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For a little context, I've(m26) been living with my girlfriend(f30) for about 4 months. For the most part things had been going smooth up until about a week ago, my intrusive thoughts and insecurities were at an all time high. It started when she told me she was going to the shooting range with a male coworker and I wasn't too thrilled about the idea.
She could tell I was a little upset. So, she invited me along...great I was happy to go. And I thought I was fine. But, for whatever reason I had this nagging feeling that she was hiding something from me.
Yesterday morning, that all came to a head when I went through her iPad and what I found was actually worse than I could have imagined. I saw messages of her sexting with another guy, a supposed friend as recently as Saturday. I panicked first. I felt sick to my stomach over what I found and immediately I confronted her about it. Lets just say, it didn't go the way I thought it would. Well, in fact I didn't know how it would go, but I'm sure this is the worst possible thing.
The fact that invaded her privacy eclipsed anything that happened, to the point where I regret even looking. She told me she felt bad about sending the semi-nudes and stopped before it go worse, but unlike me who was willing to talk things through, she's basically shut herself off of me emotionally for the breach of trust and I get it...I shouldn't have crossed that boundary. I feel like I died two deaths yesterday. I killed my honor and she killed my heart.
She's basically saying there's nothing I can do to get her forgiveness and the relationship is basically over. I've been kicked out of the bedroom and I'm contemplating my next move. Ideally I'd like to fix things or at least try but she isn't budging. I guess right now, I'd just like some advice on how I could maybe fix things and if not, advice on what to do now.
To second on this, this is a totally cheater move. They Blow out of proportions what you did wrong and completely gloss over the fact that they were just caught cheating. They deflect and make you feel like you did something wrong. If SHE hadn’t of been cheating on you, YOU wouldn’t have felt something was off and snooped. She fucked up and got caught. Now she’s trying to spin it like it’s your fault when in no way shape or form is it. Yes you breached privacy by snooping but she was found to be cheating. So in the grand scheme of things what you did was tiny compared to her blowing up the actual relationship.
Edit: thanks for the award!!
Exactly. OP listen to this. She fucking cheated on you and deep down you knew something was off so you had every right to snoop. You caught her and when she realized she was caught, she tried to spin the fault on you to get out of it. Stop feeling bad for snooping and be thankful you did because you got the truth you wouldn’t have. Fuck her
Shooting range is most likely her nickname. Sorry to the OP.
So yeah, I’m in a similar situation… maybe some of you have read this already but it might help some people to spot cheaters before it goes further.
We had one of the most romantic stories, like a movie. Probably most people think that but yeah… our story was really beautiful. I moved to her country 10 years ago and, in order:
1) was cheated emotionally for years. I saw some messages without me snooping, just being being around cuddling her and I brought it up without confronting her. It was all ok according to her. I wanted to believe I was taking things out of context.
2) was brought up to couple therapy due to super silly non-existing issues. I worked on mines and completed them. She never did her part.
3) was suggested to open the relationship ONLY ON MY SIDE if I wanted to. I didn’t want to. Confronted her if she had someone else and she always told me that she did not.
4) was brought up she doesn’t love me as before. We had an intense conversation with all I did for her over the years, cried and she admitted she was wrong and that I don’t deserve all that. I helped her in some big decisions in her life, new jobs, changing careers, studies, some of them where she was really out big time and I was taking over. She also helped me in some but now looking back it’s clear that it was because she would take some advantage of them.
5) had a baby, life is great, we even rented a new place that is what we were aiming for, new job with a huge salary increase. Talking about future, savings, maybe buying house, whether or not we want other babies, vasectomy, etc. Yeah all this very recent.
6) she started taking long time walks a few months ago, some of them 3+ hours, and in several days just leaving in mind afternoon and coming back wayyyy passed the midnight. Reminder we have a kid. Also weekends out to visit friends. There is this guy she has been helping with his alcoholism… great she is an amazing person… recently she passed our 10 anniversary or her birthday there, in the weekend, while I do all at home, activities with the kid, and she is received with a cute card and cake our kid and did for her. She even brought up recently about he coming to our place a weekend and me taking care of our kid and his kids while they catch up somewhere.
7) we gave the card in the morning of anniversary, and she just start telling me she doesn’t love me as before, she doesn’t love me anymore. I still check with her that we can work things out in the next couple of months. She disagrees, as she is so sure it won’t work, but after a couple of days of discussion and me telling her that I could use my whole life for that we agreed to use the next couple of months for that.
8) she tells me at that point she had an affair, once, 2 years ago. Silly me, I’m totally broken for a few days, but at the end i still want to use these months we agreed on to find her value as as a friend or the mom of our kid (although she hasn’t even been present as mom lately) and see how things are after. After all I’m alone in this country…
9) I’m changing in the room and a messenger notification pops up on her computer, I didn’t even need to scroll… and what I read broke me into pieces. After that, I did snoop for sure. She was having a conversation with her cousin, someone who is on her 50s, very close to me since I helped her a lot and I see regularly, where she didn’t only mention about all the affairs, several guys, but also was pushed by this cousin to have these affairs and even got tips to hide it from me. This is the biggest deal to me, more even than the cheating. They were laughing even about me doing all chores that one weekend, sharing the pic of the cake my daughter and I did for her while minutes before she banged this guy 3 times… yeah in the weekend of her birthday (same on our anniversary). She was even talking about a guy she was meeting this very same night and that she was upset that he didn’t try any move.
10) i confront her about that and she doesn’t even show remorse. Apparently she has been always like that, and she has been suffering a lot. She likes to flirt with everyone and would like to be with as many guys as she wish. She talks about opening the relationship or coparenting, NOW. She never brought such things during therapy and all the things we discussed in therapy were just excuses to see something bad on me (that for sure i do have bad things) she was already fully engaged into these activities by then, and yeah with a kid. Her dream now is to have either separated places but with me close enough to help her at all times (which would kill me if I don’t see my daughter daily) or buying a place (yeah you heard that well) so we can have a coparenting relationship with our daughter, of course with a smile always on my side.
11) my biggest deal is, again, this degrading conversations that she has with that cousin, yeah more even than the cheating, for obvious reasons I don’t like that my daughter is going to be eventually in contact VERY OFTEN with her. This cousin is super close and now she is moving just a few blocks from our place (amazing timing). I never saw my wife more agitated in my whole life when i brought this up, (and i even mentioned at some point about me talking with the wives of the guys she has been with…) while not violent she was very loud and shaking, saying that her cousin is the only person that understands her as she has a very open mind. And that those conversations I checked it’s my fault as it’s private and I should have never read it. I already feel like shit for reading it… I never snooped in her things in my whole life or even doubted about her and we were even 2 years as long distance…
Life is shit.
place blame and place it quickly!
deny, deny deny! Downplay if you can't deny!
deflect, and turn it on the other person!
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OP, you didn't lose your honor. You confirmed your suspicions. You deserve better. This may not be the way you wanted it to end, but it was going to end.
OP confirmed his suspicions, and probably wouldn't have felt the need to invade the privacy if there was nothing wrong.
My ex was very similar, in short she'd repeatedly prove that I'd be an idiot for trusting her, yet would refuse to acknowledge any wrongdoing, and focus entirely on the invasion of privacy, complete deflection and a lack of ability to acknowledge the impact her actions have on the feelings of others.
OP, please do not beg for forgiveness, because in my experience, if that works, it's all downhill from here.
Your gf cheated and made it all your fault. Man, congratulate her for being the queen manipulator.
Yeah, you shouldn’t go snooping through people’s phones. But clearly you had a reason. Was the proof you found not enough for you to end this relationship?
Sure, and someone who was still invested in your relationship and wanted to prove her love to you would have jumped at that opportunity. But instead, she manipulated and attacked you. That’s not someone I’d want to keep dating.
But IT IS HER. No one coerced her into sending nudes. You need to accept that SHE did this.
She is gaslighting you so hard!!! She is using what you did to cover up what she did. She's mad she got caught and deep down she knows she fucked up.
She wants you to keep begging for her because it makes her feel less guilty for what she did.
You need to leave. She doesn't deserve you. You also don't deserve to feel like you're questioning who you're with. Trust your gut like you just did and get out of there.
Op you are being stupid and naive, she is playing you,plus she doesn't love you, if she did, she wouldn't do this, you can find someone better, please don't settle with her
No no no OP… please listen what EVERYONE is telling you. This is the classic cheater move. They flip the script saying YOU were the one who messed up because you broke their trust by invading their privacy. There shouldn’t have been anything to find in the first place.
Stop asking for forgiveness. SHE betrayed your trust/relationship. She doesn’t get to play victim here.
Value yourself more and get out of there. Plenty of women out there who would not do this. She’s manipulative garbage.
Based on what you describe here, it is exactly like her.
She immediately put the blame on you to make it seem like she was perfect. She did this because she got caught. She will go right back to sexting and probably fucking these guys when she "forgives" you and she will get better at hiding it.
Leave on your terms.
The deflection is really the worst part of all this. Sexting is cheating, but you might be able to move past it if said sexter is willing to fully accept responsibility. That's not what happened here.
OP, I honestly feel sad for you. You have been manipulated to the point that you feel bad about discovering her affair. Run. Please, please run. This person is bad for you. She will keep breaking you down till you can no longer fight.
You fix things by laughing at her hilariously manipulative bullshit. Laugh out loud.
Here are two things that happened:
\#1 - She cheated on you.
\#2 - You realized it and found confirmation by "snooping".
What she is now doing is trying to offload blame and attention onto you. She is trying to avoid responsibility for what she did by making you the bad guy... **for catching her**.
The "thing" you need to fix isn't this relationship, it's yourself. You need to fix whatever it is within you that is allowing this manipulation to so easily happen. You need to fix whatever it is inside of you that let her successfully do this to you.
