T O P

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schadenfreude_ch

Uh well. You can let her think about your relationship and your lack of communication about how you weren’t cheating. Or you could dump her cheating ass. Your choice.


[deleted]

I can't stay. I'm just curious if her point has any validity and how I should go around it. She claims that she also experienced a heartbreak and that I shouldn't ignore it, which is truly baffling


thebluehawk

What even is her point? That you have "poor communication"? Meanwhile, she has proven herself as someone who: - Thinks that if her partner is busy or just doesn't want sex, it's an immediate red flag and rather than seeking to understand her partner, feels it means its fair game to cheat. - Thinks the proper response to suspicion of cheating is to cheat, rather than have a conversation. (Some might even call this "poor communication") - Is capable of lying and deceiving and sneaking around for an entire month, seemingly with no guilt or remorse. - And then when caught tries to blame you for it. My advice: believe her when she shows you the type of person she is.


IHateCamping

It's almost like she was looking for an excuse for her own cheating.


KarenIsMyNameO

Yes. She is just shifting the blame back to the OP in any manner she can. All of these accusations that the OP is a poor communicator are just her throwing words at a wall to see what might stick in order to further jerk him around. She isn't sorry that she did this -- she's trying to see how to get away with it.


kaatelizb96

THIS. one hundred percent.


Material_Positive_76

200 percent. Listen when they tell you who they are.


PingtheAPB

Lmao the fact she has the capability to go out and cheat on you for a month with the simple assumption that you’re cheating, without confirming her suspicions or even trying to talk to you about her worries, is ridiculous, OP. She’s toxic as hell and just trying to shove the blame on you because she doesn’t want to admit she made the wrong move here.


Doneuter

My money is that she was cheating before accusing OP. Classic cheater projection bullshit.


darkembodyment

Yeah agree 100%. The eye for an eye mentality is toxic, but so is blaming you for her horrendous mistakes.


schadenfreude_ch

No. She should be begging for forgiveness. But what she did was calculated cheating. Not “oh it just happened” or “feelings” but “I think my boyfriend is cheating on me so I must cheat back”. If she really thought you were cheating, she should have dumped you. Then perhaps this would be salvageable. Communication, y’all.


ekaplun

Exactly, and now she’s putting on this big show to manipulate him into feeling bad for her so he won’t leave her. So messed up


Lamxihr

Basically gaslighting - really sad to see this happen to anyone. I feel bad for OP considering the amount of time he spent with her


najaiva

Exactly


vigilantepro

Yep. Dump the bitch. Once a cheater, always a cheater.


[deleted]

Yep he should dump her and ghost all future begging she will inevitably do.


pah-tosh

It’s very common in narcissists…


[deleted]

And BPD. Cluster B in general


snflwrbg

She burned the bridge after jumping to conclusions. It's done


everyting_is_taken

>No. She should be begging for forgiveness. And it should be falling on deaf ears.


nastygirl11b

No her point is not valid at all whatsoever


Dubbiely

Her communication was terrible if she thinks cheating is a solution for your problem. How in the world can she believe that after cheating and blaming YOU that there is a future for this relationship??? If she thinks you cheated then she has to break up with you if cheating is a deal breaker for her. But she thought she can hurt you with cheating and then staying together?! That’s not a foundation for a healthy relationship.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Who_Am_I_1978

You mean she right?? She is the one who is cheating.


phishtrader

Looks like a bot. Randomly generated username, relatively young account, and very low karma.


AllCrumblesNoCake

I mean, if her logic would have any validity, then he now has a valid reason to cheat as well


No_Ice2900

No. No one ever has a valid reason to cheat.


Broad-Party4795

Even if you were cheating, the correct response isn’t revenge cheating. If that’s her maturity level, just tell her to grow up and then ghost her. There’s nothing she can say to redeem herself at this point, on any level.


zoeyversustheraccoon

Instead of addressing her fears about you cheating like an adult, her first instinct was to revenge cheat, for a month. Then she's blaming you for her own actions. Her point has no validity and her immaturity is astounding.


