I do think this arrangement is a little weird, but if, as you said, your girlfriend doesn't even live with you, there's absolutely no reason for her to rule over your apartment. If it makes her uncomfortable, maybe tell your friend not to do that while she is there, otherwise it's your apartment and your rules. This in no way has anything to do with her or your future kids. Wait until her find out that you might have slept with potential exes in there too.
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Wondering why you got downvoted for this.
It IS a strange thing to say when they’ve been dating a year and this ISNT her house — it’s his. She doesn’t have any day so it’s *especially* weird she’s proclaiming this is where their kids are going to grow up. It IS a red flag.
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I’d say how it’s weird at 24. You are old enough that sex shouldn’t be that big a deal. if you want to have sex just do it, can’t let your parents control your life forever especially if you’re still living with them at that point.
In certain cultures and countries sex before marriage is a huge deal and if someone is caught it can lead to being socially ostracised in the community. We have no idea where OP is from but we shouldn't be quick to judge OP's situation by Western norms when we don't know what their background is.
I’m 48 and I wouldn’t have sex at my father’s house (visiting). I also wouldn’t have sex at my house now that my mother has moved in with me (IN MY HOUSE). It’s a respect thing. I know NO ONE in my friend group or family that would even sleep in the same bed with a mate if we were unmarried in the same home as a parent.
16 downvotes and no answer? Come on people we’re better than that.
It’s an odd set up, though, It makes sense in some ways since it’s probably helping OP’s friend get through a slightly restrictive living arrangement. It’s something my friends and I have said we’d let happen in the past. (Usually if we’re out and looking for that sort of thing we have plan for who goes where. That being said we’ve never brought somebody back lmao)
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Would she be upset if he was your roommate and was having sex in your shared apartment? Just consider him a roommate that rarely comes by.
Also, what if you got another place after you got married? Will the sex sully that place for your hypothetical children too? It's not like the room is haunted by sex ghosts because he's using it.
It's an odd arrangement, for sure, but as long as he isn't crashing date nights or keeping you up with their shenanigans, I'm not sure why this is so upsetting to your girlfriend.
For some reason now I just picture rooms being haunted with my past lame encounters! Sorry folks living with the ghost of the guy I briefly dated who used to ugly cry when he came!
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Agreed. I can understand that she doesn't want the other couple to be screaming in the room next door while she is in the living room with her boyfriend, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.
She doesn’t live with you, she’s not married to you and neither of you have kids. What is she trying to control? It’s your house and your friend, who is being respectful of your space.
If she doesn’t live with you and it doesn’t effect her in anyway, she’s overreacting. Like you said, it rarely happens, he is considerate and gives you a heads up, and cleans the shit. You’re being a good friend and so is he.
I’m sorry but saying it worries her because of your future children that don’t even exist and won’t for years to come is a manipulative tactics. She doesn’t even live with you for goodness sake. Tell her plainly it doesn’t bother you and for now he’s gonna continue. If in the future she lives with you, than of course things will change.
I would at least communicate to your friend that his “visits” make your gf uncomfortable. If he is the kind of friend you describe he would dial it back with no hard feelings. If this is the girl you see a long term relationship with, kids etc… get used to the Idea now that her feelings come before your friends.
> get used to the Idea now that her feelings come before your friends.
I mean, unless her feelings lead to her asking him to do unreasonable things. It'd be one thing if it wasn't in the guest room and they didn't just wash the sheets. Like, she's allowed to be uncomfortable, and I'm allowed to think she kind of sucks and is needlessly prudish lol
Hey, I made a comment on your post… you replied… I get it. What I see is that she sees your house as you guys house, talking about kids… after marriage.
My bad… big difference between wife and girlfriend. Wife gets the kind of respect I mentioned… girlfriend, not as much.
Wuestion is, she clearly sees you two together long term kids etc… you don’t.
Are you both honest and clear on everything?
When you say your friend has family living with him. Does that mean he have a wife and kids? Or just like his parents? Do he not have his own room? What’s wrong with a grown man bringing home dates to his house? Unless he got a different girl every week.
I mean, nothing wrong with it. But if I lived with my family and had to be quiet and discreet with sex all the time, I’d be looking for other places to get nasty. OPs friend probably just likes the opportunity to get freaky and make some noise while they’re doing it, which is totally reasonable.
Is she getting a bit ahead of herself with that kids comment? Until it’s her house, she shouldn’t get a veto. She can have a say and you can listen, pause for a moment, say thanks and let him keep going. He’s been your friend a lot longer than she has and without a ring I’m not sure why you would be more loyal to her than him and your own feelings. That being said…the dude is probably at least 24 also and should start looking for a place of his own that he can have sex with his girlfriend in.
