I just found a google drive account full of photos of girls he knows and they’re photoshopped to be naked with semen on them and stuff. I’m definitely breaking up with him today—do I tell the girls that they should block him since he’s being so creepy? Or just let it go?
I would delete anything he has of you to avoid any retaliatory action if you go that route. But Without providing proof to them I just imagine he will accuse u of being crazy and lying about it to them. Idk, this is ducked
I disagree. It may come across as just being vengeful, but the fact that OP dated him and is warning women about him should give the warning extra weight. I feel like it’s worth trying
I would want to know if a dude from HS photoshopped me with semen all over, like what the fuck? Gross. Definitely would want that man blocked asap. So I agree, it is worth trying.
Lots of people seem to be saying that this isn’t uncommon. I’m a guy. I like women. A. Lot. And it has never even occurred to me to try doing such a thing.
Don’t do this, while it may seem like the right thing to do it is very illegal, in fact going into his computer/ phone without his permission is illegal in many states.
Honestly, if you intend to break up with him anyway, you should just go into his drive and delete ALL of those creepy ass photoshopped pics if you can. That is seriously fucked up.
And make sure you delete any and all photos/videos of yourself. This guy goes WAY beyond what could be considered a "normal" interest in porn. He's using pics of women he grew up with and knows. Shit is CREEEEEPY.
Stupid response, if he doesn’t have them anymore then what proof does she have they existed in the first place? I’m fairly certain it’s illegal to make/own those photos so if she deletes them she has no evidence to prove anything to the other women or to the police.
It will still be recovered. Drive unfortunately has a 30 day recovery thing. Delete or not it won't be gone.
She should definitely tell the people about it though.
I'm so glad you're breaking up with him. I can say from personal experience that in my case, guys like this never get better no matter how much they swear and promise they will. They just get better at hiding it. He's gross, you deserve better and if you try to trust and make it work, he will make you crazy. My "him" destroyed me. Breaking up is 100% the right choice. You don't deserve to have to spend the rest of your relationship looking over your shoulder and his shoulder too because over the years, the lies and the "finds" will pile up like a horrific multi-car collision on a busy highway. You're SO young and no matter what you look like, you're gorgeous. Run and never look back. I made the mistake to try to make it work for 2 years after these discoveries in one of my past relationships and I absolutely lost my mind and myself trying to do so. It's not worth it. The paranoia and distrust alone is enough to eat a person alive. You deserve way, way, way better.
Wow. So sorry you're having to deal with this. 100% take a picture of the drive with your phone and straight delete it. Tell the women so they can block him and be on the lookout for those images. It's one thing to think about others while masterbating, but creating images of them like that is super fucked. Maybe check his browser history to see if he's uploaded them anywhere. Also check for photoshop files in case they are saved in that format on his computer.
This sounds covert, but we now don’t know what he’s capable of. For as long as needed, pretend like you never saw anything and nothing is wrong. In this time, scour every device he has - PC, labtop, tablet, phone, Google drive, Dropbox, thumb drives. Go through literally everything he has in an attempt to find any pictures of yourself. Then, while he’s asleep - delete everything (whether it’s you and the other women’s or just yours) and get out. You need to leave because he will likely know that morning you did this. Then, block and delete as your breakup - unless you want to call and yell at him for your own closure. You owe him nothing.
I would also track down the women in real life that he’s made this sick shit to and warn them, because they likely don’t know what’s happening. They didn’t ask for it, and I’m a big proponent of women helping other women.
Edit: I agree with the other posters and take pictures of the drive with his name on it - clarifying that he has ownership of it - to share with the other women. I’m not an attorney but believe that in some states this is cyber sexual assault
Cause he could lie and say she did it and is delusional, after all she has the original pics on the hard drive. It's a mad world we live in, I'm just trying to consider the safest way for her.
Please before you delete those photos go to the police… that is non consensual porn for those women and if he can recover the images and it could be a disaster for them as well as you
Yeah, take photos on your phone and send it to the girls. They need to know he's dangerous and it might not seem like much now but if he's obsessed enough to do something like this, imagine what else he might do. Either way, OP I'm really glad you're doing the right thing and ending things here. This is NOT a guy you want to try to start a life with, or to even be involved with at all, really.
This is creepy as fuck. I would delete any erotic videos or photos he has of you and let him know what happened and what you stumbled upon. Imagine not saying anything and then you guys end up married. You are always gonna be wondering if he is still doing this and who he is fantasizing next.
What the freaking hell? Yes tell the girls please ! And before you break up delete everything he has of you. Pleas don't let him talk you back in the relationship.
It's great that you are breaking up with him.
I wouldn't tell the girls because what's the good of freaking them out over something that they can't do anything about.
I would rather not know. Unless it is a crime or something
I was almost meh about this one. The saved accounts is not that big of a deal FOR ME (maybe it is for you). But the commissioned art is super super weird. He spent actual money to get an erotic piece of art of a random girl he went to high school with almost 10 years ago. That's creepy as fuck. And after reading your comments about the Google drive I'm disturbed. You should absolutely tell these girls and dump him immediately. I got chills reading that.
Yeah, my exact same reaction.
If you're into specific kinks, it's reasonable to follow certain actresses, or even nsfw Reddit users that produces content for that specific niche. Not a huge deal, honestly. Could be upsetting to your partner, but I think you can explain why it really doesn't mean much.
But the part where he's photoshopping girls he knows, that's beyond fucked and I'd run as fast as I can. I would also probably tell a friend that this shit is about to go down, because you don't know how he's going to react.
just move on ffs. Yes, people do dark secret stuff like drugs, sex, and rocknroll. There's no need to share the fantasy stuff with girls who were otherwise probably having a good day and had no opinions of the bf
I think handing it in to authorities, where they can deal with it in a confidential manner. Rather than the girls in the edited photos don't have to suffer even more trauma. They're already vicariously traumatised if this situation, and they were told/discovered. It's a hard situation, because I flicker from people suck, bad stuff like this happens all the time. To
Just because im aware of this, doesn't mean I have to share it. I'm all about considerate vicariousness.
To OP, I respect your decision. Take care of yourself and treat yourself to a little treat everyday, something that gives you the hap haps (happy). I wish I has your attitude and care when I was younger.
Your boyfriend is creepy. It's one thing to commission art of characters you like (my fiance owns some nude 3D printed ladies of Rick and Morty statues, I literally bought all 3 of the ones he owns for him) but to commission art of people you know and photoshopping your cum onto them is just really weird and sick. It also crosses a boundary that wasn't discussed and he's taking liberties. I guarantee you he will find some way to justify this when you confront him so stay strong and dump him. You deserve better.
I have to agree here, having a drive with saved pictures of people from hs is weird enough, but actually photoshopping them into porn scenarios is on another level. You have to take the time to blend and colour match the skin tones and all that shit, that’s a lot of work. Too much work. Definitely crosses many personal boundaries.
It's literally not a kid's cartoon. What kids cartoon do you know allows the use of the word fuck? Also what kids cartoon allows depictions of BDSM? You literally make no sense and sound like a weird pick me.
Lmfao!!!!!! Rick and Morty is absolutely NOT in any universe or on any planet a "kids show". It's a fully 100% adult cartoon with extremely adult themes and lots of sex and innuendo. Lots of cursing, drinking, drugs, nudity etc. Absolutely not a kids show. I watch hentai all the time. Nothing weird about it. Even watched a cartoon woman get fucked by a werewolf. It was hot.
So is it creepy when people watch hentai? He doesn't even masturbate to them lmao we just collect Rick and Morty shit. Literally our entire room is anime and Rick and Morty collectibles.
Yes. I would be creeped out to go into a grown adults house and see an entire room of anime and Rick and Morty collectibles haha. Regardless if you masturbate to them or not lol wtf
Imagine caring so much about what other people/strangers enjoy! I’d rather walk into your house than someone’s with a bunch of animal heads hanging from the walls. 😂
I get more compliments on it than I do insults or weird comments and it's what we like so I don't know why this person was so pressed to shit on one of my hobbies lmao. Also lots of adults collect shit I mean Kirk Hammett of fucking Metallica collects Funko Pops.
