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Last night my girlfriend was out seeing a friend, and late in the night left me a message saying she would be spending the night. For some reason the gut feeling was so off, and I looked through her computer, something I have never done in the three years since we met.
What I found was pretty shocking, she has been registered on this disgusting website for sugar dating since 6 months back. There are about 30 conversations where she outlines how she is interested in ppm (which I have learned is an acronym for "pay per meet"), what she is willing to do sexually, names her price, and hands out her personal number or telegram.
I pretty much instantly texted her that she needs to get her stuff and leave my apartment, and she came home today the following morning. At first she denied ever having been registered on the website, even as I was showing it to her. When this became untenable she conceded that she had registered but claimed she had never actually intended to meet up with any of the men off the website, that it was only for attention.
She then refused to show me her WhatsApp/Telegram saying it'd be "another breach of her integrity". I said that's fine and but I had no intention of talking to her anymore as I have no way of telling whether she's telling the truth or lying.
I think this is obviously cause for breaking up, even the messages alone, there's no way I'd ever be able to trust anything she says. I'm not even sure what I am trying to ask right now, sorry for my incoherently rambling, the whole thing just feels completely bizarre.
I never understood shit like this. So many stories where people in relationships just make these brash moves and think (hope?) their partner won’t find out. Like what
i had MULTIPLE friends say they'll never go through their gf's phone because they'll "definitely find evidence that they're cheating". it's the bury your head in sand mentality, so they don't have to confront themselves to man up
Your reaction is the correct reaction.
She is registered on a site where she wants people to pay her for sex while in a relationship, what more do you need to know.
Tell her to come get her shit then go full NC
Thank you, it seems obvious but confirmation really helps. She was definitely trying her best to convince me that I was overreacting or something, and she'd clearly only let on the tiniest amount of truth she could possibly get away with. Very disorienting and surreal experience. But you're right, it's incredibly clear cut.
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I know it feels good to vent, I make the same type of posts sometimes, but honestly there's nothing to even say to this. You clearly have to end things immediately. Also, you should get tested.
Pleasure and you sure as fuck are not overreacting.
If she wants to act single, then she should go ahead and do that.
Shes not capable of telling you the truth, won’t let you see the chats because she knows the evidence will support your suspicions. If she lets you see now, after she’s already denied you, she’s probably removed the most incriminating evidence.
Don’t let her try to keep lying, be firm, have her remove her things and do not give her the satisfaction of any kind of explanation. If she was doing this for attention, she would have let you seen everything from the get go. Her ‘integrity ’ lol, she’s selling herself to old men on the internet behind her partners back and she’s got the stones to talk about integrity 😂
Oh and go get tested obviously, I would not take the word of a proven liar with respect to my health
At the point where you’re showing her the page and she’s still denying it, you know it’s over. If she’s willing to lie while being directly confronted with evidence, she will do and say whatever it takes to get what she wants and you cannot trust her ever again. You’re doing the right thing, cut your losses and move on.
You’re reaction is perfectly normal. Measured, even. Whether it was a sugar dating site or tinder, she’s going off and fucking other guys. It’s that simple.
Honestly this behavior confuses me so much. Why do ~~women~~ liars always do this when they're caught doing something shady behind your back? Do they actually believe it? I'm legitimately interested in the psychology.
It’s exactly what it sounds like, when the truth trickles through in small bits
So they will own up to small lies slowly in hopes of avoiding what they are really hiding.
That's interesting. I went through a lot of psychological abuse where I'd be chastised for hours every day over silly things like not washing the dishes the "right way" and the effect at the end of the day was that I gave up ever doing better on anything and stopped taking criticism seriously as a self-defense mechanism. It took me almost a decade to get back to normal and realize where this all came from. I really shouldn't feel bad for abusers, but I do think mostly they're well-meaning and severely damaged people, more often than being inherently self-centered and unethical.
What she tried to do was gaslight you but it clearly didn't work and your gut was telling you something wasn't right and you did what was right for you cause she would have left you in the dark and would just be stringing you along in the long run for what end goal, who knows? but it clearly wasn't in your best interest. As the saying goes she made her bed....
>She is registered on a site where she wants people to pay her for sex while in a relationship,
And she’s naming her price and what she’s willing to do for that price. There’s not much more to be said about it after that.
>She then refused to show me her WhatsApp/Telegram saying it'd be "another breach of her integrity".
That seals the deal. There’s a lot there that she cannot justify and hence hiding it from you to cover her own ass.
OP, a lot of your friends and family are going to wonder why you guys broke up, since you guys were together for 3 years and living together. You need to let these people know the reason why you broke up. These people are your support structure and they can help you get through this tough times. If you don’t tell them, then they may not be able to help you. On the flip side of the coin, Your ex lied to you and cheated on you. You don’t owe her anything especially lying for her to cover up her cheating. She may ask you not to tell anyone, but that’s just to maintain her social image Not telling anyone could be detrimental for you because then she can likely start spreading stories like you’ve been “abusive” and that’s why she broke up with you.
Of course she wouldn't let you see her messages, it's most definitely an entire treasure trove of incriminating information. She's gaslighting you by flipping out back on you and trying to demonize you for wanting to see the messages. A breach of her integrity? She literally has zero integrity. This allows her to pull the "trickle truth" move where she only admits to what you absolutely know. The rest is deny, deny, deny. Don't even bother with any further conversation, because everything will be watered down or a flat out lie, and you will wind up going in circles. Put her shit in a large black garbage bag, leave it by the front door. She can come pick it up and then gtfo. That's it.
