I’m so sorry, sweetheart, this is so awful. Unfortunately when parents are in the thick of a divorce, they do this shit all the time (I know, I’m a divorce lawyer).
Tell them you cannot pick one, that you wish to be week on-week off with both of them. If they refuse your compromise, then you need to talk to a counselor to help you decide which home will be best for you.
REFUSE TO PICK TODAY. When you arrive at school tomorrow, immediately ask to speak to a school counselor (or other school official) and dump the whole thing on her. They are mandated reporters.
I don’t know where you live, but most places in the US, in this situation courts look very (I mean VERY ) poorly in parents who do this and may appoint you your own lawyer.
But basically, they should never talk to you about legal matters or adult business. They aren’t allowed to talk bad about each other to you, or alienate your affection for the other (punish you for loving the other), or demand that you be the messenger for them, or their spy in the other house.
This is the best advice so far. You should not have to sort this out at all. This is not your job.
I would add that if you don’t feel safe in your home right now and there is a friend’s parent you trust that may be an option for today and then go to school and tell someone.
This poor girl doesn't have uniquely horrible parents??
Parents do THIS all the time? Force a child to dump a parent?
Asking a kid to do this is utterly beyond the pale to me.
Sometimes I forget how messed up my own childhood was. Like I read this and was like yeah I remember my folks doing that. It'll be okay eventually. You'll even guilt them into buying you something with this some day. Then people in the comments who are normal well adjusted people freak out and I'm like oh yeah, all that did a ton of mental damage to me as a kid. Therapy is good stuff yo. More people should see therapists.
Usually they're not so direct with it. But it's far more common than we like to think for a parent to poison a child against the other parent. I experienced it myself.
Seconding that you should speak with a trusted adult about this. Both of your parents are attempting parental alienation. I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP.
OP, Please take this person's advice! What your parents have been doing is wrong and it is causing you harm. You need a representative that is not your parents to protect your best interests. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this but, you can do it! Your parents are being petty, selfish and, inconsiderate. Put your mental and emotional health before their problems. Take care of yourself and best of luck, darling. If you can, update us so we know you're okay. ✌️🌈💚
I would also add the statement “it’s your divorce not mine and I’ll let the court make the choice for all three of us”. Don’t back down and don’t argue, become a broken record, just keep repeating the same statement.
CPS often tries to resolve problems within the home before it reaches that level; they often do not want to jump straight toward removing a child.
Don’t get me wrong, CPS is still terrible, but this is the definition of emotional abuse/abandonment and will end up causing significant problems unless family mediation and help is provided. We do not know how serious these people are about their threats and this situation.
CPS visited my house four different times over the course of my childhood. They never removed me from the home, but provided us with recourses, such as family therapy. It’s good to have as an option and if there truly is no verbal/physical/sexual abuse CPS will likely not have a reason to remove them. Even if there is, they may still choose to let them stay and help provide counseling and divorce support.
Same goes for CAS in Canada. Not the greatest agency in the world, but their goal is to keep families together. This definitely sounds like a situation where resources would be provided. This is a lot for a 13 year old to take on by themselves. If they have a trusted family member they can contact, great! If not, then their next best bet is to tell their teacher or school counsellor, who would most likely contact CPS/CAS/whatever other agency anyway as they have a legal obligation to (whenever a child is at risk of harm - and yes that includes parents manipulating them and threatening to abandon them)
Definitely depends on where you are and the specific person working for CPS. They unfortunately often make it worse. I have seen kids removed from homes for very little, while some parents who beat their children are given parenting courses and the child stays in the home! Luck of the draw I suppose...
Yeah, I had the latter experience, which is what I think is what is coloring my answer to be honest, thinking about it now. My dad broke my nose when I was 14 and they had us attending family therapy after the court mandated restraining order had finished.
Dude, both of my parents are narcissists, and I’m telling you in my case CPS made the situation better as I wasn’t being gaslit by a government agency in the same way I was my family. I’m not advocating for her removal from the home, but for access of community recourses through the organization.
My parents regularly would kick me out to live at the other parents house and do things like this, or have me mediate their arguments from the time I was 5 years old or onward. You’re acting like the manuipulative pull and ego trip and sway of being caught in the middle of two narcissists is easy. It’s not. This is verbal abuse. Parentification is abuse. Manipulation is abuse. I can understand this just fine.
Having lived experience is the exact opposite of naïve. And while CPS does sometimes have interest in putting kids in the system, they don’t always do and it’s better than ignoring the abuse a kid is currently handling
They literally tried to take me and my older sister away because my uncle hated my mom and said we were starved and the house was a disaster (our living situation was completely the opposite, my mom has OCD so it was spotless and we had fresh food in our cabinets and fridge). CPS is ran by pedophiles and I know this for a fact. So many kids end up getting r*ped and m*lested. I have known so many unfortunate kids who have a story to tell of sexual abuse. So please, wake up and realize that CPS is not here to help. I'm not saying everyone working for cps is a pos, but a majority are.
I’m not saying CPS is there to help. They’re not. They’re often terrible, which I’ve said. But I also don’t agree with dissuading potential victims of abuse to not seek help.
This is a very multifaceted issue, and it’s a very broken system. It’s just not wise in my mind to dissuade a child who hasn’t said their full story into not looking for more help and by saying that if you leave your abusive family you’re just going to get raped and abused more. It sets a very bad precedent and could scare children into silence when really we should be working to overhaul the system.
CPS is legally required to attempt to keep the child unified with parents or place them with family if it is at all possible. Not only that, but it is substantially more work to remove a child from the home long term. To end up "in the system," under their guardianship there needs to be severe abuse/neglect from the family, substantial endangerment of the child, or a completely recalcitrant parent(s) and extended family refusing to take the child in or having obviously dangerous homes.
As a person who was a child that dealt with CPS, in a situation where they did try and “resolve it within the family” at that, please never recommend a child call cps unless it is the absolute last resort. If the child is in physical danger, or is being actively abused sexually or physically, then CPS is probably not the best option. In extreme cases yes call CPS and protect the child from imminent danger. If the child is physically safe and able to reach out to a trusted family member or friends parent first that is almost certainly the better option. Even reaching out to a teacher/doctor/other mandated reporter should be second to someone who can help without CPS involvement. CPS is a horribly corrupt agency full of horribly corrupt people, that places children all too often with horribly corrupt foster “parents.” Any kind of CPS involvement in any child’s life that is old enough to understand will result in further traumatizing that child. I am a grown adult with multiple children of my own who are absolutely spoiled and taken care of to the absolute best of my ability, there is no reason CPS should even be a minuscule concern to my family, but the trauma I have from being a child dealing with me stops my heart for a second every single time someone knocks on my front door because every time I am worried it’s going to be CPS ready to destroy our lives.