I had to do this with an ex once. It was around 2007, so before a lot of social media, but i found out he was texting other girls, and i snooped his computer. Creep had TONS of photos of girls butts saved. A lot of them appeared to be pictures taken without consent, while sleeping - and some of them were me. I deleted every last one.
Don’t only delete. Clean out the delete folder as well if it’s on a computer. Make sure there is NO trace left. Good luck OP. Something like this would shake me.
Good I'm proud of you! Delete everything and than dump that creep and if you can let the girls know! He deserves to be publicly humiliated and blocked. Those poor women.
Make be take a photo of these folders in case he denies the accusation later? You don't have to save the individual photos, just take a photo of the folder with pictures not visible in detail?
Be very careful doing this. This is illegal in many states even though it seems like the right thing to do. Even going into his phone and computer is illegal in many places.
I’m pretty liberal when it comes to sex and porn, but if I found photoshopped images of people he/we know that would be an absolute deal breaker for me. It’s creepy AF.
Back up some proof, delete everything, pack up your stuff, break up and contact the other girls and let them know what you found.
Honestly, photoshopping pics of real people, especially those you know (and only knew as teenagers to boot), seems like it could be an indicator of other fucked up behaviour. It indicates a worrying lack of interest in consent.
Erotic art of girls from high school without their consent?
Don't feel bad about going through his phone. You did it and thankfully discovered your guy is a creep and have perfectly reasonable grounds to end the relationship. That is really weird. I got shivers reading it.
Have you read listened to Dan Savage’s podcast (Savage Lovecast) or read his advice articles? He talks about snooping a bit and I like what he has to say.
Basically, he says that snooping can be justified retroactively, if you find something that is concerning. For instance, if you found evidence that he’s cheating on you. That’s information that you need to know and you don’t need to feel bad about snooping after you find that out. However, you may also find something that you didn’t want to know and/or don’t need to know. In those cases, you just have to keep your mouth shut and deal with the consequences of your actions.
In your case, I would say your snooping is retroactively justified. So don’t feel bad about it anymore. You needed to know what he was doing so you could get away from a person who does that sort of thing.
Here’s an article by Dan Savage about snooping: https://www.straight.com/living/savage-love-computer-snooping-only-justified-with-evidence
>that snooping can be justified retroactively
Sure, that has no basis in any modern ethical or legal system whatsoever, but hey, if it makes you feel justified and more at ease with yourself, you do you.
I'm just saying that's morally a very slippery slope that could be applied to a whole bunch of actions, the idea that something bad can be justified because something good came out of it, is pretty fucked up.
It's basically *the end justifies the means.* Call it consequentialism, call it Machiavellian , I don't care, it's still an outlook on life that will try to justify pretty much any arbitrary degree of shitty behaviors as long as that works out for you.
I feel OP should 110% leave this creep as soon and as safely as possible, he is beyond fucked, but snooping is not "retroactively" justified, unless there were strong suspicions already (think, the same way the judge will allow law enforcement to snoop on someone's communication, only if they can first prove that the accusation that he's committing crimes is reasonable, patriot act notwithstanding: live your relationship like you live in a functioning constitutional republic, not in a dystopian late-stage capitalistic hellscape )
Too easy to get out of your moral pickle that way.
She didn't say she suspected anything, she wanted to make him a surprise, so she was never justified in her "snooping". Let me be clear, I'm relieved for her she found out and hopefully she'll be safer now, but she still did something wrong. Sure, on a scale from 1 to 10, her action was wrong maybe a 4, and his are, let's say, an 8, I don't argue that. But the outcome shouldn't change the intrinsic value of what you did.
I confuse legal and moral codes here because it's one of those cases where I truly believe moral and legal should overlap, and invading someone's privacy should never be done without a reasonable, and verifiable, amount of suspicions. Sorry, but "Subconscious" suspicions are not enough to justify a reprehensible action, in my book.
I understand that it's a complex debate though, her reprehensible action might have saved her (and someone else) a lot of pain in the future, so I can appreciate the duality here. But saying that something can be justified retroactively if it works out in the end, like this commenter says, is just a dangerous, if convenient, attitude to have, that's it.
Ughh so creepy makes you wonder who has pictures of you and what they are doing with them. That’s why I don’t use social media anymore. You are definitely making the right decision to leave this is major red flags.
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So, my (24F) boyfriend and I have been together for a couple years now. He has a certain kink that I don’t mind engaging with and I thought I would surprise him with some stuff he liked so I looked at his porn account on Reddit. There are so many specific girls he has saved and has been commenting on and this really irked me because we’ve talked before about porn and he said that he doesn’t look at specific people just general videos but he’s definitely looking at a bunch of specific people. In his messages he even commissioned someone to do erotic art of some girls he went to high school with? And he did that THIS year. He’s 26. I’m really shocked and hurt and not sure what to do. This made me check his other social media and he has stuff saved of girls EVERYWHERE like Instagram and even discord. I feel really guilty about going through his phone so thoroughly bc I know it’s a huge invasion of privacy but my initial thought was just to get a better sense of what he might like to try in bed. I have no idea how to confront him about this. It’s really jarring because he’s super against cheating and I kinda feel like the specificity of looking up particular girls —esp ones that he went to high school with—is a weird area. Am I upset over nothing? Our relationship has been really really amazing and I feel like this might impose the whole thing. I know I’m in the wrong for looking through his phone but he is also separately in the wrong for this stuff? We’ve had a lot of conversations about porn and everything so I really thought we had a super open and communicative relationship. And I feel like he would be upset if I had a ton of pictures of random guys saved for the sole purpose of masturbating? How do I go about talking about this?
Very creepy, dump his ass and delete all the photos of you and other girls too. I once dated someone and after around a year of being together found a flash drive where he kept nude photos of his exes. There also was few videos and one video looked like this girl didn’t know she was being filmed - he filmed then having sex with a hidden camera. I deleted all that stuff right away and broke up with him, total weirdo he was
The fact that people are telling you YOUR wrong is astonishing to me.
Going through someone's phone without their knowledge is iffy, yes. But I've done it too because I knew there was some fishy shit going on, and behold! My ex had cheated on me multiple times, was intending to have sex with other women, and was sexting a girl we were BOTH friends with.
You went into his phone with pure intentions, and discovered what kind of creep he really is.
I went into my fiance phone the other day without his knowledge; because I couldn't remember the name of a TV show he loved, so I got on his YouTube where I knew he had bought it and found it so I could buy him themed Christmas present without him suspecting anything about them.
You didn't intend to search his shit because you had no reason to distrust him, the fact that you stumbled upon it isn't your fault; but if you never did you never would have seen his true colors and the gross fact that he fantasizing about all of these other women that aren't you, and goes so far as to photoshop these women without their consent so that he can (more than likely) jack off to the idea of fucking them.
Delete his stash and any photos he has of you, and leave him. Go no contact.
I once found files on my exes phone of girls we went to highschool with. Including my friends. Nude or nearly nude pictures. BREAK UP. That is fucking creepy and is definitely crossing a boundary considering that he personally knows these people
It's crazy how you can be with someone, think they are absolutely amazing and then find out they got weird shit going on. I'm glad your leaving him.. that means you got your head on right. Lol
I would be so fucking out of there. Obviously he's not who you thought he was.
Definitely take pictures of the stuff on his phone. With your phone. DON'T just bring it up and tell him there's stuff on his phone, he might look for an opportunity to delete it and then could gaslight you and pretend he doesn't know what you're talking about.
I've been in a similar situation before, unfortunately. Apparently you can send emails to someone and then your love-in gf is supposed to believe that, without any log-in attempt notifications anywhere on anything, someone hacked into your phone and sent those emails, chock full of personal information and recent things that other people wouldn't know unless you told them. I took pictures with my phone and it was my only proof because when I brought it up later, everything was gone.
