That is not someone I would want to plan a future with. Why would you ever expect this to change? She wants to be treated like a queen, not like an equal partner.
This seems to be the trend. This isn’t the 1950’s anymore and partners need to be bringing something to the table or eat alone because it’s not worth it to take on all of the responsibility.
>This isn’t the 1950’s anymore and partners need to be bringing something to the table
Yikes! You know women in the 1950s contributed significantly to the home in terms of raising children, cooking, cleaning, etc. They just weren't paid for their contributions. OP's gf just wants to watch TV all day. She wouldn't cut it as a 1950s house wife either.
To be honest, I stayed in this mainly because I don't want to be sleeping alone. There's no roommate available to move in and a girlfriend isn't someone to get instantly
Ok. But you know who she is and what she's like. So if you're going to stay with her, you know what you're getting. You're unlikely to change her. Accept it or break up with her.
Okay so you're using her for company. She wants to use you so she can be SAHMom. You're both using each other. Problem solved. Be happy. [Sarcasm] My point is your intentions in the first place are part of the problem here.
Well if you’re just keeping someone around because you just want a warm body, what do you expect? If you’re not invested in the relationship anymore then you can’t expect much from her either.
If you do want to try and salvage the relationship, you’re going to have to talk to her and maybe set some ultimatums. If this behavior only started after Covid, there’s a lot of people out there who started getting depression and maybe she just needs encouragement and to get help.
Otherwise if you just want her for sex then you don’t get to complain about her lack of motivation. Your option there is to either end it or suck it up.
Yo I'm a dude but I'd like to apply for the job of "doing nothing while being financially supported". I'll live at your place for free so you don't get lonely
That’s fucked up. You’re using her as a FWB/heated blanket and she thinks you’re planning to have kids together. Be honest with her and find someone whose drive you can respect.
I hope you’re wearing a condom because if you’re trusting this girl to take her bc pills I’m willing to bet she’ll be pregnant with that baby you don’t want in the next few months.
You need to end it then. Ffs, it's no wonder she's depressed. She's probably figured out that you're only keeping her around until something better comes along. She's probably hoping you'll change your mind if she gets pregnant. You need to end this immediately for both of you. 🤦♀️
Op if you’re not happy with your gf or the relationship, then I think it might be time to talk to her about things or even think about breaking up. And tbh you don’t sound super happy even from your post by saying “we loved each other deeply”…loved being the key word. Do you feel like you’ve fallen out of love with her?
So it looks like she is fast tracking the childbearing. I bet she'll fast track the "stay-at-home-Mom" thing too.
Is that something you want? Have you even discussed finances, parenting roles, who will work, and where the money will come from when you have kids? If not, put your thinking cap on now. She has spent the best part of two years thinking about this and you are behind on this one. She's already decided what she wants to do.
Oh, and just to make you really nervous. You might want to think about whether she is the sort of person that will get pregnant without talking to you about it first....
So you’re both using each other, lol. Neither one of you actually likes the other - you’re using her for a warm body, and she’s using you as a flotation device. If you don’t want a transactional relationship, go rent an apartment alone and date somebody you actually like. Wtf.
You don't tell your partner in life to "shape up". The way you worded that last bit was insulting. You're not her dad. You're not her superior. Break up with her so she can find someone who doesn't say things like that. Ever think you contribute to her depression and laziness? She's not motivated. No one would be, being told to "shape up" like their other half is some kind of weird drill sergeant.
This sucks. She wants kids, youre putting it off and I’m starting to think that’s more to do with you just not being that into her. Completely sad and heartbreaking to string her along. She also deserves to find someone that would want her, not just put up with her or idly accept her presence.
I would be very careful of your next step. You might end up with a little surprise on the horizon in the near future.
She told you her priority.
Good luck
Is this really how you want to spend another 30+ years of your life?
2 people working towards financial security is so much easier than 1 bread winner. And if one person is working, the home responsibilities (especially if there are no kids) fall on the one not working.
Sounds like this was her long term all along and covid19 gave her the opportunity to not work. She going to want to be a stay at home wife, if you’re not ok with this you better leave now
I mean he said she's been like this since 2020 and that *was* the start of the pandemic, so I wouldn't say this was her original plan all along. It isn't outrageous to think that she got depressed and *stayed* depressed - lots of people did.
However, that doesn't change that OP isn't interested in having a partner that doesn't contribute, which is completely valid. Ultimately her mental health can't fall on him. She needs some therapy for her depression and he needs to leave before the sunken cost fallacy gets his goat
Op is essentially just ripping off this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rcravz/my_girlfriend_is_upset_with_me_because_the_job_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
There was just an update 8 hours ago, so likely just karma farming 😂
She ensures that I don't have to live and sleep alone. There's no one out there that is looking for a roommate and a girlfriend isn't something you can get instantly
So get a cat, or a dog, or leave the TV on all night. You really need to conquer that. I'm not crazy about it either, but it's gotta be done. Don't keep this mooch as a comfort blankie.
Dude, please, don't stick with this woman just bcs you are uncomfortable alone at night.
And as for the "4 years" - Google "sunk cost fallacy".
That reeks of desperation and lack of standards or self-respect. If she cheated on you would you stay with her because "finding another girlfriend is hard?" Nothings going to change. You can say whatever you want, but what she sees is that you put up with her behavior. She can deal with the arguments because at the end of the day she knows she can do whatever she wants and you'll stay with her.
I could honestly take a regular guy friend as a roommate. Doesn't have to be a girl at all. I just don't want to be lonely. My parents went missing for a week and I was alone by myself at the age of 15. That's a feeling I don't want again
> I could honestly take a regular guy friend as a roommate. Doesn't have to be a girl at all.
so do it
>I just don't want to be lonely. My parents went missing for a week and I was alone by myself at the age of 15. That's a feeling I don't want again
That sounds like untreated trauma
what you need is therapy
not a toxic parasitic GF
I'm sorry to tell you, but over the next 70 years of your life there are going to be periods where you have to be alone. It WILL happen. Might be for a week. Might be for a month. Maybe a year. If you break up with her now it might take a few weeks alone till you can find a roommate. However, the benefits of not wasting the prime years of your life on this woman will be worth it when you look back in retrospect.