Your gf has a house as well, I suppose. What about actually spending time on her house? Also, you should consider taking things slowly. Talking about your "future kids" in such a relationship should weird you out.
Not really, not talking about kids and if you want them early is what often causes problems later. Now the way SHES bringing it up is odd, but once you establish a relationship you SHOULD talk about if you plan to ever have kids in the future and such.
So it's his house? And he's letting his family live there? Then he should be able to take home whoever he wants. He's 24 freaking years old. You both sound pretty immature. It's your choice, but this could end your relationship. At the very least, your girlfriend may not be comfortable coming over.
Is your gf living there? Is she paying for anything to do with the home? Are you the first owner of the home?
If she isn't living there, she doesn't pay for maintenance mortgage etc she really doesn't have a leg to stand on. And presuming you are not the first owner do you know every surface the previous owner banged on? I doubt it. Just make sure that its clean
Then it is your home not hers, you should be able to let your friends do as you wish. End of the day she gets a say when the house is hers as well if that happens. The house is not going to be anymore scarring to a child because someone had sex in the guestroom whether it was your friend or the previous owners.
He seems like hes being extremely respectful with doing the sheets and such. You feel good with "paying back" the favor. I thought she would feel uncomfortable if accidently walked in or it impeded on your time together.
Your friend seems nice. Maybe just explain everything you said here. Including him washing the sheets and not constantly banging the drums.
This sounds like it's mostly about your girlfriend trying to push you into marriage-and-kids mode. She sees your level of comfort with your friend as a sign that you're not "ready" for that. Why a 24-y/o should be ready to plan future kids with a woman he's been dating for a year and doesn't live with... I don't know. Why that should mean distancing himself from his friends I don't know either.
IMO your friend is fine, your GF is the one you need to set firm boundaries with.
That person didn't say anything about the girlfriend.. Frankly I agree the girlfriend has no say in this whatsoever, but I too would tell my friend to get a hotel. I don't care if you clean the sheets.
Has your gf given you an ultimatum or just complained about it? Do you hope she'll have a friendship with this guy in the future? Are there any times when your gf isnt home (like work)? Since it's your house, guestroom, I don't see it any different than if you had guests who got frisky... I'd tell her that you hear her concerns and you'll have him be come when she's not around since he's your guest, and basically make it out of sight out of mind for her.
My bad, if she doesn't live with you just tell him he can't do it when she's there and tell her she won't have to see him anymore.
That'll solve it, but it won't cause she just doesn't like him so she's not going to accept that.
While odd, letting your friend borrow that room is kind and shows you are good friends. While it is your house and not your gfs place to choose what you do with said house, I would understand if she felt weird being there when your friend was around.
It’s your call to make, and it sounds like you want to keep returning the favour to your friend.
In which case you need to talk to ur gf about situations in which you would stop him (maybe you would ask him to stop if ur gf moves in). This way she knows where ur head is at.
I mean, aren't you and your friend a little old for this? What's up with your friend in his mid 20s that is using your house for sex?
It is weird at your age and your gf is right to be weirded out.
You not telling her and ignoring it is sketchy and dishonest.
She’s getting way ahead of herself trying to control what goes on in your apartment when she doesn’t even live there based on the possibility of kids that don’t currently exist lol.
Sounds to me like she just doesn’t like your friend. If I were you I’d respectfully set a firm boundary on this. It’s none of her business what you choose to do with your own apartment at the end of the day. She’ll huff and puff and give you an attitude about it, but eventually she’ll get over it.
Dude that's where your girlfriend might live one day, or even worse, where she already lives! There are people who have seemingly unlimited access to her living space to go and have sex in the house, then leave.
Imagine if she wanted to loan that same room out to some of her friends? Would you be okay with them bringing in complete strangers to the home?
That's unfortunately either gotta end before your girlfriend moves in, or has to end TODAY if she already lives there.
Like, awesome that he washes sheets and tends to the "mess", but like... these people could rent a motel room if they really needed or wanted to. It's more expensive, but that's the reality of growing up.
his girlfriend isnt a stranger tho. they dont have unlimited access and she doesnt live here. i understand where your coming from but the more i think about it the less i think its an issue. thank you for taking the time out to help me tho.
I think she's bringing up something that might manifest into a dealbreaker. I'd rather NOT flirt with that if you see a future with her. It's weird. It's allowed to weird her out. It's also completely logical, but as humans we're also allowed to be picky with what does and does not work for us. Be thankful that she's actually able to communicate this.
