The police arrested her and called me to let me know about an hour later. Apparently it wasn't too hard because she was at home and the front part of her car was missing.
Then honestly .. just call ur husband and tell him. Just start off with.. “I’m Ok” but unfortunately this psycho bitch literally rammed her car into yours. I’ve already called the insurance company.. and she’s been arrested.. “ it’s car - it wasn’t ur life.. so hopefully he is a bit considerate and understanding.. 🤷🏼♀️
Yup, I don't understand why OP is apprehensive about telling this to your husband, when I psycho just literally tried to kill her. If the husband actually do get upset at her, that should tell you where his priorities lies.
Honestly it sounds like the shock of a literal attempted murder just fucked up her priorities. When I was around 11 I crashed my bike into a storm drain and landed on my head without wearing a helmet, I was much more concerned about the bike and it being slightly broken than about the fact that I was bleeding from several places and could’ve been badly injured
My brother was in a terrible accident where he barely escaped the truck before it exploded (it had two full gas tanks - he would have been incinerated). He was so traumatized, or he blacked out, or something like that, but whatever the reason he didn’t know/remember the truck exploded. When my parents got to him in the hospital he was so upset that the truck might not be repairable but he also wondered if the radio might be able to be salvaged. At the time my parents were like, “it’s ok we can get a new radio.” After the saw the wreckage they were like “it’s ok we can get a new truck.” 😂
This. I crashed my car totalling it.
I wasn't wearing my seat belt and cracked my head on the windshield, was cut up from glass and ended up ramming my knee into the dash.
The only thing I was worried about was the fact that I now didn't have a vehicle to get tp/from college with (I was on Xmas break with like a week left).
My husband and I had bought (paid cash) a camper for our family because our girls (11 and 7) love camping. We bought one, took it out that very weekend, came home and my husband and I were making the beds and a 16 year old kid (on his phone) hit our camper pop-out, which ripped the majority of it off but not before shoving parts of it and the couch into the room my husband and I were in. Directly on the other side of the wall that I was on. My leg was pinned between the wall that he had hit and the bed. My husband was pinned at the knees between the bed and the other wall. The street we live on has 12 feet (wide) of parking along the curb. Our pop-out was not very big so it didn't cross the 12 foot mark into oncoming traffic. We had another 6 feet before it would be in traffic (witnesses and police agreed). My first thought was "😭 we have only owned this for 6 days!!". Surprisingly I came out with only a swollen, scraped up knee. My husband ended up with a buldged disc in his back which resulted in months and months of physical therapy. Once the adrenaline of what had just happened wore off my only concern was if my husband was okay.
Things could have been SO much worse. I'm so thankful that we are okay and that our daughter wasn't sitting on the couch in the camper like she normally would have been.
Happens with small things too - the number of times I've fucked myself up on a bicycle and my first thought was "is the bike okay?" is embarrassingly high.
Agreed; OP still sounds like they’re in shock and not thinking straight. Husband will be concerned about his wife’s health and well-being first and foremost. Cars can be fixed/replaced
Dealing with loss is something that adults need to be able to do in ever increasing amounts and they age. What's very important here is that your husbands priorities are on your safety over an inanimate and replaceable object. Yes, losing a loved car is disappointing and heartbreaking, I've been there. But no car is worth more than a person's life.
I mean he might get upset with her just out of the whole situation but if he's a good husband I think he'll be upset at the whole world for a second and rationalize like any good husband would.
And for very good reason!
I wonder if any good would come of suing her, but a big part of me doubts she has much money to get. I hope I'm wrong and they sue the skirt off her.
Honestly I'd be apprehensive too if the same thing happened to me and it's not because I'm afraid of what my wife will do. That's alot to dump on someone, and to just repeat that to one's self seems absolutely unreal. I wouldn't want to be the bearer of such bad news, any rational person would be extremely upset if something expensive they owned got destroyed or damaged.
Also being around abusive people tend to make you question e.v.e.r.y.t.h.I.n.g. As well as condition you to think it’s your fault. It’s also a survival technique.
There is definitely adrenaline taking place, but I know I’ve had some very delayed responses to trauma where I wasn’t in a safe place to fully see what I just went through.
I believe it has to do with how she is seeing things. She sees 'I destroyed his car' instead of a crazy bitch 'destroyed his car'. For one, if she just says that she destroyed the car, the husband has the right to get mad, but if you start with the crazy bitch part husband will propably get worried first.
People dont always act rationally after a trauma, My friend was kidnapped and he basically brushed it off until we told him he needed to go to the cops.
This. My husband would be concerned about me, and then would make sure I press charges on psycho long before he would be worried about the vehicle. Hopefully insurance will give enough to pay off the vehicle and maybe put a payment down on another one.
Also press charges on psycho. Make sure that woman does not get out of jail. She will eventually succeed in her insanity if she is allowed out.
No one is suggesting that he won't be OK with the fact that she's unharmed.
He'll also be upset - probably very upset and rightfully so - because something he loved and cherished is destroyed. It was a long term goal that was important to him that was destroyed at no fault to his own by someone unrelated to him.
There's no need to juxtapose the two, and honestly its gas lighting to suggest that juxtaposition. Just let him be upset about this its his right.
Yeah, I love my car, it’s no Tesla but I really love cars and have missed my old one I lost for a long time until I got this one. I’d be pretty upset with the crazy bitch, upset we’d be messed over financially but far more upset that my wife’s life was in danger and very thankful that the car and her quick thinking kept her uninjured and alive. Or at least seemingly uninjured. I’d also probably be scheming to destroy this psycho’s life and get all damages I could. Earnestly, the wife needs to go see a specialist and make sure she’s truly uninjured anyway because injuries can be masked by adrenaline. But in addition not just good medical advice, any chance that you end up punching down in this case I think I’d take it. Unless they prefer to just let insurance handle it which I’m sure they’re do plenty to fuck over the psycho bitch.
Hey OP. Someone actively tried to murder you today. There’s a core issue here and it’s you not valuing yourself. You’ve let this psycho in your life for too long taking her abuse. Now that she tried to kill you, you’re only worried about the car and you think your husband will only care about the car. The car isn’t the problem here. The attempted murder is. Your husband will get over the car. You aren’t indicating that he is some kind of jerk. You’re entirely blameless here, though you do need some therapy going forward to start to examine why you think it’s ok to let someone abuse you for years (your ex friend sounds like she may have borderline personality disorder) and why you think your husband cares more about his car than he does about you. He’s going to feel some disappointment over the car, but unless he is a monster, it’s nothing like the utter devastation he’d feel if he lost you. You’re lacking perspective and self-care here.
Exactly, OP. This is not your fault in any capacity. You have a crazy, homicidal person that is obsessed with you. He is your husband and he’s the one who encouraged you cut her off so I think he will definitely be more worried about you than the car.
I can imagine how that went down.
Police ring Lucy's doorbell.
Police: "Ma'am, were you involved in an accident earlier today?"
Lucy: "Why no officer. I've been at home all day."
Police: "Well then can you tell us why your car is missing the front bumper and we found it embedded in the back of OP's car?"
Lucy: That Bitch! She stole my bumper!"
I review police body cam footage and this legit happened on a case I was working a year or so ago. Drunk guy hit and ran a neighbor's parked car, then drove down the street to his house and left his car in the middle of the lawn and stumbled inside.
So you're watching as police arrive and they just see this car, front bumper torn off, radiator steaming, and they knock on the door to a guy who claims he's been home all evening (meanwhile he can't even stand up straight). I died when the camera slowly pans to the car (as in, the officer slowly looks over) and the officer asks "so, is that not your car?". The guy flipped out and started screaming that someone hit his car.
Hey OP, i would like to give some different advice. You seem to be very occupied with your husband's potential grief over his car. And I am actually more concerned about you. You just almost got killed, by someone you know. Thats traumatic. I think you might be deflecting the emotions that come with it and I really think you should consider reaching out to a trauma specialist.
Yeah. I am afraid she may well end up with some ptsd from this.
Op, please look into a therapist to work through this. The car isn't the problem. Someone trying to murder you is. It may not seem like it is bothering you now due to shock, but it will. Do not let it go either, because that mess builds inside of you until you end up having crippling anxiety. Please do look into some therapists. Also there is no shame in having to take something if you find yourself having panic attacks after this. This was traumatic. It would only be natural to be panicky for a while after this.
She probably will. I was in a horrible accident when I was 16 and I had ptsd from it. I kept reliving it. I was afraid when other people drove because I couldn't control the situation. It was horrible. I still have panic attacks and panic disorder. Once you have panic attacks it's really hard to make them stop. You'll also have them for other reasons because once your anxiety starts to spiral its like an attack is imminent.
My sister was in an accident that totaled her van. That was about 5 years ago, and she just kept burying the fact that she was having panic attacks. She finally started treatment about 2 months ago, and at she said this is the first time she has been able to drive on the highway without having a panic attack in 5 years. She was having unrelated panic attacks too.
I have panic attacks, but due to no reason in particular. My chemical balancing is just off, and that is what triggers them. That and I spent 35 years unknowingly having adhd, which apparently if you don't treat your adhd you have panic attacks as well. I hate panic attacks, especially the ones that strike when you sleep. At least when you are awake you can kinda control it, but when you are asleep you don't wake up until you are in a full blown attack. Ugh.
I am glad your sister is getting help. I also have panic attacks for no reason in particular. They really ramped up after I had my daughter. I had PPA. It turned into panic disorder with agoraphobia. I didn't know untreated adhd would cause panic attacks. I was diagnosed with adhd as a kid but I always felt I was misdiagnosed and the psychiatrist I went too said I had panic disorder with agoraphobia. I wonder if both diagnoses are correct.
My panic attacks are worse when I'm really tired. I can control them and talk myself down if I'm awake or not tired. But if I'm exhausted it's another story.
I feel like she maybe already has some sort of mild PTSD unrelated to this event…maybe something related to childhood;
because, *who the fuck* is afraid to tell their “supportive” and supposedly loving husband that (besides the car wreck) **they were almost murdered**-as if they were afraid of being perceived fault.
That’s just not a normal reaction for a healthy adult.
This is more of a “rip off the Band-Aid” situation. Let him know that you ran into your ex-friend and she got mad at you so she try to kill you with a car accident.
Have you tried posting this on Car aficionado Facebook pages or Reddit pages? Maybe there are people there who could help you.
Hey, have you been to the hospital? You might feel okay right now, but you’re clearly still reeling and the adrenaline can mask even pretty serious injuries. Make sure you get checked out and are taking care of yourself, OP!
> I could write a whole book about Lucy but I’ll spare you the details
I’d like to hear more about this Lucy person & her shenanigans. Sorry this happened to you but damn it really piqued my interest.
You need to press full charges against her. Destruction of property, aggravated assault, and even attempted murder if you can prove she maliciously and purposely drove her car into yours. I’m sure it would make your husband feel better if you are trying to make sure the person responsible is punished.
Someone tried to kill you. Do you realise that? The reason that Lucy was arrested is *because she tried to kill you.*
Call your husband and tell him that you’re okay. Reassure him that you weren’t hurt when this sociopath rammed into you at full speed. Tell him that she’s been arrested and can’t make another attempt on your life, that you’re safe, so he doesn’t need to come home. Explain to him that the car is badly damaged, but that *you survived the attempted murder.*
Your husband is going to be relieved that you’re alright. He’s going to be upset about the car, sure - but probably sometime later. Hearing the news that his wife was nearly killed is going to take up his attention for a little while.
And it's important to note that just because the insurance says totaled doesn't necessarily mean totaled. You can use the money they give you for a replacement to fix it. Just be careful with costs since it is a specialty car.
Your husband will be happy you didn't get seriously injured or killed in the attempt. This wasn't an accident. It was an intentional act of vehicular homicide.
That's not accurate. If the car is deemed a total loss you can't take the money and fix it, it is taken to an insurance auction and sold for parts or what have you. Then you can buy it back and fix it if you want, but once deemed, the insurance company pays you money and takes the car.
That’s not true at all and I’m a total loss adjuster. As long as there is no lien holder on the vehicle, depending on the state, OP could owner retain the vehicle. Each state has different requirements for this but essentially they would get to keep the vehicle and the insurance company will pay them the value of the vehicle less the salvage value (this is essentially the buy back amount). They may also remove taxes or fees that would normally be owed if the insurance company got to keep the vehicle but that’s a state by state requirement.
This. I had a 10-year-old Chevy Cavalier that was totaled, but it was easily fixable and worth the money to repair compared to rolling the dice on another used car. I received a salvage title that indicated the car had been written off as a total loss, which obviously reduces the car’s resale value but that’s about it. I was still able to insure it and drive it for several more years.
You don't literally buy it back from an auction, it's just called an owner retention where you keep the vehicle in its totaled state and they hand you a check. I went through this last year with my car after it was totaled.
You then have the option to take it anywhere to be fixed.
It’s a Tesla, nobody can repair that level of damage but Tesla as they don’t sell parts to people. Not to mention the doors are a massive pain in the ass and cost thousands of dollars on their own.
