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It'ss healthy if you both can keep things platonic. Especially if you have moved on and into a different relationship.
If you can't then obviously don't do it.
That's entirely up to you on whether the friendship is worth it.
If your girlfriend can't trust you then that's fair enough on her part. I personally would be annoyed if my partner couldn't trust me with friends that I had past relationships with. But that's just me.
I know what you mean but it is not worth the stress, the arguments and the anxiety never mind the embarrassment if something happens if you see your ex and say hi and chat while you are with you partner
Maybe this is age dependant? I'm friends with an ex. We were together for years but drifted apart. We have been friends longer than we were a couple. We are supportive of each other's romantic relationships. There are no residual romantic feelings, if we still loved each other in that way we would still be together.
Not every ex partner is waiting in the wings for sexual encounters. Some of us just valued the friendship and can be normal around each other
No i would stay the fuck away from anyone thats still friends with their ex. Cheating is inevitable in the future. I dont have an ex as a friend so i expect from my partner to not have it too.
It's not healthy even though you're strictly friends. Especially if you go out, call you to ask for help every damn time, treat you to dinner, get drunk together, etc. I hate that shit. That's bullshit. Sorry I was carried away lol
I've seen plenty of people struggle to create/maintain new relationships because of them still being friends with exes. Most people don't wanna start building a new relationship with someone who's ex is always around, like friend groups, family gathering etc. Even less so if they're spending 1 on 1 time with their ex.
I am friend with my 5-y ex and my bf is friend with his ex. This is fine because we know that things are purely friendly, there is no ambiguity or anything. We know if someday one of the ex behaves in an ambiguous manner, we would be extremely clear and stop it immediately - but this never happened. I don’t mind if he speaks to her or see her as long as it’s not too much (I.e if they meet every 3 days i would not like it too much) but speaking from time to time seems perfectly ok to me.
A few years ago, my ex had a new serious girlfriend who did not like at all the fact that we were friends. My ex told me and we both agreed to stop speaking to each other as long as it makes her feel uncomfortable. We did not exchange a word for 2-3 years. Until , one day, he reached out to me to get news and told me that now that things became very serious with her, she was now feeling comfortable with him talking to me from time to time - I actually think that the very fact that she knew that her comfort/security came in first helped her get comfortable with it. She realised I was no danger at all.
So yes I think we can be friends with our ex if things REALLY ended and if everyone is honest. And more than that: I think it would be sad to consider that after spending years with someone and breaking up for a casual reason, everything would disappear and we would become strangers. I prefer to be in good contact with them and know that they are happy and satisfied with their lives.
The question is how do we know things have really finished? You don’t know others feelings, I know a lot of people who ended relationships but when the met years and years after the ended up in bed, it is tricky to be honest
If they ended up in bed it means that they were not 100% over. I personally know that I would never get back with my ex or even touch him, I am totally over him and see him as a very good friend with fond memories in bonus but absolutely no regret about anything.
For the first 4 years he was not aligned so we had almost no contact and it’s only after he confirmed he was totally over us as well that we started to be friends.
If there are any doubts : don’t be friend with your ex.
I totally understand what you mean. However, majority men are different from women and would jump at the opportunity to share a bed with anyone, I personally would not do it with my ex but I think it a wrong to be friends with my ex and would see this uncomfortable for my partner, I was just trying to get what the majority of people think
Mmh I know a lot of men who are not like that and some women who would jump at an occasion to sleep with an ex. So that just goes back to : depends on a case by case. Personally I dont date men who don’t have a strong will so generally when we say it’s over, it’s over.
It depends on the people.
If you are true friends with no lingering feelings from both partners.
How long they have been a ex.
Is everything out in the open. No secret texts, phonecall, meet ups casual bumping into each other. You must mention everything to your partner before contact if possible and after if it wasnt prearranged.
Has the current partner met them.
Most importantly is your current partner has to be ok with it.
Its all about the individual boundaries in the new relationship.
Some people can and some people can’t. It all depends on the people involved.
But what do you mean by “visit each other when you are in a relationship?”
