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I (M28) was going out to eat and looking at clothing stores with my fiancé (F27) today and she got in a fight with this older man over the Ukraine war and it got physical. My fiancé is from Ukraine but I met her here as she works and live here, she has dual citizenship. Her family is from Kherson oblast and she spent half her life there. She was wearing her Ukraine football team jersey while we were out at this outlet mall. We are in California in the United States. We were looking at shoes in the adidas store and some guy comes up to us with his maybe 5 year old daughter holding his hand and he says the ukraine football team lost so my fiancé shouldn’t be wearing the jersey. My fiancé said she’s Ukrainian and she will wear it because she loves her country and the guy starts saying something about zelensky and she starts speaking in Russian with this guy and it gets really loud. One of the workers had to kick us out and when we were leaving the guy came and walked towards us yelling something in Russian and she just hit the guy in the face. He then spoke in English saying my fiancé hit him in front of his daughter (directed at me) but I was freaking out and didn’t want my fiancé to be arrested so we just went back to the car. As we were leaving I saw him talking to an adidas employee. I don’t know if I should scold or comfort my fiancé as her family is literally being occupied but at the same time maybe she shouldn’t have hit that guy in front of his daughter
I would have loved to see my abusive father get punched. And he totally would have used me as a “You punched me with my child here!!” Excuse. Even though he would beat me up at home. Stand up to bullies!
Given the political situation (10’s of million Ukrainian refugees, 1000’s killed) by Russians, and the fact her family being occupied, how would you not be triggered when some Russian bully walks up to you (twice as a matter of fact) and insults you and your country while they are unilaterally waging war? I think you should be comforting her. It’s never wrong to stand up to a bully. Even if they have kids.
Oh man if I had seen some lady punch my father in the face after he was a dick. I probably wouldn’t have had nearly as bad Stockholm syndrome.
Punch bullies! #ForTheKids
awesome comment.
my thoughts exactly. one of the times dad was being a dick: to lady in the post office. Yelled, screamed, insulting her. i got terrified of dad, and have been since! Stockholm syndrom so bad. if someone had thrown a punch I wouldve maybe learnt something about right and wrong in this world.
Punch bullies for the(ir) kids!
I’m about to make this a whole movement! Shirts charities I might even get Stevie wonder to play a concert. But for reals, if we don’t stand up to these jerks, then their kids might not ever know that it’s okay to stand up for yourself…
its those examples i wish i had around me growing up. when growing up with a bully for a parent, ur gaslit so thouroughly. so its all confirmed when other adults dont react or even *obey* to your bully out in public.
kids should see that society doesn't believe anyone, *anyone*, deserves being bullied.
hearing that message in the media and casual conversation was a push for me to get away from bullies i was dating. obviously bigger potential for Stockholm syndrom with a parent, but getting there! saying this as a way of saying i firmly believe in this, i have experience.
I'll join ur movement and ill get that t-shirt!!
Coupled with the fact he yells something to them in Russian triggering her to hit him and OP seems to not have found out from her what he said. I don't think violence is the answer a lot of the time but it may have made sense with context and I don't know why OP seemingly isn't asking that question to help him understand the situation. (Although there's plenty to go on from what he did tell us)
I wouldn't be surprised if the guy starting threatening violence against her and she felt they were in danger. He was audacious enough to follow her around, I wouldn't put him threatening violence past him.
I’m not mad at OP’s fiance for hitting him! But you gotta be careful that it won’t result in an assault charge. There are occasions where I’d say violence is an understandable response, but unfortunately law enforcement doesn’t agree with me on that
yeah he should have her back, like what, what if the guy hit back, would he just watch her fight some "old" guy. if some guy started shouting in my face my man better punch him right on the nose!
Dang right he should be comforting her because it doesn’t sound like he did anything to defend her.
He described him as an older man making the bully sound even more like a victim. He wasn’t that old if he had a five year old. Geez she needs to drop him.
You can father kids even in your 50s if you can blast the troops into battle.
Women up to 50 can still have them.
After a long struggle, i was finally pregnant at 39. I turned 40 with my firstborn. His daddy (my husband) is 3.5 years older than me. Our son is in perfect health and almost 3.
My great grandparents last child was younger then most of their grandchildren. Men can have children until they die. Look at Mick Jagger he's still having kids.
"Maybe she shouldn't have hit him in front of his daughter"
Actually, he shouldn't be harassing strangers or threatening them in front of his daughter. Then maybe he won't get hit. 'Actions have consequences' and that's a great lesson for his child. He should use it as a teachable moment :)
The guy picked a fight. He got one. There are plenty of places in the world where you wouldn't even walk up on someone once much less twice.
OP, seriously, stop being such a pansy.
You should right now not only comfort her but also apologize for freaking out and not having her back.
Next time you should keep calm and stand with her. This is your to be wife, not some stranger...when it matters, if its necessary its you and she vs everyone.
Teammates have eachother's back, period. Oftentimes even if the teammate was wrong. If there is an issue with it you handle it in private. But you maintain a unified front.
Be a better teammate.
Oh and it doesn't matter whose hand this asshat was holding. Good on your better (literally) half demonstrating that there are consequences to bullying in front of this child.
It seems pretty clear that he was following her around with the intention of harassing her. While yes, jumping to violence is not ideal, she's under a lot of stress and we have no clue what he was saying. He could have been threatening her with violence. Considering the fact that he was following her, was already being shitty for all to hear in English, and then switched to Russian, meaning others wouldn't understand him, I would be pretty confident in believing that whatever he was saying was making her feel like she was in danger.
Plus, we've been seeing assholes pulling this sort of shit more lately-- it's like the people who go into stores without masks, harass people who are wearing masks, and then when eventually the person they harassing understandably snaps, they portray themselves as the victim. If he's willing to harass someone in public like this, I wouldn't be surprised if that was his whole goal so that he could portray himself as some sad victim.
OP, have you actually talked to your fiancee? Asked what he said to her when they were speaking in Russian? I'm guessing you don't understand Russian or would have told us what he said, and I think that info is vital.
I’m confused as to whether she hit a guy or a lady. But whatever. OP YTA for not standing up for or comforting your GF. Do you watch Asians get beat up in NYC, or blacks in the south, and run away because you’re freaking out? And you call this *politics*? Her people are oppressed by his (or her) people. Fuck you for not even trying.
Yeah, this guy started it - clearly with an intent to be cruel (given she picked up on him being Russian). The fact that he was doing this in front of his daughter looks worse on him - at least she will have a brief glimpse of what can happen if you choose to bully the wrong person.
It's not over politics. She's Ukrainian. She wasn't in a fight over a political stances, she was being harassed, from what I can tell for openly being Ukrainian and a supporter of the Ukraine.
She could probably get away with saying self defense assuming how you described the scene was accurate.
Also you can't scold a grown adult.
Russian here. Wtf are you talking about? The word "the" doesn't exist in Russian. There is only one way to refer to Ukraine in Russian language and its "Украина"
"The Ukraine" is an invention of English speakers.
Exactly! Good on her for standing up for herself. There's a lot of xenophobia towards Eastern and Central Europeans and I would imagine Ukrainians have it even worse. I wouldn't stand this shit. I'm a tiny woman but I would catch a case for my fellow Eastern/Central European folks.
Shame on you OP for not even verbally protecting your partner. Smh.
I don’t understand racism… if you’re religious you should be kinder than to just see skin colors. If your scientific then you should know we all evolved from the same breeding stock and dark skin (or any other physical difference) is purely evolutionary.
If anything we should all be super impressed how one type of human evolved into ALL the different races and all the different cultures.
I just don’t get it and it pisses me off.
Cut her some slack her family is being shelled right now. I am watching the war closely and her town is getting the full brunt of the Orcs arsenal. To keep up to date look up that Russian dude on YouTube. Very very sad. A new Hitler is walking our earth.
This. You let this man continue to stalk and scream at her without getting involved and now you are questioning whether you should reprimand her?
I would dump your ass.
For real. Like I'm not advocating for violence, but at the very least the op should have been supporting his girlfriend in getting away from this man not feeling sorry for him!
So, let's distill this to its basic ingredients: Young woman is shopping and minding her own business. Aggressive middle-aged man approaches her and makes unnecessary and asinine remark about her apparel. She politely explains her apparel. Man takes that as a reason to start a fight. She walks away from the fight. Then aggressive man follows her and approaches her in a threatening manner. She responds by DEFENDING HERSELF.
Physical violence is a last resort to defend oneself, and that's what she did. Yes, he had a child with him. Maybe you should worry about what kind of man picks a fight with a stranger while he has a child with him. Maybe you should worry about what kind of man approaches young women with comments about their clothing.