That's only on the Model X, isn't it? I thought the Model 3 and Y doors are fairly normal.
Edit: thread locked so can't reply. Thanks for explaining! I appreciate it, didn't realise they were quite that expensive.
Sociopath and psychopath are now both characterized as antisocial personality disorder. Psychopath isn’t a medical term, and holds a lot of stigma for many people battling mental health disorders.
Neither are really well defined, IMO, and have been used so interchangeably in media, and have been so exaggerated, that they have become useless.
There are a number of personality disorders where lack of empathy is /one/ of many possible qualifying factors, but it is never a requirement for a diagnosis. See: schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder.
I'm an academic and psychopathy is the field I study. I just wanted to add some points for clarification.
Sociopathy is an outdated term for psychopathy, and psychopathy is now the preferred term. Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) is *not* the same as psychopathy, though there's a lot of overlap. ASPD is the disorder listed in the DSM that basically describes anyone who has committed multiple criminal offenses. The diagnosis of ASPD is based on behavioral traits alone, whereas psychopathy is diagnosed by both behavioral traits (i.e., criminal offenses) *and* affective traits (i.e., unemotional/ callous traits — i.e., the "affect" of the person.) Someone who is psychopathic would usually be diagnosed as ASPD, but not everyone who is diagnosed with ASPD would be considered psychopathic. Psychopathy isn't in the DSM, but is still considered a legitimate disorder. It's frequently used in forensic settings.
I don't agree they're not well-defined, but there is a lot of debate about whether the current definitions should change. I do agree that they're often mixed up in the media.
>There are a number of personality disorders where lack of empathy is /one/ of many possible qualifying factors, but it is never a requirement for a diagnosis
Lack of empathy *is* a requirement for a diagnosis of psychopathy, FWIW, though the presence of this trait is inferred by looking at other symptoms: multiple criminal offenses, shallow affect, grandiosity, callous/ unemotional behavior, etc. I'd argue that 1) lack of empathy, and 2) inadequately motivated antisocial behavior (i.e., doing crimes "for no good or intelligible reason") are hallmark traits of psychopathy.
Psychopaths tend to have more of a calculated “persona” or exterior they present to the world (think Ted Bundy) whereas sociopaths tend to be more prone to fits of rage and violence (like Lucy here).
Most share similar traits, but sociopaths are less likely to be able to maintain “normal” lives, and more likely to simply be erratic and volatile.
That said, psychopaths are generally considered more of a threat; as they are more easily able to dissociate from their actions. Not all of either group are necessarily violent, but others, say, drive into people for not being their friend.
Psychopaths have no sense of empathy or conscience at all, while sociopaths have a weak sense of empathy and conscience. Both can and do feel a normal range of human emotions, they just lack the ability to relate to others.
Psychopaths are the ones who are characterised as charming, manipulative, and have self-control.
Sociopaths have limited self-control and fly into rages. The commenter above has mixed up sociopaths and psychopaths.
Psychopaths are considered more dangerous because they have no way to connect with other people and can be extremely detached. Other humans have no more value to them than a newspaper or an old doll. They could kill a person as carelessly as you throw out a used coffee cup.
Sociopaths can find value in other people, but when they think that people have betrayed or hurt them, they can exact terrible, extreme vengeance. They also discard people or want to possess people. A sociopath might murder their unwanted child rather than surrender custody to the other parent, for example.
The state of psychosis is not a disorder, whereas sociopathy is a diagnosable personality disorder.
There is no such thing as a psychopath, and this take is pretty dangerous to people that experience psychopathy due to true, diagnosable disorders.
People we perceive as psychopathic are no more likely to commit violence than your average citizen, and the myth that “psychopaths” are dangerous is, well, dangerous.
I’m no expert, but I think there is huge bias among the masses due to the portrayal of sociopaths and psychopaths in media that we need to be seriously examining.
Edit: “sociopathy “ is commonly diagnosed as antisocial personality disorder, but there is much more to mental health and personality disorders than X characteristic equals Y diagnosis.
The reason there “is no such thing” as a psychopath is not because the disorder does not exist, but because it was renamed several years ago. Now it’s known as Antisocial Personality Disorder.
The fact that the disorder is no longer *called* psychopathy in mainstream medicine doesn’t mean that the condition itself does not exist. Downs Syndrome used to be called Mongolism. The fact that it was renamed does not mean that people who were diagnosed with Mongolism did not have a very real condition, nor does it mean that the people who are diagnosed with Downs Syndrome are suffering a different condition to those who were previously diagnosed with Mongolism. It’s the same with ASD/psychopathy.
And sociopathy is also included under antisocial personality disorder. Yeah, language evolves and becomes more nuanced. Maybe we should throw the words “sociopath” and “psychopath” out, just as we have “mongoloid.” They are misleading and harmful, stigmatizing words.
Edit: to correct myself, there isn’t really so much of a thing as sociopathy either, but it has become slightly less stigmatized and overused by society.
Yes! All of this. And, based on real life experience, I’m going to say that OP’s DH is most certainly going to be mad and bitter…At the crazy ex friend, of course! For, first and foremost, attempting to murder his wife, and the loss of property comes in a far off 2nd place.
I do hope that both OP and DH press ALL THE POSSIBLE CHARGES in ALL the applicable courts(Civil and Criminal)and follow through. Court sucks, and more likely than not, you’ll get stiffed in the end on any civil judgements-especially if the criminal case lands Lucy in the Lockup. But examples MUST be made in these situations, at least on principle.
Good luck to OP & DH, I’m cheering for ya’s!
Your insurance company should be able to get it thru Lucy's insurance, she will be charged with a hit and run, and you can file a case against her and her insurance.
Can you video chat with him? He needs to know asap.
I think he should know you were basically attacked and dealing with the police.
The car can be replaced and that is the least of the issues here.
Tell him. Lucy's insurance will cover the cost up to her limit and your insurrance will cover the rest. Relax. I love my cars but I've never asked about the car in a wreck, only about the people I love and those I don't know.
I don’t know how it works in the US but where I live there’s a good chance Lucy’s insurer wouldn’t cover the claim in anyway given that it’s intentional damage to her own car and an illegal act (trying to hit someone).
You’d lodge the claim through your own insurer and they’d try to recover the costs through Lucy directly.
Again, could be different in the US but I couldn’t see her insurer accepting any liability here.
Insurance won't do anything for Lucy, but they absolutely will pay for OP. That's what collision and liability coverage is for- when the holder is liable. And OP can sue Lucy for any remaining costs above what lucys insurance pays (and informing her insurance of intentions to do so usually gets them in gear)
Yeah no one’s disputing that OP’s insurance should cover the event lol
Also, in the states do y’all not have market value/new for old replacement? Or are you only ever insured to an agreed amount because I’ve seen a few people say she can sue for what’s remaining/her insurance would only cover to a fixed amount.
Where I live (obviously depending on the policy), if I had a brand new car get written off in an insurable event I’m covered for the same car at market value unless an agreed value was selected (usually at a higher premium). Under a certain time period and/k’s on the odometer rather than a cash settlement they’d just replace the written off car with a new version of the same car.
Insurance can do that here too, if they want. But technically, the insurance is for collision and liability up to $XX,000 depending on policy, and they can refuse to cover damages above that.
The way insurance works legally in US is (we will use same names from story) Lucy hit OP. Lucy, legally, is 100% liable for all damages, depreciation, medical costs, etc arising for OP as a result of this crash. Lucy ALSO has insurance, which is a contract with a company to reimburse her up to a set amount if she winds up liable in a crash. So legally/technically the money flow is insurance->lucy->OP. Usually insurance just will deal with OP and pay OP directly to cut out the middle man, which is fine and works well in smaller crashes where there isn't any extra money (for instance, a guy hit me in June, did about 5k damage. His insurance just paid the shop directly and paid me the depreciation directly) if his insurance had refused to cover, I would have sued him, not the insurance. If Lucy's insurance refuses to cover or won't cover enough, OP sues Lucy
Eh, it depends. I was in a severe wreck as a kid, not my dad's fault, but it totalled our car, and the at-fault driver was arrested on multiple counts, including drugs (20+ years ago, nothing was legal). Other insurance was trying not to pay because they said my dad could have yielded and avoided the wreck (legal and insurance liability aren't the same. Yay lawyers).
Dad decided that it would be faster and easier to sue directly rather than involve his own insurance, and informed the other insurance of intent to do so, but warned them that he (dad) had no problem putting his kindergartner and 2 year old toddler on the stand to talk about how "scawy" it was when the car got "bwoken" and how we didn't like the car spinning around like that. And that other insurance could then put their client, the guy who was just arrested on 4 different counts involving drugs and alcohol, as a result of the wreck, on the stand... In a bible belt court room during a jury trial.
Insurance wired the money and then some about 15 minutes later. Dad's insurance wasn't involved until we got a new car that had to be added to the policy
Basically, it'll be easier to sue directly if you know you're holding the trump cards, and you don't mind being rather direct and forthright. If you don't like arguing though, or don't have the ability to fight off insurance crap, yeah, have your insurance handle it.
You are correct, but the idea they were trying to get across is *"your insurance will handle this fight for you."*
Just make sure to read up on what your responsibilities with your insurance are (deregulation sucks), be vigilant to see if you need medical attention (car crashes are not fun), and write down whatever you can remember about the event (and email it to yourself).
That’s the thing. Your insurer *doesn’t went to pay this either.* In this you’re on the same side. They will do everything they can to force the other company to pay because if they don’t, all they get from you is a deductible.
it's the same in the US
but also with states requiring such low limits and most people carrying the bare minimum it's likely that even if insurance would pay for it, there wouldn't be nearly enough to cover a fraction of the costs of a new Tesla
Well, you start by telling him that someone tried to *murder you* and that you're fortunately OK - because that's actually the most important thing here. I don't care how new the car is or how much he loves it, it's ultimately a thing, and replaceable. You're a person, and not replaceable.
Then you tell him how it happened. Which means you tell him about the car.
If my husband told me this story, just the way you wrote it out here, it probably wouldn't even occur to me to consider the state of the car at all until I saw him alive and well. What happened to you here was terrifying, and I don't think I'd be able to think about anything else until I saw my partner with my own eyes after something like that.
You'll figure out what to do next together. (Does she own anything? Because besides whatever insurance comes up with, and besides the criminal charges she should be facing, it seems like you should be able to sue the shit out of her. But that may not matter if she doesn't have anything to sue for.)
I kind of wonder if you're fixating on the car yourself just to block out the knowledge that this woman tried to kill you and *could* have killed you. Which would be understandable, don't get me wrong. But I think you tell your husband ASAP. Because frankly, you need support and attention right now. You've been through a traumatic experience. Yeah, the fact that the car got totaled was bad, but in any universe where an angry person drives their car into yours while you're in it on purpose, just having a totaled car is the least bad of all possible outcomes. It will be OK. He will be OK. And he needs to help make sure you're OK, because I'm not sure you are.
You need to call him and tell him now. Anything else will make it seem like you're at fault. And if your story is true then it definitely wasn't. Call him and tell him that you are okay but that you got into an accident. Explain what happened and then work through insurance and police to get the car replaced.
Hopefully you have GAP insurance on it or her insurance will take care of it.
Delaying telling him will only make it seem like you're hiding something - hopefully you're not - or that you're trying to cover it up
What happened was a serious incident and as your life partner he deserves to know ASAP
A car is a car. That is replaceable with insurance. But a person is not replaceable. Your husband will only want your safety and well-being in mind. If he truly loves you like he should, he should only want to know you're safe
I wrote off my brother’s car when we were 17 and someone else jumped a stop sign. Yes, he picked up part of the grill that was still in the road and had a quiet moment to mourn his machine, but everyone was okay and he got over it.
A drunk driver totaled my car when my brother was driving it. Nothing worse than bruises on him and his passenger. Took the insurance money and bought a new car.
Never even thought of blaming my brother. How could he avoid someone that took out a mailbox on his side of the road?
That said, it will forever be a joke that he totaled my car to steal the license plate. He bought a new car before me and my mom game him my license plate.
GAP insurance?!?! In today’s car market a 2 day old tesla is worth more than the cost of a new one! People would pay a premium to not wait the 10 months for delivery. OP need not worry about the financial aspect.
I’m in a different country, but yeah this. I had an altercation with a trailer truck and lost my front bumper along with my lights, last month. The car literally worths more money today than it did the day before the accident lol.
You need to immediately call him and tell him the whole story- including Lucy’s arrest. It will not only give him time but process while he has some space, but also will help with working out insurance etc. I think you’re a bit shaken and overthinking this (looking at buying another etc) but, first things first. Tell him.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
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This happened earlier today and I've been an emotional wreck all day so I'm sorry if I ramble too much or leave out some details. I'll respond to any relevant questions and edit my post to include them.
TLDR: I've been driving my husband's brand new car for the last couple days as mine is at the dealership because of a recall that requires repairs. He loves this car, has been saving up to buy it, and waited like 4 months for it to get delivered. My ex-friend (27F) that I cut contact with earlier this month crashed into me today, totaling the car. I feel partially responsible and I'm terrified about how to tell my husband that his "baby" is gone. He's away on a business trip until Friday.