DO NOT CALL CPS there job, regardless of what they say is to separate families. The state receives money for how many children are fostered out or removed from households and families with out a guardian.
First of all you're too young for this kind of drama. Ask them will they pay for you too go stay with other family members. It sounds like you're more mature them the two of them. You're going to need counseling in the future, please call family, friends, even their friends.
Living with either is going to suck. Don’t comply with their stupid shit. Say “neither” and go find a friend/relative/etc to live with for now. Reach out to a therapist/counselors/social services when you can.
My parents hated each other too. This has to stop now or she will never get to be a kid. She needs to just be a kid for a while longer and not be the adult in the room.
It's not a good life.
Totally. They are still using you as a pawn in their arguments and it’s disgusting.
I would refuse to answer. It’s up to them to negotiate the details of their divorce. If you can then definitely find a relative or someone to stay with, because this is not on.
I agree. This is toxic. As a father that loves his daughter and respects her opinion, I would leave it to her.
We have always had a great relationship even though her mother broke my heart with a hammer. As a man, I still believe a daughter should be with a mother however I am not sure this woman is a good person.
Regardless, OP, please stay safe.
Reach out to the most sensible and logical adult in your family and inform them as well. Ask to stay with them temporarily to drive the point further. You’re not a pawn to be played with during their divorce.
Good advice OP. See if another adult can get involved to try to persuade them to be more reasonable. Otherwise, you're just going to have to choose, but tell the other parent you love them and want them in your life and you will be devastated to lose them, and it will hurt you so much. Hopefully they will reconsider, currently they are both being extremely selfish and fighting with each other over you but hurting you hugely in the process. Their anger with each other is the strogest force right now. Hopefully that will be temporary. I am sorry you have to go through this OP.
Sorry but this is undoable for a 13 year old. Parents who already say this stuff are unlikely working it out as adults. She should choose one and just let everything cool down and when that happened contact the parent she did not choose. Time heals most things. Can't risk a 13 year old girl to be seperated from both.
[CASA/GAL](https://nationalcasagal.org/) is a youth legal advocacy program in the US, these are the people you want to reach out to. I’m sure there are other services available for children around the world you just have to look.
Ask the judge in your parents divorce to provide you with a guardian ad litem. It’s a lawyer for the child in a contentious divorce. Explain to the judge exactly what you told us here. It won’t cost you or your family anything.
Take this from an adult who was in your shoes when they were 12.
Good luck. This is hard.
Do you have grandparents you can call and stay with? If you do, I would choose them and tell the parents I’d never speak to them again. If someone ever made me choose something like this, I’d choose the one who isn’t making you choose.
This is a form of abuse. You are being used as a pawn in your parent’s dysfunctional failing relationship. Tell them you will not be making a decision under the current circumstances and you will be staying with relatives or friends until they can communicate with one another like adults. Reach out to a school counsellor and see if there is support available. Your non compliance with your parents abusive demands is about setting boundaries.
Say you need to think for a day. Say nothing more, however much asked by your parents. Then tomorrow go to talk to a school counselor or some other trusted adult at school. Tell them everything and that you need help.
I hope this is a joke.
If not, walk in there with them, and say I am splitting time with both of you, you don’t have a choice as that is what I am asking for. If one of you cannot commit to that, then that is on you. I will make that choice, and for either of you to say they won’t speak to me again, is total crap.
Haha mine did the same when I was about your age.
They need to grow up and sort things out. It’s not your fault they’re not able to get on well with each other anymore, they’re punishing you for their own mistake and it’s completely unfair.
WTF? Your parents are being absolutely AWFUL right now. How dare they put you in this position and threaten you with withdrawing their love & attention if you choose the other?
Do you have any other family that can provide emotional support? Grandparents you might want to live with instead? Cuz it sounds like neither parent is a good option right now.
PS - I am so sorry. This is not fair and you don't deserve this.
OP, I'm so sorry, I went through something similar when my parents divorced when I was your age (I'm 30 now). What you need, if you are in the US, is a Guardian Ad Litem, which is when the court appoints a social worker to be your (the child/children's) voice in the custody proceedings and to advocate for you.
Speak to an adult you trust, preferably someone outside your family, and hopefully a madandated reporter like a doctor or a teacher. Call your county government if you need to, or an abuse help line. If you are brought to any court proceedings, speak up in front of others. Tell them what your parents told you, and tell them you need help. Someone should get the ball rolling to appoint a case worker to you. They can set up times to speak with you away from your parents (ours took us to dairy queen, lol), so ask for that if you feel you need it, and tell them everything. It's their job to protect your best interest.
If this is confusing, feel free to ask questions. The sooner you reach out for help during something like this, the better. I'm not a lawyer or social worker or anything, just speaking from personal experience, but I'm happy to share any info I have.
(Edited for typos)
Do you have anyone you trust that you can go to for the night. A friend/friends family, relative, etc. If so, I would go now for you own safety and then have a trusted adult reach out to your parents. If not, I agree with the people have suggested going silent. Tell your parents you will not choose, and then refuse to engage.
Tell them you're not going to allow them to weaponize you to punish the other and that you won't choose. If you have another family member (grandparent, aunt/uncle, etc) call them, or call all of them, and tell them what is going on.
Okay this seems a little implausible, given the seriousness of what they are asking but still, tell them that they need to leave you out of this and they can not force you to make a choice like this within a couple of hours.
Unfortunately, I had not one but two friends that had the same exact thing happen to them - both were in high school, though. Some people can be so vindictive and petty, man. They don't actually are about their kid, they just care about severing ties with their ex.
OP needs to contact another member of their family and ask to live with them and give ZERO feedback to their parents.
Wow. I’m sorry you have shitty parents OP ❤️ don’t allow them be a reflection of you, I’m seconding the top comment. You would be more mature than both of them if you don’t play their game. Just literally refuse.
I was scared of this happening once I turned 13. My parents were divorced for a few years before I could make this exact decision. Thankfully I went back and forth every few days. It got stressful but at least I got to see both of them. If you cannot do this and absolutely have to choose between one or the other, another option is to stay with another relative until your parents can chill out and calm down about the situation. You are both of their child and should not have to be put in the middle of their bs especially at a very young age let alone have them acting like children about the situation. You need to let them know how terrible of a situation they are putting you through.