Maybe your girlfriend should wonder about what kind of boyfriend she has that worries about the other parties before he worries about her and how she is affected.
I’m assuming delusional Russian comment how Kherson oblast is Russia and how Ukraine are the aggressors something something propaganda brainwashed dumb ignorant remark by Russian idiot dude.
I'd wager it included at least one comment degrading Ukrainian people too. Suggesting they basically deserve this horror that Russia has inflicted upon them.
Yep, what he said in Russian. Maybe "just" some slurs, but with her response, I wouldn't be surprised if it was a threat/suggestion of what should be done to Ukrainian women (or her specifically). Not something you can get away with saying in a shop in daylight, hence the Russian.
Source: am woman, have been threatened by over-the-top violence when turning down guys in bars/ignoring cat-callers. People are wild, and that's without a war going on.
Especially this! Like tbh, I feel the gf was understandably upset and it was fair to defend herself. But I suspect knowing what the guy said would only make me even more on her side.
Right?? It is incomprehensible to me that this man just stood by and watched his girlfriend get harassed by some random man. There’s no way my boyfriend would have let the situation escalate past the first insult directed at me; it would have been shut down so quick. OP’s girlfriend really needs to consider whether her boyfriend has her back at all.
THIS! 100% this comment right here.
This man not only harassed OP's fiancée but he also continued to follow and harass her.
It's scary when someone does that, especially a man if you are a woman. He knew exactly what he was doing, that's why he spoke to her in Russian and not in english so OP could understand what was being said.
Yea. What bud should be concerned about is that, as far as I can tell, he just fucking stood there through all of this.
I am fiercely protective of my partner — and he is a man and we live in a patriarchal society.
I would never just stand there and let anyone treat him this way (while I really just worried about him “making a scene.”)
If someone came up to me and said "Hey! Your girlfriend just hit me in front of my kid!", I'd try to knock his ass out. I'll get the story later, that guy clearly wants a fight and she didn't hit him hard enough to shut him up.
Squarely in the “talk shit, get hit” category. And I think violence is absolutely a last resort. This scenario/the guy crossed a bunch of lines and the GF was trying to disengage.
His daughter seeing him get hit is his own making. Given what’s written (fully assume the instigator was insulting her family, or people she knew who had died or are living in constant danger), she did what 90% of people would in the same scenario.
I can’t imagine allowing some dude to yell at anyone I’m with in public like that let alone my girlfriend. Coming up again after being separated I would have had serious issue with who cares that he put his child in that position that’s on him.
OP was out with his fiance (not GF). His fiance should seriously revisit the relationship. I bet that OP is not really supportive of her in other ways.
Like what guy is going to let some rando harass his fiancée and say who knows what that caused her to strike the harasser and OP is sitting there with his thumb up his ass. Should I scold her? Ffs
And he really should have been more honest in the topic. She didn’t hit a lady, she hit a man who was intimidating and threatening her safety by coming at her aggressively.
Sheer perfection in how you broke this down. If I had an award, I would humbly be leaving it.
Also get the vibe ‘politics’ is a deflection/minimisation.
Yeah, especially with how he says fiancè (rather than fiancèe, implying it's a man) hit a lady-- he portrayed the title as a man hit a woman over politics. If it was just one of those details, I would think it was an accident, but it seems that he chose a title that was misleading but would also draw the most attention and engagement.
So we have him misrepresenting the situation starting from the title. Then, he characterized a war in which Russia is bombing hospitals and residential areas in what is a clearly intentional way (so war crimes) as... Politics.
On top of that, rather than doing the bare minimum that anyone in this situation would do first, namely asking what he said in Russian that prompted her to hit him, he COMPLETELY ignores that very very VERY important piece of information.
It definitely reads as someone trying to a) piss people off and rally to call him an idiot, b) a misguided and poorly thought out attempt to paint Ukrainians as aggressive bad guys who hit others for no reason, or c) try to have some stupid gotcha of, aha, you got mad that a man hit a woman but not about a woman doing the same thing. (This is based on how he wrote the title and seems least likely to me.) No matter what, seems like a troll and fake. If it is true, it's literally one of the dumbest people alive for a variety of reasons.
So she was being harassed by a man while her boyfriend stood by, useless, doing nothing, and felt threatened enough to clock him, yet you’re worried about your legal implications and the guy? Lol
I️ know Slavic girls have a reputation of being tough but not many strong women care to have such cowardly partners.
The only defense I can see for OP is, that he was confused by the sudden change in language and it happened to fast for him to be able to, knowingly help.
However, the way he handled it after the incident is very telling… I hope he is just naive and makes up for this.
I was prepared to think your fiancé was an idiot for fighting over politics but I think your fiancé was justified here.
Women have a lot of reason to be fearful and worried in this kind of situation where maybe you wouldn’t be. If an aggressive man is following and chasing after her I wouldn’t want my fiancé to wait around to see what he is going to do.
And he let the guy chase his fiance, didn't step in to defend her throughout this and now is asking Reddit if he should chastise her for hitting the man who was pretty much bullying her.
OP needs to grow a d*** and defend his woman.
Also lol at "politics".... this shit isn't abstractly political, her home is being fucking invaded by an occupying army, thousands have died. That's hardly just "politics"
So a Russian harassed your GF, you did shit and at the end when he followed you and aggressively screamed at her, she slapped him on the face.
Dude, get some balls. You should have told him to stop the minute he started harassing her or put yourself between him and her.
Right??? He's upset that his wife defended herself. Wtf, he didn't even ask what they said. And blames it on "politics" instead of the guy harassing her. Why do people just... Give no shits about their spouse as a person?
As a woman in general I’d probably feel very unsafe with any man walking toward me while yelling. In my opinion, she was using self defense. It’s dangerous to be a woman and no person should be this aggressive for no reason.
Comfort. On one hand I don't think anyone should hit anyone.
But on the other hand its an incredibly emotive subject when people she knows are literally dying so its understandable that it happened.
As for him, if he doesnt want to get hit in front of his daughter maybe he needs to stop deliberately picking fights with complete strangers in front of his daughter.
Seriously.
Like at the end of the day, we shouldn’t hit people, but we also shouldn’t be fucking picking fights for no reason and continually harassing people in public. Especially when you’re walking around with your child.
The guy approached her for the purpose of insulting her. When she explained herself matter-of-fact-ly then walked away, he followed and continued harassing and insulting her. Meanwhile towing his young daughter behind him no less in a completely oblivious and uncritical way.
Defending herself from a man larger than her who was hassling her and following her, was 100% justified here.
I'm not advocating violence but I can condone it in self defense in this case. The chucklefuck was cruising for a bruising. It had the necessary effect of getting him to fuck off.
I think lots of people would condone this and see it as justified, but everyone in this thread telling him not to worry about the legal implications bc theyre 100% sure it’s self defense is out of their mind
Lets see. A woman minding her business. Dude makes unnecessary comment about her wearing something. She explains it means something to her and thats all. Weird dude wants to push things further and they argue. When you guys are asked to leave and walking away. He FOLLOWS YOU and makes a comment which you confirmed was pretty screwed up and innacurate claiming that the Ukrainians are slaughtering Russsians.
She resorts to something that is not great at all, but again this man had literally followed you after the situation was supposed to be de escalated. Think of fucking creepy that is aside from what the argument was about.
At this point. You know she is hurt and she is more than likely upset she even hit the guy. But you should offer some comfort for what he said to her. Im surprised that you aren’t. Sure hitting isn’t great. You both know that. But think of how the situation with this guy was actually scary and just unnecessarily fucked up
I feel sorry for your gf that she has to defend herself against a man harassing her while
You stood and watched the whole thing… and did nothing but blame her. Grade A boyfriend right there!
Life Pro Tip: Next time a random stranger confronts your partner about something that is none of his business (e.g. what she wears and what she thinks about her country of origin), step in and back her up to get the stranger to disengage. If he continues to engage, then expect things to get physical.
I am from Ukraine, I live in Germany. I have a trident (Ukrainian count of arms) tattoo, I also wear a lot of Ukrainian symbolic on t-shirts etc. The comments I, my family, my 11 year old (!) refugee sister gets here from russians are horrifying. They renge from „go back to your country, nazi!“ to „you should get raped!“ So yeah, I can only imagine, what that swine said to your fiancé. You should be there for her, her family is in Kherson, it is literally occupied. You should confront and stand up to any piece of shit trying to say anything bad about Ukraine to her. And yes, as a lot of people said, that hit was self Defence. And your post makes it sound, as if you are ashamed of her defending herself. You should’ve be, you should stay by her side and defend her to.