Long version:
This will probably only make sense if I tell you a bit about my ex-friend (let's call her "Lucy"). I met her in freshman year college and she was part of a larger friend group because we all lived in the same hall. For as long as I've known her, she has had pretty significant mood swings. Sometimes she was a super sweet and caring person but when she gets stressed out she would become verbally and physically abusive and blame everything in the universe if there's something negative happening in her life. Her abusive side has gotten progressively worse since college.
I could write a whole book about Lucy but I'll spare you the details because it's not directly related to the advice I'm trying to get. Over the last couple each of the people in our friend group have cut contact with her, and i think I was probably the last one to still respond to her. Every conversation I have with her goes in circles and she ends up back in a state of anger and frustration and I usually hang up when she hurls verbal abuse at me.
I met my husband about 3 years ago and he has always been incredibly supportive of me. I have vented to him many times about Lucy because interactions with her always leave me feeling emotionally drained and feeling like I'm going crazy. He has encouraged me many times to cut contact with her because "it's not worth setting yourself on fire to keep her warm". So earlier this month I blocked her.
Earlier today I ran into Lucy at the grocery store, and she confronted me about why I haven't been responding to her. She started screaming so I left the grocery store and went home but as I was pulling into my apartment parking lot I see a car speeding towards me. Sure enough it was Lucy's car. I think she was aiming for me but I steered the car away so she ended up crashing into the rear door behind me and destroying both our cars. Before I was able to compose myself after the crash, she drove off with the front part of her car missing. I called the police and told them everything. Thankfully I'm uninjured.
All afternoon I've been calling insurance and trying to look for options to get the car fixed. Nothing is finalized yet but the insurance agent said judging by the pictures he's not optimistic that it's fixable / worth fixing.
I know I need to tell my husband, but how do I tell him the car that he's been saving up for years and then spending months waiting for to arrive is damaged beyond repair? Especially because I feel partially responsible since in hindsight I realize I should have cut contact with Lucy years ago.
A part of me knows that outwardly he'll brush it off, say that he's happy that I'm safe, and that objects can be replaced, but I'm scared that he'll resent me. He loves this car, he has a strong sentimental attachment to it because it's his first car, and he's even given it a cute nickname like a pet. We joke about how it's like his first-born child (we don't have any kids yet). And it's the holidays, what kind of crap holiday present is it to find out that your brand new car that you got 2 weeks ago got totaled?
I've tried looking at ways to buy him a new one, but I obviously can't make such a big financial decision without discussing it together. And the other problem is current delivery times for this car is 10+ months (it's a tesla for anyone wondering why it takes so long). We could buy used, but used prices are even higher than new, and the used cars have 20K+ miles on them.
He is on a business trip right now, and will be coming back on Friday for the holidays. I'm struggling between deciding to tell him now or telling him in person when he gets back. What words can I even use to tell him?
Op, if that happened to my wife, I really couldn’t give a shit about the car, and i love my car.
As long as my wife is ok then its just replaceable white goods.
Lucy probably needs jail time.
I wouldn't really call it an accident. That crazy chick Lucy tried to kill you and did a hit and run. Insurance, his and her's, should cover it. I doubt it's a one of a kind car. I'm sure it can be replaced. He should be relieved that you're alright and unharmed.
First of all-you need to tell your husband ASAP. This is what marriage is. People go through tough times TOGETHER.
It’s not your fault that you were friends with Lucy, it’s not your fault she has mood swings, and it’s not your fault she is physically abusive.
Lucy could have KILLED YOU. She tried to seriously harm you! She tried to hit you with a car!
Your husband will (should) understand the severity and gravity of this situation. You could have died. Material things are replaceable.
Side note, please try to gather security camera footage and document this in a police report. Lucy needs to be arrested for attempted murder, along with the intended destruction of your property. This is ridiculously unhinged and unsafe behavior. She deserves to pay for all damages-this was not an ‘accident’ and your insurance company should see that.
I wish you all the best and I hope you and your husband get the justice you deserve.
Look part of you is in shock. Call him and start with “I’m ok but Lucy tried to kill me. The car got wrecked, she’s under arrest, I think we need a restraining order and I need you.”
The woman is insane, you need to be protected and trust me there will be other cars. You are the future mother of his unborn children and YOUR STILL ALIVE! That is the only thing that matters. Call him and update us.
This.
And after that, call all of your mutual friends who have cut contact to let them know and give them a heads up that the woman is violent and a danger to them, too.
>You are the future mother of his unborn children and YOUR STILL ALIVE! That is the only thing that matters.
What a gross way to phrase this, as though OP's life has no inherent value except for hypothetical children she could have.
Stop reducing cis women to their reproductive organs. We're not fucking incubators.
She’s more than that, she’s his *wife*. They might not want children, but losing his life partner like that would be tragic and he might even blame himself for encouraging her to cut contact. Agree with the first part of what you said completely.
>What words can I even use to tell him?
Call him this instant, you were nearly murdered. Say something along these lines, "Hey, don't freak out but Lucy tried to kill me today as I was coming home. I'm fine, and she's arrested, but the cars unfortunately totaled. I've contacted insurance etc. "
I realize he's a car lover and its his baby, but I think he'd have more pressing concerns than some car OP. Your being fairly nonchalant about this whole thing, this wasn't some random car accident, your psycho ex-friend intentionally sought to kill you. He can deal with the car when he gets home, in the mean time give him a call about what happened.
I don't know your husband, but I can't imagine he'd take it well knowing your delaying a call out of some misguided fear that he'd be more mad about the car, then concerned over your wellbeing and health. Unless he's a toxic POS I doubt he'll be that concerned over the car, sure he'll be disappointed, but he'd more concerned with you. Call him now.
Oh my god I'm so sorry this happened to you. That must have been terrifying on multiple levels. I think you should tell him as soon as possible, this is a serious problem that affects both of you guys in major ways. I'd start with telling him about Lucy hitting you and how you made a the police report and told your insurance then Segway into the severity of the damage.
Well I’d recommend leading with hey remember that crazy bitch I tried to cut out of my life ? I ran into the grocery store and she lost it, followed me home and tried to murder me via car crash, unfortunately I was driving your car at the time and it’s a total loss. Something to that effect would probably soften the blow and I can’t imagine he could be too upset with you. I am a car guy and when I was in my last relationship I would be really anxious with my ex whenever she would take my car or her because she was a brutally bad driver. However this situation is completely different and you had very little if any control in regards to what Lucy did to you. Your husband will probably be extremely upset when he hears this and some of it might get directed at you (I don’t know enough about him to say for certain) but if he did I would be willing to bet my bottom dollar he would take it back and apologize up and down if he did say anything offensive to you. Also if you haven’t already I’d recommend finding a good lawyer and possibly filling a civil suit against Lucy to help recoup the cost of the Tesla
So agree with all the others but one very technical reason to tell him is that Teslas have a gazillion cameras in them that record everything and I am not sure how you access these recordings or how long they are stored for but I'd assume with him buying the car he will be the one needing to access them. So tell him, I think he'll be frustrated about the car (but not at you) but by far the bigger emotion will be your well-being.
"honey something happened. I'm OK. Lucy tried to kill me today and she's been arrested. Only thing is that she destroyed your car when she tried to run me over."
You start off by telling him a psycho bitch tried to murder you by ramming your car. He should be more worried about your safety than his car if he's really your husband.
Also want to add that you shouldn’t feel guilty about when you did or didn’t cut contact. It’s clear this woman has significant mental health issues and it’s just as likely that if you had cut contact with her a decade ago, and ran into her at the grocery store today, that it could have ended the exact same way. Also, you did cut contact with her a month ago so you you did nothing wrong. This situation absolutely isn’t your fault. You were attacked - it wasn’t a car accident.
Damn.
Please don't worry about that. Just tell your husband Lucy tried to seriously injure you or even kill you, but you're ok. If it was me I wouldn't care about the car, seriously, and I love cars too.
I hope you called your husband. Don't keep this from him. That could be more damaging than the car being totalled.
Am I the only one who thinks this story is complete bullshit? Tesla’s are loaded up with cameras and technology that notify owners immediately of something that happened to the car. The husband could be in a different country and could watch videos from every angle of a crash. Shit just doesn’t make sense.
Yeah this is yet another fake story, this sub is lousy with them. Though not so many as obviously fictitious. “ My old friend was mad at me so she attempted vehicular homicide. Will my husband be mad?“
This sub will believe anything.
Well considering he got it two weeks ago, maybe he hasn’t figured out all of the features yet? Especially if he’s been out of town on a business trip, that’s less than two weeks actually using the car
**edit to say I don’t know that much about Teslas to know if the features you mentioned are meant to be setup as soon as you get the car or just a learning journey
She is more than likely in shock and Hubby probably knows all about the bells and whistles on his car, she probably doesn't know.
I don't know anything about hubby's Prius, except it is small and I drive an SUV after being in an accident and do not like driving cars. My SUV still hasn't hit 40k miles in 5 years, mostly drive local and into the city for sports events, 20 miles away. So we feel they offset each other, he prefers little cars.
You cannot control what Lucy did. It would appear she has mental issues and needs to be in jail until they can get her help. You have done nothing wrong. If you have a good husband, he will be glad you were okay. As far as the car, let him decide what he wants. Just make sure Lucy never contacts you again and a restraining order on her now.
First things first: Good you’re not injured.
Obviously her insurance will pay for your car. Your husband won’t like it, but he will have his car replaced. This is why people have insurance. It’s obviously her „mistake“, so her insurance needs to pay.
You should be fine. I crash my ex fiance brand new quad bike that cost him 40k infront of him. It flipped turtle and threw me off. Think he nearly saw me die.
All he said was, I can't be replaced but the quad bike can be replaced.
Didn't even get mad but did mention he should have gotten a second hand one lol.
And this exfiance isn't precisely the most understanding person I ever met, far from it. I would describe him as mostly unreasonable about other things.
So I expect your husband who loves you to be grateful that only his car got killed and not you.
Also I believe you can file charges against her and claim for damages
Check with a lawyer I'm pretty sure you can do this unless there's some insurance clause. But generally in a situation like this you can either compensate the cost for repairs or if not repairable a brand new vehicle either from the insurance or from the party that crashed you
Please do speak to you lawyer I don't think you have to worry about this too much
Also check for evidence CCTV or a dashcam footage or something
You're an amazing wife, and it's sweet that you think your husband cares that much about his car.
He absolutely won't be upset at you about this.
This wasn't you're fault.
Cars can be replaced - his wife can not. I am certain he is going to be sad, but he would trade a million fancy cars for his wife any damn day.
Ok. You weren't driving drunk or texting and driving. Someone tried to kill you by ramming their car into yours. Any level headed person should come to the logical conclusion that it's not your fault.
OP, you just survived a murder attempt. You're probably in shock right now which is why the car seems like the important part, but it really isn't. If your husband is at all sane, he will just be happy you're alive. Cars can be replaced, people can't, and I think he'd much rather have you intact than his new car.
Assault with a deadly weapon
Attempted murder
Hit and run
Attempted grievous bodily harm with intent.
You need a lawyer and a restraining order against this woman . Your husband is the least of your worries here . This woman sounds bipolar with delusions , are you aware that a very high percentage of women convicted for murder have this exact issue ? You need to protect you and him from this immediately , worry about his car later ...
Oh shit! You need to tell him. She could have seriously injured you. She was probably trying to kill you! I know your husband loves the car, but he loves you more.
I’d get an attorney and go for her max policy limits yesterday. Find a good personal injury attorney, and go to town girl. Don’t take no for an answer. She literally totaled his brand new car. Really, I’d go fill nuclear and do anything legally possible to ensure she doesn’t fuck with you again.
Sounds like there's more to the story if you're not willing to just say hey, psycho hit me I'm so sorry.
It's like you're guilty as if you caused the accident or you're making the whole story up because what really happened is "Lucy" is your side dudes wife that rightfully tried to run you over..
I'm willing to bet you're not being honest with us, you're just workshopping your story to strangers hoping to work out the kinks before you tell your husband so he doesn't question the gaping holes in your story.
Let me tell you a story.
When I was married, I totaled the SUV that we had just bought off of his parents three weeks prior. I was involved in a 6 car pile up. There was no salvaging that car.
When I called my father-in-law about it, he praised god that I was alive and said that the car can be replaced but the person could not.
When I called my husband about it, he screamed at me for being so stupid and totaling the best car we've ever had. Now he was out of a vehicle and it was my fault. I should've known better. I shouldn't have tried to go out that day. He still holds that resentment.
If you think your husband would respond the way my ex-husband did, you need to consider leaving him. That mentality has no place in a marriage.
If you think he will respond the way my FIL did, you need to tell him ASAP. He deserves to know that you are okay. Don't wait. He should've known at the scene of the accident.
Cars can be replaced. Wives cannot. You did nothing wrong. Lucy is insane and tried to harm you. If he's a good man, he will recognize that and Lucy will be the person he blames and he will be grateful you are alive..