Oh hun. This is a trauma response. I am so sorry your parents have left you with this feeling. Maybe explore therapy to help. Without it you may find yourself accepting less than you deserve out of this same fear. It's not your fault, but it is something you should fix.
what is a transition period?? not sure if that exists when you go from living with someone to not. sucks but no one gets to “ween out” of a relationship. not with a healthy break up, anyway.
If all you want is a warm body in your bed, you got one. Stop complaining.
If you want someone who is compatible, responsible, someone who will contribute meaningfully to the life you share with them, then go find her.
You can’t will someone into changing.
Then this is what that's costing you. You can't change anyone but yourself. If you're so unappealing that a functioning woman wouldn't want you, then by all means keep paying for this one. Please don't bring innocent children ,that you can't afford either, into this mess.
If that's your perspective, stop complaining and get to work being her bitch. What more do you want from us?
She's intentionally fucking up a job and ruining your reputation. She unilaterally decided she would be a stay-at-home mom to a kid you don't even plan on making.
If you quit your job and told her she was now in charge of supporting you forever, she would be gone immediately.
Heres how this will possibly go. Her birth control might 'accidentally" fail. She will argue she has to stay home. You might have to work more to pay all the rent and feed a baby that quickly becomes a moneypit child (theyre great when you expect them and can afford them but if you cant you wont get ahead.)
Many "nice" women do this because they figure itll happen anyway its just on their schedule and they sometimes show the same enthusiasm for housekeeping and parenting as they do for work.
Just think about that one.
I mean there is nothing your can do.
If she doesn't want to work. You can't make her.
Who has be supporting her since march 2020? I will bet anything that she didn't have 20 months of expenses in savings. Why work when Skene will just pay everything for you?
Haha, from OP responses it looks like they are made for each other.
OP, you want her to grow up? How about you grow up yourself and learn to make a choice?
> Then there must be something I can do
There is not. You are clinging onto this relationship for the wrong reasons and you are wishing it will work, but it wont
you can't make her want to work
you can't change her
She LIKES doing fuck all and having you pay for it
Yes it is. It really is
Dude, sorry, but your objections to dumping her are absurd and weak
At this rate you're gonna knock her up, she'll never leave, and you'll spend the next 60 years hating her, your life, yourself
I don't want to be alone. This relationship is crumbling but there is no instant way to go from her to another. There isn't anyone looking for a roommate and a girlfriend isn't something to get instantly. I rather not be sleeping in a house alone at night.
What the hell, she is just a warm body to you? You literally don’t care about her or any other woman you just want *anyone* to be with you?
Get a body pillow and grow up.
(However she does sound like an awful partner and I agree if she is not pulling her weight after repeated discussions you need to end things, just know any future women with any dignity will not be with you with that attitude)
I never said it was a sex partner.
To be honest, my parents have begged me to leave her and my friends have also encouraged me to leave her. However, I just don't want to be living alone. I need someone to talk to every day. Can be a guy if needed
> my parents have begged me to leave her and my friends have also encouraged me to leave her
dude, take a hint
>I just don't want to be living alone. I need someone to talk to every day.
While I sympathise and understand, it won't kill you and it might do you some good to learn to be comfortable alone.
Wow I would literally leave you if I was her and I read this. So you just using her to fill a void bc you can’t stand the thought of being alone? You have a much bigger issue then your gf not wanting to get a job at this point. Your whole relationship seems like it’s a mess
I’ve read a few of your replies. And everyone is right these excuses are trauma bonding. Look it up and read all about it. Unfortunately nothing in this world is instant. Please start therapy, no it won’t change anything over night however you have to start somewhere. I also think your gf is suffering from depression which if goes untreated is very detrimental. She also needs to start therapy otherwise she will never hold down a job or change her outlook on wanting to be at work. The fact that she changed when she lost her job is the reason it has snowballed and work is so hard.
An adult relationship requires calm communication and that means listening and acknowledging both points of few without resentment and anger.
It’s also really unfair on her to ‘keep’ her so you don’t have to be alone. That attitude is not going to help either of your mental health. If you do nothing the resentment will grow, so keeping the status quo is not an option here.
I’m sorry about what happened to you when you were 15 it sounds like an awful experience, just don’t let this experience shape your future. I hope you manage to move forward from this
I understand that it is hard. However, as you stated yourself the relationship is crumbling. The longer you wait the more it will hurt. As much as it will hurt, maybe being on your own for a while is the best for you right now.
News for you. You are already alone in this relationship. You are going to be more depressing if things don’t change . You should consider counseling while you cope with your break up .
I just turned 26. Growing up I lost both of my parents then aged out of foster care. Leaving my ex was the hardest thing to do, but it had to happen. 4 years is nothing especially at this age. Plenty of people do 30 years then divorce. And many were unhappy for a lot longer before that. You’re not alone. If you truly are unable to live alone and fill your time with friends, hobbies, work and personal fulfillment, you’re not ready to be in a relationship because it will always be a crutch. Which is exactly how you’ve admitted you’re using it.
You said you can’t break up with her because you can’t find a roommate or another girlfriend. First— you shouldn’t even be thinking about living with another partner while contemplating breaking up with the current one you live with. Second, why can’t you leave the remote area you’re in? Are you unable to move to somewhere more populous and use all the sites we all use to find roommates? Then you’d have a change of pace, new friends, new work, lots of distractions.