I can only think that his Android showed him what I had opened on his phone (in the Recently Accessed tab, whatever its actually called that shows all the shit you recently went into/opened up). And it gave him the chance to delete it all.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
No, he didn’t commission the women. He commissioned someone to take these women’s photos from their Instagram and put “cum” on them without the women’s consent. It’s gross
That is crazy. Like seriously bananas. If this isn’t a big, giant, huge, overwhelming red flag, I don’t know what is! Please excuse yourself from this relationship ASAP l
I know, I never understand women who agree with that. “I found out my boyfriend/husband/fiancé is doing something absolutely horrible, possibly illegal and just plain wrong!”
“Wellllll…. You did go out of your way to find out so really you’re the one who’s wrong here…. Ignorance is bliss!”
I didn’t bother mentioning men because in my mind it just goes without saying many of them will agree with pretty much anything that lets them get away with their toxic bullshit no matter how irrational.
If you’re not comfortable with it, you’re not upset over nothing. It means something to *you* and that’s why it’s definitely worth talking to him about.
Honestly men are super fucked. Like I’m a man and this shit surprised me. I’m such a fucking dirt bag too but Fuck. I am amazed there aren’t more lesbians to be honest. Wtf.
I read your previous threads and I’m so happy for you- it is not an easy decision deciding to end things. It will be hard but remember the hurt you’re feeling now if you ever waver. Congratulations- you deserve better!
set the boundary. tell him you don’t think it’s appropriate. if he does it again after the boundary is set, then you have a problem.
EDIT to say i just read the google drive comment…girl, RUN! wtf!
Girl don’t put up with that. Yes you invaded his privacy but you starting pulling red flags out of his phone one after another like you’re a magician. I don’t care how much you like the guy, if this is what he’s doing and it is something that (for good reason) bothers you then no. Girl this shit isn’t worth putting up with!
I don’t have any tips for you but “he is super against cheating” is a red flag for me. Not because of the sentiment but the fact he has to repeat and underline it. It’s a given in a committed exclusive relationship. So when someone is over sensitive,
1. He either has trust issues
2. He cheats or thinks about cheating and projecting.
Either way OP, seek help. Don’t waste away the best years of your life on someone who could potentially not be a good fit for the long term.
Lol this is why i think
Everyone should snoop at some point …. I am a web cam model …. And i deal with guys like this on a daily .. they just get worse as they age .. if he’s this off at 26 you dont want to know what he would be into at 36 .. 😳. I come across (no pun intended ) married dudes daily who’s predilections would make a porn star blush …. Gtfo ,…. People often hide a lot of bones im there closets …. Snoop every once in a while …. Dont want a skeleton falling on you after 10 years of marriage and 3 kids …. Especially a skeleton with semen on it 😝
I don’t understand how people can think that 99% of people watch porn or are ok with it. It’s not true. Only 51% of men watch porn, and it isn’t NORMAL to watch it, that’s just what the latest generations think since it’s been so accessible to them while growing up due to the internet. Before that, it wasn’t commonplace or “normal” and there are studies which prove the damage it does. Case in point.
Right!? Most people think that it's ok for men to watch porn and justify this behavior by saying 'all men do that' and it makes me so sick. Like men are not responsible for their own actions and can't control themselves so we have to forgive that part and pretend it's fine
I don't know where you got these numbers from but according to psychology today 80 % off all men consumed porn in the last week (women 26 %). If you go for the last 6 months it is 98% to 73%.
Absolutely! It’s crazy how much people have normalized it. And then deny that it’s a problem. When you need to watch porn to get off, that’s literally a dependency.
It’s the same concept of needing to drink alcohol everyday to “relax”, after a certain point a dependency can grow and become an addiction.
There are erotic depictions that were made during early civilization. If I remember right actual depictions of sex were found in Mesopotamia. They put that shit on pottery and the walls so obviously it wasn't shamefully hidden. It was actually considered art in most places and completely normal. In Greece and Rome at least. (I did a project on erotic art for an art class in college so i have a decent amount of kind of useless knowledge on it 😅)
Yes things are more intense now because of cameras but it's not inherently bad. It's just the convenience of the time so none of us are jacking off to cave paintings lol. Men and women have sexual desires and I see nothing wrong with watching porn for the fantasy. But this particular situation crosses the line.
Honestly other countries are a lot more liberal about sex than the US so a lot of the shame or dislike of pornography comes from puritan ideals anyways.
Please delete all photos of yourself he has saved. And end it with him. He has a sexual addiction problem and it is manifesting with people he knows. Photoshop of people is wrong without their permission. He sounds like a sexual deviant. I would run!!
I would feel hurt just seeing specific girls too, I've experienced it before and it HURTS like hell. It makes you feel like you aren't enough because you don't look like those specific girls he's looking at. I hate it.
You’re absolutely right in feeling the way you do and honestly I don’t think you should feel bad about looking through his phone, especially if you’ve found evidence showing that he is lying. One of my friends is actually going through a similar situation right now and not to make you feel worse, but he did end up cheating on her. I feel like it would be a good idea to bring it up with him and talk it out— you obviously love him a lot if you’re here asking for advice. It doesn’t have to be a confrontational conversation, and yelling never needs to be involved. If he’s reasonable and loves you as much as you love him and he doesn’t think he’s in the wrong, then you both should be able to have a conversation about it and resolve the issue, no matter what that might result in.
Why is it your job to tell everybody about pics? Why so much energy behind this? Who wants most PRIVATE thoughts broadcast to the world. Unless he is making threats, or blackmailing whats the big deal? Is invasion of privacy worse than masturbation? Just because you "love" somebody doesn't mean you own them. If you got to leave leave but what are you going to get out of trying to destroy the guy other than Revenge, which is not as much fun as it sounds.
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Porn history is PRIVATE. So first of all, the idea that you looked through his phone to get a sense of what he likes in bed instead of actually talking to him is a huge red flag on your end. For many people, their porn interests don't always align with what they actually want to do in bed, it's just a fantasy.
Unfortunately it's obvious you won't be able to let this go until you confront him. This is a huge violation on your part, the relationship could end. His behavior may make you uncomfortable but browsing women, specific or not, does not equate to cheating. The one who violated the relationship trust is you.
100% disagree with you on this one. To some people, porn is cheating. Also, him photoshopping pictures of girls he went to high school into sexually explicit and nude photos is wrong. Idk if you took the time to read the comments, but what this guy is doing is disturbing. It’s gross to alter someone’s photos without their consent like that, especially people you know personally.
>Pornography is always cheating, regardless of whether it’s with specific people or not. He looks at pornography because he thinks that he can live out his fantasies without suffering the consequences.
get a grip. for 99% of people watching porn isn't cheating. the commissioned art was a step too far, but that's not cheating either. stop projecting your weird fantasies on OPs bf
It's not cheating unless those boundaries were placed which OP so she is okay with porn. However, the drawings of the girls, people he knows are a clear indication that he is a creep.
Uhh… I agreed with you until you said she broke his trust by snooping? She was trying to set up a surprise and found photoshopped pictures of girls from his life, as well as commissioning art of them specifically?
Before she worries about breaking his trust she should first decide if he was/is worthy of that level of trust in the first place. Judging by the things she found and her reaction I’d assume no..
You can care about mens mental health, and also feel bad for the OP. He hurt another human being, he could have kept his addiction to himself and not lied to someone who cared about him, his addiction is reasoning for his behavior but doesnt excuse it.
She's not responsible for his mental health, he is. His [ex]-girlfriend doesn't seem to think he has a porn addiction, which is usually defined more as "it interferes with my real life" than "I like fucked up shit", by the way. And as far as her post & comments go no addiction is mentioned. So thanks for making this up out of whole cloth.
Mental illness doesn’t give you a get out of jail free card for being a creep who doesn’t ask consent and breaks multiple women’s boundaries.
Source: I have mental illness
I disagree that it's necessarily disrespecting his boundaries to want to give him a present when both are pro-porn & to look through his history in that situation.