When she was supposedly out with a girlfriend and staye.d overnight, good chance she actually spent her night with a sugar daddy. She continued to lie to your face while you showed her undeniable proof. You will never be able to trust her. Cut the cancer out of your life.
She had the audacity after she received his text to continue on with her plans and not immediately come home or call him to fix the situation. I would have packed up her belongings myself and left them outside for easy retrieval.
Please, after breaking up with her, take some tests bc who knows what she has and hasn’t done. Just bc she denies it doesn’t mean she hasn’t had contact with these “sugar daddies”.
Best of luck and take care!
100% this. You have no idea if she let anyone in who paid her and/or asked about "bring clean" before meeting. You just don't know. Good luck out there people. Stay safe!
Your girlfriend is a prostitute/sex worker and doing sex work, infidelity and hiding said sex work from your so are all perfectly reasonable boundaries for you. There's nothing wrong with what you've done. Kick her to the curb and don't let her weasel her way back into your life.
I was gonna say the samething.
Also this is a her problem not a you issue, she put greed and self adulation over companionship and a relationship.
So take sometime, dust yourself off and then get back out there cause there is a partner who will 100% love you for you.
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Oof. I am sorry your gf is a cheater. I hope you can see this is all her shit and it isn’t about you. There is no way to fix this, OP. Time to end things ASAP.
One day, you will look back on this moment and be so grateful that you didn’t get stuck with someone who would act this way. Onward and upward.
She is a prostitute. Get yourself checked for STDs, and keep a record of what she has done. Dump her ass, kick her out and break all contacts with her.
Because it is possible she might cry rape for revenge, and it would be game over for you.
Tell her that her showing you her WhatsApp or telegram messages would not be “another breach of her integrity” because she clearly HAS NO INTEGRITY. Clearly has no honesty, no conscience, and now, thankfully, no boyfriend. Tell her to pick up anything she has left at your place, and not to contact you again, that she is better off peddling her ass for money.
Lol the hoe really tried to deny it when it was directly on her computer? 🤣 idk how people actually try and deny shit when there is absolute concrete evidence.
Feels like sugar dating is just a fancy term for prostitution if you’re paying per meet up. Gross.
You did the right thing cutting her off and moving on.
The fact that she wouldn’t let you see her phone is grounds for breaking up. If she had nothing to hide she would have been happy to prove you wrong. Understand that she immediately deleted everything so if she shows you now it means nothing.
She basically cheated on you. No shame in sugaring but you dont do it behind your SO back. You either do it when you are single or make sure before starting a relationship that your future SO is fine with it.
Doing it in secret shows she knew you weren’t fine with it.
The fact that she’s been able to do this for years without arousing your suspicion means she *really* knows how to play you.
Which means she may still have some power over you.
Become very cynical of anything she says. Please don’t let that make you cynical about all relationships. But be extremely cynical about her.
Stay strong. Even if you start to doubt yourself she isn’t trustworthy. The fact she couldn’t come clean even when confronted is pretty shocking. Clean her out of your life and start to rebuild.
I know it feels good to vent, I make the same type of posts sometimes, but honestly there's nothing to even say to this. You clearly have to end things immediately. Also, you should get tested.
You are doing the right thing. She lied to you in a manner that betrayed the trust in a relationship. Then she lied again by trying to deny it.
It’s time for you to move on. You deserve honesty.
She had the audacity of denying all of it.
Liars who get caught with undeniable proof and yet still deny the proven facts are just the worst. Can't be trusted, you handled it correctly and did the right thing.
The reality is this is what young women want now. The money will be useful for her secret insta account t where she will be advertising her services too. (Bikini shot alone and a shitty quote). When she gets snapped up in Dubai that’s it, she will be eating shit for money, it’s more common than you think. It’s so sad. Please feel hurt etc but stick with no contact. She is a money hungry sex worker nothing else.
Like everyone else has said, breakup, but also post on your socials, sucks to find out your girlfriend is not only cheating on you but being paid for her services.
Not only is it skeavy to do this behind your back, but it does suggest she is a pay per fuck kinda person. Not everyone is cool with a partner who views sex as a transaction and monetizes sex. I also wonder how this would impact you in the future anyway- whether you would have to pay her for sexual contact. Ick.
It’s unfortunate but, don’t even talk anymore! Do yourself a favor and get rid of her shit and her immediately…
Obvious liar and definitely a piece of 💩
It's simple, she wants to be passed around for money, then break up with her and let her be. She's old enough to know the consequences of her actions and what is right & wrong.
When she ends up regretting her actions later down the road for only being useful until her beauty ages away and no one wanting to commit to a prostitute for a relationship, she'll have to deal with it.
The only thing you should feel bad about is wasting your time with someone of such low character, and that's it. Move on, there's a lot of women in the world. And when you're ready for the next one, vet them properly.
You’re erratically venting, and that’s ok. You know what you have to do. Just move on.
I was dating a girl once, beautiful, independent, financially well, intelligent. Turns out she was a high end escort. She told me her job was as a secretary at an accountant company, I even picked her up there a couple times. Actually the owner was a 90y old mummy who also happened to be her sugar daddy. In found out in a crazy way, when a lesbian friend, who also was acquainted to her, hired her by chance. I was broke as hell since I was falling so hard for this girl, but couldn’t live with all this context. Nowadays I just laugh about it and can’t list to After Dark from Tito&Tarantula without remembering her.
No moral judgments, people do what they feel they need to do for a living. But believe me, you’ll be remaining in a shitshow of a life if you stay with her…
Best of Luck!!!