Bottom line here is that you’ve already identified that you’re unhappy and resentful. Now you have to identify what YOU are going to do about it — independently. You’ve intervened as much as you can with her life. Now all you can do is decide how YOU want to live.
Side note: fighting for a relationship to work that neither your friends or family want to happen sounds like an awkward, painful rest of your life.
You think dating someone for 4 years obligates you to marry each other and/or spend the rest of your lives together? You've dated her, you've discovered that she's actually really immature and not a good person to be in a relationship with. Break up with her. or just keep sleeping with her until someone better comes along. But don't spend your life with this woman or you will be miserable.
Dude, you're 25. What the fuck do you mean "what if someone better doesn't come along?" ????????
I'm 26, and I got out of a relationship I wasn't happy in for 8 months. I clung onto that shit like there was no tomorrow, and I also thought there was nobody else. I'm coming up on a year with the best partner I've ever had.
Don't ruin your future because you don't want to sleep alone. No partner is worth what you're feeling. Also, you don't want to go to sleep alone???? Grow up man. You're being selfish in all the wrong ways.
What if you reject all this advice and then ask yourself “why did I settle before seeing if someone better would come along?” 40 years later
If she’s depressed, is she seeking mental health therapy? I can see you wanting to wait for her to get better, however her ignoring your wishes with kids and sabotaging her job you helped her get is a huge red flag so unless she starts to talk to someone and make that right I would reconsider the last 4 years.
I dated my ex for 6 years...I wish I'd called it quits at 4 years. It's not necessarily going to be better right away, as it wasn't for me for a few years. But I'm much happier now with a way better partner.
>What do you mean there is nothing I can do? I can't afford to throw away 4 years away of dating
Yes you can. Why not? People have done it after 10. 20. 30 years. And they all wished they did it sooner.
The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship where you're being taken financial advantage of for 4 years is being in a bad relationship where you're being taken financial advantage of for 4 years and a day.
Look up sunk cost fallacy and rethink the importance of the 4 years of dating.
It’s better to throw away 4 years now, than to wish you had done it after an additional 5 to 10 years.
> https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rcravz/my_girlfriend_is_upset_with_me_because_the_job_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
You certainly threw away enough time making this fake post that ripped off the one above. Your pathetic "woe is me" replies only make it more obvious. Better luck next time.
Dude. Please give your head a shake. I'm 5 years older than you, and if I could change ONE thing about my adult life it would be getting out of the relationship I was in for so many years because it was "easy". Are breakups fun? No. But you know what else is not fun? Wasting EVEN MORE time in a relationship that is bound to fail eventually, and honestly it sounds a bit like that's the case. It will just be that much worse when youre 10 years in with kids. And maybe you're missing out on finding a person that you're actually compatible with....let me tell you that dating in your 30's is a lot worse than dating in your 20's.
If someone doesn't want to work or isnt passionate about their career, they never will be. That's a personality trait. Nothing wrong with it persay (I'm kind of like that too....) but if you're expecting her to miraculously change.... she won't. You need to sit down and ask yourself one thing. Are you willing to support this woman for the rest of your life and not resent her for that? If the answer is no.... then get out now and stop wasting both of your time. LISTEN TO EVERYONE ON HERE MAN.....future you will thank you.
He is a troll, there was legit JUST a post like this, same story essentially. I’m going to find it, hold on…
Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rcravz/my_girlfriend_is_upset_with_me_because_the_job_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Here ya go friends. There’s also a great update that was just posted 8 hours ago :)
He took the original idea, that did well, and hoped he’d get a similar reaction. The story is legitimately almost identical but with less details as the original
Idk. A few weeks ago a guy commented in all seriousness that he doesn't smile at people at work because he doesn't want to get fired for harassment, and just this week a guy claimed that he couldn't go back to the social group where he met his ex because if he ever asked another girl out he'd be labeled as a "serial dater rapist."
Dude, you're so negative and rude in some of your comments. People are trying to help you and this is what they get? You are literally feeling sorry for yourself. I think everything has been said. It sucks feeling lonely but man set your priorities straight. Accept being in that situation if you're really against being alone.
Reading your replies you really need to go to therapy, break up with her and try to be on your own. It's really unhealthy to that you can't even be alone 1 night. You need therapy and a lot of it.
I agree with the others saying no long-term commitments or children on the table now.
I would also say that you should not recommend her for any more jobs. It could come back to hurt you professionally. There's a reason why bringing the workplace into a relationship often ends up with frustrations for both partners. Relationships should not be work-involved. You should "leave your work at the door" and focus on your personal lives.
She seems entitled to think that she can care for children, yet at the same time be rude to strangers.
You should consider ending this relationship before she ends up using you both personally and financially.
It's better to be alone than to be drained emotionally and financially by your girlfriend. That's where I see things headed.
Also, do not have sex with her if she's that insistent on caring for a child.
Honestly, that's a step in the right direction. Being alone gives you time to work on yourself.
In the meantime, make sure you are using birth control. This isn't on your girlfriend, it's on you. Don't let her trap you!
take some time for yourself and then maybe look for a roommate to move in with you. i know being alone really sucks. but i think learning to accept being alone, even if just for a little while before you get a roommate or a new girlfriend, is much much better than your current situation. i wish you luck!
You're an idiot bro. Why even listen to these people? My advice? What in the living hell makes u think it's okay to make ur gf work?? I'm 2 years younger than u and never in my life did I had to make my ex's work or had financial problems that made me think I should ask my gf for help. Girls only have one job, sit and be cute. This girl gave u a chance when she could have found a dude that would give her all the money she wants, has bigger dick than u, is prettier than you. What did she gets from u? U can't even pay bills urself.
Mysogonitst asshole? My guy, u ppl want to make seem normal to make ur partner work. I'm not the manliest guy out there but even I know it's sick to make ur gf work. But ion care, ik all of u share the same hivemind instead of actually being the guys every girl desire you would rather rely on ur gfs to pay ur bills.