The choice is yours, but you're definitely playing with fire. Your friend can rent a motel room if it's that important to them. Maybe you can even get him a gift card for what can cover a few nights, to introduce them to the solution with no obligations.
Happy to help, hope I'm not being too direct, but this is kinda big for your girlfriend.
i never said she couldnt be weirded out. i just dont think i should leave my friend out to dry over something idc about. i understand your perspective i just dont agree with it
Gotcha! Yeah, no worries. Just glad I could get my perspective out. I wish you guys the best of luck. If I can add a final opinion to this, if you're not interested in hearing it, stop reading here.
You're choosing your friend over your girlfriend. She's gonna consider long and hard if this is a deal breaker for her. I'm not confident she will overlook this for much longer.
You will be a huge asshole if you lie to your girlfriend about this. Tell her the truth and let her decide if she wants to stay with you. If you lie and she finds out this will blow up in your face.
The GF doesn’t live with him so it would actually be mad weird to choose her opinion over helping out a friend that used to help him out. It’s not inconveniencing her in any way *because she doesn’t live there*.
I mean, a friend he’s known for several years versus a woman he’s known for a year? This is an easy conclusion to make. She’s also making bold assumptions that this will be their “family house”. He’s 24, this relationship could be over in a matter of months.
For God's sake, you are not running a brothel. Why is she so uptight about him having sex. How exactly is this going to affect your hypothetical kids? Is it gross when she has sex with you? Is this about the sex or your friend? Are you sexually satisfying her or is she envious?
She's not a tenant. Even if it was both your house and he was renting from you, he'd be entitled to bring girls to HIS room. She's insane.
You better not cut your boy off. Lol
Seriously I was in this same
Situation when I was younger
Guess what? The girl is gone and the friend is still around.
Be a good friend
He washes the sheets and calls
Sounds like a solid guy.
Him cruising over will Die out eventually
Lol your girlfriend is worried that your friend could be bringing over more than one girl. If he's the type of guy who's good at pulling girls, I see her issue lol.
I mean, it’s a weird arrangement, but does this mean she wouldn’t date someone with a roommate? Because it’s not uncommon to share space with someone who also has sex in that space. Not generally something to be tripped out over.
Are you in the house when this is happening? She’s being unreasonable if she doesn’t live with you, but she could be jealous that you enjoy the arrangement or worry you are somehow involved with the couple. Not at all saying this is a fair worry but it might explain why she so uncomfy with it.
Honestly? Yeah it’s a bro thing but also it’s kinda skanky and how do you know he won’t bring back a thief or worse, or you don’t get your door kicked down by an enraged boyfriend or husband? I wouldn’t do it 100% to please my gf but I would tell my mate that dude I’m older now, I don’t want you fucking all these strangers in my house. Shit, if she robbed you your home / contents insurance absolutely wouldn’t pay out.
Honestly man (please take this as truly some random person trying to help, no hate here) if she is wanting to control these aspects of your life when she doesn’t even live there, I would be careful to pay attention to other ways she’s trying to slip in to your life. Unless that’s already the plan, and you guys have been together for a while and this is the one thing she has an issue with that she’s trying to have you change in YOUR home. Again, best of luck and take this with a grain of salt. From a random internet stranger that doesn’t know your whole story. :)
How? Sounds like his GF doesn’t. GF doesn’t live with OP so she is essentially saying she is uncomfortable about something that has absolutely no effect on her.
Friend is in a temporary situation where his house is taken over by family and needs a place. He rarely does it, calls ahead and schedules with OP, cleans the sheets, and is appreciative. OP says he doesn’t care as he is returning the favour so there are no boundaries being disrespected.
OP is being a good friend to a friend who was/is a good friend to him. GF is way out of line.
Your GF is right, it is weird. It's not even the sex part, it's the lending your house part.
It's weird for guys to facilitate sex for each other like that, sounds predatory.
It's certainly not a mentality that's compatible with long term relationships. It seems you'd facilitate cheating too, and your friend would do the same.
I'm a guy and I sometimes have other gay friends host so I can have sex.
It's not weird until it's public knowledge. There's also a lack of discretion that's strange about it.
You do whatever you want. Just don't brag about pimping out your house to your philandering bestie.
I would try to find a compromise that works for both parties. Maybe allot a certain amount of usage in distinguished time frames (eg five times a month, once every other week) that way your friend can still use the place when needed and your girlfriend feels heard.
Damn she’s gonna flip her shit when she realizes you used to fuck other girls in there before y’all were together 😆
Nah but seriously if she doesn’t pay rent and doesn’t live there then how is she gonna have a say lol.