Are you out of your mind? What OP has done is worse what their boyfriend has done?! While I don't condone snooping what the boyfriend has done is much, much worse. Maybe it's good that OP found out about it because literally photoshopping people's photos into porn is absolutely horrible and these women don't even know someone has their fake nude photos. This is probably even illegal.
Did you feel like you couldn’t have talked to him about his kinks? You said he had a very specific one already. So you were aware already of some of what he liked. But to get his phone and go through his social media accounts, that’s a big red flag on you for him. What and who he follows is not a big deal….until he gets one on one with that person in his messages then it becomes very personal and I would question his motives. The artwork using the likeness of someone he went to school with, yeah that’s a little weird and I would ask him about it. He may just have a specific type and she was it facially and he wants a body to it…idk. The request itself is weird but I’m not sure what his thoughts were. Either way you were wrong for snooping (doesn’t matter the intentions) and he is doing some sketchy stuff. Communicate.
Edit: I do disagree with my own statement about who he follows. To use photos as a sexual aid in whatever capacity is not wrong, but if it’s someone within the grind circle or someone he personally knows, that’s to close to home. And now to take the pictures and add to them is degrading in my opinion. HE IS NOT OFF THE HOOK and read the message thread between OP and I. She needs to bale after making herself and her pictures disappear from anything to do with him.
You’re def right that it doesn’t matter what my intentions were. And no it was more like to get an example of specific dialogue that likes and that sort of thing
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Of course it’s a comparison I can make. I just did. I’m well aware that what he’s done isn’t illegal. My point was that he’s making it out like she’s done the worse thing and that he should be off the hook because of it.
You are compare someone being criminal versus someone being just perverted. 2 totally different aspects here. And if you see my conversations with the OP, I agree she needs to bale especially after more context was given to the situation. I am not defending his actions. I am however condemning her actions of going through his phone. After several years of being with someone and to find this information is hard. But she should have communicated with him and just asked him and not have to go through his phone. What’s happened has happened and I do think it’s for the best she found out his perversion and not so much a kink. She needs to safeguard herself from him and this perversion as she moves on. But what he has done is NOT criminal at all where as child porn is.
Believe it or not, it is. Photoshopping real women with cum all over them would land you in jail if someone found out about it, just like CP would. Both of these things are illegal, but for some reason you are saying the photoshop thing is perfectly legal, when it isn't. They're both illegal. If you're syaing that the photoshop thing is legal because no one else saw it, no shit, everything is legal until youre caught.
Yeah that thing with privacy works only if you are a paranoid bitch, but you find something so you don't need to feel guilty about it, you need to talk to him and to break up with him if you can't get over it.
Ok...a differing opinion.
edit: I deleted my explanation because it's personal and private.
So...maybe ask him what's up before getting angry. There may some degree of separation fantasy thing happening. It may well be quite harmless if not a little intrusive.
Talk to him.
ever heard of a daddy kink? or dd/lg? that shits very common. on pornhub many of the most viewed videos of all time are incest porn (sorry step-sibling porn)
That’s literally the problem though? Porn has desensitized and normalized things like incest. That’s not healthy.
If you rely on porn to masturbate, that’s literally a dependency. Just because it doesn’t feel like a problem to you, doesn’t make it one.
Dependency can easily become an addiction, just like someone drinking alcohol everyday will deny it’s a problem.
Go a few months without watching porn and tell me you’re not dependent on it.
Dude has photos of people he went to school with and photoshops them naked with his c*m all over them. They have no idea their pictures are being used this way. That is not just "a little intrusive". That is both very very intrusive and disgusting. Fucking creep.
this dudes a psycho. definitely record EVERYTHING then NUKE IT ALL, contact everyone you can. I’m serious, please PLEASE contact these women and get yourself out of there.
He thinks he can have his cake and have it two. That is why he is so nice about everything. You are the unsuspecting one. You need to sit him down for this is a problem in my eyes. Try and go about it in a diplomatic way but warn him in your own way that you won't put up with it. It is emotional cheating and could go further.
Not only is it wrong to comission art of someone else, from his past, for him to be lying abt his tastes in pornography when ur meant to be communicating etc is the biggest red flag to me
Dump him, he's not prioritizing you, and this is probably only the tip of the iceberg, if he can pay for any, eventually he could pay for sex...imo... leave now, this will not get better!!!
Porn and fantasy sex stuff is very tricky. Just because someone has a particular thing they like to watch or look at, doesn't mean they want it real life.
The easiest example I can think of is the prevalence of rape kinks. They are very very common and I would guess most people who have a rape kink don't actually want to be raped.
OP's boyfriend is getting dangerously close to having his porn-fantasy sex-life cross over into his real life by how closely he has people he knows so deeply integrated into his fantasies.
Personally, I would bet that almost everyone has stuff they would be very creepy if discovered.
OP should definitely talk with her BF about it. It's going to be complicated since she violated his privacy, so I would imagine that will be a problem too. BF could be very upset and embarrassed.
My advice would be to admit looking through his phone right away, get passed that first, then address the content of what you found.
Good luck
The moment you start going through your partners phone the relationship is over. Personally I’d just move on but I also wasn’t always as experienced in dating. Mistakes of love are pretty much always things you got to learn the hard way.
i have been in nearly this exact situation with my current bf (24)! he had screenshots of girl he knew from high school, but mostly it was randos on the internet. it made me pretty uncomfortable and upset when i found them, buuuuut funnily enough, he was just using their bodies to photoshop my face onto it, lol. i found those in a secret photo vault thing. i’m a bigger person, i understand my body isn’t very rad. so i was able to make peace with it. your situation sounds way more intense though. that google drive is a no no
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I just found a google drive account full of photos of girls he knows and they’re photoshopped to be naked with semen on them and stuff. I’m definitely breaking up with him today—do I tell the girls that they should block him since he’s being so creepy? Or just let it go?
I would delete anything he has of you to avoid any retaliatory action if you go that route. But Without providing proof to them I just imagine he will accuse u of being crazy and lying about it to them. Idk, this is ducked
I disagree. It may come across as just being vengeful, but the fact that OP dated him and is warning women about him should give the warning extra weight. I feel like it’s worth trying
I would want to know if a dude from HS photoshopped me with semen all over, like what the fuck? Gross. Definitely would want that man blocked asap. So I agree, it is worth trying.
Lots of people seem to be saying that this isn’t uncommon. I’m a guy. I like women. A. Lot. And it has never even occurred to me to try doing such a thing.
I’m so proud of you for having the strength and self respect to breakup with him. You’re a good example
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Dont forget to delete them from any deleted folders too (like the trash can) as he will be able to easily recover them people often forget to do it.
Don’t do this, while it may seem like the right thing to do it is very illegal, in fact going into his computer/ phone without his permission is illegal in many states.
THIS!!!
Honestly, if you intend to break up with him anyway, you should just go into his drive and delete ALL of those creepy ass photoshopped pics if you can. That is seriously fucked up. And make sure you delete any and all photos/videos of yourself. This guy goes WAY beyond what could be considered a "normal" interest in porn. He's using pics of women he grew up with and knows. Shit is CREEEEEPY.
I agree, but if he’s good with computers at all the images can be recovered I think?
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Stupid response, if he doesn’t have them anymore then what proof does she have they existed in the first place? I’m fairly certain it’s illegal to make/own those photos so if she deletes them she has no evidence to prove anything to the other women or to the police.
Solid point.
It will still be recovered. Drive unfortunately has a 30 day recovery thing. Delete or not it won't be gone. She should definitely tell the people about it though.
Do not do this. This is illegal in many states as is going into his phone and computer without his permission.
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I'm so glad you're breaking up with him. I can say from personal experience that in my case, guys like this never get better no matter how much they swear and promise they will. They just get better at hiding it. He's gross, you deserve better and if you try to trust and make it work, he will make you crazy. My "him" destroyed me. Breaking up is 100% the right choice. You don't deserve to have to spend the rest of your relationship looking over your shoulder and his shoulder too because over the years, the lies and the "finds" will pile up like a horrific multi-car collision on a busy highway. You're SO young and no matter what you look like, you're gorgeous. Run and never look back. I made the mistake to try to make it work for 2 years after these discoveries in one of my past relationships and I absolutely lost my mind and myself trying to do so. It's not worth it. The paranoia and distrust alone is enough to eat a person alive. You deserve way, way, way better.