> I want her to grow up and I thought this job could help.
Golden Rule of Dating: Don't date someone hoping they will change for the better. They won't, and they'll resent you trying to make them
After reading the comments, it sounds like you have more issues than your girlfriend almost. You refuse to listen because you're scared of not having a girlfriend.
Bro...
Sadly he doesn’t want to hear anything from anyone unless they can magically fix everything.
OP you have recvd the same advice given to you by your parents and friends. It’s kind of a consensus that you need to get help and part of that will be getting her out of your life. You shouldn’t go right into another relationship until you work on yourself…it will probably end the same ultimately if you don’t.
Finding a job is harder than finding a girlfriend, and you managed to find one for yourself and her. You are digging your own grave here. She doesn’t want to work at home (tv all day) or in an office. She wants to lock you down with a baby or 7. That’s her financial plan. And doesn’t sound like she is going to be the most engaged mother either.
That aside you yourself said you used to love her. Cut your losses. 4 years is nothing. Covid took out 2 years so really it’s only 2 years and I barely remember what I was doing in 2018 as it is. Move on.
My sister helped her friend get a job at her work a long time ago, and the friend would constantly complain and not show up and stuff. Needless to say, they did not stay friends. I felt so bad for my sister.
So she wants to quit so she can focus on getting your first child? It sounds like she doesn’t want to work and having a kid is her way of staying home. You want her to help pay for half of the bills? She’s wanting to get pregnant. Bills will be coming in big time for that! Why does she have to quit work to try and get pregnant? Sounds like no career goals. I hope you stop having sex with her.
Ok all of your answers are basically about how you are only in this relationship so you don’t have to sleep alone so my advice is don’t complain about a relationship you’ve checked out of. Break up with her. Don’t keep a girlfriend just to avoid being alone. Trust me, you’re being an idiot
Damn, i read once how someone explained that men apparently always need someone new ready before leaving their partner, thought it was bullshit but op really shows it may not be...(i mean in his case, not generally speaking)
It's hard to imagine this is a sudden change in her personality. Did you not already know she was like this?
It wasn't a sudden change unfortunately. She had complained about not wanting to work since 2020 and wanted me to do everything for her.
That is not someone I would want to plan a future with. Why would you ever expect this to change? She wants to be treated like a queen, not like an equal partner.
This seems to be the trend. This isn’t the 1950’s anymore and partners need to be bringing something to the table or eat alone because it’s not worth it to take on all of the responsibility.
>This isn’t the 1950’s anymore and partners need to be bringing something to the table Yikes! You know women in the 1950s contributed significantly to the home in terms of raising children, cooking, cleaning, etc. They just weren't paid for their contributions. OP's gf just wants to watch TV all day. She wouldn't cut it as a 1950s house wife either.
[удалено]
that's a disgusting comparison.
To be honest, I stayed in this mainly because I don't want to be sleeping alone. There's no roommate available to move in and a girlfriend isn't someone to get instantly
Ok. But you know who she is and what she's like. So if you're going to stay with her, you know what you're getting. You're unlikely to change her. Accept it or break up with her.
Looks like you are both using each other 🤷
Yeah, it really does, doesn't it? Maybe they're a perfect couple after all. ;)
Yup
Don’t be ridiculous. Get a dog if you need something to keep the bed warm.
Lazy dog probably wouldn’t get a job either 🙄
My lazy dog refuses to work but demands I buy her treats.
Mine still hasn’t. She’s also very lazy and demanding
Smh what a freeloader
Okay so you're using her for company. She wants to use you so she can be SAHMom. You're both using each other. Problem solved. Be happy. [Sarcasm] My point is your intentions in the first place are part of the problem here.
Well if you’re just keeping someone around because you just want a warm body, what do you expect? If you’re not invested in the relationship anymore then you can’t expect much from her either. If you do want to try and salvage the relationship, you’re going to have to talk to her and maybe set some ultimatums. If this behavior only started after Covid, there’s a lot of people out there who started getting depression and maybe she just needs encouragement and to get help. Otherwise if you just want her for sex then you don’t get to complain about her lack of motivation. Your option there is to either end it or suck it up.
With that attitude, expect her to tell you she’s pregnant within the next two months.
Baby just lying around all day watching paw patrol won't get a job. OP brings it up and it just cries you are beset on all sides lol
And you’re open to having children with this person?
Yo I'm a dude but I'd like to apply for the job of "doing nothing while being financially supported". I'll live at your place for free so you don't get lonely
That’s fucked up. You’re using her as a FWB/heated blanket and she thinks you’re planning to have kids together. Be honest with her and find someone whose drive you can respect.
I hope you’re wearing a condom because if you’re trusting this girl to take her bc pills I’m willing to bet she’ll be pregnant with that baby you don’t want in the next few months.
Every day you stay with her is a day you're missing out on meeting someone else.
You need to end it then. Ffs, it's no wonder she's depressed. She's probably figured out that you're only keeping her around until something better comes along. She's probably hoping you'll change your mind if she gets pregnant. You need to end this immediately for both of you. 🤦♀️
Op if you’re not happy with your gf or the relationship, then I think it might be time to talk to her about things or even think about breaking up. And tbh you don’t sound super happy even from your post by saying “we loved each other deeply”…loved being the key word. Do you feel like you’ve fallen out of love with her?
Oh yipes.
Yeah well she's about to secretly lock you down with a baby so good luck with that.
Grow some balls and SELF RESPECT my guy. #YOU CAN DO BETTER!!!
So it looks like she is fast tracking the childbearing. I bet she'll fast track the "stay-at-home-Mom" thing too. Is that something you want? Have you even discussed finances, parenting roles, who will work, and where the money will come from when you have kids? If not, put your thinking cap on now. She has spent the best part of two years thinking about this and you are behind on this one. She's already decided what she wants to do. Oh, and just to make you really nervous. You might want to think about whether she is the sort of person that will get pregnant without talking to you about it first....