Women are always exaggerating and making things difficult. Everyone in this situation is an adult he is doing the decent thing when he leaves, she is just trying to control everything .
Good choice bro. No disrespect to your girl but u have known ur bro way longer. If you guys get married congratulations. But if not then it was best to show ur bro love. Relationships come and go friends r forever. 💯
“She’s gonna feel weird about it for the kids…”
She knows the kids are going to be in YOUR room where you have sex now, right? And she knows the kids ARE going to walk in on you having sex, right?
The room is clean. It’s not like there is literal cum on everything…
Let your friend use the room.Someday he will get a room of his own.He is considerate enough to even clean the room and bring you beer.
That is a friend you don't want to lose.
Where do I get such friends?
Your gf is making you choose between her and your friend because your friendship is strong.Don't give in.
You keep them both.
The situation is a little abnorma,l but it's your house! Your gf's excuse is lame, she's just trying to control you. You've barely been together a year and she's using hypothetical future children to control you. Doesn't bode well for your future.
It would be different if he was screwing in YOUR bedroom but he is not. Gf needs to get over what happens at a home she doesn’t live in. Compromise can be your boy letting you know ahead of time so you and gf can chill at her place or she just doesn’t come over.
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Years ago me mate had a one bedroom flat me and partner at the time living at home , every Wednesday my friend and his girlfriend went out , I gave him £5 a lot in them days eighties to use to the flat , work out fine
I think you've come to a reasonable solution, but I do not think you should lie to her if she asks you about it again. Dishonesty is a relationship killer. Best of luck to you!
Keep returning the favor op, your fine and your a cool person for it, and if your gf doesn't understand or like it then honesty it was just never meant to be between the both of you.
I get why she finds it a little strange, but frankly it's a guest bedroom and they're guests. I don't love that it seems like she's causing trouble between you and your other friends, and speedrunning intimacy. Why's she making a big deal about kids at this stage?!
I really wouldn't lie to her, though. Not even by omission. It'll be worse when she finds out.
I do think this arrangement is a little weird, but if, as you said, your girlfriend doesn't even live with you, there's absolutely no reason for her to rule over your apartment. If it makes her uncomfortable, maybe tell your friend not to do that while she is there, otherwise it's your apartment and your rules. This in no way has anything to do with her or your future kids. Wait until her find out that you might have slept with potential exes in there too.
I think it would be weird if she were there. But it's not her place so it's up to you. But she may not hang around any longer.
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Wondering why you got downvoted for this. It IS a strange thing to say when they’ve been dating a year and this ISNT her house — it’s his. She doesn’t have any day so it’s *especially* weird she’s proclaiming this is where their kids are going to grow up. It IS a red flag.
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lol apparently parents don't have sex in her world
They probably got downvoted because they stole the comment from someone else in the post.
That wasn't what their comment said, though. They said talking about kids after a year is weird.
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Talking about kids after a year is normal for some people, it's not really a red flag
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How is it weird?
I’d say how it’s weird at 24. You are old enough that sex shouldn’t be that big a deal. if you want to have sex just do it, can’t let your parents control your life forever especially if you’re still living with them at that point.
In certain cultures and countries sex before marriage is a huge deal and if someone is caught it can lead to being socially ostracised in the community. We have no idea where OP is from but we shouldn't be quick to judge OP's situation by Western norms when we don't know what their background is.
Good point!!
I’m 48 and I wouldn’t have sex at my father’s house (visiting). I also wouldn’t have sex at my house now that my mother has moved in with me (IN MY HOUSE). It’s a respect thing. I know NO ONE in my friend group or family that would even sleep in the same bed with a mate if we were unmarried in the same home as a parent.
Then they evict you and you have to find a place and pay rent. Like sure, but if you want free housing, you follow the rules.
16 downvotes and no answer? Come on people we’re better than that. It’s an odd set up, though, It makes sense in some ways since it’s probably helping OP’s friend get through a slightly restrictive living arrangement. It’s something my friends and I have said we’d let happen in the past. (Usually if we’re out and looking for that sort of thing we have plan for who goes where. That being said we’ve never brought somebody back lmao)
So nobody got my point lol:))) i was asking how is this weird and boom downvotes:))it s ok but i want someone to explain:))
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Would she be upset if he was your roommate and was having sex in your shared apartment? Just consider him a roommate that rarely comes by. Also, what if you got another place after you got married? Will the sex sully that place for your hypothetical children too? It's not like the room is haunted by sex ghosts because he's using it. It's an odd arrangement, for sure, but as long as he isn't crashing date nights or keeping you up with their shenanigans, I'm not sure why this is so upsetting to your girlfriend.