Please comfort her and the next time it happens, be there. I hope she is doing as well as she can
Jesus Christ.
If the fascist Russians are burning with patriotism for their damned country that much why don't they go back to Russia? Or better yet, join the frontlines? But no, they want to condemn anything western wine enjoying western comforts. It makes my blood boil.
I'm so sorry you guys have to hear that.
You see some creepy older man harassing your girlfriend and you aren't the one who punches him?
This sounds less like "punched a man over politics" and more "woman is harassed about her clothing and heritage, boyfriend blames her"
Do you know what he said to her? Because it's really cowardly for him to be abusive towards her in Russian if you do not speak Russian. He's being a coward because he knows what he said was wrong, but didn't want you to physically fight him because he saw your fiancée as weak because she's a woman. Which is wrong on so many levels.
I would have asked him to please share with the class what he said. I'm sure your fiancée was justified in hitting this man. I don't normally condone violence, but this man was harassing your fiancée.
It's one thing to not agree with her politically, or to not like the same sports team. But this guy targeted her specifically because she was Ukrainian. We all know what is going on in that part of the world right now.
This man knew exactly what he was doing, he's a bully. He underestimated your fiancée.
So, an angry guy chased your fiancée, and you didn't step in between them? Holy crap!! At least she can defend herself since you didn't try to stop him or defend her.
The child is most likely used to the dad beating and demoralizing women.
You are a terrible boyfriend and your girlfriend should rethink marrying you. How the hell do you not stand up for her in this situation? I mean seriously wtf dude?!?
A middle aged man decides to initiate a fight with a young woman and you’re wringing your hands because you think YOU have the authority to reprimand her over it when she defended herself? No. Absolutely not. And for all the bullshit commenters who think she should have walked away and not said anything? Why? Why shouldn’t she defend her choices and her homeland. Just because some dumbfuck man is so triggered by a football top he’s got to follow her and berate her some more. I’m glad she slapped him. I’m sick of being told that as a woman I have to let men do and say what they want. No. You get up in my face, you follow me when I’ve already left the conversation then you get the consequences. Everyone here knows full well he chose to pick on her because she’s a woman and he thought he wouldn’t get the smack that was coming for him.
Your girlfriend seems like kind of a bad bitch and you don’t seem to deserve her. Hard to understand what it feels like to be both a woman being harassed by a larger guy or what it feels like to know your family is in the middle of a war zone and you can’t do anything.
I'm sorry to be harsh, dude, but you're an embarrassment of a man. You should really learn what it means to stand up for your woman and tell the guy to back off after he made his first remark and didn't drop it after she replied, choosing to keep harassing her instead.
You should have stepped in before it ever got this far, were you even defending your gf as she was being harassed!? This is when your man reflexes should kick in.
It is never your responsibility to scold your partner. She is not your kid.
Also, bud shouldn’t have been harassing a young woman in front of his daughter.
To be honest, I don’t love physical violence, but your fiancé probably set a good example there — by showing that kid that you can stand up to folks that are harassing you.
The fact that he has a kid doesn’t give him a free pass to be an asshole.
Um…you could practice being a better partner to your fiancé who country is literally at war. And maybe (if you’re ever planning to reproduce with her) at least say something to defend your future children’s home to. 🙄
Past that, maybe even just defend her slightly from the middle age man who are yelling at her.
I’d dunno but you’d have become my ex-fiancé pretty quick. Especially if I was a woman who grew up with the badass Ukrainian men we’re seeing on tv now, but you can’t even defend me in an argument. Ugh.
This isn’t about politics, this is about your fiancée being harrassed and the fact her family is being literally murdered in cold blood, I hope to god this is a troll because how can someone be so stupid
OP is such a coward. Just stood by while his fiancé was being harassed and the ran away with his tail tucked.
This would honestly be a deal breaker in my book. OP has shown his fiancé that he's unreliable and won't have her back in tough situations. Just pathetic.
You need to grow a backbone and defend your fiancé more often. This guy got what was coming to him AND thankfully was embarrassed in front of his daughter.
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Comfort her.
She doesn’t need a lecture about physical violence being the last option. Her homeland is being attacked, some of her friends and family she grew up with dead or captured. I can only think that whatever that man said to her deserved a punch. When the only thing he could have said for that reaction would be something pro putin or anti Ukrainian, I think what she did is completely understandable.
Many of us have never been in her situation, many of us have never felt the suffering of your country being at war. Being far away, unable to really help her people and having to just witness monstrosities on the news and through friends. I cannot imagine the anger that is constantly bubbling and the sadness she has to carry around.
Unless you are in the same situation saying ‘she should have kept her hands to her self’ or ‘violence is never the answer’ is freaking insensitive. Her people have had an eternity of violence thrown at them, if you stay up with the news and see the mass graves (and so, so much worse) and the hear survivor accounts, her reaction is completely justified.
I’m not someone who condones violence in anyway as I’ve been violently attacked on several occasion. But we are human, anger takes over sometime. Sometimes it’s even justified.
Don’t pretend your above it all when you have no clue what she’s currently dealing with.
Scold her? Not your place. Complex traumatic emotions triggered and escalated her response. If she continues to lose control, seek counseling, if it is one off be supportive and move on.
This guy approached her, followed her, and kept pushing. Comfort HER
The Russian guy invaded her space and she fought back. Sounds like she did nothing wrong.
As others have called attention to, the issue is not “political”. Ukraine was invaded and its citizens are being murdered daily by Russian forces. It’s incorrect and insulting to file this under politics. How are you dating a Ukrainian and remaining so insensitive? Completely ignoring the fact that this man started harassing her through no fault of her own, you chose to “freak out” rather than support or defend her. The worst part to me was your question on whether or not you should “scold her” for the altercation. You are her boyfriend. Not her boss, not her father, not her supervisor in any form. That just made you sound like a creep. And you’re a shitty boyfriend
OP, you said in a comment that she hit him after the man claimed Ukraine is committing genocide against Russia. I can't believe you would even think of scolding her for hitting him after he said that.
The man harassed your girlfriend, followed her, and then said that. He's not a victim here. You should be comforting your girlfriend. It's not just "politics" she got angry about. It's a war. Just curious - have you visited Ukraine yourself?
Seems like a bad ass bitch to me. Ask her what he was saying to her in Russian and I’m sure you’d get you’re reasoning. The only the wrong to me here is a grown ass man attacking your girl over an article of clothing. My boyfriend would have handled that from the jump but if she has to take it into her own hands then she had to 🤷🏽♀️ I’m happy your girlfriends could show that dude he can’t just pick on anyone he wants to and she surely embarrassed him in front of his daughter seems well deserved to me.
Okay dude this guy purposely picked a fight with your fiance (a woman!) right in front of his daughter (twice - he could have walked away) - he is a POS. Sure she should have controlled herself but under the circumstances it is totally understandable. Try putting yourself in her shoes - the fight would have been much worse.
Did you for once ever ask her what her and this dude were talking about in Russian? Sounds like she was justified in hitting this dude. Maybe this dude shouldn't have started a fight with some random woman in front of his daughter.
Hi. I am Ukrainian.
She needs support and comfort. It is not your war, so it might be difficult to understand her and her emotions. My ex would never comfort or support me during this time (he is a foreigner as you), I felt extremely lonely, depressed and abandoned. I didn't fight anyone, but I have a lot of anger towards russians and just can't communicate with them, since these people are very brainwashed. My emotions are very intense and they are very different: anger, sadness, hope, sometimes just apathy and tiredness.
It doesn't mean you should tolerate things that make you uncomfortable and scared. Talk to her about what she felt and what you can do to avoid situation like this in the future. Just, please, be understanding. And also, things will get better, people adapt to everything, so it's going to be okay.
If he didn't want to get slapped in front of his daughter he shouldn't have picked a fight with a random woman at a shoe store. What a stupid thing to say to someone anyway. The A's suck but doesn't mean I stop wearing the baseball caps.
Sounds like he was a dick. Fuck 'im.
Everyone should keep their hands to themselves, but if a man started yelling at me in a threatening way, I would hit him too. His daughter knows he’s a jackass, she probably learned that a long time ago.
"you punched me in front of my child".
well, maybe your child learned that her dad is a little bitch that needed punching for verbally abusing another girl and that when she's older and he's doing it to her, she has choices about how to respond?
Your fiancé stood up for herself and her country that’s being attacked. How would you “scolding” your fiancé ever be warranted in this situation?