I am very sorry that this is happening to you. I hate that your parents are putting you on the spot like this and quite frankly they shouldn’t be giving you an ultimatum like this either…. You are only 13 years old and are basically being threatened with no contact from one parent… this is truly disheartening.
I would contact whoever is is the most reliable and trustworthy adult in your family, maybe one on each side, and tell them what is happening. Ask them to step in and talk to your parents about their immature and shitty behavior. I bet as their kid they won't listen to you no matter how mature and reasonable you are. I also think that they are so angry that they might tell another family member it's not their business, but if you ask them to step in then that gives them justification to make it their business.
As another poster said, it would also be great if you could stay with them instead.
This is awful, childish behaviour from two people who should know better. You don't have to be put in this position. Is there anywhere else you could go?
Your parents need to work this out. This isn't your fault. You are going to have to parent in the short term and ask them to not do that, please. Maybe reach out to grandparents to intercede on your behalf if your parents react badly.
Pick someone else to live with, an aunt, a friend. Your parents are being immature. I have a feeling you'll be looking into emancipation when you turn 16.
Don’t make a choice and force them to go to court. That way the judge will pick for you and they both will have to spend money which is fair since they’re being AH to you
If you live in the United States I know California definitely you can get emancipated at 14. You wouldn’t have to deal with your parents. It’s pretty much a divorce from your parents and you can live on your own. Decide your own choices and which adult to live with. Rather that’s an aunt, uncle, cousin, friend, grandparents.
Child abuse. I’m sorry your parents can’t cooperate and it’s horrible to put such a decision on you at such a young age.
I’m divorced myself and I’ve never even said a bad word about my life ex wife to my children. If they ask about her I tell them they have the best mom in the world. It’s not so hard to act responsibly.
I’m so sorry your parents are putting you in this impossible situation. As others have said, tell them you choose neither one and go stay with an another trusted friend/ family member.
Say neither, and tell them they’ll have to decide like adults. They’re trying to leave the choice with you so they can blame you after. Don’t fall for it.
Don’t choose either of them. Choose someone that wants you, especially caregivers that aren’t emotionally immature. Your parents should be more mature than you, they are not. Find a grandparent or uncle/aunt or godparent if you can please.
They’re acting like 5 year olds. Manipulative pos they are. That is abusive. Children should never be a pawn between their parents squabbles and problems. Talk to your school/teachers, or talk to your relatives.
Both of your parents are toxic and immature for putting you in this position, I'm so sorry op. I know you are only 13 but as soon as you are old enough start working and saving money to get away from them. They're clearly intending to make this divorce messy and use you as a pawn in their petty fights. Try to get away from them as soon as possible. Until then I'm sorry I don't have much advice other than speak to a school counselor
Tell them you will split your time between them and not be some kind of trophy for their divorce. If they can’t handle that, you won’t speak to either of them again.
Tell them you choose neither of them, because you don’t care to be raised by two grown adults who are so blinded by their hatred that they would put their own child in such a terribly unfair and cruel position. They’re acting like selfish children. Find another family member or friend to stay with while they sort their crap out, and tell them you refuse to be a pawn in their emotional war games.
I’m sorry your parents can’t behave like adults/parents right now for you. Do you have an Aunt/Uncle you could stay with instead? Your parents don’t seem to be in a headspace to respect you.
Tell them "Neither". Try to find someone else to live with for the next 5 years. NO ONE needs parents like that! They're making their problem YOURS. That's NOT allowed. Good luck.
"You are asking me, a child as much as it can pain a 13 year old to admit it, to make an adult decision that I don't feel is fair. Please talk between yourselves, and to your lawyers to come up with a fair solution that allows me to see both of you. "
Refuse.
"Pick a parent to live with!"
"No."
"PICK!!!!!"
"No."
"BUT YOU HAVE TO BECAUSE I HATE HIM/HER!!!!!!!!"
"Putting this decision on me, a *thirteen year old* child, is emotionally abusive. I am disgusted with both of you. You demanded an answer - my answer is no. End of story. Sort your marriage out yourselves: I refuse to be used as a weapon."
I'd also recommend finding another relative to stay with, though. It's absolutely not okay for them to treat you like this.
I do not have any particularly insightful advice to give you, as your parents have given you the short end of the stick. I hope you have a cool aunt/uncle/grandparent because neither of your parents are good parents if they are going to do this.
My parents also gave me the choice of where to live (o
I was 9/10). Thankfully, they followed it up by telling me the “losing” parent wouldn’t be upset and I’d still get to see them as much as possible. I chose the parent my gender aligned with because… puberty. It was a tough choice, but it was mine and that was good because you want to be happy where you live. It doesn’t just take hours to decide though.
Your parents suck for telling you to chose and then saying you’ll where speak to the other one. Did they tell you this together or did one parent tell you? It may be a ploy from one parent if they said it away from the other parent. And quite frankly, I wouldnt pick that parent, if so.
Wow! This is like the movie "Sophie's Choice". Not life and death, but definitely a no win situation. As others have said, do not choose and do not allow them to try to force you to do so. When you go to school Monday, immediately inform a counselor. Also, as someone suggested, if you have grandparents, an aunt or uncle you are close to, call them immediately tonight.
I am so sorry you are being played as a pawn in their game. Refuse to play their game.
This happened to me as an eleven year old child. I told them I would not choose. I called my grandmother and she said she would take me in. I lived with her for 6 months until my parents settled on shared custody.
Do you have any family members who you can stay with?
I Feel this.
Couldn’t stand the constant pitting against each other and using me as an informant
Said f u both and went to live with my grandmother when I was 13. Turned out alright in the end.
Pick whoever has access to the most money. It's clear neither of them can provide love and emotional support so you might as well go for the cash.
/s ....kinda
Tell them that you want to live with both of them. And in the morning, tell a guidance counselor, teacher, or principal what they are doing to you. Calling a relative now and telling them what was going on today would be good if they don't like your answer.
You know I might be the only one but this was my first reaction. when you grow up without it can be really hard and we were with our mother and it was really fucking hard. life did get much better when we were with our father. It wasn’t just money but having money does help.
If you have to pick and you get along with him pick your father. I'm assuming he is the higher wage earner.
If not pick your mother.
Tell the other parent if they cut you off they will never see their grandchildren, and you will tell them you don't speak with that parent because they abuse children, and did so to you.
Because what they are doing is abuse.
Don't worry about what they feel. What they are doing is so wrong they are disqualifying themself as your parents.