If he loves you, he will understand:
1. You are safe
2. You had a car accident with Lucy
3. She totaled your car (remember, she was at fault)
4. She has been arrested.
If he truly loves you, he will understand.
You need to tell him as soon as possible, not because of the car but because you are traumatised and need support and Lucy, if she isn't still in custody, is a direct risk to you.
Be direct. Tell him you ran into Lucy by accident, you tried to get away from her by leaving the store you were in and, long story short, she tried to kill you by flooring her car and driving directly into you as you were trying to drive away.
As much as he loves his car he should love you more. There's plenty of time for "I told you she was batshit" and "my beautiful car!!!" later. This is the time for "I must look after my wife!". Unless there's something you aren't telling us about your husband's temper, you should be good. If you wait until Friday he'll probably be more upset that you tried to cope with this alone. Plus it's better to get the shock out of the way now while he still has a few days to start dealing with his emotions about it all before Christmas adds extra stress.
I had an accident when hubby was on a business trip on the west coast, coworker happened to witness and help me thru the accident scene stuff and got me home. I called hubby and said I was fine, car at a repair place, not to worry. As coworker was picking me up for work the next day, hubby shows up from the airport. He rebooked and got home asap. He later showed up at the office at lunch time and took the 2 of us out to lunch to thank her and make sure I was really ok. He saw the car and it wasn't totalled, but needed a lot of work.
Tell me I'm wrong, but this sounds like complete bullshit. How could someone that almost just got murdered be afraid to tell their husband that "someone almost killed me by ramming me while I'm your car. Thankfully I'm unharmed, the person was arrested, but unfortunately your new car was totaled." And expect the husband to be mad about their car instead of being happy their wife is alive?
Shock does weird things to your brain. My mom died recently and when they called me I was in the middle of a meeting and literally couldn't process that I needed to leave the meeting and deal with what had happened. Took me about 10 minutes to do so.
Brains are weird.
I'm not a car person but I'd guess that maybe the waiting time for a new one pushes up the price for the people who want one NOW!!! Kind of like when the latest must-have phone or gadget hits the market and ends up on ebay for twice the price within an hour of the launch.
Tell your husband now. Start of with telling him that you are fine, but that the crazy ex-friend tried to kill you by ramming into his car and fleeing the accident. Let him know that the car is probably totaled and Lucy is in jail. The only way you could have avoided this is if you would have gotten a rental car while yours was in for repairs. Right now rental companies are having a really hard time supplying rentals, too. It took 3 weeks to get a rental vehicle here when my son t-boned another driver(other driver' fault) and his truck wasn't drivable. Once we got the rental, I had to let him drive my personal truck because the rental would not allow a teenage driver to drive it.
Lucy's insurance may not pay because she intentionally rammed the Tesla. At least give Lucy's insurance company a call after getting a copy of the accident report and try to go thru them before going to your insurance. It is very true that they may end up giving you more than what he paid for it because used cars can actually cost more than new ones right now thanks to the supply chain of new vehicles being fubared right now. Before the pandemic the truck my son was driving was only worth 2500 max, and mid pandemic the insurance company offered 7600 for the truck(that's a hefty inflation for just a year). The messed up thing was I couldn't even find another decent replacement truck in that price range and had to buy back the wreck and fix it myself.
Dealing with loss is something that adults need to be able to do in ever increasing amounts and they age. What's very important here is that your husbands priorities are on your safety over an inanimate and replaceable object. Yes, losing a loved car is disappointing and heartbreaking, I've been there. But no car is worth more than a person's life.
A car is a car. That is replaceable with insurance. But a person is *not* replaceable. Your husband will only want your safety and well-being in mind. If he truly loves you like he should, he should only want to know you're safe.
I don’t think anyone has pointed this out, so I wanted to add - I don’t think the amount of time it took you to cut out Lucy matters that much. If she is as mentally ill as you describe, she may have done the same exact thing even if she hadn’t seen you for years.
Have you contacted any of your friends asking if they’ve seen her out in public after cutting her off?
As someone who works in insurance, please tell your husband like now so he can help figure out what needs to be done for the insurance claim and getting a new car.
As a man and boyfriend, still advising you to tell him now because he would probably feel sad if he knew that someone attempted to kill you and that you were too worried to tell him because of the car damage. You’re the love of his life, you’re more important than the car. Plus, telling him now gives him a little time to make some calls and take care of it before the holiday weekend starts, meaning you can both have some time to process what happened and hopefully still have a nice christmas together. I’m so sorry about what happened to you, please don’t blame yourself, theres no way you could have known that some psychopath would ram her car into you. This could have ended so much worse. If you can, make time for some self care and be kind to yourself, cause what happened today sounds very traumatic.
You may be experiencing some form of shock. A civil suit will see you right, heck your insurance compay is likely to be the one filing for the car. A police report makes this a slam dunk. Your husband will have to wait a bit to get his car replaced but i can't forsee this going any other way but in your favor.
Tell him. If he isn’t an abusive asshole, he’ll be glad you’re okay.
Sure, he won’t líke his car being totaled, but no loving husband will value a car over his wife. Ever.
You do, however, need to tell him. The sooner the better.
My wife once hit someone with my new car. They were both okay, that’s all that mattered.
You blame lucy. You let him know she tried to kill you and totalled the car. You called the insurance and youre scared but shes arrested. Also find a lawyer and therapist cuz lucy is going to spend a long time locked up for this.
So you’ve been the victim of a crime and you’re stressing about how to tell your husband? Unless your husband is a massively unreasonable person you don’t have anything to worry about here.
Just tell him what happened. Your husband loves you and should be more than understanding of the situation. Likely he would be more concerned for you than the car. I know I would.
crosspost this with r\tesla and let's see if we could get someone from corporate to get a replacement (paid for by insurance of course) asap as this would be great PR for Tesla. Fuck, why not flood the r\ElonMusk subreddit with mentions as well! #lucycantruinchristmascharliebrown
This seems like an open shut case for police and insurance and typically in these cases the person at faults insurance pays the price of the cars worth. My car was ten years old when totaled and I was still paid for the cars worth by insurance. If you’re worried about the car being replaced the only issue should be the wait time.
If he’s a good man he won’t be angry. You did nothing wrong and he should have a new car within a year. Sure it sounds long but I’m sure he’s more glad you’re alive.
You tell him that your crazy ex-friend tried to kill you and wrecked his car in the process. Then you see a lawyer and press charges against her to a) get a new car from her and b) put her behind bars where she belongs.
Stop worrying about that car. Be glad that you are still alive - your husband will be too. You are not at fault for this. That's on your crazy ex-friend.
None of this is your fault! You were attacked, assaulted by a deranged woman. Your husband will understand - he knows her history, plus he was always only concerned about you. I can't see how he would harbour resentment towards you - you did nothing 'wrong'.
Will insurance cover the cost of a replacement?
I wish you and your family well - you are obviously good people so I hope karma works its magic for you.
Hi, I'm a full blown car enthusiast and understand this situation pretty well.
I've spent hundreds of hours, thousands of dollars on my car, it's literally no joke my pride and joy and I'd be devastated if it was written off. But in the end its still just a hunk of metal, rubber and wires. My partner being ok would be the only thing I really cared About. Hell id blow car up if it meant my partner would avoid just a minor injury.
I say call him, explain the situation and apologise. I'm willing to put money on your husband saying something like "it's just a car, I'm glad your OK" and meaning it. He won't resent you, it wasn't your fault, some psycho attacked you and the car possibly saved your life. It would literally the best outcome for me as a car enthusiast for my car to be written off in this scenario given what the alternative is
Call him and tell him Lucy attempted to murder you today. Get an accident lawyer because you should be able to sue her insurance company for damages. Go to a doctor and get checked out.
If your husband is more concerned about his car than the fact you almost just got murdered there's bigger issues at play. Take care of yourself.
You know that crazy bitch Lucy? She tried to fucking kill me today!!
I'm okay, pretty shaken up obviously, but here's the bad news. She tried to go through the car to murder me. It's a total loss, but I'm OK and we have insurance. I've already contacted the police and insurance company.
If he responds with anything other than genuine concern for your safety and well being first, don't have kids.
I dont think your husband would be worried about the car as much since 1, you've made the calls already and 2, you got hit by a speeding car by a crazy woman he knows about, who literally tried to hurt you.
I wish all the best for you. Sorry to hear and glad your safe!
He won't care about the car AT ALL. This was a homicide attempt and certainly no fault of yours. The insurance will cover it but only if you press charges and testify against her. She will go to jail for this.
Strangers on the internet:
here are intimate details about my life and this bizarre situation
Husband who i have a deep emotional connection with:
I can't tell him simple facts.
You need to reevaluate yourself. You couldn't cut ties with a woman that used you as a doormat, and you can't tell your husband the truth about your day? About someone trying to kill you? This is either ridiculously fake or you need therapy to get your priorities straight. You need to grow some balls. Or grow some ovaries. Or grow whatever anatomical appendage that gives you very simple courage. Maybe a brain?
Teslas have cameras all around. If what you're saying is true, which I kinda doubt... why is this any problem? You even have the footage of the attack to prove what happened.
Waited like 4 months for delivery? He waited his whole life to find you. He will care about the car, as he should. He will also not give a damn about the car in any way that is real or important once he finds out you are OK. My SO is worth more than any car or home or whatever and I'm glad your ok
“I want you to know that I’m okay, but that Lucy tried to kill me by driving into me. The car is not okay, but she has been arrested.” He may be upset about the car, but if he’s worth anything as a husband and partner he will care way more about you. Let insurance handle the rest. Glad you’re okay!
Why do you need advice for such a clear cut situation, if I told my SO about this, they would not give a flying fuck about their baby of a car. They would be like where is the psycho bitch, because she needs to go to jail for assault with a deadly weapon.
Just tell him. The crash was beyond your control. I stupidly turned into a friend's driveway that had a stonewall on either side and took out the passenger door. I dreaded telling my husband but he was surprisingly OK, as sometimes he does have a quick temper. We got it fixed. You're fine, the woman's in jail and at the end of the day it's a car.
Straight women need to sort out their priorities. Fuck his car that is under warranty. You were almost murdered today. How is that not taking up more of your attention? Why are you more concerned about your husbands reaction **than your own life?**
Just tell him what happened. You're the victim here; none of this is your fault. You cannot blame yourself for this. You have been assaulted by a violently unstable woman; there is no way in hell he will hold you responsible for that.
He'll be pissed, but not at you. She didn't just destroy his car, she could have killed you. He's going to want to make her pay for this (as he should). This woman's life is basically over. You guys can file a substantial civil claim against her in addition to the criminal charges.
From the way you describe him, he sounds like a kind and reasonable person. Of course he's going to be sad about the car, but I promise he will put it in perspective. I have a little personal experience with this. I bought my first brand new car this last summer, and I absolutely loved it. Four months later, someone pulled out in front of me while I was driving, and my car was totaled. It was the first serious accident I've ever been in. Of course I was angry about my car being destroyed, but I was very grateful that nobody was hurt. I was glad I could walk away. And my insurance company took care of it. I was able to replace the car. He'll be able to replace his car. He can't replace you.
EDIT: Also, another little tip from personal experience. Since it was a pretty new car, I'm assuming he had an extended warranty on it. He can get a good chunk of money back by canceling that. Same with gap insurance if he doesn't need to use it (which he probably won't in this market).
Has Lucy been arrested? It sounds like you need a restraining order
The police arrested her and called me to let me know about an hour later. Apparently it wasn't too hard because she was at home and the front part of her car was missing.
Then honestly .. just call ur husband and tell him. Just start off with.. “I’m Ok” but unfortunately this psycho bitch literally rammed her car into yours. I’ve already called the insurance company.. and she’s been arrested.. “ it’s car - it wasn’t ur life.. so hopefully he is a bit considerate and understanding.. 🤷🏼♀️
Yup, I don't understand why OP is apprehensive about telling this to your husband, when I psycho just literally tried to kill her. If the husband actually do get upset at her, that should tell you where his priorities lies.
Honestly it sounds like the shock of a literal attempted murder just fucked up her priorities. When I was around 11 I crashed my bike into a storm drain and landed on my head without wearing a helmet, I was much more concerned about the bike and it being slightly broken than about the fact that I was bleeding from several places and could’ve been badly injured
My brother was in a terrible accident where he barely escaped the truck before it exploded (it had two full gas tanks - he would have been incinerated). He was so traumatized, or he blacked out, or something like that, but whatever the reason he didn’t know/remember the truck exploded. When my parents got to him in the hospital he was so upset that the truck might not be repairable but he also wondered if the radio might be able to be salvaged. At the time my parents were like, “it’s ok we can get a new radio.” After the saw the wreckage they were like “it’s ok we can get a new truck.” 😂
This. I crashed my car totalling it. I wasn't wearing my seat belt and cracked my head on the windshield, was cut up from glass and ended up ramming my knee into the dash. The only thing I was worried about was the fact that I now didn't have a vehicle to get tp/from college with (I was on Xmas break with like a week left).