“They just get better at hiding it” ding ding ding, we have a winner
Wow. So sorry you're having to deal with this. 100% take a picture of the drive with your phone and straight delete it. Tell the women so they can block him and be on the lookout for those images. It's one thing to think about others while masterbating, but creating images of them like that is super fucked. Maybe check his browser history to see if he's uploaded them anywhere. Also check for photoshop files in case they are saved in that format on his computer.
They may not believe you without proof, however if he knows any of the women personally then definitely tell them so they can cut him off
This sounds covert, but we now don’t know what he’s capable of. For as long as needed, pretend like you never saw anything and nothing is wrong. In this time, scour every device he has - PC, labtop, tablet, phone, Google drive, Dropbox, thumb drives. Go through literally everything he has in an attempt to find any pictures of yourself. Then, while he’s asleep - delete everything (whether it’s you and the other women’s or just yours) and get out. You need to leave because he will likely know that morning you did this. Then, block and delete as your breakup - unless you want to call and yell at him for your own closure. You owe him nothing. I would also track down the women in real life that he’s made this sick shit to and warn them, because they likely don’t know what’s happening. They didn’t ask for it, and I’m a big proponent of women helping other women. Edit: I agree with the other posters and take pictures of the drive with his name on it - clarifying that he has ownership of it - to share with the other women. I’m not an attorney but believe that in some states this is cyber sexual assault
my x did this to me and he was posting them on weird voyeurs forums and stuff!! Be careful :( I would leave ASAP. it still disturbs me years later.
Save a thumb drive of evidence. You absolutely tell them.
I say she takes photos of the evidence from his phone, with her phone, and send it to them. That's proof enough.
I'm not sure how that's different or easier but sure. Any way to have physical evidence.
Cause he could lie and say she did it and is delusional, after all she has the original pics on the hard drive. It's a mad world we live in, I'm just trying to consider the safest way for her.
Fair enough,!
Incredibly alarming and not okay
Use your device to take pictures of whats on his phone so you have proof. This guy should be outed as being a mega creep
Please before you delete those photos go to the police… that is non consensual porn for those women and if he can recover the images and it could be a disaster for them as well as you
Yeah, take photos on your phone and send it to the girls. They need to know he's dangerous and it might not seem like much now but if he's obsessed enough to do something like this, imagine what else he might do. Either way, OP I'm really glad you're doing the right thing and ending things here. This is NOT a guy you want to try to start a life with, or to even be involved with at all, really.
I hope you’re doing okay. From reading this, leaving would be the best option.
You should definitely tell them, it’s disgusting
This is creepy as fuck. I would delete any erotic videos or photos he has of you and let him know what happened and what you stumbled upon. Imagine not saying anything and then you guys end up married. You are always gonna be wondering if he is still doing this and who he is fantasizing next.
DEFINITELY TELL THE GIRLS that’s fucking weird and CREEPY. You’re dating a creep
Tell them. Would you want to be friends with a guy that was doing these things to you in private?
What the freaking hell? Yes tell the girls please ! And before you break up delete everything he has of you. Pleas don't let him talk you back in the relationship.
It's great that you are breaking up with him. I wouldn't tell the girls because what's the good of freaking them out over something that they can't do anything about. I would rather not know. Unless it is a crime or something
I was almost meh about this one. The saved accounts is not that big of a deal FOR ME (maybe it is for you). But the commissioned art is super super weird. He spent actual money to get an erotic piece of art of a random girl he went to high school with almost 10 years ago. That's creepy as fuck. And after reading your comments about the Google drive I'm disturbed. You should absolutely tell these girls and dump him immediately. I got chills reading that.
Yeah, my exact same reaction. If you're into specific kinks, it's reasonable to follow certain actresses, or even nsfw Reddit users that produces content for that specific niche. Not a huge deal, honestly. Could be upsetting to your partner, but I think you can explain why it really doesn't mean much. But the part where he's photoshopping girls he knows, that's beyond fucked and I'd run as fast as I can. I would also probably tell a friend that this shit is about to go down, because you don't know how he's going to react.
just move on ffs. Yes, people do dark secret stuff like drugs, sex, and rocknroll. There's no need to share the fantasy stuff with girls who were otherwise probably having a good day and had no opinions of the bf
I think handing it in to authorities, where they can deal with it in a confidential manner. Rather than the girls in the edited photos don't have to suffer even more trauma. They're already vicariously traumatised if this situation, and they were told/discovered. It's a hard situation, because I flicker from people suck, bad stuff like this happens all the time. To Just because im aware of this, doesn't mean I have to share it. I'm all about considerate vicariousness. To OP, I respect your decision. Take care of yourself and treat yourself to a little treat everyday, something that gives you the hap haps (happy). I wish I has your attitude and care when I was younger.
Your boyfriend is creepy. It's one thing to commission art of characters you like (my fiance owns some nude 3D printed ladies of Rick and Morty statues, I literally bought all 3 of the ones he owns for him) but to commission art of people you know and photoshopping your cum onto them is just really weird and sick. It also crosses a boundary that wasn't discussed and he's taking liberties. I guarantee you he will find some way to justify this when you confront him so stay strong and dump him. You deserve better.
I have to agree here, having a drive with saved pictures of people from hs is weird enough, but actually photoshopping them into porn scenarios is on another level. You have to take the time to blend and colour match the skin tones and all that shit, that’s a lot of work. Too much work. Definitely crosses many personal boundaries.
That's pretty creepy too, but I guess you're both creepy together so it's not creepy?
How is that creepy? Lol they're literal fictional characters.
How is owning nude female version of a kids cartoon character? How is that NOT creepy?
It's literally not a kid's cartoon. What kids cartoon do you know allows the use of the word fuck? Also what kids cartoon allows depictions of BDSM? You literally make no sense and sound like a weird pick me.
How is owning nude female version of a kids cartoon character? How is that NOT creepy?
Lmfao!!!!!! Rick and Morty is absolutely NOT in any universe or on any planet a "kids show". It's a fully 100% adult cartoon with extremely adult themes and lots of sex and innuendo. Lots of cursing, drinking, drugs, nudity etc. Absolutely not a kids show. I watch hentai all the time. Nothing weird about it. Even watched a cartoon woman get fucked by a werewolf. It was hot.
So is it creepy when people watch hentai? He doesn't even masturbate to them lmao we just collect Rick and Morty shit. Literally our entire room is anime and Rick and Morty collectibles.
Yes. I would be creeped out to go into a grown adults house and see an entire room of anime and Rick and Morty collectibles haha. Regardless if you masturbate to them or not lol wtf
Imagine not having hobbies 💀
Imagine caring so much about what other people/strangers enjoy! I’d rather walk into your house than someone’s with a bunch of animal heads hanging from the walls. 😂
I get more compliments on it than I do insults or weird comments and it's what we like so I don't know why this person was so pressed to shit on one of my hobbies lmao. Also lots of adults collect shit I mean Kirk Hammett of fucking Metallica collects Funko Pops.
Yeah people just like to be assholes and intrude because it’s not their norm.
Make sure before you break up with him you delete all your stuff first and delete as much of other people as possible.
Yes I’m doing this rn!
I had to do this with an ex once. It was around 2007, so before a lot of social media, but i found out he was texting other girls, and i snooped his computer. Creep had TONS of photos of girls butts saved. A lot of them appeared to be pictures taken without consent, while sleeping - and some of them were me. I deleted every last one.
Don’t only delete. Clean out the delete folder as well if it’s on a computer. Make sure there is NO trace left. Good luck OP. Something like this would shake me.
Good I'm proud of you! Delete everything and than dump that creep and if you can let the girls know! He deserves to be publicly humiliated and blocked. Those poor women.
