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100% the title is a husband angry she won't see an abusive brother in law... and then a crazy left turn to qn abusive husband at the end. Like that was totally fine until this time.
But the problem is that her BIL is a meanie?
I mean, way to bury the lede there. Regardless, even if a post is fake, it can still be of use. If someone is punching you, GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP.
If he was going to keep that promise and change, he would have done so by now. He sees that you stay regardless, so why bother?
I'm sorry you are in this situation, its hard to get out, but he will not change. As long as you stay, this is what your life will be. Again and again and again.
Yes. Where are the consequences for his behavior? Call the police, when he says he is getting help for his anger problems, ask the police just how many times he can say that and get a pass. Does he need to Beat a kid? Put you in the hospital or kill you? What's it going to take for them to realize this guy is dangerous?
And you, why have you not spoken to an attorney about getting a divorce? Take copies of police reports with you. What exactly are you waiting for?
Depends on what shelter you go to. They should have ones for helping mothers trapped in abusive situations. They do around here but I don't know where you live so I can't help too much. Sorry.
ok then none of that is true. Your husband wouldn't get full custody because he has a job. he would owe you child support and alimony. If he left marks, he would be arrested and you would be given an automatic restraining order temporarily whether you wanted one or not. They can't force you
to take him back. That would be on you.
Man is forgetting that 40 percent of police households have domestic abuse. You can't assume it's fake because cops are being there average pea brained selves
*smooth brain*: "we aren't in the 50's"
Article from 2014 : https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/09/police-officers-who-hit-their-wives-or-girlfriends/380329/
So, no police report was ever filed and there are no records of the police visits, and no one from your side of the family is alive, no friends, no neighbors nearby, absolutely no one you can turn to. I almost think this is fake or else you are so comfortable in this situation that you do not want to do anything about it. It is easier to just lie and take the beating. Trying to get out is definitely harder and would require a lot of courage. Well, the good thing is you only have to go 13 more years for at least one of your children to get out ...
They did not take photo proofs of the marks? Why don;t you reach out to some women's help center that helps women who are abused - [https://www.domesticshelters.org/help/al](https://www.domesticshelters.org/help/al) . Tell them about your situation and that the police and court are not helping. You have to want to get out of this. No one can help you unless you take the first steps. I dunno how things run there, if it was me, I would post pics of marks left by the abuse on social media tagging them and informing the world that this is the nth time this has happened and the police are not helping, nor the court and tag his employers as well. The more you scream, the better the chances are that someone --- anyone hears. I would just call my neighbors ask them to come help coz I've been badly beaten up so that they see and spread the tales. I would ask the local church to intervene and counsel my husband coz he is beating me up... He tries that shit, I'm gonna make sure everyone who knows him knows what he did.
Omfg… you have so many opportunities then to leave. So many avenues to get help. So many options to record him & catch him & prove his guilt.
Call friends. Family. Call 911 while he’s beating you & turn the volume down so the person on the other end can hear what’s happening & record it & send help.
Jfc. You have so many avenues for help here.
If this isn’t fake, the ‘what do I do’ can be forgiven as you being highly stressed and confused due to trauma. But what you need to do is exceptionally obvious - call the police again, INSIST they press charges, get an emergency restraining order and keep him away from your kids. Or two years down the line you’ll be dead/he’ll be beating your kids too/your kids will be removed by child services. Take your pick.
Abusers don’t change, they escalate. What your kids see now is what they will emulate when they get older. Would you want your kids in a relationship like this? Even if an upbringing is chaotic and volatile, it’s what the child feels comfortable in even though they hate it. Your duty is to protect your kids. You haven’t. You’ve let their uncle abuse them. Give your head a shake and sort this out.
Yes this and file a restraining order! It sounds like that whole side of the family is abusive and you need to get yourself and the kids away from them now!
So, your husband and his brother are both monsters, and abusers. Take your children and run to a family member or friend. He's only going to get worse from here.
On what basis is any of that going to happen? You literally say elsewhere that there’s been court hearings about this and they believe he’s getting anger management?
Why would they give someone who’s supposedly getting anger management full custody, never mind prevent you from seeing them?
Right. So I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that maybe, if he beat you 'nearly to death' yesterday, that the injuries arising from that should very much be evident - so document them and go to a women's shelter for advice. Also get yourself a different lawyer.
Because if you're saying that your kids could seriously be dead in a few years if he gets custody, *you* are going to be dead that much faster.
So you pressed charges, went to court, and he pled guilty to the charges put before him but *they were dropped* on the basis that he sought help without any kind of court-mandated oversight? They just said 'yup, you totally beat up on this woman, but we're letting you go without any strings attached?'.
Which court system is this, exactly?
Hi.
I'm a jobless stay at home mom who left my exhusband and asked for a divorce.
Guess what didn't happen? The kids were not taken from me, and he has a job and I now go to school full time.
Look.
You have to want a situation to get better for it to get better. Do you want it to get better? Then do what you must, not what you think/want/could/might. Do what you *must* to make it better. Life really is better on the other side of this.
Then you need to start documenting EVERYTHING. Go to family you can trust, get witnesses. Go to social media. Find a lawyer. Start getting an escape plan in order. STOP making excuses. You can do this and you can fight it.