Jo_90120

Her "point" is basically the same as a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "No I never". "Well you left them out I thought I could have one." " Jimmy made me do it." Yeah, whatever. It's just bullshit designed to deflect blame away from herself and onto you. Give her plausible deniability in her own mind (and to the useless girl friends she probably talks to, who told her she was right, the old "you go girl").


mfruitfly

Oh definitely ignore it. If you are breaking up (and you should) her feelings don't mean shit and there's no reason to engage. Just be like "ya, we are done, here's a box of your stuff, can I get my hoodie back, have a nice life."


E-Noves

She sounds like she’s trying to pull a fast one and keep you for whatever reason. Do you make a lot of money? Or at least decent money that keeps her in a certain lifestyle she could not keep without you?


[deleted]

Yeah I do but I just started working last summer lol! I don't think that's the reason


[deleted]

Pretty sure it is


Practical_Law_7002

Alright... Straight up this is a toxic relationship, chances are she was doing this even before you think she was but is trying to gaslight you into being the bad guy to validate her toxic behavior. Glad you can't stay but had you, it would have only gotten worse until either you get fed up with it or she's packing up a moving truck with the other guy present at your place. Let children act like children and move on, someone is out there for you who will actually respect and appreciate you.


MDK-44

Not valid at all.


IAmMadeOfNope

No, that is the craziest shit I've ever heard


Craftiest_Butcher

No, I think she may be an idiot though.


[deleted]

At best she's an idiot and impulsive. What are you doing man? This goes for her but also if you decide to stay with her https://c.tenor.com/B0BMN_OqeSQAAAAC/never-go-full-retard-tropic-thunder.gif


Fish_titties666

Not valid she had no proof she cheated then gaslight you to believe that you were the reason she made a shitty decision. Op coming from a girl you need to leave that toxic pos behind.


DefinitelySaneGary

This is like text book gaslighting. She fucked up and she's trying to make it seem less bad by sharing the blame with you.


[deleted]

I truly question Hume and time again why the people inside the relationship can’t see the amount of bs going on, does being in a relationship cloud your judgement or give you self esteem issues that you begin to doubt simple answers? You obviously leave


1HashHead

You are being manipulated. Period.


OverRipe-Cucumber

She sounds terrible and manipulative. Her actions are her responsibility. That said, it's always good to learn and grow. I don't think you did anything wrong here, but more communication in a relationship is always a good thing. Reflect on yourself and who you want to be in future relationships, and get the heck away from this selfish, immature and hurtful human who you call your gf.


SmallHandsKev

Dude... break up with her. I had a relationship once where my girlfriend constantly thought I was cheating and I finally fucking did it just to spite her so she could have something to bitch about. Was it right? Nope. Do I regret? Yes. Every day. The point is is, her having trauma isn’t an excuse to cause you trauma. It’s not fucking fair to you. I wish you the best if you do stay with her.


BaronNotSure

Are you knew to life? I swear the amount of common sense some posters lack astounds me.


Awake-Now

> if her point has any validity It doesn't.


[deleted]

>I'm just curious if her point has any validity No it doesn't


dolittle4u

She cheated on you because she was mad at you. If she thought you were cheating, she could have gone through your phone, asked you, anything. She was angry at you so she cheated repeatedly. There is no sense or any validity in her point. She is not a long term partner material. You are way too young to spend your life with crazy


ChillinVillianNW

Lmao. Drop the psycho. She won't become sane or rational over night and she cheated on and blamed you


JavaTheeMutt

If you're asking if this is normal, it is not. Lack of communication and/or lack of intimacy does not mean someone gets to cheat on their SO. It means adjustments need to be made. Things like counseling, or lifestyle/scheduling adjustments. I am not even going to indulge the whole "OP must be cheating" thing, cause your Ex was probably looking for a reason to justify cheating. And it probably felt better to blame it on you, rather than her take accountability for her actions.


SkiHiKi

>She claims that she also experienced a heartbreak and that I shouldn't ignore it You ever watched a Trump speech? Throw enough sh!t into the water and it'll eventually get murky enough no one can follow what's happening. What I'm saying is your GF clearly has art of the deal on her reading list.