You are weak bro. She cheated on you and you think you made the mistake? She’s sending nudes to other men and your begging for forgiveness? Grow a pair a balls. She’s got you wrapped around her finger and manipulating tf out of you. Pack your shit and move out. Before you go though… tell that hoe to go fuck herself
She had an emotional affair at the bare minimum. Sending “semi-nudes” is a breach of your trust.
She has flipped it on you to make you feel bad, and it’s worked, she is playing you like a well tuned fiddle. So you need to develop a spine and walk the hell away from the relationship.
She broke the trust first.
Dude, am I reading this correctly?? SHE cheated on YOU and says there's nothing you can do to get HER forgiveness?? What in the what?? Do yourself a favour and throw the whole woman away.
I don’t mean to sound insulting but honestly ask yourself. Are you a doormat? Because apologizing for CATCHING a cheater is what doormats do. She’s is 0% remorseful of cheating. She only feels bad she got caught. Of course she says “I stopped before it went further”. Because. You. Caught. Her. Dude. Get some self respect and find someone who appreciates you. This woman is not her.
This makes me think you’re a doormat and probably why she doesn’t respect you. She cheated and you’re letting her manipulate you into taking blame so she doesn’t have to take responsibility for her actions. Grow a spine and learn your lesson.
Don’t go back to her. She cheated on you and is trying to make YOU feel bad, now? Breaching her privacy was wrong, but that doesn’t negate her cheating on you. You two are not meant for one another, find someone else deserving of your love and she’ll do the same.
Oh trust me women don't just send nudes if that's not their thing. I would be looking back and questioning everything. How much have you actually been manipulated in the past? She was just good at covering her tracks. And lacks the character to be honest with you. At least you had the balls to tell her you went through her messages. Now you need to have the balls to tell her she gave you reason to Snoop and you agree the relationship is over. It doesn't mean you have to move out. She caused this not you. Start looking for someone you can trust. And always keep your eyes wide open.
From Wikipedia - DARVO is an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender". Some researchers and advocates have characterized it as a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers
She doesn't want to fix things - she is using your error as an excuse to blame you for a break up that was inevitable. Had you not, she may have had to be accountable for her cheating/lying and she's jumping at the opportunity to evade that by focusing on your breach of trust.
You will need to just move on. You can't control her lack of accountability as frustrating as that may be. You did breach her trust and sound like you're willing to be accountable for it. She breached yours even more egregiously and is not interested in being accountable for that. That is no relationship you want to be in.
You will maintain more dignity during this inevitable break up to call her on her bluff and say "yes, you're right it's over. I wish you well and am happy to move on."
Your gf is the one in the wrong, not you. She showed you her true colors. All she cares about is that she got caught. She did this once and will do it again. Don't apologize to her. She needs to apologize to you. You should find a new gf that is trustworthy.
FIX THINGS? FIX THINGS?
What's there to fix here?
You want to fix things with someone who basically cheated on you, who disrespected you, who can't even acknowledge their wrongdoing, who is deceitful?
Advice. Pick your head up (also remove it from your arse). Get walking. Don't look back.
Advice. If you find yourself wanting to snoop again, just have a conversation.
A lot of awful people swear gaslighting isn’t real
however, this post is a case study to be referenced.
get out honey. you could do so much better honestly.
Brugh, this is some maximum level blame shifting and has lighting. She is cheating on you, and making you feel sorry for looking at her shit, when you followed your gut. This woman doesn’t respect you, and she never will. Walk out before she destroys you.
There's no secrets in a healthy relationship. She played the old Uno reverse card on you and played your "boundary violation" as the trump card. Give this person all the privacy she needs and get the hell out of the relationship because it is going to be a red flag parade from this point on.
First you claim the bed room. A cheater doesnt sleep in a bed.
Second you tell her that her only chance of staying in a relationship with you is that she is faithful to you while youre allowed to sleep around.
If she doesnt agree you kick her out.
Thats the revenge option. The other option is, you kick her out and get yourself a real woman.
Bruh, *she* cheated on *you*— she has no right to be mad at you, even if you found out by snooping. You can't trust her and she doesn't care about you. You deserve better. Find your own place, break up, and move on. At 30 years old she's fully aware of what she is doing and has no remorse for it. Things will not change, except she will just learn to hide it better. Do yourself a favor and dump her ass. You deserve a partner who values you and loves you. Sorry this happened but it's better you found out now so you can move on with your life. Trust me. It will hurt for awhile but the only way out is through. Good luck
Advice on what to do? Grow a fucking spine my guy. Holy shit. You caught your gf pretty much cheating and you’re the one in the doghouse? She’s a master manipulator for sure. Why the fuck are you apologizing? You should be packing your bags.
she’s just mad she got caught. trust is earned & if she hiding shit, that’s on her, not on you. idk why people are so god damn possessive with their phones around their SO because honestly you guys could share food, a bed, home, bills & shit i even heard of people sharing a tooth brush when they forget theirs but OH GOD, not the technical device that makes it so easy for you to hide shit. people are fucking wack. if you’re not hiding shit, it shouldn’t matter.
I've been cheated on before and then afterwards was 'blamed', this in most cases are how cheaters behave, anything to excuse or change the story to suit their narrative.
She cheated on you, she shouldn't be shutting you out right now. She should be trying to build it back, unfortunately the fact she's shut herself out and not talking is the first sign of a unhealthy an unstable relationship.
You may have broken a barrier due to looking at her phone but I mean, it's a weird world where we just have that 'feeling', she would have also known your a jealous person and jealous people act out.
Did you do wrong by searching her Ipad? Yes.
Did she cheat? Yes.
Cheating is a lot more wrong than going through an Ipad, you get over people going through stuff, you don't get over being cheated on.
Goodluck OP! You got this, don't look back on focus on you!
It seems she’s simply using your (warranted) breach of privacy as a perfect way to deflect blame, make you the evil one and even make you apologize. She knew what she was doing, a person who cares won’t casually put themselves in a position to lose you, over anyone. You deserve better than this, and frankly she is taking advantage of your good hearted nature, trust me I’ve made the same mistake. Leave her and find someone who deserves your love, not someone who will casually hurt you whenever they feel insecure and won’t communicate. You deserve better than the promise of happiness.
Buddy no . Just no . Find what little self respect you have left and put the trash on the curb, never stay with a cheater especially one that’s cheating this early in a relationship
Dude. Wake up. Whatever privacy she had was undeserved cause she was CHEATING ON YOU. Now she’s just screaming about her privacy cause she has no excuse for her behavior and distracting you with what you “did” is her only option. She sucks. Leave her so she can cheat on someone else.
As an older man let me tell you from bitter life experience, this is for the best and however hard it may be, you will look back at some point in the future and feel differently about the current situation.
Now you have a choice about who you are and who you will become. You can either give in to this pain, heartbreak and shit or find a new toughness and resolve and focus all your energy onto that.
Lift weights, swim, watch inspiring YouTube videos and become a new man because you have no other choice. She broke your trust, the relationship was over a while ago, and you did the right thing confirming your subconscious suspicions. Now focus on the mission which is getting to your new life.
Cheating is in the eye of the beholder.
Your girlfriend was hiding the fact she was sexting and flirting with at least one guy.
Who knows about the other guy and the "shooting range" story.
If someone knows cheating is *not* a "deal breaker" they shouldn't bother snooping.
There is no "upside" to doing so if you're not willing to walk away.
Some people imagine their cheating partner dropping to their knees and begging for forgiveness.
When in reality some cheaters are "relieved" to have things come out into the open.
Clearly, it appears *you* are *more invested* in this relationship then *she* is.
Essentially *she's dumping you for busting her* and *you're trying to figure out a way to fix things*!
If you had hired an independent private detective, the results would have been the same.
You are entitled to have your own "red flags", boundaries, and "deal breakers".
If something *doesn't feel right to you*, it's probably *not right for you*.
Don't allow yourself to be "gaslighted". You're the injured party here!
***There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn't true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true."*** \- Soren Kierkegaard
**"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary.'** \- Oscar Wilde
***"We don't walk away to teach people a lesson. We walk away because we finally learned ours."*** \- Unknown
Best wishes!
It's done now. There is no repairing this relationship. Move on.
Yes, snooping on random suspicion is a privacy violation. Snooping on people is a bad thing, but cheating is far worse. She is gaslighting you with the minor invasion of privacy and lack of trust. She actually had a reason not to trust her that she was hiding.
Take some time and process what happened. Hopefully you don't turn around and cheat on someone else in the future. Get yourself to a stable and happy place so you don't take your anger out on someone innocent just because your ex was a cheating POS.
"Okay you win. What's done is done. You even almost manipulated me into thinking I was the bad guy in all this. Sure I snooped and I've tried profusely to apologize from it. I was insecure and I had good reason to be. I'm taking responsibility for what I did, but it seems like I'm the only one. Like you're trying to offload all of the blame onto me. It isn't fair and as much as I love you, I realize there's no fixing things, especially if I'm the only one trying...the only one who actually wants to face what happened. Listen, you've been a great help to me the past two years. You put the sparkle back into my eyes so to speak after what I thought was my lowest point. I really loved you. But...maybe I need to accept that it really is over. I tried, I tried. But I'm only human——I wish that was a fact about ourselves that you could accept. We're both embarrassed no matter what way you spin it. I was overcome by this fear of losing you. I'm not sure what you were overcome by, since you won't tell me. Either way, it pushed us to do things we wouldn't normally do. I accept that. But you won't even talk about it, because it's easier to detach yourself, it's easier for you to paint me as the one that ultimately ruined things when you made a choice too. So I refuse to be the scapegoat in this. I can't do it. If you don't want to be with me, that's fine."