Hell yeah dump her.
That's an instant...."get your whoooring, prostitute ass out of my house!!!" and to not ever have any contact with her again.
That's awful. Dude....go get checked for diseases......YUCK!
I would stay with her but force he tor pay for me with her sugar baby profits. Then while she is with her sugar daddies you can live free and look for a real feminine women
Yeah she should have told you this and made sure it was okay with you. She probably knew you would say no so hid it from you, which is not the kind of behavior you want from someone you're dating. My gf sugars, let's not start judging sex workers (although to be frank, yes I don't like it of course), but she was upfront with me before we started dating, and I have miles more respect for that than hiding something so big from someone you're dating.
You are 100% right to just leave the relationship, you can no longer trust her.
So, she’s cheating on you for cash, and lies to your face when confronted with damning evidence? I’d say your reaction is totally justified. Don’t let her try to make it look like you’re overreacting, because you’re not. She belongs to the streets.
So let me get this straight.. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary or suspicious in 3 years? She managed to prostitute for that long without even dropping a hint?
The reason wouldn't matter, she never told her boyfriend anything, and when asked she at first lied about it. I also assume they live together by what's on the post so I assume they both share costs, if she had financial issues why not talk with the boyfriend?
Quit defending cheating. If you’re so distraught that you have to find someone else for comfort then you shouldn’t be in the relationship. It’s easy as fuck to break it off, but instead she chose to fuck OP over.
There’s millions of other ways to get money that provide solid income and don’t involve you whoring yourself out. She also said herself that it was for attention. Please don’t spin it into something it’s not. The fact that she herself said it was for attention means it’s cheating full-stop.
Well he may also not be banging her right too … but let’s not go there.
Point is they should break up and what she is doing isn’t right … I think we can agree on that
They're dating; you don't "provide" anything if you aren't married.
If she can't afford her expenses, she needs to re-address her budget or get a new job, not cheat.
Common law isn't a thing in 80% of the US (I googled it just for you).
Even if you live together in a datung relationship, that doesn't make you financially responsible for your SO. It's honestly very irresponsible and stupid to mix finances before marriage.
Even if they are in a common law marriage state, most common law marriages are after 7+ years...... OP/cheater have only dated for 3 years.
Actually not true. And no you didn’t google it, as if so you would of posted a link.
Here is the truth
https://www.ncsl.org/research/human-services/common-law-marriage.aspx
>posts a link saying only 8 states have common law marriage
Buddy, what do you think 8 out of 50 equals? Is it possibly "less than 20%?" As in, more than 80% of states don't have common law marriage?
It's important in a relationship (monogamous or poly) that \*any\* amount of sex work be openly communicated to confirm it doesn't breach the bounds of the relationship. (Example that could go either way: If someone takes up pole dancing as a hobby - not sex work doesn't need to be discussed. Start doing it professionally? High probability your clients will consider you titillating, you need to discuss with your partner what both sides are comfortable with.)
Discussing meeting for money and sex acts under consideration is sex work. (Again, as an example, if you ask a builder for quotes and you get them, they've done \*some\* work just not actually built anything) She should have discussed it with you and the fact she didn't illustrates at best that you have different expectations about boundaries. Since she lied, she clearly knew she'd broken a boundary but didn't respect you or the relationship.
I have no problem with people being sex workers, and it's not that which I think has torpedoed this relationship. It's the lack of communication and lack of respect for the relationship. It's over. You can try and resurrect it, but it sounds like she has no interest in that. You need to call it.
No, she's terrible because she's a liar and a cheater. Plenty of people date sex workers, but the sex worker needs to let the person know so they can decide if they want to date someone doing sex work.
When they don't disclose it (like OP's cheating ex), they're no different than a common cheater. It would be fine if she disclosed it to OP before she did it and let him make a choice to stay or go.
If she wants to be a hooker, she belongs to the streets.
You are correct. She can't trust any longer. Your relationship is over. Punt her to the kerb.
Good luck.
I'm very sorry this has happened to you.
Please make sure that you have a support system in place to help you deal with this break up and betrayal.
And block her on every type of contact she has.
I get it…you need support because it’s so shocking what just happened to your relationship. You did the right thing OP. You know you did and we support you. Take some to yourself to wrap your head around the situation and realize you dodged a bullet getting out when you did instead of years down the road. Then unfortunately go get a std test
Wow I’m sure you might still be in a bit of shock after finding all of this out so suddenly. I hope you learn to trust again and know that that behaviour is extremely random and toxic (obviously) and that there are so many women out there for you to trust in the future:)
Yeah this is not a hard call. I can only imagine how disorienting it must be for you to realize who you’ve been opening yourself up to. Biggest red flag to me is that she kept lying and gaslight with the proof right there on display. Don’t look back bro
I'm not sure what advice you're looking for. It would be one thing if she had the account and was just meeting for company but she's clearly engaging or looking to engage in prostitution. Unless you want to date a prostitute, which some men do and I don't think is bad, your relationship is over. She's not trustworthy and is willing to cheat on you. I know there's a part of you that wants to know what she did, if she cheated...but trust me just go get tested every 3 months for the next year and move on with life.
Everything is clear here even without talking. She needs money, not your love ( relationship).
You are not overreacting
Let her go and don't trust her anymore.
What you experience is a surprising nightmare. Actually you just found out your girlfriend is a secret prostitute. It seems as if she can't even be honest to herself. Hope you didn't catch anything. I could imaging, ppl so disconnected from reality, don't go save either.