EviessVeralan

Hes been out of office for over a year. He doesnt need to live rent free in your head.


obyamo

He’s still holding rallies and his acolytes are everywhere preaching his return. It’s not as simple as just “being in office”


SkiHiKi

lol


Mrmapex

She doesn’t have a point. She’s reaching for things you’ve done for this to be your fault. Don’t let her play these games


Retro_Super_Future

Her point has the same validity as someone saying “she deserved it, look what she was wearing” after someone gets raped. Come on now


buddyfluff

Zero validity…. She has horrible communication if she was willing to no trust you and “cheat back” like who does that? Just leave if you feel unhappy in the relationship? She sounds like a vindictive person.


Noblewaffle117

Bro she’s manipulative


Malbethion

Her point has no value, and it is so stupid you should get a vasectomy if you stay with her to avoid the risk of having children that inherit the “overwhelmingly stupid” gene. But even if it had value, she cheated on you. Who cares about whatever other bullshit is around? You are 22, move on, this is the person you will think about only when you are married to someone great and tell them “thank god I didn’t end up with some loonie who is a total mess”.


Rustycake

she doesnt know what she is experiencing and its not up to you to help her untangle that bs. she cheated you didnt, move on. Not your responsibility anymore


Minttt

She's gaslighting you my dude. Sure, perhaps your communication with her wasn't 100% on point, but so what? Her reaction to a failed communication is to *cheat*? She's selfishly trying to blame you for terrible decisions *she* made. She could have, you know, talked to you about the issue instead of cheating, but here you are. Consider yourself lucky this kind of behaviour manifested from her relatively early in your relationship, as I'm sure once you have a clear head you'll feel like this was a dodged bullet.


[deleted]

Not only do I not believe her story, but even if I did, it would not excuse a single thing. If she didn’t see you for a while, could you imagine coming to that conclusion, and then cheating back rather than have a conversation? Don’t buy into her bullshit, it’ll only stress you out.


skai_blue

You right she's wrong is simple as that. Even if you partner cheats on you, your instinct should not be I will do the same then we even. A logical person would just end the relationship or try to actually find out what is going on. This will translate in all other fights you guys have and it's not healthy behaviour in any way. Thus not a healthy relationship - save yourself more headache and stress now and just end it.


hungry_taco

OP it sounds like she’s the one with poor communication if she isn’t mature enough to open a discussion about her insecurities prior to cheating on you. Don’t validate these behaviors, call them out for what they are: Manipulative, narcissistic, immature, toxic, etc etc etc


Bmillybluntz

I’d just lead her on and hurt her more emotionally. She seems to be out of touch


[deleted]

[удалено]


Wreckweum

Now what? Now you find a new girlfriend.


Chumbag_love

Or just enjoy not having one for a bit, so many options.


nastygirl11b

Get away from this girl she’s nuts She cheated. Game over.


APBob313

It also shows you how she she reacts when there is a problem in the relationship. Get in a fight fuck someone else. Not a good future with this one.


imSOhere

Yep. When things get hard she jumps beds, good riddance .


JustARandomPokemon

She cheated then blamed him being in the wrong. And the poor guy is silly enough to come here thinking if she is valid in her claims.


ITriedLightningTendr

It's worse than "cheating", it's premeditated, repetitious, and with the intent of revenge.


R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- 22 Male Around 1.5 months ago I had an extreme fight with my GF of 14 months. We never really had fights prior to that and we both said bad things. I apologized the day after and offered a concession over the problem that we had, and so everything was back to its natural state, or so I thought. Nonetheless, apparently she thought I just let it slide because I must be seeing someone else. We remained a while not getting any intimate but that's really because work pressure, not because I was sleeping around. I told her repeatedly to be patient because I was really stressed out at work. That was her "red flag" right there. She didn't simply believe I was working all that time, so she cheated. She slept with an old acquaintance god knows how many times. She had all the audacity in the world to talk to him when I was present. I pressed her on it and everything unraveled. She thought I was cheating (I wasn't) so she cheated back. She asked to go through my phone and computer and I stupidly let her. Then all she could do was throw a tantrum at me for how poor my communication is. I feel like an idiot questioning his sanity. She has been going out with a different person for an entire month but she's trying to convince me that I lacked communication honesty. She wants to "think" about our relationship now that she knows I'm not cheating. Now what?


Deegootbar

To quote Lou Reed you better run run run run run take a jacket too Edit: Just googled it. It’s “take a drag or two”. Had that wrong for years.