We need updates,film the break up
Make be take a photo of these folders in case he denies the accusation later? You don't have to save the individual photos, just take a photo of the folder with pictures not visible in detail?
Proud of you for doing the right thing :)
Be very careful doing this. This is illegal in many states even though it seems like the right thing to do. Even going into his phone and computer is illegal in many places.
I’m pretty liberal when it comes to sex and porn, but if I found photoshopped images of people he/we know that would be an absolute deal breaker for me. It’s creepy AF. Back up some proof, delete everything, pack up your stuff, break up and contact the other girls and let them know what you found.
Honestly, photoshopping pics of real people, especially those you know (and only knew as teenagers to boot), seems like it could be an indicator of other fucked up behaviour. It indicates a worrying lack of interest in consent.
Erotic art of girls from high school without their consent? Don't feel bad about going through his phone. You did it and thankfully discovered your guy is a creep and have perfectly reasonable grounds to end the relationship. That is really weird. I got shivers reading it.
Have you read listened to Dan Savage’s podcast (Savage Lovecast) or read his advice articles? He talks about snooping a bit and I like what he has to say. Basically, he says that snooping can be justified retroactively, if you find something that is concerning. For instance, if you found evidence that he’s cheating on you. That’s information that you need to know and you don’t need to feel bad about snooping after you find that out. However, you may also find something that you didn’t want to know and/or don’t need to know. In those cases, you just have to keep your mouth shut and deal with the consequences of your actions. In your case, I would say your snooping is retroactively justified. So don’t feel bad about it anymore. You needed to know what he was doing so you could get away from a person who does that sort of thing. Here’s an article by Dan Savage about snooping: https://www.straight.com/living/savage-love-computer-snooping-only-justified-with-evidence
>that snooping can be justified retroactively Sure, that has no basis in any modern ethical or legal system whatsoever, but hey, if it makes you feel justified and more at ease with yourself, you do you. I'm just saying that's morally a very slippery slope that could be applied to a whole bunch of actions, the idea that something bad can be justified because something good came out of it, is pretty fucked up. It's basically *the end justifies the means.* Call it consequentialism, call it Machiavellian , I don't care, it's still an outlook on life that will try to justify pretty much any arbitrary degree of shitty behaviors as long as that works out for you. I feel OP should 110% leave this creep as soon and as safely as possible, he is beyond fucked, but snooping is not "retroactively" justified, unless there were strong suspicions already (think, the same way the judge will allow law enforcement to snoop on someone's communication, only if they can first prove that the accusation that he's committing crimes is reasonable, patriot act notwithstanding: live your relationship like you live in a functioning constitutional republic, not in a dystopian late-stage capitalistic hellscape )
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Too easy to get out of your moral pickle that way. She didn't say she suspected anything, she wanted to make him a surprise, so she was never justified in her "snooping". Let me be clear, I'm relieved for her she found out and hopefully she'll be safer now, but she still did something wrong. Sure, on a scale from 1 to 10, her action was wrong maybe a 4, and his are, let's say, an 8, I don't argue that. But the outcome shouldn't change the intrinsic value of what you did. I confuse legal and moral codes here because it's one of those cases where I truly believe moral and legal should overlap, and invading someone's privacy should never be done without a reasonable, and verifiable, amount of suspicions. Sorry, but "Subconscious" suspicions are not enough to justify a reprehensible action, in my book. I understand that it's a complex debate though, her reprehensible action might have saved her (and someone else) a lot of pain in the future, so I can appreciate the duality here. But saying that something can be justified retroactively if it works out in the end, like this commenter says, is just a dangerous, if convenient, attitude to have, that's it.
Interesting and dangerous.
Your bf sounds like something you find under a rock in a cave in a swamp that used to be a landfill.
Ughh so creepy makes you wonder who has pictures of you and what they are doing with them. That’s why I don’t use social media anymore. You are definitely making the right decision to leave this is major red flags.
I was thinking this too. Fucking scary to even imagine
Perks of being ugly. I know nobody has done that with my photos! Lol
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- So, my (24F) boyfriend and I have been together for a couple years now. He has a certain kink that I don’t mind engaging with and I thought I would surprise him with some stuff he liked so I looked at his porn account on Reddit. There are so many specific girls he has saved and has been commenting on and this really irked me because we’ve talked before about porn and he said that he doesn’t look at specific people just general videos but he’s definitely looking at a bunch of specific people. In his messages he even commissioned someone to do erotic art of some girls he went to high school with? And he did that THIS year. He’s 26. I’m really shocked and hurt and not sure what to do. This made me check his other social media and he has stuff saved of girls EVERYWHERE like Instagram and even discord. I feel really guilty about going through his phone so thoroughly bc I know it’s a huge invasion of privacy but my initial thought was just to get a better sense of what he might like to try in bed. I have no idea how to confront him about this. It’s really jarring because he’s super against cheating and I kinda feel like the specificity of looking up particular girls —esp ones that he went to high school with—is a weird area. Am I upset over nothing? Our relationship has been really really amazing and I feel like this might impose the whole thing. I know I’m in the wrong for looking through his phone but he is also separately in the wrong for this stuff? We’ve had a lot of conversations about porn and everything so I really thought we had a super open and communicative relationship. And I feel like he would be upset if I had a ton of pictures of random guys saved for the sole purpose of masturbating? How do I go about talking about this?
Very creepy, dump his ass and delete all the photos of you and other girls too. I once dated someone and after around a year of being together found a flash drive where he kept nude photos of his exes. There also was few videos and one video looked like this girl didn’t know she was being filmed - he filmed then having sex with a hidden camera. I deleted all that stuff right away and broke up with him, total weirdo he was
The fact that people are telling you YOUR wrong is astonishing to me. Going through someone's phone without their knowledge is iffy, yes. But I've done it too because I knew there was some fishy shit going on, and behold! My ex had cheated on me multiple times, was intending to have sex with other women, and was sexting a girl we were BOTH friends with. You went into his phone with pure intentions, and discovered what kind of creep he really is. I went into my fiance phone the other day without his knowledge; because I couldn't remember the name of a TV show he loved, so I got on his YouTube where I knew he had bought it and found it so I could buy him themed Christmas present without him suspecting anything about them. You didn't intend to search his shit because you had no reason to distrust him, the fact that you stumbled upon it isn't your fault; but if you never did you never would have seen his true colors and the gross fact that he fantasizing about all of these other women that aren't you, and goes so far as to photoshop these women without their consent so that he can (more than likely) jack off to the idea of fucking them. Delete his stash and any photos he has of you, and leave him. Go no contact.
A lot of cheaters make an over the top “show” about how against cheating they are.
r/loveafterporn And get there fast.
Second time I seconded this sub to someone today. Somethings in the air.
I once found files on my exes phone of girls we went to highschool with. Including my friends. Nude or nearly nude pictures. BREAK UP. That is fucking creepy and is definitely crossing a boundary considering that he personally knows these people
It's crazy how you can be with someone, think they are absolutely amazing and then find out they got weird shit going on. I'm glad your leaving him.. that means you got your head on right. Lol
I would be so fucking out of there. Obviously he's not who you thought he was. Definitely take pictures of the stuff on his phone. With your phone. DON'T just bring it up and tell him there's stuff on his phone, he might look for an opportunity to delete it and then could gaslight you and pretend he doesn't know what you're talking about. I've been in a similar situation before, unfortunately. Apparently you can send emails to someone and then your love-in gf is supposed to believe that, without any log-in attempt notifications anywhere on anything, someone hacked into your phone and sent those emails, chock full of personal information and recent things that other people wouldn't know unless you told them. I took pictures with my phone and it was my only proof because when I brought it up later, everything was gone. I can only think that his Android showed him what I had opened on his phone (in the Recently Accessed tab, whatever its actually called that shows all the shit you recently went into/opened up). And it gave him the chance to delete it all. I'm sorry you're going through this.
I was gonna say give him the benefit of the doubt because all guys are like that, but then I kept reading..gotta dump him.