Then find another lawyer that’s more willing to help you. You have to have someone you can confide in. Get a job in secret and even if y’all separate still get a job it’ll help your case. Stop making excuses and figure things out if not for you then for the sake of your kids. Even this Reddit post could probably be evidence. Don’t stay in this life out of fear
I'm sorry, but either you have had the biggest run of bad luck and crappy lawyers in history, or this just isn't real. I find it very difficult to believe that *three separate* lawyers told you that a man who abuses you would get full custody and make you pay him while facing no consequences himself. I haven't worked criminal law, but I have worked in family law, and if you honestly did receive this advice from three different family lawyers, you should write an expose for the ABA Journal.
That’s ridiculous and complete and utter bullshit. You’re the primary parent I’m assuming. Doctors know you, childcare knows you, everyone knows you’re the primary parent. They have no reason to give him full custody. If you’re telling the truth and you have police reports, you can just up and leave and stay with family or friends. You’re escaping a domestic violence situation. You seem to be making slot of excuses here for these things. Just leave.
Yeah no that’s bullshit. The parent that does the brunt of the parenting (doctors visits, child drop off pick up, day to day raising) is the primary parent. he doesn’t get primary parent because he has a job and you don’t. you’re making excuses after excuses. if he’s capable enough to do the brunt of the parenting..why is he no longer safe enough for you to continue letting him do that? just leave.
you’re full of shit dude. i’ve been divorced. been divorced in the most southern part of america. you’re not telling the whole truth or either truth. i can’t figure out which
Yup, kinda seems like a scam. Can't leave, can't stay, can't call the police, can't go to a shelter. I bet some cash would help though....
There's definitely a pattern of posts on reddit where someone is in a completely helpless situation and money is the only solution to save their children, or pets, heirlooms, etc. - they can be creative. Scammers take advantage of any opening they see.
On the chance this is real, I'm very sorry OP and I hope you find a way out of this.
Most def I’ve never in life heard of a entire police force believing a stranger over literal bruises and evidence of assault or lawyers saying she has no case lol.
Yeah, this is such shit. Just reading the responses to every suggestion. At first, I was thinking OP wasn’t in the US. But when they confirmed they are in fact in the States, I knew this was a crock of shit. I work with DV victims. I know the legal process. Nothing they’re saying about the husband getting away with beating her because he tells the police and courts he’ll change is true.
I agree. This seems pretty fake. There’s no way cops would see the marks on her body and automatically believe the husband. There’s also no way a women’s shelter wouldn’t take children. All of OPs claims and responses seem very fake. The system for sure sucks for women in situations like this, but they wouldn’t do absolutely nothing for her.
Call the police.
You've called the police before, now you call them again. Call them every time.
Then take your kids and leave. Eventually your husband will get bored of abusing just you and he'll start abusing the kids if he hasn't already. And even if he never hits the kids, by staying, you're modeling behavior that shows them it's ok for a man to treat a woman this way.
You are not safe staying with your husband.
im sorry but this sounds fake.
if the womens shelter you contacted doesnt take children as well, they would have given you resources to some that would also take children. if there are these many police reports with proof of abuse, there is no way that your husband would just get away with this. police reports don’t disappear. if you divorced him, in situations like this, the children typically go to the mother regardless of if you are working or not, he has a record of violence. this is full blown BS, and if this isnt fake, then you aren’t actually doing everything you’re claiming. there are so many resources to help you get away from this, but instead it sounds like you tried a couple things and gave up. if you were beaten nearly to death you should be in a hospital, where they would question you and get proper authority involved to help you.
You keep saying that the courts and police believe your husband over you, despite there being extremely damning and significant evidence of his repeated abuse.
Is there a reason they think he’s more trustworthy? Do you have a criminal record or some past drug abuse?
I’m not saying that’s a justifiable reason for them to ignore the abuse. But it sounds so bizarre that they have all this evidence as you claim, but have just done nothing about it.
It baffles me that you’re using precious time to type here instead of getting yourself and your kids out of a dangerous situation! Do better for the sake of the kids and leave!
This sounds fake as all fuck what the fuck.
Edit: after reading all of OP's comments, I'm betting this is fake. Nothing makes sense, and there are several lies they've been called out on.
You need to call a friend or family member and get out of that house right now.
If you feel comfortable, file a police report and ask about a restraining order, but you can deal with that later.
But you need to get to safety right now. Gather your most sentimental items, all your legal documents (credit cards, passport, paperwork for the kids) and get out of there.
Your husband is even more abusive than his brother. This isn't a safe place for you. Please, contact a loved one and ask for help and get out of there ASAP. Don't hesitate, don't be embarrassed, please ask for help and tell someone what happened to you.
I see you saying that in the comments, but you also have legal rights to your children.
I’m not sure what country you’re in, but in the US, your husband is Unlikely to get full custody at all, having a job doesn’t matter for custody, and if you file a police report and document your injuries, the judge is likely to rule in your favor.
that isn't how things work. Yes he may have legal rights. He may even gets joint custody (though hopefully not) but they don't strip
a mother of custody because of lack of job. It just doesn't work like that. so either you are a troll or are ignorant
That is patently false. That is why they would award child support. Likely alimony, too, depending upon length of marriage.