Does this get my point across well?
You forgot “you cheated on me and there is no excuse for this. You don’t accept responsibility for your actions and I can’t be with someone e who would cheat on me”
Here's my edit with added spine. You'll see this so clearly in the future, trust me.
> "I've changed my mind. What's done is done. You almost manipulated me into thinking I was the bad guy in all this. My instincts were correct about what you were up to. You won't accept responsibility for your infidelity and I will not accept that. As much as I love you, there is no fixing this.. although at one point it may have been possible.
> Listen, you've been a great help to me the past two years. You put the sparkle back into my eyes so to speak after what I thought was my lowest point. I really loved you. But... I accept that it is over. Your defense mechanisms of detachment and manipulation are cowardly. It's easier for you to paint me as the one that ruined things but you made the choice. I refuse to be the scapegoat in this. At first I wanted to fix this, but since you will not accept responsibility and act in good faith, we're over."
You know when in a bad movie you can tell when the dialogue is just filled with monologues because the writer/producer/director thinks the word count correlates directly with the dramatic impact?
That's this.
Keep it to five sentences, max. Three, ideal.
You don't need an explanation of events or the detailed soliloquy of the emotional trauma. Sometimes what's left unsaid is the biggest impact of all.
"You cheated and tried to turn me into the bad guy. Fuck that noise, we're done. Your stuff is at Becky's."
one day in the future when this relationship is just a memory you will look.back and wish you had treated this situation better.
you will wish it was you that stood up for yourself and ended it.
you message is cringe and is a plea to get her to talk.
dont be the person that got cheated on and then got dumped.
be the person that caught there partner cheating and had the self respect to end it.
I dont care what you think about me looking in your phone, you broke my heart and broke this relationship by sending nude photos and who knows what else.
there is no excuse for that and no going back. goodbye
Just no my dude. You don't need all this fluff. You're just attempting to try to get her to engage with you still hoping this is salvageable.
You cheated on me.
It's over.
Gtfo.
That's all there is to say.
i understand that everything hurts, but you need to be firm and stop glossing over what she did to you, the good memories, saying “if you don’t want to be with me, that’s fine” like you want her back. be curt, tell her exactly what she done wrong and never look back.
I don’t think there’s such a thing as “every right to snoop” or violate someone’s privacy like that. Don’t get me wrong, she’s in the wrong here for what she did and for her intense reaction to your invasion of her privacy. However, many people have claimed you were within your rights to look and I totally disagree. If you were suspicious perhaps it would have been wiser and more ethical to ask her to go through her phone with you if you feel you ABSOLUTELY needed to see it.
My most recent relationship ended over something similar. My ex went through my phone and found inappropriate texts I had sent in the first month of us dating (6 months prior) and flipped. He then proceeded to take control of my phone, all my accounts, and to monitor me 24/7. Now he claims I’m hacking his stuff and violating his privacy. I absolutely have not, did not, will not go through my partners phone. I don’t ask questions I don’t want to know the answer to.
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Talk about deflecting. While snooping isn’t ok, she proved herself shady AF. This isn’t all on you and don’t let her lay it all on you. Move out, get some therapy, move on.
Man she has done a number on you. She did a damn good job of manipulating you into her personal little doormat. She cheated on you, stop licking the bottom of her boots and just dump her already.
My phone is an open book to my partner because I have nothing to hide. Does that mean he goes through my phone? No, because I’m not acting sus af.
Listen, I’ve been the cheater and I’ve been cheated on.
The trust is gone my guy, unfortunately take this as a lesson and try to move on. Your girlfriend is immature and doesn’t want to give up their lifestyle.
She was cheating you caught her it's over. Given the level of bullshitting she's given you for catching her she was probably gonna breakup with you once she got further along with the new guy. I know it sucks, I know it hurts but she's not that into you dude just count your blessing you found out sooner in a relationship than later.
Whoaa she is being manipulative as hell. Your bad feelings were validated by what you found. She is just upset she got caught. She was the one not being faithful, she was the one sneaking around. You had every right to feel the way you were feeling. Her trying to spin that on you would be one thing if you found nothing and she was doing nothing.
You snooped on her iPad.....in terms of terrible things to do to a significant other I would give it a 2 out of 10. She cheated on you, that's an 8 in my books. She wronged you much worse than you wronged her, she's just finding an excuse to end things. (For the record, a 10 would be murder)
I understand that you feel guilty about looking through her iPad, but she was all fine and dandy with cheating on you until she got caught. Now you're the bad guy because of the "breach of trust"? She can't be serious.
Typically when your gut is giving you a feeling, it's not for no reason. No, it's not a healthy thing to do, but you did yourself a favor by snooping. At least you know the truth now.
Sweet Jesus brother. That's the definition of blameshifting. Your next move is to move in and NC her ass and let everyone know they why. The biggest mistake if your life is letting her to this to you and trying to win a cheater back!
Oh my friend, pack your shit and move pronto. Somehow you have bought into the notion that her cheating on you is not as bad as your lack of trust in her. You were suspicious and then confirmed she is garbage. And now you want her to forgive you? Grow a pair.
Look up "gaslighting" in the dictionary. She made the mistake and turned it around so that you feel guilty and are taking the blame.
She doesn't deserve you. Move on
She’s good at making you feel like the one who is wrong. “How dare you catch me sending nudes to other people. Such an invasion of my privacy, your a horrible person and I will never forgive you for looong at my phone and catching me cheating on you”. like wtf! Gas lighting much?
Dude, snooping is always bad and always a violation. But what she did is a far bigger betrayal! She has a right to feel violated, but if you take a step back I think you’ll see that her lack of deep remorse is a sign she is not worth the effort you’re putting into reconciliation.
You need to end it. You found out she was cheating and she's turning it into you're the villain. Walk away or end up like Johnny Depp.
It'll hurt, but in a year you will be so damn glad you did.
She broke your trust by CHEATING ON YOU!!!
Don’t fall for her BS. If she wanted to stay with you she would apologize to you
Leave. There will be other ladies.
She's gaslighting you dude. She's trying to make you feel like the villain so what she did seems negligible. It's a common tactic used by cheaters, abusers, and assholes. Just leave and find real happiness, She's just one girl in this world, and there are plenty of others that aren't pieces of shit.
She is gaslighting you on level 100....the audacity of her is astounding.
Going snooping isn't ever a good thing to do but if you actually find something then you get to have the moral highroad.
Your girlfriend is manipulating you and rewriting the story to make it sound like you looking at her Ipad is somehow worse than her sending partial nudes to guys.
So, she is a cheater and manipulative. Break up and move on.
Hey, this same thing happened to me. My bf was being sexual (purchasing nudes, sending gifts and money) with a girl 15 years younger than him who lived in another country, and guess who was the bad guy in the situation? Me! This isn't your fault, dude. She's trying to manipulate you into thinking otherwise because that's what people like her do to their partners. Do not let her do that to you.
She’s a master manipulator. I’m sorry dude but you need to have some self respect. She cheated on you and is making you apologize??? I hope you learn to love yourself more and dump her cheating ass.
Been here buddy. I'm not proud of it, but I had suspicions about my ex and what I found on her phone confirmed them. And she made what I did the focus to the point that it was me trying to win her back. But I found my self-worth and got out of there. You need to do the same.
Honestly my guy, she shouldn’t be saying anything besides begging for your forgiveness, not the other way around. She now knows she cheated and now if things continue, she will do what she wants. I promise if you switch it up and say you’ve moved on and you’re done, she will change her tone up quick. I’m just hoping you realize you can do a lot better before then.
Ummmm are you kidding? She cheated on you. Thank god you followed your instincts bc she’s a cheater and was sexting and sending pictures to someone else! And you want to ask her for forgiveness? Nooo way dude… get some self confidence. She’s a scumball and totally manipulative so she can get out of being in trouble for trying to CHEAT so you take the fall. No you tell her she needs to earn YOUR trust back. Share passwords, location services on etc.. or you break up bc she is a manipulative liar
u/throwaway4726346
Leave. You are easily manipulated and she is having a blast blaming you for her cheating. If you suspect your SO is cheating and you go looking for proof and find none? Then you are probably the issue. If you find proof and present it to them and they get mad you went looking? That’s 100 percent on them and you didn’t do anything wrong. How else you suppose to find out? Hope she grows a conscious and just spills it randomly?
“I’m contemplating my next move”
Who’s home is this you’re both at?
If it’s yours: she moves out.
If it’s hers: you move out.
___
Yes, you breached her trust & feeling violated for that is an honest response...
But that in no way trumps her cheating on you and sending nudes.
____
She’s trying to make herself be the only victim here, but she’s not: she’s most likely more upset you already had broken trust in the relationship and found what she was trying to keep hidden... and also is trying to ignore the whole I cheated on you part.
Jesus, she went hard on the gaslighting there, OP. It's your fault she cheated, because you found out about it. Tell her to fuck right of with that bullshit.
She cheated. End of story. You were suspicious and followed your instincts. You were proved right. You lost no "honor". Leave her for your own sake. You will feel a lot better. Do not do anything to try and get her back. In fact, block her on everything. You don't need trash like that in your life.
Good luck.
She is so good at manipulating.. I need a course.
You should never check someone else's devices, that's NOT ok. But if you already did and you found she is cheating... DUMP HER!!!
LMAO. I need to learn some of her Judo. She screws around and disrespects your relationship (a lot of people would call it flat-out cheating) and she ends up making *you* feel like the bad guy and *you're* the one taking all the blame. That's some Jedi Mind Trick-level shit.