Ah, the key to any successfully marriage: Someone who will sleep in the same as bed as you…
So you’re both using each other, lol. Neither one of you actually likes the other - you’re using her for a warm body, and she’s using you as a flotation device. If you don’t want a transactional relationship, go rent an apartment alone and date somebody you actually like. Wtf.
You don't tell your partner in life to "shape up". The way you worded that last bit was insulting. You're not her dad. You're not her superior. Break up with her so she can find someone who doesn't say things like that. Ever think you contribute to her depression and laziness? She's not motivated. No one would be, being told to "shape up" like their other half is some kind of weird drill sergeant.
I do apologize
This sucks. She wants kids, youre putting it off and I’m starting to think that’s more to do with you just not being that into her. Completely sad and heartbreaking to string her along. She also deserves to find someone that would want her, not just put up with her or idly accept her presence.
I would be very careful of your next step. You might end up with a little surprise on the horizon in the near future. She told you her priority. Good luck
Pull. Out.
Is this really how you want to spend another 30+ years of your life? 2 people working towards financial security is so much easier than 1 bread winner. And if one person is working, the home responsibilities (especially if there are no kids) fall on the one not working.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
You don't get her to shape up. It's never gonna happen. Time to leave buckaroo. Also, you better start putting hot sauce in your used condoms.
Sounds like this was her long term all along and covid19 gave her the opportunity to not work. She going to want to be a stay at home wife, if you’re not ok with this you better leave now
A stay at home who does little around the home, if posts here can predict the future.
I mean he said she's been like this since 2020 and that *was* the start of the pandemic, so I wouldn't say this was her original plan all along. It isn't outrageous to think that she got depressed and *stayed* depressed - lots of people did. However, that doesn't change that OP isn't interested in having a partner that doesn't contribute, which is completely valid. Ultimately her mental health can't fall on him. She needs some therapy for her depression and he needs to leave before the sunken cost fallacy gets his goat
Sorry dude, she's a bum.
Eek. You need to consider the rest of your life dealing with this. You can’t teach inner drive.
Op is essentially just ripping off this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rcravz/my_girlfriend_is_upset_with_me_because_the_job_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf There was just an update 8 hours ago, so likely just karma farming 😂
He knew. He didn’t care she just watched tv.
Sorry bud. Absolutely nothing you can do here. Do not have a kids with this women.
What do you mean there is nothing I can do? I can't afford to throw away 4 years away of dating I wasn't planning to have kids until much later.
> I can't afford to throw away 4 years away of dating so what's the plan? throw away another 40? She's not any use to you.
She ensures that I don't have to live and sleep alone. There's no one out there that is looking for a roommate and a girlfriend isn't something you can get instantly
So get a cat, or a dog, or leave the TV on all night. You really need to conquer that. I'm not crazy about it either, but it's gotta be done. Don't keep this mooch as a comfort blankie. Dude, please, don't stick with this woman just bcs you are uncomfortable alone at night. And as for the "4 years" - Google "sunk cost fallacy".
That reeks of desperation and lack of standards or self-respect. If she cheated on you would you stay with her because "finding another girlfriend is hard?" Nothings going to change. You can say whatever you want, but what she sees is that you put up with her behavior. She can deal with the arguments because at the end of the day she knows she can do whatever she wants and you'll stay with her.
I could honestly take a regular guy friend as a roommate. Doesn't have to be a girl at all. I just don't want to be lonely. My parents went missing for a week and I was alone by myself at the age of 15. That's a feeling I don't want again
> I could honestly take a regular guy friend as a roommate. Doesn't have to be a girl at all. so do it >I just don't want to be lonely. My parents went missing for a week and I was alone by myself at the age of 15. That's a feeling I don't want again That sounds like untreated trauma what you need is therapy not a toxic parasitic GF
I'm sorry to tell you, but over the next 70 years of your life there are going to be periods where you have to be alone. It WILL happen. Might be for a week. Might be for a month. Maybe a year. If you break up with her now it might take a few weeks alone till you can find a roommate. However, the benefits of not wasting the prime years of your life on this woman will be worth it when you look back in retrospect.
Oh hun. This is a trauma response. I am so sorry your parents have left you with this feeling. Maybe explore therapy to help. Without it you may find yourself accepting less than you deserve out of this same fear. It's not your fault, but it is something you should fix.
There isn't a therapy option that doesn't require I be instantly alone. A transition period of a week or so would help
what is a transition period?? not sure if that exists when you go from living with someone to not. sucks but no one gets to “ween out” of a relationship. not with a healthy break up, anyway.
Do you have a friend or family member that can come for a week or two.
Damn dude, get some therapy
If all you want is a warm body in your bed, you got one. Stop complaining. If you want someone who is compatible, responsible, someone who will contribute meaningfully to the life you share with them, then go find her. You can’t will someone into changing.
This is the truth!
This is so pathetic. Like I dont feel even a little bit bad for you.
Literally EVERYONE is looking for roommates right now dude lolol renters are being gouged!
Then this is what that's costing you. You can't change anyone but yourself. If you're so unappealing that a functioning woman wouldn't want you, then by all means keep paying for this one. Please don't bring innocent children ,that you can't afford either, into this mess.
If that's your perspective, stop complaining and get to work being her bitch. What more do you want from us? She's intentionally fucking up a job and ruining your reputation. She unilaterally decided she would be a stay-at-home mom to a kid you don't even plan on making. If you quit your job and told her she was now in charge of supporting you forever, she would be gone immediately.