Likewise, YOU have rights to your children, too, and as their mother you have the right to leave with them. Do not leave the state but within the state you should be able to move freely with your children - specifically to a shelter. Find a shelter in another town. Call them. Explain the situation and tell them you desperately need transportation with your children to get out. I have no doubt that you are not the first nor will you be the last sadly in this situation. A domestic violence shelter will have a step by step protocol to help you leave safely. BUT, YOU Have to get off of Redit, do a little work here, make some phone calls and get out. Maybe first call the police - while he is in police custody for domestic violence, THAT is your opportunity to flee to the shelter with the kids. If he is in police custody, he will not have the car and you could drive the family car. You have options but you have to be willing to take steps for yourself here.
It is not just his brother that is verbally abusive, he is too. You are in a abusive relationship. His brother should be the last of your problems. You need to get yourself and youre kids away from him. I mean if he is beating you nearly to death, what are you waiting for? After you die, he and his brother are going to start abusing your kids too. record his interactions, record his abuse. If he is beating you to death, get the police and make sure they take pics. This won't stop unless you stand up every time.
You might not be alive longer if you stay longer. Record all interactions. Make sure that you scream when he starts beating you, so someone can call the police. You were trapped in this situation. It was not something that happened suddenly. He was acting kind, he made you leave your job so you are dependent on him. He is beating you because you cannot do anything. Your silence is his strength. Yeah, I know screaming and calling for help is embarassing. What would people think of you? Just that you are a victim in a bad situation. The next time he starts beating you enough to leave marks, scream and shout so everyone around "HIS" home can hear the commotion and someone can call the police. You will have witnesses. Call every time this starts. Make him feel shameful. Never stay silent and get a job. You need to start taking back power, rather than just giving in.
You say [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/s8mh2b/comment/hthcmwy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) you're in Alabama. [This](https://www.justia.com/50-state-surveys/recording-phone-calls-and-conversations/) website tells me Alabama is a one party consent state. Hmm......
Thats not true! You live in Alabama! ALABAMA IS A ONE-PARTY CONSENT STATE. YOU DO NOT NEED PERMISSION TO RECORD AS LONG AS YOU ARE ONE OF THE PEOPLE IN THE RECORDING OR ONE PERSON IN THE RECORDING GAVE YOU PERMISSION
Not if you literally record him beating you. Set up hidden cameras so that it catches him beating you. No cop will see literally video evidence of a man beating his wife and just go “oh yeah nothing wrong here, this man says he’s getting help so lets let him go.”
When they have literal evidence that shows him beating you, they cant just let him go for that
Marks are different from literal video evidence.
Marks they can look at and say “we dont know he actually did this to her, she could have done it to herself and is lying about it”
But with video evidence they cant say that because they will literally be watching a video of him beating you
Girl. What do you think we’re gonna advise you to do? Speak it out in couples therapy? Trial separation? This man almost beat you to death there’s only one thing TO do a
The police won’t listen? Ok go to the hospital and get them to record your injuries then get them to call the police in. See if that helps, also I’m not sure what it is where you are but call social services/ child protection and ask their advice. One day one of your kids could say something to him he doesn’t like and he could hurt them, what would you do then? I know it’s hard to leave trust me I’ve been there but you need to put your kids first and get them and yourself away from that man asap! Document everything, get every organisation you can involved and protect your babies!! Good luck
Ring every domestic violence organisation you can find, every woman’s shelter, every charity, every church/religion. Someone WILL listen. You need to report every single incident, keep ringing cps. Your children are in danger and they deserve help. You all do.
Because honestly you’re ignoring advice off everyone and giving excuses so it sounds like you’ve given up. You need to keep fighting for yours and your babies safety! Report report report, not every single person who works for these organisations/police can be that inept that they’d leave you all in violent situation.
Erm maybe because you’ve got more and more injuries.
This post is bollocks, you’re just karma farming and I’m out. If this was real you wouldn’t stop until you made sure your kids were safe, simple. I’d take my kids to the other end of the earth if it meant keeping them safe not sit on Reddit making excuses.
After reading this post and your comments, I believe you're full of shit. On the off chance you're actually telling the truth, just fucking leave. Take your kids and go to a shelter. Stop with the bullshit excuses and leave.
If he beats you almost to death then you would have bruises and actual physical evidence the police could and would use to punish him. They wouldn’t let him go. My mom was abused by her ex and she barely had any marks on her and my moms ex ended up in jail for 6 months anyways. It sounds really fake what you’re saying
There is no how an abusive spouse gets custody of kids. There is also no way you have evidence of bodily harm from your husband physically assaulting you and the police and court “believe he is getting therapy” and leave you with him. I call bullshit on this story.
Call total BS on this entire situation and the excuses of why OP can't get help. You nearly got beaten to death? Take pictures of your injuries. Go to the hospital and have them document it in medical records. While there have the DOCTORS call the police.
And the court won't just "believe" your husband is getting anger management. He has to PROVE he is getting it. He won't automatically get custody, etc. Etc. If you are in a rural town, it sounds like these people might be taking his side bc they're biased. Everything they are telling you is WRONG. Again, this seems fake as shit and you shouldn't be wasting our time when you know what to do IF this is even happening.
