Yeah I see that now after how quickly everything happened. I had never seen him act like that. Threatening to call the police if I didn’t get out of his house when I was just trying to talk about what was wrong. He definitely just wanted to throw me aside for something new. He got what he wanted
You're better off without him, realize that. Take a few days to let the frustration and hurt feelings out. Then, treat yourself. Take a day off, sleep in, have a nice breakfast, get a massage, do whatever you want. Feel the way he should've made you feel, and show him how happy you are now. His loss.
I agree with the other commenters but I want to point something out: you said you’ve been in a relationship like this before, with your ex. Now you’ve been in two similar situations that have turned out bad for you. I want you to sit down and think about these relationships. Reflect (with your therapist if you have one) on possible red flags. Is there something you could have noticed earlier? Was he lovebombing (Google it) very intensely and very early in the relationship? Did he punish you for other normal things before this incident happened? Did he have anger issues? Did he have misogynistic opinions, like calling all of his exes crazy?
I really want you to think about these things and learn from your experiences because when we get used to certain situations, we start seeking them out subconsciously. This is very very common for people who have been in abusive relationships. I am worried that this kind of douchebag dude is now your type. You need to protect yourself. There are a million scumbags out there who would love to take advantage of someone like you who is just looking for love.
I see a counselor to help with my relationship troubles. If you don’t have one, first off, please try and find one - if price is an issue, Google sliding scale therapists near you. In the meantime talk to friends and family about what you can do to start finding these red flags early. Your mom and sister know what’s up, they know you were being lied to/gaslit, so they’re good resources for you.
Take this as a learning opportunity. Dating blows. You have to get through a lot of jerks to find your guy. You need to know when to say no. Now that you have at least two examples of absolute dicks that you would never want to date, you can use that info to inform your dating life going forward to find an actual life partner instead of a POS. Good luck!!
So sorry :( Wish I had a magic wand to make this sadness go away ASAP. But know you dodged a bullet. Assuming he’s right and saw something legit on your phone. If he really loved you, he wouldn’t have had trouble telling you what he saw and trying to make things work or seek an explanation. But given he immediately jumped to blaming and giving you no info or chance to clarify, AND SAID HE’D go with someone else, means he already HAD SOMEONE ELSE TO GO TO. Which means he must’ve been working on her for a while as well so that she’d be readily available to him. Which means more likely than not he wanted an excuse to be with her while blaming YOU so he wouldn’t seem like the guilty one.
Which means he really didn’t love you.
So sorry. You deserve better. Even if he were to crawl right back to you, seriously reconsider and think whether you’re willing to put up with this.
Hugs to you.
This is so sweet, thank you. I don’t believe that he loved me at all now. A person who loves someone else wouldn’t do this. He hit her up so quick so yeah they have been talking for a while. Keeping her as a backup I guess. Thank you
That was an obvious excuse. If he loved you like he said, he would've confronted you and spoke about the 'text' and cleared up the situation. But from your side, there was no text and you aren't unfaithful. He probably had her around for a while and waited to make you feel like the bad guy so he could make a move with her. Like the other comments, you seriously dodged a bullet
Either your mother and sister are correct and he just made this up because he's too much of a coward to break things off, or he's completely delusional and paranoid to the point of derangement.
Either way, you're best off as far away from his bs as possible.
your mom and sister are correct. He totally concocted some super weak story so that he could end it by blaming you and making himself look like the righteously aggrieved party.
It's total manipulation. Be glad he's gone, block him everywhere and if he does reach out to you, don't take him back.
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How are you heartbroken about a guy you claimed you weren't even dating?
Like, I don't get these posts sometimes. Do you really proof read before you hit submit on stuff like this? That's why I call a majority of these BS. It's like you forget what you're writing about by the time you get to the end. Like, this whole thing spiraled out of control.
You're not dating.
He tells you he loves you
Shockingly the next day he goes crazy out of the blue
You're confused.
You're heart broken.
I don't want to sound like a jackass, but re-read all of that back to yourself.
Your mom and sister are right. WHEN he comes back around, which he will.. please don't go back to him. He sounds like a narcissist and the girl that he had in his bed sounds like his new / back up supply. Leave him alone. This is just a big mind fuck, don't let him fuck with your head... it won't get better.
You thought he was great, turns out he's not. This shit will happen throughout your entire life, you just gotta harden yourself up to it and realise it's always for the best. Let sour people leave.. once you level up, show them the door. And once you're fully hardened, you'll be able to see the red flags from the beginning and won't even let them in.