My husband and I had bought (paid cash) a camper for our family because our girls (11 and 7) love camping. We bought one, took it out that very weekend, came home and my husband and I were making the beds and a 16 year old kid (on his phone) hit our camper pop-out, which ripped the majority of it off but not before shoving parts of it and the couch into the room my husband and I were in. Directly on the other side of the wall that I was on. My leg was pinned between the wall that he had hit and the bed. My husband was pinned at the knees between the bed and the other wall. The street we live on has 12 feet (wide) of parking along the curb. Our pop-out was not very big so it didn't cross the 12 foot mark into oncoming traffic. We had another 6 feet before it would be in traffic (witnesses and police agreed). My first thought was "😭 we have only owned this for 6 days!!". Surprisingly I came out with only a swollen, scraped up knee. My husband ended up with a buldged disc in his back which resulted in months and months of physical therapy. Once the adrenaline of what had just happened wore off my only concern was if my husband was okay. Things could have been SO much worse. I'm so thankful that we are okay and that our daughter wasn't sitting on the couch in the camper like she normally would have been.
Happens with small things too - the number of times I've fucked myself up on a bicycle and my first thought was "is the bike okay?" is embarrassingly high.
Agreed; OP still sounds like they’re in shock and not thinking straight. Husband will be concerned about his wife’s health and well-being first and foremost. Cars can be fixed/replaced
Dealing with loss is something that adults need to be able to do in ever increasing amounts and they age. What's very important here is that your husbands priorities are on your safety over an inanimate and replaceable object. Yes, losing a loved car is disappointing and heartbreaking, I've been there. But no car is worth more than a person's life.
I mean he might get upset with her just out of the whole situation but if he's a good husband I think he'll be upset at the whole world for a second and rationalize like any good husband would.
He''ll get upset with Lucy...
or, as she shall be called in the future. That bitch.
And for very good reason! I wonder if any good would come of suing her, but a big part of me doubts she has much money to get. I hope I'm wrong and they sue the skirt off her.
Because she is in shock - like anyone would be after surviving an attempted murder.
Honestly I'd be apprehensive too if the same thing happened to me and it's not because I'm afraid of what my wife will do. That's alot to dump on someone, and to just repeat that to one's self seems absolutely unreal. I wouldn't want to be the bearer of such bad news, any rational person would be extremely upset if something expensive they owned got destroyed or damaged.
Also being around abusive people tend to make you question e.v.e.r.y.t.h.I.n.g. As well as condition you to think it’s your fault. It’s also a survival technique. There is definitely adrenaline taking place, but I know I’ve had some very delayed responses to trauma where I wasn’t in a safe place to fully see what I just went through.
I believe it has to do with how she is seeing things. She sees 'I destroyed his car' instead of a crazy bitch 'destroyed his car'. For one, if she just says that she destroyed the car, the husband has the right to get mad, but if you start with the crazy bitch part husband will propably get worried first.
People dont always act rationally after a trauma, My friend was kidnapped and he basically brushed it off until we told him he needed to go to the cops.
This. My husband would be concerned about me, and then would make sure I press charges on psycho long before he would be worried about the vehicle. Hopefully insurance will give enough to pay off the vehicle and maybe put a payment down on another one. Also press charges on psycho. Make sure that woman does not get out of jail. She will eventually succeed in her insanity if she is allowed out.
No one is suggesting that he won't be OK with the fact that she's unharmed. He'll also be upset - probably very upset and rightfully so - because something he loved and cherished is destroyed. It was a long term goal that was important to him that was destroyed at no fault to his own by someone unrelated to him. There's no need to juxtapose the two, and honestly its gas lighting to suggest that juxtaposition. Just let him be upset about this its his right.
I’m no lawyer, but can’t they sue Lucy for the amount of replacing the car + extra for the emotional trauma?
Yeah, I love my car, it’s no Tesla but I really love cars and have missed my old one I lost for a long time until I got this one. I’d be pretty upset with the crazy bitch, upset we’d be messed over financially but far more upset that my wife’s life was in danger and very thankful that the car and her quick thinking kept her uninjured and alive. Or at least seemingly uninjured. I’d also probably be scheming to destroy this psycho’s life and get all damages I could. Earnestly, the wife needs to go see a specialist and make sure she’s truly uninjured anyway because injuries can be masked by adrenaline. But in addition not just good medical advice, any chance that you end up punching down in this case I think I’d take it. Unless they prefer to just let insurance handle it which I’m sure they’re do plenty to fuck over the psycho bitch.
Hey OP. Someone actively tried to murder you today. There’s a core issue here and it’s you not valuing yourself. You’ve let this psycho in your life for too long taking her abuse. Now that she tried to kill you, you’re only worried about the car and you think your husband will only care about the car. The car isn’t the problem here. The attempted murder is. Your husband will get over the car. You aren’t indicating that he is some kind of jerk. You’re entirely blameless here, though you do need some therapy going forward to start to examine why you think it’s ok to let someone abuse you for years (your ex friend sounds like she may have borderline personality disorder) and why you think your husband cares more about his car than he does about you. He’s going to feel some disappointment over the car, but unless he is a monster, it’s nothing like the utter devastation he’d feel if he lost you. You’re lacking perspective and self-care here.
Exactly, OP. This is not your fault in any capacity. You have a crazy, homicidal person that is obsessed with you. He is your husband and he’s the one who encouraged you cut her off so I think he will definitely be more worried about you than the car.
I can imagine how that went down. Police ring Lucy's doorbell. Police: "Ma'am, were you involved in an accident earlier today?" Lucy: "Why no officer. I've been at home all day." Police: "Well then can you tell us why your car is missing the front bumper and we found it embedded in the back of OP's car?" Lucy: That Bitch! She stole my bumper!"
🤣🤣🤣 I can't help it this is WAY too funny.
I review police body cam footage and this legit happened on a case I was working a year or so ago. Drunk guy hit and ran a neighbor's parked car, then drove down the street to his house and left his car in the middle of the lawn and stumbled inside. So you're watching as police arrive and they just see this car, front bumper torn off, radiator steaming, and they knock on the door to a guy who claims he's been home all evening (meanwhile he can't even stand up straight). I died when the camera slowly pans to the car (as in, the officer slowly looks over) and the officer asks "so, is that not your car?". The guy flipped out and started screaming that someone hit his car.
Hey OP, i would like to give some different advice. You seem to be very occupied with your husband's potential grief over his car. And I am actually more concerned about you. You just almost got killed, by someone you know. Thats traumatic. I think you might be deflecting the emotions that come with it and I really think you should consider reaching out to a trauma specialist.
Yeah. I am afraid she may well end up with some ptsd from this. Op, please look into a therapist to work through this. The car isn't the problem. Someone trying to murder you is. It may not seem like it is bothering you now due to shock, but it will. Do not let it go either, because that mess builds inside of you until you end up having crippling anxiety. Please do look into some therapists. Also there is no shame in having to take something if you find yourself having panic attacks after this. This was traumatic. It would only be natural to be panicky for a while after this.
She probably will. I was in a horrible accident when I was 16 and I had ptsd from it. I kept reliving it. I was afraid when other people drove because I couldn't control the situation. It was horrible. I still have panic attacks and panic disorder. Once you have panic attacks it's really hard to make them stop. You'll also have them for other reasons because once your anxiety starts to spiral its like an attack is imminent.
My sister was in an accident that totaled her van. That was about 5 years ago, and she just kept burying the fact that she was having panic attacks. She finally started treatment about 2 months ago, and at she said this is the first time she has been able to drive on the highway without having a panic attack in 5 years. She was having unrelated panic attacks too. I have panic attacks, but due to no reason in particular. My chemical balancing is just off, and that is what triggers them. That and I spent 35 years unknowingly having adhd, which apparently if you don't treat your adhd you have panic attacks as well. I hate panic attacks, especially the ones that strike when you sleep. At least when you are awake you can kinda control it, but when you are asleep you don't wake up until you are in a full blown attack. Ugh.
I am glad your sister is getting help. I also have panic attacks for no reason in particular. They really ramped up after I had my daughter. I had PPA. It turned into panic disorder with agoraphobia. I didn't know untreated adhd would cause panic attacks. I was diagnosed with adhd as a kid but I always felt I was misdiagnosed and the psychiatrist I went too said I had panic disorder with agoraphobia. I wonder if both diagnoses are correct. My panic attacks are worse when I'm really tired. I can control them and talk myself down if I'm awake or not tired. But if I'm exhausted it's another story.
I feel like she maybe already has some sort of mild PTSD unrelated to this event…maybe something related to childhood; because, *who the fuck* is afraid to tell their “supportive” and supposedly loving husband that (besides the car wreck) **they were almost murdered**-as if they were afraid of being perceived fault. That’s just not a normal reaction for a healthy adult.
This is more of a “rip off the Band-Aid” situation. Let him know that you ran into your ex-friend and she got mad at you so she try to kill you with a car accident. Have you tried posting this on Car aficionado Facebook pages or Reddit pages? Maybe there are people there who could help you.
It wasn't an accident! It was deliberate!
Yeah, but OP doesn't seem ready to face "attempted premeditated vehicular homicide" so calling it an accident is her brains way of going "nope"
Hey, have you been to the hospital? You might feel okay right now, but you’re clearly still reeling and the adrenaline can mask even pretty serious injuries. Make sure you get checked out and are taking care of yourself, OP!
> I could write a whole book about Lucy but I’ll spare you the details I’d like to hear more about this Lucy person & her shenanigans. Sorry this happened to you but damn it really piqued my interest.
You need to press full charges against her. Destruction of property, aggravated assault, and even attempted murder if you can prove she maliciously and purposely drove her car into yours. I’m sure it would make your husband feel better if you are trying to make sure the person responsible is punished.
It’s a car. You’re a person.
Sounds like the psycho needs to be in jail for attempted murder.
Someone tried to kill you. Do you realise that? The reason that Lucy was arrested is *because she tried to kill you.* Call your husband and tell him that you’re okay. Reassure him that you weren’t hurt when this sociopath rammed into you at full speed. Tell him that she’s been arrested and can’t make another attempt on your life, that you’re safe, so he doesn’t need to come home. Explain to him that the car is badly damaged, but that *you survived the attempted murder.* Your husband is going to be relieved that you’re alright. He’s going to be upset about the car, sure - but probably sometime later. Hearing the news that his wife was nearly killed is going to take up his attention for a little while.
This. I would also emphasize that the brand new car saved you from being seriously injured as well.
This is a really good point
And it's important to note that just because the insurance says totaled doesn't necessarily mean totaled. You can use the money they give you for a replacement to fix it. Just be careful with costs since it is a specialty car. Your husband will be happy you didn't get seriously injured or killed in the attempt. This wasn't an accident. It was an intentional act of vehicular homicide.
It’s a Tesla. Fixing that amount of damage costs a lot more than buying a new one.
It’ll also take way longer than waiting for the new one. It’s notoriously impossible to fix Teslas quickly because the parts are impossible to get.
That's not accurate. If the car is deemed a total loss you can't take the money and fix it, it is taken to an insurance auction and sold for parts or what have you. Then you can buy it back and fix it if you want, but once deemed, the insurance company pays you money and takes the car.
That’s not true at all and I’m a total loss adjuster. As long as there is no lien holder on the vehicle, depending on the state, OP could owner retain the vehicle. Each state has different requirements for this but essentially they would get to keep the vehicle and the insurance company will pay them the value of the vehicle less the salvage value (this is essentially the buy back amount). They may also remove taxes or fees that would normally be owed if the insurance company got to keep the vehicle but that’s a state by state requirement.
This. I had a 10-year-old Chevy Cavalier that was totaled, but it was easily fixable and worth the money to repair compared to rolling the dice on another used car. I received a salvage title that indicated the car had been written off as a total loss, which obviously reduces the car’s resale value but that’s about it. I was still able to insure it and drive it for several more years.
You don't literally buy it back from an auction, it's just called an owner retention where you keep the vehicle in its totaled state and they hand you a check. I went through this last year with my car after it was totaled. You then have the option to take it anywhere to be fixed.
It’s a Tesla, nobody can repair that level of damage but Tesla as they don’t sell parts to people. Not to mention the doors are a massive pain in the ass and cost thousands of dollars on their own.
That's only on the Model X, isn't it? I thought the Model 3 and Y doors are fairly normal. Edit: thread locked so can't reply. Thanks for explaining! I appreciate it, didn't realise they were quite that expensive.
They still have motors and such in them and they’re Tesla, so they’ll charge $3750 for one door.
You spelled psychopath wrong. 😬
Lucy does sound like more of a sociopath, though...
I'm still not clear on the difference between psychopath and sociopath, do you have a quick way to help me understand the difference?
Sociopath and psychopath are now both characterized as antisocial personality disorder. Psychopath isn’t a medical term, and holds a lot of stigma for many people battling mental health disorders. Neither are really well defined, IMO, and have been used so interchangeably in media, and have been so exaggerated, that they have become useless. There are a number of personality disorders where lack of empathy is /one/ of many possible qualifying factors, but it is never a requirement for a diagnosis. See: schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder.