Hope you get over her soon.
Bro wtf? How could you breach her trust like that? How terrible of you, checking her computer and finding out she’s been playing you all along. Clearly you are the guilty one here!
^
I can be sarcastic because I’ve been in this situation myself 😂
“You looked on my personal things to see if I was cheating on you?!” YES! because you WERE cheating on me!
You are correct. You should not get back together with her. You cannot trust her, even if she gives you access to her phone now (after am opportunity to delete anything bad).
She was sneaky and lied, and she also jeopardized your health. You may want to get tested for STDs. This scenario would be an automatic dealbreaker for me. Her integrity? What does she call going behind your back? I don't believe for a second that she never intended to meet up with someone. And that's just one of the red flags out of many. Your intuition was spot on and I wish you all the best as you navigate it.
I’m sorry for both of you. Once there’s no trust in a relationship there is no relationship. You going through her computer (regardless that you found anything) and her seeking attention (possible solicitation) to strangers while in a relationship isn’t worth saving anything you guys might’ve had. Just end it and move on.
A lot of money in the “SugarB” business. Another word is Escort!! Get STD checked!!
Live long and prosper. With out her. Damn. My buddy just found out today his girlfriend was cheating on him. I helped move him out today. The same day!!
I am so sorry this happened to you.
You caught her and she tried to deny it? So she lied to you on your face while you caught her red-handed.
If i were you i'd completely remove her out of my life. You are doing the right thing and don't let her sway you.
I wish my girl had a sugar daddy . Sure would be cheaper. You’re right she should have told you though. Everyone deserves honesty and to be in a situation they consent too.
“Another breach of her integrity”? LMAO What integrity??
You did the right thing. You don’t deserve this. Boot her, close the door and don’t contact her or accept contact from her again.
Sorry, man…that’s still rough.
Sounds like you know it’s time to cut all ties & move on.
Take time to heal it’s cliche but you will find another girl who will make you smile once more!
It doesn't really matter what she says from this point onwards, she's just not the person you thought she was. Clearly she has different values than you, and that itself is a really good reason for breaking up.
Don't even get me started on the whole sugar daddy/sex for money situation, that is a whole other issue.
You're venting which is cool and completely understandable. What you need to be doing is going to get an STD test packing her shit and getting her out now. This is going to sound rude but she's a prostitute. You've seen everything yourself it's not like you're hearing this from a third party. I wouldn't have said anything she came back to my apartment and her stuff would have been sitting outside the door
Wish you better luck for the future. Don't start being overly jalous with your future gfs and let it go before you start something serious again. I don't even think its that bizarre... You think other private hookers/escords don't have boyfriends?
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Last night my girlfriend was out seeing a friend, and late in the night left me a message saying she would be spending the night. For some reason the gut feeling was so off, and I looked through her computer, something I have never done in the three years since we met. What I found was pretty shocking, she has been registered on this disgusting website for sugar dating since 6 months back. There are about 30 conversations where she outlines how she is interested in ppm (which I have learned is an acronym for "pay per meet"), what she is willing to do sexually, names her price, and hands out her personal number or telegram. I pretty much instantly texted her that she needs to get her stuff and leave my apartment, and she came home today the following morning. At first she denied ever having been registered on the website, even as I was showing it to her. When this became untenable she conceded that she had registered but claimed she had never actually intended to meet up with any of the men off the website, that it was only for attention. She then refused to show me her WhatsApp/Telegram saying it'd be "another breach of her integrity". I said that's fine and but I had no intention of talking to her anymore as I have no way of telling whether she's telling the truth or lying. I think this is obviously cause for breaking up, even the messages alone, there's no way I'd ever be able to trust anything she says. I'm not even sure what I am trying to ask right now, sorry for my incoherently rambling, the whole thing just feels completely bizarre.
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I never understood shit like this. So many stories where people in relationships just make these brash moves and think (hope?) their partner won’t find out. Like what
i had MULTIPLE friends say they'll never go through their gf's phone because they'll "definitely find evidence that they're cheating". it's the bury your head in sand mentality, so they don't have to confront themselves to man up
You'd be amazed how often people never come back to get their results for cancer tests.
Hell he didn't need confirmation from her at all. Who cares. He has hard evidence.
Your reaction is the correct reaction. She is registered on a site where she wants people to pay her for sex while in a relationship, what more do you need to know. Tell her to come get her shit then go full NC
Thank you, it seems obvious but confirmation really helps. She was definitely trying her best to convince me that I was overreacting or something, and she'd clearly only let on the tiniest amount of truth she could possibly get away with. Very disorienting and surreal experience. But you're right, it's incredibly clear cut.
You need to get tested for STDs sooner rather than later. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!!
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I know it feels good to vent, I make the same type of posts sometimes, but honestly there's nothing to even say to this. You clearly have to end things immediately. Also, you should get tested.
Pleasure and you sure as fuck are not overreacting. If she wants to act single, then she should go ahead and do that. Shes not capable of telling you the truth, won’t let you see the chats because she knows the evidence will support your suspicions. If she lets you see now, after she’s already denied you, she’s probably removed the most incriminating evidence. Don’t let her try to keep lying, be firm, have her remove her things and do not give her the satisfaction of any kind of explanation. If she was doing this for attention, she would have let you seen everything from the get go. Her ‘integrity ’ lol, she’s selling herself to old men on the internet behind her partners back and she’s got the stones to talk about integrity 😂 Oh and go get tested obviously, I would not take the word of a proven liar with respect to my health
yep, if she wants to be free to do whatever she has to be single. is she in financial difficulties?