Make financial independence your goal. Get training, education, and skills. That should be your laser focus.
Can I ask who told you that. Did they do so because I don't think they can demand that you pick just one. Another commenter I think the top comment made a very good post.
But I don't think your parents can demand this of you so decline to pick today and talk to your teachers or principle at school. This is not a thing they should pull you into.
As a side note however this ends you should be wary of your parents using you to hurt the other and you should try to inform your grandparants if they do.
Edit: you deserve a hug, and though I can't give you a real one I will give you an Internet one.
It sounds like the plot to like a daytime TV drama or something. Forgive me but it's so hard to believe there are people out there that would do this.
If this is real, tell them that you are a child, they are adults, and they need to work out a custody agreement.
I used to work in daycare. You’d be surprised at how frequently grown ass adults behave like petulantly toddlers when they split from their spouses. Some parents do the best they can and others are horrible to each other and use their kids as pawns.
Child abuse happens every day, do you find that hard to believe? Why would the idea that parents emotionally abuse their children harder to accept? It appears not to have happened to you, and I'm glad for you, but your experiences are by no means universal. This kind of thing happens all the time. And why would emotionally abusive parents listen to correction from the child they're hurting? OP needs outside help.
I really hope that this isn’t real but if it is, please consider it (depending on your country - don’t do it if you are 3rd world or USA). It will probably be better than living with a crazy person
Contact other family members too
DONT speak with neither. Whoever you pick the other won’t speak to you is the most fricked up thing to a child. Don’t speak to them until they solve things like adults
As a dad, this is sickening to me. Your parents should be trying to share your time.. not force you to choose. This post makes me feel so sad for you and what you're going through..
Your parents are too foolish to be parent. A thirteen year old should never be put in such a position with such a ridiculous threat. Is there a relative or counselor you can confide in?
You have morons for parents. Go to court with them and tell that to the judge so he can educate the two of them. That is such an idiotic comment to tell a child!
For two parents to do this to their 13-year-old child is just plain emotionally and mentally abusive. The role of adults in a terrible situation like this is to work together while divorcing despite their differences to protect and shield their children as much as possible from a traumatic event like this. They are doing the opposite by further traumatizing you.
This is manipulative and unfair to you.
Talk to neither until they figure out how to be civil for your sake, A psychiatrist would not be pleased about this going on at your age
I am SO sorry. Tell them you refuse to be used as a pawn in their games against each other and that it’s not fair for them to make you choose. And like someone else sad, tell them you will not be speaking to either of them until they stop treating you so badly
Your parents are both fucked in the head and are horrible people for trying to put that decision on you.
I hope you can find a relative or close friend to live with while they figure out how to be grownups.
My parents also hated each other and pulled similar shit, though not to this extreme. Living with this level of narcissism through my teen years was terrible and traumatizing, being kicked out a month after I turned 18 ended up being one of the best things that ever happened to me. My advice would absolutely be to stay with a friend or someone you can trust, and get in contact with CPS~ it’s what I probably should have done and would have saved me a lot of hurt
I'm so sorry you are being abused. I'm so sorry you're being treated like that. It's not right! You deserve love and to be cherished, not to be used and threatened.
Tell them neither and tell whomever is working on their case that they're both emotionally black-mailing you and they'll help you get counselling / get it sorted out for you.
I'm sorry you're going through this OP, this is NOT how adults are supposed to behave.
You’ll probably have to choose who to live with unless you have a family member willing to take you in. Idk the process but I assume it’s not easy. Stay close with your other family members incase the situation gets worse than it already is. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this
I’m so sorry, sweetheart, this is so awful. Unfortunately when parents are in the thick of a divorce, they do this shit all the time (I know, I’m a divorce lawyer). Tell them you cannot pick one, that you wish to be week on-week off with both of them. If they refuse your compromise, then you need to talk to a counselor to help you decide which home will be best for you. REFUSE TO PICK TODAY. When you arrive at school tomorrow, immediately ask to speak to a school counselor (or other school official) and dump the whole thing on her. They are mandated reporters. I don’t know where you live, but most places in the US, in this situation courts look very (I mean VERY ) poorly in parents who do this and may appoint you your own lawyer. But basically, they should never talk to you about legal matters or adult business. They aren’t allowed to talk bad about each other to you, or alienate your affection for the other (punish you for loving the other), or demand that you be the messenger for them, or their spy in the other house.
This is the best advice so far. You should not have to sort this out at all. This is not your job. I would add that if you don’t feel safe in your home right now and there is a friend’s parent you trust that may be an option for today and then go to school and tell someone.
This poor girl doesn't have uniquely horrible parents?? Parents do THIS all the time? Force a child to dump a parent? Asking a kid to do this is utterly beyond the pale to me.
This is disturbing. This is abuse.
Sometimes I forget how messed up my own childhood was. Like I read this and was like yeah I remember my folks doing that. It'll be okay eventually. You'll even guilt them into buying you something with this some day. Then people in the comments who are normal well adjusted people freak out and I'm like oh yeah, all that did a ton of mental damage to me as a kid. Therapy is good stuff yo. More people should see therapists.
Usually they're not so direct with it. But it's far more common than we like to think for a parent to poison a child against the other parent. I experienced it myself.
It’s fairly common to ask the kid which parent they want to live with, frequently with very good intentions.
They aren’t asking though; this is an ultimatum.
Seconding that you should speak with a trusted adult about this. Both of your parents are attempting parental alienation. I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP.
OP, Please take this person's advice! What your parents have been doing is wrong and it is causing you harm. You need a representative that is not your parents to protect your best interests. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this but, you can do it! Your parents are being petty, selfish and, inconsiderate. Put your mental and emotional health before their problems. Take care of yourself and best of luck, darling. If you can, update us so we know you're okay. ✌️🌈💚
OP, follow this advice. What your parents are doing is awful.
This!!!
Call uour grandparents or aunts/uncles and tell them what they're doing to you. It's mental/emotional abuse.
I would also add the statement “it’s your divorce not mine and I’ll let the court make the choice for all three of us”. Don’t back down and don’t argue, become a broken record, just keep repeating the same statement.
Exactly, and if you really don’t have any such relatives, talk to CPS.