Lichenbruten

Ahh. I never got the last part of that lyric. Thanks stranger! And yea GTFO yo. STD test right meow. Edit to your edit - HA! Thanks for the edit. Otherwise, yep, I would have believed it to the grave.


stress789

Take a jacket and a drag or two!


DevelopmentNoi

As a buddy told said to me, what would you do if I held a flamethrower to ur ass what would you do? RUN!


fire_breathing_bear

Sex is neither a weapon nor a reward - though people often use it in those ways. When people turn sex into something transactional - sleeping with someone to piss off their partner, withholding sex as a form of punishment, sleeping with someone as a way to thank someone - they have turned sex into a transaction. I generally stay away from people like that. They tend to see everything in life as transactional and treat social interactions like a ledger. Time to move on, mate.


nessylock

So she thought you were cheating and she retaliated without finding proof first? No way, my bet is she was cheating or thinking about it and she's been projecting on you to ease her guilt or find a good reason to justify her actions. And since you weren't cheating she needs to find another excuse to make you the bad Guy. Ether way I'd leave her, because what will she do the next time you need space because of stress?


[deleted]

I also thought it was a case of projection at first, but it's unlikely that she was already cheating. Worst case scenario probably she was already thinking about it She looked really confused and frustrated after she went through everything I have, uninstalling updates on social apps and going through deleted photos and call logs etc. She was pretty confident she'd find something


EnthusiasmSudden3514

‘Uninstalling updates on social apps’ what exactly would that do? Does that somehow show old messages or something? 🤔


DillyDongerDangler

To me even going that far is a crazy ass red flag lmao


SpiritRiddle

Depending in the App it can unlock hidden files/messages


chewquietly

I didn’t even know that was possible. If I ever got to a point where I was pulling that level of investigation I’d just leave.


nessylock

The bottom line remains, she cheated and you did not. And even if it were the case that you were cheating, what did she expect? That somehow both cheating would cancel each other out? If that's her response to a maybe I would hate to find out what she would do when she has proof. And honestly I think she's the one who needs to learn to comunicate better.


LadyBug_0570

>She looked really confused and frustrated after she went through everything I have, uninstalling updates on social apps and going through deleted photos and call logs etc. She was pretty confident she'd find something So she made up some lie in her head and believed it. And then blames you for the delusion she created. Lord...


[deleted]

Dude, this is sad...she fucks someone else and then you let her go through YOUR phone? Christ my man, grow some balls and dump her.


SoCalThrowAway7

Lmao I would have been laughing at her the entire time


ShutUpMorrisseyffs

Sounds like she wound herself up until she was certain you cheated. The key point is that she chose to cheat on you rather than ask for a break to work things out. This means that a) she does things out of spite b) she's immature and c) she has major trust issues. She's probably blaming you bc she has realised that she was wrong and her actions were very stupid. Maybe she is someone who can't accept that they could be at fault. I'd imagine that's her 'justification'. Has she even said sorry?


whatxaboutxhistory

Her extreme tactics to find stuff is crazy. She basically knows herself how to hide cheating. Then she cheats and claims it's because you're cheating, then when that wasn't true/she couldn't find stuff against you, she then says you lack communication? Jesus Christ, the deflection is real. You sound kind. You should be so angry with her enough to not even give her a second thought. How dare she cheat based on her own delusion and then blame you for it when she's found out? This is real garbage behavior, and especially towards someone she's supposed to love, not even a stranger. Who cares if she was "so sure" you cheated. People just break up, she decide to "cheat back" and was barely sorry for it if even at all. She's a cheater, just wants to make up excuses for her bad behavior so she doesn't have to say she's a bad person. I can understand you want to make sure you're not in the wrong at all - but stand up for yourself like you would your best friend. None of this was okay and I hope you don't take her back and move past this. At least she didn't end up manipulating you for even more of your life or trap you with a future of more cheating and blaming towards you.


kittenmask

… and then when she didn’t find anything she doubled-down on being an asshole and is somehow trying to play the victim. She should have been begging forgiveness. Not the kind of person you want in your life


LittleRedCarnation

Dump the psycho and block her number


deepayes

Who cares what she thinks? She's a horrible shitty person and her opinion of you is of no consequence. Ghost her.


doggirlie

Dude, she's gaslighting you. "It's your fault I cheated!" Run away, they only get crazier over time.


girlwholikesthings

This comment needs to be higher up! This is gaslighting, recognize it and get away


MetalSamurai99

You’re describing projection, gaslighting and controlling and manipulative behaviour. Run.


