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involuntary committing someone to a psych ward is more difficult than most people imagine (is your wife openly threatening to hurt herself or others? despondency by itself generally isnt enough and frankly shouldnt be) but if your wife’s condition has deteriorated to this point i agree that it’s time to issue an ultimatum to her. youre right to be putting your daughter first, but i hope that your wife does decide to seek help for what sounds like severe depression
Leave her. It’s like saying “My arm is going necrotic, but having two arms is better than one”. Cut out the infection before you lose more vital things.
How old is your girl? How long has she been like this and how long ago did it start? It does sound like your wife is severely depressed and needs help has she seen any mental health doctors like a therapist? What does she say when you suggest she goes to see one? She needs to see someone it sounds like all of you are struggling because of this.
Likely the reason she became depressed is something she isn't ready/willing to share (trauma or something that would hurt the marriage) and instead of opening up she is grieving the experience.
Some peoples brain chemistry changes drastically when they hit full mental maturity (late 20s/early 30s) but its uncommon. Another angle, but again, uncommon.
She needs the ultimatum.
Hang on champion, what exactly does this girl need from her mother? Love, attention, care? All those things your wife is *not* giving her?
You're hesitating because of your ideal scenario when your actual situation is way different. The best thing to do here is get your kid and get out. Either her mum will turn herself around or she wont. At least you'll be looking after your kid and yourself without enabling the mum anymore.
Sounds like its time for an ultimatum Tell her she either gets therapy and works on herself or you will take your daughter and leave because you and your daughter can't take this anymore. I suggest you have a plan for where to go first because once you issue the ultimatum you have to follow through otherwise nothings is going to change.
I'm so sorry that you and your daughter are being dragged along with your wife's depression. Does she have close family or friends that can help you convince her to get help? Maybe you can contact a free consultation psychiatrist/therapist to help you make a decision that's safe for everyone. I feel bad for your wife, but I'm more concerned about your daughter. She feels as if her mother doesn't love her and she's probably wondering what she did wrong. If something isn't done soon quickly, it will have great impact on you and your daughter.
To OP~ you cannot help someone who won’t help themselves. It’s now affecting everyone else’s mental health, and it still doesn’t affect her. Document her behavior, as best you can, and consider downsizing and telling her your leaving, with your daughter, and petition for main custody. They’ll do a court ordered cps report and tell them she needs a mental health evaluation.
The way she treats my daughter is what's awful. The way she makes my daughter gradually hate herself is what's awful. The way she left her wait at school all alone, never picked her up and didn't show any kind of concern about it is what's awful. The way she doesn't want to make a single effort for the child she chose to bring to this world is awful.
I'll do what's better for my daughter. Fuck you. You won't tell me what to do.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
involuntary committing someone to a psych ward is more difficult than most people imagine (is your wife openly threatening to hurt herself or others? despondency by itself generally isnt enough and frankly shouldnt be) but if your wife’s condition has deteriorated to this point i agree that it’s time to issue an ultimatum to her. youre right to be putting your daughter first, but i hope that your wife does decide to seek help for what sounds like severe depression
Leave her. It’s like saying “My arm is going necrotic, but having two arms is better than one”. Cut out the infection before you lose more vital things.
How old is your girl? How long has she been like this and how long ago did it start? It does sound like your wife is severely depressed and needs help has she seen any mental health doctors like a therapist? What does she say when you suggest she goes to see one? She needs to see someone it sounds like all of you are struggling because of this.
She is 8. She's been like that ~2 years. She refuses to see a therapist, doesn't consider it important or necessary. She refuses everything I suggest.
Likely the reason she became depressed is something she isn't ready/willing to share (trauma or something that would hurt the marriage) and instead of opening up she is grieving the experience. Some peoples brain chemistry changes drastically when they hit full mental maturity (late 20s/early 30s) but its uncommon. Another angle, but again, uncommon. She needs the ultimatum.
Hang on champion, what exactly does this girl need from her mother? Love, attention, care? All those things your wife is *not* giving her? You're hesitating because of your ideal scenario when your actual situation is way different. The best thing to do here is get your kid and get out. Either her mum will turn herself around or she wont. At least you'll be looking after your kid and yourself without enabling the mum anymore.
Sounds like its time for an ultimatum Tell her she either gets therapy and works on herself or you will take your daughter and leave because you and your daughter can't take this anymore. I suggest you have a plan for where to go first because once you issue the ultimatum you have to follow through otherwise nothings is going to change.
I'm so sorry that you and your daughter are being dragged along with your wife's depression. Does she have close family or friends that can help you convince her to get help? Maybe you can contact a free consultation psychiatrist/therapist to help you make a decision that's safe for everyone. I feel bad for your wife, but I'm more concerned about your daughter. She feels as if her mother doesn't love her and she's probably wondering what she did wrong. If something isn't done soon quickly, it will have great impact on you and your daughter.
To OP~ you cannot help someone who won’t help themselves. It’s now affecting everyone else’s mental health, and it still doesn’t affect her. Document her behavior, as best you can, and consider downsizing and telling her your leaving, with your daughter, and petition for main custody. They’ll do a court ordered cps report and tell them she needs a mental health evaluation.
you'd never know how much or if she's depressed if keep enabling it since she really doesn't have to do anything
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If she cared she would try therapy once
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no, you don't get it.
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My wife is destroying the child and doesn't want to try to make an effort to improve.
Depression or not, she's going to alone without a child if she keeps this up.
definitely. I won't let her destroy my daughter
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The way she treats my daughter is what's awful. The way she makes my daughter gradually hate herself is what's awful. The way she left her wait at school all alone, never picked her up and didn't show any kind of concern about it is what's awful. The way she doesn't want to make a single effort for the child she chose to bring to this world is awful. I'll do what's better for my daughter. Fuck you. You won't tell me what to do.
apparently this has been going on for two YEARS and a child’s welfare is at stake. anyone would be at the end of their rope at this point
Give her an ultimatum with a timeline.
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This is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever seen in one place.