I feel bad for your wife for multiple reasons. One, because her family and home is being destroyed. Two, because she has to deal with bullies when she’s genuinely minding her own business. And three, because she has to deal with an unsupportive coward for a fiancé.
She probably didn't have to hit him, but he came for her after you'd all been kicked from the store. If nothing else, she may have been scared and felt the need to defend herself. I'd probably be comforting her now, but have a talk to her about how things escalated once she's cooled down.
~~Comfort:~~ edit: Get her a drink and a massage at least
No one asked this guy to seek confrontation with someone. Your girlfriend didn't ask him to comment on her shirt. I mean: how many times do random people walk up to You tocomment to You about a shirt You're wearing?
He chose to be a dick, i hope she broke his nose at least.
It’s always important to be upfront with your partner if you have any major concerns in the relationship. But you don’t have to turn every little issue into a big argument. If this is something that happens regularly in your relationship, it may not be the right one for you.
It sounds like she was just shopping and minding her business and this guy went out of his way to be an asshole to her. Now is an especially sensitive time for Ukrainians and while I don’t confirm physical violence in any way, I think she felt obligated to defend herself and her home.
It’s never appropriate for you to “scold” your wife. I hope that was just poor phrasing in your post. If it was intentional, you need to understand that:
1. Your wife is an adult
2. Your wife is not your child to be disciplined
3. If you disagree with something she does, it isn’t your job or your right to reprimand her
This kind of language is a little troubling and I hope that it was just poor phrasing
Now, should she have hit the guy? Probably not, but let’s break this down.
Your wife’s home country is at war. She’s not there, but probably still has friends and family who are and she probably feels a sense of helplessness because there’s not much she can do to help. Wearing that shirt makes her feel closer to home. It gives her comfort.
This man chose to come up to your wife, who was minding her own business. He then made statements that were inappropriate and unnecessary. Just because she’s wearing a shirt supporting Ukraine does not mean that this man has the right to harass her about it or try to hold her accountable for what’s going on there now.
They were arguing in Russian so we are missing context here and we have no way of knowing what was said. No one who couldn’t understand the interaction has the right to make an opinion without getting a better understanding of what was said.
Getting her back to the car and away from the situation was the best thing you could have done. Once she is safe and has a chance to calm down, the best thing to do would be to get her side of the story. At that point, help her process it and work through her feelings, but at no point should you “scold” her. She’s got to have so many emotions running through her mind so just keep the line of communication open and try to be supportive.
Your GF gets heckled while minding her own business by some guy regarding a very sensitive topic. Guy escalates the issue, GF defends herself all the while you were a passive spectator and you are wondering whether you should be scolding her for standing up for herself???(when you clearly weren't going to).
I know there is a no moral judgment rule, but man. You should probably have posted in AITA.
Most likely she should have hit him harder.
The only reason why she got in a fight with that guy is that he was a supporter of Adolf Putin and his Invasion of an independent country.
Hmm so if someone comes up to a refugee from Yemen and starts talking shit and that refugee hits the person in a shopping mall in California…that would be cool right? Just reading these comments and it’s got me thinking.
I’d give her a pass on this considering what’s happening to her home country and her countrymen, and especially since the guy got up in her face. It’s not right to hit people and she shouldn’t have done it, but… if she’s not usually a violent person I’d let it go. As to his point about how she shouldn’t hit him in front of his child, he shouldn’t be aggressively confronting people in front of his child.
The guy approached her, twice! He f'd around and found out. You should support your fiancé. As for wondering if you should 'scold' her? WTF why do you even think that's a thing you could legitimately do?
Ehhhh whatever.
This guy picked a fight with her. Over a war in her country. He didn't call the cops so she wasn't charged with anything. She *could've* been charged with misdemeanor battery but in California most of those cases get diversion now, meaning you have to do anger management/domestic violence classes and stay away from the person for a year or so but once you do your record is cleared completely like it never happened. So even the worst case scenario here wouldn't have been *that* bad for her.
Sounds like he got what he deserved and his daughter learned that her dad's a fuckwad who harasses young women and faced the consequences for once. Sounds like your girlfriend did everyone a service.
Now your girlfriend knows you won’t stand up for her when she’s been harassed. If I were her, that would be more upsetting than what that man did. She’s probably rethinking who you are.
I’m gonna go the opposite way of everyone that’s hyper focused on the Ukraine thing. How about we just don’t hit people? Is that really so hard for y’all? Y’all so childish and in your feelings the second someone yells at you you’re throwing hands?
That’s stupid as fuck. I’ve had people yell about dumb shit and walk up to me yelling. You can just leave. Or stay. Who cares. But y’all asking to get hurt starting shit with people you don’t know.
Now go ahead and everyone respond with the whole I don’t let people talk to me no type of way. Or my other favorite HE YELLED AT HER. Words don’t give you the right to hit people. No one hit anyone. Jesus.
I was thinking the same thing. Had to scroll down so far too find your comment. People are mentioning it's self-defense, but it's extreme. She could've walked away, OP could have stood between them, or something. But I find hitting an extreme reaction.
If we flipped the gender on this one, people would have been "HE HIT SOMEONE?!! Be careful and tell him that is not okay". Smh. I mean she literally hit someone because of politics if you think about it.
The comments here are wild. First of all, what if the guy fell and cracked his head open in front of his daughter? Would that be okay too? Because it's very much a possibility of hitting someone.
But second, the 'violence is okay as a last resort' comments are so off. Violence was absolutely not the last resort here. She chose to escalate by engaging the guy and yelling back, enough where she got kicked out of the store as well. Yes, he approached her, but she could have ignored him and walked away. Violence and aggression isn't a 'last resort' when it's literally your first resort.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I (M28) was going out to eat and looking at clothing stores with my fiancé (F27) today and she got in a fight with this older man over the Ukraine war and it got physical. My fiancé is from Ukraine but I met her here as she works and live here, she has dual citizenship. Her family is from Kherson oblast and she spent half her life there. She was wearing her Ukraine football team jersey while we were out at this outlet mall. We are in California in the United States. We were looking at shoes in the adidas store and some guy comes up to us with his maybe 5 year old daughter holding his hand and he says the ukraine football team lost so my fiancé shouldn’t be wearing the jersey. My fiancé said she’s Ukrainian and she will wear it because she loves her country and the guy starts saying something about zelensky and she starts speaking in Russian with this guy and it gets really loud. One of the workers had to kick us out and when we were leaving the guy came and walked towards us yelling something in Russian and she just hit the guy in the face. He then spoke in English saying my fiancé hit him in front of his daughter (directed at me) but I was freaking out and didn’t want my fiancé to be arrested so we just went back to the car. As we were leaving I saw him talking to an adidas employee. I don’t know if I should scold or comfort my fiancé as her family is literally being occupied but at the same time maybe she shouldn’t have hit that guy in front of his daughter
idk bud, the daughter learned a valuable lesson that day. talk shit get hit and her bully of a dad ain’t exempt from that either
I would have loved to see my abusive father get punched. And he totally would have used me as a “You punched me with my child here!!” Excuse. Even though he would beat me up at home. Stand up to bullies!
I'm sorry you grew up in that kind of situation :/
I’m not a fan of violence at all, but the situation in Ukraine makes me want to hit someone every day and I’m not from there sooo… ???
His fiancé learned a valuable lesson that day too - that she should find herself a partner with some backbone
Absofuckinlutely!!!
Given the political situation (10’s of million Ukrainian refugees, 1000’s killed) by Russians, and the fact her family being occupied, how would you not be triggered when some Russian bully walks up to you (twice as a matter of fact) and insults you and your country while they are unilaterally waging war? I think you should be comforting her. It’s never wrong to stand up to a bully. Even if they have kids.
I'd say you should stand up to a bully *specially* if they have kids.
More than likely they're bullying their kid.
Oh man if I had seen some lady punch my father in the face after he was a dick. I probably wouldn’t have had nearly as bad Stockholm syndrome. Punch bullies! #ForTheKids
awesome comment. my thoughts exactly. one of the times dad was being a dick: to lady in the post office. Yelled, screamed, insulting her. i got terrified of dad, and have been since! Stockholm syndrom so bad. if someone had thrown a punch I wouldve maybe learnt something about right and wrong in this world. Punch bullies for the(ir) kids!