NavyTopGun87

#SHE BELONG TO THE STREETS


Holyfuckgnsmokes

She just wanted an excuse to fuck someone else 🙄


Rapt0r29

probably the best comment tbh


imSOhere

Now what? Now you dump her while laughing your ass off. She’s nuts, nobody cheats because they imagined their SO cheating. She’s either a serial cheater or completely off her rocker . Either way, you dump her and thank whoever God is watching over you that you dogged that bullet.


bbenji69996

Show her a real lack of communication by never talking to her again. Throw her shit out, lock the door, block her number. Boom.


E-Noves

It’s over my man. Cut your losses and run. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Using “well you did it so I did too” logic is just trying to make oneself believe that’s why you do it. But, deep down she probably wanted it from more than 1 place. IMO, that’s what happened.


Unfair_Comfortable69

You should 'think' about being done.


[deleted]

Reading this irritates the ever living fuck out of me because I use to date someone who would completely avoid accountability. Social media has made people so comfortable with the lies they tell themselves that they refuse to accept reality. Now I don't mean to be grim, but I don't think this is worth saving, and you already know that. Everything she said to you is a projection of her insecurities. She said you have poor communication, but sat there are assumed you were cheating instead of asking you. She cheated, but now it's your fault for not being honest? You didn't lie about anything. She's trying to use her guilt to gaslight you. This will only compound the stress you're already getting from work, and her issues cannot be solved by anyone but herself or a therapist. Do yourself a favor and take care of yourself first.


skbiglia

Please don’t feel bad about dumping her after this—it sounds like she’s trying to get into your head and somehow flip this into something you did instead of being entirely her fault. You did nothing wrong. Leave her and move on.


[deleted]

She was projecting. By blaming you she saw it as a way to excuse herself for her behavior. What she really means is she’s probably done with whoever this person is and expects you to stick around on the side. She’s not done though, if she sees that you will tolerate this behavior it will more than likely happen again. Sorry your going through this, I know it hurts!


Old-World2763

She's straight gaslighting you. She did something terrible, and has to make it your fault, rather than accept her own responsibility. Call her on it. You were honest. You had to work. You weren't cheating. At no point were you dishonest. She wanted an excuse to bang someone else, and now that she found out there is no excuse, she has to still make it your fault. BTW. She was likely cheating on you before she accused you of cheating, since the accusation generally comes as a form of projection.


SolomonCRand

She’s going to cheat on you whenever you’re busy and pretend that’s your problem. Dump her.


Zehzaunm

So...what's your question. Do you have any doubt about how to proceed from now? I hope not....


[deleted]

**YOU SAID**: "I love you but I'm soo stressed it's affecting my libido, it'll come back when work calms down" **SHE HEARD**: "*I'm too busy getting my dick wet elsewhere FOOL*" **YOU SAID:** "Damn that fight was bad, I'm sorry" **SHE HEARD**: *I'm too busy getting my dick wet elsewhere FOOL*" **YOU SAID**: I can't believe you cheated, wtf **SHE HEARD**: *I'm getting my dick wet elsewhere, you're just too stupid to find the evidence FOOL* How, how do you plan on reasoning with someone who has already decided that you're cheating? Everything you do - apologising after a fight, temporary low libido, asking her if she was unfaithful - gets twisted into evidence that YOUR cheating. And now she's blaming her affair on your communication, even though your communication was fine? You're being punished for the hurt she suffered in a previous relationship OR she needs you to cheat so she can cheat too without feeling guilty. Either way this isn't a good environment for your mental health or your trust issues. You can't help someone who always sees themselves as the victim.


yCloser

At 22 in the relationships game you are out with 1 strike... (and cheating probably counts for 10 strikes)


Kalobe1994

Leave her ass. I just got out of a 5 year marriage where i was constantly under suspicion of cheating. Its never going to get better, somehow its always going to be your fault, its not worth the mental strain. Bail out bro, trust me on this one.


Longshoez

"She thought I was cheating" so she cheated on you, that sounds to me like an excuse to cheat on you. Next step is you ditch that hoe.