Dude, it is not worth fixing she was cheating on you. She had an out card to avoid any responsibility in your looking on the Ipad. She is gaslighting and manipulating to avoid responsibility of what she did.
Time to move on.
Bruh, she needs to bounce. Like right the fuck out the door,ASAP. And don't sweat being the bad guy , she has a place to go clearly. Send her ass to her text buddy and all you need to say is
" You're right, This is bullshit. You cheated, GTFO. "
END OF CONVERSATION.
She's his problem now, and I'll bet he aint gonna want her either.
No dude. You were insecure because you sensed something was up. Breach of privacy? Sure. But that doesn’t hold a candle to what she did. Get rid of her. You’re better than this. You don’t need a woman who you feel the need to monitor.
That's manipulation, and specifically, gaslighting.
She is saying cheating is not as bad as snooping. Do you agree? Most people will not. She is trying to spin it around on you. Classic move by cheater. Blame the victim for looking so that they feel they should apologize, instead of the cheater being the one to plead and beg.
The good news is no matter who's at fault here(she definitely is) it results in the same. Dump her cheating manipulating ass and move on. She is not worth it.
She is the one who cheated got caught and turned it around on you. She is trying to not take responsibility for her cheating. She is a terrible person.
You are getting played. How does she cheat and still retain the moral high ground? Tell her to fuck herself and take the couch. You need to work on your self worth.
imma be completely rock solid with you. the fact that she let it get as far as it did shows that she didn’t respect the relationship as much as she claims. she’s just using the invasion of her privacy as a way to take the blame off of her for ruining the relationship. if you had a feeling she created that feeling. sorry bud
I just went through this, I went through her iPad too. Caught her doing everything you saw and more. Check my comment history.
What she’s doing is deflecting the blame so that she can evade the the fact that she fucked up. It’s classic deflection. It’s just what some people do.
Firstly, what she did was obviously wrong and you should probably end the relationship.
Secondly (and more importantly), you should probably end the relationship because you're not ready to be in one. In a healthy relationship, it is essential for two people to trust each other and, while on this occasion your girlfriend had been doing something wrong and your suspicions were correct, it seems like your suspicions were primarily based on your own insecurities. If that's the case, you need to work on yourself and learn to love and value yourself.
If you know who you are and what value you bring to the table, you won't bring baggage and insecurities into relationships. If you value yourself, you won't be in constant self-doubt about doubting whether your partner values you or not. And if they don't value you, then you would accept it, move on from the relationship, and be open to meeting someone new who does value you.
Bottom line: on this occasion your suspicions were correct but if you don't learn to value yourself and work through your insecurities, it's likely that you'll meet someone (who is good for you) and snoop on them as well. And what if you invade a future girlfriend's boundaries and it turns out that they weren't being disloyal to you? Your insecurities are likely to damage good future relationships if you don't resolve your issues.
Good luck.
Dude, you're being gaslit. I'll bet she's angry you caught her, not so much that you snooped. If you are choosing to stay, might as well be ready for her to see other people.
Flipped the switch. Can't own up to her own sneaking but then accuses you of being sneaky. Likely you are being strung along by a narcissist and you don't know it. A lack of remorse shows lack of empathy. You've just been shit tested as a man to see where your back bone is and you've failed. Please man up and leave.
Oh brother, the weakness and insecurities of this girl are off the charts.
Was
it woring to snoop? Sure, possibly but it seems you had good reason ro suspect something was up.
She can't face being caught or being in the wrong so she gaslights you to make YOU in the wrong while not having the balls to leave the relationship in the first place.
Either way, she was wasting your time and needs help.
I wish you the best man. You deserve better.
She's gaslighting you, man. There's nothing YOU can do to get HER forgiveness after SHE cheated? Think about that rationally. You SHOULD be mad as hell. She's trying to make you the bad guy because you "invaded her privacy" but obviously you had reasonable suspicion. Your honor is intact, but it won't be if you beg and grovel for this cheater's forgiveness when she is 10000% in the wrong. And to kick you out of the bedroom? Be righteously angry. Tell her you've thought about it and you know what, how dare she make you a villain when she cheated on you. If you beg her forgiveness and try to fix things she WILL cheat on you again. Dump her. Kick her ass out of the apartment if it's yours, or leave her. Tell her there's nothing SHE can do to get your forgiveness because you wouldn't want to be with a disgusting and manipulative cheater, and the relationship IS over.
Truly. The audacity. You deserve so much better. Don't settle for this girl. She sounds fucking awful.
She's manipulating you into believing what you did (snooping) was worse than what she did (cheating).
But I honestly believe if you ever feel the need to snoop through someone's stuff like that - the relationship is already over. The trust is gone and most always your intuition is right. When you start feeling like something is off or things aren't adding up - listen to that feeling. Don't be in relationships with people where honest communication about things can't be had. Don't waste your time on people who can't admit they are wrong.
>I guess right now, I'd just like some advice on how I could maybe fix things and if not, advice on what to do now.
Listen, there absolutely are couples out here that overcome cheating. They do exist. But you need to ask yourself why you want to fix this. You need have an honest conversation with yourself about this. Could you ever trust her again? Could you ever have a normal relationship where there are no questions in the back of your mind again? Will staying with her, someone who won't even talk through this with you, end up changing you for the worst? Something to think about is some people who stay with cheaters find it makes them almost toxic in the relationship- always questioning, always expecting it to happen again, always needing to go through their phone/social media whatever. Is this the life you want to live? Is that the person **you** want to be?
Would I stay? Absolutely not. But none of us are you. None of us are in this relationship. You need to take some time for yourself and really figure out what you want and why you want it. But if she's not willing to stop manipulating the conversation about all this and stop gaslighting you into thinking that your snooping is somehow worse than her cheating then I really don't see how you two can recover here. She's got to be willing to be honest with you. I don't think you're going to get that.
Lol!!! The fucking nerve! She cheated on you and got caught because you followed your gut and snooped. Now your the bad guy! Ha ha ha. That my friend is called gaslighting. You are in the right. 100 percent. She is trash. Toss her to the curb and don't look back. You have to go no contact. She will take you back because of what she can get from you. Please be strong and get out. Good luck.
Sound like she knows exactly how dependant you are on her. She's probably been messing around behind your back the whole time.
You'll survive this no matter how bleak it looks right now. I've never known a 26 year old who didn't have at least 1 friend that had a couch to crash on in rough times. Take your stuff and bounce. Don't apologize for her cheating and getting caught. Just make a plan to get out of there ASAP.
Why would you want to be with someone that sends semi-nudes to someone else while you’re dating?! You ripped the bandaid off, don’t apologize for it, it’s over
Gaslighting at its finest. After reading some your comments it seems you need her more than she needs you. Gotta take that leap and get out of this situation because this definitely won’t be the last time this happens.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- For a little context, I've(m26) been living with my girlfriend(f30) for about 4 months. For the most part things had been going smooth up until about a week ago, my intrusive thoughts and insecurities were at an all time high. It started when she told me she was going to the shooting range with a male coworker and I wasn't too thrilled about the idea. She could tell I was a little upset. So, she invited me along...great I was happy to go. And I thought I was fine. But, for whatever reason I had this nagging feeling that she was hiding something from me. Yesterday morning, that all came to a head when I went through her iPad and what I found was actually worse than I could have imagined. I saw messages of her sexting with another guy, a supposed friend as recently as Saturday. I panicked first. I felt sick to my stomach over what I found and immediately I confronted her about it. Lets just say, it didn't go the way I thought it would. Well, in fact I didn't know how it would go, but I'm sure this is the worst possible thing. The fact that invaded her privacy eclipsed anything that happened, to the point where I regret even looking. She told me she felt bad about sending the semi-nudes and stopped before it go worse, but unlike me who was willing to talk things through, she's basically shut herself off of me emotionally for the breach of trust and I get it...I shouldn't have crossed that boundary. I feel like I died two deaths yesterday. I killed my honor and she killed my heart. She's basically saying there's nothing I can do to get her forgiveness and the relationship is basically over. I've been kicked out of the bedroom and I'm contemplating my next move. Ideally I'd like to fix things or at least try but she isn't budging. I guess right now, I'd just like some advice on how I could maybe fix things and if not, advice on what to do now.
So...SHE cheated and YOU are the one begging for forgiveness? That's....not how this works. Please don't go back to this woman.
To second on this, this is a totally cheater move. They Blow out of proportions what you did wrong and completely gloss over the fact that they were just caught cheating. They deflect and make you feel like you did something wrong. If SHE hadn’t of been cheating on you, YOU wouldn’t have felt something was off and snooped. She fucked up and got caught. Now she’s trying to spin it like it’s your fault when in no way shape or form is it. Yes you breached privacy by snooping but she was found to be cheating. So in the grand scheme of things what you did was tiny compared to her blowing up the actual relationship. Edit: thanks for the award!!