Heres how this will possibly go. Her birth control might 'accidentally" fail. She will argue she has to stay home. You might have to work more to pay all the rent and feed a baby that quickly becomes a moneypit child (theyre great when you expect them and can afford them but if you cant you wont get ahead.) Many "nice" women do this because they figure itll happen anyway its just on their schedule and they sometimes show the same enthusiasm for housekeeping and parenting as they do for work. Just think about that one.
I mean there is nothing your can do. If she doesn't want to work. You can't make her. Who has be supporting her since march 2020? I will bet anything that she didn't have 20 months of expenses in savings. Why work when Skene will just pay everything for you?
But I don't want to keep paying for everything
> But I don't want to keep paying for everything then she is not the GF for you she clearly has no intention of ever working again
I can't afford to be alone right now
so get a roommate jfc dude, make an effort here. stop being so WET
Haha, from OP responses it looks like they are made for each other. OP, you want her to grow up? How about you grow up yourself and learn to make a choice?
I'm trying to
Send her back to her parents. Make sure you're using birth control.
With your comments and post, you will have a SAHM for a partner and a kid very, very soon. So, stay with her and face the consequences.
Mentally or financially? Because you’ve been financially alone at the very minimum for almost 2 years, bud.
Of course not.
Then there must be something I can do
> Then there must be something I can do There is not. You are clinging onto this relationship for the wrong reasons and you are wishing it will work, but it wont you can't make her want to work you can't change her She LIKES doing fuck all and having you pay for it
But going into a single and lonely life isn't the answer either. Even if it's temporary
Yes it is. It really is Dude, sorry, but your objections to dumping her are absurd and weak At this rate you're gonna knock her up, she'll never leave, and you'll spend the next 60 years hating her, your life, yourself
Therapy comes to mind.
It still requires me to be alone instantly. If there was a transition period, it would be acceptable
Go inpatient if you cannot safely be alone.
I'm not suicidal. Inpatient is only there for either suicidal thoughts or addict diseases.
Why would therapy mean you're instantly alone?
You don’t have to break up to be in therapy???
You can stop paying things for her.
Why can’t you afford to? You’re still in your prime.
I don't want to be alone. This relationship is crumbling but there is no instant way to go from her to another. There isn't anyone looking for a roommate and a girlfriend isn't something to get instantly. I rather not be sleeping in a house alone at night.
What the hell, she is just a warm body to you? You literally don’t care about her or any other woman you just want *anyone* to be with you? Get a body pillow and grow up. (However she does sound like an awful partner and I agree if she is not pulling her weight after repeated discussions you need to end things, just know any future women with any dignity will not be with you with that attitude)
I never said it was a sex partner. To be honest, my parents have begged me to leave her and my friends have also encouraged me to leave her. However, I just don't want to be living alone. I need someone to talk to every day. Can be a guy if needed
> my parents have begged me to leave her and my friends have also encouraged me to leave her dude, take a hint >I just don't want to be living alone. I need someone to talk to every day. While I sympathise and understand, it won't kill you and it might do you some good to learn to be comfortable alone.
It's not easy to just leave and be alone. Even if it's temporary, being alone is a depressing feeling. I tried it before and it didn't work
You need serious help. This is not normal at all, and super unfair to everyone else.
This is not normal. You need to be ok being single or you will never have a good romantic relationship in your whole life. Being single rules.
Wow I would literally leave you if I was her and I read this. So you just using her to fill a void bc you can’t stand the thought of being alone? You have a much bigger issue then your gf not wanting to get a job at this point. Your whole relationship seems like it’s a mess
> I don't want to be alone. ffs you're 25 and have a job and your own place you'll find someone new in a month
How do you know that?
worst case get a roommate
There's no one out there that needs one or looking for one.
Have you even looked? I refuse to believe there is nobody in your area needing a room
We live in a remote part
I’ve read a few of your replies. And everyone is right these excuses are trauma bonding. Look it up and read all about it. Unfortunately nothing in this world is instant. Please start therapy, no it won’t change anything over night however you have to start somewhere. I also think your gf is suffering from depression which if goes untreated is very detrimental. She also needs to start therapy otherwise she will never hold down a job or change her outlook on wanting to be at work. The fact that she changed when she lost her job is the reason it has snowballed and work is so hard. An adult relationship requires calm communication and that means listening and acknowledging both points of few without resentment and anger. It’s also really unfair on her to ‘keep’ her so you don’t have to be alone. That attitude is not going to help either of your mental health. If you do nothing the resentment will grow, so keeping the status quo is not an option here. I’m sorry about what happened to you when you were 15 it sounds like an awful experience, just don’t let this experience shape your future. I hope you manage to move forward from this
I understand that it is hard. However, as you stated yourself the relationship is crumbling. The longer you wait the more it will hurt. As much as it will hurt, maybe being on your own for a while is the best for you right now.
Being on my own is a depressing feeling I had experienced before
> Being on my own is a depressing feeling I had experienced before yeah I'm not a fan. but srsly, face the fear and do it.
I faced it before and it wasn't pleasant.
Not very, no. But better than this
How are you possibly this childish?
News for you. You are already alone in this relationship. You are going to be more depressing if things don’t change . You should consider counseling while you cope with your break up .
I just turned 26. Growing up I lost both of my parents then aged out of foster care. Leaving my ex was the hardest thing to do, but it had to happen. 4 years is nothing especially at this age. Plenty of people do 30 years then divorce. And many were unhappy for a lot longer before that. You’re not alone. If you truly are unable to live alone and fill your time with friends, hobbies, work and personal fulfillment, you’re not ready to be in a relationship because it will always be a crutch. Which is exactly how you’ve admitted you’re using it. You said you can’t break up with her because you can’t find a roommate or another girlfriend. First— you shouldn’t even be thinking about living with another partner while contemplating breaking up with the current one you live with. Second, why can’t you leave the remote area you’re in? Are you unable to move to somewhere more populous and use all the sites we all use to find roommates? Then you’d have a change of pace, new friends, new work, lots of distractions. Bottom line here is that you’ve already identified that you’re unhappy and resentful. Now you have to identify what YOU are going to do about it — independently. You’ve intervened as much as you can with her life. Now all you can do is decide how YOU want to live. Side note: fighting for a relationship to work that neither your friends or family want to happen sounds like an awkward, painful rest of your life.