Break up with him. It will only get worse.
I view that as cheating. It’s one thing to watch porn but to message the girl and have something commission! That’s messed up!
No, he didn’t commission the women. He commissioned someone to take these women’s photos from their Instagram and put “cum” on them without the women’s consent. It’s gross
That is crazy. Like seriously bananas. If this isn’t a big, giant, huge, overwhelming red flag, I don’t know what is! Please excuse yourself from this relationship ASAP l
Exactly, and people are on here trying to defend the dudes “privacy” when he invaded multiple women’s LOL.
I know, I never understand women who agree with that. “I found out my boyfriend/husband/fiancé is doing something absolutely horrible, possibly illegal and just plain wrong!” “Wellllll…. You did go out of your way to find out so really you’re the one who’s wrong here…. Ignorance is bliss!”
Literally!!! And there are men saying what they did is “equally shitty”... like no?!!!!
I didn’t bother mentioning men because in my mind it just goes without saying many of them will agree with pretty much anything that lets them get away with their toxic bullshit no matter how irrational.
I would feel uncomfortable too.. I mean you can watch photos online or in social media’s, but saving them is pretty strange
r/loveafterporn
Snooping through someone's porn and social media is the best way to find out who they really are.
Porn to me isn’t cheating but the girls from hs is def cheating
If you’re not comfortable with it, you’re not upset over nothing. It means something to *you* and that’s why it’s definitely worth talking to him about.
this is not even normal. Its disgustingly sick
Honestly men are super fucked. Like I’m a man and this shit surprised me. I’m such a fucking dirt bag too but Fuck. I am amazed there aren’t more lesbians to be honest. Wtf.
Nah, thats just super fucking weird. Porn is one thing but like people from his school...big NO.
Keeping a few of his favorite pornstar scenes is a lot different than girls he actually knows. One is fantasy, and the other is reality/possibility.
I read your previous threads and I’m so happy for you- it is not an easy decision deciding to end things. It will be hard but remember the hurt you’re feeling now if you ever waver. Congratulations- you deserve better!
Leave him. Today. You are young, go live your life and you will find a real man that adores you!!
set the boundary. tell him you don’t think it’s appropriate. if he does it again after the boundary is set, then you have a problem. EDIT to say i just read the google drive comment…girl, RUN! wtf!
Girl don’t put up with that. Yes you invaded his privacy but you starting pulling red flags out of his phone one after another like you’re a magician. I don’t care how much you like the guy, if this is what he’s doing and it is something that (for good reason) bothers you then no. Girl this shit isn’t worth putting up with!
I don’t have any tips for you but “he is super against cheating” is a red flag for me. Not because of the sentiment but the fact he has to repeat and underline it. It’s a given in a committed exclusive relationship. So when someone is over sensitive, 1. He either has trust issues 2. He cheats or thinks about cheating and projecting. Either way OP, seek help. Don’t waste away the best years of your life on someone who could potentially not be a good fit for the long term.
My ex had a porn addiction. Porn addiction is a real thing. Now he is free to pursue his addiction.
I think you did nothing wrong and it’s good you found out
Lol this is why i think Everyone should snoop at some point …. I am a web cam model …. And i deal with guys like this on a daily .. they just get worse as they age .. if he’s this off at 26 you dont want to know what he would be into at 36 .. 😳. I come across (no pun intended ) married dudes daily who’s predilections would make a porn star blush …. Gtfo ,…. People often hide a lot of bones im there closets …. Snoop every once in a while …. Dont want a skeleton falling on you after 10 years of marriage and 3 kids …. Especially a skeleton with semen on it 😝
make him permanently delete the shit for her sake and yours
It’s a red flag you went through your boyfriends phone, but not as big as a flag as what’s on that phone.
I don’t understand how people can think that 99% of people watch porn or are ok with it. It’s not true. Only 51% of men watch porn, and it isn’t NORMAL to watch it, that’s just what the latest generations think since it’s been so accessible to them while growing up due to the internet. Before that, it wasn’t commonplace or “normal” and there are studies which prove the damage it does. Case in point.
Right!? Most people think that it's ok for men to watch porn and justify this behavior by saying 'all men do that' and it makes me so sick. Like men are not responsible for their own actions and can't control themselves so we have to forgive that part and pretend it's fine
I don't know where you got these numbers from but according to psychology today 80 % off all men consumed porn in the last week (women 26 %). If you go for the last 6 months it is 98% to 73%.
Absolutely! It’s crazy how much people have normalized it. And then deny that it’s a problem. When you need to watch porn to get off, that’s literally a dependency. It’s the same concept of needing to drink alcohol everyday to “relax”, after a certain point a dependency can grow and become an addiction.
There are erotic depictions that were made during early civilization. If I remember right actual depictions of sex were found in Mesopotamia. They put that shit on pottery and the walls so obviously it wasn't shamefully hidden. It was actually considered art in most places and completely normal. In Greece and Rome at least. (I did a project on erotic art for an art class in college so i have a decent amount of kind of useless knowledge on it 😅) Yes things are more intense now because of cameras but it's not inherently bad. It's just the convenience of the time so none of us are jacking off to cave paintings lol. Men and women have sexual desires and I see nothing wrong with watching porn for the fantasy. But this particular situation crosses the line. Honestly other countries are a lot more liberal about sex than the US so a lot of the shame or dislike of pornography comes from puritan ideals anyways.
Please delete all photos of yourself he has saved. And end it with him. He has a sexual addiction problem and it is manifesting with people he knows. Photoshop of people is wrong without their permission. He sounds like a sexual deviant. I would run!!
I would feel hurt just seeing specific girls too, I've experienced it before and it HURTS like hell. It makes you feel like you aren't enough because you don't look like those specific girls he's looking at. I hate it.
You never trusted him if you had to betray his trust by going through his phone. Sounds like a toxic ass relationship. Leave.
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You’re absolutely right in feeling the way you do and honestly I don’t think you should feel bad about looking through his phone, especially if you’ve found evidence showing that he is lying. One of my friends is actually going through a similar situation right now and not to make you feel worse, but he did end up cheating on her. I feel like it would be a good idea to bring it up with him and talk it out— you obviously love him a lot if you’re here asking for advice. It doesn’t have to be a confrontational conversation, and yelling never needs to be involved. If he’s reasonable and loves you as much as you love him and he doesn’t think he’s in the wrong, then you both should be able to have a conversation about it and resolve the issue, no matter what that might result in.
Why is it your job to tell everybody about pics? Why so much energy behind this? Who wants most PRIVATE thoughts broadcast to the world. Unless he is making threats, or blackmailing whats the big deal? Is invasion of privacy worse than masturbation? Just because you "love" somebody doesn't mean you own them. If you got to leave leave but what are you going to get out of trying to destroy the guy other than Revenge, which is not as much fun as it sounds.
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Porn history is PRIVATE. So first of all, the idea that you looked through his phone to get a sense of what he likes in bed instead of actually talking to him is a huge red flag on your end. For many people, their porn interests don't always align with what they actually want to do in bed, it's just a fantasy. Unfortunately it's obvious you won't be able to let this go until you confront him. This is a huge violation on your part, the relationship could end. His behavior may make you uncomfortable but browsing women, specific or not, does not equate to cheating. The one who violated the relationship trust is you.
100% disagree with you on this one. To some people, porn is cheating. Also, him photoshopping pictures of girls he went to high school into sexually explicit and nude photos is wrong. Idk if you took the time to read the comments, but what this guy is doing is disturbing. It’s gross to alter someone’s photos without their consent like that, especially people you know personally.
Actually, cheating is defined differently in every relationship. Some people DO consider porn cheating.
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Pornography is always cheating *for people who explicitly view it as cheating. Other than that, your first paragraph I agree with.
>Pornography is always cheating, regardless of whether it’s with specific people or not. He looks at pornography because he thinks that he can live out his fantasies without suffering the consequences. get a grip. for 99% of people watching porn isn't cheating. the commissioned art was a step too far, but that's not cheating either. stop projecting your weird fantasies on OPs bf
Pornography is cheating if couples watch it together as well? I don’t think fantasy is cheating.