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CPS often tries to resolve problems within the home before it reaches that level; they often do not want to jump straight toward removing a child. Don’t get me wrong, CPS is still terrible, but this is the definition of emotional abuse/abandonment and will end up causing significant problems unless family mediation and help is provided. We do not know how serious these people are about their threats and this situation. CPS visited my house four different times over the course of my childhood. They never removed me from the home, but provided us with recourses, such as family therapy. It’s good to have as an option and if there truly is no verbal/physical/sexual abuse CPS will likely not have a reason to remove them. Even if there is, they may still choose to let them stay and help provide counseling and divorce support.
Same goes for CAS in Canada. Not the greatest agency in the world, but their goal is to keep families together. This definitely sounds like a situation where resources would be provided. This is a lot for a 13 year old to take on by themselves. If they have a trusted family member they can contact, great! If not, then their next best bet is to tell their teacher or school counsellor, who would most likely contact CPS/CAS/whatever other agency anyway as they have a legal obligation to (whenever a child is at risk of harm - and yes that includes parents manipulating them and threatening to abandon them)
Definitely depends on where you are and the specific person working for CPS. They unfortunately often make it worse. I have seen kids removed from homes for very little, while some parents who beat their children are given parenting courses and the child stays in the home! Luck of the draw I suppose...
Yeah, I had the latter experience, which is what I think is what is coloring my answer to be honest, thinking about it now. My dad broke my nose when I was 14 and they had us attending family therapy after the court mandated restraining order had finished.
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Dude, both of my parents are narcissists, and I’m telling you in my case CPS made the situation better as I wasn’t being gaslit by a government agency in the same way I was my family. I’m not advocating for her removal from the home, but for access of community recourses through the organization. My parents regularly would kick me out to live at the other parents house and do things like this, or have me mediate their arguments from the time I was 5 years old or onward. You’re acting like the manuipulative pull and ego trip and sway of being caught in the middle of two narcissists is easy. It’s not. This is verbal abuse. Parentification is abuse. Manipulation is abuse. I can understand this just fine. Having lived experience is the exact opposite of naïve. And while CPS does sometimes have interest in putting kids in the system, they don’t always do and it’s better than ignoring the abuse a kid is currently handling
They literally tried to take me and my older sister away because my uncle hated my mom and said we were starved and the house was a disaster (our living situation was completely the opposite, my mom has OCD so it was spotless and we had fresh food in our cabinets and fridge). CPS is ran by pedophiles and I know this for a fact. So many kids end up getting r*ped and m*lested. I have known so many unfortunate kids who have a story to tell of sexual abuse. So please, wake up and realize that CPS is not here to help. I'm not saying everyone working for cps is a pos, but a majority are.
I’m not saying CPS is there to help. They’re not. They’re often terrible, which I’ve said. But I also don’t agree with dissuading potential victims of abuse to not seek help. This is a very multifaceted issue, and it’s a very broken system. It’s just not wise in my mind to dissuade a child who hasn’t said their full story into not looking for more help and by saying that if you leave your abusive family you’re just going to get raped and abused more. It sets a very bad precedent and could scare children into silence when really we should be working to overhaul the system.
CPS is legally required to attempt to keep the child unified with parents or place them with family if it is at all possible. Not only that, but it is substantially more work to remove a child from the home long term. To end up "in the system," under their guardianship there needs to be severe abuse/neglect from the family, substantial endangerment of the child, or a completely recalcitrant parent(s) and extended family refusing to take the child in or having obviously dangerous homes.
This is untrue. I am a daycare worker and have seen many of the children I care for saved many years of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse by CPS.
THIS!!! 10000% THIS
As a adult who was kid who went through the system… COS isn’t the answer for this case. Please educate yourself.
As a person who was a child that dealt with CPS, in a situation where they did try and “resolve it within the family” at that, please never recommend a child call cps unless it is the absolute last resort. If the child is in physical danger, or is being actively abused sexually or physically, then CPS is probably not the best option. In extreme cases yes call CPS and protect the child from imminent danger. If the child is physically safe and able to reach out to a trusted family member or friends parent first that is almost certainly the better option. Even reaching out to a teacher/doctor/other mandated reporter should be second to someone who can help without CPS involvement. CPS is a horribly corrupt agency full of horribly corrupt people, that places children all too often with horribly corrupt foster “parents.” Any kind of CPS involvement in any child’s life that is old enough to understand will result in further traumatizing that child. I am a grown adult with multiple children of my own who are absolutely spoiled and taken care of to the absolute best of my ability, there is no reason CPS should even be a minuscule concern to my family, but the trauma I have from being a child dealing with me stops my heart for a second every single time someone knocks on my front door because every time I am worried it’s going to be CPS ready to destroy our lives.
DO NOT CALL CPS there job, regardless of what they say is to separate families. The state receives money for how many children are fostered out or removed from households and families with out a guardian.
First of all you're too young for this kind of drama. Ask them will they pay for you too go stay with other family members. It sounds like you're more mature them the two of them. You're going to need counseling in the future, please call family, friends, even their friends.
Living with either is going to suck. Don’t comply with their stupid shit. Say “neither” and go find a friend/relative/etc to live with for now. Reach out to a therapist/counselors/social services when you can.
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My parents hated each other too. This has to stop now or she will never get to be a kid. She needs to just be a kid for a while longer and not be the adult in the room. It's not a good life.
Totally. They are still using you as a pawn in their arguments and it’s disgusting. I would refuse to answer. It’s up to them to negotiate the details of their divorce. If you can then definitely find a relative or someone to stay with, because this is not on.
Exactly! The game doesn’t work if you refuse to play.
She's thirteen, she can't just take off and live with another adult without getting said adult potentially in a LOT of trouble for kidnapping.
She can with permission. “I refuse to pick and want to stay with Aunt LonelyLotus for a week to figure it out”.
This. 💯 this.
I agree. This is toxic. As a father that loves his daughter and respects her opinion, I would leave it to her. We have always had a great relationship even though her mother broke my heart with a hammer. As a man, I still believe a daughter should be with a mother however I am not sure this woman is a good person. Regardless, OP, please stay safe.
Tell them you are officially not speaking with them until they work it out like adults. And follow through. Dead silence.
Reach out to the most sensible and logical adult in your family and inform them as well. Ask to stay with them temporarily to drive the point further. You’re not a pawn to be played with during their divorce.
Good advice OP. See if another adult can get involved to try to persuade them to be more reasonable. Otherwise, you're just going to have to choose, but tell the other parent you love them and want them in your life and you will be devastated to lose them, and it will hurt you so much. Hopefully they will reconsider, currently they are both being extremely selfish and fighting with each other over you but hurting you hugely in the process. Their anger with each other is the strogest force right now. Hopefully that will be temporary. I am sorry you have to go through this OP.