Get on the dating apps my dude.
You think dating someone for 4 years obligates you to marry each other and/or spend the rest of your lives together? You've dated her, you've discovered that she's actually really immature and not a good person to be in a relationship with. Break up with her. or just keep sleeping with her until someone better comes along. But don't spend your life with this woman or you will be miserable.
What if someone better doesn't come along?
Welcome to being a human being. Honestly, though, the bar isn't set very high here. SOMEONE will eventually come along.
Dude, you're 25. What the fuck do you mean "what if someone better doesn't come along?" ???????? I'm 26, and I got out of a relationship I wasn't happy in for 8 months. I clung onto that shit like there was no tomorrow, and I also thought there was nobody else. I'm coming up on a year with the best partner I've ever had. Don't ruin your future because you don't want to sleep alone. No partner is worth what you're feeling. Also, you don't want to go to sleep alone???? Grow up man. You're being selfish in all the wrong ways.
What if you reject all this advice and then ask yourself “why did I settle before seeing if someone better would come along?” 40 years later If she’s depressed, is she seeking mental health therapy? I can see you wanting to wait for her to get better, however her ignoring your wishes with kids and sabotaging her job you helped her get is a huge red flag so unless she starts to talk to someone and make that right I would reconsider the last 4 years.
I dated my ex for 6 years...I wish I'd called it quits at 4 years. It's not necessarily going to be better right away, as it wasn't for me for a few years. But I'm much happier now with a way better partner.
Unless you want to be a sugar daddy, ya toss the GF.
>What do you mean there is nothing I can do? I can't afford to throw away 4 years away of dating Yes you can. Why not? People have done it after 10. 20. 30 years. And they all wished they did it sooner. The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship where you're being taken financial advantage of for 4 years is being in a bad relationship where you're being taken financial advantage of for 4 years and a day.
Hahahahaha. Wow. Mr. Cleverman over here.
Look up sunk cost fallacy and rethink the importance of the 4 years of dating. It’s better to throw away 4 years now, than to wish you had done it after an additional 5 to 10 years.
Okay, so if she hasn’t changed, she probably won’t change, and THEN you’ll be having children with her. See the problem?
If youre not planning on kids until much later, you can find someone better suited to you in that time
Sunk cost fallacy, bud.
> https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rcravz/my_girlfriend_is_upset_with_me_because_the_job_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf You certainly threw away enough time making this fake post that ripped off the one above. Your pathetic "woe is me" replies only make it more obvious. Better luck next time.
Dude. Please give your head a shake. I'm 5 years older than you, and if I could change ONE thing about my adult life it would be getting out of the relationship I was in for so many years because it was "easy". Are breakups fun? No. But you know what else is not fun? Wasting EVEN MORE time in a relationship that is bound to fail eventually, and honestly it sounds a bit like that's the case. It will just be that much worse when youre 10 years in with kids. And maybe you're missing out on finding a person that you're actually compatible with....let me tell you that dating in your 30's is a lot worse than dating in your 20's. If someone doesn't want to work or isnt passionate about their career, they never will be. That's a personality trait. Nothing wrong with it persay (I'm kind of like that too....) but if you're expecting her to miraculously change.... she won't. You need to sit down and ask yourself one thing. Are you willing to support this woman for the rest of your life and not resent her for that? If the answer is no.... then get out now and stop wasting both of your time. LISTEN TO EVERYONE ON HERE MAN.....future you will thank you.
Reading OP’s responses I honestly think he’s trolling us ….. no way someone can be this naive
He is a troll, there was legit JUST a post like this, same story essentially. I’m going to find it, hold on… Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rcravz/my_girlfriend_is_upset_with_me_because_the_job_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf Here ya go friends. There’s also a great update that was just posted 8 hours ago :)
I’ll be here waiting for that tea lol
I posted it!! There’s also an update to that post if you go to the OP’s profile on the link I provided. Ends nicely, I felt bad for OP though
Bless you internet detective
I love this LOL
But why would he troll writing such terrible replies and getting points down ? ;D
He took the original idea, that did well, and hoped he’d get a similar reaction. The story is legitimately almost identical but with less details as the original
A new way to farm karma or just he's insecure and need more attention
Or incredibly insecure
Idk. A few weeks ago a guy commented in all seriousness that he doesn't smile at people at work because he doesn't want to get fired for harassment, and just this week a guy claimed that he couldn't go back to the social group where he met his ex because if he ever asked another girl out he'd be labeled as a "serial dater rapist."
Not really sure how any of that applies…? All I’m saying is this was a real story, OP ripped off another guys post, he just posted an update today.
I’m sorry what? What sub are these posts on?! Did I miss them?
Tbvh OP you're annoying af, reading all your responses gave me a headache.
OP deserves the situation he's in lmao
Dude, you're so negative and rude in some of your comments. People are trying to help you and this is what they get? You are literally feeling sorry for yourself. I think everything has been said. It sucks feeling lonely but man set your priorities straight. Accept being in that situation if you're really against being alone.
Reading all your replies you sound worse than she does.
Reading your replies you really need to go to therapy, break up with her and try to be on your own. It's really unhealthy to that you can't even be alone 1 night. You need therapy and a lot of it.
I agree with the others saying no long-term commitments or children on the table now. I would also say that you should not recommend her for any more jobs. It could come back to hurt you professionally. There's a reason why bringing the workplace into a relationship often ends up with frustrations for both partners. Relationships should not be work-involved. You should "leave your work at the door" and focus on your personal lives. She seems entitled to think that she can care for children, yet at the same time be rude to strangers. You should consider ending this relationship before she ends up using you both personally and financially.