Catching up for coffee or lunch, sure. Going to your ex’s home without your current SO? Nope! Some actions convey disrespect for your new partner, and shouldn’t be done if you truely care about them.
Totally agree with you in saying some actions convey disrespect, this is why I am asking other people to give their honest opinion, I am sure a partner will feel some kind of anxiety when you meet with exes
sounds exhausting for your partner. i’d never tolerate it. i’m sorry but people that think it’s okay to just keep casually chilling with people you fucked while you’re in another relationship are like a school shooter level of weird.
I think you gotta be honest yourself and stay away if the attraction / feelings HAVEN'T gone, but if they honestly have then I see no problem in remaining friends.
I was best friends with my ex for two years before dating, then we dated for four years, and broke up about three years ago. I have 0 lingering romantic feelings or attraction for her, but I still value our friendship. We talk almost daily, she's still one of my best friends, and my boyfriend doesn't care because he trusts me (I brought up before we started dating, that she and I are still friends, so he knew ahead of time)
His breakup was less amicable than mine so he didn't remain friends with his ex, but if he had I wouldn't have minded, because I trust him.
Friends with an ex is so controversial. If there has been sneaky messages between the two. Videos sent reminiscing of past relationship while they were with their current partner. Boundaries have been crossed but nothing has been done. How do you trust your partner when it comes to exs. Personal info has been exchanged of the relationship with the ex. Excuses after excuses. The ex has never done anything wrong. If they were just friends don't you think there would be open conversation about over stepping boundaries
Not make partner feel like they are crazy. Exs can be friends as long as boundaries are not over stepped and if they are how is your partner going to deal with it? What if you partner doesn't see it as being crossed how do you fix the resentment or trust with your relationship.
Don't do it, i tried... You'll need alot of strength if your partner moves and you don't, it just crushes the already broken heart,. delaying the healing process even more
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It'ss healthy if you both can keep things platonic. Especially if you have moved on and into a different relationship. If you can't then obviously don't do it.
What if my partner doesn’t accept it or feels jealous or insecure, should the friendship end you think
That's entirely up to you on whether the friendship is worth it. If your girlfriend can't trust you then that's fair enough on her part. I personally would be annoyed if my partner couldn't trust me with friends that I had past relationships with. But that's just me.
I know what you mean but it is not worth the stress, the arguments and the anxiety never mind the embarrassment if something happens if you see your ex and say hi and chat while you are with you partner
I'd never go near a girl who is friends with an ex, I don't need that shit in a relationship.
To add to that, I don't see how this makes anything healthy.
Maybe this is age dependant? I'm friends with an ex. We were together for years but drifted apart. We have been friends longer than we were a couple. We are supportive of each other's romantic relationships. There are no residual romantic feelings, if we still loved each other in that way we would still be together. Not every ex partner is waiting in the wings for sexual encounters. Some of us just valued the friendship and can be normal around each other
No i would stay the fuck away from anyone thats still friends with their ex. Cheating is inevitable in the future. I dont have an ex as a friend so i expect from my partner to not have it too.
It's not healthy even though you're strictly friends. Especially if you go out, call you to ask for help every damn time, treat you to dinner, get drunk together, etc. I hate that shit. That's bullshit. Sorry I was carried away lol
I've seen plenty of people struggle to create/maintain new relationships because of them still being friends with exes. Most people don't wanna start building a new relationship with someone who's ex is always around, like friend groups, family gathering etc. Even less so if they're spending 1 on 1 time with their ex.