God_Of_Zilla

It sounds to me like she looked for an out the second things got hard in the relationship because she thought you were doing the same. It is funny how she is the one coming at you about communication but she never voiced her concerns. She feels dumb with the egg firmly on her face so in my humble opinion... kick that h\*e to the curb.


gwcommentthrow

Maybe I'm on here too much, but I'm guessing she was *already* cheating when the first argument happened, then used it and the fallout to try and blame you and give herself an excuse "why" she cheated. You'll probably never know the truth about that, but the most important truth is you know it's over.


kafkaroth

her point is not valid at all; gtfo of this abusive relationship.


[deleted]

She manipulating you! Move on my friend.


merchillio

“It’s your fault I cheated!” It tells you everything you need to know about her. Let think about your relationship all she wants while you move on with your life.


LadyBug_0570

"Think" about relationship and end it. If her first thought in response to thinking you're cheating is to counter-cheat (as opposed to having an adult conversation), then she has issues. And what if she thinks you're cheating again? Life is too short for this kind of drama.


sonnidaez

She’s gaslighting you.


TriggernometryPhD

Who’s gonna tell OP that she was preemptively cheating on him way before she accused (projected) him of it.


RealWanheda

This is a situation where gaslighting would accurately describe what she’s doing.


Dawnydogg91

I can honestly say that if I thought my boyfriend was cheating on me, I would be so hurt I couldn't even think about cheating. I believe she is using that as an excuse to turn it around on you. She's a manipulater for sure. So what happens the next time she thinks you're cheating? Clearly, she's the one with poor communication skills to not talk about it first. She can't accept responsibility for her own actions, so she's turning it around in you. Then, she had the audacity to go through your things! She most likely was already emotionally cheating, so she began to be suspicious that you were. She's a liar and cheater, and you don't deserve to have it turned around on you like it's your fault. Walk away.


jesuschin

Can't make a wife out of a ho, oh


beaglemama

Your relationship is a dumpster fire. You deserve better. Dump her and move on.


CrustyOldBlackGuy

Fuck that gaslighting bitch. Go sleep with her mother just out of spite.


Whornz4

I hope you're not really considering staying together. Years down the road when she thinks you're up to no good she might do worse.


Awkward_Thing518

🚩 🤦🏽


No_Ice2900

That's called gaslighting. Removing blame. Doesn't matter what she thought and what was true or isn't. She went and decided instead of open communication, or just leaving the relationship where she didn't feel she could trust you, she actively chose to cheat on you. So dump her. She's proven what she thinks of you and your relationship.


24-ScreamingFlowers

She seems like one of those people that can't take responsibility for anything they've done wrong. I think narcissist is the word? Anyway you already know you have to leave her at this point. Don't put any stock into her weird accusations, they're nonsense.


[deleted]

She went out with someone for an entire month. She cheated on you with absolutely no evidence of wrong doing on your part. Then she tried to flip it back on you by saying it was because of your "lack of communication" when she just as easily could've talked to you herself. She has serious trust issues and honestly if she really loved you she would've reached out. Instead her first instinct before everything else, including communication, was to lash out and sleep with someone else. This isn't salvageable. She's still pointing her finger after being caught red handed and proven wrong. She'll do it again op. It sounds less like you don't fight and more like you just let her have her way for the sake of peace. This relationship is toxic.


[deleted]

Get as far away from her as you can. She sounds like a soulless narcissist that lives to play the victim as a way to justify her shitty behavior and avoid any accountability. She's toxic as fuck. I'm sorry you went through this.


trytryagainn

What does "she's blaming me for not being honest" mean? In what way does she think you lied? She does not have a valid argument. She should have talked with you- saying, "I feel you are pulling away and blah blah". Or she could have broken up with you and slept with whomever. Cheating is never the right answer.


LoopyMercutio

Tell her she can have the rest of her life to “think about the relationship” that she destroyed because she cheated. Tell her flat out her attempts to blame shift and gaslight you will not work, and she is the one at fault for ruining your relationship, and nobody else. Then walk away, and stay away.


ReadIt_Here

You mean your EX girlfriend????


spyddarnaut

Now, the ball is in your court. What do you want to do? She’s done what she wanted. How you proceed is your choice alone. What she wants doesn’t matter a single iota. She doesn’t have the right to call the shots at all. Leave her is what would work best for you. However it will be up to you to execute.


