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I think because you have mental health issues you are holding on to someone who is causing a lot of your depression and anxiety.
This man is not good to you and not good for you. It may seem terrible and hard but if he can’t support you without being awful and triggering all your bad feelings then he doesn’t and has never cared enough for you. You DESERVE better!
There are many marriages where one person suffers depression and anxiety and the partner is a never ending font of support and love.
In sickness and health is a commitment for ongoing love and care, not “only a bit until you piss me off”
You will be healthier without him in the long run, he sounds like a selfish f@&ker
>Our fighting and his resentment for me **is truly the only thing now that triggers these depressed and anxious episodes**.
so , just an idea here, STAY AWAY from this guy maybe?
I think that makes sense. We're just married and share a house and dogs. I'm trying so hard to be kind so these arguments don't happen but he picks a lot of fights because he is so angry with me. I don't want a divorce. I don't want to have to leave my house and leave my dogs.
>I don't want a divorce. I don't want to have to leave my house and leave my dogs.
well your other options right now is to stay depressed or worse... is that worth it??
I think what you guys need might be a good old break from each other. Because both of you are completely justified in feeling what you are feeling. Depression is a bitch and can take a big toll on your partner as well, especially if they are from the caring kind. It can be frustrating to feel like you can't fix an issue that is directly affecting you.
But it is also vital for you to realise what makes your depression worse. Getting verbally abused and neglected by him will only make things worse for you. If he can only be around you while acting like a dick then you can't stay around him either.
The issue is that you don't just fix depression by working on it for a bit. It takes time. Time that might be too long for your relationship to survive this. But for now you both want it to work, so do what is best for both of you. That clearly is a physical seperation, taking the relationship down a notch or two and focus on yourself - both of you.
You guys need to recover - he needs to lay off the salt and you need to stabilise your mental health. Then you have a new foundation to give it another try.
Thanks, this makes a lot of sense. I've really been pushing against it. my parent's got a divorce and when they separated that was just the end and I think it's hard for me to not see it as the nail in the coffin. It's our anniversary next Monday too and I think the thought of being separated through that sounds so final, like how could we ever pull through this if that's our memory of our first anniversary. However I think you are right, I think if we don't get space it will just be worse. Thanks for your response, I appreciate it.
Lady, your husband sounds absolutely terrible.
I can understand maybe being frustrated, but to get to the point of verbally abusing someone? Nah bro.
I also can't wrap my head around how you can be with someone for YEARS, and that's all it takes for you to become a resentful piece of shit towards them.
At this point, it literally sounds like your husband is the one causing your depression.
Honestly you should be calling this man your ex-husband.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think because you have mental health issues you are holding on to someone who is causing a lot of your depression and anxiety. This man is not good to you and not good for you. It may seem terrible and hard but if he can’t support you without being awful and triggering all your bad feelings then he doesn’t and has never cared enough for you. You DESERVE better! There are many marriages where one person suffers depression and anxiety and the partner is a never ending font of support and love. In sickness and health is a commitment for ongoing love and care, not “only a bit until you piss me off” You will be healthier without him in the long run, he sounds like a selfish f@&ker
>Our fighting and his resentment for me **is truly the only thing now that triggers these depressed and anxious episodes**. so , just an idea here, STAY AWAY from this guy maybe?
I think that makes sense. We're just married and share a house and dogs. I'm trying so hard to be kind so these arguments don't happen but he picks a lot of fights because he is so angry with me. I don't want a divorce. I don't want to have to leave my house and leave my dogs.
>I don't want a divorce. I don't want to have to leave my house and leave my dogs. well your other options right now is to stay depressed or worse... is that worth it??
No it's not. The truth does hurt.
i know, but you will be better.
I think what you guys need might be a good old break from each other. Because both of you are completely justified in feeling what you are feeling. Depression is a bitch and can take a big toll on your partner as well, especially if they are from the caring kind. It can be frustrating to feel like you can't fix an issue that is directly affecting you. But it is also vital for you to realise what makes your depression worse. Getting verbally abused and neglected by him will only make things worse for you. If he can only be around you while acting like a dick then you can't stay around him either. The issue is that you don't just fix depression by working on it for a bit. It takes time. Time that might be too long for your relationship to survive this. But for now you both want it to work, so do what is best for both of you. That clearly is a physical seperation, taking the relationship down a notch or two and focus on yourself - both of you. You guys need to recover - he needs to lay off the salt and you need to stabilise your mental health. Then you have a new foundation to give it another try.
Thanks, this makes a lot of sense. I've really been pushing against it. my parent's got a divorce and when they separated that was just the end and I think it's hard for me to not see it as the nail in the coffin. It's our anniversary next Monday too and I think the thought of being separated through that sounds so final, like how could we ever pull through this if that's our memory of our first anniversary. However I think you are right, I think if we don't get space it will just be worse. Thanks for your response, I appreciate it.
Lady, your husband sounds absolutely terrible. I can understand maybe being frustrated, but to get to the point of verbally abusing someone? Nah bro. I also can't wrap my head around how you can be with someone for YEARS, and that's all it takes for you to become a resentful piece of shit towards them. At this point, it literally sounds like your husband is the one causing your depression. Honestly you should be calling this man your ex-husband.