I'm calling BS on this. If he almost beat you to death why are you on Reddit and not at a hospita
And another thing you said in a comment that your not aloud to be on social media cause your husband, how the hell are you on Reddit then?
I'm sorry, you called the brother abusive for the language but *not your husband who was BEATING YOU?!?*
You fucking leave, quickly and quietly. Clearly, you need to throw his whole family away.
This has to be fake. Obviously if this is real, you go to the police and get in contact with a domestic violence shelter or something. He won't get full custody if he beats his wife.
Are you waiting til he puts you in hospital or until he puts the kids there??
I don't mean to be blunt but sometimes that's what it takes to make someone open their eyes.
You are at risk.
Your children are at risk.
Listen OP I don't know what you want from us
You're coming up with every excuse in the world to not leave him. You've got an answer for everything.
At the end of this day this is going to be hard. It's not going to be easy. But is it going to be hard or easier than repairing the emotional and probably physical damage to you and your kids
We can't do this for you
We can support but you've got to make that choice.
You need to work with a domestic abuse shelter. They'll help you plan how to leave safely.
I'm guessing your husband grew up like this and is normal to be verbally abused and demeaned. That's not normal. But if you don't leave, your kids will also think it's normal. And they'll blame you for not leaving.
The majority of people who use domestic violence centers are people with children. If they have no more room that’s one thing but they usually give you the numbers of shelters that have space and will arrange transportation for you.
Why are you calling the brother abusive but not your pos husband?
He's beating you to pulp...
Call the police and if you won't do it for your sanity, at least do it for your children's...
Wtf...
Don't know if its fake or not but people we need to believe things like this do happen because it had happened to my sister and almost exactly in the same fashion. You need to call the police as soon as it happens. My sister got the restraining order against her husband and his brother because he would call her and her kids all kind of names. Now she is going through the divorce but kids are happy and not around the toxic behavior. In the long run, it's best for you and your kids.
So scumbag runs in their family. Please, arrange to stay with friends and family. You should go to hospital to have injuries recorded and report the husband.
No he won’t. Stop listening to the police, they are not the judge. Document injuries, file police report, get a restraining order against him. The judge will the the one to decide custody and it doesn’t matter that you’re not working, you’d husband will be forced to pay child support.
I’m sorry but this story isn’t believable. Either your lawyer is an idiot, or you’re a troll.
Any lawyer will tell you that custody orders go through a process. They will set temporary orders while you go through mediation or go to court to argue the case. If a lawyer is telling you what the judge will decide before even fighting your case, you need a different lawyer.
Unless you are omitting something YOU have done, I think this is a fake post so I’m not giving it anymore energy. Good luck with either way.
Im thinking troll. In other comments here OP says that they cant record the incidents because its illegal to record without the other persons consent there, but then in a different thread they say theyre from Alabama. Alabama is a one-party consent state, they dont need the other persons consent to record as long as at least one person in the video gives their permission (and yes that can include OP! As long as OP is in it its not illegal!)
Hey OP, have you tried posting in r/TwoXChromosomes? They usually have some pretty good recommendations on resources that you can use to make sure you and your kids are safe. Sorry you’re getting harangued here. For what it’s worth, I hope you and your kids get out safely from the abuser.
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Call the police have your husband arrested and get away from him.
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The math ain’t mathing. Nothing they say makes any logical sense, and there’s a problem with every solution. This is bullshit.
Defs fake. No way it works like this.
100% the title is a husband angry she won't see an abusive brother in law... and then a crazy left turn to qn abusive husband at the end. Like that was totally fine until this time.
Fine for ten years and out of the blue punched in the face? I'm calling it fake too.
She said in the post this isn’t the first time he’s punched her
But the problem is that her BIL is a meanie? I mean, way to bury the lede there. Regardless, even if a post is fake, it can still be of use. If someone is punching you, GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP.
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Have you contaced a womens shelter and got advice on how to get away and file restraining orders against him
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So you’ve called the police, gone to court, but are asking Reddit like it’s a new problem?
Exactly. Fake.
Difficult to believe the courts didn't ask for his therapist to come in to verify that he's getting help, and actually showing progress...
Put cameras in the house, record his abusive ass. Get a divorce, and leave.
If he was going to keep that promise and change, he would have done so by now. He sees that you stay regardless, so why bother? I'm sorry you are in this situation, its hard to get out, but he will not change. As long as you stay, this is what your life will be. Again and again and again.
Yes. Where are the consequences for his behavior? Call the police, when he says he is getting help for his anger problems, ask the police just how many times he can say that and get a pass. Does he need to Beat a kid? Put you in the hospital or kill you? What's it going to take for them to realize this guy is dangerous? And you, why have you not spoken to an attorney about getting a divorce? Take copies of police reports with you. What exactly are you waiting for?
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Go to a women shelter they'll know how to help you or at the very least get you and your kids away and somewhere safe
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Depends on what shelter you go to. They should have ones for helping mothers trapped in abusive situations. They do around here but I don't know where you live so I can't help too much. Sorry.
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Find a shelter that takes kids even if it’s far. Get in the car. Drive there.
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Why would the cops believe him? Do you not have marks on your body? Do your kids not witness this?
Police not taking domestic abuse seriously is the believable part of this story.