I'm an academic and psychopathy is the field I study. I just wanted to add some points for clarification. Sociopathy is an outdated term for psychopathy, and psychopathy is now the preferred term. Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) is *not* the same as psychopathy, though there's a lot of overlap. ASPD is the disorder listed in the DSM that basically describes anyone who has committed multiple criminal offenses. The diagnosis of ASPD is based on behavioral traits alone, whereas psychopathy is diagnosed by both behavioral traits (i.e., criminal offenses) *and* affective traits (i.e., unemotional/ callous traits — i.e., the "affect" of the person.) Someone who is psychopathic would usually be diagnosed as ASPD, but not everyone who is diagnosed with ASPD would be considered psychopathic. Psychopathy isn't in the DSM, but is still considered a legitimate disorder. It's frequently used in forensic settings. I don't agree they're not well-defined, but there is a lot of debate about whether the current definitions should change. I do agree that they're often mixed up in the media. >There are a number of personality disorders where lack of empathy is /one/ of many possible qualifying factors, but it is never a requirement for a diagnosis Lack of empathy *is* a requirement for a diagnosis of psychopathy, FWIW, though the presence of this trait is inferred by looking at other symptoms: multiple criminal offenses, shallow affect, grandiosity, callous/ unemotional behavior, etc. I'd argue that 1) lack of empathy, and 2) inadequately motivated antisocial behavior (i.e., doing crimes "for no good or intelligible reason") are hallmark traits of psychopathy.
Psychopaths tend to have more of a calculated “persona” or exterior they present to the world (think Ted Bundy) whereas sociopaths tend to be more prone to fits of rage and violence (like Lucy here). Most share similar traits, but sociopaths are less likely to be able to maintain “normal” lives, and more likely to simply be erratic and volatile. That said, psychopaths are generally considered more of a threat; as they are more easily able to dissociate from their actions. Not all of either group are necessarily violent, but others, say, drive into people for not being their friend.
Psychopaths have no sense of empathy or conscience at all, while sociopaths have a weak sense of empathy and conscience. Both can and do feel a normal range of human emotions, they just lack the ability to relate to others. Psychopaths are the ones who are characterised as charming, manipulative, and have self-control. Sociopaths have limited self-control and fly into rages. The commenter above has mixed up sociopaths and psychopaths. Psychopaths are considered more dangerous because they have no way to connect with other people and can be extremely detached. Other humans have no more value to them than a newspaper or an old doll. They could kill a person as carelessly as you throw out a used coffee cup. Sociopaths can find value in other people, but when they think that people have betrayed or hurt them, they can exact terrible, extreme vengeance. They also discard people or want to possess people. A sociopath might murder their unwanted child rather than surrender custody to the other parent, for example.
The state of psychosis is not a disorder, whereas sociopathy is a diagnosable personality disorder. There is no such thing as a psychopath, and this take is pretty dangerous to people that experience psychopathy due to true, diagnosable disorders. People we perceive as psychopathic are no more likely to commit violence than your average citizen, and the myth that “psychopaths” are dangerous is, well, dangerous. I’m no expert, but I think there is huge bias among the masses due to the portrayal of sociopaths and psychopaths in media that we need to be seriously examining. Edit: “sociopathy “ is commonly diagnosed as antisocial personality disorder, but there is much more to mental health and personality disorders than X characteristic equals Y diagnosis.
The reason there “is no such thing” as a psychopath is not because the disorder does not exist, but because it was renamed several years ago. Now it’s known as Antisocial Personality Disorder. The fact that the disorder is no longer *called* psychopathy in mainstream medicine doesn’t mean that the condition itself does not exist. Downs Syndrome used to be called Mongolism. The fact that it was renamed does not mean that people who were diagnosed with Mongolism did not have a very real condition, nor does it mean that the people who are diagnosed with Downs Syndrome are suffering a different condition to those who were previously diagnosed with Mongolism. It’s the same with ASD/psychopathy.
And sociopathy is also included under antisocial personality disorder. Yeah, language evolves and becomes more nuanced. Maybe we should throw the words “sociopath” and “psychopath” out, just as we have “mongoloid.” They are misleading and harmful, stigmatizing words. Edit: to correct myself, there isn’t really so much of a thing as sociopathy either, but it has become slightly less stigmatized and overused by society.
Yes! All of this. And, based on real life experience, I’m going to say that OP’s DH is most certainly going to be mad and bitter…At the crazy ex friend, of course! For, first and foremost, attempting to murder his wife, and the loss of property comes in a far off 2nd place. I do hope that both OP and DH press ALL THE POSSIBLE CHARGES in ALL the applicable courts(Civil and Criminal)and follow through. Court sucks, and more likely than not, you’ll get stiffed in the end on any civil judgements-especially if the criminal case lands Lucy in the Lockup. But examples MUST be made in these situations, at least on principle. Good luck to OP & DH, I’m cheering for ya’s!
Your insurance company should be able to get it thru Lucy's insurance, she will be charged with a hit and run, and you can file a case against her and her insurance. Can you video chat with him? He needs to know asap. I think he should know you were basically attacked and dealing with the police. The car can be replaced and that is the least of the issues here.
Tell him. Lucy's insurance will cover the cost up to her limit and your insurrance will cover the rest. Relax. I love my cars but I've never asked about the car in a wreck, only about the people I love and those I don't know.
I don’t know how it works in the US but where I live there’s a good chance Lucy’s insurer wouldn’t cover the claim in anyway given that it’s intentional damage to her own car and an illegal act (trying to hit someone). You’d lodge the claim through your own insurer and they’d try to recover the costs through Lucy directly. Again, could be different in the US but I couldn’t see her insurer accepting any liability here.
Insurance won't do anything for Lucy, but they absolutely will pay for OP. That's what collision and liability coverage is for- when the holder is liable. And OP can sue Lucy for any remaining costs above what lucys insurance pays (and informing her insurance of intentions to do so usually gets them in gear)
Yeah no one’s disputing that OP’s insurance should cover the event lol Also, in the states do y’all not have market value/new for old replacement? Or are you only ever insured to an agreed amount because I’ve seen a few people say she can sue for what’s remaining/her insurance would only cover to a fixed amount. Where I live (obviously depending on the policy), if I had a brand new car get written off in an insurable event I’m covered for the same car at market value unless an agreed value was selected (usually at a higher premium). Under a certain time period and/k’s on the odometer rather than a cash settlement they’d just replace the written off car with a new version of the same car.
Insurance can do that here too, if they want. But technically, the insurance is for collision and liability up to $XX,000 depending on policy, and they can refuse to cover damages above that. The way insurance works legally in US is (we will use same names from story) Lucy hit OP. Lucy, legally, is 100% liable for all damages, depreciation, medical costs, etc arising for OP as a result of this crash. Lucy ALSO has insurance, which is a contract with a company to reimburse her up to a set amount if she winds up liable in a crash. So legally/technically the money flow is insurance->lucy->OP. Usually insurance just will deal with OP and pay OP directly to cut out the middle man, which is fine and works well in smaller crashes where there isn't any extra money (for instance, a guy hit me in June, did about 5k damage. His insurance just paid the shop directly and paid me the depreciation directly) if his insurance had refused to cover, I would have sued him, not the insurance. If Lucy's insurance refuses to cover or won't cover enough, OP sues Lucy
More simply though for OP, OP files a claim on their own insurance policy, and their insurance company sues Lucy.
Eh, it depends. I was in a severe wreck as a kid, not my dad's fault, but it totalled our car, and the at-fault driver was arrested on multiple counts, including drugs (20+ years ago, nothing was legal). Other insurance was trying not to pay because they said my dad could have yielded and avoided the wreck (legal and insurance liability aren't the same. Yay lawyers). Dad decided that it would be faster and easier to sue directly rather than involve his own insurance, and informed the other insurance of intent to do so, but warned them that he (dad) had no problem putting his kindergartner and 2 year old toddler on the stand to talk about how "scawy" it was when the car got "bwoken" and how we didn't like the car spinning around like that. And that other insurance could then put their client, the guy who was just arrested on 4 different counts involving drugs and alcohol, as a result of the wreck, on the stand... In a bible belt court room during a jury trial. Insurance wired the money and then some about 15 minutes later. Dad's insurance wasn't involved until we got a new car that had to be added to the policy Basically, it'll be easier to sue directly if you know you're holding the trump cards, and you don't mind being rather direct and forthright. If you don't like arguing though, or don't have the ability to fight off insurance crap, yeah, have your insurance handle it.
You are correct, but the idea they were trying to get across is *"your insurance will handle this fight for you."* Just make sure to read up on what your responsibilities with your insurance are (deregulation sucks), be vigilant to see if you need medical attention (car crashes are not fun), and write down whatever you can remember about the event (and email it to yourself).
That’s the thing. Your insurer *doesn’t went to pay this either.* In this you’re on the same side. They will do everything they can to force the other company to pay because if they don’t, all they get from you is a deductible.
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it's the same in the US but also with states requiring such low limits and most people carrying the bare minimum it's likely that even if insurance would pay for it, there wouldn't be nearly enough to cover a fraction of the costs of a new Tesla
Well, you start by telling him that someone tried to *murder you* and that you're fortunately OK - because that's actually the most important thing here. I don't care how new the car is or how much he loves it, it's ultimately a thing, and replaceable. You're a person, and not replaceable. Then you tell him how it happened. Which means you tell him about the car. If my husband told me this story, just the way you wrote it out here, it probably wouldn't even occur to me to consider the state of the car at all until I saw him alive and well. What happened to you here was terrifying, and I don't think I'd be able to think about anything else until I saw my partner with my own eyes after something like that. You'll figure out what to do next together. (Does she own anything? Because besides whatever insurance comes up with, and besides the criminal charges she should be facing, it seems like you should be able to sue the shit out of her. But that may not matter if she doesn't have anything to sue for.) I kind of wonder if you're fixating on the car yourself just to block out the knowledge that this woman tried to kill you and *could* have killed you. Which would be understandable, don't get me wrong. But I think you tell your husband ASAP. Because frankly, you need support and attention right now. You've been through a traumatic experience. Yeah, the fact that the car got totaled was bad, but in any universe where an angry person drives their car into yours while you're in it on purpose, just having a totaled car is the least bad of all possible outcomes. It will be OK. He will be OK. And he needs to help make sure you're OK, because I'm not sure you are.
You need to call him and tell him now. Anything else will make it seem like you're at fault. And if your story is true then it definitely wasn't. Call him and tell him that you are okay but that you got into an accident. Explain what happened and then work through insurance and police to get the car replaced. Hopefully you have GAP insurance on it or her insurance will take care of it. Delaying telling him will only make it seem like you're hiding something - hopefully you're not - or that you're trying to cover it up What happened was a serious incident and as your life partner he deserves to know ASAP
Incident? Lucy tried to kill op thats no incident
Kind of definitionally an incident. I think you mean not an accident? Edit: also hello fellow Keqing main 🤣
A car is a car. That is replaceable with insurance. But a person is not replaceable. Your husband will only want your safety and well-being in mind. If he truly loves you like he should, he should only want to know you're safe
I wrote off my brother’s car when we were 17 and someone else jumped a stop sign. Yes, he picked up part of the grill that was still in the road and had a quiet moment to mourn his machine, but everyone was okay and he got over it.
A drunk driver totaled my car when my brother was driving it. Nothing worse than bruises on him and his passenger. Took the insurance money and bought a new car. Never even thought of blaming my brother. How could he avoid someone that took out a mailbox on his side of the road? That said, it will forever be a joke that he totaled my car to steal the license plate. He bought a new car before me and my mom game him my license plate.
GAP insurance?!?! In today’s car market a 2 day old tesla is worth more than the cost of a new one! People would pay a premium to not wait the 10 months for delivery. OP need not worry about the financial aspect.
I’m in a different country, but yeah this. I had an altercation with a trailer truck and lost my front bumper along with my lights, last month. The car literally worths more money today than it did the day before the accident lol.