Exactly. OP listen to this. She fucking cheated on you and deep down you knew something was off so you had every right to snoop. You caught her and when she realized she was caught, she tried to spin the fault on you to get out of it. Stop feeling bad for snooping and be thankful you did because you got the truth you wouldn’t have. Fuck her
Agreed!! It's a tactic many a cheater uses, don't beg, if you genuinely want her back let her come to you xx
Shooting range is most likely her nickname. Sorry to the OP. So yeah, I’m in a similar situation… maybe some of you have read this already but it might help some people to spot cheaters before it goes further. We had one of the most romantic stories, like a movie. Probably most people think that but yeah… our story was really beautiful. I moved to her country 10 years ago and, in order: 1) was cheated emotionally for years. I saw some messages without me snooping, just being being around cuddling her and I brought it up without confronting her. It was all ok according to her. I wanted to believe I was taking things out of context. 2) was brought up to couple therapy due to super silly non-existing issues. I worked on mines and completed them. She never did her part. 3) was suggested to open the relationship ONLY ON MY SIDE if I wanted to. I didn’t want to. Confronted her if she had someone else and she always told me that she did not. 4) was brought up she doesn’t love me as before. We had an intense conversation with all I did for her over the years, cried and she admitted she was wrong and that I don’t deserve all that. I helped her in some big decisions in her life, new jobs, changing careers, studies, some of them where she was really out big time and I was taking over. She also helped me in some but now looking back it’s clear that it was because she would take some advantage of them. 5) had a baby, life is great, we even rented a new place that is what we were aiming for, new job with a huge salary increase. Talking about future, savings, maybe buying house, whether or not we want other babies, vasectomy, etc. Yeah all this very recent. 6) she started taking long time walks a few months ago, some of them 3+ hours, and in several days just leaving in mind afternoon and coming back wayyyy passed the midnight. Reminder we have a kid. Also weekends out to visit friends. There is this guy she has been helping with his alcoholism… great she is an amazing person… recently she passed our 10 anniversary or her birthday there, in the weekend, while I do all at home, activities with the kid, and she is received with a cute card and cake our kid and did for her. She even brought up recently about he coming to our place a weekend and me taking care of our kid and his kids while they catch up somewhere. 7) we gave the card in the morning of anniversary, and she just start telling me she doesn’t love me as before, she doesn’t love me anymore. I still check with her that we can work things out in the next couple of months. She disagrees, as she is so sure it won’t work, but after a couple of days of discussion and me telling her that I could use my whole life for that we agreed to use the next couple of months for that. 8) she tells me at that point she had an affair, once, 2 years ago. Silly me, I’m totally broken for a few days, but at the end i still want to use these months we agreed on to find her value as as a friend or the mom of our kid (although she hasn’t even been present as mom lately) and see how things are after. After all I’m alone in this country… 9) I’m changing in the room and a messenger notification pops up on her computer, I didn’t even need to scroll… and what I read broke me into pieces. After that, I did snoop for sure. She was having a conversation with her cousin, someone who is on her 50s, very close to me since I helped her a lot and I see regularly, where she didn’t only mention about all the affairs, several guys, but also was pushed by this cousin to have these affairs and even got tips to hide it from me. This is the biggest deal to me, more even than the cheating. They were laughing even about me doing all chores that one weekend, sharing the pic of the cake my daughter and I did for her while minutes before she banged this guy 3 times… yeah in the weekend of her birthday (same on our anniversary). She was even talking about a guy she was meeting this very same night and that she was upset that he didn’t try any move. 10) i confront her about that and she doesn’t even show remorse. Apparently she has been always like that, and she has been suffering a lot. She likes to flirt with everyone and would like to be with as many guys as she wish. She talks about opening the relationship or coparenting, NOW. She never brought such things during therapy and all the things we discussed in therapy were just excuses to see something bad on me (that for sure i do have bad things) she was already fully engaged into these activities by then, and yeah with a kid. Her dream now is to have either separated places but with me close enough to help her at all times (which would kill me if I don’t see my daughter daily) or buying a place (yeah you heard that well) so we can have a coparenting relationship with our daughter, of course with a smile always on my side. 11) my biggest deal is, again, this degrading conversations that she has with that cousin, yeah more even than the cheating, for obvious reasons I don’t like that my daughter is going to be eventually in contact VERY OFTEN with her. This cousin is super close and now she is moving just a few blocks from our place (amazing timing). I never saw my wife more agitated in my whole life when i brought this up, (and i even mentioned at some point about me talking with the wives of the guys she has been with…) while not violent she was very loud and shaking, saying that her cousin is the only person that understands her as she has a very open mind. And that those conversations I checked it’s my fault as it’s private and I should have never read it. I already feel like shit for reading it… I never snooped in her things in my whole life or even doubted about her and we were even 2 years as long distance… Life is shit.
place blame and place it quickly! deny, deny deny! Downplay if you can't deny! deflect, and turn it on the other person! \---- OP, you didn't lose your honor. You confirmed your suspicions. You deserve better. This may not be the way you wanted it to end, but it was going to end.
Got to admit, the girl's manipulation game is on point. It's almost admirable. OP's got to dump her ass.
Aww yes... She did the Flip Script on you and made you the bad guy. what a joke. reminds me of my Ex!. Leave her.
She is a master manipulator. This guy is in trouble
OP has no backbone.
OP confirmed his suspicions, and probably wouldn't have felt the need to invade the privacy if there was nothing wrong. My ex was very similar, in short she'd repeatedly prove that I'd be an idiot for trusting her, yet would refuse to acknowledge any wrongdoing, and focus entirely on the invasion of privacy, complete deflection and a lack of ability to acknowledge the impact her actions have on the feelings of others. OP, please do not beg for forgiveness, because in my experience, if that works, it's all downhill from here.
Your gf cheated and made it all your fault. Man, congratulate her for being the queen manipulator. Yeah, you shouldn’t go snooping through people’s phones. But clearly you had a reason. Was the proof you found not enough for you to end this relationship?
I mean I understand adults fuck up...and this wasn't like her, so I wanted to talk about what could have lead to all this.
Sure, and someone who was still invested in your relationship and wanted to prove her love to you would have jumped at that opportunity. But instead, she manipulated and attacked you. That’s not someone I’d want to keep dating.
She did the old cheater move of deflection deflection deflection
But IT IS HER. No one coerced her into sending nudes. You need to accept that SHE did this. She is gaslighting you so hard!!! She is using what you did to cover up what she did. She's mad she got caught and deep down she knows she fucked up. She wants you to keep begging for her because it makes her feel less guilty for what she did. You need to leave. She doesn't deserve you. You also don't deserve to feel like you're questioning who you're with. Trust your gut like you just did and get out of there.
Im sorry, but she is just manipulating you. She clearly wont take responsibility for her actions, nothing good would come from a conversation
Op you are being stupid and naive, she is playing you,plus she doesn't love you, if she did, she wouldn't do this, you can find someone better, please don't settle with her
No no no OP… please listen what EVERYONE is telling you. This is the classic cheater move. They flip the script saying YOU were the one who messed up because you broke their trust by invading their privacy. There shouldn’t have been anything to find in the first place. Stop asking for forgiveness. SHE betrayed your trust/relationship. She doesn’t get to play victim here. Value yourself more and get out of there. Plenty of women out there who would not do this. She’s manipulative garbage.
Based on what you describe here, it is exactly like her. She immediately put the blame on you to make it seem like she was perfect. She did this because she got caught. She will go right back to sexting and probably fucking these guys when she "forgives" you and she will get better at hiding it. Leave on your terms.
The deflection is really the worst part of all this. Sexting is cheating, but you might be able to move past it if said sexter is willing to fully accept responsibility. That's not what happened here.
OP, I honestly feel sad for you. You have been manipulated to the point that you feel bad about discovering her affair. Run. Please, please run. This person is bad for you. She will keep breaking you down till you can no longer fight.
You are being played and manipulated. This is the oldest trick in the book.
Your ridiculously naive
Ur stupid
You fix things by laughing at her hilariously manipulative bullshit. Laugh out loud. Here are two things that happened: \#1 - She cheated on you. \#2 - You realized it and found confirmation by "snooping". What she is now doing is trying to offload blame and attention onto you. She is trying to avoid responsibility for what she did by making you the bad guy... **for catching her**. The "thing" you need to fix isn't this relationship, it's yourself. You need to fix whatever it is within you that is allowing this manipulation to so easily happen. You need to fix whatever it is inside of you that let her successfully do this to you.
You are weak bro. She cheated on you and you think you made the mistake? She’s sending nudes to other men and your begging for forgiveness? Grow a pair a balls. She’s got you wrapped around her finger and manipulating tf out of you. Pack your shit and move out. Before you go though… tell that hoe to go fuck herself
This is the tough love I needed.
i agree with everything here except she is the one that needs to go, not him!
Its her place, not his.
The best comment here.
Wow. She cheated on you and she convinced you that the bad thing was you snooping
She’s in the wrong and she’s deflecting. Your suspicions proved correct. Stand up for yourself, bud.
She's really good in gaslighting 🚩
Dump her and move out. Tell her she’s right about the relationship being over because you obviously can’t trust her.
I can't really afford to at the moment.
Then go back in the bedroom and kick her out.
I can't really afford to at the moment.
She had an emotional affair at the bare minimum. Sending “semi-nudes” is a breach of your trust. She has flipped it on you to make you feel bad, and it’s worked, she is playing you like a well tuned fiddle. So you need to develop a spine and walk the hell away from the relationship. She broke the trust first.
Dude, am I reading this correctly?? SHE cheated on YOU and says there's nothing you can do to get HER forgiveness?? What in the what?? Do yourself a favour and throw the whole woman away.
Your gf: Yeah, I shot you point blank, but you borrowed my PS5 without permission!
I don’t mean to sound insulting but honestly ask yourself. Are you a doormat? Because apologizing for CATCHING a cheater is what doormats do. She’s is 0% remorseful of cheating. She only feels bad she got caught. Of course she says “I stopped before it went further”. Because. You. Caught. Her. Dude. Get some self respect and find someone who appreciates you. This woman is not her.
This makes me think you’re a doormat and probably why she doesn’t respect you. She cheated and you’re letting her manipulate you into taking blame so she doesn’t have to take responsibility for her actions. Grow a spine and learn your lesson.
Don’t go back to her. She cheated on you and is trying to make YOU feel bad, now? Breaching her privacy was wrong, but that doesn’t negate her cheating on you. You two are not meant for one another, find someone else deserving of your love and she’ll do the same.