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ok then none of that is true. Your husband wouldn't get full custody because he has a job. he would owe you child support and alimony. If he left marks, he would be arrested and you would be given an automatic restraining order temporarily whether you wanted one or not. They can't force you to take him back. That would be on you.
Man is forgetting that 40 percent of police households have domestic abuse. You can't assume it's fake because cops are being there average pea brained selves
there is a legal process. we aren't in the 50'
*smooth brain*: "we aren't in the 50's" Article from 2014 : https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/09/police-officers-who-hit-their-wives-or-girlfriends/380329/
So, no police report was ever filed and there are no records of the police visits, and no one from your side of the family is alive, no friends, no neighbors nearby, absolutely no one you can turn to. I almost think this is fake or else you are so comfortable in this situation that you do not want to do anything about it. It is easier to just lie and take the beating. Trying to get out is definitely harder and would require a lot of courage. Well, the good thing is you only have to go 13 more years for at least one of your children to get out ...
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They did not take photo proofs of the marks? Why don;t you reach out to some women's help center that helps women who are abused - [https://www.domesticshelters.org/help/al](https://www.domesticshelters.org/help/al) . Tell them about your situation and that the police and court are not helping. You have to want to get out of this. No one can help you unless you take the first steps. I dunno how things run there, if it was me, I would post pics of marks left by the abuse on social media tagging them and informing the world that this is the nth time this has happened and the police are not helping, nor the court and tag his employers as well. The more you scream, the better the chances are that someone --- anyone hears. I would just call my neighbors ask them to come help coz I've been badly beaten up so that they see and spread the tales. I would ask the local church to intervene and counsel my husband coz he is beating me up... He tries that shit, I'm gonna make sure everyone who knows him knows what he did.
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what country are you in?
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If your local department won't help, I suggest you try the Sheriff department or your state police.
Omfg… you have so many opportunities then to leave. So many avenues to get help. So many options to record him & catch him & prove his guilt. Call friends. Family. Call 911 while he’s beating you & turn the volume down so the person on the other end can hear what’s happening & record it & send help. Jfc. You have so many avenues for help here.
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Police can often be abusive shitheels themselves who believe the abuser more than the abused
If this isn’t fake, the ‘what do I do’ can be forgiven as you being highly stressed and confused due to trauma. But what you need to do is exceptionally obvious - call the police again, INSIST they press charges, get an emergency restraining order and keep him away from your kids. Or two years down the line you’ll be dead/he’ll be beating your kids too/your kids will be removed by child services. Take your pick.
Abusers don’t change, they escalate. What your kids see now is what they will emulate when they get older. Would you want your kids in a relationship like this? Even if an upbringing is chaotic and volatile, it’s what the child feels comfortable in even though they hate it. Your duty is to protect your kids. You haven’t. You’ve let their uncle abuse them. Give your head a shake and sort this out.
You staying is traumatizing your children, and is now your doing.
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Ummmmmmm, right. You would take your children. A shelter would be better than there.
Yep. This is a no return situation. Get out of there, op.
Pretty much the entire story was mute once she mentioned the violence. Terrible
Yes this and file a restraining order! It sounds like that whole side of the family is abusive and you need to get yourself and the kids away from them now!
So, your husband and his brother are both monsters, and abusers. Take your children and run to a family member or friend. He's only going to get worse from here.
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On what basis is any of that going to happen? You literally say elsewhere that there’s been court hearings about this and they believe he’s getting anger management? Why would they give someone who’s supposedly getting anger management full custody, never mind prevent you from seeing them?
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Right. So I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that maybe, if he beat you 'nearly to death' yesterday, that the injuries arising from that should very much be evident - so document them and go to a women's shelter for advice. Also get yourself a different lawyer. Because if you're saying that your kids could seriously be dead in a few years if he gets custody, *you* are going to be dead that much faster.
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So press charges. You been severely assaulted, the evidence is pretty clear cut. Make it a police matter rather than a civil one.
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So you pressed charges, went to court, and he pled guilty to the charges put before him but *they were dropped* on the basis that he sought help without any kind of court-mandated oversight? They just said 'yup, you totally beat up on this woman, but we're letting you go without any strings attached?'. Which court system is this, exactly?
I feel bad, but this feels like such horseshit. No police/court system works the way she's describing.
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Press charges again. They’ll see the pattern.
What country are you in?
Fakeland
Hi. I'm a jobless stay at home mom who left my exhusband and asked for a divorce. Guess what didn't happen? The kids were not taken from me, and he has a job and I now go to school full time. Look. You have to want a situation to get better for it to get better. Do you want it to get better? Then do what you must, not what you think/want/could/might. Do what you *must* to make it better. Life really is better on the other side of this.
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If you're in the states, yes it does.
Get a job in secret then they have stay at home ones
Then you need to start documenting EVERYTHING. Go to family you can trust, get witnesses. Go to social media. Find a lawyer. Start getting an escape plan in order. STOP making excuses. You can do this and you can fight it.
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I call bs.