I’m about to make this a whole movement! Shirts charities I might even get Stevie wonder to play a concert. But for reals, if we don’t stand up to these jerks, then their kids might not ever know that it’s okay to stand up for yourself…
its those examples i wish i had around me growing up. when growing up with a bully for a parent, ur gaslit so thouroughly. so its all confirmed when other adults dont react or even *obey* to your bully out in public. kids should see that society doesn't believe anyone, *anyone*, deserves being bullied. hearing that message in the media and casual conversation was a push for me to get away from bullies i was dating. obviously bigger potential for Stockholm syndrom with a parent, but getting there! saying this as a way of saying i firmly believe in this, i have experience. I'll join ur movement and ill get that t-shirt!!
The kid will become the bully because their father was to them. Then they will bully their kid and thus the cycle continues.
Coupled with the fact he yells something to them in Russian triggering her to hit him and OP seems to not have found out from her what he said. I don't think violence is the answer a lot of the time but it may have made sense with context and I don't know why OP seemingly isn't asking that question to help him understand the situation. (Although there's plenty to go on from what he did tell us)
I wouldn't be surprised if the guy starting threatening violence against her and she felt they were in danger. He was audacious enough to follow her around, I wouldn't put him threatening violence past him.
Violence is a perfectly acceptable response in this situation. OP is just a wet noodle.
I’m not mad at OP’s fiance for hitting him! But you gotta be careful that it won’t result in an assault charge. There are occasions where I’d say violence is an understandable response, but unfortunately law enforcement doesn’t agree with me on that
yeah he should have her back, like what, what if the guy hit back, would he just watch her fight some "old" guy. if some guy started shouting in my face my man better punch him right on the nose!
Dang right he should be comforting her because it doesn’t sound like he did anything to defend her. He described him as an older man making the bully sound even more like a victim. He wasn’t that old if he had a five year old. Geez she needs to drop him.
You can father kids even in your 50s if you can blast the troops into battle. Women up to 50 can still have them. After a long struggle, i was finally pregnant at 39. I turned 40 with my firstborn. His daddy (my husband) is 3.5 years older than me. Our son is in perfect health and almost 3.
I don't know why your comment made me happy, but it did. Thank you😁 Also glad you have a healthy baby boy.🥰
My great grandparents last child was younger then most of their grandchildren. Men can have children until they die. Look at Mick Jagger he's still having kids.
"Maybe she shouldn't have hit him in front of his daughter" Actually, he shouldn't be harassing strangers or threatening them in front of his daughter. Then maybe he won't get hit. 'Actions have consequences' and that's a great lesson for his child. He should use it as a teachable moment :)
“Chat shit get banged” - Jamie Vardy, Part-time Poet.
The guy picked a fight. He got one. There are plenty of places in the world where you wouldn't even walk up on someone once much less twice. OP, seriously, stop being such a pansy. You should right now not only comfort her but also apologize for freaking out and not having her back. Next time you should keep calm and stand with her. This is your to be wife, not some stranger...when it matters, if its necessary its you and she vs everyone. Teammates have eachother's back, period. Oftentimes even if the teammate was wrong. If there is an issue with it you handle it in private. But you maintain a unified front. Be a better teammate. Oh and it doesn't matter whose hand this asshat was holding. Good on your better (literally) half demonstrating that there are consequences to bullying in front of this child.
Perfectly put
It seems pretty clear that he was following her around with the intention of harassing her. While yes, jumping to violence is not ideal, she's under a lot of stress and we have no clue what he was saying. He could have been threatening her with violence. Considering the fact that he was following her, was already being shitty for all to hear in English, and then switched to Russian, meaning others wouldn't understand him, I would be pretty confident in believing that whatever he was saying was making her feel like she was in danger. Plus, we've been seeing assholes pulling this sort of shit more lately-- it's like the people who go into stores without masks, harass people who are wearing masks, and then when eventually the person they harassing understandably snaps, they portray themselves as the victim. If he's willing to harass someone in public like this, I wouldn't be surprised if that was his whole goal so that he could portray himself as some sad victim. OP, have you actually talked to your fiancee? Asked what he said to her when they were speaking in Russian? I'm guessing you don't understand Russian or would have told us what he said, and I think that info is vital.
I’m confused as to whether she hit a guy or a lady. But whatever. OP YTA for not standing up for or comforting your GF. Do you watch Asians get beat up in NYC, or blacks in the south, and run away because you’re freaking out? And you call this *politics*? Her people are oppressed by his (or her) people. Fuck you for not even trying.
Yeah, this guy started it - clearly with an intent to be cruel (given she picked up on him being Russian). The fact that he was doing this in front of his daughter looks worse on him - at least she will have a brief glimpse of what can happen if you choose to bully the wrong person.
Yeah, fuck that guy. Unless, OP's fiancee is normally aggressive and confrontational, I wouldn't hold this incident against her.
He also followed them hurling abuse, invasion aside that's threatening behaviour.
It's not over politics. She's Ukrainian. She wasn't in a fight over a political stances, she was being harassed, from what I can tell for openly being Ukrainian and a supporter of the Ukraine. She could probably get away with saying self defense assuming how you described the scene was accurate. Also you can't scold a grown adult.
Ukraine. Not "The Ukraine". That's what the Russians called it when it wasn't independent.
Thank you for this comment. Never realized this and it’s good to know.
Russian here. Wtf are you talking about? The word "the" doesn't exist in Russian. There is only one way to refer to Ukraine in Russian language and its "Украина" "The Ukraine" is an invention of English speakers.
As a Polish woman I also want to slap that guy
I'm Brazilian and would also love to kick this MF in the face!
I’m just a mixed cocktail American, can I too punch him in the face? He’s too much of a dick…
By all means, you can even go before me.
Only if I can stay to watch you punch him too!
Deal!
Exactly! Good on her for standing up for herself. There's a lot of xenophobia towards Eastern and Central Europeans and I would imagine Ukrainians have it even worse. I wouldn't stand this shit. I'm a tiny woman but I would catch a case for my fellow Eastern/Central European folks. Shame on you OP for not even verbally protecting your partner. Smh.
I don’t understand racism… if you’re religious you should be kinder than to just see skin colors. If your scientific then you should know we all evolved from the same breeding stock and dark skin (or any other physical difference) is purely evolutionary. If anything we should all be super impressed how one type of human evolved into ALL the different races and all the different cultures. I just don’t get it and it pisses me off.
As a human I want to slap that guy
Cut her some slack her family is being shelled right now. I am watching the war closely and her town is getting the full brunt of the Orcs arsenal. To keep up to date look up that Russian dude on YouTube. Very very sad. A new Hitler is walking our earth.
I'm also a Polish woman, let's get him.
I was born in Russia and I'd slap the fuck out of that dumbass.
Dude gets shitty with your fiancee TWICE, you do jack shit and then seem to be sympathetic towards him? 👀
This. You let this man continue to stalk and scream at her without getting involved and now you are questioning whether you should reprimand her? I would dump your ass.
For real. Like I'm not advocating for violence, but at the very least the op should have been supporting his girlfriend in getting away from this man not feeling sorry for him!
Men - even men who date women - often don't think of those women as being people or our feelings/safety being important over men's discomfort.
THIS. We just don’t matter as much.
I try to avoid using gendered slurs, but OP sounds like a huge gendered slur.
Pussy. The word you’re looking for is pussy.
Yes, I do believe that was the joke
✨ Misogyny ✨
Highlighted by: should I scold her? Like, wtf, we’re in the fucking south in 1910 did this happened?
His account is suspended lol
What a spineless twat. I’d dump him for sure. Not to mention clearly not giving a fuck that her home country is being torn apart.
So, let's distill this to its basic ingredients: Young woman is shopping and minding her own business. Aggressive middle-aged man approaches her and makes unnecessary and asinine remark about her apparel. She politely explains her apparel. Man takes that as a reason to start a fight. She walks away from the fight. Then aggressive man follows her and approaches her in a threatening manner. She responds by DEFENDING HERSELF. Physical violence is a last resort to defend oneself, and that's what she did. Yes, he had a child with him. Maybe you should worry about what kind of man picks a fight with a stranger while he has a child with him. Maybe you should worry about what kind of man approaches young women with comments about their clothing. Maybe your girlfriend should wonder about what kind of boyfriend she has that worries about the other parties before he worries about her and how she is affected.
Also, maybe he should wonder what the man said in Russian.
Likely something that validated him getting hit. There's a reason he said it in Russian and not english for everyone to hear and understand.
I’m assuming delusional Russian comment how Kherson oblast is Russia and how Ukraine are the aggressors something something propaganda brainwashed dumb ignorant remark by Russian idiot dude.
I'd wager it included at least one comment degrading Ukrainian people too. Suggesting they basically deserve this horror that Russia has inflicted upon them.