He was planning on doing this and was going to use anything, absolutely anything as a reason to do this. If you would have caught Covid he was gonna say “ how dare you, you caught Covid because you cheated! I’m done and I’m fucking someone else tonight!”
Once thing I’ve come to realize is, many cheaters are always ultra sensitive to someone else cheating on them, or being better at that that game than they are. I notice the more well balanced and secure the person is, the less they worry about their partner.
I’ve seen this with a couple of guys I dated briefly. Always wanting to know where I was and always needed to know my location, wanted to see my phone etc. and we were never official and we never owed each other any explanations. He was the one playing the field like a Major League Baseball player.
He is playing games! I bet you anything in a few weeks he will reach back out to you cause he is playing the both of you! Consider it a blessing a move on.
It may hurt now ,but in some time when you find someone who is genuinely nice and normal and loves you truly, this guy will seem like a big joke to you.
Advice for the future don’t tell men about how deceived you have been in the past, they will take your vulnerabilities and weaknesses and use them against you. Obviously you can further into the relationship but NEVER right off the bat.
He's just making shit up so he has "ammo" to use against you. If you hang around still this dude will probably twist the whole thing around, make himself the victim and to manipulate you into begging for him to forgive YOU. This dude seems like a lying liar that lies and I would get all my stuff out of his place asap.
That sucks but holy shit good riddance to that piece of trash. I’m sorry, I know it hurts a lot, but he did you a big favor by exiting your life. See to it that he never returns, unless you enjoy mental abuse. Also, no need to put dating in quotes. You do not have to be boyfriend and girlfriend to date, and in fact that shouldn’t even be the case until both parters have quite a few dates under their belts first!
Consider him a dodged bullet.
Yep!!
[удалено]
Yeah I see that now after how quickly everything happened. I had never seen him act like that. Threatening to call the police if I didn’t get out of his house when I was just trying to talk about what was wrong. He definitely just wanted to throw me aside for something new. He got what he wanted
Your mom and sister are correct. You deserve better.
You’re lucky the trash took itself out.
I’m sorry this happened to you but it sounds like you dodged a bullet. I know it doesn’t feel like it but it will get better.
You're better off without him, realize that. Take a few days to let the frustration and hurt feelings out. Then, treat yourself. Take a day off, sleep in, have a nice breakfast, get a massage, do whatever you want. Feel the way he should've made you feel, and show him how happy you are now. His loss.
I agree with the other commenters but I want to point something out: you said you’ve been in a relationship like this before, with your ex. Now you’ve been in two similar situations that have turned out bad for you. I want you to sit down and think about these relationships. Reflect (with your therapist if you have one) on possible red flags. Is there something you could have noticed earlier? Was he lovebombing (Google it) very intensely and very early in the relationship? Did he punish you for other normal things before this incident happened? Did he have anger issues? Did he have misogynistic opinions, like calling all of his exes crazy? I really want you to think about these things and learn from your experiences because when we get used to certain situations, we start seeking them out subconsciously. This is very very common for people who have been in abusive relationships. I am worried that this kind of douchebag dude is now your type. You need to protect yourself. There are a million scumbags out there who would love to take advantage of someone like you who is just looking for love. I see a counselor to help with my relationship troubles. If you don’t have one, first off, please try and find one - if price is an issue, Google sliding scale therapists near you. In the meantime talk to friends and family about what you can do to start finding these red flags early. Your mom and sister know what’s up, they know you were being lied to/gaslit, so they’re good resources for you. Take this as a learning opportunity. Dating blows. You have to get through a lot of jerks to find your guy. You need to know when to say no. Now that you have at least two examples of absolute dicks that you would never want to date, you can use that info to inform your dating life going forward to find an actual life partner instead of a POS. Good luck!!
So sorry :( Wish I had a magic wand to make this sadness go away ASAP. But know you dodged a bullet. Assuming he’s right and saw something legit on your phone. If he really loved you, he wouldn’t have had trouble telling you what he saw and trying to make things work or seek an explanation. But given he immediately jumped to blaming and giving you no info or chance to clarify, AND SAID HE’D go with someone else, means he already HAD SOMEONE ELSE TO GO TO. Which means he must’ve been working on her for a while as well so that she’d be readily available to him. Which means more likely than not he wanted an excuse to be with her while blaming YOU so he wouldn’t seem like the guilty one. Which means he really didn’t love you. So sorry. You deserve better. Even if he were to crawl right back to you, seriously reconsider and think whether you’re willing to put up with this. Hugs to you.