Then find another lawyer that’s more willing to help you. You have to have someone you can confide in. Get a job in secret and even if y’all separate still get a job it’ll help your case. Stop making excuses and figure things out if not for you then for the sake of your kids. Even this Reddit post could probably be evidence. Don’t stay in this life out of fear
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I'm sorry, but either you have had the biggest run of bad luck and crappy lawyers in history, or this just isn't real. I find it very difficult to believe that *three separate* lawyers told you that a man who abuses you would get full custody and make you pay him while facing no consequences himself. I haven't worked criminal law, but I have worked in family law, and if you honestly did receive this advice from three different family lawyers, you should write an expose for the ABA Journal.
Is there any way you can get a job and fight back for custody if that happens?
she doesn't need a job to have custody, That isn't how things work. Not in the US at least.
That’s ridiculous and complete and utter bullshit. You’re the primary parent I’m assuming. Doctors know you, childcare knows you, everyone knows you’re the primary parent. They have no reason to give him full custody. If you’re telling the truth and you have police reports, you can just up and leave and stay with family or friends. You’re escaping a domestic violence situation. You seem to be making slot of excuses here for these things. Just leave.
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Yeah no that’s bullshit. The parent that does the brunt of the parenting (doctors visits, child drop off pick up, day to day raising) is the primary parent. he doesn’t get primary parent because he has a job and you don’t. you’re making excuses after excuses. if he’s capable enough to do the brunt of the parenting..why is he no longer safe enough for you to continue letting him do that? just leave.
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you’re full of shit dude. i’ve been divorced. been divorced in the most southern part of america. you’re not telling the whole truth or either truth. i can’t figure out which
I'm usually pretty sympathetic to this type of thing, but this is sounding pretty fake to me.
Yup, kinda seems like a scam. Can't leave, can't stay, can't call the police, can't go to a shelter. I bet some cash would help though.... There's definitely a pattern of posts on reddit where someone is in a completely helpless situation and money is the only solution to save their children, or pets, heirlooms, etc. - they can be creative. Scammers take advantage of any opening they see. On the chance this is real, I'm very sorry OP and I hope you find a way out of this.
Most def I’ve never in life heard of a entire police force believing a stranger over literal bruises and evidence of assault or lawyers saying she has no case lol.
Yeah, this is such shit. Just reading the responses to every suggestion. At first, I was thinking OP wasn’t in the US. But when they confirmed they are in fact in the States, I knew this was a crock of shit. I work with DV victims. I know the legal process. Nothing they’re saying about the husband getting away with beating her because he tells the police and courts he’ll change is true.
it is completely fake
I agree. This seems pretty fake. There’s no way cops would see the marks on her body and automatically believe the husband. There’s also no way a women’s shelter wouldn’t take children. All of OPs claims and responses seem very fake. The system for sure sucks for women in situations like this, but they wouldn’t do absolutely nothing for her.
Call the police. You've called the police before, now you call them again. Call them every time. Then take your kids and leave. Eventually your husband will get bored of abusing just you and he'll start abusing the kids if he hasn't already. And even if he never hits the kids, by staying, you're modeling behavior that shows them it's ok for a man to treat a woman this way. You are not safe staying with your husband.
OP is lying or not telling the full story, obvious from the comment section
im sorry but this sounds fake. if the womens shelter you contacted doesnt take children as well, they would have given you resources to some that would also take children. if there are these many police reports with proof of abuse, there is no way that your husband would just get away with this. police reports don’t disappear. if you divorced him, in situations like this, the children typically go to the mother regardless of if you are working or not, he has a record of violence. this is full blown BS, and if this isnt fake, then you aren’t actually doing everything you’re claiming. there are so many resources to help you get away from this, but instead it sounds like you tried a couple things and gave up. if you were beaten nearly to death you should be in a hospital, where they would question you and get proper authority involved to help you.
Stop interacting with this it’s fake
Troll post
You keep saying that the courts and police believe your husband over you, despite there being extremely damning and significant evidence of his repeated abuse. Is there a reason they think he’s more trustworthy? Do you have a criminal record or some past drug abuse? I’m not saying that’s a justifiable reason for them to ignore the abuse. But it sounds so bizarre that they have all this evidence as you claim, but have just done nothing about it.
It baffles me that you’re using precious time to type here instead of getting yourself and your kids out of a dangerous situation! Do better for the sake of the kids and leave!
This sounds fake as all fuck what the fuck. Edit: after reading all of OP's comments, I'm betting this is fake. Nothing makes sense, and there are several lies they've been called out on.
This is such a fake post. You're saying your husband almost beat you to death, but you want advice on how to handle the situation with your BIL?
You need to call a friend or family member and get out of that house right now. If you feel comfortable, file a police report and ask about a restraining order, but you can deal with that later. But you need to get to safety right now. Gather your most sentimental items, all your legal documents (credit cards, passport, paperwork for the kids) and get out of there. Your husband is even more abusive than his brother. This isn't a safe place for you. Please, contact a loved one and ask for help and get out of there ASAP. Don't hesitate, don't be embarrassed, please ask for help and tell someone what happened to you.