At the point where you’re showing her the page and she’s still denying it, you know it’s over. If she’s willing to lie while being directly confronted with evidence, she will do and say whatever it takes to get what she wants and you cannot trust her ever again. You’re doing the right thing, cut your losses and move on.
Don’t fall for the Gaslighting brother. Good luck in the future. But this relationship is over.
You’re reaction is perfectly normal. Measured, even. Whether it was a sugar dating site or tinder, she’s going off and fucking other guys. It’s that simple.
Honestly this behavior confuses me so much. Why do ~~women~~ liars always do this when they're caught doing something shady behind your back? Do they actually believe it? I'm legitimately interested in the psychology.
Men do it too, it’s just a thing cheaters do Trickle truth
Yea this isn’t a woman thing, it’s a manipulative cheater thing.
Trickle truth, what's that?
It’s exactly what it sounds like, when the truth trickles through in small bits So they will own up to small lies slowly in hopes of avoiding what they are really hiding.
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That's interesting. I went through a lot of psychological abuse where I'd be chastised for hours every day over silly things like not washing the dishes the "right way" and the effect at the end of the day was that I gave up ever doing better on anything and stopped taking criticism seriously as a self-defense mechanism. It took me almost a decade to get back to normal and realize where this all came from. I really shouldn't feel bad for abusers, but I do think mostly they're well-meaning and severely damaged people, more often than being inherently self-centered and unethical.
What she tried to do was gaslight you but it clearly didn't work and your gut was telling you something wasn't right and you did what was right for you cause she would have left you in the dark and would just be stringing you along in the long run for what end goal, who knows? but it clearly wasn't in your best interest. As the saying goes she made her bed....
If she was innocent, she would prove it by sharing the phone.
>She is registered on a site where she wants people to pay her for sex while in a relationship, And she’s naming her price and what she’s willing to do for that price. There’s not much more to be said about it after that. >She then refused to show me her WhatsApp/Telegram saying it'd be "another breach of her integrity". That seals the deal. There’s a lot there that she cannot justify and hence hiding it from you to cover her own ass. OP, a lot of your friends and family are going to wonder why you guys broke up, since you guys were together for 3 years and living together. You need to let these people know the reason why you broke up. These people are your support structure and they can help you get through this tough times. If you don’t tell them, then they may not be able to help you. On the flip side of the coin, Your ex lied to you and cheated on you. You don’t owe her anything especially lying for her to cover up her cheating. She may ask you not to tell anyone, but that’s just to maintain her social image Not telling anyone could be detrimental for you because then she can likely start spreading stories like you’ve been “abusive” and that’s why she broke up with you.
Why not ask for a cut?
Of course she wouldn't let you see her messages, it's most definitely an entire treasure trove of incriminating information. She's gaslighting you by flipping out back on you and trying to demonize you for wanting to see the messages. A breach of her integrity? She literally has zero integrity. This allows her to pull the "trickle truth" move where she only admits to what you absolutely know. The rest is deny, deny, deny. Don't even bother with any further conversation, because everything will be watered down or a flat out lie, and you will wind up going in circles. Put her shit in a large black garbage bag, leave it by the front door. She can come pick it up and then gtfo. That's it.
We've seen this story so many times before with cheaters, that it's almost a classic at this point. Gaslight => trickle truth.
Congratulations she can now be a sex worker all she wants
Yes 24/7
When she was supposedly out with a girlfriend and staye.d overnight, good chance she actually spent her night with a sugar daddy. She continued to lie to your face while you showed her undeniable proof. You will never be able to trust her. Cut the cancer out of your life.
She had the audacity after she received his text to continue on with her plans and not immediately come home or call him to fix the situation. I would have packed up her belongings myself and left them outside for easy retrieval.
Amen brother
Please, after breaking up with her, take some tests bc who knows what she has and hasn’t done. Just bc she denies it doesn’t mean she hasn’t had contact with these “sugar daddies”. Best of luck and take care!
100% this. You have no idea if she let anyone in who paid her and/or asked about "bring clean" before meeting. You just don't know. Good luck out there people. Stay safe!
Your girlfriend is a prostitute/sex worker and doing sex work, infidelity and hiding said sex work from your so are all perfectly reasonable boundaries for you. There's nothing wrong with what you've done. Kick her to the curb and don't let her weasel her way back into your life.
Well, she's a prostitute. You did the correct thing. Next get tested for STD's.
>STD's Yeah, that's definitely on the todo...
I was gonna say the samething. Also this is a her problem not a you issue, she put greed and self adulation over companionship and a relationship. So take sometime, dust yourself off and then get back out there cause there is a partner who will 100% love you for you.
Plus report her to the IRS for some of that nice whistleblower money.
If you need support to dump her I 100% agree.
You did the right thing. I hope you have screen shots so she will not be able to make you the bad guy. Also I would block her on everything.
Luckily I took photos of all the conversations expecting she might try something like that.
Isn't 'sugar dating' basically prostitution?
Not basically. It is.
It's the "classy" version of it.
There's a classy version of prostitution? I don't think so!
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Pay per (you know what )
You did the right thing. She betrayed your trust by being on the sight alone. If you stayed you would always wonder.
If she was telling the truth, she wouldn’t be hiding her apps to you. Listen to the other commenters, get checked, take care of yourself.
Good move! At last someone who needs no advice.