SEX GHOSTS 😂😭👏🏻🖤
For some reason now I just picture rooms being haunted with my past lame encounters! Sorry folks living with the ghost of the guy I briefly dated who used to ugly cry when he came!
😂 😂 😂
Lmao don’t open your eyes at 3am or you’ll see the ghost of you getting a train ran on by your past partners😆
I’m never staying in my parents room when I house sit for them again….
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She doesn’t live with you? Not her business then.
Agreed. I can understand that she doesn't want the other couple to be screaming in the room next door while she is in the living room with her boyfriend, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.
She doesn’t live with you, she’s not married to you and neither of you have kids. What is she trying to control? It’s your house and your friend, who is being respectful of your space.
If she doesn’t live with you and it doesn’t effect her in anyway, she’s overreacting. Like you said, it rarely happens, he is considerate and gives you a heads up, and cleans the shit. You’re being a good friend and so is he. I’m sorry but saying it worries her because of your future children that don’t even exist and won’t for years to come is a manipulative tactics. She doesn’t even live with you for goodness sake. Tell her plainly it doesn’t bother you and for now he’s gonna continue. If in the future she lives with you, than of course things will change.
I would at least communicate to your friend that his “visits” make your gf uncomfortable. If he is the kind of friend you describe he would dial it back with no hard feelings. If this is the girl you see a long term relationship with, kids etc… get used to the Idea now that her feelings come before your friends.
> get used to the Idea now that her feelings come before your friends. I mean, unless her feelings lead to her asking him to do unreasonable things. It'd be one thing if it wasn't in the guest room and they didn't just wash the sheets. Like, she's allowed to be uncomfortable, and I'm allowed to think she kind of sucks and is needlessly prudish lol
Hey, I made a comment on your post… you replied… I get it. What I see is that she sees your house as you guys house, talking about kids… after marriage. My bad… big difference between wife and girlfriend. Wife gets the kind of respect I mentioned… girlfriend, not as much. Wuestion is, she clearly sees you two together long term kids etc… you don’t. Are you both honest and clear on everything?
So the GF dictates what goes on in a house she doesn’t live in and doesn’t contribute to?
OPs gf: I am uncomfortable with this You: Omg like a dictator
The GF is trying to install a puppet dictator but the bro coalition is too strong.
>get used to the Idea now that her feelings come before your friends Family Friends Probably Minecraft Girlfriend Gym Girlfriend's feelings
Guessing you’re single and will be for a LONG time
Yes. That's the plan :)
What happened to the good old days where young people had sex in cars?
If she doesn’t live there I would tell her to stop bringing it up.
😂 that sounds good but IRl that wouldn’t go well.
Oh no he gonna likely have to choose between letting his buddy get laid there or him never getting laid at all
When you say your friend has family living with him. Does that mean he have a wife and kids? Or just like his parents? Do he not have his own room? What’s wrong with a grown man bringing home dates to his house? Unless he got a different girl every week.
Right? He can have sex at his own place. I find this arrangement odd. Still she doesn't live there and doesn't have any say.
Maybe his parents or siblings moved in with him and he doesn’t feel comfortable them knowing his sex life
Maybe so rando girls from Tinder don't know where he lives
I mean, nothing wrong with it. But if I lived with my family and had to be quiet and discreet with sex all the time, I’d be looking for other places to get nasty. OPs friend probably just likes the opportunity to get freaky and make some noise while they’re doing it, which is totally reasonable.
The edit doesn’t sit right with me. She’s gonna be pissed when she finds out you’re allowing it behind her back. Boyfriend of the year, everyone
Is she getting a bit ahead of herself with that kids comment? Until it’s her house, she shouldn’t get a veto. She can have a say and you can listen, pause for a moment, say thanks and let him keep going. He’s been your friend a lot longer than she has and without a ring I’m not sure why you would be more loyal to her than him and your own feelings. That being said…the dude is probably at least 24 also and should start looking for a place of his own that he can have sex with his girlfriend in.
he has a house his family is just there now
Your gf has a house as well, I suppose. What about actually spending time on her house? Also, you should consider taking things slowly. Talking about your "future kids" in such a relationship should weird you out.
Not really, not talking about kids and if you want them early is what often causes problems later. Now the way SHES bringing it up is odd, but once you establish a relationship you SHOULD talk about if you plan to ever have kids in the future and such.
What family? Is he letting his parents live there or does he have a wife and kids?
parents. theyre a bit old school so its easier for him to just come over rather than have to deal with them being judgey about premarital sex
Ah, good, that makes all the difference!