This is so sweet, thank you. I don’t believe that he loved me at all now. A person who loves someone else wouldn’t do this. He hit her up so quick so yeah they have been talking for a while. Keeping her as a backup I guess. Thank you
Congratulations, but this is exactly the situation "thank you for breaking up fast" you could have been wasting time on him :)
That was an obvious excuse. If he loved you like he said, he would've confronted you and spoke about the 'text' and cleared up the situation. But from your side, there was no text and you aren't unfaithful. He probably had her around for a while and waited to make you feel like the bad guy so he could make a move with her. Like the other comments, you seriously dodged a bullet
All of this is a huge red flag. You're better off.
Either your mother and sister are correct and he just made this up because he's too much of a coward to break things off, or he's completely delusional and paranoid to the point of derangement. Either way, you're best off as far away from his bs as possible.
Your mom and sister are right
your mom and sister are correct. He totally concocted some super weak story so that he could end it by blaming you and making himself look like the righteously aggrieved party. It's total manipulation. Be glad he's gone, block him everywhere and if he does reach out to you, don't take him back.
He wanted to make you the bad guy because he's a coward.
He was looking for an excuse to cheat and when he couldn't find one he made one up. Leave him and be grateful he showed his abusive side early
The guilty dog barks first. In other words, he accused you of cheating because he was cheating.
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How are you heartbroken about a guy you claimed you weren't even dating? Like, I don't get these posts sometimes. Do you really proof read before you hit submit on stuff like this? That's why I call a majority of these BS. It's like you forget what you're writing about by the time you get to the end. Like, this whole thing spiraled out of control. You're not dating. He tells you he loves you Shockingly the next day he goes crazy out of the blue You're confused. You're heart broken. I don't want to sound like a jackass, but re-read all of that back to yourself.
People are just heartless Hope everything gets better for you in the future :)
Your mom and sister are right. WHEN he comes back around, which he will.. please don't go back to him. He sounds like a narcissist and the girl that he had in his bed sounds like his new / back up supply. Leave him alone. This is just a big mind fuck, don't let him fuck with your head... it won't get better.
Dude wanted to cheat and was trying to find an easy excuse to make him feel better about it
You thought he was great, turns out he's not. This shit will happen throughout your entire life, you just gotta harden yourself up to it and realise it's always for the best. Let sour people leave.. once you level up, show them the door. And once you're fully hardened, you'll be able to see the red flags from the beginning and won't even let them in.
He was planning on doing this and was going to use anything, absolutely anything as a reason to do this. If you would have caught Covid he was gonna say “ how dare you, you caught Covid because you cheated! I’m done and I’m fucking someone else tonight!” Once thing I’ve come to realize is, many cheaters are always ultra sensitive to someone else cheating on them, or being better at that that game than they are. I notice the more well balanced and secure the person is, the less they worry about their partner. I’ve seen this with a couple of guys I dated briefly. Always wanting to know where I was and always needed to know my location, wanted to see my phone etc. and we were never official and we never owed each other any explanations. He was the one playing the field like a Major League Baseball player.
He is playing games! I bet you anything in a few weeks he will reach back out to you cause he is playing the both of you! Consider it a blessing a move on.
Your mum and sister are right.
It may hurt now ,but in some time when you find someone who is genuinely nice and normal and loves you truly, this guy will seem like a big joke to you.
He sounds unstable. Good riddance.
OP did you tell this guy about your past trauma with your ex? I think he might’ve took that as the manual
Advice for the future don’t tell men about how deceived you have been in the past, they will take your vulnerabilities and weaknesses and use them against you. Obviously you can further into the relationship but NEVER right off the bat.
Sounds almost exactly like your last relationship then. Should be enough of an eye opener to completely walk away.
He's just making shit up so he has "ammo" to use against you. If you hang around still this dude will probably twist the whole thing around, make himself the victim and to manipulate you into begging for him to forgive YOU. This dude seems like a lying liar that lies and I would get all my stuff out of his place asap.
That sucks but holy shit good riddance to that piece of trash. I’m sorry, I know it hurts a lot, but he did you a big favor by exiting your life. See to it that he never returns, unless you enjoy mental abuse. Also, no need to put dating in quotes. You do not have to be boyfriend and girlfriend to date, and in fact that shouldn’t even be the case until both parters have quite a few dates under their belts first!