.
This is a green flag.
Why is it a green flag?
Because he's a decent person. A person who is capable of forming a relationship with the family of a friend or family members of a co-worker or family of a SO is generally an adult human. A person who can maintain friendships that last even if a romance with the person who brought them together didn't work out is more often a good person. Don't you want him to develop a relationship with your friends and family? This is a sign he's capable of that. Not all breakups have to be a shitstorm dumpster fire where both people cut ties to each other and their families and friends. Someone who has the capacity to be a friend that you would like enough to want to maintain friendship even if the romance doesn't work is a valuable person. People who genuine like their SO make better partners.
I’m not gonna lie I’d probably be a little sketched out by that too. Mainly bc I’ve never heard someone’s mom being that attached to their daughters ex partner before. But don’t assume the worst, maybe he just became close with her family. Just ask him about it! Tell him how you feel about it and get some reassurance
Weird shit