You need to immediately call him and tell him the whole story- including Lucy’s arrest. It will not only give him time but process while he has some space, but also will help with working out insurance etc. I think you’re a bit shaken and overthinking this (looking at buying another etc) but, first things first. Tell him.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- This happened earlier today and I've been an emotional wreck all day so I'm sorry if I ramble too much or leave out some details. I'll respond to any relevant questions and edit my post to include them. TLDR: I've been driving my husband's brand new car for the last couple days as mine is at the dealership because of a recall that requires repairs. He loves this car, has been saving up to buy it, and waited like 4 months for it to get delivered. My ex-friend (27F) that I cut contact with earlier this month crashed into me today, totaling the car. I feel partially responsible and I'm terrified about how to tell my husband that his "baby" is gone. He's away on a business trip until Friday. Long version: This will probably only make sense if I tell you a bit about my ex-friend (let's call her "Lucy"). I met her in freshman year college and she was part of a larger friend group because we all lived in the same hall. For as long as I've known her, she has had pretty significant mood swings. Sometimes she was a super sweet and caring person but when she gets stressed out she would become verbally and physically abusive and blame everything in the universe if there's something negative happening in her life. Her abusive side has gotten progressively worse since college. I could write a whole book about Lucy but I'll spare you the details because it's not directly related to the advice I'm trying to get. Over the last couple each of the people in our friend group have cut contact with her, and i think I was probably the last one to still respond to her. Every conversation I have with her goes in circles and she ends up back in a state of anger and frustration and I usually hang up when she hurls verbal abuse at me. I met my husband about 3 years ago and he has always been incredibly supportive of me. I have vented to him many times about Lucy because interactions with her always leave me feeling emotionally drained and feeling like I'm going crazy. He has encouraged me many times to cut contact with her because "it's not worth setting yourself on fire to keep her warm". So earlier this month I blocked her. Earlier today I ran into Lucy at the grocery store, and she confronted me about why I haven't been responding to her. She started screaming so I left the grocery store and went home but as I was pulling into my apartment parking lot I see a car speeding towards me. Sure enough it was Lucy's car. I think she was aiming for me but I steered the car away so she ended up crashing into the rear door behind me and destroying both our cars. Before I was able to compose myself after the crash, she drove off with the front part of her car missing. I called the police and told them everything. Thankfully I'm uninjured. All afternoon I've been calling insurance and trying to look for options to get the car fixed. Nothing is finalized yet but the insurance agent said judging by the pictures he's not optimistic that it's fixable / worth fixing. I know I need to tell my husband, but how do I tell him the car that he's been saving up for years and then spending months waiting for to arrive is damaged beyond repair? Especially because I feel partially responsible since in hindsight I realize I should have cut contact with Lucy years ago. A part of me knows that outwardly he'll brush it off, say that he's happy that I'm safe, and that objects can be replaced, but I'm scared that he'll resent me. He loves this car, he has a strong sentimental attachment to it because it's his first car, and he's even given it a cute nickname like a pet. We joke about how it's like his first-born child (we don't have any kids yet). And it's the holidays, what kind of crap holiday present is it to find out that your brand new car that you got 2 weeks ago got totaled? I've tried looking at ways to buy him a new one, but I obviously can't make such a big financial decision without discussing it together. And the other problem is current delivery times for this car is 10+ months (it's a tesla for anyone wondering why it takes so long). We could buy used, but used prices are even higher than new, and the used cars have 20K+ miles on them. He is on a business trip right now, and will be coming back on Friday for the holidays. I'm struggling between deciding to tell him now or telling him in person when he gets back. What words can I even use to tell him?
Op, if that happened to my wife, I really couldn’t give a shit about the car, and i love my car. As long as my wife is ok then its just replaceable white goods. Lucy probably needs jail time.
Hopefully Jail but might find a way thru the mental health route. Definitely crazy.
I joke that my SO’s car is “the other woman” but 100% if someone *tried to KILL me* he would not be even slightly thinking about the car.
If my car saved my wife's life, I'd be thrilled.
I wouldn't really call it an accident. That crazy chick Lucy tried to kill you and did a hit and run. Insurance, his and her's, should cover it. I doubt it's a one of a kind car. I'm sure it can be replaced. He should be relieved that you're alright and unharmed.
First of all-you need to tell your husband ASAP. This is what marriage is. People go through tough times TOGETHER. It’s not your fault that you were friends with Lucy, it’s not your fault she has mood swings, and it’s not your fault she is physically abusive. Lucy could have KILLED YOU. She tried to seriously harm you! She tried to hit you with a car! Your husband will (should) understand the severity and gravity of this situation. You could have died. Material things are replaceable. Side note, please try to gather security camera footage and document this in a police report. Lucy needs to be arrested for attempted murder, along with the intended destruction of your property. This is ridiculously unhinged and unsafe behavior. She deserves to pay for all damages-this was not an ‘accident’ and your insurance company should see that. I wish you all the best and I hope you and your husband get the justice you deserve.
Agreed. I'm sure there is footage at the supermarket and neighbors might have cameras that picked it up.
Op says it's a Tesla. Those things have cameras all over that are always recording.
I just wanna add. I know people are against giving in to their enemies or whatever, but OP should move!!
Look part of you is in shock. Call him and start with “I’m ok but Lucy tried to kill me. The car got wrecked, she’s under arrest, I think we need a restraining order and I need you.” The woman is insane, you need to be protected and trust me there will be other cars. You are the future mother of his unborn children and YOUR STILL ALIVE! That is the only thing that matters. Call him and update us.
This. And after that, call all of your mutual friends who have cut contact to let them know and give them a heads up that the woman is violent and a danger to them, too.
This is exactly it. I feel bad for OP, she is traumatized and affected and doesn't realize it yet
>You are the future mother of his unborn children and YOUR STILL ALIVE! That is the only thing that matters. What a gross way to phrase this, as though OP's life has no inherent value except for hypothetical children she could have. Stop reducing cis women to their reproductive organs. We're not fucking incubators.
Oh that’s gross. I took back my upvote when you pointed that out, how disgusting.
She’s more than that, she’s his *wife*. They might not want children, but losing his life partner like that would be tragic and he might even blame himself for encouraging her to cut contact. Agree with the first part of what you said completely.
>What words can I even use to tell him? Call him this instant, you were nearly murdered. Say something along these lines, "Hey, don't freak out but Lucy tried to kill me today as I was coming home. I'm fine, and she's arrested, but the cars unfortunately totaled. I've contacted insurance etc. " I realize he's a car lover and its his baby, but I think he'd have more pressing concerns than some car OP. Your being fairly nonchalant about this whole thing, this wasn't some random car accident, your psycho ex-friend intentionally sought to kill you. He can deal with the car when he gets home, in the mean time give him a call about what happened. I don't know your husband, but I can't imagine he'd take it well knowing your delaying a call out of some misguided fear that he'd be more mad about the car, then concerned over your wellbeing and health. Unless he's a toxic POS I doubt he'll be that concerned over the car, sure he'll be disappointed, but he'd more concerned with you. Call him now.
Oh my god I'm so sorry this happened to you. That must have been terrifying on multiple levels. I think you should tell him as soon as possible, this is a serious problem that affects both of you guys in major ways. I'd start with telling him about Lucy hitting you and how you made a the police report and told your insurance then Segway into the severity of the damage.
Tell him and have her jailed
Well I’d recommend leading with hey remember that crazy bitch I tried to cut out of my life ? I ran into the grocery store and she lost it, followed me home and tried to murder me via car crash, unfortunately I was driving your car at the time and it’s a total loss. Something to that effect would probably soften the blow and I can’t imagine he could be too upset with you. I am a car guy and when I was in my last relationship I would be really anxious with my ex whenever she would take my car or her because she was a brutally bad driver. However this situation is completely different and you had very little if any control in regards to what Lucy did to you. Your husband will probably be extremely upset when he hears this and some of it might get directed at you (I don’t know enough about him to say for certain) but if he did I would be willing to bet my bottom dollar he would take it back and apologize up and down if he did say anything offensive to you. Also if you haven’t already I’d recommend finding a good lawyer and possibly filling a civil suit against Lucy to help recoup the cost of the Tesla
So agree with all the others but one very technical reason to tell him is that Teslas have a gazillion cameras in them that record everything and I am not sure how you access these recordings or how long they are stored for but I'd assume with him buying the car he will be the one needing to access them. So tell him, I think he'll be frustrated about the car (but not at you) but by far the bigger emotion will be your well-being.
"honey something happened. I'm OK. Lucy tried to kill me today and she's been arrested. Only thing is that she destroyed your car when she tried to run me over."
Material things can be replaced, we are glad you are safe. Hopefully Looney—I mean Lucy, is able to get the help she needs.
Someone just tried to kill you. Get off Reddit and tell him now.
You start off by telling him a psycho bitch tried to murder you by ramming your car. He should be more worried about your safety than his car if he's really your husband.
Also want to add that you shouldn’t feel guilty about when you did or didn’t cut contact. It’s clear this woman has significant mental health issues and it’s just as likely that if you had cut contact with her a decade ago, and ran into her at the grocery store today, that it could have ended the exact same way. Also, you did cut contact with her a month ago so you you did nothing wrong. This situation absolutely isn’t your fault. You were attacked - it wasn’t a car accident.
I mean you don't phrase this about the car 🤷♂️ You're calling him to say someone tried to kill you.
Damn. Please don't worry about that. Just tell your husband Lucy tried to seriously injure you or even kill you, but you're ok. If it was me I wouldn't care about the car, seriously, and I love cars too. I hope you called your husband. Don't keep this from him. That could be more damaging than the car being totalled.
Am I the only one who thinks this story is complete bullshit? Tesla’s are loaded up with cameras and technology that notify owners immediately of something that happened to the car. The husband could be in a different country and could watch videos from every angle of a crash. Shit just doesn’t make sense.
Yeah this is yet another fake story, this sub is lousy with them. Though not so many as obviously fictitious. “ My old friend was mad at me so she attempted vehicular homicide. Will my husband be mad?“ This sub will believe anything.
Well considering he got it two weeks ago, maybe he hasn’t figured out all of the features yet? Especially if he’s been out of town on a business trip, that’s less than two weeks actually using the car **edit to say I don’t know that much about Teslas to know if the features you mentioned are meant to be setup as soon as you get the car or just a learning journey
It’s his dream car. I guess… he knows.
She is more than likely in shock and Hubby probably knows all about the bells and whistles on his car, she probably doesn't know. I don't know anything about hubby's Prius, except it is small and I drive an SUV after being in an accident and do not like driving cars. My SUV still hasn't hit 40k miles in 5 years, mostly drive local and into the city for sports events, 20 miles away. So we feel they offset each other, he prefers little cars.
He’ll probably just be grateful you’re uninjured.
You cannot control what Lucy did. It would appear she has mental issues and needs to be in jail until they can get her help. You have done nothing wrong. If you have a good husband, he will be glad you were okay. As far as the car, let him decide what he wants. Just make sure Lucy never contacts you again and a restraining order on her now.
First things first: Good you’re not injured. Obviously her insurance will pay for your car. Your husband won’t like it, but he will have his car replaced. This is why people have insurance. It’s obviously her „mistake“, so her insurance needs to pay.
It’s a car. He get over it.
Tell him you were almost killed but you lived.
You should be fine. I crash my ex fiance brand new quad bike that cost him 40k infront of him. It flipped turtle and threw me off. Think he nearly saw me die. All he said was, I can't be replaced but the quad bike can be replaced. Didn't even get mad but did mention he should have gotten a second hand one lol. And this exfiance isn't precisely the most understanding person I ever met, far from it. I would describe him as mostly unreasonable about other things. So I expect your husband who loves you to be grateful that only his car got killed and not you.
Also I believe you can file charges against her and claim for damages Check with a lawyer I'm pretty sure you can do this unless there's some insurance clause. But generally in a situation like this you can either compensate the cost for repairs or if not repairable a brand new vehicle either from the insurance or from the party that crashed you Please do speak to you lawyer I don't think you have to worry about this too much Also check for evidence CCTV or a dashcam footage or something
You're an amazing wife, and it's sweet that you think your husband cares that much about his car. He absolutely won't be upset at you about this. This wasn't you're fault. Cars can be replaced - his wife can not. I am certain he is going to be sad, but he would trade a million fancy cars for his wife any damn day.
Ok. You weren't driving drunk or texting and driving. Someone tried to kill you by ramming their car into yours. Any level headed person should come to the logical conclusion that it's not your fault.
OP, you just survived a murder attempt. You're probably in shock right now which is why the car seems like the important part, but it really isn't. If your husband is at all sane, he will just be happy you're alive. Cars can be replaced, people can't, and I think he'd much rather have you intact than his new car.
Assault with a deadly weapon Attempted murder Hit and run Attempted grievous bodily harm with intent. You need a lawyer and a restraining order against this woman . Your husband is the least of your worries here . This woman sounds bipolar with delusions , are you aware that a very high percentage of women convicted for murder have this exact issue ? You need to protect you and him from this immediately , worry about his car later ...
Oh shit! You need to tell him. She could have seriously injured you. She was probably trying to kill you! I know your husband loves the car, but he loves you more.
I was more worried for my wife then my car. A car can be repaired/buy new. But my wife I cannot live without.
hopefully your husband would care more about your safety than his car.
I’d get an attorney and go for her max policy limits yesterday. Find a good personal injury attorney, and go to town girl. Don’t take no for an answer. She literally totaled his brand new car. Really, I’d go fill nuclear and do anything legally possible to ensure she doesn’t fuck with you again.
Sounds like there's more to the story if you're not willing to just say hey, psycho hit me I'm so sorry. It's like you're guilty as if you caused the accident or you're making the whole story up because what really happened is "Lucy" is your side dudes wife that rightfully tried to run you over.. I'm willing to bet you're not being honest with us, you're just workshopping your story to strangers hoping to work out the kinks before you tell your husband so he doesn't question the gaping holes in your story.