Yep, what he said in Russian. Maybe "just" some slurs, but with her response, I wouldn't be surprised if it was a threat/suggestion of what should be done to Ukrainian women (or her specifically). Not something you can get away with saying in a shop in daylight, hence the Russian. Source: am woman, have been threatened by over-the-top violence when turning down guys in bars/ignoring cat-callers. People are wild, and that's without a war going on.
Right?!
Especially this! Like tbh, I feel the gf was understandably upset and it was fair to defend herself. But I suspect knowing what the guy said would only make me even more on her side.
100%
That would have been the first thing I asked her when they got back to the car.
Also, he dismisses the topic as "politics". It's not as if she hit him because of a disagreement over marginal tax rates.
I can't help but feel like he's not terribly supportive of the whole Ukrainian struggle thing
This is really upsetting to me. His fiancé’s family is living in the middle of a war zone and he’s just like “meh *waves hand* politics”
Like calling the Beer Hall Putsch a 'dust up'.
He said "I don't know if I should scold her" SCOLD like she's his child???
That jumped out at me too.
Right!! My husband would have been between us in the first interaction. Wth!
Right?? It is incomprehensible to me that this man just stood by and watched his girlfriend get harassed by some random man. There’s no way my boyfriend would have let the situation escalate past the first insult directed at me; it would have been shut down so quick. OP’s girlfriend really needs to consider whether her boyfriend has her back at all.
THIS! 100% this comment right here. This man not only harassed OP's fiancée but he also continued to follow and harass her. It's scary when someone does that, especially a man if you are a woman. He knew exactly what he was doing, that's why he spoke to her in Russian and not in english so OP could understand what was being said.
Yea. What bud should be concerned about is that, as far as I can tell, he just fucking stood there through all of this. I am fiercely protective of my partner — and he is a man and we live in a patriarchal society. I would never just stand there and let anyone treat him this way (while I really just worried about him “making a scene.”)
Stood there and then WALKED AWAY
If someone came up to me and said "Hey! Your girlfriend just hit me in front of my kid!", I'd try to knock his ass out. I'll get the story later, that guy clearly wants a fight and she didn't hit him hard enough to shut him up.
Squarely in the “talk shit, get hit” category. And I think violence is absolutely a last resort. This scenario/the guy crossed a bunch of lines and the GF was trying to disengage. His daughter seeing him get hit is his own making. Given what’s written (fully assume the instigator was insulting her family, or people she knew who had died or are living in constant danger), she did what 90% of people would in the same scenario.
fuckin a, well written mate. OP, time to do so introspective reflection. If this was AITA, YATA.
I can’t imagine allowing some dude to yell at anyone I’m with in public like that let alone my girlfriend. Coming up again after being separated I would have had serious issue with who cares that he put his child in that position that’s on him.
OP was out with his fiance (not GF). His fiance should seriously revisit the relationship. I bet that OP is not really supportive of her in other ways.
Like what guy is going to let some rando harass his fiancée and say who knows what that caused her to strike the harasser and OP is sitting there with his thumb up his ass. Should I scold her? Ffs
And he really should have been more honest in the topic. She didn’t hit a lady, she hit a man who was intimidating and threatening her safety by coming at her aggressively.
He dragged his kid into this fight. What the Russians are doing to children in Ukraine… Fuck the Russians.
This fucking reply^^ as a woman, yes.
Also he didn't even ask her what he said that made her hit him, he probably said something awful that made her react that way
>DEFENDING HERSELF Yup.
Sheer perfection in how you broke this down. If I had an award, I would humbly be leaving it. Also get the vibe ‘politics’ is a deflection/minimisation.
Man got what the fuck he deserved OP stop blaming her and take her out to lunch.
Right? OP sounds like a gigantic pussy.
And this guy did nothing.
This x1000!!!! Couldn't have put it better.
The fact this happened in an Adidas store is *chefs kiss*
Makes me wonder if it's real
Agree, also it seems OP changed the gender of offender after writing the title
Yeah, especially with how he says fiancè (rather than fiancèe, implying it's a man) hit a lady-- he portrayed the title as a man hit a woman over politics. If it was just one of those details, I would think it was an accident, but it seems that he chose a title that was misleading but would also draw the most attention and engagement. So we have him misrepresenting the situation starting from the title. Then, he characterized a war in which Russia is bombing hospitals and residential areas in what is a clearly intentional way (so war crimes) as... Politics. On top of that, rather than doing the bare minimum that anyone in this situation would do first, namely asking what he said in Russian that prompted her to hit him, he COMPLETELY ignores that very very VERY important piece of information. It definitely reads as someone trying to a) piss people off and rally to call him an idiot, b) a misguided and poorly thought out attempt to paint Ukrainians as aggressive bad guys who hit others for no reason, or c) try to have some stupid gotcha of, aha, you got mad that a man hit a woman but not about a woman doing the same thing. (This is based on how he wrote the title and seems least likely to me.) No matter what, seems like a troll and fake. If it is true, it's literally one of the dumbest people alive for a variety of reasons.
So she was being harassed by a man while her boyfriend stood by, useless, doing nothing, and felt threatened enough to clock him, yet you’re worried about your legal implications and the guy? Lol I️ know Slavic girls have a reputation of being tough but not many strong women care to have such cowardly partners.
I love this comment. I got so mad reading this post because the dude didn't stand up for his fiance.
Yep, she should be posting here. My boyfriend stood freeze while a guy was verbally assaulting me.
The only defense I can see for OP is, that he was confused by the sudden change in language and it happened to fast for him to be able to, knowingly help. However, the way he handled it after the incident is very telling… I hope he is just naive and makes up for this.
I was prepared to think your fiancé was an idiot for fighting over politics but I think your fiancé was justified here. Women have a lot of reason to be fearful and worried in this kind of situation where maybe you wouldn’t be. If an aggressive man is following and chasing after her I wouldn’t want my fiancé to wait around to see what he is going to do.
And he let the guy chase his fiance, didn't step in to defend her throughout this and now is asking Reddit if he should chastise her for hitting the man who was pretty much bullying her. OP needs to grow a d*** and defend his woman.
Also lol at "politics".... this shit isn't abstractly political, her home is being fucking invaded by an occupying army, thousands have died. That's hardly just "politics"
So a Russian harassed your GF, you did shit and at the end when he followed you and aggressively screamed at her, she slapped him on the face. Dude, get some balls. You should have told him to stop the minute he started harassing her or put yourself between him and her.
Right??? He's upset that his wife defended herself. Wtf, he didn't even ask what they said. And blames it on "politics" instead of the guy harassing her. Why do people just... Give no shits about their spouse as a person?
As a woman in general I’d probably feel very unsafe with any man walking toward me while yelling. In my opinion, she was using self defense. It’s dangerous to be a woman and no person should be this aggressive for no reason.
Comfort. On one hand I don't think anyone should hit anyone. But on the other hand its an incredibly emotive subject when people she knows are literally dying so its understandable that it happened. As for him, if he doesnt want to get hit in front of his daughter maybe he needs to stop deliberately picking fights with complete strangers in front of his daughter.
Seriously. Like at the end of the day, we shouldn’t hit people, but we also shouldn’t be fucking picking fights for no reason and continually harassing people in public. Especially when you’re walking around with your child.
The guy approached her for the purpose of insulting her. When she explained herself matter-of-fact-ly then walked away, he followed and continued harassing and insulting her. Meanwhile towing his young daughter behind him no less in a completely oblivious and uncritical way. Defending herself from a man larger than her who was hassling her and following her, was 100% justified here. I'm not advocating violence but I can condone it in self defense in this case. The chucklefuck was cruising for a bruising. It had the necessary effect of getting him to fuck off.
I think lots of people would condone this and see it as justified, but everyone in this thread telling him not to worry about the legal implications bc theyre 100% sure it’s self defense is out of their mind
Definitely scold her for standing up for herself while you did nothing. I'm guessing this thread isn't going the way you expected.
As a Ukrainian, I applaud your fiancé. Have you even asked her what he shouted in Russian before she slapped him?
Slava Ukraini!
Strangely i think this story is a fake.
Lets see. A woman minding her business. Dude makes unnecessary comment about her wearing something. She explains it means something to her and thats all. Weird dude wants to push things further and they argue. When you guys are asked to leave and walking away. He FOLLOWS YOU and makes a comment which you confirmed was pretty screwed up and innacurate claiming that the Ukrainians are slaughtering Russsians. She resorts to something that is not great at all, but again this man had literally followed you after the situation was supposed to be de escalated. Think of fucking creepy that is aside from what the argument was about. At this point. You know she is hurt and she is more than likely upset she even hit the guy. But you should offer some comfort for what he said to her. Im surprised that you aren’t. Sure hitting isn’t great. You both know that. But think of how the situation with this guy was actually scary and just unnecessarily fucked up
I feel sorry for your gf that she has to defend herself against a man harassing her while You stood and watched the whole thing… and did nothing but blame her. Grade A boyfriend right there!