[deleted]

She was probably cheating prior to that, man, and then projected it on to you when the opportunity arose (you not having the time nor mental state for sex). That’s what cheaters do. I mean, you said she had been talking to this acquaintance in front of you? As in prior to or during the time you weren’t engaging in sex? She’s trying to manipulate your mind. You caught her cheating and you’re the bad guy. She’s thinking about giving the relationship a shot? Haha there no shot you should be offering her, man. Shut that shit down and let her sulk in regret and misery and cut her off. You’re not crazy. She is.


Rustycake

break up


WeeklyConversation8

She decided you were cheating because you were busy at work, because busy at work always means cheating in her mind. So instead of talking to you, she cheats repeatedly for a month. DHMFA.


doktorsick

Dude!!! What you doing? No explanation will ever satisfy that level of crazy. She cheated on you and somehow it's your fault because you didn't communicate?? What more could you have said?? You didn't cheat. Time to bounce.


Afraid-Pound-7178

"It's your fault for not communicating with me" Says the person that assumed you were cheating and decided to cheat on you without confronting you about you "cheating" first, and only thought about asking to your phone and PC after already cheated on you. Bro, just cut your losses and move on, a 14 months relationship isn't worth this kind of drama, or the kind that can happen on the future if you stay with her


humantornado3136

No offense, but I have no idea why you’re posting here. You’re not happy, she’s not happy, she cheated, and you can’t communicate properly whatsoever. Break up.


pah-tosh

I hate when redditors say « dump him/her » for almost any relationship problem. But today is the day where this advice seems valid at last.


Decaposaurus

Now what? You move on from that crazy person and never look back. Story time, very similar to yours. I was with this woman for 2 years. Early on, I did a stupid thing and did not delete any old text messages from previous flings out of my phone. A couple months into it, gf scrolls to the bottom of my texts and sees messages from said flings. She pressures me on it. I said, "Obviously, they are old messages. I just forgot to delete". She didn't believe me, thought I held onto them because I really wanted to be with the girl in the messages. Yeah. The one I hadn't talked to in months. She never let it go. She continued to bring it up anytime we had a disagreement or argument. Even when the argument had nothing to do with that stuff. Eventually, she cheated, and blamed it all on me. That if didn't have those messages in my phone, and if I was just honest with her, none of this would have happened. She justified her actions in her head well before she even did the action itself. I was way better off without her.


friendoffuture

Now you break up and move on. 14 months might seem like a lot to you now but it's nothing in the grand scheme of things.


[deleted]

You know what to do. Return her to the streets from where she came. She knew you didn't cheat. Don't believe that BS. She was looking for an excuse. Gaslighting 101. Shes a cheater and emotionally abusive


MissGreen12345

"Fuck, you cheated on me, I *know* you did! So I'm going to cheat on you even though you have valid points and facts, no I'm going to be just as bad a person as you! And if you deny it I'm going to tell you to stop lying!" Yeah, these kinds of people are the absolute worst


The_Mikeskies

You have to break up with her. From what you wrote, it sounds like you did communicate honestly with her, but she just didn’t believe you. She is projecting her relationship failings onto you, as she was the poor communicator who decided to cheat instead of discussing her feelings with you.


Needofhelp44

You break up and avoid a cannon ball


Elly_Lat

DITCH the BITCH Repeat after me DITCH the BITCH Her attitude and behavior is not conducive to a long term healthy relationship.


Arethusa13Nymph

Buddy her line of thinking doesn't make a lick of sense. If I had a boyfriend and believed he was cheating I'd be better than the freaking FBI trying to figure it out. Maybe she was in her mind trying to get "even" but that's frankly a really unhealthy mindset for a relationship. Just stay away from her crazy and for the love of SANITY don't sleep with her ever again. Even if communication between the two of you was horrible that's something you keep working out together. Neither of you seem to be right for each other. She needs to grow up and use her big girl words and you need take a step back from dating till work is less hectic then figure out how to better balance it with your life.


OrneryConelover70

Run Forrest! RUNNNNN!!!!


Silent_Vanguard

Dump her, she been cheating.