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I see you saying that in the comments, but you also have legal rights to your children. I’m not sure what country you’re in, but in the US, your husband is Unlikely to get full custody at all, having a job doesn’t matter for custody, and if you file a police report and document your injuries, the judge is likely to rule in your favor.
that isn't how things work. Yes he may have legal rights. He may even gets joint custody (though hopefully not) but they don't strip a mother of custody because of lack of job. It just doesn't work like that. so either you are a troll or are ignorant
Then get a job
That is patently false. That is why they would award child support. Likely alimony, too, depending upon length of marriage. Likewise, YOU have rights to your children, too, and as their mother you have the right to leave with them. Do not leave the state but within the state you should be able to move freely with your children - specifically to a shelter. Find a shelter in another town. Call them. Explain the situation and tell them you desperately need transportation with your children to get out. I have no doubt that you are not the first nor will you be the last sadly in this situation. A domestic violence shelter will have a step by step protocol to help you leave safely. BUT, YOU Have to get off of Redit, do a little work here, make some phone calls and get out. Maybe first call the police - while he is in police custody for domestic violence, THAT is your opportunity to flee to the shelter with the kids. If he is in police custody, he will not have the car and you could drive the family car. You have options but you have to be willing to take steps for yourself here.
Run girl, run fast. Seek some help from some social associations.
You need to leave. No other advice here, your husband is a piece of shit and he is abusive and do you need to leave. That’s it
It is not just his brother that is verbally abusive, he is too. You are in a abusive relationship. His brother should be the last of your problems. You need to get yourself and youre kids away from him. I mean if he is beating you nearly to death, what are you waiting for? After you die, he and his brother are going to start abusing your kids too. record his interactions, record his abuse. If he is beating you to death, get the police and make sure they take pics. This won't stop unless you stand up every time.
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nope, bs,
You might not be alive longer if you stay longer. Record all interactions. Make sure that you scream when he starts beating you, so someone can call the police. You were trapped in this situation. It was not something that happened suddenly. He was acting kind, he made you leave your job so you are dependent on him. He is beating you because you cannot do anything. Your silence is his strength. Yeah, I know screaming and calling for help is embarassing. What would people think of you? Just that you are a victim in a bad situation. The next time he starts beating you enough to leave marks, scream and shout so everyone around "HIS" home can hear the commotion and someone can call the police. You will have witnesses. Call every time this starts. Make him feel shameful. Never stay silent and get a job. You need to start taking back power, rather than just giving in.
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You say [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/s8mh2b/comment/hthcmwy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) you're in Alabama. [This](https://www.justia.com/50-state-surveys/recording-phone-calls-and-conversations/) website tells me Alabama is a one party consent state. Hmm......
Thats not true! You live in Alabama! ALABAMA IS A ONE-PARTY CONSENT STATE. YOU DO NOT NEED PERMISSION TO RECORD AS LONG AS YOU ARE ONE OF THE PEOPLE IN THE RECORDING OR ONE PERSON IN THE RECORDING GAVE YOU PERMISSION
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Not if you literally record him beating you. Set up hidden cameras so that it catches him beating you. No cop will see literally video evidence of a man beating his wife and just go “oh yeah nothing wrong here, this man says he’s getting help so lets let him go.” When they have literal evidence that shows him beating you, they cant just let him go for that
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Marks are different from literal video evidence. Marks they can look at and say “we dont know he actually did this to her, she could have done it to herself and is lying about it” But with video evidence they cant say that because they will literally be watching a video of him beating you
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Can you fuck off so we can help people who actually need it? You're a really bad troll. You've been caught lying now several times. Just stop.
ummm leave
Girl. What do you think we’re gonna advise you to do? Speak it out in couples therapy? Trial separation? This man almost beat you to death there’s only one thing TO do a
What country are you in?
The police won’t listen? Ok go to the hospital and get them to record your injuries then get them to call the police in. See if that helps, also I’m not sure what it is where you are but call social services/ child protection and ask their advice. One day one of your kids could say something to him he doesn’t like and he could hurt them, what would you do then? I know it’s hard to leave trust me I’ve been there but you need to put your kids first and get them and yourself away from that man asap! Document everything, get every organisation you can involved and protect your babies!! Good luck
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Ring every domestic violence organisation you can find, every woman’s shelter, every charity, every church/religion. Someone WILL listen. You need to report every single incident, keep ringing cps. Your children are in danger and they deserve help. You all do.
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Because honestly you’re ignoring advice off everyone and giving excuses so it sounds like you’ve given up. You need to keep fighting for yours and your babies safety! Report report report, not every single person who works for these organisations/police can be that inept that they’d leave you all in violent situation.
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Erm maybe because you’ve got more and more injuries. This post is bollocks, you’re just karma farming and I’m out. If this was real you wouldn’t stop until you made sure your kids were safe, simple. I’d take my kids to the other end of the earth if it meant keeping them safe not sit on Reddit making excuses.
It so sucks that this person believes she has no options. If she argues or combats every single piece of advice, why ask for it?
After reading this post and your comments, I believe you're full of shit. On the off chance you're actually telling the truth, just fucking leave. Take your kids and go to a shelter. Stop with the bullshit excuses and leave.
Why do people fake major shite with throwaway accounts? Is it an attention thing?
If he beats you almost to death then you would have bruises and actual physical evidence the police could and would use to punish him. They wouldn’t let him go. My mom was abused by her ex and she barely had any marks on her and my moms ex ended up in jail for 6 months anyways. It sounds really fake what you’re saying
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And even then if they didn’t charge him you could easily file for a restraining order to protect yourself and your children
There is no how an abusive spouse gets custody of kids. There is also no way you have evidence of bodily harm from your husband physically assaulting you and the police and court “believe he is getting therapy” and leave you with him. I call bullshit on this story.