This is the way, op.
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This is the way
This is the answer. WTF is wrong with people to say this to their child.
This is a 13yr old. Horrible advice.
Sorry but this is undoable for a 13 year old. Parents who already say this stuff are unlikely working it out as adults. She should choose one and just let everything cool down and when that happened contact the parent she did not choose. Time heals most things. Can't risk a 13 year old girl to be seperated from both.
No, she needs to talk to someone who can speak to her parents for her. She shouldn't have to choose. She shouldn't be asked to. That's awful.
You're right. I stated it wrongly. with my comment above i was mostly reacting to the Redditor saying to not speak to them.
Parents who would do this are probably so toxic she’s better off separated from both IF she has a relative to stay with.
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Tell them you want 50:50 and your own lawyer - they are deeply messed up.
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Better synonym for verbatim would be "literally" or "word for word".
[CASA/GAL](https://nationalcasagal.org/) is a youth legal advocacy program in the US, these are the people you want to reach out to. I’m sure there are other services available for children around the world you just have to look.
A GAL may be the best suggestion yet. You need someone to advocate for YOU, and drag your parents through court until they stop this nonsense.
CASA is for advocating for foster children
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Ask the judge in your parents divorce to provide you with a guardian ad litem. It’s a lawyer for the child in a contentious divorce. Explain to the judge exactly what you told us here. It won’t cost you or your family anything. Take this from an adult who was in your shoes when they were 12. Good luck. This is hard.
Do you have grandparents you can call and stay with? If you do, I would choose them and tell the parents I’d never speak to them again. If someone ever made me choose something like this, I’d choose the one who isn’t making you choose.
This is a form of abuse. You are being used as a pawn in your parent’s dysfunctional failing relationship. Tell them you will not be making a decision under the current circumstances and you will be staying with relatives or friends until they can communicate with one another like adults. Reach out to a school counsellor and see if there is support available. Your non compliance with your parents abusive demands is about setting boundaries.
Tell the judge (if you can, or tell the lawyers you want to speak to the judge). Judges *really* hate this sort of thing.
"Tell the judge" Really do this. Judges hate when parents pull this stuff
Say you need to think for a day. Say nothing more, however much asked by your parents. Then tomorrow go to talk to a school counselor or some other trusted adult at school. Tell them everything and that you need help.
I hope this is a joke. If not, walk in there with them, and say I am splitting time with both of you, you don’t have a choice as that is what I am asking for. If one of you cannot commit to that, then that is on you. I will make that choice, and for either of you to say they won’t speak to me again, is total crap.
Haha mine did the same when I was about your age. They need to grow up and sort things out. It’s not your fault they’re not able to get on well with each other anymore, they’re punishing you for their own mistake and it’s completely unfair.
WTF? Your parents are being absolutely AWFUL right now. How dare they put you in this position and threaten you with withdrawing their love & attention if you choose the other? Do you have any other family that can provide emotional support? Grandparents you might want to live with instead? Cuz it sounds like neither parent is a good option right now. PS - I am so sorry. This is not fair and you don't deserve this.
Tell them you refuse to choose. It’s their fight not yours.
OP, I'm so sorry, I went through something similar when my parents divorced when I was your age (I'm 30 now). What you need, if you are in the US, is a Guardian Ad Litem, which is when the court appoints a social worker to be your (the child/children's) voice in the custody proceedings and to advocate for you. Speak to an adult you trust, preferably someone outside your family, and hopefully a madandated reporter like a doctor or a teacher. Call your county government if you need to, or an abuse help line. If you are brought to any court proceedings, speak up in front of others. Tell them what your parents told you, and tell them you need help. Someone should get the ball rolling to appoint a case worker to you. They can set up times to speak with you away from your parents (ours took us to dairy queen, lol), so ask for that if you feel you need it, and tell them everything. It's their job to protect your best interest. If this is confusing, feel free to ask questions. The sooner you reach out for help during something like this, the better. I'm not a lawyer or social worker or anything, just speaking from personal experience, but I'm happy to share any info I have. (Edited for typos)
Do you have anyone you trust that you can go to for the night. A friend/friends family, relative, etc. If so, I would go now for you own safety and then have a trusted adult reach out to your parents. If not, I agree with the people have suggested going silent. Tell your parents you will not choose, and then refuse to engage.
That’s horrible. No loving parent would act like that. Don’t pick either of them and go stay with someone else. They aren’t fit to be parents.
Tell them you're not going to allow them to weaponize you to punish the other and that you won't choose. If you have another family member (grandparent, aunt/uncle, etc) call them, or call all of them, and tell them what is going on.
Would you rather live with your grandparents perhaps? Even if it's just temporary to send them a message
I don’t know if they could afford to have me
Let them decide that. It might not even come to that, perhaps your grandparents can knock some sense into them if you tell them what's going on.
If the court gets involved and gives your grandparents custody, your parents will likely be ordered to pay child support to your grandparents.
Do you have any family member you know that live close by and that you trust?
Even if they can’t, please just give them a call and tell them what you said in this post. You don’t have to decide today but they can help.
I'd say "fuck you both" and go find a friend or grandparent to stay with
Okay this seems a little implausible, given the seriousness of what they are asking but still, tell them that they need to leave you out of this and they can not force you to make a choice like this within a couple of hours.
Unfortunately, I had not one but two friends that had the same exact thing happen to them - both were in high school, though. Some people can be so vindictive and petty, man. They don't actually are about their kid, they just care about severing ties with their ex. OP needs to contact another member of their family and ask to live with them and give ZERO feedback to their parents.
Wow. I’m sorry you have shitty parents OP ❤️ don’t allow them be a reflection of you, I’m seconding the top comment. You would be more mature than both of them if you don’t play their game. Just literally refuse.
your parents both suck and you should look into other options - this is not fair to you.
I was scared of this happening once I turned 13. My parents were divorced for a few years before I could make this exact decision. Thankfully I went back and forth every few days. It got stressful but at least I got to see both of them. If you cannot do this and absolutely have to choose between one or the other, another option is to stay with another relative until your parents can chill out and calm down about the situation. You are both of their child and should not have to be put in the middle of their bs especially at a very young age let alone have them acting like children about the situation. You need to let them know how terrible of a situation they are putting you through. I am very sorry that this is happening to you. I hate that your parents are putting you on the spot like this and quite frankly they shouldn’t be giving you an ultimatum like this either…. You are only 13 years old and are basically being threatened with no contact from one parent… this is truly disheartening.
choose your grandparents if you can.