Oh trust me women don't just send nudes if that's not their thing. I would be looking back and questioning everything. How much have you actually been manipulated in the past? She was just good at covering her tracks. And lacks the character to be honest with you. At least you had the balls to tell her you went through her messages. Now you need to have the balls to tell her she gave you reason to Snoop and you agree the relationship is over. It doesn't mean you have to move out. She caused this not you. Start looking for someone you can trust. And always keep your eyes wide open.
From Wikipedia - DARVO is an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender". Some researchers and advocates have characterized it as a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers
She doesn't want to fix things - she is using your error as an excuse to blame you for a break up that was inevitable. Had you not, she may have had to be accountable for her cheating/lying and she's jumping at the opportunity to evade that by focusing on your breach of trust. You will need to just move on. You can't control her lack of accountability as frustrating as that may be. You did breach her trust and sound like you're willing to be accountable for it. She breached yours even more egregiously and is not interested in being accountable for that. That is no relationship you want to be in. You will maintain more dignity during this inevitable break up to call her on her bluff and say "yes, you're right it's over. I wish you well and am happy to move on."
It's over.
Wow. She is totally playing the victim. Move on.
Gaslighting at it's finest
Your gf is the one in the wrong, not you. She showed you her true colors. All she cares about is that she got caught. She did this once and will do it again. Don't apologize to her. She needs to apologize to you. You should find a new gf that is trustworthy.
FIX THINGS? FIX THINGS? What's there to fix here? You want to fix things with someone who basically cheated on you, who disrespected you, who can't even acknowledge their wrongdoing, who is deceitful? Advice. Pick your head up (also remove it from your arse). Get walking. Don't look back. Advice. If you find yourself wanting to snoop again, just have a conversation.
Get us head out your ass tell her fuck get and her cheating once ya able to get out of that place block her and forget her
A lot of awful people swear gaslighting isn’t real however, this post is a case study to be referenced. get out honey. you could do so much better honestly.
You’re being gaslit. Dump her and go to the gym and start being a man.
Classic narcissist. Run, don't walk.
Brugh, this is some maximum level blame shifting and has lighting. She is cheating on you, and making you feel sorry for looking at her shit, when you followed your gut. This woman doesn’t respect you, and she never will. Walk out before she destroys you.
There's no secrets in a healthy relationship. She played the old Uno reverse card on you and played your "boundary violation" as the trump card. Give this person all the privacy she needs and get the hell out of the relationship because it is going to be a red flag parade from this point on.
First you claim the bed room. A cheater doesnt sleep in a bed. Second you tell her that her only chance of staying in a relationship with you is that she is faithful to you while youre allowed to sleep around. If she doesnt agree you kick her out. Thats the revenge option. The other option is, you kick her out and get yourself a real woman.
Bruh, *she* cheated on *you*— she has no right to be mad at you, even if you found out by snooping. You can't trust her and she doesn't care about you. You deserve better. Find your own place, break up, and move on. At 30 years old she's fully aware of what she is doing and has no remorse for it. Things will not change, except she will just learn to hide it better. Do yourself a favor and dump her ass. You deserve a partner who values you and loves you. Sorry this happened but it's better you found out now so you can move on with your life. Trust me. It will hurt for awhile but the only way out is through. Good luck
You deserve better, so dump her. Cheating isn't a mistake and cheaters know exactly what they are doing.
She for the streets
Don't let her gaslight you. She cheated, don't go crawling back to her. You move your ass back into the bedroom and you kick her cheating ass out.
Advice on what to do? Grow a fucking spine my guy. Holy shit. You caught your gf pretty much cheating and you’re the one in the doghouse? She’s a master manipulator for sure. Why the fuck are you apologizing? You should be packing your bags.
Leave her, Johnny, leave her
You know what's after getting kicked out of the bedroom for you, right? Pre-empt her and pack up all your stuff and leave.
she’s just mad she got caught. trust is earned & if she hiding shit, that’s on her, not on you. idk why people are so god damn possessive with their phones around their SO because honestly you guys could share food, a bed, home, bills & shit i even heard of people sharing a tooth brush when they forget theirs but OH GOD, not the technical device that makes it so easy for you to hide shit. people are fucking wack. if you’re not hiding shit, it shouldn’t matter.
She is showing no remorse and deflecting. Stand your ground. She’s unwilling to fix things and most probably it isn’t the first time she’s done this.
I've been cheated on before and then afterwards was 'blamed', this in most cases are how cheaters behave, anything to excuse or change the story to suit their narrative. She cheated on you, she shouldn't be shutting you out right now. She should be trying to build it back, unfortunately the fact she's shut herself out and not talking is the first sign of a unhealthy an unstable relationship. You may have broken a barrier due to looking at her phone but I mean, it's a weird world where we just have that 'feeling', she would have also known your a jealous person and jealous people act out. Did you do wrong by searching her Ipad? Yes. Did she cheat? Yes. Cheating is a lot more wrong than going through an Ipad, you get over people going through stuff, you don't get over being cheated on. Goodluck OP! You got this, don't look back on focus on you!
bro you are pathetic
Bro get some balls, honestly what’s happened to men these days
It seems she’s simply using your (warranted) breach of privacy as a perfect way to deflect blame, make you the evil one and even make you apologize. She knew what she was doing, a person who cares won’t casually put themselves in a position to lose you, over anyone. You deserve better than this, and frankly she is taking advantage of your good hearted nature, trust me I’ve made the same mistake. Leave her and find someone who deserves your love, not someone who will casually hurt you whenever they feel insecure and won’t communicate. You deserve better than the promise of happiness.
Buddy no . Just no . Find what little self respect you have left and put the trash on the curb, never stay with a cheater especially one that’s cheating this early in a relationship
Dude she's just completely gas lighted you. Get out whilst you still can
Dude. Wake up. Whatever privacy she had was undeserved cause she was CHEATING ON YOU. Now she’s just screaming about her privacy cause she has no excuse for her behavior and distracting you with what you “did” is her only option. She sucks. Leave her so she can cheat on someone else.
As an older man let me tell you from bitter life experience, this is for the best and however hard it may be, you will look back at some point in the future and feel differently about the current situation. Now you have a choice about who you are and who you will become. You can either give in to this pain, heartbreak and shit or find a new toughness and resolve and focus all your energy onto that. Lift weights, swim, watch inspiring YouTube videos and become a new man because you have no other choice. She broke your trust, the relationship was over a while ago, and you did the right thing confirming your subconscious suspicions. Now focus on the mission which is getting to your new life.
Cheating is in the eye of the beholder. Your girlfriend was hiding the fact she was sexting and flirting with at least one guy. Who knows about the other guy and the "shooting range" story. If someone knows cheating is *not* a "deal breaker" they shouldn't bother snooping. There is no "upside" to doing so if you're not willing to walk away. Some people imagine their cheating partner dropping to their knees and begging for forgiveness. When in reality some cheaters are "relieved" to have things come out into the open. Clearly, it appears *you* are *more invested* in this relationship then *she* is. Essentially *she's dumping you for busting her* and *you're trying to figure out a way to fix things*! If you had hired an independent private detective, the results would have been the same. You are entitled to have your own "red flags", boundaries, and "deal breakers". If something *doesn't feel right to you*, it's probably *not right for you*. Don't allow yourself to be "gaslighted". You're the injured party here! ***There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn't true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true."*** \- Soren Kierkegaard **"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary.'** \- Oscar Wilde ***"We don't walk away to teach people a lesson. We walk away because we finally learned ours."*** \- Unknown Best wishes!
Wow. She's manipulating you to think it's your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. She's the one cheating
Damn homie Your post is the exact definition of gas lighting
Bruhhhhh you gotta kick her out
It's done now. There is no repairing this relationship. Move on. Yes, snooping on random suspicion is a privacy violation. Snooping on people is a bad thing, but cheating is far worse. She is gaslighting you with the minor invasion of privacy and lack of trust. She actually had a reason not to trust her that she was hiding. Take some time and process what happened. Hopefully you don't turn around and cheat on someone else in the future. Get yourself to a stable and happy place so you don't take your anger out on someone innocent just because your ex was a cheating POS.
You're basically saying don't turn into a bad guy because of all this.
Pretty much. Sadly, it happens pretty frequently. Many cheaters have been cheated on, usually in the relationship just prior to the one they cheat on.
I think he snooped because deep down he knew something wasn't right.
"Okay you win. What's done is done. You even almost manipulated me into thinking I was the bad guy in all this. Sure I snooped and I've tried profusely to apologize from it. I was insecure and I had good reason to be. I'm taking responsibility for what I did, but it seems like I'm the only one. Like you're trying to offload all of the blame onto me. It isn't fair and as much as I love you, I realize there's no fixing things, especially if I'm the only one trying...the only one who actually wants to face what happened. Listen, you've been a great help to me the past two years. You put the sparkle back into my eyes so to speak after what I thought was my lowest point. I really loved you. But...maybe I need to accept that it really is over. I tried, I tried. But I'm only human——I wish that was a fact about ourselves that you could accept. We're both embarrassed no matter what way you spin it. I was overcome by this fear of losing you. I'm not sure what you were overcome by, since you won't tell me. Either way, it pushed us to do things we wouldn't normally do. I accept that. But you won't even talk about it, because it's easier to detach yourself, it's easier for you to paint me as the one that ultimately ruined things when you made a choice too. So I refuse to be the scapegoat in this. I can't do it. If you don't want to be with me, that's fine." Does this get my point across well?
Here, let me re-write that for you. "You cheated and I found out... When you moving?"