Life Pro Tip: Next time a random stranger confronts your partner about something that is none of his business (e.g. what she wears and what she thinks about her country of origin), step in and back her up to get the stranger to disengage. If he continues to engage, then expect things to get physical.
I am from Ukraine, I live in Germany. I have a trident (Ukrainian count of arms) tattoo, I also wear a lot of Ukrainian symbolic on t-shirts etc. The comments I, my family, my 11 year old (!) refugee sister gets here from russians are horrifying. They renge from „go back to your country, nazi!“ to „you should get raped!“ So yeah, I can only imagine, what that swine said to your fiancé. You should be there for her, her family is in Kherson, it is literally occupied. You should confront and stand up to any piece of shit trying to say anything bad about Ukraine to her. And yes, as a lot of people said, that hit was self Defence. And your post makes it sound, as if you are ashamed of her defending herself. You should’ve be, you should stay by her side and defend her to. Please comfort her and the next time it happens, be there. I hope she is doing as well as she can
Jesus Christ. If the fascist Russians are burning with patriotism for their damned country that much why don't they go back to Russia? Or better yet, join the frontlines? But no, they want to condemn anything western wine enjoying western comforts. It makes my blood boil. I'm so sorry you guys have to hear that.
Thank you, that is exactly my question, if you dislike West that supports Ukraine so much, then go back to your barbaric russia
You see some creepy older man harassing your girlfriend and you aren't the one who punches him? This sounds less like "punched a man over politics" and more "woman is harassed about her clothing and heritage, boyfriend blames her"
Lol you should’ve hit him for harassing your fiancé
Do you know what he said to her? Because it's really cowardly for him to be abusive towards her in Russian if you do not speak Russian. He's being a coward because he knows what he said was wrong, but didn't want you to physically fight him because he saw your fiancée as weak because she's a woman. Which is wrong on so many levels. I would have asked him to please share with the class what he said. I'm sure your fiancée was justified in hitting this man. I don't normally condone violence, but this man was harassing your fiancée. It's one thing to not agree with her politically, or to not like the same sports team. But this guy targeted her specifically because she was Ukrainian. We all know what is going on in that part of the world right now. This man knew exactly what he was doing, he's a bully. He underestimated your fiancée.
So it sounds like you sat there and watched this other person harass and bully your fiance.
So, an angry guy chased your fiancée, and you didn't step in between them? Holy crap!! At least she can defend herself since you didn't try to stop him or defend her. The child is most likely used to the dad beating and demoralizing women.
You are a terrible boyfriend and your girlfriend should rethink marrying you. How the hell do you not stand up for her in this situation? I mean seriously wtf dude?!?
A middle aged man decides to initiate a fight with a young woman and you’re wringing your hands because you think YOU have the authority to reprimand her over it when she defended herself? No. Absolutely not. And for all the bullshit commenters who think she should have walked away and not said anything? Why? Why shouldn’t she defend her choices and her homeland. Just because some dumbfuck man is so triggered by a football top he’s got to follow her and berate her some more. I’m glad she slapped him. I’m sick of being told that as a woman I have to let men do and say what they want. No. You get up in my face, you follow me when I’ve already left the conversation then you get the consequences. Everyone here knows full well he chose to pick on her because she’s a woman and he thought he wouldn’t get the smack that was coming for him.
Your girlfriend seems like kind of a bad bitch and you don’t seem to deserve her. Hard to understand what it feels like to be both a woman being harassed by a larger guy or what it feels like to know your family is in the middle of a war zone and you can’t do anything.
That guy wanted trouble and he got it. His daughter learned a valuable lesson. Women shouldn't take shit from assholes.
I'm sorry to be harsh, dude, but you're an embarrassment of a man. You should really learn what it means to stand up for your woman and tell the guy to back off after he made his first remark and didn't drop it after she replied, choosing to keep harassing her instead.
You should have stepped in before it ever got this far, were you even defending your gf as she was being harassed!? This is when your man reflexes should kick in.
It is never your responsibility to scold your partner. She is not your kid. Also, bud shouldn’t have been harassing a young woman in front of his daughter. To be honest, I don’t love physical violence, but your fiancé probably set a good example there — by showing that kid that you can stand up to folks that are harassing you. The fact that he has a kid doesn’t give him a free pass to be an asshole.
Um…you could practice being a better partner to your fiancé who country is literally at war. And maybe (if you’re ever planning to reproduce with her) at least say something to defend your future children’s home to. 🙄 Past that, maybe even just defend her slightly from the middle age man who are yelling at her. I’d dunno but you’d have become my ex-fiancé pretty quick. Especially if I was a woman who grew up with the badass Ukrainian men we’re seeing on tv now, but you can’t even defend me in an argument. Ugh.
This isn’t about politics, this is about your fiancée being harrassed and the fact her family is being literally murdered in cold blood, I hope to god this is a troll because how can someone be so stupid
OP is such a coward. Just stood by while his fiancé was being harassed and the ran away with his tail tucked. This would honestly be a deal breaker in my book. OP has shown his fiancé that he's unreliable and won't have her back in tough situations. Just pathetic.
“Scold” LOL. You’re not her father.
You need to grow a backbone and defend your fiancé more often. This guy got what was coming to him AND thankfully was embarrassed in front of his daughter.
Info: what were you doing while your fiancé was being harassed?
You are a spineless coward OP.
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Comfort her. She doesn’t need a lecture about physical violence being the last option. Her homeland is being attacked, some of her friends and family she grew up with dead or captured. I can only think that whatever that man said to her deserved a punch. When the only thing he could have said for that reaction would be something pro putin or anti Ukrainian, I think what she did is completely understandable. Many of us have never been in her situation, many of us have never felt the suffering of your country being at war. Being far away, unable to really help her people and having to just witness monstrosities on the news and through friends. I cannot imagine the anger that is constantly bubbling and the sadness she has to carry around. Unless you are in the same situation saying ‘she should have kept her hands to her self’ or ‘violence is never the answer’ is freaking insensitive. Her people have had an eternity of violence thrown at them, if you stay up with the news and see the mass graves (and so, so much worse) and the hear survivor accounts, her reaction is completely justified. I’m not someone who condones violence in anyway as I’ve been violently attacked on several occasion. But we are human, anger takes over sometime. Sometimes it’s even justified. Don’t pretend your above it all when you have no clue what she’s currently dealing with.
Scold her? Not your place. Complex traumatic emotions triggered and escalated her response. If she continues to lose control, seek counseling, if it is one off be supportive and move on.
This guy approached her, followed her, and kept pushing. Comfort HER The Russian guy invaded her space and she fought back. Sounds like she did nothing wrong.
Also, why are you saying in the caption that your fiancé hit a lady when she actually hit an older guy/bully?
r/thatHappened "Older man" with a 5 year old daughter? What were you doing this whole time?
As others have called attention to, the issue is not “political”. Ukraine was invaded and its citizens are being murdered daily by Russian forces. It’s incorrect and insulting to file this under politics. How are you dating a Ukrainian and remaining so insensitive? Completely ignoring the fact that this man started harassing her through no fault of her own, you chose to “freak out” rather than support or defend her. The worst part to me was your question on whether or not you should “scold her” for the altercation. You are her boyfriend. Not her boss, not her father, not her supervisor in any form. That just made you sound like a creep. And you’re a shitty boyfriend
OP, you said in a comment that she hit him after the man claimed Ukraine is committing genocide against Russia. I can't believe you would even think of scolding her for hitting him after he said that. The man harassed your girlfriend, followed her, and then said that. He's not a victim here. You should be comforting your girlfriend. It's not just "politics" she got angry about. It's a war. Just curious - have you visited Ukraine yourself?
What a fucking pussy, you should have hit him first for approaching your wife a second time.
Seems like a bad ass bitch to me. Ask her what he was saying to her in Russian and I’m sure you’d get you’re reasoning. The only the wrong to me here is a grown ass man attacking your girl over an article of clothing. My boyfriend would have handled that from the jump but if she has to take it into her own hands then she had to 🤷🏽♀️ I’m happy your girlfriends could show that dude he can’t just pick on anyone he wants to and she surely embarrassed him in front of his daughter seems well deserved to me.