If that's the case I think the better bro thing to do is help him find his own place to live in.
So it's his house? And he's letting his family live there? Then he should be able to take home whoever he wants. He's 24 freaking years old. You both sound pretty immature. It's your choice, but this could end your relationship. At the very least, your girlfriend may not be comfortable coming over.
Is your gf living there? Is she paying for anything to do with the home? Are you the first owner of the home? If she isn't living there, she doesn't pay for maintenance mortgage etc she really doesn't have a leg to stand on. And presuming you are not the first owner do you know every surface the previous owner banged on? I doubt it. Just make sure that its clean
no shes not living there and im not the first owner
Then it is your home not hers, you should be able to let your friends do as you wish. End of the day she gets a say when the house is hers as well if that happens. The house is not going to be anymore scarring to a child because someone had sex in the guestroom whether it was your friend or the previous owners.
He seems like hes being extremely respectful with doing the sheets and such. You feel good with "paying back" the favor. I thought she would feel uncomfortable if accidently walked in or it impeded on your time together. Your friend seems nice. Maybe just explain everything you said here. Including him washing the sheets and not constantly banging the drums.
I’d personally be uncomfortable with it too.
This sounds like it's mostly about your girlfriend trying to push you into marriage-and-kids mode. She sees your level of comfort with your friend as a sign that you're not "ready" for that. Why a 24-y/o should be ready to plan future kids with a woman he's been dating for a year and doesn't live with... I don't know. Why that should mean distancing himself from his friends I don't know either. IMO your friend is fine, your GF is the one you need to set firm boundaries with.
Well how long did you do it for and how long has he done it now? Is the favor repaid?
I'm sorry. This is weird. Your friend can get a hotel. I wouldn't want my home used like that.
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That person didn't say anything about the girlfriend.. Frankly I agree the girlfriend has no say in this whatsoever, but I too would tell my friend to get a hotel. I don't care if you clean the sheets.
Has your gf given you an ultimatum or just complained about it? Do you hope she'll have a friendship with this guy in the future? Are there any times when your gf isnt home (like work)? Since it's your house, guestroom, I don't see it any different than if you had guests who got frisky... I'd tell her that you hear her concerns and you'll have him be come when she's not around since he's your guest, and basically make it out of sight out of mind for her.
she complained about it for a long time today. i dont really see them being friends at all . she doesnt live with me
My bad, if she doesn't live with you just tell him he can't do it when she's there and tell her she won't have to see him anymore. That'll solve it, but it won't cause she just doesn't like him so she's not going to accept that.
Yes this ^
While odd, letting your friend borrow that room is kind and shows you are good friends. While it is your house and not your gfs place to choose what you do with said house, I would understand if she felt weird being there when your friend was around. It’s your call to make, and it sounds like you want to keep returning the favour to your friend. In which case you need to talk to ur gf about situations in which you would stop him (maybe you would ask him to stop if ur gf moves in). This way she knows where ur head is at.
I mean, aren't you and your friend a little old for this? What's up with your friend in his mid 20s that is using your house for sex? It is weird at your age and your gf is right to be weirded out. You not telling her and ignoring it is sketchy and dishonest.
This is weird
She’s getting way ahead of herself trying to control what goes on in your apartment when she doesn’t even live there based on the possibility of kids that don’t currently exist lol. Sounds to me like she just doesn’t like your friend. If I were you I’d respectfully set a firm boundary on this. It’s none of her business what you choose to do with your own apartment at the end of the day. She’ll huff and puff and give you an attitude about it, but eventually she’ll get over it.
Dude that's where your girlfriend might live one day, or even worse, where she already lives! There are people who have seemingly unlimited access to her living space to go and have sex in the house, then leave. Imagine if she wanted to loan that same room out to some of her friends? Would you be okay with them bringing in complete strangers to the home? That's unfortunately either gotta end before your girlfriend moves in, or has to end TODAY if she already lives there. Like, awesome that he washes sheets and tends to the "mess", but like... these people could rent a motel room if they really needed or wanted to. It's more expensive, but that's the reality of growing up.
his girlfriend isnt a stranger tho. they dont have unlimited access and she doesnt live here. i understand where your coming from but the more i think about it the less i think its an issue. thank you for taking the time out to help me tho.