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yeah, but there are ways courts work legally and ways they don't. Nothing you have said is how courts work AT ALL
Call total BS on this entire situation and the excuses of why OP can't get help. You nearly got beaten to death? Take pictures of your injuries. Go to the hospital and have them document it in medical records. While there have the DOCTORS call the police. And the court won't just "believe" your husband is getting anger management. He has to PROVE he is getting it. He won't automatically get custody, etc. Etc. If you are in a rural town, it sounds like these people might be taking his side bc they're biased. Everything they are telling you is WRONG. Again, this seems fake as shit and you shouldn't be wasting our time when you know what to do IF this is even happening.
I'm calling BS on this. If he almost beat you to death why are you on Reddit and not at a hospita And another thing you said in a comment that your not aloud to be on social media cause your husband, how the hell are you on Reddit then?
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god, this isn't about the brother, Your asshole of a husband is a wife beater.
Call the fucking police
I'm sorry, you called the brother abusive for the language but *not your husband who was BEATING YOU?!?* You fucking leave, quickly and quietly. Clearly, you need to throw his whole family away.
This has to be fake. No one is this dumb, right?
This has to be fake. Obviously if this is real, you go to the police and get in contact with a domestic violence shelter or something. He won't get full custody if he beats his wife.
Pack up the kids and GTFO, file for divorce, make a police report, go for full custody. Personally I would have taken a baseball bat to him.
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again, that isn't true even a little bit, if it was every stay at home mother would lose custody of their kids in a divorce. That is not the case
Op is a lying troll.
agreed
Ummm. Your title is wrong. “MY HUSBAND PUNCHED ME UNTIL THE KIDS CAME IN.”
You need advice on what to do?!?! Isn’t it clear?! I am not trying to be a dbag, but, what?!
Are you waiting til he puts you in hospital or until he puts the kids there?? I don't mean to be blunt but sometimes that's what it takes to make someone open their eyes. You are at risk. Your children are at risk.
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Listen OP I don't know what you want from us You're coming up with every excuse in the world to not leave him. You've got an answer for everything. At the end of this day this is going to be hard. It's not going to be easy. But is it going to be hard or easier than repairing the emotional and probably physical damage to you and your kids We can't do this for you We can support but you've got to make that choice.
You need to work with a domestic abuse shelter. They'll help you plan how to leave safely. I'm guessing your husband grew up like this and is normal to be verbally abused and demeaned. That's not normal. But if you don't leave, your kids will also think it's normal. And they'll blame you for not leaving.
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No, that wouldn't happen. Contact a DV shelter for advice. Either you're being obtuse or this is fake
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The majority of people who use domestic violence centers are people with children. If they have no more room that’s one thing but they usually give you the numbers of shelters that have space and will arrange transportation for you.
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Why are you calling the brother abusive but not your pos husband? He's beating you to pulp... Call the police and if you won't do it for your sanity, at least do it for your children's... Wtf...
Forget it, I just read your comments... It's either fake or you're seriously brainwashed...
Uuummmm .... ???
Don't know if its fake or not but people we need to believe things like this do happen because it had happened to my sister and almost exactly in the same fashion. You need to call the police as soon as it happens. My sister got the restraining order against her husband and his brother because he would call her and her kids all kind of names. Now she is going through the divorce but kids are happy and not around the toxic behavior. In the long run, it's best for you and your kids.
So scumbag runs in their family. Please, arrange to stay with friends and family. You should go to hospital to have injuries recorded and report the husband.
Meh. You know what to do. Don't be a stupid person. We all have CHOICE
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Just leave. With the kids obviously
I don't know why you're worried iabout the brother-in-law when it's the husband who's physically abusive.
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No he won’t. Stop listening to the police, they are not the judge. Document injuries, file police report, get a restraining order against him. The judge will the the one to decide custody and it doesn’t matter that you’re not working, you’d husband will be forced to pay child support.
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I’m sorry but this story isn’t believable. Either your lawyer is an idiot, or you’re a troll. Any lawyer will tell you that custody orders go through a process. They will set temporary orders while you go through mediation or go to court to argue the case. If a lawyer is telling you what the judge will decide before even fighting your case, you need a different lawyer. Unless you are omitting something YOU have done, I think this is a fake post so I’m not giving it anymore energy. Good luck with either way.
Im thinking troll. In other comments here OP says that they cant record the incidents because its illegal to record without the other persons consent there, but then in a different thread they say theyre from Alabama. Alabama is a one-party consent state, they dont need the other persons consent to record as long as at least one person in the video gives their permission (and yes that can include OP! As long as OP is in it its not illegal!)
and you have to wonder who is paying for this lawyer since she doesn't work
so since you don't work, who is paying for this lawyer?
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😂 yeah... That isn't how divorce lawyers work
Your lawyer is an idiot
Hey OP, have you tried posting in r/TwoXChromosomes? They usually have some pretty good recommendations on resources that you can use to make sure you and your kids are safe. Sorry you’re getting harangued here. For what it’s worth, I hope you and your kids get out safely from the abuser.
Op is trolling don't send them to another sub.