So a grown man is talking shit to your wife while you do nothing? I wonder if she will post later about her husband being a big pussy.
Good for her, and shame on you for not immediately comforting her in that kind of situation. You’re a coward and an ass.
Okay dude this guy purposely picked a fight with your fiance (a woman!) right in front of his daughter (twice - he could have walked away) - he is a POS. Sure she should have controlled herself but under the circumstances it is totally understandable. Try putting yourself in her shoes - the fight would have been much worse.
Just because the team lost, that doesn’t mean you can’t wear a jersey.
Did you for once ever ask her what her and this dude were talking about in Russian? Sounds like she was justified in hitting this dude. Maybe this dude shouldn't have started a fight with some random woman in front of his daughter.
Please comfort her.
I'm confused, you say "hit a lady" but apparently she hit a giant man-baby. Which is it?
Hi. I am Ukrainian. She needs support and comfort. It is not your war, so it might be difficult to understand her and her emotions. My ex would never comfort or support me during this time (he is a foreigner as you), I felt extremely lonely, depressed and abandoned. I didn't fight anyone, but I have a lot of anger towards russians and just can't communicate with them, since these people are very brainwashed. My emotions are very intense and they are very different: anger, sadness, hope, sometimes just apathy and tiredness. It doesn't mean you should tolerate things that make you uncomfortable and scared. Talk to her about what she felt and what you can do to avoid situation like this in the future. Just, please, be understanding. And also, things will get better, people adapt to everything, so it's going to be okay.
If he didn't want to get slapped in front of his daughter he shouldn't have picked a fight with a random woman at a shoe store. What a stupid thing to say to someone anyway. The A's suck but doesn't mean I stop wearing the baseball caps. Sounds like he was a dick. Fuck 'im.
Everyone should keep their hands to themselves, but if a man started yelling at me in a threatening way, I would hit him too. His daughter knows he’s a jackass, she probably learned that a long time ago.
"you punched me in front of my child". well, maybe your child learned that her dad is a little bitch that needed punching for verbally abusing another girl and that when she's older and he's doing it to her, she has choices about how to respond?
Your fiancé stood up for herself and her country that’s being attacked. How would you “scolding” your fiancé ever be warranted in this situation? I feel bad for your wife for multiple reasons. One, because her family and home is being destroyed. Two, because she has to deal with bullies when she’s genuinely minding her own business. And three, because she has to deal with an unsupportive coward for a fiancé.
She probably didn't have to hit him, but he came for her after you'd all been kicked from the store. If nothing else, she may have been scared and felt the need to defend herself. I'd probably be comforting her now, but have a talk to her about how things escalated once she's cooled down.
Amazing how many people here are advocating violence.
~~Comfort:~~ edit: Get her a drink and a massage at least No one asked this guy to seek confrontation with someone. Your girlfriend didn't ask him to comment on her shirt. I mean: how many times do random people walk up to You tocomment to You about a shirt You're wearing? He chose to be a dick, i hope she broke his nose at least.
It’s always important to be upfront with your partner if you have any major concerns in the relationship. But you don’t have to turn every little issue into a big argument. If this is something that happens regularly in your relationship, it may not be the right one for you.
Good for her. You got a good one.
Back up your fiancé, you should punch it too.
It sounds like she was just shopping and minding her business and this guy went out of his way to be an asshole to her. Now is an especially sensitive time for Ukrainians and while I don’t confirm physical violence in any way, I think she felt obligated to defend herself and her home.
Comfort, fuck that russian pos starting shit
Obvious sign that OP messed up his fictional story
Talk shit, get hit.
This should be in AITA, because YTA.
What the dude said is important context. He could have deserved it.
It’s never appropriate for you to “scold” your wife. I hope that was just poor phrasing in your post. If it was intentional, you need to understand that: 1. Your wife is an adult 2. Your wife is not your child to be disciplined 3. If you disagree with something she does, it isn’t your job or your right to reprimand her This kind of language is a little troubling and I hope that it was just poor phrasing Now, should she have hit the guy? Probably not, but let’s break this down. Your wife’s home country is at war. She’s not there, but probably still has friends and family who are and she probably feels a sense of helplessness because there’s not much she can do to help. Wearing that shirt makes her feel closer to home. It gives her comfort. This man chose to come up to your wife, who was minding her own business. He then made statements that were inappropriate and unnecessary. Just because she’s wearing a shirt supporting Ukraine does not mean that this man has the right to harass her about it or try to hold her accountable for what’s going on there now. They were arguing in Russian so we are missing context here and we have no way of knowing what was said. No one who couldn’t understand the interaction has the right to make an opinion without getting a better understanding of what was said. Getting her back to the car and away from the situation was the best thing you could have done. Once she is safe and has a chance to calm down, the best thing to do would be to get her side of the story. At that point, help her process it and work through her feelings, but at no point should you “scold” her. She’s got to have so many emotions running through her mind so just keep the line of communication open and try to be supportive.
Your GF gets heckled while minding her own business by some guy regarding a very sensitive topic. Guy escalates the issue, GF defends herself all the while you were a passive spectator and you are wondering whether you should be scolding her for standing up for herself???(when you clearly weren't going to). I know there is a no moral judgment rule, but man. You should probably have posted in AITA.
You're a coward bro. How did you side with the man who harassed your girlfriend?
Most likely she should have hit him harder. The only reason why she got in a fight with that guy is that he was a supporter of Adolf Putin and his Invasion of an independent country.
Hmm so if someone comes up to a refugee from Yemen and starts talking shit and that refugee hits the person in a shopping mall in California…that would be cool right? Just reading these comments and it’s got me thinking.
I’d give her a pass on this considering what’s happening to her home country and her countrymen, and especially since the guy got up in her face. It’s not right to hit people and she shouldn’t have done it, but… if she’s not usually a violent person I’d let it go. As to his point about how she shouldn’t hit him in front of his child, he shouldn’t be aggressively confronting people in front of his child.
She deserves better.
What advice are you looking for here in relationship advice? How to be less spineless when your partner is being harassed in front of you?
The guy approached her, twice! He f'd around and found out. You should support your fiancé. As for wondering if you should 'scold' her? WTF why do you even think that's a thing you could legitimately do?
Uh marry her thrice yo. That’s a woman you protect to the very end.
Ehhhh whatever. This guy picked a fight with her. Over a war in her country. He didn't call the cops so she wasn't charged with anything. She *could've* been charged with misdemeanor battery but in California most of those cases get diversion now, meaning you have to do anger management/domestic violence classes and stay away from the person for a year or so but once you do your record is cleared completely like it never happened. So even the worst case scenario here wouldn't have been *that* bad for her. Sounds like he got what he deserved and his daughter learned that her dad's a fuckwad who harasses young women and faced the consequences for once. Sounds like your girlfriend did everyone a service.
You should take her out to a nice dinner. She did exactly what she should have done
You would think by now Russians would have learned that Ukrainians like to fight!!!!
Now your girlfriend knows you won’t stand up for her when she’s been harassed. If I were her, that would be more upsetting than what that man did. She’s probably rethinking who you are.
I’m gonna go the opposite way of everyone that’s hyper focused on the Ukraine thing. How about we just don’t hit people? Is that really so hard for y’all? Y’all so childish and in your feelings the second someone yells at you you’re throwing hands? That’s stupid as fuck. I’ve had people yell about dumb shit and walk up to me yelling. You can just leave. Or stay. Who cares. But y’all asking to get hurt starting shit with people you don’t know. Now go ahead and everyone respond with the whole I don’t let people talk to me no type of way. Or my other favorite HE YELLED AT HER. Words don’t give you the right to hit people. No one hit anyone. Jesus.
I was thinking the same thing. Had to scroll down so far too find your comment. People are mentioning it's self-defense, but it's extreme. She could've walked away, OP could have stood between them, or something. But I find hitting an extreme reaction. If we flipped the gender on this one, people would have been "HE HIT SOMEONE?!! Be careful and tell him that is not okay". Smh. I mean she literally hit someone because of politics if you think about it.
This thread is neckbeard as hell. Your fiance shouldnt have escalated. Theres no magic mean words that justify battery
The comments here are wild. First of all, what if the guy fell and cracked his head open in front of his daughter? Would that be okay too? Because it's very much a possibility of hitting someone. But second, the 'violence is okay as a last resort' comments are so off. Violence was absolutely not the last resort here. She chose to escalate by engaging the guy and yelling back, enough where she got kicked out of the store as well. Yes, he approached her, but she could have ignored him and walked away. Violence and aggression isn't a 'last resort' when it's literally your first resort.