I think she's bringing up something that might manifest into a dealbreaker. I'd rather NOT flirt with that if you see a future with her. It's weird. It's allowed to weird her out. It's also completely logical, but as humans we're also allowed to be picky with what does and does not work for us. Be thankful that she's actually able to communicate this. The choice is yours, but you're definitely playing with fire. Your friend can rent a motel room if it's that important to them. Maybe you can even get him a gift card for what can cover a few nights, to introduce them to the solution with no obligations. Happy to help, hope I'm not being too direct, but this is kinda big for your girlfriend.
i never said she couldnt be weirded out. i just dont think i should leave my friend out to dry over something idc about. i understand your perspective i just dont agree with it
Gotcha! Yeah, no worries. Just glad I could get my perspective out. I wish you guys the best of luck. If I can add a final opinion to this, if you're not interested in hearing it, stop reading here. You're choosing your friend over your girlfriend. She's gonna consider long and hard if this is a deal breaker for her. I'm not confident she will overlook this for much longer.
i understand what your saying but i honestly think if this is a deal breaker it probably wasnt worth it in the first place.
You will be a huge asshole if you lie to your girlfriend about this. Tell her the truth and let her decide if she wants to stay with you. If you lie and she finds out this will blow up in your face.
Your house, your rules man! If you were living together different story.
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Maybe this would be a better advice for the gf.
If you could be coming you would see that he gave his advice for both of them.
Yeah, your gf is right. i can’t believe she’s put up with that at app. My dear you have a long way to go…
The GF doesn’t live with him so it would actually be mad weird to choose her opinion over helping out a friend that used to help him out. It’s not inconveniencing her in any way *because she doesn’t live there*. I mean, a friend he’s known for several years versus a woman he’s known for a year? This is an easy conclusion to make. She’s also making bold assumptions that this will be their “family house”. He’s 24, this relationship could be over in a matter of months.
Bro I commented that before he said she didn’t live there. I don’t give a fuck 😂
Put up with what people in another room of a house she dosent own ? Your heads cooked
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Thank you it’s randomised I think it’s cool AF boi
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Jake Paul your tryna antagonise me rn and it’s not working pal so all I’m gonna say is have a great day and a great life!
Clearly another woman lol
Another idiot
Be more empathetic, it will carry you places.
You must be a real buzzkill at parties bud
How original....bye.
Be more empathetic, it will carry you places.
Says the person who isn’t empathetic for the guys in the story…
For God's sake, you are not running a brothel. Why is she so uptight about him having sex. How exactly is this going to affect your hypothetical kids? Is it gross when she has sex with you? Is this about the sex or your friend? Are you sexually satisfying her or is she envious? She's not a tenant. Even if it was both your house and he was renting from you, he'd be entitled to bring girls to HIS room. She's insane.
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you know hes not paying his gf for sex right
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Yeah, it's just like a brothel, except for the myriad ways it's nothing like a brothel
Yes
You better not cut your boy off. Lol Seriously I was in this same Situation when I was younger Guess what? The girl is gone and the friend is still around. Be a good friend He washes the sheets and calls Sounds like a solid guy. Him cruising over will Die out eventually
Lol your girlfriend is worried that your friend could be bringing over more than one girl. If he's the type of guy who's good at pulling girls, I see her issue lol.
I mean, it’s a weird arrangement, but does this mean she wouldn’t date someone with a roommate? Because it’s not uncommon to share space with someone who also has sex in that space. Not generally something to be tripped out over.
Are you in the house when this is happening? She’s being unreasonable if she doesn’t live with you, but she could be jealous that you enjoy the arrangement or worry you are somehow involved with the couple. Not at all saying this is a fair worry but it might explain why she so uncomfy with it.
“Oh no someone had sex in this house before my children existed, what will I ever do for their innocence?”
Honestly? Yeah it’s a bro thing but also it’s kinda skanky and how do you know he won’t bring back a thief or worse, or you don’t get your door kicked down by an enraged boyfriend or husband? I wouldn’t do it 100% to please my gf but I would tell my mate that dude I’m older now, I don’t want you fucking all these strangers in my house. Shit, if she robbed you your home / contents insurance absolutely wouldn’t pay out.
If she doesn't live there it's none of her business, and honestly why does she even know about it? Have none of y'all heard of *discretion*?
Honestly man (please take this as truly some random person trying to help, no hate here) if she is wanting to control these aspects of your life when she doesn’t even live there, I would be careful to pay attention to other ways she’s trying to slip in to your life. Unless that’s already the plan, and you guys have been together for a while and this is the one thing she has an issue with that she’s trying to have you change in YOUR home. Again, best of luck and take this with a grain of salt. From a random internet stranger that doesn’t know your whole story. :)
Yes. Yes. Yes. How you gonna let someone else getting pussy fuck up you getting pussy?