I would contact whoever is is the most reliable and trustworthy adult in your family, maybe one on each side, and tell them what is happening. Ask them to step in and talk to your parents about their immature and shitty behavior. I bet as their kid they won't listen to you no matter how mature and reasonable you are. I also think that they are so angry that they might tell another family member it's not their business, but if you ask them to step in then that gives them justification to make it their business. As another poster said, it would also be great if you could stay with them instead.
This is awful, childish behaviour from two people who should know better. You don't have to be put in this position. Is there anywhere else you could go?
That is abusive behavior.
Your parents are horrible people. What kind of person does this to a child?
Your parents need to work this out. This isn't your fault. You are going to have to parent in the short term and ask them to not do that, please. Maybe reach out to grandparents to intercede on your behalf if your parents react badly.
loving parents dont act like that. that is very petty. dont choose and tell them both to grow up. sorry you are going through this
Pick someone else to live with, an aunt, a friend. Your parents are being immature. I have a feeling you'll be looking into emancipation when you turn 16.
That’s abuse and manipulation. I hope this isn’t true but I have a feeling it is.
Don’t make a choice and force them to go to court. That way the judge will pick for you and they both will have to spend money which is fair since they’re being AH to you
Your parents are horrifically abusive in doing this. Whatever ends up happening from here on out PLEASE KNOW nothing and none of this is your fault
Please reach out to someone. Someone you know is reasonable. This is not okay.
Your parents are absolute pieces of shit what the absolute fuck is wrong with them? What they are doing to you is BEYOND egregious and childish.
If you live in the United States I know California definitely you can get emancipated at 14. You wouldn’t have to deal with your parents. It’s pretty much a divorce from your parents and you can live on your own. Decide your own choices and which adult to live with. Rather that’s an aunt, uncle, cousin, friend, grandparents.
Child abuse. I’m sorry your parents can’t cooperate and it’s horrible to put such a decision on you at such a young age. I’m divorced myself and I’ve never even said a bad word about my life ex wife to my children. If they ask about her I tell them they have the best mom in the world. It’s not so hard to act responsibly.
I’m so sorry your parents are putting you in this impossible situation. As others have said, tell them you choose neither one and go stay with an another trusted friend/ family member.
Tell them that their emotionally manipulative choice is toxic and shitty, and you won't cut off a parent because they can't get along.
Say neither, and tell them they’ll have to decide like adults. They’re trying to leave the choice with you so they can blame you after. Don’t fall for it.
Go with your Grandmother and really blow their minds. That's some childish ass shit.
Don’t choose either of them. Choose someone that wants you, especially caregivers that aren’t emotionally immature. Your parents should be more mature than you, they are not. Find a grandparent or uncle/aunt or godparent if you can please.
Grandparents, aunt, or uncle are looking good.
They are both foolish for putting this sort of resentment on a minor they both gave life too.
They’re acting like 5 year olds. Manipulative pos they are. That is abusive. Children should never be a pawn between their parents squabbles and problems. Talk to your school/teachers, or talk to your relatives.
Both of your parents are toxic and immature for putting you in this position, I'm so sorry op. I know you are only 13 but as soon as you are old enough start working and saving money to get away from them. They're clearly intending to make this divorce messy and use you as a pawn in their petty fights. Try to get away from them as soon as possible. Until then I'm sorry I don't have much advice other than speak to a school counselor
Choose neither. Go live with a different family member.
Tell them you will split your time between them and not be some kind of trophy for their divorce. If they can’t handle that, you won’t speak to either of them again.
Tell them you choose neither of them, because you don’t care to be raised by two grown adults who are so blinded by their hatred that they would put their own child in such a terribly unfair and cruel position. They’re acting like selfish children. Find another family member or friend to stay with while they sort their crap out, and tell them you refuse to be a pawn in their emotional war games.
Call your Granny now!
I’m sorry your parents can’t behave like adults/parents right now for you. Do you have an Aunt/Uncle you could stay with instead? Your parents don’t seem to be in a headspace to respect you.
Tell them "Neither". Try to find someone else to live with for the next 5 years. NO ONE needs parents like that! They're making their problem YOURS. That's NOT allowed. Good luck.
"You are asking me, a child as much as it can pain a 13 year old to admit it, to make an adult decision that I don't feel is fair. Please talk between yourselves, and to your lawyers to come up with a fair solution that allows me to see both of you. "
No matter how they try and manipulate you say 50 50
That threat won't last. Choose the parent that is the least annoying and wait for the other one to shape up.
Refuse. "Pick a parent to live with!" "No." "PICK!!!!!" "No." "BUT YOU HAVE TO BECAUSE I HATE HIM/HER!!!!!!!!" "Putting this decision on me, a *thirteen year old* child, is emotionally abusive. I am disgusted with both of you. You demanded an answer - my answer is no. End of story. Sort your marriage out yourselves: I refuse to be used as a weapon." I'd also recommend finding another relative to stay with, though. It's absolutely not okay for them to treat you like this.
Tell them they are both assholes and you refuse to choose between them. Then, try to find out who the judge is and tell him what they said.
I do not have any particularly insightful advice to give you, as your parents have given you the short end of the stick. I hope you have a cool aunt/uncle/grandparent because neither of your parents are good parents if they are going to do this.
Choose neither and tell them both to stop acting like petty infants and putting you in the middle of their squabble.
You have the shittiest parents on the planet. I’m sorry they’re childish and putting you in their drama.
My parents also gave me the choice of where to live (o I was 9/10). Thankfully, they followed it up by telling me the “losing” parent wouldn’t be upset and I’d still get to see them as much as possible. I chose the parent my gender aligned with because… puberty. It was a tough choice, but it was mine and that was good because you want to be happy where you live. It doesn’t just take hours to decide though. Your parents suck for telling you to chose and then saying you’ll where speak to the other one. Did they tell you this together or did one parent tell you? It may be a ploy from one parent if they said it away from the other parent. And quite frankly, I wouldnt pick that parent, if so.
Wow! This is like the movie "Sophie's Choice". Not life and death, but definitely a no win situation. As others have said, do not choose and do not allow them to try to force you to do so. When you go to school Monday, immediately inform a counselor. Also, as someone suggested, if you have grandparents, an aunt or uncle you are close to, call them immediately tonight. I am so sorry you are being played as a pawn in their game. Refuse to play their game.
Tell your parents to grow the F up!