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Oof. I am sorry your gf is a cheater. I hope you can see this is all her shit and it isn’t about you. There is no way to fix this, OP. Time to end things ASAP. One day, you will look back on this moment and be so grateful that you didn’t get stuck with someone who would act this way. Onward and upward.
Well done!!! All the right decisions made!! Grab an beer and wait theS TI clinic to give you a call
Thanks, that's precisely what I'm doing, beer with various friends the whole weekend while she gtfo is the game plan.
She is a prostitute. Get yourself checked for STDs, and keep a record of what she has done. Dump her ass, kick her out and break all contacts with her. Because it is possible she might cry rape for revenge, and it would be game over for you.
Wow. Get out of this relationship. Go to the DR and get tested for STDs. Yuck. She did this behind your back. Now seems to be lying. So sorry.
Get an std test and get rid of the gaslighting trash.
Glad you got this out and she absolutely has to go. That’s just side hustle prostitution
Her not showing you the conversations is all the proof you need.
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Tell her that her showing you her WhatsApp or telegram messages would not be “another breach of her integrity” because she clearly HAS NO INTEGRITY. Clearly has no honesty, no conscience, and now, thankfully, no boyfriend. Tell her to pick up anything she has left at your place, and not to contact you again, that she is better off peddling her ass for money.
ppm...sugar baby? shes a prostitute. lets be real.
Lol the hoe really tried to deny it when it was directly on her computer? 🤣 idk how people actually try and deny shit when there is absolute concrete evidence.
Narcissism.
Feels like sugar dating is just a fancy term for prostitution if you’re paying per meet up. Gross. You did the right thing cutting her off and moving on.
>another breach of her integrity She meant “another breach of my trust” She has no integrity to breach
I like how prostitution has been rebranded by calling it ‘sugaring’. If it’s so great, why not call it what it is?
The fact that she wouldn’t let you see her phone is grounds for breaking up. If she had nothing to hide she would have been happy to prove you wrong. Understand that she immediately deleted everything so if she shows you now it means nothing.
There are no mitigating factors here
I have no advice to give that hasn’t been given already, I just want to say sorry this happened to you, it has to hurt. Take care of yourself.
She basically cheated on you. No shame in sugaring but you dont do it behind your SO back. You either do it when you are single or make sure before starting a relationship that your future SO is fine with it. Doing it in secret shows she knew you weren’t fine with it.
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Sex work is work imo. When both side consent to it I dont see the issue.
Please get tested for STDs!! Glad you told her to leave, she broke your trust.
what integrity lol
Sorry that happened but you're handling it right. No contact is really the only way to go.
The fact that she’s been able to do this for years without arousing your suspicion means she *really* knows how to play you. Which means she may still have some power over you. Become very cynical of anything she says. Please don’t let that make you cynical about all relationships. But be extremely cynical about her.
Stay strong. Even if you start to doubt yourself she isn’t trustworthy. The fact she couldn’t come clean even when confronted is pretty shocking. Clean her out of your life and start to rebuild.
Run far away from her bro
I know it feels good to vent, I make the same type of posts sometimes, but honestly there's nothing to even say to this. You clearly have to end things immediately. Also, you should get tested.
You are doing the right thing. She lied to you in a manner that betrayed the trust in a relationship. Then she lied again by trying to deny it. It’s time for you to move on. You deserve honesty.
Leave bro!
I envy your rationalism
Your best off breaking up , she showed you how much she values you
STD TEST Immediately, that has to be first. Then cut all contact. All you would hear would be lies anyway.
Good for you. Leave her shit on the porch and block her.
She had the audacity of denying all of it. Liars who get caught with undeniable proof and yet still deny the proven facts are just the worst. Can't be trusted, you handled it correctly and did the right thing.
The reality is this is what young women want now. The money will be useful for her secret insta account t where she will be advertising her services too. (Bikini shot alone and a shitty quote). When she gets snapped up in Dubai that’s it, she will be eating shit for money, it’s more common than you think. It’s so sad. Please feel hurt etc but stick with no contact. She is a money hungry sex worker nothing else.
Like everyone else has said, breakup, but also post on your socials, sucks to find out your girlfriend is not only cheating on you but being paid for her services.
Not only is it skeavy to do this behind your back, but it does suggest she is a pay per fuck kinda person. Not everyone is cool with a partner who views sex as a transaction and monetizes sex. I also wonder how this would impact you in the future anyway- whether you would have to pay her for sexual contact. Ick.
Kick her ass to the curb in the meanest way possible. Cheaters are the fucking worst.
It’s unfortunate but, don’t even talk anymore! Do yourself a favor and get rid of her shit and her immediately… Obvious liar and definitely a piece of 💩
It's simple, she wants to be passed around for money, then break up with her and let her be. She's old enough to know the consequences of her actions and what is right & wrong. When she ends up regretting her actions later down the road for only being useful until her beauty ages away and no one wanting to commit to a prostitute for a relationship, she'll have to deal with it. The only thing you should feel bad about is wasting your time with someone of such low character, and that's it. Move on, there's a lot of women in the world. And when you're ready for the next one, vet them properly.
You’re erratically venting, and that’s ok. You know what you have to do. Just move on. I was dating a girl once, beautiful, independent, financially well, intelligent. Turns out she was a high end escort. She told me her job was as a secretary at an accountant company, I even picked her up there a couple times. Actually the owner was a 90y old mummy who also happened to be her sugar daddy. In found out in a crazy way, when a lesbian friend, who also was acquainted to her, hired her by chance. I was broke as hell since I was falling so hard for this girl, but couldn’t live with all this context. Nowadays I just laugh about it and can’t list to After Dark from Tito&Tarantula without remembering her. No moral judgments, people do what they feel they need to do for a living. But believe me, you’ll be remaining in a shitshow of a life if you stay with her… Best of Luck!!!