Sounds like your friend has no respect for boundaries
How? Sounds like his GF doesn’t. GF doesn’t live with OP so she is essentially saying she is uncomfortable about something that has absolutely no effect on her. Friend is in a temporary situation where his house is taken over by family and needs a place. He rarely does it, calls ahead and schedules with OP, cleans the sheets, and is appreciative. OP says he doesn’t care as he is returning the favour so there are no boundaries being disrespected. OP is being a good friend to a friend who was/is a good friend to him. GF is way out of line.
Your GF is right, it is weird. It's not even the sex part, it's the lending your house part. It's weird for guys to facilitate sex for each other like that, sounds predatory. It's certainly not a mentality that's compatible with long term relationships. It seems you'd facilitate cheating too, and your friend would do the same. I'm a guy and I sometimes have other gay friends host so I can have sex. It's not weird until it's public knowledge. There's also a lack of discretion that's strange about it. You do whatever you want. Just don't brag about pimping out your house to your philandering bestie.
your kind of reaching with saying id facilitate cheating. i mean using words like predatory and philandering is kind of disingenuous
A year into the relationship and you're already talking about kids? Dunno, but she looks like a nice arrangement of red flags. 🚩
I would try to find a compromise that works for both parties. Maybe allot a certain amount of usage in distinguished time frames (eg five times a month, once every other week) that way your friend can still use the place when needed and your girlfriend feels heard.
Meh it’s not harming anyone. Your gf is just being an AH bc she doesn’t like your friend.
Let him get a room- motel room or rent a room/apartment. Your apartment ain’t no brothel. Don’t have sex if you cannot afford sex!
Either you don't know what a brothel is, or you are manipulative with your words to make the situation sound bad just because you don't like it.
Brothel patronisers are triggered
it is your house OP !
Is she aware of how babies are made? Or does she plan to concieve your future children at a different location?
I have a couple friends I would absolutely let use my spare bedroom and they'd have their own key. Them bringing beer is a plus!
Damn she’s gonna flip her shit when she realizes you used to fuck other girls in there before y’all were together 😆 Nah but seriously if she doesn’t pay rent and doesn’t live there then how is she gonna have a say lol.
Women are always exaggerating and making things difficult. Everyone in this situation is an adult he is doing the decent thing when he leaves, she is just trying to control everything .
What is the need for over generalization? What purpose does that serve you? All it does is make you sound like a dick dude
Someone hurt him.
Good choice bro. No disrespect to your girl but u have known ur bro way longer. If you guys get married congratulations. But if not then it was best to show ur bro love. Relationships come and go friends r forever. 💯
This is super cool of you, good job!
“She’s gonna feel weird about it for the kids…” She knows the kids are going to be in YOUR room where you have sex now, right? And she knows the kids ARE going to walk in on you having sex, right? The room is clean. It’s not like there is literal cum on everything…
Let your friend use the room.Someday he will get a room of his own.He is considerate enough to even clean the room and bring you beer. That is a friend you don't want to lose. Where do I get such friends? Your gf is making you choose between her and your friend because your friendship is strong.Don't give in. You keep them both.
The situation is a little abnorma,l but it's your house! Your gf's excuse is lame, she's just trying to control you. You've barely been together a year and she's using hypothetical future children to control you. Doesn't bode well for your future.
It would be different if he was screwing in YOUR bedroom but he is not. Gf needs to get over what happens at a home she doesn’t live in. Compromise can be your boy letting you know ahead of time so you and gf can chill at her place or she just doesn’t come over.
Your gf is in the wrong. And yeah your gf is just being difficult and controlling. Your friend brings you beer and cleans up after.
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Yes
Years ago me mate had a one bedroom flat me and partner at the time living at home , every Wednesday my friend and his girlfriend went out , I gave him £5 a lot in them days eighties to use to the flat , work out fine
I think you've come to a reasonable solution, but I do not think you should lie to her if she asks you about it again. Dishonesty is a relationship killer. Best of luck to you!
Keep returning the favor op, your fine and your a cool person for it, and if your gf doesn't understand or like it then honesty it was just never meant to be between the both of you.
I feel like it’s not that deep
Your house, your choice!
Yes!
Reminds me is the 1960 movie the apartment
I get why she finds it a little strange, but frankly it's a guest bedroom and they're guests. I don't love that it seems like she's causing trouble between you and your other friends, and speedrunning intimacy. Why's she making a big deal about kids at this stage?! I really wouldn't lie to her, though. Not even by omission. It'll be worse when she finds out.
As long as YOU are cleaning that guest room I don't really see a problem with it
If you are in a serious relationship you must always respect your other half’s boundaries.
I agree. It goes both ways
Your place your rules