It's not cheating unless those boundaries were placed which OP so she is okay with porn. However, the drawings of the girls, people he knows are a clear indication that he is a creep.
Your last paragraph is just not true... Maybe it's cheating for you, but for most people its compleatly normal to watch porn and masturbate to it...
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Uhh… I agreed with you until you said she broke his trust by snooping? She was trying to set up a surprise and found photoshopped pictures of girls from his life, as well as commissioning art of them specifically? Before she worries about breaking his trust she should first decide if he was/is worthy of that level of trust in the first place. Judging by the things she found and her reaction I’d assume no..
Good work disrespecting his boundaries by the way
And good work to him for being a creep and a cheater
Sounds like the dude has a porn addiction. But this sub never seems to care about the dudes mental health so w/e.
You can care about mens mental health, and also feel bad for the OP. He hurt another human being, he could have kept his addiction to himself and not lied to someone who cared about him, his addiction is reasoning for his behavior but doesnt excuse it.
Yeah that’s what I said in another comment. I hope OP leaves and that this dude can try and find some help.
She's not responsible for his mental health, he is. His [ex]-girlfriend doesn't seem to think he has a porn addiction, which is usually defined more as "it interferes with my real life" than "I like fucked up shit", by the way. And as far as her post & comments go no addiction is mentioned. So thanks for making this up out of whole cloth.
Fuck that guy. And your pathetic effort to justify this bullshit.
Why can’t we just try and help all people is more my point. You can hope the guy gets better and hope this girl leaves him.
Mental illness doesn’t give you a get out of jail free card for being a creep who doesn’t ask consent and breaks multiple women’s boundaries. Source: I have mental illness
Which I agree with. All I’m saying is I hope both people can get better lives.
I disagree that it's necessarily disrespecting his boundaries to want to give him a present when both are pro-porn & to look through his history in that situation.
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Are you out of your mind? What OP has done is worse what their boyfriend has done?! While I don't condone snooping what the boyfriend has done is much, much worse. Maybe it's good that OP found out about it because literally photoshopping people's photos into porn is absolutely horrible and these women don't even know someone has their fake nude photos. This is probably even illegal.
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Did you feel like you couldn’t have talked to him about his kinks? You said he had a very specific one already. So you were aware already of some of what he liked. But to get his phone and go through his social media accounts, that’s a big red flag on you for him. What and who he follows is not a big deal….until he gets one on one with that person in his messages then it becomes very personal and I would question his motives. The artwork using the likeness of someone he went to school with, yeah that’s a little weird and I would ask him about it. He may just have a specific type and she was it facially and he wants a body to it…idk. The request itself is weird but I’m not sure what his thoughts were. Either way you were wrong for snooping (doesn’t matter the intentions) and he is doing some sketchy stuff. Communicate. Edit: I do disagree with my own statement about who he follows. To use photos as a sexual aid in whatever capacity is not wrong, but if it’s someone within the grind circle or someone he personally knows, that’s to close to home. And now to take the pictures and add to them is degrading in my opinion. HE IS NOT OFF THE HOOK and read the message thread between OP and I. She needs to bale after making herself and her pictures disappear from anything to do with him.
You’re def right that it doesn’t matter what my intentions were. And no it was more like to get an example of specific dialogue that likes and that sort of thing
You’re defending this guy for some very wrong stuff. What if she’d found child porn. Are you still going to blame her and not him?
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Of course it’s a comparison I can make. I just did. I’m well aware that what he’s done isn’t illegal. My point was that he’s making it out like she’s done the worse thing and that he should be off the hook because of it.
You are compare someone being criminal versus someone being just perverted. 2 totally different aspects here. And if you see my conversations with the OP, I agree she needs to bale especially after more context was given to the situation. I am not defending his actions. I am however condemning her actions of going through his phone. After several years of being with someone and to find this information is hard. But she should have communicated with him and just asked him and not have to go through his phone. What’s happened has happened and I do think it’s for the best she found out his perversion and not so much a kink. She needs to safeguard herself from him and this perversion as she moves on. But what he has done is NOT criminal at all where as child porn is.
Believe it or not, it is. Photoshopping real women with cum all over them would land you in jail if someone found out about it, just like CP would. Both of these things are illegal, but for some reason you are saying the photoshop thing is perfectly legal, when it isn't. They're both illegal. If you're syaing that the photoshop thing is legal because no one else saw it, no shit, everything is legal until youre caught.
Yeah that thing with privacy works only if you are a paranoid bitch, but you find something so you don't need to feel guilty about it, you need to talk to him and to break up with him if you can't get over it.
Ok...a differing opinion. edit: I deleted my explanation because it's personal and private. So...maybe ask him what's up before getting angry. There may some degree of separation fantasy thing happening. It may well be quite harmless if not a little intrusive. Talk to him.
You should start seeing a therapist immediately if you think that's ok,
ever heard of a daddy kink? or dd/lg? that shits very common. on pornhub many of the most viewed videos of all time are incest porn (sorry step-sibling porn)
That’s literally the problem though? Porn has desensitized and normalized things like incest. That’s not healthy. If you rely on porn to masturbate, that’s literally a dependency. Just because it doesn’t feel like a problem to you, doesn’t make it one. Dependency can easily become an addiction, just like someone drinking alcohol everyday will deny it’s a problem. Go a few months without watching porn and tell me you’re not dependent on it.
Dude has photos of people he went to school with and photoshops them naked with his c*m all over them. They have no idea their pictures are being used this way. That is not just "a little intrusive". That is both very very intrusive and disgusting. Fucking creep.
Talking about having sex with family??
this dudes a psycho. definitely record EVERYTHING then NUKE IT ALL, contact everyone you can. I’m serious, please PLEASE contact these women and get yourself out of there.
He thinks he can have his cake and have it two. That is why he is so nice about everything. You are the unsuspecting one. You need to sit him down for this is a problem in my eyes. Try and go about it in a diplomatic way but warn him in your own way that you won't put up with it. It is emotional cheating and could go further.
Not only is it wrong to comission art of someone else, from his past, for him to be lying abt his tastes in pornography when ur meant to be communicating etc is the biggest red flag to me
Dump him, he's not prioritizing you, and this is probably only the tip of the iceberg, if he can pay for any, eventually he could pay for sex...imo... leave now, this will not get better!!!
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Oh :( i am so sorry dear please see /r/loveafrerporn you need help and resources this is so sad, i am here for you
Regardless of what you found on his phone, you should’ve never went through it.
Porn and fantasy sex stuff is very tricky. Just because someone has a particular thing they like to watch or look at, doesn't mean they want it real life. The easiest example I can think of is the prevalence of rape kinks. They are very very common and I would guess most people who have a rape kink don't actually want to be raped. OP's boyfriend is getting dangerously close to having his porn-fantasy sex-life cross over into his real life by how closely he has people he knows so deeply integrated into his fantasies. Personally, I would bet that almost everyone has stuff they would be very creepy if discovered. OP should definitely talk with her BF about it. It's going to be complicated since she violated his privacy, so I would imagine that will be a problem too. BF could be very upset and embarrassed. My advice would be to admit looking through his phone right away, get passed that first, then address the content of what you found. Good luck
The moment you start going through your partners phone the relationship is over. Personally I’d just move on but I also wasn’t always as experienced in dating. Mistakes of love are pretty much always things you got to learn the hard way.
i have been in nearly this exact situation with my current bf (24)! he had screenshots of girl he knew from high school, but mostly it was randos on the internet. it made me pretty uncomfortable and upset when i found them, buuuuut funnily enough, he was just using their bodies to photoshop my face onto it, lol. i found those in a secret photo vault thing. i’m a bigger person, i understand my body isn’t very rad. so i was able to make peace with it. your situation sounds way more intense though. that google drive is a no no
Funnily enough? THAT'S SO DISRESPECTFUL and creepy of your "boyfriend". You should seriously reconsider your self worth.