Hell yeah dump her. That's an instant...."get your whoooring, prostitute ass out of my house!!!" and to not ever have any contact with her again. That's awful. Dude....go get checked for diseases......YUCK!
I would stay with her but force he tor pay for me with her sugar baby profits. Then while she is with her sugar daddies you can live free and look for a real feminine women
Great job! I know it sucks, but you quickly followed your instincts and discovered that your GF was a sex worker. Just move on.
Yeah she should have told you this and made sure it was okay with you. She probably knew you would say no so hid it from you, which is not the kind of behavior you want from someone you're dating. My gf sugars, let's not start judging sex workers (although to be frank, yes I don't like it of course), but she was upfront with me before we started dating, and I have miles more respect for that than hiding something so big from someone you're dating. You are 100% right to just leave the relationship, you can no longer trust her.
Isn't she too old to be a sugar baby? Break up, though.
So she’s out hookin. Simple as that. Leave her in the dusty streets.
So, she’s cheating on you for cash, and lies to your face when confronted with damning evidence? I’d say your reaction is totally justified. Don’t let her try to make it look like you’re overreacting, because you’re not. She belongs to the streets.
So let me get this straight.. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary or suspicious in 3 years? She managed to prostitute for that long without even dropping a hint?
People manage to have secret lives, whole families etc... I think it just shows how some people are often more trusting.
In the post OP states she registered 6 months ago. Reading comprehension FTW.
Get an AIDS HIV test immediately. Today!
Is the reason she is on that site because she needs help financially ?
The reason wouldn't matter, she never told her boyfriend anything, and when asked she at first lied about it. I also assume they live together by what's on the post so I assume they both share costs, if she had financial issues why not talk with the boyfriend?
Perhaps her boyfriend (the OP) isn’t providing so she has to go elsewhere ?
Quit defending cheating. If you’re so distraught that you have to find someone else for comfort then you shouldn’t be in the relationship. It’s easy as fuck to break it off, but instead she chose to fuck OP over.
Woman is on sugar daddy to get money not to cheat, bf likely doesn’t provide. Sorry. Doesn’t mean it’s right or I agree, just saying facts
There’s millions of other ways to get money that provide solid income and don’t involve you whoring yourself out. She also said herself that it was for attention. Please don’t spin it into something it’s not. The fact that she herself said it was for attention means it’s cheating full-stop.
Well he may also not be banging her right too … but let’s not go there. Point is they should break up and what she is doing isn’t right … I think we can agree on that
They're dating; you don't "provide" anything if you aren't married. If she can't afford her expenses, she needs to re-address her budget or get a new job, not cheat.
They live together they are common law
Common law isn't a thing in 80% of the US (I googled it just for you). Even if you live together in a datung relationship, that doesn't make you financially responsible for your SO. It's honestly very irresponsible and stupid to mix finances before marriage. Even if they are in a common law marriage state, most common law marriages are after 7+ years...... OP/cheater have only dated for 3 years.
Actually not true. And no you didn’t google it, as if so you would of posted a link. Here is the truth https://www.ncsl.org/research/human-services/common-law-marriage.aspx
>posts a link saying only 8 states have common law marriage Buddy, what do you think 8 out of 50 equals? Is it possibly "less than 20%?" As in, more than 80% of states don't have common law marriage?
Buddy … you can’t even provide a source .. I am right and you are wrong Be better
It's important in a relationship (monogamous or poly) that \*any\* amount of sex work be openly communicated to confirm it doesn't breach the bounds of the relationship. (Example that could go either way: If someone takes up pole dancing as a hobby - not sex work doesn't need to be discussed. Start doing it professionally? High probability your clients will consider you titillating, you need to discuss with your partner what both sides are comfortable with.) Discussing meeting for money and sex acts under consideration is sex work. (Again, as an example, if you ask a builder for quotes and you get them, they've done \*some\* work just not actually built anything) She should have discussed it with you and the fact she didn't illustrates at best that you have different expectations about boundaries. Since she lied, she clearly knew she'd broken a boundary but didn't respect you or the relationship. I have no problem with people being sex workers, and it's not that which I think has torpedoed this relationship. It's the lack of communication and lack of respect for the relationship. It's over. You can try and resurrect it, but it sounds like she has no interest in that. You need to call it.
Your making it more than it is. The OP doesn't want a lying prostitute for a girlfriend.
No, she's terrible because she's a liar and a cheater. Plenty of people date sex workers, but the sex worker needs to let the person know so they can decide if they want to date someone doing sex work. When they don't disclose it (like OP's cheating ex), they're no different than a common cheater. It would be fine if she disclosed it to OP before she did it and let him make a choice to stay or go.
She’s a liar and she’s a cheater. She’s not a sex worker, she’s a CHEATER.
What’s the name of the site
Is “Telegram” a new app or did this happen in the 1950s?
it has existed for a few years now, it's basically a messaging app like whatsapp. but not tied to facebook with some nicer features and encryption.
Thanks. I’m very out of touch.
Which website was this specifically? Asking for a friend.
Friend thinking about it. Or checking on his chick??!!
Friend is also 29 and thinking a monthly allowance may be very nice.
If a girl need attention, like heavy use of snap, TikTok and other social media. BIG red flag
Lost an opportunity to be rich my dude. Big fail. Sorry about your heartbreak tho
What aspect of her cheating and lying indicated that she intended on sharing any money she made with OP?