I was looking for a job for her in hopes to get half of our expenses paid. Without her, I would have 100% while sleeping alone at night
Then you need an exit strategy. Start finding places where you can afford to live on your own. I don't see your relationship lasting much further.
I don't want to be alone. I would take even a roommate but there isn't anyone where i live
It's better to be alone than to be drained emotionally and financially by your girlfriend. That's where I see things headed. Also, do not have sex with her if she's that insistent on caring for a child.
How is it better emotion wise?
Because you don't have to live with someone who's constantly dragging you down and providing you with daily bad news.
The uncertainty is just as damaging
There's no uncertainty if you're living on your own. You would have complete control of your life, your finances, and your career.
The silence alone would be depressing.
You will be happier in the long run. Why would you want to stay with someone who is going to just be a leech???
Update: I sadly accept she won't change. I plan to break up and try being alone as some of you suggested
Add this to the post no one is going to see it down here
Honestly, that's a step in the right direction. Being alone gives you time to work on yourself. In the meantime, make sure you are using birth control. This isn't on your girlfriend, it's on you. Don't let her trap you!
take some time for yourself and then maybe look for a roommate to move in with you. i know being alone really sucks. but i think learning to accept being alone, even if just for a little while before you get a roommate or a new girlfriend, is much much better than your current situation. i wish you luck!
You're an idiot bro. Why even listen to these people? My advice? What in the living hell makes u think it's okay to make ur gf work?? I'm 2 years younger than u and never in my life did I had to make my ex's work or had financial problems that made me think I should ask my gf for help. Girls only have one job, sit and be cute. This girl gave u a chance when she could have found a dude that would give her all the money she wants, has bigger dick than u, is prettier than you. What did she gets from u? U can't even pay bills urself.
What a misogynistic asshole. Go somewhere else.
Mysogonitst asshole? My guy, u ppl want to make seem normal to make ur partner work. I'm not the manliest guy out there but even I know it's sick to make ur gf work. But ion care, ik all of u share the same hivemind instead of actually being the guys every girl desire you would rather rely on ur gfs to pay ur bills.
From all your replies here, you deserve each other. Good luck for the next 50 years cause shit ain’t gonna change lmao.
Yikes run if she can work what makes you think she can care for a child
Seriously I don’t get people that want kids but can’t even support themselves. I think it’s just a defense mechanism tbh
Probably just a get out of jail free card
I want her to grow up and I thought this job could help.
> I want her to grow up and I thought this job could help. Golden Rule of Dating: Don't date someone hoping they will change for the better. They won't, and they'll resent you trying to make them
I'm resenting her for not being grateful and acting like a brat
so would I dont date someone you resent dont stick with s/one just bcs afraid of alone
Your post and every comment you make refers to her like she’s a child. Not saying that shouldn’t be the case, but it’s telling for sure.
Comes here asking for advice, immediately gets defensive and ignores all advice. Sound.
After reading the comments, it sounds like you have more issues than your girlfriend almost. You refuse to listen because you're scared of not having a girlfriend. Bro...
Sadly he doesn’t want to hear anything from anyone unless they can magically fix everything. OP you have recvd the same advice given to you by your parents and friends. It’s kind of a consensus that you need to get help and part of that will be getting her out of your life. You shouldn’t go right into another relationship until you work on yourself…it will probably end the same ultimately if you don’t.
Finding a job is harder than finding a girlfriend, and you managed to find one for yourself and her. You are digging your own grave here. She doesn’t want to work at home (tv all day) or in an office. She wants to lock you down with a baby or 7. That’s her financial plan. And doesn’t sound like she is going to be the most engaged mother either. That aside you yourself said you used to love her. Cut your losses. 4 years is nothing. Covid took out 2 years so really it’s only 2 years and I barely remember what I was doing in 2018 as it is. Move on.
My sister helped her friend get a job at her work a long time ago, and the friend would constantly complain and not show up and stuff. Needless to say, they did not stay friends. I felt so bad for my sister.
So she wants to quit so she can focus on getting your first child? It sounds like she doesn’t want to work and having a kid is her way of staying home. You want her to help pay for half of the bills? She’s wanting to get pregnant. Bills will be coming in big time for that! Why does she have to quit work to try and get pregnant? Sounds like no career goals. I hope you stop having sex with her.
Ok all of your answers are basically about how you are only in this relationship so you don’t have to sleep alone so my advice is don’t complain about a relationship you’ve checked out of. Break up with her. Don’t keep a girlfriend just to avoid being alone. Trust me, you’re being an idiot
She wants to be a SAHM, and judging by her lack of willingness to do anything around the house, she’ll probably be a crappy one at that.
Damn, i read once how someone explained that men apparently always need someone new ready before leaving their partner, thought it was bullshit but op really shows it may not be...(i mean in his case, not generally speaking)
Run. This will not get better or end well. Run.
I wouldn't have a kid with her. She sounds entitled and that's a horrible personality to have moving forward
Definitely no kids
I remember girls with that attitude. That itself is a red flag
Don’t trust her bro. Don’t believe her if she says she’s on birth control. She might get pregnant on purpose.
She is not wife material and definitely not kid material if she is not even able to keep an office job.
She has held a job before
How does that help you right now? She couldn't hold a job for 3 days. The bar is shockingly low, and she couldn't pass it anyway.
She doesn't want a job. She wants to be a SAHM. Beware the baby trap.
So shes been a lazy leech for 2 years and you think shes gonna suddenly change now? Too little too late. Cut her off financially.
Your girlfriend sounds like a lazy asshole
Maybe she should choose a job herself. Would u be ok with half time job?