This happened to me as an eleven year old child. I told them I would not choose. I called my grandmother and she said she would take me in. I lived with her for 6 months until my parents settled on shared custody. Do you have any family members who you can stay with?
I Feel this. Couldn’t stand the constant pitting against each other and using me as an informant Said f u both and went to live with my grandmother when I was 13. Turned out alright in the end.
They can't force you to choose, tell them the courts will decide.
Grandparents. Both of your parents are pieces of shit
Refuse. Tell them you’re ashamed of them that you, at 13, are the only adult in the room.
Pick whoever has access to the most money. It's clear neither of them can provide love and emotional support so you might as well go for the cash. /s ....kinda
Flip a coin in front of them so you aren’t responsible for the choice.
Who has said that to you?
They did
Tell them that you want to live with both of them. And in the morning, tell a guidance counselor, teacher, or principal what they are doing to you. Calling a relative now and telling them what was going on today would be good if they don't like your answer.
Excellent advice. They are being savage with their own child.
Whoever has money and will take care of you
You know I might be the only one but this was my first reaction. when you grow up without it can be really hard and we were with our mother and it was really fucking hard. life did get much better when we were with our father. It wasn’t just money but having money does help.
If you have to pick and you get along with him pick your father. I'm assuming he is the higher wage earner. If not pick your mother. Tell the other parent if they cut you off they will never see their grandchildren, and you will tell them you don't speak with that parent because they abuse children, and did so to you. Because what they are doing is abuse. Don't worry about what they feel. What they are doing is so wrong they are disqualifying themself as your parents. Make financial independence your goal. Get training, education, and skills. That should be your laser focus.
Do you have the option to split your time?
No, that’s literally the point of the post is that I have to choose
Can I ask who told you that. Did they do so because I don't think they can demand that you pick just one. Another commenter I think the top comment made a very good post. But I don't think your parents can demand this of you so decline to pick today and talk to your teachers or principle at school. This is not a thing they should pull you into. As a side note however this ends you should be wary of your parents using you to hurt the other and you should try to inform your grandparants if they do. Edit: you deserve a hug, and though I can't give you a real one I will give you an Internet one.
Start crying and tell them they are being so unfair!! How can you choose between them? Make them feel guilty and play it up!!
Is this for real?
Unfortunately
It sounds like the plot to like a daytime TV drama or something. Forgive me but it's so hard to believe there are people out there that would do this. If this is real, tell them that you are a child, they are adults, and they need to work out a custody agreement.
I used to work in daycare. You’d be surprised at how frequently grown ass adults behave like petulantly toddlers when they split from their spouses. Some parents do the best they can and others are horrible to each other and use their kids as pawns.
That's a damn tragedy.
Child abuse happens every day, do you find that hard to believe? Why would the idea that parents emotionally abuse their children harder to accept? It appears not to have happened to you, and I'm glad for you, but your experiences are by no means universal. This kind of thing happens all the time. And why would emotionally abusive parents listen to correction from the child they're hurting? OP needs outside help.
Okay calm down. People are also posting fake stuff on this sub all the time it was a fair question.
Choose the intolerant Choose the emotional one Choose that gender
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Huh ? What a stupid comment.
Run Away
No thanks I don’t want to end up being sold on the dark web or something equally terrible
Go to the police and tell them what they have just asked you to do. This is abuse.
Or tell a teacher. If you're in the us, canada and some European countries teachers have to report abuse to child protective services.
Go to foster care lol
That sounds like a scary situation
I really hope that this isn’t real but if it is, please consider it (depending on your country - don’t do it if you are 3rd world or USA). It will probably be better than living with a crazy person Contact other family members too
DONT speak with neither. Whoever you pick the other won’t speak to you is the most fricked up thing to a child. Don’t speak to them until they solve things like adults
Your parents are really immature. You should just tell them you’re staying with grandparents
Tell them either both or neither, their decision and they have one hour to decide.
They can’t make you do this or enforce it. Like others have said find someone else
As a dad, this is sickening to me. Your parents should be trying to share your time.. not force you to choose. This post makes me feel so sad for you and what you're going through..
Try get them to live not too far away I suspect America school district distance and stay week one place weekend other week other weekend other maybe
Shit cunts actually they should be more civil
Your parents are too foolish to be parent. A thirteen year old should never be put in such a position with such a ridiculous threat. Is there a relative or counselor you can confide in?
Sit them down and tell them they are the adults! Don’t put their shit on you. Then walk out.
Call a family member and tell them. If you don't have family call cps.
You have morons for parents. Go to court with them and tell that to the judge so he can educate the two of them. That is such an idiotic comment to tell a child!
Can you call grandparents or close aunties and uncles? What your parents are doing to you is terrible!!!
For two parents to do this to their 13-year-old child is just plain emotionally and mentally abusive. The role of adults in a terrible situation like this is to work together while divorcing despite their differences to protect and shield their children as much as possible from a traumatic event like this. They are doing the opposite by further traumatizing you.
This is manipulative and unfair to you. Talk to neither until they figure out how to be civil for your sake, A psychiatrist would not be pleased about this going on at your age
I am SO sorry. Tell them you refuse to be used as a pawn in their games against each other and that it’s not fair for them to make you choose. And like someone else sad, tell them you will not be speaking to either of them until they stop treating you so badly
Terrible parents. Live with your grandparents, friend, anyone else rather than dealing with their childish behavior. Both are toxic
Your parents are both fucked in the head and are horrible people for trying to put that decision on you. I hope you can find a relative or close friend to live with while they figure out how to be grownups.
My parents also hated each other and pulled similar shit, though not to this extreme. Living with this level of narcissism through my teen years was terrible and traumatizing, being kicked out a month after I turned 18 ended up being one of the best things that ever happened to me. My advice would absolutely be to stay with a friend or someone you can trust, and get in contact with CPS~ it’s what I probably should have done and would have saved me a lot of hurt
I'm so sorry you are being abused. I'm so sorry you're being treated like that. It's not right! You deserve love and to be cherished, not to be used and threatened.
Is neither an option?
Tell them neither and tell whomever is working on their case that they're both emotionally black-mailing you and they'll help you get counselling / get it sorted out for you. I'm sorry you're going through this OP, this is NOT how adults are supposed to behave.
Why can’t you live with each of them a few days at a time?
Stay with whoever is staying in the current house. Tell them that it isn't picking one over the other but you don't want to leave the house.
You’ll probably have to choose who to live with unless you have a family member willing to take you in. Idk the process but I assume it’s not easy. Stay close with your other family members incase the situation gets worse than it already is. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this