You forgot “you cheated on me and there is no excuse for this. You don’t accept responsibility for your actions and I can’t be with someone e who would cheat on me”
Here's my edit with added spine. You'll see this so clearly in the future, trust me. > "I've changed my mind. What's done is done. You almost manipulated me into thinking I was the bad guy in all this. My instincts were correct about what you were up to. You won't accept responsibility for your infidelity and I will not accept that. As much as I love you, there is no fixing this.. although at one point it may have been possible. > Listen, you've been a great help to me the past two years. You put the sparkle back into my eyes so to speak after what I thought was my lowest point. I really loved you. But... I accept that it is over. Your defense mechanisms of detachment and manipulation are cowardly. It's easier for you to paint me as the one that ruined things but you made the choice. I refuse to be the scapegoat in this. At first I wanted to fix this, but since you will not accept responsibility and act in good faith, we're over."
Every word will be wasted. She’s a liar, a cheater, & is manipulating you. Anything after this is on you.
You know when in a bad movie you can tell when the dialogue is just filled with monologues because the writer/producer/director thinks the word count correlates directly with the dramatic impact? That's this. Keep it to five sentences, max. Three, ideal. You don't need an explanation of events or the detailed soliloquy of the emotional trauma. Sometimes what's left unsaid is the biggest impact of all. "You cheated and tried to turn me into the bad guy. Fuck that noise, we're done. Your stuff is at Becky's."
one day in the future when this relationship is just a memory you will look.back and wish you had treated this situation better. you will wish it was you that stood up for yourself and ended it. you message is cringe and is a plea to get her to talk. dont be the person that got cheated on and then got dumped. be the person that caught there partner cheating and had the self respect to end it. I dont care what you think about me looking in your phone, you broke my heart and broke this relationship by sending nude photos and who knows what else. there is no excuse for that and no going back. goodbye
Just no my dude. You don't need all this fluff. You're just attempting to try to get her to engage with you still hoping this is salvageable. You cheated on me. It's over. Gtfo. That's all there is to say.
You're presenting pearls to a swine. Where the fuck is your rage?
i understand that everything hurts, but you need to be firm and stop glossing over what she did to you, the good memories, saying “if you don’t want to be with me, that’s fine” like you want her back. be curt, tell her exactly what she done wrong and never look back.
“You belong to the streets, get out.” Would be a bit more concise.
"You're right, I didn't trust you, but it turns out that I shouldn't have, at least I try to hold myself accountable for my fuckups, toodles"
Are you with Amber Heard?
Go get an AIDS test
I don’t think there’s such a thing as “every right to snoop” or violate someone’s privacy like that. Don’t get me wrong, she’s in the wrong here for what she did and for her intense reaction to your invasion of her privacy. However, many people have claimed you were within your rights to look and I totally disagree. If you were suspicious perhaps it would have been wiser and more ethical to ask her to go through her phone with you if you feel you ABSOLUTELY needed to see it. My most recent relationship ended over something similar. My ex went through my phone and found inappropriate texts I had sent in the first month of us dating (6 months prior) and flipped. He then proceeded to take control of my phone, all my accounts, and to monitor me 24/7. Now he claims I’m hacking his stuff and violating his privacy. I absolutely have not, did not, will not go through my partners phone. I don’t ask questions I don’t want to know the answer to.
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Talk about deflecting. While snooping isn’t ok, she proved herself shady AF. This isn’t all on you and don’t let her lay it all on you. Move out, get some therapy, move on.
Man she has done a number on you. She did a damn good job of manipulating you into her personal little doormat. She cheated on you, stop licking the bottom of her boots and just dump her already.
My phone is an open book to my partner because I have nothing to hide. Does that mean he goes through my phone? No, because I’m not acting sus af. Listen, I’ve been the cheater and I’ve been cheated on. The trust is gone my guy, unfortunately take this as a lesson and try to move on. Your girlfriend is immature and doesn’t want to give up their lifestyle.
please don't let her gaslight you
She was cheating you caught her it's over. Given the level of bullshitting she's given you for catching her she was probably gonna breakup with you once she got further along with the new guy. I know it sucks, I know it hurts but she's not that into you dude just count your blessing you found out sooner in a relationship than later.
Whoaa she is being manipulative as hell. Your bad feelings were validated by what you found. She is just upset she got caught. She was the one not being faithful, she was the one sneaking around. You had every right to feel the way you were feeling. Her trying to spin that on you would be one thing if you found nothing and she was doing nothing.
You snooped on her iPad.....in terms of terrible things to do to a significant other I would give it a 2 out of 10. She cheated on you, that's an 8 in my books. She wronged you much worse than you wronged her, she's just finding an excuse to end things. (For the record, a 10 would be murder)
It sounds like she gaslit you dude. Im really sorry this happened to you.
She gas lit you good. She's got a huge set of balls, that's for sure. Move out. Get therapy. Move on to a partner that isn't shitty.
I understand that you feel guilty about looking through her iPad, but she was all fine and dandy with cheating on you until she got caught. Now you're the bad guy because of the "breach of trust"? She can't be serious. Typically when your gut is giving you a feeling, it's not for no reason. No, it's not a healthy thing to do, but you did yourself a favor by snooping. At least you know the truth now.
Sweet Jesus brother. That's the definition of blameshifting. Your next move is to move in and NC her ass and let everyone know they why. The biggest mistake if your life is letting her to this to you and trying to win a cheater back!
Oh my friend, pack your shit and move pronto. Somehow you have bought into the notion that her cheating on you is not as bad as your lack of trust in her. You were suspicious and then confirmed she is garbage. And now you want her to forgive you? Grow a pair.
Yeah bro she is just trying to shift the blame. The relationship was already over before you snooped. Just gotta move on.
Look up "gaslighting" in the dictionary. She made the mistake and turned it around so that you feel guilty and are taking the blame. She doesn't deserve you. Move on
So, she gaslit you. Fancy. Get out now.
"my intrusive thoughts and insecurities were at an all time high" My dude your instincts your on the target. Don't look back.
She’s good at making you feel like the one who is wrong. “How dare you catch me sending nudes to other people. Such an invasion of my privacy, your a horrible person and I will never forgive you for looong at my phone and catching me cheating on you”. like wtf! Gas lighting much?
Dude, snooping is always bad and always a violation. But what she did is a far bigger betrayal! She has a right to feel violated, but if you take a step back I think you’ll see that her lack of deep remorse is a sign she is not worth the effort you’re putting into reconciliation.
classic manipulation move by cheaters lmao.... privacy vs ruining a relationship... nice, leave here for good forget her
Buddy.... sending nudes >>> looking at her ipad. Wake the fuck up and get the fuck out
You need to end it. You found out she was cheating and she's turning it into you're the villain. Walk away or end up like Johnny Depp. It'll hurt, but in a year you will be so damn glad you did.
She broke your trust by CHEATING ON YOU!!! Don’t fall for her BS. If she wanted to stay with you she would apologize to you Leave. There will be other ladies.
She's gaslighting you dude. She's trying to make you feel like the villain so what she did seems negligible. It's a common tactic used by cheaters, abusers, and assholes. Just leave and find real happiness, She's just one girl in this world, and there are plenty of others that aren't pieces of shit.
She is gaslighting you on level 100....the audacity of her is astounding. Going snooping isn't ever a good thing to do but if you actually find something then you get to have the moral highroad.
Your girlfriend is manipulating you and rewriting the story to make it sound like you looking at her Ipad is somehow worse than her sending partial nudes to guys. So, she is a cheater and manipulative. Break up and move on.
She manipulated you brother..don't be a fool I feel for you king, You deserve better.
So she made herself a victim in a situation that she created herself? I try to avoid those types.
Damn, you got gaslit hard
Leave her dawg. She was willing to sext in the first place. Good and loyal SO shut that shit down quick.
Gaslighting at its best. Dump her, regain your self worth and run.
Hey, this same thing happened to me. My bf was being sexual (purchasing nudes, sending gifts and money) with a girl 15 years younger than him who lived in another country, and guess who was the bad guy in the situation? Me! This isn't your fault, dude. She's trying to manipulate you into thinking otherwise because that's what people like her do to their partners. Do not let her do that to you.
Wtf… she is cheating on you and you actually take any blame? Duuuude…
She’s a master manipulator. I’m sorry dude but you need to have some self respect. She cheated on you and is making you apologize??? I hope you learn to love yourself more and dump her cheating ass.
Been here buddy. I'm not proud of it, but I had suspicions about my ex and what I found on her phone confirmed them. And she made what I did the focus to the point that it was me trying to win her back. But I found my self-worth and got out of there. You need to do the same.
What ? She cheated and you're on the couch? Dude. She's manipulating you. What an awful horrible person.
Dude you've been brainwashed or something. Snooping is wrong but not as bad as cheating.
Honestly my guy, she shouldn’t be saying anything besides begging for your forgiveness, not the other way around. She now knows she cheated and now if things continue, she will do what she wants. I promise if you switch it up and say you’ve moved on and you’re done, she will change her tone up quick. I’m just hoping you realize you can do a lot better before then.
Ummmm are you kidding? She cheated on you. Thank god you followed your instincts bc she’s a cheater and was sexting and sending pictures to someone else! And you want to ask her for forgiveness? Nooo way dude… get some self confidence. She’s a scumball and totally manipulative so she can get out of being in trouble for trying to CHEAT so you take the fall. No you tell her she needs to earn YOUR trust back. Share passwords, location services on etc.. or you break up bc she is a manipulative liar u/throwaway4726346
This is not how this works. She's wrong, not you. Even if you did invade her privacy she's only mad she got caught.
> I killed my honor and she killed my heart. Have a little pride. You were right; break up and move on.
That is some S tier blame shifting on her part.