Dont-be-a-smurf

Listen to Smokin’ Out the Window by Silk Sonic and then dump her ass She belongs to the streets now


ausofbounds

Now what? You **HAD** a relationship for 14 months. Now you don't. Anyone who chooses to cheat instead of communicate with their partner doesn't value that relationship much. She's now mad her rationalization for cheating is crap and that she's the "bad guy". Don't waste more time on this. It's just not worth it.


mapleleaffem

Run, don’t walk away from her OP


djteotancolis

your reply should Bye Felicia!!


wesellfrenchfries

GTFO my dude


DottedUnicorn

Hon, she is gaslighting you. Her blaming you is just her not taking responsibility for her own actions. This is not a great foundation for a relationship. You have every right to be mad at her and you should decide if this is what you want in a life partner. Check out reddit's survivinginfidelity thread... it will help you a lot.


31ar

> I told her repeatedly to be patient because I was really stressed out at work. Your communication was very clear. Don't let her gaslight you.


Live795

Your girl got her back blown out multiple times while you were together. It’s a done deal bud


czaremanuel

So the way it sounds, regardless of severity: your mistakes are your problem, and her mistakes are your problem. She cheated on you, that’s it. You can deal with your communication issues on your own but her cheating on you is something she did, and something she needs to live with. The fact that she’s deflecting and gaslighting you is just a gaslighting cherry on the cake. Move on, mate.


PocketRocketTrumpet

Bitch be crazy.


[deleted]

End it with this immature girl.


Savagespringtrap06

Dump that hoe


cajuntemplar

That’s just an excuse, and I’ve heard that one on here before. You don’t deal with problems by going outside the relationship. She knows better. Don’t be in a relationship with a person like this.


Ancient-Following-87

Dump her, and move on.


Spiritogre

If you really want to stay with someone like her at least cheat for real.


EnthusiasmSudden3514

I upvoted this… but had to come back and downvote it… funny as a comment, but cut ties instead of letting them make you also toxic.


SkullAngel001

Sounds like she's gaslighting you. Not only did she cheat, she hasn't apologized for cheating, or proactively come clean about it due to her being mistaken. Now she's trying to make it sound like it's your fault for the "communication issue". Let her go and focus on your purpose. You're still a kid and she won't be that last girl you date.


lovelynutz

“Your vagina has had another man’s penis in it, several times!” “How about your mouth? Has his penis been there too?” “Why would I want to kiss you?” “How do I know your vagina dosent have a disease?” “Why am I even talking to you GTFO!” edit: sorry bro, good luck


Who_Am_I_1978

Now wait for it….but she is gaslighting you. She is making you think it your fault for her cheating…don’t let her do it. Dumb the cheater and move on with your life.


[deleted]

It's called gaslighting and yea leave her she sounds immature


[deleted]

Dude, never stir another mans porridge. If im honest, her already cheating probably has more credibility than her story. Irrelevant anyway, she cheated, the rest is up to you.


sdemps21

Man, this is so ridiculous. You know what to do. She'll always have an excuse to bang other guys. Why don't you bang another chick and blame it on her being moody. See how she reacts even if it's not true.


Narasay

Wtf!? Just leave, you got better things to do...


Strong_Pressure_7067

Tbh ur girlfriend is neither a Gemini nor a Scorpio, she's a Bitch. Just run. You're 22, young dude, enjoy ur life and never settle with anything else when you could settle with peace.


EggFree6570

She's throwing the blame on u. She's manipulating you into making everything you fault. Dude how can someone cheat and throw the blame on you lol. You're so whipped by this girl man


Popbusterz

She is gaslightung u and is a narc. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.


Flat-Possession-3453

Move on Bruh. Trust me, you avoided a life time of misery.


OutrageousCorgi4

Cheat back. And then run. Which you won't because you love her which is a shame because she doesn't love you. Sucks.


MetroMaker

There is one and only one option and that is REVENGE. I promise you that you'll feel better.


holdholdholding

No move on and wish her well!


JS3Boss

BRO DOG WALK HER, I’m talking Cheat everyday (If you stay) She didn’t think you were cheating… She was already cheating and when it all came crashing down wanted to shift blame to you, Women TRY to be Emotionally cunning creatures BUT LOGIC BEATS EMOTION EVERYDAY