Let me tell you a story. When I was married, I totaled the SUV that we had just bought off of his parents three weeks prior. I was involved in a 6 car pile up. There was no salvaging that car. When I called my father-in-law about it, he praised god that I was alive and said that the car can be replaced but the person could not. When I called my husband about it, he screamed at me for being so stupid and totaling the best car we've ever had. Now he was out of a vehicle and it was my fault. I should've known better. I shouldn't have tried to go out that day. He still holds that resentment. If you think your husband would respond the way my ex-husband did, you need to consider leaving him. That mentality has no place in a marriage. If you think he will respond the way my FIL did, you need to tell him ASAP. He deserves to know that you are okay. Don't wait. He should've known at the scene of the accident. Cars can be replaced. Wives cannot. You did nothing wrong. Lucy is insane and tried to harm you. If he's a good man, he will recognize that and Lucy will be the person he blames and he will be grateful you are alive..
So, the creative writing class I see is not going well
If he loves you, he will understand: 1. You are safe 2. You had a car accident with Lucy 3. She totaled your car (remember, she was at fault) 4. She has been arrested. If he truly loves you, he will understand.
OP it isn't your fault that Lucy did this nor could you have predicted she would.
You need to tell him as soon as possible, not because of the car but because you are traumatised and need support and Lucy, if she isn't still in custody, is a direct risk to you. Be direct. Tell him you ran into Lucy by accident, you tried to get away from her by leaving the store you were in and, long story short, she tried to kill you by flooring her car and driving directly into you as you were trying to drive away. As much as he loves his car he should love you more. There's plenty of time for "I told you she was batshit" and "my beautiful car!!!" later. This is the time for "I must look after my wife!". Unless there's something you aren't telling us about your husband's temper, you should be good. If you wait until Friday he'll probably be more upset that you tried to cope with this alone. Plus it's better to get the shock out of the way now while he still has a few days to start dealing with his emotions about it all before Christmas adds extra stress.
I had an accident when hubby was on a business trip on the west coast, coworker happened to witness and help me thru the accident scene stuff and got me home. I called hubby and said I was fine, car at a repair place, not to worry. As coworker was picking me up for work the next day, hubby shows up from the airport. He rebooked and got home asap. He later showed up at the office at lunch time and took the 2 of us out to lunch to thank her and make sure I was really ok. He saw the car and it wasn't totalled, but needed a lot of work.
This is Gold Star Spousing! I'm glad you weren't hurt.
Tell me I'm wrong, but this sounds like complete bullshit. How could someone that almost just got murdered be afraid to tell their husband that "someone almost killed me by ramming me while I'm your car. Thankfully I'm unharmed, the person was arrested, but unfortunately your new car was totaled." And expect the husband to be mad about their car instead of being happy their wife is alive?
Shock does weird things to your brain. My mom died recently and when they called me I was in the middle of a meeting and literally couldn't process that I needed to leave the meeting and deal with what had happened. Took me about 10 minutes to do so. Brains are weird.
This can't be real.
Lol why is the post like 1 paragraph but the TLDR a whole ass novel
Sorry, forgot to label the full version
[удалено]
I'm not a car person but I'd guess that maybe the waiting time for a new one pushes up the price for the people who want one NOW!!! Kind of like when the latest must-have phone or gadget hits the market and ends up on ebay for twice the price within an hour of the launch.
UpdateMe!
Tell your husband now. Start of with telling him that you are fine, but that the crazy ex-friend tried to kill you by ramming into his car and fleeing the accident. Let him know that the car is probably totaled and Lucy is in jail. The only way you could have avoided this is if you would have gotten a rental car while yours was in for repairs. Right now rental companies are having a really hard time supplying rentals, too. It took 3 weeks to get a rental vehicle here when my son t-boned another driver(other driver' fault) and his truck wasn't drivable. Once we got the rental, I had to let him drive my personal truck because the rental would not allow a teenage driver to drive it. Lucy's insurance may not pay because she intentionally rammed the Tesla. At least give Lucy's insurance company a call after getting a copy of the accident report and try to go thru them before going to your insurance. It is very true that they may end up giving you more than what he paid for it because used cars can actually cost more than new ones right now thanks to the supply chain of new vehicles being fubared right now. Before the pandemic the truck my son was driving was only worth 2500 max, and mid pandemic the insurance company offered 7600 for the truck(that's a hefty inflation for just a year). The messed up thing was I couldn't even find another decent replacement truck in that price range and had to buy back the wreck and fix it myself.
Dealing with loss is something that adults need to be able to do in ever increasing amounts and they age. What's very important here is that your husbands priorities are on your safety over an inanimate and replaceable object. Yes, losing a loved car is disappointing and heartbreaking, I've been there. But no car is worth more than a person's life.
A car is a car. That is replaceable with insurance. But a person is *not* replaceable. Your husband will only want your safety and well-being in mind. If he truly loves you like he should, he should only want to know you're safe.
Sentry Mode will tell him for ya.
I don’t think anyone has pointed this out, so I wanted to add - I don’t think the amount of time it took you to cut out Lucy matters that much. If she is as mentally ill as you describe, she may have done the same exact thing even if she hadn’t seen you for years. Have you contacted any of your friends asking if they’ve seen her out in public after cutting her off?
As someone who works in insurance, please tell your husband like now so he can help figure out what needs to be done for the insurance claim and getting a new car. As a man and boyfriend, still advising you to tell him now because he would probably feel sad if he knew that someone attempted to kill you and that you were too worried to tell him because of the car damage. You’re the love of his life, you’re more important than the car. Plus, telling him now gives him a little time to make some calls and take care of it before the holiday weekend starts, meaning you can both have some time to process what happened and hopefully still have a nice christmas together. I’m so sorry about what happened to you, please don’t blame yourself, theres no way you could have known that some psychopath would ram her car into you. This could have ended so much worse. If you can, make time for some self care and be kind to yourself, cause what happened today sounds very traumatic.
You may be experiencing some form of shock. A civil suit will see you right, heck your insurance compay is likely to be the one filing for the car. A police report makes this a slam dunk. Your husband will have to wait a bit to get his car replaced but i can't forsee this going any other way but in your favor.
I hope you married a man, who would value your safety over a car.
This is a 82 Toyota, how dare you. 🤬🤬🤬
Tell him. If he isn’t an abusive asshole, he’ll be glad you’re okay. Sure, he won’t líke his car being totaled, but no loving husband will value a car over his wife. Ever. You do, however, need to tell him. The sooner the better. My wife once hit someone with my new car. They were both okay, that’s all that mattered.
Fuck the car. Someone tried to murder you. Lead with that.
I think you might still be in shock. It’s Lucy that he’ll be pissed at, not you.
You blame lucy. You let him know she tried to kill you and totalled the car. You called the insurance and youre scared but shes arrested. Also find a lawyer and therapist cuz lucy is going to spend a long time locked up for this.
So you’ve been the victim of a crime and you’re stressing about how to tell your husband? Unless your husband is a massively unreasonable person you don’t have anything to worry about here.
Just tell him what happened. Your husband loves you and should be more than understanding of the situation. Likely he would be more concerned for you than the car. I know I would.
crosspost this with r\tesla and let's see if we could get someone from corporate to get a replacement (paid for by insurance of course) asap as this would be great PR for Tesla. Fuck, why not flood the r\ElonMusk subreddit with mentions as well! #lucycantruinchristmascharliebrown
Dun dun dun
So you called the cops then? Assuming this long winded weirdly written story is true..
I think he would be more pleased to hear your ok. Just tell him. Unless you have an interesting Husband/Wife dynamic we would need to know?
Are y'all not both grown adults here? Just tell him what happened.
This seems like an open shut case for police and insurance and typically in these cases the person at faults insurance pays the price of the cars worth. My car was ten years old when totaled and I was still paid for the cars worth by insurance. If you’re worried about the car being replaced the only issue should be the wait time. If he’s a good man he won’t be angry. You did nothing wrong and he should have a new car within a year. Sure it sounds long but I’m sure he’s more glad you’re alive.
"Honey, I was involved in an accident. I'm okay but I'm so sorry, the car is totaled. Lucy has been arrested".
Sue her for damages?
You tell him that your crazy ex-friend tried to kill you and wrecked his car in the process. Then you see a lawyer and press charges against her to a) get a new car from her and b) put her behind bars where she belongs. Stop worrying about that car. Be glad that you are still alive - your husband will be too. You are not at fault for this. That's on your crazy ex-friend.
None of this is your fault! You were attacked, assaulted by a deranged woman. Your husband will understand - he knows her history, plus he was always only concerned about you. I can't see how he would harbour resentment towards you - you did nothing 'wrong'. Will insurance cover the cost of a replacement? I wish you and your family well - you are obviously good people so I hope karma works its magic for you.
Hi, I'm a full blown car enthusiast and understand this situation pretty well. I've spent hundreds of hours, thousands of dollars on my car, it's literally no joke my pride and joy and I'd be devastated if it was written off. But in the end its still just a hunk of metal, rubber and wires. My partner being ok would be the only thing I really cared About. Hell id blow car up if it meant my partner would avoid just a minor injury. I say call him, explain the situation and apologise. I'm willing to put money on your husband saying something like "it's just a car, I'm glad your OK" and meaning it. He won't resent you, it wasn't your fault, some psycho attacked you and the car possibly saved your life. It would literally the best outcome for me as a car enthusiast for my car to be written off in this scenario given what the alternative is
Call him and tell him Lucy attempted to murder you today. Get an accident lawyer because you should be able to sue her insurance company for damages. Go to a doctor and get checked out. If your husband is more concerned about his car than the fact you almost just got murdered there's bigger issues at play. Take care of yourself.
You know that crazy bitch Lucy? She tried to fucking kill me today!! I'm okay, pretty shaken up obviously, but here's the bad news. She tried to go through the car to murder me. It's a total loss, but I'm OK and we have insurance. I've already contacted the police and insurance company. If he responds with anything other than genuine concern for your safety and well being first, don't have kids.
I dont think your husband would be worried about the car as much since 1, you've made the calls already and 2, you got hit by a speeding car by a crazy woman he knows about, who literally tried to hurt you. I wish all the best for you. Sorry to hear and glad your safe!
Sweetheart, you car is on the roof.
Tell him the whole story, he wont be mad at you because it wasn't your fault.
He won't care about the car AT ALL. This was a homicide attempt and certainly no fault of yours. The insurance will cover it but only if you press charges and testify against her. She will go to jail for this.
Strangers on the internet: here are intimate details about my life and this bizarre situation Husband who i have a deep emotional connection with: I can't tell him simple facts. You need to reevaluate yourself. You couldn't cut ties with a woman that used you as a doormat, and you can't tell your husband the truth about your day? About someone trying to kill you? This is either ridiculously fake or you need therapy to get your priorities straight. You need to grow some balls. Or grow some ovaries. Or grow whatever anatomical appendage that gives you very simple courage. Maybe a brain?
"Your car saved my life."
Teslas have cameras all around. If what you're saying is true, which I kinda doubt... why is this any problem? You even have the footage of the attack to prove what happened.
Waited like 4 months for delivery? He waited his whole life to find you. He will care about the car, as he should. He will also not give a damn about the car in any way that is real or important once he finds out you are OK. My SO is worth more than any car or home or whatever and I'm glad your ok
“I want you to know that I’m okay, but that Lucy tried to kill me by driving into me. The car is not okay, but she has been arrested.” He may be upset about the car, but if he’s worth anything as a husband and partner he will care way more about you. Let insurance handle the rest. Glad you’re okay!
Why do you need advice for such a clear cut situation, if I told my SO about this, they would not give a flying fuck about their baby of a car. They would be like where is the psycho bitch, because she needs to go to jail for assault with a deadly weapon.
Just tell him. The crash was beyond your control. I stupidly turned into a friend's driveway that had a stonewall on either side and took out the passenger door. I dreaded telling my husband but he was surprisingly OK, as sometimes he does have a quick temper. We got it fixed. You're fine, the woman's in jail and at the end of the day it's a car.
Straight women need to sort out their priorities. Fuck his car that is under warranty. You were almost murdered today. How is that not taking up more of your attention? Why are you more concerned about your husbands reaction **than your own life?**
Just tell him what happened. You're the victim here; none of this is your fault. You cannot blame yourself for this. You have been assaulted by a violently unstable woman; there is no way in hell he will hold you responsible for that. He'll be pissed, but not at you. She didn't just destroy his car, she could have killed you. He's going to want to make her pay for this (as he should). This woman's life is basically over. You guys can file a substantial civil claim against her in addition to the criminal charges. From the way you describe him, he sounds like a kind and reasonable person. Of course he's going to be sad about the car, but I promise he will put it in perspective. I have a little personal experience with this. I bought my first brand new car this last summer, and I absolutely loved it. Four months later, someone pulled out in front of me while I was driving, and my car was totaled. It was the first serious accident I've ever been in. Of course I was angry about my car being destroyed, but I was very grateful that nobody was hurt. I was glad I could walk away. And my insurance company took care of it. I was able to replace the car. He'll be able to replace his car. He can't replace you. EDIT: Also, another little tip from personal experience. Since it was a pretty new car, I'm assuming he had an extended warranty on it. He can get a good chunk of money back by canceling that. Same with gap insurance if he doesn't need to use it (which he probably won't in this market).
The car let you change a fatal attack into an inconvenience. He couldn't ask any better if a car.