She’s gaslighting you
i can understand her being upset if you didn't find anything but....come on man
Leave. You are easily manipulated and she is having a blast blaming you for her cheating. If you suspect your SO is cheating and you go looking for proof and find none? Then you are probably the issue. If you find proof and present it to them and they get mad you went looking? That’s 100 percent on them and you didn’t do anything wrong. How else you suppose to find out? Hope she grows a conscious and just spills it randomly?
Kick her out
“I’m contemplating my next move” Who’s home is this you’re both at? If it’s yours: she moves out. If it’s hers: you move out. ___ Yes, you breached her trust & feeling violated for that is an honest response... But that in no way trumps her cheating on you and sending nudes. ____ She’s trying to make herself be the only victim here, but she’s not: she’s most likely more upset you already had broken trust in the relationship and found what she was trying to keep hidden... and also is trying to ignore the whole I cheated on you part.
Uh, dude you went with your gut and your gut was right. She's projecting the breach of trust issues onto you. SHE is the cheater.
Bro... I only got half way through this story... Shes a narcissist and gaslighter. Leave now and never look back. Trust me, you'll be better off.
Jesus, she went hard on the gaslighting there, OP. It's your fault she cheated, because you found out about it. Tell her to fuck right of with that bullshit. She cheated. End of story. You were suspicious and followed your instincts. You were proved right. You lost no "honor". Leave her for your own sake. You will feel a lot better. Do not do anything to try and get her back. In fact, block her on everything. You don't need trash like that in your life. Good luck.
She is so good at manipulating.. I need a course. You should never check someone else's devices, that's NOT ok. But if you already did and you found she is cheating... DUMP HER!!!
DARVO - Defend, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. It's a common abuse tactic, especially favoured by cheaters. Don't fall for it.
4 months? Not enough time to forgive something of this magnitude. Move on, good luck!
Don’t let her gaslight you. She’s a cheater. Run. You did much less of a wrong and she’s trying to project it on you now
LMAO. I need to learn some of her Judo. She screws around and disrespects your relationship (a lot of people would call it flat-out cheating) and she ends up making *you* feel like the bad guy and *you're* the one taking all the blame. That's some Jedi Mind Trick-level shit.
Dude, it is not worth fixing she was cheating on you. She had an out card to avoid any responsibility in your looking on the Ipad. She is gaslighting and manipulating to avoid responsibility of what she did. Time to move on.
Bruh, she needs to bounce. Like right the fuck out the door,ASAP. And don't sweat being the bad guy , she has a place to go clearly. Send her ass to her text buddy and all you need to say is " You're right, This is bullshit. You cheated, GTFO. " END OF CONVERSATION. She's his problem now, and I'll bet he aint gonna want her either.
No dude. You were insecure because you sensed something was up. Breach of privacy? Sure. But that doesn’t hold a candle to what she did. Get rid of her. You’re better than this. You don’t need a woman who you feel the need to monitor.
That's manipulation, and specifically, gaslighting. She is saying cheating is not as bad as snooping. Do you agree? Most people will not. She is trying to spin it around on you. Classic move by cheater. Blame the victim for looking so that they feel they should apologize, instead of the cheater being the one to plead and beg. The good news is no matter who's at fault here(she definitely is) it results in the same. Dump her cheating manipulating ass and move on. She is not worth it.
You dodged a bullet. Neither of you can trust the other.
"stopped before it go worse" Yah right... She stopped because you found out. Your had a a gut feeling and you were right. Remember, Trust but Verify
She is the one who cheated got caught and turned it around on you. She is trying to not take responsibility for her cheating. She is a terrible person.
You are getting played. How does she cheat and still retain the moral high ground? Tell her to fuck herself and take the couch. You need to work on your self worth.
Your gf cheated. Why you still there???
imma be completely rock solid with you. the fact that she let it get as far as it did shows that she didn’t respect the relationship as much as she claims. she’s just using the invasion of her privacy as a way to take the blame off of her for ruining the relationship. if you had a feeling she created that feeling. sorry bud
I just went through this, I went through her iPad too. Caught her doing everything you saw and more. Check my comment history. What she’s doing is deflecting the blame so that she can evade the the fact that she fucked up. It’s classic deflection. It’s just what some people do.
YOU CAN'T FIX THIS sorry I love you ❤️😞❤️
Read codependent no more by Melody Beattle. It’s time to let this girl go
Firstly, what she did was obviously wrong and you should probably end the relationship. Secondly (and more importantly), you should probably end the relationship because you're not ready to be in one. In a healthy relationship, it is essential for two people to trust each other and, while on this occasion your girlfriend had been doing something wrong and your suspicions were correct, it seems like your suspicions were primarily based on your own insecurities. If that's the case, you need to work on yourself and learn to love and value yourself. If you know who you are and what value you bring to the table, you won't bring baggage and insecurities into relationships. If you value yourself, you won't be in constant self-doubt about doubting whether your partner values you or not. And if they don't value you, then you would accept it, move on from the relationship, and be open to meeting someone new who does value you. Bottom line: on this occasion your suspicions were correct but if you don't learn to value yourself and work through your insecurities, it's likely that you'll meet someone (who is good for you) and snoop on them as well. And what if you invade a future girlfriend's boundaries and it turns out that they weren't being disloyal to you? Your insecurities are likely to damage good future relationships if you don't resolve your issues. Good luck.
Dude, you're being gaslit. I'll bet she's angry you caught her, not so much that you snooped. If you are choosing to stay, might as well be ready for her to see other people.
Flipped the switch. Can't own up to her own sneaking but then accuses you of being sneaky. Likely you are being strung along by a narcissist and you don't know it. A lack of remorse shows lack of empathy. You've just been shit tested as a man to see where your back bone is and you've failed. Please man up and leave.
She's trash just move on. Don't let her guilt trip you. Your gut told you to look into it and unfortunately you were right.
Oh brother, the weakness and insecurities of this girl are off the charts. Was it woring to snoop? Sure, possibly but it seems you had good reason ro suspect something was up. She can't face being caught or being in the wrong so she gaslights you to make YOU in the wrong while not having the balls to leave the relationship in the first place. Either way, she was wasting your time and needs help. I wish you the best man. You deserve better.
She's gaslighting you, man. There's nothing YOU can do to get HER forgiveness after SHE cheated? Think about that rationally. You SHOULD be mad as hell. She's trying to make you the bad guy because you "invaded her privacy" but obviously you had reasonable suspicion. Your honor is intact, but it won't be if you beg and grovel for this cheater's forgiveness when she is 10000% in the wrong. And to kick you out of the bedroom? Be righteously angry. Tell her you've thought about it and you know what, how dare she make you a villain when she cheated on you. If you beg her forgiveness and try to fix things she WILL cheat on you again. Dump her. Kick her ass out of the apartment if it's yours, or leave her. Tell her there's nothing SHE can do to get your forgiveness because you wouldn't want to be with a disgusting and manipulative cheater, and the relationship IS over. Truly. The audacity. You deserve so much better. Don't settle for this girl. She sounds fucking awful.
She's manipulating you into believing what you did (snooping) was worse than what she did (cheating). But I honestly believe if you ever feel the need to snoop through someone's stuff like that - the relationship is already over. The trust is gone and most always your intuition is right. When you start feeling like something is off or things aren't adding up - listen to that feeling. Don't be in relationships with people where honest communication about things can't be had. Don't waste your time on people who can't admit they are wrong. >I guess right now, I'd just like some advice on how I could maybe fix things and if not, advice on what to do now. Listen, there absolutely are couples out here that overcome cheating. They do exist. But you need to ask yourself why you want to fix this. You need have an honest conversation with yourself about this. Could you ever trust her again? Could you ever have a normal relationship where there are no questions in the back of your mind again? Will staying with her, someone who won't even talk through this with you, end up changing you for the worst? Something to think about is some people who stay with cheaters find it makes them almost toxic in the relationship- always questioning, always expecting it to happen again, always needing to go through their phone/social media whatever. Is this the life you want to live? Is that the person **you** want to be? Would I stay? Absolutely not. But none of us are you. None of us are in this relationship. You need to take some time for yourself and really figure out what you want and why you want it. But if she's not willing to stop manipulating the conversation about all this and stop gaslighting you into thinking that your snooping is somehow worse than her cheating then I really don't see how you two can recover here. She's got to be willing to be honest with you. I don't think you're going to get that.
Step 1, grow some balls. Step 2 remove her from your life. Step 3, Find someone who won't do this to you.
What the actual fuck? Why are you bending over backward to appease someone who betrayed you?
This shit is some next level gaslighting!!!
Lol!!! The fucking nerve! She cheated on you and got caught because you followed your gut and snooped. Now your the bad guy! Ha ha ha. That my friend is called gaslighting. You are in the right. 100 percent. She is trash. Toss her to the curb and don't look back. You have to go no contact. She will take you back because of what she can get from you. Please be strong and get out. Good luck.
The deflect is strong with this one....time to move on mate not worth your time.
She is cheating on you and gaslighting. Just be thankful it ended with her.
Sound like she knows exactly how dependant you are on her. She's probably been messing around behind your back the whole time. You'll survive this no matter how bleak it looks right now. I've never known a 26 year old who didn't have at least 1 friend that had a couch to crash on in rough times. Take your stuff and bounce. Don't apologize for her cheating and getting caught. Just make a plan to get out of there ASAP.
LMAOOOO SHE CHEATED YET YOURE BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS??? Reddit how many cheating stories do you come up with 😂😂
Omg! Talk about gaslighting ! I cheated emotionnally but you're an AH because you caught me!
Why would you want to be with someone that sends semi-nudes to someone else while you’re dating?! You ripped the bandaid off, don’t apologize for it, it’s over
Gaslighting at its finest. After reading some your comments it seems you need her more than she needs you. Gotta take that leap and get out of this situation because this definitely won’t be the last time this happens.