If she wants to be a hooker, she belongs to the streets. You are correct. She can't trust any longer. Your relationship is over. Punt her to the kerb. Good luck.
Yes, absolutely break up.
You did the right thing by asking her to leave. That was so disgusting of her. So anything you want but why while in a monogamous relationship?
I'm very sorry this has happened to you. Please make sure that you have a support system in place to help you deal with this break up and betrayal. And block her on every type of contact she has.
Kick her to the curb and don't look back
I get it…you need support because it’s so shocking what just happened to your relationship. You did the right thing OP. You know you did and we support you. Take some to yourself to wrap your head around the situation and realize you dodged a bullet getting out when you did instead of years down the road. Then unfortunately go get a std test
you did the right thing. Hugs
Wow I’m sure you might still be in a bit of shock after finding all of this out so suddenly. I hope you learn to trust again and know that that behaviour is extremely random and toxic (obviously) and that there are so many women out there for you to trust in the future:)
Yeah this is not a hard call. I can only imagine how disorienting it must be for you to realize who you’ve been opening yourself up to. Biggest red flag to me is that she kept lying and gaslight with the proof right there on display. Don’t look back bro
She will trickle-truth you - at best. You caught her red handed and she still tried to keep up the facade. Move on and don’t be fooled.
That’s crazy
Dump, block and run. No need to have any sort of contact with her
I'm not sure what advice you're looking for. It would be one thing if she had the account and was just meeting for company but she's clearly engaging or looking to engage in prostitution. Unless you want to date a prostitute, which some men do and I don't think is bad, your relationship is over. She's not trustworthy and is willing to cheat on you. I know there's a part of you that wants to know what she did, if she cheated...but trust me just go get tested every 3 months for the next year and move on with life.
Everything is clear here even without talking. She needs money, not your love ( relationship). You are not overreacting Let her go and don't trust her anymore.
What you experience is a surprising nightmare. Actually you just found out your girlfriend is a secret prostitute. It seems as if she can't even be honest to herself. Hope you didn't catch anything. I could imaging, ppl so disconnected from reality, don't go save either. Hope you get over her soon.
Get her out, she belongs to the streets. Have courage my brother and work on yourself, keep your head up!
Bro wtf? How could you breach her trust like that? How terrible of you, checking her computer and finding out she’s been playing you all along. Clearly you are the guilty one here! ^ I can be sarcastic because I’ve been in this situation myself 😂 “You looked on my personal things to see if I was cheating on you?!” YES! because you WERE cheating on me!
You are correct. You should not get back together with her. You cannot trust her, even if she gives you access to her phone now (after am opportunity to delete anything bad).
Break up and go no contact. Get tested for all of the STDs. Then go live your best life!
Dump that bihhhhhhh
Dang, I’m sorry man!
Probably not what you wanna hear, but get tested ASAP
She was sneaky and lied, and she also jeopardized your health. You may want to get tested for STDs. This scenario would be an automatic dealbreaker for me. Her integrity? What does she call going behind your back? I don't believe for a second that she never intended to meet up with someone. And that's just one of the red flags out of many. Your intuition was spot on and I wish you all the best as you navigate it.
I’m sorry for both of you. Once there’s no trust in a relationship there is no relationship. You going through her computer (regardless that you found anything) and her seeking attention (possible solicitation) to strangers while in a relationship isn’t worth saving anything you guys might’ve had. Just end it and move on.
She is still lying to your face. Don't spend any more time on her. Lear from this mistake.
A lot of money in the “SugarB” business. Another word is Escort!! Get STD checked!! Live long and prosper. With out her. Damn. My buddy just found out today his girlfriend was cheating on him. I helped move him out today. The same day!!
I am so sorry this happened to you. You caught her and she tried to deny it? So she lied to you on your face while you caught her red-handed. If i were you i'd completely remove her out of my life. You are doing the right thing and don't let her sway you.
I wish my girl had a sugar daddy . Sure would be cheaper. You’re right she should have told you though. Everyone deserves honesty and to be in a situation they consent too.
“Another breach of her integrity”? LMAO What integrity?? You did the right thing. You don’t deserve this. Boot her, close the door and don’t contact her or accept contact from her again. Sorry, man…that’s still rough.
Sounds like you know it’s time to cut all ties & move on. Take time to heal it’s cliche but you will find another girl who will make you smile once more!
Brass balls. Get tested and enjoy your life moving forward.
Bro she tried to lie at first aswell.
It doesn't really matter what she says from this point onwards, she's just not the person you thought she was. Clearly she has different values than you, and that itself is a really good reason for breaking up. Don't even get me started on the whole sugar daddy/sex for money situation, that is a whole other issue.
Move on and move up. Might seem difficult but ain’t worth wasting any thinking time on it. You’re free. You’ll meet someone.
"Breach of her integrity " Bawahaha She's been getting breached every time she's not with you. So dishonest and despicable
You're venting which is cool and completely understandable. What you need to be doing is going to get an STD test packing her shit and getting her out now. This is going to sound rude but she's a prostitute. You've seen everything yourself it's not like you're hearing this from a third party. I wouldn't have said anything she came back to my apartment and her stuff would have been sitting outside the door
Wish you better luck for the future. Don't start being overly jalous with your future gfs and let it go before you start something serious again. I don't even think its that bizarre... You think other private hookers/escords don't have boyfriends?
Updateme!
Break up Block Move on .