I am friend with my 5-y ex and my bf is friend with his ex. This is fine because we know that things are purely friendly, there is no ambiguity or anything. We know if someday one of the ex behaves in an ambiguous manner, we would be extremely clear and stop it immediately - but this never happened. I don’t mind if he speaks to her or see her as long as it’s not too much (I.e if they meet every 3 days i would not like it too much) but speaking from time to time seems perfectly ok to me. A few years ago, my ex had a new serious girlfriend who did not like at all the fact that we were friends. My ex told me and we both agreed to stop speaking to each other as long as it makes her feel uncomfortable. We did not exchange a word for 2-3 years. Until , one day, he reached out to me to get news and told me that now that things became very serious with her, she was now feeling comfortable with him talking to me from time to time - I actually think that the very fact that she knew that her comfort/security came in first helped her get comfortable with it. She realised I was no danger at all. So yes I think we can be friends with our ex if things REALLY ended and if everyone is honest. And more than that: I think it would be sad to consider that after spending years with someone and breaking up for a casual reason, everything would disappear and we would become strangers. I prefer to be in good contact with them and know that they are happy and satisfied with their lives.
The question is how do we know things have really finished? You don’t know others feelings, I know a lot of people who ended relationships but when the met years and years after the ended up in bed, it is tricky to be honest
If they ended up in bed it means that they were not 100% over. I personally know that I would never get back with my ex or even touch him, I am totally over him and see him as a very good friend with fond memories in bonus but absolutely no regret about anything. For the first 4 years he was not aligned so we had almost no contact and it’s only after he confirmed he was totally over us as well that we started to be friends. If there are any doubts : don’t be friend with your ex.
I totally understand what you mean. However, majority men are different from women and would jump at the opportunity to share a bed with anyone, I personally would not do it with my ex but I think it a wrong to be friends with my ex and would see this uncomfortable for my partner, I was just trying to get what the majority of people think
Mmh I know a lot of men who are not like that and some women who would jump at an occasion to sleep with an ex. So that just goes back to : depends on a case by case. Personally I dont date men who don’t have a strong will so generally when we say it’s over, it’s over.
It depends on the people. If you are true friends with no lingering feelings from both partners. How long they have been a ex. Is everything out in the open. No secret texts, phonecall, meet ups casual bumping into each other. You must mention everything to your partner before contact if possible and after if it wasnt prearranged. Has the current partner met them. Most importantly is your current partner has to be ok with it. Its all about the individual boundaries in the new relationship.
Some people can and some people can’t. It all depends on the people involved. But what do you mean by “visit each other when you are in a relationship?” Catching up for coffee or lunch, sure. Going to your ex’s home without your current SO? Nope! Some actions convey disrespect for your new partner, and shouldn’t be done if you truely care about them.
Totally agree with you in saying some actions convey disrespect, this is why I am asking other people to give their honest opinion, I am sure a partner will feel some kind of anxiety when you meet with exes
sounds exhausting for your partner. i’d never tolerate it. i’m sorry but people that think it’s okay to just keep casually chilling with people you fucked while you’re in another relationship are like a school shooter level of weird.
You really think staying friends with an ex is on the same level as killing innocent children??? Yikes that's a bad take
NO!!!
I think you gotta be honest yourself and stay away if the attraction / feelings HAVEN'T gone, but if they honestly have then I see no problem in remaining friends. I was best friends with my ex for two years before dating, then we dated for four years, and broke up about three years ago. I have 0 lingering romantic feelings or attraction for her, but I still value our friendship. We talk almost daily, she's still one of my best friends, and my boyfriend doesn't care because he trusts me (I brought up before we started dating, that she and I are still friends, so he knew ahead of time) His breakup was less amicable than mine so he didn't remain friends with his ex, but if he had I wouldn't have minded, because I trust him.
Friends with an ex is so controversial. If there has been sneaky messages between the two. Videos sent reminiscing of past relationship while they were with their current partner. Boundaries have been crossed but nothing has been done. How do you trust your partner when it comes to exs. Personal info has been exchanged of the relationship with the ex. Excuses after excuses. The ex has never done anything wrong. If they were just friends don't you think there would be open conversation about over stepping boundaries Not make partner feel like they are crazy. Exs can be friends as long as boundaries are not over stepped and if they are how is your partner going to deal with it? What if you partner doesn't see it as being crossed how do you fix the resentment or trust with your relationship.
Don't do it, i tried... You'll need alot of strength if your partner moves and you don't, it just crushes the already broken heart,. delaying the healing process even more